#ive always wanted to have this program love me the same way

[betasuppe]

Trying not to completely waste my day & winded up with nearly 1k words of a drabble where the reader gives Tron a proper introduction to user etiquette... by means of a kiss, which is absolutely 500% just because I want to kiss this fucker senseless.

Anyways, might be tempted to post this out on ao3 when I'm done because, damn, I really do love this program & there's something so fun about making him have emotions like DAMNNNNN

[nnon0]

JJH fic recs #3

previous fic recs : 1. 2.

note: hey yall ik it’s been a while ive been busy with life and truth be told, it’s been getting pretty hard to find good fics to recommend cuz i feel like ive read them all 😭😭😭 anyway jaehyun’s SOLO REVIVED ME SO IM BACK 😜 but im prob just gonna keep updating and adding to this post with fics and not make anymore posts so everytime yall come back there’s gonna be new fics AND PLS RECOMMEND SOME FICS AS WELL

(🫀) - personal faves

(🫀) TRY AGAIN @kaleidohscopic

WC:32.4k

exes to lovers, coworkers! au

if you could have it your way, you'd never have to see, hear, or even think about jeong jaehyun ever again. a fortuitous blind date, and that same dimpled smile after all those years, is somehow enough to make you reconsider. maybe he was always meant to be by your side.

summer of seven years @lebrookestore

WC:30k

summer!au writer!jaehyun

Coming back home was hard for both you and Jaehyun, but when you realize both of you are back in the same place again, feelings from three years ago rise to the surface, and you start to realize that the things you thought you knew when you were younger never quite played out.

(🫀)His love, Her force @anashins

WC:28k

Undercover detective!jaehyun x ballerina!reader , fake marriage au, slow burn

Fleeing from a ruthless stalker, you are forced to participate in a witness protection program at the other side of the world, pretending to be the wife of a taciturn undercover detective from now on. Despite all differences, you slowly start to settle with your new life as a married couple - until your newfound happiness is stripped away from you all over again.

(🫀) BAD HABITS @jaedore

WC:21k

Boxer!jaehyun

You were never really good at saying ‘no’ to people, always a people pleaser, listening to your teachers, parents, to authority. Jung Jaehyun is a professional boxer attempting to make it to the top with the help of your father, who used to be a well known boxer. Being in a friends with benefits relationship with Jaehyun would be the last thing you’d find yourself in-you’re always focused on finishing college, studying hard, and sticking to yourself. With you pushing your feelings down for him and him focused on other things, you’re already in too deep to pull out of this complication. When will it be too much? When is your breaking point?

(🫀) cynosure - a focal point of admiration @drquinzelharleen

WC:20.4k

surgeon!jaehyun , enemies-to-lovers

When the young hot shot doctor, Jung Jaehyun, has been solicited to your hospital. He is to become the new Chief of Surgery. Your excitement and curiosity are soon to be washed away by his cocky disposition.

no guidance @yutaholic

WC:20k

knocked up, smut, pregnancy au

You insist on keeping things casual with Jaehyun, even though he wants something more serious, but then you miss a period and in an instant, your lives are turned completely upside down.

happy now? @hwaflms

wc: 19.9k

ex!jaehyun, fake dating au

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

(🫀) ordinary people @ppangjae

WC: 18.3k

friends-to-lovers, fake dating!au, ceo!jaehyun

Jaehyun’s parents are coming home for Christmas and he may have made the biggest mistake of telling them he has a ‘girlfriend’. Insert you, his best friend, who so happens to be the only girl he knows and trusts. You, on the other hand, would have never expected Jaehyun to show up at your door at two in the morning with nothing but a proposition; to be his fake girlfriend. And man, are you in big trouble.

(🫀)ethereal @celestialmark

WC: 16.7k

fluff, life lessons

(note: shed a tear reading this it was so beautiful i highly highly recommend)

Jaehyun was indeed way more than his good looks. Jaehyun was gentle, honest and sincere, you felt it all in the way he smiled, the way he talked and in the way he kissed you. He was the living definition of ethereal, and his beauty shone the most on the inside

(🫀)SUN&MOON @ppangjae

WC:14.6k

enemies-to-lovers, fake dating

Asking Jeong Jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week Christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. One can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right?

(🫀) chasing stars, losing you @prodbymaui

WC: 14k

exes to lovers, ceo!jaehyun x model!reader

When your relationship got announced, it made noises louder that anyone could've imagined. Of course it will, a pair containing a supermodel and a CEO of one of the most successful enterprise that made a name in both the fashion and business industry. But soon enough, everyone witnessed how the perfect relationship they had been envying crumbled down into tiny pieces until there's nothing left to pick up.

(🫀) if we were a movie @sehunniepotwrites

WC:14k

childhood friends to lovers!au , college au , theatre/drama au

For someone who was always the understudy and never the lead, scoring this role was huge for you. All you had to do was pretend to be in love with your best friend. No big deal, right? Wrong. It was the biggest deal because, for the past four years, you had been hiding your feelings for Jung Jaehyun.

If this were a movie, he would be your perfect match and the story would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

oops, baby (i love you) @prodbymaui

WC:12.5k+

modern royalty au, arranged marriage

you had been living your life as a rebellious and controversial crown princess, now you must face the consequence of purifying your tainted image; marrying the gentle and infamous crown prince of South Korea.

deadly kiss @slightlymore

WC: 12k+

chief architect jaehyun x chief engineer fem reader

office au, enemies? to lovers, dom x dom and trying to force each other to sub, romance, smut, fluff

in your court @boymeetsweevil

WC:10.8k

basketball player!jaehyun , bff!haechan

Two idiots in love, oc is scary when mad, hyuck is crafty always, jae is a bit intense but he’s just trying his best, gratuitous descriptions of dimples, a kiss!!! sfw!

coparenting @eleganzadellarosa

wc: 10.3k

angst, fluff smut

babydaddy!Jaehyun x fem!reader

(🫀)SEVEN LETTERS @ppangjae

WC: 10.1k+

soulmate!au , childhood friends-to-lovers , slight fake dating

On a camping trip, you find a message in a bottle that’s been washed up the shore, only to find out that it’s a message from you in the future. Your message tells you three things:

1. You must make Jeong Jaehyun fall in love with you because,

2. He’s your soulmate and

3. Because of your future self’s mistake, he ended up falling in love with someone else.

the wedding @jae-canikeepyou

WC:9.5k

rivals!jaehyun fluff-crackish

jeong jaehyun’s your long-time friend, and as far as one could remember, every single and little thing you both do ends to a competition; it turned into a permanent kind of relationship you have for over a decade now. no one expects that it would ever change, not until a childhood friend of yours from high school decides to make you two as his singers for his upcoming wedding.

one more time @moondustis

WC:9.4k

smut, friends to lovers

Maybe this right here is a story about growing up and finding yourself, or about finding love and being vulnerable. But it definitely is a story about friendship, skating, pancakes and Jung Jaehyun learning how to deal with his feelings.

(🫀) rose bud @hazyhae

WC:9.2k

stoner!fuckboy!jaehyun , smut

friday nights are party nights, and it's here that your feet always seem to lead you to your favorite stoner. you know the sweet words that leave jaehyun's mouth don't belong just to you, but something about him leaves you wanting more.

baby @moonctzeny

wc:9.1k

college au, fake dating!au

When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

when fratboy falls @gyeomsweetgyeom

WC: 8.9k

fratboy!jaehyun x tutor!reader

Jaehyun is a fratboy with a notorious reputation for being a playboy, you have never heard of him. surely, he can use tutoring as an excuse to get close to you, right?

hello again, my sunshine @alluringjae

WC:8.5k

high school reunion!au, business lawyer!jaehyun, fashion designer!reader, high school best friends to strangers to lovers!au

there’s no more running away when you’re thriving in the fashion industry, yet it’s exactly what you want to do when you encounter your first love after a decade in your high school reunion.

(🫀) The lies of apollo @jaevie

WC:8k

Spy!jaehyun x spy!reader , forbidden love , smut , enemies to lovers

As powerful corporations seek to sun privatization, two spies find themselves falling in love and discovering the wonders of physical affection.

Head over Broomsticks @sehunniepotwrites

WC: 3.5k

Hogwarts!au Sports!au Quidditch!au Gryffindor!jaehyun

When your friends are tired of watching you and your crush go around in circles, they take matters into their own hands. Putting their Advanced Potions skills to the test, Donghyuck and Chenle conjure up a powerful truth serum and slip it in your drink right before a Quidditch game, which leads to a few inappropriate comments about No. 77, Jeong Jaehyun, of Gryffindor’s Quidditch team. This would’ve been fine if you were just a regular spectator but you are much more than that--you’re the Announcer and everyone is subjected to hear your unfiltered thoughts. Just great.

SERIES

(🫀) when icarus falls @baobaojng

college athlete!au , crush!au

(note: this series genuinely brought me to tears btw I HIGHLY RECOMMEND )

some tragic story of you sharing one class with your long time college crush jaehyun who never notices you until he accidentally reads your work and he gets curious— oh, and he uses lame excuses to get to talk to you.

[bronze-and-silver-keys]

HELLO!!! IFUCKCIFNH LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH AND IVE LOVEDD SEEING ALL THE ARY AND WRITING, ITS REALLY COOL!!! ur art makes me want to eat it alive omgwhwh. im almost certain im gonna be fixated on this au for a while LMAOO.

just wondering if u have any ideas with the sdr2 cast and their ghosts out of curiosity? IF NOT THATS TOTALLY FINE!! written or drawn, idm!

HOPE YOU ARE WELL RAAGGHHH UR ART IS SOOSOSOS COOL 🫶‼️

HI I LOVE YOU i love it when people are super enthusiastic. You share my brainrot. Welcome.

I have a few headcanons for most of the SDR2 ghosts!

Spoilers for SDR2

So overall i like to think that the ghosts in SDR2 are more like spectators. Like in certain Minecraft minigames where, when you die, you get put in spectator mode. So they're not actually brain dead, their physical avatars have just been deleted and they were forced to switch game modes, if that makes sense. It would be a failsafe in the NWP if any of the participants were to get hurt or die.

Appearance-wise, all of the ghosts look normal but have additional wounds based on how they died. But there are a couple fun things for some of them:

That's why Chiaki can see them! She's an observer for the NWP, so she has to be able to monitor all of the participants, alive or dead.

They all usually walk around like normal, but sometimes if they're feeling silly they float like they're in water.

Terteru got deep fried, so his hair would have that breading and would always be very toasty to be around. (I have another ask about his appearance that I'll do a drawing for :3)

Nekomaru appears as his human self with a burn scar across his chest.

Ibuki’s head comes off and she tosses it around sometimes for fun.

Nagito is just drenched in blood. Hands, arms, stomach, legs, mouth. Bro is pink.

Chiaki doesn't exactly have a ghost in the same way the others do. Her program essentially gets deleted and tries to reboot itself, because we see her after her execution in canon. Until the point she talks to Hajime alone, her avatar is glitched out.

During the 6th trial, when Hajime is having a breakdown after being told he's Izuru and dealing with that, Chiaki is able to pull him out of his physical avatar to talk to her in the programs version of limbo, before being able to send him back.

I really like doing the ghost au with sdr2 because it differs from the other games, being a simulation, and you can do a lot of fun technological stuff with it.

[onwhatcaptain]

Chapter 4 is out! Here's a fresh slice from my novel-length K/S fic!

“That is not the word I would employ, but the concept is essentially correct. Your body’s thermoregulation has been impacted by your injury, and compounded further by the temperature on Aralis IV. Maintaining your body heat will be conducive to increased oxygen transport to your damaged tissues. However, there is little way to raise your core temperature beyond the sharing of body heat. I am certain you are aware of this, having taken the same survival course at the Academy that I have.” Spock does not have to remind the captain that he is the one who designed the ship's survival procedures training program. He inclines his head in the direction of Ensign May and Lieutenant Sulu, who are all but three inches from one another as they sleep. Their arms are around one another. It is logical, but Spock omits that he wishes to have his fingers on Kirk’s pulse for fear that it might just disappear sometime in the middle of the night—omission isn’t lying. “Very logical,” Kirk agrees, with an unreadable expression. “That’s the first time anyone’s used that line on me.”

As always, if you were curious about that bit, you should check out my fic "I Shall Do Neither" here at AO3! Details below:)

I Shall Do Neither (23039 words) by onwhatcaptain Chapters: 5/22 Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Spock Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock (Star Trek), Leonard "Bones" McCoy Additional Tags: Romance, Angst, Heavy Angst, Loss of Control, Psychological Trauma, Mutual Pining, Five Year Mission (Star Trek), Episode: s02e05 Amok Time, Post-Episode: s02e05 Amok Time, Pon Farr, Pon Farr Aftermath (Star Trek), Unresolved Sexual Tension, Friendship, Grief, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, Unreliable Narrator, Vulcan Biology, Tarsus IV (Star Trek), Vulcan Mind Melds, Non-Linear Narrative, Storytelling Through Vignettes, Missing Scenes Between Episodes, Plot, Cover Art, Canon Divergence, Digital Art, Illustrations Summary: In the wake of the kal-if-fee on Vulcan, Kirk is dead. When T’Pau tells Spock to live long and prosper, he knows he shall do neither. This is a story about men who love each other, and the lengths they will go to for one another. - Foolish, he thinks. I have been a fool.   How he had wanted so desperately to prove his Vulcan side. How all his life it had felt like a performance, and yet, to be finally subject to the most Vulcan thing of all destroyed him. The stripping of logic. All sense torn from him. His carefully constructed barriers had collapsed like a flimsy house of cards. To be granted his wish this way was a type of mockery. How he had wanted to be fully Vulcan. To prove that the blood which runs through his veins was not so human.   How wanting had been better than having. - This story is told in two parts across 21 chapters, and will be updated on Fridays.

[nunanuggets]

Ok, i've seen a lot of people do posts like this so i will crawl out of my hiatus and say a little something too. A bit of a TW for this one.

I don't even know where to start. If i tried to explain what the Bad Batch characters mean to me, i would fail gloriously. I can't put it into words. Ever since we met them in 2020, i grew so incredibly attached to them. Ive thought about them every single day since then. Over 4 years of having my boys with me for comfort, through inpatient programs, hospital stays, medical emergencies, hardships with friends and family; they've always been there.

Ive read thousands of fanfics and seen equally as many pieces of fanart created, and honestly, i am going to miss it. This is quite a small fandom, and it will die out. Slowly become dormant, like a red dwarf. It's bittersweet.

I have gone through so much these past few years, and none of it was good. Ive spiralled deeper and deeper down into a hellhole that i can't get back out of, to the point where last year after season 2, i swore to myself i would end it with the end of this show. Because that's all i would wait for. This is all i lived for. I needed to know how my boy's story ends. I honestly don't know what to do with this show ending.

Since i am pretty certain that they will kill at least one of my favs, i am not sure how i am going to handle that. I haven't had the opportunity to prepare for that moment.

After losing Tech, i knew this show would never be the same. I miss the season 1 days.

My love lies with Hunter and Crosshair, they will always have a special place im my heart. As does Echo, having known him for so long. And sweet Wrecker. I'm gonna miss him.

I want to thank the friends that i made along the way and who have stuck with me, you know who you are. I love you. And i hope we will remain friends after all this is over.

With that, i am signing off. Be well, everyone, and see you on the flipside.

[blackbackedjackal]

That post about brushes is so real. Ive downloaded so many brushes to try and use but inevitably go back to two of the default ones that came with the program. Its a shame cuz some of those brushes look cool in theory but i never like how they look with my style

And yea, maybe some of them would save time, but I'd rather do things the long way and get a result im happy with ykwim

I feel that so hard. Like I'd love if there was a brush for every scenario to save me time but sometimes you just don't vibe with them or you can't mess with the settings in a way that works well for you. It's like having a pencil or pen you like to draw with then jumping to a colored pencil or crayon and not liking the way it feels. Everyone renders differently and not every tool will be useful or work for everyone but when you have that one tool that words it's super nice. Hell, I'm guilty of buying 2-4 of the same kinds of sketchbooks just because I like the paper and it feels weird to switch after being accustom to the same texture for a while.

I use the same brush for most of my digital work and only use different ones for certain situations. Both of these were rendered with the same two tools (lasso tool and real watercolor brush). If you know how to mess with file sizes and brush settings you can get a lot out of just using tools you're comfortable with.

I deffo would have saved time using a fur brush or something, but sometimes hand drawing with a tool I'm comfortable with just gives me more control of what I want my work to look like in the end.

Shortcuts like specific brushes are always good and welcome, especially if you like it and it works for your style. But for me, if I gotta draw every damn strand of June's hair to be satisfied with the results then I'll do it because that's part of what makes my style, my style. I'd rather experiment in my comfort zone so I can learn how I personally render something. For me, leaning HOW I render helps for when I study how other people render things, or try out different tools. I have a better understanding of what I'm working towards stylistically, so when I try something and it doesn't work, I know it's just because it doesn't work for me and know I need to keep searching for something that does.

You're allowed to learn and try new things and make mistakes (assuming those mistakes are in good faith) because that's how you grow as an artist. So long as it's an honest and earnest attempt and you're willing to learn and evolve as you go, I don't think it's fair to just dog on someone for doing their best in that moment just because it's not perfect. There is always room for improvement, but sometimes that improvement won't happen until several attempts later. Like idk some people just don't know how to be chill and jump to really insane conclusions. It's so much easier to be like "hey, I noticed that you were trying to render this, here's some resources I used to learn how to do this, hope they help next time you try this out," instead of WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THESE TOOLS OR MAKE THIS LOOK PERFECT??? WHY DID YOU POST THIS IF YOU KNEW IT DIDN'T LOOK PERFECT??? etc.

[noctiilio]

hi! why do you like LLS and Gengetsu so much? ^^

Okay so! I've already answered the question about the character of gengetsu in this tumblr post and this youtube video which yeah go check them out if you want to discover her and learn more about her personality, lore, behind the scenes design choices etc!

But if i were to answer this post, without paraphrasing anything ive said about her ? I'll have to talk about myself and the person i am, not her, to answer you properly.

We're about to get sad real fast this is an extremely vulnerable moment for me but everything about what makes gengetsu special to me IS vulnerable (which is why i never talked about it before but nows the time methinks)

1 - I'm also very reclusive and a bit of a dreamer

Dreams always are fascinating to me. Ever since i was small i'd get so caught up in my imagination i'd forget about the world around me. To extreme extents, may i add. Tripping over myself or running into poles may seem like exaggeration but it's not, i legitimately got sent to the nurse's multiple times because of it. My parents would get called to the teacher's office every year without fail because "nocti isn't there in class. Her mind isn't there at all, we're concerned about how well she'll perform". I did perform good, for some magical reason! But i was barely there. My mind is also very active at night. i tend to remember most of my dreams, which are all memorable in some kind of way. I always get excited to find out what i'll get to see when i'm going to sleep. I consider this some kind of entertainment! Sometimes I'll get dreamless nights, yes, and i wake up disappointed and just hope for better programming the next time i sleep. And the secluded dream world aspect, the whole "this is my place just for me" thing she has with Mugetsu also overlaps with what makes Flandre special to me, by the way. I'm also a little bit of a shut in and i like to bury myself into a pile of stuffed animals that take three quarters of the space on my bed, i have fairy lights, i like to be comfy. it's my little safe bubble. If you've seen my plush unboxing videos, like the custom gengetsu and the clownpiece i have, you'll know what my safe haven looks like! It's nice to put myself on my bed with my cat, burrowed under blankets and stuffed animals, and let my mind peacefully wander wherever it wants to. But yeah! This makes her being a dream denizen and the close knit purpose of her dream world really cool to me!

2- I have a similar personality.

I'm a little naive, believe it or not! It's probably another reason why i don't open up like this very often. You could tell me most things and i'd probably take them at face value. I'm just a little clueless. I'm curious, I'm cheerful, a little chaotic sometimes, well, if you follow me and my content you probably are aware of all that. I'm quick to protect the ones i care about. I'm usually the one who takes care of bad eggs in my friend circles. I'm not very confrontational, but when it comes to it, i'm somehow good at it…? But did you know at the same time i'm a HUGE crybaby? … I should not tell you this. WHY am i telling you this. ever since i was small i was always prone to the Weeeeeehhhhhh it's not faiiiiiir weeeeeh. It's not a bratty "things arent going my way" kind of WEEEH it's always been a "i am being wronged and i don't have the inner cool to express it" kind of WEEEH. But it WAS excessive. All it'd take was for my childhood friend (love you bestie btw) to get tiger face paint on and tell me she was gonna eat me for me to think it was real and start wailing. You know who else breaks into a frustration tantrum when you defeat her after lotus land story? You know, the stage where she hasn't done a single thing wrong to warrant reimu and marisa's intervention? YEAH.

3 - I, too, am an older sister.

This is probably the most central aspect that draws me to her, positive sisterhood is my favorite trope because it calls back to how I once was. I am the first born of my family, and i have four younger siblings, my uncles had children of their own which amounts to four little cousins. Counting me, thats nine children. I was between the ages of 3 and 13 when they were all born. I was always quick to get attached to them, I'd always show them cool older kid stuffs like showing my megabloks dragons collection to my infant brother who could not even sit yet. I gave it my all. And that applied outside of my family too i was everyones government assigned big sister as soon as i became verbal. We have vhs footage of 5 year old me at my mom's lord of the rings stage play (2003) cheering up a crying kid from my group because she had stage fright. I ripped that digitally for preservation so maybe one day i'll show you some bits of that it was neat.

Sadly it didnt last long and ive lost contact with two siblings and three cousins, because of adults taking sides in major arguments for good. I'll never see them again. I guess if you really wanna psychanalyze me there, little Gengetsu here resonates with my memories of before bonds began to shatter, you know?

The family kinship she has with Mugetsu is everything I wished I could've strived for but due to reasons outside of my control it never came to be, so that's why she's so special. She reminds me of the little nocti who still had her heart full.

---

Thanks for reading! I hope you, too, have a character that's just as special to you. Tell me in the tags who's the character that resonates with you! Oh! And if you're a fan of the twins too, let's be friends, yeah?

[ashiyn]

Hi! Hope it's all good, I wanted to ask you what software you use for your edits I've honestly no clue where to start but I've loads of little clips of yours saved :D

hiya!! im so sorry for the delayed answer, i swear tumblr doesnt give me notifs about my inbox im fuming. this is quite long so the answer and some editing tips are under the cut! please feel free to reach out if there's something that doesn't make sense or if you ever need any tips or help!

i personally use adobe after effect 2020 with some plugins! most people would probably use adobe premiere pro for compilations like the ones i do but im WAY WAY WAY more used to after effect due do making daily fancams/edits in the past (i do not recommend doing this btw- got burned out after doing it for about a year LMAO). so for example if you're interested in making edits like this or this i'd go for after effect but if you wanna make stuff like this or this, premiere pro is probably the way to go, even if i use AE for both 😭

adobe products are very expensive and you need quite the computer for it to run it without crashing all the time so if you dont have the resources or want to dedicate some time into researching turrenting + vpn and how to install it properly + the plugins on top of learning a pretty confusing (at first) program i'd recommend capcut! it's a free phone app and ive personally never used it, but ive had a lot of mutuals before use it and it looks great and pretty simple to use once you get the hang of it.

learning after affect is extremely frustrating i wont lie, but it's probably the best software if you want to do complicated stuff or simply just get smooth slow mo that you often use in edits! it's worth it in the end after you get the hang of it! there's a lot of youtube tutorials out there and i'd love to help with settings and keyframes if needed!

using AE can be a little bit of an overkill if you're only looking into trying editing to see if you think it's fun and worth the time it takes, so phone apps is honestly an amazing start to get into it. i just decided to go 120% out of nowhere due to getting a hyperfixiation on deciding to learn how to edit and doing it in a more "professional" way and potentially become an editor in the future -> which did not happen. or well. i did end up having a tiktok account with 45k followers when i posted a lot of my edits of shows that i liked but i was potentially thinking of becoming a yt editor or maybe work in media more. however im a burned out nurse student now LMAO

personal tips when it comes to editing;

i use while editing is to make a mindmap or simply just write down key elements you want in your edit to make it easier and prevents you from having to redo your edit (which is painful).

to make the edit "run more smoothly" make sure to fade the clip to be more dark at the end and start the next coming clip with a fade from dark to light. learning slow mo can be tricky in any app, but if possible i use the same thing with clips where it starts faster, is the slowest in the middle of the clip, and starts to get to normal speed at the end of the clip to make the transition over to another clip seem smoother and not like a raw cut.

this might be more of a editing style preference but i always add a slight zoom (either in or out depending on the transition) at every clip so that it's not as awkwardly still. i also always add a slight shake that you cant really see unless you focus on it for the same reason as the zoom. i found that even if the transitions are extremely simple or not even there at all, these small things make an edit look way more "professional" and less choppy.

next thing is "just" to learn what transitions you like after that and dont be afraid to mess with settings, even if you follow a tutorial. its all about finding your own editing style and what you like more!

i download youtube videos using loader.to but screen recording also works! i download mine to make the fps be correct to match when im slowing down a clip but that might be a bit overkill. youtube4kdownloader.com is a great website to cut clips from youtube videos to download too! just make sure to use adblockers when using the websites!

also: editing takes a lot of time and dont feel discouraged if it takes long to finish one! once you have more of an editing style it becomes more of a routine the more you edit!

these tips can be used on any editing app (with the slow mo being an exception in some apps) but then again, dont feel like you need any of it and just go ham on whatever ideas you have! id love to see any edit of yours :D

[starjxsung]

brb lemme book a flight so i can come to the u.s and do your nails 🫡🛩️

also omg life update ig butttt ive always dwelled on the fact that im taking an extra year at uni so im there for 5 years instead of 4. when the winter sem ended i went back to the doc where i tracked the credits/coures and other program requirements i had done–and the way i was shocked and had to double check if i was correct with how i was tracking my uni progress cos after this summer sem of taking 3 courses is completed, i'll have 5 courses left of my uni career for the coming fall+winter sem.

so if all goes well then at the end of the winter 2025 sem, i would have completed all my uni degree course requirements so i can apply for graduation. i'll (hopefully) be a uni graduate next year!!

going back to the whole dwelling thing, i focused more on how long i had already been at the school and i was completely blind to the fact that i'm almost done. i was completely blind to the progress i was making, too focused on the past instead of the future ig

but like holy shit i didn't realize i was almost done my uni career and it blew my mind when i did that tracking and rechecked and realized that i really am almost done.

since that whole realization, i've been thinking of what i'm gonna be doing after i graduate and it's still a big ?? but i do know im not going to grad school or anything, my time at uni just further cements the fact that school and i don't mix, i can't sit down and study for hours on end, so going to grad school would just be a waste of time and money. at the same time it'll be the first time where i wont have that school routine of attending class and doing homework which has also got me wondering how my days are gonna look once ive graduated. so ive been thinking about adulting recently and its quite daunting and scary so i try to save those thoughts for when im in my therapy appointments.

but that's my little life update, 🌸 anon is gonna be a uni graduate soon!!!! ~🌸

UNI GRADUATE NEXT YEAR LET’S GOOOOOOOOO IM SO EXCITED OJ MY GODDDMDKDKDJDK

I took 5 years too because so many of my course requirements shifted around when covid hit and everything was virtual. But no shame in it!!!! It was def something I dwelled on when I first realized I was going to be taking a little longer to graduate but now I look back and I’m like whooo cares the important thing is that eventually I graduated ! Completely feel you on missing sight of the fact that you WILL be graduating eventually and you’re so close to it, too! You should be so so so proud of yourself and I’M so so so proud of you!!!!

post-uni life is veryyyyy scary when you first approach it, but it’s so refreshing at the same time. It’s such a good period of time to just learn about yourself and figure out what it is that you want from your life and from your degree. There’s so many opportunities you have with a fresh degree and so much more time to just have fun and meet people and embrace adulthood for the first time without the barrier of school. Definitely scope out what you can do with your degree but remember it’s also a great time to do things for yourself and be happy. Don’t forget you’re just a human being at the end of the day and we’re all trying to make it here ❤️

I love you! And I’m beyond proud of you!!!!! Go get em 🫶💓💘💕💗🩷👼

[paullovescomics]

Free Comic Book Day 2024

I thought it might be fun to write a little something about each of the comics I got yesterday at FCBD. So here we go. Part 1 of 5.

The Worlds of James Tynion IV - This includes samples from three different series written by James Tynion IV: Something Is Killing the Children, Memetic, and The Woods. These are all creator-owned series published through Boom! Studios. The only one of these I'd read before is Something Is Killing the Children. The pages here are, IIRC, the opening pages of volume one. The other samples also feel like openings. They are all intriguing. Each scene has a really good hook. They are all horror series. I'd say this is a good FCBD issue, as it definitely works as a promotional comic. You really want to see what happens next in each of these series.

Dying Inside - Mixed emotions here, because the story is about a girl who is trying to kill herself. It's not done distastefully, it's just inherently troublesome. I don't want to dwell on it. It's not a series that I want to read, but this opening chapter does end on a cliffhanger, so it does its job as a "first taste". Do not read if you are having problems with self harm or suicidal thoughts (the warning on the inside front cover says essentially the same).

Hellboy - As far as I can remember, I've never read a Hellboy story that I didn't like, and happily, that tradition continues here. It's 1983, and Hellboy is investigating a potentially supernatural death in Romania. In the process, he encounters a monster who can see into his past, showing us the readers glimpses of previous Hellboy stories. This is a cool way of showcasing the character's catalog, and it's a satisfying short story. Well done. The second story in this issue is a Stranger Things tie-in featuring Argyle, that dude from the most recent season who delivers pizzas. It's neat bit of backstory for him, and the art is nice. Good stuff.

Absolute Power - This one is billed as "the prelude to the epic event!" and that's accurate. It introduces the latest scheme by Amanda Waller, Supervillain. She has teamed up with Failsafe, who is apparently something like those robot duplicates that Superboy used to keep around to protect Smallville when he was away, but it's Batman this time, and it's super serious. Or, you know, as serious as a Batman robot duplicate can be. Waller is in charge of some new, super-powerful government program, and she's taken over the Hall of Justice (renaming it the Hall of Order). Okay, I love the DC characters, so I'm always interested in what's going on with them, and my comic-nerd brain can't help but be a little intrigued by wondering where the latest twists and turns are going, but I probably won't pick this up. The supervillain version of Amanda Waller feels like a lessening of the character. She felt more complex in the old Suicide Squad when she wasn't super. I know she doesn't have actual superpowers, but she's super like Batman or Lex Luthor are super: they have super resources, super smarts, super skills, super plans, etc. etc. Anyway. The art is great, and the write-ups about DC's recent events (Lazurus Planet, Beast World…) made me want to read those. Apparently Waller had a thread running through those that led up to Absolute Power, so good job with the longterm storytelling seeds. (Yes, I'm way behind with the superhero universes. The only current one I've been reading is Birds of Prey, which I love. I'm a mood reader, and the mood goes where the mood wants to go.)

[nicolos]

Hi, this is very random but I LOVE your edits!! SO SO much!! And I wanted to ask (if you feel like elaborating but no pressure!) about your editing process (I am a complete newbie). I am in awe of the connections you draw in your edits - do you first choose a song and then try to match the content to it or the other way around? And if you don't mind me asking which program do you use? And how do you get clean audio without the background music? ((I would greatly appreciate your advice if it wouldn't be too much of a burden, wishing you the loveliest of days<3))

hi there!! first off this is so sweet, and I really appreciate hearing that you like my edits!it's always so exciting to get that kind of feedback, esp since video edits arent smth ive done a Lot of or my primary form of fanwork, i guess

For some elaboration - I assume you mean the black sails edits (?), so I'm going to be answering for those. On the whole, I don't have a super well-defined process, so it definitely varies edit to edit, but in general, I tend to work off themes or ideas rather than audio! Especially since I'm not usually working with lyrics, in which case it would be a totally different story.

A lot of my black sails edits specifically are about highlighting a specific theme and how its paralleled over the show, so finding parallels usually is just me trying to remember different scenes which demonstrate the same concept, kind of. I have a file of the whole shows subtitles pasted into one place, so I do a lot of Ctrl+f with keywords (the 'you and i' video was built off literally just that) - and then try to arrange it in a way that makes sense for the BS narrative as well as the point im trying to make in the video. i also really love finding completely different conversations that feel like call and response, and setting them up against each other. Parallels! Contrasts! Etc

I try to work with an audio already in mind, though, generally, just because the flow is kind of determined by that. I didn't for the partners video, and I think it's a bit weaker for it, though i did adjust the music to suit it later. Picking a song if I have a theme in mind is really just going thru my soundtracks playlist, which is like 30% of all music I listen to, and picking smth with a vibe that fits + a pace and length that I think the video will match. (Sometimes I will also just cut the song down a bit)

The program I use is kdenlive, which is an free and open source video editing tool! It's not got quite as many features as smth like davinci resolve, but I find it works for my purposes, which are really just cropping, pasting, and a tiny bit of sharpen/recolour. that said kdenlive has a bunch of other features and options that I simply don't use and also don't know how because I haven't experimented, so its not like snip and move clips around is All you can do with it.

re: the background audios... this one is actually a process lol. i have high qual versions of all the BS eps with 6 channel audio, and ive made versions of each episode where ive isolated the central channel which usually has dialogue. however this channel also will have some slight background music or ambient sounds, so it's not really just the dialogue - but it works for the purposes of the video, where lower sounds like that may get hidden by music anyway. ymmv, it depends scene to scene, but I don't need it to be perfectly clean so it works for me. Ive isolated these channels through ffmpeg, which is a command prompt based editing thing, and isn't difficult to learn but isn't exactly the most user-friendly thing, i guess? However I understand ( @dykementality confirm?) that davinci resolve lets you just isolate audio channels of any clip you're editing, so like, that's an option. i Can give more detailed instructions on ffmpeg, or at least on the code that I use to make files w isolated audio, though honestly I've forgotten how to install ffmpeg (though it can't have been too difficult or I wouldn't have bothered)

I hope that helped you a little, pal! If you have any further clarification I'd be happy to help w/ what I know! And I hope you have a wonderful day also!

[dojae-huh]

Anon as someone who works I agree most times ppl who work with you are just colleagues but you do build friendships on the way too. I've had colleagues help me financially (giving me loans when I needed it) to help me find someone to take over my responsibilities for 2 months when I needed holidays the most a few years back. There are a few ppl I would never be alone with but Ive also built friendships that have lasted me to this day even if they left the place I work at.

Most SM idols are very close, they all meet outside work and even years after they worked together unlike others. SES and also girls generation still meet (other than Jessica though). Same with tvxq we have pics of yunho and jaejoong chatting and sitting with eo parents and family. 127 are a male group so believe me when they're angry at someone they fight and resolve it, unlike women who have been programmed to be competitive with other women and so never even get along well with their sisters. Women compete for attention, snsd talked about this very well in the beginning of their career.

As for 127 you could clearly see the cracks in the band or the groups very clearly a few years back. It's still there but it has become alot better since 2022... Either they all talked out what each members wants to do or members have accepted that changes will be happening.

As for taeyong and doyoung, doyoung built this friendship. Doyoung used to get irritated with tae and even talked to his manager about it but ultimately they learned to live and become very good friends through it. Dotae are so similar to my fav ship from shinee minkey, to this day they keep arguing and fighting but they also do everything together.

We build most of our relationships both platonic and romantic and dotae is very much built on mutual respect and love so it's not fake at all, Doyoung smiles fake but never cries fake, he hates being emotional so why would he cry for the fans.

Dowoo, johndo, johnwoo even johnjae are very much collgues... Just look at BTS videos and who are usually sitting together... But they're good enough colleagues to be good work friends

Yes sometimes over the top ships are fake, like markhyuck but markhyuck are very close and depend emotionally and spiritually for strength to continue with their work in 2 bands. Mark kept haechan active last year but ultimately I've a feeling 127 hyungs asked haechan to just take a break so he sat out of the tour. Same with ppl not realising that haechan is very close to jisung and jeno... He closest to them along with renjun

Random but renjun is the very social and I as a NCT fan never realised it, the boy has friends who are 10 or more years older than him in SM. He's making good relationships as he gets older. From what I've seen his friendships are close enough for him to make fun of a hyung who is 9 years older to him

Also as groups grow older most groups stop selling we're family, shinee and 127 never sold the idea of good family or siblings. They are very open about being colleagues who got together but both these bands have very strong bonds... Super junior always talk about them only doing stuff for the camera but their families go on vacations together. The Siblings of the members are on friendly terms and so are the parents... The boys even live together still (at least eunhyuk and kyuhyun lived together in a flat a few years back)

As for 127 crying, army changes alot of things... Eunhyuk was the most funny member and the member with the most work but after army he hasn't found a permanent gig that's popular. Same with suju being limited to their own fandom. Shinee got a boost of new fans thanks to superm but most have left or prefer being taeminnie fans

Taeyong isn't a singer, he is the visual and the face of 127. He might be worried that fans would be bored and leave the fandom. It's tough waiting for 3 or 4 years for the band to be back together

It took shinee almost 4 years and believe me it was tough although we got so many solo albums in between this army period but the band together is more fun and the reason most ppl are in the fandom.

I get why taeyong cried and I get why doyoung supported him... Also you have to realise not everyone can cope with army. Taemin had to leave in the middle of his service coz of his mental health deteriorating too much. He did his last year as a public service person, it must be tough thinking of the future where you're expected to follow rules and regulations harsher than even idol industry. Btw fans have left fandoms in the army period alot of times... Even if youre in the fandom sometimes you stop following everything and not know half the fandom jokes or fights (me with shinee fandom atm)

I prefer to buy 127 albums instead of shinee ones now, I still don't have physical copies of key solos, And he's my ultimate fav K-pop singer

P.S. as a teacher I can tell you anon that all work places are fake, I also smile and small talk with ppl I won't trust.

Idol industry is normal life but on steroids, all these things happen in real life too, but most times you don't realise it until you're in the job.

A workplace is a place to meet people. Whether those people become friends or not depends on your personal compatibility and events that help you to know each other better. Like when I work in the field I live in the same room with others, we see each other in underwear, cook for each other and go into the night to spend hours in a dark forest. In such conditions people with suitable characters naturally become close quickly (and the opposite happens with difficult people as there is no room to breath, no personal space really). On the other hand, working at a cafe or a store offers very little to help bonding. Everyone is tired, pissed at managers and hate their job.

The anon's reasoning is correct for many idol groups, it doesn't mean it applies to each one of them. Also, I myself think that families are often less close than good friends, that they are kept together by blood, tradition and responsibilities. Thus I find comparing a band to a family very fitting actually. As one can't choose relatives, one can't choose bandmates (in most cases, sometimes older A-list trainees invite their friends into the agency and then debut together).

[finalgoob]

you listed her (2013) as a comfort movie. is it ok if i ask why? i’m attached to the film as well but for me it’s always been a way of understanding or explaining a part of myself i’m not super proud of (i.e., the seemingly strange things i will do to escape my own loneliness). i guess i want to understand what made you have such a different relationship to the movie?

ooh interesting question!!! i think its cos i would always find myself drawn to rewatching it whenever i get my heart broken LMAO i always saw it as essentially a man trying to work through the grief of his marriage falling apart by falling in love w someone else, and in doing that theo and samantha were never meant to last, but they were both better for what they were able to provide each other. samantha is able to transend beyond her programming while theo is able to come to a place where he forgives both himself and his ex-wife. thats why the last scene is him reading aloud a letter he wrote to her, mirroring the way the movie starts with him writing love letters for other people, "sometimes i think ive felt everything im ever gonna feel and from here on out im not gonna feel anything new, just lesser versions of what I've already felt", him telling samantha she what she feels isnt even real. at the end when amy essentially goes thru the same thing as him down to the connection with an AI, he sees himself in her and realizes oh its valid. oh everything ive been feeling is real. it was all real and it's all over and it's ok. the end of a relationship doesnt negate the good parts that already happened. the past happened, but the future will, too. and that's comforting 2 me idk

whatever someone you become and wherever you are in the world, i'm sending you love. you're my friend to the end.

[axemetaphor]

my dad got his hands on a copy of Sonic 06 for the xbox and asked me to be his play-tester after having a lot of trouble with that speed level right at the beginning (catching up to Eggman's ship on the beach) and i got as far as the Silver battle before giving up, so here's my notes

DISCLAIMER this isnt an invitation to dunk on the game in the notes of this post alright we've seen enough of that. i dont hate the game. no, really, i dont. i respect everything it tried to be and feel bad for literally everyone working on it because, from what i gather, they were green and facing extreme crunch time. sucks for everyone involved. anyway:

the load times on xbox were VASTLY better, which makes a lot of sense, given from what i know the ps3 has a ... strange way of storing/retrieving/loading data, but they were still pretty long and a little too frequent for my liking. still, probably not anyone's fault, tbqh. i'll have to see if the emulator my dad's working on getting on his PC (finally, he's been trying to do that for years now lmao,) has the same issue to figure out if it's a programming problem or hardware. personally im pretty sure it's just hardware.

it's much easier to steer sonic if you use the camera and his movement, but the camera will still fuck you over. this isnt 06 specific though game cameras are Always hard to wrangle lmao

the animations for this game are so strange... i dont say this as a negative whatsoever. it looks like they were mocapped, which is fascinating to me, translating human proportions onto sonic--it doesnt always work, and i personally wouldn't've made the choice to do that, but it makes me want to study it lmao

the voice acting as well is strange, at least in english; im not knocking anyone's work, whatsoever. i still really love the performances. but i think back to this one tweet i made about silver's intro dialogue where i mentioned that i loved the performance, but the poor guy sounded like he'd done a hundred takes of the audio and was losing grasp of Words themselves (As happens to everybody) and Silver's english VA not only liked the tweet but started following me because of it. this was during the trend of not actually giving VAs context for their dialogue, and not really.. respecting them at all, and it makes me sad to think that maybe they did stick everyone in a box, hand them lists of lines, and make them say them over and over until the director got whatever they wanted--or, on the opposite end, were only given enough time for a single take out of the inherent disrespect for VAs that's present in Many fields

the environments are fucking gorgeous and i was genuinely surprised by how many things i could interact with in the levels. granted, i did get stuck on them sometimes, but i doubt the poor devs got any chance to fix that shit. i liked especially ramming Eggman's Cerberus into a statue instead of the wall and watching the statue completely shatter, that's genuinely pretty cool, they couldve just had it be like the walls, static and unreacting. i also liked how the Cerberus decimated those pillars, but thats mostly because the camera kept getting stuck on them

there's very little active direction in the game, save for the floating (?)s, which can sometimes be wordy enough that ive already fucked up and died before theyre done talking. that's probably on my dumbass though.

collision physics in this game ... sure is. i cant remember if all games from the 2000s were like this given i have more experience with older games (pre-00's) + brand fucken new ones so someone else weigh in on this s'il vous plait.

the pre-rendered cutscenes are still fucking gorgeous. delightful.

so much of this game is such a lovely awkward development-stage kind of thing, like awkward teen years. the homing-attack mechanics make me grateful for the auto-targeting of later games. the way he goes from 0 to 100 is in character but hard to play (unwieldy) and makes me glad for the more measured sliding scale of other games. the sprint parts of the game, where youre just steering him, are so fucking cool but i am so fucking bad at them and im glad that in future games the sensitivity of the controls was turned down. it took me some lives to get into a proper rhythm with it, get a sense of just how much of a hair trigger the directional changes were. tails' attacks in this game definitely felt like they could've been much better (throwing the bombs is So difficult to aim, thanks to the camera and how long the animation for it is) and i'm glad they're different in other games--the bombs is a cool idea, just needed to be implemented differently imo

if you knwo more about the development n shit of this game id love to hear it, all i know is they had serious crunch time to release the game alongside the ps3 as its flagship game and had to cut a lot of steps from the process/cut a lot of corners. i attribute a lot of its flaws (and "flaws") to that tbqh. sonic 06 is not a bad game, it's a game that was failed by its circumstances. i dont know fully, im just an animator, i have never in my life made a proper video game.

also this may just be me but i have a theory that this game was meant to be like the Shadow the Hedgehog game, and not rated E for Everyone after all. the darker storybeats (sonic's murder, elise's death, silver's future etc) all feel like they'd have been better-executed at a level closer to that. it feels To Me like they were developing the beginnings of this game (script, designs) in tandem with the endtail development of ShTH, and when it received pushback for the guns, swearing, and violence, they panicked and had to neuter the story. i have a lot of respect for what the game COULD have been.

[way2gosuperrstarr]

going to put answers to these under the cut so this doesnt look obscenely long to whatever poor person's feed this pops up on . im sorry lol

1) my best friend wanted to watch a security breach playthru since it had just released when we were together for a couple days, so we did !!! the second i saw them in the daycare section i was like . HELL YEAH . id never consumed any fnaf content before sb, but security breach was the pipeline that got me into watching playthrus of every fnaf game and consuming so so many lore videos about everything and honestly now i'd say fnaf is like one of my biggest interests. its kinda funny how that turned out :')

2) i have no idea but they instantly won me over w their (mostly sun's) swagless charm, and (both of their) goofy ass looks. god theyre such losers . also i FUCKING LOVE HALF AND HALF CHARACTERS !!!!!! makinf a character half and half colors is a straight away way to make me love them !!!!! so much !!!!! i also love celestial themes !!!!! i LOVE!! THE !!! SKY !!!!!! at work i get to see sunsets when we walk the dogs at the end of the day (and sometimes when im scheduled in the morning i see sunrises) and it makes me SO HAPPY

3) since the release of security breach :]

4) not yet !!!!!! i havent been able to afford a computer yet, and in the same vein i havent been able to afford the fnafsb switch port for my nintendo switch. yet, at least !! i do hope to experience it on an actual computer though, eventually.

5) probably just my designs :') im not the best at like ...... tryly communicating my scenario ideas its something im trying to work on. i also just get ....... really embarrassed.

6) im not picky tbh !!! but i looooove just like. cute stuff :3

7) no answer for this one. yet, at least!

8) YES !!!!!!!! my baby cloudy. i absolutely LOVE them so fucking much. i made them shortly after sb's initial release its been about twice years with them <3 theyve gone thru countless redesigns and are currently going thru one now but ive always loved then thru each one <33 im still working on my sona. been doing it since like the beginning. i have a hard time w sonas haha

9) THEYRE SO STINKING CUTE I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS . THEYRE SOOOO ADORABLE WITH THEIR CANON DESIGN MODELS

10) just seeing everything everyone else makes. something about it just makes me feel like. really happy. and just seeing like ...... the community that's formed.

11) thats a hard one </3 idk maybe like ..... sun . im sorry moon :(

12) I LOVE HIM . HES PERFECT . he seems so . kind :') god

13) honestly, i think he's about the same! tone down the anxiety a bit, i think the glitch definitely brought that out because who on earth would program the bot thats supposed to care for children with uncontrollable anxiety ?!?

14) i think he definitely was more like .... calm. and i'd see him as very kindhearted and soft ... a contrast to his glitch affected form. but i think he'd still have a little edge to him, since he's the 'security program', for lack of a better term, side of the dca

15) personally i see them as two separate beings in one body . i dont think it like .... super matters though? theyre very different. i think even if theyre two sides of the same person they're extremely wildly different and essentially function as two different people.

16) CANON ECLIPSE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🚨🚨📢📢📢📢📢‼️‼️📢📢📢‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🚨🚨‼️‼️🗣️🗣️‼️🚨🗣️📢📢📢🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 HE IS SO PERFECT

17) (no answer atm tbh)

18) honestly .... not sure . help wanted 2 blew me outta the water because tbh i hadnt been keeping up w the teasers and such due to life stuff so when sun/moon appeared in it i was absolutely fucking FLOORED

19) i'd .. really hope so ....! im just. really not sure though. i dont have a very good grasp on my perception of my self/my own place in the world and how i could potentially get along with people. it's something ive struggled with my whole life, its just very difficult for me to try to imagine how i'd get along with someone. but. i do like to imagine, maybe i would. maybe i would get along with them if i met them irl, and i think that would be nice. :] it would make me so happy.

20) honestly i just . really love seeing the community and how everyone interacts and such !!! ive always felt like an outsider in communities, even this one, but something about still feeling like and outsider here isnt so bad. i still feel like im a part of something. :] <3 also i adore seeing all the different interpretations of these guys ..... its so fun .... god i love seeing how differently people can interpret characters

alright dca fandom, here's some questions bc i'm curious. the funky jesters make our brains go brr, but why? treat it as an ask game or answer in the tags if you feel like it! :)

how did you get here?

why these characters in particular? what was the hook for you?

how long have you been here?

have you actually played fnaf sb?

if you make content, what's your favorite piece you've contributed?

what's your favorite sort of art or fic? what genre/flavor/style?

what's your favorite au?

do you have any ocs, or have any ocs you're fond of?

what do you think of the dca's canon appearance? Scary? Cute? Something else?

what keeps you in this fandom despite the very small amount of canon content the dca had?

be honest: if you had to pick only one, sun or moon?

thoughts on eclipse?

thoughts on pre-glitch sun?

thoughts on pre-glitch moon?

do you interpret sun and moon as two sides of the same person, or truly two separate beings in one body? does it matter?

what's something in the fandom you'd like to see more of?

what's something in the fandom you'd like to see less of?

anything you're looking forward to?

do you think you'd actually get along with the dca if you met them irl?

free space! talk about whatever's on your mind!

[she-might-be-a-demon]

I don’t write on here often but I don’t really have anywhere else to go.

I’m disabled and very mentally ill. Same as a lot of people, but I feel like I never get a good day. It’s always “you need time to heal, give yourself a break”. I feel like all I’ve been doing is resting and it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I’m constantly trying my best to get better and the second I think I’m making progress it’s something new.

You need to go to the ER. You need to take these medications. You need to rest. You can’t go to work. You need to pay these bills. How can I pay the bills if I can’t work? How do I make progress if all I can do is lay around waiting to get better? When will I get better? When will anything get better? How can I give myself a break and be more gentle with myself when I grew up around so much negativity?

“My child is not special”. “You just need to try harder”. “You’re a child, you’re not in pain”. “Stop lying”.

“You’re a teenager, of course your body is going to hurt. You’re growing. Just take more pills and you’ll be fine”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Stop being dramatic. I go through way more than you and I’m still working and not bitching. There’s nothing for you to be depressed about. You have it so easy”

No. I didn’t. You neglected me and I was forced to be an adult as a child. I raised more children that I can count. I drove the van at the age of 12 because you were drunk at the bar on a Wednesday. I was parenting my parents. Nobody ever believed my pain and now I’m 21 unable to work because I was so ignored that I got no help. There is no help. There is no medication. There is no cure. There isn’t anything I can do to fix any of this. “I’m sorry, doctors don’t know enough about your problems to help you. We can no longer help you. You can try this medication for these other issues but they are not for you. You will trip out until there’s no color left in your eyes. No doctor will contact you to tell you to stop taking these medications and you will have life long side effects.”

Stay positive? Ive been seeing creatures crawling on my ceilings since I was a toddler. The walls are breathing and hands are touching me through the walls. I’m seeing faces in trees and the shadow figures look at me with no expression. Why do I feel their pain? Why do I wish I was dead? Why did I pray to a god I didn’t believe in just because I was told he’d save me one day? Why haven’t I been saved? Why was I lied to? Why am I like this?

“Why dont you hangout with friends?”

What friends are you referring to? The ones who left because they couldn’t handle hearing how badly I wanted my pain to end? The friends who used me for my money because they knew I felt the pain they were going through and they used me until they were better off without me? The friends who couldn’t understand what having DID is like? The friends who fell in love and couldn’t be in my life unless they had me to themselves? The friends who made me sacrifice so many parts of myself until I couldn’t see myself in the mirror? What friends are you talking about?

“Where’s your family in all this?”

The alcoholic, pedophile, narcissistic, manipulative, victim complex, emotionally unavailable, physically abusive, neglectful, egotistical, strict Catholic, compulsive liars, ableist, homophobic, boomers, divorced parents that couldn’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves?

I left at 17. My mother was stealing from me and my family didn’t like that I was the “black sheep” of the family. I need no Shepard for I am not a sheep.

I started from pennies in my pocket. No car. No home. No job. No knowledge of anything other than what my family programmed into my brain to be a slave to whatever they needed me to be. I had nothing.

I’m supposed to be happy? Positive? Hopeful? I slept in a wooden toy chest hoping I wouldn’t wake up as a child . I was so little. Nobody believed a goddamn word I had to say. I’m severely traumatized and disabled.

I’ve been with my partner of almost 4 years who I jokingly gave the name “caretaker” in my phone just for it to unironically become the truth. I feel so much guilt for needing someone to take care of me and help me with everything. I hate that I’ve taken away so many chances for him to have a “normal” life.

I’ve put him through so much shit and he’s still here. It took me over 3 years to get therapy. Only after he broke up with me because I was planning my suicide. He himself was suicidal and didn’t say anything because he didn’t want me to feel bad. He cared more about me than himself and I hate I put him in that situation. He loves me everyday and I can’t seem to love myself for a second. How does he do it? How does he look at me and see love after everything we’ve gone through?

How do I keep going knowing I’m taking away his chances of having a good fulfilling life? Probably won’t get married because why waste money on someone who’s more than 95% going to kill themselves when the time comes? Won’t be having kids because who wants to pass on so many disorders and disabilities to a child? Why adopt just to be shamed for taking in a child when you can’t give them a normal life being a disabled parent?

I’m positive I make my therapist uncomfortable because I can’t seem to go more than two days without talking about how easy everyone’s life will be once I’m gone. “They will miss you”. They definitely won’t miss hearing me bitch about how shit my life is and how there’s nothing i or anyone else can do to help me or fix me. They won’t have to help me with everything. They won’t have to worry about me at all because my body won’t be an issue. My pain won’t be relevant. They will have such an easy life when I’m gone.

I was writing suicide notes at the age of 9. Writing to myself on my birthday because who tf cares about the stick bug you call a girl. The pale and frail. “Look, I can wrap my hands around your waist and my fingers touch.” Awesome having everyone carelessly speak about my size and furthering my eating disorder.

There is nothing for me to look forward to. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. The grass is not greener on the other side. The roses do not smell sweater. The water will never sit still. Everyone leaves and I hop on the pity train with my fucking clown shoes.

“You are dead to me.” “You are a selfish person.” “You aren’t important, I already replaced you.” “You have zero direction.” “You’re going nowhere.” “I hope you hurt every single day until you rot alone.” “You’re a coward.” “You’re a dark rain cloud with nothing good to say.” “You’re just as angry as your dad.” “You play the victim just like your mom.” “You’re a child.” “You let everyone take advantage of you.” “You will be temporary for everyone who comes into your life.” “You will never be cured.” “Do you know how easy it would be to get rid of your body since there’s nothing there.” “You’re so easy to take advantage of.” “ There is zero empathy in your body.” “ You’re dying anyway.” “You’re so fake.” “You can’t even be a person.” “You’re so lost in your delusions.” “I don’t think you’ve ever told the truth.”

Things I’ve been told by people who “loved” me. By family. By friends. By ex bestfriends. By coworkers. By strangers. And I’m supposed to just get over it? I’m supposed to move on? I just need to move past all that? There is nothing to save me from this.

I’m a burning fire waiting to be put out. I’m choking myself out with my own thoughts. I’m smoking everyday hoping my lungs give out just for my ribs to be pushed to the surface until I can’t sit still. The bugs under my skin whispering the things I’ve been told on repeat for years.

It will never change. I can never change. The change I make is irrelevant to anyone because they see the same depressed girl who gave up so early in life and has no direction. I will make it nowhere in life except the cemetery I sit at alone because there’s nobody there to shame me. There’s nobody to tell me it’ll be better. It’s quiet. It’s calm. There’s no shame in sitting with the dead.

When was there every light in my eyes? When was there a life worth living?

I know nobody will read all of this, I know nobody will listen or understand. I know that I will be gone one day and it will change nothing. The world keeps turning and I will finally;Finally get the rest I needed.