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wishing-it-was-better · 6 years ago

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Getting over the double betrayal

Oh goodness. So, I'm back to using this as a vent as No one really follows my tumbler. Thankfully.

First of all, facts.

My husband has been diagnosed with BPD. A huge portion of that is he makes connections with others extremely easily, and if we aren't intimate every night he starts to feel like I don't love him, and abandoned.

In the beginning of our marriage communication was shit. We had been together on and off for 6.5 years, and never quite learned how to talk things out. So when we were having issues he'd talk to his friends about them. Ok, no biggie. I understood. I had a miscarriage and started to pull away from sex.

Well, a year into our marriage a friend introduced us to this fun chat app (can't remember the name) and we joined a few chat groups. Made friends, etc.

Well, one morning I woke up and was looking in one of our mutual groups and I had noticed he was flirting with another member. Now, I don't mind flirting as long as it stays that. Just flirting. But something bugged me. So I grabbed his phone (He was still out) and I went through. It was one person, but he had started a sexual rp with them. I was devastated. So I got ready for work, his phone in my hand, and when I was ready I threw it at him, told him he was busted, and left to go to work. On my way to the car I called my Best friend Darcie. I was balling, asking why. Why would he. She was very supportive and caring.

I kinda rugswept it. We talked, he deleted the app, handed it over whenever I asked. It felt like things were getting better.

Hubby was unable to hold a job for long because of his BPD. So I supported him a majority of the time. I didn't mind it. I felt good knowing I was taking care of him financially and that he was there for me when I needed support. Well, it bothered him so he started looking for some game developer/writing work via discord. He made friends, introduced me to some, and let me look whenever I wanted. Well, I eventually I no longer felt the need to be so obsessive. This would be about the beginning of 2017

Dumb me.

We have a group of friends who live an hour away. They came and grabbed him for a few nights of guy time. I was chill. These are all friends who have been there since high school (at this time over 8 years).

I went to play games on his computer and there is some unread messages from another game developer. I had spoken with this other guy, and knew my husband occasionally helped with some pixel art, or game code, so I clicked.

They had been sexting (Pics included this time) for over a month. I flipped. Seriously. I called him, and yelled and screamed and told him to stay away for a bit so I could figure out what I wanted to do.

That's when the doubts started kicking in. It was another guy. Did he regret marrying a female? Was I not good enough?

I spoke to some family. One aunt said that experimentation is normal and I should let it go. I called hubbys mom, and she was pissed. She kept saying she didn't raise him that way. Called Darcie again, and she was supportive and tried to mediate things.

Well, once again I let him come home. At this point we had been married almost 2 years, and been together for 9. I didnt want to fail at keeping him happy, and saving my marriage, you know?

Communication started to get better, we talked more. He discussed issues more, and I expressed my stress more. I have sciatica and ptsd, and my health started to get worse so I went to part time. It was hard financially, but I felt better.

Then he became suicidal. That summer was spent missing work to get him to the doctor, he was on watch, etc. It was hell for both of us. I started to get warnings from work about my attendance. He was officially diagnosed with BPD, depression, and anxiety. So I was learning how to deal with everything on his side.

Then I broke in September. I had been diagnosed with PCOS which destroyed me because having a child is someyhing I yearn for. I started having extreme anxiety. I would pull to the side when driving because of panic. It continued to get so bad I went to the ER.

It was the compilation of everything. The infidelity, work, my diagnoses, his BPD, everything. I ended up being diagnosed with Panic disorder, anxiety, ptsd, and depression.

October was the official beginning of my medical leave by my doctor. HR was calling constantly and harassing me. It got to the point where I was frequently suicidal. I have never been ashamed of it. I would tell someone how I felt because I felt if I didn't, and I was alone I would kill myself.

Well. We were figuring out meds for both of us, and our communication was shot. January I finally quit work because I was having panic attacks every time I left the house.

Come February. We have a friend over, hubby is half asleep, and my anxiety is off the rails. So I try to calm myself down and ask to see his phone. He hands it over, no questions asked.

All his messages to Darcie are deleted. Best friend Darcie. Darcie who officiated our wedding. He fessed up and expressed about a month ago they sexted. He expressed he was feeling lonely, and abandoned. I confronted her. She claimed I was abusive. I told her she was lucky I was handling things well enough to not kill myself. (Totes regret that btw) She blocked me. I outed them to everyone. Friends, family, everyone. I was so angry.

March was hard, instead of trying to work things out he kept leaving. I was having panic attacks, our friends were getting tired of our shit. I had a doctora appointment where i was also diagnosed as Bipolar. On the day I come hoke with that news he leaves for his friends saying he needs to think. Fucking great support there. He planned to be gone the end of March beginning of April. I said ok, as long as you are here for Easter, and our wedding anniversary. He agreed.

We talked a lot. A LOT. I explained what he made me feel like when he cheated. How he stole my best friend from me. He expressed how he felt like a butler and i was never there for him. I reminded him that the agreement was if he wasnt working he would take care of the house while i was at work. I also tried to express why I pulled away from sex.

Well he needed more time so he didn't come home for Easter. I missed my grandmother's birthday because of the panic and anxiety and everything else. I was on bad terms with my mom, so she had no clue about anything going on for the last 3 years. My sister's were giving me shit for always canceling, and I finally told everyone to fuck off. Well, it's April 4th. Our wedding anniversary.

Instead of coming home he is trying to convince me that we should just Move in with Darcie and her husband (They are poly, and her husband was totally ok with her doing what she did) so he can have sex whenever he wants. After all her sex drive must be amazing. And he went on and on.

I made plans to kill myself that night. I was about to carry them out when I realized I didn't have anyone to care for my cat. She's my baby. So I called a friend, explained I was going out of town. She said sure, but she was going to take me to dinner. And I couldn't do it. So instead I went to the ER. Was admitted to a psych ward for 7 days.

Husband came home once he found out. Apologized up and down. Said he had said those things to hurt me because he was in a spiral himself.

Well. Things are better. Much better. I have learned I deserve to be happy. I deserve to smile. I deserve to not have to worry about his fidelity.

He is seeking counseling, so am I. Once we have a few sessions it's on to Marriage counseling. He has promised to let me know if Dacie ever tries to contact him.

I found out the other month that she believed I was saying I was suicidal to keep him. Bitch, I wasnt faking. Fuck off. She actually unblocked me via Facebook and it caused a panic attack. Ended up blocking her instead. Muahaha.

Anyway. People tell me it's not worth it.

I think 10 years is at least worth trying. We are at the lowest of our low right now. I will do my best to bring myself up, and him along with me. If it happens again after all of this, I can agree it won't be worth it. But he know he needs to up his game and has been.

He's doing great in researching his BPD, separating himself from potential situations, talking when things bother him, and he comes to me when he wants to talk about things that bother him. It's hard, but it's working. He's reading up on how to help me heal, and understands that I won't be over this for years.

I will never forgive her though. Ever.

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motherofkittens94 · 7 years ago

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tagged by @whiteladyofrohann

Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last;

1. Drink: tea 2. Phone call: My dad 3. Text message: im on the train now -

4. Song you listened to: arsonists lullaby hozier

5. Time you cried: like proper cried? not like just a tear or two ? i think a few weeks a go when i thought too much about andrew ...dont judge me * runs away*

6. Dated someone twice?: like dated broken up and then dated again? no or gone on more than one date with the same person? ...also no ive had a few disastrous first dates but never made it the second one lol

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No 8. Been cheated on: No 9. Lost someone special: Yes 10. Been depressed: apparently i am now oh well cest la vie 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: drunk yes with ive never been sick from alcohol

Fave colours;

12. pink 13. Blue 14. purple

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: with academia yea 17. Laughed until you cried: Yes, 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. Met someone who changed you: Yes 20. Found out who your friends are: Yes 21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: no

General;

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: almost all of them 23. Do you have any pets: i had a kitty who loved dearly but sadly he passed in October

24. Do you want to change your name: No 25. What did you do for your last birthday: got real drunk in the student pub innit

26. What time did you wake up today: honestly ?*deep sigh* noon *horn of shame* and i had to be in work at 1 so i had to throw clothes on and grab a brunch and run for it thank god they didnt put me on morning 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: thinking about going bed but for some reason i didnt even though i wasnt really doing anything else

28. What is something you cant wait for: im going to dodie live again i love her 30. What are you listening to right now: footloose 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: oh i know many many toms

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: short people jokes and jokes in general about my disabilities .. which btw my height is a part of.. it just isnt funny... unless i make them hah ...but then thats a much different thing to laugh at yourself than to have other people do it and sometimes its not even a joke its someone blatantly mocking the way you walk / run in your view than laughing when they see you noticed and just that sucks ? like couldnt you at least wait for me to go first or laugh when you need help to reach things off shelves and stuff and the fact that sometimes you gotta make those jokes yourself just so no one else can soz tmi but god that hacks me off

33. Most visited website: Youtube? 34. Hair colour: Blonde 35. Long or short hair: my hair? short its just below my jaw atm 36. Do you have a crush on someone: only actors

37. What do you like about yourself: determination kindness and i have a good memory

38. Want any piercings?: No 39. Blood type: idk it 40. Nicknames: beth bethie 41. Relationship status: Single 42. Zodiac: Sagittarius 43. Pronouns: She/her 44. Fave tv shows: Game of Thrones, braodchurch penny dreadful doctor who and im enjoying the punisher atm also i have an on / off relationship with holby city and casualty and all those hospital dramas tbh

45. Tattoos: None ...yet... 46. Right or left handed: Right 47. Ever had surgery: yes three on the leg once when i hurt my skull pretty bad i also broke my arm but that probably doesnt count cause i dont think i had surgery on it ? i cant quite remember it had three different casts tho 48. Piercings: just standard ears 49. Sport: no thanks lol my bug sis is trying to get into running he like ill make you feel better we can do fun runs together im like .. nope ... i think find fun run is an oxymoron sis

50. Vacation: i want to go to Australia or America but will probaly end up just in Devon again

51. Trainers: standard ones idk

More general;

52. Eating: pancakes

53. Drinking: tea 54. I’m about to watch: nothing atm

55. Waiting for: right now ? nothing really bed i guess? 56. Want: to go shopping

57. Get married: id like to someday

58. Career: i have even less idea about that now then i used to idk a writer i could do that maybe

Which is better;

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eye: Eyes 61. Shorter or taller: Taller nobody is shorter than me -

62. Older or younger: than me? hmm maybe older but not too much older or the same age would be better

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms 64. Hookup or relationship: Relationship 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker

Have you ever;

66. Kissed a stranger: no

67. Drank hard liquor: yes 68. Lost glasses: yes

69. Turned someone down: Yes 70. Sex on first date: No 71. Broken someones heart: i dont think so im 90 % sure people i turned down did it for jokes i mean know for sure one was a joke the others probably were too assholes 72. Had your heart broken: Yes 73. Been arrested: No 74. Cried when someone died: Yes 75. Fallen for a friend: yes

Do you believe in;

76. Yourself: im trying to

77. Miracles: yes

78. Love at first sight: depends

79. Santa claus: i used to haha 80. Kiss on a first date: i havent so far but my dates up to now have all been sucky so if i had a really nice one maybe

81. Angels: yes

Other;

82. Best friend’s name: V 83. Eye colour: green 84. Fave movie: the aristocats 27 dresses 10 things i hate about you 85. Fave actor: alfie allen iwan rheon david tennant

tagging @randomlut @gennalannisters @themanwithakeyisking @maddie-grove @s0mewhereweaknessis0urstrength @anotherrandompersonsblog

if you want to :)

#bethans pals #personal stuff #long post

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simplemlmsponsoring · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/copywriting/these-are-the-16-painful-lessons-i-learned-writing-10211-headlines-in-100-days/

These are the 16 painful lessons I learned writing 10,211 headlines in 100 days

Cue: instant anxiety attack.

In a Facebook group, I had just announced my experiment for the next 100 days:

Write 100 headlines for 100 companies in 100 days.

To which a certain someone posted this comment:

Joel is a Copy Hackers veteran. I have tremendous respect for him.

So I naturally felt nauseous when I read his words of… what’s another word for “dyspepsia”?

His follow-up comment didn’t help:

The room started spinning.

My breath was shallow. My stomach made tiger noises, and I might have peed a little. What the hell had I just committed to?

For some unimaginable reason, I soldiered on, convinced I could prove Mr. Joel Klettke and all the [super-sane] naysayers wrong. So I began….

The terrifying climb to 10,000 headlines: What I did every day for 100 days (even when it hurt)

Each day, I’d pick a topic to write 100 headlines about.

Oh, that’s another thing: every day, I’d write about a different topic. Because 100 headlines in 100 days wasn’t crazy enough – I needed to add that extra edge of insanity.

So each day I’d dive into a site for The Topic of the Day. Things like:

Pacific Shave Company The Fart Candle Quip Toothbrush

And I’d see what the players in that world were doing. (For consumer products, I’d check Amazon reviews just like Jo taught me.)

Then I’d write my headlines – more about that very soon – and share them with my growing list of 53 interested-in-watching-me-fall subscribers. My first few posts to those fine folks – which you can check out here – were ROUGH. See, I had no process. I was doing what we all do when we start writing copy but don’t really think about it as more than words on a page. My hacked process went like so:

I’d write as many headlines as I could (without a template or starting point), Identify themes in those headlines, Highlight a few words, Hit a wall and Glance at my list of ~400 headline formulas.

Each time I glanced at those formulas, I generated anywhere from 3 to 8 new headlines. Some stuck too close to the template. Some were the product of what was clearly the wrong mindset. Some went off the rails entirely. If you want to see how disparate a group of headlines written fast can be, check out my Tutorial Tuesday replay here, where I live-write a bunch of headlines in this reusable Airstory headlines template:

Sometimes I’d catch a hot streak and 100 headlines seemed to write themselves. Those days were magic.

It won’t surprise you to find that, as the days wore on and as 100 headlines turned into 2500 headlines, I learned a bunch of stuff. Like, I learned I’d need to adjust my voice rather than fit each topic into my voice – something I had completely overlooked during concept and something that was, alone, worth learning over the 100-day experiment.

That was a small lesson.

Five much larger lessons cropped up, which I’d love to share with you now (before we get into the pain of 10,211 headlines)…

The 5 big content lessons @prettyflycopy learned during his “100 headlines a day” experiment, on…Click To Tweet

Lesson 1: What headlines actually are.

Turns out each day was not an exercise in finding “100 ways for Justin to phrase things.”

It was an exercise in finding “100 value propositions for the company.”

Headlines are – very often – variations on a value proposition.

When I realized that, I found myself in a tricky spot. This was no longer a side experiment. This was a job. I was doing the work of copywriting. I instantly knew what Joel had hinted at:

The project might not be so fun.

BTW, I should mention I’m an in-house writer with a day job. So these posts were in addition to my full-time gig. And client work. And family time.

Lord help me if I had a lunch meeting – I had to tack on extra time in the evening. On weekends, replace “work” with “client work.” …Have I mentioned my wife is a saint?

Within 10 days, I could whip up 25 headlines in minutes – no template needed. Common formulas ingrained themselves in my brain and I started each day with lines like:

For ___ who want to ___ Get ___ without the ___ Helping ____ do ____ The only ____ that doesn’t ____ The (good news) inside (bad news)

These first headlines would never be the best of the bunch, but they eased me into the post. Writing them gave me a rhythm. I’d often find the germ of a better headline in the first attempts. It was the crappy first draft every copywriter needs.

As I mentioned, I started with about 400 headline formulas. As the first 10 days went by, I eliminated 110 formulas from my template. Some were duplicates, some were lazy… and others felt manipulative (more on that later). But a handful rose to the top.

By Day 20, I was rolling. I adapted recurring themes, discovered how to really empathize with the customer and found myself digging deeper. I even used a few lines in my client work and day job. And when I missed a single day? I felt so bad that, the following afternoon, I wrote 200 lines.

By now I was writing headlines like:

On Day 30, I felt like a whiz. Whipping 50-60 lines off the top of my head, no problemo. My subscriber list was growing. I started tinkering with themes from the 7 deadly sins, and I was sailing smooth. Sometimes a bad list of headlines cropped up, but no worries. I felt good. I felt alive.

I felt smart.

I should have expected what followed…

Day 40 brought complete and total burnout.

I was tired. I wasn’t sleeping. And my brain was drained.

Actual video of me at work

Also, my wife was over it. My kids had stopped asking me to play with them because they knew I’d say no. It was a dark time for the rebellion. If it weren’t for Joel’s quote on my screen – yes, I made it my screensaver – I might have given up.

On Day 50, I gave myself a day off. I still posted for my readers, but I didn’t write my 100 headlines. I broke the streak.

It felt GREAT, to be honest.

One day off wasn’t enough to make me a good family man again, but, hey, it was a start. Which brings me to…

Lesson 2: Take breaks.

Recharge your soul. Your sanity (and your family) will appreciate it.

By Day 50, I also changed the way I approached topics. I picked fun brands. There were a lot of Shark Tank products, weird Kickstarter campaigns and ridiculous items like mailable potatoes, light-up toilets, and wine for cats. Strange as it was, I loved these. I wrote headlines like:

Maybe this was my niche??

Just like that, two more big lessons smacked me in the brain…

Lesson 3: If you’re not enjoying the process, change the process.

This feeling might mean that you’re doing it wrong.

Keep tweaking until you find your fit.

And:

Lesson 4: The way you’re thinking about a “niche” may be entirely wrong.

I was looking for a category when I should have been looking for a voice.

The WHO mattered more than the WHAT.

Days 50-70 were light. I collaborated with other writers, like Lianna Patch, Alaura Weaver and Hillary Weiss, who let me write headlines for their existing content. Working with them made me step up my game. Because not only would I have to emulate their voice, but I’d also have their feedback. They’d be the judge of the lines.

Those posts made me feel so much less alone.

And I gained some street cred. People were reaching out to me, and I landed 3 podcast interviews. Recognizable names – like Joanna Wiebe! – subscribed to my recap or followed me on social.

I had become “The Headline Guy.”

I was getting faster, too. I could hit 80+ lines without referring to the list of formulas and often knocked out full lists of 100 headlines during lunch. This meant more free time at home with my family—something I did not take for granted.

By the time @prettyflycopy had written 7000 headlines, he started to get, well, kinda good at itClick To Tweet

On Day 71, I went full masochist.

I threw out the list of formulas.

I took 37 classic direct response headlines, printed them out… and that’s all I used for the last 29 posts. From that point forward, it was Eugene Schwartz, John Caples, Jay Abraham… and me.

Things got veeeery interesting.

I revisited previous topics, chose a few I was afraid to tackle earlier, and homed in on brands I thought would be fun. By focusing on the direct response examples, the lists became more emotional. I was hitting on fears and wishes. The lines had more story. More empathy.

But there was a dark side.

I teetered on clickbait. (BTW, I *hate* clickbait. In fact, an underlying theme of this project was to prove clickbait shouldn’t exist. I was tired of clicking ads that used the work of copywriting geniuses only to be taken to disappointing articles. Eyes on you, BuzzFeed-style-headlines.)

I wanted only to use the power of these direct response classics for good. Because I knew, with a little extra effort, writers could properly manage expectations. So I dove into the curiosity behind the lines and phrased them to be more positive.

The new style took longer to write – some posts clocked in at 2 hours – but that was OK. It meant I wasn’t coasting. I was challenging myself.

I also cashed in a few mental health days. I still posted but didn’t write a list of headlines. This helped me regulate my sanity, remember my kids and spend time with my wife. Plus, it eliminated the soul-crushing anxiety that paralyzed my brain when I blanked on ideas for topics. I needed those small breaks.

By this point, I was getting fast, I was getting good and I was finding my groove not with 100s of headline formulas but with a small list of awesome ones. Next up, I found myself diving deeper into emotions I hadn’t really explored in my copywriting before – emotions like:

Fear Frustration Powerlessness Anger Betrayal Revenge

The lines were good.

Probably some of the strongest I’d written.

But I didn’t like going to The Dark Side.

It felt manipulative. I realized that writing aggressive-style copy just isn’t me. More validation that – to me – voice is more important than topic.

On Day 90, I struck a balance between bolder emotions and the formulas I had memorized. I went back to The Light Side. Security, happiness, relaxation, hope. Ah, now this was me. And my headlines were – objectively – far better than where they’d been back at Day 20 or when I went to the Dark Side. Here’s a snapshot of Day 95:

At Day 100, I was ecstatic. I had written 10,211 lines. 100 days of posting. 106 days of writing headlines. Yes, it took a few extra days, but nobody seemed to care.

Lesson 5: Family first. Always.

I had learned a ton.

Mostly, that The Headline Project wasn’t fair to my family. I was a shitty husband and father for 3 months. I know that’s not the lesson you want to read, but I cannot overstate the importance of family first. I’m lucky the damage I caused was only temporary. Now my wife smiles and my kids rush me for hugs again when I come home. Because it’s playtime.

As for what I learned during the whole process, well, that’s the whole reason you’re reading this, isn’t it?

So, here we go…

16 hard-earned headline takeaways 1. There are no shortcuts.

Do the work.

No hacks, article, or template can match putting on the gloves and getting dirty. There comes a time to stop reading and start doing. Practice makes permanent. It’s the only way to make things stick.

2. Clear beats clever. But sometimes you can do both.

Some of my favorite lines were direct and infused with personality.

Like these ones:

Once you learn to think on your feet, it doesn’t matter where you’re standing (Dumore Improv) Sorry. We don’t believe in wedgies (Pair of Thieves Underwear) Send a potato. It’ll still be funny when you’re sober (Potato Parcel) Just because dating can be awkward doesn’t mean you need to be (Nuphero Pheromone Spray) Where we write like Ogilvy & drink like Hemingway (The Copywriter Club)

They’re fun, but and they make sense. Those headlines all came late in the day’s post – often in the last half – so you need to dig.

Dig to find the best copy, via @copyhackers @prettyflycopyClick To Tweet

3. Don’t force your personality.

Sometimes I made light of sensitive topics. The biohazard cleaning post comes to mind.

But if you need these guys, it’s not a time to joke. Don’t put funny where funny doesn’t belong.

(Yes, this may sound contradictory to the whole voicey-nichey thing, but it’s not. This is something that wouldn’t be in my niche. See, I struggle to keep myself out of my writing. I need to find brands where that’s a fit.)

4. Boring topics don’t need to be boring.

Some of the tech sites were super nerdy. Bland copy for good software. And it’s a shame because they’re products that everyone can use.

However, the average consumer couldn’t understand what they do.

Surprisingly, these posts were fun to write once I swapped features for benefits:

Make your data sexy (Plotly graphing software) Helping families make it through long weekends without WiFi (Duracell batteries) Park your domains in a friendly lot (Domahub) Speed reading isn’t a skill. It’s a Chrome extension (Spritz speed reading app) How to animate your presentations like Pixar (Whiteboard animation agency)

I mean, I’m still not the guy to pitch a tech company. But if they asked me to explore the mainstream, I could give it a go.

5. Learn what you suck at.

Brands targeting women ain’t my thang. And that’s OK. Knowing this helped me turn down a project I now know I never could’ve done right.

6. Great things happen when you become your audience.

Remember Freaky Friday, The Change-Up or The Hot Chick? Or any of the other bazillion movies where characters change bodies?

After the initial flow of lines ended, I’d close my eyes and imagine myself as the consumer.

I’d mentally put myself in their body and ask myself:

Who would I be? What would I want? How would I feel? Which pains hurt most? What’s missing in my life?

Suddenly, the headlines were easier to write.

7. Writing headlines for a company you *think* you want to work with may result in a very different outcome.

I wrote 100 lines for a brand I had unsuccessfully cold-pitched.

Turns out, I struggled to find their voice.

I’m glad they didn’t get back to me. I wouldn’t have been a good fit. Now, before I reach out to a company, I practice.

Y’know, just in case they say yes.

8. Consumer products can be surprisingly fun to write about *if* they provide real value.

I never wrote much about physical goods before this.

But 7 of my top 11 posts were for products. And they were fun! I didn’t love writing about things you buy just to have (e.g., shirts, toys, grilling accessories), but if it adds value to your life – even if just a laugh – I’m all about it.

9. Google Images is a gold mine.

The day I accidentally clicked “image results” was a game changer.

I was writing about owl rescue, and I was stumped. When I saw the pictures, memes, movie stills and gifs, it was an awakening. The Harry Potter theme alone provided enough inspiration to finish the post. I never would’ve made that connection.

Now, whenever I get stuck, I go straight to images.

10. Write like Dr. Seuss.

Let your mind get silly. Funny rhymes, alliteration and a little wackiness are great for getting into a flow.

No, you’re not going to use them on your final product. But the path they lead you down might take you to your goal.

Here’s what I mean:

Rain, rain, go away. I’ll stay dry & watch them play (Under The Weather Sports Pods) Would you, could you, on a boat? (Florida Sailing Club) Sticks and stones may break your bones, but my words will make you money (Pretty Fly Copy) (ß actually, I did use this one on my final product) 11. Bold the important words.

Identify the keywords in your sentence.

Delete the rest.

Now go make new sentences with what remains. Tinker enough and you’ll find your line.

12. Templates have a place in this world.

I’ve never been one to rely on templates. It always felt like color-by-numbers. But now I see, when you add your own spin, they have tremendous value.

That being said, here’s an Airstory template with the headline formulas I used during my 100 days. To help you kick-start your own headline writing.

Use the formulas in Airstory 13. Clickbait is never OK and I will punch you in the face if you say different.

Because it’s lazy. In one post, I intentionally wrote in BuzzFeed’s style and it took zero skill. No effort, no challenge and no concentration. I could’ve written it while riding bareback on a zebra and cooking soup.

Stop wasting curiosity headlines on disappointing articles. It makes people hate you.

Instead, focus. If you’ve got a great headline on a shitty article, rewrite the article. You’re better than that.

14. “Copywriters aren’t born. They practice.”

I don’t know who to attribute this quote to, but they’re right.

Writing 10,000 headlines helped me nail messaging more than reading any article ever could.

Now instead of sifting through 41 million search results, I’m writing better.

15. Hard work never gets easier.

This project was like shooting myself with a gun each day to build a tolerance to bullets. It never didn’t hurt. But I learned I can take the pain.

16. Everything I learned about how to find my niche was wrong.

Wrong for me, I mean.

I was all over the map for 3 months. Sporting goods, bottomless muffins, poop-scented candles… You name it, I wrote about it.

And here’s what I found: the voice of the brand matters just as much as what they sell.

I want to work with fun, casual brands. Because that’s who I am.

The voice of the brand matters just as much as what they sell via @copyhackers @prettyflycopyClick To Tweet

So, I’m helping web-based services with taglines and easy-to-read copy. Simple messages for complicated businesses. It’s not something I ever would’ve focused on before, but it turns out, I’m pretty darn good at it.

TBH, between you and me, I’m still trying to figure it out…

Day 100: So, can I take on Caples, Schwartz and Ogilvy now?

Writing 100 headlines a day doesn’t mean I can beat a control.

It means I can think quicker and faster. It means the common formulas are familiar and I have a mental database to pull from. It means I can dig deeper than most people. I won’t stop until I strike gold. Oh, and I can probably find said gold in less time.

But am I better than YOUR best line? Well, that depends on you.

To win you need to test. You need to study your audience and feel their pain. And you need to be able to solve it. I explored ways to help people, but I never actually did it. I did write some great headlines though…

Should you do an experiment like The Headline Project?

A lot of people reached out to me when I finished. People wanted to work with me. People wrote to me the same way I write to those I admire.

Even Joel Klettke gave me a virtual pat on the back.

Best part was: it felt earned. I didn’t feel like an imposter.

The Headline Project gave me a seat at the big kid’s table. It crushed me at times, but it built me back up. It allowed me to re-prioritize my family into first position, and it gave me a path. More importantly, it grew the quality of my network. Admirable writers are now acquaintances. I’ve spoken at a summit. I’ve been recognized at events. And people email me for advice.

Would I recommend you do it? Maybe.

Anyone CAN do it. There’s nothing special about me. This wasn’t any easier for me than it would be for you. The only difference is that I did it.

And I’m glad I did…

…But I’m happy it’s over.

Stop waiting for permission.

There comes a point when you need to walk away from more lessons, more training, more videos – and get to work.

I didn’t get paid for The Headline Project. Nobody told me to write. I just did it.

So whatever your big idea is – a blog challenge, growing your list, finding your voice – whatever thing you’ve been reading about for months, you don’t need approval to begin.

And if permission is the thing you’ve been waiting for, here it is. I give you permission to start.

Go do something cool.

~justin

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The post These are the 16 painful lessons I learned writing 10,211 headlines in 100 days appeared first on Copywriting for startups and marketers.

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thebiggestashole · 8 years ago

Text

welp,, i have been tagged by @impossiblerebelblaze to answer questions so uh here i go i guess

Also i tried to not put in a giant paragraph but now the post is really long so uh

LAST: 

[1] drink: A bottle of water

 [2] phone call: Uh... It's been a long time since i called someone, but i accidentally pressed the "call" button and called my friend Kémy. Does that count?

 [3] text message: My friend Kémy. (I accidentally called her when i just wanted to text her btw)

 [4] song you listened to: Reol - Gokusaishiki cos i'm a weeeeeb 

[5] time you cried: A few hours ago as I was playing Zelda : Breath of the wild. NOW, before you judge me, this game is very pretty. And i ju st-lOOK AT T HA T S K Y D DU DE AGH

[6] dated someone twice: I never dated anyone so eh

[7] been cheated on: again, never dated so this never happened 

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: I never kissed anyone either,, ha

[9] lost someone special: Not really, no.  

[10] been depressed: No, no Professional ever told me i have depression so i'd rather not say i've been depressed. The past few days have been sad and stressful tho.

 [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: I never got drunk, i'm not even old enough

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 

[12] Dark blue 

[13] Red 

[14] Pastel pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 

[15] made new friends: Yup! *blows kisses at discord servers*  

[16] fallen out of love: my french ass doesnt understand this one,, ah... I assume it means to stop loving someone? If then... Well... It's complicated, even i don't really know.

[17] laughed until you cried: Yes, so many times,, *again, smooches discord servers* i think i CANT not cry when i laugh heh 

[18] found out someone was talking about you: There was this one girl who was saying mean things, but we're starting to be friends. 

[19] met someone who changed you: Well... Maybe not changed me, but definitely the way i see the world, i'm thinking about most people i met on tumblr for example.  

[20] found out who your true friends are: "true friends"? What? All friends are true friends...? I mean,i love all of my friends equally. 

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Again, I never kissed anyone.

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Well, all my Facebook friends are people i met irl. I think there's only two i never met IRL.  

[23] how many pets do you have: 3 : A cat (Haribo) and two axolots (Trico and Till) My rabbit died at the end of last year... I'm still kinda sad about it, but also happy in a way cos he lived for a long time and i know he was happy.  

[24] do you want to change your name: Nah. I mean it's not the best but i dont want to change it.  

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: Nothing special. My bros just came over and we ate a cake together. 

[26] what time did you wake up: 8AM, by English teacher wasnt here so school started late! I got to sleep!!  

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, for once.  

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Anti's comeback!!  

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: About 30 seconds ago, she just came in my room to take some candies.  

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want to do something big... Wow i sound so modest... No but, I'd love to write a book that becomes famous! Or i'd love to go to space!! YES!! SPACE!!!!!!

 [31] what are you listening to right now: Some japanese song id never be able to read the name heh. All I know is that its by MASA and its awesome. 

[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: There are two Toms in my school actually, i've talked to both of em. One of em is in my class. Both are nice dudes but not really friends. Just like... Dudes from my school, we talk to eachother if we HAVE to. 

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: My fucking fringe thats blocking my eye im too lazy to cut it buT I CANT FUC KING SEE ANYTHING

YOUR… 

[34] most visited website: Tumblr. Who is surprised tbh? 

[35] elementary: Assholes teachers but i met some friends i still have today so thats nice? 

[36] high school: Still not there, but I'm going the same place as my other friends. 

[37] college: i have no idea my dude bro pal 

[38] hair color: Naturally light Brown but i recently dyed it blue. funny thing : since i dyed it its been raining NONSTOP where i live. I think dying my hair gave me water rain hair power heh 

[39] long or short hair: VERY long. I never ever cut my hair, my friends tell me i have rapunzel hair. 

[40] do you have a crush on someone: I... May or may not have a crush on my best friend and i hate it cos she already has a boyfriend ha 

[41] what do you like about yourself?: I think i look cute. 

[42] nickname: The one people use the most (and its my name on every website) : Ninis. But Ive been called Ananas (yes this means pineapple) and on discord I am Gerald cos i'm the roundest and the cutest (and the saltiest) 

[43] blood type: O- 

[44] piercings: I dont have any and not planning on getting any tbh. I think they are very pretty, but thinking about a hole in my flesh just makes me feel weird, heh 

[45] relationship status: Single. *lays on table* Ladies~...!! *tabLE BEAKS* 

[46] zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

[47] pronouns: She/her

 [48] fav tv show: I wouldnt be a cringy tumblr kid if i wasnt obsessed with Doctor Who (I mean, now i Watch it casually but if you ever saw me in my dw phase last year... I'm sorry holy shit)  

[49] tattoos: Dont have any and not planning on getting any. 

[50] left or right handed: right handed. I only use my left hand to eat sdjhdghs

FIRST… 

[51] piercing: Dont have any 

[52] surgery: never had one 

[53] best friend: a girl from school called Ludivine, we met when i was 3 i think. Now she's a bitch heh 

[54] sport: Dance, i started when i was 5 and stopped 2 years after i think. I was really flexible. I still am a bit, but i need to stop being lazy and start doing some activities again. 

[55] vacation: I think i went to spain with my parents and my brother.

 [56] pair of trainers: i am a very confused french rn

RIGHT NOW: 

[57] eating: nuggets 

[58] drinking: soda (dont mind the me from 3 month ago who said "IM FINALLY STOPPING DRINKING GARBAGE") 

[59] I’m about to: take a shower, i'm a smelly boi 

[60] listening to: Doomsday's theme and i'm totally not crying 

[61] waiting for: Nothing. 

[62] want: to sleep instead of going to school tomorrow  

[63] get married: eeeeh no thanks 

[64] career: salty bitch 24/7™

WHICH IS BETTER… 

[65] hugs or kisses: again, i never kissed anyone, so hugs.

[66] lips or eyes: I'm gonna go with eyes, but i admit i often stare at my crush's lips, heh...  

[67] shorter or taller: I've always been used to be the younger cos i spend a lot of my times with adults or just older people and most of em are tall so... Sorry short friendz you're cool too 

[68] older or younger: For some reason, i'm uncomfortable around people who are younger than me? So ill go with older.  

[69] spontaneous or romantic: Ive never been in couple, but i think i would like a romantic gal  

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: strong arms to punch me in the fucking face, yess

[71] sensitive or loud: I think I'm sensitive but,, my friends say i'm very loud?? *waves at discord servers* 

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship 

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: well, both have their good and bad sides but... Because I'm hesitant I like to be friends with troublemakers so we can balance things out. And so we can live things like a bad cliché movie.

HAVE YOU EVER… 

[74] kissed a stranger? I never kissed anyone. 

[75] drank hard liquor? Nope, never. 

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I lost my glasses only ONCE and never lost them EVER again.

[77] turned someone down: You know when dudes will come to you saying "hey do you want to go out with x?" like its a shame to go out with you? Well thats the only time i turned down people. Never rudely tho. Exept last time it happened, cos i was mad so i went "No, he's as ugly as an ass" 

[78] sex on first date? Never had sex, never had a date.  

[79] broken someone’s heart? I don't think so... I dont see why i wouldve.

 [80] had your own heart broken? The day I realised i had NO chance to get my crush to love me, but i got over it quickly.

[81] been arrested? Nah, i'm too much of a sensitive boi to do anything illegal sjkhskjh 

[82] cried when someone died? Only when it was someone from my family. Or my rabbit.  

[83] fallen for a friend: Eyyyyyyup

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 

[84] yourself? Yeah 

[85] miracles? I don't really know? I think everything happens for a reason and every action has a consequence but who knows.

 [86] love at first sight? Never happened to me, but i think it can happen. 

[87] santa claus? well duh 

[88] kiss on the first date? eeeeh i think first date is a bit early 

[89] angels? yes

OTHER… 

[90] current best friend’s name: Elisa! 

[91] eye color: Blue 

[92] favourite movie: aaa tough choice... I really like Nightmare on Elm street...?

WELL that was very long. Why did you read all of this? Why would you loose so much time? Well y'know what? If you read all of this, i tag YOU.

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