#ive been around animals too much
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Sometimes I have to physically do something for my reptiles and it'll occur to me that another person might find it very weird or frightening how comfortable I am grabbing a boa constrictor by the neck so I can put a dollop of antibiotic ointment on her sore snoot.
#jacq life#ive been around animals too much#that i rarely hesitate to grab a pet that needs help or to stop them from doing something#ive had to open my boas mouth while she was trying to eat to unhook her stuck teeth after a missed strike#and only she was fixed and happily eating did i realize 'you know that was probably a weird thing to just do without thinking'#same thing with my dog who ibhave to almost daily wrestle something she tried to eat outside out of her mouth#its an immediate 'i have to stop this NOW' reaction#no forethought just bam! i have chili in a head lock as im forcing her mouth open because someone THREW OUT HALF A SNICKERS IN THE GRASS
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Augmented Human, C4-621 "Raven" (And Ayre)
#armored core#armored core 6#ac6#ac6 raven#c4 621#augmented human c4 621#armored core 621#armored core raven#armored core fires of rubicon#armored core vi#fires of rubicon#character design#digital art#ive been wanting to put down my design for them for a while!#finally got around to it and ended up going a bit far with the render#i love drawing ayre in different marine animal forms so! you get fish this time#this was rather quick and not much thought was put into but#i like it :] hope you do too
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It's unfortunate that since Ahsoka existed exclusively in animation for so long...
a place where what she was able to do really had no limits...
no matter what..her live-action appearances are gonna feel like a step down
they could have the greatest stunt team in the world but the fact is no human being can move like this fictional animated alien
#I'm watching The Jedi Who Knew Too Much#and she just did a bunch of absurd handsprings through the halls as the doors shut around her#and like live action ahsoka won't ever be able to flip like that#her fights will never be able to compare because it's straight up not possible#I swear ahsoka's joints bend differently too#its a little unfair for live action ahsoka to have to live up to the animated feral gremlin we know and love#ahsoka#ahsoka series#the clone wars#star wars#star wars the clone wars#sw#sw tcw#ahsoka tano#the jedi who knew too much#oh also this episode breaks my heart#ive been procrastinating for like a month to watch this arc#i had to emotionally recover from the lawless#kate's post
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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How does one deal with too many ideas and not enough time (or just ability) to do them. I have so many little projects (whether they be little drawing ideas or full blown long-term fics, animations, craft projects, etc.) pattering around in my head and it's stressing me out knowing I can only pick a fraction of them to focus on
#mine#vent#this is mostly rhetorical#not tes#i have too many hobbies but the idea of having to give any of them up makes me want to cry#also my brain seems to like to jump around from idea to idea too much to stick to any one long enough#my brain and i dont get along very well#sorry for venting im just descending into a rough funk this week#ive been thinking that maybe i should just stick to animations/fic becasue they give me a clear goal to strive towards over a longer period#i have some other hang ups holding me back too but idk i dont want to clog up this post even more
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the sheer amount of manga I read in middle school is rearing back up to haunt me. like the amount of truly awful illiad length shonen/martial arts manga i not only read but was caught up with was sooooo egregious brother i was reading weekly updates of fairy tail at like 13 why was i doing that
#and that thing was NOT GOOD#i remember catching up with IPPO and being like actually proud but then i fell off immediately cause its a million chapters long#ippo wasnt awful i kinda stand by ippo. kenichi was awful though and i still read 500 chapters of that#but around where i caught up was when it really started sucking/feeling pointless so it was easy to fall off#and thats just the shounen i read waves upon waves of magical girl manga. pretty much everything except utena#which came to me later in life when i was more ready to accept it#i was caught up on my hero before it got really big too but i was def in high school for that#but yeah idk ive been thinking abt how i only really consume anime instead which doesnt make sense cause reading all the shit that im doing#like. well. one piece. would be so much faster if i just read it
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Philippus? Wym philippus this is a wholeass other woman?????? She's white?????? Guys come on now
ALSO cursed white Euboea in this same sequence.... homeboy she's Asian please stop
Joe Phillips I'm sorry but this is some shitty ass guest pencilling how can you not know anything abt what these people look like thats literally your job... you also just needed to read the issue before this to know?
Editors should have caught this one these are major Amazon characters
#also i did a quick wiki check for one thing and basically confirmed that i was right about this entire arc so i win i guess 💪💪💪💪#like “the amazons are starting some crazy murder shit!” are they really now. which amazons may i ask? are you sure its not the bana-#oh yep its the baba mighdall. well then. TOTALLY didnt see this coming (said w love)#i mean its like maybe im being perceptive but they literally showed two of them in their armor and had one say phthia aka one of the#founders of the bana. like okay i had to do a wiki to check that and obvi id know slightly more than a pérez run reader abt them#(but not much honestly ive read the same stuff they wouldve just plus some fandom osmosis/knowing who artemis is) but i digress. do think he#maybe could have put showing them off but i understand the motive of not wanting readers to go months thinking the amazons were chopping#ppls heads off. but they could have teased the mind control red herring (probably? think it was a red herring although it could pop back up#the arc is still ongoing) a little bit more considering weve had dr psycho starting shit for the past 4 (at LEAST) issues but well whatever#anyways the pencilling on this one needed help like its not even a coloring issue at the core of it its legit this guest guy drawing#totally different people... very lame#anyways maybe im too quick to blame it all on the bana i am only halfway through the arc#like i do think it is the bana. i think thats the answer. but again dr psycho IS causing problems and theres been hints of the cheetah being#involved (“animal attack” killings + a shot of her in arkham) AND circe was namedropped (although now we know it was dr psycho) but im still#slightly suspicious bc there seems to be possesed animals... like they are v much laying different hints and pathways here#but i think its the bana. i think its psycho fucking around and also the bana and MAYBE a psycho controlled cheetah or the bana mimicing her#patterns. or are the bana even there if psychos involved??? he could just be fucking around then- okay you know what. maybe im less sure of#this than i thought and should just read more. wait but how would psycho even know about the bana to have ppl hallucinate hed just use the#themyscirans-- okay i need to read more im getting distracted. the bana are definitely involved though im calling it. its them and maybe#psycho. and maybe cheetah. and maybe circe but likely not bc we already established that was a false lead. unless that was also a trick. and#WHAT ABT ARES ALL THE STOLEN ARTIFACTS HAD TO DO WITH WAR--#.... guys im losing it. fuck it im saying its all giganta and calling it a day i cant do this#no but i love how this mystery is set up its like they just dropped clues for every single ww villain onto it and said “here. good luck.”#this is before the big ww crossover too so it could actually be all of them im losing my mind here. WHO IS IT#ive twisted myself in a circle here i dont know anything now. only that i did call it if it was the bana. or if theres mind control or smth#sus about heracles cup. i also called that although its seeming less and less likely now that the bana and psycho are likely involved. and#maybe cheetah. and circe. and ares. guys im falling apart here#what was the point of this post then? oh shitty guest pencilling and editor flops. the editor flop part i can understand im sure they were#busy even if this is a big thing to miss imo. the penciller though is just silly come on now. someone should have caught that. anyways--#swishy liveblogs
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fully intended and foreseen consequence of coping better with my anxiety is that this blog will at some point inevitably become More Cringe and that point is SO close on the horizon. if you get mad at me for posting things i like on my blog that is for me you clearly have more issues than i do for worrying abt that possibility for hours on end
#its tumblr were all cringe here. fucking grow up or leave genuinely#also i literally tag everything im into + trigger tags too. block tags or just unfollow me theres no hard feelings i prommy#anyway. ive been falling back into creepypasta which ive mentioned before i was super into as a teen! fun stuff#i love that the fandom is still alive and doing fun new stuff :') theres such good art out there!! and character interpretations!!!!#and ive also gotten really into league lore over the past few months actually. the arcane fixation has morphed#basically it went 'this character looks cool whats their deal. whats this region like. oh another neat character lets look into that'#and then suddenly i know too much™️ bc hyperfixations for me are about gathering information and stories like a raccoon#i have FEELINGS about it. post probably incoming soon abt that#and BRIAR!! shes a little gremlin i kind of love her already#levi.txt#will i delete this in the morning? lets see#but for real tho. im doing really good lately. things arent perfect but i feel like a person for once#i can talk to strangers without acting like a trapped prey animal! it turns out im fucking funny actually! people like my jokes#im SLEEPING again. regularly. that was an issue for nearly a year and im doing ok again (not perfect but hey! ~8hrs!!)#i can just. sit around in public now and not feel like im on a hidden camera show where everyone is judging the way i breathe#slowly switching from self deprecation 'i want to die' jokes to 'im literally gods favourite prince and the hottest bitch alive'#i still get really nervous but it doesnt feel like a personal flaw and it doesnt feel insurmountable anymore#so yeah naturally thats going to come with (hopefully) a lot less shame around things that i like#just asking kindly that people are normal abt it. this is me thriving i guess
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annoys me how people don’t get adachis shadow nor understand the way he works in ultimax and the fact he’s never accepted himself and neither will improve as a person than as genuinely as someone who does awaken to a persona hence why he’s still in pain trying to utilize it all the time and the words he thinks and says and the actions he does in ultimax should be taken with a grain of salt but also wholeheartedly after putting it under a microscope enough
#kommento#// golden so evil to me like SURE they gave him character but#// the need for fanservjce just exaggerated him a bit too much and went in the wrong direction#// like his added social link and the 320 jail letter is standing on that line of my standards but the accomplice ending felt a bit . idk#// the anime was absolutely ridiculous while i had to filter and organize so much of ep adachi in ultimax#// DANCING IS JUST. EVERYONE IS GOOFING AROUND they’re in a fantasy filming studio and if you flop adachi can just leave the warehouse#// marie and miku will just keep taking selfies with each other that doesn’t matter at this point OF COURSE they’re going to be exaggerated#// THEYRE MARKETING ANOTHER GAME WITH THESE DLCS okay#// i just really like adachis character before he was contaminated with new things like#// it’s not a gender issue like with mim like there’s some genuine depiction of adachi ive been trying to get for years and i just can’t#// get it most of the time like he’s right there and he’s also not and you can’t ask anyone for help unless they’ve played the 2009 release#// during 2009 itself before everything about the game was tossed around and stretched like taffy#// going to make that compilation soon i hope sorry for waking up and still complaining about this sorry for being cringe
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Don't mind me, I'm just vagueposting snippets and ideas about my Monster Hunter au that's been replaying in my head for the past several months.
#I've never played the game but one of the designs latched onto my brain and wouldn't let go#ive watched a bunch of videos about so I know some stuff but not as much as a fan might#gameplay looks fun but seems too grindy for me#anyways I've been thinking about a base concept of one of the elder dragons coming back to life#and then taking that scenario and replaying it over and over but slightly to the left each time#like a bunch of timelines of possibilities#all tied around the key theme of monster and man feeling a shared prey animal fear towards each other#can you tell I think about this often? lol
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hnnnnnnnnnnnmmnn its overshare on the internet o clock
#my shitty ex has sent me a text asking to meet up and talk#and in a predictable move the text itself doesnt actually apologize or acknowledge that she did anything fucked up#it instead says 'we both did some pretty messed up stuff' which. uh. yeah. cool. thanks.#thats like prefacing an apology with 'first of all i still blame you but i guess i couuuldve had something to do with it'#and like. sheesh. my first instinct is to politely say absolutely not jesus christ how do you have the gall to ask me that#i could go my entire life without interacting with you ever again and i would be nothing but better off for it#but. i have not sent that yet. and it has been a while. because i really miss the friend group she....not stole exactly but#because i do not want to be in the same space as her i just. dont get to be around them much any more.#and fuck. i miss my dog so so much. i love lucas too but sarah was the first dog i raised from a baby#and she was just one of those animals that are just. like you love them all but some are different in a way where they're a part of you.#and sarah was mine and she took her from me and ive just barely gotten over it#i dont know if being able to see her again would make it worse or better.#but instinct is telling me to tell her that no theres no chance of us being friends. i need to protect myself and value my own wellbeing.#and that its not that i hate her because i dont but i do intensely dislike the ugly person i realized shes become#and i refuse to continue to let myself be hurt by that without speaking up.#but i still!!! havent!!! said no!!!!!#if i could manage it. and get through a talk with her. and be very clear that im here to attempty just...neutrality and a lack of hostility#and that friendship is not on the table. prep myself on my boundaries and rules for what i will not put up with#and accept that if she does something shitty in response to me keeping myself safe then i have to be prepared to call it off immediately#then. i would see my friends again a lot more often than just one on one every couple months because every group thing involves her#fuck. i dont know. i really really dont want to talk to her ever again but god fucking dammit.#im prepared to move on and rebuild my life and invest in other relationships. i am. ive done it before and slowly built from the ground up.#i can do it again. but it fucking sucks when its most of my irl friends all at once.#idk. idk. i miss my dog so much it hurts but it would be much worse to see her now after how my ex treats her when im not there to stop it#its just something i cant let myself think about or ill just spiral and i cant do that. theres nothing i can do about it. i cant stop it.#fuck.
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feel like absolute shit and everything is so difficult rn and I hate that for us
#all of us collectively but specifically anyone who cant do what they need to do rn because of their health#i have so much shit that needs to get done and so many people i promised to help with things#and all i can do is lay around and cough and be in pain and try to stay hydrated and eat soup#i cant do like any of the relatively simple tasks ive been putting off because i get too tired or my brain cant do it right now#and i cant take any meds for it because they all interact with my regular meds#and i just kind of want to die about it#and my voice being lower from t makes me sound like a freak dying animal when i get hysterical crying about the uncontrollable coughing#which is NOT helpful when i feel extra like an unlovable freak because of transitioning in the middle of how the world is about trans ppl rn#just want to not feel like shit anymore#is that really so much to ask
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This guy from a very old facebook game about demons and whatnot. I forgot the name of the game and I forgot the name of the guy (I think it was Belfast??? He had Bel in his name I'm pretty sure).
I was so obsessed with this guy I played that game so much just to get him, max him out, even watched vids of people that has him in it (which is why the pic I got has a timestamp). I don't even remember the story the game had, I just latched onto this guy the moment I saw him and blocked out everything else. He aint even part of the main characters.
please tag your most obscure blorbo
#aria rbs#the most obscure of the most obscure#the game ended its service around a year after i started playing it#which made me so sad cuz i wouldnt be able to see my guy anymore... and its such an obscure game#that finding any content nor vids bout it is SO hard like of all things to get attached to it just had to be HIM#in a game. that has long since been shutdown. without much of a fanbase. and a title ive long forgotten as well#he's like my spouse that has long since been dead and the only memory i have of him is a single photo#it wasnt the best game btw. like it was a facebook game. it was just auto battle everything. big numbers mean big dmg#not much animation too like my guy there only has that one pose and his atk animation of just shooting the enemy#regardless of whether it's his ult or skill or normal atk it's just one animation of shooting the enemy#but i got attached to him anyway
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every time I open the blinds of my bedroom window these last few days I've had this really weird feeling that something is wrong with the view and I've just realised now that the scaffolding which was up outside since we moved in (15 months ago) has FINALLY been taken down. put it backk the buildings naked 😭
#its so surreal to me why isnt it there#they had it on one side for 6 months and then random changed it to the other side for another 9 and now its just GONE. wild#anyway... woke up w a fever at 5am which took a few hours to break. which i was expecting bc i got vaccinated yesterday#but still disrupted my sleep a lot so im a bit shattered this morning but thats ok im taking it easy <3#gonna polish my boots n write my shopping list n sort a card/package for my friend and then ill post it omw to food shop#and if i can do a round of laundry this afternoon once my roomies is done then thats basically all my essential chores done. and vacuum#oh and pick up my meds thjs morning too. and then im gonna paint my nails and play animal well and maybe watch another movey#me n a friend watched alien factor last night n need to work thru all the don dohlers now. 70s sci fi schlock my beloved MWAH#andddd im still sitting on my blue velvet review for letterboxd i just need to cut it down and make it coherent i have SO much to say#ive been feeling really okay lately. like at times id go so far as to say im happy. many things im content with in life rn#that might sound like a silly thing to say but i was chronically depressed for a solid decade. so this is kind of new for me still#i have bad moments and bad days ofc but they pass so much faster and easier. and there will always be things i want to work on#but i have a corner of peace now and thats so so important to me. trying my best to centre around it lets keep this flowing!#ok sap aside im gonna watch more true detective while i do my boots... even when im not suffering ill always love a grimdark drama hehe#.diaries
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You've heard of Jars of Eyeballs, now get ready for:
Vials of Eyelashes
#should i tag this dollblr. would that make people less confused about the eyelash vial. or the eyeball jar#dollblr#actually i dont keep my eyes in jars i have em in awkward little baggies#the homemade glass cabochon ones in one and the professionally made acrylic and glass ones in another#my eyeball baggies. is that better or worse than the eyeball jar#im reorganizing all my stuff so like craft supplies and eletronic cables and whatever#and i had some package of really cheap ass fake eyelashes that i thought about using in a faceup#(never actually got around to using em LOL someday i'll try out eyelashes on faceups but rn ive been much more on the like)#(cartoony and simplified end of doll face painting so i havent felt much need for em)#(especially because im partial to anime style dolls)#and the packaging was really bulky to yknow keep the eyelashes pristine. but these were REALLY really cheap lashes so they were just like#by default slightly wonky. which doesnt matter too much to me because they would only be used for dolls or art anyway so they dont need to#like. keep the perfect human eye shape LOL so i was trying to figure out how to store em without taking up too much space#and i remembered all my vials for fountain pen ink and well. the rest is history. the rest is the eyelash vial#now time to put this deep in a drawer unlabeled to forget about and then give myself a jumpscare about mysterious vial years later
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