#idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again

[isa-ah]

on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well

[aquarianlights]

I am in a serious financial bind. 😥 If anyone is in a position to listen & help or signal boost, pls keep reading...

This is from my apartment complex. I am in low-income housing. I called them & sent them proof I could pay on the 23rd. I told them I could (just barely) put 100 down now & they said that was too little.

They said they would file for eviction on the 16th, which adds $150 to my rent. They will cancel the court date and eviction on the 23rd when I pay.

But that doesn't cancel the $150 filing fee.

Idk where that $150 would come from. Idky they think it's fair that someone who cannot pay should be forced to pay even more??? That makes no sense. I can only just barely afford my rent every month as is.

These are from my energy company. I apparently owe them over $600. I genuinely do not know how this happened. We were on the phone for a very long time trying to figure it out & I was in tears for the latter portion of it because I swear I paid.

I usually keep record of my payments via taking a picture of my receipt since they are electronic, but my dog chewed up my phone (which I have pics of if need be for evidence) and broke it, so I had to get a replacement phone sent to me from the insurance company & nothing transferred from the old phone, so all my pics were wiped.

I found no record in my emails, either.

The meds I am taking to try to go into remission and the autoimmune disease itself both cause brain fog and issues with time warping, so it is possible maybe I skipped a month or something, but I highly doubt I would have skipped up to 600+ dollars worth of payments.

I have tons of electronic and hard copy calendars & they are all synced and constantly updated so that I know when payments are due. I also have text and email reminders sent to me, but I could find no reminders in my email for MONTHS now until they were telling me they were going to shut my power off if I didn't pay this. Idk why I was not sent reminders for months???

In the end, I agreed to set up a payment plan. Paying, like... 50-60ish on top of whatever my electric bill is every month for 12 months. It was the lowest they could go.

I can barely afford my electric bill as it is, so idk how I will be able to do this? They did give me a list of charities in my area so I will be using what little energy I have to call around & see if any of them would be willing to help me pay this. Idk how those work (they're mostly churches???), so I'm just gonna try & see what happens. 🤔

On top of all that, I *think* this is telling me my Medicaid has been cancelled but I'm not 100% sure?????

I'm going through treatment for a very serious, disabling problem that should last ~1 year and rn Medicaid is picking up what my Medicare doesn't cover and some of my doctors/specialists and treatments are medicaid only.

If I lose this, I'm basically done.

I know they'll do backpay if I get it back, but Idk if I *will* get it back. I'll be trying to get it back, but in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to pay out of pocket, idk??? Which I do not have.

I have lost almost ALL autonomy due to this autoimmune disease, which (in a very simplified form) is basically my immune cells "eating" my muscle tissue. I can barely get out of bed. Treatment should put me in remission & give me my life back. I am seeing a rheumatologist, neurologist, dermatologist, PCP, physical therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and going to a holistic pain treatment center that does a different kind of physical therapy to bring down pain levels (which I was put into that program by my rheum). All of these are in relation to & necessary for my disease. I am going through TONS of testing almost weekly now & trying out treatments like IVIG and chemo where I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV for 4-6+ hrs of that day and the cost of those things without Medicaid picking up what Medicare doesn't cover is astronomical. I have to sign waivers every time I get my blood drawn (which is almost weekly now), do tests, and do treatments saying I will pay if Medicaid does not pick up the extra.

I already have crippling medical debt; I don't need more. I'm scared they won't let me do any more tests or treatments if they see I am just letting it all go to collections & am not paying.

This could mean the difference between having a life worth living (to me) where I am happy & thriving & autonomous or being bed-bound & living a life of just existing from day to day & miserable & in pain & suffering & unable to do anything for myself. This is literally life and death for me because I wouldn't be able to handle continuing to live in the latter scenario. I cannot handle living like I am now. Knowing my treatments are progressing is what keeps me going. Knowing I can go into remission is what keeps me going. Knowing my future is one completely different from now is what keeps me going. But if I cannot have that and am destined to live in this current state, it's just not worth it. I don't know a person alive who would want to live like this.

Finally, my anger noodle needs to get to the vet for MULTIPLE things. Nothing is, like... life threatening or super immediate like his cancer was last year, but they're things that need to be addressed in terms of preventative care & to make sure he isn't in pain.

He needs his trachea checked, possibly x-rays for that, maybe more...

He needs some medication updates, needs a physical, needs a full groom & nail clip under anesthesia (for those who are not familiar with Echo, he has extreme fear-based aggression & usually gets this done under anesthesia; since I worked with him so much, he had his first non-anesthesia nail clip at the beginning of quarantine, but he has gotten worse during quarantine & with my muscle eating disease, I can no longer restrain him & don't have the physical strength to run a brush through his thicker fur as his winter coat is in, so I can no longer groom certain areas of him at home, so his tummy & back legs are matted & I fear he may need to be shaved... which breaks my heart since you don't shave double coat dogs unless medically necessary.), he needs a full physical, & needs to be checked over for MCT's.

He may also need a fecal test or something else, as he has been having odd bowel movements. 😥 His tummy has been upset lately.

I have been crying myself to sleep every single night & often during the day because I cannot get him to the vet. No, it isn't urgent or life threatening. But he is reverse sneezing more than normal & I worry about tracheal collapse, which is a common small dog thing & even MORE common in pomeranians specifically. Every time he has a fit, I think "Oh god, this is it. This is the time I'm gonna have to rush him to the e-vet & get slammed with a huge bill & he is not gonna be okay..."

It breaks my heart to see his legs & belly matted. He is horrible about letting me groom him coz of his aggression so he only gets a full grooms at the vet, but I do short grooming sessions at home with him nightly. Takes about 2 hours just to do the majority of one side of him (not even all of it; just most) coz he needs breaks & lots of praise every few strokes or he will tear me to shreds & hurt himself snapping on the undercoat rake. 😥

But now that my autoimmune disease has atrophied my muscles to the point holding up my phone without something to prop it up feels like I am lifting weights & tires my arms out with a lactic acid burn & pain, I can no longer groom him with the patience he needs & can only groom in 20 minute intervals at the VERY longest. By the time I have gotten one leg done during the week, his entire other side is matted. 😞 Matting on dogs---especially double coat dogs---hurts them. It's like if someone were to wrap your hair around their fingers & then pull it taut. It's a constant pulling pressure on their skin... it's painful & irritates the epidermis. I feel miserable feeling the matting on his back legs & tummy & now feeling the mats beginning to form on the rest of him. He hates me working them out, even with the detangling spray. I know it must hurt so much...

So he may need to be shaved at this point & that will destroy me. I feel sick thinking about it. But anything to get him out of pain. Maybe it is what's best for him while I go through this year of treatment & get my muscles back. But in order to do that, I need to get him to the vet.

The stress of not being able to get him to a vet is tearing me apart & literally making me physically ill.

He is my world. My everything. My #1. My heart dog. My priority in life. My entire universe revolves around him. I would do anything for him. Not a single person, animal, thing, etc, comes before him. It is KILLING me that I cannot provide proper care for him right now. I always always always make sure to sacrifice for him if need be & his things ALWAYS come first, even if it means I'm not eating or not paying bills or whatever. As long as he is taken care of & his needs & wants are met, nothing else matters to me. And right now........ I feel he is suffering because of my finances & the fact my treatment with building my muscles up is not going fast enough.

I cannot control the latter one, but the first one is something I can at least ask for help for. So that is what I am doing.

If anyone is in a place to help, these are my venmo & cashapp codes. I also have paypal.

💙 Venmo: @kqroswell

💚 Cashapp: $kqroswell

💜 Paypal: @kqroswell or thekilliancode@yahoo.com

If there is another form of payment you're thinking of, lemme know. I also have fb pay activated if you have me on FB (Killian Q Roswell).

Thank you to everyone who read through this & anyone who can help or reblog this. 💖

Sincerely,

Your v scared, struggling transman who really wants his bills/rent paid & his dog to go to the vet,

Killian 💞

[hpfangirl13]

50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @chasethesun18 

What is the colour of your hairbrush? white and black

Name a food you never eat? olives and raw sushi

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i am constantly hot. i open the window to my room when it’s cold at night so I feel like I’m sleeping in a fridge.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating an apple and watching youtube

What is your favourite candy bar? hmmmm... close tie between reese’s and butterfingers

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes! we love the chicago cubs in our family and i’ve probably been to about 20 mlb games. I have also been to 2 nfl games for the bears.

What is the last thing you said out loud? “i’m ordering the pizza, chill” @ my dad

What is your favourite ice cream? cookies and cream 100%

What was the last thing you had to drink? water- very bland

Do you like your wallet? yes. its michael kors and my dad bought it for me as a 10th grade graduation present.

What was the last thing you ate? an apple (im bout to eat pizza so don’t think im that healthy)

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no cuz nothing is really open and i havent been to the mall in a hot sec.

The last sporting event you watched? damn idk. sports have been off for so long that i dont really know.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? the movie theater kind with a shit ton of butter

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @chasethesun18 aka ryan. talking about how when she comes over to watch mpi tonight and coughs she has allergies and not corona.

Ever go camping? i guess. i went to a summer camp for 2 years when i was like 12 and 13. we did a “pack out” one night. wasnt really a fan. i like sleeping in a bed thx.

Do you take vitamins? yes my mother yells at me every morning to take my gummy vitamins. (yes, i am 5 years old)

Do you go to church every Sunday? no, not really religious at all. i don’t really believe in that kinda stuff.

Do you have a tan? ehhhhh kinda but not really? i cant really tan tho cuz im part irish and polish white.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza. i gotta be in the mood for chinese.

Do you drink your soda with a straw? in restaurants yea at home no.

What colour socks do you usually wear? any kind really, i have harry potter socks all the way to adidas socks

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? yep. i speed and its really bad. especially when im on the interstate.

What terrifies you? losing my parents, being all alone in life, snakes, spiders, and dying in a car crash.

Look to your left, what do you see? my closet door with pics on it and my “i ship it” sticker. (miggy im thinking of you)

What chore do you hate? walking my dog and folding laundry.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? shrimp on the barbie

What’s your favourite soda? sprite or cherry fanta (but you can never find it anywhere)

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru lately cuz that’s all you can do

Who’s the last person you talked to? my dad

Favourite cut of beef? i guess burgers? idk what that “cut” of beef is called tho

Last song you listened to? macho man- the village people-- dont ask me why.

Last book you read? a fanfic. havent read a book since harry potter and that was like 6 years ago

Favourite day of the week? friday. cuz my shows are on and i get littyyy

Can you say the alphabet backwards?i probably could but it would take too much effort and i dont want to.

How do you like your coffee? at home i will drink anything decaf with flavored creamer. my fav is from starbucks where i get a  decaf venti iced hazelnut latte with nonfat milk and 4 pumps of hazelnut. (very complicated i know)

Favourite pair of shoes? prob my nike ‘07 air force ones

The time you normally go to bed? ehhhh sometime between 11 and 2 normally. kinda depends on how tired i am and what time i have to get up the next day.

The time you normally get up? when i work i get up around 8. on the weekends i get up around 10

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets cuz im not a morning person.

How many blankets on your bed? like 8. i really like blankets

Describe your kitchen plates: we have had the same damn blue and flowered plates in my house since before my birth. no lie.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? im 19 and i dont drink. ive had a sip of beer and wine from my parents before and i hated it so i dont feel like im missing a lot.

Do you play cards? we play uno like once every 6 months

What colour is your car? bluish grey

Can you change a tire? nope

Your favourite province? well my mom is from montreal, canada so imma have to say quebec.

Favourite job you’ve ever had? babysitting! for the first family i ever babysat for in my neighborhood. theyre in middle school now. *sheds tear*

How did you get your biggest scar? the only scar i have is on my right foot on my second toe. smashed it in a pool when i was 7

What did you do today that made someone else happy? well i deliver groceries for a living so hopefully i made people happy by bringing them food?

THE MAGNUM PI FINALE IS ON TONIGHT AND MY BODY IS READY!!!! @chasethesun18 and I are bout to get litttttt

tagging: @juliethiggy @jenscorpion @theblacksiren @jennie-may

[leaving-all-of-it]

I guess everything is somewhat catching up with me or something, I dont know.

I’m so tired.

I was looking for something to eat a while ago for a snack, and idk I just sat down and looking around my new little place (no longer at the shelter now) and I sat there and cried. I dont even know what I feel. I don’t know how to process what I feel.

I dont know how to even think honestly, everything just feels.. weird. Foggy and heavy and overwhelming. Tense. It all feels tense inside my whole body. And on the verge of panic, it feels like. Obviously anxiety spiked up a ton.

I don’t think I did ever cry at the shelter... did I ? hmm. I feel like maybe I did once. I dont remember when. or what over. But I definitely dont think more than that once.

And it wasn’t in the initial first days I got there either. Despite how terrified I was the first night there. How badly I just wanted to go “home” and wanted my old bedroom and bed back. How close to tears I was. I didn’t end up crying that first night. Even though it was so scary crawling into that shelter bed that night; stretching out my bathrobe underneath me to try and soften the bed even a little. I didn’t cry even though someone stole my pillow the second day. I was just disappointed and irritated. 

I didnt cry when I was so freaked out hearing back quickly from the transitional housing place (where I am now) thats connnected with the shelter. I was freaking out that I didnt feel ready to leave the shelter yet.

idk.

I dont know what Im feeling. I dont know what Im thinking. Everything just feels like a heavy foggy weight all over my body and mind and breathing feels weird. The breathing part I absolutely know is anxiety. Its a very familiar feeling. its how bad anxiety feels for me most of the time. an uneasiness in my stomach, discomfort and almost.. jittering in my back and shoulders. tension everywhere. tension that feels like buzzing or jittering. 

I guess its probably everything catching up with me.

im trying to gather my thoughts and put words to the feelings or make sense of any of it. 

when I was crying on the floor curled up looking at my lonely little apartment, my mind was like.. swimming. i dont think racing quite describes it because it was.. idk more muddled than that. thoughts and feelings just swam around and so many slid past like covered in thick fog or something. couldnt quite fully catch what the feelings were just vague thoughts about everything. things from dad being dead, having lived at a shelter, the fact im here now, guilt over maybe not deserving this assistance Im getting since my situation was loadss better than other women ive met and I have a nicer apartment here than some of them, fear of living alone, knowing my dad would be very disapproving of who I am today an so much that ive done and believe, the fact I was abused as a kid and everything

idk

im so tired

ive been getting to bed so late lately

im trying to slowly grasp some sort of sense of normalcy and create some sort of routine. now that im in an apartment and not the shelter. at least there there was the routine of lunch and dinner at set times. already made. just show up and have some and eat with the other women and socialize. after a while it wasnt so bad there most of the time, even when my days varied greatly it felt more routine and okay

but now its like... I have to move on with my life I guess. its not longer like crisis... im in an actual house. its mine. for now. so now I have to find something to... DO with my life. Im not working or in school. I need to find stuff to fill my time, some way to create a routine and not go crazy. 

I also have plenty of STUFF I have to do... even besides all the stuff of moving in and settling in and moving stuff out of storage etc etc. gotta update my health card, send a letter off to pensions, change my addresses, get a dentist appt next week!! which I am also so freaked out about

I have to learn to budget properly and figure out supporting myself on the little I have from social assistance. feed myself on it. cook, actually eat what I cook. eat healthily. clean up after myself and stay organized.

idk

eerything is so much

its really scary and weird feeling the space im in right now

not technically in crisis anymore but... just this weird limbo where im almost in shock im not at the shelter anymore and now life has to go on somehow. i have my OWN place which is exhilerating but also... terrifying. im an adult. im REALLY an adult now. I have to REALLY be an adult now. I have to be EXTRA all grown up, and live on my own.

idk

everything is so scary. im so scared. i am SO overwhelmed. Ive been kind of numb last little bit I guess and since moving in tuesday. Ive also been somewhat keeping busy. out shopping for groceries all day wedndesday. getting food from moms thursday. 

it gets lonely here in the evenings though. and boring. but like.. the weird depression boredom too. where its hard to feel enjoyment from anything. prison break isnt even really keeping me interested at all right now. managed about half of a walking dead episode before losing all interest in it too. 

Outsiders fanfictions are the only thing really keeping me going right now. and im also almost constantly listening to music. to keep some noise while here alone and not feel so lonely and stuff. I dont want quiet. need that noise.

im so tired.

i should probably go sleep.

at least I like my bed. its not really comfortable right now until I invest in a real good foam topper, but its a DOUBLE bed which is a novelty for me since ive always had a single bed. I decorated it all nice too and since I dont have curtains yet for over the blinds in my bedroom ive been hanging towels from the top bunk around my bed to keep it dark and that feels nice and secure. so I do like my bed. the bedding they gave me is so pretty too. and I have 4 pillows now. its really nice. its still hard to sleep lately though. hence goign to sleep so late. I stay out of bed completely until im exhauuusted and cant do it anymore. usuallyl still play around on my phone for too long after getting in bed too though

sigh

idk

i guess i should go soon

getting more stuff I need from moms for over here tmrw

mom and best friend havent seen it yet. excited for mom to come see it. dont really want best friend to sleep over for a while yet though. i feel like I really need to get adjusted to being here first. alone. the way I had to at the shelter. it took a few weeks but I did. and I know I need that now too. 

alright I guess better stop now.... idk what else to say

this was just kind of a total freewrite blab since I was freaking out intenrally after crying i feel like such crap

i feel al ittle better putting some stuff down now just it in my head

i hope someone reads it I guess

if you do like please maybe? just so I know and feel a little heard or something idek

[comicteaparty]

December 20th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 20th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Goddess of Paradise by Dee S. / Beedee.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Goddess of Paradise by Dee S. / Beedee~! (http://paradise.bluedubia.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

my favorite scene so far i think is when eridu runs into ekka. it was nice to see a character actually be happy to see her after a slew of eridu running into charas who dont really care all that much. and i just think its a good balance in general to all the hard truths eridu has woken up to.

although my second favorite scene admittedly is probably when she meets amun. just cause amun is gonna win all those awards for being lazy and laid back

but in general i liked how casually amun reveals that nah bro, its been 1200 years of slumber. as if its no big deal (which tbf for gods probably kind of isnt to a degree but still XD)

mathtans

My favourite scene was near the start of Chapter 4, with the human encounter. In large part because there was mention of a "dead human", making me think "wow that took a dark turn"... then it turned out she wasn' t dead and there was the whole "ick" factor, that wasn't dark at all.

Nice sort of twist, is I guess what I'm saying.

I also do like the Ekka scene though. In part because of my tendency to enjoy yuri ships.

RebelVampire

ah that was a hilarious moment. where eridu is basically treating the priestess like shes some dead insect or roadkill. but i also like within the comedy you see a really blunt and significant view into how she views humans

mathtans

Amun was cool, it was a good way to advance the plot, I'm not always keen on the laid back types though, heh.

Yeah, roadkill's kind of a good word the way that happened. ^.^

It's really interesting the way it's developed in first person overall too.

Reminds me a bit of a picture book, but the first person is a different take on that too.

RebelVampire

for the record you mean 2nd person. first person is "I do this thing" second person is "you do this thing"

but yeah this is probably the first 2nd person comic ive run into. im interested to see where it goes cause 2nd person is generally the more difficult pov to make work but theres also a lot of potential for creative stuff

mathtans

Oh yeah... that type of person.

Totally. I'm not sure how else you'd do it either, aside form having captions blocking the art. So this works.

RebelVampire

yeah it does work. although i also like that the comic has tons of silent moments that just let the visuals speak for themselves. because these are definitely some gorgeous visuals!

mathtans

That's true too. Also neat how some things stay the same while characters or other items appear.

RebelVampire

yeah it really helps draw your focus.

another scene i really like is when eridu shows up back on the island and all the green sprouts. cause its beautiful imagery. but im also haunted with questions about what happened to those two people who were watching

mathtans

Oh yeah, that was great. Goddess of amazing entrances or the like - though we saw the real one later on. ^.^ In retrospect, I feel like that made sense too, with humans being a footnote that she hadn't even expected to be there.

Though I do wonder about them too.

Maybe they were worshippers.

RebelVampire

maybe. although thatd be ironic if that sudden overgrowth killed them then

died for their beliefs

worshipped too hard

mathtans

True. Though I'm not sure death will really be a thing in the comic.

Feels like that was averted.

RebelVampire

maybe. id for sure say there probably wont be onscreen death.

probably

well violent death

mathtans

Unless it's one of the older gods maybe.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. After a 1200 year slumber, the Goddess Eridu finds the world quite different. Besides people being on her island, what else do you think will be a culture shock for Eridu? Do you think she’ll be able to adjust to all the changes, or will she refuse to accept them and continue to try to return the status quo? What do you think the other divine aspects have been up to over the years? Do you think more will be glad to see Eridu, like Ekka, or will more act like Amun and not care? Do you believe Eridu will manage to gain back her divine powers, or will something prevent her? Overall, how do you think this journey might change Eridu’s perspective on her divinity, on humans, or anything else? What will that change (or lack of change) mean for Eridu’s future actions?

mathtans

I wonder if technology exists on a world where Gods/Goddesses are just wandering around.

RebelVampire

depends on how we want to define technology. like for instance back when the world was young a loom would technically count as technology just cause it was a machine for advanced tasks.

im gonna laugh if eridu gets to a village and like theres electric lights everywhere. and she flips a light switch on and off wondering how humans came upon such magic and which god gave it to them

i feel regardless technology would advance

since if eridu can be considered a look into the average god/goddess than they probably mostly just ignore humans

unless theyre like "man i feel like being worshipped today"

mathtans

Well, that's a fair point. I guess I feel like if you can just ask a god to turn on the lights, there's not much need to do the inventing.

I also kind of wonder if one of the divine aspects is what put Paradise to sleep in the first place. Like, maybe was in league with that Enki new God type.

Unless Enki turns out to be a posturing human that the divine aspect was using as a puppet or something.

RebelVampire

dang now thatd be an interesting twist

mathtans

Also, this is a small island in the middle of nowhere. Maybe the mainland is rather different in terms of society.

All about the twists.

RebelVampire

this is also a large possibility. i considered that too. that whatever the island is it might not be representative of the world. honestly it could be argued the island has more old world values even cause theyre the only ones with a shrine left

Beedee

ahhh sorry I'm late! I'm reading up. hello people!

RebelVampire

hello~!

but yeah the twist, i just wouldnt think itd be possible cause the divine aspects are like parts of herself. so itd be hard to imagine one getting powerful enough to oust her. but that is what would make a twist like that so interesting cause it seems so unlikely

i think as far as the aspects though were gonna meet more amun's than ekka's XD not necessarily as laid back as amun, but more like they moved on in life/got bored

mathtans

Might not be old world values as much as it's just new gods have taken over everywhere and they haven't gotten around to dealing with the island yet.

I kinda thought about the parts of self thing... but isn't there a part of ourselves that we sometimes hate, and wish we could get rid of? And the Goddess doesn't seem like she'd be the nicest person to that part of herself, maybe. Though who knows, I may be way off.

I wonder if some of the others might also be asleep, or be serving other goddesses or something.

RebelVampire

the impression im getting is theyre all in their inner sanctums. so cant exactly serve anyone if theyre stuck there. and i also doubt they would cause i dont get the impression they think eridu is dead

thats like declaring loyalty to the assistant manager while the manager is on vacation

mathtans

Maybe they left voicemail at the inner sanctum and are wandering sans powers?

Fair enough though. There'd need to be incentives.

RebelVampire

but idk i mean could be possible

theres a lot of room for variety cause weve barely scratched the present day surface

Beedee

these are some good theories dang

mathtans

Also not sure how her perspectives will change... given how a few days can't wipe out decades of personality. Would need something monumental.

RebelVampire

i like to think shell at least come to view humans differently. or her role cause generally losing powers has the effect of humbling some one

QUESTION 3. The largest mystery presented in the story is why Eridu slept for so long. Who do you think forced Eridu (and her spirit aspects) away from the physical plane? What do you think the reasons were? Was it someone trying to do away with Eridu, or was it for some larger, greater good purpose? Does whoever Enki is have something to do with it? Or is Enki just some innocent bystander who was mistakenly identified as the one who created Eridu’s island? What do you think will happen when Eridu finally runs into Enki? Also, considering Eridu was already forced away from the realm, do you believe this could easily happen to her again? What is stopping the culprit from banishing Eridu back?

mathtans

(I think I'm belatedly realizing that's the creator. )

RebelVampire

lol thats okay math. yes @Beedee is the creator

mathtans

Losing powers can do that. I wonder if flying is a thing with other gods.

Beedee

haha yes I am~

mathtans

I feel like Enki is more an opportunist than the one who engineered everything or totally innocent. Though we've yet to meet him.

Kind of like the Wizard of Oz, in a way?

RebelVampire

i definitely think thats a distinct possibility. im on the page enki isnt this malicious entity and i dont think enki is responsible for what happened to eridu

mathtans

I do feel like Goddess will get all up in his face though.

RebelVampire

but maybe enki is no one. maybe hes just some human who found the island and said "hey my dudes lets live here this island is great." and then as history usually goes stories got exaggerated and eventually a human of great deeds became a god

mathtans

Oooh, maybe. Like, he doesn't actually exist anymore but put lots of things in place so people wouldn't realize that. (Makes me think of some societies from Star Trek.)

RebelVampire

yeah or something. but i could go either way. or it could be a combo of both

either way i dont think enki is responsible

to me it seems more likely kur is responsible at this point

for kicking eridu out of the physical planes

cause he needed her for things later

tho its curious she doesnt remember getting kicked out at all

Beedee

I find it interesting that you both get a vibe that enki isn't responsible even though he hasn't shown up yet :0

mathtans

I guess I just feel like that's too obvious of a solution. Goddess blaming the person who's actually behind it. I expect a twist, like how there weren't originally humans on the island.

I hadn't considered Kur as having a part in it. That's interesting.

Beedee

heh, fair

mathtans

Crazy theory time, the Priestess human is actually a God in disguise!

RebelVampire

yeah im with math. enki is the obvious choice. thus more likely a red herring. which could be wrong. maybe enki is all bwahahaha i have taken over

the priestess was responsible!

mathtans

Who has lost her memory and forgets.

Enki could also be the one behind it, but he was told to do it by Kur, or someone else.

Incidentally, I like the map feature. That's clever. Tracking the path over the island.

Beedee

ahh thanks!

mathtans

(I mean, story guide, not really a feature, but still.)

I often go to those pages, I'm rubbish with names.

RebelVampire

even if i remember the names i love those sorts of pages for spellings. cause i read a lot of comics and its hard to remember how to spell everyone's name even if i know what it is XD

mathtans

That's fair. Also neat how it's being developed over time.

RebelVampire

i like to think the reason eridu was sent away was not to do away with her. like maybe eridu did something bad she doesnt remember (or didnt consider bad). like flood some other god's island that got too close to hers. only that island was heavy populated already.

mathtans

Oh, that's a thought. Or maybe someone else did something bad and she wanted to forget it. Said sleep until I don't remember, didn't realize that'd take a few centuries.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Eridu’s arrival seems to coincide with several “coincidences” within the story. Why was the Dragon-God Kur also slumbering for at least 1000 years? Is it somehow related to Eridu, or was it for a separate reason? Why has Kur woken up early? Also, what is Ekka making for Kur that he even goes to the effort of sending Eridu to help get it? Further, we see a few other gods talking about Kur. Why is Shulsa seeking out Kur so desperately? What exactly could go “badly” that Zida leaves to prepare for it? Also, who is Daiard looking to settle a score with? Lastly, why do you think the priestess of Enki was conveniently near where Eridu crashed? Was that just a coincidence, or was she there for a related reason to Eridu?

Beedee

good question

mathtans

Kur forgot to hit the snooze alarm. Or whatever the equivalent is. (Oh, maybe that's what they were bringing to him...) I'm also not sure what to make of the interlude. Does make it clear that there are other Gods around, the Priestess wasn't making things up or delusional or something.

Maybe Enki told the Priestess to go there because of all the vegetation.

RebelVampire

i think the interlude does kind of prove other gods are around.

now that im thinking of it

mathtans

Yeah, helps to flesh out the island.

RebelVampire

kur just woke up from a 1000 year slumber and the first thing he does is to sit down and kind of take a nap before eridu shows up

which i identify with

maybe the 1000 years is just normal for kur

thats just how long he sleeps

his 8 hours so to speak

Beedee

I will quickly say: yeah that's just how long he sleeps

mathtans

I kinda got that impression from the fact that they knew when he'd be awake. More or less.

Though it could have been a prophecy or something.

RebelVampire

man i wanna sleep for 1000 years

so jealous

mathtans

Incidentally, I liked how Kur was built up to be this ancient amazing entity, worthy of awe, only to have Paradise say, yeah, nevermind that nonsense.

Beedee

haha

at the end of this session, if you are up for spoilers, I'd actually be willing to show the WIP last panels of this chapter for a short amount of time. it explains some of Kur and Ekka's deal haha

mathtans

Aw, it's not Ekka and the Goddess jumping on a mattress?

Beedee

maybe in a side comic lmao

mathtans

I was amused by the reaction to the failed stripping too.

RebelVampire

i enjoyed eridu's disappointment that they werent gonna have sex. just cause it was so blunt. XD

mathtans

Like, ow, my chest. And yeah, that upped the rating, I think

RebelVampire

maybe daiard also hates enki. cause to me the obvious choice is eridu. so im gonna go with enki. everyone is gonna join forces and go after enki

and enki is gonna be like "hey friends would yoou like some tea"

Beedee

haha

to be honest

mathtans

Enki, actually God of Tea.

Beedee

daiard was a dumb callback to the beginning of chapter 2, that became worldbuilding(edited)

mathtans

New crazy theory: Goddess actually ends up putting herself to sleep in the past because the divine can mess with space-time.

RebelVampire

thats brain hurting

Beedee

oh gosh

mathtans

It was all a plan to help her become more grateful, or something.

RebelVampire

hmm, this actually makes me remember that eridu thought shed been sleeping to recharge. maybe there is no villain. maybe eridu just overexerted herself to the point she forced her own self back

shes gonna go on a long quest only to find out she was the villain all along

Beedee

future Eridu goes back in time to punch herself in the face

(thisisajoke)

mathtans

Hah! I could see that though, like "shape up, self".

Also, recharging could be a thing. Maybe she just needs a good nap to be able to fly again too.

RebelVampire

nope this is canon now. future eridu very wise. /shot

i hope she finds the flying having divine aspect soon and gets her powers back. cause man those inner sanctums seem really inconvenient to navigate

cause i dont think ekka's was any better than amun's

ekka's was just more convenient cause a plant taxi picked eridu up

Beedee

true

the sanctums are all awful to navigate on foot

but I like drawing environments lmao

RebelVampire

they are beautiful environments too. i really enjoy the contrast between ekka and amun's sanctums

mathtans

Anyway, this comic does hit a lot of the things I enjoy, from an interesting narrative style to great environments... and some romance too. (edited)

Beedee

thank you ovo

mathtans

Maybe Ekka and Priestess are the real ship.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Dee S. / Beedee, as well, for making Goddess of Paradise. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Dee S. / Beedee’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://paradise.bluedubia.com/

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Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, December 27th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

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