#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in
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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
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I finally have time to put my thoughts on the latest patreon update into words so here it goes:
The hoodie situation is yet another display of how badly jrwi is managed, announcing and promising the demons hoodie without even checking the price of manufacturing is so insanely irresponsible its actually absurd. It's a mistake similar to one's they are known to have made before, like announcing the release date of wonderlust before the video is finished rendering, it's bad management to promise something before all the prep for it is done. Plain and simple. And the jrwi boys and team should know it by now. I understand the excitement that comes with releasing something and wanting to announce it, but it is your responsibility to make sure you only officially announce it after you know it will 100% be possible and have already made all the necessary preparations.
I do like that they offer a refund to all of those who signed up specifically for the hoodie, it's an offer I personally took, and I'm really happy they at least made this step to try to make things right. One criticism I have, although it's not really in their control, is that you have to reach out and message them through patreon DMs for the refund. I know it seems dumb and trivial but as someone with intense anxiety, I know it can take me a long time to be able to word and gather up the bravery to send a message, and I know how the anxiety can affect me even hours after sending it, so I would have highly appreciated it if they gave us a message we could copy and paste instead of having to write our own one, it could have also made it easier for them as they could search for that specific message to easily find everyone that wants the refund.
If any of you are like me, here is the message I ended up landing on. Feel free to copy and paste it:
" Hi! I just watched the merch update video, and due to the changes, I'd like to take you up on that refund offer. Thank you in advance :D "
It personally feels very weird to me to announce the situation with the hoodie in the same video where they announce the dice restock and new merch ideas. By doing that you are burying that information between 2 exciting announcements that people are definitely going to talk about, which I guess is a good business decision, burning your major fuckup to distract from it but it just feels shitty and manipulative to me. I believe it should have gotten its own dedicated video that shouldn't have been released on the same day as this one.
I would have also liked bizly to mention the situation with the dices font when discussing the dice restock, is it going to be the same as before ( with the 2s seemingly upside-down) or are they correcting it? I know they claimed it is a purposeful font decision, but whether it is or not, people still found it to be confusing, so is it something they are going to change with the restock or not?
For some final words:
Something in the management of jrwi needs to change asap. You are not a few friends making silly DND videos anymore, you are an incredibly successful business, and you need to start acting like one. Perhaps hire a professional, or take classes on business management, or just do the bare minimum by not announcing things before you have done all the prep. Just do better. Please. Do better.
#In terms of the merch ideas I have nothing much to say#my only worry is that the runt bag will be expensive to manufacture and we will end#up exactly were we are right now once again but it has not been officially announced yet so for now it is none of my business#i also have some opinions of releasing the hoodie as payed merch#but they are more subjective and personal and have bias in them so i decided not to put them on this post#tell me if you want to see a post on that as weell ig#i think those opinions will also be a hit controversial so im a bit scared LMAO#anyways as usual i am so fucking disappointed in them its insane#please do better#if i have any more thoughts that come up ill probably rb this post with them#anyways#Zero out✌️
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What are the humans like in wayward sparks? Are there any notable ones?
They're not necessarily as prominent in the story as they tend to be in any canon series that includes them, but they're definitely there. The bots spend the first arc just trying to survive on earth until they find a way home, and they have quite a few run ins with the locals. Most of which are relatively unhinged, many of which are not very friendly, because they crash in an itty bitty, rural new england mountain town called Ironwood, wayyyyy out in the sticks. Most residents aren't particularly afraid to fire at will when giant robot aliens decide to show up.
Least alien-friendly would be Rusty Williams, a local logger with one hell of a trigger finger for anyone and anything on his property he sees as a threat. Aliens, government agents asking a few too many questions, cops, whatever. All of them only get one warning.
Fortunately for the stranded Cybertronians, gunshots aren't really fatal or even particularly damaging long-term for giant robots that can put themselves back together if they sustain enough damage to fall to pieces. Unfortunately, they still do enough damage to tear through their outer armor layers and that tends to hurt like a bitch.
In the very least, there are plenty of humans around with their heads screwed on right that won't try to blast anything that looks at them funny. Like Rusty's Daughter, Crystal.
That said, Crystal is an elusive type. A middle schooler Going Through It, trying REALLY hard to be edgy so people stay away (hence the $2 Spirit Halloween horns headband), she'd really prefer to spend her free time hiding in the woods where nobody can perceive her. Thats been a little more difficult ever since a bunch of giant robots started stomping around out there and all they know about her is her dad is super cringe, so she's pretty scared of a bad first imprsssion.
She'd be lying if she said she didn't want to be friends with them (which she does lie about frequently because ew, genuine feelings), especially the Decepticons, because she thinks they're cooler, but she also knows her dad would flip his lid if he knew.
Also interested in approaching the Resident Aliens, is Marie Lambert.
Marie's only just recently moved into Ironwood. It's been a rocky transition to say the least. Her dad's a biologist, a real science-y type, and he moved out to the boonies to be closer to the wildlife. Marie's plenty used to being out in the sticks, camping trips with her dad were a regular occurrence before the move, but it's a little hard to get used to the new place when there aren't very many kids her age around. And the ones that are there aren't exactly very welcoming to flatlanders showing up taking over the place.
But in the very least, Marie makes ONE friend when she finds Crystal out in the woods. And a few more when they find what the adult residents of Ironwood have been telling them to stay the hell away from.
They don't approach them straightaway (mostly because their first encounter consists of watching Shockwave scare away Bumblebee, and Shockwave skulking off when he realizes he spooked the Autobot), but the next day at school they start Planning. They HAVE to know more about the robots, and they're willing to pool their resources and information to make that happen. They figure if there's two sides and they don't play nice with each other, it's easiest for one girl to pick one side and they tell each other whatever they can find out.
This begins several beautiful friendships
Marie chooses to gather info on the Autobots. Mostly because, well, they seem less scary and potentially friendlier. She tries the polite thing (which she's hoping will result in the least possible chance for things to go off the rails) and knocks right on their door. The bots aren't really sure how to respond to a very small, very shy alien critter that showed up right at their door to ask what they are and if she can hang out. Marie isn't sure if any of this was a good idea.
They turn out to be pretty welcoming, especially because organics that aren't actively shooting at them are a nice change of pace.
She gets especially close with Bumblebee. Hes comforting. Makes her feel like everything's going to be okay. She gets pretty anxious, and he's good at keeping her grounded. So far, anyway...
On Crystal's side, it's been... Well, it's been different.
The cons would not admit it on their deathbeds but good lord did Crystal scare the slag out of them when they first realized she was there. She snuck right on aboard their crashed ship and nobody noticed her for about 15 minutes.
After the initial scare, and a bunch of big bad giant robots scrambling around because there is a Tiny Squishy Critter in their Space and they do NOT know what to do about that, Crystal starts in trying to get answers. Answers most of the cons aren't particularly willing to give out (other than Shockwave, who is just very excited at the opportunity to make a new friend).
Megatron eventually deems her more or less harmless. She isn't really causing problems or hurting anyone, she doesn't appear to be hostile (other than hissing at Lugnut when he got too close), and he can't really fault the little gremlin for her curiosity. An ally in a foreign world can be very very valuable when you're stranded, so he lets her stay, "as long as she doesn't get in the way."
Marie and Crystal meet up at school during lunch to share notes. It gets confusing trying to keep track of everything when the two sides give conflicting information so often. The girls try to keep an open mind. Hard to remember things about someone you don't like, but they can't really figure out which version is true for any given story, but they're hoping if they spend enough time with their robot friends, they'll figure it out together.
Maybe they can even help the bots and the cons make up. It's just a silly fight, after all.
It's not like anyone's going to get hurt, right? They're all good people.
#if im depicting roughly-vermont its getting the weird vermont brand of xenophobia happening for accuracy#the hicks out here dont just dislike city slickers. they just straight up dont like anyone from out of state.#and they REALLY dont like canadians#flatlanders is the term for out of state folks btw. don't worry i am NOT out here making up racial slurs#maccadam#transformers#wayward sparks#fan au#Rusty is a fucking menace#Crystal is 100% going to experience the weird little girl to weird adult man pipeline#Marie is Cautious but she cannot resist the thrall of Making Friends with Cool Robots#god im sorry this took so long i had to draw a lot of things#oh and that last sentence is Super Ominous on purpose ;)#have fun thinking about those implicationssssssss
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obsessed with how clearly terfy weird bitches on here will say shit when called out for saying terf shit like "um well ACTUALLY maybe you think i sound like a terf because you identify normal feminists as terfs?? 🤔"
and then make absolutely no effort not to use transmisogynistic rhetoric and say weird shit that very very obviously is transphobia, like using terms like "trans rights activists" and "trans identified" and think they're so sneaky and nobody notices?
yeah i don't support all women. some of you bitches are terminally stupid
#crow.txt#like what kind of stupid ass gotcha. you are actively setting any real feminism movements back#way to go genius. youre fucking annoying#mfs think because they dont actively put terf/radfem in their bio or use those tags flagrantly that some of us cant read otherwise#truly the dumbest cunts on earth. like actually for real. embarrassing#i wish the term terf would silence yall im sick of hearing anything you bitches ever say#it hasnt lately but every time someone saying some weird terf shit had followed me im like girl are you lost? gtfo.#*hasnt happened lately im not fixing that#got mad in the shower bc i remembered seeing a post like this like 12 hrs ago and its still on my nerves#like at least be honest with yourself and stop lying and wasting anyones time more than you have to#how are you gonna be so vile and not own up to it. dont you think weve got like trans cooties dont you want everyone to block you. go on
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dont have to give myself a new mental disorder but many many ocd things ring true lol
#not even the moral ocd stuff rlly like when im not online. i do not have a problem w it#but intrusive thoughts and like mental doomspirals that i cannot stop. very common <3#like the thing where im like what if my mom died and thats why shes late and then i Have to think that scenario out to its conclusion#or i miss a step on the stairs and have to do the same thing#when i was a kid id just obsessively think of the scariest things i could conceive of lol#NORMAL. NORMAL ABT IT#in terms of fucking up my life tho the bipolar and the adhd are at the top so lets focus on those
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just found out a friend i'd made through a very good friend of mine who ive been talking to nearly everyday is fucking horrible about gender and trans rights and just the whole fucking thing
one of those "i support them if it's not shoved in my face and i only see two genders" fucking bullshit
i'm more sad than anything. if i'm gonna be upset to the point of tears i'd at least like it to be anger. but i'm just so sad
#will i completely break off this relationship?#am i gonna stick to it until something truly fucking heinous is said that i cannot take?#im for sure swayed by the fact that my support system is so SMALL#like in terms of ppl who i dont feel the need to hide any part of myself around? i think i have 2 of those#and the pool is already so small to begin with#so having just ONE MORE was HUGE#i know its about quantity not quality#but one of those 2 ppl ive only reconnected with in the last few months and the other is my bro who i have not come out to at all#also just having friends in general is pretty fucking cool lol idk about yall#well i was reading up on more stuff before i vote tomorrow and ive now been so sidetracked and drained of any want to stay on this subject#i really didnt need this today#sea rambles#personal
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I have noticed an annoying increase in ppl using “hyper-fixation” to describe something they enjoy…
Please look up what terms mean instead of just repeating them because you saw someone else use it. The context they used it in might be wrong.. It makes it hard to actually talk abt this shit when everyone severely misunderstands what the term means.
It’s not as serious as misusing the term “intrusive thought” but it’s still not great.
#shut up ray#my friend the other day seemed to get special interest mixed up w/ hyper-fixation#she loves sonic and she has done since she was a kid#… she described her love as a hyper-fixation#and idk… i cant stop thinking abt it..#girl that is NOT a hyper-fixation that is a special interest my fellow neurodivergent friend#i know very well what a HF is like and it is not like that alfjskfj#you are very invested in the thing and love the thing and know lots of stuff abt the thing#but it has not taken over your life to the point that its ALL you can think abt#im not too knowledgeable of what having a special interest is like as i am not on the spectrum#but i know from personal experience what a HF is like and oh my god its intense#yknow.. as ‘hyper’ and ‘fixation’ would imply..#but i keep seeing other ppl doing this#thinking ‘hyper-fixation’ is synonymous w/ ‘I love and care abt this thing’#bro that is not the saaaaaame#HFs take over your life for the whole duration#you will think abt them almost constantly in any situation#you will want to just spend your whole time invested in this thing to the detriment of your own bodily needs#the misuse of mental health and medical terms is so frustrating…#as someone w/ both intrusive thoughts and hyper-fixations pls actually learn what those things mean before using them so liberally#they’re genuine fucking things w/ actual meaning lmao
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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it
#i feel like it’s getting worse too#like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad#why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it#making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever#it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation#i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with#/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what#that action is#besides the two options i said before#or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week#problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule#i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat#so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes#i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory#of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3#having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream#anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow#me rambling#i love being undiagnosed#but let’s be real#being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse#because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation#and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them#feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do#vent
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ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni
#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed#hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty#and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait#and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY#ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU.#IM REALLY FUCKING MAD#I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.#the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same#so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP#like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself#did u see me insulting u to ur face#nope i have not done even once#and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes#like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that#i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same#if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong.#but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me#and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid#some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes#and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once.#okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one#pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off#and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay#this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that#if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT.#if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul#have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!!#i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!!#i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related.#you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself
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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha
#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF#im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries#and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future#IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN#i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and#finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes#and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades#isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade#it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that#dictate every single fucking part of my life#and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb#ra and stats and calculus and cs#haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates#i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table#yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first#god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive#all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is#i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again#haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future#i hope i can still have time for hobbies#why si everyone at school so good at everything#ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent#i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states#my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo#meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day#how do i become like them#why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence#i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore
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can we talk about how wrong the finish line ending is. can we talk about how barry sees snapping thawne's neck as their point of no return when thawne directly expressed hope barry can still live up to his idealised expectations several times and even spoke of how exactly he can achieve that. can we talk about how barry while having the best intentions fucks with thawne's speed and timeline resetting him to a humble curator with no powers and makes their situation a THOUSAND times worse when thawne comes back as reverse-flash because that reset is a direct and ultimate confirmation of barry's desire to forget thawne and make it like he never existed (the very thing that motivates thawne to mess with barry at all, the very thing he went insane about and which led him to becoming reverse-flash) and how thats similar to creation of the flashpoint which was done with good intentions and changed the world forever even after being undone. can we talk about how it also resembles lobotomy as in permanently fucking up persons brain and its necessary functions to make them more calm and controllable in their mental illness instead of actually helping them which takes a lot more time thought and effort and how that was a quick and seemingly effective but inherently destructive solution. can we talk about how barry by taking away eobard's powers also takes his freedom from societal expectations and standards of his time he clearly didnt fit in and 25th century in general. can we talk about how barry also took the only good memories thawne ever had aka their moments together and especially their first meeting which thawne saw as perfect and held very dearly just like any other interaction with barry including the reverse era ones. can we talk about how fucking intrusive, invalidating and selfish is the whole concept of erasing any kind of memories from another persons brain, no matter how hurtful or bad or self-sabotaging those can be especially involuntarily and how only the said person should have control over that because that is their damn life. can we talk about what such betrayal will do to a man who previously became the reverse-flash just because of one single phrase that he thought was something special only between him and barry. can we talk about how this time thawne paradoxically didnt even do anything to deserve that because he never met barry and never had such possibility in the first place. can we t
#reverse flash#eobard thawne#professor zoom#the flash#barry allen#eobarry ig?#listen i dont blame barry for that. thawne tortured him beyond any comprehension and the reset is understandable#that was one of the kindest solutions he could come up with considering the countless trauma thawne caused him. i get it. i see the effort.#but 1) im talking from thawne and his mental fucking issues perspective (and also my own bc he just like me fr)#like considering those HUGE ASS abandonment issues this is objectively the worst thing barry could ever do to him#2) also understandable but i cant believe barry (AND josh williamson.) didnt think ANY further than how Noble and Forgiving the reset is#he KNOWS thawne always comes back no matter what and yet he cannot make the logical conclusion that this will only hurt eo EVEN MORE#like my dude i get youre not on the best terms with timelines and changes to them but what youve done here is the ACTUAL point of no return#also i firmly believe that the 'peaceful' curator life is a fate worse than every death thawne ever experienced combined#there is so much potential in post!fl continuation where nothing in his life feels right and he can see the reverse era in his nightmares#i will make a separate post about it someday because i have So many thoughts on that that its a whole au at this point
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considering more and more abt how straight up buying a house is the best option for me and im
#like i dont want to rent bc its just money going up someones ass every month but investing in a house loan would Put the money somewhere#plus when its paid off i can resell and get the money back after all those years in a sense#but gOD im only 23 going on 24 is that not too youngGG UGH#i got the money for a house loan?? i think?? a good foot in the door so to speak#bc god the rent is just so high for fucking everywhere and to think its just not going anywhere long term kills me#my options seem to be rent house for crazy price every month or decent trailer in the sketchiest trailer park known to man#all the decent apt or house rent is in citys like hOURS AWAY UGHH#but finding a decent house to be in for a decade n a half or so and just putting money into that??? sounds best#i never planned on living in this shitty town long term but lets be real years are going by dangerously fast to me now so that long doesnt#seem so long now and i can plan on where i want my Long Term house for my milfsona in life while getting credit/ experience#but god loans??? down payments??? alllll that Important Document shit??? cripplingly terrifying#BUT the payoff like in unit washer and dryer some Actual room advanced privacy just being able to have my own 110% space ooooffff#def going to do a HELL of a lot more research and talk with peers but the discussing ive done so far sounds like i have a fighting chance#plus i was so terrified of moving out and fucking up something important after being backed into a corner at 21 and now look at me💪#doin p alright so far i think#the only problem is the time i have and whether i can find a decent house around here thats affordable
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Looks up wikihow for what to do when you realize your office has 5x the amount of budget of every other executive office combined
#fun fact the president gets the least! reaffirming the idea they do jack shit#maybe i shouldnt condemn gabby to that but also sorry maam you are not being evpsa as long as our nepo baby linenof succession#has anything to say about it 😔😔 maybe you could be dod one day#like i am the outlier that only happened because the ACTUAL nepo baby backed out last minute#so they had to speedrun my nepo babiness#anyways the genuine nepo baby route (me) is one i’d like to aboid because as one of the people involved it sucks !!!!!#anyways sorry abt my boss telling you could do it even though youve already been elected to senate and my boss terms out in 3 days!#(and ????????????)#but thats a conversation i dont want to have so it will be unsaid unless you talk to me ! sorry i will be prioritizing those whove been here#and doing the work for 2+ years i think thats actually how this is Supposed to work when you don’t make all your core staff seniors @my boss#i’ll be real they were insane for that like im insane for swinging the exavt opposite way but ALL YOUR CORE STAFF???? you left your juniors#in the fucking DUST man now you have nepo baby times and everyones like but you can do it SHUT UP im a nepo baby#to be fair its good we didn’t fast track the person we did bc WHEW issues but the thing is the person who got left with all these issues is#ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not any of the people whove been dealing with them for 3+ years so THANKS IG!!!!!!!!!#some ppl really dont grow up with the ideals of making sure you are leaving something for those after you huh like dont get me wrong#the work we DO considers those who comes after us bc thats how advocacy works but our OFFICE has none of that in terms of like#staff and stuff like some of the staff choices this year were 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 everyone went into fall confused as hell#bc WHO TF WAS GOING TO RUN like even before i was properly involved THIS ISSUE EXISTED !!! you guys just got lucky i existed#and lucky that im a pushover that does whatever those around me tell me too like i am remembering i DIDNT WANT THIS JOB!!!! it took both#the person i consider my mentor and the person who i consider who i want to be when i grow up telling me to do it b4 i even considered it#so DONT TELL RANDOS THEY CAN HAVE A PLACE IN (MY) OFFICE!!! I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!!! do you know what a bitch hiring is going 2 b#anyways :’) can everyone tell i am So Excited for this job :’)) if it turns out we’ve had a budget of 300k this WHOLE TIME like#i had been SAYING WE DID bc its my JOB to Know it and it was THERE and we’ve been acting like we had 150 i’ll lose it#v.txt
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my tags on that went on for so long i had to go back and edit them to fit tag limit and i still had to delete a bunch of them. Its the autism it literally is
#funerary practices and the afterlife and body disposal methods and just. grief and mourning in general r like. My bigggg autism thing i dont#talk abt it a lot bc 1 i just Dont shut up once i get going 2 a lot of ppl dont want to hear abt stuff like that which is fine. kicked pupp#expression. i just find it very very interesting to see how different ppl grieve and whats considered like. Right and wrong when it comes t#care of the body yk. bc like. most/every culture has their practices and anything outside of that feels wrong to them bc its like. yk its s#pivotal idr the exact anecdote/story but caitlin doughty mentioned it in one of her books where like. there were 2 groups and one cremated#their dead and the other practiced mortuary cannibalism and both viewed the other as barbaric and it rly shaped how i view it like. yk. its#rly something so personal where even when the way someone grieves makes you uncomfortable its like. you cant force someone to grieve in a#way thats palatable to you. yk. for a rly long time washing the body and being with the body after death was a rly important part of grief#in like. usamerican culture its only more recently that it became wayyy less common w the rise of funeral homes and stuff. and obv for many#ppl that wouldnt be comforting but i think it could be for a lot of ppl..#my personal belief on it is everyone should be allowed to grieve and dispose of the dead As they want and that should be like. yk. theres#the nebulous term of Desecration which is legally rly difficult to define there r a lot of states where the law is 'if it would outrage#normal family values' which is just so fucking stupid obviously like. whos family. bc every single person has a different view on whats#appropriate yk... IDK. i think as long as its relatively safe for the living and as long as its not like. Against the wishes of the decease#like. if someone says they want a burial and then theyre cremated (not out of necessity like 4 financial stuff) im like. yk. obv theyre dea#but i think its important to honor their last wishes... yk. and that should go for like. If someone wants an open pyre cremation that shoul#be available... if someone wants aquamation etc. IDK. etc. like. another thing is with embalming while i wish it werent De Facto ppl r#railroaded into it i entirely disagree w ppl who say it should be wiped out entirely like. there r environmental ramifications 4 sure and i#love for that to be more like. talked abt... but embalming is rly important to a lot of ppl and idt its right to shit all over that. idt it#necessary for every death i personally dont see the point of embalming for like. a peaceful death with a quick funeral and theyre getting#cremated after. but ik like. for a lot of black families embalming is very important for like. a reclamation esp in violent or traumatic#deaths its very important to have like. a funeral with a viewing. and i think thats something that shouldnt be taken away from anyone ever.#even like. ik this is controversial but extreme embalming w/ posing and stuff as long as thats what the decease wanted like. i think its#awesome !! i Dont agree w taking the corpses of the poor or disenfranchised to prop up for art pieces Personally but like. there r ppl who#want to be displayed like that like. riding their motorcycle one last time or ummm. that posthumous concert that happened. i get how it can#seem morbid or wtvr but like. the families r happy with that its what those ppl wanted and it like. its a celebration of their life and#their interests and i think thats super important. BASICALLY.#ok tag limits coming so im cutting myself off for sure this time. but wtvr. i hope this makes sense to anybody else sorry i rambled. im ver#passionate abt it KJBADKJBDKJ
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i finally (FINALLY) got all of my shit out of my old apartment and left it somewhat clean and empty behind me. now my car is full of junk and i just need to unpack everything and throw away all my boxes [lies down on floor]
#liveblogging life#i was three days late but my old landlord was super nice about it lmao#i feel bad bc i did clean the apartment but it's definitely not like. sparkling or w/e#partially bc it's an older apartment so it's kind of impossible but also bc im just like. bad at cleaning.#and i fixed up the holes in the walls as best i could#tho in my defense some of those holes were from the tenant before me lmao#my landlord mentioned s/t about my deposit and i was like oh shit yeah i forgot you could get those back lol#ive either not had one (dorms and japan) or i never saw it (my college apartment) bc i left on kind of bad terms#idk if i'll get it back or not - i think they should use it to fix up the walls - but im not really bothered about it i guess#anyway i felt a little emotional leaving it for the final time... four years of my life passed in those walls! crazy!#my new apartment is SO crazy with boxes its making me so anxious lol#my fourth will be spent fucking unpacking as much as i can
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also having now actually seen the whole thing adventure time has skyrocketed into one of my favorite shows ever. like for real i liked it as a kid and have always had a fondness for it ever since but rewatching it now has made me realize Just how fucking good it is and how unlike anything else it is. its so good and appeals to ME specifically in so many ways please for the love of god if you haven't watched adventure time WATCH IT. WATCH IT RIGHT NOW
#ALSO. i think i may have mentioned this before but i really do think AT has one of the best senses of worldbuilding and continuity#i've seen in a cartoon. other than like steven universe maybe (gee i wonder how that happened)#but seriously like the fact that its able to be so goofy and weird a lot of the time while still constantly keeping in mind all these thing#and having them inform the story and world in realistic ways is so good it has really blown my mind#nothing is ever retconned nothing is ever forgotten about. even the seemingly most meaningless things will still be remembered#and referenced by the characters because thats how people are!! they dont just have stuff happen to and around them and then never#bring it up again!! but they also dont constantly go ''remember when we did xyz?'' stuff just comes up naturally if it makes sense#for it to do so. and i think thats so fucking incredible and admirable#AT's flavor of weirdness and comedy and raw emotion is something so wonderful and perfectly aligned with how i like my stories#and it really does have a vibe that is unlike anything else. i am going to cry thinking about it#like the closest thing i can think of. and lord forgive me but im being genuine in terms of vibes closest thing i can think of that#i've experienced at least is dsmp. in the way that there are things that are so fucking dumb and strange and things that are so gut#wrenchingly emotional and beautiful and simple and often those things are intertwined. its stupid and weird and funny and sad#its silly its dark its fun its tragic#something about both of them just feels like a representation of the human spirit in its purest form to me. they impact me the most#because they represent all sides and experiences of existing#idk. but ive always felt like this even before i got into AT again. i said a while ago if dsmp was made into a show it would HAVE to#be an adventure time style cartoon. and every time i see fanart drawn in the AT style or whatever it makes me so happy even now#ANYWAYS. sorry to derail but i really have missed the vibes of the dsmp and in a weird way AT felt a lot similar and i really love that#FUCKKKK not me getting emotional over the indominable human spirit. im gonna go saw my legs off BYE I LOVE ADVENTURE TIME#serena.txt
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