#its the potential undiagnosed neurodivergence

[snazum]

this is just me theorizing and I haven't actually read any theories yet AND this is gonna be half baked cause I just want to put my surface thought so far into the world.

Wayne did say there was a deeper meaning behind HLAGE. And that it meant a lot to him (If i'm remembering correctly.)

And I think they said that gnome chompski representing chat was close and/or correct. Could the series sort of be a representation towards how he feels about streaming and creation? Having the gnome AKA "chat" take over and play HL2 sort of like a representation of having this giant shadow of what people want for HLVRAI2 sort of thing.

And also having this sort of love hate relationship. And growing fond of the gnome anyways, to the point that he realizes he misses the gnome when it's gone. (Never thought I realized idk the gnomes pronouns).

Uhhh there's more but I can't put word into thought yet. Take this as a demo???? Of my thoughts. I guess.

[crescentbea02]

It's always people (my own family included) constantly try to tell me out on getting tested for ADHD saying I don't have any traits when those same traits they claim I don't have were criticized by those same people my entire life

[p2ii]

I'm so glad fictional characters exist because if they didn't I probably would've converted to another religion and have been worse off for it

[mlembug]

Saw the tags on the post about that egregious article about estranged families and I just wanted to say that there are good parents out there shockingly. Not mine! Mine suck ass but my husband's parents are amazing. They have close positive relationships with both their adult children, are loving and supportive grandparents, and treat me like their own child. It's mind boggling tbh

Also my husband is almost definitely on the spectrum and both me and my kid are autistic and when my kid was little and undiagnosed my MIL was my example of how to parent and it was all "oh yeah if they won't eat certain things that's fine" and "they can hide in the cupboard if they are overwhelmed" etc. It was a revelation that parents can just be nice and patient and understanding and supportive. I know it seems fake but parenting doesn't have to be abusive

Guess I should clarify what I consider the distinction between "parents" and "parenting". A parent (the person), as part of their role as a parent (the role) has unrestricted access to the child, and what are they doing to the child is not visible from the outside, majority of the time.

Now, I can totally believe there are parents (persons) who treat their children with respect. They are still in a position of power as a parent (the role) and they are capable of using that power if they want to use it though. Similarly an employer is in power over their employees even if they're a "good boss" - we have to specifically rely on the parent to use their power "responsibly", where ideally parents (the role) would not have as much power as they currently have.

The current workaround for that seems to be public education where the child is not 100% of the time under the parent's supervision and we hope that the school and teachers are capable of noticing potential abuse signs and raise an alarm, but parents and teachers are capable of cooperating to further isolate the child, and also the school system is capable of abusing the children on its own too, especially if they're not white and/or neurodivergent and/or queer.

The "family abolition" movements have more words on this issue, but I'm not familiar with their proposed solutions on this.

[yellow-dress-basil]

I’m in my PHP now (had 2 full days so far) and one thing they send us all is the Neurodivergent DBT workbook and it is a GAME CHANGER.

One of the first things I did in the workbook was identify my self care needs and areas of needed support. It was eye opening when I actually put it all down on paper one at a time.

So these are my “wheels”

(Before moving on - TLDR: My level 1 diagnosis is probably wrong and my history of trauma and my disabilities make it nearly impossible to function but I don’t know how to make people understand that)

The first one shows where I have the most skills and strengths.

The second one shows how much each area takes from my quality of life. (Didn’t realize it was this bad tbh, I had been minimizing it)

The third one shows my support needs level in each area.

Like its so clear to me that I’m more than a level 1 support needs but learned (through bullying and trauma) everything I needed to somewhat successfully interact in public so I got labelled level 1.

I went and looked back at my full neuropsych report. The main tests used to diagnose my AuDHD were forms my wife and I filled in. According to my assessment, I landed at level 2 support needs. According to my wife’s assessment I landed at level 3 (I wouldn’t personally assess myself as that high).

The neuropsych said “It is very important to note that “Level 1” represents the mildest form of this diagnosis, which reflects the fact that (Basil) is an engaging young adult with a great deal of potential and capacity for growth.”

I was dubbed Level 1 despite test results because I masked so well and have had a history of pushing myself beyond my capabilities to survive which has been deeply traumatic.

I struggle with so much stuff. And I struggle with it a LOT. But I was traumatized into “functioning” on a surface level in order to have a life.

I used to scream cry and have meltdowns all the time, especially over sensory overwhelm. I was bullied my entire life for being “weird”.

As a teen I got into a lot of dangerous and abusive situations because of my social naiveté and my need for social acceptance and to feel loved.

(TWs instead of typing it all out - romantic relationship abuse, severe bullying, sexual assault, sexual harassment, physical threats)

I was easy to take advantage of and people around me did it all my life.

Now I’m almost 30 and I can’t feed myself, keep up with personal hygiene, keep up with chores, keep up with a full time schedule-based job, and my wife basically has to take care of me.

Between the undiagnosed disabilities and the lifelong history of trauma I can’t function on my own. I don’t know how else to explain it so other people hear me.

Maybe if I stop “functioning” people will get it??

Idk this has been a long rant lol oops!

[anonzentimes]

LONG ASS ASK INKOMING ZEN so its super cold in brazil today so typing is a little hard and there might be weird typos fkshdkjd but

when i was like 14 i had online friends that were also 14 and were into danganronpa but all they talked abt was the flaws of the series and how much they hated the more problematic aspects of it, it was a constant wave of gender discourse and sexuality discourse and nagito is a bad portrayal of mental illnesses and miu iruma is too sexual and this character is bad cause of xyz and that character is bad because of this and that and honestly whatever the fuck else you can argue about this series about, whenever i mentioned that danganronpa seemed fun and id like to get into it my friends would tell me that its not worth it, that the series is fucking horrid that i should run the other way and be glad i never entered the hellhole that is being a danganronpa fan

so thanks to this and like constant fucking weird shit coming out of the hell hole that is the fucking dr fandom on Twitter for like, four whole years I straight up didn't touch the series. a series that I was so fully aware that I would love btw, because i was always into gorey art and i found the art of dr so pretty and the characters had such intresting designs and the pink blood was so cool and i love the killing game genre and the mystery solving aspect, of danganronpa seemed so cool, i did not go near this series with a fucking 10-ft Pole

until literally maybe some months ago at 18 years old a streamer I like said on stream something like "oh yeah danganronpa is fucking awesome im so glad i played it" and I was like fuck it, this guy has high standards, if he likes it it cant be that bad. and so I downloaded trigger happy havoc and i was so pleasantly surprised by it, sure case 2 is a case that exists but like other than that i immediately fell in love with this franchise, i loved almost everything about the game, then i started sdr2 and nagito took over every single part of my brain within 0.2 seconds of gameplay AND DR2 IS SO PEAK JUST IN GENERAL udg was super fucking fun i love touko and komarus relationship and the warriors of hope so much, dr3 was awsome even if i didnt really care for future arc despair hope and 2.5 were awasome the end of drv3 hit me like a truck and it genuenly took me a couple hours to understand that my beloved class 77b wasnt just retconned out of existence and currently im trying to kill executive dysfunction and procrastination and read dr0 and again want to replay dr2 cause my hyperfixated ass would rather play the game when she should be alseep to know what happens next than play it when she isn't too tired to understand whats happening lmao

and after i was done with the series i sat down and thought about how i let 14 year olds on the internet who im not even friends with anymore keep me away from something that now i hold so dear and close to my heart, and i wonder how many people who would love danganronpa will never give the series a chance because not only does the wider interner find it cringe but the fandom constantly tell potential new fans to stay away and act like its the worst midea ever written, the way some people are unable to enjoy what they love without guilt is so sad because not only does it affect them but also others

and this is super personal but i wonder how danganronpa would have impacted me if i got into it back when i found out about it at 14, how much different having danganronpa to hang on to would have made my life when i was burning out at school because i was trying to survive neurodivergency hell with undiagnosed autism and possible adhd

dangabronpa is awsome i love it so so much

YOU JUST MADE ME FEEL SO UNBELIEVABLY YOUNG OH MY GOD. I HEARD ABOUT DANGANRONPA WHEN I WAS 11 I'M PRETTY SURE AHHHH HAHA!!! Overall I think this raises a good lesson that we should trust our guts and from our own opinions on media. Look into things you're curious about, learn if it's worth it yourself, and come to your own conclusions! I feel bad for those who never get to understand Nagito Komaeda, let alone know he exists. This franchise has some negatives but the positives outweigh the issues entirely to me and I wish people gave it more of a chance. dangabronpa is awsome INDEED lmfao.

[waywardsou2]

REALLY QUICK. I TAKE REQUESTS FOR MOOD BOARDS

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New master post because the old one is broken

About me!

Welcome to my blog! My name is Wayward (not irl obviously. Though I wish) Just some basic information *ahem* I'm transmasc, androgenous (masc leaning), omniflux (but mostly mlm). Kinda complicated, yeah, but aren't we all. My pronouns are He/Him (main) Xe/Xir (trialing neos) They/Them (for my more 'who cares about gender' mood). I haven an extensive list here 👉: Pronoun card.

Other random info about me :) I'm an aspiring author (my ao3 here 👈) and self-taught artist.

I have an TMNT AU I'm currently writing/designing. Find that here 👈

I'm also a Punk (in clothing and in ideologies and less so in music. yk just deal with it, it's the spirit that counts)

I'm also a monster fucker -I mean what? Who said that?

My beliefs are centered in Nordic Witchcraft, so no hate or I will bring down the might of Thor on your head. You've been warned. But if you are gonna play nice you can find me here 👈.

I'm quite odd so if that bothers you then don't stick around. I'm never in the mood to fight so don't even try it. Oh also, I'm an undiagnosed neurodivergent (probably autistic) and diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Although I'm pretty good now-a-days.

This blog is mainly for my shit posting, doom scrolling, fandom shenanigans, hyper fixations and it's my main. Everything else I do branches off into its own blog. Kinda like blog children. Bloglins you could even call them. (I'm coining that term. Mine now) My current hyper fixations are TMNT and HTTYD.

I LOVE GETTING ASKS. I have a few ask games I'm happy to do so I'll link them 👈. I usually answer within a day or two so please send them in. They are so much fun and I love interacting with communites . My DM's are also open if you just wanna chat in general or have any questions you want to ask not publically (for reasons).

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If you are an alter/non human follow me here

As I'm sure most of you can relate to this I really dont see why I need to say it but it's the internet so you can never be too careful. But I'm really attached to a lot of fictional characters from many franchises and if I ever post about them please be nice. Even if you dont like them or the potential discourse around them. Just be decent ok? They can be found here 👈

Now that I've told you about me there are some ground rules to go over for my corner of the internet.

No harassment, bullying, discourse or anything of that nature belongs here. This is a Peaceful blog alright? I dont want none of that shit 🫵

No terfs, no homophobes, no transphobes, no zoophiles, no pedofiles (you are not MAPS ok, fuck off), no incest shippers, no anti-lgbt of any kind, no bigots, no conservative Christians, no religion haters (there is a balance), or anti-alter humanity of any kind. I think you get the idea but if I get even a hint that any of you people are lurking you will get tossed out like the trash you are. IMMIDEITLEY 🖕

No dark jokes or snides at mental health, it's tough shit and people dont need any more negativity to deal with. I will fucking report you if you ever do anything of the sort on my blog.

And finally no drama or discourse. seriously no one has the time or energy for that esspecially me. Just dont ok? 👎

I have a few personal tags and may add more when need arises but if your looking for something in particular you may find them with these tags

#wayward rants

# wayward rambles

#wayward asks

#wayward rambles

# helpful reblogs

# waywards wallflower AU

#waywards art

!!!SHOUT OUT TO MY MOOTS!!!

@neonleons-posts @small-spiderpunkboy @fireflysquidsoup @ghosts-in-the-outfield @promiscuousbarnes @waywardsarah @corrupt-touch @dissapointedcreeper @regulusblackisamermaid

I have another Master Post type post so anything that isn't here will be there. It's kinda like a less detailed pt 2 to this post. You can find that here 👈. And if for some reason you want to see the old Master Post, I am gonna keep it up so you can find that here 👈

That's all for now folks hope you have fun whilst visiting my blog.

[chronic-frustration-syndrome]

Oh, absolutely, there is a difference between the groups. (Part of the problem with "I'm so" was that it wasn't just "I'm so", but also "you're so" & "that's so", which is very different from "I relate to this personally".) And it is, of course much easier to treat people with empathy when they're already treating you with empathy.

(Ugh, I hate brain fog, got halfway through this & am now struggling to say what I mean, so apologies if I start making less sense; going to stubbornly finish this anyway, because I enjoy discussion when I can manage it.)

The thing is, I think the common assumption that people saying "so relatable" directly are the only ones who are aligning themselves with a group due to shared experience rather than clichéd assumption is flawed. After all, on face value, saying "I'm so/I'm such a" is just a way of saying "I relate to this group of people strongly enough to align myself with them directly". Obviously conext & so forth can change this, but if we go in with the assumption "these people don't actually relate" we lose sight of the people that do relate, they're just expressing themselves poorly.

Let's leave OCD aside for the moment, & take ADHD as an example, since "I'm so ADHD" was as much of a thing, as well as being the originator of the "so relatable" meme.

The person who was always late, constantly teased by their friends for being forgetful, etc, saying "I'm so ADHD" was 'jokingly' beginning to scratch the surface of a possible explaination for their struggles. However, unlike "stop being so relatable", the general/most common response wasn't "here is some more information so you can figure out if this is actually something you can look into" but "you can't say that" which just stops all potential understanding in its tracks. Even though there was an increase in awareness of ADHD (however flawed) due to it constantly being mentioned, there was no particular increase in understanding that resulted from this. If, instead of "you're trivialising REAL ADHD" (which many people were, to be fair) the response had been "many people struggle with time management, here are some ways in which neurodivergent & neurotypical struggles can differ, as well as some strategies that can help people with various neurotypes" I wonder if we might've reached "so relateable" sooner.

In many ways discussing OCD is harder than discussing ADHD, both because it is more widely misunderstood, & often more negatively perceived, but also because OCD itself often makes elaborating on certain experiences nigh impossible. But it is precisely because of this that I think extending as much empathy as possible is important. By that I don't mean "people with OCD should just suck it up & let themselves be misrepresented on the off-chance that the person commenting flippantly about their struggles just so happens to have undiagnosed OCD themselves", but rather "because OCD is so widely misunderstood, any opportunity to educate people is a good thing, & people are much more able to absorb information when it is presented kindly".

It's similar to how arguing with TERFs & other essentialists rarely results in the essentialist themselves changing their mind (in fact it often makes them double down), but that it's still important to engage with them in good faith, for the sake of people on the fringes who are more likely to see it & actually engage with the information provided.

i genuinely think ocd is incredibly underdiagnosed bc i will see people posting what are obvious rituals, compulsions, intrusive thoughts, spiralling, hyper morality, etc and its like Have You Considered This Might Be An Issue

[decentmonster]

Realizing that I could tell that the door to an empty room behind my line of sight was open simply because I could hear that it was open has been one of the weirdest moments in terms of neurodivergency I've had today

[betterthantheywerebefore]

This guy was a... Special case. 

Long ago, potentially before the dawn of the millenium, my undiagnosed and unmedicated neurodivergences possessed me to cover this poor superhuman with PVA and absolutely douse him with grass flock. Why? It is a mystery lost to time. 

A heavy soak in isopropyl and lots of picking away removed the uh, camoflauge. There he is! There’s that beautiful smile!

So I cut him into pieces. 

With this guy, I wanted to test out methods of pinning and extending body parts. The way his legs would be extended would give him more of a Primaris look - not that I wanted to do this with each of my hundred marines, that would take far too long - but it was an important skill to be able to learn. I have pinned so many limbs since making this guy, it’s unreal. 

I spent some time customising his gear to be a little more special, considering I was testing techniques, and so I pushed him in the direction of some manner of infiltration marine, armed with a long rifle. This would emulate the idea of disguise and stealth that I might have been going for when I covered him with flock (if I even had a reason) and so he received an eyepiece and a stealth kit conversion to his backpack, made from spare wire and some landing wheels from an ancient model plane. 

Extensive putty work went into extending his legs and adding a cape. The legs came out nicely - again, a long process, not something I’ll repeat often - and with the cape, I wanted to use a wire skeleton to help pose it when it was made up of the putty. It turned out this was unnecessary. The putty held its shape fine, especially when left to cure a little, and it ended up being a rather thick cape. Nonetheless, it was still a useful set of lessons in materials and tools!

I added some battle damage and primed him - yes, he’s another victim of the cheap black primer before I got the good stuff - and the result is a little blotchy and thickly layered. In his case, however, I wasn’t too concerned. I was learning the limits of the materials with each model, and besides, the thick stippled look could be seen as a callback to his flocked days. At least, that’s what I’ll tell myself. 

[comicaurora]

If you don't mind, what was your thought process behind the metal caste and their sparking mechanism as a race? And on a somewhat similar note... how do you work with the testier aspects of your world like ferin racism and slavery when writing as to treat it properly and not have your intent go haywite to your audience?

Oh cool, well, not to get heavy, but the concept of a Spark comes from my own personal experience in middle school, which as mentioned before was Not Good. I was undiagnosed neurodivergent and bullied nonstop for several years, and between that and a few other factors I basically had zero sense of personal agency or drive. I remember the exact moment I felt things click - we were at a camp for a week or so and the girls had deemed my clothes for the dance Deeply Uncool and "kinda jewish", whatever the fuck that meant, and had taken it upon themselves to give me a makeover, which included using a curling iron on my hair. They were having a cheerful conversation around me and not paying too much attention to their work, and I felt the iron's heat gradually go from "warm" to "painful" as it started to burn my scalp, and, like molasses, the thought very slowly occurred to me that I could tilt my head away ever so slightly to make it stop. It wasn't a flash of lightning or anything, but it started me on track to realizing that I had even the slightest hint of control over my life. As I recall, that very night it occurred to me for the first time that within a year I'd be out of that particular social morass and potentially even - god forbid - free to do shit I liked.

As for the spicier worldbuilding elements, I have a very basic perspective on these things: slavery, racism, exploitation, etc are unconditionally and unilaterally bad. I'm not subtle about this opinion. Every character we like shares this opinion whenever they have the chance. If people think I include things in my world only because I like and condone them, they should reread Alinua's explanation of the chimeric plague making toddlers die horribly, or the first chapter where the entire city gets murdered, or the bit where the evil dragon talks about wanting to destroy the world and eat the sun. I am not a subtle person, and when I put bad shit in my world, I do everything short of putting up a big neon sign that says "THE OPINIONS OF THE SHITTIEST PEOPLE IN THIS STORY ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE OPINIONS OF ITS AUTHOR ON ACCOUNT OF HOW THEY SUCK SO BAD".

[that-sleepless-bard]

obligatory spoiler warning

100% this.

If I’m being honest, I started watching TOH for the LGBT+ representation, but I almost instantly fell in the love with the show for all of its other elements, & especially connected with Eda from episode 1.

To me, it looks like Eda has combined type ADHD.

Eda definitely shows she tends to be hyperactive, oftentimes moving around when she speaks & keeping herself busy with things such as cooking or potion brewing. It’s possible that when she was in school, she used Grudgby as a positive way of channeling her excess energy.

But we also see a lot of her internal symptoms, particularly her low attention span when she’s in an understimulating setting, as mentioned in the original post.

I can imagine that Faust’s strict way of running Hexside wasn’t helping her. Faust himself states that he bases his methods off the “insight into the minds of children” that Eda gives, & consequently, that would set his rules specifically against neurodivergent people. If that’s the type of system she grew up with, it’s no wonder she can’t stand traditional school.

There’s also the whole aspect of hyperfocus to consider. A lot of different things in her life could potentially be or have been hyperfocuses that stuck with her. The most obvious of these would be the card game Hexas Hold ‘Em. This was a textbook definition of hyperfocus, where it was the one thing she wanted to do, even when there were infinitely more important things to deal with, but she eventually drops it (at King’s insistance). In TTBK, she’s seemingly hyperfocused on doing tricks with her grudgby ball.

As far as school goes, I obviously can’t speak for Eda, but I can talk about the experience of undiagnosed ADHD in the learning environment, & make comparisons.

The biggest challenge for a primarily hyperactive/impulsive ADHD-er would be sitting still, primarily inattentives would have difficulty with… well, paying attention, & combined types, from what I’ve heard, get the worst of both worlds.

Eda has the secret passageways in the school, meaning when she’s in them, she never has to stay in one place for long. She can learn about multiple subjects at once & switch between them at will. This helps to keep things interesting, plus it appeals to her independence.

Many a time for someone with ADHD, regardless of presentation, sitting at a desk & copying from a board is the education equivalent of walking behind a slow person when you’re in a rush. You know you could be a block ahead by the time they’ve made half that distance, but you just can’t get around them.

We also know Eda is about as good at teaching one subject as she is at learning it. She has zero interest in showing Luz the basics of how magic works, but when they go to the Knee & she’s given all kinds of natural materials like snow & moss, she jumps back and forth between subjects just as she does when practicing magic.

Not to say she isn’t also impulsive like Luz. She has a habit of experimenting with fragments of information, which gets her into trouble. This brings us around to OP’s point that she’s a hands-on learner.

aaaand of course I’m running out of steam to talk about this. Anyone else, feel free to add on.

The ask I got about my ADHD Eda headcanon analysis got deleted, but I'm here to share it anyways.

Okay so. After Them's the Break Kid came out a lot of people started headcanoning Eda having ADHD and I actually REALLY like and agree with that headcanon. And not because

"Omg she got distracted by fire!!! 🤪"

But because of how we seen her when it comes to school. Now most fans assumed Eda hates studying and learning. Which is fair, since in I was a Teenage Abomination she made it clear she hates school.

HOWEVER, then you remember she literally made a hidden tunnel that can be used to listen to the different classes. Because remember, she WANTED to learn different types of magic.

A lot of her problems with school aren't because it involves learning, it's the school SYSTEM she has problem with.

And in the scene where Luz was teaching Eda and Lilith how to use glyphs, she was using a traditional teaching system with desks and everything. Lilith liked it but Eda did not.

This also led fans to believe that Lilith was just smarter and did better at studying.

But then in the opening of Them's the Break Kid we see the both of them studying. Lilith is using flashcards and assumes Eda is not paying attention because she's playing with her ball.

But it turns out Eda not only knows all the material but knows more than Lilith.

To ME this reads as Eda being a hands on learner, (and possibly even a form of stimming) she learns through action and movement and hates having to sit still to learn like how you're supposed to do in school. And when she's able to learn this way she's actually very smart.

That could also be the reason she acts out so much in school, especially if she already knows a lot of the material being taught.

In fact, this is actually kinda a parallel to Raine. With Raine they were introduced as being smart, and then in Them's the Breaks Kid we learn they are also very powerful with magic but are underestimated because they are a bard.

Meanwhile Eda was introduced as being the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles. And THEN in Them's the Break Kid we learn she is ALSO very smart.

Which is also meant to be a surprise in universe by how Lilith reacted. She didn't expect Eda to be that knowledge on the subject, especially more that HER.

AND she gets distracted by fire. In conclusion, this girl is mentally ill but we already knew that.

[calzonekestis]

Having Thoughts and Feelings about Eddie Munson as someone who was probably neurodivergent but most certainly undiagnosed in the 80’s.

How he was probably just just written off as a lazy and a slacker.

When in fact he’s likely a fast learner - the topic just has to be something that holds his interest or is made interesting to him.

All his teachers probably gossip in the lounge after spring break, talking about the rumors surrounding his disappearance. They probably say they knew he had no discipline.

My mans learned how to play Master of Puppets in less than like 20 days of its release… but no discipline…

He never applied himself in any sort of “practical” way, they probably say.

They probably say that while “they be very particularly thought he’d amount to anything”, that they’re surprised by the allegations…

…but they don’t mourn him, not really. It’s tragic, a sad case, but it’s not really a big loss. Not compared to the likes of Chrissy or Fred or Patrick. They lived up to their potential, they had futures.

Yeah again I’m sad.

[phoneybeatlemania]

I was recently diagnosed with ASD and a few people were surprised cause Im not awkward when I talk to people. I'm very aware I could be projecting onto Paul but I find myself relating to him, like he seems to stim a lot in interviews. But then you dont need to be autistic to stim so who knows.

Discussion point: Paul & ASD

EDIT: Id recommend reading the response from @jeffreyrhymansss to this post (just look in the notes), since it gives far more insight into the psychology of autism then I could provide. Apologies about any misinformation I might've spread with this post, it was pure misguidance on my behalf. Not an excuse I know (I should be more cautious with this stuff) but just thought id clarify that I was never purposely being insensitive.

EDIT 2: id also like to just clarify though that I am all for discussions on Paul being neurodivergent - the same way that im all for discussions on John as having had a personality disorder. Im not personally convinced that Paul is autistic, but I think its plausible; ive just never read any in-depth and strong arguments for it, ive only come across brief speculations. I remain open to the idea of Paul being neurodivergent as a possibility, but id need to read a thorough and well-evidenced argument for the claim before really getting on board with it. Hope this cleared some things up :)

My mum is a bit like this - if you met her, it’s unlikely that you’d be able to tell that shes autistic because she’s quite low on the spectrum and interacts with people pretty confidently. Even my oldest brother didn’t know she’s autistic until last year, when I mentioned it in casual conversation and he was like “oh shit, that makes a lot of sense actually!!”. My point with mentioning all this is essentially that there are a lot of people (especially of Pauls generation) who are autistic, but just about pass for “normal” (used with some irony there, of course) enough to go undiagnosed, for varying reasons. And while you can usually tell if someone is on the autism spectrum, theres still a lot of people who learn throughout their childhood to mask their symptoms - and it becomes practically second nature. So you probably just wouldn’t know they were autistic, until you knew them quite intimately.

Personally, I don’t see tons of evidence to suggest that Paul is autistic - but there are stories here and there that make more sense (in terms of his behaviour) if you consider them within the context of him being somewhere on the spectrum. Its not a diagnosis I think you could build quite as strong a case for on, compared to something like John having BPD - still though, its plausible, its worth considering and its good to discuss it as possibility, since it could potentially help us in empathising with and understanding him.

On another note, I don’t actually think that projection is such a bad thing tbh. Its just a way of relating to and understanding these people; everybody projects to some degree, and while we should constantly try to question ourselves, saying “okay, but can I back this claim up with substantial and meaningful evidence? or is it pure projection?” - and I btw fully admit that im just as much prone to getting carried away with my analysis’s at times, so much so that they run into projection, as anyone else. I suppose still that projection is essentially just an unavoidable part of interpretation - and applying our own experiences onto our speculations can have the capacity to speak certain truths about (god i hate to use this phrase) ~the human experience~ (<<< blahhhhhhhhh) just be careful, and question yourself.

[myflowermylovemydear]

Needing advice for senior year art project

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some advice/constrictive criticism/ just for someone else to read my work. 

I’m at the end of my final year of high school and am creating an art project surrounding growing up undiagnosed autistic / my childhood / my experience with the world being neurodivergent. I’m mixing my own poetry with my childhood and family photographs. Below are some of the poetry i’ve written and am looking for some people to tell me if the work is at least decent! Thanks in advance :)

1. I want to experience it all again. I want to relive it all. The anger, resentment, freedom, hope and immaturity of a child. Is this just it?

2. I spent my childhood copying. I copied the way I stand, the way i walk. Every single thing about me down to the dot is a behavior i observed and learned. i did everything i could when i was younger to be as normal as possible, to avoid potential conflict and hurt. the final result of that was me not knowing myself.

3. through my mother, my mothers mother, and generations of women before, i have inherited experiences and trauma i have not seen. i have heartbreaks from 1856 and my ancestors forced femininity within my blood. i keep memories of childhood betrayal, and have been given the ancient form of ‘speaking with the eyes’. i hold their memories in my hands with anxiousness. i am looking for a way to free myself, to make my own memories and not relive the patterns of those before me. its so deeply imbedded into my mind that it has moulded into me. it’s a privilege to be handed these experiences, but sometimes i question wether they're truly meant for me.

4. what if....when i’ve healed......when i’ve put in all the work into being whole and content....what if i don’t like what i find? what do i do then?

5. i need someone older and wiser to tell me that i am good. that i will be forever happy from this moment forward. i need them to not judge me when i cry. i call out to the universe for that every day. maybe she’s listening?

6. i had a dream about you once. i dreamt that you held me. you kissed my cheeks that were covered in tears and told me you loved me. you moved the hair away from my face and lightly brushed my forehead. you hushed me with love and allowed me to sit in your arms in silence. you were myself. you were another piece of me. 

7. i truly recognize nature and it’s ghosts - for they have seen it all. i apprehend the history it holds in beings as small as a centipede. even though a garden may look as simple as a plate of grass with a few trees a bushes, there’s overwhelming life within the perceived simplicity. we believe our lives to be far more intricate and important than an animals, but how would we know what they are thinking? for all we know their lives might be entangled with commitments and relationships, just like us. we are so driven by our perceived importance in this universe when in reality we are just bugs in the garden of a much larger entity. parasites even.

8. i know it’s not my fault. it’s not my fault that i’ll never fulfill every dream i’ve ever had, but still here i am, i am here just waiting for the tides to turn in my favour. my arms open and my eyes closed.

9.i fear that one day, one day, i will be ripped open from the inside. i will be on display and the world will see who i truly am. this will be the only time all earth will have it’s eyes on me. but these eyes will not show remorse.

10. i constantly flow through who i am and who i was. i am never not one of them. though i am trying to become the person i my future, it feels as if i am abandoning the little girl who so desperately wants to be seen.

that’s all the ones i need help with for now! please don’t steal any of my work and thank you again for reading!! 

ps: i apologize if my spelling sucks hahah

[firefly-fez]

a liberating realisation that the multiverse of potential you have inside your head does not exist. it never did. that opportunity you lost would not have afforded you a grandiose life without these sufferings. there is no other you, there is only now and what you make of it and so there is no sense in punishing yourself for lost potential. you are who you choose to be from this day forward and every choice you make stewards your identity. there is no ghost, there is no other you. you are not haunted, you are here - and that is enough

what are your twenties if not an endless string of the ghosts of who you thought you would become