#ive been feeling good today!!! good enough to think this up :) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

skunkes · 2 months ago

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reaching a point where im liking my art and range and flexibility with styles (kinda !) and stylization and its like ok now what do i do with that. I wish my ocs were more interesting/that i could MAKE them so...!

#ive hit a wall with talon bc i feel unsatisfied with what i cobbled together as soon as i shared it #and al has always been Just a Guy but now it just feels embarrassing that he is...#like if ppl asked me stuff about him. like he's my husband thats all #i qish i was a good writer in this sense #my imagination isnt even grand enough to make compelling plot for my actually kinda interesting ocs like #talon or vee + cosme etc 😭#i dont make ocs bc i dont have those Ideas #im not smart or like worldly or creative enough to make such things ykwim #thsi actually gets more embarrassing as i get older too like damn im stupid!#always thinking about when i was little and a therapist asked me to come up with a story #about a series of images and i couldnt do it </3 i always feel like that even today #(even if half of that was bc i was too embarrassed to try)#talkys

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todayisafridaynight · 5 months ago

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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive

ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is

#snap chats #i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets #on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone #so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll #ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla #i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others #i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr #i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things #evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least #but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs #with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO #again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything #come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent #also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL #god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull #my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny #cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character #i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This #like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her #honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there #just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this

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nickbutnodick · 9 months ago

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#haha #yeah im down here because up there is scary #anyway im feeling like shit rn #theres a lot of reasons #i think its a lot of emotional backlog #anyway ill be better soon but i probably wont post much today or tomorrow while i wallow #im feeling kind of unlovable and like no matter what i do i will never be good enough #but dont worry about me ive been through worse

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orcelito · 21 days ago

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Survived today fine. Just chilling now.

Ordered a new bridge for my violin. Current one is kinda bent (from age, I think) and I think it's affecting my sound quality. It's supposed to come in on Saturday, along with some mutes (both for performing and also for practicing. First for making it quiet while playing a song and second to make it quieter in general so you're less disruptive while practicing. I think.) and also some sand paper. Because I'm probably gonna have to sand the legs of the bridge some to adjust it to my violin's shape.

I've never replaced a bridge before. I've put one back *on* after at least one time of accidentally knocking it out one way or another. Kinda really inconvenient. Gotta loosen all the strings, position it, then re-tune the entire thing. So that part is inconvenient, but familiar. But the sanding it into shape....... well, I might look up an instructional video or something. Just in case. It seems like it'd be pretty intuitive, but better to be safe than sorry.

#speculation nation #yknow now that i think about it it probably is pretty much time #i dont know what's standard for violin maintenance but i think it's the same bridge ive had since i got this violin in 8th grade #which was. back in 2010. 15 years ago....#the violin overall is in perfectly fine shape. though i wonder if i should change the other strings at some point.#i changed the G because i had to. because it broke. the others are currently fine but hmmm #idk i'll pay attention to if they start sounding weird. the G was sounding weird before it snapped back then.#im also Pretty sure im suppsed to get the bow's hairs redone at some point... but it's still fine?? i think.#ive never been the type to press hard enough to snap hairs very often. though maybe thats not a good thing #idk im just. thinking #i really want to Stay in the habit of playing even after this semester ends.#it's felt like reconnecting with an old piece of my core identity. i was an active violinist from ages 11 through 19 #and even in the time since then ive still Called myself a violinist. bc that kind of thing never leaves you.#my left arm is Still more flexible than my right one. can bend further up behind my back and everything.#but it's also... not the same as Actively playing. it feels right and wrong at the same time.#it feels *right* but it doesnt feel as natural as it used to. im too out of practice. fumbling fingers trying so hard.#trying to not get frustrated with myself when the person in front of me plays so beautifully without any hesitation.#im sleep deprived. and incredibly out of practice. but im taking measures to improve things.#the bridge will help i think. i kept getting thrown off by the sound today. on lower strings it almost sounded like smth was rattling.#and when i install the new bridge on saturday i will practice. until i at least know what im supposed to be playing.#i wont embarrass myself again. i will *not* be so lost next time. my pride as a violinist demands it.#i may be severely out of practice but i was once the 4th best violinist of my high school. i can get that good again.

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girlivealwaysbean · 3 months ago

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sometimes my boobs hurt so much i think they're gonna bleed surely this is normal right

#i think im pmsing.. but im not sure #like the dates aligned but also they've been super irregular hence the whole pcod etc #like im already wearing a size 38 bra because of all this fucking weight gain #and even that feels tight?? like the next size available was free size😭😭#but like it feels normal good even everyday just from the past two days it's been hurting like hell #and fucking worst festivsl of the year so i can't even stay in my room bra off all day #but oh god why do they pain so much it's never been like this before ive been having periods since i was 11 and im 21 now #maybe another pcod uhh idk side effect? symptom? whatever it's called #and i definitely have that pms wali feeling #i mean i haven't broken down yet but #you know that feeling when you WANT something but you don't know what and you try everything but nothing works #like i ate pasta i ate ice cream i studied and accomplished my targets i slept a lot i watched comfort show #i even washed my hair and danced to so many songs today morning while booping #but then it keeps crashing #and it's not enough #don't ask me what's it because even i do not know #i think i want. a hug. i guess #but from my bestfriend #because me and my sister keep fighting and i don't think she's really understanding me rn #but i think she's (bsf) avoiding talking to me because she's getting back together with her shitty boyfriend #i want to call and whine and say fuck that i don't care just talk to me but #i can't #the thought of asking for help needing people is. wow it's genuinely making me puke #i hate hate HATE being pathetic and needy #sometimes i wish #i mean obviously i would prefer it if i was perfectly healthy qnd normal and fine #but sometimes i wish someone just looked at me and said #oh honey how are you carrying so much sadness inside you and hiding it so well?? how are you even functioning???? how are you not #on the floor wailing and crying and unable to get up?#like you need [insert idk pills or whatever the cure is] BADLY

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salsa-di-pomodoro · 2 years ago

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If lady sneasler went back home with Ingo i think eventually she would want to try battling with him. I mean it looks fun, everyone tells her it's a good bonding moment for both trainer and Pokémon and it's a golden opportunity to show off, why not? Who's going to stop her, the pearl clan?

Ingo takes a bit of convincing, out of respect for both her and the traditions of the pearl clan, but he relents eventually. He can't deny he's been wanting to do this as well. After a bit of training they have the time of their life destroying people's (read: Emmet, the elite four, other Frontier Brains and generally just other strong trainers (sorry i didn't include Elesa. I love her very much but she is not on their level methinks 😔. Id love to be proven wrong tho)) teams, with a mix of Ingo's old and new team and her as the ace for once in unregulated matches. (Turns out, noble Pokémon naturally have insane stats and therefore cannot partecipate in league matches or official battles. Ingo has to nerf sneasler/the rest of his team or use less Pokémon as a result, but he loves the challenge. He's thrilled when people defeat him.)

(Emmet takes this as a challenge. As long as his Pokémon are on board, he's building his way up to defeating Ingo when they're not holding back. He gets scarily close every time.)

I ran out of space in the tags but blankshippers dni pls. Let's stay in our respective lanes and not interact

#ive been feeling good today!!! good enough to think this up :)#also who else thinks ingo would get some kind of certification for lady sneasler to show that while she might live with him #and be in his pokeball and his team occasionally she is still not his pokemon. kinda like meowth from team rocket #shes there because she wants to beyond just being his Pokémon. do you understand me #anyway yeah there has to be some kind of certification for sorta emancipated (?) Pokémon. do you mean to tell me #that pokemon who have been proven to be more intelligent than humans sometimes are not allowed to just partecipate in society #with their own pokeball in their own hands. paws. whatever #maintagging this feel free to tell me ideas about this. do not send me angst i will explode <3 (serious)#subway boss ingo #warden ingo #ingo and emmet #ingo #emmet #subway boss emmet #lady sneasler #sneasler #btw yeah my headcanon is she absolutely does come back with him shes not losing the only people who actually treat her like a normal person #she might love throwing her title around but damn she'd love if they stopped walking on eggshells around her #she ran put of patience when she met ingo basically lmao #yes this is based on that one post where they say this exact thing. i really like that post #don't know if i should tag elesa or anyone else. there is something going on with her i know it in my soul but idk what it is.#shes very excited about this whole thing whether or not she can safely fight sneasler though. yeah sure ill tag her why not #also once more headcanon time i think pokemon from hisui need to go through training to not absolutely maul modern day pokemon #not because theyre stronger or anything. a modern pokemon could absolutely maul you to death. its just that theyre more used to #self restraint for the human's sake. and therefore would not fight as viciously and may get hurt #Ingo already kinda did this in hisui (and still kicked everyones ass. man they may have been getting better but they were still mostly bad #at battling. he could trust that theyd get even better tho)#anyway but yeah he has to do it again with sneasler and the alphas.#theyre too used to having to kick ass or die and theyre also Stupidly Strong #submas

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phagodyke · 5 months ago

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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....

#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it #i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks #and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance #but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day #and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs #but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it #i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it #which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit #but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space #yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz #.diaries #hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse #very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..

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thedeviljudges · 6 months ago

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how am i supposed to go back to work on monday like my life hasn't literally changed this past week lmaooooo like what

#everything has been put together except my office the bathroom and today's adventure of finding the right curtain rods lmao #but i have curtains in my rooms!!!!! will have to do the living room next #all the boxes and bins left are my fandom stuff that i gotta sort through and figure out what's give away storage or display #my bathroom just needs organizational stuff #and there's like random misc stuff that i need like lamps and bedside tables #the number of times ive been to the store to buy and return things... lord #but it does look much better and i feel good knowing the kitchen is pretty much done #no art is hung up yet either rip but i gotta figure out where i want that #a week is not enough time to do all of this omfg #tmrw im gonna try to get the office set up or at least start going through those boxes im making it my mission #i think ive hit a wall like i was just in Go mode and now that i know it's just fandom stuff i rly do not wanna go through it lmao #majority of it is like funkos or stuff from when i was a kid #also this area is like...... moneyyyy and there's so many ppl #the houses make me depressed a bit cuz some are vv fancy but others are just average and like it would be nice to own a house #but that is a whole other dream

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

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just-spacetrash · 1 year ago

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💔

#waaahhh feeling BAD again.....#like few months ago my friend asked if i had new years free and i ASSUMED that meant we were like planning smth together?????#and today she mentions in a GROUP CHAT that shes spendingnnew years with her bf #and like. ok. fine. good for them i guess #but i just rly wished she woulda told me like before #and it happened while i was at a Christmas party toooo.... now im sad and just not drunk enough #feeling lonely #i rly thought i had like things going up things looking good finally friends and shit #and like obviously i know her bf is the most important person to her thats how it works #but likee feels bad yk #cause apparently to her this wasnt even that big of a deal cos she didnt bother mentioning it yo be before #and i have no one #my other friends invited us both (thats how i found out) but theyre a couple too so i dont wanns go third wheeling their new years yk #i just #u think its going so well #and suddenly i just feel like ughhhh #this is cringe even writing i might delete this tomorrow when im sober and awake #but like. everyones got someone and ive been trying to click with someone for 20 fucking years #and still #:(((((((((#and like it feels bad not being anyones most important person #and like i know so many ppl are in this situation im not trying to be like wahhh my suffering is unique but like it just feels bad #very bad esp when ur tired as fuck and alone and shit #:(((((#my post #everything SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

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alxclaremont · 7 months ago

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there are two wolves inside of you: one feels impending doom at the thought of tomorrow’s race. the other feels immensely hopeful that oscar will get his first win tomorrow or at the very least a mclaren 1-2. you are a formula one fan.

#i’m literally about to fucking throw up #this race doesnt even start for another 8 hours but i feel actually sick #like this is keeping me up #(yes i have a TOTALLY normal and healthy relationship with this sport)#you guys literally dont even understand the ways of which i need oscar to get his first win tomorrow #like i can literally feel it in my bones i just KNOW he can do it #like i know he can and i really feel like tomorrow is the day for it #however i am very very scared that the more i keep thinking about it and saying it the more i am jinxing it #like i’m literally imagining everything that could possibly go wrong #but i’m also beautifully imagining the way that oscar is going to get a perfect start and overtake lando (so sorry lando)#and build a big enough gap to where he can win the race #i need the mclaren pitwall to lock the fuck in today like i am nowhere near joking when i say i will start hysterically sobbing #if they fuck it up #alternatively i will start hysterically sobbing if oscar/lando wins so really theres no winning for me in that sense #but also i cannot even imagine the amount of pressure that both lando and oscar must be under right now #like i do not know how they do it because imagining it is further making me sick #me when i develop an anxious attachment style to two drivers and also an entire sport #lol #didnt have that on my 2024 bingo #anyway so im lraying to fucking god that the race goes okay because otherwise im killing myself #and i think i am perfectly valid in saying that #im also getting lunch with my two other friends who watch f1 a few hours after the race tomorrow #so regardless the race is going to be talked about but it will very much vary oh whether or not its good or bad #anyway im going to stop talking about this now because ive been doing nothing but talking about it all day #and i like genuinely need to shut the fuck up #SO i am going to hopefully go to sleep #we’ll see how this ends up going for me #lacey talks

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 2 years ago

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writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have #been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever #experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed*#id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone #prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself.#weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains #something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she #has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through #my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise.#i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.

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waywardsalt · 8 months ago

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anyways. holding linebeck gently