#ive been saying this all day but IM SO FUCKING EXCITED
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Woagh wait what if we can fuse items with elemental arrows. Like for example attach yellow chuchu jelly to an ice arrow to make superconductive arrows? Oh my god the combat possibilities are endless
#h talks#ive been saying this all day but IM SO FUCKING EXCITED#like ok what abt like a double whammy fire arrow with yellow jelly so they take fire and electric damage#Can I put white chuchu jelly on an ice arrow to increase the duration of the frozen effect???? I NEED TO KNOW NOW#loz#totk#DOES THE LEAF ARROW MAKE A GUST OF WIND AS IT BLOWS?#CAN I ATTACH SOMETHING THAT GLOWS TO AN ARROW AND THEN HAVE IT MAKE WHATEVER IT HITS GLOW IN THE DARK???
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"DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES, DARLING"
POV, you're getting your everything pulled out on the forest floor. Bonus detail shots:
ᴬˡˢᵒ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵇᵉʰᵃᵛᵉ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᵃᵍˢ, ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘᵎ
#windyart#adriel#gore#blood#body horror#WOO YEAHH BABEYYYY#painting#technically this is painted ?? some of it#the hollowridge disaster#I LITERALLY SPENT ALL DAY ON THIS TODAY i was gonna draw other stuff and just work on this for a lil. i wasnt even gonna render it initiall#and then i was like fucking ayo i think ill put obscene effort into this. for him (adri my beloved)#idk what else to say im just nsane and ive been so so so excited to finish this and it looks so good i think im rly proud!!!#i hope yall like it -w-#guy who is so unhinged fr..........
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WIFI IS MINE ONCE AGAIN as i sit on a mattress on the floor
#it feels like ive been without it for so long...#it has been... three and a half days... i am Weak....#nah jk i wouldve been find without it for much longer#but boy howdy am i Glad to be able to use my dear beloved laptop again#i am In The New Place i am Beginning To Settle#tomorrow i begin unpacking my own stuff!!! exciting!!!#i cant wait to admire all of my Things!#ohhhh and i finally have a spot on the wall for my combo whiteboard/corkboard....#im still very stressed and i want to lay in a hole but!!#i am doing slightly better than a few days ago!#the weather has been nice... cool and rainy... i am not used to cool and rainy#its also cold and i am - unfortunately - a desert creature#suffice to say i am wearing hand warmers a hoodie and a blanket#absolutely unprompted#the place's last owner Didnt Fucking Clean though#so there have been many spiders. and cobwebs. and general Grime we will have to scrub#like seriously today i was dusting the ceiling. THE CEILING.#had to dust & vacuum the windowsills... gonna scrub my bathroom tomorrow...#theres a large tear in my bedroom carpet too...#ugh and the cabinets are Small so organizing all the spices and shit has been Rancid#stuff has to go out of place and you cant see it all and MY ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEMS ARE CRUMBLING#sometimes it feels like my adhd and autism are fistfighting but during a move?#lockstep babeyyyy. they are Streamlined. lots of things and lots of sorting & placing and eeheehee#i have also killed most of the freakishly huge mosquitos in the house so! things are better!#that first night was Rough! its better now! this shell is becoming a House!
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#mom asked me to cook breakfast so I made the usual but for some reason it's too salty apparently#(it doesnt)#so now she's telling me that I'm a failure followed by a bunch of sermon on why I should leave my job and get married to a girl and#shave my beard and don't eat anymore so I can actually be happy and not useless#(apparently I'm not happy now) and also says thank you mockingly. Great mom#what a fun trip#also ive been telling them can we go to this specific shop i wanna see if i can find cheaper steam deck there and they all start getting#angry on me on how selfish i am for just asking that#and how i dont care about my mom because my mom isnt interested on used game stores#like what the fuck#i paid all of the tickets for her here why the fuck am i not allowed to go to where i want#pissing me off#i wanna go homeeeeee#honestly im not excited about this trip no more i just wanna go home and just go back to work and then at night i draw and play ffxiv#the only one excited i have is disneyland on the last day but i can think of several ways they ruin it too#my mom definitely will be like im tiredd go find a chair and so i have to wait for her#i hate this trip
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pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.
#pulp speaks#anyways guys youre never going to guess what au ive been thinking of lately .#i know the correct way to go about this is make sidestep the main character but you see#i will not be doing that. and actually in fact i will not be following the storyline of persona 5 in the slightest. because lol#but morgana exists in this au purely because i dont think the others would survive without him explaining what the metaverse is 💀#the rangers are a team of detective for the public sector in this au#and dr mortum is an unassuming everyday scientist that should not peak the rangers interest in any way. at all#in the video game that exists in my head the player can pick between playing julia or ricardo#it doesnt change the storyline that much but it does make the character relationships funky so#in my head chen is best friends with julia and argent is best friends with ricardo#chen and ortega stumble into the metaverse together so if you pick julia its two best friends in a life or death situation#but if you pick ricardo its your sisters best friend+kinda your boss in a life or death situation which personally i find extremely funny#regardless of which ortega you play with the other one doesnt know about the metaverse until id say like. the end of the first palace? beca#use thats when they start getting suspicious#and because this is ortega they follow them and find out about the metaverse that way#i dont think they become a phantom thief but i think they do end up covering the others asses irl#dr mortum still isnt actually a doctor but i think theyre the one providing medicine to them at the start of the game#theyre extremely wary of the rangers at the start and ortega can barely convince them to sell them things which they still charge-#-extremely high over. i think the turning point comes when they discover the metaverse because holy fuck they are So excited about it#both because of the implications and what the metaverse could be used For#chen is not thrilled about letting them know this but theyre kind of their supplier so its not like he can argue#i think mortum joins the phantom thieves eventually but as a navi#obviously its in their best interest to provide everything for free now that theyre part of the team but they still have to order supplies-#-so i think the way it works out in game is that theres certain days supplies can be ordered and you have to pay for it but the items can b#-picked up at any day of the week#but also i have no idea how that would work practically (its all in my head anyway so it doesnt actually matter but yk)#theres still more thoughts about this but im ✨running out of tags✨ and also i cannot organize my thoughts enough to explain it#im not main tagging this its going to be my silly self indulgent au for eternity ok
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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i thoufht the. kamicity ensemble acc was just like. a corporate acc that didnt really look at reactions. had i known they look at things i wouldve at least used less casual language in my qrt. mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever
#im so used to having a locked acc i get away with name dropping & occasionally qrting all the time#& now that im using my public acc more im being reminded other people dont have such a hands off approach to things they make or do#in the past 3 days ive been caught by shu & jyokyo ego searching and now the kamicity official looking at qrts#like sorryyyyyy for being cringe on ur post i got a little too excited for rim/e laboratory in game. to the point i mispelled the song titl#devastating#ive lived my life largely ignored having this happen is so embarrassing#magu liking my art is different. except for the very first time they did ive put it in places for them to see#but this is sudden & catches me off guard every time#what do u mean people see what i say. what do u mean they read it & care even just a little. what the fuck.
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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Gonna watch doctor sleep, jerk off and forget im lonely
#i literally have a problem#i just hung out with ppl today#i got to socialize and talk to beautiful girls#iv had a good day#and the moment im alone in my house im miserable again#there something rooted deep in me that i dont know how to fix i think#sorry im being melodramatic#but im sick of working and spending 90% of my free time alone#i can do alone! i can do it im a big boy#and i can handle and do it#but i wish someone was excited for the next time we got to see each other or talk to each other#that wanted to spend their time with me#its the adhd acting up again#i literally have this probably every few months and have a fucking melt down because im not the important person in anyones life#but im about to be 25#and iv never been in love with anyone who was able to love me back#which isnt their problem its my own#i just get infatuated with ppl who im not their type or im just not a fit for the life they want#which is fine thatst just how it is#but iv been getting sad realizing the few times iv been infatuated enough to consider it romantic feelings of love#its always been to ppl im well aware im not built for#i can love them all i want but that wont change the fact that im just not what they want or what they need#and i just keep having to tell myself that its ok and im fine with it because i have to be#everyone tells me to just go for it#but i know already i wont get anything out of it but heartache#i may be a bit thick and not always aware when someone is interested in me until they say it to my face straight up#but i think im p good at telling when someone has NO interest in me ykno#i can look at someone i like and someone i know and see their interest and life and know im not meant to fit into it that way#so i shouldnt bother them with this going after it nonsense ykno#but idk where else to go
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Forgive me for the person I'll become when Missa releases all his new music <- delusional
#been on a missa kick lately which I've never really shared#been getting reeeeally into some of his music and lowkey getting a crush on him 😳🥰#and like. who cares if its been a month or smth. im still very obsessed with that stream he did where he showed off music he was working on#like his voice is insanely good and im going crazy like. to this day i still dont know if he plans to release all that or if that was just-#-scrapped music. with how excited he was when showing music i dont think its scrapped? but idk#dont wanna get my hopes up but. gah#also im just gonna come right out and say it. missa sinfonia is fucking hot as hell#he's so insanely hot and attractive and the music makes him hotter and he's so funny and grhgrgjfrh#ive been a little bit a lot obsessed lately. oh my god how are you so damn attractive#ive kinda told myself that if i ever get a partner the first thing i would do is show him missa and make them fall for him like i did#he's like. handsome like a guy from my culture. does that make sense#missa sinfonia has malay guy swag#i think i can say that here yeah. ive spoken my mother tongue language here#sorry im reaching he just reminds me of someone irl. but also. missa is hot asf i need someone to shake hands with me#frickin. schoolgirl crush on a funny mexican youtuber#ive watched more missa videos than i thought i would and its embarrassing how giddy i would get watching like#i am in my 20s but i am resting my chin on my hand like 🥰#brother I've fallen someone pull me back up i cant do this today
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...
#its my birthday :3#for some reason this is the first year that actually means something to me...#i lived bitch 🤣 i made it to 28#and somehow ive been more excited to finish a full year of my nanowrimo goal#after all tomorrow is november 1st!#damn what a terrible year. but im here!#and this writing goal honestly meant so much to me.#i wrote a paragraph everyday for a single year. sometimes more but the important thing was at least a paragraph every single day#even at my sickest thats the one thing i had that I could keep doing. it kept me going some days#as i deteriorated my writing didnt. it flourished#im on the cusp of something man#i just. i fucking did it#all of it whatever it is 🤣#i survived and because I kept writing i kept that spark alive#damn. congratulations me youve met a long term goal that wasnt marrying your hs sweetheart 🤣#locked her down a decade ago so its about time i achieved something else!!#thanks past charlie. couldnt have gotten to the now without you making it through then#happy birthday#notes to myself#id say delete later but i wont
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i think there’s a lot of pride i have in chapter 10 and the build up to it
#original post#fic: splinters of madness#again this all has been planned from the beginning#which makes me super happy because now i can see the fruit of my labors#all that foreshadowing#im proud of the twist because its not like its out of the blue and i pulled it out of my ass#it has been here from day one#i just like… i had to say it#anyways sorry just. ranting#i need to take my meds#also ive seen yalls comments and thank you guys so much#i was beyond excited for you guys to read this chapter#i promise i’ll respond soon ive just been very tired lately and my sleep schedule is fucked
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the bond between a girl and his beat up shitty old first car is truly so special
#ive been talking about getting a new one for a while now but now that it's really happening i cant stop thinking about how hard it'll be#to say goodbye :((#ive had her since high school and ive done so much in here. we've been through so much together#im legit gonna need a full day alone with her not only bc thats how long itll take to pack up all the shit i keep in here#but also bc i need some emotional closure yknow#six years with my old girl :')#shes so overdue on inspection bc the check engine light doesnt even turn off anymore for longer than like a couple hours#and she hasnt always turned on at first but she always gets there eventually <3#ive even fucked in here a few times! i mean ive jerked off in it plenty but i was so excited when i realized i could actually have sex in my#first car (i thought it would never happen lmao)
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#oof. it as been a very very long day. so much talking. all day talking and interviews#and so far my feelings are mixed. bc it is a smaller university and its underfunded and cost of living is kinda high#and the town is small and isolated. HOWEVER#the faculty feels like a strong community and theyre all amazing scientists who choose to b there bc the quality of life is so high#they seem extremely supportive and the fact its small means that i could probably get around better given my intense anxiety around driving#and i could literally just walk to hiking paths rather than having to drive way out. and its fucking so beautiful. the clouds r gorgeous#bc theyre all conpressed by the mountains around this lil valley. also the potential advisor seems amazing. the grad students have good#things to say and hes excited that im interested in the things im interested in. and i talked to an astrobiology guy and he was like u#should apply for X grant and i would b happy to help u and the advisor is a former nasa post doc so he has nasa astrobiology connections.#so those r some pretty great things. i mean. of the schools im looking at this one would prob be the best for my brain tbh#i mean the uk one is too rigid in structure and i cant fuck around so much as at a us school. and the east coast on is hard to say no to bc#its a good school with lots of funding and opportunities to b creative but i would have to hard core get my shit together and hes quite#hands off. and id b living in the city which sucks. so like. i mean this school is kinda looking like the best choice for me. definitely#the healthiest. i mean assuming i dont fuck it up and get the offer after this weekend. but yeah. i mean im not fully in love i think#and the idea of commiting to 5years here is terrifying but id get a lot of support that i dont think ive really ever had. not that my#current boss isnt great but our lab is kinda disconnected. and i really fit in perspective wise in my interests. and id get to work at#[redacted] national park. which is so cool that i might have to unredact it if i end up here bc its so fucking next level#not that the national park i have access to now isnt awesome but. like its next level awesome and i could maybe wiggle may way into maybe#some arctic systems and i bet i could get my current boss to send me desert samples. so yeah i could def see a life here#but fuck i dont want roomates with all my heart. y does it have to b so expensive for a trash apartment? bleh#god. im so tried. so much talking. but a good day. and im going skiing tomorrow bc like thats a thing here lol#unrelated
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please please please just three more weeks and ill be working back in my hometown and going to night shift so maybe i won’t be so exhausted anymore maybe i will be more than just a shell of a human being during the day
#jake and i are pretty much ready to move out of the apartment we share with my sister and her boyfriend#but in order to do that i actually have to have the time and energy to look#i’m really really excited to finally have a space i can call my own#i hate getting up so early and then driving home 2 ½ hours every day#my gym coach at work is like ‘you know you can also get up before work and do your cardio!’ brother you get up at 10 am. i get up at 3 am.#im not doing that.#plus with the family ferret passing away ive been so sad. keep coming home and passing out on the couch and having nightmares#i literally had a nightmare that my friends just all of a sudden stopped talking to me and then i went outside and fucking. 9/11 happens#except it’s nuclear. which in retrospect is really funny. but in the moment i was like oh my god im going to die#all i could think of was not being able to say goodbye to jake wherever he was
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My friends disregard for my work situations and then her complaining about her own when it's literally not even that serious for her is really starting to piss me off
#im gonna snap one of these days lmao#like im stupidly planning tbis whole trip for sept bc i gave up and have been spending all my money#and idek if ill have a job at that point and ive been making a lot of big purchases lately like an absolute idiot#and now that my sanity is back im so stressed out i cant even be excited#and she like. last time i brought it up she was like 'youll be fine' in a kind of annoyed tone and im like?#and then today she was coming to me all stressed out because she perceived her manager to be displeased w her#leave request. which she wasnt my friend just had anxiety#but like it was such a stupid thing and sbe turned it into a thing#but im sorry i have legitimate concerns about my future finances and employment and that's supposed to be nothing?#throwback to last year when i got laid off and was having the worst time ever meanwhile she kept complaining about her#comparatively better work situation#she's fine in every other way but on this subject if she does smtn similar again im like 🤏🏽 this close to saying#something really fucking mean and causing irreparable damage lmfao
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