#ive always had it as a background interest like most of my science interests

[madame-mongoose]

I think its safe to say my current hyperfixation is dinosaurs lol

[xpc-web-dev]

Hi! I have just recently deciding to switch careers and leave the vet industry , go into tech. Have spent past 2 years in tech school to become a vet assistant but after being in my field, I always wondered how it would be like to have a career in tech, ive always thought for so long that being in tech comes w Math and science and i suck at both 🤣🤣🤣. so I’m deciding to enroll myself in a completely online program to become an IT tech yet i have always admired hacking and coding so without getting sooo much into it, which leads me to my question:

- what do I have to do to be in the code career?

- do I have to go to boot camp out of my state or should look into going online completely?

- is coding beginner friendly especially as someone who doesn’t have ABSOLUTE NO IDEA about coding?

Please let me know and I love that I have found a community of women jn the tech industry, it’s pretty inspiring which why I want to go into the tech career.

Hi Stone, first of all welcome to our small and growing community.

I'm glad you're giving yourself this chance to try technology and see if it's for you or go back to vet or even go to art(yes I stalked you UEUHEHUEHUE) and I also thank you for finding my opinion relevant.

As you said that you wanted a career and that you are interested in coding and hacking, here you need to choose which one to prioritize. Because whether back-end, front-end, mobile, fullstack or cybersecurity there will be a lot to study, practice, make mistakes and practice again.

Here I give an addendum that if you don't know what these areas mean in technology, I recommend doing a search, reading and watching videos on youtube about it to see what might please you.

So based on what you've told me, again I think the best first step is to know what you want to prioritize and what you want to make money from.

Because trust me, you won't be able to study everything together at the same time. And if you manage to find an hour, there will be a burnout, so take it easy my friend. (from personal experience)

Even more so if you want a job, it's best to focus on 1 and then move on to others. Then find out what might be best for you / what you most identify with.

I also like hacking, I have books and I have already found courses. But this is something I want to study as a hobby and a safety measure (after all, there's no shortage of motherfuckers doing shit with others with that knowledge). So I put it in the background. Because my priority is money and hacking has work, but not in my country.

Now about entering the code career. Despite being a junior/student, I've seen a lot and I've also learned in these 2 years in the technology community in my country and watching you from the outside, so I can have a more mature view to help you with that.

So let's go:

1) - To know what you need to do to enter your career in code, you need to know how the technology market is in your country.

Because with all these layoffs, we have a lot of professionals with experience and academically well qualified and depending on the country, we currently have more demand for professionals than job offers. (Here in Brazil this is happening, because the layoffs in North America reflected here).

And here I don't want to discourage you, I just want to give you a realistic parameter for you to enter the area without illusions and not get frustrated like me and a bunch of people on the internet. (I wish someone had guided me like that). Because what we have most on social media is people making it seem like programming is easy and getting a job is even easier, or that you're going to earn A LOT since you're just a junior and THAT'S NOT THE REALITY..

BUT all the effort pays off in the end.

Within that, here I think it's cool that you try to observe what vacancies in your country ask for juniors/interns.

From Skills like knowing python to asking college or accepting bootcamp. See what's most in demand out there and within that see if you like what's in demand.

I tell you this, because here in Brazil, for example, we currently have more vacancies for internships (and here you need to be enrolled in a college to do an internship) than for juniors without college and only with bootcamps. So if we want a job around here, the first thing is to go to college and not be completely self-taught. So again, research and study your country's technology market.

In my conception TODAY getting a job in programming without college will be 10x more difficult than in 2020 for example, things have changed. The market now is not lacking developers, quite the contrary, now it has hight demands from developers but not for JOBS.

What the market wants most are senior people (and I've seen seniors I know saying that after layoffs even for them it's more willing to get a job, again supply and demand), but there are still opportunities for us beginners, in some countries there are more and in others less.

Speaking in the sense of the United States from what I observed from the US (content producers and twitter) + my experiences here in Brazil.I don't know the current situation of the technology market in Africa, the rest of Latin America , Asia and Europe.

Of course, you can be lucky and succeed without , but I, for one, got tired of believing that I would be lucky and be one of those people who succeed and changed my strategy to get a job.

Or you could also join a job-guaranteed bootcamp. Check how it works and if you have this type in your country.

And here we come to your second question.

2) The answer is it depends.

For example, will this bootcamp in your state guarantee you a job or is it possible to do an internship at a company or will it connect you with companies after the program?Or is he recognized by technology companies in your state?

If so, I would recommend doing it and dedicating yourself to getting in.

Because look, if they guarantee you an job is even better , you'll just have to study and do what they tell you to get your job.

But if you don't guarantee it, but this training has merit/respect in the market, it also pays off.

Here, I wanted to take the opportunity and talk about apprenticeship.

In our community we have our queen @xiacodes @xiabablog (it's the same person), she did an apprenticeship and today she is a junior developer in UK .

She shared her journey on her blog and is also the most engaged and resource sharing person in our community.

Here I would like to say that FOR ME Apprenticeship is one of the smartest strategies today to get into the technology market.

I myself will start on a Monday and it was my solution to get a job in code by the end of the year. (I'll talk about this in another post too)

So I recommend looking for apprenticeship in your country / state and how they work there.

And obviously observe and read the rules of the program to see if there are any catches that put you in absurd debt or contractual fines.

And see if you can handle it if you have the possibility.

Here I give an addendum that if you find an apprenticeship but that you will earn little in the beginning, for you to analyze well before saying no. Because salary we can evolve after we have experience, the important thing for us juniors/students is to get the first experience and the rest later becomes easier. (At least that's what the Mid /seniors I know say)

Now if in your country you don't have this kind of opportunity, I would recommend trying to see if it would be possible to do bootcamp/online courses + college to get an internship.

And you don't even have to start with paid courses, in my opinion if the bootcamp won't guarantee you a job, it's not worth paying for it. We have a lot of free resources on the internt (youtube biggest school) .

But it's up to you.

Free Courses:

-Freecodecamp

-Odin project (And it has both fullstack with ruby ​​and with node.js. )

For me, paying will only pay off when you don't find quality resources for what you want to study. So I would advise you to always think about whether it pays off or not.

Accessible paid courses:

- Codecademy

- Udemy (there are good courses there and there are always promotions)

+++ Here I also wanted to talk about knowing that public colleges (100% free) are not possible in all countries or when they are, they are very elective and difficult to get into for poor people as it is here in Brazil.

But here despite that, studying A LOT to pass the exams and having worked to save money and support yourself until you get scholarships to support yourself (and if you do), you manage to get into the best colleges that are free and that is more viable than being poor and being able to pay for college in the US, for example.

So I know that it might not be very viable depending on where you live and whether or not you are a resident of the country.

So I don't know if college can be an affordable thing for you, but if not that you can find the best strategy to achieve your financial prosperity in technology!

But if you are from the United States for example, this week I discovered this spotify program: https://fellowship.spotify.com/

The one where they only hire people with bootcamps and not colleges and open in the summer there.

And despite the layoffs, I still think there are more entry level openings there than here HUEHUEEHEU.

3) What do you mean by friendly?

If you mean easy, no, she probably won't be friendly to you at all AND THAT'S OKAY.

As you yourself said that you know absolutely nothing, it will be natural for you to have difficulty, to think about giving up and to make a lot of mistakes to get it right.

It's going to be a process of failing and trying again and again.

NOTHING IS EASY. And since you've already taken a veterinary course, I think you already know that things are really difficult. So this is another reminder that it won't be any different here.

BUT it will end well because EVERYTHING IS LEARNED.

And that also goes for math, if you ever have to deal with it (and if you go to cs college you will) you will make a lot of mistakes, but you will succeed, because EVERYTHING IS LEARNED based on trial and error.

And that doesn't mean you're bad or stupid, just that you're learning something completely from scratch. It won't be overnight that you will understand, it may take months or years, but persisting you will succeed. THIS IS NORMAL.

I cried (literally) to do conditional algorithms in 2021, I banged my head in books, said I would never make it and felt like the biggest dumbass in the world and today 2023 are the easiest things for me. I have no problem making them.

And that was only possible because I didn't give up.

Here I wanted to advise you to start your programming studies with low expectations, to help you manage your frustrations and maybe burnouts. It won't be overnight that you will become the best programmer and do many projects at the level of a senior developer or the people who do tutorials on youtube.

They will be small steps that lead you to your goals in studies. Again, constants.

There are people who could get their ek code jobs in 3 to 6 months of study.

BUT FOR ME, currently having a plan to get an opportunity between 2 years and 4 years (if you actually go to college) study is the healthiest way to pursue your studies and goals. If you get it sooner, even better for you, but if not, you'll be fine with yourself because it's within the period you stipulated.

Finally, I ask you not to take anything I say as absolute truth.

Question what you read Take what I said, analyze it and see how it works in your reality.

I also recommend trying to find women in technology from your country on linkedin and see if they can help you with tips and so on. I feel very good knowing so many Brazilian women in tech since I did this, my network there is composed only of them precisely to create a place without judgment but of welcome and inspiration.

Well, I invested about 3 hours answering the best way I can, I hope you read it and that it helps you.

Anything, if you want to talk more, you can call me in the chat, I'll take a while but I'll answer.

I wish you good studies, discernment to see which is the best path for you and that you stay well! Lots of protection in studies and career.

[adamsvanrhijn]

not to be very annoying, but do you happen to know any good books/resources about lgbt slang/identities in victorian/edwardian/etc england? (i mean, things such as lesbians calling each other "toms" and the like). don't worry if you don't know any, but i just figured i'd ask since this was kinda in your Area Of Interest so you might know some off the top of your head.

the not annoying at all but this is a more complex question than at first glance hahaha

TL;DR: there are many types of queer language / we have way more info about men, who have their own lexicon / this era is widely seen as the era in which the concept of identity is actually coming into play / books list at the end, scroll down til you reach bolded text if you don’t want my commentary.

so when you’re looking at mid 19th - interwar lgbt communities, whether in europe or the uk or the usa it doesn’t really matter bc this is quite universal, you’ve got at least three registers, for lack of an easier word:

how self-identified homosexual, inverted, queer, abnormal etc men (henceforth gay men) speak with each other

how self-identified “” women (henceforth lesbian women) speak with each other

interactions between these groups

these naturally intersect with other socioeconomic class factors.

back to england specifically:

despite legal considerations gay men have the most agency and ability to move around and therefore are more likely to interact with each other and form communities. so now you have additional registers:

upper middle / upper class

middle / lower middle / working class (more registers here but nobody asked me and i promise i will give you recs soon)

again, interactions between them

the latter category has limited applications; most of them have to do with prostitution or casual sex and tend to be about categorizing people in terms of what sex acts they participate in. (this is universally true of most forms of gay slang and/or their origins for obvious reasons) think locker room talk. OR, we’re looking at cross class relationships and how other people view members of cross class relationships. not to generalize bc there are other things than this but what is best documented here is the upper class pov of these interactions

for the first category there is much less slang & unique community language, when you look at letters and works of literature etc etc people are picking and choosing from both medical/psychiatric terminology, which is developing rapidly from the 1860s on, and like, classical works; you get a lot of alluding to things. artistic communities (bloomsbury group, natalie clifford barney’s harem in paris and what have you) meanwhile are sort of all over the map. but bc this isn’t Polite Society talk, most of the sources for this kind of language tend to be limited in scope. which is true for all subculture language really but like in this case, authors of the day who are writing what they know are we think giving a pretty accurate picture of what their actual communities were like... but it’s put through a filter for publication.

by the 20th century urban working class gay men in certain circles are using polari, a subcultural lexicon which came from mid/late 19th century theatre and music hall slang, which came from fairground cant, seafaring , labor slang, Yiddish, cockney, theatre slang, fishmarkets, French, Italian, underground crime rings literally i could go on and there’s lots of debate about this. it’s turn of the century when it comes to be used very widely within the gay community, and while its origins are in london it made it to other uk urban centres fairly quickly. this lasted well into the latter half of the 20th century and is the base for a lot of community slang today, which leads me to

lesbian women, who also used polari, albeit to a lesser extent. these were primarily lesbians who were also in the 3rd camp above - ones who are involved in the community and interacting w/ gay men regularly. (”straight women who work in theatre” is another category of woman polari speakers haha but performance slang went thru many changes and eventually things got p separate so you had fairground & theatre cant and gay subculture slang having similar roots but very distinct in usage)

for lesbian communities the same thing as w gay men applies for the upper classes just to a lesser degree due to the relative lack of a community experienced by women

but a very important point here is that, ESPECIALLY during the victorian period, less so moving into the 20th century, intimate relationships between women are viewed very, very differently than those between men - male relationships have hard and fast boundaries of what is and isnt acceptable, those of women do not. 

the development of identity w/ sexuality for women i think in many ways had a lot more to do with women who expressed their gender differently than women who had intimate exclusive relationships w/ other women 

anyway the point is there unfortunately is no like comprehensive text for All Queer Language at this point in time, nor for the development of sexual identity, and the nature of this field (linguistics + history + sociology about queer stuff) means that a lot of the good work is in academic articles which i do NOT know off the top of my head. :-( but here’s some stuff !!

LIST OF THE ACTUAL BOOKS SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT

ok so these are all nonfiction, mostly academic nonfiction, but i want to stress that contemporary literature is a REALLY good way to get a (often rose tinted but not always) look into subculture and there are many novels that play with and/or poke at the ongoing development of sexual identity, especially in edwardia, especially especially in the 1920s, so if youve got endless time to read on your hands it is absolutely worth poking around there.

i have a list in the works of 1920s literature that has lgbt stuff in it and i realise thats a bit late for you but even so!!

also: compilations of letters, memoirs, etc are like super super invaluable 

anyway ive bolded the most important ones:

Kosofsky Sedgwick, Eve. Epistemology of the Closet. 1990. University of California Press. [required lgbt theory reading, literally the foundation for soooo much]

Marcus, Sharon. Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England. 2007. Princeton University Press.

Robb, Graham. Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century. 2003. [this is like, functionally prerequisite reading for any gay male stuff for the 19th century & robb is an excellent popular historian who also has an actual academic background]

Rupp, Leila J. Sapphistries: A Global History of Love between Women. 2008. NYU Press.

Russett, Cynthia. Sexual Science: The Victorian Construction of Womanhood. 1989. Harvard University Press. [touches on things but is not About sexuality/identity]

these are both already on my downton abbey research list but they both discuss language thruout and identity very thoroughly:

Brady, Sean. Masculinity and Male Homosexuality in Britain, 1861-1913. 2005. Palgrave Macmillan.

David, Hugh. On Queer Street: A Social History of British Homosexuality 1895-1995. 1997. HarperCollins.

for polari, see basically everything paul baker’s done. the 2019 might be the most accessible but i havent read it yet:

Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa: A dictionary of Polari & gay slang. 2002. London: Continuum.

Baker, Paul. Polari: The Lost Language of Gay Men (Routledge Studies in Linguistics). 2002. London: Routledge.

Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa! The Story of Polari, Britain’s Secret Gay Language. 2019. London: Reaktion.

while it predates the era youre asking about, this book is good reading that leads up to the changes of the victorian era in sexual morality & how that affects identity and language:

Donoghue, Emma. Passions Between Women: British Lesbian Culture 1668–1801. 1995. HarperCollins.

also i hate to do this but like. foucault lol. obviously not focused on britain but very much focused on the development of identity and sexuality. 

ive been working on this for like three straight hours im gonna go eat lunch now

[akaiaowl]

Happy Stranger Things Day!!

It’s been 4 years since Stranger Things was first premiered on Netflix! (already?) This series is very close to my heart, since it managed to inspire me after 3 long years of writer’s block. To commemorate that, I’ll be posting the epilogue to my first fanfic on AO3: Reality in Motion (also known as RiM by some in the ST fandom). Here goes the summary and first chapter:

Reality in Motion

Modern College AU.

It hurt her to listen to the ruthless voice in her head, but, as much as she hated to admit it, El knew it was probably right. It had happened countless times before. Well, actually two. Two times in which El found herself feeling funny and giddy and hopeful about someone, only to be disappointed. It always ended that way. She was destined to be alone and it was probably for the best.

AKA: Socially awkward Jane Ives' first semester in college. Also AKA: Not your typical nice-boy-meets-drunk-girl-at-a-party Mileven fic (because of all the angst and slowwwww burn, be warned).

Chapter 1: Changes

Wednesday 29th, November 2017

If there was something El Ives put her mind to, she was sure to accomplish it. Always.

Well, most of the times.

As a matter of fact, today was one of the few rare exceptions to that rule. This, since Will Byers, El’s best friend, had managed to convince the otherwise socially awkward El to finally come with him that weekend to some party at a friend’s house.

They were both currently seating on the beige colored carpet of her dorm room, supposedly trying to be productive by getting their History 102 assignment done before the due date.

“Pleeease El! I’m about to beg you, it’s almost Christmas break and, for once, I’d like for you to come meet my friends and not stay locked up here again like a loser”, Will had been pouting at his friend for over two hours.

“Hey, I happen to like being a loser”, said El feigning indignation and scowling at her skinny best friend.

Will managed to hold back his smile at his oldest friend’s antics and maintained a serious expression for the sake of getting his point across. They’d been friends since the age of twelve and both knew just how determined the other could be. Holding each other’s stares defiantly in a silent challenge, neither of them wanted to give in.

As she stubbornly stared into Will’s lively brown eyes, El suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her. She had been having a few of those for a while now, especially whenever she thought back on their high school days on Hawkins High School. Actually, the biggest irony was thinking about how much she had looked forward to graduating and moving as far away as humanly possible from that hell hole she called hometown. Whereas, now, she couldn’t help feeling strangely homesick. As a matter of fact, lately, El was often ambushed by random flashbacks from her teenage years and usually found herself wishing she could somehow go back and do it all better.

She regretted everything, actually, except for her friendship with Will.

Their friendship was yet another reason El kept thinking back in nostalgia to her high school days: even though Will and her had managed to get accepted into their dream college together and even lived in neighboring dorm buildings, she felt him more distant than ever before. Worse than that, El was painfully aware that she was the reason of the increasing (figurative) distance in their friendship and she loathed herself for it. Now, more than ever, she hated herself for her apathetic and awkward personality. Why couldn’t she be a normal eighteen year old? Why couldn’t she just stop feeling so nervous around other people? Because of this she was finally managing to drive her best friend away, her partner in crime, after being the closest of friends for over half a decade.

For most of their first semester at college she had declined Will’s enthusiastic invitations to parties and any social events, preferring to skip them in favor of spending her afternoons in the solitude of her room either reading ahead or watching some movie or TV show. It was just easier that way, it seemed. El had never really been a social butterfly and she knew how much Will loved meeting and bonding with new people. So, she just figured that she could give him some space by making herself scarce.

However (and she’d never admit it out loud), as Will started spending less and less time with her and his invitations became rare occurrences, El began feeling terribly lonely (which was weird). She usually cherished her alone time, often glad she wasn’t out there fake smiling and making small talk, getting emotionally drained after overthinking and worrying over every tiny detail of her social interactions. Nonetheless, now, it just felt like a very different kind of loneliness.

El felt lonely in a bad way, a way she hadn’t felt for quite a long time: the kind of lonely she used to feel before meeting Joyce Byers and befriending her son, Will.

Finally, after glaring at Will some more, El lowered her gaze in defeat. Mostly because she missed spending more time with him, and also because she was a bit curious about going to a college party.

“Ok. Fine, I’ll go. BUT I’ll only stay until a reasonable hour and you better not be dragging me up there so I can be your designated driver”, answered El with an annoyed huff, hurling one of her fluffy pillows on Will’s general direction and feeling quite annoyed (mostly at her pathetic, abnormal self).

Her friend easily managed to catch the pillow midair and offered El a sympathetic smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. She knew he was worried about her spending so much time by herself – the fact that she had no roommate made it easier for her to just hide away for hours on end without any excuse.

“I’m only doing this for your own good El, you know I look out for you and it’s about time you start having a normal college experience and, you know, getting to know people. After all, the semester is almost over”.

--….--…--…---

Friday 1st, December 2017

El bit her lip as she stared at her reflection on the mirror critically. Was her top too revealing? Was her midsection looking gross and bloated? Should she put any make up on? Was her hair ok? Were jeans and sneakers too casual for the party?

Man, I badly needed a School of Life 101 crash course, El thought with a groan.

It was always on times like this that El really wished she had a roommate or a best friend who could actually give advice on these kinds of things. It was also on times like these that El regretted not learning about this stuff back on high school. Finally, after examining her reflection some more, she decided to change her sneakers in favor of her black leather boots and apply some lipstick to her dry lips.

Feeling quite nervous, she turned her phone screen on and was surprised to see several messages from Will.

8:02 pm U excited yet for your first college party?

8:03 pm Totally getting drunk as skunks 2nite.

8:46 pm Waiting for the guys, we’re coming to pick u up

9:29 pm On our way, expect a call in 15

9:44 pm Almost there

9:59 pm Ok, let’s go

*3 missed calls from MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD*

10:03 pm Pick up the phone

10:11 pm We’re waiting downstairs

10:27 pm What the hell u doing? We’ve been here for ages

El was surprised to find out how long she had taken to get ready, her nervousness was really not helping. As quickly as possible, she grabbed her tiny purse and keys and made her way out. At that very moment, her phone screen lit up and the contact name Will had programmed for himself popped up.

*incoming call from MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD*

Smiling, El answered.

“I’m sorry, I completely lost track of time, that’s all. I’m almost there”, she said breathlessly while making her way down the flight of stairs.

“No problem El, just making sure you were still up for it”, answered Will sympathetically.

“Wait. So did I actually have an option?” replied El only half joking.

She really was terribly nervous, like she always was whenever she had to face a new social situation.

Will laughed at her lame attempt at making a joke and was silent for a bit, maybe trying to empathize with his best friend’s nervousness.

El could hear Will’s friends talking loudly on the background:

“We need to hurry if we want to get wasted before the night ends, that’s kind of the point of tonight”, a loud male voice whined pathetically.

“Hey, I’m actually enjoying watching this show”, another male voice answered in fake annoyance.

“Booooooring”, someone else interjected.

“You’re too lame Wheeler”, the first voice teased.

The conversation on the background grew faint as El realized Will must have walked away from his friends to talk to her privately.

“Everything will be fine and you’ll have fun, you’ll see. If you feel uncomfortable or something you have us”, finally whispered Will before hanging up.

El had really tried to avoid meeting Will’s friends for a while now, feeling resentment and jealousy towards them because her best friend spent most of his time with them now and talked all the time about how fun and loyal they were.

It actually made sense that they spent time together since they were all taking science related careers and had most of their classes together – Will was an engineer major, like Lucas, while Dustin and Mike were physics majors.

It was silly, she knew.

Calm down El, it’s going to be ok, Will’s friends are probably as nice as him.

Finally, El got to her building’s common area. She saw four guys sprawled comfortably all over the beige couches, two of them were fighting over the remote and the other two were trying to watch whatever show was on TV.

They didn’t notice her presence until she started timidly approaching Will, who was gazing at the screen with mild interest. He was the first one of the group to notice her and his face was instantly filled with a broad smile.

“You’re finally here!” he exclaimed, startling everyone.

“Guys, this is El”, Will said loudly. Then, pointing at each of the guys next to him, he introduced them, “These are Lucas, Dustin and Mike”.

“Thanks for waiting”, El managed to smile at them without making eye contact. She hoped they didn’t notice her nervousness.

“No problem”, said the smallest one of them, Dustin, “honestly, we were all dying to finally meet you”.

“Yeah, we had a bet going on about Will’s friend being imaginary”, laughed Lucas.

Upon hearing that last comment, El snorted while trying to contain a laugh and turned to look at Will with amusement. Her friend merely shrugged.

“See how you make me look bad El?”

“Oh, it was only for the sake of making the bet more interesting”, answered El with a laugh, “it would have been no fun without the mystery, now would it?”

The guys smiled, amused, and the air significantly relaxed. She felt a tiny bit more comfortable, and the voice in her head repeating her own doubts and fears in a loop grew quiet for the first time that night.

“So, who won the bet?” asked Will, looking at his friends.

“Me”, said the tallest boy, Mike, smiling.

He was the only one who hadn’t spoken up yet, but she recognized his voice from her phone call with Will – he was the one who claimed to be enjoying the TV show while they waited for her to arrive.

Overcome by curiosity, El risked a glance up at him and was surprised to find him already looking at her, matching her interest. They made eye contact.

“So thank you for being real, I guess”, he said smiling kindly at her.

She quickly averted her gaze, not knowing what to do or how to respond, and tried to keep her upcoming blush from actually showing on her face. It wasn’t even a compliment, why was she reacting like this?

Social awkwardness truly sucked.

There was a short moment of silence, which was (thankfully) quickly broken by Lucas.

“Ok, let’s get going”, said Lucas enthusiastically as he strode to the nearest exit.

--….--…--…---

Saturday 2nd, December 2017

She’d drank too much, too soon.

Of course, the fact that Will kept refilling her red solo cup with mysterious mixes of liquor didn’t help at all. But she wasn’t complaining at all. All things considered, El found the whole experience quite interesting. Actually, she was pleased to realize that the alcohol numbed that voice that constantly reminded her of all her insecurities and flaws. She found this quite liberating.

She felt like she could do anything. Be anyone she wanted.

Will’s friends had left them to join a game of beer pong not so long ago, which had also helped El feel a whole lot more relaxed. Up until then, she had been too scared of acting like a weirdo around the guys and so she had barely talked.

For the first time in a long time, no worries or guilt lurked El’s mind.

As time went by, the music surrounding her stopped being too loud and the vibration of the bass on the floor actually made her lively in a way she had scarcely felt before. Before she knew it, her foot was tapping the floor to the beat of the unknown song. She tried to pay attention to whatever Will was saying (maybe a funny story about someone in one of his classes? What was that about a teacher?), but words kept jumbling around making it hard for her to understand anything at all.

My thought process is screwed up, El thought.

Suddenly, it occurred to her that that was the funniest, wittiest thing she had ever come up with, so she giggled uncontrollably.

Will smiled affectionately at the giggling girl beside him. He had really tried to be a good friend that night, staying with her the whole time – probably suspecting that if she got to feel too awkward, she’d escape the party.

“I loooooove you so much Willy Will”, said El hugging her friend, “do you know that?”

El’s ears suddenly caught onto a tune, alerting her of something.

Something quite urgent.

Do you recall, not long ago We would walk on the sidewalk? Innocent, remember? All we did was care for each other

“BYERS!!!! COME ON!” she exclaimed giddily, standing up clumsily and dragging her skinny best friend to the middle of the room, “IT’S OUR JAM!”

But the night was warm We were bold and young All around, the wind blows We would only hold on to let go

Will could only smile at her random behavior. He had never been a good dancer and he had not drank nearly as much as El had, so he just sort of awkwardly tried shuffling his feet and swaying his body to the catchy song.

“BLOW A KISS FIRE A GUN, WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LEAN ON”, El was screaming while swaying her hips wildly, her eyes were closed, “BLOW A KISS FIRE A GUN, ALL WE NEED IS SMEBODY TO LEAN ON”.

Will tried his hardest to keep up with El’s moves, but she was like a woman possessed, jumping around and twirling in every direction. It seemed that all those months of pent up energy – probably gathered after all those afternoons of voluntary isolation – were finally finding an outlet. After a couple of songs and happy to see his friend finally having fun, Will decided his job there was done.

“El. El! EL!!” he screamed to get her attention.

She faced him, smiling wildly. Her face shiny with sweat from the exertion and the warmth in the room. Will couldn’t help mirroring her grin.

“I just can’t keep up with you!” he said teasing her, “I’m gonna go find the guys”.

El stuck out her tongue at him and waved goodbye.

“YOU’RE SUCH A KID ELEVEN!” Will exclaimed as he headed to the other room, where he last saw his friends heading to.

--….--…--…---

Her feet were killing her.

El made her way to the nearest sitting space she could find, a couch on the left side of the room. She sat down for a minute in the crowded couch, slowly trying to move her toes so she didn’t feel them cramping anymore. She was currently sandwiched uncomfortably between a sleeping guy and a couple making out. She tried to ignore the snores and the sounds the couple were making.

She hadn’t seen Will or any of his friends for at least a couple of hours and she was not about to go wandering off looking for them. Will was probably drunk by now, maybe talking to the cute guy from their History 102 class that he always rambled on about. El smiled fondly, remembering how much of a hopeless romantic her best friend was.

She tried laying back on the couch and closing her tired eyes, but everything was too hot and her feet hurt too much. It was way too uncomfortable.

El glanced hopefully at the glass doors that led into the balcony. With any luck, there wouldn’t be anyone out there smoking.

She hated the smell of tobacco. It reminded her of him.

El shut her eyes tightly, desperately trying to chase away the memories that begged to be replayed on her mind, and massaged her throbbing temples. She tried to take a deep, calming breath and relax somehow, but the air felt too moist and everything smelled like alcohol and sweat. Suddenly, she was too aware of the extremely loud music and the annoying presence of the people around her. And there were too many people. Too many unfamiliar faces. Frustrated, El opened her eyes slowly, glancing around at the room full of strangers.

Dejection filled her thoroughly, tonight had been great so far and she just happened to ruin it by opening a door she had closed more than five years ago. She’d promised it would never haunt her, never hurt her again. But it was always there, lurking. It was always him, never allowing her to escape his choking grip.

Without even thinking about it, she had started walking on the opposite direction of the balcony, towards the main door of the house. As she stepped outside of the house, she couldn’t help noticing the wide brown door was ajar. El moved forward taking slow, deliberate steps, knowing her balance was far from being the most stable.

She glanced around quickly.

Sighing in relief at the fact that she had apparently managed to escape the smokers, El leaned on the nearest wall and stared off into the darkened streets and houses. Her body still felt light, but most the energy she had at the beginning of the night had ebbed away by now, leaving her exhausted. Soon enough, she noticed that the volume of the music and the noise from the house was once again bearable for her. However, without the loud (loud! loud!) music infecting her thoughts, she was left at the mercy of the familiar cold voice in her head: it was her own voice, but ruthless and emotionless, and it never tired of always repeating everything she didn’t want to hear.

She wondered what time it was, she was too lazy to get her phone out and check the time. Her fuzzy brain was making everything a lot harder.

“You ok?” a familiar voiced questioned.

El found herself staring up into the freckle-covered face of one of Will’s friends.

“Just tired and hot”, she replied, “it’s like a freaking oven in there”.

He just chuckled.

“Why are you out here?” she suddenly asked.

“Oh, just getting some air to clear my head”, the tall guy answered shrugging, “I am the lucky soul who gets to be the designated driver for tonight”.

El smiled in amusement.

His name is Mike, El suddenly remembered, her scattered, hazy thoughts becoming a tiny bit clearer.

“You know, I was convinced the only reason Will invited me here was so I’d have the honor of being the DD”.

They remained in a comfortable silence for a while, both staring off and busy with their own thoughts.

“Will is worried about you”, Mike stated after a while.

“I know”, El answered sadly, “it’s just hard for me, you know?”

Mike furrowed his brow in confusion.

“No matter how hard I try, it’s hard for me to feel comfortable or relaxed or even normal around new people or in new places”, she explained almost in a whisper.

“It’s ok to feel that way”, he said like it was the most natural thing in the world, his gaze showing empathy.

El snorted, fully aware that no, it was not okay to be such an introverted freak. She was not stupid. She knew it was a limitation, something that held her back from experiences and people and things she really wanted. She was all too aware that it was what isolated her from everyone and ultimately stood like a solid barrier, shielding her even from the ones she deeply cared about.

“I felt very lonely coming here at first”, Mike confessed smiling crookedly in her direction, “I consider myself a lucky guy, having Dustin as a roommate and meeting Lucas and Will on my first week here”.

“Will is an amazing friend”, El answered smiling, “and all of you seem like pretty cool guys”, she added honestly.

Mike blushed a bit and lowered his gaze, focusing on his wristwatch.

Who even owns a wristwatch these days?, wondered El with amusement as she glanced at him with the corner of her eye.

“Hey, it’s barely 1 am, how do you feel about going for a drive and coming back to pick up our friends’ drunken asses?” suddenly asked Mike.

Full story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12840366/chapters/29318523

[philomenafm]

(NATALIA DYER, DEMI GIRL) - Have you seen PHILOMENA CARMICHAEL? PHILLY is in HER/THEIR SOPHOMORE year. The WILDLIFE SCIENCE MAJOR is 20 years old & is a TAURUS. People say SHE/THEY are WHIMSICAL, PATIENT, APATHETIC and UNPREDICTABLE. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE CONCEALED MURDEROUS EVIDENCE  (JAMES. 21. EST. THEY/THEM.)

ive done sm switches bt. she is the one. she is the one i love. trust me. ples. this is an old intro n im frankly. too lazy 2 read it bt. i love her a lot shes very good please like her

TW CANCER, TRAUMA, DEPERSONALIZATION / DEREALIZATION DISORDER ( ALT. DISSOCIATION ), DEATH, DECAY, MAGGOTS.

aesthetic.

wildflowers in your hair and bare feet against moss, binoculars and maps, madonna beating out of half-dead speakers in a half-dead van, whipping wind, jumping off cliffs and rolling down hills, a bandaid wrapped around each finger, cryptic bumper stickers and cryptids in the woods, facing the sun and letting the rays hit you, counting stars late into the night, dancing naked in the woods with nothing but fire to light your way, mismatched socks and lucky ribbons, hoarding a box of special treasures, shoplifting and diner-dashing, bleach against roots, pink sweaters paired with ripped fishnets and slip dresses with knock off uggs, willingly wearing crocs, glitter stickers, fungi and feeling one with them, lying down and decomposing, they’ll find us in a week. they’ll find us in a week.

basics.

full name: philomena brontë carmichael

nickname(s): philly, phil, etc.

b.o.d. - april 20th, 2000

label(s): the amaranth, the halycon, the neophyte, the wanderer, etc. etc.

height: 5′4″

hometown: woodside, ca

sexuality: demisexual

pinterest ( & her family pinterest b/c they’re my most developed family uwu)

stats

favorite song: wonderfully bizarre, bendigo fletcher / we can be defined by the things we want / i’ll be a life full of free haircuts from the one that i love / we’ll collect fallen out teeth in a candy jar / mice for the backyard peregrine falcon reservation.

background.

a middle child belonging to christopher and imogen carmichael - two stanford professors. christopher specialized in british literature whilst imogen specialized in the classics. hence the name.

the order of siblings goes as such: lysander, elektra, juno, philomena, and twins orion & valora. the deal was that everybody had a greek (or in juno’s case, roman) first name and a middle name inspired by a piece of british literature circa 1800s and under. a family of nerds, if you will.

so, clearly - right off the bat, their parents are … eccentric. they’re both in love with their respected topic, and with each other, and with their kids. the carmichael family is a happy family.

they each have their own quirks and whatnot - though philly’s always been particularly dreamy - even as a child, she’d spend hours watching clouds or caterpillars or the leaves blow in the wind rather than play with other kids. she wasn’t a shy kid - she just had her own interests.

hardship doesn’t hit the family until philomena is five and starts having splitting headaches. they’re slow at first - but as soon as she’s seeing spots and unable to walk in a straight line, doctor appointments are made.

it doesn’t take long for them to discover the tumor, though the official diagnosis of malignant ependymoma comes a month later.

it’s grade ii but slow-moving, small enough to not be as much of a threat as worried, but big enough where removal is necessary. philomena earns a scar and brings it in for show-and-tell. for two months afterwards, philly’s at radiotherapy monday through friday.

they’re lucky - philomena’s considered cancer-free by the next year. she’s babied at first - handled delicately, as if she could break if touched - but with five other children … it doesn’t last for too long.

and life continues as normal.

her personality doesn’t shift much over the next few years - she’s awfully independent for a kid, and awfully quiet - when she speaks it’s about faeries and bigfoot, about how the sky is so blue and if you listen quietly, you can hear the leaves whisper their secrets to each other. this is not odd.

she’s close to all her siblings, but she idolizes her older sister - elektra. elektra’s six years older and dyes her hair whatever colors she wants. elektra bought a knife off a seedy guy downtown. elektra threw away all of her heels and renounced god. elektra is god. her music is loud but it’s not heavy - it’s florence and the machine.

they’re opposites - elektra’s boisterous and feels loudly, philomena’s softer and feels…less. when elektra sneaks out, philomena keeps watch. they are a duo.

philomena is smart - but she’s fifteen and hates school. hates sitting inside all day. hates the same routine - day after day - it’s all the same. her parents’ routine is the same, philly feels contained and she wants to live.

elektra’s twenty-one and just bought a brand new spanking (used but not falling apart) 19-something volkswagen … van - using her entire savings account. she says she’s tired of routine, she’s leaving the next day.

naturally, philomena stows away in the back and isn’t discovered until they’re two states away and she’s got to pee. elektra nearly crashes the van in shock.

it’s an argument - philomena vs. elektra, then them vs. their parents, then their parents vs. the school, the state - it’s an ordeal. philomena switches to an online program in the end.

it hurts christopher and imogen - lysander’s not having any of their nonsense, juno’s betrayed and alone - the twins are twins. in the end, it’s alright. the carmichael family is a happy family.

philomena and elektra take their time - it’s not a road trip, it’s their new life, permanently on the road. they stop and explore often - they do odd jobs in whatever town they settle in. they dine-n-dash, they shoplift. they survive in their own way.

during particularly desperate times, they two resorted to identity theft & credit fraud - getting away with it only by ditching the cards once they’ve made it out of state.

she drops out of high school officially when she’s seventeen - they have to drive all the way back to california to deal with the wrath of their parents and to deal with paperwork, but it’s done. philomena doesn’t know what path she wants in life - but it’s not that.

it’s during this time that the episodes occur - philomena’s outside her body, philomena’s wrapped in cotton, her memories are not her own. she’s looking in the mirror and she doesn’t recognize herself. they take shelter in a city for six months, long enough for her brand spankin’ new therapist to figure out what’s wrong with her. she’s diagnosed with depersonalization / derealization disorder - they think it’s stress. philomena doesn’t get stressed. they think it’s trauma. she laughs - she never laughs.

there is trauma though, deep-rooted but somewhere inside - you just have to look for it.

you. just. have. to. look. for. it. look for it. look for it. look for it look for it look -

you were ten and she was thirteen, an off-trail hike in familiar woods in a familiar town, safe and familiar. it was your idea, to stray from the carved out paths, down creeks and up hills and round, and round again. you’re the one who spotted the scarf first, sticking up from the dirt and dancing in the wind like the beginning of reincarnation. it was not reincarnation, it was discovery. it was ruin. with curiosity drawn, you skidded down - with compliance, followed juno, followed your sister - clumsy in her steps and tumbling down quicker than you. you saw the corpse, but juno felt it. decaying flesh and maggot.

and she left juno, just like that - just five years later, when juno had finally gone to the end of her wits. philly up and left. abandoned her.

philomena and elektra leave the city after that therapy session. they do not return. she’s always been good at hiding her secrets.

three years later and her parents want philly to have a higher education - desperate for it, really - worried for her future. it’s a battle that she loses, getting her ged and applying to a local college in florida in shameful compliance.

they’re there for a year until philly gets (expectantly) expelled from the community college & the two of them are banned from the town they’d residing in up until that point. they don’t talk about it - but boy, was it one hell of a time.

they found refuge in preaker, a town that seemed to suit them well - it suited elektra’s desire to travel up and down the east coast, and it intrigued philomena enough to the point of her being content with staying. soon after, philly officially transferred to yates for her freshmen spring term & theyve been here since.

(whenever anna brings cillian uh. he’s in here too he’s been traveling w them fr like 3ish years. i just cannot rewrite atm KDSGLSDKLGKFGHLKSL bt hes here. n hes sexy. n we love him. bro3tp)

OH. hey yeah the secret. errmm. tht’s on cillian. philly just hid the evidence. no they didnt kill someone yes they did no they did not <3 yes

personality & facts.

she’s quiet but she’s confident - her voice sounds like rustling leaves, if leaves smoked a pack of cigarettes a day.

often underestimated - philly’s petite and looks like she’d fall over if a plastic bag blew too close to her. she’s independent - for the most part. elektra is the only person philly takes orders from.

has always been considered odd - weird, strange. still talks about the trees as if they’re listening, as if they’re old friends. she’s vague and doesn’t elaborate on the things she says.

believes in pretty much any superstition you throw her way. luck is very important to her. if you ask her if the earth is flat, she’ll say probably. believes strongly in bigfoot and the lochness monster. has personally seen aliens, and loves ghosts almost more than herself.

she can be amusing - whether you ‘get’ her or not, her outlook is often bright - she talks about the negatives the same way she talks about the positives. can be seen as naive or gullible, but she’s plenty smart. even if half of her education has come directly from google.

philly doesn’t laugh. a smile, yes - often, in fact - not always reaching her ears, or bearing teeth - but these are not indicators of her happiness. philly is consistently content. she thinks many things are funny - she still will not laugh.

her voice is often monotonous - she doesn’t sound dreary, she sounds far-away. her voice carries. her emotions are often unknown to others.

is apathetic in most situations. she’s hard to bother - she’s incredibly patient and enjoys the company of most - tolerates them at the very least. it’s hard for her to express her emotions, because she feels them so little that it’s very nearly not worth it. her affection is not verbal - it’s small touches and gestures of kindness, love in her own way.

is a fan of knock-knock jokes and bad puns. she won’t crack a smile while telling you them, nor does she expect you to laugh. she just enjoys them.

she owns a motorola razr covered in puffy stickers - hasn’t ever had a smartphone. she’s a fan of emoticons. her favorite is :o)

has a lot of bruises and scratches and scars - she’s often getting herself into pickles. there are always, at the very minimum, three bandaids on each hand.

she has insomnia, so she’s awake often. is often seen wandering town - even when she shouldn’t be, even when it might be dangerous. her intuition is delayed. when she does sleep - her dreams are vivid and fantastical.

keeps a box of memories - sentimental bits and pieces she’s picked up over the last few years. there are a lot of buttons and postcards, but any teeny tiny object will do.

her style changes every week - most, if not all, of her clothes are thrifted. one week she’s baby spice and the next she’s lydia deetz. she combines pieces from different styles often - she looks like a barbie clothed by a child. she feels most comfortable like this.

will either patch-up the clothes that get too worn or reuse them in some way. sometimes donates the clothes she gets tired off - isn’t minimalistic, but she’s learned to keep only a small amount of possessions.

the only consistency is her lucky ribbon - it’s pastel yellow and silky and as thin as a shoelace. she ties it onto her outfit of the day, everyday. if she loses it, she’s lost. elektra has a matching ribbon (& so does leo fowler eyes emoji)

has no problem with minor theft - she only takes bare minimum, puts herself and elektra first and that’s how it’s always been. she tries to be good while in preaker / yates - would hate to be forced out by mobs with torches and pitchforks

currently living in calloway while elektra stays in their van, florence - sometimes philly stays there during the weekends.

they used to live in motels on the occasion, the cheapest room, and more often than not they’d both go home with strangers for a comfier bed and a hotter shower.

it was a common occurrence - she didn’t sleep with them - but somehow, she weaseled her way into their homes anyway. has come out mostly unscathed, on most occasions. this has been a practice ever since they’ve been on the road.

really, truly - has not slept with anybody, had her first and only kiss at thirteen with a frog. this doesn’t bother her. edit: her first & only kisses hv been w leo fowler. this is important

will consume anything you put in front of her - isn’t picky.

listens to whatever they’ve picked up along the way but she likes instrumentals the best. her second favorite genre is 1990′s and 2000′s top hits. they’re nostalgic for her. third favorites? florence, of course. fleetwood mac. the bird and the bee.

loves storms - will go out in the rain and will risk her life for it.

owns a pair of roller-skates and is often skating rather than walking. unless she’s on grass - then she’s walking barefoot.

has many hobbies, and gets bored of them often. her favorite hobby is welding. she’s not certified.

also, juggling.

also, accordion.

the kind of girl who’ll do any job you give her. odd jobs are her favorite jobs. babysitting is her least favorite - but she does it anyway. has lost children before. have they ever been found? not by philly.

dyes her hair blonde often and cuts her own hair - bangs included - finds it cathartic, likes the itchiness of bleach.

everything she does is often in pursuit of feeling free, alive, and meaningful.

( like her frequent visits to the woods, late at night when the moon is high and full. it’s freeing to dance around a fire, stark naked in the cold. builds immunity )

comes and goes wherever she pleases, nothing & nobody can stop her. she knows to respect nature. exudes natural trust energy <3 dont know wht tht means but

the trust expands to animals as well, she has a certain knack for getting them to like her. has too many ‘pet’ rats that reside with her, alongside a baby raccoon & a few crow pals. has a new animal companion everyday, but she doesn’t contain them or force them to stay. edit: she hs a tabby cat named pail, now. named in honor of her mother, bucket.

leaves her window in calloway wide open because of this, because her window is conveniently right besides a tree with sturdy branches. good for animal smuggling, sneaking in and out, hiding, etc. etc. world is her oyster.

though her room in calloway is ??? frankly a mess ??? already ??? usually keeps most of her possessions in her memory box but she’s also turned her room into a mini labyrinth of knick-knacks. very cozy, but very nest-like. think of howl’s room from howl’s moving castle.

wanted connections.

how did you get in here ;; someone whose room she perhaps crashed at late at night, mysteriously. she refuses to explain where she’s come from. she’s gone before you wake. they could literally not know her at all she’s just sleeping halfway under their bed like <3 thank you <3

ma’am this is a wendys ;;  someone who sees her constantly <3 doing outlandish shit <3 bc lets b real. shes weird. shes a weirdo. why do u think she wears the same hat everyday. (she doesnt wear hats often) anyways. they probably dnt even like her? just think shes very strange?

im literally going to dissect you ;;  someone who. wants to figure out philly. pick at her brain. wear her shoes. kind of in the same category of above in this general like. ur fkn weird. bt they wna figure out why <3 they wna play therapist <3 jokes on u she hates therapists

liddle thief in the night ;; someone who has caught her stealing. or dining n dashing. either/or. perhaps both. she steals a lot :/

oh like. friends n stuff ;; of any closeness. ppl she talks 2 conspiracies with, ppl she goes on late night walks with, ppl she explores with, ppl she steals with, ppl she smokes with, etc. etc. ppl who bring her out to parties cos they like her funky little ways when she gets drunk n tries to climb atop everything <3 

thts nice. anyways ;; this is fr like. literally anything unrequited. philly doesnt like <3 a lot of ppl <3 In That Way. so its basically just. ur muse thinks shes very neat n she thinks ur muse is very neat bt platonically. she doesnt do hookups or anything n if she does i tend 2 like. run purely based off of chemistry even with. most of her connections in general.

uuhh. anything ;; HLKDGKSDLKGHLKSFDSHGKFD i nvr rly hv a lot of connections up fr philly bc shes like. a very unpredictable muse n i think its usually better to just. throw her in! n see wht happens! we cn still plot obv n come up w some fun things bt fr the most part shes very organic

[multiversejosephbradshaw]

final evaluation

for our multiverse theme, I was really inspired by the idea of a passageway through time, or a tunnel that links the past and the future. I looked at Viktor & Rolf’s FW 2016 runway, where they used old scraps and rags from their past projects to create their garments, creating an immersive journey through moments in their career. I thought looking at the theme ‘multiverse’ in a more metaphorical, meaningful way was very interesting, so I decided to reference Viktor & Rolf’s time capsule-like garments in my own, by adding scraps and rags of black fabric to represent the ‘chaos’ side of my dress. 

I wanted to make sure my garment didn't fall short for the M.A.R.S (maths, art, religion, science) part of our theme, so I spent a lot of time deciding how I should link it all together. For maths, art, and science I machine-embroidered a geometric block pattern all over the ‘order’ side of the dress, inspired by artist and quilt maker Yoshiko Jinzenji, whose minimalistic, yet detailed quilts communicate order like nothing else. I also wanted the geometric pattern to look like living cells of a plant or animal, with little organelles inside. For the ‘religion’ part of my theme I looked at the ancient Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang, which is a concept of dualism, where contrasting forces are said to actually be interconnected and complimentary. this also fits in with ‘order & chaos’ because in the real world, order & chaos come as a pair, all order was born out of chaos, and you can never have one, without the other. to communicate the idea of Yin and Yang, I made sure to make opposing sides of my dress black and white, and I made the dividing line waved instead of strait to mimic the Yin and yang symbol.

From all the 2D processes that I did in this project, I think doing an artist copy of Jinzenji’s quilt embroidery was the most effective, as it really gave me an idea as to what direction I wanted to go in the the ‘order’ half, and it also features very prominently in my final garment. I also think that the ‘fashion rough’ task really helped me loosen up and stop overthinking my designs and ideas. I had never drawn that many designs at once, and I found it really challenging at first because I wanted every design to be the best, but it made me realise that its all about experimenting, and finding out what works and what doesn't. Drawing out my final design idea was really effective in helping me decide what to do next because seeing a fully conceptualised version of my idea allowed me to go back and refine details and make it even better. some 2D processes that I didn't think were so effective for me were the mathematical grid mirrored designs we did. I didn't like the colours I used, and the lighting gave it a yellow tone which didn't look very clean or professional. It just wasn't where I wanted my final piece to go. I loved my ‘positive and negative space’ paintings, I used gouache paints which are really pigmented and easy to work with, and I spent a lot of time filling in all the details, which I think was worth the effort. they came out really clean, looking almost abstract until you notice what the paintings actually are. 

out of all the 3D processes I did in this project, I'd say that draping was the most effective. I had never tried draping before, and a chose to make a very simple dress because I don't have any experience in constructing clothes yet. I really enjoyed draping my garment, because it was really satisfying making the fabric fit the mannequin perfectly, and it was a lot easier than I was expecting. I really enjoyed the whole process of making the dress, like pattern cutting, embroidery, and sewing, my main interest is learning how to construct garments, and although this dress is very simple, I still feel like I've learned a lot. I also love the ‘interstellar wormhole/wearable sculpture’ task I did, i loved the shapes and curves the tights naturally made, I would of loved to have included it in my final piece, but I couldn't work out how to include it in a garment without it getting scrunched up because of the elasticity. Although I like how my pop up constellation turned out, I don't think it was very effective in terms of helping me towards my final piece, as I didn't explore star signs and horoscopes to represent the ‘religion’ part of my theme.

I created a video to show the process of making my final piece from start to finish by making a Tiktok. I wanted to do this because it was an easy way to cut and edit a video quickly, and add music in the background. I wanted a clear story of how the dress was constructed, which I think I achieved. I like the transitions I put into the video, I think it makes the whole process look very seamless (even though it wasn’t) and flow well.

In terms of heath and safety, there wasn't a huge concern because I didn't have access to any serious machinery or tools such as a heat press that could pose a real heath risk, but I still has to consider things such as being careful not to catch my fingers in the sewing machine. To achieve this, I made sure not to use the sewing machine when I was tired or unfocused. I pricked my self a lot with needles and pins, but there was no way I was going to avoid this, especially with the amount of beading I was doing. I also had to make sure not to cut myself with scissors, but at the time I wasn't really thinking about health and safety, its almost second nature.

I faced a lot of limitations while making this dress, especially because of covid. I didn't have any of the materials I needed, so I picked up a bag of supplies that was made for me from college, as well as buying my fabric from amazon. the fabric arrived very late, which meant I had some serious Time restraints. I'm lucky I live right next to the hardware store, I was in and out of there frequently, buying pins, needles, beads, thread, zips etc. I leaned how to drape my dress from YouTube, which meant I did have to have a couple tries before I got it perfect. the most challenging moment was when i realised I spent hours and hours embroidering and beading the wrong panel of my dress, and I had to throw it away. 

I really love my final outcome, it looks exactly like the design I drew, and I think its clear that a lot of time and concentration went into creating it. I think I did a really good job of connecting it to all the themes while still sticking to a strong concept. if I were to make it again, I would add more textures and shades of black to the chaos side, I think it would look much better if it wasn't all made out of the same black fabric. I would also add more black strips on the shoulder and hip to give it even more volume. I would also love to have made it on a different mannequin, as my one doesn't have a lot of shape, and with the rag rug design, I had a hard time making the dress keep it’s silhouette.

Ive struggled a lot with time management and organisation while working a home, I find it really hard to say concentrated when I'm surrounded with so many distractions. Its something I need to work on, this was the first time I've had to do a project completely from home, and think it was important for me to see what I'm like working in a home environment so I can see what I need to change for next time. I've always struggled with committing fully to and idea or concept, because a lot of the time I second guess myself and struggle with feeling confident in my skills. this project has taught me not to take things so serious, to improvise, and that it okay for everything not to be 100% perfect.

[scandeniall]

mirrors for friends ch//1

Pairing: TBD x reader (repost bc its not showing up in tags and ive had ppl check too sigh)

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Summary: Youre in a band, Mirrors For Friends with your college best friends Kuroo, Iwaizumi, and Atsumu. They're chaotic, your chaotic but you guys are on your way to the top together. Check a/n at end.

warnings: This IS multichapter. recreational marijuana mention. Everyone is over 21, tags will be added as needed but they're adults what do you expect.

wc: 1253

Inspiring playlists (updated as i find stuff) Apple music | Spotify

Ch. 1 // Mirrors For Friends: The Intro

The air was a mixture of sounds. Instruments being prepped, jokes being thrown, random conversations and the occasional song that played in the background. Just another day in Mirrors For Friends, well for everyone except for you. Earplugs in and an eye mask on, you’d been laying on the dingy couch since you arrived at the bar hours prior. Of course you just had to get a migraine on a day where your band had a show. It was about two hours to showtime, and you were just as good as dead. For once, you were thankful that you had your bassist, Atsumu to cover at least some of your vocals.

Atsumu, Miya. The youngest member remains a complete pain in your ass, but you couldn't see your life without him in it. He was the life of the party, and had been your party buddy during your early 20s. The one always down for a good adventure. You could always rely on him to tell you the honest truth, although it had taken a while to get past his overly blunt nature. Once you did, you saw the resident “pretty boy” for the dork that he was. The one who gets pouts whenever the conversation is moving too fast and he can’t think of a retort fast enough. The one who absolutely melted at the sight of food and would even share some of his brother’s famous onigiri with you. When he's not plucking bass strings he works as an assistant volleyball coach for the local high school. Your love for your band mate had eventually replaced your first meeting with the basest. A meeting than ended in you wanting nothing more than to wipe his stupid smirk off with your fist. You had just started your second year of university, completely minding your business until a stray volleyball made its way to the back of your head. Before anyone could even apologize, you’d manage to throw a few curses at the group of rowdy boys. Your future band mate had come over to apologize but ended it with “maybe you should've been paying more attention.”  After flicking him off you never thought you’d see him again, until you were formally introduced by none other than your drummer.

Hajime, Iwaizumi. The drummer of Mirrors For Friends. The oldest member of your quartet. There was only one year between you and him, but two years between him and Atsumu. Iwa, is the backbone of the band. The most responsible one, having taken care of a drunk you more times than you’d like to admit. If your feet were ever hurting, he’d be the one to give you a piggy back. He definitely looked the most bad ass of you all, with two sleeves of tattoos. Despite that he has a soft spot for the band. He's the most responsible of the band, but you learned that despite that nature, he knew how to have fun. He’d definitely supplied an underage you with alcohol before. When he’s not playing with the band, he's a tattoo artist, and has tattoo’d every member of the band multiple times. In fact, he was the only person you trusted to tattoo you. You’d met him midway through your first year of university, when he was an apprentice. Despite being 19, he’d already had a full sleeve and a shiny eyebrow piercing. In his attempts to calm you down, you learned that he was only a year above you. He was definitely more calming than the jerk that had dragged you to the tattoo shop in the first place. That person being your guitarist.

Tetsurou Kuroo, the guitarist of Mirrors For Friends. He was one of the first people you’d met in university where he ended up being your across neighbor. You’d had your door open in an attempt to get some air circulation in the stuffy dorm, when he noticed your guitar. Full of stickers, it looked used and he was curious. After, finding out the two of you had a common interest in music, the two of you became best friends. He’d ended up being the brother you never asked for. His teasing is similar to Atsumu, however he knew how to keep up. You two became nearly inseparable. He was the member you tended to confide in first, because it was just natural. The one always down to just vibe. You remember the many nights spent in private study rooms, just writing and talking music together. You quickly found out that his writing skills were incredible, not only that but he had the best ear for composing of any of your band mates. Some of your favorite pieces came from writing sessions with just the two of you. When he isn’t antagonizing your band, he works as a TA for a science class at your university. He decided about a year ago to go back to school for a higher degree in biochemistry.

Then there was you. Lead singer, keyboardist, and occasional guitar player when you felt like it. At 26, you’d been in the band since you were 20, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. You loved writing, you loved performing and you loved your boys. Even now when you could feel napkins that you had no doubt were greasy pizza stained ones being thrown at you. It took for the fifth one to hit your forehead to finally sit up, removing both your earplugs and eye mask. Groaning at the combination of fluorescent lighting and noise you shot death glares at your band mates. Who were all miraculously just standing next to one another, pretending to have just been doing nothing but talking. “Would you three do me a favor, and drive off a fucking cliff.”

“I told them to stop,” is what Iwaizumi said, but the smirk on his face said he played a role just like your other idiots.”

“Dude you threw the last one!” Kuroo chimed in.

“Yeah well Atsumu started it”

“What the fuck Iwa- selling me out”

If it weren't for the pounding behind your eyes you might’ve been amused and the usual bickering between the boys. Afterall, it was never serious. If only you could enjoy it.

“Would the 3 overgrown toddlers shut up.” Burying your face into your hand’s you felt the couch dip beside you in the now empty space, and another voice picked up from across the room.

“Yo- what's with the attitude today,” your bassist questioned. He had settled himself on a smaller couch, eyes narrowed on your miserable form. Once he heard the mention of a migraine, his gaze softened. “Tsumu, I’m gonna need to to sing a little more today alright. '' The younger boy nodded, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. He mentioned something about going to look for a pen and paper, so you two could outline a plan and to make sure you had a stool for tonight.

“You wanna go smoke? It should help a little,” the body next to you moved and you looked up to see Kuroo, offering a hand.. “It’s a spot in the shade out back, c’mon.” You took the hand and before you could head out your last bandmade stopped you.

“I have enough time to go pick up some Advil and maybe some caffeine. Don’t smoke too much, you know how strong Kuroo’s shit is. We still have a show tonight.”

“Don’t worry daddy Iwa, I’ve got our beloved lead singer. We’ll be fine.”

-----

a/n: alright so i’ve been inspired by samwrites Elixir (which YES 100000/10 recommends) AND sam has had an anon talking band au’s lately AND i saw a msby band au edit on twitter so i cracked out my keyboard.

ok but seriously, idk which guy im gonna end up doing so for now itll just be band dynamics, and then whoever sparks my interest or whoever is voted on after a few parts will win. I did a randomizer, got a winner and started but then started feeling the other possibilities. Anyways whoever is not the chosen ones its just friendship, no love triangles and shit. But whoever wins, just know I have a potential plot for ALL ((((im just too un-dedicated and busy with summer college courses to actually fully commit to all of them)))

lastly, this is me again experimenting w/ diff ways of writing so bare with me AND if anyone cares i could make a taglist.

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (6)

Chapter 6: Franklin vs. Penn: Ultimate Grudge Match

“I’m sorry,” He said, all polite-and-founding-father like, “but the museum is now closed. Those who do not leave WILL BE EXTERMINATED. As I always say, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and NOT DEAD! Thank you so much for visiting the Franklin Institute, and please come back tomorrow, when I WON’T KILL YOU!”

           Unfortunately for Silverstein, I’d been in situations like this a thousand times before. See, when you get in trouble, be it trying to flood the house, drawing pictures on the walls, or just plain old putting fireworks in your breakfast cereal, you learn real quick to always have a buddy (or little brother) on standby. Why? Because-

“It was them, Mr. Franklin!” I cried, pointing my index finger. “They started it!”

Then I ran. Always run before they can think long enough to punish you!

There was a loud Pop as Ben Franklin cracked his knuckles.

“A fool and his money are soon parted, as is a certain Quaker and his life if he does not leave now. I once said visitors and fish stink after three days, but you were rotten on arrival, pacifist!”

Penn stamped his foot so hard it cracked the floor, accepting the challenge. “I may not believe in fighting, but soon you shall see why they call us the Quakers, you impoverished d!ck!”

“Uhh… guys? I’m still here.” Said Silverstein, just in time for Penn to kick him into a marble pillar.

“The child is mine to reprimand, you fool!”

“’Tis not!”

“’Tis too!”

“’Tis not!”

           As much as I wanted to hear a riveting philosophical debate between two of PA’s most famous citizens, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting crushed by giants, either. Instead I ran. I ran so far away. Now, keep in mind I hadn’t been to the museum since I was five, which made searching out the train an absolute pain. Having two giant men bumbling behind me didn’t exactly help.

All I could think was runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun.

           It should have been easy: all I needed to do was find that stupid train, bring it to life with gold dust, and vamoose! If only I could remember which room the darn thing was in! Instead, I ran through rooms filled with electricity, weather, and ‘shudder’ physics. Sometime along the way, I realized this is where parents put all the boring sciences nobody cared about, locking them away from the rest of the world. This wasn’t a museum, this was a prison. A prison of learning.

           Then there were Ben Franklin and William Penn hot on my tail, reducing rooms to rubble as they went. I had no idea what would happen when all that science got released into the world, but I didn’t want to find out. At least they seemed more interested in each other than me. Until Ben Franklin stuffed Penn’s body up a working Tesla coil, that is. Penn might have recovered, had he been made of something other than bronze. Instead, the room exploded in a burst of electricity, Franklin and I leaping out in the nick of time like a pair of action heroes.

           Of course, without Penn to distract him, I had to contend with Big Ben himself (and Silverstein, whenever the heck he got back in the fight). So now on top of finding Baldwin (seriously, how hard can finding a 400,000 pound choo-choo train possibly be?!) I had the world’s angriest founding father on my tail, spitting maxims at me. Maxims that were also really bad puns about my demise (that I may or may not still sometimes hear in my sleep).

“I once said three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. So far, one down, one to go!”

I slammed my knuckles to my head.

Come on, Watt! Think, thiiinnnnkkkkkk!

I pumped my ten year old legs hard enough to pop my knees off, the air pushing back against me like concrete. There was a flash; the world spun. Then everything was still. Absolutely still.

                                                          .   .   .

           When I opened my eyes, I back at the Franklin Institute. Srta. Now, it was day and there were tons of guests. And in that great thong of guests was none other than five year old me being dragged along his parents. 

Fist, I was right confused about what the hey was going on, when it struck me that just last year I managed to run faster than the speed of light, going back through time. But back then, I’d sprained my ankle so I shouldn’t have been able to go that fast again. This had to be an illusion! Unless...

Unless, being a soul now, my ghost ankle wasn’t sprained, which, combined with my dinosaur feet, had let me run fast enough to break he sound barrier again and go back to the day my parents first took me to this hell of learning! Should I have been worried I wasn’t more shocked? Maybe, but all my mind could think of was how I distinctly remembered seeing a giant train as the last stop on my visit. It took my nerve wracked mind five seconds to churn out a plan. And so began the first (but sadly, not last) time I would find myself stalking somebody.

           Funny about stalking. In the movies they make it look like some daring spy espionage thing while some awesome music plays in the background. Fact is, you spend most of it just sitting around searching for that perfect mix of part of the crowd, but not so much you’ve lost your target, the whole time internally screaming Darn it, kid! Put down the plastic stegosaurus and get a move on to the trains already! (I also felt tempted to tell him throwing Steggy into incoming traffic on the way home was a terrible idea even by 5-year-old standards, but that’s the sort of thing that causes time paradoxes, so I kept my mouth shut.) Seriously, it’s no wonder I didn’t remember squat about the place! And somehow, despite having his face in front of a dinosaur the whole time, little Watt spent hours in front of every exhibit (except the giant human heart, that one sent little me screaming for the exit until Mom convinced him there were no ghosts in there). If it weren’t for Dad grumbling how ‘we should’ve just gone to the dinosaurs like we usually do’ while Mom countered with ‘we need to expand our son’s horizons’, I might have died of boredom for the third time that summer.

           One planetarium show later (which I sat outside for, seeing I didn’t have a ticket) they finally got a move on to the trains, which actually got little me to stop staring at his plastic dinosaur for five seconds. Heck, I found myself gaping at the darn thing (which of course was in an out of the way area most people wouldn’t even notice if it wasn’t on the map.)

           So I knew where the Baldwin was, now I could get going returning to my own time! As if on cue, a loudspeaker screamed

“ATTENTION GUESTS! IN FIVE MINUTES THERE WILL BE A DEMONSTRATION OF OUR TESLA COIL IN THE WONDERS OF ELECTRICITY EXHIBIT!”

           Mom, determined to get little me to see there was more to life than dinosaurs (Mom, I love you, but you’re wrong) immediately started dragging the family over. Naturally, I followed suit, knowing full well how this story ended.

Turned out, there was one other thing that could get little me to take his eyes off his plastic dinosaur for more than five seconds (that wasn’t a giant, fleshy organ in the middle of a museum hall). And that was seeing their future self running into the Tesla coil right as the demonstration began.

Have you ever been barbequed? Roasted so dark your skin feels like lava, then you can’t feel anything at all? Well, jumping into that coil was like that, and more. Only thing I could feel was my brains being spun around like clothes in a washer. All the while, I thought of that stupid giant heart. Whose heart did it even belong to, anyway, and who thought it was a good idea to put it in the middle of a museum hall where all a manner of kids could crawl through it to their heart’s content?

Whose heart was it?

But I already knew the answer, just like I know the history of dinosaurs. With that knowledge, I came up with the perfect plan.

And everything was still, absolutely still.

                                                         .   .   .

           When I got back up, it was nighttime in 2006, angry Ben Franklin and all. Quick on my feet, I ran to where the little kids go to learn how disgusting they are on the inside. Franklin followed close behind, each footstep a five on the Richter scale. If I wanted to pull my plan off, I couldn’t miss a beat. Running was a bit trickier, though: somehow, I’d sprained my ghost ankle from running so fast. Not that I really had time to wonder how that worked. 

Anyway!

           Most kids like theme parks. I was never one of them. You know why? Because of those creepy animal mascots! Just like clowns, there’s something inhuman about them! But at the end of the day, a thousand of those costumed freaks seemed less scary than Big Ben Franklin’s ticker. And this is coming from a guy who literally lived in the Underworld for a few weeks!

           Did you know it glows at night?! It freaking glows at night like some bloody Chinese lantern. While pulsing! It was enough to make me lose my lunch (or Cheetos, in this case) to the point where I wondered if being crushed to death in the marble hands of our first president might not be such a bad thing after all. (He was our first president, right?) But at the end of it all, I flinched. First I was fleeing from death, the next moment I was lodged somewhere in Big Ben’s left ventricle.

“Coward! Come out and face me!” He cried, punching a hole mere inches from my face.

I may or may have not screamed as blood splattered my face. For the next few minutes, it was a fight for survival. Franklin ripped open the heart, trying to grab me, and I didn’t know what would kill me first: Fists, or the guy’s cringy maxims.

“He who would sacrifice his freedom for security deserves neither!”

Punch.

“My energy and persistence will conquer all things-that includes your flimsy little bones!”

Slam!

I would have parried with quips of my own, but really, it’s kinda hard to come up with puns for ‘ventricle’. But in the end, I decided who lived a-or-ta died, so that’s neat.

Sure enough, the more Franklin punched, the more blood spread over his marble face, the slower the heat beat and the weaker he got, over and over and over…

“Nothing is… certain in life… but death and…”

Just like that, Ben Franklin collapsed on the floor. Now it was my turn for a witty one liner.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you an investment in knowledge pays the best interest? Fun fact about the heart: when it stops beating, you stop living.”

And with that, I went to my way toward the Baldwin, but not before Franklin gave me one last ominous warning.

“He who lives upon hope…”

I didn’t hear the rest because by then, he’d drowned in his own blood.

           So I ran to the best of my memory, diving down that staircase where they keep the pendulum thingy into the space travel exhibit (or as I like to call it: ‘You think it’s gonna be fun, but it’s not’.) And who do I see leaning against a replica lunar module but Smell Silverstein himself, looking mighty proud of himself

“Good evening, Watterson.” He said, all sinister-like. “You probably think you’ve been doing real good, busting up two of Pennsylvania’s most famous figures like that. Too bad, mother*cker! Because I’m Shel mother*ckin’ Silverstein, and now, you will be crushed by the wrath of Apollo, the Living Lunar Module!”

With as much charisma as he could muster, he took some dust from his pocket and splashed it on the space thing.

Nothing happened.

Shel looked at his hands, now a bright orange. “What the Stephen Hellenberg?! This isn’t gold dust, this is CHEESE PUFF DUST!”

           You know that gold dust Silverstein tried to snatch from me earlier? Too bad he didn’t have good night vision (the kind you get from constantly checking for monsters under your bed) otherwise he’d have noticed I’d pulled the ol’ switcheroo on him. 

And I made certain he wouldn’t have time to correct his mistake. 

You ever rammed a guy twice your size before? The key is to catch them by surprise, because even if you’re an eighty pound wimp like yours truly, if the other guy isn’t expecting it, they’ll topple like a domino, bang their head on the leg of a lunar module, and that will be that.

           Of course, I didn’t exactly have time to celebrate my victory. With what little energy I had left, I tottered over to the train exhibit. For a moment I’d expected the worst, but there it was, black, long, and big as a house: the Baldwin 60000, the greatest locomotive ever designed by man. Right where I’d left it. Climbing into the cockpit, I opened the firebox, pouring every last ounce of Penn’s gold dust inside. The whole thing shimmered as streams of gold circled the train, like some kind of magic spell.

“What the f*ck?!”

A deep booming voice erupted from right out of nowhere.

“Where am I? What is this place?! How the hell am I talking?!”

“Hey, relax-“

“And now there’s a voice in my head!”

“Actually, my name’s Watt, and I’m gonna bust you out of here.”

“Well I’m not interested! If you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to being the greatest steam engine in America!”

I slapped my head, finally realizing my Mom put up with this crap every time she put me to bed at night.

“C’mon, Baldwin, I nearly got sent to the Underworld, MULTIPLE TIMES I might add, trying to rescue you!”

“Then if you want a train so badly, go to Rocket over there! He’d probably help you out!”

Rocket was a dinky little rust bucket who probably couldn’t outrun a fourth grader, much less crush a Wegmart Greeter. In fact, I’m still not sure if that thing even qualified as a train.

Fortunately, my Mom put up with this crap every time she put me to bed, so let’s just say I knew a little about getting people to do what you want.

“Fine then,” I said, putting up my hands and making an exasperated sigh. “Guess you won’t have the chance to be famous, then.”

“How?!” The desperation in his voice was palpable.

“Oh, I just wanted you of run over a Wegmart Greeter and help some geese get their nesting grounds back. It would get you in the papers. But I could just go over to Rocket, since you insisted…”

A whistle erupted. “NO! NO! You definitely want me! Ever since I’ve somehow gained a consciousness, all I’ve had the inescapable urge to do something stupid that’ll land me in the papers! I’m a very useful engine, I SWEAR! Please don’t leave meee!”

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes “Okay, but promise you’ll do everything I say, alright.”

“Yes, yes! Anything for fame!”

Just at that moment, William Penn barged in, creating a giant Quaker shaped hole in the wall. His hair was a bit frazzled, but other than that he looked just as dandy as when I first saw him.

“Halt, Wastrel! In the name of Penn-“

“CHARGE!” I screamed.

With an ear shattering whistle Baldwin rammed forward, shattering Penn’s bronze butt into a million pieces. But we didn’t stop there. No, we kept going through the museum, out the other end, and…

“We’re going to crash into traffic!”

“Don’t worry, kid! You just have to belieeeeevvvveeeee!”

“How is that supposed to-“

“Do you want to ram through a traffic jam or not?!”

So I did. I hugged the firebox, believing we might somehow get away with all this. Gradually, the ground stopped screeching beneath us. When I finally found the courage to look down, we were a hundred feet in the air. I wondered what passersbys would think when they looked up to see a seven hundred thousand pound train making a silhouette as it passed over the moon.

“What the heck is happening?!”

“Magic, kid! The Magic of BELEIVING, MOTHERFORKER!” He tooted his whistle triumphantly “Just don’t stop, or we all fall to our deaths. I’ll even sing a song to help you remember!”

“No that’s-“

“Don’t stop! Beleivviiiinnnngg!”

I screamed all the way back to the pond.

                                                          .   .   .

Just like I promised, Baldwin did get in the papers. Specifically, an article in the National Esquirerer titled

“Lascivious Locomotive Finishes Founding Father! Makes Daring Escape into the Heavens!”

Right beneath an article about one of the most pressing issues of our time:

‘Hannah Montana: the American Beethoven?’

[seapandora]

Fierce (Part 1?)

Avengers x oc!Rexy, (I honestly haven´t decided on what the final ship will be if there will be one…, also kinda oc!reader)

A/N: I started writing this as a reader x Steve fic but it just works better with an OC. I tried my best to not be too descriptive. This is sorta following the Avengers movies, not the comics. Probably no mention of the guardians… or maybe of Rocket and Groot but they get a pass in my book. Lastly, Ive got no clue wether this will be a series or not. Depends on how its received. So if you wanna see more, reblog and like. I don't own Marvels characters, this is just a fic, nothing more. Enjoy reading it. Thanx <3

Warnings: Anxiety, Blood, Probably some character-distress, slow burn, probably some character death along the road.

Words: 3019

Steve, oh sorry… Captain America… The world's golden boy and everyone's favorite Avenger. Well, everyone, except the Avengers, favorite Avenger. He was always so correct and he drilled the others quite hard, to the point where they had all thought of ways to take him out. Not that that was an easy task. He was a supersoldier. He had superspeed, superstrength, and well, he was quite agile. Bucky was a good sparring match because he also had the supersoldier serum. Those weren´t the only two with it though. They had a third supersoldier on the team, Rexy. Although the serum was the same as Steve and Buckys, Rexys had been spliced with genome from different animals who possessed certain abilities. While Rexy had no real clue as too how Hydra had created the "improved" serum, she now knew what it contained. Mostly thanks to Bruce, who had taken a blood sample when she was taken to the compound. Turned out she had genomes from a cuttlefish, those genes had proven to give her the ability to blend into any kind of background. She also had genes from a pit viper, which essentially gave her the ability to detect people's heat-signatures.

In all honesty, Rexy was a genetic freak, and it was clear that the scientists had been very keen on the whole Jurassic World deal seeing as the genes they had been using had also been used to create the fictional Indominus Rex. That had essentially gotten Sam to give her the nickname Rexy, and Rexy didn't mind. She had never provided any other name and wasn't about to start now that she had stayed with the team for a few years. It would be weird. Steve had been the first one to approach Rexy when she was found, but she had shied away from him. He had thought he could understand her, but he realized how wrong he was when Bucky told him that it was very different to be injected with something out of free will, compared to being injected against your will. Bucky had started to speak Russian and while Rexy hadn´t understood a word, she knew who Bucky was. She had seen his picture millions of times and had heard how he betrayed and left Hydra. That led to Rexy trusting Bucky to keep her safe. She had never heard of Steve before, only Captain America, and she hadn´t made the connection at that point.

For a while, Rexy didn't speak to anyone, not even Bucky. Mostly because he kept speaking to her in Russian and she didn't understand a word. Eventually one day she had asked to be allowed to make a phone call. She had spoken perfect English and the Avengers had all been frozen in their spots when she spoke up. After that, she was able to bond with each and every one of them in a unique way. She had always been the most comfortable around Bucky and Sam because they never put any pressure on her. The same went with Natasha who had become like an older sister to Rexy. Rexy had also quickly bonded with Peter who had become a very close friend of hers. That lead to the Avengers finding out that she was only four years older than Peter and that she had been taken at the young age of 12. Once they realized that Tony made sure to get her into a homeschooling program that the Avengers would help her with. Bucky and Steve worked with her on history, Sam on current conflicts of the world. Natasha helped her learn computers and programs. Bruce helped Rexy with chemistry and Tony worked with her on physics. Wanda helped her with psychology and Vision provided his knowledge whenever someone lacked information. She had gone through her missed years in just under two years and had applied for college. When she knew she had a spot she talked to Tony to see if he could get her a program she could follow from the compound. She wasn't comfortable around others and just felt the safest when she could be in her own space.

Tony had taken care of it all and Rexy was reading three different programs. She was like Tony, a workaholic and she hated not having something to do, and currently, she wasn't allowed on missions. She had had a bit of a tantrum a few weeks which had resulted in a lot of destruction and Steve with a black eye when he tried to calm her down. Rexy was still extremely embarrassed by the whole ordeal and she hated that she had hurt Steve even if he was completely healed after three days. She hated just thinking about it. Back to her studies, she liked having a lot on her plate and she was studying psychology, chemical engineering, and computer science. She wasn't an overly intelligent human freak, but she was interested and that took her more than halfway to her goal, most of the time. And now that she had a lot of time on her hands she made sure to keep up with everything and not fall behind on her studies. The Avengers all tried to help her, but often Rexy would just stare at them until they shut up, and then she´d kindly say she´d ask for help if she needed it. Mostly she talked to Natasha or Tony about stuff she found hard with her computer science courses, but she often asked Peter as well. They usually did most of their homework together or just sat and studied together.

Today just so happened to be one of those study days. Summer break had just started and technically Peter didn't have to study, however, he was still doing the "Stark Internship" and for his teachers to accept it he had to write a larger report on Starks technics, and how some of them worked. Tony had given Peter some parts that didn't do much for him and that wouldn't be a security risk if it leaked. Not that Peter would ever be that stupid. Rexy would trust Peter with anything. Sure he could be a bit of a talker but he had a pure heart and could challenge Steve for being the kindest and most caring human being on the planet. Or should he be called humanoid? He was part spider after all, right? Rexy was just finishing up an essay she had to write for her chemical engineering. It wasn't that hard, just a lot of work and she had put it off for a few days in favor of spending time with Shuri when she had come to visit. Shuri was of big help as well but seeing as she rarely visited them, she and Rexy rarely had time to talk about school or help each other. Mostly when they called they talked about boys or just T´Challa, Bucky, Sam, and Steve because it was fun to gossip about the old men.

Peter repeated his question and Rexy looked up. "Sorry, I was in a weird zone, care to repeat Pete?" She asked softly and blushed slightly at her antics. She usually didn't space out when someone was talking to her. He laughed but just shook his head. "Don't worry ´bout it. How´s the essay going, need anything? I was going to get something to drink and something to eat, you want anything?" He asked as he stood up. Rexy thought for a moment before she stood up as well. "I´ll just go with you." She answered knowing Peter would most likely forget something and then he´d be mad at himself. This way they could focus on what they wanted for themselves and then help each other back. She was always keeping an extra eye on Peter knowing he did suffer from a bit of anxiety. It didn't help that he was underage and fighting crime. It was a lot of pressure on a teenager. Rexy always figured that everyone stayed strong for her that she would repay them by staying strong for someone so important to them all and be his rock instead of the opposite way around. Yes, Rexy had missed a lot of her life as a teenager, but her years in Hydras´ grip had made her appreciate the small things in life and she didn't take anything for granted. She taught Peter to enjoy life while he still had it. It wasn't something you could get back later on, once you were gone you were gone. Peter had, because of Rexy, started to date MJ and he had started saying no to nightly patrols in favor of spending time with MJ.

Rexy didn't mind Peter spending a lot of time with MJ, she knew she always had him. She also had a lot of other things she had to do rather than think of Peter. She was an Avenger. Well, sort of at least. She hadn´t signed the papers, afraid that she would end up in another organization, like Hydra. She did however work as a consultant for the government. The American, and several other governments as well. She wasn't American by birth and didn't even have American citizenship. Hence why she didn't show loyalty to only the states. She was a freelancing superhero. She snapped out of her second daze in just a short time as Peter stood up and she followed his lead. She had gotten a call earlier during the day and she was leaving for a solo mission in just a few hours but she and Peter had planned this afternoon of studying for some time. Once they were all done she would be leaving though. So far only Natasha knew as she had been around when the call came. Rexy was hesitant to telling Peter she was leaving. Peter always worried about her and he wouldn't be able to relax until she got back and she didn't want that for him. He had a date with MJ the next day and Rexy wanted Peter to enjoy it.

They walked to the kitchen and Rexy got herself a cup of coffee and a soda. She needed the energy for the rest of the afternoon. She also got herself a FlapJack bar, one with summer berries. She waited for Peter to grab what he wanted for the afternoon before they began walking back towards the library. Rexy yawned a bit and hummed. It was a slow day and it made her slow and tired. She was in some weird way looking forward to the sleep she could get on the jet. She enjoyed sleeping on the jet, something about it was soothing. Rexy and Peter sat back down at the table and quickly emerged themselves back into their studying. Rexy began to type on her essay fairly quickly and within minutes she was in a flow. Her essay was actually on nanotechnology as a means of drug delivery in the human body. While Rexy wasn't necessarily supposed to make a case for a certain technology her professor had accepted her request to be allowed to create a drug delivery system that could work, with the help of nanotechnology. It had all been a success and the essay was mostly a discussion about potential issues her mechanic could have and whether it was more effective than traditional drug delivery. She was, in all honesty, very happy with her results and the way the essay was coming along. She was just hoping it would be accepted by her professor and that the reviewers wouldn´t be too harsh, even if that was the point. Rexy didn’t intend for her research to go mainstream and she had no interest in making it a reality. The technology was expensive and few countries would get access to it and in Rexy´s mind, everyone should have the same possibility to acquire the technology or no one should have it. The current techniques were acceptable and working, rich countries didn’t need another way of distributing drugs, not yet at least.

She typed up the last few paragraphs and emailed it to Bruce, who had promised to proofread it and think whether Rexy's arguments would hold or not. She noticed Peter was still stuck on one of his problems and leaned over to get a better look at it. Their relationship was incredible. They didn’t even need to talk to be able to communicate their issues. Rexy could see he was struggling and wanted her help. “Read the problem to me, and I´ll see if I can help.” She said softly and smiled at him as she leaned her head in her hand. “Okay, so… I have to calculate the momentum of a 2000 kilo elephant who´s running at 7.5 meters per second. Compare the momentum of the elephant to that of a 0.0400-kilo dart fired at 600 meters per second. And lastly, I have to calculate the momentum of a 90-kilo human running at 7.4 meters per second.” Peter explained and sighed softly Physics wasn’t his strong suit. The truth was it wasn’t Rexy´s either, but she had taken a course in basic physics just to understand some things that Bruce and Tony would talk about now and then.

“Okay so let's break each question up. The first question was about the elephant's momentum, right? So momentum is the mass times the velocity and you have both of those factors, right?” Rexy said and smiled. Peter nodded and quickly wrote up the equation as meve and continued by adding in the values he already had. Peter used his calculator to do the multiplication of 2000 times 7.50 and got the answer 15 000. “Cool, now let´s write that as a scientific notation instead. “ Rexy said and waited as Peter instead wrote the answer as 1.50 x 104. “And don’t forget what it is you’ve calculated, kg times meter per second.” She added to let Peter know he had to write out the SI-unit. “Okay, now the second question. Let´s calculate that the same way, to begin with, now that you’ve got how to calculate the momentum.” She said and smiled as she took a sip of her drink. It didn’t take Peter very long at all and he waited for Rexy to swallow her drink before he looked at her for help. “So comparing the two momentums… momenta?... oh well. You want to divide the momentum of the elephant by the momentum of the dart. So it will be 1.50 x 104 kg x m/s divided by 24.0 kg x m/s as that was the momentum of the dart.” She explained and pointed to his two previous answers. The more Peter thought of it the less hard this became. Maybe it was just hard because he was thinking of so many other things. He had the date with MJ in his head and he had a few exams coming up in the next few weeks. Peter did the math quickly and got the result 625 as he should. “Great, so if you'd want to put that sensibly for a test or so, you could write that the momentum of the elephant is 625 times the momentum of the dart because the elephant weighs much more than the dart,” Rexy explained with a quick shrug. She didn’t mind Peter asking her for help even if the problem wasn’t that hard. He always helped her with things that turned out to not be very hard.

“So last question. This is the thing you’ve done for both previous questions so why don’t you do it while I save up my file and I´ll check it in 2 minutes?” She asked and smiled at Peter before she turned to her laptop to save her current file and to open the email she had received from Hill with some assignment details. She quickly transferred those files to her file in Friday's head and made sure Friday would lock it up with a password. The password wasn’t that hard, but it was something the others didn’t know about her. Okay maybe Natasha knew, but she knew everything. She checked back in with Peter in precisely two minutes and smiled as he had done it correctly. “You got it.” She said and patted his arm. “Now if the questions get any harder, please don’t ask me, I suck at physics.” She chuckled and closed her laptop. “I gotta go, Pete… I have some stuff to do.” She said and frowned. “Oh, okay Rex. Study sesh tomorrow?” He asked and looked over at Rexy as he too began to pack his things up. “I can´t tomorrow, I´m going out of town for a little bit.” She said and sighed. “I´ll be back by the end of the weekend.” She added and looked at Peter who looked like she had just told him someone had died. “Is it a mission or something?” He asked and frowned. He was always very protective of her even if she was technically older than him. “Yes, but I´m going to be fine Peter. It’s a simple mission.” Rexy assured him. He stood up and hugged her quickly. “Are you going off-grid? Or can you send me updates?” He asked as they hugged. This was the exact reason she hadn´t wished for Peter to know. He would be worried sick and she hated making him worried. “Look, you have a date tomorrow night, and I don’t want you to worry. Hill wants me to be off-grid but I´ll make an exception for you until tomorrow night, okay? You and Tasha are the only ones who know I´m going. You can´t tell Sam or Bucky until later tonight, or they will try to stop me. This is something I, and I alone, have to do.” She explained and kissed Peter's cheek before she let him go to collect her things. Peter sighed but knew better than to argue with Rexy. She was a capable woman who was more than used to her own missions by now.

[endymionstudies]

ive always wanted to go to an hbcu!! howard is one of my dream schools :D what's the social environment like? how does being at an hbcu affect your courses, especially your social science courses? just thoughts in general abt your time there

hey!!! so i literally spent like an hour replying to this and reorganizing how i did it bc i had SO MUCH TO SAY and i kept jumping around and it was crazy. but here’s your answer finally :D 

SOME NOTES:

so howard is very different from xavier! if you have any specific questions about howard, you can send those my way still because my cousin goes there and i can pass them along.

i would like to preface my answer with this: xavier is a small, low endowment school. we are the only roman catholic hbcu, and this is very, very central to us. i’m also white passing, and grew up in a very mixed area (mostly white + asian), so my living experience prior to college was very different from that of my peers, and still is. so this is my own experience, but many of my friends have very different outlooks; college is a extremely individualized experience. no two people are the same!

i also tried to keep this general, in case you were applying or looking at other hbcu’s as well, but definitely added specific howard vs xavier things to give the idea of what a small school is offering

also i talk about stats some so here’s the basic ones: Endowment: → howard is 692.8mil → xavier is 171mil

Undergrad Enrollment: → howard is around 6.2k  → xavier is around 2.2k

SOCIAL LIFE / CULTURE:

the thing about hbcu’s is that they are not diverse. so if you come from a heavily diverse area, you are going to have a little bit of culture shock. this isnt something that i really expected, because i never thought about the fact that an hbcu is homogenous, whereas a lot of pwi’s are actually p culturally diverse. if thats not any issues for you then its not a problem! but its a thing, because everyone is very like-minded, and of similar backgrounds, so when youre not, you stand out. my cousin came from a similar background as me (more comfortable/wealthier than her peers, heavily diverse neighborhood, LA private school) and had the exact same problem of not being accepted for not have an “authentic” black life or whatever that means. so there is a very heavily prevalent idea that unless you grew up in one exact way, you’re not “black enough”, so like,,, just be mindful that this is a Thing and that people are surprisingly judgemental about it

each hbcu has a much more insular culture than ive really seen or heard to be at pwi’s, ESPECIALLY if you go greek. theyre extremely close knit, and i know that they are extremely involved and dedicated to each other and to the sorority/fraternity even after they’ve graduated. each school is very distinct, so you have to really get to know and get immersed in the culture. at xavier, we do a lot of music events on campus, because we dont have a big sports culture, and greek life is pretty low key. there are parties, but it’s all house parties off campus bc we’re strictly dry. there are things that are specific to xavier, that you find find or understand if you go somewhere else. everyone is very close knit, and if you go somewhere small, you will know everyone and everyone will know you. so just make sure you know and like the environment and locality that your school is in.

social activism is huge here. some people are light on it, some people are borderline militant. we’re activists by mission, so that definitely has an impact on the kind of people that are drawn here. make sure to really look into your schools mission and what they stand for, because you’ll find a lot of students are like minded to it. i can only assume howard is similar because of its DC location, so be ready for access to lots of protests and heavy government interest.

COURSES:

the religious mission is very important to the school, and so we have required theology courses and service hours to graduate. in terms of social science, for me, we are rather limited. most of our funding goes to science, because we’re a science focused school. we’re known for our pharmacy program, and bio/chem pre-med. if your school only has a few masters/doctorate programs, and they’re all in one field, that’s the section that will get the most funding. howard’s endowment is massive compared to ours, so this will probably not be as glaring.

in regards to hbcu-specific courses, there’s naturally a huge focus on black studies and all of its sub-studies. like black theology/philosophy, history, literature, etc etc. this of course means that if you have an interest thats outside of solely a black focused area, then youre probably not going to find as much. our history department really only does black history in america & the world, so they dont offer classes on larger areas, like greco-roman hist, asian hist, etc. if you have interest in a wider range of studies, but still want to go to an hbcu, i would suggest looking into whether or not your school has a consortium with nearby schools. xavier has one w tulane, so i take german class there bc its not offered for me. i think howard has one with american, so you’d be eligible to take some of their courses, which gives you more access to specialties of interest.

OTHER THINGS:

if you havent, when quarantine is over, i would suggest trying to visit howard and really get a feel for it. its in the middle of DC which is amazing, but the area is very heavily gentrified, and i know that the students are having a lot of issues with the local residents because of this. 

also, make sure to research not just the courses, but the culture. i got told culture didnt matter and that was a fat ass lie. this is how youre living for the next 4 years, and you cant study 24/7. so make sure you will actually enjoy your college years somehow. look at rate my school, look for facebook groups of applied/accepted students, look online for blogs or youtubers who talk candidly about their experiences. talking to current students is the single best way to get a feel for the university, because they can tell you what really goes on, not what the brochures show you.

i hope this helps some!!! if you have any more questions just send them my way, and if i can’t answer them myself i’ll find someone who can :D

[voltronramblings]

um this got like really really long lmao (feel free to just post like a cut off version so it doesn’t clog up ppls dash lol) kind of super embarrassed about how long it is but…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i got a lot to say, i hope that’s okay

Haha, you’re completely fine, sweetheart! I am gonna put it under the cut so that it doesn’t end up taking a lot of space on someone’s dash ❤️

Can i pls get a matchup? :3 I’m a bi girl, 5’6 with longish wavy red hair, blue eyes and lots of freckles cuz i always forget to reapply sunscreen lol pretty much always have a sunburn during the summer. I’m a INFP, and a libra. I’ve got a major case of ADHD, lots of energy and horrible at focusing, lots of fidgeting all the time (mostly the leg bounceTM and tapping things) (also got that anxiety/depression thing goin on).

I’m not super social, I hate big parties, I don’t have a Lot of friends, but the friends I do have I’m really close to and would trust with my life (I’m kind of really selective with who i befriend). If i don’t like a person, they will be able to Tell, I don’t go out of my way to be mean to them but,, it’s a bit obvious. I’m the fun friend, always getting people to laugh and smile and be happy, and I’m super loyal to my friends, ride-or-die kind of gal. I also tend to be the one that people lean on, or turn to if the need any advice or comfort. I’m also really close with my family, love them with all my heart and would do anything for them.

I love to play the piano and sing (pretty good at the first one, not so much the second lol) and i tend to do that when I’m feeling stressed out or sad and it helps a lot. I’m currently in college studying geography and cartography and I’m like a super nerd about it lol. I love to go hiking in the mountains where i live and go swimming in the rivers, and when I’m staying at my family home I go to the beach all the time, my fave summer tradition is having bonfire parties on the beach with my friends where we just swim and build sand castles all day and then roast hot dogs and marshmallows (some of my fave memories of high school were on the beach super late at night around the campfire). I am pretty active, i used to be super into sports in high school but now i’m not really, I used to swim competitively for like 8 years, and I also was part of a rowing team for a couple years, and I really loved it, trying to get back into it but i’m way too out of shape rn lmao. I also love baseball, watching it and playing it (but mostly i just watch) (go giants). I love music, fave genres being rock/alt rock/punk/pop, and I loooove going to concerts, i’ve been to at least 30 by now lol I’m pretty much always got music playing, my fave band is fall out boy (i’m basic i know lol).

my grades have always been…. Super average. Not because I don’t understand what I’m being taught but because I never really did my homework, i would always procrastinate and especially with big projects, if it wasn’t absolutely perfect I hated it and would be constantly stressed about it and then just not do it so :/ (this is still true a little in college but i’m getting much better and just getting things done, and i like to have friends with me while i’m working so they can yell at me if i get distracted).

This got really really long so i’m just gonna stop now lmao (i like to talk about myself lol is it obvious??) (ive never done a matchup request before but i like yours because you put so much thought into them i couldnt resist thank you love you)

hi, love! Before I start, the fact that you let me know about that ^^ literally makes me so happy and is one of the only reasons I still accept match-ups. I know what I was like sending my first match-up request in and I was a nervous wreck. Which is why I sincerely mean it when I say that I am deeply sorry for how long this took to get back to you. Thank you for sending this in and I love you too 💕

SO, it may seem kind of weird but I actually ship you with Pidge (adjusted to your age, of course, bc we don’t do support pedophilia in this Christian household, no thank you)! However, if the fact that Pidge is (canonically) still a teen bothers you, I can and will match you with someone else!

Appearance reason: most people do the whole “your freckles make constellations” thing, but Pidge said “nah, they’re compounds and mixtures lol” what a nerd. She’ll look for one that matches the formula for sugar just to say “hey, you’re pretty sweet”. Also, she feels the sunburn comment on a personal level bc she too is pretty much always burnt somewhere, it’s not fair.

Mentality reason: Pidge is no stranger to mental health disorders such as ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Whatever she can do for you, she’ll do, no questions asked. While she is more knowledgeable about the physical sciences, she can quickly pick up the psychological (and biological, but I think that’s a physical science) aspect of mental health disorders, and, if there’s something that she can make to help you, she will. One of those is definitely creating a portable mini-piano so you can tap away at that, using some energy and even creating a little music.

Introvert reason: Pidge is 100% definitely an introvert, and, while with the right company she might enjoy a party, she’ll tend to spend the night in. So, you two are pretty much aligned when it comes to those kinds of nights, you know? You just keep each other company, often in silence, and that’s more than enough.

Personality reason: Pidge is someone who has trouble relying on others. She’s so much of a “I can do this myself so watch me do it better than you” kind of attitude, and, while she’s amazing, even she needs someone whom she can rely on. Your personality tends to naturally bring that out of her. Before anything else, you two are best friends, and you’d do anything for each other. Because of that bond, Pidge feels able to come and talk to you about things that she really can’t with anyone else.

Hobby reason: Pidge is totally just in awe of your musical abilities even if you’re not as confident in them yourself. She loves listening to you playing the piano or even singing along quietly to whatever song is playing. With other people, Pidge prefers to work in the quiet (unless she’s discussing something or explaining something), but she loves to just hear you faintly in the background like a distant record player. ALSO, as the Guardian of Nature, she’s exploring new ways to connect with nature, so she’ll often accompany you whenever you’re going out to the mountains. She will most definitely be complaining for part of it because it’s too hot and there’re so many bugs, but she’ll always go because she loves spending time with you even if she can’t always keep up. Rivers and beaches aren’t necessarily her domain, but she still enjoys being in water (especially if she’s sweaty as frick from all of that walking). While you may be actually swimming, she’ll probably just be in the water, floating along somewhere… she does like the bonfire idea as it’s much less strenuous, and it’s fun to be with everyone whether that’s just you or the whole Voltron crew.

Education reason: lol, I had no idea what to call this so here ya go. Basically, Pidge adores your brilliance when it comes to anything that you’re interested in (in this case, geography and cartography). Especially if you’re drawing maps of the places that y’all visit through space, she’ll be there with papers and pencils and any drawing tools you might need. She just loves seeing how it all turns out in the end, especially since it’s like a mix of science and art and WOW you can do BOTH so well !! And she’s definitely a huge (?) help when it comes to procrastination. A little bit of a hypocrite sometimes because she tends to get distracted herself if it’s not something she’s genuinely interested in. But, she will definitely be there to help keep you on track if you’re losing focus or motivation, and she will also offer to help in any way, shape, or form that she can. She wants you to do your best but also not stress so much about it because, sometimes, imperfections are better than any perfect thing out there. Y’all also have a deal where you can switch off rambling about what you’re passionate about, it’s cute and wholesome 💕 you guys are literal best friends which is so nice to be with your significant other.

[michams]

VIXX “Scentist” analysis based on “Perfume”, by P. Suskind PART I  - The MV (1/2)

“Scentist” is definitely one of my favorite songs/ music videos/ concepts in kpop so last year, when I got to know it was based on a book, I went after and read it. Since then I’ve been wanting to share an analysis focused on more direct references to Suskind’s story.

In “PART I” I’ll be giving my thoughts on how the Music Video is related to the book. Since it turned out quite long, there will be two posts.

Some considerations i. This analysis does not really explain the story in the MV itself, since it has a lot more factors involving stuff (apparently) specifically made for Vixx. There are many interesting theories posted by other Starlights though.

ii. I didn’t originally read the book in English, so I’m using my own translations – which can differ from other editions.

iii. This is somewhat a personal interpretation; one could read the same book and have different opinions. Feel free to tell me your thoughts about it  :^)

iv. As referred before, English is not my first language. Feel free to let me know about any mistakes.

v. Mind that this analysis contains SPOILERS of the book.

vi. This post makes reference to sensitive subjects (such as violence), like the book itself.

The structure of the analysis I decided to follow the plot of the book rather than the sequence shown in the music video and I divided the whole analysis in parts.

The book “In the XVIII century France, Jean-Baptist Grenouille is a young man with a sublime gift – an absolute ability to perceive odors. He doesn’t have any smell himself. Obsessed with capturing scents, one day he smells an fragrance that will take him into a disturbing search for the world’s most powerful perfume – one capable of dominating people’s hearts.”

The novel is divided into four parts: in the first post (1/2) I will talk about the 1st and 2nd, and in the second (2/2) about 3rd and 4th.

                                                          * * * FIRST PART In the first part of the novel, we get to follow Grenouille’s birth and youth. When he was born, he almost died, however he was found out and taken care of by different people before being sent away to a sort of orphanage. As a kid, he went through many illnesses and accidents, which left many scars – but he was very resistant.

The boy had a late and slow development process. By this time he was conscious of his outstanding ability for smelling and began to build his inner aromas library, combining them to create new ones. He mostly shut himself from the world and avoided interaction.

[Image 01 - 0:56 sec]  This can be a representation of the young Grenouille, lost in his thoughts and imagination regarding what he smells.

[Image 01.2 - 1:36 min] The lenses some members use are the color in which the boy’s eyes are described: a tone between grey and opal-blue.

When he was 8 years old and the convent ceases from sending money, he was exchanged at a tannery. He was supposed to do the heavy work and quietly subordinates himself to his boss’ orders.

[Image 02 - 0:39 sec]  I associate this to the unique way Grenouille had to view the outside world, always on the look for the finest, undetectable smells.

“He is very greedy and takes in any sort of smell; he wished to posses all kinds the world had to offer.”

In a night of celebration, during a firework show, he felt a really soft aroma – one he had never sensed before and superior to anything he had ever known. He felt an urge in his heart to posses that scent. He is confused when he’s led to a girl, since he didn’t think a human could smell to anything good. He ends up killing her, only worrying about not missing the scent.

[Image 03 - 1:41 min]  I like to associate this scene to the night he first feels that special scent. Leo is seen with his eyes closed, which relates to both Grenouille conducting himself in the dark and being pulled by the scent, allured by that sensation.

“This is when he understands his fate is to be the greatest perfumer of all times.”

When delivering suede, he meets an old traditionalist Italian perfumer – who had  great knowledge, but not much natural talent – and tells him he wishes to be his apprentice. He proves his ability by making a perfume. At first, the man was horrified by his non-methodical ways but is suddenly dumbstruck by the smell. Grenouille frenetically created many scents everyday. This is when he learns appropriate methods to work, how to use formulas and the first techniques for isolating essences.

[Image 04 - 0:51 sec] This would represent Grenouille making perfumes by measuring the ingredients, noting and starting to view them as formulas.

[Image 05 - 0:52 sec] [Image 06 - 0:32 sec]  The images showing flowers in a sort of liquid makes reference to the process of extracting their essences.

[Image 07 - 0:55 sec] [Image 08 - 0:27 sec]  Here, Hongbin watches and waits as the drops of essence (usually oils) get collected.

[Image 09 - 0:34 sec]  I associate this scene to the fragrances Grenouille creates combining mentally the smells he knows; Hongbin and Hyuk would be the representation of his work in a kind of “inner laboratory”.

He began tracing a scheme on how he would use that knowledge in the near future plans. He starts experimenting. However, when failing to obtain essences from objects and other unusual materials, he stopped and fell deadly ill. Only after being told there are other methods, he recovers. They get to an agreement so that he would be permitted to go. With his title of auxiliary and new skills, he begins a new journey.

[Image 10 - 1:13 min]  Although I was confused by the car, I generally associate it with Grenouille’s journey and travelling (which will keep on in the future, as we will see); at this point, it would represent him leaving the city.

                                                          * * * SECOND PART This is the period when Grenouille’s seclusion takes place. The farther he walked from Paris the better he felt and his nose became more sensible the more he got used to nature. It became unbearable to have any kind of human smell around him, it was disgusting. He began walking only at night. He goes to the most isolated place in the kingdom, the peak of a 2000 meters mountain. He finds a faint stream of water, small animals and plants to feed himself with, as well as a cave; at its bottom, there were a tight place he felt had never been touched by a living being – he laid there and only left for basic needs. He would get lost for days in his inner empire, filled with the smells in his memory.

[Image 11 - 0:05 sec] [Image 12 - 1:38 min]  This would be the moment Grenouille finds and enters the cave.

[Image 13 - 0:04 sec]  I associate this with Grenouille reaching the bottom of the cave and feeling at ease by setting in that place.

He fell into a deep sleep (almost as if hibernating), and created whole settings making use of smells of the things he wanted to be a part of his perfect kingdom, where he reigned supreme. He felt home in his purple castle.

[Image 14 - 0:25 sec] [Image 15 - 0:46 sec] [Image 16 - 0:46 sec]  This represents Jean-Baptist during his sleep inside the cave, dreaming of his kingdom and palace.

[Image 17 - 2:30 min]  Here, the boy representing Grenouille appears again, this time wearing his crown, as he rules his inner kingdom built of smells.

In his purple salon, resting on a sofa, he asks imaginary servers to bring him volumes from his scents library and bottles of the finest smells to drink. As he did so, he was delighted by pleasure and peace. He drinks the girl’s aroma for last. Drunk, he falls asleep.

[Image 18 - 1:21 min]  Serving as a background throughout the MV, Ken stands in front of the scents storage, which Grenouille savors as drinks by bringing them back from his memory.

[Image 19 - 1:18 min] [Image 20 - 2:09 min]  The representation of the aroma drinks being served.

[Image 21 - 2:25 min]  N, as Grenouille, appreciating one of the memories (possibly the girl’s scent, judging by his reaction).

The outer world was completely hostile to him. He stayed like this for 7 years. However, one day a catastrophe happened in his fantasy. While sleeping in the salon, slowly, a cloud of smell began to take over the place. It was his own smell, but the boy gets desperate finding out he couldn’t feel a thing.

[Image 22 - 1:38 min]  This could a be representation of Grenouille observing and reflecting over the mist taking over his fantasy.

He screamed terribly, destroying the walls of his kingdom. Even scared by the uncertainty of not being able to smell something, when he is sure there’s no odor, he puts his clothes rags on and leaves.

[Image 23 - 0:52 sec]  The crashing glass could represent the destruction of the palace when Grenouille is taken by the fear of not smelling himself. (Note: I also considered whether this scene was related to Grenouille’s frustration when he fails to obtain the essences, during his period working for the perfurmer, specially taking to account the sequence it’s shown along in the MV).

[Image 24 - 2:46 min]  I associate this to Grenouille once again considering going out of the cave into the outside world, as Hyuk is seen bathed by exterior light.

Grenouille looked terrible; he tells people he had been robbed and kidnapped, being kept captive for 7 years in a cave. He is then taken to to a Marquis who dedicated his life to science and led a study on the relation between the proximity to earth and vital energy. He is invited to the Marquis’ castle and showed off to the academic community in Montpellier. Grenouille was fed and groomed. It was the first time he was addressed as monsieur and the first time he saw himself in a mirror.

[Image 25 - 1:26 min]  Grenouille sees himself in the mirror. We can associate this to the impression he causes in himself; somehow a boy looking at a man, with many hidden goals deep inside. He describes the image as a “(…) figure disguised as a person (...)” - he thinks all that was because of the clothes and makeup (rather than the Marquis curing him or a change of character).

Making use of some excuses, he gets to use the laboratory of a local perfumery and makes a fragrance to spray himself with and smell “like a human”. Walking around to test its effectiveness, for the first time, people finally noticed his presence (in a very natural way).

“He understood he could overcome what he just did and create a perfume able to make people love him, fall on their knees for him without knowing the reason why. He wanted to dominate their hearts. The omnipotent God of aroma.”

References used:  - Book: Perfume, the story of a murderer; by P. Suskind (2007 ed., Editora Record). - 빅스(VIXX) - '향 (Scentist)' Official M/V (YouTube). - Film:  Perfume, the story of a murderer (2006).

To be continued...here!

[fyrapartnersearch]

Partner search!

Hello all! I’m looking for a skilled, experienced 1x1 partner or two for a Discord roleplay. I have a few particular plots, though please feel free to come with your own ideas. Please read to the end as there is a password I won't answer messages without.

•General/Writing Style•

I usually prefer sticking at around 4 paragraphs and up, but quality over quantity for the most part. If you usually write 3 paragraphs or less, it'll be hard for me to stay interested, however. I would prefer you write in 3rd person, past tense. Please have decent grammar and spelling, varied vocabulary and sentence structure, as well as decent syntax. Please provide me something of substance to respond to in your responses. Please also be somewhat experienced.

•Age•

18+ only, but 21+ preferred (I'm 23)

•Timezone•

Mine is EST. I do not mind what timezone you're in.

•Response Frequency•

I'd prefer if you could respond at least once a week. I'm a pretty busy student can't definitely commit to much more than that, so I won't ask that of you. Please try to communicate when you will be gone or significantly less active for several weeks or more. I will try to do the same.I'm a bit less lenient with this when we're still doing introductions, so if we've barely said hello but a few days pass and I hear nothing, I'll assume you're no longer interested or never were in the first place and close our discussion. You are free to assume the same of me.

•Genre•

I'm a sucker for Romantic Slice-of-life with a healthy dose of drama and angst, but I do like to weave other genres in there too such as Supernatural, Mystery, Action, and Adventure. I'm really open to most things if the plot interests me.

•Gender and Romantic Preference•

I strongly prefer playing a female main outside of MxM. Beyond that, I am open to MxF, FxF, and MxM . Currently, I'm mostly in the mood for an MxF or possibly F//. My apologies, but please note I do not play male in MxF unless we have roleplayed other pairings together before and have highly compatible writing styles. I rarely double up.I do not engage in dichotomy personality dynamics(ie- dom/sub, ABO, top/bottom) and like pairings to be close to even as possible in contributions to the relationship. If a scene gets intimate, I'd prefer we fade to black.

•Plots/Creativity•

The plots I’m looking to do atm are listed below. Despite this, you're more than welcome to share plots of your own. I'd prefer it if you are open to brainstorming plot points and bouncing ideas off each other too- let's keep this interesting for both of us so it stays alive.

•OCs•

I would prefer not to roleplay with OCs that are excessively shy, Mary-Sues, or OP. Additionally, please ensure your own OC does not monopolize the plot with their own issues and background. Let's share the spotlight.I tend to play multiple characters and would prefer if you did too.Please do not control my main OC or any named side characters I introduce. It can really mess with my plans with them if you suddenly auto-kill out of nowhere or something... If necessary, I may permit you to control a side character of mine, but please run it by me first. Communication is key.

•Platform•

Discord is strongly preferred. I can potentially be convinced to use kik, tumblr, or line.

•Fandoms•

I am willing to roleplay within the universe of several fandoms, but please note I do not roleplay as canon characters and would prefer not to roleplay with canon characters either. Please recall that I am more than happy to do original plots too if you aren't into any of these.-Corpse Party**-Black Mirror-Death Note-Avatar The Last Airbender*-Downton Abbey-Call The Midwife*-Dragon Quest(IV-IX)***-Miraculous Ladybug****(I'd love to delve into the more subtle, darker elements like the consequences of a broken miraculous and time travel)-Fruits Basket**-Soul Eater*-The Hunger Games-Harry Potter(The number of * indicates craving)

•Original Plots•

(Muse I would like to play is bolded. If neither are bolded, I can do either. All of these are open to brainstorming and tweaking!)

Muse A was born into a society where ‘falling in love’ is not a thing. Sure, it’s written in about fairy tales and even history texts, but most Readers laugh it off as a silly, archaic concept. All couples are formed by reading Cerebral wavelengths, stats that are unique to every individual. Every person has a single match and are paired with that person permanently when they come of age. No trades, no take-backs. Muse B, though born into the regular world, doesn’t believe in love either. Perhaps it was the plight of their parents, or that one nasty breakup. Perhaps it was the sight of all the couples around who’d be lovey-dovey one week, but strangers the next. Whatever it is, they don’t buy it. That suits Muse A just fine- their Cerebral wavelengths not only don’t match, they bang together in a cacophony. Why is it then that these two begin experiencing an undeniable pull to each other?

One night, Muse A is taking their usual jog through the park when they trip right over Muse B tying their shoe. Cliche start is cliche, I know, but stay with me here. After some initial awkwardness, the two hit it off quite well. Flash forward a week or so and the pair are starting school in the same class, Muse A as one of the typical debutants, and Muse B a lucky upstart on a basketball scholarship. Muse B had high hopes for where things’ll go…only to find out Muse A has a boyfriend, who happens to be Muse B’s nemesis on the courts. Whoops. But something’s really off with the couple. As in the boy is downright awful, and it isn’t just the rivalry talking. Yet Muse A refuses to leave him…why is that?

(This is an older one of mine, but I’ve recently kinda been in the mood to start it up again.) Marianoh’s Culinary Institute is the most renowned school for culinary arts in the country. Any who truly wish to be a master chef would be foolish not to attend. Unless they don’t have the means- the tuition is insanely high. Muse A is part of the lucky few of humble beginnings that has been selected to attend via scholarship. They couldn’t be more excited. Muse B, on the other hand, comes from a family of celebrity chefs. Their spot at Marianoh’s was confirmed before birth. Yet, somehow, they don’t share Muse A’s joy. Far from it, actually. What happens when the two are partnered up for the year?

(A brand new one definitely open to suggestions) St. Cornelius’ Academy(or University) is an academic institution reserved only for those of royal or noble background as well as their future servants, attendants, and body guards. Students of the academy hail from kingdoms where individuals are born gifted with control over the 8 elements- light, wind, flame, flora, lightening(tech), water, earth, and darkness. Students are divided based on status into ‘Golds,’ ‘Greys,’ and ‘ The ‘Gold’ category includes all royalty and nobility aside from viscounts and barons of low birth. The ‘Gray’ category includes future ladies and men in waiting, other servants, attendants, and body guards. Students are instructed in all areas in order to best prepare them for their future roles from political science to etiquette to combat. Given the wealth of a portion of the student body, the campus is a vivacious display of luxury, featuring lavish gardens, seemingly endless grounds, state-of-the-art learning facilities, and even an expansive kitchen headed by a world renowned 31 star chef. Currently, I have three potential pairings in mind for this set-up.

-Muse A is a new lady in waiting assigned to a spoilt, catty Duchess of Aquaria(Water Kingdom). Catering to the every whim of the young princess-to-be is exhausting, but her goal of reaching far greater heights than her questionable background merits keeps her going. What faster way to do that than catching the eye of Muse B, the princess’ bethrothed and crown Prince of Aquaria using abilities bequeathed to her by her merpeople ancestry? The lines between acting and reality are prone to blurring, however and actual feelings soon begin to muddle her plans. Muse B isn’t as unaware as he first seems either..

-Muse A is the somewhat naive prince of Angion(Flora), unsure of his future. He’s distant from his fiancée, Muse B a cold, proud Marchioness of the same kingdom, and his closest confident is one of his newest body guards, Muse C. Little does he know, that Muse C has quite the secret- she’s truly a girl whose taken on her brothers identity to serve. What will happen when all comes into the open?

5. Muse A has always been at the top of their class since early elementary and thrived on it. They come from a family of high achievers where failure is neither seen nor accepted. Proud and arrogant over their achievements, their grades make them, them. All that changed when Muse B showed up, smashing the entrance exams with marks unheard of. Of course Muse A wouldn’t take that lying down, thus, the classic rivalry begins. What happens when the two find they have more in common than they thought? Life on Muse B’s side is not all it seems as well.

Contact Instructions: Please message me here on tumblr  (https://lisanimelis.tumblr.com/) with your favorite color and a writing sample. If all goes well there, we'll move to discord. 

[thecurlybiochemist-blog]

My 4 best reads of 2018

I read 36 books last year. It’s definitely not the number of books that makes people go ‘Wow!’, but considering that I had my final exams this year and only really started to read a lot when I went to high school, I’m quite proud of myself. However, there were 4 books that especially impacted me in one way or another and that I enjoyed the most, which is what I want to tell you about today!

Let’s start with a book that was, in a way, life-changing for me, as it began my fascination with neuroscience!

1. ‘The Brain: The Story of You’ by David Eagleman

Locked in the silence and darkness of your skull, your brain fashions the rich narratives of your reality and your identity. Join renowned neuroscientist David Eagleman for a journey into the questions at the mysterious heart of our existence. What is reality? Who are “you”? How do you make decisions? Why does your brain need other people? How is technology poised to change what it means to be human? In the course of his investigations, Eagleman guides us through the world of extreme sports, criminal justice, facial expressions, genocide, brain surgery, gut feelings, robotics, and the search for immortality. 

Like I said, the book is absolutely fascinating. I read it in about 2 days (school days!), because I just couldn’t stop reading. It explains some basic neuroscientific concepts as well as talks about some recent breakthroughs in neuroscience. I really recommend it to anyone who is curious about what the part of us that makes us us really does. Now, however, after reading a few more books about neuroscience I can see that the book is kind of vague and doesn’t really get into the hard science behind a lot of the concept, but that is a good thing. It is meant for people without a scientific background and it is supposed to interest you in neuroscience – I can assure you that it does that really well!

2. ‘Mindset: The New Psychology of Success’ by Carl Dweck

This is another life-changing book, but in a different way. It really impacted the way I think about life, my achievements, school and my future.

Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., discovered a simple but groundbreaking idea: the power of mindset. In this brilliant book, she shows how success in school, work, sports, the arts, and almost every area of human endeavour can be dramatically influenced by how we think about our talents and abilities. People with a fixed mindset—those who believe that abilities are fixed—are less likely to flourish than those with a growth mindset—those who believe that abilities can be developed. Mindset reveals how great parents, teachers, managers, and athletes can put this idea to use to foster outstanding accomplishment.

I really recommend this book to anyone interested in self-development, but also anyone who feels that there’s something holding them back in achieving what they dream of. I’m going to share with you a quote from the book that I find really inspiring and that I implement in my life:

Think of times other people outdid you and you just assumed they were smarter or more talented. Now consider the idea that they just used better strategies, taught themselves more, practiced harder, and worked their way through obstacles. You can do that too, if you want to.

3. ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain

I’ve always debated where I truly lie on the introvert-extrovert scale. There used to be a time when I thought that I was an extrovert (the thought is now hilarious and surreal to me!). As I realised that I was, indeed, an introvert, there were times when I thought of my introversion as something undesired, something to be ashamed of, even.

This book helped me realise that it is not true at all. I’ve learnt to accept, and even love, my introverted nature! I recommend it to any of my fellow introverts, but also anyone who is interested in psychology!

Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.

4. ‘Origin’ by Dan Brown

You may or may not know that I am a HUGE fan of Dan Bown’s books. Unfortunately, there’s one thing that I really hate about them now – I’ve read them all! ‘Origin’ was the last book that I had left and I hugely enjoyed it! It’s the only fiction book here, but I just had to include it.

Robert Langdon, Harvard professor of symbology and religious iconology, arrives at the ultramodern Guggenheim Museum Bilbao to attend a major announcement—the unveiling of a discovery that “will change the face of science forever.” The evening’s host is Edmond Kirsch, a forty-year-old billionaire and futurist whose dazzling high-tech inventions and audacious predictions have made him a renowned global figure. Kirsch, who was one of Langdon’s first students at Harvard two decades earlier, is about to reveal an astonishing breakthrough... one that will answer two of the fundamental questions of human existence.

This book is for everyone, really. It’s extremely interesting and again, makes you never want to stop reading it!

And these are my 4 favourite books that I read in 2018! If you have already read any of these, feel free to share your thoughts with me. See you soon!

[mbtinsanity-blog]

Alright folks, it's time for a good old-fashion MBTI rant, you ready? OKAY HERE WE GO LET'S GET STARTED

So Vox put out a video who knows how long ago about how the MBTI personality test is pretty much inaccurate half the time, the theory formulators (mother Briggs and daughter Briggs Myers expanding on Carl Jung's ideas) had no formal training in psychology or cognitive behavior, the system doesn't really fit everyone, people shouldn't use the system to gage someone's professional success, and the whole thing is totally useless astrology-esque Forer Effect nonsense and should only be used for entertainment purposes.

Where do I even start here.

So first of all, they're right, your Myers Briggs personality type should absolutely not be an indicator of your professional success or leadership skills, nor should it pigeon-hole you into any particular job or role. Companies that use MBTI this way are companies I'd be skeptical of using sound practices in their organization and categorization of employees.

The thing is, there is waaay more to people than their personality type. Trying to fit someone into a "suitable" role based on the way they think, feel, and take in information is ignoring what people actually want to do or enjoy doing, which is significant data when you're trying to get someone to do a job. Just because you might be really really good at crafting/outfit-making because the way you think and interact with your environment + the culmination of your life experiences has given you the tools you need to be good at it DOES NOT mean you want to start up your own crafting business or that you want to go into fashion. It just doesn't. Yes, that's a real life example for an ENTJ in case anyone was wondering, and that also doesn't mean all ENTJs would be good at crafting or fashion design. Crafting and fashion design are activities that can play to an ENTJ's strengths (like Te, Ni, and Se), but you still need skill, experience, tools, knowledge, and interest to do them.

That said, you CAN use someone's Myers Briggs personality type to predict what they might be good at. I was playing Mario Party with a bunch of new friends and I go in knowing that my Te sucks, I have none of it, but I instantly recognized one of my friends was a Te user when we paired up for a Te-oriented mini game I'd never played before. So what did I do? I instructed him do most of the Te work and we totally owned it! Recognizing what cognitive functions people are good at does help predict what kind of tasks someone might be good (or bad) at, which is useful for anything from knowing your own personal strengths/weaknesses to effectively structuring teamwork. Even so, it's really important to consider what tasks people want to do. I know an ENFJ who is really flippin' good at math, but she also hates it. Her propensity for math might not have anything to do with her type, and her hatred for it isn't an inherent ENFJ quality either, so you can't just say "hm, well because you're an ENFJ, you must be good/terrible at math so you should/shouldn't go into a math-oriented field", we can only guess. Trying it out is really where you get to discover it for yourself! And even if you're terrible at math, that doesn't mean you can't get better at it, practice, and go into a field that uses it. You can do whatever you want to do, regardless of your type.

Once more for the people in the back: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, REGARDLESS OF YOUR TYPE

Okay so back to why this Vox video pissed me off. First of all, it implicitly discredits the founders, Briggs and her daughter, by stating they had no background in psychology. What's that smell you say? Why I do declare it's the pungent aroma of logical fallacy Appeal to Authority, or at least it's antithesis. What actually makes a scientist a scientist? Someone who performs GOOD SCIENCE. I cannot tell you how many "scientists" there are out there with degrees in their field of specialty who didn't practice good science. Meanwhile, people without degrees (I dunno like pea-counting geneticist Gregor Mendel and legit so many other major contributors to science without degrees in their field of contribution) who have been taught scientific principles and appropriately used them are way more scientifically legitimate to me. One scientific principle is observation, and when it comes to psychology, observation is especially key! Who cares if Briggs and her daughter didn't have the scientific background, you don't need it to be a good scientist and make legitimate observations. On top of that, they came up with a testable system, which even in fields like biology and chemistry can be challenging to develop, but in psychology it is especially not easy. So trying to discredit people’s science and their systems based on professional qualifications? Yeah no, not having it. Let’s keep going with that train of thought for a sec and touch on their feelings about astrology. Now I’ve always called myself a “sucker” for astrology, acknowledging that the descriptors do tend to be both positive and appealingly general enough to ascribe a feeling of accuracy to your specified type that isn’t based on anything real (i.e. this is the Barnum or Forer Effect). But let’s challenge that for a moment, shall we? Surely from a scientific perspective there’s no way to support astrology as being a legitimate system, right? But the answer is a little more nuanced than “astrology is illegitimate”. Astrology doesn’t have any logical basis for the associations of its types with the alignment of the stars when someone was born, but what it does have is twelve distinct and cohesive personality types.  It is not inconceivable that someone out there observed various people over time and generated 12 different personality types based on the month in which someone was born by recognizing patterns in people and then assigning those patterns to individual personalities. I’m not saying these personalities were formed with “good scientific observation,” but the system isn’t as far-fetched as it might otherwise seem. Even if it’s not a good system, it’s still worth considering seriously as a system before brushing it off as total nonsense as many are inclined to do. To do so without investigation would not, in fact, be considered “good science”. So what about the idea that MBTI doesn’t fit everyone? Well, that’s kind of the point of testing the system, isn’t it? Not everyone has to fit the system for the system to be useful, but also I personally have yet to come across someone who doesn’t possess at least one of the suggested eight cognitive functions. Maybe MBTI doesn’t work the way the system currently says it works, which is why we can modify the system if the system doesn’t hold true. Theories are flexible and subject to change! If the system “doesn’t fit,” maybe it’s not a good system or maybe that’s okay and it’s still useful. Myers Briggs has wider applications than pure entertainment, and suggesting otherwise is being narrow-minded to the scope of the system. MBTI gives us a way to talk about human cognitive processes in an accessible way.  Being able to describe some of the reasons why people get along or don’t get along and how you can improve relationships is 200% useful information that we should not just discard as flimsy entertainment.  Even if a system seems ridiculous, take it seriously and then explain your reasons for why it isn’t cohesive. Be better, Vox. Be better.

[superchartisland]

Trivial Pursuit (Domark, Spectrum, 1986)

Gallup all formats chart, Your Computer Vol. 7 No. 1, January 1987

Trivial Pursuit the board game divides the world of knowledge into six categories; six wedges of cheese for six spaces in a wheel with six spokes. In pursuit of rounded knowledge from Trivial Pursuit the computer game of the board game, there seems no better framework to adopt than its own.

By the time 1986 turned into 1987, electronic games had become well established as a leisure pursuit in their own right. For the teenagers of the time, they had been popular in some form for their entire lives. The ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64 had been out for five years, and increasing numbers of parents were being persuaded of their educational and fun value. That would carry on -- I got my own Commodore 64 several Christmases later. As discussed a few entries back, computer games were sold in the biggest high street shops. Meanwhile, sports are a familiar subject for AAA. Making games about subjects people already know well is an easy route in for an audience. Taking an already popular activity like football with its own set of defined rules and turning it into computerised form is an even more obvious thing to go for, on both the developers’ side and the players’. With that background, it is no surprise at all to find other existing leisure activities being successfully translated into computer games. The board game Trivial Pursuit was of a similar age to the Spectrum and C64, still in an initial swing of popularity which meant that an electronic version of it wasn’t trying to replace a well-established favourite like Monopoly, but offering an alternative or addition to the fun thing you’d recently come across. The computer game’s manual explicitly calls it a game that “the whole family (Mum and Dad included!) enjoy enormously.” On Christmas Day 1986, many British families must have gathered round the Spectrum after dinner for a game of Trivial Pursuit.

Computer science, particularly at the kind of price that was able to reach large numbers of game-playing households, had only advanced so far. This presented some technological barriers to recreating the Trivial Pursuit experience. Representing the colour brown, for instance, was apparently an unachievable task, and so the art & literature wedge becomes black. Still, Trivial Pursuit is a very viable candidate for transfer to computer form, comprising as it does of a series of trivia questions with a limited appendage of choosing movement and collecting tokens. So the dice also go, replaced by a random dart-throwing animation which captures a miniscule fraction of the tactile sense of ceremony, but mostly the game is intact. Expanded on, even, since the board game couldn’t offer musical rounds where listening to “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain” is an essential part of the experience, or easily offer picture rounds. The one remaining issue is that of the mechanics of answering questions. I assumed going in that there would be some kind of multiple choice arrangement, but the actual solution is much more simple and elegant. The game just poses each question and then asks whether you got it right, Y/N? Players of the board game similarly get an answer written down and have to determine among themselves whether the player asked it answered satisfactorily, so why should a computer recreation of the experience be any different? The psychology of presenting an irreversible button-press and relying on players’ honesty in this way is nonetheless a fascinating sideshow all of its own.

I’ve talked previously about the strength of games as ways of presenting spaces. Trivial Pursuit has several spaces to present. One is the board, a recreation of a physical object with functionality retained and resemblance to the original object at the forefront. Another of its spaces is the more completely imagined room in which the question master paces backwards and forwards, surrounded by items to represent the different question categories. Sometimes it goes dark, giving the idea of an image being cast by a projector, the game turning into both test and lecture at the same time. Among the items in the room is a world map up on the wall. And what is a chart but a map of territory, of tangible or intangible space? The Gallup charts by which we are finding our way through the AAA journey are maps of their own territory, suspended between imaginary and real. SalesSpace, we could call it. In SalesSpace, the things that count are time and format and sales, and that’s what’s reflected in the picture of relationships between games that charts of SalesSpace show. In SalesSpace, board game recreation Trivial Pursuit and World War II shoot-em-up 1942 sit together in the same top ten. In SalesSpace, Trivial Pursuit goes between well-remembered arcade games Paperboy and Gauntlet along the route through the UK’s #1 games. Look along the right axes and what you might have thought of as very separate places turn out to be right next to each other.

One of the first things that’s obvious on playing Trivial Pursuit the computer game is its commitment to being as accessible as it can. It’s notable that it uses the keyboard’s arrow keys for directional controls, rather than QAOP or one of the other arcane combinations other Spectrum games tended to go for. Anyone was clearly meant to be able to turn up and figure out what was happening as quickly as possible, and that holds up. Admittedly if I didn’t already know the rules of Trivial Pursuit I would need the manual at hand, but that goes for the board game too. Past that, the basic action of answering trivia questions is fun, its questions are pretty well-pitched as easy but not too much so, and the attention to detail seems reasonable (I haven’t encountered any Hugh Jackilometresans so far). The choice of questions goes for timelessness, even more than the board version since the music question choices are backwards looking, presumably to keep the sound samples copyright-free. Where it doesn’t achieve that timelessness, the perspective on what has changed in three decades makes for intriguing wrinkles -- you could probably still ask “What was Mrs. Fawlty’s Christian name?” but not in those words. Trivial Pursuit is one of the most straightforwardly entertaining games I’ve played for AAA so far.

But is it art? It’s not a question that I’ve engaged with on this blog elsewhere, because it’s not very interesting, but it’s one that somehow doesn’t go away. An inferiority-complex-driven need to justify video games to outsiders as being art seems to have infinite lives. Worse, within some very loud pockets of game culture, that need sits alongside a vicious refusal to tolerate the kind of cultural criticism that art tends to get. Sometimes the same people are the ones saying both, and more. There’s no place for politics in games, apparently. Narrative events only ever happen inside the context of the narrative and not a wider context of authorial choice. Games should just be fun, OK? But, of course, the right kind of fun. The wrong kind of fun means a non-game, a phrase I became familiar with as I re-engaged with video games in the Wii and DS era and read NeoGAF, a gaming forum which was relatively open and welcoming (i.e. it was merely toxic rather than a seething hellscape). Wii Sports was a non-game. Non-games are successful games which are too popular and do too many things which games don’t do to count as games. In a weird inversion of the ‘how is this art?’ Turner Prize winner phenomenon, the mainstream audience sees non-games as a perfectly fine type of game and the enthusiasts proclaiming themselves at the centre of the culture completely deny non-games a place in the category. Not in the sense of them being too lowbrow, but of trying to define them out completely. Trivial Pursuit would surely have counted as a non-game. Which is nonsense, obviously. It provides an experience of a virtual space that’s dependent on the player’s actions, producing an emerging narrative within its bounds. I can’t work out a plausible game definition which wouldn’t include it without going absurdly narrow. Its selection of questions is a meaningful creative decision, illustrating and reinforcing what knowledge is seen as worth knowing. As for the wider art question, let’s just say that I have an equally tough time with any argument that identifies Frank Bruno’s Boxing as art and doesn’t do the same for Trivial Pursuit.

One of the more successful tactics of the kind of gatekeepers who talk about non-games is an appeal to history. They were here first. People who want something different than monolithic hardcore games are trying to change the rightful way of things proven by time. The whole idea of non-games has that idea of definition-by-precedent built in. Yet find the right maps and this appeal to history is revealed as not only bogus, but bogus even within the boundaries of its own arguments. Casual games and casual players have been here thriving all along. As 1986 turned in 1987, more people were going to their local high street WHSmith and buying Trivial Pursuit the computer game than were buying anything that has outlasted it as an emblem of retro gaming. The world mapped out by the games charts has always been a big one with room for many perspectives and interests. It’s not surprising, because it’s the same story for other media. And yes, other media have their own purer-in-the-old-days crews, too. Music discussions are crowded with talk of how things were better in the past when real music ruled. But significantly, it’s almost as common to see the response that there has always been music of different types in every era, even if it’s likely to be phrased as ‘there has always been disposable pop’ or something more derogatory. The narrative of aberration can’t stand when enthusiasts are engaged with the reality that refutes it. It’s much tougher for ahistorical nonsense to gain any credence when reality is a matter of public record, the charts that map history still accessible. But what if your medium has failed to keep its history up so well? What if the only history most get to see is filtered through the nostalgia and commercial goals of a specific set of winning viewpoints? What if Gauntlet is commemorated but Trivial Pursuit isn’t? Then the gatekeepers can just keep on pretending that the current version of what they don’t approve of is a new aberration, restarting their game to fight the same fights over and over again from a position of illusory strength. The selective retention of knowledge is anything but trivial.

Q: What was the UK’s best-selling computer game at the turn of 1987?

A: Trivial Pursuit.