#anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baubaes · 3 years ago

Note

hi! is there a chance for Jemily with no22? some angst maybe? cheers🤗

Well hello to you to! And of course there is!

@thatonecurlygirl prompt list 22

“I can’t give you what you want.”

Ship: Emily Prentiss x Jennifer Jareau

Word count: 5,4k

Genre: angst/hurt/fluff/very very light nsfw? i have no clue how to label this

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, injuries, classic criminal minds vibes :^)))

Summary: "Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead. She, however, was on a plane to Paris." aka JJ taking care of staked Emily, the blackbird flashback and events around it.

A/N: i thought of way too many scenarios when even though Emily and JJ are literally in love, it could never work out. here's one of them :^) i hope you'll enjoy it!! xx ana apparently i just can't imagine a scenario in which these characters could have a peaceful, quiet and happy life, im so sorry

Emily felt drained.

She was all hurting, really bad, her head was killing her, not only from the beating she received those several days ago, but also the mere stress of all this.

It was pretty baffling for her to realize that she survived this whole ordeal.

She couldn’t say for how long she was out; it felt both like a blink of an eye and an eternity.

And she really thought that she died, when she eventually lost consciousness in Morgan’s arms. That still felt like ages ago.

It was all really confusing, but then again, she couldn’t spare too much of her strength to dwell on what actually happened. Emily just felt too weak to try to keep her eyes open for too long and that resulted in her reality being pretty much scattered.

When she woke up in a hospital room, she was dazed and overwhelmed. They’ve put her on some strong painkillers after the surgery and most of the time right then felt like a blur. She thought she heard some voices in her dream, maybe doctors, maybe… Was it JJ?

She heard bits and pieces of conversations, somebody commenting on her condition in a low voice, nervous footsteps circling around the room, the dimmed rhythmical sounds of all the equipment she was hooked to, some sort of buzzing and a one sided conversation that had to be a phone call.

Was it just some bizarre dream?

A way for her subconscious mind to cope with the anxiety surrounding the recent events?

Whether it was real or not, it let her stay in this state of slumber brought to her through an IV drip.

Despite all that, she felt really grateful. She wasn’t sure where to channel this gratitude though;

Her team for backing her up?

The doctors for patching her up in the OR?

God, for allowing her to continue her existence?

Then again, she wasn’t sure if the last one existed, nor that the almighty entity would waste its time on making sure little old her survives.

It was comforting though, that her last moments on this Earth managed not to be spent with Doyle, even if that was against her will, so in theory, she didn’t have much of control over this.

Memories of him were a combination of ones that she’s made as Emily Prentiss and ones that she’s made as Lauren Reynolds. As Emily, it consisted of all those moments when he threatened her and her team, he kidnapped her, tortured her, nearly killed her…

As Lauren she was able to saw his more… Humane side.

Lauren was his girlfriend. Lauren lived with him,

Lauren shared her joys and fears with him. Lauren loved him.

But that was Lauren.

She wasn’t real. An identity, that’s all that she was.

And even though Emily tried to convince herself that Lauren’s feelings were perfectly compartmentalized away from her own, deep down she knew she was lying to herself.

Was Doyle ever somebody she actually loved?

She definitely despised him, but it felt like now she was obligated to despise even her own self for ever having feelings for this monster. Positive ones anyway.

Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead.

She, however, was on a plane to Paris.

It was all coordinated by Hotchner and JJ.

Nobody else knew.

Her team, her friends, her loved ones were about to attend her funeral in a few days.

She imagined confused look on Spencer’s face, Garcia’s eyes filled with tears, Morgan frowning and looking away. Would Rossi be sad, or would he finally feel relieved to be ridded of her impulsiveness and comments on literally everything?

She imagined her mother, who obviously was not on it, throwing a pile of soil on the coffin. That would not hold her body inside. Would she cry? Would she stay composed even at a funeral of her only child? Well, again, it wasn’t real real, but she wouldn’t be able to realize that.

For some reason, she figured JJ would’ve taken it upon herself to feel guilty, despite knowing what was going on.

They both knew it was the only way to make it all work.

Emily worried about everyone, but there were two people she worried about the most. Spencer and Penelope.

They both were incredibly strong, but she couldn’t be sure how would they deal with this.

She worried, since Reid did not cope well with losing authorities. And even if he would never admit it to her face, she knew that he looked up to her.

The thought of that made her feel the bile appear on the back of her throat.

That kid has lost so many people already… And he internalized all that, it had to be weighing on him every single day. It felt cruel to add another person to that list.

She had to keep thinking about the bigger picture to even remotely be able to deal with all that.

Now Garcia was somebody that Emily truly loved.

It was hard to imagine her being sad over her „death”.

Not because of the probability of the blonde being sad,

rather the severity of her grieving, Emily would imagine.

Penelope was one of those people who were able to feel so much, maybe even too much sometimes.

And on a daily basis it was wonderful. That’s what’s made her such an incredible, empathetic human being, who, despite their job, was still able to not only - be cheerful, but to cheer others up as well.

When she thought of that, it felt as if her heart could break to million pieces.

It was strange, how in that moment she should still feel the pain;

They’ve stabilized her after the surgery, but there were still bruises on her face, stitches across her abdomen, burnt skin on her chest. And she did feel it, but it was blurred, far away.

The feeling that made her grasp reality to the point of hyperawareness was the emotional pain.

Somehow she was able to compare it to the pain of being staked.

She still wasn’t sure what was a proper emotional response in that situation.

It wasn’t in the manual, or in training, despite people having to go… Well, faking your own death was like going undercover, in a way.

Both at the Interpol and the FBI, nobody taught her how to feel, while pretending to be dead.

She knew how to make it happen technically, more or less. After all, Lauren had already died. Her old team, JTF-12, was able to pull that off those several years ago. Including her of course.

But that was Lauren. An identity, which, sure, she’s been tied to for quite some time, living as her, acting like her, becoming her in a way.

Still, just an identity.

Right now, there wasn’t a disguise, an identity to toss away, allowing her to come back to her regular life.

Right now her regular life was supposed to cease to exist.

Before, she thought about her goal and the fact, that she survived. She was grateful, in some way she felt obligated to take care of Declan and she wouldn't be able to do that, if she was actually dead, right?

Even though she knew that she had no right to feel attached to the boy as much as she did, she just couldn’t help it. The image of him as a toddler, walking around the room in Doyle’s house stuck in her head. She couldn’t shake it off. And even before Doyle found her, that image caused her to have problems with falling asleep from time to time.

Emily never seriously thought of herself becoming a mother, for that role to be the main purpose of her life. She was afraid of screwing her potential children up, because she knew that even if she meant well, it wouldn’t guarantee them turning out okay. And her line of work made it impossible to both realistically approach the idea of maternity - she didn’t have a partner and if she were to be a single mother - it would be impossible to keep up with the BAU - that job was just too demanding; but also she saw so many downright evil, just unimaginable things that people were capable of doing to one another. How could she ever be able to shield a child from that?

Suddenly, all these ridiculous, small things that she wouldn’t think twice about made her feel as if each and every part of her life was just slipping through her fingers, right there, right then.

That one window in her apartment, the one with the wide windowsill, she loved to sit on it and watch the sky. Sergio would curl up in her lap or right next to her, on the windowsill, quietly purring, when she would pet his black fur. It didn’t happen often, because most nights she'd come home so exhausted, all she could basically do was just pass out on her bed. And Sergio would sleep on a pillow right next to her, despite Emily's promises to herself that she will teach him to stop, because she'd wake up covered in his fur with a runny nose.

But when she had a chance to do that, it made her mind stop racing, at least for a few minutes. That barely ever happened anywhere else.

Now she realized that Sergio was alone in her apartment and she panicked. But just for a second, because then she remembered JJ in the hospital, telling her that Penelope took him in. Of course she did. He'd definitely be surrounded with love. She wished she could've just taken him with her though, since she's already been missing him. Silly little fur ball, making her fall in love with him gradually. Penelope wouldn't be able to resist his charm for sure, she thought to herself, smiling. Still, she felt really sad.

Emily realized that she’s left so many things behind.

She didn’t think of herself as someone intensively attached to material possessions, but all these had a sentimental value for her and that was the only thing that mattered.

The thoughts invading her head were random, coming to her without any particular sense or order, falling on her mind like an avalanche.

And she thought about that crumpled up picture, capturing her with her friends when she was a teenager, back in Rome.

A cross, that her mother gave her on her first communion. She wasn’t ever really wearing it, but she liked knowing that it was safely tucked away in one of the drawers in her closet. It brought her some strange kind of comfort.

A box with letters she’d exchange with her father when she was a kid, because even though they moved around together as a family, he still would have assignments all around the world. So he would leave for a single weekend, or for several months at a time. No matter how long or short was he leaving for, he’d always try and send her a postcard, hence the collection of them, both from huge cities in Europe and Asia and tiny places she’s never even heard of before in America or Australia.

Maybe she wasn’t going through this box ritually on some settled schedule, but every once in a while she would look at those tacky pictures of touristy little towns, as well as simple, beautiful pictures of great historical monuments or watercolored landscapes of picturesque countrysides. And they'd make the corners of her lips rise up just a tiny bit.

All that with a couple words reading simple greetings, scribbled in a hurry, in her dad’s small, not exactly neat handwriting, on the back of each and every one of them.

„Love you, Dad” summed up every single message.

And looking at those words made her feel warmth, both now and when she was a little girl. Her father wasn’t very talkative and he rarely told her he loved her unprompted. So she got used to reading these words, instead of hearing them from him.

She cherished these postcards and anytime she’d go through them, she noticed some kind of feeling spread throughout her body, that felt like pure joy, but also love and safety.

Kurt Vonnegut’s "Sirens of Titan".

Morgan lent it to her a few months ago.

The book was by her bed, bookmarked with some crumpled receipt for groceries she’d found at the bottom of her purse, when she'd had to suddenly break away from Rumfoord and Kazak on the jet.

She’s read it before, truth be told, (in Italian and back in the ’80s), but Morgan insisted that she just had to read the original version. And even though there was a stack of books she wanted to read going back at least two years sitting on her bedroom floor, dangerously leaning against the radiator, the day she brought it home, she placed the Sirens on the very top of her bedside table, instead of the stack.

She’d imagine Morgan would appreciate that gesture.

Morgan, her partner.

Morgan, who held her before she passed out.

Morgan, who always had her back.

And she tried to do the same for him in the field.

He’s saved her ass countless times.

Emily wished she could have had his back right now.

She realized with a paralyzing fear that it could last forever.

Doyle could lay low, undetected for years.

Would it keep Morgan up at night?

Would he blame himself, wondering?

If he'd gotten to her seconds earlier, if he had only ran faster, if he’d found her sooner, would it change anything?

Thinking about that made her fists clench suddenly.

If she had any fingernails left, they would surely dig into the skin of her palms very painfully right now.

Emily felt this overwhelming guilt filling her chest, making her throat feel as if it was closing, her teeth grit.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, as if the jet’s cabin had become decompressed and she couldn't reach the oxygen mask.

"You’re doing okay?"

She heard the soft and calming voice of her only companion on this flight, naturally besides the pilot.

JJ was looking at her with those big, worried, blue eyes and even though Emily’s first instinct was to nod, as she did just that, she felt her eyes watering.

"I can't stand the thought of all of them grieving over a lie."

She mumbled out.

"Emily, you know that this is the only way. We’d never make them go through this, if there were any other options. They will understand."

JJ’s voice became more firm with the last sentence, she was obviously in a mind space reserved for dealing with crisis.

"I really thought that was it, you know?"

Emily asked, a little startled at the sound of her own voice.

She couldn’t recall the last time she’s held an actual conversation with another person, one that wouldn’t consist of barely understandable mumbling as a form of communication on her end.

"There came that point, where the pain went away, I guess I went into shock. I heard Morgan’s voice and I wanted to keep my eyes open like he told me to so bad, but I just couldn’t. I felt like I was slipping away and it felt so… Easy. I wasn’t scared at all. I… I knew you guys would take care of Declan, if I wasn’t around. And that all of you would be okay."

She said, trying to piece together everything that happened.

"And apparently I've coded in the ambulance? I had no idea, but some glimpses are coming back to me, slowly. But it was like I’d fallen asleep."

She added, her face reflecting her mind in a state of deep contemplation.

Her thoughts were interrupted by JJ’s voice.

"Thank God, you didn’t…"

Emily only now noticed that with every word that she spoke, JJ’s eyes became more and more glossy. She frowned.

"Hey, I’m here."

She leaned in and smiled faintly.

"Its gonna take way more than some branding and a little stake for you to get rid of me."

JJ laughed, wiping the tears away, before they had a chance to flow down her cheeks.

"Why would I ever want to get rid of you?"

Blonde asked, her voice now soft, her expression puzzled.

Emily felt something strange in her chest.

At first her brain assumed it had to be her burnt skin and damaged nerve endings, but no.

It felt nice, it wasn’t painful.

That warmth, spilling around her insides.

She didn’t have a witty comeback to her question. She wanted to think it was because of the meds making her hazy, but she wasn’t sure anymore. She just looked down at her chest and frowned again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The first thing I’m doing, when we get to Paris is having this removed."

She heard her own voice.

"How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?"

"Maybe it’s a psychosomatic itch you’re scratching? The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his, a stake… I mean you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you’re proud of?"

JJ wondered, actually trying to analyze all that. She looked at her, now amused.

"Or you could always get another tattoo."

Emily laughed at that. JJ continued.

"You know, something transformative? Like a… A phoenix. Or a blackbird."

"I love the song."

Emily said.

"But something tells me, I shouldn’t tread in your waters."

JJ looked at her with a questioning look.

"Come on, JJ. Something’s obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet. You’re profiling me."

JJ looked down and sighed. Emily continued.

"Why didn’t you say your transfer was a backstop?"

At that JJ’s expression turned to a confused one, indicating that what the other woman said was the truth.

"Oh, I know that look. The 'I can’t trust anyone, but myself' look. I invented it."

Emily added, trying to make it sound funny, but ultimately, it still came out serious, because it was true. JJ smiled at her slightly, but she looked sad.

"Do you ever feel like you’re in way over your head?" Emily nodded, wanting her to continue.

"I got assigned to an information hunt. Instead, I am chasing an unsub, who killed my informant."

"What would Hotch tell you to do?" Emily asked without hesitation. That’s how she found her way around during any investigation, ever since she joined the BAU.

"Focus on victimology, let behavior lead the way…"

JJ listed out loud.

"Exactly. Who did your unsub kill?"

"The one person I was getting through to."

"Why?"

Emily continued with her questions, seeing that they initiated JJ’s thought process.

"Because I was getting through to…" JJ said, frowning.

"I was getting through to her. What if she was about to expose her killer? Someone on the inside…"

Emily could tell that JJ needed somebody else to look at her situation and see it in from a different angle. JJ got really pensive, her eyes glued to some nonexistent point in space.

"It sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script." Emily said slowly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I guess it does." JJ said with a tiny smile, before getting up.

"Hey, why won’t you try and sleep at least a while? We won’t be landing for several hours, so…"

"Right. You should try and sleep too. I’ve been in a coma, so I caught some Zs, when you think about it. Medically induced ones, but still. You on the other hand must be exhausted."

Emily’s face was covered in grey, purple and yellow spots, but JJ’s face, even though not bruised, still indicated that she had a rough couple of days. She had bags under her eyes, her cheeks pale, instead of slightly flushed like they normally were, her face tired.

They both looked quite miserable.

JJ just smiled in response, but her eyes weren’t a part of that smile. Her eyes stayed sad.

She walked to another seat, so she could try and lie down.

Emily wanted to let JJ rest, because she suspected that by suggesting sleeping, she actually had an excuse to take a nap herself, even if it was supposed to last only few minutes. She deserved a good night sleep, Emily thought to herself, watching the blonde struggling to find a comfortable position. When she eventually succeeded, Prentiss leaned back in her own seat, looking out the window. Her chest was still burning, but she wouldn’t even flinch. Her eyes, almost independently from her will, landed on the other woman every couple of minutes. She watched JJ’s chest move rhythmically, until her breathing became really deep and really steady and she was without a doubt asleep.

She knows what’s happening,

Emily thought to herself.

And so does Hotchner.

Yet, they’re going to have to look at the rest being in pain and they’re going to have to pretend that they’re going through the same thing.

And when she thought about Hotch, it wasn’t that hard to imagine.

He would keep himself perfectly composed in pretty much any situation she ever saw him in.

He was able to calculate his next move without showing as much as a microexpression.

It could be a little unsettling sometimes, but then again when he was surrounded by his family, when he was with Jack, he would expose this softer and loving side of himself. Just a bit. It was quite the view.

Emily had no doubt that he was a good father. And a good man.

He really was great at planning, thinking ahead like no one else;

he had his way of smoothly dealing with issues that inevitably came up during their investigations.

All those things made him an incredible section chief.

Emily was certain that she could trust him with her life. And she did.

It would be hard for anyone to keep such a burdening secret from people you are constantly around.

Eventually, you could start believing the lie, but that also took dedication. It was even harder when you had to lie to people that were actually a part of your life, people that you were close to.

It’s one thing to be undercover and to keep a secret from people you’re trying to infiltrate. During such operations it felt justified to do that, choosing the lesser evil, the end justify the means and all that.

It’s a completely different thing to do that to your friends and family.

"The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even more so than lying to another."

A quote by the author Elizabeth Bear, that she's memorized from reading her New Amsterdam series more than once. She was repeating it in her mind, not being able to stop.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She knew that they made the right call. Still, it was just devastating, thinking what they voluntarily sentenced themselves to.

She tried to calm herself down with proper breathing. It helped.

Emily finally decided to try to sleep. She thought that since she was still medicated, she’d pass out easily, but that didn’t happen.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw faces of her team members. She felt like her chest was being crushed. Breathing didn't really help.

After what felt like forever of forcing herself to fall asleep without any luck, she opened her eyes and just kept them open. She focused her gaze on what was behind the window.

The clouds, barely visible in the navy skies.

She didn’t do it on purpose, but she realized that she started to dissociate.

And she let herself do it.

The numbness felt better than the stinging guilt.

She didn’t really register it, but tears left her eyes, falling on her lashes and cheeks, as her deep, dark eyes focused on the navy color in front of her, forty thousand feet above the ground.

She couldn’t tell how long it took, but only JJ’s turning in her sleep, simultaneously throwing a bag off the seat made Emily come back to reality. Blonde didn’t wake up. She looked really peaceful.

She thought about not seeing her for God knows how long. It stung, to a point of her gasping. Afraid, that maybe that could’ve woken her up, Emily wiped her tears away, but JJ’s eyes stayed closed. And these intrusive thoughts came back to roam inside her head.

Sure, JJ wouldn’t be with the BAU now, since she’s had that informant operation, but no doubt, she would still see them. They were a huge part of her life after all.

Emily watched her face, calm and soft, imaging it twisted in pain and grief, having to pretend one of their own was dead.

In her mind, JJ was one of the strongest people she knew. She was persistent, hardworking and incredibly professional, but she was also kind, nurturing and very loyal.

What she was doing for her at this very moment proved it perfectly.

She knew that JJ accepted her part in this plan on her own and if she were to start trying to talk her out of it (never mind that it was also too late for that at this point), she wouldn’t change her mind. To be fair, if they switched places, she would do the same for JJ, but still, she couldn’t stop worrying about the woman sleeping on a seat across from her.

Emily watched her friend and it brought her some sort of comfort, a feeling of safety.

She finally dozed off, trying not to think, but focused on JJ’s steady breathing instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Emily, we’ll be landing in about an hour."

She heard, opening her eyes, and she saw JJ standing in front of her, one of her hands on her shoulder.

"I thought you’d like to change before the transfer."

Emily’s hand landed on top of hers, holding both of them on her shoulder.

"Oh, right. Thank you, I…" she looked down at their hands, trying to focus. "We’ll have to say goodbye soon, right?" she blurted out, looking back at her face.

JJ sighed and sat down right next to her, not taking her hand away, but instead, intertwining their fingers and resting both their hands in Emily’s lap.

"Well, it seems so."

She smiled, but her eyes were reddened, filling with tears once again.

Emily’s gaze was glued to their hands, watching JJ’s wrist and fingers, so delicate right now, but perfectly capable of throwing a good punch. Her eyes stopped at the ring on her finger; Henry’s birthstone. She felt that strange feeling again, that warmth spreading throughout her body.

"It’s not going to last forever. We will find Doyle."

JJ mumbled out and Emily held her breath.

"I know, but… I will miss you so much."

Emily said, before instinctually putting her arms around blonde’s waist, to which she responded with wrapping her arms around her neck. JJ tried to be gentle, because of Emily’s condition, but brunette only held her tighter.

They were so close right now, that she could hear the other woman’s heartbeat. It was slightly elevated.

JJ pulled back just a little, so she could look at her face.

"I will miss you as well." she whispered, their eyes laid on each other.

JJ said the next sentence so quietly, that Emily could barely hear it.

"You’re very special to me, you know that?"

Emily wouldn’t be able to logically explain why she did what she did next, but somehow her hands ended up on both sides of JJ’s face and she leaned in, placing her lips on blonde’s ones.

She wasn’t thinking, but as she kissed her, the other woman immediately kissed her back. Emily felt soft palms cupping her face, her eyes closed. That kiss was filled with so much pain and longing and some kind of desperation.

But it made her whole body fill up with that warmth.

Emily wasn’t even sure what that was, so she tried to be gentle. She ended up kissing JJ in a somewhat shy manner, yet the other agent was deepening the kiss with each second, making it more and more passionate. Emily felt her back hitting the wall and a moan left her throat, captured by the kiss. JJ reacted by slowing down, moving her fingers across her face, running them through her hair. Emily was still cupping JJ’s face, her skin felt so soft and warm under her fingers when she brushed them across her cheeks. Their tongues slowly swirling around one another, this time Emily caused JJ to gasp, as she bit her lower lip. She responded with kissing brunette even more eagerly, so Emily brushed her fingers along her neck, resting them on her shoulders. One of her hands was caressing the skin covering JJ’s collarbone. At that she sighed, barely audibly, but Emily caught it. Her fingers moved towards the skin covering her breastbone.

JJ suddenly pulled back and broke the kiss, leaving both of them breathing heavily, blood flowing through their cheeks and lips.

Emily placed her hands back on JJ’s shoulders, she didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she broke the silence.

"JJ, I…" she didn’t even know what to say. It wasn’t right. She had a loving husband, a family. She didn’t mean to ruin it for her.

"We don’t have to talk about this." she said quickly and Emily felt strange. She took her hands off of her shoulders and leaned back, so there was space between them.

"I… Dont… Look, if we won’t see each other for…"

She started, but her voice broke, when she realized what expression showed up on JJ’s face.

Regret.

Emily felt so many contradicting things in that moment, that she basically froze. JJ was looking away.

"You went through something traumatic, we all did. It’s only natural to crave human contact then. And it can present itself in many different ways. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine."

"JJ, it means… It means everything for me."

Emily choked out, placing her hand on top of blonde’s. JJ turned her hand, so she could squeeze Emily’s one between her fingers.

She smiled looking at their hands, but only for a fraction of a second. And then she took her hand away, only to look Emily straight in her eyes. She seemed sad, but also… Agitated.

"I can’t give you what you want, Emily." she said quickly, getting up.

"There’s too many reasons why. And… You have to leave."

JJ stated, sort of matter-of-factly.

Emily couldn’t really comprehend what just happened. But all of the pain, both physical and mental suddenly came back, not dimmed anymore.

This was… This wasn’t the time for this. Come on, Emily, it’s time to compartmentalize again. You used to be so good at this!

Well, before joining the team anyway.

"We’re landing in 15. You have to change, definitely cover up these bruises at least a bit." JJ continued talking, her voice morphing back to that task-oriented tone. She was taking clothes and makeup out of the bags, handing the items to her. "Hurry."

Emily felt like she couldn’t move, but she forced herself to get up and do what she needed to. They weren’t looking at each other and even though she wanted to scream, she kept perfectly quiet.

Compartmentalize. It’s not the time. It didn’t mean anything.

They landed and after JJ made sure that the right person was waiting outside to drive Emily to a safehouse, she stood in front of her and hugged her. Emily wasn’t really expecting that right now, since the atmosphere was so tense.

"I will miss you, no matter what." JJ whispered and even though Emily was so stunned from the pain and all around confused, she knew they couldn’t part without a proper goodbye.

"Thank you, for everything. Take care of them." Emily said and she embraced her tightly, one last time. Emily wanted to say that she’ll miss her like crazy, but it felt both like too much and not enough.

She didn’t want to let them turn this into a final goodbye.

"Of course. I will see you soon, okay?" JJ smiled and Emily smiled back. It wasn’t the best forced smile, but she just couldn’t do better in that moment.

"Goodbye, Jennifer." she said sounding way too official, taking a first step out.

"Goodbye, Emily."

Prentiss turned away and quickly made her way to the parked car.

She saw JJ’s face one last time through the tiny window.

The car left the landing strip and disappeared in the night.

„Goodbye, Emily.” she thought to herself, as she caught her own reflection in the side mirror.

„Goodbye, Emily.”

JJ whispered, placing a red rose on the coffin.

33 notes · View notes

honeypirate · 4 years ago

Text

bestie bestie bakugou

Bakugou and fem!reader, best friends, roommates, loveeee

Warning - swears, mentions of sex

You were walking around the city for hours now, you left the apartment just before sundown and now it’s raining and you think you see the light from the sun turning the clouds lighter on the horizon. You came home after a long day of work, of fighting a villain, of almost not making it back this time, to find your boyfriend, who you didnt even live with mind you, fucking someone else on your bed. You didn’t say anything, you just walked out, quietly, he didn’t even notice.

The buzzing in your hand caught your attention, making you aware of the heaviness of something in your palm, you raise it to see and then remember it’s your phone. The action causes it to wake up, showing your notifications, 50 missed calls from him and almost as many texts and double the amount of calls and texts from your two best friends

The screen catches the water from the rain as it flows down the surface, you try to unlock your phone, a sudden urge to not be alone hitting you, but your thumb was too cold and wet to unlock with the fingerprint. You go to press in the buttons but the screen doesnt recognize your fingers either, you’re starting to panic, to hyperventilate when the screen lights up, you relax seeing the name pop up and try to answer but you were shaking so much, you brought the phone to your lips, sticking your tongue out to click the green button.

“Fucking bastard is going to die” he says as he wraps you in a towel, pulling you to his chest, “y/n im so sorry. You’re staying here with me for now on, i’ll go to your place tomorrow and get some of your things and get your key back from that fucker.” he was pissed, fuming, you haven't seen him this mad since high school “Katsuki i couldn't possibly put you out” he holds his finger to your lips “shut up, im insisting, plus this place is too big for just me” you chuckle through the shivers that are now finding your body, your skin and bones finally reacting to the cold as your body shakes uncontrollably. “T-t-thank you K-Kacchan” he sighs and takes your hand, pulling you with him down the hall to the bathroom.

After a really nice shower, you exit his big ass fancy shower that was really more like a spaceship, you had to use a step stool to get inside it. It had multiple different heads, a steam option, and could even convert into a jacuzzi, if only you didn’t feel like a bath was too close to being a ‘you’ flavored soup.

You find a change of clothes for you waiting on his bed, a pair of his sweats and one of his shirts, you brought them to your nose, taking a deep breath. They smelled like downey, the yellow kind your parents used to use, it smelt comforting. You slip on his clothes and feel like you’re getting a hug from him.

When you make it back to the kitchen you have the shivers again, your wet hair making your back wet. He takes one look at you, arms hugged around your body, and he throws you over his shoulder and takes you right back to his room. He sets you down on the bed and then takes a hold of his hood and pulls his hoodie off, shoving it down over your head. “I’m making you some tea and then you are going to talk to me more if you feel like it okay?” you nod with a small smile as you pop your arms through the sleeves.

Its been six months, Bakugou has helped you heal through your pain, he got you some things from your apartment and got your key back. He also officially, and with pleasure, told your ex to fuck off, that it was over and to never contact you again, with too many threats to count. He really enjoyed it and wanted to do it for a long time but he’d never tell you that. You cut your ex out of your life, easily letting him go because if you caught him cheating once who knows how long he did it, you were 100% okay with never seeing him again, the hard part was waiting for the feelings to go away, to rid yourself of the habit that was your ex.

You tried to go back to your apartment after a few weeks, it was fine for the most part, you found a completely new bed in your room courtesy of Bakugou and although he denies it wholeheartedly you know no one else would have done that,... but after a few days you called Bakugou, telling him that it just felt empty and that it didn’t feel like your home anymore, he invited you to move in immediately and you never looked back.

Your new bed and all the furniture you didn't sell sit proudly in the spacious spare bedroom at Bakugous apartment. He was right, this apartment was way too big for one person.

Bakugou had girls over periodically and you didn’t mind them at first, you even made them breakfast sometimes, on the off chance Bakugou slept late and didn’t kick them out immediately. He’s never liked the morning after, the girls he has dated were just to fill the hole in his soul made by the feelings he has developed for you. He’s trying to find one that makes him feel as electric as you make him feel.

After a month of random girls you start to notice yourself resenting the girls you hear him with, the way they fake moan in the bedroom, loudly just so you will hear and then they will give you evil stares as they walk out in the morning. You asked Yao-Momo for some advice once, calling her after you hear another loud girl as you went to the kitchen for some ice cream, losing your appetite you left the ice cream on the counter and just left the kitchen (just eyerolling when he tried to give you shit about it) . “just ask him to stop” you sigh “I cant do that. I dont want to cause him any trouble. I just dont know why he has to go for girls like that” you fake throw up and she laughs “y/n do you think you like bakugou?” she asks and you gasp “of course not! He’s my best friend! And hes bakugou! I couldnt possibly…” you pause for a while as you think, were you really discovering feelings for the blasty explosion boy? This was such a rub. She just laughs at you from over the phone “unclench your jaw y/n. Dont be so tense” you realize shes right as you release your teeth, relaxing your face and jaw “you know me so well” you say with a laugh “of course i do. I’m your real best friend. Not some ill tempered boy. If you like him great, tell him and he’ll stop fucking randoms or if you dont like him tell him to stop fucking randoms so loud” you laugh “so wise Yao-momo, me lovely sensei Yao-Momo” she laughs at you before you guys have to hang up, both having work in the morning.

After the next few days you realized just how in love you were with him, getting more and more annoyed with the girls he brought home, not even noticing that they were showing up less and less, pretty soon the random girls have stopped coming over all together, not that you knew that, you still heard what seemed to be sex noises from his room every once in a while, you just assumed he kicked them out right after, not that he was thinking about you and … you know wink wink

Another six months later you’re with him on a mission, the villains just keep coming wave after wave, a quirk controlling their (dead before you even came around) bodies, it was never ending, if you stopped fighting they would kill you and you didn’t know who the villain was or where they were. You had your agencies looking for them and until then you had to fight, to keep these bodies occupied so they didn't bring chaos anywhere else. You didn’t talk during the fighting but you both were paying more attention to making sure that the other was fine that you ended up just fighting the villains going after each other. When you get home, battered, bruised, and covered in sweat and blood and many tears, you each take turns showering in his amazing shower, you couldn't use a normal shower for your sore muscles.

You made a meal for you both quietly as he showered, too tired to speak or do more than was required, when he came to find you he almost cried with relief at your home cooked meal, he was starving. You ate together in silence, both reflecting on the battle, both reliving every moment where you almost lost the other, where you almost lost the fight, feeling more and more anxious the more you thought about it. What would you have done without him? You didnt want to lose him and regret never telling him, but you know you are way to exhausted to speak.

You stare at each other in the hallway, both wanting to say something, to not leave each other yet. You turn to go and he grabs your hand, pulling you with him into his room before climbing in bed and pulling you along with him down into his soft comfortable bed, he pulls you to his chest and you feel all your stress and anxiety leave your body. He kisses the back of your head “I love you” he whispers into your hair, the only energy he has left. You turn in his arms to look at him and see his eyes blink slowly, he can hardly hold them open anymore. You smile softly “I love you” you whisper back and he sighs, a happy smile on his lips as he lets his eyes close “good” he says and you chuckle, your eyes closing as you lean forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before allowing yourself to fall asleep, the feeling of his arm around you and the sound of his soft breaths comforting you.

#mha #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha katsuki #bakugou katsuki fanfiction #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #katsuki x reader #katsuki x y/n #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo

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capaimagines · 4 years ago

Text

got7 - meeting the family

Pairing: Got 7 x Reader | Genre: fluff | Warnings: mentions of anxiety | WC: 2.1k

im jaebeom

Your grip on the edge of the car seat was so tight that Jaebeom could see your knuckles and fingers turning white. He couldn’t help when his lips quirked up a little bit; you looked cute.

“What if they don’t like me?” You asked as you took one of his hands in yours without thinking about it. He squeezed back gently, shaking his head as his thumb pad brushed over the top of your knuckles gently.

“They’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” You turned to him and while he knew you nervous to meet his family, especially his parents, he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at how horrified you looked.

“It’s not funny, Jae! What if I say something wrong? Or what if I forget someone’s name? What if-,” He cut you off with a small peck to your lips before you could say anymore nonsense.

“They’ll love you because I love you and I’m happy. Now, come on. I don’t think my dad will like having to wait to eat.”

You got of the car and gripped his hand tighter, your nerves exploding but you did your best and had a smile plastered on your face as he rang the bell.

“Relax baby, everything is going to be okay,” He whispered in your ear and just like always, the sound of his voice helped you to relax a little.

Turns out, you were worried for nothing because his mom pulled you into one of the biggest hugs you’d ever received and you two ended up talking the whole time. She felt like your mom and you forgot that you were meeting Jaebeom’s parents. He could only smile, hand brushing over the velvet box in his pocket. All he needed was his parents approval and he knew he had it watching the way you and them talked and laughed.

He’d be getting down on one knee very soon and that’s a look he wanted to see on your face.

mark tuan

You were extremely nervous to be in foreign country. A language you could barely speak, let alone understand on top of meeting Mark’s large family was enough to have your nerves going haywire. You had been bouncing your leg up and down for the last fifteen minutes as you waited for them to arrive at the restaurant.

He smiled at you as he placed one of his hand on your thigh. You looked back at him and felt instantly calm, “They’re not that scary, I promise,” He said as squeezed the skin on your thigh gently right before his face lit up when he saw his parents walk through the door followed by his siblings.

“Y/N, this is my mom and dad,” He said to which you stood up and his mom instantly wrapped you in a hug. He didn’t even get a chance to introduce you to his siblings as they pulled you away and started gushing over Mark when he was little. In true parent fashion, his mom had brought his baby book to show you photos. While he was embarrassed, you found yourself feeling extremely welcomed into their family and Mark couldn’t wait to officially make you a part of it.

park jinyoung

Jinyoung didn’t seem nervous as you drove the last few minutes to your parents house. He was talking to you like normal, even teasing here and there. Althogh, you knew Jinyoung; you hadn’t been dating for over a year just to not know what his quirks were. You could see how he kept adjusting his shirt even though it was already perfect or how he kept brushing imaginary lint off his pants every now and then.

You pulled up to your parents house and grabbed his hand as you leaned over to give him a small kiss on the cheek, “Don’t be nervous. They are going to love you.”

He could only scoff at your words as he got out of the car and puffed his chest out and plastering his signature smirk on his face, “I don’t get nervous,” He said to which you just rolled your eyes with a small smile.

Jinyoung was even the gentlemen, hugging your mom and kissing her hand, a firm handshake with your father. He even played a few games with your younger siblings while you helped get dinner ready.

While he never would admit it, you knew he was terrified when you had first brought this up. Looking at him now, you could never tell with how he was laughing until the orbs of his eyes were almost non-existent. He looked up at you and smiled, quickly going back to the game once your sister had whined about him not paying attention.

That’s when you knew that you’d give anything to keep Park Jinyoung in your life for the rest of your life.

jackson wang

You were currently seated with your arms and legs crossed, refusing to look at your boyfriend of two years.

“Baby, come on. It’ll be fine,” He said to which you only scoffed, not wanting to talk to him.

Jackson had not told you that your impromptu trip to China consisted of meeting his family. Sure, you had known that’s where they obviously lived and you would have been totally fine with it if you weren’t currently dressed in your gray sweatpants and one of Jackson’s long-sleeved shirts with your hair thrown up in a top knot and no makeup on. You still had your slippers on and your socks didn’t even match! He had conveniently failed to mention that his mom had asked for him to bring you by today to meet her and his dad officially.

“I can’t believe you, Jackson Wang! What kind of first impression is this?” You yelled as you pointed down at your outfit. All he did in response was offer you a sickeningly sweet smile that you wanted nothing more to slap off his face at the moment.

“The best kind! They’ll see the real you,” You only rolled your eyes, too infuriated with the man next to you to respond.

He pulled up at a house that you assumed was his parents and you slammed the car door, stomping up to the front door without even waiting for him and ringing the bell. Jackson was a little shocked, expecting that your nerves would have kicked in, but that’s why he did this in part, if you were mad enough or feeling something else, you wouldn’t let your nerves get the best of you. His dad opened the door and before he could speak you were holding your hand out.

“Hello, Mr. Wang. I’m L/N Y/N, the girlfriend of your buffoon of son and soon to be, his murderer,” His father laughed, shaking your hand and pulling you inside and Jackson just stood there with his mouth hung open. He was glad your nerves didn’t kick in, but he was a little scared of what was going to happen when you both returned to the hotel.

Especially when his mom offered to show how to make his favorite pastry and you happily agreed while giving him the evil eye.

choi youngjae

You were surprisingly not as nervous as you thought you’d be to meet his family for the first time. It had been something he brought up months ago after you two had talked about it. He wanted to meet your family too, but they lived in another country, so you’d have to wait until you both had time to travel there. When he had suggested you to meet his family, you had instantly agreed and were more than excited. You wanted to know the people who had raised the man you love, see where he got his dashingly good looks from and understand more of his little quirks.

So, here you were, seated in his car only mere minutes away from arriving at his family’s home.

“You alright? You’ve been pretty quiet the past few minutes,” Youngjae asked worriedly to which you nodded with a bright smile.

“I’m just excited and don’t want to come off overbearing so, I’m trying to dial it back.”

Youngjae chuckled before kissing your cheek and getting out of the car to come around to meet you, “They’ll love it, trust me,” You nodded in understanding but still kept your excitement down enough until you knew for sure.

Once his mom had opened the door, she immediately wrapped you in a warm hug to which you let that crumble away and started talking her ear off. She seemed to like that because she didn’t even greet her son or give Youngjae a chance to introduce you to everyone. She had simply linked your arms together and pulled you through the house, both of you talking animatedly.

Youngjae could only smile as his dad let out a low chuckle, “Must be pretty amazing for your mother to forget to hug her own son,” Youngjae laughed along with him, following him inside, eyes still trained on your back as you continued to talk with his mom.

“Absolutely she’s more than I could ever ask for. She makes me happy.”

bambam

You were more anxious than nervous to meet BamBam’s siblings and mom. He had told you stories upon stories about all of them for the past year you’d been dating. You had briefly met some of them when he went to Thailand for a wedding, but you hadn’t been able to stay long as you were there for work. This time around, you were there without any work and had all the time to meet them and get to know them.

You were anxious because while you knew from his stories his mom was extremely sweet and caring and supportive of not just BamBam, but all her kids, you also knew she was a mamma bear. She had a large personality, in a good way, and didn’t sugarcoat things. So, you knew if she didn’t like you, you’d hear it and that’s what made you anxious.

“Why are you so tense, baby?” BamBam questioned as he placed his hands on your shoulders, rubbing his thumb pads into your shoulder blades. You closed your eyes and relaxed, leaning your head back on his stomach as he kissed your temple.

“Just thinking about how crappy it’s going to feel when your mom doesn’t like me.” You sighed to which he chuckled before moving in front of you and kneeling down so he was eye level. He tucked a few of your loose curls behind your ear, eyes filled with nothing but love and adoration that you just wanted to melt into him.

“She’s going to love you, just like my sister did. Besides, if she doesn’t, you have my sister on your side and that’s a hurricane even I don’t want to go near,” You laughed, leaning your cheek on his hand and kissing his palm.

“Thank you,” You whispered.

Just as BamBam had told you, you had nothing to worry about because his mom did love you. She even offered for you to stay there in Thailand with her and Bambam could go back to Korea.

kim yugyeom

If anything, Yugyeom had seemed more nervous than you. You were the one meeting his family, yet you were calm whilst his leg was bouncing up and down and his fingers drummed on the interior of the car. You placed your hand on his leg that was still and sent him a teasing smile.

“Yugs, I’m the one meeting your family yet you’re sitting here like you’re meeting mine,” He chuckled at your comment before taking a hold of your hand to squeeze it.

“I’m just, I’ve never brought a girl home for them to meet,” He said to which caught you by surprise. Your eyes widened a little at the confession, trying not to let the thought of you being the first girl he brings home to meet his family officially trigger the nerves you had done a great job of keeping away.

“R-really? Why?” You stuttered because in fact you were a little shocked. You knew that Yugyeom had other relationships before you and you had assumed at least one or two of them had met his family. He only shrugged, seeming calmer now.

“Never felt any of them were worth bringing home. Until you,” You couldn’t help the blush that painted your cheeks and he chuckled, squeezing your hand again.

You were feeling fine up until you pulled up to his house and then your legs shook like jello and you froze. Yugyeom wrapped his arms around your waist and gently lead you to the front door.

“You’re worth bringing home and that’s why you’re here. They’ll love you just as much as I love you,” You nodded, gulping as the door opened to reveal his parents smiling brightly.

He was right, they loved you just as much as he did.

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missdawnandherdusk · 5 years ago

Text

Draco’s Boundaries Headcanons (before the Dark Mark):

When you first start talking to him you notice he flinches around your faster movements

And when you draw your wand, pointing it at him to heal his broken nose/hand/arm from a quidditch accident and he about sobs, you realize that you really need to talk to him

You tell him your observations and he’s quiet, ashamed

You ask what does he need to feel safe around you

He’s quiet a moment, thoughtful

He doesn’t like his shoulders touched, nor his collarbones.

The backs of his arms along with his upper arms are off limits for now

Touching his hair is out of the question presently

If it’s above his elbows at all he doesn’t want to be touched

He’s just so scared of the wrong sort of touch

You also, unbeknownst to him start working hard at getting good with magic without your wand so that you can fix him up or do whatever he needs without him flinching away

So you start slow.

He can hold your hand, that’s easy for him

He slips his into yours most often—sitting beside him in the library, walking in the halls, in class when he’s stressed about a new topic, when you two are at hogsmeade when he has to face Voldemort and his parents in the Battle of Hogwarts

It becomes his favorite thing, your hands. They’re scarred with failed spells and calloused where you grip your wand, your nails could be painted or not, short or long, he didn’t care, he loved that your hands had never once acted in hatred or anger against him

When he was too stressed to talk about what was happening at home or with the war, he’d simply take your hand

You eventually let him doodle on your with a “stupid muggle pen” when he needs the distraction

And Draco’s not so afraid of your touch anymore

It’s a quiet night of studying when you reach out, the question in your eyes: can I touch?

He gives a small nod, anxiety gripping his chest and your gentle voice in his mind reminding him it’s okay

You raise your hands, showing him that they’re empty (save the drawing of flowers he had done earlier)

Slowly you reach out and place your fingertips to the lapel of his blazer, his collarbone underneath

He flinched, ready to be yanked or thrown, but it doesn’t come

Your hand slips under his jacket and he takes a shakey breath in. Your hand was now splayed out across his chest and shoulder

He closed his eyes, trying not to panic

Your hands slips away

“Thank you,”

It’s slow progress. Very slow. It takes weeks for you to ask him again—this time it’s after quidditch practice

Now both of your hands were rubbing the knots out of his shoulders and they felt heavenly wearing away the years of fears bit by bit

He leaned into your touch after practice from that night on. It took a few times, but he finally let you touch his bare skin it was just too hot to keep a shirt on and he craved your touch

Then there was a new feeling on the back of his neck— a soft kiss

It made him shudder, chills running through his skin at the pure adoration the gesture held

Laying under the stars one night at the Manor, you lean over him. He’s expecting you to kiss him—he never kissed you before, but now he wasn’t so scared to

But instead you press your lips to his collarbone, and another one to the hollow of his shoulder, then where his neck met his shoulder, anywhere you could get to, your lips pressed to his skin

He melted into the blanket, closing his eyes and forcing his breathing to be steady for another reason

These kisses become sacred to him.

He starts to adore your lips as he adores your hands. Never once had they shouted at him, or spoken an unkind degrading word. No, they brought a beautiful smile and intoxicating kisses now that he actually felt safe enough to kiss you

Whenever you’re afraid or he needs you, he pulls you into his grasp, your height perfect to press a kiss against his collarbone—a gentle reminder that there was more than hatred in the world and that not every touch was evil

He hated anyone else touching him still, and could never truly be rid of his reflex to recoil but you held a soft place in his mind

He could finally dance with you the “muggle” way where you’d just lay your head in his shoulder and he was so happy to just sway you around the kitchen in the middle of the night

Piggyback rides, swimming, riding on a broom together, hugs—things you had given back to him

Things he didn’t have since he was a small child before everything went to hell

Part 2

Tags: @un-limiteddd @geekysimmerthings @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @dolphincommander @bisexualbumblebeesstuff @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland @shookyungsoo @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey @theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @littlethingsinmymindla @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @mccloudchloe @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @go-whovian-universe @darcypottah @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years ago

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Can I request a self conscious chubby Shouto? Reader gives him kisses on his tummy and reassures him about his weight?

tw: shouto has poor body image, fluff, angsty

shouto had been hospitalized for five months.

after what was most definitely the most horrific villain attack seen on live tv against only one hero, the doctors never shut up about how he was lucky to have won, how lucky he was to be alive. it was far after the days that recovery girl had passed, and with no healing quirk having matched her ability it had been a long five months in hospice care.

he had spent one month in a coma and the next four just healing. it had been a hard four months, his body almost refusing to move, black and yellow bruises covered his body still, and the diet... the diet they had him on was one that was supposed to help him gain weight. it was to help with his healing and aid with the muscle gain he was going to need in order to be where he once was - he understood that and he appreciated the doctors doing what was best for him but he didn’t understand how he went from his strong, toned, and lithe form to one with flappy arms, pooling thighs, and a tummy so large he couldn’t see his toes without leaning forward. he never thought he would hate that he couldn’t see his jawline anymore, that he could hate that he couldn’t sit up without feeling his stomach, hate that he was so hungry all the time. he hated that he was so... he was so—

“welcome home!” you cheered merrily, guiding shouto back into the house that had been without his presence for almost half a year.

he tried to focus on you and only you, your mindless babble about how you had learned how to make cold soba noodles for him while he was in the hospital (although you made sure to insist that they weren’t that good so to not get his hopes up, but shouto was tittering on being excited and nauseous at the thought of having endless cold soba), how you had temporarily moved the master bedroom into the closest room to the front door and kitchen just in case he wasn’t ready to move that much, how you had accidentally broken the sliding door but had his brother come and fix it for you, and of course just how happy and grateful you were that he was out. shouto tried to stay engaged but he could feel the eyes scorching on his back, the nosy neighbors and paparazzi who wanted the first pictures of him since his release.

he hated this, he hated his body right now, and their judgmental gaze burned him from the inside out. for over twenty years of his life he had never been without muscle on his body and now... now he was... he was—

“watch your step, you’re been limping again, I don’t want you to trip,” came your gentle voice, your foot planted on the stair and the other on the floor as if to support him in case he fell. like you could keep him upwards if he did, he bitterly thought.

regardless, shouto gave you a gracious half smile and carried through, stepping up to the stair and flinching when he felt that skin he was still starkly unfamiliar with move. but the moment the front door closed behind the both of you, shouto felt empty.

the rest of the day was filled with shouto adjusting to the house once more. adjusting to the way the floors creaked under his feet, of how you always waited for him to enter through the doorways instead of attempting to go through them with him, of how you lingered behind him with conscious eyes and nervous fingers. he knew you were worried, it was as obvious as the sun during a summer heat wave, but it offered him no comfort... it only made him feel worse, made him graze his fingers against his... his...

“why don’t you take a shower?” you suggest, your hands grabbing the dishes on the table. you had made soup, he was still to be on a mostly liquid diet until next week. “I bet this has been exhausting, and if you shower then I can shower and we can sleep early tonight!”

shouto strained a smile again, his tongue still failing to speak. he hasn’t spoken a word in weeks, but you never seemed to grow angry at his lack of words thankfully. his eyes fluttered close when you leaned across the table and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his body shivering both at the familiar contact that he loved and the aching pain that continued to be suppressed.

showering nearly killed him.

feeling the way that his body now worked within the confines of the small room made his head spin. he hated that he couldn’t merely twist his body anymore, he had to completely turn around. he hated that he had to use more body wash, his hands shaking when he maneuvered around the fat that had built on his stomach, the stretched skin that fell on his thighs and arms.

stretch marks... as if the scar on his face wasn’t enough.

with a shaky sigh, he turned off the water and exited the shower.

he wasn’t feeling too bad with the warm water soaking into his skin, but he made the mistake of looking into the mirror as he made his way back to the room.

a mistake.

his eyes bore into his figure, was this really him? he could barely recognize himself. this... this had to be a mistake, there was no way this was him. his hands pressed to his side, hoping that this was all a figment of his imagination, just some twisted depression that was keeping him bound to the worst of this all.

but his hands fell on his body right where he had hoped they wouldn’t, and something snapped within him.

CRASH!

shouto didn’t even realize that he was panting like some rabid animal, his body trembling with extreme force, and the room covered with ice and burn marks. he collapsed forward, suddenly feeling weak, and with every ragged breath tears pricked at the back of his eyes, threatening to fall out but wouldn’t.

he was...

he was f--

“shouto? are you okay in there?”

he couldn’t even bother turning his head to look over at the opening door, but had he, he would’ve seen the way that your head peeked in, your eyes focused with concern, sympathy, and love. he focused on his hands, the white of his gripping knuckles, and the bulge of his veins.

“I-I’m okay,” he finally spoke, his head remaining low, horrid thoughts plaguing his head as the cold hallway air drafted into the room sending shivers down his spine - not that he reacted to it.

“that’s a lie if I ever heard one,” you sigh, not even trying to give him the satisfaction of believing his lie. but again, that was a quality he loved about you. “I won’t press because i’m sure this has been an overwhelming day for you, but... i’m here for you, shouto, you know?”

it was then that your hand pressed against his spine, and shouto felt his soul leave his body.

he didn’t want you touching him like this, he thought, storming away, trying to avoid your worried look as he pushed past you.

no not like this, his eyes clenched and his fists trembled at his side.

he was ugly, he gasped for air as he entered the room, his vision swimming.

he was... he was--!

“please don’t cry... please don’t cry without telling me why you’re upset!” your voice begged and shouto hated how distraught you sounded. “are you in pain?”

“no. well, not really.”

“is this happening too fast? were you discharged too soon?”

“no... i’m fine.”

it’s....

“was it the food? I know i’m still learning, but I didn’t think the food was that bad!”

“n-no, not that...”

it’s because...

“then what’s going on, sho?”

“it’s because i’m fat!” shouto finally spat, his body shaking with exploding emotion, steam spilling from his body as if he was fighting some evil villain.

his face was set in stone, a look of pure emotionlessness as long as you didn’t look into his eyes. as long as you didn’t know that sad glint in his eyes meant that he was emotionally beyond repair right now. he saw your mouth drop, most likely to ease any ‘untrue’ thoughts that danced on his mind. he didn’t want to hear it.

“I am, y/n, i’m fat. my clothes don’t fit and I have to wear these... throw away clothes! the doctors said im almost twice my usual weight. I-I have fat in places I didn’t even know existed, my stomach is so fucking huge i’m surprised kaminari hasn’t sent me some pregnant meme by now, and it took all my energy to just shower today. i’m fat!” shouto heaved, his forehead covered in cold sweat while glaring at the wall to the left of your head. he couldn’t look at you right now, not after that outburst.

the silence lingered thickly in the air, corroding the muscles in his throat, making his heart flutter in anxiety driven pulses while you shifted from foot to foot, your teeth gnawing at your lower lip. he wanted to apologize to you, for what he didn’t know but he felt bad. his actions were halted by you sharp inhale, and that kind strong smile that fell on your face.

“...well, im not going to fight you on that, but i’m glad you spoke your mind,” you said softly, your hands moving to grip each other while you tried to save face in front of him. it was obvious that you hadn’t even thought that which made shouto feel even guiltier. “I’m going to shower, so please get ready for bed, yeah? we’ll talk more once we’re in bed and relaxed a bit!”

shouto’s nostrils flared, his heart squeezing at the fact that you still showed him such kind and soft love, and so he nodded his head in agreement.

“I won’t take long,” you promised about your shower, and shouto smiled even if a bit emotionlessly before your lips pressed softly against his. “be right back, get ready.”

he wasn’t sure how long it took him to get ready and for you to join him in bed, but his eyes were opened and he was staring off at your side of the bed as you climbed into bed. the gentle, warm, and cool scent of your hair wash and body wash drafted into his nose, a very welcoming smell after months of knowing only the sterile smell of bleached walls and floors.

“you ready to talk?” you asked him, and shouto blinked once, twice, his sight refocusing on your shining eyes and furrowed brow. he knew immediately that you had a lot to speak on, most likely creating some sort of script to follow.

“no,” shouto couldn’t help but say, his own worries forgotten for a moment when the natural need to tease you infiltrated his veins. “but i’m ready to hear you talk.”

your lips pursed, twitching in a way that made it obvious to him at least that you were resisting the urge to verbally attack him.

“five months ago, I thought I was going to lose you.” you began, your eyes uncharacteristically dropping from his own gaze and trailing down his body, as if in disbelief that he was even here. your hands moved to his chest, pressing softly onto the skin that he was hateful towards. “when I got the news that you had been hospitalized, and that you had gone into a coma... I wasn’t sure what to think. but you woke up before I knew it and then four months went by after you woke up, and i’ve been so... grateful that you survived that I hadn’t even bothered to think about how you must be feeling about this entire thing. I know this is a lot of change, its a lot of change, and I don’t know how to really help, but this is what I think.”

shouto felt his breathing nearly stop as your fingers trailed down the fat on his arms, his chest and his stomach. your eyes almost shyly met his and you pressed a kiss to his lips, unwilling to allow him to think for a second that this was just some staged thing.

“your weight doesn’t define you. your weight doesn’t make you less desirable. does your weight make you fat? sure, it completely does, but there’s nothing wrong with being fat. fat is not ugly, fat is not weak, fat is not less. bodies need fat, its basic biology. without fat we can’t exist, we can’t do anything, and sure right now you have more than you’ve ever had - but it’s okay, you’re still healthy and that is what matters. i mean look at fat gum! sure, he needs to be fat in order for his quirk to work, but nevertheless, he’s fat and he’s a pro hero. he’s healthy and still he’s fat. if you would rather be skinny than fat, that’s okay, you can choose what you want to be, as long as it’s done with good intentions. at the end of the day you’re still my shouto, you’re the man I know and love because fat determines none of that. I love the fat on your body as much as I loved the abs because either way it’s you.”

the words rang heavy in his ears, all thoughts and reasons he had seemingly disappeared the moment the last word was said. and tears fell from his eyes when you kissed every spot on his body that he had once been dreadfully insecure about. every kiss to his stomach sent butterflies through every cell, every soft breath spreading chills until he was gasping for breath - until you were finally back to his face and pressing kisses to his face until he wrapped you closer.

“I love you in any form you take.”

a/n: it may not be my place to share this with you, but while writing this it actually reminded me of a ted talk I had seen once. I think its a very good talk, and dismantles a lot of mainstream thoughts about self love which I at least thought was important. if you were able to make it to the bottom of this, I suggest checking it out because as this video re-taught me, fat is not a synonym for ugly, and we should stop believing that it is.

#todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader

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blackcloverdatabase · 5 years ago

Photo

English Translation of Novel 3: Chapter 4 – The Hero Who Disappeared (Part 1 of 2)

I’m saving the illustration that came with this chapter for the second half since it illustrates a scene near the end, but what you see above is a picture of a Yuno card that was tucked into the pages of this chapter. The other novels didn’t come with a card, so I was surprised when I saw it.

This chapter features Yuno and William going on patrol at a festival William organizes a few days before the raid on the Eye of the Midnight Sun’s hideout. While on patrol, they run into Mereoleona, Asta, Noelle, Klaus, and Mimosa, and later they run into Yami and Charlotte. Chaos ensues.

--- The Hero Who Disappeared: Part 1 ---

“Welcome! For a limited time only, all magic tools are 50% off!”

“Hey, young lady! Would you like to drop by our store? I’ll make it nice and cheap for you~”

Under a clear, sunny sky, cheerful voices called out from the many stalls that were lined up as the townspeople walked among them with smiling faces. It was the square of the royal capital, the same place which served as the center of the Star Festival. Though not as large as the Star Festival, the square was filled with stalls and makeshift stages, offering the same amenities one would expect from a small festival. However, it wasn’t merchants who were manning these stalls.

“This is a magic tool endorsed by the captain of the Aqua Deer himself!! It’s a great security device!”

“This is a meat dish made by the captain of the Green Mantis! It’s delicious and nutritious!”

These stalls were manned by Magic Knights.

“This is quite the crowd~ There’s a lot of guests, but there’s a lot of Magic Knights, too.”

“Well, the Royal Knights Selection Exam is over, and……”

Bell and Yuno conversed as they walked among the crowd. They came here today because they were ordered to patrol the event. The Magic Knights were given various tasks to run the festival, ranging from selling things at the stalls, performing short skits and games on stage, as well as handling background tasks such as patrolling and clerical work. This may seem like a strange spectacle, but there was a reason why this was happening.

“Most importantly, this was a direct announcement from Captain Vangeance. Of course a lot of people are going to gather.”

That’s right. Vangeance proposed this event to assuage the unease the citizens had thanks to repeated attacks from the Eye of the Midnight Sun and the circulation of the “Original Sin”. Yuno heard that he simply “requested cooperation” from those who belonged to the other squads, but with his personal magnetism, this many people gathered in a heartbeat.

Bell sucked on a strawberry candy Yuno bought for her and happily quipped,

“Hm~ Well, I don’t really get it, but thanks to this, I get to go on a festival date with you!”

“This event isn’t for you to have fun. It’s for the citizens.”

“……No, one of the reasons I established this festival was to give the Magic Knights a break and allow them a chance to interact with the people. It would make me very happy if you and Bell enjoyed the festival, too.”

Startled by the sudden voice from behind, Yuno and Bell looked behind them to see William Vangeance standing with an air of composure. Vangeance was the captain of the Golden Dawn, and he was the man said to be the closest to becoming the Wizard King. That the hero of the Clover Kingdom was greeting him so casually in a place like this was surprising by itself, but……

“Hey, hey, Captain Vangeance! Let me borrow your mask~!”

“I asked first! I’m gonna pluck those feathers and put them on my bear!”

“………”

Yuno and Bell were also surprised to see two children, approximately 7 to 8 years old, clinging to that hero’s feet.

“……Captain Vangeance, those kids are……?”

“Yup, just as you see. It seems that they were interested in my mask, so they approached me, and…...”

From behind his mask, he answered Yuno’s question with his usual elegant smile……. No, rather than his usual smile, he answered with a considerably strained smile.

“……Anyway, can you please help me?”

“Jeez~ Why do we have to save our captain from getting bullied by a bunch of kids the very second we get here~”

“Stop that, Bell.”

“……Ha ha, sorry about that. I like kids, but I’m not very good at handling them.”

After Yuno and Bell managed to pull those children off of their captain, they continued their patrol together with Vangeance. As if to regain his composure, Vangeance cleared his throat before speaking.

“Also, thank you for indulging my selfish request.”

“Selfish?”

When Yuno asked him this in return, Vangeance had a complicated expression on his face as he nodded.

“Though the Selection Exam may be over, the day you will be launching a surprise attack on the Eye of the Midnight Sun’s base is imminent. I’m thanking you because you came to my event during such an important time.”

“……I don’t think you’re being selfish at all.”

As he spoke, Yuno looked at all the people around him.

“I’m sure those children felt the same way. The townspeople all look like they’re having fun interacting with the Magic Knights like this. There has just been one horrible incident after another, so isn’t it fine to do something fun like this every once and a while?”

From the citizens’ point of view, this was a rare chance to interact so closely with the Magic Knights, the heroes that all citizens strive to become. That by itself makes this event enjoyable for them. Even the anxieties caused by the Eye of the Midnight Sun and Original Sin will be lessened to some degree.

“……I see. I’m happy to hear that from you.”

Vangeance replied, looking a little bit happy when he smiled. Yuno nodded before continuing,

“Also, just as you were saying earlier, the Magic Knights also look like they’re having fun.”

The faces of the Knights manning the stalls looked even more lively than usual. Being a Magic Knight is usually a tough job, so this was probably incredibly relaxing for them. Today looks to be a fun day for Magic Knights and citizens alike. That’s what Yuno thought, but……

“Yeah. It would be nice if today ended as nothing more than a fun day…...”

Vangeance said with a mysterious look on his face before lowering his voice so that only Yuno and Bell could hear him.

“There’s something I must tell you…… it has been reported that a person in possession of the Original Sin may have infiltrated today’s event.”

“!!”

They stiffened upon having such a serious matter suddenly disclosed to them.

“…Wait, w-what! We should evacuate everyone immed-!”

Bell raised her voice in a panic, but Yuno covered her mouth before Vangeance continued,

“I would very much like to do that, but if we do that so suddenly, everyone will panic, which may fuel the Original Sin. Also, this is only a possibility. We should gather more intel before making any large-scale moves.”

‘Even so, it’s dangerous to leave such a thing alone,’ Yuno thought, but he couldn’t come up with an alternative. To begin with, that information was too vague, so there was no way to know what move they should make. If there’s one thing they should do, it’s……

“In other words, we have no choice but to continue patrolling while searching for the Original Sin…… right?”

“That’s correct. I should also add that very few Magic Knights know about this. If too many people knew, our movements might begin to look unnatural, which could expose us to the owner of the Original Sin…… You two have more experiencing fighting the Original Sin than anyone else, so I decided I should tell you.”

Yuno still wasn’t satisfied, but he knew that there was no helping that.

“I understand. Is there anything else we know about the enemy?”

“Yes. You really do catch on quickly. I’ll tell you the details as we walk.”

After saying this, Vangeance’s voice once again sounded apologetic.

“I know I keep saying this, but I’m truly sorry about getting you involved in all this. I wanted you to be able to enjoy today’s event, too, so for this to happen is…...”

“There’s no helping that. It’s not like it’s your fault……”

If anything, he might be the most hurt by this. Any time he wasn’t busy with his duties as Captain was spent preparing for today’s event, only for all that to be spoiled by the Original Sin. Yuno meant for his words to be sympathetic, but, for some reason, Vangeance paused for an unnatural amount of time before finally responding,

“……Yeah, you’re right.”

He almost sounded as if he was at a loss for words when he said this, making Yuno feel uneasy. Then, suddenly,

“S-someone, anyone!! Please save me!!”

Boosted by amplification magic, a woman’s screams resounded throughout the venue.

It sounded like the scream came from the direction of the stage where the results of the Star Festival were announced. The scream’s timing was so uncanny that Yuno and the others raced to the stage as they prepared for battle. And, when they reached the front row of the stage……

“I’m a village girl named Mimosa!! I’m being chased by evil mages!!”

What they saw was Mimosa running around on stage, reading her lines with an unbelievably monotone voice. Then, several other Magic Knights went on stage, some acting as evil mages chasing Mimosa and others moving the background scenery around. It seemed that they stumbled upon a children’s play. After sighing with a bitter smile, Vangeance joked,

“Ha ha, their timing was amazing…... Wait, it could be that these “evil mages” are being manipulated by the owner of the Original Sin.”

“If that were the case, it sure would make things easier for us.”

Yuno replied to his joke lightheartedly, but he, too, was smiling bitterly internally. The play’s timing was certainly bad, but it released the tension that was between them earlier, so he was honestly glad that it happened. Also, watching swarms of young children tottle around the stage as the play began brought a smile to his face. To protect those children’s smiles, they should arrest the Original Sin as soon as possible. Holding these feelings close to his heart, Yuno turned away from the stage to leave. At that moment, Mimosa pointed to the wing of the stage and said,

“Ah, it looks like someone came to save me! It must be the Magic Knight of Justice!”

The children started cheering with excitement at the words “Magic Knight of Justice”. Amidst those cheers, the person who entered on stage as that “Magic Knight of Justice” was……

“……Wait, look, Asta! That’s your cue! Get over there right now!”

“………Huh? My cue? What should I do?”

“………”

The Magic Knight of Justice was Asta, who made his long-awaited debut on stage…… or rather, he was dragged onto stage by Noelle with an even dumber look on his face than usual, so dumb that it was practically audible. It was like watching an old man, causing Bell to, without thinking, talk to Noelle from beneath the stage.

“Hey, Noelle…… what…… that is, why is he acting like an old man?”

“U-uh……I don’t really know, either……”

Noelle said with a sigh, sorrow hanging around her like a wife exhausted from taking care of her aging husband.

“The shock of being unable to fight Yuno in the finals of the Selection Exam turned him into this, and……”

“And so… he turned into that……?”

That explanation didn’t make sense to Bell and Yuno, and it didn’t make sense to Noelle, the person doing the explaining, either. It was a mystery to everyone. When Asta noticed Yuno, he spoke to him as if he were going senile.

“Aah, Yuno…… perfect timing. Can you replace me as the Magic Knight of Justice? Since you got first place at the Selection Exam, you’d be a better fit for the role…… Ah, sorry, should I use ‘Mr.’ when I speak to you?”

“Stop that. That kind of subservience doesn’t suit you. Hurry up and snap out of it.”

“After you defeat the villain, you have to shout your usual catchphrase. So, after you beat the enemy, you should yell “I’m Yuno, you know!?”.”

“Even your memory is all messed up. I’ve never said such a lame catchphrase in my life.”

While Yuno and Asta where bickering, the audience started getting antsy. It was only natural. They were told that the Magic Knight of Justice was coming, and they got some guy acting like an old man. Wanting to fix the now awkward atmosphere, Mimosa said in a panic,

“E-everyone! You’ll see this in the next act, but since Asta has gotten himself into a pinch, a new Magic Knight of Justice will rush to the scene! The person playing this role is a very famous captain of the Magic Knights! Also, we’ve made arrangements for all you little ones to be able to get on stage and fight the evil mages alongside them, so please don’t leave yet!”

“You’re being too desperate! Also, stop saying things like “role” and “arrangements”!”

Bell criticized Mimosa, but, despite her criticism, the kids were showing excitement once again.

“Cooool! We get to meet a Captain!”

“Hey, papa! Take me closer to the front! I wanna fight, too!”

Tiny voices piped up here and there as more and more children gathered at the bottom of the stage. It seemed that the title “Captain” wasn’t just for show after all. Not letting this chance pass them by, Klaus instructed Mimosa from behind the stage to have the children call for the captain. Mimosa nodded, then turned toward the audience and exclaimed,

“Now, everyone! Let’s call for the captain with our loudest voices!! Ready, set…”

Mimosa counted down, then all the children in the assembly hall shouted together. The one who was summoned by those sweet voices was……

“WAH-HAH-HAAH! DO NOT WORRY, LITTLE VILLAGE GIRL! I, MEREOLEONA-SAMA, THE MAGIC KNIGHT OF JUSTICE, WILL DEVOUR ALL THOSE EVIL MAGES FOR YOU WITHOUT LEAVING A SINGLE TRACE!!”

“………”

A lioness. She walked on stage with a swagger and spoke in an intimidating tone as she laughed aloud. She was far from what a “Magic Knight of Justice” should look like. The children’s smiles froze, and they began to shiver with fear. Not seeming to notice this, she surveyed the audience with stone cold eyes and then, with a ferocious smirk, said,

“Ho hoh….. We have a lot of good kids here! Which of you friends are ready to fight beside me!? Is it you!? Is it YOU!?”

“Please wait for a moment, Mereoleona. I think you might be misunderstanding something here……”

Vangeance couldn’t help but interject fairly loudly from the bottom of the stage. He was aware that interjecting like this was incredibly out of character for him, but, at this rate, the reputation of the Magic Knights will be significantly damaged. Mereoleona had no way of knowing his thoughts, so she flared up into a fiery rage at him.

“You bastard…… are you insane, Vangeance!? Talking to a performer who’s in the middle of their act on stage like that! Have you no manners!?”

“Well, from those children’s point of view, something much worse was happening right in front of them. Could you make your performance a little more kid friendly?”

“You fool! Are you saying I should hold back just because they’re kids!? A Magic Knight should always use all their power, no matter what!”

“Yes, I know. I know, so use all your power to imagine this for just one moment. Imagine that you’ve been told the “Magic Knight of Justice” is coming, but instead you get a “maniac with stone cold eyes”. Now, how would you feel about that?”

While the two were engaged in their progress-less exchange, Klaus approached them from the back of the stage and, with his fingers at his temple, informed them,

“……I’m sorry, you two. The play has been canceled. Let’s start working on cleaning everything up.”

“Cancelled…… hey, wait a second! What about all the kids who were looking forward to the play!”

While Bell was protesting, Klaus pointed his finger behind everyone and said,

“……And, where are those children you speak of?”

“Ah……”

Before they knew it, the audience had disappeared from their seats. They must have seen their chance to escape when Vangeance spoke up to Mereoleona. The parents in the audience took their kids and fled, almost as if they were escaping the clutches of a lioness. When Mereoleona noticed that her audience had disappeared, she punched the ground in vexation.

“Tch…… I’m sorry, everyone!! Though Vangeance was wrong for spouting off idiotic nonsense, the fact remains that I’m the one that allowed him to dampen the audience’s enthusiasm and cause them to leave! This is all my fault!”

“Um, Mereoleona, this is hard for me to say, but you’re absolutely right about it being your fault. Except, I’m not in the wrong. I’m not even saying this out of some sense of self-protection. I’m simply not in the wrong here.”

Mereoleona stood up with renewed determination, completely ignoring Vangeance’s protests.

“However, another audience will gather soon, so don’t worry! I’ll make up for my blunder with my own two hands!”

She proclaimed loudly. Then, she declared so stupidly loud that Yuno wouldn’t be surprised if the entire venue could hear her,

“Listen up, people! From now on, I will teach you all how to defend yourselves by burning your opponents! I’m about to demonstrate by using the other Magic Knights here as my opponents during the show, so you all should gather around the stage!!”

And so, everyone there had to use all their might to stop her.

“……That was quite dangerous.”

“……Yes. Well, let’s just be glad the Original Sin never got involved in the fight.”

“……I’m still not glad about it.”

Said Vangeance, Yuno, then Bell as they continued their patrol. Their first interaction with her was tiring enough, but stopping Mereoleona’s rampage used up all their physical strength. After telling her the Original Sin might be at the venue, they somehow managed to calm her down, but that was only after everyone exhausted several days’ worth of energy stopping her. Yuno wanted nothing more than to go home, lie down, and rest, but he couldn’t say that out loud, so he forcibly distracted himself by asking Vangeance,

“So, do you know anything else about the Original Sin?”

“……Ah, sorry. That’s right. We were just talking about that.”

Their discussion, which had been nearly forgotten because of the impact the lioness left on them, resumed.

“First of all, we know the Original Sin is here because several Knights who have had run-ins with the Original Sin before have sensed its mana at this venue. However, its presence is so weak that we can’t pinpoint its location unless we can get several magic detection specialists in a concentrated area.”

“I see…… but, if that’s the case, can’t we narrow down its location by following the source of its mana?”

“Of course, we have tried that, but it seems that its mana is incredibly unstable, so it repeatedly appears and disappears. That’s why it’s difficult to pinpoint with mana perception alone. If we could narrow down the number of suspects to only a few people, then……”

“Is that so……?”

Yuno contemplated Vangeance’s words. The other times he has faced the Original Sin, being able to sense mana was a powerful advantage, but it’s a useless skill if that mana cannot be followed. As before, the only way to guarantee victory will be to make direct contact with the owner of the Original Sin and destroy it.

‘With so many people here, will that even be possible……?’ Yuno thought with a troubled face. While he was thinking, Vangeance pointed to a corner of the assembly hall and said,

“Speak of the devil…… He’s one of those who sensed the presence of the Original Sin.”

Where he pointed, several tables were lined up and spaced at equal intervals. There was a number of children using them to draw pictures. It appeared that one of the events at the festival was a drawing class. There was a man reclining in the corner who seemed to be in charge.

It was the Captain of the Black Bulls, Yami Sukehiro. When he noticed Vangeance, he raised his head from the art book he was reading and looked up toward them.

“……Oh, it’s golden weird mask guy. Hey, golden weird mask guy. Actually, golden weird mask guy is a pain in the ass to say. Can I stop?”

‘You’re the one who came up with that nickname, you know,’ Vangeance thought to himself with a bitter smile. He said as he watched the children,

“I was surprised when I heard you were doing an event geared toward children, but it looks like it’s going well.”

“Yeah. I was thinkin’ all I’d have to do is put out some paint and paper, and then I wouldn’t have to do anythin’ else, but a lot more kids gathered than I thought there’d be. I guess a cute guy like me summons more cuteness.”

Just as Yami said (?), there were many kids gathered around his corner, drawing and having fun as they talked with Magna Swing and Luck Voltia. There really was nothing but art supplies and paper on the table, and they could use it all free of charge. Perhaps it was that simplicity and ease of access that made his corner so popular. Its popularity probably had nothing to do with Yami’s “cuteness”. As Yuno was thinking such trivial thoughts, a boy and girl who were drawing toddled toward them.

“Ah! It’s Captain Vangeance!”

“Aah. Those two are the same kids as earlier…”

Bell nodded lightly.

‘Those two are the same kids who were bullying…… no, admiring Vangeance earlier. If I recall, their names were….’

“Hey, Al, Silka. Were you two drawing, too?”

Before Yuno could remember their names, Vangeance kneeled down and greeted them with a smile.

That’s right. The boy’s name was Al, and the girl’s name was Silka. The two were brother and sister. They lived in a village situated at the edge of the Common Realm, but today they asked their parents to come to this event so that they could meet the Magic Knights.

Al nodded happily and held his drawing out to Vangeance.

“Yeah! I drew us playing at my village! I drew it really good, so I’m giving it to you!”

“Are you sure? You two worked really hard to draw this, right?”

“Yeah! This is payment for letting us play with you earlier!”

Vangeance thanked Al and accepted his drawing, his expression more joyful than usual.

‘He really wasn’t lying when he said he liked kids,’ Yuno thought.

……However, Yuno also felt a touch of unease as he watched him. For some reason, there was a tinge of sadness in his smile. As Yuno began to feel such doubts, Silka came to his feet and offered him her drawing.

“Then, I’ll give mine to Yuno-niichan!”

“……Ah, thank you. I’ll treasure it.”

Just as Al said, the drawing depicted the two of them playing. They included small details in their drawings, like their chestnut-colored hair, Al’s book pouch, Silka’s hair ornament, and more. Yuno accepted the drawing with a smile, making Silka’s face to turn red as she returned to Al’s side. They took each other’s hands and ran away cheerfully.

“See ya, Captain Vangeance! Have a good day at work!”

“Thanks! You two be careful not to trip and fall!”

Vangeance waved goodbye at them, already returning to his usual gentle self.

‘Was it just my imagination?’ Yuno wondered. As Yuno was lightly questioning himself, Yami started talking to Vangeance with his usual lax attitude.

“Hey, are you kiddin’ me, Vangeance? You never told me you had a love child, let alone two. They aren’t wearin’ weird golden masks, are they? You should make weird golden masks for them, too.”

“So, Yami? Have you been able to sense the Original Sin since then?”

Vangeance ignored Yami’s joke, carefully putting the drawing away in his book pouch as he asked his question. Yami shrugged his shoulders in response.

“Same as usual. I can sense it every now and then, but just as I catch a hint of it, it disappears. Well, rather than mana, I’m readin’ ki, but I think you’d get the same results either way. Luck was sayin’ the exact same thing, earlier.”

“So, all we know is that it’s still here. Understood. Even so, for the time being, continue to try sensing for it at regular intervals. Yuno and I will do the same.”

“Sure…… wait, huh?

His reply was flat, but then he leaned his head toward Vangeance, studying his face.

“What’s the matter?”

“Well, just now, I was sensin’ the ki in this area real lightly, and…”

He continued. With cigarette in hand, he pointed his finger at Vangeance.

“I feel a lingering sensation of the Original Sin’s ki from you. You happen to know why?”

“……Huh?”

As Yami spoke, Yuno half-reflexively focused his mana perception. Though it was very slight, he could certainly feel the mana of the Original Sin from Vangeance. It was so weak, that Yuno would never have noticed if it weren’t for Yami pointing it out…… it was like a lingering scent. If he possessed the Original Sin Grimoire, then the mana he felt from him would have been much stronger, so he couldn’t be the owner of that grimoire……. No, still, if he was using some technique to suppress his own mana, then it’s possible that…..

“Ah, before the Selection Exam, Julius secured an Original Sin grimoire intact. This morning, I touched it as I was examining it. It might be mana from that.”

Vangeance explained without even breaking a sweat, interrupting Yuno’s thoughts.

‘Am I stupid? Of course he doesn’t have it.’

Yuno calmed back down. That’s right. There’s no way he could be the owner of the Original Sin Grimoire. Even if it was only for a moment, Yuno felt ashamed for letting his mind run away with such strange ideas. Yami nodded his head and said,

“I see. Sometimes, when you touch something, its mana and ki can stick to you…. Ah, I just realized. That’s gonna make it even more of a pain in the ass to find this thing. Why’d you have to come here, you bastard!? I’m gonna smash your mask into pieces and use them to decorate the walls of a hipster cafe!”

“The way you express anger is sometimes rather mystifying, but I’d prefer it if you stop…... Anyway, please continue surveying the area.”

Vangeance said with a wry smile before turning back toward Yuno and Bell. Upon doing so, he was surprised to see a certain someone approaching him and Yami.

“Va…… Vangeance…… you, why are you here……!?”

It was the Captain of the Blue Roses, Charlotte Roselei. For some reason, when she made eye contact with Vangeance, she froze in place with a startle. Upon closer examination, she was holding a basket full of cookies.

‘What’s going on here……?’ he thought. Despite his uncertainty, Vangeance decided to try greeting her, but then Charlotte’s face turned bright red as she stuttered with an extraordinarily high-pitched voice,

“I-I, uh, funny story! My squad held a cooking class, and we ended up making too many cookies! I thought it would be a waste to throw them all away, s-so I thought that I could give them to Yami! It’s not like I have an ulterior motive or anything! I’m just trying to get rid of them!”

“I didn’t ask you anything, though……”

‘This situation feels very familiar…...’ secretly, Bell was experiencing Deja-vu. Yami folded his arms and looked at Charlotte.

“The cookies are for me? From you? Why have you been actin’ so girly lately?”

“What!? You…...!”

Charlotte was about to reach for the handle of her sword, but she reconsidered, stopping her hand and shaking her head. She walked up to Yami and said,

“Just take it already. I’m busy. I’d rather not waste my time on things like this.”

And, with a straight face, presented the basket of cookies to him. Unlike before, there was no agitation in her voice or mannerisms. She was her usual dignified self. Although, that was only true on the outside.

‘…...Y-yes! I gave it to him! I wasn’t sure what to do when I saw Vangeance here, but I managed to give it him! Ha ha, I’m amazing!’

Internally, she was frolicking about like a schoolgirl. However, she we careful not to show that on her face. Charlotte had been reflecting on her recent actions. She has always allowed herself to get agitated in front of Yami, so she decided to work hard at not letting those feelings show. However, perhaps it was because she has had many opportunities to make contact with him as of late, but she hasn’t been able to hide her unrest, and her behavior has become strange. The times she has nearly attacked him in attempt to hide this have only increased.

‘This isn’t good,’ Charlotte thought. She admonished herself once more and vowed that she would maintain her self-control in front of Yami.

‘No matter what might happen, I won’t allow myself to get upset in front of him ever again!’ She told herself this over and over again, but then,

“Oh, thanks.”

Yami said this as he shoveled several cookies into his mouth.

“Huh? They’re good, like normal cookies. What the hell? Did you seriously make these?”

“……Yes.”

Charlotte responded with a straight face, but,

‘I-I’m so happy! To think hearing the man I love praise my cooking would make me so happy!’

Internally, she was soaring. She was trying desperately not to let that show, however,

“I seriously thought your cookin’ was gonna suck, but I guess you’re a proper lady after all. Hey, Vangeance, Yuno, you guys should try some, too. They’re surprisingly good. Surprisingly.”

“……Hmph. You’re as rude as usual. I cannot tell if you’re trying to praise me or insult me.”

Once again, Charlotte responded with a straight face, but,

‘He thinks it’s so good that he’s telling other people to try them!? He thinks they’re that delicious!? I’m a little annoyed that any men other than Yami are eating them, but still, I’m so happy!’

Internally, she was flying even higher than before, and thus she was trying even more desperately not to let her feelings be known. However, then Yami said,

“I’ve gotta say……. I could eat these cookies every day. Seriously.”

“………”

‘Ah……. I’m done for.’

Her excitement seemed to overflow from her whole body until, finally, she fell backwards.

BAM!

The back of her head hit the stone pavement, knocking her unconscious.

“Eeeeeeeeh!? Wait, what just happened!? Are you okay!? Hey!?”

Yami picked up her body, holding her in her arms while unusually upset. However…… there, an even more terrible incident unfolded.

“B-Big Sis! Are you okay!? What happened!?”

Several members of the Blue Rose, with Sol at the forefront, rushed toward Charlotte. They surrounded her and glared sharply at Yami. Sol took one step forward toward Yami, her body swaying as if she were half-conscious. Representing the entire group, Sol quietly informed him,

“When Big Sis suddenly disappeared, we began a search for her……. What is the meaning of this, Captain of the Black Bulls……? Why has Big Sis collapsed before you?”

“That’s what I’d like to know! She just suddenly collapsed all on her own, and-

“HUUUUUH!? So, you did do something to her, didn’t you!?”

“As I’ve said, you’ve got it all wrong! It was all on her own, and…. Wait, don’t attack me!”

After that, a brawl broke out between the Black Bulls and the Blue Roses. However, Charlotte woke up soon after and cleared Yami’s name. Still, thanks to the uproar they caused, not a single person remained in Yami’s drawing class.

“………That was quite dangerous.”

“………Yes.”

“………I’m sick of this.”

Said Vangeance, Yuno, then Bell as they continued their patrol. They had a hard time stopping those girls’ rampage. Though it only took a few dozen seconds before Charlotte woke up and said, “……Sorry. I was just feeling a little lightheaded. It’s nothing important,” their brawl was fierce and merciless, so it was exceedingly difficult to stop them without destroying the town themselves. Moreover, their brawl, coupled with the uproar that Mereoleona caused, was starting to make the citizens who came here afraid of the Magic Knights. One of the goals of this event was to dispel any doubts the citizens had about the Magic Knights, but their doubts were only increasing. On top of that, they haven’t found a single clue toward dealing with the main problem at hand, the Original Sin Grimoire. With such negative thoughts floating in his head, exhausted by the day’s events, Yuno muttered to himself,

“Is the Order of the Magic Knights…... really okay…...?”

“Ha ha. Certainly, a lot of events have happened in rapid succession that would make one a little uneasy. No, maybe “very uneasy” would be more accurate?”

“Ah, no, sorry. That was a little careless of me to say. I mean…...”

Realizing that Vangeance overheard him, he hurriedly tried to explain himself. Since he somehow managed to work his way to be the person in the Golden Dawn who collected the most stars last term, he thought that he shouldn’t complain in front of the captain. With a gentle smile, Vangeance waved his hand as if to expel Yuno’s worries.

“I don’t mind…… No, well…… this is a good opportunity, so I guess I’ll go ahead and ask you.”

Vangeance, too, spoke so softly that one would think he was talking to himself.

“Let me ask you, Yuno. What do you think about the Magic Knights and this country?”

“Huh……?”

Yuno and Bell reflexively looked at each other. His superior was asking him what he thought about his workplace and the thing he is supposed to protect. That’s not all that strange by itself, but it seemed a little abrupt. Realizing what Yuno was thinking, Vangeance shrugged his shoulders and said,

“It wasn’t meant to be a deep question. It’s just that many members of the Magic Knights, myself included, have high hopes for you. I was simply curious about your thoughts.”

Yuno lowered his head as he thought. It’s an abstract question, but if all he’s curious about is what he thinks, then……

“I think there are many problems in both of them that must be solved, but, even so, I love the Magic Knights and this country. Everyone in the Magic Knights is…… well, at first, they were extremely critical of me, but, lately, they all seem to recognize me as a friend. It feels very comfortable. Ever since the Star Festival, it feels as if the citizens have accepted me, too.”

Yuno remembered the smiles and cheers of the people at the Star Festival, filling Yuno with warmth as he spoke.

“I want to fight to protect the people who accepted me. That’s what I think.”

At first, Yuno only thought about fulfilling his dreams. However, these feelings gradually grew as he continued to fulfill his duties. Every time a person thanked him, every time a person smiled, he felt that he wanted to protect them. Those were his truest feelings from the bottom of his heart, but was that answer good enough……? Yuno thoughts were such as he watched Vangeance, who replied with a satisfied expression,

“I feel the same way. I love the Magic Knights, and I love this country, too. In the Magic Knights, I have comrades and subordinates I can rely on, and I have a superior I want to be like…… Julius-sama. Moreover, this is the country where my comrades and I were born and raised. These feelings are not so grandiose that I would call them patriotism, but I feel a dept of gratitude. In order to repay that dept, I want to protect this country and its people forever…… I truly do.”

For some reason, his expression became sorrowful for the second time that day.

‘……As I thought, Vangeance is definitely acting strange today.’

He was clad in his usual elegantly dignified aura, but there were moments when Yuno could feel a terrible fragility in him, as if he could simply fade away. However, these moments passed by so quickly that it was hard for Yuno to bring up. In the end, all he could do was worry.

“Anyway, just as you said, Yuno, I believe there are many problems in both that must be solved.”

While Yuno was thinking, Vangeance returned to normal and replied with his usual tone. Yuno understood that thinking about it wasn’t going to get him anywhere, so he stopped mulling over it and listened to Vangeance speak.

“Discrimination against commoners and peasants, the secret maneuvers of those who act only for their own self-interest…… there’s many things we must do to make the country and the Magic Knights better, to make them something you can love even more.”

“……I agree.”

Yuno unintentionally responded with a severe tone of voice. This was because he and Asta have had many painful experiences because of the discrimination that peasants face. Understanding the reason behind Yuno’s heavy reply, he put his hand on Yuno’s shoulder as he continued,

“I’m looking forward to what you will do to solve these problems. If you demonstrate that even a peasant can shine if you hone your strength, you will not only eliminate the discrimination peasants face, you will also become the hope of the populace. I apologize for using you like an advertisement, but I intend to keep you busy.”

“Leave it to us~! After all, not only does Yuno have a four-leaf grimoire, he’s also a genius who’s loved by me! We’ll crush the walls of social status into tiny little pieces as many times as it takes!”

Interjected a certain wind spirit who didn’t read the mood of the conversation.

“Bell, house.”

Yuno tried to make her be quiet, but her outburst made Vangeance chuckle.

“I’m sure you will.”

He agreed with her as he laughed.

“Despite that, no, maybe because of that…... I’m a little worried.”

Once again, though only slightly, something seemed to cloud his usual gentle expression.

“……Right. This may be a little off-topic, but your goal is to become the Wizard King, right, Yuno?”

“Yes.”

Yuno answered immediately. He had decided that there was nothing to be embarrassed about, so he would always answer without hesitation, no matter who asked him. Vangeance nodded his head before continuing,

“What are you willing to lay on the line for your goal?”

“Anything.”

“Including your own life?”

“As long as I get to be the Wizard King for a bit before I die.”

“I see. Then, what about the life of another?”

“Huh……?”

“Let’s say you could save people’s lives in exchange for your own. What would you do?”

Yuno found himself unable to respond to such an unexpected question. With a wry smile, yet somehow incredibly sincerely, he informed Yuno,

“……I’m sorry for asking such a cruel question. However, because of your strength, there will be many situations in the future where you will need to make all kinds of choices, especially if you are aiming to become the Wizard King. In some of those cases, deciding on what is the right choice will be difficult…… In fact, there will surely come a time where, like my earlier question, you’ll have to make a choice when there is no right answer.”

It was as if Vangeance was speaking from experience, no, as if he were in such a situation at this very moment.

‘In his position, he has probably had to make dozens of decisions where there wasn’t a right choice,’ Yuno thought. And, just as he says, the time when Yuno will have to make such a choice will surely come as well.

‘When the time comes, what will I choose…….?’

“You don’t have to think so hard about it. It’s just that, since its possible you might end up in a situation like that someday, I wanted to know what you thought…… Whenever that happens, I hope you will always be able make a decision you can stick behind.”

Vangeance briefly paused before continuing. In that moment, Yuno turned his head to the side in doubt, still unsure of what his decision would be.

“If you don’t know what the right choice is…… in times like those, make a decision that you can be satisfied with. If you do that, you’ll be able to take responsibility for the consequences of your decision, even if those consequences are bad. Maybe this is already obvious to you, but for people as powerful as you, every decision you make has a big influence on your surroundings…… it will make me happy if you keep that in mind.”

“……Yes.”

Yuno answered with uncertainty. With that, Vangeance stretched lightly before saying,

“……Now then, that was quite a long talk, so I’m thirsty. Let’s buy something to drink.”

“Okay, then I’ll-

“No, I’ve already forced you to listen to me talk, so I’ll go buy them.”

Vangeance interrupted gently before quickly making his way to the juice stand. Yuno reluctantly sat down on a nearby bench and, for the second time that day, sighed briefly.

“……Hey, Yuno! Don’t worry about it! That question was just way too mean!”

“Well, you’re right, but…...”

As Bell continued to speak, Yuno became lost in his thoughts. Since the day he decided to become the Wizard King, he has worked single-mindedly to make his goal come true. No matter what hardships or unfairness stood in his way, he would find a way to push them aside, or, at least, that was his intention. However, he couldn’t answer Vangeance’s question. Even now, he still didn’t know the answer. He wasn’t prepared. The fact he still didn’t know the answer filled him with frustration. He felt as if he was just told he wasn’t working hard enough, or that he was too naïve.

“Oh, come on!”

As if she could sense Yuno’s state of mind, Bell opened his book pouch without permission, opened his grimoire, and pushed it against his face.

“Huh!? What the heck are you do-

“Look! After getting your grimoire, you filled so many pages in just half a year! No ordinary person would be able to do that! This is proof of your weird fixation on trying too hard!”

“I’m not sure if you’re trying to compliment me or insult me.”

“To make matters worse, your legs are long, your eyes are like almonds, and your cuticles are flawless! Everything about you is amazing, you hottie!”

“As I said, are those compliments or insults? You’re throwing compliments at me with all the tension of a tirade, so it’s confusing.”

Though Bell was annoying, for once her rampage helped him. The thoughts that were plaguing him earlier were the type that do not stop once you let yourself start thinking about them. He was grateful that she forced him to stop thinking about it. The captain’s question was one that should be taken very seriously, but it was not something he needed to think about right now. Yuno wasn’t sure if this was what Bell was trying to say, but, at the very least, that was the conclusion she led him to.

“……I understand, Bell……. Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome! I don’t really get why you’re thanking me, though!”

As they continued their usual exchange, Bell pulled Yuno’s grimoire away from his face. When she did, Yuno noticed that the drawing Silka gave him earlier fell out. He had put the drawing in his book pouch, so when Bell pulled his grimoire out from it, it fell by accident. When he picked it up, he patted the soil of off it and moved to put the drawing back in his book pouch, but then,

“……Hm?”

When he looked at the drawing, there was something about it that made him a bit uneasy.

“………..!”

And then, he realized it.

Even so, there were many holes in his hypothesis. If he was right, then his opponent made a rather careless mistake. However, if his opponent really was that careless, then it’s possible that……

“I’m sorry for taking so long. Julius-sama ended up roping me into a conversation.”

Vangeance returned with three juices in hand. Yuno didn’t respond to his voice, only staring at him in silence. It would be too hasty of him to mark him as a suspect. However, if his hypothesis was correct, then that would explain what Yami was saying earlier. To find more evidence, first, he should……

“……Captain Vangeance.”

With tension rising, Yuno turned toward Vangeance and uttered these words,

“Captain, may I see what’s in your book pouch?”

“……….”

In response to Yuno’s question, Vangeance smiled back at Yuno with his usual elegant smile from beneath his mask.

……No. This wasn’t his usual smile. There was a hidden meaning behind it.

— To be continued in Part 2 —

As usual, expect the second half next week! Did any of you catch what Yuno noticed when he looked at the drawing?

I know I keep gushing on about how great each chapter is, but the chapters in this book are just too good! This chapter was just too cute! William being a total sucker around kids was cute! Yuno thinking about how much he wants to protect those kids was cute! Yami’s class being a hit with kids was cute! And Mereoleona… well, I don’t know if I would describe her scene with those kids as “cute”, but I loved it nonetheless!

I think this might be the most progress Charlotte has ever had toward her relationship with Yami. She actually managed to give him something she made, and he liked it!

I’m also glad Yuno is hesitating in his answer toward William’s question. He may be a Magic Knight, so it may be his duty to sacrifice his life for the citizens, but he’s only about 16 years old at this point in the story. It would be strange for a 16-year-old to be okay with sacrificing his life.

#Black Clover #Yuno #william vangeance #mereoleona vermillion #yami sukehiro #Charlotte Roselei #Asta #klaus lunettes #mimosa vermillion #noelle silva #sol marron #Book of Yuno #My translations

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nanabrainrot · 4 years ago

Note

hey nana! could you please write hcs about "first time" things in relationship (like meeting each other for the first time, first "i love you", meeting parents you know the drill) for joe from ywnrh? tysm lov u💖

Hey! Sorry for the wait im in my sophomore yr of nursing school so anatomy is beating my ass so I was focusing on my work for a moment! I kept this SFW since you didn’t specify to stay safe :) I hope u lov bby joe 💙💙💙💙

Joe’s “Firsts” Headcanons

First Meeting

You meet Joe when you hit him with your car door in a grocery store parking lot.

Hard.

His hands are full of bags and they immediately go crashing to the hot asphalt (he’s a one trip kind of guy, who needs a basket or a cart?) and you both just... stare at each other. You literally wanted to slink into the ground and just perish.

Fortunately, he’s a mild guy. You’re just a nice person who was unobservant and accidents happened. Everything but the eggs were salvageable and the goldfish crackers that were all over the ground now.

“I’m so sorry!” You literally said it a thousand times. Not long after that, you tell him to stay put and you run back in to purchase him eggs and the wrong goldfish crackers (unobservant yet again) and you come back, still spewing apologies. He drives home with a ghost of a grin; inconvenient but simultaneously endearing that you went out of your way to make it up to him.

It’s your first time meeting him, but not the last. It turns out you both frequent the same grocery store and wind up running into each other a lot. He always seems to forget an ingredient and you restock on foods more often than you’d like to admit. After a few run-ins, Joe works up the courage to ask you on a proper date to really make up for breaking his eggs.

First Date

• He opts for a nice walk through a nearby park. The air is fresh and leaves enough room to talk and gets his steps in at the same time!

• He’s more of a listener. You coo at the wildlife as baby ducklings romp by the pond and gush about your promotion as he listens. He doesn’t have much to tell you that you should know. So this will suffice. He always heard partners love someone who listens anyway.

• There’s something about the genuine grin that crosses your face that makes him want to see you again. There’s a lot of unfortunate evils and cruel people in the world and you aren’t one of them. He sees himself as being apart of that gross image of the world and, selfish as it may be, doesn’t he deserve a bit of happiness? To allow himself to be fully enveloped in the affection you offer? Selfish as it may be, he wants to have you as his own.

• You bring it up first as you both walk back to your cars in the parking lot, innocently inferring you’d really been looking forward to trying a new Mexican restaurant nearby that had just opened to support a small business. “It opens the 18th! Keep it blocked off on your calendar if you can, how about it?”

• Forward. He liked that. The second date goes as smoothly as the first. He doesn’t mind the plenty that follow.

First Kiss

It was a few dates in, just casually getting to know each other, but you had really let yourself simmer in the thought of kissing him.

Relationships seemed far and few for you. You devoted your youth to academia rather than hopping from lover to lover. The stress of trying love was optional to place that kind of stress on yourself on top of your studies seemed stupid.

He looked handsome, illuminated by a candle over a table in a dim Italian spot off the main street. He looked so tender like that, obviously trying to spiffy up for you, you could’ve fawned over him all night, but didn’t want to come off strong.

It seemed like both of you kept trying to radiate an aura of aloofness, but it seemed to start crumbling for both of you. Just chasing tails of who wanted the other more or just as badly.

He pays the check and drives you home as you fiddle with the top you put on. Was it hot? Were your palms sweaty for some other reason? You had never had a really raw, healthy love before. It was kind of new. You felt like a late bloomer compared to all your hometown peers; people your age had already been wed or pregnant with their first or second children. Yet here you were fiddling with your dress over a guy you really didn’t know if you were supposed to feel this fluttering sensation for.

Your apartment complex comes into sight. The date already ended. The car stops slowly at the doors of your building, silent but for the rumble of the engine. “Can I kiss you goodnight?”

He murmurs it so quietly that you could barely hear it. You only heard it because you were dying to. “Please.”

You kiss over the console, just lips pressed to the others, no tongue, no sensuous moving, just together. If it could’ve lasted forever, you wouldn’t have minded. But you had work in the morning.

“Goodnight Joe.”

“Goodnight, beautiful.”

First I Love You

It just slips out. He didn’t plan on saying it and the silence that follows is thicker than frozen butter.

You had been arguing over something stupid and your face twisted into an expression of agitation at his words. You wanted badly to turn away and go home to brew in your thoughts. You did love him. You’d been together four months so far. You really wanted to make it work and you’d never... argued with a real partner before.

“I’m only saying that because I love you.”

“I’m only trying to understand what you want because I love you too, Joe.”

The silence that follows isn’t thick anymore. Neither of you were really mad to begin with. It’s not ideal. A lot of things just happen. But it felt perfect because it was from Joe.

Your face contorts from a facd skewed by anger to one of contentment. I love you sounds so sweet from the person you love.

Meeting the Parents

• You two had begun dating some months prior to Thanksgiving. Your parents were more out of the way than his mother was; you moved near him to relocate for a glorious job offer before you two had met. It was stressful moving but he helped alleviate your worries and showed you the lesser known things to do in town.

• Come Thanksgiving, you seriously wanted him to meet your parents. You liked him, loved him even. The look of anxiety that crossed your face made his heart drop a bit. Did you think he wouldn’t want to go?

• “Of course, I’d love to meet them. We’ll get tickets next week to visit them, okay?”

• He’s charming enough, no casanova, but a gentleman at heart for his lady, they bond well enough. They’re just happy you met someone to help you destress and find comfort after you flew the coop. A little later than your peers, as you opted for a master’s, but it all seemed to piece together when you met him and fell into his lap.

• When Thanksgiving ends, you both return home and somewhere in both your hearts, you come to terms with the fact you would love for this love to last forever.

Joe has a life that isn’t easy. He’s a distant partner for a long time and he requires trust and patience from you. In his eyes, your love for him doesn’t immediately permit you to join his world by letting you know about it. After a lot of time and conversations about trust, he will let you know out of respect for you. Give him a little love and he will give you everything and more. Thank you for showing him that there is sweetness in the world.

#joe scenario #joe x you #joe x reader #you were never really here #ywnrh #nana writes #sry im a slow lil worm by december ill be posting more since schoolwork will ease up!!!!!

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oisaaac · 5 years ago

Text

“ Six feet under ”

Pairing: Crowley x Reader

Summary: Crowley decides to pay a little visit to his one and only love.

Warnings: angst, character death, sad boi crowley

Notes: English isn't my native language, so sorry for any mistakes this hasn't been proofread either.

This is very out of the blue and maybe a little cliché idk, but i hope some of you enjoy it nonetheless <3

kinda off from the original show plot but try to bare with me uwu

inspired from billie eilish's song 'six feet under'

Help, I lost myself again

But I remember you

Thick heavy grey clouds shrouded above the cemetery as if it read Crowley's mood. It was the same heavy weight he felt everyime he decides to pay you a visit. The same weight that seems to get heavier as time ticks by.

It had been a year since you died. A year that seems to be dreadfully longer than the time Crowley stayed above earth.

It was always a reminder for him how different his celestial form is from a human being like you. You always joked around that he had to see you die at some point—with grey hair and wrinkling skin while he didn't age even a bit, yet look where he is now.

He didn't expect it to come too soon, too fast, too sudden and too painful. It made him think what was really God's ineffable plan? He couldn't even ask it himself. Besides it was ineffable after all.

He should've seen this coming though. A demon falling in love with a human? Both of you knew things can't get normal. For one he was an immortal under a lot of circumstances and you on the other hand was—fragile. The moment you saw the bright light when you were brought to this world you were already hanging on a thin thread. Surviving for only a small barrowed time. Crowley always thought it was some kind of inside joke made by God, a very cruel joke.

Small droplets started to fall down from the sky as Crowley stood looking at the flowers he have in his hands.

You would've loved this. He thought to himself kneeling down on the moist grass, not bothered by the uncomfortable feeling of the contact with his jeans before staring at your grave stone.

It still feels unreal for him, seeing your name precisely carved on the stone which made his heart wrenched.

Retrace my lips

Erase your touch

It's all too much for me

But Crowley knew he would rather feel the pain in his chest over and over again rather than forget about you even if he could never be the same when he was with you.

His closest friend Aziraphale felt pity for the demon, but loving someone always has a cost to pay and he could only give much reassurance to his dear friend. Besides, he was somehow at fault considering you died in his shop trying to help him. Crowley didn't blame the angel though, knowingly you wouldn't either, but that didn't stop him from blaming himself and giving the silent treatment to the angel (which Aziraphale understood where he was coming from) for months. You would have opposed to if you knew, knowing their friendship was one of the strongest bonds you had ever seen. Luckily they were good now yet Crowley still needed more time to mourn.

You were always so kind and gentle, one of the traits Crowley loved about you. Good or bad you seem to look surpass every label knowing it was more than just what they perceive. To you Crowley isn't just the demon who had fallen to spread evil, he was your Crowley; your sassy kind hearted loving demon. He never wanted to have such vulnerability, but he let himself otherwise.

Of course he didn't regret any of it. He would need to die first before he ever regrets choosing a path with you in it. Even if he knew the moment you walked in Aziraphale's bookshop clumsily waltzing in his life only to bring this kind of pain he was currently feeling he would never choose of you not being a part of him. If only he could have had more time just one more second to see you smile, to feel your soft touch, to look directly into your loving eyes that made him feel like he was home. It sometimes brought Crowley anxiety with the thought that he didn't deserve what he was feeling with you—the joy, appreciation and love, yet you always said that he did, he did deserve happiness but the tragedy that comes with it had come unforeseen.

Blow away

Like smoke in air

How can you die carelessly?

Why did you have to go inside? Why didn't you just wait for me. You were human afterall. You weren't built to withstand heavy flames and thick smokes. You've always been so reckless for the sake of others. You knew it was dangerous, but you risked your life nonetheless.

Crowley laid the flowers near your headstone before he caressed the letters of your name closing his eyes trying to remember every detail of your face.

"Just for a second. If you're really listening to everyone's prayer then bid mine. Just for a second. Look at me you've foresaken me and let me fall into the pit yet here I am calling out for you." He looked up calling out to somebody, something or someone who was listening to his mantra. "Please!" He choked through the verge of tears. "I love her. I'll always will. If this is my sin then punish me for eternity, but let me see her just for a second." The only response a low rumble of thunder and finally the heavy clouds opened its gates letting the rain freely fall from the heavens camouflaging Crowley's tears.

They're playin' our sound

Layin' us down tonight

And all of these clouds

Crying us back to life

But you're cold as a night

It was no use. You're gone. The pain settled in his chest eating his insides. It was his punishment after all.

Crowley was soaked by the time he was snapped out of his small trance. He fixed the flowers on your grave before putting the individual red rose in the middle remembering how much you loved that red flower then grabbing the old ones to dispose them before standing up and taking one last glance of you until his next visit.

He whispered his promise that he would come back over and over for the rest of his eternity, he had all the time in his hands anyways.

Six feet under

I can't help but wonder

If our grave was watered by the rain

Bloom

Again

Crowley turned around to head over his bentley only to be met by your e/c eyes. He didn't even realized his grip on the flowers loosened as he blinked once, twice, more than enough to make sure he wasn't seeing things while raining and there you were like an epiphany standing on your red dress drenched in rain smiling like an idiot at him. You took deliberate steps closing in the gap between the two of you while you kept your eyes locked on his yellow serpent eyes that you grew to love.

"Y/n," Crowley whispered still trying to figure out how.

"Crowley," You put your hand on his cheeks caressing his wet skin with your thumb. You didn't even understood how, but you were happy. You missed him so much that you didn't say another word and just leaned in connecting your lips with his he didn't respond at first, but slowly he recognized you. It was really you, his beloved y/n. He had so many questions hanging on the back of his head, but he didn't dare to utter any of them. He didn't want to let you go and waste whatever miracle it was that brought you here.

All the muscles in each of your bodies molded into one. You and Crowley were in sync like a melody that you both practiced over and over again. Your hands made its way on the back of his neck tangling your fingers on his wet ginger locks, Crowley's hands gripped you tight yet at the same time gently trying not to break you under his touch. The intensity of yearning and all the other emotions that comes with it all swirled into one.

Out of breath you both parted staring at eachothers eyes. "I love you too." You softly spoke your truth.

Maybe whatever was up there was really listening. Either way Crowley held on you to the very last second of your borrowed time.

"We'll be together again someday." You reassured him while you smiled. Crowley just studied your face and for the first time in a while genuinely smiled and was happy. And it was enough as goodbye for the both of you... for now.

Help, I lost myself again

But I remember you

Kinda long A/N: honestly idk what to feel about this if its good or not in my 19 years of existence i always wrote fanfics imagines and stuffs but usually i usually put it up then delete it later because i dont have any confidence of my work but im trying again. this is my first time posting in tumblr though.i hope this is good, like it gave you feels because it did when i wrote it. please don't kill me that i made crowley straight oof 🥺 sorry for any mistakes again! thank you for taking time on reading this and if you reblog and press the heart thingy thank you so much i will love you forever 💕

#crowley x reader #crowley #anthony j crowley #good omens #david tennant #aziraphale #crowley imagine

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karasumajo · 4 years ago

Text

I read through the old messages with my last favorite person.

I never realized how easily I would bend to his word and needs 😅 or just how much affection and care I'd give to him. At the time I guess I wouldn't have, I use to react purely on emotions and feelings without a thought.

I guess if makes sense that my ex didn't like him, but I would still talk to him and make time and do my best to always be there for him. Now, looking back,I guess I could see why my ex boyfriend felt the threat from him. But it was purely just friendship.

I guess I liked having someone to care about and who depended on my being there for them.

There was a conversation I saw between him and I

Him: "Are you awake?"

Me: "of course, what's up?"

Him: "I just really need someone. I'm feeling anxious, sad, I can't sleep."

Me: " :( I'm always here ____♡ it's okay. Do you want to talk on the phone? Want to come over? Want foods?"

Him: "idk, I guess not being alone would be nice, ill head over."

Me: "okay, I'll make something to eat! We can sit outside and eat! See you soon ♡"

It was like 2am. I remember that day was a terrible day at work but I wanted to be there for him lol. But it was always that way when he didn't want to be alone, and I always made myself available to him.

We even had a conversation once where he proposed that if when we are older and single, perhaps we can just have some kind of FWB relationship 😅 and I just...agreed. like I didn't even factor in how that might effect me.

Anyway, what hurt me to read was when I realized I was begging him to talk to me. I mean I don't blame him, his relationship would obviously be more important than me and also I guess having me as a friend was a liability. But I did my best to keep boundaries for him and his gf. I just wanted him to talk to me at least.

But then, one day, he said something....so ...stupid lol

We had gone to the mall together as we usually did, and his gf called, asked what he was up To.

He told her.. "I'm at the mall with my ex."

.......

Not (my name here). Not "my best friend". Not even just "my friend". MY EX. WHO TF SAYS THAT ???

So I guess she obviously was unhappy and he goes to take the call privately. I started feeling anxious and like I'm doing something wrong... 😅 when he came back I asked if that's all he sees me as? His ex? And he said Well you are, you're my ex girlfriend after all, im not going to lie to her.

I said but ____ ...I'm you're friend... 😅. And he said Yeah, but we dated. You're my ex.

So here we are at the mall, I just bought him all these gifts because yknow I'm a dumb bitch, and he's just there calling me his ex and nonchalantly... 😅

That's where things went downhill.

His girlfriend hated me. My existence. I guess rightfully so...but she never would tell him to get shit together, she would come after me about it with messages and phone calls...it was stressful lol.

Then when I thought things were fine, everything finally was hashed out, I still have my fp, his gf is actually cool, she's my new friend. Everything is fine

He blocked me.

He didn't just block me, but basically erased my existence from his life.

Couldn't text or call him. Couldn't DM him. Couldn't send him a fb message. Literally nothing.

His brother told me he got rid of all the paintings I made for him. All the gifts.

He deleted me.

And I just... didn't exist anymore.

I panicked. I got scared and I got anxious and I tried what I could to just get a word out of him, something. Just tell me WHY?????? lol..like why just shut me out, in like the most random and hurtful way possible? After everything, don't I at least deserve a heads up? An explanation? Idk, something? Fucking smoke signals? A letter? An email?????

That was it. He just deleted me. My last message to him I left on IG was

"____ I'm not even angry at this point. Just please tell me what I did wrong now? Please just tell me what happened? I'm sorry if I hurt you or if I hurt ______ in anyway...Just don't shut me out like this please. Whatever your reasons are at this point okay fine but just please tell me why and what I did. I just need to at least know.."

I got no reply back and that was the last message.

For the next following days, weeks, months. I guess I went through withdrawal of not talking to him everyday 😅 not having that friendship. I was depressed, crying all the time, anxiety would rise and fall throughout the day dramatically. I'd anxiously look at my phone hoping he'd replied. But I never got anything.

I missed him.

After some time, another person we knew told me that he was talking about me at his job. At first I thought "oh? Maybe he's thinking of talking to me again?"

But no.

He talked about what a shit friend I was. How I never showed care. How I apparently was always such a bitch and didn't know how to just chill out. How I was always so intense and my favorite "she's a mess".

He read my message, and told everyone he didn't bother replying because "how can she not see how she's a lot".

😅

So naturally, I emailed him 😂.

I told him how much I hated him, how he's a piece of shit, how dare he call me a bad friend. I told him what a little bitch he is and how I wanted to beat his face in and to stay the fuck away from me forever.

Yknow, all that good stuff...

I mean clearly, yeah, I'm a mess. But I wasn't a bad friend. That much I knew, but it didn't matter. The thoughts ate me up. The worry and overthinking had a field day in my head. The constant thought of "you see how you're so much you just fuck shit up? Why can't you just be normal?"

He made me question my own sanity, my love, the way I am. Am I really innocent? What if he's right? What I even fooled myself into thinking I'm good but really, what if I'm just so evil that I'm good at manipulating others into believing I'm good?

I still wonder that tho, I live in constant doubt of myself and my own intentions, I wonder if I'll ever be able to just be me and not feel like I constantly need to validate and confirm my own emotions and feelings accordingly. It's tiring and now I don't even know how to just react without thinking about my reactions first.

Today he tried pretending non of that happened. Like he never had anything to do with the way I am now. He smiled, he joked, he talked to me, he tried hugging me. He took me to Chipotle to get lunch. Then he asked me about how I've been and how I've been dealing with my anxiety. Because he worried.....

LOL EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME SIR???????

Needless to say I went off and told him how we are just coworkers and he lost the right to ask that question forever ago.

Still, the fucked up part is, I still miss him. 🙄 ew.

I don't even know why I'm writing all this. Maybe Because writing it makes it so that it's out of my head and here. Maybe a small part of me felt happy today because small moments felt like the old days. With his dumb jokes and always finding ways to make me laugh and smile.

Mostly I guess to remind myself why I can't let myself be swayed back in a friendship with someone like him. Because I know that if I did, it would just end the same and I would have played myself again.

Womp, well that was a lot 😅 im gonna go back to sleep now, this kinda helped I guess.

Sorry for the long rant and shit 😅 goodnight nobody and everybody!

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cryinggameff · 6 years ago

Text

Seventy-Five

Randi

Cameron’s crying woke me up early in the morning as usual. I started to get up but Cayden mumbled, "I got him," and got up from the bed. I looked over at the clock. It was 8am. Cayden would be leaving for work soon and I'd be going to drop Cam at my moms. I was trying to slowly get back to going to work, a couple of times a week anyways. Cayden worked a normal 9-5 schedule now, the ride share app he had invested in had blown up and now he was a cowener in a big time company which kept him busy. He really loved what he was doing which made me happy. I was co-owner of 2 salons now. After almost 2 years of back and forth, a second location was up. That required me putting in more regular hours though, which meant leaving Cameron. I felt guilty about working for months after He was born, but now a year later, Cayden and Ms. Williams,my therapist, both convinced me that working was good for me and that i wasn't evil for doing so. He was 1 now and I felt better about leaving him with someone else. I wasn’t breastfeeding anymore and he didn’t need 24/7 attention. But i couldn't deny being a mom came first on my list of priorities and consumed most of my time and thoughts, and i was fine with that.

"You going into the salon today?" Cayden asked, coming back in the room with Cam. I smiled reaching out for him. Seeing him in the morning was the best part of my day because after sleeping for a few hours I missed him. His face lit up when he saw me and he giggled, bringing out his cute dimples. When I looked at him I thought about the fact that I almost missed out on this because I was set on not having kids. I also thought about everything I went through to give birth to him and the fact that I’d do it all over again.

"Good morning mommy's baby," i cooed, nuzzling his face. "Yeah, i'm going in. I have so much to do for tax season," I said.

"My mom taking him this week?" he asked. I nodded. Our parents switched who would watch him. It was perfect because they all didn't work anymore. God knows i couldn't leave Cam with strangers. Cayden took his shirt off to go shower, revealing his perfect chest, well perfect except the gunshot wound under his right peck. He leaned down to kiss me and i met him. He kissed me for a long time and Cam started crying.

"You need to get ready, and i gotta get him some food," i said. We went separate ways and went about our morning routines.

At the door Cayden gave Cameron some last cuddles then handed him to me. He kissed my forehead.

"Imma see you tonight beautiful," he said. I smiled and nodded. I watched him get in his car and go. Then i had to get Cam and myself in my car and drove to Cay's mom's house. On the way there I thought about how normal life was now, Cayden going to work in the morning, to a legit job, m dropping of our kid, and going to work. Life was so different now.

I got to the salon later in the morning and went back to my office. I sat down and immediately checked my phone. It was habit now whenever someone else was watching Cam. I checked for texts or calls about him. When i saw nothing i reluctantly got my computer on and started pulling up my files. I worked for about 2 hours before i cracked and checked grabbed my phone to call Cay's mom. She didn't answer my call and i put my phone down angrily.

"He's fine Randi," i said to myself, turning back to my computer. The separation anxiety i felt with him was hard to explain. It was different than with Cayden. When he wasn't with me i got that feeling like when you think you're forgetting something really important, but constant. It was weird not hearing him cry or laugh for so long, it put me on edge. I wasn't sure how Cayden was able to just go to work like it was nothing.

Jada came in then.

"Hey, I put all those receipts on your desk, did you see them?" She asked.

"yeah," i said with a sigh. I glanced at my phone again.

"Whats up with you?" She asked.

"It's Cameron," i said.

"Why is he sick?" she asked with a frown.

"No. But Cayden's mom won't answer my calls. I just want a picture of him so i know he's ok," i said.

"She's probably busy watching him, it's a good thing she not on her phone," she said. She had a good point. "You worry too much," she said, leaving the office. I knew i worried too much, i didnt wanna be like this. It just came with the whole mom thing.

Later a knock came at my door and i looked up. It was a delivery guy.

"Mrs. Jones?" he asked.

"yeah, thats me,"i said. He gave me the clipboard and i signed it, looking around for the package.

"Package is out front," he said. I thanked him and went out to the front desk to check what is was. China turned to look at me.

"I hate you," she said. I was confused, then i saw the huge bouquet of flowers. I smiled like an idiot, jumping up and down a little. I picked up the card.

--->To my beautiful wife, because i can't stop thinking about you. Im sure you're thinking about Cam not me but that's ok. P.S he's fine, stop worrying. From: Cay and Cam

I teared up and held the card to my chest. I loved how thoughtful Cayden could be. That gave me the motivation i needed to get through the day.

I picked Cam up around 3 and made my way back home. Cole called me on my way saying that he was coming over. He beat me home and was waiting in the drive way when i got there. He helped me get Cam out of the car.

“My little man!” He said, taking him from his car seat.

“He just put on a show on the way home, cried the whole ride. He's so tired.” We went inside.

“You on your own?” He asked.

“Yeah, Cayden still at work.”

“Damn, he really taking this CEO shit serious. You can always leave him with me if you need a break,” he said.

“I’m seriously gonna take you up on that, but anyways, so bachelor party. I have everything set, just need to know what time you want the limo.”

“Like 10 probably. I plan on being drunk by then so it don’t really matter,” he chuckled, letting Cam play with his fingers.

“Ok. I still need an outfit, I’m always scared to be out dressed by the strippers,” I said. I was gonna be the only girl at the bachelor party, I wasn’t planning on staying too long anyways, I knew I’d be missing Cameron and I wanted to let Cole hang with his buddies.

"Aint that weird? Going to a strip club with your man?" He asked, putting Cam's pacifier back in his mouth.

"Not really. Im used to it," i said, "but he doesn't even go anymore. This will be the first time he's gone since Cam was born. But why are you going to a female strip club when you don't like girls is the real question?"

"Male strip clubs aint the same," he shrugged. "Only thing is i know Ty attracted to females so that's gonna be a bit weird." I went around the kitchen making something to eat for all of us. I started cutting stuff up for a salad and warming a bottle for Cameron. Cole came to sit at the island.

"Im sure he'll behave himself," i said. "He's marrying you, so clearly he's not checking for anyone else, male or female" i assured him. He nodded.

“Did you get nervous before your wedding?” He asked. I nodded.

“Hell yeah. You know i was a mess leading up to it. I had a panic attack day of too," i laughed remembering. "You getting nervous bout it?"

"A little," he shrugged. It was odd to see Cole unsure or worried about anything. He was always so care free, go with the flow type of guy.

"It'll go away once you see him on the day," i assured him. He nodded in agreement.

"One more week to go," he said.

Cayden

I was in meetings all day today which was tiring. Sometimes this job was more tiring than drug dealing, which i ever expected. I really liked doing something different though. When i thought about it, i kind of did the same thing when i was in charge of the warehouses, i handled all the business behind the dealing. Negotiated with cartels, contracted people, allocated supplies. That's pretty much what i did now, just not with drugs. I was really into the whole tech thing too, the dudes i worked with were crazy smart, inventing apps and shit.

After my meetings i went to my office to check my emails. I checked my phone too and saw the message from Randi thanking me for the flowers.

There was also a message from Keisha which I opened. It was a photo of her son after a basketball game. Yes, i had stayed in touch with her, because that was my nephew, and the circumstances didn’t change that. Randi was all for it and we’d even have him over sometimes. So I’d see him here and there and she kept me up to date on what he was doing. I chuckled a little at his big gap smile, he looked so much like Trey it scared me at times. The more I was getting to know him the more I saw Trey in him, and that made me feel like my brother was still here.

After replying some emails I finally made my way home. It was an hour past Cameron’s bed time which meant I wouldn’t get to hang with him before he slept. I walked around downstairs and when I didn’t see Randi I went upstairs. I could hear her in the nursery. I walked over quietly and stood by the door. Randi was bouncing Cameron in her arms while he was fussing. She was so small he took up her whole torso now and he was only 1.

“Shhh, Mommy’s got you Cam ” she said softly,rubbing his back in circles. He finally got quiet and she went to put him back in his crib. She turned on the rain machine for him because he loved that shit and couldn't sleep without it. She finally turned towards the door and she jumped when she saw me, putting her hand to her chest.

“Jesus Cay, how long you been standing there?”

“Not long, but I can watch you with him all day,” i said, going up to wrap my arms around her waist.Her hair was all messed up, coming out of the bun she had, and she was wearing sweats, but she still looked fine. I looked over her head to Cam in his crib. “I tried to get home before he went to sleep," i said. I had stayed at the office later than usual.

“You just missed him. He woke up from a bad dream,” she frowned.

“I know what you’re thinking. We didn’t give him bad dreams Ran, he’s a baby, probably just wanted some attention” i could read her mind. Randi had this theory that Cameron inherited bad dreams from us because sometimes he would wake up crying or screaming. We both had a history of bad dreams so maybe it was possible but I still assured her that wasn’t the case.

“You don’t know that,” she mumbled. I tugged a piece of her hair.

"Come on, you gonna wake him up," i said, pulling her out of the room. I dragged her into our room so i could change. "I talked to Ty today, the suit is ready. Can you pick it up tomorrow for me?"

"Yeah, i have to go pick up my dress anyways," she said. "I'm so excited, I can’t believe this is finally happening" she smiled, folding her legs.

"Im just surprised neither one of them backed out yet, i thought for sure Ty would have wigged out by now," i said, taking my shirt off.

"Cole is the one I was worried about. He came over earlier, he was freaking out a little," she said, grabbing my shirt and straightening it out. "But i told him that was normal. I was loosing my shit before our wedding, but if i made it down the aisle, he can."

"True. I deadass thought you weren't gonna show up to our wedding,"i laughed remembering.

"Thought about running, my dad dragged me out of that room though," she laughed as well.

"Your ass lucky i still married you after making a nigga self conscious and shit," i mumbled. It was easy trying to lock her down. She grabbed my arm.

"I been lucky since the night you drove me home from the club," she said, referring to the first time we met. I thought back to that night and where we were now. "Even though you didn't say one word to me that whole car ride."

"I was having a bad day," i chuckled, "it wasn't personal. And i showed up to your house the next day didn't i. And day after that, and pretty much everyday after."

"You were,” she nodded. I sat down beside her and pulled her in to me. “I think that’s why I liked you. You were consistent, and I needed that,” she said like she was deep in thought. “Who would have thought back then that we'd be married and have a kid together?"

"I thought so," i said with a loud laugh. She looked at me like i was crazy. "Dead ass. I knew after that first day, that was it, you was the one. I never just wanted to be around someone all the time before,” I played with her hair.

“Why do you say all the right things?” She said softly, looking back at me.

“I also say the wrong things sometimes,” I reminded her. “You was just mad at me yesterday.”

“That’s true,” she gave me a side eye remembering the petty argument we had gotten into. We didn’t really fight like that anymore. Having a kid together made other things seem irrelevant, and we had a different level of respect for each other now as his parents.

“You know what’s weird? Like a year ago we probably would have been sorting through duffle bags of coke right now,”I said randomly. She laughed.

“Yup, I’d be counting, estimating profits,” she shook her head, “that feels like a life time ago.”

“You was really ride or die for a nigga,” I said, “even when shit was hot,” I looked at the scar on my rib and thought about how she had taken care of me.

“I knew what I signed up for. It was hard for me after the shooting though, I can’t lie. After that day...I knew I was done. Then I got pregnant, and that just pushed me to say what had been in my mind for a long time, it was all about Cam from that moment on,” she played with my hand in hers. “Do you miss all that?”

“Nah. I was done with that part of my life. I was already starting my plan to get out before you told me, but that just made it that much more important to do it. I knew the life you wanted and I wanted to give it to you, and to our kid” I looked over her face. She nodded and we sat in silence for a little bit. After some time she looked down and put a hand to her stomach.

“Sometimes I miss having him inside of me,” she smiled. I raised a brow.

“Does that mean you ready for a second one?” I said excited, pulling her closer in to me.

“Hey don’t get excited. We talked about this, we said next year,” she reminded me, pushing me away.

“We gotta start now if we gonna get 5 out the way before we old,” I said. She leaned back and looked at me like i was insane. I tried to kiss her and she was trying to run away.

“Cayyyyy” she complained as I planted my lips on her neck.

Cole

***a week later***

Today was the day, and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I had never been this nervous to step out on the football field, or even when I came out to my family. This was different. I knew I wanted to be with Ty forever, but it was the idea of ‘marriage’ that made it all so fucking scary.

It was funny to me because this was all Ty’s idea. He had asked me to marry him. It had crossed my mind too but I wasn’t sure he wanted all that. I was happy to just be whatever we were. Living together was the main thing I had wanted and I got that.

Our families now loved each other and we were both in good places with them. My mom and I were the closest we had ever been, which I wouldn’t have expected 3 years ago after all the family drama. But this wedding was a big part of why we came together. She wanted to be there for me and was happy to see me happy. She was helping me tie my bow tie, and crying while doing it.

“I’m really happy for you Cole” she said, “I can tell Ty is in love with you, and it’s clear you love him.”

“I do,” I said.

“All I’ve ever wanted was this for you. I know it may not always have seemed like it. I just hate that we weren’t on good terms for so long,” she wiped a tear, “when you’re my only son. I know now that I was wrong,” she said.

“I was wrong too mama. I was so angry I couldn’t put my pride aside and fix things with you,” I admitted.

“Well, that’s all in the past now. The important thing is everything is how it should be now. Just me and my baby,” she said with a smile.

“I love you mama” I said, kissing her cheek.

“I love you too baby,” she patted my cheek. “There, you look handsome as ever. That Ty is so lucky he scored you.”

“You ready to walk me down the aisle?” I asked, holding my arm out. Both of our mothers were walking us down. Ty was supposed to go first and I knew he was already there and waiting for me. That made me excited. The music started playing then and my stomach flipped.

“That’s our cue,” my mom said, opened the doors to the ceremony room.

I could see Ty standing there on a suit, something I hadn’t seen since Cayden and Randi’s wedding, anxiously waiting. He was touching the cuffs on his shirt but then looked up and made eye contact with me. We both smiled and the nerves and anxiety melted away.

The reception was lit. We had a DJ and all our friends and family were on the dance floor. A slow song came on and Ty grabbed me to dance with him. I had been separated from him for a while talking to people.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” he said. I smirked.

“Awe you missed me?” I said. He rolled his eyes.

“Maybe,” He said.

“Well you bout to be stuck with me for a real long time now if that makes you feel any better.”

“I still can’t believe we’re married, that’s kind of lame,” he said, looking at the ring on his hand.

“Yeah but it’s cute. We still gonna be the same so,” i shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m glad we did it. For our families too,” he looked around at the people around us and I did the same. There was a lot of people happy to see us happy, and that touched both of us since not everyone was ok with our life style. I spotted Randi then, standing just off the dance floor holding Cameron on her hip. Cayden had his arm around her. I winked at her and she winked back. Both our lives had turned around in a matter of a couple years, and we were happier than ever. It made a nigga a bit emotional. I had been at her wedding and now she was at mine, that was some movie shit.

“I hope your winking at your mother, or else I’m throwing hands,” Ty said, following my gaze. “Oh it’s Randi.”

“You jealous?” I teased.

“Y’all petty niggas deserve each other,” he said, shrugging. “The friendship still confuses me though,” he said.

“Me too. But I just know she been there for me like nobody else, other than you. She was my family when I wasn’t on good terms with mine,” I explained.

“I get that,” he nodded.

“Now i have it all, my family,my friends, and you,” i smirked. He smiled back at me and pulled me in to kiss me.We kissed like it wasn’t a room full of people.

Randi

I was standing watching Cole and Ty be cute when my mom came and took Cam from me.

“You two go dance,” she said, nodding at the dance floor. Cayden took my hand and pulled me in that direction. He put his arms around my waist and I put mine over his shoulders.

“This reminds me of our first dance,” I said, grinning like a little kid. “I’m just missing the dress, and I have an extra 30 pounds on me now but other than that,” I laughed. He slipped his hands to my butt as if we weren’t in public.

“I like the way you look now,” he said, “you sexy as hell to me,” sliding his hands around to my hips, “Shit, i been thinking about taking that dress off all night,”

“Thank you Baby,” I said, “you make me feel sexy.” He really did, even when I was pregnant and blowing up, or now when my body was still not the way it used to be.

When we got home I wanted to take off my makeup and shower so Cay signed up to put Cameron to sleep. I took a quick shower and then went to peak in the nursery wondering what was taking him so long. Cayden was sitting in the rocking chair with Cameron in his lap and a book in his hands. I stood outside listening for a while and i laughed quietly at the voices he gave all the characters. Creating a human with someone changed the relationship forever. Yes i loved him even before i had his baby, but loving Cameron together on top of loving each other was a strange and powerful thing.Plus him being caring and protective was such a turn on and made me wanna give him 5 more kids. He was such a hands on dad too, which i knew he would be. When Cam was first born all I really did was breastfeed or pump, Cayden changed all the diapers, got him cleaned and dressed, and took him when I needed sleep. That’s the kind of husband and dad he was.

"Randi I know you eavesdropping" he said once he was finished the book.

"What?! how did you know?" I moved into view and then walked inside the room.

"I could hear your ass laughing," he said, "You just salty he likes my reading better."

"You are really good at story time," i smiled, sitting on his lap beside Cameron. I looked at his adorable face and took him in like i did several times a day in disbelief at how perfect he was. The best part was he now had freckles coming in slowly just like Cayden’s. I touched his cheek and then Cayden's, comparing.

"Why you not in bed?" Cayden asked.

"Well, I had to tell you something really important," i said seriously like i was gonna drop some big news. His brows came together in confusion.

"What?"

"I been wanting to say this for a while..." i said, dragging it out. "But i wasn't sure how."

"You can tell me anything," he said, rubbing my arm. I sighed then paused.

"Ok, here it goes," i said, "Cayden, i...love you" i grinned. He kissed his teeth and tried to push me off him. I laughed and grabbed on to his neck to stay on. "Babe!" i pleaded, fighting to stay on while he was pushing me.

"Why you waste my time like you was gonna say something important," he said annoyed. He was really mad. I giggled and cupped his cheek.

"Im sorry," i said. "But i really have been wanting to tell you how much i love you," i said. His face changed to a little less mad. “I know I don’t always show my appreciation for you, and I’m not good at the romantic stuff like you, but I just wanted you to know that i do thank God everyday for you. You keep me grounded, and you're my rock” I finished. His cheeks were pink which was so adorable. He hated being complimented and never knew how to respond. He closed the space between us and kissed me tenderly.

“I told you i always got you, and I love you too." Cam grabbed my shirt then and i smiled down at him and picked him up. I held him close to me and he immediately closed his eyes. I looked from him to Cayden, and then back at him and i felt everything I couldn’t years ago during the darkest period of my life. I was filled with hope, and joy, and a fierce love for life.

#Jhene Aiko #chris brown #jhene chilombo #jhene efuru #jhene aiko fanfic #jhene aiko fanfiction #New Chapter #chris brown fanfic #chris brown ff #team breezy #fanfiction #fandom #fan fiction #fanfic #fanfic update #celebs #celebrity fanfic #j cole fanfic #LGBTQ fiction

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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years ago

Text

Ivity and Anx: part thirteen

Summary: Patton has an internal struggle. Since he is bent on not remidying it himself, Roman gives him a way to solve the problem.

Warnings: abandonment issues, crying, self-depreciating thoughts, lowkey guilt tripping, pondering on thoughts, song writing

Word Count: 2708

Paring: Slowburn Prinxiety

A/N: I love how vauge I can make my summarys, okay? But. This is it. This is where things get interesting. Sort of. Sorry for the long wait again! I now have chapters written and planned out, so there won’t be a long wait again. Enjoy! (Taglist under the cut)

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @gay-girls-do-it-better @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @littlelogicstillcounts

The most practical next step of action was simple. Patton understood that. It was very easy to understand, but for the most idiotic reason, he couldn't. It wasn’t logical at all, but then again, logic was never his department. It was always Logan’s, and Logan was the problem. Not him himself, but he was heavily involved. The real culprit was time and education, although it was bad to blame anyone for the current situation. Patton liked to place blame, whether it be on himself or something else, because then who was right and who was wrong could be clear. In this situation, though, no one was at fault, so maybe that was the very problem.

Another sinking feeling in Patton’s chest made him open his mouth ajar, almost gasping for a breath. The sensation twisted itself into his gut, prompting Patton to screw his eyes shut, clench his jaw, and shake his hand. No, the problem wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t cut and dry. It was Patton, sitting criss cross on the floor of his bedroom in the dark with his phone in his hands, lit up, with his thumb hovering over Logan’s contact.

Patton felt a prick of pressure begin to build behind his eyes, the pressure traveling into his sinuses and making his nostrils flare. He didn’t want to cry, but here he was with his phone screen blurring. It was silly, really. Logan had only been gone for a few months or so, but the contact that the younger had with him tapered off into something nonexistent. The sinking feeling reared its ugly head once again, this time traveling farther into his throat instead of his stomach.

He really needed to get a grip on himself, considering that as he had this thought, his sleeved hand moved to his mouth to cover a sob. Patton was not good with change, nor was he good with people leaving him. The therapists called this “abandonment issues,” but Patton’s negative thoughts just told him he was insufferably clingy. That’s why he had let his and Logan’s texting routine die. He didn’t want to be a bother. Like Patton had thought before the waterworks started, this all could be stopped by sending a simple text. It was currently early morning where Logan was living in his dream collage, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Logan was such an early bird, always sending “Good morning, Patton. Was your sleeping satisfactory?” texts at 8:30 a.m. on the dot. The thought of those texts and the conversations sprung from them made a smile come to Patton’s face.

They would talk about how they slept after that: how many hours, if it was deep sleep or not, and if either had any dreams. Logan never had dreams, but he loved to hear about what crazy dreams Patton had during the night. The younger always loved those conversations, mostly because he loved to baffle the older. Patton thrived off of the confusion, having laugh attacks frequently. When he tried, Logan was absolutely hilarious. That wasn’t even mentioning how endering his fun facts were, nor was that statement saying how adorable Logan got when he was passionate about something. Patton let himself give a bittersweet smile between the heavy breathing that came with crying.

Patton didn’t know why he was reacting in such an extreme way. It wasn’t like he was dead, or like he didn’t have the power to text him at any moment. The problem, though, that was still very present was the fact that it was extremely hard for Patton to reach out first. He felt too clingy when he did that. It was the actual, real problem here. Not Logan, not time and education, not no one being at fault, and not even Patton fully. No, the problem was not talking to Logan anymore, and it was ripping a hole in Patton’s chest. It hurt the younger more than he could imagine because in the end, he knew Logan would leave eventually along with everyone else. Except Roman, apparently.

An incoming text shook Patton out of his mind spiraling down into the deepest, needist part of his mind. He blinked a few times, trying to get the remaining tears to get out of his eyes. At the same time, he furiously wiped the tears away with his sleeve. He sniffed, pulling down the notification window on his Android phone. He and Logan always had that in common, while their friends had iPhones.

Prince Roman: Padre? You good? You didn’t respond and I know how you worry

Pappy Padre Patton: I’m diddly darn dandy!!!!!

Prince Roman: You know I know that 5 exclamation points means a cry for help What is wrong, mi hermano más cercano?

Pappy Padre Patton: Logan and I haven’t talked in a few days

Patton was already feeling a bit lighter, now that he was starting to talk about his issue. Roman knew full well his “abandonment issues” that sprouted from being in the foster system, so he was probably going to pick up on his current conundrum fairly quickly. A small smile presented itself again on Patton’s lips when he did a quick translation of what Roman said in his head. My closest brother. His friend was such a sap, but the younger absolutely loved it.

Prince Roman: Text him!! If you don’t, I’ll give you a reason to text him

At that comment, Patton got very confused very quickly. What was Roman going to do, kick him out of his life? Do something so stupid that even Patton needed help on how to tell him he was wrong? There was so many possibilities and ways that the sentence Roman just sent could go, so Patton decided in about 0.001 seconds that it would be best to ask.

Pappy Padre Patton: What do you mean??

Prince Roman: I’ll write an angsty song and post it Without asking the label

Pappy Padre Patton: Roman!! That could get you into serious trouble! Think about the contract! You already follow it to a T. They are already waiting for a chance to reprimand you so no! Do not!

Prince Roman: I won’t if you talk to Logan

Roman was a dirty, dirty negotiator. He never tried to compromise with people he didn't know, just for the reason that he didn’t have leverage on them yet. He would find what his friend is most worried for him about, then use it to his advantage to get something he wanted. Luckily, the usually chivalrous boy did not use these powers for evil, but only used them to motivate people into doing something that they should be doing. Most of the time, that is.

Pappy Padre Patton: Fiiiiiiiiine You are a dirty negotiator

Prince Roman: You know you love me

Pappy Padre Patton: Te amo hermano always!

Patton smiled softly to himself, silently hoping that he didn’t mess up the translation of saying ‘i love you, brother.’

Prince Roman: That makes me happy Now make me happier by texting your Logan?

Pappy Padre Patton: Ok ok I def will!

And then he didn’t. Roman knew for a fact that his friend didn’t talk to Logan after their conversation, because there was a very specific series of events that happened after the two talk. It would start with Patton sended Roman many exclamation marks, then would turn into an explanation of the punctuation. Usually it would be something cute that Logan said, but sometimes it would be because Patton said something odd himself. Then the younger would go into the conversation in more detail, highlighting the cutest moments and becoming very flustered when Roman would ask questions about his feelings. It was routine, and Patton was not one to stray from routine since he started talking to Logan.

That was why as the sun started to get low in the sky, Roman got his guitar from it’s holder and his writing notebook from his desk. He splayed them out on the floor, sat down, thanked whatever was out there that his moms weren’t home, and began to brainstorm for a song. Brainstorm meant a very specific thing for Roman, as he was finding out. He was sit criss cross on the floor, his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He would string his hands through his hair, rarely pulling on it when he got upset enough with this odd part of his creative process. He would collect his thoughts, focus on what he was feeling, and then go and do one of two things. The first would be to go through his notebook and see if there was any one liners or small sections of lyrics that he could expand on. If none of these felt correct to do in the moment, then he would ponder some more and write something completely from scratch. Latter options rarely happened.

Roman was feeling frustrated, to say the least. He wanted to talk to someone about anything, but he knew that Patton was off the grid for the moment. Anytime that boy faced a problem with texting someone, he turned off his phone and hid it under his many pillows. Patton was the soul person that he could talk to about these kinds of emotions anymore, considering that Anxiety had completely shut him out. Anxiety was honestly the main reasons for most of these emotions. Roman was sad that he was gone, mad at himself for all that he said to Virgil, and just generally frustrated with the whole situation. It would have been so much easier if he never signed up for the Sarrahs Project, but then he would have missed out on the amazing late night conversations that he and Anxiety had. Now that those were over, there was a empty spot in his chest that was waiting to be filled by confiding in Anx again.

It wasn’t fair that Roman had been lead astray to ridicule Virgil and make him feel like he had to be someone he wasn’t. Then again, Roman felt that way a lot of the time too. That’s why Anx and Ivity worked so well together, but it’s also why it hurt so much to not have each other around anymore. Roman wished that he could tell Virgil all of this, and just unload all of the truth onto him, but he understood that the other wanted distance. It was hard to put the pride that Roman always wore as Princey aside and let Virgil see that Ivity wasn’t a lie. That none of it ever was any kind of fabrication.

Roman breathed deeply, taking his hands out of his hair and looking down at his notebook. With all his feelings and emotions inside sorted, he could now try and sort through the one liners he already had written in his book. Rough, calloused fingers reached out for the leather notebook, ready to search to his heart’s content. He unbound the elastic holding the large and old book together, beginning to search through its yellowing pages for the lyric to make the next Princey single. Most of what he passed used too many masculine pronouns, but he passed those for a reason. Some name-dropped Virgil, and Anxiety, so those were also a line to stay away from. After pages upon pages of searching, Roman finally came to a halt.

“Can you be psychic for me? Please? That would make this easier on both of us.”

As soon as he saw the lyric, a million different words and emotions flooded through his head. Roman stared at the words for several more seconds, trying to process the sudden influx of ideas. It was rare that he had this many ideas at once, and even rarer so that they were all about mostly the same thing. Roman grabbed a water bottle that was sitting nearby, chugging half of the available liquid before grabbing his pencil. Upon further inspection on the page, there was also a few gems like “If you were in my mind, some scary things you would find (yes that rhymes score)” and “If only 2x or 4x (or something x).”

After Roman got all of the lyrics squared away, he put the book down flat in front of him. It was always easier to start out with lyrics, then add a chord progression, then work out the melody. At least, it was to Roman. Some would disagree, but they weren’t the ones writing songs all by themself getting into the Top 20 Hits. Momentary peddiness aside, Roman now had his ‘67 C-O-Classic Gibson guitar resting on his leg. He took a moment to run his left hand up and down the neck, then his right over the face of the body of the guitar. It was his grandfather’s guitar, the one he learned to play on by the same man before he died. The label tried to get him to play a different guitar, a newer one with “better sound,” but he couldn’t give up the sentimental value of this one. Especially with the emotion fueled lyrics of this one, Roman needed a guitar that he knew better than the back of his hand. Roman knew and understood this guitar better than he understood himself, and playing it brought emotions he harbored to the surface for him to handle. This guitar had gotten him through a lot, and it would get him through this night as well.

Roman started out with strumming a few simple chords, changing the order of three different ones, adding a fourth, removing two, and just generally playing around with chords until he found a good sound. Eventually, after he started fiddling with a good picking pattern, he narrowed it down to three combinations. While playing the different options, he sang the “If only” bridge that he wrote into the song. He tested the waters with a few different tunes and combinations for a while. Before he could comprehend it, the sun was set and he had a solid picking pattern and chord progression. He could hear his grandfather saying that technically the chords weren’t actually chords because he wasn’t playing all of the strings. A sentimental smile tugged on Roman’s expression of concentration, but he shook it away quickly in favor of attempting to sing over the song.

Surprisingly, Roman was able to get through the song he just wrote with few complications. He stumbled a few times, and stuttered on the lyrics occasionally, but it was overall a good first try. After, he tried again, making the wobbly parts in singing more and more stable. He was proud of himself for that, as sometimes there could be parts where he couldn’t get down until the fifth or sixth try. Luckily for Roman as of right now, the song which he was mentally calling Physic was an easy one to play and sing. Roman never said that the song he would be posting was a difficult one, but then again, he didn’t realise that it would be this emotionally powered.

As Roman placed his guitar steadily on the ground again, he pondered what the lyrics actually meant. While he attempted to balance himself on numb jelly legs, he went line by line and evaluated what he meant by each. It was clear to him as he grabbed his camera equipment that this song was obviously about Virgil. It was so clear that it was painful. There wasn’t any cleverly masked words or heavy emotions only hinted at in a word or two. This song was putting himself out in the open, bare and stripped of all the fancy editing that the studio does. This song would be a plea for help, a cry for someone to come and tell him that everything will be alright. It was a question, a desperate ask for Virgil to let him explain. If the dark and lovely one didn’t let him after this, then maybe all that time with Anx actually was a waste. And Roman desperately didn’t want it to be.

The Prince set up the camera and it’s microphone quickly and experienced, ready to make the worst–or best–decision of his lifetime.

next part

#fail’s writing #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #ivity and anx #patton angst #i guess?#uhhhh anything else?#logan is at collage now my dudes #its the summer #i did that time jump #i think it was pretty smooth #so yeah thats a thing

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shalink95 · 7 years ago

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There once was a dream

Now, im sure some of you have herd the song in ripping the title off of, but for the sake of the story I will use it anyway. You see, this dream was a very important dream, for it was what set everything in motion for the island known as YOUNG TOWN. Before I start this story, let me give you a little background information on the town. Young town is a place for children who have been discarded by the world, ether tossed out or forgotten by the cruelties of humanity, but this story takes place before the island was even known as Young town in a time when it was known as the peaceful island, a place full of artists and bards and merchants from all over the world, where writers and singers and actors could all have a place to live out their dreams of a happy…peaceful life.

The dream came to a very small child known as Carrot, Carrot was an odd over eccentric happy child who had lived her entire life on an island with only a single friend. She was happy there though, she had everything she needed and was never spoiled with what she wanted. Her father was a wrighter and her mother was beautiful. She dressed in a plain blue shirt, had a hood around her neck wore plain old blue jeans and a tutu over that, she had mismatching socks and no matter how many pairs of shoes her parents got for her, she would only ever were sandals. She had short brown hair and Carrot orange eyes but the strangest thing about her was that she had a pair of black cat ears and a long black cat tail. You see, she took after her mother in that way, for her mother was a charrictor pulled straight out of a book, one that her father had written with such passion and such strong emotion that she had simply come to life! Her mother was originally just a simple cat who had been blessed by a goddess to become half human so that she could fight agenst an evil demon king. She lived a happy life now, she had a daughter that she loved very much and a kind and thoughtful husband, but this story is not about her…this story is about little carrot and her dream.

The dream was a very strange dream, she was surrounded by people..but..these people were a greenish blue color, their skin was neon and she could see enteni and beetle like wings on their backs, though the wings seemed to vary from person to person. They were all standing there, staring, they had wide eyes and huge grins…this made Carrot slightly scared. Carrot tried to open her mouth to speak, to ask what was going on, but nothing came out. It was as if her voice had been stolen from her and she started to panic, she backed away from those beings who became enraged that she seemed able to move at all. She struggled fiercely agenst those that tried to restrain her…and then she bolted upright, sitting in her bed, shaking at the memory of the quickly fading dream.

Normally, she wouldhave crawled out of bed and padded down the hall to her parents room to curl up with them before they could notice…but she was alone in her house that night, her parents had gone to the mainland to try and sell some of her fathers books, so she simply reached over to her night stand and grabbed the rectangle form of her walkie talkie. She clicked the button once and it made a beeping sound on her end, letting her know that it had beeped on the other end as well. After a moment and a couple more clicks of the button, a tired voice awnsered from the other end. It was a small, gentle voice that belonged to yet another child on the island. Her name was Iku, she was a little girl who was the same age as Carrot though I little shorter than the part cat child, she had wispy curly hair that was the shade of a light sea green color and her face was dotted all over her face. She normally wore a green and purple striped shirt with overalls and boots, sturdy cloths for rough playing that Carrot alwase seemed to provide.

“Carrot, do you even know what time it is?”

Iku asked in a slightly annoyed tone, to which Carrot awnsered quickly.

“I know, I know! But listen to me real quick! I saw aliens! They were green with enteni and big bug wings, and they had me in some strange place and I was really scared!”

The voice on the other side let out a grone of dispare as she reolized her sleep had been interrupted by a nightmare.

“Carrot, you’ve been watching way too many si-fi movies….it was just a nightmare, go back to bed…zzzzzz”

For such a quiet child, Iku snored rather loudly, though she still seemed to have her finger on the button so Carrot couldn’t wake her, Carrot’s ears drooped as she let out a sigh and turned the device off, setting it back on the night stand before wrapping herself in her blanket entirely and trying her hardest to get back to sleep…..

When Carrot work up the next day, she could only bairly remember the details of her dream, but she brushed it off to jump up and go to her window. Carrot flung open her curtains and blinked in the warm feeling of the sun rays on her face. She quickly got dressed and hurried downstairs, she had been hoping that her parents might be there to greet her when she woke up…but she had no such luck. The liveingroom, the kitchen, their bedroom, both bathrooms and even the spooky basement that Carrot refused to enter…were all empty. Carrot would sigh, tail and ears drooping with disappointment as she slunk to the kitchen to have yet another bowl of cereal for the third day in a row…Carrot was getting a little worried because she was running out of food and soon enough, she would need to go over to her friends house to eat all her meals until her parents returned and gave whatever excuse it was this time for why they had been gone for so long. Carrot was an understanding child, she knew that it was hard to sell a book, and she didn’t blame them at all.

Carrot had finished her breakfast and hurried off to the town at the edge of the island, under the shadow of a long dormant volcano. Carrot and Iku alwase had a fun game, they would pretend that the volcano was going off and then they would climb the tallest building they could find, which usually got them into plenty of trouble with the adults. Carrot hurried best the big marble covered building that had served as the town hall since before anyone could remember and she ran straight to the house of her friend, the tip of her tail flicking back and forth in excitement as she knocked rapidly on the front door. A woman with waves of long blond curly hair awnsered the door as she knew exactly what to expect.

“Hello Carrot”

The woman spoke with a smile.

“Hello! Can Iku play?!”

Carrot was practically bouncing up and down at this point, the grinning orange eyed child looked so young and so full of hope, how could the woman say no to that?

“Yes of course Carrot, she’s just finishing up her breakfast so why don’t you wait outside and she will be out.”

The blond woman said with a smile, Carrot grinned and saluted the woman as she sat down on the front steps of her best friends house. Carrot and Iku had been friends since they were babies, they were practically sisters and Carrot would do just about anything for Iku, even travel down into the dark and spooky basement that Carrot absolutely refused to enter, and if that wasn’t sisterly love, than I don’t know what is. Carrot waited somewhat impatiently on that porch for her friend to come out and when Iku finally stepped out of that door, Carrot hugged her rather tightly. You see, Carrot had this rather huge anxiety that everything would be taken away from her…everything…and everyone…and for such a small child that Carrot was, she needed some reassurance every once in a while, and a tight hug from Iku alwase seemed to do the trick.

“Im so so so so so sorry for waking you up last night! I just got really scared because the dream felt so real and I didn’t want it to be! They told me things that I didn’t want to do a..and im sorry!”

Carrot hugged the green haired girl a little tighter…and Iku didn’t mind one bit, she simply smiled and gently pat Carrot on the back.

“Carrot, im not mad, I was just a little annoyed but that’s long gone now, so don’t you worry, ok?”

Iku gently pried Carrot’s iron grip, off of her as she pet carrots ears and giggled at the purr that rumbled out of Carrots chest. When the petting stopped, Carrot remembered something important, and she grinned in a mischivious way.

“I have a super fun way to spend today!~”

Iku, who looked so innocent that most people couldn’t bring themself to blame her for most anything, grinned in a mischivious way as well.

“Well common! Out with it!”

Carrot chuckled and told her best friend in a whisper what the plan was, both of the mischivious, naughty little children, giggled and ran to Iku’s garden shed.

The two children had really done it this time, they looked at their masterpiece painted on the side of the town hall that was almost compmeetly obscured by bushes and trees. On the side, in as many colors that they could get their hands on, was a huge banner that said ‘Freedom to be yourself’. It had taken them a bit of time to come up with this banner and by the time they were finished and watching the paint dry, the sun was already high in the sky and they stomachs of the two children were rumbling loudly.

“Hey Iku?”

Carrot asked, being quiet all of the sudden, which made Iku look at her in confusion.

“Yea Carrot?”

Iku replied, wondering what her friend had to say.

“Will you alwase remember me? And how much fun we had together here? Even when were old and wrinkly?”

Iku grinned widely, for she knew the answer to this already.

“Of course I will, because you’ll be right there beside me to remind me, every step of the way, right?”

It was Carrots turn to grin widely, orange eyes sparking in excitement.

“Right!”

After that, the two headed to Carrot’s house to wash up so that they weren’t caught with paint on their…well..everything, Carrot alwase seemed to find strange ways to clean herself, just by putting any kind of liquid over the paint, she was able to take out the stains in bother her and her friends, cloths. You see, Carrot had a knack for making absurd, odd, things happen, for she had a great and terrible ability to bend reality its self. Of course, her mother and father had told her that using this power too much was dangerous and if she only used it for very small things…well then that should be fine. Once the two were cleaned up, they were about to head out to get some food when Carrots home phone rang loudly through the house. Carrot never liked the one phone but put her hands over her ears and went to retrieve it of only to make that infernal tingling sound, stop.

“Hello?”

She awnsered, her ears still ringing with the noise of the phone.

“Carrot sweety, its your mother.”

Carrot immedeatly perked up, her ears standing at attention and the tip of her tail flicking back and forth in an excited manor.

“Oh hi mama! Shows your trip? Did you sell any books? Oh I bet papa sold tons of books because his an amazing wrighter!”

There was a happy chuckle from the other side of the phone.

“Yes dear, we sold quite a few books this time around, we will be back later tonight but I have some exciting news for you! Were moveing to the mainland! Isint that wonderful?”

It took Carrot a moment…and a few blinks, but ever so slowly, her tail drooped, her ears folded back, her eyes grew wide, her hand started trembling slightly in the shock. In this moment Iku had decided to walk in, to check if everything was alright, Carrot looked over at Iku, it was as if the ringing in her ears was getting louder, and soon, her shock turned into white hot rage as she gritted her teeth and looked at the phone in anger.

“DID YOU EVER ASK ME IF I WANTED TO MOVE MOM!?”

Carrot was speaking at a higher volume than Iku had ever herd before, the pore curly haired girl was rather shocked as she stumbled backwards.

“Young lady, don’t you dare raise your voice at me. We have thought long and hard about this and both your father and I have the opertunity to get a job on the mainland.”

There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the phone.

“We will discuss this when we get home, but tomorrow we will be moveing to our new home…I promise sweety…you’ll love this place, its big with lots off places to explore…”

Carrot was no longer listening though, she slammed the phone down onto the receiver and huffed and puffed and pulled at her hair, her ears, her tail. Carrot want one to throw a temper tantrum very often, she had done so on one other occasion when her parents had told her that they would not be able to make it back to the island for her birthday….but this…she was furious…she didn’t even have much time to spend with Iku and…oh…oh no…Carrot looked over at Iku who was curled up into a ball, she covered her ears and rocked back and forth. Carrot had yelled…and yelling was one thing Iku couldn’t handle…slowly, gently, Carrot hugged her friend and they sat there until Carrot had finally gotten Iku to calm down.

“Im sorry for yelling….”

Carrot whispered softly.

“Its ok….I forgive you…”

Iku would whisper softly back, the two would sit like this until Carrots parents got home, while Carrots father took Iku home, Carrot had an argument like you wouldn’t bealive. Both sides had good reason for what they were saying but nether side wavered until finally….

“Your going to be that way hu!? You are grounded! Go to your room and if you do not have a bag packed by tomorrow, I will have the movers throw out anything that Isint nessisary from your room!”

Carrot was shocked, why was her mother suddenly acting so cruelly to Carrot? The small orange eyed child, hednt the slightest clue….so in defeat, she spun around, running up the stairs to her room. She reluctantly packed be bag and held on tightly to her walkie talkie as she ended up crying herself to sleep…..

That night…she opened her eyes into the dream again, the alien-like people standing around her, but before she could start to panic, one seemed to come forward.

“No no, sweetheart, don’t be frightened, we wont hurt you darling.”

The alien said, she had a strange high pitched voice that sounded like a mix between a buzzing bee and someone trying to talk with their nose held. Carrot tried to speak but nothing seemed to come out.

“We just want to help you little one…you see…we know your struggles and your anger…your parents are being so unfair arnt they? Well…we can help you…if you let us~”

Well…now Carrot was interested…she leaned forded as if to tell the alien figure to continue and they smiled a thin mischivious smile.

“You see…we have a way of whipping peoples memories of specific events…we could…make your parents forget that they ever got a job offer in the first place~…..but”

Yes…there was that dreaded catch that Carrot was afraid of….

“You must do something for us~ tomorrow night, exactly when the sun sets…you must go to the top of your volcaino, and you must create a portal, not a small one ether, something almost as big as the island itself….if you do this….you can live out the rest of your life on the island…your parents will never have gotten that job offer..you and your friend can keep your promise to eacother and all will be well.”

These words dripped like honey out of the alien’s mouth, the young child looked up at them..full of hope…for she did not know deceit yet…and she did not know what a terrible mistake she was making….by saying…

“Yes”

When carrot woke up that morning, she hatched a plan, Carrot snuck to the kitchen and grabbed all the snacks she could carry before making a hasty exit, there was a spot on the island where only the kids could go, it was a tunnel into the mountain with a very old staircase that lead straight to the top, but the entrance and exit were both so small, that only small children could fit into it and get out of it safely….and that’s where Carrot hid…

As the day went on, surch parties were sent all over the island to find the small child, every once in a while, Carrot would stick their head out to check the position of the sun. Back at Iku’s home, the adults were drilling the pore girl with question after question, trying to see if she knew where Carrot was, they had to stop when Iku broke out into tears and ran to hide in her room. The sun was finally about to set…and Carrot made her way up the stairs…Carrot had never dome anything so big before so she had been mentally preparing herself for this…remembering fond times with her dear friend…and even with her parents…she looked at the sky above the volcaino and held up her arms, the sky instantly turned gray, snuffing out whatever was left of the setting sun, electricity crackled in these clouds, as they pulled energy from the young Carrot. Slowly, ominously, the clouds started to split and rip as the sky opened up for all to see…Carrot had done it… She had opened a rift across the entirety of space to some unknown distant place where these aliens were. Carrot looked up in hope as the alien who had convinced her to open up the portal, stepped out, Carrot felt so week at the moment, she could bairly stand, the alien grinned.

“Pore pathetic child….you have just doomed your entire race….for your service…ill let you live to see the end of your pathetic planet…”

And just like that, swarms of aliens with their beetle like wings and their terquise skin and their enteni, holding guns and bladed wepions and even some air ships, came out of the portal and ran for the town. Carrot was in shock once more, she tried to turn and reach out, but when she turned to face the town at the bottom of the village, she simply fell over. Her voice would not come to her and simply came out as a soft squeak of defiance. After a moment or so, she managed to stumble into the secrete entrance that even the aliens couldn’t get into, she clumsily tripped and wobbled and sometimes even tumbled, down the mighty staircase as she made it to the town below. Everything was in chaos, there were people running to put out fires while others tried and failed to fight the aliens, only to get cut down. Carrot looked through the panicked crowd, her mother was fighting like the force warrior she was, her father was trying to organize those who were putting out the fires…but it was not enough…the boat man was a distance away and heading towards the island as fast as he could but even on that small little boat, only a handful of people would be able to make it to safety…of the aliens didn’t kill the old boat driver as well. Once more Carrot looked out over the crowd…she spotted the sea green hair of her friend Iku and when Carrot was about to rush to the others side…she saw her friend cut down before her…there was a dull throb in Carrots heart…as is she too had just been cut away from her short life. Through all the fighting and commotion that was still going on around Carrot…the orange eyed little girl walked over to her friend….that friend who had been hugging her just the day before, that friend who she spent all her time with and grew up with, who she told her deepest, darkest secretes to, that friend who would cause mischif with her and even take the blame with her…that friend…was now dead. Something broke inside of Carrot that night…something that she would not be able to mend for a long…long time….

In one last act of defiance, Carrot watched as some of the people were already rushing to the faerie….and walked towards the mountain…it was almost as if Carrots eyes had become as red as flames instead of that tame orange color. She lifted her arms to the mountain and screamed at the top of her lungs.

“IF WE HAVE TO DIE, I AM TAKING YOU WITH ME!!!”

The earth began to shake, first slowly, but then violently, people started to trip over themselves as they attempted to get to the faerie first, there was an enormous CRACK as the mountain split at the top and immedeatly started to spew lava, it pored over the alien soldures and into the portal where the aliens came from, burning them into an instant red hot death, Carrot urged the volcaino to explode higher and at an even more ferocious rate…until she fell over next to the body of her dead friend….she looked over at Iku with a soft smile, finally allowing the tears to pore down her face in streaks.

“Im sorry….I couldn’t keep my promise…but at least I didn’t let them hurt anyone else…”

She blacked out….that was the last time she saw the island…she had, of course, woken up briefly to find that she was on the boat with a crowd of people…the only survivors…her parents were among them…but why was she there? How was she not dead? She didn’t have much time to think about it before she blacked out again…

Carrots tragic past didn’t end there…over the course of three years…Carrot found that everyone who escaped that island, had forgotten it completely. In those same three years…Carrots mother died…and her father spiraled into despair…in those three years, Carrots father had started to forget that she even existed. But two years after all that…Carrot finally found hope…for there was a rumor floating around…that if you asked the very old sailor known as the ooooold man, to take you to the island…that you would find a ghost there…the ghost was of a teenager girl, she had flowing, curly hair, the color of sea green, she would walk longingly on the beaches as if to call out to someone. Carrot thought….with maybe a small light of hope…maybe it was her…

Carrot asked the old sailor that she had known for a very long time, to take her to the island after 6 long years of being away from it. And at last…as she stepped off the boat, she looked across the tattered and roughly repaired dock, and she saw what she could only assume to be.

“Iku”

Carrot said breathlessly. The girl tilted her head with a slight confused look on her face but smiled anyway, she cleared her throat and began to speak.

“My name is Spirit, I am the protector of this island.”

She smiled brightly and held open her arms.

“Welcome to Young Town”

And just like that…everything was ok again…all the pain had fallen away and Carrot was a young…nieave child again…it would take time…but that was ok…because Carrot had everything she needed now…and she would do everything within her power to make sure that she would never loose it to anyone ever again.

#drabble #this took me 4 houres straight #youd better read it damn it #please?

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solarpunksoftie · 8 years ago

Text

Frantic (Too Deep)

Fandoms:

Thomas Sanders

Characters:

Anxiety Sanders Patton Sanders | Morality

Additional Tags:

Crying, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Hurt/Comfort, Wounds, Blood, seriously a lot of blood, this ones messy, this is what happens when you fuck up kids, Whump, gotta hurt the tired boi, it gets fluffy at the end, Self Loathing, Unreliable Narrator

Summary:

Anxiety thinks he's cut too deep. In a panic he runs to Dad for help.

A/N:

this is gonna get really trigger happy. this one is really bloody. read safely kids!

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10967349

Anxiety bit the inside of his cheek as he slid the razor across his thigh for the dozenth time in the last five minutes. The blade had stopped hurting the way he had wanted it to about two cuts ago, but they still bled the same. He always took the numbness as a sign to stop. If he couldn't react to them to the correct degree, there was no telling what kind of damage he'd do.

Heaving a shaky sigh, Anxiety pulled his hand away to admire his handy work. Twelve lines criss-crossed across his right thigh, barely discernible under the pool of blood that was quickly growing tacky on his skin. He felt a wave of disgust at himself as usual. He wasn't sure why he even did this. It never made him feel better. you deserve it you're evil and cruel you should be punished punish yourself because no one else will

Gritting his teeth he dug his fingernails into the mess of cuts. He couldn't stop bleeding yet, he wasn't done yet, he deserved more. moremoremore He felt a ripple of satisfaction as the blood under his fingers went from tacky to slick again, followed once more by disgust.

what am i doing you deserve it i cant believe im doing this to myself there needs to be more i must have some serious issues one more cut cant hurt

one more

Anxiety readied his hand again. this is the last one tonight He bit his cheek as he pressed the razor into his skin. He didn't see new blood spring to the surface through all the blood already smeared across his leg, but he didn't have to. He knew what he was doing.

A loud bang from the hallway made him jump, his head whipping to his door. He sat frozen for a long second before he realized that had come from down the hall. its past midnight, logan and roman must've been up talking. princy probly slammed his door cuz he lost an argument as usual. Anxiety smirked at the prospect of the Royal trait losing a debate with Logan again, and turned back to his leg, only to bite back a shriek.

There was so much more blood than before, pooling, bubbling eagerly out of his skin.

my hand slipped oh god what have i done

His heart hammering in his throat, he lunged for the nearest absorbent material, a thick flannel, off his bed.

theres so much blood theres so much

His breath grew ragged as he pressed the shirt to his leg, watching the black fabric grow darker with blood until it was entirely soaked.

it wont stop why wont it stop

He looked frantically around his room, trying to remember how to care for serious bleeds. But healing wasn't his department. He had no idea.

oh my god im gonna bleed to death

He needed help. His stomach churned just at the thought of letting any of the others see him like this, but he was terrified. He was shaking and getting light headed and he couldn't tell if it was from panicking or blood loss. Probably blood loss; always better to assume the worst with an injury involved.

Anxiety's mind raced through who he could go to. He couldn't go to Logan because he was probably in a foul mood after his argument with Roman, and Anxiety didn't want to ruin his night further. Roman was the same, but Anxiety hadn't really considered him an option in the first place because you can't hope and dream a serious injury away. Roman would be useless no matter what. Thomas was out of the question as well. The host was already onto him, and if he went to Thomas now he'd just get an "I knew it" and he would be insufferably smug. So that left Dad.

Could he live with upsetting Patton with this? Patton was always so happy and sensitive and easily upset by the littlest things. What would showing him this even do to the sunny trait? itd horrify him hed be so devastated you cant do this to- His wound throbbed painfully, making him whimper and snapping him back to the urgency of his decision. i need help NOW

Swallowing his guilt, Anxiety pushed himself to his feet, biting down against a groan of pain as he put weight on his leg.

shit theres probably muscle damage and youre gonna be permanently disabled and everyones gonna know about this and theyll hate you

He stifled his breath in his hoodie sleeve as he limped silently from his room, making sure the coast was clear before pushing out into the hall. Morality was two doors down, he'd have to pass Logan to get there.

h es gonna hear you you need to be quieter dont disturb him DONT USE THE WALL FOR SUPPORT YOULL GET BLOOD ON IT just keep it together youre almost there

It felt like hours before he was at Patton's door, hesitating to knock even as he felt his pants soaking with blood. is this really worth bothering him ab-

The door swung open and Patton nearly crashed into Anxiety standing in the door. "Woah! Hey there kiddo! I was just gonna go down to the kitchen to get a midnight..." Patton's chipper demeanor faltered as he actually looked at the boy standing in front of him. He went white as a sheet. "...snack."

Anxiety's hair was disheveled, the bags under his eyes were darker than usual, and his expression was pinched in pain. Oh and he was covered in blood. There was so much blood. "Hey dad... sorry to bother you." Anxiety was shaking like a leaf and his voice was so small. As he spoke, a couple fat tears rolled down his cheeks. "I fucked up."

Patton instantly became serious. Without a word he stepped aside and guided Anxiety into his room, offering him the comfy arm chair he used for reading. Anxiety just stood and stared at the chair, eyes wide. He opened his mouth to protest but Patton held up a hand to silence him. "Son, sit in the chair. I can't help you if you're standing."

Anxiety hesitated a moment more before nodding and limping over to the chair to sink into its fluffy cushions. Any other time Anxiety would've fought to sit in this chair, but now he felt like he was just ruining it and it made him feel claustrophobic with how plush it was. Morality didn't even have to prompt him to remove his jeans before he was shimmying out of them, holding back from crying out in pain. The tears hadn't stopped flowing down his cheeks, and it was taking a surprising amount of effort to keep from erupting into full out sobbing.

While Anxiety had been fighting with his blood soaked skinny jeans, Morality had gone and produced a first aid kit and was kneeling in front of the chair. He was still white as a sheet, but he was keeping it together.

"Anxiety, how did this happen?"

There it was, the question Anxiety had known was coming the moment he even considered getting help. He swallowed thickly and stared at the wall. "I-I was, um, I did it. To myself. This was me." Shit his voice was shaking hard.

Patton blinked at the younger trait for a moment, brain momentarily short circuiting. "You mean you accidentally slipped with a knife in the kitchen? Cuz I've had some pretty close calls while opening packages and cutting potatoes, let me tell ya!" He smiled soothingly up at Anxiety as he swabbed the extra blood away from the wound, but it fell again when he saw him shake his head. "Were you working on one of those art projects? You know, the little models? I've seen Logan working on a couple of those and he's had to cut some pretty tough materials. Pretty easy to slip up."

Again, Anxiety shook his head. He couldn't look Morality in the eye, so he closed his before he could find his voice. "No, I did this. Intentionally. It was, um. It was on purpose." He swore inwardly as more tears spilled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, dad." And the first broken sob finally forced its way through. "I didn't mean for it to be this deep, I didn't mean to do this." Anxiety pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to stop the flow of tears as his body shook with more sobs. "Please don't tell the others. It was an accident."

Patton felt his heart break for the boy sitting in front of him. That Anxiety would ever resort to this was shattering news for the empathetic trait, but he swallowed it down. He had to help him through this. He leaned up and took one of Anxiety's hands away from his face, devastated that he thought he had to hide like this. Even when he was right in front of someone he was trying to hide.

"Look at me, son." Anxiety flicked his gaze to meet Patton's before it wandered away and back again. "You're gonna be just fine. I'm not mad at you, and I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. You're gonna be good as new in no time, alright?" He could feel the blood soaking through the gauze he was holding, but he kept his voice soft and his gaze sure until Anxiety nodded. "There ya go, kiddo." He smiled supportively up at the youngest trait before he set about properly staunching the bleeding.

It took a lot of gauze and an ace bandage to keep pressure before the wound stopped bleeding. Anxiety's jaw hurt from gritting his teeth to keep from crying out while pressure was applied, and now he was just tired. He hadn't stopped crying until the bleeding stopped and he felt secure that he was not, in fact, going to bleed to death in Morality's comfy chair.

Now Morality was cleaning himself up and trying to sort out what to say to the injured boy. The boy who called him Dad and was starting to fall asleep in his comfy recliner. The boy who threw insults and jabs as easily as Patton could roll out a pun. His head spun with guilt. How hadn't he noticed that Anxiety was so upset? It was probably his own optimistic nature that had blinded him to any problems. He looked back over at the dozing trait and frowned. He had to fix this.

"Anxiety?"

"Hmm?"

"You know you can come to me, right? About anything?"

Anxiety opened his eyes and looked over at Morality, confused. "Obviously. You're the one I came to, right?"

Morality tried not to grumble at the boy's obliviousness. "Yes you did, and I'm very glad you did. But, you can come to me even if it isn't an emergency. If you just wanna talk or hang out, I'm here. You know that right?"

Anxiety blinked at him a couple times before breaking eye contact. "Yeah, I know. Thanks Dad." The atmosphere had suddenly become too heavy for Anxiety's liking, and he started pushing himself up out of the chair before he felt a hand push him back down into the seat. He blinked at Morality as he lowered back into the cushions.

"I'd be more comfortable if you slept here tonight, Anxiety. You gave me a good scare." It was Patton's turn to avert his gaze this time. He didn't want to ask too much of Anxiety, but he'd be lying if he said he was ok leaving him alone tonight.

Thankfully, Anxiety understood, and simply nodded as he eased back in the chair. "Fair enough. So what's the plan then? Movie marathon?" Anxiety smirked slightly, meaning the suggestion as a joke, but Patton instantly lit up and ran to get a small collection of dog movies from the main room -they'd had a pretty ruff night. Anxiety sighed and let his eyes close. His leg was still throbbing painfully and he was exhausted and really wanted nothing more than to curl up in his own bed. But he understood that he had just scared the crap out of the headspace's father figure and he owed him at least peace of mind.

Anxiety was asleep by the time Patton returned.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #whump #angst #hurt/comfort #fanfic #mine #fan fiction #blood #self harm #tw

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