#ive put into it. so i should feel good!! but i want to take a crack at heavier weights using bars for a) growth and b) my ego
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darkraiiiiii
#art#i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to#feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood#and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am#and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept#so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently#smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno...#and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic#so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say#but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain#i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually.#also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely)#+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight#pokemon#darkrai
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finally delivering on the princess tutu headshots i promised... love these dysfunctional teens 🩰💖💕
LOTS of notes about headcanons/design choices under the cut! like. a lot. dont say i didnt warn you
starting with my specialest guy fakir:
i had a suuuper clear vision for fakir, and i couldnt be happier with how he turned out, he looks exactly how i imagine him! trying to translate his Bird-Shaped Hair into my style gave me SERIOUS homestuck flashbacks. my affinity for knights with Problems knows no bounds...
adding the hyperpigmentation around his eyes and his acne scars is what really solidified this for me-- i put those in and was like oh!!! there you are!!! my boy!!! and you can tell because i gave him acne scars + thick eyebrows that he IS my boy... there are very clear trends among my headcanons for my faves lol. big noses, thick eyebrows, skin imperfections, heavy eyebags, long dark hair... and fakir truly has it all 😤 he is so Ideal Character Design to me
i think fakir is actually pretty self-conscious about his appearance tho! we see characters like pike and lilie say hes handsome to ahiru, but i dont know how often he actually hears that? and im sure its hard not to compare himself to mytho, who is straight out of a fairy tale; being a regular teenager dealing with regular teen body stuff is hard enough without your roommate being a magically beautiful eternally youthful storybook hero. i think he probably internalises more that people see him as scary and angry, and that the girls who do have crushes on him always frame it in contrast to mytho, who is Good and Kind and Handsome, implying (or sometimes outright stating!) that fakir is Bad and Mean and... Well...
fakir is very sensitive but quiet about it, so i think its a very private point of self-consciousness. i think he puts a lot of semi-secret effort into his appearance; canonically he has a lot of very funny and clearly customised clothing, and he chooses to keep his hair long and in a very particular style (i have a whole breakdown in my mind of how he achieves that style and it involves a surprising amount of pins and an unsurprising fuckton of teasing. i think his hair is a little fried from heat damage!), and i think that probably extends to other things, too, like manicuring his eyebrows and doing a lot of very Teenage Skincare that doesnt actually help his acne much lol. i think he probably has a lot of self-injurious habits and BFRBs like skin picking and chewing, mostly at his acne and around his nails (both of which he hates, because he knows he shouldnt but does it anyway). i think if he does it enough that theres noticeable evidence it feels, like, world-ending for him, ESPECIALLY if anyone asks what happened lol. do not perceive him except in the very specific ways and contexts he approves of THANKS
on to the narratives favorite princess, mytho:
again, i had a pretty clear idea of the vibe i wanted mytho to have going into this-- i want him to have, like, extreme prince charming vibes, very Classically Handsome without necessarily being 'conventional.' i thought a lot about 'the happy prince' story while i was working on this, and really wanted him to look like a cross between how the prince statue looks in my head and a porcelain doll. and also a cross between jonny brown and brigitte bardot? lots of very direct influences for him lol. so! lots of gold tones, gemmy eye color, cute little tooth gap, quivering wide-eyed thousand-yard-stare doe eyes and big ol dolly anime lashes, which were the very last thing i added because i was NERVOUS about pulling those off lol. they turned out cute tho! ive only done a handful of pieces for this series and i can already tell princess tutu is gonna make me up my lash drawing game considerably, these kids all look like they blink and cause a hurricane from the gale force wind of their falsies
also wait i lied the very last thing i did was add his freckles/beauty marks because he needed that little extra oomph and those were It. i think he probably has some on his hands/wrists too 💕
i was a little unsure if my idea for his hair would translate with this flat-color approach but im pretty happy with it! its supposed to be afrotextured hair (somewhere between 3b and 4c i think? wide range of potential i knowww but im still kind of hammering out my headcanons okay, this is exploratory lol) thats been rolled and finger-styled into his little feather shapes. i think loose, chunky twists would be another fun way to interpret his hair and twists are one of my fave styles to draw do i might draw him like that at some point too...
i guess fakir is the one who styles his hair for him before mytho gets his heart back? i imagine fakir is pretty meticulous about maintaining mythos health and appearance, even at the worst stages of their relationship. i think itd be hard for fakir to frame the way he treats mytho as For Mythos Sake if he wasnt doing some level of actually beneficial care for him, so being really fastidious about things like mythos diet and sleep hygiene and hair care and such gives fakir an outlet for his 'you just have to do what i tell you' thing that helps him convince himself it really is helping, no really, hes doing this for mythos benefit and he just has to be strict with him because mytho doesnt UNDERSTAND he needs PROTECTING and fakir is the ONLY ONE who can do it so mytho HAS to let him because if he doesnt then why does fakir even EXIST, if he cant manage this then what is he good for, and--
yknow. the usual complexes. and their relationship is so complex!!! but also so simple, but like. in a good way. fakirs behavior is complicated but his motivation regarding mytho is SO straightforward which makes that downward spiral into harm really easy to map out... i wont go much into that in this post since this is about visual/appearance-related headcanons but just. augh. i love this show and i love these characters!!! and i hope its apparent in my work that i do love them so <3
im hoping to do a set of these for the girls next!!! i have some other stuff to finish first but hopefully... Soon... Some Birds...
#princess tutu#fakir#mytho#prince siegfried#my art#i had sooo much fun playing around with style in these... the super strong white highlights + underpainting combo looks SO lovely#i should take this approach more often i almost never do!!! it rules and is fun to do#i was listening to my fakir playlist nonstop for DAYS while working on this and still intermittently since...#it feels like ive been sitting on these for a month but its only been 5 days omg. crazy... good to know tho#anyway i love themmm theyre everything. SO fun to draw i really hope i can do more art of them. i Want To... i have Ideas >:o)#btw is putting notes on my thoughts under a cut like this interesting for yall? its fun for me but idk if yall wanna read all that#i will probably continue regardless bc i love to hear myself talk esp abt my design choices but#im curious if my notes on my thought process are interesting to anyone else#if not oh well! thats what the cut is for 😤 nobodys gotta read it if they dont wanna im doing this for Me#full color
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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i've thought about this for a while now and never done it, but i'm considering trying to sell art prints... I don't have any income at the mo, so i hate spending any that i saved up when i last worked a job. And i would, yknow, get another job, but if i do i am Actually Going To Fail College, i know it. Was literally academically separated over the summer and had to appeal it... so yeah i know i cant handle an actual job while at school. So a little bit of passive money would be great!
idk many ways in which to do so, the only one im familiar with is Inprnt.. but this was on the mind because I was looking at my last post and thinking it'd make a good print..
(also can u tell ive been christmas shopping and lamenting over prices. And seeing cool things i want for myself, but not being able to get them cuz i gotta spend my money on gifts for others. can u tell.)
#josh talks#i have considered commissions a ton too#but that takes a lot more active effort than selling prints#and id have to put myself outta my comfort zone and yknow. communicate with a bunch of strangers#over what they want me to draw#and that added stress just isn't something i need rn...#plus if i had commissions id feel like i couldn't just draw for fun#so yeah in the future i may when im in more need of cash or school is less Bad#but rn im not gonna#but selling prints is much more viable#im trying to think of what pieces I would sell...#defnitely the one i just mentioned and def that one stained glass loz piece#a couple other isat pieces ive done may be good too..#and honestly my current profile pic#cuz i want that one on my wall#(i mean it sorta already is???? i redrew it and painted it traditionally)#anyway if anyone reading this has a drawing of mine you'd either want or just think its something i should sell#pls tell me!
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed#so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something#i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad#and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS#i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me#ik realistically im probably not but i just#only three people would truly understand the situation#my mom my sister and my childhood best friend#my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again#my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like#i can always go to her about this shit#and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything#like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden#i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad#i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad#i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really#and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this#i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault#ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week#and idk i’m just#im not having a good time#i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this#previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was#and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it#and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up
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#the problem is one day i feel awful the next day i feel manageable#but i have to commit or i will feel worse than yesterday#i cut my mum and brother from the Netflix and yt premium (i hate ads.)#I'm planning to pay less for gas and electricity cause there's no reason i should be putting in £250 a month for both#food im not eating so I'm not paying for it (oh but you need food → my case off it)#like i can't tell you how upset i am and how angry ive become and how incompetent i am at everything#I'm lucky that one of my brain pilots doesn't want to quit this job#but i just need some time to bounce back#can you believe this push came from a fat joke?#to some of may sounds stupid like you ended up taking a mental health break because of a fat joke#but it was the final nail in the coffin#i try to do everything to be nice and to be a good kid and none of that matters because I'm fat#fine#okay yeah sure#and they bitch about me behind my back about how I'm bad with money and how i gain weight and how my depression is an inconvenience#cause it's not because they care#it's never been because they care it's because they know I won't fight back about it#i said i wasn't sad and i was managble but I'm not#but i think anyone else in my situation would be angrier and sadder#my own family makes me feel lonely#the entire family#because people only call me when they need something#and i wanted to act like i do it to people please#i don't#if i don't do it they act like I'm selfish for putting myself first
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one of the things that really pisses me off about fandom (in general but it seems 10x worse in the ofmd fandom in specific) is some peoples determination to jump to the worst possible interpretation of any scene with a character they dont like in it. its suddenly not reasonable to read the silly jokey scene as it was indended, we have to assume X character is acting in bad faith because why would he not. if you substituted it with any other person you would not see these readings, but because its someone they dont like we can't possibly read it any other way. im all for reading into the text of the show and analysing and extrapolating from it, but some of the takes i have seen seem so out of left field from the actual show that it feels hard to assume the people writing them are doing it for any reason other than blind hatred of a character.
#vague bc im not trying to start shit i just. am so tired of this!!!!!!#also a rant because i have seen 3 posts with just the most godawful takes in them im tired!!!!! im not even seeking it out#like if you want to read that line as racist then i guess i cant stop you#but have you considered the half a dozen more straightforward readings i could come up with in the time it takes you to say its racist#but thats just me#nyxtalks#i feel like i should put a critical or canyon tag on this or whatever so its blacklist friendly but also i dont want it to get picked up#im not trying to get into arguments over this im just trying to let out the shit thats eating at me#im fully down to hear good breakdowns of the text. im not here to pretend izzy did 0 things wrong#and i can acknowledge i read some of his actions from a good faith leaning angle.#idk its just. an incredibly frustrating thing to see#and dont get me wrong. ive seen it in other fandoms too. i can think of one in particular with super heavy bashing fics#from both sides in a way that felt. unfair to the narrative#AND. i see it with ed too. i see so many fics that are just so mean to ed out of nowhere.#and i hate it there too#i dont know#ill probably delete this later#(maybe this is just me keeping my mind busy)
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i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh
#toy txt post#i miss it i should play w her more often but it was going to be for a dnd thing that ive all but abandonded bc i feel like#i cant. do that but it sucks bc i had some cool fun concepts and characters but it was hard enough back then when i was just insecure and#knew nothing about dnd and was intimidated by the mechanics but wanted to try dming for some reason but now i just straight up dont know#what to do but i really enjoy those characters. i should just unlock the secret channelsand scrap the dnd game idea for now and keep the#concepts and im sure i could come up w something if i ever actually learned anything about that shit#anyway. my point being. im obsessed w my character i made up and you should be too cos its good shit#toxic anarchist half dragon demigod with authority issues whos an alloaro clown named Stupid Cupid.#i think her pronouns were whatever but also it/she? when i say toxic i mean it did have a bit of a Clown Cult.#Cupid i think is possibly its given name and Stupid was her clown ass addition and yes i do know of the song and yes it is on its playlist#obsessed w all the stupid overpowered characters i made in that universe. they were such good concepts. gulliver obviously. charybdis#silas (cupids father + previous (now deceased) god of chaos)#cupids mother who i dont think i had a name for yet but she was supposed to be kind of a neutral lawful (in a rules lawyering way)#moon paladin who hatefucked the god of chaos after failing to kill him which she was trying to do out of devotion to the moon#and she supposed to have what i can only describe as chainsaw powers? and she destroyed every gun in existence and killed anyone who knew#how to make them until there were no guns left bc silas kept being annoying w guns and was trying to use them on the moon. for reasons#so she really pissed him off and impressed him before she finally got to him and tried to kill him. and if she was even a minor god instead#of a 'mortal' it wouldve worked and thats the only reason he didnt die from her. and then her child. stupid cupid the clown#grew up and had issues and started a clown cult and wandered around usurping warlords and dictators before putting her aim on silas#and trying to kill him. but failing not bc she was mortal but bc he outsmarted it. but he couldbt bring himself to kill it so he had her#put to sleep for a thousand yrs until someone else killed him(he pissed off a stupid seagull druid who lured him into the path of Charybdis#who he'd ALSO pissed off and Charybdis mega killed him and then the gull druid was made the new god of chaos just to have someone fill the#roll but then they kind of suck at it? they did not want that much responsibility altho the immortality is nice. when they took over they#released cupid whos a bit of a legend but then the vibes are super weird bc cupid Definitely wants to usurp and take on the mantle of#chaos deity and gulliver idolizes her but doesnt feel great about just handing that over to it? and cupid has to grapple with not being the#one to kill silas. almost everyone she knew is dead. her mom isnt. the world has changed a lot. she finds out her cult is still going and#gets excited? but they have Changed. it disgusts her now. they are not the radical clowns she intended. the vibes are weird. she denounces#that and tries out piracy. she manages to get the moon paladin living chainsaw power?#despite not being aligned w their ideology at all. wow nepotism. then it was going to spiral into some fucking meta galactic shit and have#well. ran out of tags. anyway i miss this character i should figure out what im doing w this universe cos theres no way im dming rn 🙃
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one thing I thought was missing from canon sk8 was the mine being haunted apparently. so we are bringing that into burnished house for absolutely no fucking reason
#sk8 the infinity#burnished house#(I am jokeing there is. in fact. a reason)#(you will not learn this until the divorce comes up)#(well the preliminary reason is I fucking love ghost stories and want to put them in everything)#(and that reki is afraid of scary things which makes him my favourite kind of victim. younger sibling coded for that only)#Im actually having a lot of fun alternating povs between reki and langa bc Ive like. accidentally grounded langa's in#very clear and present bodily sensations. straight up uncomplicated observations about materials in the world around him#while reki's gets all the hyperboles and pretty poetic stuff. I enjoy the idea of him being good at storytelling#ESPECIALLY bc him taking words to heart including scary stories. big deal to me ok?#love to write langa and going from things that clearly are present right there in the scene to the most insane thoughts a man can have#and then write reki and jump wildly between dork ass energetic shounen character speech and romanticizing the fuck out of concrete#weird thing to say after writing three fics of like 20K+ words in total about them granted lmao#but like. listen. I feel like burnished house is me going apeshit so far. this is truly my time to be the worst ever#same approach as I took with [REDACTED]. oh you think this is bad? just wait#I have already added TWO old people ghosts into this one. be in awe of my power#well. be in awe of it when I finish this chapter... I need to sleep rn dksdfhdskj#have a good nite lads. I cant wait to get to that one spot in this chapter where I go yess... YESS!!!! HAHAHA YESSSS#wish u the same for ur art endeavour. if ur art endeavour doesnt have something like that u should add it. my message to da world
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my wonderful beautiful tain who is so bad at being a paladin (not even at baldurs gate and she's already broken her oath)
here is the before :)
#i think im going to become an oathbreaker for like a day before respeccing to fighter#she doesnt have it in her to fully betray her oath but she also can't keep her oath bc she just isnt able to stay true to it#so she will just completely give up her oath and all magic#thinking she might take a level in wizard though. actually put work into learning some magic#baldurs gate 3#bg3 tav#how was she supposed to know that letting a hag rip out her eye isnt upholding the oath of the ancients /j#but in all seriousness i feel like the way oath of the ancients works in bg3 isnt how ive always interpreted it#it really just feels like your typical goody goody black and white paladin while i mostly see it as an oath to nature and the wild#hags are not good but they are very intwined with nature and while working with a hag isnt something to strive for i dont think it should#break the oath#its fine though i wanted to break my oath at some point because the paladin dialogue options were pissing me off so much LMAO
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sometimes i look at the ~relationships~ part of my natal chart and god its just all . just so damn difficult and harsh and it makes me want to abandon any hopes for anything good ever
#jess things#but also ig it all comes from past experiences too lol#and ik my chart isnt supposed to be like… an indicator abt how things will go but rather a roadmap#but its like . it rly puts into perspective why everything is so damn hard all the time when it comes to interpersonal relationships#and maybe im supposed to interpret it as this challenge that i should rise above of#at the same time tho i feel so hopeless. and tired.#ppl exhaust me and i dont know what more effort am i supposed to give#however the absence of the type of intimacy i crave is also smth that makes me feel like crap#i can either sit in the pain of the absence or continue taking risks which ruin me emotionally and eventually physically#augh i dont know. i dont know what i want to do anymore.#i just want to be good i guess . i want to be good without feeling like i have to give my entire carcass away#i want to just sit here and do nothing and still consider myself good#i want to feel good abt someone approaching and not asking anything of me#i want to feel good even when im not of use to someone#i want to be good even when ive been bad. when ive made bad choices and mistakes#i just wish to be good to someone even then#anyways im gojng on a tangent idk i rly hope nobody read this#but maybe somebody has anyways if u did thanks and dont worry abt me#u are good to worry and u are good if u not worry u are good for saying smth and u are good for not saying anything#u are good
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Oh baby I am getting way to ambitious with my current oni run for someone who's laptop starts screaming anytime it opens steam
#rat rambles#oni posting#Ive started expanding my base area not for the sake of providing more living space or whatver but so I can build a museum#Im going to have an artifact section an art section and ideally a critter section if I can decide how I would go abt that#Im also going to have a sporechid exhibit since Ive never actually tried to use them before#its going to be right above the biobot room since thats going to be the entrance of the museum#I may also further expand downwards at some point to build a mega relaxation section with as many rec buildings as I can affort to maintain#more focus on variety that pure numbers tho I just wanna use the stuff I usually never use#and lemme tell you my dupes will use none of them since theyre too obsessed with their damn phones but its ok I forgive them#now one thing thats going to be annoying abt this project is that for the critter section Im going to need a Lot of glass#the goal is to keep one wild creature in each containment room and to have each be fairly healthy for the critter#now I definitely wont be doing every critter as quite franky I dont have space for that#currently my only real plan is for an oakshell exhibit but I wanna do more of them#maybe a cuddle pip one would work? Id also like a shine bug one but idk how exactly to go abt it#mainly because ideally Id want one of the fancier shine bugs but I am firm on keeping these guys wild#and itd probably take a lot of work to get a wild radiant bug or smth#well more like a lot of time#I could just try to get a more middle of the pack shine bug and just call that good enough#Im pretty sure shine bug morph rates only change when they eat so in theory I could get away with taht#although technically speaking the morph odds can always just happen anyways so maybe I just leave it and hope for the best#like I have the food to spare I could very easily breed fancy shinebugs if I wanted to again I just wanna keep them wild#but yeah other critter options probably include dreckos and maybe a long haired slickster if I feel like putting in the effort#a drecko exhibit would be pretty simple tho Id just have to decide which morph#Im unsure if I wanna do a hatch exhibit or not simply because I dont have ideas to make it look cool#like I feel like for a hatch Id want it to be a stone or smooth hatch but again the breeding problem arises#now one thing I should definitely do at some point is go grab a gassy moo for the museum but thats a maybe project#mostly because I still have trauma from the last time I did a gassy moo trip lol#speaking off I still need to build a rocket that can actually be used to explore new planets#so far all my rocketry has been for data banks and artifacts#although I did just today get my first drillcone rocket up and running
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What if I.
when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rarely share ep stuff but i should do more#its free posts#i havent been drawing anything else so this is what weve got#but this is also hundreds of drawings.#ive done. 512 finished panels just checked my spreadsheet#2 more episodes for this arc!#i want the whole arc done before return#its good it's cute#but the next one#oh my god im never gonna shut up about it#it is actually for real extremely so the best thing ive ever written...#im like. im so excited about it.#it was so hard to write too because it is CLEEEEAAAAANLY solving sooo many things and pushing so much forward#and it had to impose so many extremely specific limitations to make those happen#and to impose limitations and clean things up in a way that doesnt feel like I'm doing That#is sooo hard. like. yall. HAHAHAHAH#things that feel like they simply fall into place when reading do NOT feel like that to write#i wrote no joke like 50 different outlines for this arc#i take so long because i care deeply about what im putting out#im really sad about how some other stuff turned out#some of the biggest story moments were completely undercut (imo) by being rushed by my schedule#they still hit because the setup i did I was able to work through properly#so a conclusion at 80% can still feel satisfying even if its a bit rushed...#but i dont want the end of the series to have that happen#anyways. yeah this stuff coming back is my best work. i can't wait for people to see it#I'm so fucked no one is gonna know it's back but whatever#hopefully i don't need to pause again and hopefully I'm not rushed through the ending#so much to do so much to do........#ok bye#reblog addition
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Ughhhhhh i want access to a bar so bad
#not the drinking kind the workout kind#qll my dumbells are way too light for certain exercises and it's getting frustrating bc i want to make progress#but it's harder to when I'm doing 4x10 or 4×15 after a warmup of my heaviest weights#BUT on the plus side ive still progressed a lot farther than i reasonqbly should have in the past 4-5 months#i started lifting in april 2× per week but had to stop for a couple weeks#then actually started eating in like june/july#and had to take ANOTHER break for 3 weeks btwn those months#bc i didnt have access to my equipment & a private place to work out#so it's been like 2 months of consistent 3x/week and 2 weeks of 5x/week (with 1 or 2 being a pseudo rest depending on migraine)#(bc i get migraines ;_;)#and i feel like a wuss but statistically my growth had been significant & im substantially outperforming the average for the amt of time#ive put into it. so i should feel good!! but i want to take a crack at heavier weights using bars for a) growth and b) my ego#but i cant rn bc i dont feel comfortable at the gym#and i dont have a bar#or a rack for it#theres a bench at my place though#so that's 1 of 3 lmao#but i also dont feel comfortable working out around other ppl so.......no spotter#whixh is not safe#so not doing that
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