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lilacella · 11 months ago

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So, Sirius didn't like being touched. And James liked touching. A recipe for desaster, one would think, but with James everything was different. When James had hugged him in the bathroom in first year, it hadn't felt overwhelming, restricting or otherwise unpleasant. It had felt safe. When James grabbed his arm to excitedly pull him towards the Quidditch field on game days it felt nice. When James casually wrapped an arm around him when they sat together, Sirius melted into his touch, reveling in the warmth of James' body. So maybe he liked being touched, but only by James.

Reindeer Games

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Chapter 2/5: Third Year

"Can you two tone it down a little, please? I'm really tired," Remus mumbled in his pillow. It was already past midnight but Sirius and James weren't ready for sleep yet. There was so much to do, so much to plan!

They had just gotten the map to finally work! Well, at least it was moving now. The accuracy of the marker positions still had room for improvement - people seemed to be walking straight through the walls, sometimes at unreasonable speeds - but overall it was syncing with the castle. It had taken them two years and many late night trips into the forbidden section to do this and they were very proud of themselves. Of course Remus and Peter had helped, but the intricate magic at the core of the map had been their work.

"Oh come on Remus..." James complained.

"Sorry but I really need to rest. Can't you just continue this tomorrow?"

That wasn't an option at all. So instead Sirius decided to pull James from the floor over to his bed:

"Just come over, James. We can close the curtains and use a muffling spell."

There they were laying now, on their stomachs, shoulder on shoulder peering onto the map. Sirius chewed absentmindedly on his lip.

"We should protect it somehow. What if someone catches us with it and takes it? We'd loose all our work!"

James nodded in agreement.

"We need a password. Like the Portals to the houses. It should stay obscured until you say it."

"Hmmm...what should we take though? It would be an issue if we forgot it."

"It should have a meaning for us." James leaned a little against Sirius, eliciting the familiar tingle on his skin that he always felt when they were touching. It was nice being so close to James.

James squinted his eyes.

"Maybe an oath? Like...I solemnly swear that I..."

"Am up to no good," completed Sirius with a giggle that James joined immediately.

"Yes, that's perfect, let's go with that. If the others have a better idea we can always change it. Let me do it."

James pulled the map towards himself and started casting charms onto the thick paper. Sirius put his head onto his crossed arms and watched him. He liked watching James practice magic. He was good at it. Something about the way he uttered the words and how his face looked when he concentrated made Sirius feel warm and fuzzy. James really was his best friend.

They spend some more time tinkering with the map but, as time passed, both of them became more quiet. Sirius was awfully tired. But he didn't want James to go yet, didn't want to give up the casual intimacy of sharing a bed, a space where it was just the two of them.

Both of them had now fully laid down, sharing Sirius' pillow and duvet. It was starting to get a little chilly with the December air permeating the walls of the castle. They weren't really talking anymore, just looking at each other, every once in a while one of them would crack a stupid joke, making the other break out into a sleepy giggle.

"I'm so tired," James mumbled. "But I don't want to leave. It's so comfortable."

Sirius smiled into the pillow.

"I mean, if you want, you can just stay here."

"You sure?" James asked, eyes already closed. Sirius reached out to remove his glasses.

"Sure. Bed's big enough for both of us 'innit?"

James made an affirmative noise and soon his breathing evened out and he was fast asleep.

Sirius wanted to do nothing more than join him in his peaceful slumber, but he couldn't. It wasn't because he wasn't comfortable. He really was. James was warm and he smelled good and Sirius didn't mind that they were touching a little. It was rather that his heart just wouldn't calm down. Maybe he had gotten too excited about the map? Or maybe he was freaked out by the dark. That happened sometimes, although he didn't really feel scared right now. Still, he shuffled a little closer to James, just in case it helped. It didn't really. But being close to James was nice. It was really nice. Sirius caught himself wishing that James would always sleep next to him.

And, from now on, James did. Not every night, but often enough, the two of them fell asleep sharing one of their four-posters. It was just more convenient like that, they told the others: They could stay up and talk as long as they wanted, without getting on Remus nerves and it was more comfortable than their usual corner on the dorm room floor. Wrapped up in the same duvet, and sometimes in each others arms - in a small bed you had to somehow organize yourselves - talking and snickering until they both drifted off to sleep. Sirius secretely loved it when James threw an arm around him in his sleep or moved his head onto his chest. He liked touching him. And there was nothing wrong with that. They were just good friends sharing a bed.

In general, Sirius wasn't much of a fan of other people touching him. He despised people that tapped his back with their finger to gain his attention. He didn't like it, when someone randomly put their hand on his shoulder while they talked. He didn't appreciate people hugging him when he was upset - it only made things worse.

Touch had always been something he viewed as a massive breach of boundaries. At home, there was none of it. Sirius couldn't remember that his parents had ever hugged him. He wasn't even sure if they had carried him as a baby since he remembered that his younger brother Regulus had always been either pushed around in his cradle or carried by their houself Kreacher. When his parents touched him, it was about control. His father would put a hand on his shoulder to steer him into the direction he wanted him to go. His mother would grab his arm to keep him into place, grab his chin to force him to look at her.

And with their new co-sleeping habit further normalizing their physical closeness, James reached out for Sirius more and more.

"There aren't any more seats," James says as he squeezes with Sirius onto a single armchair in the common room ending up almost sitting on his lap.

"I just need something to figet with," James explains to Remus, who watches questioningly how James is playing with Sirius hand while they are talking, absentmindedly brushing his fingers over his or pushing his hand up Sirius' sleeves, touching his arm.

"I'm just tired," Sirius says as he drops his head onto James shoulder when they sit together in the library.

"All the girls do this too," James says, when some of his Quidditch teammates give him weird looks for holding Sirius' hand on the way to class.

"It's cold!" Sirius says when James and him snuggle up together under a blanket, while they plot the next prank with the other two.

"Do you think this is weird," James asked as they both lounged on Sirius bed again. James head was resting on Sirius chest, looking up to him, Sirius was drawing circles on James arm with his finger.

"Why? Do you think it is?" Sirius tried to hide the uncertainty in his voice.

"No. I think...I think were just friends. And there is nothing wrong with friends...well we're just hanging out aren't we?"

Sirius nodded.

"Yeah. Why would there be something wrong with that?"

James smiled and sighed comfortably. Then he reached out for Sirius hand and intertwined their fingers. Sirius wondered whether James could hear his heartbeat speed up. But if he did, he didn't say anything.

When summer rolled around, Sirius had gotten so used to constantly touching James that the thought of spending two whole months without him seemed much more daunting than it usually had been anyways. On the last night before the ride home they were laying in James four-poster, tightly snuggled up against each other. James had tucked Sirius in his arms and was playing with his fingers.

"I will miss you," Sirius said quietly, feeling awfully heavy. James squeezed his hand.

"I will miss you too. It really sucks that your parents won't let us meet."

Sirius sighed and pressed his cheek against James' shoulder. He could feel tears burn in his eyes. He really didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay here with James. He also didn't want to cry, but with James it was so easy.

James immediately picked up on his sadness and hugged him tighter.

"It's okay. We'll just talk through the mirrors!"

Sirius sniffled and nodded. The mirrors. At least they would be able to see each other this time.

"I just hope my parents won't catch me with it. They'll definitely take it away."

"But couldn't you just make a new one? You made these yourself, didn't you?"

"Yes but I'm not sure how long it would take. It's a pretty finicky spell. And I would have to make a new pair. So I wouldn't be able to call you until I'd given you the other..." His voice trailed off at the thought. A tear trickled down his cheek. He needed James.

"We have to talk quietly," Sirius whispered into the mirror. "Otherwise Regulus might hear and then he certainly will tell mother."

"Okay," James responded with a hushed voice. Sirius smiled. These little talks with James every night, hidden underneath the covers in case someone came in, the only light coming from his wand, were the only thing that kept him afloat during the long days at Grimmauld Place 13. He hated this house. It was dark and narrow and always felt cold despite the many fireplaces. From everywhere the portraits were watching you. Sirius had long stopped feeling at home here. Sometimes he just wanted to run away.

"What did you do today," he asked James. James detailed reports about his fun summer activities always cheered him up. The more James talked, the more it felt like he had been with him. When James had finished he leaned his head onto his hands.

"And you? What did you do today?"

Sirius sighed heavily.

"Not much. Hid in the library most of the day. Regulus had his awful friends over."

"Crouch and Rosier? Can't you just hex them?"

Sirius shook his head.

"I mean...I could, but this is isn't Hogwarts. There is only one person who could have done it in this house and...I just want to get through this bloody summer." Sirius dropped his head onto his arms. He missed James painfully.

"Right. Get it. But it's just five more weeks," James tried to cheer him up unsuccessfully.

"That's so long! I wish I could just drink a potion and sleep through it."

"I don't think that would be healthy."

Sirius shrugged. He didn't care about that.

"I just wish you were here. Or I was with you."

"Yeah that would be nice. I miss...I miss you. Maybe we should have exchanged sweaters or something, so we'd have something of each other."

Sirius heart skipped a beat at James' words.

"We could do that next summer." He paused and rubbed his eyes. "Merlin, I'm so tired."

"Do you want to stop talking?"

Sirius hesitated for a moment.

"Can you...Can you maybe just stay a little. Until I have fallen asleep? Just tell me something. About Quidditch or whatever you want..."

"Yes. Sure I can do that. Sooo...brooms! Did you know they are making a new Cloudsweeper? It's supposed to be twice as fast as the Dragoncatcher 79 Pro..."

Sirius leaned the mirror against a book, still under the blanket and got cozy. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off, the comforting sound of James voice lulling him to sleep. He couldn't wait for September.

#sirius black #james potter #marauders #mwpp #prongsfoot #bambibelle #reindeer games fic

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denimbex1986 · 9 months ago

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Andrew: "It's where Jessica and I first met each other 10 short years ago - and a love story was born. Did we have a read through? I don't think so; I don't think we did. Do you remember meeting me for the first time? And if not, why not?"

Jessica: "I feel like it might have been that scene where we were all in Wales together - one of many - it was - "

Andrew: "The Welsh scene."

Jessica: "The Welsh scene; that one, yeah. Oh no, I should've thought more. When did we first meet?"

Andrew: "I don't - I don't actually remember meeting you for the first time. I remember hearing that you were - had an amazing audition."

Jessica: "...I only first got two scenes, I think."

Andrew: "Oh, really?"

Jessica: "...in the audition, Stephen, who wrote it, Stephen Beresford - amazing - and Matthew Warchus, they said: "You know, the thing about Sian is that, you know, she's a real woman." They were like: "She's real; like, she exists.""

Andrew: "...isn't she just?"

Jessica: "Isn't she just real?...when I read, and then I got sent the whole thing, and just - obviously just fell in love with it."

Andrew: "We had an amazing time."

Jessica: "Oh, we really did."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "I can't believe it's been 10 years; it was so nice - lovely."

Andrew: "And really unusual for - for, for a um, a film to have so many characters in the same scene; we were just so chatty the whole time - that's what I really remember. Just loads of actors there the whole time. There wasn't a lot of money because I suppose there was so many actors to, to be paid, you know? There was no - there was no sense of, you know, people going back to their trailers or anything like that - it was very, um; that's what my long-lasting memory of it is; it's just that everybody was talking all the time and the AD's had to go: "Shut the fuck up.""

Jessica: "And also if you think about the cast, it was quite starry in terms of like, you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "Bill Nighy, Imelda Staunton and - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "Dominic West and Paddy Co - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "But it never felt like any kind of stars were in it - "

Andrew: "No."

Jessica: "Nobody was like: "I'm going back..."... "

Andrew: "No."

Jessica: "Nobody felt like they were separate..."

Andrew: "It would have been a bit weird, and particularly because of the subject matter, if everybody was like - "

Jessica: "Yeah - "Leave me alone.""

Andrew: ""Where's my astrologist?""

Jessica: "Loads of people still come up to talk to me about Pride and how much - "

Andrew: "Me too."

Jessica: " - they loved it..."

Andrew: "But I think for a film like that - you know the way we watch movies; you don't have to watch a movie in a movie theatre, and I think for a film where people feel like they're in danger still - in countries where it's still um, uh, illegal to be gay, um, it - it's like a little gift, you know? And I think what's so wonderful about it is that it's a film that isn't about - it's about gay people, but it's not about their sexuality; it's about their humanity, and it's about what they did, and I think so many films can be kind of reductive or just talk incessantly about, uh, gay people's sexuality. And of course there's a place for that, but it was lovely because it's about these people who - it's about solidarity, and it's so incredibly moving. I don't know anybody who doesn't, uh, have a little cry at the end.

And I loved the character that, uh, of Gethin because um, I'd just finished, I - at that stage I was doing Sh - a lot that was very Sherlock heavy at the time, and I was really interested in playing a kind of character that was a bit more humane, and Gethin's a very shy character; he doesn't speak a lot but has a huge amount of pain and he - he's somebody who's estranged from his family, and I just was very, very, very hungry to play that kind of part. So, I was enormously, um, invested in it right, right from, from the beginning.

And I kind of knew that it was gonna be special, but I don't think anything prepares you for the - the music in it is so, um, important. And of course you don't have that when you're, when you're reading a script but that - I just think all those - I, I just think magic happened. I think, I think um, magic absolutely - absolutely happened, yeah."

Jessica: I think it's maybe Andy in the American Office says something...he says: "I wish that they told you when you were in the good old days.""

Andrew: "Oh yeah."

Jessica: "...that's so nice, and I think that's one of those jobs when you go - I think we knew though, a bit."

Andrew: "Yeah, I think - I think we sort of did. Yeah, and then we had all that sort of - we went to the Toronto Film Festival, had a couple of drinks there Jess."

Jessica: "It was great fun."

Andrew: "We did."

Jessica: "But Stephen's an amazing storyteller...the research that went into the film...he met Sian, the character I play - "

Andrew: "Yes."

Jessica: "...when I got the job, he'd said: "I'll put you in touch with Sian"...and when you book these conference calls, you have to put a limit on the time thing, so they put three hours...we got up to - and they cut us off because we got to a three hour thing - "

Andrew: "Oh, wow."

Jessica: " - because she just had so many fascinating stories; she's such an interesting person."

Andrew: "Yeah - amazing person..."

Jessica: "She came out to Toronto with us - "

Andrew: "She did, yeah. Yeah."

Jessica: "...and loads of them that are in - I don't know if people know but in that scene where we're marching - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - there's loads of original LGSM members playing supporting artists behind us in that, and they're all there as well."

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. They're all in the background; they're all, they - they flag, the banners."

Jessica: "Actually I think the real Jonathan is next to Dominic, I think - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...so nice."

Andrew: "You know we live in a kind of identity culture where everybody's like: "I'm this and I'm that, and you're that and we're this", and everybody's, you know, talking about how, you know, we all sort of separate each other in a, in, in a way - I think there's something a bit insidious about that in our culture at the moment. And, of course it starts out with these two communities that absolutely culturally are so dissimilar from each other, and then you realise that, that, that they - that they have an awful lot in common, and that they kind of need each other, and um, and that beautiful thing that Stephen always said is that prejudice doesn't survive proximity.

Meaning that you can have a prejudice about somebody, but if you're approximate to somebody - if you're near somebody - that you, you go: "Well that person is just annoying. It's not because of their sexuality." You know what I mean? It's, it's - you go - you can see...And he makes jokes that are so - I think it's the gags - "

Jessica: "Yeah."

Andrew: " - I think that's the reason - "

Jessica: "But I also think it's the lack of sentimentality - "

Andrew: "Yes."

Jessica: " - I think in the wrong hands, that story could've been told in a way - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - that you just: 'Oh.' You know, they bring out the -

Andrew: "Yeah. Yeah."

Jessica: "...and he was so great, and Matthew as well, the director - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - was so cutting in those moments. The perfect example is when they sing "Bread and Roses" - it's cut by the husbands storming in - "

Andrew: "Yeah, the violence."

Jessica: "...it's like it's not allowed to be too much, so when - those moments are earned, like when the coaches arrive that is an earned moment - "

Andrew: "Yeah. Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - that you allow the sentimentality of it. I think Stephen would be a great director, actually...there's a bit where I walk past my two kids...and they're plaiting Freddie Fox's hair. And I go: "Leave him alone, he's not a girl's world", and I've got these two pints and I'm brining them to the group. I think one of the first takes I did I was like: "Leave him alone...", you know, really scruffing their - and he's like: "You're a mum, you see them all the time; like you just - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. Don't be nice to them."

Jessica: "Yeah, don't be nice to them."

Andrew: "Yeah. But I think that's Stephen's great, great, um, uh, gift as a writer is that he's so full of heart, but he portrays heart in a way that, um, that, that; that's so realistic in the sense that it's not all necessarily all huggy huggy - people can be *rolls eyes*, you know, eye-rolling about the people that they love."

Jessica: "So many young people come up and say it helped them come out to their parents...they would watch it with them and then feel able to say "I'm that as well", you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...there are so many countries in the world that aren't able to have pride events because obviously it's still illegal there. So there's like one step forward, ten steps back, but also the fight of LGSM, and the miners, that they had in the 80's - it was a different kind of Pride then. And because of them, it's now allowed to be much more of a celebration and less about the activism, although I'm sure it's hugely - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - political even now."

Andrew: "As they say, the war's never over, but yeah, I think that's so true. And like, what was so disgusting, looking at the, the media at the time - the way, um, gay people were spoken about in the media was shocking. I mean, that's what I always say, that, you know, of course parents would be suspicious or upset if their parents - if their children - came out to them because what they were being fed by the media was that, that people were; they were going to be diseased, and they were going to be the way AIDS was spoken about - "

Jessica: "Those adverts were allowed on television."

Andrew: "Right, yeah."

Jessica: "It's just absolutely baffling."

Andrew: "Absolutely disgusting - and the, the horrible way that gay people were spoken about. But of course it breeds suspicion and it just shows; I don't know, it just, it shows if, if our media is, is allowed to, um, do that, then, um, you know, it has terrible consequences."

Jessica: "...I think I remember the DVD of Pride in certain countries didn't mention LGSM, so it said it's a group of miners...they were like: 'We don't talk about the gay bits.'..."

Andrew: "Do you know, it's so strange - you know, actually with All of Us Strangers, it was really str - wonderful this, this, this year because they used to do that kind of thing in - with things that had sort of gay content, and they would sort of pretend that they were two roommates; like they try to get away with it or they wouldn't mention it. I think like they sort of trick someone to go buy a ticket at the cinema, and it's like: 'Oh Jesus - well, you bought the ticket now, you can't leave.' But what was so wonderful, you know, seeing, doing All of Us Strangers this year was that they absolutely sold the romance, and that was, that was a wonderful, you know, ten years on from have, having done another kind of - kind of landmark gay film, it was really nice to see how that changed; that pe - that people go: "Well, this is what we're gonna do." There's an audience there, people aren't as scared to maybe go to the cinema, which; a lot of the reasons, you know, uh, people, don't watch - "

Jessica: "...it'd be interesting to see how long it took them to kind of sell it...I'm sure they had a few struggles distributing it and maybe like with the DVD cover having to be amended, maybe that's why - such a shame."

Andrew: "I think that's true; I think, I, I think it's kind of developed this huge, um, affection for it and this huge kind of cult status for want of a better word. Um, but I think initially, you know, box office wise it wasn't - it didn't match the affection and the - that, that people had for it. It won like some awards but I, you know, some people still don't know about the movie. And um, you know, I just think to watch the movie is to love the movie and um, and, uh yeah, yeah - I really think that. And not just because Jessica's so brilliant in it; there are other people in it. And what was your favourite - um, and what, um, uh, scene to film?"

Jessica: "...I actually really loved our scene in the hospital, and then going outside with Dom. I think that was just -"

Andrew: "Oh yeah, gorgeous."

Jessica: " - when he says: "You - don't go waste it", you know - "

Andrew: ""Don't waste it", yeah."

Jessica: "And I used to love that because people would always ask Sian: "Did that conversation really happen? Did they say: "You could be more than this?"...and she'd go: "It didn't happen - it happened more than once."..."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " She's so dramatic..."

Andrew: "Yeah - dramatico."

Jessica: "They were always like: "Find your potential", you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "What about yours? Do you remember..."

Andrew: "Well, there was a scene that I - when I have to go back to see my parents, so my character is estranged from his parents - I had to go back and I had; I knew I had this big pressure because I had to say the words "Hello, mum" and um, uh, he hasn't seen his mum in fifteen years, and I knew that I, I; it was a - quite a private, uh, ambition, to be able to, to go: 'I know that I can't just be 'Hello, mum',' and I had to, to just get that right. And again we, it was quite unusual to shoot that scene because it was just me on my own and usually there was millions of us around. I was like: 'Oh God, this is my bit. I have to - I have to make this right.'

And um, and I knew - Matthew's such a good director, and I think I did maybe one, only did one or two, again, one or two takes and he was like: "Don't worry, it's okay - we have that. We have that." With Matthew, you just know - he's not like a big gusher, but he; you can tell when you've affected him a little bit and, and I was really glad to be able to honour that feeling that you - that a lot of gay people have which is to - front it, but actually have a little wobble in your voice as well. Yeah, people - people feel that I think.

So yeah, everybody knows the absolute genius of Jess Gunning now; everybody knows it. It's so exciting because - I mean a lot of people know already because she's been a sort of a stalwart of our stage and screen for so many years, but like now everybody knows how amazing and brilliant and beautiful she is. So it's so exciting, and the fact that we get to, um, experience that together is just so magical, isn't it?"

Jessica: "...I love playing like a game of 'Little did we know' - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah..."

Jessica: "...even on the set of Pride, say - little did we know that it would; that we'd still be talking about it ten years on - "

Andrew: "Yeah, I know."

Jessica: " - we would be friends, I would know both your sisters as well as I do - "

Andrew: "I know, I know."

Jessica: " - like - it's actually just so lovely. I just love it."

Andrew: "...there's a big group - a big group of friends; Stephen and everyone."

Jessica: "Yeah, everyone is just so - and it's bonded us all together. Little did we know."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...With Baby Reindeer, we were lucky to get all seven scripts given to us for the audition process, which is quite rare in television, because so often you get sent like one or two - "

Andrew: "Absolutely, yeah..."

Jessica: "...it was like: 'Oh, this is just amazing.'"

Andrew: "I remember you, I remember you, uh, during the audition process, it was - you did a few auditions, am I right?"

Jessica: "Like about five, yeah."

Andrew: "I remember; I was trying to be diplomatic there, yeah. And you just had a real feeling - I remember you had a real feeling that you were like: 'I - I understand this.'"

Jessica: "...I remember talking to you and our friend Ben, and I was literally like: "I know how to do this." And funnily enough, thinking of 'Pride', Nadia Stacey, who was hair and make-up designer on Pride - one of the notes we got from the audition process was that I wasn't looking like I was 42 enough - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "So I rang Nadia, and I was like: "If you were designing this, how would you do it?" And she was like: "Why don't I just do it? Why don't I put a wig on you -

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah..."

Jessica: " - and you tape yourself and send that through?" It's funny because when Richard tells the story, he says: "Do you remember when you got that wig from that joke shop?" and I'm like: - "No, it was like a - ""

Andrew: "From an Oscar winning make-up artist!"

Jessica: "...I've never done that before really. I know obviously for you with Ripley, you probably didn't - did you audition for Ripley? You probably didn't need to."

Andrew: "No, it came - it came out of, out of the blue and I was like: "What the -?" And like you, I got the whole, I got the whole eight episodes in one, and I read them on a transatlantic flight. I was like: 'This is really, really extraordinary - extraordinary writing.'"

Jessica: "And in paper copy as well?"

Andrew: "Uh, I got, got, got paper copies of - I have to - "

Jessica: "Did you not have them on an iPad?..."

Andrew: "I think it was - maybe I was slightly re - reimagining that. Like that's, that's kind of - just eight scripts; "Hello, I'm checking in please." Yeah, I probably read it on an iPad; but I made my notes. But I love - I have to say I like a hard copy of a script; I don't know why."

Jessica: "...I really do."

Andrew: "Do you?"

Jessica: "I think it's being in the the theatre - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - we like to have it there, because it feels real then."

Andrew: "Do you know the radio - you know radio, you know when you do a radio play - do you know a little trip, a little, a little, uh, uh, tip for when you - they're obsessed when you do radio, for people who don't know; you, you read it, but if you don't want to hear any paper noise, you scrunch up the page and then you open it up again and it does - it's kind of rigid so the, so it's only the voice that one se - that one hears. Never the paper."

Jessica: "...Actually, not to be too cheesy but Andrew played a massive part in terms of how I approached going into the part, because I remember we had a chat and you - I'd got the part; I'd got the job, and you were like: "Go for it now." It's making me emotional...I'd fought for it; sometimes when you fight for it and you get it, you think: 'Oh no, now I've gotta do it' and it makes you scared - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - enough to properly delve in."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "But actually, after you gave me that chat, I really did properly kind of go: 'I've gotta..." - you know, that final voicemail she leaves, I always just connected with her straight away after reading that..."

Andrew: "My God, I've said that to you - I just find that just extraordinary; how moving that was just from your voice, just like - and actually, I think I found it kind of so moving because it was obviously the character, but I could feel your own input into that, you know - your own passion and that. Can I ask you like - I suppose because you're so different to the character, and I suppose I have it a little bit with Ripley, I have like; you know, I think they're both characters that are very far away from who we are as people - do you find that people are going: "Oh gosh, you're really different" when they meet you? Because you are."

Jessica: "...they all go: "I'm terrified of you", and I always find - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - that fascinating, because I never saw her as terrifying but then - of course she is...my laugh is still quite similar...I went to a comedy show the other week and my friend was like: "Don't find it too funny because people might - the comedian might be scared away."..."

Andrew: *laughs* "Oh yeah that - "

Jessica: "What about you with Ripley? Did you know the character or did you kind of find him?"

Andrew: "Well actually, what was weird about the character was that; the thing that I had to discover was that there's a - the discovery is that there's some part of him that is actually kind of unknowable, and once I kind of knew that, and to go: 'Well, there's kind of a blankness to that character that you can't ex, exca - excavate.' And I think there are people in the world who are like that, who are just very far removed from; that just don't know themselves, and go - and we do it ourselves, you go: "I have no idea why I behaved like that." I mean, we are a little bit of a mystery to ourselves, but I think he's an unreliable hero, and some part of it was just to sort of embrace the fact that there, there is some part of him that actually, um, is just - there's a chasm sort of there a little bit, and that then became sort of enjoyable to, to play.

But I found it difficult because, um, and in, in a strange way I know exactly when you say, when, when someone says: "I find - I find you really scary", like the murder parts of Tom were only like a little bit out of a year; it took a year to film that and a lot of the, the, the, the, the scenes in it are kind of quite domestic; where it's a person who's travelling around, or someone who's got like, um, awkward in a social situation, or is in a restaurant like - it's not murder, murder, murder, murder, murder the whole time. And so I didn't fi - I, I didn't find him really that scary or like, feel like I had to do when I was playing Moriarty; I felt like I had to do a lot of kind of stuff where I was like: 'I need to be really dark.' But actually I think the darkness of him is, is that he behaves in quite a impassive way at times, when actually you should be completely active in some ways. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that he's - "

Jessica: "I was gonna ask you obviously because you're such a funny person IRL, you know the bit where he doesn't - the pen thing; like when he's complimented on the pen and the one, the time the guy doesn't compliment his pen - "

Andrew: "Mmm. Yeah."

Jessica: "Was that in the script or was that you? Like the slight annoyance of you being like - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - I love it when you're like *makes face*: 'Oh you didn't' - everyone else did and you're like: "Thank you."..."

Andrew: "...I actually can't quite remember what the answer to that is. I imagine it was me; - that's just my own genius...."

Jessica: "...there's a sweetness to that - "

Andrew: "Mmm."

Jessica: " - I found that actually the most human - "

Andrew: "He's quite a sweet character."

Jessica: " - because it was like he was going: 'Oh, he didn't say it was nice - and that's why I like to have it.'"

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. Well that's the thing; he's a human being, you know, and with these, with these people, you know with certain characters, they call them monstrous; I always think that's quite tabloidy to call things, people - call people monsters, because human beings do monstrous things, but they are nevertheless human beings and that's our job is to kind of, in a way your first, um, priority is to not - is to kind of protect the character that people might go: "Oh that person is a psycho" or "That person is deran -" - whatever those things are, you - I just find them so incredibly helpful. And I think that's what was so beautiful about your, your portrayal of, in, in Baby Reindeer, was that, was, was just how um, oh well, just like the way - because that's the way you are in real life; it's because you're just so empathetic and kind, you know?" *they laugh*

#Andrew Scott #Pride #Jessica Gunning #Ripley #Baby Reindeer #Gethin Roberts #Sian James #Martha #Emmys

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