#ive been doing a lot of practice and starting a lot of projects but this is the first one im actually gonna finish

[lycanr0t]

do you decide that you're going to attempt to make a long haul fancomic out of your self indulgent horny/violence/angst/funny rp or are you normal

[krispiecake]

nearly finished my first actual crochet project babes im so excited

[bloodismymedium]

Mona Lanius Headcanons Part IV because I’m actually obsessed with her 💀

🩸 Mona finds the rain very comforting, she’ll stand out in a storm and risk pneumonia to get completely soaked, her head pointed directly at the sky, eyes closed and a soft smile on her face. It’s also the closest thing to a bath that she will ever take.

🩸 Mona’s favorite book is Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein and she relates to the Monster a lot since she too feels like an inhuman outcast not meant for a world that hated her since birth.

🩸 Mona wishes she could sing but her voice is too raspy for it but her humming is flat out ethereal, her voice becomes beautiful and soothing when she hums and she could easily lull someone to sleep with it.

🩸 Mona inherited her parents’ drug problems. She takes so much drugs and so many different kinds that it’s nothing short of a miracle that she hasn’t overdosed yet. She also takes a lot of pain killers but that’s for her back and joint pain on account of her Kyphosis and double-jointed limbs.

🩸 Mona prefers cold, damp climates, she can be completely comfortable in below thirty degree weather and is cold as ice to the touch 24/7. She absolutely hates being hot because it makes her bromhidrosis act up and she hates the sensation of being sweaty in general.

🩸 GG Allin is Mona’s personal hero, she legitimately wishes she could’ve met him and do heroin with him. She often cites GG Allin as one of her biggest inspirations along with Valerie Solanas, Albert Fish and the Zodiac Killer.

🩸 Mona doesn’t care for makeup or jewelry in the slightest. On rare occasions she’ll wear lipstick but only if it’s as black as her soul. She’s always been interested in getting piercings though and she isn’t against the idea of body modification either.

🩸 Mona also HATES wearing shoes because she has large and oddly shaped feet caused by her Marfan syndrome, which makes wearing shoes very uncomfortable for her. Years of walking barefoot has caused her feet to become very tough and calloused to the point where she can walk on broken glass and feel nothing.

🩸 Mona has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Sexual Sadism Disorder. Her NPD is genetically inherited and she had symptoms since she was very young but she developed Antisocial Personality Disorder from years of abuse and trauma and her sexual sadism was formed over years of exploring her sexuality while committing murders during her teen years.

🩸 On top of painting and her arts and crafts projects involving human flesh, Mona is an aspiring filmmaker of sorts as she has made hundreds of snuff films and stag films with a video camera she stole from Mark and has an impressive collection of VHS tapes containing her and Bill’s twisted home movies. Mona takes them pretty seriously too, she’s always looking for the perfect light to really capture the pained and horrified look of her victims actors.

🩸 Mona has genuinely developed an underground fandom after her capture. Her murders and paintings captivated the country as it is but as soon as it was made public that she is a woman, people went rabid. The amount of “I can fix her” and “I love a woman who would actually just kill me” memes that would come out of it would break the internet.

🩸 Some of Mona’s paintings would even start being purchased by members of her “fanbase” for thousands of dollars a piece and she would already get dozens of people ranging from psychiatrists to E-celeb content creators wanting to get interviews with her, and you better believe Mona is LOVING all this attention.

🩸 Mona was born on December 24th. Her birth on Christmas Eve was actually planned by her parents as planning births to be on Christmas Eve was one of many odd, semi-religious rituals the Lanius family practiced as part of their agenda to achieve genetic and cultural purity, along with practicing incest and drinking each other’s blood.

🩸 The Lanius family are nonspecific Pagans who believe in a lot of strange superstitions and worship no particular deity but believe in a more nonspecific idea of spiritualism that feels like it’s composed of bits and pieces taken from many different religions. Mona is not religious to any capacity but still practices some of the odd traditions her family had out of nostalgic reasons.

🩸 Mona has tried dozens of times to send letters to Tina while she is incarcerated, still under the delusion that they’re an item and that Tina loves her like she loves her. The letters range from poems, to fucked yet strangely romantic drawings, to really horny ramblings of how much she wants to seek her teeth into Tina’s flesh while she weeps into her chest 🥰

[estrangedandwayward]

Woo first (successful) watercolor portrait

Sketch and a little back story under the cut

So I've got a project I want to do involving drawing aegon, so I wanted to practice with a couple of standard portraits because I realized though I've probably done at least in the low hundreds of portraits with charcoal, And a few with colored pencil or marker, but I've never actually painted one. Most of my art is still of people, but usually full bodies and very small so I don't really have to worry about facial details all that much. Anyway, I tried last night to paint aegon

It started off well, I liked the sketch a lot (even the nose looks good), the line art was fine (I even gave him an earring because I saw that Tom glynn carney has one irl) but oh god it went badly fast, the shadows were too dark, I brought in the green way too soon so the whole thing had a weird undertone, the expression looked weird, I was getting impatient so the colors were smudging together. I tried to fix it with a little bit of gouache and that made it SO MUCH WORSE

He looks insane hungover. His eyebags (which i considered key in capturing his 'ive been drunk for the last 23 hours' essense) we making him look 50 years older than he was supposed to. I just decided to scrap it, didn't even peel the tape off, didn't bother doing cross hatching on top and went to bed. I decided to give it another shot tonight and I'm very happy that I did because I LOVE how the second attempt came out. It was also honestly pretty fun to paint, kinda wanna do more, haven't done portraits in a while so it might be fun to get back into it. I'd love to do one in my more impressionist-y style or one fully with gouache or with weird or interesting color pallettes idk

Point is, glad I didn't give up because now I have one more painting that I like

[crushedsweets]

Do you have any headcanons of Lyra and Toby’s relationship?

this has been in my inbox for like over a week by now because this is a big task in my head. i will focus more on the family itself, but obviously the siblings r there.

ROGERS FAMILY HCS UNDER THE CUT... tw for abuse and addiction, of course

ok. WE'RE GETTING PERSONAL HERE. im the eldest daughter of 3 so the way in which i project into older siblings is insane. ive also had an addict father(no where near like frank though let me clarify) so in general . . the story.. makes me feel very...... basically their relationship is very personal to me.

lyra is about 2-3 years older than toby.

frank's dad was in the vietnam war, his grandparents were in wwii, his grandparents in wwi, etc. so he went into military service right after marrying connie. for a long while, he was SUPER military strict. those kids were up, made their bed, and down for chores by 6am everyday. he made them do military time rather than civilian time. he was incredibly traditional, expected a perfectly clean household, a polite soft daughter, a strong bold son, perfect wife. he wanted the 1950s nuclear family model. so toby and lyra grew up in a very clean, strict, traditional household.

in my au, frank wasnt outright abusive until the kids were around 8-11. it was after he developed his addictions and lost his job. the kids really didnt understand what was changing at first, and legitimately were like 'omg dad isnt making us wake up at 5am everyday..... this is so cool'.

theyd start having sleepovers in eachothers room, slacking a bit on chores, going to sleep late, sleeping in. toby didnt develop his tourettes until he was around 7, so lyra and toby would walk home from their elementary school together. sometimes, theyd walk another friend home first, stop at convenience stores to get candy, pet a cat, etc. frank didnt say a thing for the first few months, just drunken grumbles along connies worried 'WHERE HAVE U BEEN'. if they weren't walking around the area, they were in the backyard playing soccer.

eventually the abuse began, and all of those little freedoms were quickly stripped from the kids.

toby developing tourrettes around this time was a painful coincidence, because not only did he experience abuse at home, but awful bullying at school. he was promptly pulled out after completing 3rd grade. he was only 8.

lyra would practically run home from school everyday, as fast as a 12 year old girl with a backpack could manage, just because she spent all 7 hours in school worrying about toby at home. connie had to start working to pay bills, so..

when toby was around 11 and lyra was around 13, toby started kinda just. being more distant. he was kind of a dick to lyra for a period of time, half because of everything he was going through, half because puberty is rough. his room started getting messy, lyra had to start picking up chores he was slacking on , etc. lyra isnt perfect and began to resent toby for this, and eventually, the two were kinda at eachothers throats for like 6 months. which isnt a lot, but for kids, its an eternity.

when franks abuse evolved from ''just'' verbal abuse, to shoves, to slaps, to full on beatings, toby started egging frank on. just to get him off of lyra and connie. obviously he couldnt feel it, and while it sure took a fucking mental toll, it was so much easier to just wait it out rather than listen to the girls cry.

lyra didnt even realize toby was doing this for a while, she just thought it was all part of him going through his little hormonal asshole phase, until one day frank made a fucked up comment about 'youre lucky that boy is always causing trouble. was supposed to be you'. then it kinda clicked and she very quickly tried to fix their relationship back to what it was.

frank eventually scared connie so badly that there'd be periods of time where she'd take the kids in the middle of the night, and run off to either her parents place, or even a random hotel in another city. she'd use cash, force the kids to keep their phones at home, leave literally everything behind and often make the kids pick out new toothbrushes at a random walmart. etc. it would only last a few days each time, and lyra fought so hard to stay strong while her mom cried and toby closed himself off.

she'd try to get toby to come to the hotel pools with her, try to get him to watch tv with her, try to get him to just fucking talk to her. he was often catatonic during these little runaways, once the confusion adrenaline and fear wore off

it wasnt until they went around a month without seeing their father, and frank had some weird fucking. 'those are MY kids too' thing and went to connie's parents house while all the adults were out, and forced the kids back home. this was the first time lyra was full on sobbing and begging and pleading in years. that was what shifted something in toby, too.

now tobys 13, lyras 15, and theyre on better footing. theyre starting to understand eachother. tobys back on keeping up with chores, knowing that either him lyra or connie was going to get beat if they were missed. sometimes he'd just silently come into lyras room and lay down and watch tv with her. they'd talk about books, about school, their trust was built right back up and toby ended up being the first to know about lyras school drama, gossip, boys, etc.

toby wasn't really socialized properly, since he's been homeschooled for 6 years by now. all the time, he'd hear lyras stories, and wish he could go to school. his mom would be horrified anytime toby asked, because all she could remember was her sweet boy coming home and crying into her arms after a day of being mocked and pushed around by peers.

so he began to live through lyra, in a sense ? he almost became a diary for lyra, and he kinda loved it. she was like a sitcom to him.

frank wasnt a good father by any means during this period, he was still awful, but he wasn't constantly looking for trouble. the kids kept to themselves, connie did everything she was expected to, he didnt give a shit about their grades or social lives. he couldn't even recgonize when lyra was coming home late.

lyra got her license the second she turned 16. the house had two cars, and its not like frank was ever going anywhere, so she was always going everywhere. she adored the freedom, and took toby wherever he'd let her. he only really left the house if he was going grocery shopping with his mom or something, so it was kinda weird now that he was just. going to malls. going to restaurants. going to parks. just Hanging Out. every now and again he'd stick around when Lyra was with her friends, but he didn't like them so it was rare.

sometimes theyd just drive together for a long time. at night, she was the one to take him to every hospital visit, she even got him to volunteer at a pet shelter she worked at for a bit. 3 years and they become so close again, and lyra is tobys best friend. she's his entire world because who else does he have ? he loves his mom, but she's married to the man he hates more than anything

toby was 16 and lyra was 18 when frank strangled toby till he passed out. thats finally when connie kicked frank out, forcing frank to go live on his moms couch. lyra was mortified and started spending an absurd amount of time with toby. she took online community college courses just so she could spend even more time with toby, and it didnt hurt to do so since frank wasnt there anymore. things were getting better for the family, frank was gone, lyra was in college, connie was working, toby was volunteering at shelters and even had a few acquaintances he'd talk to now and again.

lyra picked toby up from the shelter he volunteered at when the accident happened.

lyra and connie had matching silver necklaces with a circle pendant that had their initials. toby didnt cuz frank would get pissed if toby tried wearing jewelry, but when lyra died, toby immediately clung to it. he wears it religiously. the only time he takes it off is if he knows he's going to kill someone that day. otherwise, its always on him.

lyra died and was buried in colorado. toby lives in alabama now. so he really doesnt visit her grave often. only on her birthday, he'll scramble together some money and get brian, tim, and kate to agree to cover his uh. 'shifts' with slenderman, and take a few loooonnnggg train rides over to colorado.

he'll leave two bouquets of flowers. one for lyra, one for connie.

connie just feels in her heart that its toby. she has no reason to believe it, they've never bumped into eachother (toby's visiting at like 2am and falls asleep near the grave for a few hours), but she knows nobody else whos visiting lyras grave and leaving two sets of the same flowers.

toby and lyras childhood home was put on sale shortly after it was reconstructed from the fire, and connie moved in with her sister. lyras bedroom door was the only one that was shut and left unscathed after the fire (legitimately keep your doors shut if you ever have a housefire it can save entire bedrooms and even lives). the rest of the house was ruined, but not lyras room. connie kept every single one of her belongings, but she's put some photos out on the grave. tobys taken them, and connie believes it was him. again, she has no reason to believe it other than the flowers and 'why would someone take a photo of my dead daughter.'

anyway hi. in tears. i love them. sorry. i just retell their story over and over and get sad everytime

[bqstqnbruin]

Anthony Beauvillier Teacher AU

Hi this is set in the same school as Sidney and Ivy enjoy :)

Teacher AU Series

Warnings: Swearing

WC: 1393

______________________

“Mr. B, do you have everything planned?” Anthony looked up from his desk, practically jumping out of his skin at the sound of anyone in his classroom. It was nearly four on a Friday afternoon, when all of the students should have already been home. Two of his homeroom girls, Ciara and Demi, were standing in front of his desk, both of them looking so excited that alone was scary enough to make him want to run.

“Yes, girls, I do.” 

“I can’t believe you’re going to ask Ms. Ingram to marry you,” Ciara squeals, Demi mirroring her friend’s excitement.

“Hey, hey,” he shushes them, gesturing to his open door. “She could be walking down that hall right now.”

They roll their eyes, running out of the classroom to check to see that Callista was still sitting at her desk like her boyfriend still was. The entire school knew the two teachers were dating, but Anthony had let it slip to his homeroom that he was planning on proposing, somehow, all of them keeping the secret. 

She was nowhere in sight, even though they knew her car was still in the parking lot. 

“Oh, shoot, I forgot my art project,” Demi says, dragging Ciara to the classroom.

“Ives, I don’t know, he’s been acting weird,” they hear Callista’s voice inside the classroom. They stay outside the door, around the corner so she couldn’t see them if she suddenly burst out of the classroom. “What if he’s breaking up with me.”

“He’d have to switch schools, and he’s not that great of a teacher for someone to hire him midyear.”

“Ivy!” Callista scolds, the girls trying not to laugh too hard. They loved Mr. B as a person, but they weren’t going to deny that Ms. Reid was wrong. “I’m being serious.”

“I could have Sidney kill him for you.”

“Your boyfriend is not killing my boyfriend.” The girl's jaws drop, Ciara mouthing, ‘I knew it’ to her friend.

“He won’t be your boyfriend if he’s dead.” 

“Come on,” Demi whispers, grabbing Ciara by the wrist and dragging her into the classroom. “Oh, sorry. I forgot my project.”

Callista waves them off, grabbing her bag. “We were just finishing up, you girls are fine. Have a good weekend.” 

Ciara and Demi watch as their teacher leaves, neither of them moving until they were sure Callista was out of earshot. 

“Do you know what's happening this weekend?”

Ivy scrunches her face at her students. “I don’t think I want to.”

“Mr. Beauvillier is proposing to Ms. Ingram,” Demi squeals, Ciara jumping up and down next to her. Ivy just looks at them and nods, clearly unamused by them. “Come on, it’s exciting.”

“I know, I’m the one who helped Mr. B plan the proposal.” The girls look at her shocked. They thought they were the ones who helped plan it. “What, we’re friends.” Ivy looks at her watch, yawning. “Alright, Demi, your project is over there. Grab it and let’s head out for the weekend.”

Ivy shoos them out, the girls giddy to wait to see what happens this weekend. 

I found her insta, Demi texts Ciara later that night.

LINK! Ciara responds immediately. It’s private.

She accepted my request! 

How???

Finsta

Has she posted anything????

NO

Ciara and Demi checked on Callista’s account religiously, practically obsessively, as was requested by their homeroom group chat. Nothing was posted, though; no story, no actual posts, no reel, nothing.

That Monday, the girls get to school, waiting outside of Mr. Beauvillier’s room for homeroom to start, the rest of their classmates standing outside and waiting for him to unlock the door.

“He’s never this late,” Alex points out, checking their phone to make sure the time was right.

“Maybe he’s not here today,” Max shrugs, sliding down the wall to sit while everyone waits.

“Oh my god,” Demi says, panic ripping through her as she grabs Ciara’s arm for balance. “What if the proposal went bad?”

“You don’t think he’d skip school because of that, do you?”

“He works with the woman he’s asking to marry him. If she said no, do you think he’d want to come back?”

The students look at each other, guilt and anxiety filling their heads. They were so enthusiastic and excited for the idea of Mr. B and Ms. I getting engaged and eventually married. They had sent him places he could propose (though, they weren’t sure he took any of them into account when planning), they sent them rings she would like (they knew he didn’t use their ideas), they were the ones who spent the entire week emailing him tik toks and reels they saw that they thought would be cute for him to incorporate. 

Anthony comes to his classroom, not saying anything and not looking like he was in the mood to say anything either. The students look at each other with horrified looks on their faces as he stormed past them, heading to the little room connecting his room to the next to put his stuff down. They shuffle in, all silently, all trying their best to not mess up the desks, keep the chairs where they are, not do anything that could potentially set him off.

They sit in silence as Anthony opens his computer, looking around the room to take attendance without saying anything, a frown plastered on his face. 

He starts typing on his computer, not saying anything. Demi and Ciara look at each other, eyes wide with fear. This was their fault. His bad mood for today and the rest of his life was because of them. 

Anthony turns on his project, not saying anything as he sits back in his chair and stares at the screen. Before he can say anything, other students, underclassmen they don’t recognize start shuffling into the room, not saying anything but taking the seats in the back or standing against the counters, clearly as confused as Anthony’s own homeroom was. 

He presses play on a video pulled up, the students whispering to each other in confusion. No one was on screen, just a stage with a flower arch and lights strung through them, a fence or something behind it. 

“You’re being weird,” Callista’s voice comes off camera, the students looking at each other, it finally clicking what this video was.

“You don’t think he’s showing us her saying, ‘no,’ do you?” Ciara whispers to Demi.

Anthony pulls Callista into the frame, getting up onto the stage and glancing at the camera. Callista looks at it, making a face at Anthony when she looks back at him. “What are you doing?” she asks, a smile on her face. Demi gasps when she sees Callista, the white dress on her teacher making her look more stunning than the girls already thought she was, while Anthony was there in a blue suit (there was no way he didn’t know that Callista was better than him, mostly because they told him whenever they had the chance). 

Without saying anything Anthony gets down on one knee, his homeroom students starting to cheer while the other students looked at the screen with their mouths open. They had no idea what was happening as they watched Callista stand there with her mouth open, her right hand on her chest while Anthony took her left, opening the ring box with his free hand.

“Callista Belle Ingram,” Anthony starts, the students not hearing the rest because of their excitement. They all looked at Anthony, still staring at the screen with a tear rolling down his cheek, trying his best to hide the smile that was forming on his face. 

He pauses the video before they get to what Callista responds with, the screen frozen with Callista and Anthony beaming at each other. 

“No,” Ciara screams, Anthony bursting out laughing.

“What did she say?”

“I said yes,” Callista says, standing in the doorway with her hand in the air, showing the students her ring. 

“Holy shit, you scared us,” Demi yells, draping herself over the desk.

“Dem, language. Ms. Ingram’s freshmen are in here,” Anthony scolds, the children in the back finally understanding what’s going on.

“We thought she said no,” Alex says.

“Who cares what we thought,” Ciara says as Anthony walks over to Callista, taking his hand in hers. “Kiss her! We’re planning a wedding!”

[lakesbian]

this isn't qualifying as fanfiction or even dialogue with a point but i jotted down a random snip from my imaginary better version of the twig chapter where sy negotiates for the lambs to give him helen + pieces of ashton in exchange for a doctor he and jessie kidnapped. because ive been doing this thing lately called just writing whatever the hell appears in my brain for lambwriting practice and so i don't forget scene ideas in actual fics. and im never gonna have a reason to actually incorporate this into anything so ill just post it

“I…can't say I have anything better,” Jessie said. 

Lillian gawped at her. Then she pointed, sounding almost aghast. “I've just realized, you're–you’re in on all of this!”

Jessie took a bite of her danish and chewed for a good ten seconds before responding, which I supposed was a strategy to give Lillian a moment to calm down, and to avoid saying the obvious No shit. 

“It's not ideal,” she said. “But you have to admit, it's not reasonable to ask for Berger without giving something of equal value back. You also have to admit that Berger is an extremely valuable person. Right? Helen makes a fair exchange in terms of commitment. But we can't use her in the same way you can use Berger. Throwing in a piece of Ashton isn't hurting you, and it gives us something slightly more even.”

Lillian scowled. 

“My main complaint is that taking a piece of Ashton bothers you, and it's still not as useful as Berger. So we'd be coming out on the worse end of the deal, and losing some of your good graces in the process.” She gave me an annoyed glare. “But I don't have any better ideas, so that leaves me backing the Sylvester plan.”

“See?” I crowed, spreading my arms in triumph. “Even Jessie likes my idea.”

“Why is that supposed to be convincing?” Duncan asked, sounding offended. “You're–she’s your girlfriend, of course she would agree with you. It doesn't make it any less insane.”

“That sounds sexist, Duncan,” Jessie said, turning her judgment on him. “I'm his girlfriend, so I'm automatically subordinate to whatever he says? Did you not just hear me criticizing it?”

“No! No, I didn't mean it like that, what I mean is–you two are dating, and you're leading this whole project together, so it shouldn't be a point in his favor that you're both on the same page.”

I leaned on the table, getting closer to Duncan. “I can't blame you for not knowing this, Dunc, since you haven't been around Jessie long–”

“Duncan, please,” he interrupted. 

“Big mistake,” Lillian muttered. 

“But the thing is, Dunc,” I carried on, “that Jessie likes to complain about my ideas more than anyone else you could find. In fact, I'll count selling her on this as a greater victory than selling you.” 

“That sounds…completely backwards.” 

“No,” Lillian sighed. “That makes sense. Of course he's not concerned about being able to manipulate us.” 

“I'm noticing I'm starting to hear lots of people at this table agreeing with me!” I said brightly. 

“Two,” Jessie said. “Two people begrudgingly agreeing.”

It was a brilliant dynamic, really. By siding with everyone else in being exasperated with me, she could argue for everything we wanted, and look perfectly unbiased while she did it. 

“Three!” I said. “Three, if we count Helen wanting to come with us, which I absolutely do.” Helen waved cheerfully at the mention of her name, still munching her pastries. “Why, including me, we've almost got a majority.”

“We're not including you,” Jessie said tiredly. “You don't get a vote on your own plan.”

No one spoke up to tell her she didn't get a vote. The verisimilitude and convincing effect of her exasperation, of course, came from how she wasn't even remotely acting. 

“I disagree,” I said. I beamed at her. 

She shoved her glasses up and pinched her nose.

[leolingo]

(long post about purgatory and meta and rp)

sigh one thing ive been thinking is that it feels a bit unfair to see so many people complaining or doomposting over how purgatory affects the overarching qsmp rp story or how it ~interrupted arcs~ or is ~disturbing current storylines~ or ~narratively unsatisfying~ like. Sure. its a bit abrupt and most players were caught off guard because lore-wise it stems from the federation which means none of them were told about anything beforehand

but... its only been three days. maybe we could have a little faith? like idk ill be soooooo out there rn and say that maybe the admins did this now for a reason. maybe itll make sense later on. we already see lore repercussions with elquackity and his motives and all the nods to the eggs.

theres fair criticism to be made (when done respectfully) if youre mainly here for the roleplay but i feel like we sometimes need to remind ourselves that the qsmp storytelling is a VERY ambitious project. lmao. imagine being the writing team and trying to wrangle 20+ characters with distinct points of view and journeys on an ever-changing story because of the very nature of live rp. its practically IMPOSSIBLE to tie up every loose end neatly and at this point i dont think we should expect that. keeping up momentum with all plotlines must also be pretty hard, cc's schedules and outside factors like server programming and building and mod tweaking and all those meta elements considered and so on and so on

i DO also want the story to move forward and be cohesive and make sense in a satisfactory way. like i really do!!!!!!! but i try to understand that thats not ALL the qsmp is about. from the start quackity said the server wouldn't be exclusive to the rp aspect. it sure is that way right now, but thats because most of the active members are VERY passionate about roleplaying. thats a good thing! they have fun and its fun to watch and the experience is mostly good for everyone because it corresponds to their expectations to an extent

the thing about purgatory is that i feel like its a lot more meta than most people doomposting realize. it ties into the story, sure, but to me it feels like the sudden switch in environment and vibes and stakes isnt actually catered to the rp and thats FINE. like thats not what it exists for and thats fineeeeeee

pac for one has said he appreciates the event for the change of pace, though its very hard (lol), because regular qsmp was starting to feel a bit stale to him and he was kind of running out of things to do. THATS A GREAT THING! managing player engagement like that is awesome and sometimes necessary. YES, purgatory caters to a very different playstyle than what we're used to -- and thats one of its strenghts.

a lot of hispanic creators have also felt this!!!! roier, rivers and carre most prominently have been VERY excited about this event because its similar in format to a lot of spanish speaking events like mc extremo and such. a lot of these players are also not particularly interested in rp-ing and had not been logging on very often prior to purgatory.

even roleplay regulars like tubbo, fit and bbh have shown interest in purgatory for the competitive nature of the setting!!! thats cool too!!!! something different, new possibilities to play around with. thats what the events should be about. kudos to the admins and dev teams for attempting it in such a big scale. their effort shows and all the mechanics weve seen are really fucking cool

i love the roleplay!!!!!! its one of my favorite parts of the qsmp!!!!!! but its not ALL there is and it shouldnt be! non rp-oriented creators are also part of the project and deserve to have a little fun too -- not to mention a big chunk of the hispanic fan community that has blown up twitter with support bc what we have rn is similar to events they already love!!!!!!! im glad to see so many of them get excited again!!!!!!

at the end of the day, qsmp is a LONG long term project, and purgatory ends in two weeks. by the time its over, we can all choose to engage with it as we wish. it can be a big filler episode in your mind, if you want. it can be just for fun..... otherwise, if its not fun, your regularly scheduled qsmp will be back soon anyway :3 its fine to not like it, its fine to have something negative to say about it if properly tagged and not like. crazy entitled or blown out of proportion for what this situation is.

i just hope we can all manage our online experiences accordingly and avoid making things less enjoyable for each other. this is supposed to be fun

[micoz-field-of-dreamz]

ive seen a lot of people doing this sk👍

5 notes - i will finally take a shower. its been 5 days☹️ goal reached :))

10 notes - ill finish one of my many art projects goal reached

20 notes - ill clean my room

30 notes - ill finally eat lunch breakfast and dinner for a whole week (i skip most of my meals)

40 notes - i’ll start practicing the drums again

50 notes - ill finish my missing assignments

100 notes - finally do self care routines

[leonenjoyer69]

Both your OCs occupy space in my mind lol I love both Harry and Elias. Would you mind giving some more rambles please and thank you? About either one. I just love learning more about them.

VJEKBKDKF TYSM, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM :D it makes me very happy to know that people enjoy my ramblings and art of my lil fellas :3 (also, all you sweet anons are gonna be the death of me with your mysterious identities!)

(SUB NOTE: if anyone ever has any ideas at all or art requests or something for either of my sillies PLEASE don't hesitate to bring them up I would literally love hearing any suggestion or answering any question ever)

Anyways!!! I've actually been waiting to drop a bunch of stuff on these fellas that I've been talking about with some folks on Discord (which y'all can also ask for if you wanna talk to me on there I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS), so thank you for granting me the perfect opportunity >:3 so, without further ado, I shall begin:

First of all, i just wanted to drop my height HCs bc,,,, why not lmao

I can't exactly visualize heights very well in my mind so these may be a wee bit too tall, idk, but yeah! I think giving Hyde an extra half inch would be funny bc you KNOW that mf would just round up lmao. Elias is a bit taller than Hyde, which Hyde kinda hates sometimes, itty bitty fella.

Anyways!! Harry is first up for rambling bc I have less for him rn lmao. I don't remember if ive mentioned it much before on here, but I know I included it in the fic i did for him, and that's his Scottish accent :3 we as a fandom don't write Jekyll's accent enough so I like projecting it onto injured Hyde and now Harry 😌 MORE SCOTTISH JEKYLL PLEASE-

Harry didn't really have to worry about keeping face in the mindscape (except for when around Mind Lanyon, who would pester tf out of him over it) so he fell back to at LEAST having an accent. He partially fell back on it because 1, it made him feel a wee more comfortable, and 2, because of how often he revisited memories from university (specifically during his and Lanyon relationship ofc), so he's used to hearing himself speaking with at least a drawl.

But yeah, that accent kinda sticks with him when he gains control and he has quite a hard time shaking it, which makes for some fun interactions, like when Lanyon's trying to break down his office door :3333

I believe I've mentioned this, but Harry is very very sensitive to most physical sensations (touch, pain, etc.) and has some light and sound sensitivities for a decent bit after gaining control. Because of how long he spent in the mindscape with numbed senses, It really messed with him to suddenly have control again. Eventually he starts getting used to it again, but for the first few days he's practically on the edge of a mental breakdown at every moment. He's also super jumpy from it (and from the ungodly paranoia he got from the mindscape lmao) and is quite firmly "no touch" for about a week (except for when he initiates stuff with Lanyon). Once he gets used to it tho his touch starved ass is a lot more affectionate and such.

One last thing for him! He's also far more sensitive to hunger and thirst sensations/pain, so he tends to take far better care of their body while in control. It took him a short while to get used to eating and drinking again, but he's more than happy to do it, not realizing how much he had missed it. Plus, he's seen how horrible Jekyll and Hyde would take care of themselves, so he certainly doesn't want their neglect to be his downfall. He's also a bit more sensitive to being tired, but can't sleep very well (especially without Lanyon) because of paranoia and nightmares.

OKAY, NOW, onto Elias!! Most all this stuff is from a discord convo that I didn't feel like rewording, so... Sorry if the formatings weird 💀 (questions are indented and italicized, as well as abbreviated)

OKAY SO, For how Henry (or whoever) convinces Elias to switch back:

Elias usually throws some sort of fit when he's initially order to switch back (except for the very rare instances where he's actively wanting to switch back, like when everyone's busy and he starts getting lonely anyways), though most the time he'll simmer down when Henry starts sorta begging or when either Henry or Lanyon (or very occasionally Hyde) lowkey bribe him. Usually Henry (or Hyde) will bribe him with physical touch/affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, stuff like that), or bonding time, like going out and doing things together and such (or just doing stuff together at the society, like watching Henry do science or doing paperwork 💀). (Also, sometimes Jekyll will just get somewhat impatient and start asking more desperately and the guilt kinda gets to Elias, Henry usually feels bad about it tho) otherwise, Lanyon will bribe him (quite grudgingly, might I add) with more time out, going to the park with Elias in shadow form and talking, or letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde. But yeah, Elias is lowkey like a little affectionate, overactive puppy :3

[...] I misread "letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde" as "letting him get a gift FROM Jekyll or Hyde" and swore for a moment that sometimes Jekyll/Hyde sent gifts to Elias but Lanyon stole them [... ]

LANYON WOULD TOTALLY STEAL ELIAS'S STUFF TO USE AS BARGAINING LEVERAGE 💀 but yes, bribery is the go to, this guy does NOT like being locked away, so when he does it's either out of guilt or he's getting something out of it, hehe

[...] Imagine that since Lanyon is probably taller than elias, he just hides some lf his stuff on higher places so that he cannot reach them, I feel like Elias would annoy the hell out of him so that he stops doing it though (Lanyon puts them back where they where, and when Elias isn't there, he just hides them again) also, I just imagined Jekyll like guilt tripping or manipulating him so that he drinks the potion

Oh he absolutely would, Lanyon would have a whole "confiscated" shelf for it too, and Elias would definitely whine about it with sooo much persistence. AND JFKGKKF YEAH JEKYLL WOULD 😭😭 both out of selfishness and not, since he still hasn't tested how the formula behaves when an alter ego is out for prolonged amounts of time, and sometimes he just wants Robert back.

Jekyll likes Elias, he just has more of a preference for Lanyon. Jekylls probably also got a bit less patience for Elias's whining after dealing with Hyde's for so long lmao, he always feels kinda bad about being mean or anything to Elias tho, since it's kinda his fault that Lanyon split.

Would Lanyon ever like bother Elias with the fact that Jekyll likes him better?? Like maybe, at one point he just gets too tired of him wanting to hang out with Jekyll and says to him that Jekyll just deals with him out of pity, and like Elias then just feeling kinda bad about it and wondering if Jekyll actually likes him??

If Lanyon's feeling especially spiteful and annoyed, probably, but also Elias worries about that enough on his own and bothers Lanyon with all his self deprecating thoughts anyways 💀

How does Hyde feel about Elias?

He's generally guilt free about the whole "splitting Lanyon" thing and /gen likes Elias way more than he likes Lanyon lmao. He still gets that sorta bitter anger and resentment when he looks at Lanyon, but he doesn't get that with Elias. Hyde kinda thinks that Elias is all the best parts of Lanyon (Except for Elias's emotional sensitivity sometimes, but Hyde deals. He feels surprisingly bad when he upsets Elias..) But yeah, Elias is most of the reason why Hyde is complacent enough to actually kinda lay low after messing up Blackfog and stuff, so Jekyll certainly likes Elias for keeping Hyde somewhat in check lmao

And that's everything I have for this!!! Thank you so much for the ask :D

[god-of-this-new-blog]

So Ive been thinking a lot about L’s giant-massive-fuck-off-skyline-ruining headquarters.

I am joining the conflict between L and Kira on the side of the construction worker.

Thinking purely about the timeline of construction, L apparently puts in the request for a building around the same time he meets the other task force members for the first time. That meeting happens on December 31st 2003, so I’d imagine he tells Watari to get in touch with whatever construction company they hired the same day. At the time, the other members of the initial larger task force had already walked out… so why exactly L thinks they’ll need to design a building to house 60 agents is unclear. Was he hopeful that eventually more people would join the task force? Was he imagining that he’d have to detain multiple people? 23 floors feels like complete overkill for such a small team. On July 23rd Light and Misa are let out of confinement when Soichiro performs the blank stunt (which. I have major issues with how that scene was handled. Will be doing another post about that at some point…). So the 23 story building was built between December 31 and July 23. 205 days, about 6 months. In every single construction form I could find, it takes about 6 months to build the foundation alone. Additionally, each floor takes about a week to complete, so add an additional 23 weeks to the timeline. However—these forms were only discussing safe and legal building practices. The Empire State Building stands out for having about 4 stories completed per week… but that too took about 410 days to complete. There are several buildings that have gone up in around 15-20 days (notably all post 2015), however, all of these buildings used “prefab elements” meaning that large sections of the buildings were pre-built off site (this process alone taking about 5 months for only 20 floors). So 15 days might not be an accurate assessment were one to start from scratch. Then again, it’s possible that L used some sort of construction like this. However, these sorts of buildings are typically very… regular. Apartments and hotels mostly. When you think about all the specialized elements of L’s skyscraper the “prefab” approach seems less realistic. This raises all sorts of questions! What building codes were broken? Was the site safe for construction workers? Probably not. Was anyone injured on the project? Likely. I feel like when we talk about whether or not L is a “good person” or if he “cares” about the people he’s saving, we exclude this very obvious example of him having little regard for the common person. Additionally, I just have a good time thinking about the conversations Watari would have had when trying to get a building permit—I doubt L’s little project follows Building Standard Law. I just know it. Of course Im sure they had some additional freedoms given the situation with… you know.. Kira. Still I am just deeply obsessed with how much shady shit is going on in this one little part of Death Note. It of course goes unaddressed because no one cares whether or not someone broke an arm or something on the site of L’s 23 story glorified hotel. But I care. I am joining the conflict between L and Kira on the side of the construction worker.

ADDITIONALLY. I like to think about how much empty space is in that building. All those hallways, and closets, and massive office spaces just completely empty. Are there lights installed on those floors? What about heating and cooling? Are there just several floors that are exceptionally cold? Are all of these rooms regular? Are several floors just a duplicate of the one below? And think about being confined to this space, unable to go outside, for weeks.

All those identical rooms.

I find this oddly creepy and off putting… rooms copy and pasted to essentially just take up space and approximate the idea of a usable office. I get a very House of Leaves or Hill House feeling from thinking about that building. Severance as well I think approximates what im picturing.

Most of that building, most of the rooms, must be empty. To this point, I also often think about how Misa must have felt to have a whole floor to herself. It was probably a fairly sparse place. Really, its impossible that a person could feel at all relaxed in so much SPACE. What were L and Light’s quarters like? They both had a floor to themselves as well. If what we see of the building from the manga/anime the decor would be, well, lacking. We know Light cares about architecture, I wonder if he ever had thoughts about this. I can’t help but think about how funny and disorienting it would be to live in such a massive space but be stuck six feet away from another person.

Again I am very aware that this isnt the type of thing people would focus on in DN. Which I get. I’m just weird and I love thinking about uncanny spaces. L would build the back rooms.

[andromeddog]

Hi! Thank you for responding to my previous ask about helmets during wwi. I was also just wondering if u have any tips for drawing hair? this is for working on art in general and not a project. i have tried to use references and sketches a bunch, have practiced a ton, but it is still difficult. i was just wondering if u have any tips for drawing hair, esp male hair? thank you!!

oh wow anon hi again, coming in hot w an interesting question bc i genuinely don’t think ive ever consciously considered or examined the way to draw hair/the way i draw hair…. (apologies in advance this got really long)

ig first of all when u mention “male hair” u mean short hair? given the men i draw r p much all historical military dudes they tend to have short short hair so im going to assume u mean that (bc i know men w very luscious locks.) drawing it is something that took me a while to get used to…… when i was into golden kamuy my fave had a buzzcut and i was struggling to find someway to showcase that without it looking like a helmet (i started to figure it out towards the end) i think the big balance there is trying to manage level of detail. w some styles u rly dont need much (buzzcut is mostly about hairline and shape of the head, i break up the smooth silhouette by adding a few lines to suggest that it’s fuzzy or spikey) and others require way more attention (wavy/curly hair comes in a variety of shapes so figuring out the specific curl pattern ur going for is crucial, fine line between showing that accurately and just making a bunch of visual noise)

(also also this is just a fact of the media im into and to b completely honest w myself and you - we’re talking mostly white dudes here in this specific post, this is not a catch all for any hair type but esp more curly/coiled hair textures. i would recommend seeking out artists of color who have more experience w that bc i do b drawing a lot of white guys! and they are not the only type of guy!)

genuinely hair can feel like more of an obstacle for me, slowing down the process for what i would rather be drawing (uniforms) so im always stoked when i can just draw a helmet (sometimes, as previously established helmets r also my mortal enemy). often times ill start with the face but skip everything above the forehead until the very end of the line art, which leaves behind a very silly looking half decapitated soldier (there’s no tip here, just a weird quirk in how i go through a piece lolll) hair on its own is usually delicate and ive never once in my life been able to render something delicately, so thank god for gross war dudes who’s hair is messy enough for my style to finally make sense

IN GENERAL…..watch out when doing the lines, you don’t need to include EVERY single hair or EVERY single lock, blank space can imply they’re there and trying to capture every single centimeter of hair can be too much in the finished product. this is something i suffer from and have talked a bit about BUT it especially rears its head (lol) when drawing hair. i just get too lost in details and then i zoom out and have an insanely dense area of detail right on top of the head that distracts from everything else below it (aka basically all the stuff i WANT to showcase). the eye will automatically b drawn to that spot and no matter how nice the rest of the drawing is ppl will b more focused on whatever the fuck i did w the hair… being frivolous w lines in general can look good when zoomed in but when zoomed out can just make the whole piece…… busy

idk if i have “tips” so much as kind of a reference for how i would go about drawing hair…. here r some examples of hair i’ve drawn that i think dont suck complete ass with a wee bit of analysis. u can tell my absolute fav thing to do is put a lot of detail right where the hair meets the forehead- idk why i just think it makes that intersection more visually appealing.

when im beginning to draw hair i start w the head shape and where approximately the hairline is. then i kind of block off the general shape of the hair on top of that- getting an accurate idea of the boundaries and being able to fill in the details within that space. i try to identify the big “chunks” of hair, the major shapes/flow within the entire shape itself. longer/thicker lines segment those, and then i can fill in that space w shorter/lighter lines to show more detail (if im using a brush w line weight, if im doing mono line i feel my style skews more simple to make up for the lack of line weight)

the next step is a slightly more cleaned up version, getting a better idea of the silhouette and general hair direction. then its lines! and i spend 3 million years destroying my wrist and trying to make sense of earlier sketches…. esp w curly hair oh my god. truthfully i’m still trying to find a balance between “too much” and “not enough” when it comes to curls. again, i have a tendency to go overboard with detail!

also this is a personal plea, but if that hairline is receding, PLEASE for the love of god make sure to include that hairline receding. the hairline is one of those little things that can really help capture likeness; getting it wrong will result in a certain “off-ness” that can make u confused or frustrated as to why this guy doesn’t look quite right. u can also get one of those weird style conflicts where ppl who usually draw younger “””attractive””” men try to draw an older one and it’s very clear they r unwilling to do anything to make the older man look another other than like, 25. (or, from their perspective, unattractive) (i could get up on my soapbox about ppl’s unwillingness to even consider drawing features that aren’t like iphone face hot but that’s my hot take and no one asked) one thing i personally strive for in my work is an accurate depiction, or as close as i can manage w my skills being where they are, so i push that hairline back and i do it will all the love in my heart

ALL OF THIS TO SAY…… idk. this is just my general process, what i’ve been doing and what works for me. maybe it doesn’t make sense or won’t work for you. i will b the first to admit hair is not my strongest skill! i will also b the first to admit my work in general is far from perfect, i have a lot to learn in p much any and all conceivable ways!! but i hope this small novel helped even a little???? anyway have a great day anon mwah mwah mwah 💕✨🦆

[luckystar1327]

your OCs are really cool!! What are their names??? I wanna know everything about them pls ramble

YIPPEE!!!!!

im gonna put this under the line because it got long 😅

okay okay okay so on the left is Coven (he/him), the right is Briar (they/them). These sketches are them from the end of the story but i do not have a better reference 😭

they’re from a story concept ive had for a while! Said story is not very fleshed out so far, i’ve kinda just been writing unconnected scenes, but i do know the concept for these two at the beginning!

basically: this world has magic, people who practice magic legally are called Arcanists; those who don’t aren’t really like…scorned or anything, they just dont get that same level of training and access to resources that actual Arcanists get

The magic system is very much influenced by d&d—every spell has a certain component that’s necessary to cast it, and it’s almost always some material component (for example fire spells usually require cinnamon and something else to work). More complex spells also require drawn out runes, but to avoid the hassle most Arcanists have spellbooks containing a ton of runes.

Coven is training to be an Arcanist, and he’s training under his adoptive mother, Violet, who is a very respected Arcanist and runs a shop of spell ingredients in Esoya, the city where magic is most common and powerful. He is more partial to fire spells than anything else. He’s also a Dragonheir! Also he’s 16 at the time of the story!

What is a Dragonheir, you ask? Well! Although actual dragons are rare and likely extinct (there are like. three.), Dragonheirs are a species that carry on their traits and blood. Dragonheirs commonly have wings, tails, and pointed ears, as well as a natural inclination to magic. There’s a large spectrum of how dragon-like their features are, ranging from someone only having pointed ears to someone like Coven, who has decently large wings, a tail, and a natural resistance to most fire magic. He’s kind of like a d&d tiefling!

Anyways! Briar!! They’re a thief who “practices the arcane” (Rest assured, everyone they’ve ever met teases them about that phrasing because they say it so often). They are also a Dragonheir, but their wings are really only good for gliding. They have vampire teeth tho. They live in Rishire, a smaller city outside of Esoya. They’re also shit at blending in, so they favor cloaking spells and less flashy magic. Also they’re 17 at the time of the story!

Coven and Briar! The goobers! Coven is definitely more high-strung and serious than Briar, but he also flirts without realizing and then rethinks his entire life so i think that kinda covers a lot in regards to him. Briar acts like they’re super unbothered and nonchalant but they are the most anxious little thing you have ever seen. They also have some pretty bad memory issues (me? project? never).

These two met when Coven was like 12 and Briar was 13—Briar had entered their shop during the day, looking to buy dragon scales (which are not common AT ALL) and Coven was so incredibly confused, poor little guy. They ended up talking and i’m not gonna lie, both of them fucking hated each other at first. Then Briar kept coming back, just to talk, and after a while Coven relented and indulged them. And then they became besties for life and later started dating

thats kinda all i can think of rn if you have any questions lmk! (I also do have other characters but this is super long already 😅)

[ciswomenofficial]

how are u pro trans woman and a radical feminist? /gen. Ive only heard of radical feminists being basically terfs so im confused.

First of all, what I primarily identify as politically would be an anti-revisionist Marxist, someone who is against replacing ideas derived from Marxist political science with liberal idealist ideas, and against representing liberal idealism as socialist. Because I look at Marxism from an anti-revisionist point of view, I take issue with the modern efforts of the liberal feminist movement to throw away all the important data of the relatively materialist radical feminist movement and write off its gains as “old and stuffy,” which is part of why I chose to emphasize the ways in which my thinking is influenced by radical feminism. Similarly, as an anti-revisionist I reject post-modernism as anti-materialist, liberal, and unable to achieve meaningful positive change, and thus I have skepticism for a lot of queer theory and alternative feminist projects.

Radical feminism historically hasn’t been wholly anti-trans. There has been an anti-trans segment of the movement, and that segment has been growing as the forces of reaction have been growing, and as the movement gets more irrelevant in a context where liberal feminism is ascendent due in part to radical feminisms internal contradictions and failings, but those segments which are in opposition to the anti-trans perspective are still there. Those in this faction are not necessarily free from cissexist biases, but are opposed to trans exclusion. Radical feminism is not a monolith.

I am influenced by several thinkers from the anti-trans to the pro-trans regarding a lot of issues. I do not agree with the cissexist ideas that some of them may have, but there’s a lot we should learn from regarding radical feminist theory. I’m not saying we should re-create the projects of the past 1:1, but we should look at them and see where they succeeded and where they failed. Certainly, with the modern liberal feminist not getting much of anywhere except for roe reversing, we should learn from its failures, but it does not have much to offer in successes—which is partially because of outside forces to be fair, but even then there’s still not a lot of positive lessons to learn from these projects in a situation where those forces exist. On the other hand I think there’s definitely some positive ways that radical feminist projects should inform how we approach gender issues for the sake of women queer and trans people, although they shouldn’t be dogmatically applied.

Additionally, liberal feminism has claimed it is fighting for trans women, but that’s bullshit, as in practice trans issues are just a pawn for liberal feminists to advance a bourgeois agenda that only helps out the richest women enter corporate boards, while entrenching misogyny for the rest of us. They’re using trans people as a pawn against ourselves. We are not in their leadership, and their theories about us are not ultimately liberatory. Liberal feminism only accepts trans women in so far as liberal feminism sees us as a lifestyle choice, or a sexual fetish in its unrelenting obsession with neoliberal choice, and the same can be said of a lot of queer theory (I have some sympathy for certain queer theorist ideas and don’t believe it should be dismissed out of hand, but it is still chalk full of problems due largely to its postmodernism). Radical feminism has no monopoly on cissexism and transmisogyny, especially in a context where liberal feminism is the ideologically dominant strain of feminism. In fact it is the attempts to pretend as such that really served as the catalyst for me to start identifying as a radical feminist on social media. I was sick of seeing trans women, some of whom were more influenced by radical feminist ideas, some of whom came to similar conclusions somewhat independently get swept to the side with words like “radical feminist” and even “t-rf” (censored to avoid the tag), so I decided to lean in to it as a sort of a fuck you against those people.

I guess the short version is that radical feminism has its problems, but that I don’t think it should be dismissed out of hand for that, and still think it’s important to build off of, and additionally that treating transmisogyny as equivalent to radical feminism treats radical feminism as a monolith where it is not, and ultimately just serves a liberal feminist neo-liberal agenda that kills poor and working class women cis and trans, and other working class queer and trans people.

[yanderomantic]

Hey!! 1, 2, 3, 9 & 13 for the ask game? 👀

what got you into proshipping? -- politics. i started educating myself on marxism, dialectical materialism, i realized that pushing towards censorship is a conservative view, that in practice its the most disenfranchised members of society that get censored--people of color, trans women, queers of any flavor. in a world where the definition of pedophilia is getting expanded to include open trans women in florida, im not comfortable equating the exploration of dark fiction with child abuse. theres real world political impacts to this pedojacketing shit that harms the oppressed before the privileged, and im not taking part in it. also--we should normalize discussion of dark topics, in order for victims to feel safe processing their traumas--theres a lot of traumatized people stuck in anti circles who are too afraid of admitting the complicated truths of their trauma because the mere discussion of dark topics is such a deep taboo. theres a lot of social and political benefits to destigmatizing discussion. also i became staunchly pro-kink for about all the same reasons as i mentioned before, and in my mind kink & dark self shipping is basically in the same boat--imaginative play with dark themes & power dynamics.

what got you into selfshipping? -- friends! i mean, i always enjoyed daydreaming about my favorite characters, but i didnt realize there was a community to partake in until my pals got me into it. thank you lav ^_^

who is one of your your first/oldest f/os? -- good question! i mean, theres the characters ive adored since childhood that i spent my time daydreaming about, maybe even making ocs for--flippy from happy tree friends was probably the first character i properly self shipped with before realizing what self shipping even was cuz i was like, 9... but i had made ocs id project onto. the first few characters i decided to call my f/os--when i was first introduced to the self shipping community--will graham & herobrine, though i dont really self ship with herobrine & not sure if i ever truly did, i just liked him ^_^

9. who is a f/o you want more content of? -- not too sure! i have a couple that dont have a lot of content, but im not too pressed about it--mr robot, from mr robot, is a character i really really really like but the fandom doesnt explore him in the ways id like for it to. hilbert from w359 could definitely use some more content that appeals to me, im a little picky about my interpretations of podcast characters though.

(and i got your other ask specifying you meant 14! i assume you meant 14 over 13, so i'll answer 14 instead (: )

14. do you prefer romantic, platonic, or familial f/os? -- my familial f/o's have always meant the most to me & have brought me the most comfort. crowley from supernatural most of all. supernatural as a source has been deeply important to me in many ways. and then theres lucas baker from re7, who hits the sweet spot between romantic & familial both! which is a very very awesome spot for an f/o to be. i need more incestuous f/os in my life i think itd fix me whats kinda funny about platonic f/o's, if i like them enough they either start branching into romantic territory or familial territory eventually. like a few other spn characters, like kevin who i started crushing on, and um. jack. who. um. Well we're kind of incestuous. thematically. It was unavoidable. jack kline parallels me too much and his (biological) dad is grooming me so. It happens. we started having some kind of codependent sibling incest even before i accepted that im proship. it was unpreventable. Love you jack kline forever

(and yknow what just cuz i love talking ill answer 13 too)

13. do you create self inserts to be more like you, or an idealised version of yourself? -- it depends on how im feeling/who im feeling like when i get into the source/make my s/i! or, depends on the source and how it makes me feel. of course my spn self insert is pretty idealized, yet true to myself and my emotional complexes--fallen angel turned demon, but is still pretty bad at being a demon. and my re7 self insert is pretty true to my teenage self while being very much inspired by who i am today at 23. kind of an homage to the teenage self i couldve been if i was less lost in my identity. the self inserts i made for media i got into 2020-2022 are pretty different from the self inserts i make in 2024, because im just a different person. each self insert is kind of a snapshot of a person i once was/used to be/used to want to be. ive got a couple self inserts that are more idealized than others, like an au version of my spn self insert that gains her angel status back--very confident, reclaiming her femininity, revenge against abusers--a type of person i once looked up to, but i dont really idolize her the same way i once needed to. im always ever growing & so are my self inserts--ive got trans men, cis women, butch dykes-- all self inserts are versions of me ive been or can be

[iknowshocker]

you’re querying a bonkai inspired book? AHHH i hope it finds an agent and gets published because ive been looking for their dynamic in trad pubbed work + other media. hmm basic question but what was it about the ship that made you want to write original work inspired by it?

hii!! yes, it's called The Forgotten Legacy (or maybe The Unwanted Heir, that's TBD lol). I'm pitching it as a Witch-coded Bridgerton inspired 8 book series (Witcherton, if you will), and I'm so unbelievably obsessed. I've had such a fun time injecting it with true to life witch lore and specifics on covens/pantheons/and practices across the globe.

Each book will focus on one of the Attwood siblings - starting with a childhood friends to rivals to lovers new adult story.

I run a yt channel where I recap fantasy media and the stars aligned for me creatively this time when I reached tvd s6. I had just finished a project and was ready for something new, and Kai is like the closest thing I have to a muse. He sneaks his way into all the MMC's I write, but this time I just went all in.

I've always been drawn to the secrets of the gemini coven/the flashbacks from their childhood we don't get to see. So I decided to build my own magical family/world where I could figure all of those things out, add to them, and do what I wanted with the all the intersecting arcs.

The biggest thing I changed is that only the dad is cruel, so my MMC grows up with a mom/siblings/and specifically a twin that truly love him. The family is still majorly screwed up, don't get me wrong, but they have this drive to take care of each other that makes my heart ache. I liiiiive for sibling angst, so figuring out the individual dynamics between the siblings has been ridiculously fun. Close sibling friendships might be my true weakness ?? so it was really important to me to develop that relationship between my MMC/his twin sister and explore what it looks like for them to go into my version of the merge loving each other the entire time.

imo if you boil Kai down to one core emotion its Desperate with an underscore of Rage, and my MMC is Desperate with an underscore of Sorrow. He's living with the knowledge that he could single handedly destroy his entire family, or save everyone with his death at his sister's hands. He gives up basically everything to be a good big brother and protect them, sacrificing his own happiness in the process. (don't worry tho he still has the inherent darkness, sarcasm/the wit we all know and love - he's an emotional mess and i adore him!!)

As for why I find Bonkai inspiring, again I think it's all the possibilities of the ship itself. I was so excited for Bonnie to have someone who was 100% obsessed with her, and I think if given the chance she would have been that person for Kai, too. He's never had someone love him/protect him, and if they'd been a couple I think Bonnie 100% would have stood between him and the rest of the geminis.

I wanted to finally see a badass (mostly healthy) witch couple, and bonkai would have just ?? decimated everyone else on the board. So with my writing I explored the dynamics of them being willing to do anything to keep each other safe/plus the complexities of their individual power/what it would be like if they could work together.

I focused a lot on the opposing personalities/undeniable understanding that bonkai has. So they still fight but there's that element of ...uh, do you guys need a room or ?? They remind me of magnets - you can never tell if they're going to make out or try to kill each other or both. I added the elements of a childhood friendship between my FMC and the twins, so there's some fun friendship dynamics there, too.

thank you so much for asking, anon! I hope I answered this okay, lol. I have so many thoughts bouncing around about the series as a whole it's hard to condense them.

xx