#its my last year and im so burnt out but i love it here so its hard

[lilybug-02]

Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!

Part 28 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Second day of running off of coffee and spite only

[kaceythecrunch]

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

[mondaymelon]

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!! gifts ensue.

he really went. blep. hi user @ilyuu. im proud of this one so congrats wanderer takes home first gift wooo

lmao id like to apologise in advance as this was brought on because of me but I got super burnt out drawing like 20 of these over the course of 2 days... if you see the quality of the drawings declining ( which you will ) please don't mind it!! thank you.

@anonbinaryweirdo. sigh. i get whiplash whenever you're super nice and then in the span of the next three seconds immediately do something vile

@soleillunne. we don't talk much but from what I know you are such a sweet person omg !! and your works??? dies inside (in a good way). the way you write xiao maks me so. puddle like

@realkavehgf. we agree on one things (amongst others) and that is that kaveh is. kAVEH IS. MALFUNCTIONS PERISHES.

@emphasisondrvgs. you scare me. please take your ranpo and quietly see yourself out LMAO /j

@pjsk-writin. AMIMI ONE OF MY FIRST EVER MOOTS !!! im so proud of mikoto. sighs. straitjackets are smth else to draw .. BUT HES SO. MMMMMM !!!!

@circyexistforcontent AAAHHH HI PRECIOUS. I LIKE YOU BUT I DONT REALLY LIKE DILUC SO. TAKE THIS... quietly throws up

@whats-it-mean. puka puka. head empty. puka puka. please stop your affairs with my mother.

@falors. UGLY SOBS. UGLY CRIES. I LOVE YOU /P SM. WAAHHHH TEARS TEARS TEARS you are the most talented person ever I S T G gRAAAHHH YOU BETTER GET 18412409128410948 FOLLOWERS THIS YEAR OR I WILL RIOT. mwah.

@dustofthedailylife. omg. hi dust... tbh ive been so concerned for you recently with how much life is running you over with a pickup truck so wishing for your improved health soon !! alhaith is a smort guy what can I say

@the-white-void. DEAREST. literally one of the first people I ever interacted with on this platform and you're actually. like. literally one of the sweetest people I have ever met. KLEE IS SUCH A CUTIE FJSFJDK

@kaeffeinee. OMG. m..my kitten- woah WHO just said that. wild shit right there. have something you don't like?? have something that's been pestering you for far too long?? no worries. its the official nag seal of mendokusai !!!!

@lillonvia. sobs. I didn't do the man justice.loud sobs. DFSDDSF YOUR ART MAKES ME WANT TO LIKE DISENTAGRAT INTO GLOWING BALLS oF FUZZ AND FLOAT INTO THE HEAVENS I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO DESCRIBE IT. WE ARE SO DELULU oVER XIAO. FOAMS AT THE MOUTH

@absolutelyobsessedkiya. HELP WHY IS MINORI SO BRIGHT.... she's literally shining what. we need to talk more pspsspsp I just now found out that you're a fan of milgram!! remember like last year I was all 'whose that pretty pink person on their pfp??' AND NOW I FINALLY KNOW THATS ITS MUU RAHHHH

@auroratumbles. meow. cat. what a sweetie. I don't even know what my art style is doing here anymore Istg what even. what even BYE LETS TALK ABOUT XIAO LATER !!

@papiliotao. mwah. a kith for you. mWAH. ANOTHER KITH. SJFKSDJFLS GRAHHH YOU ARE THE SW E. E T E ST AND YOUR THE SWEETEST AND YOUR CAT IS THE SWEETEST AND YOUR VOICE IS MAKING ME WANT TO ELEVATE INTO THE CLOUDS AND YOURE SO SILLY EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT LIKE AKITIO SHINONOME

@yinyinggie. hihihi ying !! it honestly amazes me how you're able to juggle so many events and servers at once. im actually in awe. always look at xiao he's so emo and short

@solxima. GRAHHH HI. I DONT LIKE HOW JINGYUAN LOOKS IN THIS BUT. DLJFLSDJ DIES> I CANT DO THIS AN Y M O RE. your honor. hes so cat coded hes so cat coded he's so PERISHS

@yelshin. WAIIIIT NO YOUR NAME GOT CUT OFF> iM SORRY. I don't know why he looks... so r e g a l in this but its definitely giving off oRAtRice MecAnIquE DAnAlySe CARdiNAle .

@vennnnn-diagram. LOUD SCREAMING N O . YOUR NAME GOT CUT OFF TOOOODJSKFLSD JGAIJFAD JKLJFD:LFS. anyways. I need to see nahida smiling more she deserves everything and then some. aranaras are so silly giggles

@lume-nosity. I hold the slightest bit of guilt for putting your angsty ish drawing right next to happy lil nahida buT AHAHAH IT MAKES IT HURT MORE IG. took some inspo from your blog title... mwah ily lume. I WAS SO SCARED TO TALK TO YOU AT FIRST WHEN I SENT YOU THAT MOOT ASK BUT I AM EVER SO HAPPY THAT I DID !!!

th end. im actually so dead lmao my fingers actually were starting to bleed afklsdjfaskdjfklsdjflkasdjflksjflkjowejtoij enjoy your Christmas gifts mooties !! if anyone asks why I haven't been posting fics as promised. this is why. ill be in a coffin for a while please let my soul rest

OH AND FORGOT TO MENTION I DREW THESE BASD ON THE MOOTIES THAT COMMNTED ON MY THINGY LIKE LAST WEEK WHICH ASKED WHICH CHARACTER THY WANTD I LOVE YOU ALL PSPS I PROMIS

[rpreaperperson]

MOM

Reader is a combat medic, a BIG sweeth tooth and a mother to 141 boys (dont forget can cook too) a waifu material

In case with Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick

Masterlist

Morning...is when most of people start their day, including you who are now at the kitchen base making a breakfast

A simple pancake with chocolate condensed milk and hot chocolate milk, nodding to yourself satisfied with your cooking before even you could take a bite, Gaz walked into the kitchen and smelled something good from there

“Morning Kyle..” you address him look up from your plate

“Mornin’ Doc..what you making? Smells good” he approaches you and looks at the Holy Majestic pancake the chocolate condensed milk glittering on top of it, his mouth watering at the sight he never gets tired of your cooking

“Pancake, there still some batter left in the fridge if you want” then you gobble the piece of pancake on your fork, he just stands there staring at you and your pancake

‘Ughh...I know that stare...’

“Do you..want me to make it for you Kyle?"then he smiled like a child and nodded, shaking your head making another pancake for Gaz

“you know, you just have to cook it Kyle yourself..its simple..”

“Last time I make ‘em its burnt one sided” he sneak a bite from your pancake

“ey! “

“sorry got hungry..mm?” he raised his eyebrows, there’s a familiar taste on his tongue when he ate the pancake

“did you at least brush your teeth?” glance at him from your shoulder as you pour the batter on the pan

“Im not Soap..by the way I taste a coffee in the pancake”

“you like it? I saw there’s just a little coffee powder left inside the cabinet” snatching the fork from Gaz's grasp and taking another bite of the pancake

“mmhh...love so much..is it done?”

“Not yet my dear soilder, hahh Be patient will you geez”

“if it relate to your cook love....well I cant” then he takes another bite from your pancake, shaking your head take your mug and drink your chocolate milk staring at him munching your pancake observing Gaz

He raised his eyebrow confused, and you just huffed amused, and rubbed his head after that you continued cooking his pancake leaving him flustered with your attention

To be honest Gaz and the rest of the team kinda remind you of your 5 little brothers except for Captain Price he is more like your grumpy bear Dad, being the only woman in the family making you a Mother to your brothers and a caretaker for your Dad

Your mother...well..she died of illness in the beginning she has a fragile body but.. miracles always happen...she gave birth to 6 healthy children 2 years after your baby brother was born....you can remember her last smile when she passed away

Smiled mournfully you wipe away your eyes before any tears can fall, focus back to Gaz's pancake flipping the pancake

Meanwhile, Gaz who was still flustered, staring at your back a blush covering his cheeks

He always admired your kindness and motherly side, and after a while...he’s in love with you but he is not blind either the rest of the team has the same feel like him for you

“done!~...okay..where do I put the plate again? Ah yes here” taking the pan from the stove you flip the pancake out onto the plate, steam blown out from the pancake then you take condense chocolate milk and swirl it on top of the pancake

Satisfied you taking his pancake to the counter

“Here you go hun enjoy~”

“Thanks Doc” as he takes a bite he can feel the warm and soft pancake at first bite, he can taste the chocolate condensed milk on the pancake then he can taste a tint of coffee inside the pancake

He melted for the taste

“Please marry me Doc...” he uncouncouisly let it out from his mouth

“What?” your eyes gone wide hearing that

“Oh sh – well I-I mean...” he stuttered trying to reason, but then he stopped....maybe THIS could be his time to confess he may have not another chance like this!

“Doc...I..I..I love –“

Someone giving him a headlock from behind there he saw

“Morning there Gaz” Ghost the one who headlock him glared at him in warning his deep voice booming in his ears

“Seems like you enjoyin’ yourself there” beside him, Soap who had the same glare growled at him

Gaz freezes his mouth open not speaking his words

“Morning there love..” greet Ghost with soft tone to you

“Hey Bonnie~” greet Soap with his usual smile

“M-morning guys..” then Soap smell something

“Steamin’ Jesus..what are you making this time Lass?! Its smells good!” Soap staring at Gaz pancake

“Pancake..here have a bite” you offer him a bite from your fork, Soap snapping his head at you a wide smile plastered on his face “if you insist Bonnie.. Aaa- mmbblrph!”

Ghost shoved his face aside and gobbled the pancake in his mouth instead

“Mmh...its good..”

“Im glad to hear it”

“Damn you Ghost...its was supposed to be mine..!”

While Ghost and Soap are bickering, you continue munching your pancake and Gaz...well he sulks then he glances your way determined to confess to you, the problem is...glance at Ghost and Soap he purses his lips

‘Damn...must they have to interupt me...EVERYTIME ?!..I’ll find another way and find the right time’ he inwardly curses both Ghost and Soap

[xmorguekittyx]

Ever Locked

Part 2: On the Rocks

Part 1: New Beginnings?

pairing: Older!Leon Kennedy x Ex!Coroner’s Assistant Reader

warnings: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, talks of enjoying inflicting emotional and physical pain on another, getting off to crying, jerking off, crying, talks of imagining sex, male and female body parts

extras: this fic will also be slow and longer, we’re telling an entire story, i want it to be detailed with Reader and Leon as well as introducing Marina and Ryan. I hope you guys enjoy i have so so so many ideas and rough drafts already written. next part should be out Saturday! and i may write another and post it Sunday as im off both days <3

Glass, wet to the touch, my finger dragging across it to leave a small smear mark between the residue. The ice clinking to the side of the glass as the cup was lifted to my lips. That dark haired girl had said she'd be in soon. I could wait, I'd waited 7 years to see her again. I wasn't waiting any longer than I had to. The amber liquor burnt on its way down, the dribble sliding down my cheek, black leather sleeve coming up to wipe away the drop. She'd be here soon... just be patient, Leon. She's gonna be hesitant at first but... I was so loving to her. Those damn coffees and breakfast- was what we had not good enough for her?

  All those years, the day the world ended, so had mine. I lost her, part of me actually thought she'd died in the mess that was Raccoon City. September 29th, 1998. Now it sat, September 26th, 2004. 7 years since I've felt the warmth of her body, the softness of her hair... since hearing those beautiful moans and whimpers of pain. I needed her, those 7 years passed quickly. From meeting Ada, Claire and Sherry, to being pulled into the government and told that with my joining USSTRATCOM, Sherry Birkins would live a normal life, the choice truly wasn't mine. I wanted a life of a normal man. A wife to come home to, soft lips to kiss good night, preferably by now, age 28, I'd have a kid or two- preferably with the woman i set out to find once more, the shy coroner's assistant. Instead, I'm a DSO Agent, currently under MIA status, I knew I was in for it the moment anyone found me. My... habits have become a bit more... flavorless. The whiskey in front of me the 20th bottle I've probably had in the last month. Sliding from shit hole to shit hole, waiting until closer to the anniversary of the day she slipped from my fingers, to trap her once more.

 

  Of the two of us, i'm sure i've changed the most, my hair darker, a brown instead of that bright blonde i was so proud of. My beard had slightly grown out, no razor was worth leaving the bottle or whatever hotel i huddled up in. The shitty lighting of the bar didn't hide her though.  As soon as she walked in, I knew it was her. She hasn't truly changed, much, after so many years. Her hair was longer than before, her eyes more tired than I was use to seeing. What was causing her such restless nights? Did she miss me as much as I missed her? I knew the government has sent her off with some money and her car before they blew the town to hell and back, but that's all they'd tell me, not a where she went or even an answer to "how was she?".

   My eyes didn't leave her, specifically her chest as she chatted with the shorter girl. That shirt nearly had her everything on show, men staring down her shirt as they passed, catching a glimpse of the top of her breasts, before she disappeared behind the bar. The other girl looking down at the ground, where she crouched.

   It didn't take long for her to pop back up, cleaner and a dingy rag in her hands. She wiped idly at the empty bar, her eyes still lingering on the other girl. She was very chatty, she talked about how much him and her friend would be perfect... she was right. That woman was perfect for me, I didn't plan on leaving the weeping town without her. I drove my ass over three thousand miles to see the girl I dreamt of holding every night... dreamt of pounding the ever loving shit out of her. Wanted to see her swole with my child, I stayed up at night, wondering if our child would look like her... or me. Would they have my blue eyes and her hair? Her eyes and my hair? I hope they got her lips and eyebrows. My chin fell to my chest, a soft sigh falling from my lips, a smirk causing the corners to twitch. I wanted that life with her... but she ran. She could've waited for me, asked them to tell me where she'd be. Then again, i don't think anyone thought i'd survive those years in between, in training under Jack Krauser.

  My eyes flickered back to the bar, wanting to see her face once more, to study her in her new habitat. The first thing that caught my eye was a manicured finger pointing at me, that girl had a big mouth- a growl fell from my lips for a moment. She couldn't have just not told her? She had to give away his position and all? Then, my eyes scanned the woman next to her, ending at her eyes, the same smirk on my lips. God, I've missed her. The glasses between her fingers fell to the floor in a sharp crash, her body stepping back instantly. I couldn't help but laugh, my chest rocking as i thought about how careless she always had been. Something's never change, bunny... some things were destined to be- we were destined to be.

  We were. We always had been, a shy, careless bunny and her protective, dangerous wolf. Her figure ran, fast as she whipped out the Motorola Razr, pink... fitting for her. She must be making more money here than i thought. A five hundred dollar cell phone, she could afford that on a bar salary? I don't think so... there has to be more to her new life.

  My own Razr ringing as i assumed another call from Chris to ask me where i've been or if i was even alive. His call ending to raise the 27 missed calls to 28. Nothing was going to stop me from getting her, i wasn't as naive as before. I had grown, my training showing me gaps in my methods, the scumbags that hurt and caused damage showing me new ideas as well- but mine were for protection. Mine were for her, like i said all those years ago. I'd do anything for her, even putting up with her accusations and her eager willingness to be in danger. Even if she threw away my money like some other boy lusting after her attention. I was, am and will forever be, her soul mate. Her impression is laid into my heart and brain. Something i was never able to change, she deserved to be there. She was a religion. Something i had to have, an addiction, something to be looked at and adored, worshiped... something i was missing in my life away from Raccoon City.

  My cock ached thinking about those soft pitiful whines that fell from her lips, the moment her head hit my tile. The moans from her plump lips as she came undone on me, gushing that forbidden nectar all over my sheets, my name on her tongue like a shunned prayer. Someone she pleaded for, unknowingly calling out for the devil to catch her. Caught her, I did... until fate decided to be cruel. My fingers brushed over the growing ache from my pants, the slit of my cock pressed to the zipper as the my hips jerked up, brushing it against the angry tip.

My thoughts were broken by someone asking for the manifestation of religion. "Hey, Marina! Where is she?", a sharp pin prick stabbed at my spine, a quirk in my lips as i see the unsteady man. His hands on the bar as 'Marina' points to the back room. All i could see was a white dress shirt, and black slacks. He better not be fucking her- only i can touch something like her, something created for my pleasure and sight. Her teary eyes and drool collecting at the corner of her mouth. A jerk from my dick had my whiskey at the back of my mind, quickly jumping up to rush to the bathroom.

 

Stupid fucking bunny. My arm rested on the stall wall, elbow dug into the metal as my palm brushed the exposed skin. Shirt tail tucked between my teeth as my hand started to fist at the hardened flesh. I could hear soft cries- hers... the bathroom must be next to the employee room. Her cries were like a sirens call, precum smeared across the sensitive flesh as my hips snapped up with the pace i had set for myself. Imagining her, that pretty face under me, her eyes rolled up to watch as i pumped my shaft, staring at those beautiful eyes. Wouldn't waste my cum on her face, no matter how tempting. Would have her bouncing on my cock, her pussy walls clenching down on my cock, tip nudging against her cervix and bumping into her soft spot as i rocked my hips. A louder sob left her lips as i felt a jolt in my cock, pumping faster. She was just so pretty... those pretty clear tears causing her eyes to gloss over. Her mumbled and moans- "fuck..", my hand slows, feeling the twitching of my cum shoot out onto the rim of the toilet seat.

  "disgusting.", the realization of what i had just done hitting me, "jerking off to a sweet bunny crying in the men's bathroom?", a dry laugh falling from my lips. "yeah- some things don't change.", the memory of doing the same at RPD flashing to mind. I'd fucked myself to the sound of her laughter more than once. Those red lacy underwear hidden in my drawer, ready for the next time i needed a stabilizing moment. A sniff, a jerk off... anything.  The toilet paper was damn near falling apart as i wiped off the cum from the tip of my cock, a hiss leaving my lips. The sensitive skin, overworked by my palm. "Shit- use to be better about not getting so over worked.", an annoyed yet amused tone to my words.

  The slamming of the bathroom door caught my attention next, i felt like a damn dog outside for the first time, jumpy and slightly buzzed. My hand landed on the stall door, sliding it open to be faced with the same white shirt and black slacks. Black hair combed back and pale skin- she certainly tried to stay away from anything close to me, didn't she?

   The man washed his hands, a groan leaving his lips as he realized he didn't have any paper towels to dry his hands. "Got toilet paper, but the shit nearly falls apart on you.", i added, i wonder if she said anything to him yet. If he recognized my presence had been the one to distraught her so deeply. Her soft sobs could still be heard. "Yeah... i'll pass, thanks.", he side eyed me, brown eyes wide and weirded out. "Yeah, no problem.", my hands came up to wave him off. I wanted to know more, where was he from- what was he to her? Boyfriend, probably... but that just won't do. I had to keep her with me, she was my forbidden fruit. The future mother to my children, my bunny... my little play thing. The man started to turn to walk away, his hand resting on the door as he turned his head to take a final peek. "Have a good rest of your day.", the man spoke up. "Yeah, you too. Hey- I didn't catch your name.", I knew for a fact he knew now, his side eyes not passing my radar. I was trained in body language, he didn't want to take his eyes off me, he saw me as a threat. "I didn't throw it.", he dead panned, his look slightly more angered. "Right... right...", what was this guys name again? It popped up under the same address as hers.

   Ken? Ren? Rylan- Ryan! "Sorry...", my hands met under the water, washing away the sins that lingered on my skin. "Have a good rest of your night, Ryan.", i hummed, as casually as possible, my eyes catching his in the mirror. "I caught it.", i quickly add, maybe giving him any insight that i knew anything was stupid, but i didn't care. "Yeah... you too, Leon.", a chuckle left my lips, maybe she hadn't picked someone too different as the annoyance and anger clung to his words. A smirk fell on my lips, becoming more familiar to my features the more i stayed in this busy town. I didn't reply, just watching as he walked out, thinking he had the upper hand. He doesn't, he won't- bunny was mine, I owned her. I had staked my claim 7 years ago on that girl and I'd be damned if I lost it now.

  Ryan... I'll have to look that up later. Keeping all my tabs on the new life she built for herself. I was more careful this go around, despite the ache that quickly came back to my groin from the power exchange...!i would wait, plan... figure out how and when to take her back to the house i built. A family home, build from the foundation up on quite a few acres, stuck in the middle of a very small town. This will be our home, sweet bunny... we'll have a family, somewhere where it's just us. I'm tired of fighting for everyone else to have their happy endings, for them to get to shine while i suffer... This time, i'll be selfish, i'll get what i want and i won't allow my broken bird to fly, my little bunny to hop. Instead, she'll be mine, changed and tamed... kept away from the unsafe world, kept private and secret from nearly anyone. If only i could get rid of the suspicion of the man and the fear she held on me. I just wanted a life, i'd get it. One way or another, i was getting my family home and filling it with little Kennedy's.

[stvharrngton]

Hi! So context for the request… I started new job at the end of last year and generally I love it but the past two months have been incredibly stressful and then last week we were understaffed, had an internal review and I was left to do the job of three people and not a single supervisor has thanked me for holding down the fort that day AND making lunch AND cleaning it up. And I’m feeling very under appreciated, like to the point where I feel like im no good at my job or even liked. So to the ask, how would steve handle a significant other who is feeling this way and is shutting down about it? I’d be really grateful if you could right something around this bc I just need my comfort character to hold me rn ….

hi my love! i’m so sorry to hear that about your job that sucks so much :( i really hope you enjoy this and it makes you feel a lil better 💝

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: none really, burnt out!reader, soft comfort boyfie steeb

taglist: @dukesmebby @saturnband @sweetbabygirlsworld

The sound of the front door of your apartment slamming back against its hinges disturbed Steve from his busy task at the stove. The wooden spoon almost clattering back into the pan with a clang, his eyebrows pinched together as he peered over his shoulder at you.

Steve was concerned. You were never one for slamming doors or loud noises so when he turned round to face you, your slumped shoulders and the defeated look on your face said it all.

Ringing his hands on a dish towel he made his way over to you, comforting palms placed on your forearms as Steve bent at his knees to get a better look at you.

“Everything okay, baby?” He asked, voice all soft and quiet, barely above a whisper.

You could only respond with a half-hearted shrug, sad eyes not able to meet Steve’s warm, inviting one’s. You wanted nothing more than for this day to end, another shitty day at work to top it all off.

Steve’s hands moved to your face then, fingers tucking a stray strand behind your ear, his thumb stroking across your cheek. He chewed on his bottom lip as he watched your eyes grow teary.

“Hey,” Steve cooed, “hey, what’s wrong, huh? You can tell me. Is it work?”

Steve had a feeling, a sinking suspicion you’d had yet another bad day at your job, another day of doing more than they pay you for, another day of not being thanked. He wished you would just leave, find somewhere you’d be appreciated more but Steve knew it wasn’t that simple.

There was no convincing you, he knew that, so Steve would let you rant. He would let you get all your anger out, he’d give you his shoulder to cry on, rub your back and stroke your hair until your sobs turned into sniffles.

Sometimes you didn’t want to talk, your mind too foggy and your eyes too heavy. A night spent in Steve’s arms on your couch, limbs tangled whilst his lips pressed soft kisses against your hairline, the movie on the TV simply serving as background noise outside your bubble.

Tonight was one of those nights.

“You wanna talk about it, sweetheart?” Steve had since pulled you into his chest, the dinner he was prepping long forgotten about. His arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders in a bone crushing hug.

You shook your head against the material of your boyfriend’s polo, the fabric scratching against your already hot cheek. The tears you’d be holding in were now threatening to spill over your lashes, dampening Steve’s t-shirt.

“Okay,” he whispered, his head now resting against your own as you both stood wrapped around one another in your kitchen, “can you tell me what you need? Can you do that for me, baby?”

He knew he had to tread lightly here, gently trying to coax a response from you in this state but his need for you to understand that he was there for you no matter what was immense. In whichever way you needed, it didn’t matter to Steve. All that mattered in these moments was how he could make you feel a tiny bit better.

So you nodded timidly, squeezing your eyes shut to stop the tears from spilling over. A quiet sniffle heard from your nose muffled by Steve’s chest.

“Okay,” you squeaked out, “can we shower? And then just get into bed?” Chin resting against his firm chest now, you blinked up at your boyfriend with big, wet doe eyes. A look that Steve could never say no to.

Steve let his lips rest against your temple before bringing them to your forehead. A final squeeze to your shoulders as he spoke,

“A shower and cuddles in bed coming right up,” Steve uttered with a light tone and a soft smile tugging at his lips, “anything for my girl.”

The mirror began to steam up as the water warmed, Steve not letting you move an inch as he undressed you and showered you in sweet kisses all over your skin. He couldn’t help let the gentle smirk that graced his features when you asked him to step inside with you.

Hot water cascaded down your bodies as the tension of the day left your shoulders, the heavy burden slowly being lifted. Steve’s hands wandered your body as your head rested against his chest, eyes closed, just letting the water and your boyfriend soothe you.

You washed each other’s hair, the artificial scent of strawberries filling your noses, a chuckle bouncing off the glass as Steve grinned at the content noises escaping your lips as he massaged your scalp.

“That feel good, baby?” he asked with a swift peck to your cheek, a toothy grin on his face as a soft smile threatened to tug at your lips.

Hair and bodies washed, Steve held you in the shower a little longer. His hand rubbing up and down your naked back soothingly, a kiss pressed to your hairline before he switched the water off, mumbling something about how he doesn’t want you both to turn into prunes.

You were wrapped up in a fluffy towel before you could complain about the chill, favourite pyjamas in hand as Steve fluffed the towel around your shoulders.

“Let’s get you into bed, pretty girl, come on.” Steve urged before swooping you up in his strong arms, laying you down on the soft sheets. You immediately curled into his side the moment he pulled the comforter over you.

You let him wrap your arms around you tightly, his head resting against yours as he drew soft shapes lightly on your arm. You heard Steve sigh quietly as his eyes scanned the ceiling whilst he thought through what he was going to say.

“You know you can talk when you’re ready, honey,” Steve began, his fingers continued softly against your arm, “but you know you can just leave that shitty job, right?”

An exhale pushed its way past your nostrils, not in discontent but it was just difficult. You loved your job, you did but it was just tough going lately. You were burnt out and feeling under-appreciated and yeah, it was taking its toll on you.

Steve knew this, of course he did, but he just wanted to look after you, to make sure you were happy.

“How ‘bout you come work at Family Video with me and Robin?” He asked, a grin toying at his lips, “Come on, it’d be a breeze and we’d get to spend all day, every day together. Doesn’t that sound amazing?”

A playful smile crept its way onto your features, one that Steve couldn’t see in the dark of his room but one he could feel. Steve let his fingers wander to your ribs, pads threatening to dig into your soft skin.

“Plus, Keith would love having a smokin’ hot girl like you around the place.”

You smacked his shoulder as you scoffed, “Steve, you are not pimping me out to your creepy boss so you can get an easy ride.”

Steve laughed loudly, a sound that rumbled in his stomach up to his chest, “‘M joking, baby. I wouldn’t do that to you. But you know I’m here for you, right? Whatever my girl needs, whenever she needs it.”

You sighed into his chest, a small content noise that filled out the room. Steve pulled you in impossibly closer, as if to offer more reassurance.

“Forever and always?” You asked, voice quiet.

“Forever and always.” Steve replied with a kiss to your forehead before you fell asleep in his arms.

[kozumesphone]

also, second one (cause i couldnt resist)

if u seek amy! i think thatll be fun

my hobby is reading and playing the guitar!

i think i read like fifty books last year..

my fav books are pjo tlt (its nostalgic ok!!) and the hunger games series

i like to play mostly taylor swift and gracie abrams songs on the guitar!

i basically steal my sisters guitar whenever i want to play cause i dont have my own lol (im better than her)

my favorite taylor swift song is youre on your own kid

my favorite gracie abrams song is feels like

my favorite color is yellow (pretty obvious i think) it reminds me of sunshine and just overall happy things yk?

my favorite season is spring! the flowers start blooming and theyre so pretty (downside are the bugs)

i have a lot of favorite shows: stranger things, brooklyn 99, the good place, modern family

my favorite subject is chemistry! i love learning about the world around me and its properties etcetc

some random stuff about my personality: i get distracted so easily its a nightmare to study, i am an emotional wreck i cry easily, definitely a night owl, hufflepuff, daughter of poseidon

i dont mind if u pick someone from a book i dont recognise, that will just give me incentive to read it!!!

oh forgot to mention im a straight girl

love uuuu and congrats again!!!

⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

CORASON⭑.ᐟ

⟢ “I love you, okay, darling!”

a/n: okay but the way the ship name is corason? which sounds so close to corazon? which means like ‘my dear’ in italian, I think?? MADE FOR EACH OTHER MUCH 🤭💓

I think you’d best match with jason grace!

I mean, daughter of poseidon x son of jupiter? hello?? PERFECTION!!

jason would learn to play the piano while you play the guitar, so you guys could play music together

he LOVES laying on your stomach while you read on your bed and run your fingers through his hair

^ sometimes, he even falls asleep like that, and you both slowly shift into cuddling

he definitely hypes you up to finish your goodreads reading goal, if not exceed it (what can I say? he’s jason grace)

he definitely went to the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie with you (supportive bfs even when they have no idea what you read/watch >>)

he once asked you why you love yoyok by taylor, and straight up bawled while you explained to him what the song meant

he’s a very sunshine-y person, just like you, so when you guys are together, leo pretends to faint and says “too much sun! i’m getting sunstroke! help!!” and he thinks he’s really funny (i’d laugh, ngl <3)

come springtime, he lets you put all the flowers you collect over the summer into his hair

^ he also does the rapunzel braid on your hair and puts in matching flowers in it

(he drives away the bugs for you, dw!)

in an au, he’d never have heard of any tv shows, but after hearing you yap to him about them, he watches them ALL and makes notes about them too (about what? only he knows.)

okay, here we’re going off the rails so badly, but it’s a very ooc and personal hc of mine: jason sucks ASS at geography and chemistry. he will literally breakdown at the very thought of them.

he gets you to help him out with the chemistry part, and he teaches you math (if you’re not good at it already)!

he makes sure you don’t let yourself get burnt out while studying, and also makes sure you don’t get distracted and procrastinate

he comforts you at any time of the day: you say it, he’ll be over asap to give you free cuddles with your favourite chocolates & drinks

sometimes, he doesn’t even need you to tell him. he’ll just. know. when you’re feeling off. and his jacie senses tingle, and he calls you up and goes, “is it cuddletime?” and then drives over

while you’re a night owl, he’s an early bird (he must teach me his way, tho, because h o w)

^ you stay up till 2-3 am reading/studying and wake up by 9 or 10 am, while he sleeps by 10 pm and wakes up by 5 am to the dot

so you guys leave each other sticky notes before going to bed for the other one to see when they wake up

you guys 100% go on bookstore dates (he buys you everything you can carry on your own), library/study dates (especially while grinding during finals szn), museum dates (to mock the statues), beach dates (so he can get mesmerised while watching you do silly little tricks with the water and talk to the fishies), etc.

his love language is 101% physical touch & acts of service <3

temp. taglist — @nuncscioquidsitamor-14 @mqstermindswift @puffoz @skeelly @urmomabby

@sunnitheapollokid @jgracie @canonfeminine @cinemaconrad @roses4plvto

@urbanflorals @aezuria @thetunnelunderoceanboulevard @cherigall @percabethluvr

@pjoverseluvr @maybxlle @mershellscape @riordanness @starlitszn

@metyouattherighttime @a-beautiful-fool @sequinsnstars @ssparksflyy @fayvpor

@iheartgirlzn @nomournersnofunerals @over-the-ocean-call @seaglass-and-string @cer3lia

@lara20aral @bloophasarrived @xoxochb @auroraofthesun1 @sophiesonlinediary

@solangelotus @brodieland @s1utlvr @imasimpdealwithit @waitingonher

@nqds @skyrigel @daydream-of-a-wallflower @hermidastouch @catastrxblues

@moon-drop18 @d4rkdi0rrr @hopelesslyromantic-shark @saltwatergirl6 @hope92100

event masterlist

[uriekukistan]

Something I've been thinking about in the past couple of months is what current fans of JJK will think of the series in the future: 1, 5, 10+ years down the line after it ends. I don't think it's a secret or anything that fans are really divided and have during opinions about where the series is going and how it might end, but I'm curious about what it's legacy will be. Do you have any thoughts about that? (Also hi I hope you're having a good day!)

oooh interesting ask, thank you winnie :D hope you're having a good day too !!

hhhhh im not sure im smart enough to conceptualize this kind of thing fairly, but im gonna do my best 🤞 sorry in advance for the essay omg

one thing i wanna touch on really quickly is that i feel like the lifespans of fandoms are decreasing. im not sure if this is a fair assessment, but it seems like people move on quicker that they used to and migrate to new fandoms quickly as series end. i think it has to do with the increase in the amount and accessibility of new media, plus the trend of "consuming," rather than enjoying. part of a growing problem of rapid consumption and accelerating trend cycles.

that being said, jjk is still ongoing for who knows how long (allegedly finishing this year), and has to be animated after that. so depending on how they break the series up, and how hard mappa decides to push their workers, could be up to 5 more years of releasing content, which means retention of old fans and acquisition of new fans. i also think it will be impacted by the ending of the story.

the other two fandoms i participate in are 10+ years old (death note is 20+ at this point...) so im gonna use them as reference points

i was like...1-5 years old when death note was actively releasing, so im not sure how ppl were reacting at the time. but death note has become a "classic" anime/manga that new fans are constantly discovering and appreciating, keeping the fandom going. a lot of people still love death note, and from what i've seen, it's generally less divisive. people like death note, generally. everything has flaws and can/will be criticized, but as far as anime/manga goes, people are generally able to come to a consensus that death note is good. it has interesting characters and interesting themes and comes to a satisfying conclusion- that no man can be god. because of that, it still has a large and active fanbase that has enjoyed much longevity.

in contrast, tokyo ghoul is very divisive, and its aggravated by the fact that the anime completely diverges from the manga, and creates its own story, so the reviews are always mixed. it's wonderfully tragic or it's edgy. it's beautiful or it's boring. it has great themes or it's incoherent. it doesnt help that the mangaka was seriously burnt out towards the end of creating it. despite the fact that tokyo ghoul was one of the most popular anime/manga at one point, its fandom, while very much alive, is also pretty small. im either oomfs or oomfs-in-law w pretty much everyone here. i think the amount of criticism tokyo ghoul got (which dont get me wrong, some parts are very much worthy of it, but that's not what people were saying) affected the longevity of the fandom.

that brings me back to jjk. i think there's two camps of people in the fandom right now: those who are only interested in a "happy ending" and those who are interested in whatever ending may come, so long as it suits the themes and the character arcs feel completed. so i think the way jjk ends will be the deciding factor of its legacy and the direction the fandom takes.

personally, i'll be happiest with the second option, i mean im a tragedy fan if nothing else, and i love the thematic aspects of jjk. but i know most people will be looking out for a happy ending, at least based on what i see people saying. the fact that so many people are back to saying jjk is good after last night's leaks is proof of that to me. i think if the manga ends happily, whether it suits the story or not, people will be more likely to stick around than if it ends in a way that is less happy, but suits the story perfectly. if that makes sense.

[dogboyklug]

comic one - the second one - [you are here!]

yeah

transcript under cut

...and now its been like a year since i started this comic

and i completely forgot to finish it. oops

well less forgot and more like...

got into a new fandom, had to get a new laptop AND phone, started focusing my internet activism on genocide instead of transness, got burnt out like five billion times, met a bunch of new people, started dating another person, dissociated for several months, celebrated the new year, got so terrified of the fact that might get backlash for this comic i didnt make another one, TRIED to make another one but had like five breakdowns,

and then

forgot

but uh

at least i know how to draw sam now!!

sorta

yay

So, now, with such a big pause, have things changed for the better?

Am I living my best life, finally on T? Or aT LEAST have i FINALLY gotten over ALL of my internalized transphobia (men variety)?

well uh no

in fact things are kind of

worse sometimes...

*new fandom has so much fatphobia it sucks

*there is still a group of trans women online whose sole purpose in life is to hate all trans men

*theres still a genoicde going on

i wish this comic couldve followed a "past, present, future" format where, in which, the last comic would wrap the whole thing up smoothly and i would have some sort of message of peace or hope or joy to give

an assurance that my life, and the lives of all trans people, and all people from cultures ravaged by colonisation and erasure wouldnt be for nothing, and that everything would be fine in the end

but im almost 18 and i cant say that like at all

everythings getting worse and i am not a wise old man with epic awesome knowledge and a cool beard

this comic mostly just exists as a thank you letter so

thank you

thank you to everyone who read the first two and to everyone whos reading this one and to the person who mentioned all male character options in videogames (esp in the 2010s) are ugly as sin. you are so right

maybe someday ill make a comic abt my experiences as a frisian trans man with the full knowledge of my history and a happy ending to make up for it all

(caps) Probably not though (end caps)

ok you guys get 1 happy

here's my favorite transmasc ocs of mine

tuyen sango, my agent 3, best bro

feathers chilufya-janstra, my favorite 30-year-old nerd

masa, my actual hero (she turns 3 this year!!!)

and hjalmar, i've had him for 10 minutes but i love him still. heart emoji

so uh

yeah

thanks for reading

[bropunzeling]

If you're up for some random-ass questions, here are some questions for the new year!

what fic were you proudest of this year?

what fic are you most surprised you wrote?

favorite old (to you) ship this year

favorite new (to you) ship this year

favorite old (to you) ship you picked up again this year

favorite old man (old man being a state of mind not gender) ship (maybe you ship a younger version of them but they're Old Men now)

ships/characters you're excited about in 2024

fics/plot bunnies you're excited about working on in 2024

give a random prediction of any kind - about your own writing, about your fandom's fic trends, about canonical developments in your fandom

share a random thought about fics you've written, characters you're thinking about, writing in general, etc

Feel free to pass on if you'd like, or not! Happy new year!

thank you anon! what a great excuse to ignore the work computer. also consider this a blanket "steal these prompts" from me for whoever is so moved bc i don't want to tag everyone

what fic were you proudest of this year? i might have to say only fools rush in aka marriage bets! it certainly is the longest one i've written and had the longest gestational period. plus i wrote a lot of it while incredibly busy (tho maybe that helped?). im still happy i managed to hit the balance between ridiculous premise and genuine feeling that i was aiming for, and that i managed to figure out and feel comfortable in a new pov.

what fic are you most surprised you wrote? linger. if you told me a year ago i was gonna write 65k of omegaverse i simply would not have believed you! it wasn't a trope i ever thought i would write! and yet here we are. lmao.

favorite old (to you) ship this year? i mean. viva la ratfiction. someday we may run out of steam but not this year by golly!

favorite new (to you) ship this year? the amount brady/quinn clawed its way into my brain this year cannot be overstated. maybe i was exploring last year but this year is when it really got me in a fucking chokehold. the pining! the friends to lovers of it all!!!!! exquisite. honorable mention to matthew/sasha. those two ARE in love.

favorite old (to you) ship you picked up again this year? earlier this fall i started a rewatch of miss fisher's murder mysteries and god. jack and phryne. they are EVERYTHING. someday i really will write fic for them.

favorite old man (state of mind) ship? gotta be honest first thing that came to mind was band of brothers winters/nixon. we'll go to chicago. i'll take you there.

ships/characters you're excited about in 2024? hmm brady/quinn, obvi. the general state of brady tkachuk and how i'd like to give him a midlife crisis and by midlife i mean when he's 29. jamie and trevor are BACK baby, and i wanna make trevor sad and making poor choices for 50k before he finally gets to get kissed. has someone written timmy stu and mo seider as summer boyfriends yet? bc i still like that.

fics/plot bunnies you're excited about working on in 2024? i think i have tentatively figured out my next long matthew/leon project (which i can't start until the new year) but i don't want to say quite yet in case i scare it off but! that. it WILL be a true slow burn which will be fun. also ballet quinn i WOULD like to put more than 2k in your gdoc. hopefully at some point soon inspiration will hit again/i'll feel less dull and burnt out

give a random prediction of any kind - about your own writing, about fandom trends, about canonical developments in your fandom: the kraken will sign yamo to a longer contract. i will start a project thinking it will be nice and short and then watch it double, like bread dough rising.

share a random thought about fics you've written, characters you're thinking about, writing in general: did you know the more you write the better you get? even though there’s plenty of areas where i want to improve and become a stronger, more thoughtful developer of sentences/plots/et cetera, i can really see my growth from month to month or year to year and that's neat!!! i'm slowly getting better!!!

[feline-evil]

Oh yeah i forgot to say here too cuz i'm more likely to stay at least a little active on here through it since it serves me slightly less rage inducing dickheads that i'll pick a fight with, but something upsetting as happened and i'm definitely not going to be in a good mood for a while so my activity online may go down.

My cat unexpectedly declined rapidly overnight and had to be put down yesterday, i do not always cope with loss well, i've lost a lot of people and animals in my life. We buried her, i helped dig, i dug with my bare hands because i couldn't wield the shovel properly with how fucked my arms are and my entire body started shaking halfway through and is still trembling the day after. I had to look after my parents through this, they cried, i didn't, emotions don't work right in me anymore. I'm giving all this information to paint a clear enough picture as to why i'm not here to be fucked with at the moment. I don't want to deal with stupid fucking twitter discourse that makes me want to punch a wall, i don't want to deal with pathetic cunts who have a problem with some nobody like me and harass me whenever i have anon on here, so as you can imagine considering both of these are fucking constants when im online for some fucking reason, my activity might be spotty.

I loved my cat a lot, she was already nineteen when she turned up outside my door terrified of people, scrounging through the small food waste bin. She looked so starved and feral i thought she was gonna die back then, i spent days slowly working up her trust, sitting by my door talking soft, not making eye contact, just letting her get used to me; i needed to check her condition, needed to know if i could help. She was filthy, flea ridden and starved, her little bald ears burnt and painful. Eventually she trusted me enough to take food, then be touched, and then a week later she was in the house. Two weeks she stayed the first time, kept warm and safe with blankets and food; a toothless, ancient cat i felt sure we were given a few final days respite before she passed. Her owners turned up after those two weeks. Our neighbours two doors down. They took her back, i was not happy. But as soon as they let her outside again she ran right on back to us purring and purring as much as she could, curling right back up in her blankets. After this happened time and time again eventually the neighbours let us keep her, i'm so glad that they did because she began to heal. Her ears cleared up, her fur became soft and silky, she started behaving like a normal cat again; she put a little weight on, never a lot, but enough to not look starved, and she even tried to gain her meow back (she was a silent meower, that she never managed to fix, but she did start to make a little noise).

She was with us for three years past that, or nearly three it wouldve been three next month, and she was the sweetest cat in the world; she didn't often have energy to play, she wasn't the adventurous sort, she just wanted to lie near you and purr. She'd cry and howl if she couldnt find us, she never bit or deliberately scratched, she was an absolute gentle soul. When we moved it was the best thing for her, going to a smaller, easier to navigate house with a lovely safe, enclosed out door space; she got to feel the sun and the dirt again for those last few months, but safely, not as some poor frail animal left outside to fend for herself.

The vet told us her organs had failed when we took her yesterday, that even if she were a younger cat she'd be a candidate for humane euthanasia. There was no coming back from that. It was her time, we knew, the decline she had overnight was a sign she was ready to go; to keep her from saying goodbye would be crueller than letting her go. She was 21, nearly 22. I found fragments of a blue china plate in the dirt we dug for her, i kept it, its so pretty. I made her a bouquet out of tiny wild flowers from the garden. She's buried in her favourite spot. I'm really happy i got to put in the work to give her the life she deserved even if it was only for her last few years.

[yagamisdiary]

I have a love hate relationship with the fact that you enjoy making us suffer throughout the entirety of your books and making us think they will have a bad ending just to give us the best possible endings ever 🥲 ugh i love you so much youre my favorite author ever, while im here i apologize for the incoming paragraphs but i just need to say it:

1. Idk how you do it but the book covers you choose are always so perfect like?? Idk if im explaining myself but i feel like they capture the vibes of the books perfectly

2. Ok now this is kinda personal and i dont mean to sound like im venting, but have you ever read a fic that impacted you so much to the point where you find yourself still thinking about it to this day 😭 bc that's how i feel about both of ur books, they're so beautifully written and i'm always thinking about the characters or going back to read random parts of the books (edit: i had this paragraph written way before parasite was removed okay but i started rereading eldia yesterday because im truly heartbroken, devastated, downcast, miserable, dejected and inconsolable by the fact that its finished)

I discovered you in july-ish 2021 during parasite era but didnt actually read it until june 2022, i was devastated when i finished it but also had to cleanse my soul cause i accidentally burnt my self out during the last few chapters (i mean it in a good way lol, it was rlly hard to read the last 2 chapters 🙇‍♀️ they were written really well and i felt unsettled while reading the beginning of y/ns whole breakdown, i could feel the gloomy depressed vibe it had if you get what i mean), so anyway i moved on to Eldia. At that time, it was fairly new so there were only like 10 or 11 chapters, ive been keeping up with Eldia ever since and its truly bittersweet to see it end like i was literally full on sobbing for no reason 🥲 probably the sentiment of being a reader for 2 years idk lol. Anyway what im trying to say is that your books were one of the only things that helped me escape reality in 2022, i didnt really find joy in anything and hated my life, however ive definitely improved ever since, so im honestly rlly thankful for you Amara 💕

Edit: i just know it sounds stupid and youre probably tired of hearing the same thing over and over, but i've had this written out for like 5 months and was kinda scared to send it because i felt like it was corny, but with Eldia's resolution i felt encouraged seeing all these people tell you what they think :P so sorry for the long ass paragraph lmao, i just needed to say it because i know in 10 years ill be a grown ass woman and still thinking about these books, theyre attached to my brain forever (like a parasite, ironic)

Ok so i doubt ppl will read this (or that you'll even read all of it) so if you reached the end i must say that you actually ate with the baby names in Eldia 🤭 im saying it here to avoid accidentally spoiling anyone but Andromeda 😪 i remember in early july i sent you an anon ask saying that i pictured you as a girl mom and even listed a few names, i was gonna list Andromeda so its kinda funny to me 😭 and Elrose?? Andromeda is my fav name but Elrose grew on me and i actually rlly like it, idk why it just sounds and looks so satisfying OMG DAMN I JUST SCROLLED UP AND DID I REALLY WRITE ALL OF THAT?? IM SO SORRY AMARA 😭😭 i definitely had way more to say but i feel bad now, it was gonna be an anonymous ask but atp i'll just let it be public

to conclude i must say that whenever someone asks me what my favorite books are, i hate that im not able to say "Oh my favorite books are parasite and eldia" because they're considered fanfics and not 'real books', i think thats really stupid, not only because fanfiction is just as valid as what ppl consider 'real books' but because there are so many fanfictions turned into real books or movies?? Ok im done (for now) but as you can tell im not really good at going straight to the point sorry for writing about 10 paragraphs love you queen vivan las escritoras latinas 🤞

1. honestly i find a pic that fits the vibe i want the book to give before i even write the story then i just somehow find a way to incorporate the cover

ex) eldia’s cover is jean with wine all over him, iykyk there’s an exact scene in eldia that references the cover

2. thank u so much 🥲 the ppl who have stuck around the longest always say the most sweet stuff bc yall really have been alongside me for so many years now and were like growing together which is kinda cool

3. i wanted a name that had ambrose and elijah both in it and it was either elrose or embrose but i ended up liking elrose more, embrose was too similar to ambrose

4. i don’t mind the length of the message at all! i love love love reading all the stuff i receive and the ones that are the longest stick with me the most. 🫶🏼

[officialgleamstar]

SINCE IM TALKING ABOUT BOOK BINDING TONIGHT. UHM. ^-^ heres a small collection of some books i made in school that im proud of! i dont post my schoolwork on tumblr much, so. why not now that im graduated and have a degree in book arts LOL plus one bonus letterpress print since thats a related artform!!!

firstly, non-narrative and more structure focused: my current sketchbook!!! this is a gate fold, meaning it opens up on both sides, done with coptic binding!!! literally my favorite structure to do, especially for sketchbooks. i dunno why im so entranced by this structure. its inconvenient, even, at times. i just think it looks awesome

BOUND. MY MASTERPIECE BOUND. GOD. this piece went through a lot of different stages, but ultimately, it ended up being an exploration of bondage and the human form!! the book itself gets tied up, meaning theres a very physical element of having to untie and then retie it. i did some blind embossing which i loved. its loose leaf within a container which i adore as a structure. and its just SO. FUN. I LOVED MAKING IT. i dyed the rope myself :]

ive always been a big fan of ephemeral work (for those unaware - ephemeral work is temporary, meaning it gets destroyed as part of the piece!), and i was like. severely in a way at the beginning of last year after my grandfather's death. so i did a piece where i wrote 79 pages obsessively documenting every single thought i had about his death, then dressed up in the dress i wore to his funeral and destroyed the book in front of all of my classmates! my professor was astounded but worried that i maybe did it a little too soon which. yeah. probably. not gonna subject yall to the video of that LOL but heres the last page - i had 80 pages, so this is what i put for the 80th page. this piece was more about the performance than the book, so it doesnt look great, but i would feel weird not mentioning it at least

for a more uhhh not LIGHTHEARTED but fictional take on ephemeral pieces - I LOVE BURNING BOOKS. i love burning books, i have burnt SEVERAL books (not great considering that lighters were banned on my campus but my professors never ratted me out--) but heres just one example! this was a story about a lesbian in a group of bikers, coming to terms with her sexuality and the fact that she was in love with her friend A's wife, B. i absolutely LOVED making this book, it was early in my uhhh more pyromaniac books so its not AS burned as it could be. things with claws was like FULLY BURNED THROUGH in many ways. but this was still so so fun, would love to come back to this book and remake it later

aaand finally - my bonus letterpress piece! this was for a project using gradient ink and i printed a part of in paths untrodden by walt whitman ^-^ this piece is why my professor started calling him "travis's good friend walt" LMAO i would NOT. SHUT UP. ABOUT HIM DFJBHGFJHBDJH im not entirely pleased with this piece, the gradient starts waaay too early but i do really love the subtlety :]

[wolverineblues]

ah so, i forgot i like to make a post showing my most listened to albums of the year! im actually not sure i even made one for 2022? anyway.

i think its neat to see how my listening habits vary from year to year. so here's my top 10 listened albums/eps from 2023! according to my last fm stats.

i got really into hardcore music this past year, but mostly the newer big bands atm. i'll have to explore some classic hardcore this year!

1. Merauder - Master Killer one of those bands/albums i had been aware of for awhile but never really checked out until now. great bridge between metal and hardcore favorite track: Master Killer 2. Twitching Tongues - Gaining Purpose Through Passionate Hatred speaking of bridging metal and hardcore! this feels more hardcore-influenced metal to me as opposed to metal-influenced hardcore. good stuff either way. favorite track: Gaining Purpose 3. Abominable Iron Sloth - Abominable Iron Sloth really angry sounding sludge.. rarely have i heard anything full of such rage. i absolutely love this album. favorite track: I Am The Carcass 4. Fleshwater - We're Not Here to Be Loved incredible album bringing back some 90s grunge sounds with modern metal and shoegaze influences. favorite track: The Razor's Apple 5. Mongrel - Off The Leash (EP) been awhile since a 3 song demo excited me! incredible death metal leaning hardcore. cant wait to see what these guys do next. favorite track: Dog Complex 6. Judiciary - Flesh + Blood different yet similar approach from the band on this new album. less crossover thrash, more metallic hardcore, in a good way! favorite track: Engulfed 7. Fuming Mouth - The Grand Descent one of my favorites from 2019 that i revisted this past year. THIS is what we should be calling deathcore, not whatever its thought of as today. death metal and hardcore perfectly mixed. some slight doom and sludge tendencies thrown in for good measure too. favorite track: Burning Hand 8. Twitching Tongues - In Love There Is No Law thought of as their best by many and i see why! it's a journey from start to finish. it perfectly displays the band's range in under 40 minutes. favorite track: Preacher Man 9. Harms Way - Common Suffering kind of different from what i'd normally like but it's cool! very Sepultura and industrial influenced. some Neurosis coming out too? it's all over in a good way. love when bands try to step out of their comfort zone a bit and nail it. favorite track: Wanderer 10. Bleed - Somebody's Closer (EP) reminds me so much of what i would listen to in my early double digits. Chevelle, 10 Years, Crossfade, Evans Blue, etc... in a bit of a similar vein to Fleshwater where they're bringing back some of the best of 90s/early 2000s rock. favorite track: Burnt (By the Sun)

normally i like to tag people too, but since its already April, i won't be doing that lol

[shoeshoesho]

March 17, 2023

i haven’t written in a while. I haven’t felt this bad in a while. I cant really put my finger on it. And to be honest now that i should be writing about it i find myself too tired to even dive in. Im tired of being tired. Im tired of being upset. Without even discussing the issue, the buddhist way would sound like this: Be less self centered. Everything that happens, happens. We are the creator of this reality that is in pain and anguish. We paint this landscape we feel. i feel bad at my job. I feel attached to this identity of my job. I tally my mistakes and reason with my own myself- why don’t you just quit? I feel tired and burnt out. I think to myself. Is that just an excuse for your mistakes? Or are these just excuses. Maybe, you are bad at your job? Maybe its ok to be bad at your job. Maybe if you accepted that you were bad at your job that you would be happier. Free-er. 

Maybe if you let go of this. You could finally be happy doing a half ass job at your work. I ask myself why cant I be an effective person? Why do i make the mistakes i make. What self help books can I get. Or am i just. not good. at this. job. IT pays well. I bought a house. Im sitting here on my rug with the fire. alone. Was it all worth it in the end??

IS this a millenial soul reaching out for some sort of unordinary lifestyle? Should i be doing something i really love doing? What are all the answers, where are all the fucking answers. 

Ive never had the confidence to do something unconventional. Ive always been so scared. So scared that if i didnt have it all, i wouldnt be happy. So now that i have it all, am i? 

I feel pathetic. and i find myself hating myself. I think im tired. Tyler says im always tired. He says ive been tired for as long as ive known him...

What does that say? Is that even related to this job?

I think im getting better though. at dealing with the dissapointment.

Today me and tyler were both hanging on a string. I think i was doing ok and he snapped at me. and then we were both not ok. He had a bad week and all his plans fell through so he was upset and moping around the house. I tried to go somewhere with him but then we both lost it in the car. I found myself feeling very similar to how it was in the beginning when i worked at dominican. When he had (and still doesnt really have) the capacity to deal with me being so upset. We could not be more opposites in terms of dealing with work, and stress. I needed someone to council me to sooth me. To want to understand. I wanted someone to ask me what exactly happened and what the situation was. I wanted him to tell me it was ok- but to actually take a look at the situation.

I know he thinks he doesnt need to look at the situation, because he believes in me and thinks im over reacting overall. But i just see him brushing it off completely. In fact, he probably is cause he fucking hates talking about work. IT triggers him into some sort of spiral. talking about my work, his work. Hed rather not address it at all and act like it doesnt exist. All these work problems.

In many ways hes right though. It doesnt matter. If you treat it for what it is.. it shouldnt make me worried. In fact, i shouldnt even be talking about it right now. I shouldnt bring it up because its not importaint in our lives. Unfortunately for me i still think work is importaint to me.

Maybe i need to put efforts in something more personal. Something that could actually help me feel good about what i do. I said this today but im having hard times remembering it. We count all our mistakes but none of the good things we fix. I think maybe i could count on my fingers all the mistakes ive made this year and last year. but i never even counted all the good things ive done in my job. I dont give myself that ever.