#ive been trying to go back to sleep but its not working | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

youaremysunshine-court · 2 years ago

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The type of insomnia that wakes you up 3 hours before sunrise

#ive been trying to go back to sleep but its not working #send fics yall i still have 2 hours before i need to get out of bed #for real #send fics #in other news i fucking love that french has 2 words for wake up and get up whereas youve really got to specify it in english #like idk if other languages do this but for me se reveiller and se lever are the specialest verbs ever #like yes im awake im just not *up* yet #you feel #like in english you can say i woke up at 7 and its generally assumed you got out of bed at 7 #but in french you can say i got out of bed at 7 and its assumed that you must have stopped being asleep earlier than that #anyway #fun language facts #SEND FICS #pls im dying of boredom and i refuse to read more sterek just because im bored #like im going to spoil the entire plot of this series for me before i even watch the first ep #anyway send fics yall im begging i literally need enrichment

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ra-vio · 7 months ago

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semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

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cavity-collector · 3 months ago

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 5 months ago

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Guess who might have 🎶whooping cough🎶

#its me and many other people at the summer camp i work at #today i took the morning off because ive been ill for a few weeks #i think the first week was a different illness than the one i currently have tho #i assumed it was what we call 'camp crud' because youre bound to get sick when youre around grimy kids #and living in close quarters with others and not getting enough sleep #but yesterday i felt like shit all day to the point of not being able to stand. so today i took the morning off #just to try and recover a bit. but at lunch my program director came in and said im going to the clinic later #and asked me who else ive noticed is sick #hes making a list because apparently a camper has fucking whooping cough. and its lookng like others might too #i told my sibling i might have whooping cough and they said #'seriously?! are you a street urchin from 1600s Europe?'#which is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me lol. im already on the brink of death and they just kicked me over #im desperately hoping its just crud and not whooping cough #because i have the opportunity to work the zip line this weekend for visiting alumni. with the woman i have feelings for #altogether its going to be a great time so im really hoping i can go. but i obv cant if i have whooping cough #anyway im gonna go back to napping bcuz thats all ive been doing today. that and coughing #if you pray then maybe add me into your prayers today. maybe manifest my health. ive been sick for weeks and i want it to be over

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copia · 5 months ago

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FOR THE LIGHT OF OUR SAVIOUR (SAVIOURRR) HIS MACHIAVELLIAN GRACEEE(GRAA AAA CE) AND IN THE SHEEN OF HIS SPLENDOUR (SPLENDOURRR) THERE IS A BETTER PLACEEEEE!!!!!! LETSGO

#JUST LISTENED ALL THE WAY THROUGH FOR THE FIRST TIME.#to clarify it's been ages since i started listening to ghost but i've been saving a few songs for special occasions #to really drag it out #finally got around to watcher in the sky #which is a banging title btw ive been so so excited #and RIGHTLY SO. ohhhh my god i won't be going to sleep any time soon #THE INSTRUMENTAL???#THE CHOIR BEHIND THIS PART. ASKJHDGVCYHULIWJDCSH #SEARCHHHLIGHTSSSS #U KNOW???????#god this is good i love them so so much #i'm back in my room at my parent's house #which is where i vividly remember hearing year zero for the first time #and it feels like i've just fallen in love with them all over again #the band ghost #this might be pushing impera above meliora for my favourite album to be completely honest #the weight of the impera songs ... if that makes any sense #it doesn't lmao i'm trying to articulate myself here and it's not working #all that's in my head is searchlighttsssss looking for the watcher in the sky yy #i think. its the high energy of impera. and that's what ghost excels at #and the more theatrical the better #i need to shut up and listen to it again

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nomairuins · 1 month ago

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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid #but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil #i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl #spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but #i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to #afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like #vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you #should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done #with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt #but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen #but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the #way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so #tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me #sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and #it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there #nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having #to work for the rest of my life #ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be #Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes #all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does #but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its #back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until #i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep #and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice #days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends #IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so #dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like #its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going

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isa-ah · 1 month ago

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on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well

#back in godot learning thingssssssss #trying to do anything i can to distract myself from the abysmal lack of work ive been able to find lately LOL #genuinely ive had 1 commission in the last 2 weeks like its so joever im so hungry #not to be like “the economy” but man i used to be doing upwards of 20 coms a week when i was really nuts #making a couple grand a month etc #but shits gone so to pieces between ai and the cost of living crisis that like i get no work anymore at all ever #the bone deep resistance i have to having to get another shitty day job is insane tho after what the last one did to me #idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again #so i guess i really gotta solve that sooner rather than later. esp bc we cant buy groceries indefinitely like this #ive cut back to eating cereal in the morning and then something for dinner after having a really good streak of eating 3 hardy meals a day #which sucks but what can you do #gotta stop being a big fat failure if i want to eat like a. not failure. a succeeder #ig theres the ego of it too bc coms have been my fulltime job for years so like the dead dropoff lately is so #what if it ends tomorrow right. what if it ends next week. what if it doesnt end until next year #what if it never ends and im just unemployed sitting on my ass pretending i still have a career doing what i love #which is already what it feels like bc ive been scrounging for pennies to put food on the table for months now #like idk man. its joever let it go let it die. but that means getting a shit fucking job somewhere and god i do not want to LOL #i wont have the energy to do anything anymore and im such a brittle person this time of year anyway #whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #im gunna try to sleep bye o/

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micamone · 5 months ago

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hey guys

#vent #just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn #im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery #typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog #shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next #its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals #over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation #so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just #perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired #and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in #a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass #she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this #and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh #dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking #if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again #edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT #the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit #off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed

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phagodyke · 5 months ago

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looking up info on keloid scarring is so helpful. thanks man I didn't think of trying that one

#well actually that kind of is relevant bc ive been trying to find more info abt tattooing keloid prone skin #which is effectively opting to wound urself. but everywhere is just like if ur keloid prone ummm. Don't do it 👍#theres not enough known abt keloids to predict if theyll be triggered or not by the healing process like it depends on so many things #i mostly get them from acne scars. but they dont always immediately appear sometimes its weeks or months after #n once u get them theyre permanent. treatments for them have a 100% rate of recurrence n will grow back bigger if u try to excise them #and they cant be tattooed over like other scars bc they dont hold ink n the irritation can cause them to get bigger too #it depends a lot on the tattoo artists skill/experience ig like u have to know Exactly how deep ur tattooing + how the wound will heal #bc if healing triggers keloids. well ill just end up with permanent scarring instead theres nothing i can do if it happens #which honestly might still look cool but its unpredictable bc they tend to extend past the original wound. n it wouldnt scar uniformly #urgh. i should probably talk to a gp n an actual tattooist abt it. i could ask to get like a rly small tattoo to test how my skin reacts #pointless thinking abt rn anyway cuz im not gonna get one any time soon i have some other shit to sort before that #but it would be so frustrating if i cant i have so many tattoo ideas i do rly want them.... :-(#ah well whatever.. im just procrastinating doing shit i need to crack on bc i cant spend another entire weekend doing nothing #after a month n a half of being on meds i feel like theyre becoming less effective. my task paralysis n focus is getting worse again :(#like its taking more and more effort its been rly noticeable at work. hoping its just bc of general mental health or poor sleep or smth #and not that im building tolerance or smth bc man. what else can i even do if that happens #this is gonna make me miserable to think abt so lets go do smth else!#at least i woke up feeling tons better today 💪💪💪 storm passed baby #.diaries

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pears-trinkets · 7 months ago

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everything sucks so hard rn idk

#mischa isnt eating again all while screaming because shes hungry and pulling every single piece of plastic out of my shelves #all my bags straps and backpacks have saliva stains from her #she will jump into shelves and pull out dvds to lick #and there's no other food i can try #my paycheck lacks 500 euro because i was sick and im still 200 euro in the red after getting my paycheck today #and tomorrow is the tooth surgery and ive been trying to call my dentist because he only applied for 2 of 3 teeth #at my insurance #and these 2 will be over 1k already after my insurance will pay their part #at least the sedation isnt as strong as i thought so i can go home by myself and dont have to rely on any unreliable people #after my mom accused me of making mischa have diarrhea on purpose because the food company changed the recipe and i gave her 1 bag #she hasnt talked to me and im definitely not going to be the one to start a conversation with her because im usually better off without her #so its nice that i dont have to ask her for her assistance tomorrow #just gonna do everything alone like usual #also work is so UUUGGGHHHHH and sucks so hard all my coworkers ignore what i say and just go to other people behind my back to do my job #im stress eating so much all my favorite clothes dont fit anymore and i hate looking in the mirror #i wanna go swimming but i just dont have the energy i just wanna curl up and dont have a body #also i have a comic idea written down for several months now and i wanna finish it for mothers day but i feel so discouraged #wehh #im also so stressed i clawed so much at my face its full of bloody spots i look so bad #every morning my neighbors i dont even share a wall with turn on their super broken washingmachine at 7 am #and it sounds so broken and its so loud it sounds like someone is drilling a hole into the wall for 40 -120 ?>#mins #i haven't been able to sleep properly for like a month #when i go into work everyone is just like oof you dont look good #thanks i know

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raksh-writes · 9 months ago

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We're going for a full day trip from uni tomorrow and instead of being excited, I've been dreading it because my brain's trying to leak out my ears since saturday and nothing's helping. At this point I don’t even know if its a migraine type of thing or sinuses related or whatever. Im definitely oversensitive to the light and sound, and my ears feel kinda stuffed? Achey and all wierd. It's making the simplest things feel impossible because I can barely think straight.

I don’t know what to do. I hate it here ;_;

#personal #vent #Ive already skipped classes today in case its like a cold or smth and it could get worse #bcs I Did have a very light fever too #but the headache is so much worse right now #like smth is truing to squeeze my skull and crush it like a melon #Ive taken different painkiller couple hours ago but it did nothing #might try just straight ibuprofen tho I hate that Ive been using it almost everyday for like a week rn #but its the only thing that seems to somewhat work #Ive been trying a heatpad for the past hour in case its sinuses related but no luck #only a very temporary relief thats possibly making it overally worse #and even worse I have to get up at like 4:50/5:00 in the morning so Im def not getting much sleep ;_;#so its not gonna help whatsoever #Im tempted to stay home but its too good an opportunity to spend time with my new group of friends #worse case scenario I guess I'll buy myself an earlier train ticket and go back alone if I feel truly awful #I hate my body sometimes...

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lateassignment · 1 year ago

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