#baldwin 60000 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

magic5ball · 4 years ago

Text

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (6)

Chapter 6: Franklin vs. Penn: Ultimate Grudge Match

“I’m sorry,” He said, all polite-and-founding-father like, “but the museum is now closed. Those who do not leave WILL BE EXTERMINATED. As I always say, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and NOT DEAD! Thank you so much for visiting the Franklin Institute, and please come back tomorrow, when I WON’T KILL YOU!”

Unfortunately for Silverstein, I’d been in situations like this a thousand times before. See, when you get in trouble, be it trying to flood the house, drawing pictures on the walls, or just plain old putting fireworks in your breakfast cereal, you learn real quick to always have a buddy (or little brother) on standby. Why? Because-

“It was them, Mr. Franklin!” I cried, pointing my index finger. “They started it!”

Then I ran. Always run before they can think long enough to punish you!

There was a loud Pop as Ben Franklin cracked his knuckles.

“A fool and his money are soon parted, as is a certain Quaker and his life if he does not leave now. I once said visitors and fish stink after three days, but you were rotten on arrival, pacifist!”

Penn stamped his foot so hard it cracked the floor, accepting the challenge. “I may not believe in fighting, but soon you shall see why they call us the Quakers, you impoverished d!ck!”

“Uhh… guys? I’m still here.” Said Silverstein, just in time for Penn to kick him into a marble pillar.

“The child is mine to reprimand, you fool!”

“’Tis not!”

“’Tis too!”

“’Tis not!”

As much as I wanted to hear a riveting philosophical debate between two of PA’s most famous citizens, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting crushed by giants, either. Instead I ran. I ran so far away. Now, keep in mind I hadn’t been to the museum since I was five, which made searching out the train an absolute pain. Having two giant men bumbling behind me didn’t exactly help.

All I could think was runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun.

It should have been easy: all I needed to do was find that stupid train, bring it to life with gold dust, and vamoose! If only I could remember which room the darn thing was in! Instead, I ran through rooms filled with electricity, weather, and ‘shudder’ physics. Sometime along the way, I realized this is where parents put all the boring sciences nobody cared about, locking them away from the rest of the world. This wasn’t a museum, this was a prison. A prison of learning.

Then there were Ben Franklin and William Penn hot on my tail, reducing rooms to rubble as they went. I had no idea what would happen when all that science got released into the world, but I didn’t want to find out. At least they seemed more interested in each other than me. Until Ben Franklin stuffed Penn’s body up a working Tesla coil, that is. Penn might have recovered, had he been made of something other than bronze. Instead, the room exploded in a burst of electricity, Franklin and I leaping out in the nick of time like a pair of action heroes.

Of course, without Penn to distract him, I had to contend with Big Ben himself (and Silverstein, whenever the heck he got back in the fight). So now on top of finding Baldwin (seriously, how hard can finding a 400,000 pound choo-choo train possibly be?!) I had the world’s angriest founding father on my tail, spitting maxims at me. Maxims that were also really bad puns about my demise (that I may or may not still sometimes hear in my sleep).

“I once said three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. So far, one down, one to go!”

I slammed my knuckles to my head.

Come on, Watt! Think, thiiinnnnkkkkkk!

I pumped my ten year old legs hard enough to pop my knees off, the air pushing back against me like concrete. There was a flash; the world spun. Then everything was still. Absolutely still.

. . .

When I opened my eyes, I back at the Franklin Institute. Srta. Now, it was day and there were tons of guests. And in that great thong of guests was none other than five year old me being dragged along his parents.

Fist, I was right confused about what the hey was going on, when it struck me that just last year I managed to run faster than the speed of light, going back through time. But back then, I’d sprained my ankle so I shouldn’t have been able to go that fast again. This had to be an illusion! Unless...

Unless, being a soul now, my ghost ankle wasn’t sprained, which, combined with my dinosaur feet, had let me run fast enough to break he sound barrier again and go back to the day my parents first took me to this hell of learning! Should I have been worried I wasn’t more shocked? Maybe, but all my mind could think of was how I distinctly remembered seeing a giant train as the last stop on my visit. It took my nerve wracked mind five seconds to churn out a plan. And so began the first (but sadly, not last) time I would find myself stalking somebody.

Funny about stalking. In the movies they make it look like some daring spy espionage thing while some awesome music plays in the background. Fact is, you spend most of it just sitting around searching for that perfect mix of part of the crowd, but not so much you’ve lost your target, the whole time internally screaming Darn it, kid! Put down the plastic stegosaurus and get a move on to the trains already! (I also felt tempted to tell him throwing Steggy into incoming traffic on the way home was a terrible idea even by 5-year-old standards, but that’s the sort of thing that causes time paradoxes, so I kept my mouth shut.) Seriously, it’s no wonder I didn’t remember squat about the place! And somehow, despite having his face in front of a dinosaur the whole time, little Watt spent hours in front of every exhibit (except the giant human heart, that one sent little me screaming for the exit until Mom convinced him there were no ghosts in there). If it weren’t for Dad grumbling how ‘we should’ve just gone to the dinosaurs like we usually do’ while Mom countered with ‘we need to expand our son’s horizons’, I might have died of boredom for the third time that summer.

One planetarium show later (which I sat outside for, seeing I didn’t have a ticket) they finally got a move on to the trains, which actually got little me to stop staring at his plastic dinosaur for five seconds. Heck, I found myself gaping at the darn thing (which of course was in an out of the way area most people wouldn’t even notice if it wasn’t on the map.)

So I knew where the Baldwin was, now I could get going returning to my own time! As if on cue, a loudspeaker screamed

“ATTENTION GUESTS! IN FIVE MINUTES THERE WILL BE A DEMONSTRATION OF OUR TESLA COIL IN THE WONDERS OF ELECTRICITY EXHIBIT!”

Mom, determined to get little me to see there was more to life than dinosaurs (Mom, I love you, but you’re wrong) immediately started dragging the family over. Naturally, I followed suit, knowing full well how this story ended.

Turned out, there was one other thing that could get little me to take his eyes off his plastic dinosaur for more than five seconds (that wasn’t a giant, fleshy organ in the middle of a museum hall). And that was seeing their future self running into the Tesla coil right as the demonstration began.

Have you ever been barbequed? Roasted so dark your skin feels like lava, then you can’t feel anything at all? Well, jumping into that coil was like that, and more. Only thing I could feel was my brains being spun around like clothes in a washer. All the while, I thought of that stupid giant heart. Whose heart did it even belong to, anyway, and who thought it was a good idea to put it in the middle of a museum hall where all a manner of kids could crawl through it to their heart’s content?

Whose heart was it?

But I already knew the answer, just like I know the history of dinosaurs. With that knowledge, I came up with the perfect plan.

And everything was still, absolutely still.

. . .

When I got back up, it was nighttime in 2006, angry Ben Franklin and all. Quick on my feet, I ran to where the little kids go to learn how disgusting they are on the inside. Franklin followed close behind, each footstep a five on the Richter scale. If I wanted to pull my plan off, I couldn’t miss a beat. Running was a bit trickier, though: somehow, I’d sprained my ghost ankle from running so fast. Not that I really had time to wonder how that worked.

Anyway!

Most kids like theme parks. I was never one of them. You know why? Because of those creepy animal mascots! Just like clowns, there’s something inhuman about them! But at the end of the day, a thousand of those costumed freaks seemed less scary than Big Ben Franklin’s ticker. And this is coming from a guy who literally lived in the Underworld for a few weeks!

Did you know it glows at night?! It freaking glows at night like some bloody Chinese lantern. While pulsing! It was enough to make me lose my lunch (or Cheetos, in this case) to the point where I wondered if being crushed to death in the marble hands of our first president might not be such a bad thing after all. (He was our first president, right?) But at the end of it all, I flinched. First I was fleeing from death, the next moment I was lodged somewhere in Big Ben’s left ventricle.

“Coward! Come out and face me!” He cried, punching a hole mere inches from my face.

I may or may have not screamed as blood splattered my face. For the next few minutes, it was a fight for survival. Franklin ripped open the heart, trying to grab me, and I didn’t know what would kill me first: Fists, or the guy’s cringy maxims.

“He who would sacrifice his freedom for security deserves neither!”

Punch.

“My energy and persistence will conquer all things-that includes your flimsy little bones!”

Slam!

I would have parried with quips of my own, but really, it’s kinda hard to come up with puns for ‘ventricle’. But in the end, I decided who lived a-or-ta died, so that’s neat.

Sure enough, the more Franklin punched, the more blood spread over his marble face, the slower the heat beat and the weaker he got, over and over and over…

“Nothing is… certain in life… but death and…”

Just like that, Ben Franklin collapsed on the floor. Now it was my turn for a witty one liner.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you an investment in knowledge pays the best interest? Fun fact about the heart: when it stops beating, you stop living.”

And with that, I went to my way toward the Baldwin, but not before Franklin gave me one last ominous warning.

“He who lives upon hope…”

I didn’t hear the rest because by then, he’d drowned in his own blood.

So I ran to the best of my memory, diving down that staircase where they keep the pendulum thingy into the space travel exhibit (or as I like to call it: ‘You think it’s gonna be fun, but it’s not’.) And who do I see leaning against a replica lunar module but Smell Silverstein himself, looking mighty proud of himself

“Good evening, Watterson.” He said, all sinister-like. “You probably think you’ve been doing real good, busting up two of Pennsylvania’s most famous figures like that. Too bad, mother*cker! Because I’m Shel mother*ckin’ Silverstein, and now, you will be crushed by the wrath of Apollo, the Living Lunar Module!”

With as much charisma as he could muster, he took some dust from his pocket and splashed it on the space thing.

Nothing happened.

Shel looked at his hands, now a bright orange. “What the Stephen Hellenberg?! This isn’t gold dust, this is CHEESE PUFF DUST!”

You know that gold dust Silverstein tried to snatch from me earlier? Too bad he didn’t have good night vision (the kind you get from constantly checking for monsters under your bed) otherwise he’d have noticed I’d pulled the ol’ switcheroo on him.

And I made certain he wouldn’t have time to correct his mistake.

You ever rammed a guy twice your size before? The key is to catch them by surprise, because even if you’re an eighty pound wimp like yours truly, if the other guy isn’t expecting it, they’ll topple like a domino, bang their head on the leg of a lunar module, and that will be that.

Of course, I didn’t exactly have time to celebrate my victory. With what little energy I had left, I tottered over to the train exhibit. For a moment I’d expected the worst, but there it was, black, long, and big as a house: the Baldwin 60000, the greatest locomotive ever designed by man. Right where I’d left it. Climbing into the cockpit, I opened the firebox, pouring every last ounce of Penn’s gold dust inside. The whole thing shimmered as streams of gold circled the train, like some kind of magic spell.

“What the f*ck?!”

A deep booming voice erupted from right out of nowhere.

“Where am I? What is this place?! How the hell am I talking?!”

“Hey, relax-“

“And now there’s a voice in my head!”

“Actually, my name’s Watt, and I’m gonna bust you out of here.”

“Well I’m not interested! If you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to being the greatest steam engine in America!”

I slapped my head, finally realizing my Mom put up with this crap every time she put me to bed at night.

“C’mon, Baldwin, I nearly got sent to the Underworld, MULTIPLE TIMES I might add, trying to rescue you!”

“Then if you want a train so badly, go to Rocket over there! He’d probably help you out!”

Rocket was a dinky little rust bucket who probably couldn’t outrun a fourth grader, much less crush a Wegmart Greeter. In fact, I’m still not sure if that thing even qualified as a train.

Fortunately, my Mom put up with this crap every time she put me to bed, so let’s just say I knew a little about getting people to do what you want.

“Fine then,” I said, putting up my hands and making an exasperated sigh. “Guess you won’t have the chance to be famous, then.”

“How?!” The desperation in his voice was palpable.

“Oh, I just wanted you of run over a Wegmart Greeter and help some geese get their nesting grounds back. It would get you in the papers. But I could just go over to Rocket, since you insisted…”

A whistle erupted. “NO! NO! You definitely want me! Ever since I’ve somehow gained a consciousness, all I’ve had the inescapable urge to do something stupid that’ll land me in the papers! I’m a very useful engine, I SWEAR! Please don’t leave meee!”

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes “Okay, but promise you’ll do everything I say, alright.”

“Yes, yes! Anything for fame!”

Just at that moment, William Penn barged in, creating a giant Quaker shaped hole in the wall. His hair was a bit frazzled, but other than that he looked just as dandy as when I first saw him.

“Halt, Wastrel! In the name of Penn-“

“CHARGE!” I screamed.

With an ear shattering whistle Baldwin rammed forward, shattering Penn’s bronze butt into a million pieces. But we didn’t stop there. No, we kept going through the museum, out the other end, and…

“We’re going to crash into traffic!”

“Don’t worry, kid! You just have to belieeeeevvvveeeee!”

“How is that supposed to-“

“Do you want to ram through a traffic jam or not?!”

So I did. I hugged the firebox, believing we might somehow get away with all this. Gradually, the ground stopped screeching beneath us. When I finally found the courage to look down, we were a hundred feet in the air. I wondered what passersbys would think when they looked up to see a seven hundred thousand pound train making a silhouette as it passed over the moon.

“What the heck is happening?!”

“Magic, kid! The Magic of BELEIVING, MOTHERFORKER!” He tooted his whistle triumphantly “Just don’t stop, or we all fall to our deaths. I’ll even sing a song to help you remember!”

“No that’s-“

“Don’t stop! Beleivviiiinnnngg!”

I screamed all the way back to the pond.

. . .

Just like I promised, Baldwin did get in the papers. Specifically, an article in the National Esquirerer titled

“Lascivious Locomotive Finishes Founding Father! Makes Daring Escape into the Heavens!”

Right beneath an article about one of the most pressing issues of our time:

‘Hannah Montana: the American Beethoven?’

#My writing #Nature Trail To Hell #william penn #ben franklin #the franklin institute #train #baldwin 60000

1 note · View note

airmanisr · 6 years ago

Video

flickr

Baldwin 60000 (1933) by Daniel Berek

#locomotive

3 notes · View notes

colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

"Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

RELATED QUESTIONS:

Temporary Car insurance??

Need temporary car insurance for about 3-4 weeks, our own policy runs out the middle of next month, but we have just ordered a mobility car, and it wont be here until 1st week in June. We call our current insurance company and was basically told they would charge us for 6 months and then a cancellation fee. What company offers the lowest price insurance for that short amount of time??""

Insurance for my mom & me?

so say if my mom goes to get her permit could she get a insurance policy then list me as the main driver on it ? i have my licenses but i am only 17 and i can take out my own policy so could this happen ? i live in ny and since i am not 18 could this work for my mom to get her permit & get car insurance policy since she is old ?

Young Drivers Car Insurance!!!?

I've been shopping around for car insurance and for a car on my own I cant get it below 4,000 so to get this lower I was going to add my dad as the main driver and put me as an additional driver which got it down to 1,600, that was the plan until my mum told me it was illegal and called 'fronting' so that's out the window but then I was told when I buy my car to get my dad to buy it in his name, and then do the whole main driver and additional driver thing and it should be okay, is this true? If not can someone please give me some advice on how to get cheap car insurance, I'm going to be 18, it will be my first car and anything below a 1.4 engine size. Thanks""

Classic Car Insurance for Colorado?

I know theres alot of insurance companies that cover classic cars, but i want an insurance company that has an office in Colorado.. that has a low yearly amount of under $400 for a 1966 Mustang...""

Is there a State Farm insurance branch in Texas?

Insurance.?

i need to know all the types of property insurance, with descriptions. please help:]""

""Affordable, student health insurances!?""

can anyone suggest me any affordable health insurances for me? im 20, don't smoke or drink, have no chronic condition or what so ever, if this helps. Just to ballpark the price range; because i really need new glasses and a dental checkup, thanks so much!""

Question about auto insurance?

I'm 16 and have my license and my own truck that i am the primary driver on, but i'm also the secondary driver on my dads truck does that make my insurance cost more by being the secondary driver?""

Car insurance help!! UK?

I am 28 and JUST passed my test. I want to get either a BMW 3 series or Audi a4. Will my insurance be ridiculously high? Any ideas of prices? Thank you.

Can I get Car Insurance in Texas without a D-License?

Can I get car insurance without a license. I'm located in Texas. Is there ways around to do it?

What kind of Insurance should we have when doing a Re Fi Loan?

I am looking over the paper work and one form mentions that we have options at time of closing for different types of insurance. We have Home Owners Insurance/ I noticed disability and mortgage and Life help please

Help with car insurance?

If my friend financed the car I wanted for me would he have to be the policy holder of the insurance and list me as the main driver. If so, would the monthly payment be based off of me only and not my friend right? Or would he have to also pay for insurance ?""

Would you accept a job working as an Insurance Call Center Agent?

The job entails helping senior citizens all over the country obtain affordable insurance solutions that cover their final expenses and medical bills. The work hours are Monday ...show more

Someone hit my dad's car with no insurance?

So my dad was on his way home from work. At an intersection, he was waiting for the light to turn green, when suddenly someone hit him from the back, probably because the person didn't stop in time. So the person waved his hand to go somewhere to park and exchange information. Notice, no witness besides the two of them. Well, it was a crowded intersection and at dinner time, so no one stopped, and it's impossible to track any down. My dad was panicking, so he just followed the guy. Both exchanged legitimate information and drove home. When my dad got home, of course, it was past 8pm, so we couldn't call the insurance company. So we did all the paperwork the next day. It turned out, the guy's insurance had expired just 1 month before. We told the guy and he said okay and will pay by cash. My dad went to the autodealer and the price is about $4000. So the problem is now, we've been keep calling him and he doesn't pick up. He picked up the first couple of times, but now he doesn't anymore. We told him the price already. What should we do? Take him to court? I heard you don't get anything out of it. We have the guy's info, because his old insurance sent it. It happened on 16/01/2013 Orange County, California My dad's car Mercedes ML320 2001. Damage: the trunk is pretty damaged, can't open it anymore. Obvious it was hit by a car. We just want the guy to pay for what he did.""

50cc Scooter Insurance?

I'm 16 and I'm going to buy a Keeway Hurricane 50. The cheapest quote I got was 600, the scooter is only going to cost me 750, I live in a quiet area and it's in a locked secure garage, why is the the quote so much? I don't want advice that tells me not to buy one, I just want to know why.""

What is the best insurance company to have if you need to go into a rehabilitation center?

Which insurance covers the most??

What is the average cost of car insurance?

What would be the average cost of car insurance for a 17 year old female? Im trying to work out a payment plan with my dad for my truck. but i need to know the figures for insurance ...show more

""When I buy a used car, is it legal to drive it home without insurance?""

What do I have to do before I drive it home? I am buying the car in another city, so I have a 45 minute drive from the sales point back to my house.""

Car insurance running out?

My car insurance 'inception date' is the 7th of May. Can I drive my car until midnight on the 7th?

Whats a cheap car to insure for a 21 year old female with 2 children ?

am wanting to buy my first car am 21 with 2 children, and car insurance is so expensive, i need a bigish car for me, my partner and kids but big cars are even more expensive, what are the cheap cars to insure thanks""

What is the cheapest car insurance for a 17 year old young man?

I'm 17 and passed my test a couple of months ago. i've checked websites like go compare and the cheapest car insurance i can get is around 2000 pounds. this is way too high. whats the cheapest i can get? i understand if i go on my mums insurance i could probably get it cheaper. whats can i do to make it cheapest? for example go on my grandma's with 3 other people insured on it or something ? i havent got a car so if anyone could tell me the cheapest car to insure? i understand clios are quite cheap? thankyou

Do car insurance quotes go up daily?

I am being quoted much more now than a fortnight ago

Can I have two car insurance policies in two different states at once?

Is it legal to have two car insurance policies in two states? I registered my car in florida, which is my permanent home where I am a resident and I pay taxes and vote and so on. I am also going to school in Georgia. I have an insurance policy in georgia since I spend at least 6 months here. But, in order to renew my registration in florida I must have a florida insurance policy. I don't want to register my car in GA. So, does anyone know if it is legal to buy an insurance policy in florida when I have one in GA as well?""

Where can i find a Low Car Insurance Rate?

Where can i find a Low Car Insurance Rate i have 2000 Toyota

I need cheap car insurance.....?

im 18 and need to know of any way i cna get low car insurance.... any tricks may help the siap im not sure i qualfy. im low income is there any government program or something? anything would help please let me kno about how much i would need to pay. Im 18 male in north jersey. car is coupe wit 4 doors and light weight

Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

What is the cheapest car insurance?

Is this a Good Car for a 21 year old college student?

I'm planning to buy a 2005 Honda Civic Sedan, Automatic. How will it be on insurance? I'm also considering Chevrolet Cavalier/ Pontiac Sunfire of the same 2004-2005 year, because I've been told they're better on insurance, and cheaper cars in general, to maintain. I live in Canada. Any suggestions?""

Help with insurance prices?

I was wondering what the cost of these cars would be for a 16 year old male or just a list of most expensive to insure to cheapest to insure. 2006 Chrysler 300 touring 50000 miles 2007 dodge charger sxt 40000 miles 2006 chevy cobalt ss not sc or tc 60000 miles

What auto insurance should I have for a car that stays in garage?

I live in California, I do have a car that I am not using anymore and it stays in the garage until I decide to sell it. By California law, is there any law that you must have insurance for car? even if it is not being used. if there is a law then what is my best options for auto insurance? Thanks, I appreciate any answer!""

Cost of motercycle insurance?

when I search for this all I get is spam about how much you could save on your insurance. if it's not that then it: motorcycle gear, shows, accessories, video, ect. So I was just wondering is insurance cheaper for motorcycle than cars? Thinking about the differences; the cost of replacing the bike is less, the damage it could do it less, the injury to others is less, the injury to yourself is greater, it seems like it should be cheaper. espically considering that your health insurance will cover most of your injury costs this kind of insurance seems lower risk. But I wanna know from other bikers, is it cheaper?""

Buying a car and using a friends insurance to practice?

Can I buy a car and drive it with a provisional license with a friend who has a full license and insurance for their own car with me? I asking because I don't know how insurance works, but I know someone who has a full license, insurance and own car can let you drive it if you have a provisional license. I'm in the UK btw.""

Mobile Home Insurance in Florida?

I am having a LOT of difficulty finding Mobile Home insurance in Florida (nobody will insure us at a reasonable rate due to hurricanes). They are brand new Mobile Homes.... Original Premium was $1138.00 a year. We are having issues with this company & are getting quotes well over $2,000 now! That is a HUGE difference! Does anybody else know where else we can get insurance???""

Family of 4 looking for affordable health/medical insurance.?

I am looking for insurance for me and my 3 kids. Does anyone have any suggestions as to whom i can go to to find some that won't cost me an arm and a leg. i live in west texas so any suggestions located in this area would be much appreciated.

""How can i insurance my car, for only 3 months?

im finishing my college... i bought a car in us... for the year i was here... bour my car insurance expire.. like 2 months before i finish... and im not gonna buy other 6 months of insurance... cause i will be using it only 2 months more... WHAT I CAN DO!!

Seriously...How do you really understand your car insurance coverage?

It's certain things that the company doesn't make very known about how much is paid if an accident occurs. Can someone help me? I recently purchased a policy with Geico. 500 deductible on comp and colli. Still owe 14,500 on car and it's only worth 10,000 per blue book. My goodness. This world is not fair. Father save us. So many people out to get over on consumers.""

What happens if you get caught without auto in card in Texas in an accident in an insured car?

What's the annual policy premium?

I have an amount of 623 dollars for annual policy premium for life insurance. Do I have to pay the amount?

Whats the best and the cheapest insurance for a 20 year old?

im in las vegas but, can anyone help on how to obtain cheap insurance or whats a way to get cheap insurance even if its by getting on my mothers insurance""

What health care insurance I can get that is affordable?

I need health insurance. And I can't afford it with my pay checks. I work part time. I have research over and over for health insurance. And nothing that I can afford comes up. So please help.

""OK so i previously asked how much is car insurance uk,17yearold/girl, bmw compact sport 318.3door?

I ALREADY HAVE THE CAR...I just need to know roughly how much insurance will be next year

Where can i get the cheapest car insurance for my teenage son who has a rolling stop and a speeding tkt. in WA

He is 18 years old. He is driving a 2000 Toyota Corolla What all do I get on his insurance policy Do I have him get his own policy

What is the best way to insure a car with a salvage title?

I recently purchased a car with a salvage title. This is my first car, and I'm in deep enough that it wouldn't make sense to get rid of it at this point. I would like to get collision insurance on it if possible. Really, there are a couple questions here: *NOTE: I live in Ohio. I'm not sure the answer to this question will be the same in all states. Can I have a car with a salvage title retitled with a clean title through some sort of govermnent inspection? If so, how would I go about this? Is there any way I can get collision insurance for my car? Will insurance rates be higher for me? Anything you can tell me will be much appreciated!""

What insurance would a 1985 monte carlo get?

I don't own this car yet but i want to when i get my driving licence depending on how much the insurance is, if not I'll get a 1972 model""

How much is equine medical insurance?

I know equine medical insurance differs form breed, age, and value of the horse but what would you think a 9 year old $13,000 TB's life insurance would be?""

I am 18 years old and i want to buy a used car but the insurance is too much for my budget?

it would cost me around $7000 for 6 months of coverage can someone please give me some advise on this matter?

Car insurance lapse payments?

My car was towed because I had a lapse of payments on my insurance. The cop told me i could get my car back in a day. My question is will i be able to get on a new insurance plan bring it to the DMV and re-register my car? Anymore information on this topic will be great. fyi i live in CT, USA.""

""I'm looking to buy car insurance, how much should it be? MG ZR?""

Its for an MG ZR 1.4 I cant go on my parents policies because my dads left my mum and my mum don't drive, so theres no way, plus i have no over family, so its impossible for that option. Of course it wont be cheap but i didn't expect it top be extortion, im male, so i know its higher, ive done some online quotes, it said around 6000 a year, how can a 17 year old even buy that, unbelievable, i was hoping it be around max.. 2000 even that's really high. Lol I ain't exactly rich lol. First ill buy a older rubbish car to get my confidence up with driving, then try to go for this car, its my dream car tbh, i find it beautiful. Im gonna name it Phoenix. lol. i am sad. But i was just wondering about it.. if you have any other advice about insurance, such as, what would make it cheaper ( year the car was made, door numbers etc) or what cars li should buy first.. i would appreciate it highly. Thank you in advanced. :) God Bless you all.""

Will a car thats registered as non op and has a salvaged title cost more for insurance?

Finding a decent health insurance plan. low cost insurance.?

I'm 22 and a server I want to find insurance that will actually take care of me. where can i go to get help for this? I dont know much about insurance

Motorcycle insurance cost?

I am 17 years old and I live in CT. I am getting a street bike. How much would insurance cost a year/month?

Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

Where can i find my proof of insurance?

Earlier today i went to DMV for my behind the wheel test but they're asking for my proof of insurance but i dont know where can i find it. do i need to ask for a copy of proof of insurance to my insurance company?

How much info does a third party insurance company need?

I was asked to clear out an office a few weeks ago for the company that I work for. I got given a transit van and drove into London no problems. On the way back while parking up at work I hit another persons car and tore the bumper off. I found out who it was and told her straight away, she wasnt happy but I explained that Im covered by the company. She has started to claim though her insurance and our faculties department has done the same. I have told my insurance company aswell. The faculties department has asked for my insurance details for my private car insurance? Im not happy about giving them these details, can I refuse?""

Dental Insurance question?

On my dental insurance card, I have a primary care dentist listed on it. Does this mean that I must go to this dentist in order to have the insurance pay for my appointments or can I go to any dentist that accepts my insurance without having to switch my primary care dentist and still receive the insurance benefits? Will the insurance cover less if I don't go to the primary care dentist? Thanks!""

Why does my dog make my homeowners policy go up !!!?

Ok ... a bit of a rant ... you people are the only ones who can relate ! Do i get a discount for the protection he provides me, my family, and the house ... noooooooooo .... but they want to raise my rate because he could bite someone someday ... {end rant}""

Insurance for older cars?

I'm a teenager and I was wondering if I bought a 1967 Shelby Mustang would the insurance rates be high?

""What are some good, low cost family health insurance plans for...?""

My husband and I need health insurance. He is a full time student and I am full time worker. We cannot get decent health insurance through his school or my work. We are looking for a low deductable, 0% coinsurance, and we need something with great maternity coverage, since we're planning on starting a family soon. If you know of any great plans like this, please share! Thank you for your help!""

Insurance for penis ?

Is there any Insurance scheme for penis ? i'm worried . beacuse i use it too much . need help .

Motorcycle Registration Cost?

So I bought a 2004 GS500F yesterday with a Stage 1 Dyno Jet kit. Ive got my insurance and everything figured out, I'm just wondering how much it will be to register it? I live in Valdosta, Ga""

Is there some affordable health insurance plan in the U.S. that doesnt have a huge deductible?

Primary and Secondary Health Insurance?

I would like to know what health insurance company is my primary. I had health insurance through my previous employer. I worked until the 6th of the month and I was told I had coverage through them until the end of the moth. My new job health insurance went into effect on the 1st of that month so for one month I had 2 coverages. One health insurance company is saying the job I was at first would be primary until the coverage ended. The other insurance company (the one I had the longest) says they would be primary up until my last day at my first job. Then even though I had two coverages my active employers health insurance would be primary. I will find out from my health insurance company tomorrow what is primary but since there office is now closed does anyon know the answer to this.

Who here doesn't have health insurance and doesn't want it?

Everyone, which of the following do you fit it: (1) I have health insurance and want to keep it. (2) I have health insurance, but plan to get rid of it. (3) I don't have health insurance, but wish I had it. (4) I don't have health insurance and don't want it. I think that covers all possibilities.""

""Why do i pay $400 a month for car insurance, is it cause its my first car?""

Why do i pay $400 a month for car insurance, is it cause its my first car?""

Dental insurance? Can i get it?

I need to make a long overdue visit to the dentist but I'm worried about the cost involved. I'm pretty sure I've tartar on the back of my teeth but been put off for how much it might cost. Would I be able to take out dental insurance considering my existing problems, how much would it cost etc? I live in the UK btw.""

Full coverage car insurance?

My parents are the primary insurance holders of the car insurance. It is full coverage and the 1st wreck since having this insurance which has been 5 years for this car. I am on the insurance but not a primary driver. I was involved in a car wreck on my car but my friend was driving and I was in the passenger seat. Since it is full coverage what happens? Do they have to have proof that I said he could drive? Or do they just go about and get it fixed and not say anything since the car is under full insurance? I have I clue when it comes to car insurance so of someone could explain everything the best they can it would be greatly appreciated

Insurance question minor accident no damage to my car?

Hi, A driver made a reverse and hit my bimper. nothing happenned to my car but his step bumper is a bit bent. not the secretary of the company called wants me to pay around $2000! or ...mostrar ms""

Car Insurance?

My daughter is going to be 17 soon and is looking to buy a small car, ie corsa. Does anyone know the cheapest place to get car insurance for young drivers. She would prefer to have the insurance in her own name to build up no claims discount.""

What company offers the cheapest motorcycle insurance in Toronto?

I Want to buy a motorcycle around $ 5000 and wondering how much would be the insurance for the following motorcycles 2006-2009 Honda CBR RR 600 2006-2009 Honda CBR 125 How can I be able to get discount on my premium. I have a full M licence with no accidents for like 2 years. I live on Dufferin st close to bloor and I am 25 years old male Serious replies only please because having a car is too expensive for me.

Temporary car insurance only 18?

Just wondering if anyone knows where i could get 1 months car insurance but i'm only 18? Cheers

Can I get life insurance for my brother-in-law? Because he always say he going to kill himself.?

Car insurance calculator?

is there anyplace online to give you an estimated insurance payment based on age, and model and year of vehicle? im trying to find out what car is affordable for me insurance wise and dont want to bug my family insurance company with quotes on several different cars lol""

Any1 know of any cheap car insurance companies or crappy jobs? i just passed my test but the insurance is a jk?

I dont know what to do, im 18, have no job, a few gcses but not in maths n english, and an AS in finance so its not exactly shocking that i cant seem to get a job. does anybody know of any jobs that nobody else wants? i dont care what i have to do I NEED MY INSURANCE. looks like getting a job is the only way to do it :( would prefer office jobs coz i have experience in admin and accountancy. IF you can't answer that, does anyone know of any cheap starter car insurance companies?, im a girl so i might get a cheaper then boys. thanks in advance :) xx seriously getting depresed and desperate! :'( il do anything!""

Can a 17 year old purchase health insurance?

I am seventeen years old and i no longer live with my parents(with their permission), and they do not have health insurance. I have terrible eyesight and am on my last pair of contact lenses that are not in very good shape themselves.I have a job but it would take a long time for me to save up enough money to take care of all of the costs included in getting my contacts. I need to know if i can purchase health insurance or if i am eligible for any type of coverage?""

Do you think car insurance should be mandatory in all of the United States?

I live in Wisconsin. Car insurance is not required for cars trucks and anything else on the road. I think this is wrong with medical and car repair bills being so expensive these days. Worst part about it is some of these non insured people drive like lunatics and if they do hit you they have nothing to even sue them for. I think it's disgusting.

Ca dmv insurance online?

heres the deal. i want to renew my tags online but it says my insurance needs to be on dmv file to be able to do that. so is there a online system i can file my insurance on or do i still have to go to dmv to do that

""How much a month is the average homeowners insurance payment on a 100,000 home?

Thanks

Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

What is the best affordable device to locate my vehicle asap if it was stolen?

Don't tell me cops or AAA it doesn't work

How much is it to add a second car to the insurance.?

im getting my first car and im wondering how much it would be to add it to my dads insurance plan.It is a 1990 firebird

Will my insurance go up?

I got a failure to obey a traffic control device ticket because I cut through a parking lot to go on a road. I paid the ticket today, wondering if this gets turned into insurance? I am hearing mixed reviews on this from looking online. I would hate to see my insurance go up at all for something so petty. I'm with state farm. Im 25 and just had my insurance go down a few months ago. Never had an accident and havnt had any other tickets since I was 18.""

Motorcycle Insurance 16yr Old?

I am 16, I am thinking about getting a crotch rocket, and just wanna know about insurance. State: Minnesota Year of bike: 1995-2005 I am thinking 650cc - 750cc I have experience on motorcycles (dirt bikes) I do realize their is some difference I have a grade average of B's or higher.""

""What are the different kinds of car insurance, and how do they work?""

Im 15 and missed a drivers ed class. I know the collision insurance, thats pretty basic. Its pretty much all of the others that I'm confused about. The main things I need to know about is Liability Insurance. Thank you for all input!""

How much does it really cost to own a Porsche 911 Carrera 4S in California? MSRP is...?

...$88,400. What other costs are there? http://www.porsche.com/usa/models/911/911-carrera-4s/ I am trying to own one of these. Just wondering what's is in store for me (i.e. tax, ...show more""

Insurance company monitoring equipment?

I'm almost certain this is a start of a way to increase your insurance rates

How much is insurance on a lamborghini?

I'm 16 and thinking about getting this as my first car and just wondering the insurance.

Cheapest insurance company for new driver?

I just got my license. Im 18. What might be the cheapest insurance company to go through? I dont make much money a month...

How can I get an auto insurance quote without driver's information?

I'm doing a budget project for my economics class and I have to make a year's budget. This includes rent, gas, electric bill, food, etc., which I found sample bills for, but I'm having a really hard time finding a car insurance bill online. The websites for quotes ask for all this personal information which I can't give, because this is hypothetical and basically a fake person. Google images won't work because it has to match up with the specific car I bought . Any ideas?""

Car insurance cancelled?

i have been with the same car insurance company ever since i past my test 3 years ago, 2 years ago a neighbour accused me of backing into his car I NEVER, i phoned my car insurance company to notify them there was a claim being made against me just to keep them up to date in case they had a phone call from anyone!, Anyway after weeks of Police investigation i managed to prove i was not involved and no claim was ever made, i thought this had all disappeared but now 2 years later and still with the SAME company they are saying i have lied on my no claims and have told me by letter they no longer wish to insure me, then 5 days later they took there payment from my bank ? i only received the letter this morning (sat) and none of the offices are open until mon, i am so worried they wont reinstate my car insurance ? has anyone else been in the same situation ? and what was the outcome ? ( and they also said in the letter that i would have to pay the outstanding amount on my policy withing 7 days or they will send me to a debt collector ?""

Need insurance for mercedes car - which insurer will use mercedes repair centre?

I'm buying a Mercedes B class. Swinton have given me some good insurance quotes but during the long conversation (with Aviva) to get 7 day drive-away insurance I was told to be careful of the small print: to keep the Mobilo service I must always use Merc-approved garages for servicing and repairs; unfortunately Swinton's insurers say they will choose where the car goes and this is very unlikely to be a Merc garage. So my question is: what do Merc owners do? From whom do you get your car insurance to make sure any repairs are carried out by a Merc-approved repair centre?

Can I add my girlfriend to my life insurance?

Will my insurance rate go up if i recently got stopped for a failure to obey stop sign? More details!!?

i am 17 years old and i got a ticket for failure to stop at a stop sign but i could not find my papers. so the officer never scanned my insurance card. will my insurance rate go up? ps... im not on the insurance policy, it was my mothers car and i am a new driver.""

Drivers License and Car Insurance?

My friend had a friend of his drive his car when he was drinking because he didn't want an OMVI. His friend quit paying for car insurance but said he still has his drivers license. Is that possible? Also, my friend said he wasn't worried about an accident because my friend has insurance and he thinks that covers all drivers in his car with a drivers license. I feel that if he got in an accident, his insurance won't pay because he has a non-insured driver driving his car. He said I'm wrong. Who's right and who's wrong here????""

Teen Drivers Insurance?

Ok so I am a Teen Driver and I am about to get licensed...I need Car insurance...any one know the average in TX? Thanks

Regarding to Motorcycle insurance?

Hi, I'm 24, male. I plan on getting the Yamaha R6-I'll be financing the bike. I have some questions regarding to insurance of the bike. My friend owns a 06 Suzuki GSXR750, it was his first bike, and he is a fresh bike rider also. But his full coverage is only $120/month. While searching online (geico, Progressive, allstate), I find out that the full coverage for the bike itself is $487/month-which I found strange. Because I'm older than my friend, he's 22. I understand that you need full coverage(collision, comprehensive coverage) when you're financing a bike. My friend is also financing the bike. But how come his full coverage is way cheaper than what I've searched for? I also picked the $500 deductible on Comprehensive and Collision too. But the lowest I got was $487/month-if not $880/month. When I decline the Comp and Coll, my coverage is only $84/month. Why is there a big gap for my full coverage comparing to my younger friend with a bigger cc bike? 600 vs. 750.""

What is the cheapest way to get insurance with a friends car?

I'm already practising my driving lessons and theory. Once I pass what's the best and cheap way to be insured.

Would having 2 cars be the same insurance as 1 car?

I have a 09 dodge charger, which you will probably figure the insurance is higher than average. So I was thinking, If I buy another lower level car, for example, a dodge neon. keep in mind that I am the owner of both cars, and only I will be driving the cars. would the insurance be the same or even lower?""

How much motorcycle insurance

I'm 16 and i live in new york but i don't know how much insurance is

Life insurance at 25 years of age.?

I am twenty five and would like to put my mom in life insurance. Is this possible and what would I have to do to put her in life insurance?

First time dealing with car insurance for a 19 yr old?

I just finished drivers ed today and I want to go ahead and get my drivers license because also Lowes called me and want me to come in for orientation! Crazy day right? 2 good things in 1 day. But anyways the Lowes that I should be working at is maybe 15 minutes away and the position I have should be a night position. I'm sure my mom doesn't want to drive around at night so I told her she can just give me the car at night. Here's the thing my dad said he'd have to put me on his insurance. I would like to get my own insurance so they can save some of there money. So can anybody point me in any direction or give me some tips. Because im clueless when it comes to car insurance. Right now my mom is asking me do I have to work there. I plan on grabbing this job because I've been looking for awhile and I finally got 1. Ain't no telling when I'll get another one

Is a saturn sky a sports car?

im a 17 year old boy, looking for a car, heard the sky is a fun and really cool car. But since im 17 and have school and what not i dont have time to for a job to pay for the ...show more""

Anyone know how I can go about canceling my Gerber LIfe Insurance?

Hi when my daughter was born I applie for a Life Insurance company called the Gerber Life Insurance policy. I've been paying it for about 2 years now but would like to cancel it. Does anyone else have it, can you please explain the benefits? or how I can go about canceling it and will my money be returned. Thanks!""

Don't want to renew Virgin car insurance but having problems contacting them?

I recieved a renewal car insurance quote from Virgin which is really high. I have shopped around and decided to buy my insurance elsewhere. The only problem is Virgin automatically renew my car insurance for me unless I tell them not to. The only method that they give to contact them is a phone number. I have been on call waiting for 20 minuted now and still not managed to get through to them. Does anyone know of another way of contacting them as I am worried that my call will never get answered and I will be forced to keep my insurance with them?

Baldwin Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70514

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/non-owner-car-insurance-benjamin-burns/"

0 notes

jobcareerjobs-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Property Manager | $60,000 + Super

New Post has been published on https://www.jobcareer.to/job/property-manager-60000-super-2/

Property Manager | $60,000 + Super

We are hunting down an experienced Property Manager, someone with the confidence and personality to back up their years of Property Management experience and step into a CAREER with this brand.

If you are looking for a reputable, successful and forward thinking agency, look no further THIS IS IT. The Position

Portfolio of 145 properties

Great support/assistance in place

Tidy portfolio – you will not be walking into a mess

Medium sized property management team

The Candidate

Minimum 18 months experience managing a portfolio within Property Management

Solid track record in silver service

Self managing and motivated to get results to drive their career

Confident and personable

Professional presentation a must

QLD Certificate of Registration and valid QLD drivers licence

Why YOU Want this Job

Forward thinking Real Estate agency

Large reputable brand – BEAUTIFUL Inner North Brisbane agency

Great support on offer

Above average salary & career progression available

In return you will be rewarded by a company that is a cut above the rest. Contact Lauren Baldwin or Michelle Figueroa for a confidential chat on 07 3114 5544 or email your CV to [email protected]

0 notes

magic5ball · 4 years ago

Text

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (7)

Chapter 7: ATTACK THE WEGMART! ATTACK LIKE YOU WANT TO LIVE!!!

Picture this: You’re a Wegmart greeter; just gotten up for the morning shift. You go through the motions, waving your hand and eating from a bag of whatever it is Wegmart Greeter Guys eat (I suspect its’ the same stuff they feed mall cops), when suddenly, you see something BIG on the horizon, even bigger than the trucks that deliver every physical object known to man to the store. But as far as your hazy mind is concerned, its’ just another day in white walled, air conditioned paradise. As it gets closer, the thing starts to block out the sun, leaving you a tad chilly. Still, you keep the same old routine: smile and wave, wave and smile. After all, you are Wegmart’s Greeter Guy, that makes you immortal, in its’ own way. Still, as it grows nearer, you get a tad nostalgic. You recognize the giant black mass as a choo-choo train, the kind you collected as a kid, except this one is the size of your HOUSE. And at the sides, several squat, waddling figures donning birthday hats are hauling in along with ropes, like they’re carrying some giant birthday present. You recognize the little guys as those cute white-cheeked geese who’re always trying to get in. Still, you know from experience there’s no way some pwecious widdle birds can touch you. After all, to kill you would mean war, a war they could never hope to win! They finally stop when the choo-choo is inches from your face. One of the geese waddles up to you with a post-it-note in its’ mouth. You take the note from it; read it. Since the sun’s so bright and your eyes are still kinda crusty, you have to turn around to do it, so the note faces the light.

We, the citizens of the glorious kingdom of Keystonia, hereby cede our territories to the great and glourious Wegmart Empire! Heil Wegmart!

You roll your eyes at that last part. When you look up again, the geese have gone, leaving just you and the massive hunk of steel and cylinders. Part of you wonders if you should show the thing to your boss. The other part wonders how awesome this thing would look in your garage. While you’re busy fantasizing, scheming, and dreaming (you know, the thing your boss told you never to do), you barely notice as steam starts puffing from the engine’s sides (it does blend in well with the morning fog). And how about that whistle? You can almost hear it!

And too late, you realize how bad you done screwed up. The great black engine lurches forward, too fast for you to react, only halting once it hits your body. For a split second you stand there smiling smugly. You’re the Wegmart Greeter, the company’s most valuable piece of property! This dopey engine can’t touch you!

At least, it can’t until you realize you’re starting to crack around the edges. Behind the engine, a great cloud blackens the sky. At least, what you think it’s a cloud until you realize it’s a flock of birds, more birds than you have ever seen in your lifetime, casting the whole of Wegmart in shadow.

It is the last thing your wrinkly old face will ever see.

. . .

At least, I figure that’s the last thing Greeter Guy ever saw. I couldn’t see because Bokrug and I were stuffed in Baldwin’s smokebox (all part of the plan).

So where was I, again? Right! Raid on Wegmart!

Once we mowed over the Greeter, the sliding doors were a cakewalk by comparison. Not only that, but thanks to Bokrug, we had recruited an army of almost every bird in the state, from blue herons to budgies to even an alligator (who was mostly just there for the free nachos we promised him)! After that was a bit of a different story. The brown baggers, having sensed a disturbance in the Mart, quickly erected a barricade of gallon sized bags of cereal and pet chow between us and the inner aisles. Still, we kept the heat on, even as they started firing their laser scanners at us, then bringing in the RC helicopters loaded with their Shamwow bullets. It wasn’t long before Baldwin started taking heavy damage.

“This…better…land…me…in the New Yorker.” He chuffed and puffed right before a stray penny got lodged in his wheel, causing him to explode into a million pieces.

The brown baggers were started enough to let their guard down. Just what we wanted. Bokrug and I exploded out of the smokebox, me pushing a shopping cart with one hand and the goose riding it the basket like a baby. Speaking of shopping carts, some realized what was going down and decided to join the winning team, acting as mounts for our avian army. As for my free hand, I had it on the trigger of my tommy gun, pumping anyone dumb enough to mess with me full of lead.

“Forward!” The goose honked, so loud it shattered every pane of glass within a mile. “The defenses are breached! Woe is you, fools who would steal our sacred LARPing grounds! For DOOM has come to your establishment!”

And as the final layer of icing on the epicness cake, Bokrug snatched some poor sap’s finger in his beak, tore it off, and swallowed the thing whole! He did this several times, flipping digits into his mouth like they were fishsticks! As for me, I was shooting everything from store clerks to RC helicopters everyday til’ Wednesday, trying my best to make sure not to hit Bokrug. (Not easy, seeing how a million stray laserbeams seemed to be heading our way at once).

At some point, Bokrug snatched my tommy gun away from me.

“Hey!” I cried. What’d you do that for?!”

Several bullets rang out of the tommy gun, hitting several liter bottles of soda. They exploded instantly.

“With all due respect my friend” countered the goose “Your marksmanship is terrible! Who taught you to shoot? Deinonychus?”

As much as I was tempted to snap, I had to hand it to the Bokster: despite lacking any opposable thumbs, he was a much better shot than I was.

Together, we charged down the aisles, leaving a path of destruction in our wake.

I could almost hear a heavy metal band in the distance, goading us on.

“So what exactly are we looking for?!” I hollered.

“The Spring of Immortality, you fool! Imagine the most glorious wellspring of pristine water you have ever seen! ”

“So my school’s water fountain?”

The great bird gave a deep bellow, which I guess was his way of laughing. “Such a paltry human construction is but naught against the glory of the spring! Now hurry. I fear our army might not last much longer!”

Can’t say I had much time to pay attention, seeing I was still dodging a million targets at once, but the glimpses I caught weren’t good. Our army wasn’t the most skilled, but they were held in place by confidence and sheer numbers. We might have gotten an early lead, but without the Baldwin, the Megamart’s bargain priced weapons were mowing down our feathered friends like my Dad mows grass: so fine you almost think it’s’ AstroTurf. A pile of birds lay on the ground that would make Audobon roll in his grave. It wouldn’t be long before we’d have to make a tactical retreat we just couldn’t afford.

So Bokrug and I sped from aisle to aisle, eyes peeled for even the slightest glimpse of water. But the only aqua pura in our cards were some ‘Buy 1, get 1 Free!’ signs for bottled water.

Well, also one other thing.

As we passed the cereal aisle for the fifth time (he was really insistent on searching everywhere) I couldn’t help but notice a little something strung to the sides of the shelves. You know: go to any big name Megamart, and nine times out of ten, they’ll have some gimmicky kitchen gadget or kiddie toy strung up next to the food, suckering some dumb fool into spending a few extra cents.

In this case, that toy was those little pills that turn into foam dinosaurs when you add water.

When I tried telling this to Bokrug, all he did was grumble. “So it is not enough they take our sacred spring of immortality from us? Now they encase my brethren in spaces too small for even a compsognathus?! And yet they would call me a monster?! These demons must pay!”

Didn’t stop me from snagging a packet as we went past, though. Figured if it all went to crap, then darn it, I was getting something for my trouble! Speaking of trouble, that’s exactly what we were heading into, and not just because we passed the board game section! Or maybe it was, since some wiseguy realized it would be a swell idea to scatter a bunch of game pieces in our path. I steered like the devil, but just as we were about to go to the next aisle, a stray six-sided die landed right beneath our wheel, launching the back part of the cart forward and sending us flying like baseballs.

Balls.

Suddenly it hit me, almost as hard as my body when it hit the jack-covered linoleum floor.

“Hey, I think I know where the spring might be- to the Summer Clearance Sail!”

I ran, the goose waddling behind, nipping anyone foolish enough to get in his way.

“And what is this ‘Summer Clearance Sale’ of which you speak?”

“Right there!” I cried, pointing to a giant inflatable sun hanging from the ceiling in a corner of the store. “They always have craptons of exotic flavored water they’re trying to pawn off! And some of that water just might be from your spring!”

Bokrug growled, but this time his ire was not directed at our enemies.

“Fool! Why did you not tell me of this earlier?!”

“Look, there’s a lot of lasers flying around and I’m really stressed, okay?!”

Several laser scans shot holes straight through Bokrug’s feathers, sending them flying. Whatever time we had was quickly running out. All we could do was run.

Me in front, goose trailing, we traveled to our fate, to our destiny…

To the Aisle at the End of the World.

#My writing #Nature Trail To Hell #geese #shamwow #shopping cart #baldwin 60000 #megamart #dinosaur

0 notes

magic5ball · 4 years ago

Text

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (Interlude)

Interlude II: Calm Before the Bugaloo

Six days. Six days we devised our strategy to reclaim Wegmart, and I’ll be danged if they weren’t the longest days of my life. You’d think assaulting a megamart would be a simple thing, but apparently not: Bokrug explained that because of its’ status as part of a corporate empire, if we didn’t take out the head honcho of the joint fast enough, outside reinforcements would blow the whole mission back to Hell. We had to do it quick, and we had to do it well. Of course, the more technical details were planned out by Bokrug and a few of the geese, seeing how I’ve always been more of an improv guy. At least they had the decency to give me my machine gun back.

“Lord Bokrug will need a spotter to watch his back. Pray you are up to the task.” Birthday Boy explained, giving me mind for the only time during that whole time.

But six days, six drawing plans with sticks in sand, six days of representing the enemy units with state Cheetos, six days of sending out scouts for any soul dumb or vengeful enough to tag along on our suicidal assault, six days of watching our small battalion explode into full on feathered platoon, six days of mastering the ancient art of goose stepping ended eventually, with yours truly gently lowering Bokrug’s bones into the Baldwin’s firebox. We were ready to roll.

#My writing #Nature Trail To Hell #baldwin 60000 #geese #bokrug

0 notes

magic5ball · 4 years ago

Text

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (3)

Chapter 3: … And Put Up a Megamart

It was like Christmas day all over again! For the first time in my ten year existence, someone had screwed up that wasn’t me! I never even realized this could be a possibility up to that point. And you bet your toenails I absolutely reveled in it.

At first they were honking like mad, protesting how I might work for Wegmart or somesuch (it had happened before, apparently). But all ol’ Bokrug had to do was give them a glare and they shut up good. I could understand why, though. For the Elves, apologizing is a fancy affair, with them all lining up in front of me, each kissing my swollen kneecap one at a time while I towered above them, laughing. I would have settled for a plain old “I’m sorry.”, but you know what they say, Elves will be Elves.

One hour of kneecap smooches later, Birthday Boy stood in front of me, surprisingly dignified in his stupid hat. The rest of his flock (drove? Pack? It really is hard to decide what to call a group of these guys) formed a half-circle behind him, like his own personal orchestra (though geek choir would be more appropriate).

“Come now, o’ vagrant” he said, lifting out a wing for me “We must journey to the outskirts of the cursed lands so that you may know the direness of our situation.”

He pointed to the forest. I groaned, not exactly in the mood for walking.

“Fear not. We have procured some edibles to sustain us on are strenuous trek.”

An Elf wandered up to me, carrying the so called ‘blessed sustenance’ in their beak.

“Within this bag is the blessed manna bread, which will sate your hunger for your entire journey, as well as the meat of sacred to give you unspeakable strength, should the situation require it.”

All I saw was a half-eaten bag of beef jerky with a stale doughnut hole inside.

“The Blessings of Bokrug be with you!” the Elves honked, their half circle shifting into a path straight to the woods.

Birthday Boy didn’t start explaining until we reached the trees, a trial in and of itself. See, if it wasn’t cringe-inducing enough he had to explain everything to me in that dated voice of his, no, he just had to make everything rhyme!

“Long ago in the Days of yore,” he began, “’Twas blessed land where we bore-our young, who pooped as they pleased in pristine ponds ‘til they turned algae green. It was this algae that we ate, from hours seven ‘til eight, when wily hours twist the day to darkness. And those who’d venture on yonder path, fed us wholesome grain, or faced our wrath, like the bull thistles blooming on a summer’s day.”

Somehow, he managed to keep his honker running the. Whole. Way. There. By the time we got to our destination, I knew more about LARP geese history than about my own family.

But where was there, you might be asking? Well, as Birthday Boy would say-

“’Till one day we encroached the wrath of wastrels longst strayeth from good path. Who sought paradise’s golden fruit as their own. We lost, o terrible tragedy, yet followed somber reality, as our greatest ally betrayed us, and the great pond of yore became asphalt.”

For those reading this who can’t quite get Birthday Boy’s pretentious picture, we had arrived at a parking lot. Now, even young me had seen a fair number of lots in his time, but never one this big. It stretched over the horizon, a never-ending desert of streetlights and maybe some handicapped spaces. (Which, if we kept walking any longer, I was probably gonna need.)

“Go forth child, and understand, who tooketh away our promised land.”

As we walked across the parking lot, I couldn’t help but notice Birthday Boy waddled a bit behind me now. Something was coming up at the edge of my vision. At first I thought it was just a mirage, seeing all the heat radiating off the asphalt, but as we got closer, it became too big to be fake. Not tall in the usual way, though: heightwise it was only about three stories tall. But widthwise, well…

The darn thing seemed to go on forever.

What stood before us on that sweltering summer day was a giant rectangle painted so white it practically blinded me, its’ only other features being a sliding door, above which was a set of bold red letters, each the size of my house, proudly announcing the store’s name: a name I knew well from years of being stuck in a dressing room as my Mom forced me to try on just one more sweater before winter set in:

WEGMART

Birthday Boy spoke, his voice now as hushed as a goose voice could be (which was still subtle as a sack of sledgehammers). “Now we tread carefully with fear. If you are caught, I cannot help you here.”

Conveniently enough (though it shouldn’t have been that surprising, considering where we were) two rows of cars formed a path to the place, like guards lining the world’s blackest red carpet. In other words, the perfect place for a goose to hide under. Walking down this path (only half obeying Birthday Boy’s instructions: I tread carefully, but I’m a Tostig and if you know Tostigs, we never tread with fear, at least not when we can help it) I found it kinda weird how this place made out to be this evil fortress of ultimate horrific doom didn’t have so much as a security camera to keep me out. The only thing between me and those automatic sliding doors was some wrinkly old guy wearing a blue traffic safety vest: the Wegmart Greeter Guy. For those not in the know, the Greeter Guy is this shtick Wegmart does where they employ some old guy who’ll work for pennies so visiting shoppers can be reminded of their own mortality. Something seemed a bit… off about this one, though. There was a broad grin on his face, too broad for a man his age; right hand raised in a perpetual wave at nothing. Seemed fake, though I figured this was yet another one of those byproducts of the high cost of low price or whatever they were saying on the news.

I couldn’t step one foot past him before I hit something. Hard. I’d say it was like glass, on account of it being completely invisible, but really, it was more like hitting a steel wall that also gave you the worst case of static shock in the universe. Of course, young me being young me, this didn’t register until he’d waltzed into that deathtrap so many times he couldn’t feel his limbs. Heck, it wouldn’t surprise me the only reason I didn’t try to enter Wegmart a few more times was because by the last time, I was so zapped outta my head I stumbled into the cars by complete accident, giving the one Birthday Boy was under a static snap so strong it exploded in a ball of fire.

“Fool!” honked the goose “Do you not realized that your knaveous action could very well have delivered me to a premature encounter with dread mortis?!”

I did not. And if it weren’t the fact he was explaining the situation to me, I don’t even think I would have cared that much. All I wanted was to go home, play video games, and spend the rest of the summer sleeping this crazy adventure off.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on your tolerance for Shakespeare) Birthday Boy was fast regaining his composure.

“As you can see, they’ve torn asunder Holy Mountain. Sacred stream has become drinking fountain. A wicked grinning barrier they have erected. So long it stands, from elfin magic they are protected.”

“So… you mean to tell me that the greeter guy is some kind of magic energy shield thingy stopping you guys from getting your home back?”

“Your answer ‘tis acute. Now we must be astute.”

I saw a little black object flying in the sky. On account of the bright sun, I couldn’t see it clearly, but it freaked the everloving feathers off of Birthday Boy.

“Flee!” he honked, waddle-flying for the woods. “Every elf now for himself!”

Something shot out from the thing: a little foam dart, not unlike the kinds I had in my toy aero guns (or had, until I discovered real ammo.) It landed inches from my foot. A second later, it did something no foam dart should do: it started dissolving the ground with a hiss. As if on cue, the sky around me started to darken. Looking up, I could now see the mysterious black object was a toy RC helicopter.

Thousands of them, all armed with those same dissolving darts.

“We must escape now!” Honked Birthday Boy “Those curs wield the dread power of Shampow! A power you could not hope to understand, one long forbidden from the clutches of man!”

“Yeah, I get the idea!” I cried as we ran all the way back to the stock pond.

We didn’t reach there ‘til sundown. When we did, Bokrug was first to speak to me.

“I trust you know the direness of the situation?”

“Well, yeah. But I still don’t see how I fit into all this. You guys look pretty powerful on your own.”

“While we have had some success in hit and run missions-“ He gestured a wing towards the shopping carts and tiki torches wielded by his brethren “-We have lossed far more than we have gained. Only by penetrating the heart of darkness, and seizing the blessed water that once flowed through our LARPing grounds might we hope to end the conflict once and for all.” He said to me. “As you witnessed, our sacred LARPing grounds have been overtaken by the evil known as Wegmart. Using the limitless power of the Greeter Guy, they have erected a massive magic-proof barrier we cannot cross.”

“And how do I fit into this?”

“There is but one thing that can pierce Wegmart’s barrier: An artifact of a bygone age known as the Baldwin 60000. But in order to steal this artifact, we must first animate it with a mysterious artifact known as gold dust.”

“Still not seeing how I fit in.”

“Gold dust, however, is an incredibly rare thing. The only satchel known to exist was only ever possessed by the man who founded this great land: A man named William Penn! Technically, he acquired it from the natives… Among other things, but that is a story for another time.”

“And where the heck do you get gold dust?”

“You shall find it in the pockets of the great man himself as he surveys his city!”

“Hold on! So you’d want me to climb to the top of City Hall, and pickpocket a national hero when you have a thousand little goose friends who can FLY?! How does this make any sense?!”

Said thousand little friends glared at me.

“I would suggest referring to them as ‘Elves’.” Bokrug whisper-honked. “In honesty, I find the distinction quite trivial myself, but it is a touchy subject for them. But! You are correct: that is indeed the most logical path, but as it would happen, city hall is covered in spikes. Birdproof spikes. Seeing as you are partially human, I have faith you just might be immune.”

“Huh! I always figured those spikes were leftovers from William Penn’s rebellious phase!”

“As truth would have it, they were made to keep away those who would sully Penn’s temple of tolerance.” Bokrug and his brood turned to face me. “So, Watterson Tostig, I must humbly ask of you: Are you up to the task? Will you help us?”

I thought long and hard at that- maybe longer and harder than I’d ever thought in my LIFE up to that point. F-Bomb had warned me birds were a bunch of sellouts, giving up their form so they could live on the surface. But they had problems, BIG problems. And, well, maybe I’d run away from things a bit too much that summer, sappy as it might sound. Maybe it was time to lend a hand to guys who didn’t have any, even if they weren’t real dinosaurs.

“Alright,” I nodded. “I’ll do it.”

Bokrug bowed his head. “Thank you, Watterson Tostig.”

On cue, a trench-coated man emerged from the woods, pushing a shopping cart with a pair of fire extinguishers strapped to the back of it. It took me a moment to realize the ‘guy’ was just four geese stacked on top of one another, like in those old cartoons.

“Our envoy shall take you to as far as City Hall. After that, may your Lord’s grace be with you.”

But before I got in the shopping cart, there was one last question I had to ask:

“Say Bokrug, why’d you have your little friend take me to a death trap to explain the situation when you did it yourself just fine?”

The bandit-masked goose shrugged. “You seemed to me a visual learner.”

I rolled my eyes. This guy was starting to sound like my teachers!

#My writing #Nature Trail To Hell #bokrug #geese #grocery store #parking lot #shopping cart #gold dust

0 notes