#its very emotionally cathartic at least

[buginateacup]

Hello, for the wip(s) meme: 9. 🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Oooh! Nonny what a question!

It's kind of rare for me not to start something of a story I want to tell, mostly because I WILL forget the details if I haven't written something down.

But I do have the start of something rattling around in my brain that is akin to a timeloop story, but not in the traditional sense.

It starts, as so many of my stories tend to do, with Megamind kidnapping Roxanne

(another Megarox story? Me? Whodathunk?)

Unfortunately for Megamind, the moment the bag is removed from Miss Ritchi's head, she takes one look at him and bursts into tears.

Well.

That's horrible.

Megamind has no idea why she's suddenly sobbing like she can't breathe but something terrible clearly happened so he's just going to untie her and send her home and hope really really hard that it wasn't anything he did.

At which point Roxanne freaks out even further and insists he can't and please don't and I can't and "So help me if you press that button to call your escape bots I will string you up by your gills!"

That's a surprise. Megamind had no idea she'd figured out that was his escape button. The fact she referenced his gills is even more disturbing.

And then through choking sobs and helpless tears it comes out that Roxanne has lived this day before. Not only that but up until about a year ago she'd lived this day hundreds, if not thousands of times.

Timeloop. Okay. That explains why she knows about his escape button but Megamind is still a little leery about the whole "How did you discover I have gills thing?" and promptly has his mind blown that after months of living in a loop, Roxanne had managed to figure out the combination of factors and phrases that wouldn't send him into hiding for a month and actually get him to help her figure this out.

(He'd probably feel prouder of that if she didn't still have tears streaming down her face.)

So through trial and error and many long weeks of looping (somehow introducing Megamind did give the loop a little extra time) they managed to escape. Hell, they'd been dating for the last ten months!

Up until yesterday.

When he died.

So we have a Roxanne a year out of having learned everything that happens in this city like clockwork, living through the fresh hell of having just watched her lover who died just YESTERDAY, suddenly back to life with no memory of the last ten months, or their relationship and on top of THAT.

They're still in the timeloop.

[cosmic--dandelion]

Something I think a lot of people forget about Stolas and Blitzø is how much "Ozzies" changes their dynamic.

Before that, they're a patron and a client. Stolas might indulge in some not strictly sexual damsel-in-distress fantasies, and Blitzø might occasionally match Stolas's absurdly horny energy, and there's s few hints at affection here and there, but at the end of the day, Blitzø wants the book and Stolas wants to be the sub in a bdsm relationship, and that's that.

Their "date" at Ozzies turned their entire affair on its head. Stolas is alone and miserable at his huge empty mansion; Octavia is his only emotional outlet, and Stella's whisked her off somewhere.

He has no friends, no family who actually care about him aside from his daughter, and he's not even close to his servants like he was as a child. Stolas is desperate for any positive social interaction. Then Blitzø calls out of nowhere, asking him on a date. Stolas literally chokes on his Lucky Charms he'd so desperate to get to the phone.

Stolas is in full infatuation mode. This is probably his first real date in his entire life. He was forced into an arranged marriage with a cold, hateful woman and became a father against his will when he was around 19 at most. So he shows up dressed like he's about to be crowned Emperor of the Universe and even bows to Blitzø. Again, just like in "Loo Loo Land," he'd completely oblivious to how obviously unenthusiastic, distracted, and borderline uncomfortable Blitzø is.

Blitzø is legitimately taken aback when Stolas starts trying to make conversation and shows interest in his personal life beyond the carnal. This isn't some sort of machiavellian scheme on Stolas's part. He's being completely sincere. But he's ultimately still projecting his fantasies onto Blitzø instead of actually engaging with him, only this time they're romantic instead of sensual.

Shit goes down, and goes down HARD. Not only does Stolas hide his face in shame when Asmodeus publicly exposes their affair, Blitzø gets it rubbed in *his* face that their "arrangement" destroyed Stolas's reputation and family and is even starting to turn his own daughter against him.

Stolas tries to salvage the evening, but it's way too late.

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you. You make that very clear all the time. Buf I just can't tonight. I'm sorry."

This is single-handedly one of the best call outs in the entire series, and HOLY SHIT does it hit home. It throws Stolas into a complete tailspin, and he probably came close to drinking himself to death that night. It's what he always does, burying himself headlong into whatever he thinks will bring him temporary happiness until whoever he's dragged along with him practically has to scream in his face.

It's telling that the very first thing he does is scroll through his phone to reassure himself that he and Blitzø have something more, only to see that Blitzø doesn't look happy in any of his photos, and he was deluding himself the whole time. Ouch. A well-deserved ouch, but an ouch nevertheless.

I think this is where Stolas actually starts to develop feelings for Blitzø, or at least realizes he has them.

Before this, their affair was more of a distraction and an outlet for his pent-up sexual frustration. Stolas went from being so emotionally and physically repulsed by his own wife he had to dissociate when Octavia was conceived to jumping right into a hardcore bdsm contract with a near complete stranger. It's incredibly cathartic for him, but not necessarily good for his mental health. It leaves him deeply psychologically dependent on Blitzø but unable to put aside the kinky bedroom stuff for the basic emotional labor and personal growth a serious, long-term relationship needs to function. For now.

Stolas changes after this. Not all at once, but the lesson sank in. It sinks in even further in "Western Energy". We see that Blitzø has been responding to his walls of text with one or two word replies and blows off his rather tepid apologies and attempts to be considerate. He doesn't visit him in the hospital, doesn't text him more than a half-hearted "git bevver swoon :(".

If Stella hadn't called off the hit, his last words would have been: "Blitzø will...[save me]", followed by a knife through the heart.

Stolas treats Blitzø VERY differently in season 2. While he'll still call him "Blitzy" on occasion, it's hard to imagine the Stolas in "Seeing Stars" or "Oops" calling him his "impish little plaything" or pinching his cheek or embarassing him in public. Stolas is trying so hard not to step on Blitzø's boundaries ar this point that it actually seems to annoy Blitzø, who's so convinced that Stolas could never love him that he seems like he'd almost rather things stay as they were. For all his good intentions, Stolas hasn't given Blitzø any reason to trust or forgive him, at least not yet. Bur he's trying, and I think that's important.

In my opinion, whether you have faith in this relationship ultimately depends on if you think people can truly change.

[useless-donut]

just thinking about astarion is SUCH a sweet partner? like this man was barely an adult elf when he was turned, and spent the next 200 years being abused by cazador, but like

- as the durge character, he'll be accepting and talk about your mental health and reassure you

- he'll insist on staying with your half illithid character, saying you shouldnt make his choices for him if you try to leave to protect him

- also just the dichotomy of him being explicitly vain and also explicitly not shallow is very sweet

- in that one lathanders light scene, he'll tell you he appreciates you trying to fix your mistake after you caused him IMMENSE pain

- he'll empathize with and support you if you swear your body to haarlep, noting how he's been through similar and is sorry you're going through it

- hes not jealous, his issues with sharing seem to largely come from if he thinks the other party would be okay with it (like he thinks lae'zel would spear him lol), and when someone like halsin comes along he'll happily consent

- on that note, he grows enough to be comfortable asking for support and reassurance instead of possessiveness/jealousy (not that these are the only options for that scenario, but astarions seen a lot of possessiveness in his life and its wonderful how much he avoids replicating it)

- he will always attack cazador in the final confrontation if cazador starts verbally abusing you instead of him

- he puts in the work to set boundaries that allow him to engage in an intimate (emotionally, physically, but not sexually) romantic relationship with tav and apologizes for "using" him before, when his behavior was SO understandable. and also he manipulated tav by having... consensual enjoyable sex lol. he might have ulterior motives but he never actually tries to use his sexual relationship with tav to manipulate him into doing anything

- you learn how astarion felt for Sebastian and how tender he was

- you learn about the first boy astarion couldnt bear to bring to cazador, the one he called soft and sweet (or something like that) and then was punished horribly for a straight year for it

- even when you turn to a half illithid, his main concern is you losing your agency

- if you are a full illithid, at the end of the game, some people complain about him not being ride or die, but i think he shows REMARKABLE willingness and support. what he cares about most is that you are still you, and how is he supposed to know for sure? i think asking him to stay with a type of being known for manipulation and mind control after everything he went through with cazador IS A HUGE FUCKING ASK. and he doesnt even write you off immediately? thats a lot of love right there

- if you arent illithid, he will double-check you want to plan a future with him still, and only once you affirm this will he express how badly he wants it. he's actively avoiding trying to manipulate you even

and probably more stuff im just not thinking of off the top of my head. obviously this is about the spawn route vs. ascended, but im just constantly amazed that despite EVERYTHING astarion has gone through, probably centuries without a healthy, loving relationship or even examples of that nearby, he still defaults to being kind, empathetic, and caring as soon as he gets the chance

like sure, he might be minorly evil and self-serving but personally i think thats the least he deserves

more importantly, the boys from astarions past give us a rare window into what he was like before turning into a vampire—he was gentle, empathetic lover. he was kind, he was protective. and as soon as he has the space to start looking for himself again, he goes RIGHT back to that behavior. he even self-checks for his "manipulation" and tries to correct for it

it just shatters my heart and then puts it back together hes such a wonderfully written character. astarion is allowed to be lovely AND furious and vengeful and maybe its just my raised-catholic ass, but its SO cathartic to see that a forgiveness arc is never pushed for his abuser

[penguinkyun]

chapter 155 review

cw for references to canonical unrequited incest and suicidal ideation

i wish there were enough words in all the four languages that i know to express just how much glee this chapter filled me with

but since there aren't y'all are going to have to deal with this hopefully coherent chapter review

first things first is the hikaru (part of the) revenge is over!! leaving him absolutely emotionally devastated! and also leaving me devastated because i was kinda hoping we'd finally address the AqRb Kiss from 12 chapters ago because of the very clear parallels being drawn between aqrb and hkai in terms of the toxic codependency formed between ruby-hikaru and aqua-ai respectively and the way ruby was standing outside with a dark shadow on her face (because we had no idea if she knew where the revenge was happening yet or not) but oh well. guess she does know whats happening but when she found out? who even knows. another thing offscreened sigh

also uh. about the "mama" in the internal narration. i really wish i could confidently say its aqua finally calling ai "mama" but unfortunately both aqua and ruby are in frame, ruby notably being under the text box. (also if anyone else was as confused as i was about the panelling in the beginning, ruby is already present inside the room and is following hikaru out when aqua stops her)

so it's still unclear whether its aqua speaking or ruby so i'll hold off on cheering there (and also imo that if aqua does finally call ai mama i just think it deserves to be bigger moment)

anyways this particular sequence (and the one with ichigo) raises several interesting questions which is how the fucketh did ruby know about where this retelling of the hkai breakup was taking place and also does not answer anything about rubys acting.

by that, i mean we've been told ruby somehow forgave hikaru in the movie but uh...her trying to chase after him with double black hoshigans doesnt exactly convey that she's forgiven him (and neither does her acting considering we don't see any of it. all we see is ruby thinking about if she can forgive hikaru or not in 147 and then all thats shown is her acting out ai's death without a smile on her face (unlike how ai was smiling at the end of her life. so unless that particular tidbit is being saved for later chapters who knows even)

in that same vein it sure is interesting aqua says "your revenge" is over. wonder if that has any implications (it definitely does and i will get to that in a minute)

so with aqua framing the DVD reveal as ruby's revenge being complete, its no surprise that the next few moments are ruby's homecoming.

HEY MIYAKO I THOUGHT AKASAKA FORGOT YOU

god this scene was so so cathartic to read with rubys hoshigans turning to permanent white with her homecoming from her revenge, miyako embracing both the twins and aqua finally getting to break down.

and the parallels with 124 too! in that chapter, miyako was worrying over the twins while a meal was being cooked for her, lamenting that she couldn't understand them as she wasn't their real mother but in 155, she finally gets to embrace them after making a meal for them, getting to finally comfort them in a tangible way

HER CALLING AQUA HER SON!!! FINALLY!!! SHE GETS TO DO THIS!! SHE GETS TO SAY SHES PROUD OF HIM!!! AQUA FINALLY ACCEPTING THE COMFORT HES BEEN DENYING HIMSELF FOR LITERAL YEARS!! BREAKING DOWN AT BEING TOLD HIS MOTHER IS PROUD OF HIM!!!

ahem. right so that felt incredibly good to read thank you akamengo.

(i will say that there is still that niggling thought of like. why miyako didn't follow up after being told point blank that aqua was breaking down and like. i guess you could say she knew he wouldnt accept that comfort and thus opted to wait until he would but it'd still have been nice to see a panel of her at least checking up on him because the only thing we get is her bullshit answer in 142 regarding the incest bait lol and then she just disappears from the movie arc entirely)

anyways im of two minds regarding the ichigo conversation

because if we assume aqua isnt lying here then i dont...really like the implication aqua only chose to not kill kamiki because ruby forgave him (not only because ruby clearly didnt considering her actions earlier lol) but because as a major part of his arc, aqua choosing not to kill kamiki has to be his and his own conscious choice because its been emphasised over and over that aqua cannot kill someone without causing severe psychological and physical damage to himself leading to his own death. him choosing not to kill kamiki is his choosing not to kill himself in the process and thus him consciously choosing that he wants to live.

but i think (and my theory is) that aqua was clearly lying to ichigo here because he's the one to stop ruby from going after hikaru and also because he told ruby her revenge was over. hers, not his. for ruby, her revenge consisted of ruining kamiki and the same went for ichigo. you can see his moment of deliberation here, where he pauses before answering ichigo, without meeting his eyes.

this way, in saying that rubys revenge is over, he has set it up so that both her and ichigo are now free from their self imposed duty of avenging ai (and goro for ruby), essentially giving them the same grace he had during his no hoshigan arc without letting them in on the final act of his play.

WHICH IS MISS FUYUKO NIINO, EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR HER!!

(sidenote its so funny that aqakn are both back into their love now hairstyles. and also akane saying she doesnt have to imitate ai is a textual confirmation of her purposely changing her looks to match who she wants to be like. but as is with the case of this entire arc i sure would've loved to see the character development that led her to finally letting go of ai here!)

(also justice for katayose yura finally shes mentioned again after *checks notes* around 45 chapters!)

(this is the third sidenote i should plan these out better but lmao is this what akane and aqua were doing during the movie arc?? searching for other evidence to hikaru and accidentally stumbling on nino?? itd be hilarious if the only reason nino noticed akanes stalking was because it wasn't hikaru she was stalking but nino instead lmao)

i cannot tell you the sheer delight that filled me when nino appeared. i had been wondering of her role in all this and i had the tentative theory she was also involved in the events leading to ai's death especially considering the hospital sequence because how the fuck would either ryousuke or hikaru gotten that address but man it sure is validating to see that she was somehow involved confirmed!

toxic yuri wins once again!

(that being said, as happy as i am to see nino as the final boss, i will be holding back some of my delight because how her involvement unfolds is important considering how her and ai's fight is framed as an ordinary fight between friends that would've been solved if it was anyone else in the main manga and her character in main manga.

but i suppose that is the point isn't it? love can rot and nino's certainly did, evolving into a complicated mixture of hate, love and unwavering belief in ai as the perfect idol. and well. all a fan wants is to see and help their idol rise to the top, isn't it? why should nino be any different?)

(but also yeah i have a few issues with this im not sure how to put into words ahsjd)

also please read 45510 its very important as a basis for ninos character and this twist as it is a short side story which is in her first person narration discussing her view on ai right before the movie arc!

(also def interesting aqua only attributes ryousukes, goros and yuras deaths to nino and not ai's huh)

no break week!!!

[bigskydreaming]

Last reblog - I’ll never forget one of my first interactions when getting into Batfandom again online around 2018 or 2019 or whenever I started being active in Batfandom on this blog.....I was reading a very popular prompt-response fic on Ao3, where one chapter was the author responding to a prompt to do a more cathartic take on Dick reuniting with his brothers post-Spyral.

For whatever reason, this author’s idea of a better version of this still had Dick getting punched by Jason, just then immediately make up with him afterwards, so I guess a speedrun from punch to ‘glad you’re alive’ is better, as long as the important part is Dick still gets punched? LMAO. Yeah, no. I don’t know about the person who gave the initial prompt, but I sure as hell didn’t find anything cathartic about a writer doubling down on the idea that Dick still ‘deserved’ to be greeted with violence because he’d emotionally hurt his brothers and so physical and emotional payback is necessary to balance the scales.

And I didn’t even leave a comment on the fic where it might start something publicly, I VERY politely just private messaged asking them if they’d CONSIDER posting some kind of headsup on that chapter, that it still contained Dick getting punched out on his return from Spyral by one of his siblings....because that’s not something people interested in the specific prompt of ‘cathartic take on Dick reuniting more happily with his brothers post-Spyral’ are likely expecting y’know? 

And look, for as much as Batfandom - ESPECIALLY Jason stans, which I’m pretty sure this particular writer was, primarily a Jason and Tim fan even if they did write fic for the whole Batfam - likes to go on about the tragedy and trauma of physical abuse, there is VERY little consideration in this fandom for the fact that abuse....and in specific, mentalities ABOUT abuse - can be triggering as well! Its not just stuff like sexual assault that can trigger people who are abuse AND/OR rape survivors. So I very politely and civilly, without making insinuations, accusations, attacks, etc, tried to point out that for some fans who’re abuse survivors who are disturbed by how casual and even outright permissive DC canon tends to be about physical abuse between family members, reinforcing the idea that Dick was OWED physical harm by his family to make up for his perceived crimes against them in the Forever Evil/Spyral stuff could legitimately be triggering.....

b/c it feeds into and even validates a lot of the exact same bullshit we were fed by family members justifying their own acts of harm or violence against us ‘because we deserved it.’

And I fucking AGONIZED over this message before sending it, FYI. It was before any of my overly aggressive or antagonistic tumblr posts on these topics, with a lot of my ire in those posts born FROM how all this (and other similar events) played out, but I pored over it before sending it, making sure I was being as diplomatic as possible, because I don’t know this author other than her work, I don’t know her experiences, who she is as a person, nor did I particularly CARE....I wasn’t trying to say or presume ANYTHING about that person, I was strictly interested in just getting some kind of optimal outcome from messaging them, ie getting them to reconsider their viewpoint there or at least include some kind of tag or message clarifying what the author meant by cathartic with that chapter & that it might not be as different from canon as readers might assume or hope.

Because literally my only endgoal in sending that message was so hopefully other abuse survivors didnt stumble into the exact sort of fic they - like I - might be coming to because they were seeking catharsis to MAKE UP FOR the fucked up view canon expressed about how Dick’s first encounter with his brothers post-Forever Evil should play out. 

Instead of just getting more of the same, with FURTHER validation of how he deserved that.

Of course, no matter how much I tried to ensure my message was received in the spirit it was intended....that’s not the outcome I got.

No, instead this author UNLOADED on me in her response, putting me on blast for daring to call her an abuse apologist and being a toxic stan who would make insinuations and attacks and basically call her a bad person just because I didn’t like how she treated my fave. And she definitely shared this and vented about me to all her friends, despite me making a point to message her in private rather than leave this in the comments for everyone to see, because for WEEKS afterwards I was seeing vagueblogs that were very clearly about my message, even including references to specific phrases I’d included in my message, and I heard from others that there were similar jokes and shit made about me in discord servers, etc.

All because I’d dared ask a writer to give people a headsup that they were doubling down on what some fans felt there was reason to view as validating a potentially abusive instance - ie a character accepting physical violence as penance for how he made his brothers feel.

And this, like that last reblog also said in its own examples - is EXACTLY why don’t like don’t read and curating your own content is BULLSHIT. Because it presumes that people KNOW when they’re endorsing or validating or justifying stuff that other people have ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED REASONS for viewing as harmful or toxic....and that they tag or warn appropriately.

And it further presumes that when informed that they might even UNINTENTIONALLY be perpetuating harm with a specific viewpoint or depiction of something.....that there is ever any kind of guarantee that they will accept this information or perspective gracefully, instead of perceiving it as an attack on their PERSON and innate goodness or whatever.

No matter HOW someone goes about trying to convey this perspective, either aggressively or with the utmost attempt at civility and diplomacy.

And nine out of ten times this escalates. Again, no matter HOW a person went about asking for a specific tag or to consider a specific viewpoint - which, y’know, when politeness only earns you escalation from people who won’t let shit go because they feel PERSONALLY ATTACKED by you saying hey maybe you’re not actually unproblematic in every view you’ve ever had....MAYBE there’s a reason why after YEARS of trying politeness or civility, people stop bothering with it and just say hey fuck you for this shitty viewpoint or depiction.....

But from my experience, nine out of ten times even a completely conciliatory approach only earns you vitriol and escalation from people who will absolutely go on the attack, grab all their friends, and freaking dogpile even on self-acknowledged survivors just asking you to consider adding some freaking TAGS....

Because some of you would rather throw survivors under the bus WHILE exploiting the hell out of knowing one who agrees with you (despite our experiences not being monolithic, sure is funny how the ones you agree with have in YOUR eyes the universally acceptable stance on stuff)....

Rather than just....

Sit with the idea that maybe you at some point in your life have unintentionally perpetuated a toxic or harmful mindset that you inherited or learned from previous generations, the media, or other people in your life, and didn’t think to question it because you personally had never experienced a reason TO question it before now.

LOL its funny, and I say its funny when its really not but lol you laugh so you dont scream am I right? Iykyk. But its funny how years later even just THINKING about this one fucking message I sent and what it got me in return has my hands shaking so bad its taking me three times longer than it should to write this post. I’ve had to get up and walk around at least twice to get my thoughts in order so I could finish it.

And here’s the part so many smug assholes over the years just willfully refuse to understand. I’m not TRIGGERED thinking about this cuz I’m oh so fragile. And frankly, it’d be fine if I WAS, whatever that happens to mean in your eyes, I’m just clarifying, its not the case here. LMAO. I didn’t survive a childhood of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse, I didn’t survive being gaybashed and assaulted in college, I didn’t survive years of shitty experiences as a sex worker, my fucking jaw collapsing because of longterm physical consequences of being attacked.....

By being nearly as fucking fragile as some people on this site like to convince themselves I am when I get worked up about stuff like this.

My hands aren’t shaking because I can’t handle reminders of what I’ve been through or whatever people convince themselves of while telling each other in their discord server that I really should just stay away from content I can’t deal with.

I’m fucking vibrating like I’m Wally West because years after this stupid, should have been nothing message I tried so hard to make informative and personal instead of aggressive and accusatory......

I’m still PISSED.

At how STUPID all of this is. At how HYPOCRITICAL some of you are. At how I’ve made a point practically my entire time in fandom, to be open and forthcoming about my past and traumas because if I’m going to be in fandoms obsessed with male rape survivor characters and abuse I’d rather at least let my perspective be available as a RESOURCE if anyone wants it than just stew in how I feel every time I come across a post or fic I don’t think has the slightest awareness of how its coming across.....

And the sheer volume of times I’ve had people coo at me and ooh and aww about how sorry they are for what I’ve been through like that’s REMOTELY why I talk about these topics or what I’m looking for.....

Only to see those exact same people turn around and mock me behind my back, spread lies about me, attempt to gaslight me at every possible turn into thinking I’M the problem, if I would just quietly and passively accept that people are going to reinforce and validate the very mindsets that led people to do certain shit to me in the past, that some people are interested in GETTING OFF to these mindsets, well then everyone would just be so much happier....

And meanwhile, I’ve made post after post after post about my experiences or perspectives as a male survivor that I can’t even hit double digits on, note wise, even as the stupidest of my shitposts hit triple digits and more....

When the ONLY reason I post about those topics is not because I’m interested in being any kind of authority on male rape, childhood abuse, incest, etc, or think I ever possibly COULD be just because I’m one person these things happened to, but merely because if the conversations about them are going to CONSTANTLY be happening around me whether I want them to or not, I’d at least rather have my voice be INCLUDED and CONSIDERED in those conversations instead of just having to sit there LISTENING to people offer up uninformed opinions with complete certainty they know everything that’s ever been worth THINKING about in terms of that topic and if there’s anything else, well its obviously not important or else their enlightened asses would have already instinctively known it, wouldn’t they.....

My god. Its infuriating.

And hell, I’m KEENLY aware that even with all that, I’d still loaded to the brim with cis white male privilege, so trust me when I say I TRULY do not understand how some of my friends who have to deal with shithead hypocrisy on axes I don’t have any experience on, on a DAILY basis on this site and others, put up with some of you. And its why I will ALWAYS side with them no matter how ‘aggressive’ they’re being in the face of some faux-civil asshat crying fake tears about how they’ve been accused of being a heinous person which of course justifies anything and everything they say and do in response now.

But yeah. The hypocrisy of people. The fake ‘I care so much about survivors that I’m going to make this one a running joke on my blog because he dared make me THINK about the content I churn out every week to entertain myself and my friends, the GALL.’

That’s the shit that gets me. That keeps me from joining servers myself, that has me wary of even DMing with people I only know from their notifications on my posts, because I’ve got zero interest in having a fun headcanon chat session with someone who will two days later be faux-sympathetically vagueblogging with a friend how its so sad how I can’t move past certain things or let them go even though they’re part of the reason I’m constantly re-exposed to stuff even just in the tags people add TO MY OWN POSTS.

All because some people on here are so fucking TERRIFIED of what they might find if they ever tried a little serious self-examination, they’d rather reduce self-professed survivors to tragic victims while being fully prepared to vilify them the SECOND they say something a little too real or paint a picture someone doesn’t want to see themselves in.

Because god forbid some of you figure out how to just say....

”I’m sorry. What you brought up made me insecure and nervous when I thought about how many people I might have unintentionally hurt over the years while thinking I was just having fun with my friends, so I lashed out.”

Or “I didn’t know how to handle not being as thoughtful or informed as I like to think I am, so I made you the enemy instead.”

Or “I didn’t want you to be right so I made sure I believed you were wrong.”

Or “I was immature and not ready to tackle the work this might mean I needed to do on myself, so I pretended I couldn’t see it.”

I mean, after all, the ONLY thing I ever expected or hoped for - or hell, NEEDED - from that one writer I raised as an example, from years ago - was just a simple:

“I’m sorry, I literally just never thought about it that way before but I’ll add a note so people know that’ll be in the fic.”

That’s it. That’s all that was ever needed. I didn’t need or want their life story, their penance, them to fall over themselves making it about me or my trauma just because I brought it up, I didn’t expect them to shift their whole worldview from a single message.

Just a simple acknowledgment that I and my viewpoint were not unreasonable, and hey, maybe they’re not perfect and there’s still more work to be done on some mindsets or viewpoints they’ve always taken for granted.

The end.

(Or at least, it could’ve been).

[ourgreatergood]

⭐star⭐

Thank you so much! <3

So, let me tell you about the evolution of "The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore"

Even though "all too well" is definitely more popular and also close second in my favorite stories, its older sister is still even closer to my heart.

I literally started writing Life and Lies almost ten years ago. I wrote it in German (my first language) and I wrote it in the span of one summer. I wrote it after I experienced terrible heartbreak and (at least emotionally) the whole impact of my dysfunctional family dynamics came crashing down on me and honestly it just felt like my world was collapsing - in short, I was suffering from severe depression and adjustment disorder. And I did what I've done my whole life to survive: I started living in my head even more than usually and I wrote to stay some kind of sane. And what did I write? Which fictional character had to suffer for me? Of course Albus. Always Albus.

You have to imagine at this point in time all the grindeldore information I have is from the HP books and from a couple interviews with the author. No CC in sight, not even dreaming of FB ever happening.

In the beginning it was three parts: Summer of 1899, Ariana incident and the Duel in 1945 and they were actually written in that order. Only much later I put them together and filled the blanks to form one cohesive story.

Now, in the very first version of the summer of 1899 Albus and Gellert kissed exactly once. I was still going by the whole unsure if Gellert returned Albus's feelings kind of vibe - I always believed he did, but at this point I believed he was only going to be aware of it much much later in life. (At this point shout out to some exceptionally inspiring fanfic, a character study of Gellert in Nurmengard. It's German, but if you understand that, give it a read! Nebel über Nurmengard)

I wrote Albus very in love and Gellert being very manipulating.

And there's more: The first version of the 1945 duel? Albus was almost ready to confront Gellert, after years of everyone begging him. Almost. He went to meet him and he still tried to talk Gellert out of his whole war one last time. Gellert, in turn, offered Albus to join him again and when Albus declined, what was the breaking point for Albus to get his courage up to fight? It was Gellert telling him that he had been manipulating him all along - and believe me, he was cruel at that. (Of course it was always up to the reader to decide whether to believe Gellert or not and the story was always going to end with making it clear that at least in later life Gellert realised that he'd loved Albus all along.)

I swear to you I think I have never written anything as painful as those early versions of Life and Lies. I remember very well that I cried writing some of it, but I'd sworn I would stay true to canon (at the time) and just fill in the missing scenes. I think, looking back now, that it was very cathartic for me, that I needed exactly that but, boy, am I glad that I get to write a different story today - canonically!

That story was edited so many times over the years, I can't even count and tbh I would have to edit it again with FB and all, but I won't. That's what it's got its sister for now.

(Honestly, feel free to ask further questions about this. I'm not sure I've still got the early versions, but I remember them so well lol.)

[aihoshiino]

what's your #1 chapter/moment? by character if you're up to writing another essay

"if you're up to writing another essay". you guys know me so well <3

For the sake of not taking like 8 weeks to answer this ask, I'll limit this to just the Hoshinos for now.

Ai: So, my actual fave Ai moment is not from the manga itself so I'll pick my fave manga moment then talk about my actual fave moment. It's fine, she's my favourite so she gets preferential treatment!!!! (saitou behaviour……)

From the manga itself, my favourite Ai moment is her death, believe it or not lol. I'm one of the Oshi no Sickos who think her arc being capped by her death is narratively speaking the perfect conclusion to everything we learn about her life – the entertainment industry ruined every opportunity Ai ever had at a normal life up to and having that conclude with Ai's literal, actual life being taken by an embodiment of the misogyny and violence that's been inflicted on her since she was a child is such a miserable, cathartic bit of tragedy. But moreso than that, what resonates with me so strongly about this moment is how Ai responds to it - or rather, how she fails to respond.

Even though it would make so much sense for her to be bitter or angry or upset, she makes an active choice to spend her last moments alive pouring out love and literally spends her last breaths on telling Ruby and Aqua she loves them. It says so, so much about what a deeply kind and incredibly strong person Ai is that she was able to do that.

My actual favourite Ai moment is her conversation with Kyun in Viewpoint B and the reveal that their meeting in the park was so impactful to Ai that it lead her to consider Kyun her closest friend for years afterwards. Like her death, the way Ai goes out of her way to approach Kyun and try to reach out to her speaks so deeply so her kindness and her desire to connect with other people and there's a little part of me that always wonders if maybe if this fleeing friendship had come to pass for real, Ai might have been saved. At the very least, there's something bitterly sweet about knowing that for as alone as Ai was in B-Komachi, she had someone she called a friend even so.

Aqua: Honestly, I love so many Aqua moments, it's hard to pick just one but I will never be over the Piyeon ruse. Aqua was so put out by the girl he has a crush on not talking to him that he dressed as a bodybuilding chicken with a squeaky voice for a week. Literally the most teenage thing any teenager in this series has done. Embarrassing ass kid.

My actual serious answer is Aqua's breakdown during Tokyo Blade - specifically, the 'internal' scenes where he's confronted by both Goro and his younger self. These are so, so important for getting at the core of who Aqua really is and they're honestly bone-chilling to read. Seeing Goro as this malicious, intrusive force who is preventing Aqua from being happy, seeing the words he batters Aqua with and realizing that this is the kind of shit Aqua probably thinks about himself every day honestly kind of turns my stomach a bit! It's clear before this that Aqua struggles with self-hate and self-blame but seeing the sheer extent of it is so horrible.

That this confrontation essentially climaxes in the hallway where Ai died, with Aqua face to face with his younger self, also underlines something that's really fundamental to understanding who Aqua is; at his core, Aqua has never stopped being that little boy covered in his mother's blood. He has, emotionally speaking, never been able to leave that hallway and until he allows himself to do so, he's going to continue self destructing and taking everyone down with him.

It's honestly the scene I'm most excited to see animated... season 2 can't come soon enough!!!

Ruby: Without a doubt it has to be her and Ai's dance practice scene back in volume 1, but especially in the anime's portrayal of it. I think OnK's handling of the past life stuff is at its best in moments like this, where it actually meaningfully engages with what it would mean for someone to carry such deep trauma from their past and how it would continue to affect them going forward. We get little hints of this leading up to it, like Ruby outright saying she's never thought about her future (implicitly because she was aware she would not have one as Sarina) and the way she so enthusiastically gives her all to playing and having fun with other kids at school - because those are things that she never got to do as Sarina. But her dance scene and her thoughts leading up to it really hammer in just how deeply this has affected Ruby - she spends almost three years living with the expectation that at any moment, her body will betray and hurt her for seemingly no reason to the point that it affects how she walks and carries herself moment to moment.

This is also a really good Ai moment for her as a moment and it also highlights something really special about Ai and Ruby's relationship I feel we don't get as much post-timeskip; how genuinely healing and wonderful their connection was for both of them. I've talked before about the running motif of toxic motherhood on Oshi no Ko and how Ai, as a character, is sort of a refutation of the other shitty oshi no moms in the series. Knowing that both Ai and Ruby are victims of toxic mothers, it makes it so deeply, incredibly powerful that these two victims find healing and acceptance in each other and the genuinely loving and supportive mother/daughter bond they have with each other.

The anime's version of this scene is also just easily one of its biggest highlights for me. The gorgeous colours, the overlapping of Sarina and Ruby's voices and the palpable affection Ruby and Ai have for each other... it's just so lovely and it makes me a little teary-eyed every time I watch it. The transformation of Sarina's sorrow into Ruby's joy and empowerment is such an important foundational part of Ruby's arc in the first part of the series and I'm so glad the anime really got it right.

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

Okay give us the TC movie ranking, and know Punct and I will be taking notes

Also have you seen Collateral yet bc yooooooooooooooooo

I have not I need to see it!!!! I might make another ranking once I’ve seen more of his films cause the list isn’t That long rn. There are so many of his movies on my to-watch list

So far of his movies I have seen: all the MI films, Edge of Tomorrow, The Firm, Risky Business, Oblivion, Jerry Maguire, Top Gun, and Top Gun Maverick. For those films, my ranking is below (top to bottom):

1. Mission: Impossible (specifically 1,5,6,7 but I’m partial to 2 and he does great acting in 3 and 4 so I’m just gonna put the whole franchise at the top for simplicity’s sake. This is my least objective ranking cause I love this fucking franchise) I just think MI is neat. I think TC has had a chance to do something really unusual with Ethan Hunt and I really fucking love it. The movies are excellent action films but they also just consistently feel personal and well crafted and thoughtful. Love this franchise so fucking much

2. Risky Business—honestly I can’t say enough good things about this movie. It’s emotionally complex and emotionally unusual and hurts to watch in a cathartic way that sticks with you. This might be some of TC’s best acting although there’s also just a very particular awkwardness and vulnerability to the role that he doesn’t usually get to portray in his later films. I don’t want to be the guy that says his best acting was when he was young, and I don’t think that’s true, but his acting was definitely fucking spectacular when he was young

3. Top Gun: Maverick. TC is beyond excellent in this movie. He holds up most of the main emotional threads (gonna say something blasphemous to TGM fans here but when I watched it I felt like the only actor who truly kept pace with him was Val Kilmer in their one scene together.) it’s a testament to him that the movie is as strong as it is. And it is really strong!!

4. Edge of Tomorrow—this is a personal thing for me I could see the Firm being ranked over EOT but I like EOT better. Bottom line for me if I had to choose one of them to watch I would choose EOT every time. TC is so great and expressive and funny in it and Emily Blunt is just epic as Rita and even though I have some issues with it they’re pretty nitpicky. I like that it’s a very genre-standard movie that has its own ideas, and there are some really interesting moments where the movie Does Something that’s surprising and emotional and doesn’t just follow the formula. But it’s also just entertaining. I feel like it’s more than the sum of its parts and I loved it more than I expected to. It’s the kind of movie that I can’t help engaging with when I watch, which wasn’t the case with the Firm, I felt like I had to “buy in”

5. Top Gun—yes I know I just said firm could be ranked above EOT. I also feel like it could be ranked above Top Gun cause I do think Firm is a more well done film. I expected to like Top Gun more than I did…but the things I did like about it hit me hard and left an impression. What I really liked about it was literally just Mav and Goose. Goose is the fucking center of the movie and Mav works as a character because of his relationship with Goose. The scenes with them got to me hard, shout-out to “you’re the only family I’ve got,” gotta be one of my favorite crying wailing moments. This might be controversial but I didn’t like Charlie and that weakened the film for me

6. The Firm—pros of this movie, Jeanne Tripplehorn. She’s stunning in it. I love TC and he does good work here but he never gets to her level. Cons, the suspense didn’t totally hit (although I know people who thought it totally did so that might be me) and the emotional beats didn’t really impact me they just landed and I thought oh that’s interesting. I never went rabid which for me is a necessity to recommend a movie highly, although it’s a personal thing and isn’t based on movie quality

7. Oblivion—I am actively angry at this movie because it has so much potential and it does not work. I would 10/10 watch it again to yell at the screen and go apeshit over the scenes that hit and be filled with disappointment and rage and shut my laptop feeling deeply unsatisfied and highly emotionally affected. It’s a solid watch, the aesthetic sense is amazing (I would give it all up for TC in white leather) and it’s very entertaining. What I loved about it was that it had these striking and unexpected emotional beats. And then just when I felt invested it would shapeshift into a standard schlocky sci fi action film. To the point of undermining and sacrificing all the emotion it already set up. And in the end you come out of it having seen something that feels emotional and tense and thoughtful and meaningful—like 50% of the time—but completely falls apart thematically when faced with a stiff breeze. There are parts of this movie that literally haunt me. And there are parts of this movie that are just bog-standard, amateurish. And I’m so mad about it. This is the kind of movie that makes you plot out The Secret Good Version in your head at 2 am (guess what I was doing at 2 am last night)

8. Jerry Maguire—I HATE putting this movie here!! Because I know (/know of) two people whose lives were directly impacted by seeing this movie, one of whom became the concertmaster of the New York Philharmonic after seeing this movie, and I watched it years ago and it was my first experience with TC and I wanted to like it so badly. And I just didn’t. It did not work for me. I would really like to see it again to see if it works better now that I’m. Was I even a legal adult back then? God knows. Passage of time is a mindfuck. Anyway I don’t actually believe this is the worst of these movies I just didn’t connect with it for some reason and I might see it again in case that changes on rewatch

[deathbydarkelves]

As much as I think the whole Amirdrassil plot is happening WAY too fast in the in-universe timeline (Teldrassil was, like, 5 or 6 years ago as of DF? I think? Less than a decade, anyway), I think it could maybe work if it were on a longer timescale. I don't buy that an until-very-recently-immortal people would be so quick to be like "oh no! okay let's plant another tree and try again :)" I'm not that invested in it, mostly because Amirdrassil's existence relies on Shadowlands and thus clashes directly with my AU, which I just inherently find more fun because I designed it to be fun for me, but I do find the contrast between Blizzard's "kaldorei healing" plot and my "kaldorei healing" plot interesting. Blizzard's is all about them trying to move forward (at least at its center), which is fair enough, that's totally reasonable. And mine is... kind of them going a little bit backwards, actually. They outright leave the Alliance and become a semi-isolationist nation and work to rebuild/reclaim/heal the land they have, versus,, well, whatever's gonna happen after 10.2.

Neither's better than the other, I think they're both valid ways to approach a story like this. I like mine more, of course, but I don't actually think it's objectively superior. On principle anyway, I don't think it makes any sense for the kaldorei to stay in the Alliance even in the canon timeline but fine, whatever.

Like I said, Blizzard's plot would work better for me if it was on a longer timescale and, uh, if Shadowlands hadn't been so tone-deaf about the entire Teldrassil plot </3 And if they would actually address the still war-torn kaldorei territories in northern Kalimdor and also the giant, horizon-splitting husk of a once-thriving city and ecosystem that would realistically be visible for miles inland. It feels very weird to move on to just making a new tree without addressing the remains of the one before! I know that's a really fucking heavy topic but even I, random autistic internet user, have some ideas! Like:

You know how after forest fires, the seeds that were safe underground or were brought in by wind and birds start sprouting? And the odd tree that miraculously survived starts putting out little branches of bright green, startling against its own blackened bark?

yeah... Teldrassil itself isn't gonna regrow, mind you. It's gone. But the island will. Lichens and grasses will start growing around the base again, then flowers, then bushes, then trees. And I would cry if Blizzard did that. And I WILL cry when I eventually write the scene revealing that.

I suppose there's a bit of a parallel "new growth" theme there, but in my opinion it feels a lot more cathartic and almost rewarding(?) to have that regrowth coming directly from the injury itself, as opposed to just growing a whole new tree. But that's me, and I like my fantasy a bit more grounded and emotionally-driven. WoW is... WoW lol.

[lepoppeta]

For the song asks, idk if you’ve spoken about it on here but you told me about it: VaggieBomb

this was INSANELY DIFFICULT because i know approximately what kind of vibe i want from vaggiebomb (also known as cherrimoth, but since vaggie is no longer a moth demon i guess that ship name isnt accurate anymore), its just that all of the songs out there are... WAY too much. i like to imagine their relationship as (eventually) relatively low-key, even in their private lives. any grand gestures are usually meant ironically.

for context -- this pairing stems from a teeny tiny au i created way back when the pilot first got released. the basis was that vaggie gets sick of being constantly pushed around by alastor and ignored by her girlfriend, and she breaks up with charlie and leaves the hotel. she later joins up with cherri bomb and relieves some of her anger via cathartic gang violence (this leads to sir pentious seeking refuge at the hotel, resulting in charpentious, but thats a different story altogether).

i also prefer finding these songs out of ones i already know -- looking for something new almost never works out, and i dont get attached to the song that way. i hope i didnt disappoint!

seventeen (heathers: the musical, sung by barrett wilbert weed & ryan mccartan)

fine! were damaged -- really damaged, but that does not make us wise. were not special, were not different, we dont choose who lives or dies. lets be normal, see bad movies, sneak a beer or watch tv. well bake brownies, well go bowling -- dont you want a life with me?

pretty much all of these songs are from cherris point of view. its easier for me to imagine these coming from her because (at least in the pilot) shes much more emotionally stable -- shes already experienced her story (if were to assume that her previous failed relationship mentioned in the 'addict' music video is still canon here) and is now meant to be a character that the viewer is meant to compare the main cast to.

this is a little ooc on her part, but here shes meant to be attempting to persuade vaggie with an attempt at normalcy -- something that they both really want after their previous relationships crashed and burned spectacularly. she wants low-key -- she isnt a princess in need of protection, she IS and WANTS to be vaggies equal, and i think someone like that would benefit vaggie a lot in terms of character development.

sit next to me (foster the people)

and now its over, were sober -- symptoms of the culture and the night aint getting younger, last calls around the corner. feeling kinda tempted and im pouring out the truth -- just fading out these talkers cause now all i want is you.

just saying -- come over here sit next to me, we can see where things go naturally. just say the word and ill part the sea, just come over here sit next to me.

this adds on to what i said previously -- how non-dramatic id like to imagine this relationship to be. it blossoms very naturally under mutual trust and respect -- once vaggie stops acting like an angry guard dog, that is.

stuck on the puzzle (lily & madeline, original by alex turner)

im not the kind of fool whos gonna sit and sing to you about stars, girl. but last night i looked up into the dark half of the blue and theyd gone backwards. something in your magentism must have pissed them off, forcing them to get an early night. i have been searching from the bottom to the top for such a sight as the one i caught when i saw your

fingers dimming the lights like youre used to being told that youre trouble, and i spent all night stuck on the puzzle.

i dont imagine cherri or vaggie to be particularly sappy, but they can be romantic in casual ways. this song simply expands upon that vibe.

[azrielgreen]

Hi Az! this is the most random unserious question but how did you decide/come up with your AO3 name ? It always makes me smile and gives me a bit of a chuckle because you see this author who posts some of the most beautiful, fucked up gut wrenching and emotionally cathartic pieces of writing i’ve ever come across and it has been posted under such a humorous name and I mean this in the best way possible it seriously brings me so much joy and I’m not exactly sure why? Maybe because it counteracts the wrecked emotional state your work leaves me in (again in the best way possible) and reminds me everything is going to be ok

I'm CACKLING at this one, superb question!! So I've been writing fanfic for many years now and I orphan a lot of stuff, it's just my process. I also used to use several AO3 accounts. The main one i had, had a very pretty, impressive username and with the more disposable ones, i would just make one up randomly.

Oonionchiver (sigh) is a "pLay oN wORds", how clever Az, regarding AO3. ArCHIVE. Three O's. Literally, it was the dumbest shit ever but who cares, its a disposable name.

After I started getting aggressively stalked by someone on AO3 and elsewhere, I deleted my main account, orphaned everything and this was the only account I kept, when I started writing again back in 2019. I was very small-time and still having a blast in a rare-pair corner of the sky, so I didnt care that I had a stupid name.

NOW I HATE THAT NAME MORE THAN ANYTHING😭😭😭😭😭 and I'm stuck with it😭😭😭😭 ugh. But anyway, at least it's distinct😑😑😑 most people who know me, call me Az although a few people very lovingly call me OONIE which is find hilarious. At some point, I'll change it again but for now i am well and truly stuck with ArCHIVE Of Our Own oonionchiver.

Thank you so much for asking, this made me crack up. 💜💜💜

[fortheloveofexy]

🕯️ 💥 💞 (@stabbyfoxandrew's main)

I just noticed there are two 🕯 questions on the ask game. Not sure which one you meant so I will just answer both!

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

I think that positive engagement with fandom can really be a powerful motivator. Part of it is the dopamine hit you get from making something good that a lot of people like, but I also think that even just the smallest positive interaction with others can really build friendship and community.

I have friends whom I've known for years now, and our friendship started because we both agreed Andrew is beefy and got very loud and passionate about it! I have friends whom I only got to know because I was a new fandom author in need of beta readers. Hell, I've made friends with people because we were excited to talk about the omegaverse!

I think the important thing with fandom interactions is to remember that there is a full and complete human behind every username, and that fandom-related stuff is only as serious as you want it to be.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Of all the fics I've written, More Than Words has been the hardest by far. I decided going into this fic that I wanted to incorporate a lot of elements and experiences from my own childhood into it, and that includes both good and bad experiences.

It has required that I examine memories and emotions I've long since tucked away, and that has been both deeply painful and extremely cathartic. Each chapter is emotionally exhausting to write, but it feels necessary to do so, both because I think it will help me process some shit and because I feel like it's a story that needs to be told.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

I'm gonna narrow this down to least kudos'd completed fic because I know there are some people who hold off on leaving kudos until a work is finished. So let's talk about And Baby, I'll Shut Up.

I'm actually quite happy with this one. It was a gift for my dear friend @halfpintpeach. I've never tried to write a fic based on a song before, so it was an interesting challenge to try an incorporate the lyrics and shape the themes of the song into a workable plot. In the end it's a very simple little fic, but I like the imagery and the prose quite a bit, so I'm happy with how it turned out.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

For me, it's the characters, always. I find that things like plot, worldbuilding and grammar cease to matter if your characters are not relatable, if not loveable. I love it when characters feel like fleshed out, real people, like friends I've never met and yet deeply know.

My technical writing is merely okay. I don't get too stressed about things like grammar - so long as it's readable and not distracting, I don't much care. I could spend ages perfecting it but really, it's not a big deal. The only thing I am really particular about is spelling, but that's because I personally find it distracting.

In my opinion, my prose is more serviceable than beautiful, and I'm okay with that. It's something I'd like to get better at in the long term, but honestly I think my prose being on the simpler side sometimes works in my favor, bc it means my writing is really approachable and easy to read.

It might not have the most interesting or stimulating turns-of-phrase, but I do think it lends itself to telling a story that just sucks you in. If prose is a window through which a story is viewed, then my window is floor to ceiling glass - its simple and unobtrusive, it does not stand out so it does not get in the way.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Okay I'm using this ask to share some thoughts (not hate!) regarding Tae's album.

I've always had difficulty "getting" Taehyung, and he's the member I relate least to despite his vibes matching mine pretty well. But his songs kinda hit home for me, and I was looking forward to his album because it could be something entirely unique in terms of the sound. His voice is amazing, his love for jazz could really shine- maybe even sth operatic. I loved all the solo albums thus far, as well as the solo songs (except dreamers because I don't touch the whole Qatar world cup stuff), but Love Me Again just completely disappointed me.

The lyrics are unimaginative and repetitive, and the melody is just...weird? I barely could finish watching it once. It's not generic, just forgettable (whereas f.e. Harry Styles' music is maybe generic by virtue of being pop but definitely not forgettable).

The MV is a thing I can't be bothered to analyse because the song gives me no motivation to go look at it. The MV for Set Me Free pt 2 wasn't overly complex (compared to Like Crazy, other BTS productions or the AgustD trilogy), but the song was so good you wanted to connect the lyrics to the poem on his chest & the choreography. There was depth. Layers!

If it was sth Tae had his fingers in, I'd just accept it but learning now that he wasn't actually involved is just confusing. After witnessing the care, love and soul the other members put into their releases, it feels off-putting (say what you will about seven but the sheer meme-ness of the MV is worth its existence. Also JK being constantly infantilized by ppl younger than him, and him doing such a song is very liberating). Like this album was just something he thought he had to do because the others were doing it? An afterthought. Maybe I'm being unkind, maybe I shouldn't expect BTS to always write emotionally cathartic pieces about the human experience.

But after crying to The Astronaut, being shocked by JitB, pondering life to Indigo, getting my world rocked by Face and going through every human emotion ever conceived with D-Day this fell flat. Every other BTS member has proven with their solo albums that they're more, that they have depth and complexity in both who they are and how they use music. That there's a point to what they're doing. I'm holding off on JK because I'm somewhat hopeful he will release a full album, and from what we've seen from him (Magic Shop, Decalcomania, Still With You etc) he could do something just as emotionally meaning as his hyungs (The pressure on him is insane).

I've never not cared about a release. I've never checked out of promotions. I won't go around spreading my opinions. One because I just don't care that much, and two because I feel like Taehyung's fans tend to be more toxic - even non solo just regular Tae biased army.

Tl;dr: If you don't want to have a deep song (which is fine) at least don't make it boring both musically and visually, and don't just hint at concepts (through clothes or set design) but commit.

Well, I understand what you mean. I just listened to Love Me Again and Rainy Days again, and they're pretty nice songs, but not really my style. Having both pre-releases be so similar is a bit unexciting too, as are the MVs are. Overall nothing V has done lately has been exciting to me. But that's okay. There's tons of BTS content I haven't watched. I haven't even watched Yoongi's D-Day tour. I'm busy and it feels like too much pressure to watch everything even if no one is making me. I didn't expect to care about V's debut since I wasn't looking forward to it (in the sense that I just didn't care much, no offense to V, I do love him but he feels distant from me) so I'm not disappointed, but I think he had the potential to do a lot more and it's still a bit sad he likely won't blow it out of the park with his debut, like Jikook did, in very different ways (even if I had major complaints with their debuts, they did surprise people and challenge people's images of them).

Thanks for the ask! You shouldn't worry about sharing your opinions. If you knew the amount of hate asks I deleted when I shared my not so positive Seven opinions... There was one private message and a reply to my post as well...

[kylewalker-peters]

I know you're tags about 'are all these men irreplaceable blobs to you' and that post in general is a little tongue in cheek but I genuinely think that's how far far too many football fans actuality see players. I'll spare the anti-capitalism rant but like basically they're treated as commodities by the clubs and fifa etc. and that translates to the fans (and media) as well. just look at the language we use for transfers, it's incredibly dehumanising. If we all picked a 'flop' to unapologetically root for it probably would make fan culture an awful lot better because at least they'd be far more people seeing players as human beings or even just praising them for the shit they do right

lemme do a read more cause i think I'm just rambling to be cathartic and it's a Friday afternoon and i don't wanna do any damn work.

god, the way that football organisations treat players is insane like i'd like to see anyone making decisions about the football calendar and adding more and more matches into a season try and do that themselves let alone pushing a bunch of athletes to do it year in year out. fuck me the fact we have 2 instances of UEFA going "i know the incident that just happened to you (bus bombing/ teammate resuscitated on the pitch) was traumatic but like could you please just get on with playing the silly little football game now anyway? thanks xx"

i think "treat players as humans" is literally the easiest thing in the world to do and the fact there are many fans that fail to clear that bar is just.... holy shit. idk if it's because of the wealth they earn or because their job is essentially "kick about with my mates every week" that makes people feel as though they can go and abuse them on social media or whatever but it's such an insane mindset to have.

i think because so much comes down to player performance our approach to players obviously enters more nuanced and complex territory than just treat people with respect/don't harrass people to the point they have to limit their insta comments (which is what spurs fans did to royal and i wish those people a very get hit over the head with a brick). this comes into like you said the language used for players where you know... they're there to be bought and sold. and obviously no team can afford to carry players or should keep players that aren't good enough that would be bad. i've said multiple times i'd dropkick players to the antarctic 5th division when the team is playing like crap.

but idk if it's just because i could get emotionally attached to a piece of dust but the way some fans approach players is just so distant to me???? sometimes it feels as though the aim is more to just criticise and nitpick rather than support and cheer on (eg royal or ryan). and it's frustrating as hell to have a player go out there that isn't very good, I'm not saying fans have to be super positive and like every player all the time, I don't myself. but even players like hugo who have genuinely earned a shit ton of good will and love from being here for over a decade are seeing none of it. not that we shouldn't say he's past his prime or should be dropped but fans are rewriting his legacy at the club or just slagging him off in ways that are genuinely so mean you'd think he played for arsenal. like there's just no sadness about him coming to the end.

and especially when your team is shite it's more fun to root for an outside player's success. i get that when your team is bad you feel less connected to the team and its players but i think if you then choose to root for someone, literally anyone, in that squad you're going to have a better time. shit I've been saying ryan redemption season since 2019, i had the Sissoko Goal Campaign, my URL is bloody KWP. like as a fan you don't need to be as clinical and cutthroat as the board of a football club you can actually inject some love and passion and emotional connection into your football watching experience

wait no the better example is tripps having his dogshite season and i was obviously critical of his performances and shit but it was always coming from a place of love and shit and i was so upset when he left you wouldn't believe. like you can literally have the best of both worlds i wish people would embrace that

[mylifeincinema]

My Best of 2022: Non-2022 Films

My Best of 2022 is a series of annual lists in which I pick the best of the best from 2022, all leading up to my official picks for My Top 10 Films of 2022.

Only a handful of these even belong on any sort of ‘best of’ list. But, as I only saw somewhere like 20 first-time non-2022 films, here we are. Oh well...

1. Drive My Car (Ryûsuke Hamaguchi, 2021)

A staggering cinematic achievement. How not one second of this three-hour film is anything less than enrapturing is a true testament to the power of humanity in film. All aspects work together beautifully, here, to bring a refreshing, heartfelt, emotionally cathartic story of mourning and the connection between life and art. The source material lays a rock-solid foundation upon which Ryûsuke Hamaguchi & Co. build a quietly compelling piece of cinema. With the Academy’s love for this, I really see no logical reason how Hidetoshi Nishijima wasn’t nominated in the Lead Actor category over Javier Bardem, he was magnificent.

2. The Raid: Redemption (Gareth Evans, 2011)

Oh… damn… badass action flick is badass. How the hell did I not see this sooner?!?

3. The Cincinnati Kid (Norman Jewison, 1965)

I’ve long loved Rounders, so its really strange it took me this long to see this one. McQueen is solid, but Robinson steals the show. Jewison’s direction sets a fantastic pace. And then there’s Ann-Margaret… yikes!

4. Cyrano (Joe Wright, 2021) 

That “Wherever I Fall” sequence, though... That scene tore my heart right out of my chest. Wow.

The rest of this is quite phenomenal, as well. Dinklage’s performance was stellar, and despite his singing voice not being the strongest (especially when paired against Haley Bennett’s), his numbers made for emotionally overwhelming pieces. On the technical side, this was an all-around feast, boasting production design, costumes, cinematography - not to mention the abundance of music not singled out - that were nothing short of beautiful.

5. Kodachrome (Mark Raso, 2018)

Holy shit… Elizabeth Olsen is so effortlessly gorgeous, here. Damn. The beginning features a giant, don’t-fucking-do-it move on Sudeikis’ part when he gives the venue security guard attitude for telling him he needs to have his pass on, and that seriously annoyed me, so the fact that I ended up liking his character at all throughout the rest of the film is some solid character work on his part. Ed Harris was unsurprisingly solid. Overall not the best, most original or insightful film of its kind, but the cast is really good and living in both the live music world and the photography world as I do, there was a bunch here for me to like. Especially Elizabeth Olsen, though. Seriously… Damn.

6. The Shop Around the Corner (Ernst Lubitsch, 1940)

James Stewart really is one of my all-time favorite actors. He’s just always so damn good. I also love me some Lubitsch, yet for some reason I have so many blind spots with him. Anyway, I know we live in completely different times, but even looking through the scope of the time, that ending seemed a bit forced. Still a delightful film overall, but she must’ve been really desperate to let the shit he pulled go.

7. Timecrimes (Nacho Vigalondo, 2008)

A cool, little contained time travel thriller. I’d almost rented this dozens of times back when I worked at Blockbuster Video, but never pulled the trigger. It’s weird and twisty and surely ridden in plot-holes, but damn was it an enjoyable ride.

8. Red Rocket (Sean Baker, 2021)

I was surprised by how much I actually ended up liking this despite totally despising our lead character. There’s a white-trash charm to it, I guess? Or, at the very least, a clear sense of authenticity that pulls you into the film effectively. I’m still not a fan of Baker’s tendency to use non-professional actors, though. It’s distracting in the wrong way.

9. Parallel Mothers (Pedro Almodóvar, 2021)

I don’t really have a lot to say about this one. Cruz was magnificent, and more than earned that Oscar nod, but other than that I had trouble getting emotionally invested, and was therefore left cold by the end.

10. The King’s Man (Matthew Vaughn, 2021)

It has its moments, and Ralph Fiennes is awesome, but mostly it left me wanting for more. The first of these movies was so wonderfully over-the-top that the few scenes that come near that level, here, just don’t quite satisfy.

Enjoy!

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

Next Up: Assorted (Animated Feature, Foreign Film, Editing, Screenplay, Etc.)

More of My Best of 2022...

[runn1ngn0se]

Aster, bee balm for ask game?

Aster: Who’s your least favorite character? Why?- Sandgorse Tallstar's Revenge was, for about 75% of its runtime, such a fantastic book about the harm that comes from bending over backwards to please the people who don't love you and want to change who you are, and how fixing yourself requires you to shift your focus to the people who love you unconditionally for who you are (very fitting for the gay book), but then having everything Sandgorse did to his son completely swept under the rug without even an apology is such bullshit that completely tarnishes the themes up to that point. I still love that book for a lot of the other things its gets very right, but thats what makes Sandgorse's forgiveness so frustrating, that its the one thing that keep a great book from reaching full God Tier on my tier list. Bee Balm: What is your favorite Super Edition or Novella? Bluestar's Prophecy and Hollyleaf's Story are my favs of their formats, but they are both very linked to a very bad time emotionally in my life that I'm not really willing to open up about to strangers on the internet, making them difficult to really talk about in detail. What I willing say though is that BSP (and Bluestar's entire character arc) is a very cathartic book to read while in the middle of a depression, and HLS is a great book to read after having dug yourself out of a depression and are able to reflect on the process of digging yourself out.