#jason todd is losing his mind

[misakiisstupid]

Headcanon: The @RichardGraysonButtPic Incident

It starts like any normal day in the Batcave—until Tim, the Most Online™ member of the family, suddenly freezes.

"Uh," he says. "So, funny story."

"That's never good," Jason immediately mutters.

Tim hesitates. Then, against his better judgment, he turns his laptop screen around for everyone to see. Displayed in all its high-definition glory is an OnlyFans page dedicated entirely to Dick Grayson’s butt. The username? @RichardGraysonButtPic. The banner? A tasteful black-and-white cinematic shot of his backside. The bio? "The best view in Gotham. No, seriously. It should be in a museum."

There’s silence.

Then Damian speaks. ��Father, may I commit a murder?”

Bruce is rubbing his temples like he’s physically in pain. “No, Damian.”

Dick, meanwhile, squints at the screen. “Huh,” he says, tilting his head. “That’s actually a really flattering angle.”

Jason chokes. “That’s your takeaway from this?!”

Tim is furiously typing. “I don’t know whether to shut it down or send a cease-and-desist.”

“It has 300,000 subscribers,” Cassandra says, raising an eyebrow.

“EXCUSE ME?!” Jason and Tim yell in unison.

Dick shrugs. “I mean. Can you blame them?”

Bruce lets out the deepest sigh known to mankind.

Eventually, it’s discovered that the account was made by a die-hard Nightwing fan who has been meticulously curating every publicly available image of Dick’s rear for years. No nudity. No weird edits. Just quality ass appreciation.

The biggest twist? Barbara already knew about it.

And she didn’t tell anyone.

“Why?” Tim demands.

She sips her coffee, completely unbothered. “Because it’s funny.”

Jason officially loses faith in humanity.

Dick just shrugs. “Well, as long as they’re not making money off it.”

Tim scrolls down. He pales.

“Uh. Dick. They’re making a lot of money off it.”

“…Oh.”

Cue Jason cackling, Damian sharpening his sword, Tim panic-coding, and Bruce considering early retirement.

Just another day in the Batfamily.

Bonus:

Steph absolutely knew about the account and just assumed everyone else did too.

Duke finds out later and spends an entire day questioning his life choices.

The Justice League finds out. Barry does not stop laughing. Diana offers to help “shut it down” (she doesn’t). Clark just pats Bruce’s shoulder in silent support.

Dick never officially acknowledges the account… but every now and then, he poses just right in public, and the fandom goes feral.

Is the account still up?

No. Tim nuked it. But for a brief, beautiful moment in time, Gotham’s greatest cultural landmark wasn’t a building—

It was Nightwing’s ass.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Jason is terrified of Damian al Ghul-Wayne.

Talia dipped him in the Pit, fed him lies, put him through the worst kinds of pain possible for the sake of training and turned him into a monster that went to heel when called. A monster even Ra’s was wary of.

He’s terrified of Damian, because if his mother managed to manipulate and play him like a fiddle, then she must have taught the same to her son.

Damian, who only has memories of a catatonic Jason cooing at him, cuddling him and protecting him, is becoming progressively more distressed by Jason’s perpetual cold shoulder and skittish behavior whenever Jason sees him.

[brucewaynehater101]

For those Titan's Tower AUs where Tim is all like, "That's Jason, so I'll let him torture/kill me when he pops by," what if Red Hood walks in on Robin being extra prepared. Tim greets him at the door with a smile, beckons him on over, and shows him the table of torture devices he gathered. It's almost like a kid trying to show their parent the amazing job they did in hopes they'll be praised.

"I wasn't sure which ones you preferred to use, so I grabbed a variety just in case."

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.

[bitter-hibiscus]

Sometimes I genuinely believe that if Jason came forward and told his siblings that Bruce was/is abusive towards him they would have a hard time believing him because of the spoonfed Jason hatred from Bruce. But that's just me

[spacedace]

DPxDC snippet/prompt:

-

“John.”

Zantanna’s voice had that cadence to it. Faintly strangled. Forcibly calm. Her rising blood pressure and rapidly approaching limit for his special brand of excitement evident in every single letter of his name.

Felt like old times.

“Z.” He said, smoke curling out of his mouth and billowing towards the dreary grey sky above. The one nice thing about Gotham, it had the same gloomy dark ambience of ol’ London town. “Long time no see. How’s show biz been treating you?”

He saw the faintest of twitches at the corner of her eye. Could almost hear her counting to ten in her head. He smiled at her winningly, leaning back against the damp bricks of the alleyway as he waited. More smoke drifted upward from beside him in time with a bored sigh. Patience was running out on all sides it seemed.

“That’s a child.”

“Sharp as ever.” He said, taking another drag. He nudged the child in question beside him gently with his elbow, glancing down with a sly grin. “See this is why the Justice League pay her the big bucks. Nothing gets past our Zantanna Zatara.”

He got a cloud of smoke blown directly in his face for that, little shit.

“John.”

“Z.”

“Why do you have a child? Why is the child smoking?”

“Long story.” He said with a wave of his hand.

“I learned it from watching him.” The kid said, with the same cadence as that old American commercial. All dramatic and overwrought emotion. The gremlin swooned against John's side in an imitation of collapse, hand holding the lit bifter coming up to their forhead to really sell the melodrama. He nudged his ghostly companion off, grinning at Zantanna’s slipping patience as he did.

“Don’t worry about it. Kid's fine.”

“A child wandering around with you in a dark ally in Gotham smoking cigarettes is fine?”

“I mean, I’m already dead. And short. It’s not like smoking is gonna be able to do any worse to me.”

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny, Jason, Tim and Damian get Isakaid into a high fantasy world.

Jason is enjoying himself due to his love of period dramas and Damian has somehow managed to gain the class of Beast Tamer. Do not ask how many animals he has the answer is too many.

Tim at first was suffering immensely thanks to the lack of tech and many of the things he loved from the modern world being missing (thankfully this world does have indoor plumbing) until he realizes he can just make some of the stuff himself as an inventor.

Danny tries to flee, seeing as the reason they're in this mess to begin with is all Dannys fault (authors choice as to how) but kept getting recaptured until he stopped. Now he helps the others with whatever they need in-between trying to find a way home and stargazing.

Unfortunately for the isakai world the bats are scary no matter where they are. They become a party in a guild and-alongside Danny-basically stomp everything flat.

[damianwaynerocks]

dick grayson has a podcast but it’s him as nightwing & the whole thing is just him interviewing other heroes

[navree]

Any reminder is shallow in the face of the real thing. He knows what it feels like to lose a child. He knows what it feels like to lose Jason Todd. The case feels more like papier-mâché, a pale and unworthy imitation, than anything else. A bad magical run-in reminds Bruce that there are far worse things than a mere reminder of a tragedy.

Fandom: Batman (All Media Types), DCU (Comics) Pairing(s): Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Words: 3,349 Chapters: 1/1

[diabolichearts]

so if the batfamily were to play d&d, hypothetically, of course, would tim dm and get mad when everyone starts doing odd shit

[wrencatte]

It's almost Jason’s birthday!

[ironmansuxx]

who wants to play arkham knight with me ? we can take turns with the controller (no we won’t) (i will not let you have it)

[batfambitches]

Wayne Family Adventures Bruce is my favorite characterization of Bruce Wayne when it comes to him being a father, however Titans Bruce Wayne will always hold a special place in my heart because of what he fucking did in season 3 😌��

[creature-phases]

In universe podcast going over superhero mysteries in the dc universe.

Just mysteries we know the full truth to but people in the universe have no way of knowing

- What happened to the 2nd and 4th flash?

- Is the 2nd wonder girl a natural bond?

- Is the new Superman actually the first’s son?

- How many robins have there actually been?

- What happened to the original Dove?

-Why did Young Justice originally break up?

One host is huge into superheroes while the other knows next to nothing.

Host: How many Robins do you think there have been. General concensence is 4 or 5.

Co-host, genuinely confused: there’s been more than 1??

Host: what do you-how long do you think childhood lasts?!

—————

Co-Host: maybe the black hair was a wig

Host: don’t be ridiculous, why would Wonder girl ever wear a wig? Next you’ll say Black Canary wore wig.

Co-Host: who?

————

Just stuff like that

[headcanon-that]

hc that jason todd has an instagram/youtube/tiktok account called gatsbyreviews (named after jay gatsby) where he posts reviews of various fictional media (mostly books). thing is, he always gives the reviews in the tone of a pissed-off drill sergeant explaining something for the third time to a particularly bone-headed group of rookies. so even when the review is positive, he sounds like he's passionately defending it in court. he does all his videos in a hoodie and sunglasses, so his identity isn't clear (especially since any viewers who could have recognized him somehow would know he's, y'know, dead) but the visible scars on the lower half of his face are an endless source of intrigue to people in the comments. someone once asked how tall he was, and he responded with a video of him silently stacking up books until the pile matched his height, then standing next to the pile for several seconds before playing jenga with it and eventually knocking it over, as jenga usually ends up going. another youtuber uses the books to find jason's height (the guy in question is real, his name is shane fanx and he's known as the asian height guy) and when it's revealed that he's fucking 6'3 all his viewers start losing their minds. they talk more than ever about this massive, scarred man with the biteable thighs and passion for literature. he gains thousands of followers overnight, people are thirsting in his comments, and jason's just like "hey wtf have i gotten myself into"

on the bright side, he stops thinking he's the ugliest member of the family. after all, when hundreds or thousands of random people on the internet are thirsting over you without seeing your full face, it's hard to keep thinking you're hideous.

[luv-lock]

ㅤֹㅤ⊹ㅤ #ㅤSTRAWBERRY BABYㅤ.ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

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Your life was supposed to be perfect right now. You just gave birth to your beautiful baby—a moment that should have been magical, joyous, and filled with happy tears.

Instead, you were losing your mind.

Because the baby in your arms… did not have black hair. Not even a single dark strand.

No.

Because the baby—the tiny, fresh-out-the-womb infant that you had just spent hours screaming into existence—was blonde.

Blonde.

BLONDE.

And he looked exactly like Jason.

Now, for most normal people, this wouldn’t be an issue. In fact, it would be a cute, happy moment—"Oh wow, he looks just like his dad!"—but you? No. You were spiraling. Because Jason had black hair. Jet black. Dark as the night. Dark as his soul (romantically speaking).

And your baby?

Your baby had a tuft of blonde hair that made him look like a tiny cherub sent straight from heaven.

Which made no damn sense.

You hadn’t cheated. Hell, you barely even looked at other men since getting together with Jason because—let’s be honest—your man was already borderline psychotic when it came to his jealousy.

So, if you had cheated (which, again, you HADN’T), you would already be dead. There would be no hospital room. No baby. Just a Jason-shaped shadow standing over your shallow grave.

But that didn’t change the fact that you were staring at your son, this tiny, beautiful baby with blonde hair.

Which would be fine. If Jason had fucking blonde hair.

But he didn’t. He had black hair.

You were a hundred percent sure of that. You had run your fingers through that thick, inky hair so many times. You had tugged it when he pissed you off. You had yanked it when—

That didn’t matter right now.

Because either you had just given birth to the wrong child, or—OR—

“Oh my God,” you choked, your voice cracking as you looked at the baby in your arms with sheer, bone-deep horror. “Jason’s going to think I cheated on him.”

The room went silent.

A nurse looked at you with wide eyes, hesitating mid-step. Alfred, ever the picture of composure, cleared his throat, carefully folding a tiny onesie. And Dick—because of course Dick was here—froze mid-bite of his celebratory snack, a hospital pudding cup, before slowly turning to you.

“Uh… what?”

“I didn’t cheat on him,” you gasped, convulsing in hormonal sobs as you clutched the tiny baby closer to your chest. “I didn’t! I swear I didn’t!”

“I mean, obviously,” Tim mumbled, looking more alarmed at your emotional breakdown than at the situation itself.

But you weren’t listening. You were spiraling, your voice getting more frantic.

“Oh my God. What if they gave me the wrong baby?” you whispered, eyes darting wildly around the hospital room. “What if some poor woman out there has my real baby? And I have hers?”

“Miss, please,” Alfred sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Damian, perched in the corner of the room with his arms crossed, made a disgusted sound. “That’s your child, idiot. It looks just like Todd.”

“NO, HE DOESN’T!” you wailed. “JASON HAS BLACK HAIR!”

Damian just scoffed. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I—WHAT?!” you shrieked.

Dick sighed dramatically, putting his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe we have to do this right now. Jason’s gonna lose his mind.”

That set you off even worse. Jason’s gonna lose his mind?! Oh God, oh God, he was going to think you cheated. He was going to leave. He was going to storm in here, take one look at the baby, and—

You sobbed harder. Ugly cried harder.

Bruce actually looked like he was reconsidering every decision that led him to this moment.

“Uh, wow,” Tim muttered.

“I didn’t cheat,” you repeated, voice breaking. “I mean—how would I even have the time?! Jason’s always around! He’d kill anyone who looked at me for too long! It doesn’t make sense!”

“Why are you trying to convince us?” Damian scoffed. “Shouldn’t you be telling Todd?”

Your stomach dropped.

Jason.

Jason wasn’t here.

Oh, God. Oh, fuck.

“I—I love him so much,” you sobbed, clutching your little (wrong?!) baby. “I—oh my God—what if he leaves me?! What if he thinks I—Oh God, he’s gonna think I cheated, and I didn’t, I swear—”

“Jason’s going to break the door down when he gets here,” Tim muttered, rubbing his temples.

“No, he won’t,” Bruce grumbled.

CRASH.

Jason absolutely broke the door down.

It slammed against the wall so hard that even your baby, who had been peacefully asleep through your meltdown, flinched.

"Fucking Gotham traffic, I swear to—"

He froze.

You were crying.

Sobbing.

Hysterical.

His brain ran a million miles per hour. Did something happen? Did you change your mind about the name? Did one of the nurses insult you? Did he leave the oven on? Did someone die?

His eyes darted to the baby in your arms.

Tiny. Swaddled. Breathing.

Okay. Not dead.

So why the fuck were you crying like this was a damn crime scene?

"Uh," Jason started. "Baby? What’s wrong?"

You let out another broken sob, clutching the baby to your chest.

Jason panicked.

You started crying so hard you couldn’t even get words out. Just absolute, gut-wrenching sobs while Jason rushed to your bedside, grabbing your face.

“Baby, baby, what’s wrong?!” he panicked, his voice an octave higher. “Did they hurt you?! Are you in pain?! Do I have to kill someone?! Is it Bruce?! I bet it’s Bruce.”

Bruce exhaled through his nose, deeply unimpressed.

It's just made you cry harder.

"Oh, God—what happened?! Are you okay?! Is the baby okay—"

"Jason, I SWEAR I didn’t cheat on you!" you blurted out.

Jason blinked.

Everyone collectively flinched.

"…What?" Jason said, voice flat.

"I didn’t cheat! I would never cheat! I love you, and you were my first, and I would never, I would never, I—"

"Baby," Jason said slowly, trying to wrap his head around this absolute fever dream. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

You let out another shaky breath, eyes darting around the room in pure panic. "T-the baby, Jason. Look at him."

Jason frowned, stepping closer. He looked at the baby. Looked at you. Looked at the baby again.

"…Yeah?" he said, confused.

"He has blonde hair!"

Jason blinked.

Then blinked again.

Then turned to the rest of the family like they had the answers.

Dick rubbed his temples. "Jay."

Jason turned back to you, lips parting like he was about to say something, then stopping. Then opening again. Then stopping.

“I swear I didn’t!” Your sobs renewed, your shoulders shaking as you held up the tiny, peacefully sleeping baby. “But look at him! He has blonde hair! He looks exactly like you! But you have black hair! I think I got the wrong baby, or I cheated on you in my sleep, or maybe you’re going to leave me—”

Jason stared.

Then he turned, slowly, toward the rest of the room. “…Did you guys let her spiral like this on purpose?”

“Yes,” Damian said, unbothered.

“Absolutely,” Dick grinned.

Jason inhaled deeply.

Then, to your absolute shock, he let out a long, tired sigh—before shoving a hand through his hair and grumbling, “I fucking forgot you didn’t know.”

You hiccupped again. “Wh—what?”

Jason gave you a flat look. “Babe. My hair. I’ve been dyeing it black since I was a kid.”

Your breath caught. “Huh?”

“Because of him,” Jason added, jerking his thumb toward Dick, who just wiggled his fingers in a smug little wave.

Silence.

More silence.

The world stopped.

The Earth stopped spinning.

Your breath hitched. "You…"

Jason nodded.

"You… had blonde hair?"

Jason nodded again.

You sniffled. Sniffled again. Processed this information.

Then immediately let out a loud, gut-wrenching, ugly sob and buried your face in your hands.

Jason Todd. Your husband. Your big, scary, six-foot-four, muscle-bound, leather-wearing husband. The man who used to be the meanest street kid in Crime Alley. The man who could disassemble a gun with his eyes closed and had murdered actual people.

Had spent his entire life dyeing his hair because he wanted to look like Dick Grayson.

“Oh my God,” you whispered, eyes wide.

Jason groaned, rubbing his face. “Babe—”

“Oh my God.”

“Listen, it’s not—”

“You mean to tell me I’ve been married to you this whole time thinking you had black hair, but you’re actually some kind of undercover blonde?!”

“Strawberry blonde,” Tim corrected.

Jason shot him a glare. “Shut up.”

You gasped, gripping his jacket like you might collapse. “You mean to tell me this baby is actually yours?”

Jason exhaled. Then he stepped forward, resting a warm, solid hand against your cheek before pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead.

“Yes, babe,” he muttered, lips brushing your skin. “He’s mine.”

"Oh my God," you wailed. "I’m so stupid."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa—" Jason sat on the bed, grabbing you. "You’re not stupid. You just had a baby. And hormones. And clearly, no one ever showed you my baby pictures."

"This whole time," you hiccupped, voice muffled, "I thought they swapped our baby, and I stole some random kid. I thought you were gonna leave me!"

Jason sighed, rubbing your back. "Sweetheart, I would never leave you. Especially not over our perfectly fine, baby."

Damian scoffed. "Tt. As if anyone else would willingly have a child with Todd."

Jason shot him a glare. "Not the time, demon."

Dick sighed, stepping forward and ruffling Jason’s hair. "Guess we should’ve mentioned that whole blonde thing earlier, huh?"

Jason glared. "You think?"

Stephanie shook her head. "I thought everyone knew. It's, like, a family fun fact at this point."

"I DIDN’T KNOW!" you shouted.

Jason pulled you into his arms, still rubbing soothing circles into your back. "It’s okay, babe. It’s okay. I promise."

You sniffled, eyes red and puffy. "So… he’s really yours?"

Jason pressed a kiss to your forehead. "He’s really mine."

You let out a weak whimper. "I wanna see your baby pictures."

Jason chuckled. "Alright, sweetheart. When we get home, I’ll show you all of them."

Tim crossed his arms. "I have them saved on my phone."

Jason turned his head. "Why the fuck do you have baby pictures of me on your phone?"

Tim shrugged. "For emergencies."

Jason squinted. "…What kind of emergencies?"

Tim smirked. "Like this one."

Jason pulled back, finally looking down at the baby in your arms.

And—oh.

The storm in his eyes vanished.

Replaced by something warm. Something deep. Something soft.

The big, scary Red Hood, suddenly looked—small.

Awe-struck.

Because there, curled in your arms, was a tiny, sleeping baby with blonde hair and soft little features that looked just like his.

Jason swallowed.

Then, hesitantly, he reached out, brushing his fingers over the baby’s little fist.

“…Holy shit,” he murmured.

Dick grinned. “You made a clone.”

Jason turned to you, eyes softening.

Then he kissed you—long, deep, and full of love.

“I love you,” he muttered, lips still against yours.

— MASTERLIST ☆

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