#ive never found it so difficult to keep it together my god

[chronicowboy]

had the best last week at work (ignore the 27 bruises on my knees) but yesterday was fucking harrowing.

[louisjude]

I feel like atp even if there were plans to make bvddie canon theyre gone now. if tim minear is even half as petty as I am he would see that reaction and go u know what fuck you u actually don't get what you want now cause ur acting so goddamn entitled. like when tarlos fans got mad about the deleted scenes instead of appreciating them being released and his reaction was to say "okay fine then I just won't release deleted scenes anymore" (like I'm sure it was mostly a marketing decision but part of me thinks they intentionally released a scene about bucktommy just to prove a point.) idk man it's just really upsetting as a bi man to see the absolutely vile shit bvddie stans are saying and even tho I love the ship I now never want it to go canon cause they've fuckin ruined it

hey anon, at first let me agree with the fact that i do in fact also love bvddie a lot and i still love reading fics for them, the edits of them are fantastic and the fanart is S tier. it’s a great pairing with a lot of potential there IF the writers decided to ever go there but…

huge answer below

yeah, i agree. i honestly think before tommy was introduced again in 7x03 and the kiss in 7x04 that in my brain, bvddie was the most logical endgame for buck until it wasn’t.

i came into the show shipping bvddie much like a lot of new fans to the show but instead of hopping onto the tommy anti express hate train i found myself falling in love with buck and tommy together. at first i was still on board with bvddie still being endgame but as each episode aired after 7x04 i became faced with the reality of the situation (at least the way i see it) that bvddie might always be fanon and that’s ok because fandom keeps ships alive whether they’re canon or not. some of the biggest ships EVER are non-canon (i mean, cmon spirk? one of the OG MM ships?) so it didn’t really deter me from enjoying bvddie to this day. what HAS deterred me from interacting with bvddie content is toxic bvddies. i don’t like using the lil nicknames, idc if other ppl do, whatever, but i prefer just referring to certain kinds as just toxic plain and simple.

toxic shippers have made it difficult for anyone who multiships to interact with bvddie content. while there are incredibly nice & welcoming bvddie endgamers out there, it doesn’t overshadow the hateful ones in my online experience at least. i’ve blocked so many ppl over this ship discourse, which ive never had to do with any other fandom before the extent i have with 911. everyday i still find new ppl to block, you go under almost any comment section on the 911 insta and its filled with nasty comments abt tommy and only caring abt whether bvddie will be canon in s8. people projecting their hatred of tommy/lou onto the cast/crew of the show when it’s be said and proven time and time again that it’s quite the opposite. now im certain there’s bad apples in the bucktommy side as well, but from what ive seen online so far it is not nearly to the caliber of the bvddie side. ive blocked maybe a handful of bucktommy’s for being hateful towards eddie or being toxic overall, but ive probably blocked over 100+ toxic bvddies. i can only imagine it’d be worse if i was active on 911 twt which i’m not (thank god) but i have ventured into the tags before on there and let me tell you, it’s fucking horrifying how gross ppl are over there. twt is a cesspool for fandom anyways tho, the fucking asshole of fandom, it’s a septic tank really.

now im my own opinion which could be completely untrue of course, but just basing my thoughts on what i’ve seen online and interviews and such, tim seems to be really happy about bucktommy and idk how ppl believe otherwise. tim has expressed he loves LFJ and wanted him back on the show. tim showed up on set for the kiss scene. tim posting an entire youtube vibe abt bucktommy being soulmates that touches on the invisible string theory and explains how they accidentally found buck’s perfect match. tim sharing the deleted tommy scene is also huge but im waiting to see if he releases more (because i remember seen somewhere that he said there’d be more?) and if he does then great but it’s also still pretty telling to me after the whole karaoke fiasco.

oliver has said nothing but praises towards buck’s queer storyline. he quite literally said if you dont like it then watch something else. despite ppl saying he’s never interacted with bucktommy content online, that’s a lie because he has liked fanart of them.

aisha, kenneth & tracie have all expressed how they like tommy/lou and love working with him.

jlh said she loved bvddie before but is excited to see where buck and tommy go and then on an insta live said she doesn’t think bvddie is happening and was bombarded by toxic fans to the point of ending the live early.

ppl think it’s all some ruse to make it seem like bvddie is never happening so when it does happen it’s a “surprise” ……..

the nasty hate comments are doing nothing but exposing these types of ppl for who they are and that honestly to them, 911 is just the bvddie show to them. the people who run these social media accs for 911 are looking at these comments and cringing, they aren’t running to tim and abc being like “we must give these crazies what they want!” they’re mostly likely being ignored or honestly, as you said, being looked at and just reinforcing their decision to most likely make tommy buck’s endgame so as long as his schedule is open for filming.

what gets me the most about the hate these types of shippers spew online is how they aren’t embarrassed because they are so sooo convinced they will be right one day and therefore their insane, nasty behavior online will be justified. oliver stark literally left twt because of fans like this, people act like he was joking around, that he was shooting the shit probably because “he’s british and british people just have that kind of humor” which yes to a certain extent but let me just add these posts to set an example to why if oliver were still on twt he absolutely would not be happy with the way toxic bvddies are acting right now.

oliver (and ryan&other cast too) being positive abt bvddie never meant it was going to be canon of become canon one day. they do not decide these things, whether they believe it should or not. a lot of bvddie shippers come from previous fandoms where queerbaiting was there, where they were made fun of by actors of their ships, by the creators of the show! so i understand the frustration but oliver is not queerbaiting and buck is not a queerbait character when he quite literally is now confirmed bisexual and in a relationship with a man.

he’s just not the “correct” queer to these people. despite headcanons (hell even i hc eddie as queer!!) eddie so far, in canon, is not queer. by the end s7 he is still shown to not be over shannon and ruins his relationship with his son over this. ryan has stated in interviews he sees eddie as heterosexual, possibly pushing this because of the influx of ship discourse, and he’s glad to see a vulnerable and deep friendship that buck and eddie can have as a straight man and a queer man and how important he thinks it is.

every single thing that points to bvddie never going canon is like they’re being shot point blank in the chest. i get it, your ship not becoming canon sucks, but again, that is what fandom is for! shipping has never been about how canon smth is, there is 20k fics out there for bvddie and they aren’t canon. they can turn that into 40k, 100k, 1M if they really wanted to! instead they use their time and energy posting death threats, wishing death upon a gay character, bullying ppl online for enjoying a ship.

meanwhile from what ive seen bucktommys are rolling with goofy ass spy tommy theories created by antis and making jokes for our own fun.

so yes, i agree overall. they truly don’t deserve what they think they do. we didn’t whine and scream for a deleted scene. they did. we got ours without even expecting it and are having fun.

maybe if they behaved better i wouldn’t be so petty abt it. it’s a shame because of how much potential it has, unfortunately it is just not going that way atm. and even if it does one day, it is not because they paraded online with hate, it is because that’s the story tim and the others wanted to write and abc approved it.

🫳🎤

[autumnfangirler]

i keep on making new sidesteps, which is fun and all but its really difficult to keep track of all of them and figure out all of their characters 💀

It doesnt help that i play favourites either LMFAO

HOWEVER. ive been stuck in philippines with very shitty/no wifi so i got plenty of time to think about them and i think ive finally gotten a semi-solid handle on cecilia so!! it is time to inflict her on the world

ive mentioned her before but cecilia rider, in all her herbo glory, truly is the ideal of fuck around and find out. she has the highest daring out of my steps and is reckless in ways that give all my other steps heart attacks. and like ive said before, cecilia is not the type of person to regret her actions, past and present. she will keep moving forward even when it hurts. nothing demonstrates that more than her relationship with the other rangers

cecilia is a hunger scar step, and by god does she hunger. she craves human connection, to have a relationship and feel loved again. the only thing that kept her from walking to the front door of HQ after her second escape was her work as a villain– she didnt want to be distracted, not when it was something she looked forward to for years.

her first reaction to meeting ortega again was excitement. she was so happy to see him, her best friend of years, and once upon a time one of her only connections to the outside world. The old jokes, banter, smiles and hugs was something she didnt even know she wanted, but when she got it again she was desperate for more. she couldnt live without it. after that, she cared so much and so recklessly, with no concern over what would happen if she did

after ortega, she ended up befriending herald (though that rooftop kidnapping was rough, she got pissed and ended up punching him djsjjdjs). it was really smooth, actually– cecilia is just a nice person, very bubbly and kind, and she loves being around herald, his thoughts made her feel warm and cared for (even if, in her eyes, he only cared for sidestep, not cecilia). plus, shes a lupin thief. i can imagine herald and cecilia discussing and debating art with eachother in their downtime. it makes me SO sad that you can only hang out w one ranger in checkpoint 4, even if it makes sense, because i think cecilia would totally go out with him for dinner for the free food and then waylay him with an "actually, im a lesbian who's going for your ex girlfriend" when he asks her on a proper date. in my heart this and the hangout with argent happened. I accept nothing else. Anyway those two are bffs and cecilia would beat the shit out of anyone who hurts him(except herself, because she did end up beating him to high hell at the museum. sorry danny lmfao)

cecilia ended up befriending chen next. actually, she never really wanted to be friends with him. she was perfectly content leaving him as the one ranger she hated. but, well, he has a dog, so she couldnt really stay mad at him, could she?

Bless spoon for all his hard work, because cecilia wouldve never interacted with chen civilly otherwise. she discovered that she actually liked walking with chen, as weird as that was, since hes at least less of a dick now. she went to walk spoon after therapy(sorry ortega) and was pleasantly surprised to find that chens quiet, more contemplative nature did well to calm her, especially since shes just a rowdy person in general. when she found out chen was gay and jealous of her, though,,,,, well, all i can say is rip chen because cecilia would never let him live that one down. i can imagine she teases him mercilessly about getting him and ortega together. chen will never know a moments peace again

and then there is, of course, argent. cecilia didnt care much for her during rebirth, up until the gala fight, where they fought eachother for the first time. she fought her fairly in the sewers and ended up enjoying it, even though argent stole her cape. from that point on, she looked forward to their fights just as much as argent did. in the bridge, she was very pleased to know that the flirting was reciprocated, and that kiss as she was very probably about to die did wonders for her heart rate. same with getting choked in the HQ. she had ample time to stop argent before it happened btw, she was just curious and then faced the consequences of her own actions lmfao

all that said, most of it was just cecilia finding her hot. she didnt really start being drawn to argent until the casino. the regenerator was the first time cecilia saw real desperation in her, a want that made her think, for once, maybe somebody could understand her. that somebody could relate to the constant feeling of need gnawing away at her. and of course, because this is cecilia, she made the most drastic decision she could think of to confirm it– she took her chances and revealed her tattoos, and herself, to argent. she had no qualms taking the subsequent consequences, and was very happy to know that the worst she suffered was a swollen lip(one that shed use to torment ortega later on anyway)

i cant explain it very well but argent and cecilia make me so jdjjjdjkkkkdj yk. theyre so similar. theyre both so stubborn, moving on from things without a second glance, because if they didnt theyd drown in it. they dont regret (most) of their actions. and most importantly to me, they can become very soft when it comes to the people they care about. cecilia is more open about it since she has more people she trusts with that part of herself, and she extends that to argent. sure she loves to flirt and tease, but shes unabashedly honest when it comes to what she feels. she accepts most things that comes her way, and the things she doesnt she isnt afraid to speak her mind about. and maybe thats what gets her on argents couch, stealing chocolate eclairs from eachother and watching sappy 70s movies. either way, shes quite happy with where she ended up.

or, shes happy at least until the crash. her canon run is a revealed ending. all of the relationships that shes built over the past few months? gone, just like that. everything shes ever wanted, everything she got, was stripped away from her a second time, which was Not fun for her hunger scar ass. she has no idea what she'll do, and shes terrified of the farm coming to take her in. for once, she regrets everything, all her actions leading up to this moment. but what can she do? theres nothing left for her, and once the farm gets her, theres going to be less than nothing.

argent saving her is probably the best thing that ever happened to her. both because she wont have to go back to the farm, and also because its a quiet confirmation that she hasnt lost everything. That she still had people she could trust. everyone else would be a long and difficult task of mending and rebuilding. but then again, when has she ever shyed away from the long and the difficult?

doing the hard thing has always been what she does best

[reidsnose]

love letters

overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom

genre: fluff fluff fluff

a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)

masterlist

-

the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.

it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.

"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.

you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.

"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.

"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.

"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.

before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.

and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.

you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.

of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.

you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.

spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.

and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.

he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.

"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.

he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.

"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.

"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.

you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.

"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.

he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.

he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.

a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.

he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.

unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.

he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.

you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.

"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.

"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.

"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.

you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!

"ill help you look" you decided.

"please do," he chuckled.

"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.

"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"

his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.

you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.

you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.

is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.

you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"

with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.

dear y/n,

today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that

dear y/n,

im in love with you. too forward

dear y/n,

you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep

you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.

"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.

"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.

"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"

"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.

"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."

"youre not mad?"

"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"

"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.

he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."

you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.

-

-

ultra mega super cool taglist

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[zukkoxx]

mha boys realizing they’re in love pt.1

w/ deku, bakugo

tw⚠️ insecurities!, self doubt!

deku 🥦

izuku knew he loved you since you guys started dating.

he had liked you for a long time, and when you finally got together in your last year of UA, he couldn’t have been happier.

he planned on living the rest of his life with you. and would go through any feats to make it possible.

so when you started to feel doubts about your relationship? that was a wake up call for him.

you had just finished training, all sweaty and tired, walking back to your dorm with a towel around your neck.

you scrolled through your phone mindlessly, and just happened to come across a twitter post about your boyfriend, deku, who had just taken down one of the villains that’s been on the run for months.

you smiled. you were so proud of him. already achieving his dream in becoming one of the greatest heroes. and getting the recognition he finally deserved.

you made it your your dorm, slumping on your bed as you read some of the comments.

woah this guy is still attending UA!? he’ll be a great hero for sure

there’s no one like him!

deku strikes again! what a stud😍

you laughed at some, grimaced at others that claimed the mission was too easy for him. but one particular comment had you freezing in your spot.

is he single? i won’t hesitate to run to the scene and give him my hand in marriage right now!

you knew it was a fun, lighthearted comment. but you clicked the the commenters page and instantly noticed how beautiful as preppy she was.

she was also a big deku fan...probably had more merch than you.

you sighed and threw your phone across the bed.

for the past few weeks, you had been thinking about how different you and izuku were in terms of success.

you were both in your last year of high school, and he had already done so much.

worked on so many cases with pro heroes and went through successful missions all the time. he was destined to become the greatest hero.

and you?

well, you’ve never even caught a villain.

sure you’ve helped out on low grade missions for the hero you interned under, but you had never been publicly praised like izuku. you never stood out.

you had trouble believing you’d become a hero at all.

you always wondered, wouldn’t izuku be better off with someone that could keep up with him? who wouldn’t hold him back. someone who he wouldn’t leave in the dust when he excelled in the future.

he deserved someone better.

your thoughts were cut off when your dorm door brushed open, revealing no other than the man himself.

izuku walked into your room with worried eyes and seemed out of breath.

“y/n? ive texted and called a bunch of times. why haven’t you answered?” he asked, and you subtly turned to your phone that you discarded on the other half of the bed.

“my ringer was off. sorry izu.” you tired to give him a smile as he sat next to you on your bed. “i saw an article about your mission today. you were amazing!” you complimented.

“ahh you give me too much credit. i couldn’t have dont anything with the pro heroes and other people helping.”

“still, you’re a great hero. i wish i was like that.” you chuckle dryly, past insecurities already pushing forward again.

“what!? you’re a great hero y/n!” izuku exclaimed.

“i’ve barely done anything izuku. i don’t know how you put up with me. i should be able to help you on your missions, but i’m stuck in the same position i have been in. i don’t know when i’ll improve.”

you didn’t mean to sound so pathetic, but you had been feeling this way for so long. it was all just spilling out now.

and izuku? he literally stopped breathing when he heard what you were saying about yourself. “you deserve someone that will be able to keep up with you. what will people think when they find out the amazing deku is dating a weak, incapable, good for nothing-”

“don’t say one more word y/n.” izuku cuts you off, and you look up to meet his eyes piercing yours.

they were dark, nothing like their usual gleaming glow that shined when he looked at you.

there was no sign of amusement on any of his features. just dead seriousness

“what the hell are you talking about y/n?” he asks, but doesn’t give you a chance to respond. “you’re one of the most courageous, brave, intelligent, capable people i know! where is all of this coming from?”

“i’ve been thinking about it for a while. it’s just you’re so...amazing and i’m so...” you knew anything you could have said after that would make him even more angry. it was nothing positive.

god he probably hated you for being so insecure.

“you’re you, y/n.” izuku says softly. “you’re you and you’re who i love. i don’t care about what i do, what you do, who says what! i love you for you!”

izuku looks at you with so much love and compassion. you stared into his eyes, wondering what was gong on in his head.

well? at the moment he despised himself for letting you feel this way.

you were his whole world! the person who supported you in everything he did and he would support you in the same way! he couldn’t understand why you were feeling this way when he was literally...in love with you.

he loved you yeah of course, but hearing the way you were speaking about yourself, and how you had doubts about your relationship made his heart physically hurt. he was absolutely and unconditionally in love with you and wouldn’t be able to see himself with anyone else.

and he needed you to hear it.

“y/n you’re my everything! i’m so in love with you, no amount of fame or recognition could make me even think about leaving you!” izuku said urgently, and he finally calmed down when he saw a slight smile reach your lips.

a real one this time.

the conversation continued, and izuku promised to let you learn and remember how in love he was with you until it was the last thing he’d do.

bakugo 💥

bakugo would never pursue anyone unless he definitely knew he loved them.

so of course he never asked you out when he couldn’t differentiate if what he felt for you was love, or if it was a stupid little crush.

he didn’t like thinking about his feelings, especially the irrelevant ones.

he was trying to become the number one hero. who needed time for love anyways?

so he ignored his “feelings” for you, not allowing them to confuse him any longer.

it wasn’t until a few months into his third year when bakugo got the worst news of his life.

you were on a mission. an important one that had you absent from school for weeks.

bakugo was worried.

he’d text you every few days, asking what was going on and how things were and you’d always respond with “it’s fine.” or “we’re hanging in there.”

he assumed it was a pretty difficult mission, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

you were strong

so when he heard from a certain icy-hot that you were in the hospital in critical condition after completing the mission, he forgot about everything and ran straight to you.

ignoring aizawa’s calls, he almost blasted himself out of UA and checked every hospital for you, considering he didn’t even ask todoroki which one you were in before he left.

when he finally reached the hospital holding you, he sprinted to your room.

he found you hooked up to a bunch of wires and tests.

you looked peaceful, sleeping while the heart monitor beeped beside you.

but you looked horrible. bloody bandages covered almost every limb, and your body was covered in bruises.

bakugo’s heart dropped to his stomach. he couldn’t stand seeing you like this.

why does his feelings have to be 100x more noticeable when your tragically hurt!?

he sat down on the empty chair beside the hospital bed, wondering why no one else was visiting at this time.

he stared at you, something he couldn’t get off of his mind lately.

“why do you make me feel things, dumbass?” he asked, waiting for a response. “i never skip class! you just had to get hurt and make me skip the test review.” he rolled his eyes, but his face softened as he looked at you, still sleeping.

“i’ll help you study. you’ll probably fail without going over what we learned.”

.....

“would you wake up, you shitty woman!” he yelled, gripping the side of your bed “this is scary, you know?”

.....

“i should’ve called you today, i just assumed you’d be too busy to talk. if you told me you were in trouble, i’d blast my ass to wherever you were in a heartbeat.” bakugo said, feeling his actual heart skip a beat when you still didn’t respond. 

“please wake up...”

after about an hour of waiting, your other classmates came in, checking on your condition.

you still hadn’t woken up, but your vitals were better and your breath were more steady.

by the time night fell, everyone left; except for bakugo

he was just starting to fall asleep when he felt she. he heard you stir in the hospital bed.

his head shot up, quickly turning to face you as he saw you blinking you eyes slowly.

“y/n!” he yelled a little louder than anticipated, making you shoot awake and look at him.

you blinked a few more times before realizing who you were looking at. “katsuki!?” you asked, trying to sit up, but feeling a sharp pain in your side.

“hey! don’t move dumbass. are you okay? do you remember anything?” he frantically asked.

“umm...i’m fine?” you said, sounding like you were trying to convince yourself. “why are you here?”

“why am i here? you were admitted into the hospital in critical condition!”

“i-i’m sorry, everything’s a bit fuzzy right now.” you say softly, putting a hand on your forehead and tryin got remember everything.

bakugo softened, and waited until you got yourself together. “how long have you been here?” you ask

“since this morning.”

“this morning!? katsuki what about school? do your parents even know you’re here?”

“why the hell are you worried about me? you’re the one hooked up to all these machines and can barely move!” bakugo yelled, trying to understand why you were so focused on him being there with you.

“i just never thought you’d be the one to go out of your way to check on someone. let alone be here the whole day...” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy at the idea of bakugo keeping your sleeping body company for hours.

bakugo froze at your words.

he really wasn’t the type to go check on people for more than a few minutes. especially not one to skip school because of it.

maybe he did this because he felt a little more than what he thought he did.

maybe this wasn’t a stupid little crush? maybe it was something serious that he had just been blowing off.

when he heard about your condition, he just couldn’t stand by. there must have been something that pushed him to run to you.

“it’s cause u care about you...idiot. i wasn’t gonna a let you suffer here alone.” he huffs, crossing his arms.

“katsukiii do you like me or something?” you asked in a teasing tone

he couldn’t believe you were making jokes at a time like this. furthermore, he couldn’t believe how easy it was for you to see through his facade.

“i do.” he states. there was no point in lying.

“i was just kidding kats-“

“i’m not.” he cuts you off. “i care about you, and i like you. a lot. so...you better like be bad damn it. or i’ll blow you to bits!”

you chuckled and smiled tenderly at him. you definitely weren’t expecting him to say that, but you weren’t complaining.

“i like you too...i guess.” you smile, and katsuki tsked before smirking at you.

he finally felt like he could breath again, and that everything was going to be fine now.

except...katsuki didn’t like you. he loved you. but no way would he tell you that

this absolutely sucks i can’t believe i’m posting this. if you can, plz give me some requests so i don’t make trash hcs like this again. they’ll be a pt.2 later. hopefully it isn’t as bad as this one.

click here to send a request. i’d really appreciate it!

[flor3nces]

live streams | matthew gray gubler x fem!reader

this is sorta long but like not really. i started this at 5 and ended at 7. BYE ASF IVE NEVER TAKEN THAT LONG ON A PIECE. ENJOY READING DARLINGS <333

“matthew! you wanna live stream with me?” i rarely live streamed as i didn’t really know what i was doing but i got the hang of it as i went on. matthew always stayed silent when i did live stream not wanting to give away that we were dating or that we were even hanging out. as far as the fans know we were just friends.

“are you sure? i was just about to go to the living room so i don’t bother you.” matthew wasn’t very ideal with the fans knowing that we were together as some of them can be really rude when they even hear a rumor of matthew possibly dating someone.

“yeah, come on. it’ll just be two friends hanging out and doing a little live stream.”

convincing him was difficult. he kept thinking about how people would figure it out and all that jazz but after a while it worked. i helped set up his area beside me, leaving space in between us so we could move our mouses without bumping our hands.

i notified people on my instagram and twitter that i was going to be doing a live stream with matthew. matthew doing the same. i laughed as he said that he wasn’t going to do so.

“hey guys!” matthew gave a small wave and smiled at his camera. “wait.. what are we playing?”

“oh! i forgot to tell you before we started. we’re playing minecraft!”

i let out a giggle at matthew’s face at the games name. “what is that?”

“a game. i already have it downloaded on your imac.”

“why? i don’t play that game and how did i not notice?”

“because i play it when i use it. you not noticing is so weird because it’s literally right there.” i reach out and point to the bottom of his screen. matthew lets out a small ‘oh’ and pushes me off.

“do you want me to join your realm or do you want to join mine?”

“you can call all the shots. i don’t even know how to play this stupid game.” matthew grumbled as he watched me. i send him a small smile and start a new realm. “don’t i have to like friend you or something?” i shake my head. “nope, i already have you friended.”

matthew nods at my words and looks at his screen. “do i click this?” i nod and he presses the button to join my realm.

i immediately ran over to the trees and started to get some wood. matthew looks at me as if i’ve grown two heads. “uh.. y/n how do i move?” before i can help him he starts pressing random buttons. “no, matthew!”

he ends up clicking a button that allows him to see his skin. “oh! oh, wow! hey, look i’m rumple!” i smile as i remember spending hours working on that skin for him. “i know. i made it for you.”

i lean over and teach him how to move, jump, run, crouch, hit, and mine. the last two things were basically the same thing but it was easier to teach him that way. teaching him how to craft, open his inventory, drop stuff. and scroll on his hot bar was the easiest thing he learned. as i’m doing this matthew says small comments. “matthew, shut up!”

“i didn’t do anything!”

***

“matthew! get out of my house! make your own house!”

this had been an on going battle with him. he wanted to live with me and i insisted that he live alone. “but y/nnnnnn we’d save more space for more builds if you just let me live with you!”

matthew had a way of always getting his way. no matter what is was that he seemed to want, he’d get. i guess it was part of his charm.

“fine-”

i get cut off by matthew cheering and jumping out of his chair to hug me. “but you’re sleeping in your own room not next to me.” his cheering dies down at my words. “what? why not?” he pouts but i refuse to give in. he’s already lving in my house for god sake.

“y/n pleaseeee. i won’t steal your stuff or anything.”

i shake my head and continue building my house making sure to add another room for matthew. he continued to beg as he helped build the house.

“okay! you can sleep next to me! now quit yappin’.”

a huge smile took over his face as his minecraft character made his way over to my room and placed his bed next to me. i couldn’t help but smile at him as he did a little happy dance.

***

“y/n i swear to god if you take that dog.”

“you’ll what? there are other dogs around gube! this is my dog, i found it first!”

“no! the others ran away you go find them. i refuse to run around to find them when one is right in front of my face.”

i smirk as i start to give the dog bones. matthew catches on and tries to give her bones but fails. hearts go above the dogs head after i gave her three bones. “ha!”

matthew hits me and my dog starts to attack him. “what the fuck? y/n help me!” a loud laugh rumbles through my body as i sit her down. “guess you better run and go find those other dogs before she kills you.”

he turns to me and pokes my side. i smack his hand away not taking my eyes of the screen as i was trying to get my dog back home safely. matthew turns back to his screen and starts his “quest” as he called it to find the other dogs that ran off.

***

we’ve been on the live stream for a good three hours and matthew was starting to get the hang of it and so far we haven’t had any slips ups on us dating.

in those three hours we had found diamonds, made a farm for both crops and animals, made a roller coaster, tried to make a small cafe but gave up and just made a fishing shack. we were now going to the nether.

“gube, are you sure about going to the nether? this is literally the first time you’ve ever played this game.”

“yeah but i’m basically a god at this game now.”

“oh please. you’ve died at least a hundred times.”

“nuh uh! you are such a liar! don’t lie to the people.” matthew winks at the camera and i roll my eyes. “you can be such a boy sometimes.”

i grab some food, my bucket filled with water and three extra buckets, and my bow along with some arrows.

“can i light it?”

“be my guest.”

matthew takes out his flint and steel and lights the portal. “woah, it’s so pretty.” he stares at the now purple portal in awe. i jump in and the nether starts to generate. “wait till you see the actual nether.”

he doesn’t say anything when we’re in the nether and i start to think he thinks it’s ugly. “um.. matthew? you good?” he doesn’t respond as he just keeps looking around. it wasn’t until i punched him in the shoulder that he snapped out of his trance.

“what?”

“you alright?”

“yeah, yeah. it’s just so beautiful. almost as beautiful as you.”

i snort at his cheesiness and start to walk around.

things were doing just fine until a ghast found us while we were making our way towards the nether fortress. both matthew and i screamed as the ghast made a noise. it shot at us. luckily, we had made a small platform before entering the nether fortress.

“how do i shoot it back?!”

“hit it back with your sword!”

it knocked down matthew. “oh my god! babe, i’m gonna die!”

i didn’t even notice that matthew had called me babe while we were live as i was trying not to die. “i died lol.”

a laugh came out of my mouth as matthew said lol. “oh! i killed it! my love, you better get your ass back here right now!”

i start to mine down and run over to where i saw a ghast tear fall. “look! i got a ghast tear!” matthew’s character came running up behind me. “you want it?”

“no, you killed it. plus, i don’t want a memory of that stupid thing. it killed me for no reason!”

“it’s a mob.. it doesn’t need to have a reason to attack you.” matthew lets out a whatever under his breath and starts to make his way back to the nether fortress.

***

“okay guys thanks for watching!”

“yeah, she really appreciates it when you guys tune in and watch her die half the time.”

“matthew! i didn’t die as much as you did and we only played for like three fucking hours!”

i read some of the comments that were popping up. some of them were ‘bye’s’ and the rest were just freaking out that we were dating. my eyes widen a bit at the comments until i realized that matthew had called me babe and i had said my love when the ghast was attacking us.

“gube... cats out of the bag.”

he looks at me for a second before looking at comments and scanning through them. “well, looks like i can kiss you on camera now.” my laugh gets swallowed by matthew as he presses his lips to mine.

“okay. bye guys! have a good night!”

“byeee!”

i click off the stream and turn to matthew. “i thought you didn’t want our relationship to get out?” a smirk comes across my face. “yeah, but there was no way on backing out on that one.”

“you’re not mad?”

“what? of course not! why would i be? i finally get to show you off, though i did want to keep you to myself a little longer but it’s cool.”

i smile at his words and kiss him again. “i’m going to make coffee. can we watch charlie and the chocolate factory?”

“hm. whatever you want princess.”

i press a small kiss to his nose before running off to get the pot started. 

[dadsbongos]

Insert Coin - Chapter 3.d / Series Masterlist

“It could be awkward for the others to see me leaving your cottage,” Hajime spoke in the silence after Monokuma’s morning announcement, “The last thing we want is for someone to make… assumptions about us.”

“Just don’t let it come off awkward,” (Y/n) giggled as she pulled on her shoes, “It’s easy!”

“I don’t see how ‘just don't’ is a valid way of avoiding awkwardness…”

“Nobody can make fun of you if they don’t know what you’re doing wrong,” the girl stood, hand on the doorknob of her cottage, “In other words, if you’re confident, people won’t poke holes in what you’re doing! I’ve seen people walk into movies without getting tickets because they were just super confident. Look like you know what you’re doing and people will leave you alone,” she pulled the door open, letting Hajime out first, “Except Hiyoko.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Hajime hesitated as he walked off, but his posture suggested an allusion of bullheadedness unmatched by even Kazuichi. And, just as he’d desired, nobody approached him with teasing remarks or questions as he went to his own cottage to change. He could’ve done so while (Y/n) was changing in the bathroom, but apparently, her furniture was especially distracting - locking him in place on her bed.

Upon entering the dining hall, (Y/n) was struck into stunned silence. Her eyes widening in shock at the scene before her - Akane was wailing over the possible upcoming death of Nekomaru, Ibuki was mindlessly nodding along to any rude thing Hiyoko said, and Nagito… Nagito wasn’t even there.

Approaching Sonia, (Y/n) quirked a brow as she gestured to the group, “You know what their deal is?”

Shaking her head, the princess crossed his arms as she stared over her peers sadly, “Mikan said they feel warm, well, besides the obvious… ailments.”

“(Y/n)...” a loud groan came from behind the pair, both turning to see a paler-than-usual, sweaty, miserable Nagito stumbling over to them, “You look so disgusting today! So irrevocably horrific I can’t stand it, I hate that I have to see you! My day was perfect until I saw you!”

“Nagito, what the hell?” Hajime spat from the doorway, brows furrowed at the luck's rudeness, “She’s been nothing but nice to you this entire time- "

“What if he’s sick too?”

“Huh?”

“I feel fine!”

“Look at Akane and Ibuki,” (Y/n) pat her friend’s shoulder, she was ever so grateful for Hajime stepping in even though it probably wasn’t necessary, “they’re acting totally different from usual. It probably wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say Nagito was affected as well,” she placed a hand over the sickly boy’s forehead, “He’s warm too. He was warm yesterday.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Nagito’s breath grew ragged, sweating profusely in (Y/n)’s grasp, “I’m perfectly fine! Don’t touch me! I’d rather die than let you touch me!”

His eyes widened before rolling back, spittle flying from his mouth as he fell back - landing on the dining hall floor with a harsh ‘thud’. Rushing down to his side, (Y/n) took up the convulsing boy’s head and cradled it, looking to the Ultimate Nurse for guidance when loud giggling interrupted the group.

Monokuma held his little conniving paws in front of his mouth, clearly finding enjoyment out of the group’s hazy confusion, “Oh, dear! It seems that some of your friends have caught the Despair Disease!” at the group’s continued confusion, he huffed, forcing on a charisma of television’s finest host, “Surprise! It's your next motive! Ibuki has the Gullible Disease, Akane has the Coward Disease, and Nagito has the Liar Disease!" he gave a last few giggles and a warning of it being contagious before disappearing.

“Hajime, lift Nagito with me,” (Y/n) instructed, taking up the unconscious boy’s body as carefully as she could while speaking to the group, “Mikan, there’s a hospital on the third island, right?”

"R-r-right, we could c-care for them th-there," Mikan nodded.

As the group headed out, some straying farther away than others in fear of catching the Despair Disease, (Y/n) thought back to the things Nagito had said to her. It was silly, especially in a scenario such as theirs - but she couldn’t help but be transfixed on what he meant behind his lies.

~~

Once everyone had been settled in the hospital and the communication device was being worked on by Kazuichi, (Y/n) found herself in a difficult situation. Jammed between two friends she cared for deeply.

“Hajime, you can’t be serious right now. He has the Liar’s Disease.”

“(Y/n)’s exactly wrong. She’s too stupid to figure it out.”

“He said he wanted me gone.”

“Hajime,” she muttered, taking the bridge of her nose between forefinger and thumb, “What do you think Liar’s Disease means?”

“It still hurt,” Hajime crossed his arms before turning towards the door, “I’m going to find Mikan…”

“Ask her to do another check-up on Nagito when she has the chance, please? He’s doing worse than the others and I’m not sure why,” (Y/n) had an inkling, but she shouldn’t spill secrets so openly.

A mere nod and Hajime was walking out, Nagito smiling as he spoke, “You’ve been such a nuisance this entire time. I need a better caretaker.”

It took a brief mental translation before (Y/n)’s heart was warming, “Oh, how sweet, I’m glad to be of service.”

“I really do hate your face, it’s hideous.”

“Never thought I’d take that as a compliment but there’s a first for everything, right?”

Upon Mikan’s entrance to the room she glanced between the patient and caretaker, her fingers racking together as she stepped towards Nagito’s IV, “H-how has he b-been doing?”

“Not well, he’s been talking about being extremely hot and keeps saying he feels great.”

“I…” Nagito’s eyes fluttered, coughing as he spoke, “I feel… amazing… my vision is perfectly clear too, how incredible… so hot…”

“There’s spare blankets in the storage room, correct? I can grab some,” (Y/n) rose from her seat as Mikan gingerly took the boy’s temperature.

Hospitals sickened her deeply. The scent of sterilization and the shiny linoleum floors sent shivers down her spine at something so macabre. Lying in the beds where others have died didn’t exactly sound like good motivation for healing. This hospital was barely different - grime in the grouts and dirt collecting on surfaces not touched in however long the building had been here. Not that it helped.

If anything, it was only more bizarre and discombobulating fashioned as an abandoned hospital than a lively one. And she tried to avoid the disturbing scene playing behind plexiglass beside her in the hall best she could.

Fuyuhiko and (Y/n) arrived at the storage room synchronistically, giving each other a stare before shaking themselves out of their respective trances and entering the small, dimly lit room.

The blond spared a glance to the peacekeeper, “How’s uh- " he grimaced, hating the man attached to the name he was about to spew, “How’s Nagito?”

“Not well,” (Y/n) took out two folded blankets before handing one to Fuyuhiko, “Mikan’s checking up on him right now. He’s been looking worse than the others, I’ve noticed - it’s a little worrying. What about Akane?”

Fuyuhiko’s face fell at the reminder of his patient, “Louder than what I’m used to from her,” he held up the blanket in his grasp, “She’s soaked through two of these fuckin’ things already.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate,” (Y/n) muttered sympathetically, patting Fuyuhiko’s back, “Good luck with all that, eh? I’ll be with Nagito if you need any help,” her chest ached at the blond’s new eyepatch, “Make sure you take of yourself, alright?”

Flustered, Fuyuhiko looked away from the girl, “I’ll be fine.”

“Glad to hear it, but, if you ever need help - we’re all here for you.”

“I didn’t come to sing kumbaya in the storage closet,” the short boy snarked before stalking off.

“Fair,” (Y/n) sighed, largely to herself, before following his example and heading back to Nagito’s room.

By the time she’d arrived, Nagito was already fast asleep with Mikan nervously watching over him - switching between his body and his vitals. The poor nurse jumping when (Y/n)’s voice suddenly peeked out in the silence - asking if she was clear to lay the blanket over their patient.

“Ah!” Mikan calmed down once she saw who it was, a hand coming up and over her chest, “(Y/n)! Y-you sca-scared me…”

“Sorry,” the girl chuckled, hoping to release the awkward tension, “Am I though? Good to put down the blanket? I don’t wanna screw with anything.”

“You-you’ll be good… just be c-careful of his l-left arm…” Mikan pointed to the IVs attached to Nagito.

Nodding, the peacekeeper carefully laid the blanket over the shivering boy’s body, tucking it where she deemed necessary. Pity plundered her poor pattering heart at the distressed furrow in his brows. She sat at one of the stools around the Ultimate Luck’s bedside, taking his right hand and brushing her thumb over the bony knuckles.

She didn’t think Despair Disease would work so heavily with his cancer and dementia. It was worse than his luck cycle, it was God pointing and laughing at a young man who had been delivered pain merely for existing.

“He sh-should be fine for n-now,” Mikan nodded to herself, still checking Nagito's vitals, “He’ll be out fo-for a while… if an-anything like th-that happens, let me know!” even her exclamations sounded so timid in her soft voice.

“In seconds,” (Y/n) confirmed, still focused on the ill boy trapped in his hospital bed, just before the nurse left she called to her, “Hey, Mikan? Thank you. It’s admirable how quickly you stepped up to do this, I’m sure the others feel the same too.”

“It’s n-nothing, really…” Mikan smiled softly to herself despite the dismissal, a light blush festering over her cheeks, “B-but thank you!”

[realm-sweet-realm]

Sammy and Jack. “Can we stay like this forever?”

Crisis of Faith, chapter 2

Sammy didn’t dream of Jack again until his next crisis of faith, and Sammy’s faith was very difficult to break. It had begun while Sammy, now a lost one made of fluid ink, was hiding in a wall, watching as a severely ink-infected woman raved.

“Mother, why do you punish me!?” she shouted as, with all the power left in her body, she tried to force open the padlocked doors of the women’s washroom. Her veins, prominent due to age and leanness, were a pitch-black web on her skin, and her wiry muscles had wasted away to bone.

Sammy had, on Joey’s command, overseen dozens of ink infections by now, and knew that there was nothing unusual about Emma Lamont’s case of it. Every single victim he had overseen had held some kind of delusion. Some believed that they were being poisoned by the government or their enemies, or that they were developing a mental illness. A very common one, however, was that they were receiving some sort of punishment, test, or reward from an all-powerful being- either God, or from a seemingly random entity that they’d decided to treat as one.

What if... Sammy’s beliefs were no different from this madwoman, screaming at the ghost of her mother?

Sammy moved on to check on the other infection victims. Even if Bendy wasn’t to be worshipped, the thought of ascension was all that kept him going. He sacrificed people on Joey’s command because the ink had told him to. He wrote his scriptures because he believed they were meaningful. He led the lost ones to Bendy and away from the lies their voices had told them because he truly believed that his voice had been the truth, and it seemed to give them hope, too.

Sammy passed  through the prison of ink creatures as he made his way to Joey’s sanctuary, where he now slept. A Charley was repeatedly banging its head against the bars of its cage. Lost ones wept. Ink stained every surface, making the brightly-lit room feel suffocatingly dark. Sammy was glad to phase through the wall into Joey’s sanctuary, where he could lie down on the couch and rest.

All this had to be leading to something. He couldn’t take it otherwise.

---

Sammy woke to the feeling of someone softly shaking him awake. He opened his eyes to see Jack, tears in his eyes and that disarming smile on his face.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” Jack asked gently.

Sammy, with a bit of difficulty, sat up and realized that he was in a hospital room, complete with an IV in his arm. He felt very weak, but also lighter- like a burden had been taken off of him. “Awful,” he admitted.

“Well, you want some good news? The ink is gone. All of it. You still have a lot of organ damage, but it’s nothing they can’t fix in a couple weeks. In other words, it’s over, Sammy. You’re gonna be okay.”

It took Sammy a half a minute to even process that. Once he did, though, he broke into tears of relief and hugged Jack as tightly as he could.

“Thank you. God, thank you for making me come here. You saved my life.”

Jack hugged him back. “Hey, I didn’t make you do anything. I know this took a lot of courage for you. And... I’m really glad you did it. I was so scared when I found you in your sanctuary. You were so sick... I thought I’d lose you. Sammy, I think I love you. But... we can talk about that later. Right now, you need to rest.”

“I love you, too.” Easiest words Sammy had ever said.

After a little more chatting, Jack left. Sammy wandered over to the bathroom to get a look at himself in the mirror. Admittedly, he didn’t look great. He looked like a person who’d narrowly survived a life-threatening illness, because that’s what he was. His skin was still pale and sunken, and he was still pretty gaunt, but the black veins, the bruise-like purple splotches on his skin, and even the staining in his mouth and his long, blond hair- it was gone. When Sammy woke, he would have given anything to see his human face again.

---Two years later---

As often happened whenever Sammy decided to play his banjo, a small crowd had gathered around him. Today, the crowd consisted of three lost ones, Jack (of course), a moderately ink-infected woman, and one of their last healthy men. The song Sammy was playing was "I’ll fly away.” He wasn’t singing it today, but he had sang it for his followers in the past, simply replacing the word, “God’s” with “his,” since “Bendy’s,” unfortunately, was two syllables.

“You know, it’s amazing how you can remember music like that,” said David, the only non-infected person in attendance. “I'm already forgetting the words to my favourite songs since it’s been so long since we’ve been able to just turn on a radio. How do you do it?”

Sammy would have smiled if he still had a mouth. “Well, a part of it is just natural ability,” Sammy admitted. “But. I have a secret to tell you. A part of it is faith. Faith can do great things. Collective faith in Bendy is the reason that we are the largest organization in this dimension. This village was built on faith. Faith keeps us united! Faith keeps us safe! And... faith allows me to to see into the old world every night when I close my eyes. I hope that all of you one day achieve that absolute belief that something in this world is good.”

“Heh. I’m trying. But all I have are nightmares of Bendy,” a lost one complained.

“Well, keep trying. Believe in his benevolence.” With that, Sammy got up and left for bed, patting Jack on the head on the way out. If only they knew that he used to be plagued by those same nightmares.

---

Sammy’s dream came in to form. He was on a bus, sitting next to Jack. Outside their window, snow was falling gently over a pretty,  snow-covered forest. For a while Sammy just sat in peace, holding Jack’s hand and enjoying the scenery.

“Excited to see your parents again? I know I can’t wait to meet them.”

Sammy nodded. “I can’t wait.” Sammy had always wanted to introduce Jack to his parents. He remembered that there was a strong reason why he hadn’t done it while he was alive, but he couldn’t remember what it was. “My Dad is going to love you. You’re a lot like him, you know. Do you remember why we didn’t do this sooner?”

“Because I’m a man,” Jack answered, totally calm.

“Oh!” Sammy had forgotten a lot about the outside world since his transformation, but nothing so big as the existence of homophobia. It was kind of alarming that the ink was affecting his brain that much. “God. I’m so... forgetful. I’ll just have to introduce you as my musical partner or something. It’s unconventional, but they've seen me do weirder.”

“You  know, Sammy, it’s like you got new lease on life after the ink incident. I love that. But yeah, you’re forgetting things left and right!” Jack teasingly jabbed him with his elbow.

“Yeah... Hey, can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” Jack said. Sammy worried what Jack would think, but looking into those calm brown eyes, he trusted him to not to react badly. And it would be nice to have one person he didn’t have to lie to.

“This is a dream. In the real world, I never got help for my ink infection, and now me and dozens of other people are trapped a dimension full of monsters. I’m holding a large band of people together by convincing them to collectively worship one of them. And you,” Sammy took a deep breath, “you’re there, too. But you haven’t had a coherent thought in years. I keep hoping that one day, we’ll make it out, and I’ll be able to confess to you and we’ll actually build a life like this. So... I’m forgetful because that ink is affecting my mind, and I’m happy because this world is my escape. And because you’re here, of course.” Sammy couldn’t meet Jack’s eyes. He’d probably just made himself sound like a lunatic.

Jack turned Sammy’s head to look at him. “Hey. I believe you. And... that sounds really rough. I wish I could help you.”

Sammy smiled. “Thanks. But you've been helping me all along.” Sammy laid his head on Jack’s shoulder. Maybe once the bus stopped, they’d get some hot chocolate and look at some shops before seeing his parents. It would be nice.

---

Sammy was violently shaken awake by a trio of searchers. More were behind them- as though half the village had crammed itself into his bedroom.

“Bendy is here!” one of them yelled. “What do we do?”

That was a good question. Sammy reached for his axe, but then he stopped. This was, according to the gospel he’d been feeding them, their saviour. “Go out to greet him,” Sammy instructed, trying not to sound as hesitant as he felt. “Bring him offerings of bacon soup. Bring everyone, even the Boris clones- they used to be human, too.”

The crowd of lost ones dispersed. Sammy watched with bated breath from the balcony of his lost-one village home as a massive crowd- lost ones, searchers, people both infected and healthy, and their three Boris clones- gathered along the ink river. Dozens of cans of bacon soup were placed along the river bank as an offering. Bendy stood on the other side of the river. Their drawbridge lowered, but Bendy decided instead to walk on the ink’s surface like the God they treated him as. The crowd gasped and made way. Bendy took an ink-infected man in one arm, stroked his cheek, and bit his face off.

Screams filled the air. People ran in all directions. Sammy was frozen for several seconds before he took action.

“Everyone! Run for cover! We have displeased him! I repeat, run for cover!” Sammy's booming, demonic voice covered the great distance it needed to. Upon seeing the people run and Bendy chase after them, Sammy himself slammed shut his doors and windows and listened in horror to the screams.

When it was over, all he could think to tell his people was that they needed to reconsider how they were paying tribute to the ink demon. If they changed their methods just a little, then the demon would be helpful instead of violent, and they would be freed.

To Sammy’s mixed relief, they actually believed it.

---

eleven years went by. Within the first three, every single flesh-and-blood person in the sketch dimension was infected, killed, or both, and became a lost one.

Their minds were rotting. Increasing numbers of lost ones struggled to remember anything about themselves or the outside world. Wandering aimlessly or resting in ink puddles, they were helpless as zombies.

But not Sammy. Sammy remained- comparatively, at least- as sharp as a whip, and told the lost ones tales so vivid about the outside world that they could almost taste its brilliance and freedom. Sammy only wished that Jack- the real Jack- could understand any of it.

There was nothing to do about that but what Sammy had been doing all along: keep the community together. Keep the lost ones moralized and sane. Figuratively and literally dream of a  better world. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Sammy didn’t want to forget a thing about the real world, but little pieces had fallen away, bit by bit. In his dreams, there were now places he couldn’t visit because he didn’t remember what they were like. His reflection in the mirror had become a human-shaped blur as he forgot his appearance. The same thing had happened to the faces of people he used to remember clear as day. One day, he would forget it all, too- just as everyone else had.

It was hard to keep hope.

One of Sammy’s dreams found him walking down a beach with Jack at his side. Sammy knew that the two of them had relocated at some point, but he didn’t know to where. His American geography was rather fuzzy at this point.

“Can I vent to you about the other world?” Sammy asked.

“Sure,” Jack said. Jack was one thing that Sammy’s memory hadn’t gone fuzzy on. Sammy still remembered every soft curve of his face, every freckle, every detail. His dark brown hair was starting to grey, but not because Sammy remembered him that way- it had been many years, and growing old together was part of the fantasy.

“Bendy came to the village again today. He killed a few lost ones and then left. People are losing faith in me and I don’t know how to get it back. And to make matters worse, a false prophet is going around saying we should worship the angel instead! She’d enslave us if we did that!" Sammy chucked a baseball-sized rock into the water, then composed himself a bit. “And you know, we’re all going to be mindless drones eventually. I’m thinking... maybe I won’t fight the false prophet. I could leave the village, hide in a vent, and spend as little time awake as possible. Ink creatures can sleep for days, you know. What do say? Can we stay like this forever? Enjoy this world until I lose my mind like all the rest?” Sammy took Jack’s hands and looked desperately into his eyes.

Jack hesitated, but by the look on his face, Sammy already knew what his answer would be. “I’m sorry. You know I have to say no. The lost ones need you.”

“But why am I the one who has to stay strong for them? I’m sick of it.”

“Because you’re the one who can. I know it isn’t fair, but you’re the reason they’ve been protecting each other. And it sounds like if you leave them now, they’ll throw themselves at Alice. Do it for them. And if you can’t bring yourself to care about them... do it for me. The real me. You still love him, right?”

“Of course...” Sammy probably would have done this sooner if he didn’t care about the well-being of his searcher friend.

Jack put a hand on Sammy’s shoulder. “I don’t know how, but you’ll get out some day. And in the meantime, I’m here.”

Sammy tried to think of some objection, but he couldn’t. He muttered a “thanks” and kept walking along the beach. Jack followed. It was, if nothing else, a beautiful night, and he might as well enjoy it.

“Jack... tell me what I look like. I don’t care that it’ll just be something you made up. Tell me anyhow.”

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[creacherkeeper]

AAAAA SAME ANON AND I LOVE UR THOUGHTS ON THIS AU SO MUCH!!!! hskdhdkdbd PLEASE ignore this if u don’t want to talk about this au of course, but honestly i only have more !!!!! about it with every piece of info. like the line about fabian and riz’s jaeger being “unstoppable. almost.” and about how adaine joins the fray specifically bc they’re down and adaine and aelwyn are the only ppl who can fill in their place right now. also how kristen is drift compatible with everyone im!!

NO NO NO IM SO HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!! like pacific rim really blessed us by not only being an AMAZING movie but also the best au fodder of all time??? god pacific rim au my beloved <3

some additional stuff because i cant stop:

i think ayda and adaine are totally drift compatible, but never tested together, as ayda only joined the program to pilot with fig

penelope, dayne, and ragh actually triple piloted until fig signed up. everyone thought it was better to separate penelope and dayne because they were ... not always team players when together. but after it came out everything that had been happening between dayne and ragh, that decision was heavily regretted. ragh got ... a lot of counseling after dayne was kicked out. when he was moved to combat trainer, he got a lot happier and became good friends with tracker, who'd been on base long enough to see everything go down

ayda and aelwyn actually knew each other in undergrad. aelwyn became friends with her mostly for strategic purposes, because she was the daughter of the head of the jaeger program and aelwyn wanted to build jaegers. ayda became friends with her because they were both the youngest in the STEM program and she was desperate for someone she could relate to, at least a little. they got along okay but didn't really keep in touch after graduation. they didn't start getting closer until aelwyn became a pilot, because then they COULD actually relate to each other, as scientists-turned-fighters

ayda still found out she was autistic through jawbone, once she finished school and came to base to study kaiju. she opened up to him about how hard it was to relate to her peers, and he was like kiddo youre probably autistic?? like over half of the scientists here are?? and she was like. OH. after everythings over and fig goes back to being a musician, she donates a lot of her touring profits to autistic-led advocacy groups because like. she's literally felt what it's like to live with an autistic brain, and it makes her the biggest ally of all time (and ayda being a very prominent autistic scientist AND pilot actually does like. SO MUCH for autism acceptance. she frequently gives lectures on fig's touring routes)

after they close the breach, fabian gets into a huge blowout fight with bill. cause bill makes his money by selling kaiju parts, so without the kaiju, he doesn't have a job. and by that point fabian has had enough distance and experience that he's like. i would have died for you but i fucking made a name for myself that was better than anything you've ever tried to do, now i get to live for me. and even though he wasn't expecting it, bill actually completely accepts and supports that

yeah so pok actually died cause he got eaten by a kaiju after drifting with one using the pons system he invented. its extremely difficult to hear but riz is also like. that is the most badass thing ive ever fucking heard oh my god (they name the neuroscience program at riz's college after pok. sklonda starts law school there the year after they close the breach)

kristen literally proposes to tracker the day after they close it, barely conscious, with a giant hole in her chest, from her hospital bed. everyone is like. my dude. tracker thinks its extremely romantic

(they end up adopting a bunch of kids who were orphaned because of kaiju attacks)

gorgug goes to college and becomes a high school social studies teacher. zelda runs a local gym. they have an extremely quiet life and are happy to, most of the time, not be noticed or bothered. every once in a while an extremely nerdy kid will recognize gorgug's PARENTS as jaeger mechanics and completely ignore gorgug and zelda thinks its hilarious

after they close the breach, the abernant parents reach out to BOTH aelwyn and adaine to ask them to come back home to visit and be celebrated. and theyre like. mmmm fuck that actually?? but adaine does have a BIT of an existential crisis cause shes like OKAY WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?? they actually end up getting a little apartment together somewhere and aelwyn pays the bills as an engineer making advanced prosthetics. she encourages adaine to just try out as much as possible, and she takes a ton of classes at the community college, the community center, and at various local businesses. but its actually jawbone who inspires her to go back for another degree and become a psych researcher. she makes waves in the trauma and ptsd field

theyre all pretty happy that kalvaxis, category iv, and nightmare, category v, got blown to hell at the bottom of the ocean

[penguintransporter]

Daisies (a short “anyone you want it to be with” story) Part III

part I | part II | my masterlist

Third part of this mini series. Things seem to be going for the better @avenirdelight​ ;) Thanks or all the lovely comments I have gotten, and I hope you will enjoy this one as well. Please, like it, reblog it (this is very important, not only to me but to other writers as well) and tell me what you think (anons you are always welcome.) 🌼

No matter how many memories one person creates in their life, only a handful of them stick to one’s brain like no other, building a colourful storybook of scenes that we love and cherish, and to which we go back to when we are happy or sad, scared or lonely or as we lay in our beds – alone with the universe in the silence of the night. 

Every page and every section of the particular storybook has its deeper meaning to each individual; it carries a certain weight or a message, and we can label them with a year, a month and a day; sometimes even time.

In his own storybook, somewhere between the memories of his first kiss and the first goal he had scored as a professional footballer, there is a page – crumpled and ruffled around the edges. Read many times – over and over again.

A rainy Tuesday in October.

Cold, whistling wind, miserable sky, and with rain bathed umbrellas.

Soaked socks in fashionable trainers. People walking faster than usual along the streets, hopping over puddles – arms hugging the coats and jackets tighter.

Monochrome painted clouds, like a paper soaked in watercolours. With condensation smudged windshield screen.

The memory of meeting her for the first time – crystal clear and omnipresent like a rerun of the movie he had watched many times before, but is never able to get enough from the story line.

He remembers being happy to get away from the weather and the rain that was washing away all the dirt from the streets, and although it took him just five quick steps from where he had parked his car to his teammate’s doors, as he stepped under the covered porch, his shoulders were soaked and he had few droplets of rain sliding down from the tip of his nose.

Vivid.

Every movement and every sound; the amount of shoes in the corner of the hallway when he opened the doors to let himself in, as he did many times before. The smell of coffee and food, rich and hearty at the same time, wrapping its arms around his nostrils as he shrugged of his parka.

The loud sound of the doors as they closed by itself; his name being called above the loud chatter and music. The banter that kept going as he walked in on a group of familiar and unfamiliar faces, shapes and silhouettes.

A lazy scratch of his hand along the back and the head of his mate’s dog.

First glance towards her.

Dressed in a thick jumper, black jeans and daises-patterned socks, she was leaning against the kitchen island that divided the two equally modern rooms – a wooden spoon in her hand.

Smile on her face as she looked back at him after saying something to one of the unfamiliar faces.

Did he expect a different reaction? Yes. Did he expect her to shy away as many girls have before when they realised who he was? As vain it sounded, yes.

She didn’t.

“Come,” she said with a smile, beckoning him over, “I want you to taste something.”

Confused, he remembers racking his brain for something – a name to put together with a picture; a voice.

“Do we know each other? Are you…?”

“No, and probably not,” she grinned, stepping behind the sleek stovetop, “it’s a bit sad that we don’t know each other, but that’s good, because I need someone neutral here.” She took a clean spoon from the container before passing it out to him, and he mimicked her moves, looking down at the red liquid that simmered in the large pot in front of them. “Try, and tell me if something’s missing. Salt? Acidity? Something else? You dress like you know what you’re doing, so I trust you more than I trust that bellend in that ridiculous Gucci labelled shirt,” she spoke louder, looking at his teammate with a silly smirk.

He glanced at her face as she rambled away before looking down in the pot again – the red sauce looking as inviting as it smelled, and with a shrug, he scooped some of it before trying it.

Savoury and a bit sour and with just a hint of something he couldn’t put his finger on. It tasted like knowledge, patience, love, and above all, it tasted like home.

Word by word, laughter after laughter.

Another scoop, another bite, a grind of pepper above his plate before she sat next to him at the long dining table.

Breadcrumbs on his lap.

“Memories are dangerous things. You turn them over and over, until you know every touch and corner, but still you'll find an edge to cut you,” said Mark Lawrence, and whenever he finds himself going back to that rainy Tuesday in October, he cuts himself on the edge of the memory over and over again, and the realisation of his actions hurts him more than the relieved moment.

That day, he should have fallen in love with her.

**

He was known to be a talkative man, but this time he was an observer.

As he quietly sits in front of his laptop, he feels the knot in his throat tighten ever so slightly with every passing second of a video-call to which he was invited to, just a week prior.

A sleepless week filled with either thinking, wondering or regretting yet another night he spent sleeping with a girl that liked roses more than she liked daisies.

Smiles, happy nods, and laughter.

A gasp, with disbelief laced ‘what’s’, and a string of ‘my God’s’; shake of the head.

He wants to speak, wants to engage in the conversation, and to show that he cares, that he misses her more than he thought he ever would; so much that he it scares him sometimes. As he wipes his sweaty palms against his trousers, he wonders when did something that usually came natural to him became more difficult than anything else.

Because he feels guilty for not answering her calls and messages for the past few weeks? Because he knows that once the call is over, the melancholy will knock on the doors to keep the company to the sadness of knowing that she is miles away? 

He doesn’t know the answer, but he feels it.

So he stays quiet and listens to her as she talks, watches her move her hands around as she speaks about her new home, the nature and the weather, her noisy neighbours, and the new bicycle she has bought at the local market. 

He stays quiet, like a passerby, insignificant and tucked away in some kind of a daydream as she shows them painting she has found in the basement of the house she is renting, and he stays quiet when she expresses a wish to get herself a cat.

She seems happy.

Happier than when she still was around him.

Relaxed and liberated. 

Healed.

Away from the heartbreak he had caused.

Once again, he finds himself wiping his hands against his trousers, and without looking away from the screen, he reaches out to take a sip of his coffee. The burn on his tongue stops his train of thoughts and he slams the mug against the desk – liquid slushing over the lip of the container and drips down on the wooden surface, creating a small pool of brown liquid.

A profanity that leaves his mouth stops the happy chatter – he never liked swearing out loud, and as soon as it happens, all eyes are on him. He feels naked, stripped of everything; uneasy and anxious – as if he was running for the goal during an important match.

“You okay?” she asks, but he doesn’t know what to say. Her voice is soft, filled with compassion.

He looks at her, and for the first time since she left, he lets himself believe that he still had the chance; that there was something; one single ember that refuses to die down.

But he knows he needs to say something.

Was this the most important match in his life?

Was he running for the opponents goal or is he about to auto-goal himself?

“When can I visit?” he asks as he puts a smile on his face, leaning back in his chair.

The silence; thick, knife-cutting silence.

His friends look at him, confusion and surprise written all over their faces.

But not hers.

She’s smiling at him, and he feels his heart fill with hope.

__

“Whenever you want.”

__

Part IV

tags: @rosie7703, @emwritesfootball, @avenirdelight, @alexajanecollins, @afootballimagines, @footballcloud , @englishfairylights @footballerimaginess , @footballxwrites, @just-imagines, @emwritesfootball, @macybeckham7, @hnrfc

if i forgot someone, let me know, or if you want to be tagged, also let me know... 

[brywrites]

Flight Risk X

Summary: An answer to the age old CM question, “who’s flying the plane?” And the story of a pilot and a profiler. Part X: In which a profiler and a pilot find a safe place to land, and in which our story comes to a close.

(Series Masterlist) ( Previous |  Next )

--------------------------

“It’s a serial poisoning case,” Garcia explains. “And Reid, he got poisoned somehow. He’s at the hospital now and they’re gonna give him an antitoxin but he’s still unconscious. Morgan’s there now but the team really needs him back in the field and I just didn’t know who else to call.”

Y/N swallows past the lump in her throat and says, “Tell me where to go and I’ll be there.”

“Oh my god thank you thank you thank you,” she sighs. “I’m sending you the address now and I’ll make sure they put you on his visitor list.”

When she hangs up Arthur asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Reid’s been poisoned,” she says, and she hates the quiver in her voice. “He’s at the hospital. They need someone to stay with him.”

“I’ll come with you,” he says.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this alone.” Before she can argue he puts cash down on the table to cover their order and is ushering her out the door. The hospital Reid is at is mere feet away from the The Graduate and in that moment she loves that stupid tacky motel with her entire heart.

A nurse leads the two of them to the correct room, where Morgan is waiting outside. “Hey mama,” he says, offering a tired smile. Then, with a polite nod to Arthur, “Captain.”

“Is he okay?” she asks.

“He will be. This unsub is poisoning people using various coffee shops, and Pretty Boy here bought a cup at the most recent target this morning. They just gave him the antitoxin so he should be waking up soon. That stuff does a real number on the body though, so he’ll be feeling pretty bad when he does. But I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. Just keep us posted, okay?”

“Okay,” she says. Morgan heads out to find the team and she walks into the room. There are two plastic chairs so she and Arthur sit together at the side of the hospital bed where Reid currently lies. He looks a little more pale than usual, though if it weren’t for the IVs and the hospital gown she would think that maybe he was just sleeping. Looking as peaceful as he did the morning she found him asleep on her couch.

“It’s a dangerous job,” Y/N says quietly.

“It is,” Arthur agrees. This is their greatest fear each time they fly away on a case. That one of the agents they transport will wind up hurt or hospitalized or worse. That all their passengers won’t come back to them safe and sound. “I’ve been flying these agents around for fourteen years. Agent Morgan seems to be injured the most, but when Doctor Reid is hurt it always seems to be something extreme. On more than one occasion I didn’t think he would ever set foot on this plane again.”

The words unnerve her. There’s still so much she doesn’t know about Spencer, in spite of all their conversations and meetings and stories.

“It’s not easy to care for people you know will get hurt someday,” he says. “But that hasn’t stopped you from loving him.” Y/N turns to him wide-eyed, her cheeks burning. The captain chuckles. “Please, Y/L/N, I don’t need to be a profiler in order to see what’s happening between the two of you.”

She sighs and turns her gaze to Spencer. “I know you think I’m making a mistake.”

“Not at all.”

“But you kept warning me not to get close to the BAU, and I didn’t listen to you at all.”

“Martin and I always kept to ourselves when we flew together. We did so because the agents were not always interested in talking, and because it was difficult to become friends with people we knew were constantly in danger. One day there was a case in Boston. Six of them died. It felt like we had flown them there like lambs to the slaughter. It has always been easier for me to keep my distance and to do my job. But I can see that it’s different for you.”

She can’t imagine. Six agents. As it currently stands that would be the entire team.

“You need to feel connected to people,” he continues. “Even if it means this job is harder. That’s not a mistake. And in all the years this man has been on my plane, I’ve never seen him smile at someone the way he smiles at you.”

“Coffee.” The words are barely a mumble, but they immediately jolt the two pilots out of their conversation. Spencer shakes his head slightly. “It’s in the coffee beans,” he mutters. He turns his head and he blinks awake with heavy eyes that can’t seem to focus, but she swear he looks at her. “Angel,” he sighs. And then his eyes close once more and his heart rate returns to a slower, steady rhythm. She looks at Arthur, completely befuddled. He simply shrugs, not knowing what to make of that any more than she does.

There is a knock at the door and a doctor in a white coat steps into the room. “Could I speak to one of you for a moment?” she asks. “There’s some paperwork that needs to be filled out if you wouldn’t mind.”

“I can do it,” Y/N says. Arthur promises to keep a good eye on the good Doctor, and so she follows this doctor out into the hallway, glancing back at Spencer one last time as she does so.

----

His head feels fuzzy. Everything is a haze. All he knows for sure is that his body aches all over. Oh. That must be the poison. He remembers when it began to affect him, and suddenly it all made sense. He tried to tell the team but the world went dark before he could explain. It wasn’t just in the coffee, it had to do with the coffee beans. The bags the shops were using to make their coffee. That’s why they couldn’t trace it back to one single location. He needs to tell them, they need to know, but everything is just so hazy. So confusing. For a moment the world doesn’t feel dark – it feels blindingly bright and he has a sense of urgency, a need to be awake. He tries to open his eyes but everything is just light. He turns his head. There is a figure dressed in white. It looks like her. That can’t be right. They’re not speaking these days. It must be angel. He doesn’t believe in such things, but what other explanation is there? It may just be his brain playing visual tricks on him but that trick must be an angel. His angel.

But then his eyes feel so heavy. Sleep would be nice. He slips back into the haze.

Reid isn’t sure how much time has passed when he suddenly jolts out of the fuzzy feeling. He’s asleep but he’s in a bed and everything hurts and he should probably try to open his eyes. With much effort, he does. He blinks at the bright light of the hospital room – he’s been in enough to recognize immediately where he is. If he’s alive, that means they got the antitoxin to him in time. Which means his team has figured out what’s happening, and he can just breathe easy now. Or as easily as his aching lungs will let him.

Someone clears their throat. There’s almost always a member of his team waiting with him, but he’s surprised to turn and see Captain Dobson sitting there beside him. Reid nearly jumps, the heart rate monitor spiking to emphasize his confusion.

“You’re alright, Doctor Reid,” he says. “Everything’s fine. You’re in a hospital. You were poisoned.”

“I know,” he says, his voice raspy. “It was… the poison was in the-”

“Coffee beans?” the captain finishes. “You were saying something about it before you woke up.”

“I must’ve been dreaming then. I remember thinking about the coffee. And I thought I saw an angel. But that doesn’t make any sense.”

But then the door opens and Y/N steps into the room in a white dress and cream-colored cardigan and it absolutely does. “Hi,” he says, sitting up in the bed.

“Hi,” she replies sheepishly.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Arthur says, standing up from his chair. He and Y/N make eye contact briefly before he steps out of the room, closing the door behind him.

After a moment of awkward hesitation, she sits down next to him in one of the plastic chairs. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I made things weird between us.”

“I think we both did,” she says. “But no matter how much I try to pretend that I don’t care about you, when Garcia called me I was so scared.” Her voice shakes. “I thought I might never get to see you again and that the last thing I ever said to you was to leave me alone.”

“I was scared too,” he admits. “I missed you.” He missed every conversation, missed the sound of her laugh, missed the promise of a free weekend meaning he could spend a little more time with her. Even if it would only hurt him in the end, he wanted to see her.

“How did this even happen?” she asks.

“Morgan and I were revisiting the last known locations of the victims. I wanted to get coffee before we drove back to the precinct. The closest place was called Café Coco. I figured it was safe because I watched the barista grind a fresh bag of coffee beans before brewing my cup and she never added anything to it, but before we could even finish giving the profile I was out.”

“Café Coco?” she asks. “I went there this morning.”

“What?” Reid gasps. Panic surges through him, the adrenaline countering the exhaustion he feels. Oh this can’t be good. Did she drink the same coffee? How much did she drink? Is there enough antitoxin in supply? This is it, this is proof that the moment he starts to love someone the universe conspires to strike them down. “We need to tell a doctor, we need to-”

She puts her hand on his. “Spencer, it’s okay. I didn’t get coffee. I ordered tea. For some reason I just... felt like caffeine wasn’t a good idea.” He stares at her and he has absolutely no words. The panic ebbs and gives way to a stunned quiet. Because this is new. This isn’t anything he’s prepared for. Y/N waltzed right through the heart of danger and was unscathed. Maybe, just maybe, the universe has spared her. Maybe this time he gets to be happy after all. Maybe there is still one thing he can love without ruining.

But then he remembers. And his chest aches for a reason that has nothing at all to do with the poison. “It’s not fair,” he says quietly.

“What’s not fair?” she asks.

“I care about you and you’re okay. And that’s never happened before, but it doesn’t matter because you’re leaving.”

“What do you mean?”

“The IRT job,” Reid says. “Your dream job.”

“I didn’t take it.”

“You didn’t?” Now he’s confused. “But why? Y/N, you said it was your dream.”

“I didn’t take it. I mean, I still have to give them an official answer, but I’ve known my decision for a while now. I knew the moment you walked away. I thought a job like that was the only thing I wanted. But lately I’ve started to question that. And when you told me about the people you’ve lost and how much you missed them, I knew for sure. I want to fly,” she insists. “I want to be in the air and in a plane and loving the sky. But I want a home, too.”

Her eyes are shining and the soft smile on her face as she speaks makes all the pain fade when he’s looking at her. “I’ve been flying for a long time. But I’ve never had a place to call home like this before. With Yeeqin and all of our friends. With Arthur. With the BAU. And with you,” she adds. “Even without you, I finally feel like I have a place where I belong, and I don’t want to lose that. My airplane heart has been circling for a long time. I think it’s about time I found a safe place to land.”

“I can be that,” he says without thinking. But he means it. “I can be that, if you’ll let me.”

“Do you want that?” she asks.

“Yes. Very much so. When I realized what was happening to me in the precinct, I was thinking about a lot of things. About the coffee beans and my team and what they needed to figure out. But I thought about you, too. I wasn’t sure what would happen but I was afraid I would never get the chance to tell you that I missed you and that I was wrong. That I felt it too, that I felt so deeply for you. And I still do.”

She laces her fingers through his and he’s never held hands with someone like this before but god does it feel so right. “Flying was my first love,” she tells him. “And I never thought I would find anything that felt as magical as the moment a plane lifts off the ground. But you do. Every time you look at me it’s like that. Like gravity doesn’t matter anymore. Like everything is a little bit lighter.”

While he has never quite fallen in love with flying the same way, Reid knows exactly what she means. Every second he’s with her is like finishing his favorite book. Each time he makes her smile he feels like he’s solved the most important puzzle in history. She’s the first chemical reaction he completed, the first equation he solved. All that and more.

“I think,” he says, “that’s how love is supposed to make you feel.” And maybe it’s too soon and maybe it’s too much but he’s nearly told her once already and he just doesn’t think he can bear to hold the words in his chest any longer. “I love you.”

Her face absolutely lights up. “I love you, too,” she says. And he wants so badly to kiss her but with the mess of the IVs and cannula and monitors he can’t turn to do so he just squeezes her hand a little tighter and they sit there grinning at each other feeling like the luckiest people on the planet.

“So,” she says. “You, um, thought I was an angel?”

A laugh escapes his lips. “Well, yes. But I still kind of think you are.”

---

That evening Arthur grabs both of their bags from the Graduate so that she can wait with Spencer while he’s discharged. The doctors caution that there may be some aftereffects over the next twenty-four hours and send him with medication in the event anything changes during the flight back. The three of them ride over together to the airport to meet the rest of the team and head home. All of their passengers are accounted for. Everything is okay. Even so, she doesn’t let go of his hand the whole ride, and can’t stop from asking him each time he winces if he’s feeling alright.

They arrive at the hangar soon enough. Spencer rubs circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’ll be alright,” he assures her, noticing the worry on her face. “It’s not even two hours. The team will keep an eye on me and we’ll see each other soon.”

“I’ll just get changed and then be ready to prepare for takeoff,” Y/N tells Arthur.

“Actually, that won’t be necessary,” he replies.

“What do you mean?” The captain has always been strict about the Bureau mandated dress code.

“I told you that I need you focused when we’re flying. And I know that your thoughts are elsewhere at the moment, so I called an old friend in Nashville. Sheila will fly as my co-pilot tonight so that you can stay close to him. I think it’s what you both need.”

Despite all of their formalities, Y/N throws her arms around him in a hug. “Thank you,” she says. “Thank you so much.”

“And Y/L/N? About the IRT offer,” he adds. “Malik and I have been talking. He’s retiring this year and there’s a lot of things on our bucket list we have yet to do. I’ve been thinking that perhaps it’s time for me to do the same. Spend some time traveling for enjoyment with my husband rather than crossing the country multiple times a month. And if I were to retire, I would want you to succeed me. If you’d be interested, of course.”

“Really?”

He smiles. “I think you’ve found something good here. And it would be a shame to leave that behind. But I also think it’s time you were promoted – and time I took a page from Martin’s book and enjoyed the time I have with the person I love most.”

“Of course. Yes, yes absolutely.”

“Then it’s settled,” he says, putting his cap on. “I’m glad you didn’t listen to me all those month ago.” He disappears into Geff, and she bounds back over to Spencer.

“Arthur called in a favor,” she says. “So that I could ride home with you, if that’s okay?”

“That is more than okay,” he tells her, grinning. And it’s such a perfect smile that she can’t help herself. She leans in and presses her lips to his and he reciprocates immediately, his hands gently cupping her face and it’s all too brief but all so wonderful and when he pulls away the grin has shifted to dazed, blissful smile that she is certain mirrors the look on her own face.

“Well damn,” Morgan says behind them. “Garcia’s gonna be so mad she wasn’t here to witness that.” Kate elbows him and Spencer turns beet red but the smile never fades.

She’s been in the cabin plenty of times before, but she’s never flown. It’s an incredibly nice interior and they sit side by side in seats that are more comfortable than she’s imagined. Geff speeds down the runway and Spencer holds her hand, her head on his shoulder and his head against hers just like that night on the couch. They lift up into the clear blue air and it’s still so magical and this feeling is still so magical and she doesn’t know how it could possibly get better than this.

---

“Are you ready Doctor?” she asks. “You look a little nervous.”

Reid looks at her. “Y/N, angel, you know I trust you. I’ve just never been in a plane this size before.” After three months, the BAU has taken down the trafficking ring, Kate has taken a leave of absence, and everyone has been given a week off to take a much-needed break. And his girlfriend has convinced him to spend one day of that week in a tiny prop plane with her. She insists that there’s nothing quite like being in the cockpit when the plane takes off, and this is the best way to experience it.

They sit side by side in the small cockpit of the plane, the sky above them a perfect clear blue. She has already run through the preflight checklist, identifying all the valves and instruments she’ll need in a matter of seconds. “It’ll be okay,” she promises, turning the key. “Headset on.” He puts it on as instructed, ensuring that they’ll be able to communicate with one another despite the roar of the engine. She pumps the throttle and the engines and front propeller spring to life.

“Charlie Mike eleven ready for takeoff,” she says into the microphone.

“Charlie Mike, proceed to two,” he hears from the headset.

“Charlie Mike proceeding to two.”

“Winds one ninety at fifteen, Charlie Mike cleared for takeoff.”

“Here we go,” she says with a grin. Reid holds tighter to his seat as she turns the plane down the runway. She puts the break on just at the turn and her hands work away at the switches and instruments faster than he can keep track of. The engine roars louder and the propeller becomes just a blur before them. They advance down the runway faster and faster, her hand on the throttle, and the asphalt is coming to an end, the grass approaching and he braces himself but then she pulls the yoke down and just like that they are up in the air. So smooth it’s hard to believe, as the burden of gravity seems to fall away. He stares out over the window as they go up and up, the horizon stretching out before them, falling open like an invitation. Like magic.

It’s incredible.

He turns to look at Y/N and she wears an awestruck smile, staring straight ahead and while he’s seen her near Geff so many times and he knows how flying works, it is something else entirely to see her in her element like this. And he thinks that she too, is like magic.

Reid can see how she must have fallen in love with this. The lightness and wonder of it all, the way the world looks from up above. The sensation of lift and defying the pull of the earth.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she asks.

“It is,” he says, though he’s only partly focusing on the view.

She turns to glance at him and the sunlight on her face and the glow of happiness she wears makes her simply radiant. He thinks back to what she said in Nashville all those months ago. It’s true after all – this is what love feels like. With her, it doesn’t feel like falling at all. It’s like liftoff. It’s like soaring. Up in the air above all odds, with nothing but open sky and sunshine and that weightless wonderful sensation.

It makes sense to him now, why J.M. Barrie wrote that the secret to flying was thinking happy thoughts. He’s sure that by now he’s collected enough with her to keep him high for a very long time.

Three months he has let himself love her. Three months and he is happier than ever. Three months and she is still safe. Three months and love doesn’t feel like such a flight risk anymore. Love is a safe place to land.

[Thank you for reading Flight Risk. Please check around your seat for any personal belongings and use caution when opening the overhead bins, for any feelings you stowed there may have shifted during the flight. If you can, we’d be pleased if you take a moment to share your feedback with our pilots on the way out with a ‘like’ ‘reply’ ‘reblog’ or ‘message’. And on behalf the author, and the entire cast of characters on this flight, thank you for joining us. We hope to see you on board again in the future!]

[jpegjade]

When the Party’s Over - Spencer

WHY IS THIS THE LONGEST THING IVE WRITTEN???? probably bc drunk me is wordy. i do talk a lot when i’m drunk and it gets on people’s nerves. i just really love you guys. i was sad when i wrote this, really sad, and it’s the first “smut”???? ive ever written. so here we go frens and ferns. 

warnings: uuuhhhh smut???

________________

When the night started, you were at Rossi’s house, getting drunk with the team. It was right after a hard case, difficult on everyone’s psyche so Rossi invited everyone over to relax in the usual way. After pasta and drinks, most of the team was still there while Spencer offered to drive you home since you were not in the shape to drive and he was the only one who opted for water instead of alcohol. He was beat but he wasn’t in the mood to drink tonight. 

Spencer was being a good friend but he had his motives. He wanted to talk to you in the car. You weren’t so drunk that you wouldn’t remember the conversation but your inhibitions were lowered enough to be truly and completely honest with him so you were the slightest bit tipsy but not drunk. You were 100% lucid and could think for yourself but you took the excuse to drink some of the smirnoff you brought and keep going. 

He wasn’t planning for it to happen like this but you were being very outspoken to everyone at the party so he figured it was time to get you home before you were out of a job after calling Hotch, “Hotchner the Grouch.” They found it funny but Spencer knew that you could go wrong easily. 

“Spencer Reid.” You said, staring at him. “I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be as honest as I’m being right now.” 

“Okay. I promise to be honest.” Spencer said, a little nervous. He chuckled anyway because you were so adamant that he answered honestly. 

“Do you like me?” You asked, suddenly very serious. 

“Y/n, you’re my best friend. Of course I like you.” Spencer tried to give you an answer that wouldn’t expose his real thoughts. 

For the past few months, Spencer thought about you a lot. It caused him to avoid you a little bit but you wouldn’t let him stray too far away from you. You kept texting him outside of the team group chat. You continued inviting him over for dinner. You never relented on checking in with his mental health. You never gave up on your relationship with him. 

 You were so focused on his jawline that your hand worked by itself, poking his face. He smiled and made the turn into your apartment complex’s parking lot and parked. 

“While I appreciate the validation of our friendship, that’s not what I mean and you know it.” You said, very serious. 

Spencer looked over at you, nervous to answer. He swallowed and took a shaky breath. 

“Y/n, is it really important?” Spencer tried to avoid the conversation. 

He opened the door and got out, walking quickly around to your side of the car to open the door. He didn’t have to but he wanted to. It’s always what he did. 

“Yes, it’s important, Spencer. I want to know.” You bumped shoulders with him as the two of you walked to your apartment on the third floor. 

Spencer sighed. 

“Yes, I like you. A lot…” You and Spencer arrived at your door, handing you your keys. 

You just stood there, staring up at Spencer. You reached up to touch his hair. It was so soft… You wrapped your fingers around one of the curls and smiled. Spencer stood there, nose ghosting over yours. 

“Do you want to come in?” It was barely audible but it was there. 

“I shouldn’t. You’re not sober. Unless you just want to hang out.” He said, looking at his wing tip shoes. 

“Spencer, get in here. I have literally been waiting almost a whole year for you to say that.” You pulled him to you by his tie and kissed him. 

*****

It was tentative at first. It tasted like spearmint gum. Spencer wasn’t chewing any at the moment so you guessed that he had been chewing it earlier. You liked that. It was refreshing. Slowly, Spencer got more comfortable with the kiss and relaxed and got more involved. It was sweet and gentle and soft. You felt his hands in your hair and felt the gentle pull and you released an involuntary moan. You could feel Spencer smile, the two of you momentarily breaking apart. 

Breaking apart left you speechless and in a daze. It was almost like you were in a fog but your head was clear. You were more than ready to do what you had been thinking about with Spencer for the past year. Some part of you needed this release while the other part of you needed him. 

“So inside?” You said. “The apartment, I mean.” 

“Yeah.” Spencer said, just as dazed.

Getting in the door was a task by itself. You and Spencer tried to go in at the same time and it was quite awkward but he let you go in first. 

You closed the door behind you, pressing your back to the cold surface. Scanning Spencer’s face, you saw that he was staring at your lips. 

“Do you want to continue here or should we...” He asked, looking back up at your eyes. 

“You tell me. I’ll let you take control tonight.” You said, smirking. 

Spencer clenched and unclenched his jaw nervously before licking his lips. You always liked when he did that. He wore chapstick but he never did it for anything other than a sign that he was thinking. 

“I haven’t been in your apartment before.” He said, gingerly. He smiled as you took his hand, guiding him to your bedroom. 

You grabbed your cat off the bed, putting it outside the bedroom and shooing it away. The cat sauntered around to find somewhere else to sleep. 

“Are we really about to do this?” Spencer asked, looking at you on the bed. 

Laying back on the bed, half of you held up by your elbows, you marveled at Spencer. The light from your hallway illuminated his silhouette very nicely. You could see the curves of his arms and his slender frame very clearly. 

“Do you want to do it?” You said, tilting your head a little bit. 

“Yeah, a lot.” Spencer said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. 

He had dreamed about this moment, literally, but he didn’t know he would be so nervous. He didn’t think it would ever happen. He never imagined you’d be laying in front of him like this. 

“Then drop the pants and I’ll drop to my knees,” You smirked. 

“Do you mind if we skip that part?” Spencer said not really in the mood for a blow job. 

It wasn’t that he was opposed to it, it’s just that he didn’t want to think of you like that yet. He felt like those experiences were for days where there wasn’t much time. Tonight, you had all the time in the world.

“You’re telling me you don't want my mouth on your dick?” You said, confused. 

You stood up, getting close to Spencer. You started unbuckling his belt and he audibly swallowed. He was nervous, not because of you but because he wanted this to go right. There was pressure when it came to something so intimate for the first time with someone. He felt your hands on his hips once you got his belt undone. 

“Shoes on or off?” He asked. 

“I’m taking my shoes off, obviously.” You said, already flipping them off. “Oh, you mean you. Well depends on what you want to do. You can bend me over the side of the bed, fuck me from behind, and call it a night. Or, if you want to draw it out, you can climb on top of me and fuck me in the bed. Oh, there’s also shower sex if you feel gross. Wouldn’t recommend it because it’s slippery and counterproductive to me getting wet.” You were rambling off some of the many fantasies and logistics that you’d thought about over the past year. You had thought about it a lot. 

Spencer kissed you. He just wanted you to take a breath because the more you talked about what you thought about, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about all the ways he wanted to make love to you, the more he just wanted to get started. 

“Spencer, please pick somewhere because I’m literally struggling to keep it together.” You said in a low tone. 

“Clothes off, on the bed, legs open. I’ve got you tonight, baby.” Spencer said with a little more confidence. 

“Yes, sir.” You said, getting undressed. 

Spencer watched you but at the same time, he got dressed down to his boxers. Staring at you, he wondered how you were able to stay so calm on the outside right now. He didn’t usually have the sex drive as high as this moment. His body was on fire with desire and excitement but he was trying so hard to contain it. 

You laid down in the bed, just like Spencer told you to. He flipped on the light and you protested lightly with a groan and covered your face with both hands. 

“I want to watch you come all over me and lose complete control of your body. I can’t do that in the dark.” He said, walking over to the bed. 

“Well damn. Look at you, Spence. Actually showing some confidence. About damn time.” You said, smiling. You loved confident Spencer in all aspects of life, not just here. There was something about him that made you...want to be laid out in front of him, completely naked like you were now. 

“I honestly don’t know where I want to start…” Spencer said. Climbing onto the bed, he did the first thing that came to mind. 

“What’s your line?” He said, kissing your inner thigh, right above your knee. 

“Fuck, uh…” You never really thought of it in relation to Spencer. “Just don’t kill me.” You nervously chuckled. 

More thigh kisses. You wanted to grab your phone and put on some background music but it was just out of reach and Spencer’s arms looped through your legs and pinned your waist down to the bed. His grip was pretty firm. 

“Spence, can we…” A deep moan cut you off and slipped out your mouth when you felt his mouth finally where you wanted him. 

“Hmm?” Spencer looked up at you while his mouth went to work. The vibrations sent shockwaves up your body. 

“Holy shit. More.” You said. More was what he gave you, slipping in two fingers that matched the tempo that his mouth set. 

You were almost there, Spencer’s hair firmly in your hand and his name tumbling from your lips like a prayer, when Spencer slowed down and all together stopped. 

“I swear to god the room better be of fire.” You said, gritting your teeth. You were so, so close and he was being a tease. 

“You’re being a brat, baby. I promise I’ll give you exactly what you’re looking for.” Spencer said, looking for a towel.

“Don’t be a wuss. Kiss me.” You said, drawing his attention away from his towel search. He was nervous that you wouldn’t want to kiss him after he just went down on you. Crawling on top of you, he just stared at your features before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to you. 

You hated breaking apart from kissing him, you really did. It left you in a daze, making the light seem a little too bright for your eyes. He rushed over to his satchel, digging in its contents to find the condom Morgan gave him for emergency purposes as a joke one day. Who knew it would come in handy. 

“Are you ready?” You asked Spencer. He chuckled. 

“I was just about to ask if you were ready.” Spencer went back to being a little awkward. He was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with you. 

“Spencer are you sure you don’t want me to help you out?” You asked, watching him shift as he got rid of his underwear. 

“I think I’m okay.” He said, blushing. 

“Okay well let me know if… Spencer, what the fuck?” You asked, looking down, between the two of you. “And you expect me to take all of that?” 

“Is it bad? I know I’m not like other guys but…” Spencer grew a little shy. 

“No, just work your magic because you’re different than most guys. Spence, just be confident because you are very special.” You said, hoping it helped him come back out of his shell. 

“Breathe, okay? It might be a little… Much.” Spencer said, lining himself up with you. 

“I’m fi…” You were cut off as he gently pushed into you. “Holy shit!” Was all you could breathe out while you tried to catch your breath. Much was an understatement with what you felt from Spencer just barely being inside of you.

He paused to let you adjust but it was tough. You could feel yourself stretching when he started moving a little more to help you relax. He took your leg and hitched it around his waist, making you gasp in shock. That was a completely new sensation that sped up your heart rate even faster, your head getting slightly dizzy. 

“Stay with me, darling, okay?” He whispered in your ear. 

If you weren’t all in with Spencer before, your feelings were definitely there now. 

The pace he set was slow and gentle, soft and delicate like he didn’t want to break you. It was just like you imagined it. Your hands intertwined with Spencer’s as he treated you so kindly. You felt pressure just below your stomach and it was like you couldn’t do anything but shut your eyes and let your body feel it. 

“Just keep breathing, okay? It makes it last longer.” Spencer said, trying to stay focused. His brain was going through the female anatomy but he wanted to stay focused. He opened his eyes as he continued pushing himself in and out of you. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable, taking his right hand and moving his thumb over your cheek. You looked so soft under him. 

“Faster.” You whimpered, the only thing you could manage. 

Everything felt nice, it felt comfortable. You were comfortable with Spencer. You thought it would be hotter, more dramatic when you would imagine it. You imagined him grabbing your hips and plunging himself into you until your body was exhausted and used. But that’s not how it worked. 

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, quietly. He was going faster and a bit harder, making it very hard for you to concentrate. 

“I’m…” You couldn’t think of the answer. You couldn’t think at all right then.

“You’re doing such a good job, love. Just relax, I’ve got you.” Spencer kissed you on the forehead before shifting your leg a bit higher on his hip. That ignited something inside of you that was hard to turn off. 

Your body was on pins and needles. You felt your body shaking as you held onto Spencer’s hand. He kissed you, soft and slightly frenzied. He was chasing his own release so quickly. Everything moved so smoothly between the two of you. 

Spencer’s body rolled into yours like the ocean, and you were the beach. His waves rushed into your shore over and over, filling you with pleasure you couldn’t find on your own. He was kissing your neck, marking you with sweet mumbles of, “I’m all yours.” 

“Spence…” Another instance of being unable to think or speak clearly. 

“I know, I know. And I want you to let it go for me. Be good for me and let go, y/n. I’m right here.” He said, kissing you deeply. 

Spencer pushed into you a little sloppier, trying to stay composed but it was a challenge. He wanted to make sure you rode out your high, which you were definitely doing. Your body was shaking and you were out of it a little bit as you came down. Spencer finished in the condom and kissed you so many times that you lost count. Your cheeks, your neck, your lips, forehead, nose, lips again. 

“Spencer, that was… That was nice.” You said, opening your eyes. He was smiling over you, shaking a little bit. You weren’t sure if his arms were tired or if he felt like you did. You hoped to god that he felt like you did. It worked out so well up to this point. 

He rolled off of you, standing up to get that towel to clean you up. He saw the bathroom door cracked open so he slipped the condom off and put his star trek underwear back on as he went into the bathroom and warmed up a small towel and grabbed a big towel. 

“I got aftercare towels.” He said, walking back into the room. 

You had curled up into yourself, laying down on your side, as you fell asleep slowly. You heard him come back into the room and smiled as he cleaned you up and helped you put a t-shirt on. Putting the towels in your wastebasket, he flipped the overhead light off and came back around to the opposite side of the bed and gently nudged you to let him hold you. 

“How do you feel?” Spencer asked, nuzzling his head into the crook between your shoulder and your neck. 

He felt so warm on your back like that, holding you tight. You felt safe and secure. 

“Spence, I love you.” You mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. 

“I love you too, y/n,” Spencer said, falling asleep himself.

________________

taglist: 

@i-love-you-green

[infinite-xerath]

Runeterra Retcons: Ruination Episode (Targon)

Targon Part I

You awaken the next morning to find everyone in somewhat dour spirits. Olaf looks to be training alone, Shen is meditating, Riven is idly inspecting her blade, Gwen and Vayne seem to be watching the waves outside, and Lucian and Senna look to be in the middle of a rather heated argument.

Senna: “How many times do I need to say it, Lucian? I’m not staying behind!”

Lucian: “You’ve seen what he can do, Senna! We’re not in any position to take him on!”

Senna: “I know that, Lucian, but that’s all the more reason why we all need to be out there.”

Lucian: “Damn it, Senna, he’s targeting you! You’ve got one of those soul fragments in you too, which means we need to keep you out of harm’s way.”

Senna: “Oh? And what about Gwen? She’s a fetter too, and you don’t seem to want her to stay behind.”

Lucian: “Gwen’s got the Hallowed Mist protecting her!”

Senna: “And I’ve got you protecting me, or do you not have my back?”

Lucian: “That’s… You know that ain’t fair!”

Senna: “Oh really? So it’s fair that I get to stay behind and worry about my husband while you go hunting all over the world for fetters? Lucian, we swore we would always have each other’s backs. You have to stop letting what happened with Thresh hold you back!”

“Who’s Thresh?”

“Uh, is that a bad time?”

Lucian response 1: “…Someone you should pray you never meet, Rookie.”

Lucian response 2: “…No, I’d say your timin’ is perfect, Rookie.”

Senna: “We were just getting ready to set out on our next mission.”

Suddenly, Riven approaches to join the conversation.

Riven: “So… Where are we going next?”

Shen: “Mount Targon.”

Riven: “Ah! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Shen: “Mount Targon is the gateway between the earth and the heavens; a bridge into the Third Realm, that of the Celestials. Their power is often revered as godlike, so acquiring their favor may be the key to tipping the scales.”

“Wait, so we’re going to try and recruit the gods?”

“Isn’t Mount Targon like, really high though?”

Senna: “I know it’s a longshot, but either way, the Black Mist is gathering around Targon as we speak.”

Olaf: “Hmm! The gods you say? Perhaps there is a worthy foe among them!”

Senna: “Everyone, gather round! Rookie, fire up the Wayfinder!”

You wait as everyone gathers to the map table, then unleash the Wayfinder’s light to carry you to your destination. You emerge in what looks to be not a Sentinel outpost, but some manner of temple filled with carvings of Celestial bodies.

“Uh, I think something went wrong.”

“Please don’t tell me this thing is on the fritz.”

???: “Halt, trespassers!”

You turn around to see figures in peculiar armor emerging from the shadows, wielding brandishing peculiar silver weapons at you.

Lunari Soldier A: “Who are you? How did you find our sacred ground?”

Lunari Soldier B: “They must be with the Solari! Capture them!”

Gwen: “Um, pardon me, I think there’s been a misunderstanding! We’re not-”

Lunari Soldier A: “Silence! We won’t be deceived by your lies! Lunari, ready your weapons!”

Vayne: “A fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Rookie…”

Targon Part II

The Sentinels fend off their Lunari attackers, the light of their weapons clashing against the silver light of moonsteel.

Shen: “We are not your adversaries! Please, stand aside!”

Lucian: “Damn, they ain’t listening! Looks like we’re just gonna have to blast our way through!”

Lunari Soldier A: “What is this? I have never seen Solari weapons like this before!”

???: “They are not Solari! Everyone, stand down!”

Suddenly, every Lunari soldier halts, turning their attention to the entrance of the temple. A woman with long, pale hair strides into the room, clutching a large curved blade.

“Who are you?”

“Reinforcements?”

Diana: “Forgive them, travelers. My name is Diana, chosen Aspect of the Moon.”

Riven: “Aspect? You don’t mean…”

“You’re a god!?”

“You lead the Lunari?”

Diana response 1: “In a sense… Though I am only a vessel for Her power.”

Diana response 2: “A leader? No, not quite… I only speak the moon’s will to Her people.”

Olaf: “Ha! The gods of the Freljord are said to be titans! Are all of Targon’s god so tiny?”

Gwen: “Olaf, manners!”

Diana: “The moon towers above even your gods, Freljordian! Do not speak ill of her so readily.”

Lunari soldier B: “My lady, these Solari agents-”

Diana: “They are not Solari. These travelers have come far to aid us in our current plight, is that not so?”

Senna: “Actually… You could say that we’re the ones looking for help. There’s a world-wide Harrowing going on, so we hoped you Aspects could lend us a hand in dealing with it.”

Diana: “I see… In the past, Aspects would stand together to fend off the forces of darkness that threatened this world, but now we stand divided. The sun’s faithful, the Solari, persecute the Lunari as heretics! Their Aspect is…”

Diana hesitates. For a moment.

Diana: “She is difficult to speak with. As for the others: War has been killed, Justice is fragmented, and Twilight is nowhere to be found. Only the Protector remains to guard Targon’s peak from the encroaching darkness.”

“Guess we can’t expect any help from the gods…”

“So basically, you’re saying the Aspects can’t help.”

Diana: “…Not quite. It was by the Moon’s will that I came here to greet you. I know what it is you seek, travelers, and I can guide you to it.”

Vayne: “Oh, now this is a familiar set-up. Sorry, but we’ve already fallen for that trap once. It’s not happening again.”

Shen: “It is no trap. She speaks the truth.”

Lucian: “And how the hell do you know that?”

Shen: “The Eye of Twilight is not so easily deceived.”

Diana: “Time is short, travelers. Even as we speak, the Mist scours the mountain, searching for the Ruined King’s prize.”

Senna: “Damn it… I guess we don’t have a choice.”

Vayne: “…Fine, but the moment I even suspect Moonbeams here is going to turn on us, I’m putting a bolt through that glowing forehead.”

Diana: “You have nothing to fear. Now, come with me!”

Targon Part III

You follow Diana out onto the slops of Targon. The skies above you shine with the cosmos, but the land below you is obscured by a thick blanket of Black Mist.

“I can’t even see the bottom…”

“Just how high up are we?”

Diana: “Mount Targon soars into the heavens. Most would perish in an effort to make it this high, but you are fortunate to have had a means to bypass much of that climb.”

Lucian: “Come to think of it, why DID the Wayfinder bring us into your temple, anyway?”

Diana: “That temple did indeed once serve another purpose, but it has since become yet another hiding place for the Lunari to flee persecution. Those accursed Solari… They will forsake any light that isn’t the sun, forcing others to live in shadow.”

Diana descends further toward the Black Mist, leading you all closer to the howls of wraiths.

Vayne: “Seems like the shadows are where we’re headed.”

Gwen: “Um, are we quite sure about this?”

Before anyone can respond, several wraiths leap out of the Mist, ascending the mountain toward your party. You tense up, preparing for another fight, but Diana moves with inhuman speed to block their path. With a single swing of her blade, she lets loose an arcing bolt of moonlight that tears through the wraiths.

Diana: “The Moon’s silver light cuts through even the blackest darkness. You are under my protection now, so you have nothing to fear.”

“That was impressive!”

“Maybe I could get behind this whole moon-worship thing.”

Diana ignores your comments as she leads you further into the mist, wrapping herself in a silver barrier. More wraiths come your way, but Diana makes short work of those that would impede your path. The Sentinels fend of what few manage to sneak by her.

Lucian: “Hot damn, this moon lady ain’t half-bad!”

Senna: “Oh? Taken an interest in the goddess, have we, Lucian?”

Lucian: “Uh, I mean…”

Olaf: “Wait! Look there!”

You look past Diana to see a figure cutting through the Black Mist, striking down wraiths left and wright. His spear and shield glisten with the light of the cosmos and his helmet burns with pure starfire.

???: “Back, foul beasts! Your grotesque forms dishonor the fallen!”

“Who is that?”

“Another Aspect!?”

Diana response 1: “Atreus, formerly the Aspect of War. He fights with the remnants of Pantheon’s power that still linger inside him.”

Diana response 2: “Once, he was Pantheon, the Aspect of War. Now, however, he wields only a fragment of the fallen god’s might.”

Atreus: “Indeed, I am no more than a man! And no less! Whatever remnants of the god may linger, my strength is my own!”

Olaf: “Hmm! You seem like a worthy foe! Perhaps you will be the one to grant me a glorious end in battle!”

Atreus: “Glory comes not from how we die, berserker, but how we live. Now, enough talk! We share a common enemy this day, do we not, Diana?”

Diana: “Yes. We go to the dead god’s temple to find the artifact hidden within. We must keep it from the Ruined King’s grasp.”

Atreus: “So be it! Charge ahead, travelers! I will be the shield and spear at your backs!”

Without another word, Atreus rushes past you, slamming his shield into a wall of wraiths to scatter them.

Gwen: “Oh my, I hope he’ll be alright by himself!”

Vayne: “If I were you, I’d be more worried about the wraiths… Not that I’d ever spare any sympathy for these monsters.”

Diana: “What we seek lies just ahead. Come, Sentinels! We must hurry to the temple!”

Targon Part IV

After a long and arduous trek through the Black Mist, Diana finally brings you to the doors of an ancient, dilapidated temple.

“Phew… What a workout!”

“I need… A minute…”

Lucian: “Shake it off, Rookie! Our job’s not done yet.”

Riven: “So the fetter is in there?”

Diana: “Yes, that is what the Moon tells me.”

Vayne: “Let’s hope the Moon is a reliable informant.”

The Sentinels push the doors open to find the interior of the temple utterly abandoned. Tattered banners hang from nearby pillars and a heavy layer of dust lingers in the air. In the center stands a grand statue of a helmeted warrior clutching a familiar spear and shield.

“I don’t get it, why would a fetter be in a place like this?”

“Somehow, this place is even creepier than the Mist outside.”

Diana response 1: “For centuries, warriors from across Runeterra have come to make offerings here. It must be fate that one such offering would house the remnants of the Lost Queen.”

Diana response 2: “A god never truly dies. Their presence lingers in those whose lives they have touched, and where their memories are preserved.”

Shen: “I sense a growing imbalance. We should not dwell here for long.”

At Shen’s urging, fan out and scour the temple. You find many old offerings on display: trophies plucked from battlefields all over the world across the span of centuries. At first, none of them seem particularly noteworthy, but then your eyes fall upon an old, faded crest resting on a pedestal. You feel compelled to take hold of it and examine it more closely.

???: “I’ll be taking that.”

Suddenly, a shadowy hand snatches the crest from your grasp. You wheel around to see a familiar yordle standing by one of the pillars, her shadow clutching the crest behind her.

“It’s you! Um… What was your name again?”

“What the- How did you get here!?”

Vex response 1: “I never told you my name, but because I know you’re going to keep asking: it’s Vex, got it? Try to remember it.”

Vex response 2: “Ugh, more questions. Look, I’ve got ways of getting around, in case you’d forgotten.”

Hearing the commotion, the other Sentinels race to your aid. As Gwen and Senna draw near, the crest starts to emit a familiar glow.

Senna: “She’s got the fetter!”

Lucian: “Take her down, Sentinels!”

Vex: “Uh oh! Time to bale!”

Vex narrowly evades the bursts of Sentinel light that come for her, using her shadow to dart between the pillars of the temple for cover.

Riven: “She’s making a run for it!”

Senna: “Cut her off!”

Vex’s shadow carries her swiftly toward the exit, but Diana closes the distance in an instant. A massive circle of pale light surrounds her and draws Vex back into the temple.

Vex: “What the!? Hey, no fair!”

Diana slashes at Vex’s shadow, knocking the fetter from its grasp. The crest skids across the floor, landing by your feet.

Lucian: “Rookie, grab it!”

You bend over to do as Lucian says, only to be interrupted by a massive boom from outside. The whole temple trembles and knocks you off your feet.

“What was that!?”

“It wasn’t me, I swear!”

Vex: “Hey, if you guys are gonna bring a god, then so can I!”

Suddenly, the ominous presence you felt in the temple before grows heavier. A familiar figure strides into the temple, his flesh and weapons warped by the Black Mist. A look of genuine fear washes over Diana’s face.

Diana: “It can’t be…”

“Atreus!?”

“Pantheon!?”

Pantheon response 1: “No. I have reclaimed what is rightfully mine! I am Pantheon, and you are intruders upon my temple.”

Pantheon response 2: “Indeed. I am war, I am change, and I am reborn!”

Vayne: “So the Black Mist can even turn a dead god undead…”

Shen: “The scales of tipped even further!”

Pantheon: “Come then, mortals! You will be the first to receive my judgement!”

Targon Part V

Pantheon rushes into the temple, engaging the Sentinels head-on. Diana moves to intercept him, but she is quickly thrown back by the force of his spear into the base of his statue. The entire monument shakes and crumbles, burying Diana under a pile of rubble.

Lucian: “Stand strong, Sentinels! We’ve got him outnumbered!”

Pantheon: “Fool! I am an army unto myself!”

You watch as Pantheon engages your allies, effortlessly deflecting their attacks with his weapons. Shen, Riven and Olaf engage him at close-range, while Senna, Lucian and Vayne support them from a distance. Gwen does her best to support the party with Hallowed Mist, though this proves little more than an annoyance to the war god.

Senna: “Rookie! Grab that fetter and fire up the Wayfinder! We need to get out of here!”

You look to the ground to see that the crest is long-gone, along with Vex and her shadow.

“Damn! She got away with the fetter, again!”

“So, uh, I can follow exactly half of that order!”

Pantheon: “Your fight ended long before it even began, Sentinels!”

With a single swing of his spear, Pantheon knocks all of your comrades to the ground, lashing out with an unholy mix of Ruined and Celestial power. Just as the situation beings to seem dire, however, the statue behind Pantheon explodes into a burst of pale light.

Diana bursts from the rubble, swinging her moonlight-empowered blade at the war god. He turns just in time to block her strike with his shield, though the impact still causes him to stumble a little.

Diana: “Your time has passed, Warrior! Return to your slumber!”

Pantheon: “War is eternal, as am I!”

The two Aspects clash in an inhuman Celestial might, their battle causing the very temple around to you tremble. You and your allies watch, transfixed, at this deadly dance between gods in human form. A silent understanding arrives that any attempt at intervention would only result in a swift and inglorious death caught in the crossfire.

Diana dashes around with inhuman speed while Pantheon pushes with back with titanic strength, though you can’t help that something seems off about the war god’s movements. It looks to you almost as though he’s struggling to raise his spear…

Senna: “Rookie! We gotta go! This isn’t a fight mortals can play any part in!”

You snap back to reality and rush to your allies, Wayfinder in hand. Everyone musters the strength to join you, though just before you can teleport back to headquarters, a scream cuts through the temple. You look back to the battle, horrified to see Pantheon’s spear impaled through Diana’s torso.

Pantheon: “Now, you too will know what I felt at the Darkin’s blade…”

Lucian: “Rookie, do it now!”

In spite of Lucian’s orders, though, you find yourself unable to summon the light of the Wayfinder. Pantheon pulls his spear from Diana and shoves her toward you before approaching.

Pantheon: “It does not matter where you flee to, Sentinels. There is nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide, from war. I shall storm your fortress and lay waste to your bastion, bringing a new era of war!”

“Atreus, wake up!”

“Is that really what you want, Atreus?”

Pantheon: “You speak again of my vessel, but he is back where he belongs: under my control.”

“You said that it doesn’t matter how we die, but how we live! Do you want to live as a slave in your own body, Atreus?”

“You’re wrong, Pantheon! You’re the one under Viego’s control, but Atreus wouldn’t submit so easily!”

Vayne: “Rookie, what are you-”

Pantheon: “Enough of this! I… I… Ugh!”

Suddenly, Pantheon’s form begins to flicker, the Black Mist ebbing flowing from his body to show the man underneath.

Atreus: “I am no slave, Pantheon! Not to you OR the Ruined King!”

Pantheon: “What!? You dare defy me, mortal!?”

You watch as Atreus and Pantheon wrestle for control as Black Mist floods into the temple behind you, carrying with it a swarm of wraiths. Suddenly, the Ruination gives way to Celestial light once more, but the Black Mist still clings stubbornly to Atreus’s body.

Atreus: “Go! I shall hold these abominations back, including the one within me!”

Senna: “You heard him, Rookie! Use that damn Wayfinder!”

This time, you do as you are told, calling forth the power of your Relic to carry you and your comrades back to safety. You reappear in Sentinel headquarters, far away from Mount Targon.

Lucian: “Rookie, I don’t know whether to be furious or impressed right now.”

“I know, I lost the fetter.”

“I know, I can’t believe I actually got through to him!”

Riven response 1: “Hey, it’s not your fault. We all know how slippery that yordle and her shadow can be.”

Riven response 2: “I just hope Pantheon doesn’t take control again. I really don’t want a rematch with a god.”

Gwen: “Um, speaking of whom…”

You all turn to see Diana struggling to her feet, clutching her side.

Diana: “Ngh…”

“Are you alright?”

“Hey, take it easy!”

Diana: “It was not I who suffered Pantheon’s spear, young one, but the Aspect of the Moon herself. I… Can scarcely feel Her now.”

Vayne: “So what, you’re telling us that undead god killed the moon?”

Diana: “No… She still lives, but her power is weakened. It will take many nights for her to recover.”

Lucian: “If things keep up like this, I don’t know how many more nights we have.”

Shen: “The balance grows more precarious still.”

Senna: “So much for divine intervention…”

Diana: “Ngh… Though my connection to the heavens is diminished, I can still feel Her will, however faintly. She… Wishes for me to accompany you, if you’ll have me.”

Riven: “You’re saying you want to join us?”

Diana: “I am saying that... I have little choice. I cannot return to the Lunari as I am now. I am the Moon’s voice, her vessel. Without her, I can do little for my people. All I can do is take up arms and aid you in your fight, in the hopes that doing so will drive the Black Mist from the slopes of Targon.”

Gwen: “Ooh, how marvelous! The moon lady is going to join us! Oh, follow me, and we’ll tend to your wounds as well as your wardrobe.”

Gwen leads Diana back into the Sentinel base. Though it takes slightly longer than normal thanks to Diana’s injuries, she soon emerges with the Lunari leader in tow.

Gwen: “Apologies for the wait, everyone! I now present to you all: Sentinel Diana!”

Diana: “May Mother Moon watch over us, and may we all fight our own path through the darkness.”

Lucian: “That’s… Not exactly the standard oath, but good enough, I guess.”

Senna: (Another new Sentinel, but we’re still no closer to turning things around…)

[lailyn]

Take My Breath Away, Part 2

TW: Paralysis

Metro-General Hospital

“I think it’s Guillain-Barre syndrome.”

“Are you sure?” Christine asked in new-found anxiety. "Are you absolutely sure?"

“Of course I’m not,” Stephen said tersely. “I can’t be. But the clinical picture fits. He had the respiratory infection that was going around last week, and the tingling and weakness started today.”

For the hundredth time since he brought Loki in to the emergency room, fully paralysed from the waist down, he cursed himself. “I should have known something was up.”

How could he have missed the signs? The lingering weakness, the unsteady walking, the general malaise that was so out of character for Loki...all of them Stephen had simply put down to a post-viral infection fatigue, instead of something much more serious.

Life-threatening, a voice corrected. 

“Don’t beat yourself up, Stephen. It’s not helping.” Ever the voice of reason, Christine was still the grounding force he had once relied on. “Focus on what’s important.” 

“It’s progressing way too quickly,” Stephen said worriedly, staring through the observation window into the room where Loki was currently resting. 

“He hasn’t consented to assisted ventilation?”

Stephen shook his head, visibly morose. “He hates the idea of being put to sleep.”

“He’s going to tire soon,” Christine warned. “We’re risking respiratory failure.”

“I brought in the big gun.”

Stephen nodded at the tall figure whose silhouette they could see pacing Loki’s room like a caged tiger. “Let’s hope Thor can knock some sense into his brother.”

***************************

“Brother, you are clearly struggling. Why are you giving the doctors a difficult time?”

Loki refused to answer. He was not wasting precious breath explaining his reasoning, unreasonable as it may be, to someone so adamant in his mission to subjugate Loki to the mercy of doctors, human doctors who knew nothing about his kind.

"Loki, we don't have much time."

"There is no 'we' here, Doctor Banner."

Loki turned his head slowly to the other figure in the far corner of the room. 

Like a Shadow. Like Death. Just standing there waiting. 

“There is no treatment. You said so yourself.” Loki closed his eyes. He did not wish to see Thor's expression. Also, the double vision was worsening. “They can do nothing."

“Human immunoglobulin therapy is incompatible, and we are risking anaphylaxis with artificial plasma exchange,” Bruce repeated the conversation he had with Stephen word for word. "But there's still something we can do to help you tide this over - "

"There is no tiding over anything," Loki said in frustration; if he had the strength, he would have ripped out the oxygen-delivering cannula from his nose. "What you are doing is merely prolonging the inevitable."

"Going on life support is not a death sentence, Loki," Bruce said, his voice hard. 

"None of you can tell me with absolute certainty when you can take me off it," Loki rasped. "What was the 'ballpark' figure again? Weeks to month? No."

The outburst cost Loki energy he could not afford, and the harsh sounds of his gasps drowned the noises of the machines.

"Brother!" Stricken, Thor dropped into the chair and grasped Loki's shoulder. "Save your strength."

The wiry cords of muscles of Loki's normally slender neck bulged as the Asgardian struggled to pull air into his starving lungs, and Bruce could not help but stare. Soon, those muscles too, like the respiratory muscles in his thorax and diaphragm, would cease to function. 

When one's own immune system attacks one's own nerves, the result is devastating, Stephen had said. 

"I'm calling Strange," Bruce said.

“No, you are not,” Loki gasped. “I will not be put down like some kind of animal."

If Loki had seen the devastation in Stephen's eyes the moment Bruce told him they simply did not have enough of Loki's blood sequestered in storage for emergencies such as this, Loki would be singing a different tune.

"Stop being such an idiot," Bruce snapped. "Noone's putting you down, and you are not going to die. Get over yourself and snap out of it!"

Loki's sneer curled into a cruel, ugly smile. "Of course. I had no say in how I lived. How could I expect differently now that I am dying?"

"Loki," Thor growled warningly.

"What will you do, Brother?" Loki asked. "Take Mjolnir to my head? What will you do to force me to submit to you?"

Now that he was calmer, he could breathe easier.

Or perhaps, it was simply a momentary respite, a blessed, temporary relief before…

Before what?

Loki stared at the bright lights over his head and something in him died at the paradox of seeing something so glaring, so full of life, when the rest of his body from the neck down was shutting down.

"I wish to be alone."

***************************

"Any luck?" Stephen asked quietly.

He had pulled some strings and gotten Loki a private room, away from the public eye. It was good thinking on his part, for the expression on Thor and Bruce's faces as they stepped out of the room and into the hallway could only be described as murderous.

"There's no getting through to him," Bruce fumed. The physicist looked furious enough to punch a hole through the hospital wall, and for a precious moment, Stephen felt touched by the sentiment.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "For trying."

Bruce pulled off his glasses and massaged his eyes. "So what do we do now? Just wait till he passes out and then stick a tube down his throat?" 

"Christine would never agree to that." 

"Surely you can do it?" Thor asked. 

"Physically, sure. Medicolegally? Ethically?" Stephen shook his head. "And I would never do that to Loki."

"Can't you make this immunogoblin thing? The one that you said wasn't compatible?" Thor pleaded. 

"IV immunoglobulin's derived from a large pool of plasma collected from thousands of blood donors, Thor," Bruce said glumly. "There's only one of him."

"But we've started saving Loki's blood, have we not?" Thor pressed. "Can't you two work with that?"

"Even if we had the resources to isolate and autotransfuse Loki with his own immunoglobulins, it will not be enough," Stephen said quietly. "And the treatment is only helpful in lessening the severity of the disease." 

"You don't mean…" Thor could not bring himself to complete his sentence.

"There is no known cure for Guillain Barre syndrome."

Thor's jaw gave an abrupt click, before his broad shoulders squared a split-second later. "Then I go to Jotunnheim."

Bruce's head whipped up, and together, the two humans stared at the God of Thunder like he had gone mad. 

"Quill can take me. We're good friends and he has a strong, sturdy ship." Thor's chest swelled in sheer determination. "We set course for Jotunnheim and I will come back with what you need."

Stephen fought to hold on to the last shred of composure, to keep his voice steady, "Loki will not last the night."

Thor turned as white as a sheet and began to shake.

"For Norns' sake, Man, will you not do something?"

The tears brewing in the stormy blue eyes was all the motivation Stephen needed; with a determined nod, he pushed Loki's door open and stepped inside.

***************************

Stephen watched Loki's chest rise and fall, shallow and laboriously slow. 

"I do not fear going to sleep," Loki finally spoke when he could no longer stand the deafening silence. 

"Then what is it?" Stephen begged. "What's got you so scared that you won't even try?"

"I fear coming out of it."

"What?"

Loki's lips wobbled. "I heard what your Christine said, about the possibility of permanent damage."

"Loki, we don't know anything about any of that."

But Loki was not listening, so consumed was he by his delusion. "I fear coming back a cripple. A degenerate."

Stephen could only stare at him, stunned. 

"I was broken when I came to you," Loki said quietly. "I cannot come back broken. Not again."

"You would rather die for fear of something you think's going to happen? Something unknown?" Stephen asked incredulously, the betrayal blatant in his eyes and bitter on his tongue.

"Then tell me something," Loki said softly. "Tell me that something unknown."

"When we first met..." Stephen's thumb danced across the back of Loki's insensate hand. To think that Loki could not feel him anymore, it hurt him beyond reason.

"You asked me how this was all going to end, for us," Stephen recalled. "Do you remember?"

"What about it?" Loki asked, his voice hollow. 

"This is not it," Stephen said, gripping Loki's hand firmly. "This is not how it ends."

Loki's eyes brimmed with tears. "Tell me how."

"I see you and me at the far edge of the world ." Stephen kissed Loki's eyelids, one after the other. "Standing shoulder to shoulder, just us."

"Standing?" Loki echoed breathlessly. 

Stephen nodded, and his own tears landed on the bed, darkening it in places. "At the altar too."

Loki let out a sob. 

"I love you, Loki." A hand grasped the side of his face tenderly. "Whole, broken, I don't care. I just love you."

"As do I," Loki wept silently. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, what with the invisible weight on his chest. "So very much."

Stephen kissed his mouth fiercely, long, hard and desperate.

"So you gotta do this for me. For us." Stephen's forehead felt hot against his. "Okay?"

"Okay." Loki breathed in as deeply as his constricted chest would allow, committing what he could of Stephen's scent to memory. "Okay."

In a matter of minutes, Loki found himself staring up into a pair of hazel eyes, familiar in their kindness, comforting in their confidence.

"We will take good care of you, Prince Loki," Doctor Christine Palmer smiled reassuringly. "Don't you worry about a thing."

She nodded at someone Loki could not see, and a mask was placed over his face. A sweet-smelling gas began to fill his mouth and Loki coughed weakly. 

"Shhh." A hand he knew very well caressed the top of his head. "Sleep, Brother."

Loki's vision blurred. Shadows merged into swaths of colours, of bright blues and greys.

Stephen.

His tears ran freely down the sides of his face but he could no longer feel them. 

He was floating, and there was no one there where he was going. 

Then he heard a whisper in his ear, "I'll be here when you wake."

There you are, Loki thought, and everything went black.