#anyway i felt a little emotional leaving it for the final time... four years of my life passed in those walls! crazy!

[queenerdloser]

i finally (FINALLY) got all of my shit out of my old apartment and left it somewhat clean and empty behind me. now my car is full of junk and i just need to unpack everything and throw away all my boxes [lies down on floor]

[strawberrystepmom]

pairing: Suguru Geto x F!Reader

word count: 9.7k

contents: Canon compliant up to the events of JJK0, cult leader!Suguru, naive reader, slight age difference between reader and Geto (5 years), reader can see curses/has cursed energy but it is kept intentionally vague

cw: dark content | emotional manipulation, dubious consent, voyeurism, oral sex (m!receiving), spit, violence, descriptions of anxiety, mentions of religion and religious imagery, mind fuck-y

notes: so this is a remaster/full repost of unkindness that was on my old blog! i only got up to like the third segment in that post so i figured why not do it all at once. thank you for reading if you do and i hope that you enjoy my little story! ♡ | crossposted to ao3

When you were eight years old, sitting in your mother’s lap as she combed through your wet hair, you remember telling her about a recurring dream you had been having for weeks. You were nervous to tell her, your little hands balled into fists as they rested against your nightgown clad thighs. 

“A raven,” you recount to her as she nods and gently uses the bristles of the comb to detangle a knot. “Bigger than any bird I’ve ever seen is in this dream every night, flying around over my head.” Your mother sighs and reassuringly pats your head. You hear the spritz of a spray bottle from behind you, a synthetic green apple scent filling your nostrils. 

Telling her filled your stomach with anxiety, an issue you didn’t know you had at the time. You figured the world was just scary back then. You wish you could go back and tell yourself how right you were. About how scary the world is, anyway. To tell yourself about how everything will eventually end up likely wouldn’t change the outcome but at least you could say a few things.

“The raven comes to the ground eventually. He doesn’t fly over your head forever, instead he glides by your side.”

“The visions you’ve seen are real, you aren’t crazy.”

The most unbelievable thing of all?

“You end up in love and you end up losing yourself along the way.”

Back then though, you only had your mom and her words to illuminate the darkness you felt lurked around every corner.

“Have you ever heard of omens?”

Shaking your head, you turn to look at your mom who is tapping the edge of the comb against the heel of her hand. She’s chewing the inside of her cheek and you can tell she’s deciding what to say next to comfort you. Your mom has never been good at this kind of thing, a woman who never envisioned she would have a child with so much angst and fear. 

“Sometimes we receive signs that something is going to happen in our lives even if we don’t understand them,” she starts. You hear her mouth open, as if she wants to add something additional, but you hear it snap shut as if she thought better of it. You nod once, signaling your understanding and she gets back to work at the stubborn tangle at the base of your skull without another word shared between the two of you.

You hate that this is the most vivid memory from your childhood.

You hate that you still have the dream.

You wake with a gasp, looking around and blinking as warm morning light filters through the window. Feeling around the bed, you wonder if Suguru is already up and moving for the day as your hands touch the duvet where he should be. It’s cold, as if nobody was there in the first place. Knowing that may have been the case anyway, you sigh and rub your hands over your face. 

“Suguru?”

His name leaves your lips in a tentative manner and you look around the room to make sure he isn’t looking at the early morning sun or standing there watching you sleep. No matter how much of your life you spend with him, you’ll never get used to the feeling of those black diamond eyes following you everywhere you go. But finally, you are seen. 

Four years spent with him and no one sees you like he does.

You were 18 years old, a few months from graduating high school, when Suguru approached you. The sight of a stranger raised your hackles, scared of the world at large at that point in your life, and you were concerned trouble was coming for you. All of the omens in your dreams would finally come true at the hands of this beautiful man, rising to his full height which is nearly towering over you. His hair was shorter then than it is now, just past his shoulders and tied in a neat half bun off of his face.

He looked like less of a god now than he did then but you knew it. The omnipresent feeling of him sticks in your bones. It’s the confidence that makes you stand with your back straight, that guides you through the worst of the days where he’s nowhere to be found. 

Unable to find him, you shuffle back to the futon and lay down amongst blankets that smell like him. You’ve never been able to place the scent but you know it’s his. Wrapping yourself in the duvet, you let your mind wander back to all of those years ago.

“I know this seems sudden but I wanted to ask you about your gift.”

Mention of your gift, not that you’d ever call it that, makes you freeze. He notices your expression, wide eyed and haunted, and he fights the urge to smile at you. Just as he and everyone else suspected, you have no idea what you’re capable of. It would be a failing worthy of death to let Gojo find you first. Suguru couldn’t risk the bird dog finding his canary and dropping her off, bloodied and broken, on the doorstep of the Sorcerer community. 

He wouldn’t allow it.

“M..my gift?” You repeat with uncertainty and he nods, bun bobbing against the back of his head as he does so. The situation is withering, a handsome stranger asking you about a secret you’ve kept hidden for your whole life while the sun beats down and makes you sweat. You wonder if you’re about to be killed.  

“You are an exceptional young woman, do you know that?”

The background noise of the world fades out, the sound of the spring birds chirping disappearing as you blink once, twice, and you notice those dark eyes fixated on you. You blanch and avert your eyes. Were you even allowed to look at him? Dressed in such nice clothing with such a regal demeanor? Shaking your head, you play off the awkwardness with a humorless chuckle.

“You must be looking for someone else, sir.” Bowing your head as a sign of respect, you turn to walk away. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

Before you can turn on your heel to walk away, you feel a large palm rest on your shoulder. You take note of the weight of it, the feel against your bones, and you wonder why this is happening to you? You are so afraid but you can’t run, you don’t have the guts for it. What do you do now?

Nothing. You do nothing, just as you’ve done your entire life. You let this strange man grab you, hold you, speak to you. Humiliation rises like bile in your throat and you turn to face him, astounded again by his beauty. The sunlight catches his dark eyelashes, warmth emanating from him. How can you walk away? You won’t walk away.

“I don’t want this to be more strange than it already is,” he starts, voice deep and dreamy. You could get lost in the baritone and the way it wraps around you but you choose instead to focus on his words to try and understand what he wants from you. “But I know you have something nobody else has. Abilities.”

He’s correct but you wonder how he could possibly know about your struggles. You have kept them to yourself for years even to the detriment of your own well being. Your mother and father both assume you’re deranged and there are times where you’ve wholeheartedly agreed with them since you began seeing the things that haunt you at every turn when you were 5. 

“How do you know about that?”

The man shakes his head and holds his free hand ahead of him. “Why don’t you walk with me and we can talk some more?”

How can you say no with his hand on your shoulder? Turning on your heel to face him, you keep quiet and wait for further instructions. Your naturally submissive tendencies are serving you well in this situation and Geto doesn't hide his smug smile. You are perfect and he knew it.

As the two of you begin to pick up pace walking side by side, you anxiously keep your eyes glued to the ground. Being able to visualize each of your steps is keeping you calm and if you look down, there's less of a chance you'll see whatever is out there to scare you.

"Look at me."

He doesn't ask, he commands, and you listen. For the first time, you notice something perching on his shoulder. It's formless for the most part and less terrifying than what you usually see attached to others as they pass by you but you're intrigued nonetheless.

"Do you know about that....thing?" Pointing to his shoulder, he nods at you and you breathe a sigh of relief. "You see them also?"

A chuckle is his response and you ponder what it means while you wait for him to clear up your confusion. "I don't just see them, I control them."

The figure disappears quickly and you gasp, searching around your own feet and your shoulders to make sure he didn't order it in your direction to harm you.

"How?"

Despite your trepidation, Suguru can see the way that your eyes sparkle at the thought of someone being like you. He knows how it felt for him, too.

"I can show you and so can my friends." He watches your nose scrunch in confusion at his words and he laughs, amused. The sound is musical and uplifting and you feel yourself lightening up for the first time maybe in your entire life. Knowing you aren't alone has shifted your perspective more than you realized it would.

"There are more of you?"

"A couple dozen, yeah."

Nodding, you think for a moment. What if he can actually help you? What if these people are actually like you? What if you can find a place that suits you for the first time in 18 whole years?

"How can you help me?" 

The man turns to you, knowing smirk in place across his mouth. “I can show you better than I can tell you.”

You hate her.

Never in your life has such a bitter feeling gathered in the pit of your stomach. Your face flames every time Manami walks by, you can feel it and you know she can see it. Tonight, you are more glad than ever to be on kitchen duty even if it means having to listen to her cackle from the other side of the wall.

“Geto-sama!”

She sing-songs across the tatami with a giggle as Suguru traipses by en-route to have dinner with the group, seating himself at the head of the table as everyone else files in around it. You fight the urge to roll your eyes from where you’re standing next to Mimiko and Nanako, pouring hojicha into tea cups. 

“Geto-sama,” you mock under your breath and Nanako giggles, dishing rice into bowls at your side. The two of you giggle together, a secret shared, as she begins to bring the dishes to the table for service. Sorting your tea cups, you count how many more servings you need as you look around the doorframe to see who is waiting.

Your relationship with Geto’s most trusted inner circle has expanded greatly since you first arrived months ago. 

They knew better than to be outwardly distrustful of you. Aside from the twins, every one of them had set out to find Suguru and his group on their own. He found you. He brought you. He touted your abilities long before you arrived.

“She’s the perfect blank slate,” he gushed over dinner one night as the other members of the group listened enraptured. “We got to her just in time, too. My source says that Gojo was planning on paying her a visit.”

Your arrival was underwhelming. Greeted at the end of the footpath that leads to the front door by Miguel, Larue, Mimiko, and Nanako while Manami glowered from the porch with folded arms, you weren’t immediately made to feel welcome by anyone except for Suguru who continued to guide you along the property with your arm looped in his. She was scoping you out, taking an assessment. She believed you to be no threat. She believed wrong.

Tinkering with the last cup on the counter, you take one look into the dining room again and the realization that your usual spot is full makes you chuckle humorlessly. Not that you’re surprised, Manami has done all but piss all over Geto to mark her territory but the sight makes a bitter, sour feeling turn in your guts just the same. Your nose scrunches as if you’ve smelled something bad and you don’t immediately hear when someone else enters the kitchen to pick up the tea cups you are still filling.

“About ready?” 

The voice you recognize as belonging to Mimiko calms you and you respond with a nod, wrapping your hand around the warmest cup as you take a breath and plaster a smile on. This one goes to the man himself and you feel eyes upon you as you offer it to him with a bow. His hand lingers on top of yours for a moment and you’re glad your face is pointed toward the ground, your flustered look hidden as long as you don’t make eye contact.

“We’re just waiting on you,” he chides lightly, always a stickler for timeliness. You lift your head to his view enough to offer an apologetic half smile. He pats the side of your face with his tea-warmed hand and your smile grows. Your eyes meet his rich, umber colored pair and you feel at peace. “Manami will be out of your spot by the time you get back.”

A small “oooooooh” breaks out around the table but the tension is quickly killed with a sharp look from Suguru. Everyone quietly begins shuffling their utensils and you don’t stick around to watch Manami’s rejection, scurrying back to the kitchen to gather your own rice and tea. 

“I want to share a few moments after dinner, if you’d all like to stick around.”

Suguru’s words inspire nods and happy, affirmative hums and you catch the tail end of them as you settle next to him at the table. Your opposition glares icily from the other end of the table, the same look she kept plastered on her face the day you arrived, and you meet her eyes long enough to offer a sweet smile before bowing your head in thanks for the meal you were about to share.

“I’d especially like for you to stay,” he looks across the table at Manami who nods once before turning back to her plate. Her lips are pursed and her eyebrows are knit together in irritation but smugness glimmers in her eyes. “You too,” he says and you turn your head to see him glancing down at you. Fondness crinkles the corners of his eyes slightly and you shrink into yourself with a nod and a shy smile. “Of course.”

The rest of dinner goes as you’ve come to expect. The twins giggle and joke with every other member of the group and you all sit beneath the watchful eyes of your leader who sips at his own tea with a barely visible over the edge of his cup smirk but you can see it from where you sit. You can see the corners of his mouth upturned just enough it makes your heart flutter in your chest. 

He looks down at you and thinks about how vulnerable you look. How little you hide, your emotions and yourself alike. Were you like this before he met you or is this his influence? He takes credit. He knows the way you flash fake nice shit eating grins in Manami’s direction is for his sake. His sweet little bird isn’t afraid to fight and he hoped that would be the case.

“Since we’re all here, I wanted to discuss a few things,” Geto clears his throat and sets his cup on the table in front of him. He basks as he feels every eye in the room turn toward him but none make him feel more intoxicated than yours. When he casts you a glance, you smile shyly. He wonders if you’ll do that forever, look at him as if he’s a savior on a big white horse. He hopes so.

“I want to make some changes in what we’ll all be doing around here,” his voice rings proud and clearly and you fight the urge to prop your head up with your hand girlishly to get a better look at him. A few people shift in their seated positions but you don’t glance around to find out who, gaze fixed upon the person you want to witness the most. 

“Manami, your duties are changing.” Replacing the sound of shifting clothing is small gasping and murmuring. Manami has been Geto’s assistant for close to two years, a coveted spot amongst anyone in the group. “You will still be my personal assistant but only for off compound events and daytime hours.”

Grateful for your own refusal to look at the rest of the table, you can tune out the uncomfortable chatting. “I know this may be surprising but we have many things ahead of us we need to prepare for,” he starts and the noise quiets. “Manami is one of the brightest among us and she will excel no matter what she’s doing.”

Hearing him praise someone else makes your back stiffen, the urge to pick at the seam of your t-shirt making your fingers twist in the fabric idly. You’re grateful your grip is beneath the table, hidden from view. No one will suspect how you feel as long as you’re careful but you gasp as you feel two large, soft hands untangle your fingers from your shirt and squeeze them between their palms. Looking up you’re greeted by the handsome, vulpine smile of Geto and you feel another gentle squeeze of your hands. 

You take a deep breath and ground yourself, focusing on his words as he opens his mouth.

“You will be my new on-premises and evenings assistant.” Despite your shock and the look on your face that shows it clear as day, you nod. “I would love to,” you clarify and he squeezes your hands once more as he rises and drops your clammy fingers back into your lap. 

Standing at his full height, Geto smiles as he looks over the faces of everyone sitting around him. Even Manami is working to hide her pout, looking toward the ground but keeping a smile plastered on her face. You sit with your legs tucked beneath you, a shred of hope illuminating parts of you that you once saw as dark and empty. 

You get to spend most of your day with Geto, most of your evenings too. Perhaps in that time he will finally have the opportunity to tell you about your gift. In 6 months you’ve learned as much as you knew the day you arrived but that may be soon to change. Giddiness makes you smile slightly, your face beaming as you keep it looking up. 

Suguru extends his hand in your direction and your smile grows wider. Gingerly placing your palm in his, he helps you rise as he places his hands on either side of your face. You strain your neck glancing up at him, you’re only chest level or so to his massive form and you can feel him using his grip on your cheeks to lower your head. Once you’re gazing at the floor his lips graze your forehead and you gasp, fire erupting through your limbs. 

“I’m going to teach you so much,” he coos as he uses his grip to turn your face back toward him. His eyes drink in the sight of you - the tip of your nose, the shape of your lips, and he smirks so quickly you swear you only imagined it. His thumbs graze your cheeks before he drops his grip and looks over your head at everyone else. That tall, dark shadow rests directly over you, though.

“You’re all dismissed, thank you for a lovely evening.”

Everyone stands and you stay facing Geto until all of the footsteps have filed out, waiting for his permission to leave next. You flinch slightly when his hands grip your face again, a natural reflex to the surprise of his touch, and he gazes at you silently for so long you stop keeping time. It could have been seconds, it could have been days - you will never know but you will accept it nevertheless. 

“Come see me tomorrow morning,” he whispers and you nod. You can see his eyes flit from your eyes to your mouth and you wonder what he’s thinking. He dips his head slightly and you can feel his lips brush gently against yours, a kiss almost too small to be qualified as one. You shiver, his thumbs digging into the plump flesh of your cheeks. 

“Yes sir.”

“Say that again,” he mutters against your lips. The vibrations of his words are directly on your skin and the heat that erupted in your limbs before has become a full blown fire, your face hot and your palms sticking together. “Yes sir.” 

He presses another kiss to your forehead and releases his grip, straightening his back out as he walks toward the door and offers you a bow of his head. “Get some rest.”

You make certain he’s gone before you touch your fingers to your lips, your eyes fluttering shut as you commit the feel of his soft mouth on yours to memory. You won’t be sleeping tonight.

“Geto-sama?”

The sound of your meek voice alerts Suguru to your presence and he looks up from his usual place by the open sliding door between his room and the porch attached to it, a light breeze blowing his hair off of his shoulder. He looks ethereal and resembles a hero from a book you obsessively read as a child. Rescuing a sweet young woman from a life marred by sadness, the hero hauls her off to a place where she can be happy.

The irony isn’t lost on you.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” you start, clasping your hands together in front of you and he rises to standing, elegance exuding from him even in the most mundane of situations. He approaches you and gently rubs the back of your head and you fight the urge to lean into the touch. No amount of him feels like enough.

“You didn’t interrupt anything,” he responds with a serene smile, one you’ve noticed is just for you. He doesn’t smile at anyone else like that, not even Manami, and smugness rises in you for a split second before he speaks again. “What can I do for you?”

Clearing your throat, you look toward the ground and keep your hands linked. Geto recognizes the posture, something you do frequently when you want to speak, and he waits with his own hands joined inside of the sleeves of his yukata robes. He loves how naturally you submit to him, how you won’t even meet his eyes.

“Why am I here?”

If he’s surprised by your question, he doesn’t show it, but he does take a few strides to your side to place a comforting arm around your shoulder. Against your better judgment, you lean against him. Sides pressed together, you’re surprised when you feel the most minuscule squeeze of reassurance. Your heart threatens to burst as he leads you to where he was sitting and invites you to sit across from him, the two of you looking out at the sun setting on the horizon. 

“Before I answer,” he adjusts his sitting position and turns to face you. The golden hour warmth hits his face and you swear, not for the first time, you are glancing at a deity. Something, someone, greater than yourself. You shouldn’t be this close to him and you start to spiral but his voice brings you out of your own mind and into reality, your gaze shifting from the ground to him. “Will you tell me why you’re asking?”

Twisting your fingers together and sitting your hands in your lap, you sigh. 

You’re uncertain of how much time has passed since you left your old life behind to join him and while you do finally feel at peace with yourself, the natural pull you feel toward the man who brought you here in the first place hasn’t dissipated in the way you expected it to. It feels like an unfulfilled hunger, a need more than a simple want at this point, but how can you begin to tell him that?

“I’m afraid that if I tell you, you’ll see me differently.”

Your words finally get a rise from Suguru and he quirks one of his dark brows. The crack in his cool headed exterior makes you giddy - is that because of you? You’re dumbfounded when his posture changes and he scoots closer to you, your knees nearly touching his. Should you pick yours up and press them against your chest? To quell your own anxiety, you decide to follow his lead. You will only move if he does.

“Nothing you say will change my opinion of you.” He reaches out and touches your knuckles with the tips of his fingers and you feel heat rise through every inch of your body. The touch makes you feel emotional and you break the intense eye contact between the two of you to stare at the ground, hoping it will hide the tears that are threatening to spill down your lash line. “I brought you here.”

Nodding, you lift your still joined fists together and wipe your eyes and down your cheek with the back of one of your hands. Although you are still looking down, you can see Geto moving from your periphery and you wonder what he’s going to do next. 

Concerned your display is upsetting him, you sit still and try to regulate your breathing to keep from sobbing but errant tears still flow. You feel Suguru’s finger before you realize what’s happening and you flinch slightly beneath his touch as he wipes the wet tracks off of your skin. He wipes his finger along the fabric of your yukata robe before wrapping both of your fists in one of his much larger hands.

“Please be honest with me.”

Thinking back to what prompted this need for confirmation of what you mean to him, you dig your nails into your palm until you’re certain marks will be left. Manami, someone who spends almost as much time around Geto as you do, comes into your mind and you gnaw on your lower lip as you think about the jealousy churning in your gut. Why does she get to be there to help him make decisions? Why does she get to watch while he’s in meetings? Why did you see her leaving his room last week, hours before dawn?

Knowing it should be you is the emboldening thought you need to open your mouth.

“Do I mean anything to you?”

Feeling him squeeze your fists, the palm of his hand warm and comforting, you release the breath you’ve been holding. For better or worse, you’re about to find out and although your mind is racing, willing yourself to be calm comes easy in his presence. As if you needed further confirmation of everything he has done for you at a moment when you’re demanding something you feel unreasonable for wanting.

“You mean everything to me, you’re our future.”

His confirmation makes you weep. Tears flow freely, dripping down your cheeks and they hit the knuckle of Suguru’s thumb. You should feel guilty, you think, for putting him in a position to have to answer to you but cannot bring yourself to do it. You shouldn’t have had to wait more than a year to know but forgiveness is easy when it comes to him. If anyone should be sorry it’s you for questioning him in the first place and so you begin to ask for forgiveness.

“I’m so sorry for asking, Geto-sama.”

You feel him pulling you into his lap, his strong hands wrapping around your hips and the blood rushes into your face. Perching with uncertainty, your bottom rests against his thigh and it feels natural. All of the yearning couldn’t have prepared you for this feeling and you sigh as he brings one of his large hands to cup the back of your neck, his voice so close to your ear it makes goosebumps erupt across your skin.

“Call me Suguru from now on,” he whispers, a secret for your ears only. You feel his lips press against the space where your jaw and neck meet, another secret for the two of you to keep. Everyone on the compound would view you differently if they knew this was happening but you don’t care. You can’t care, not when he’s running his palms up your waist and unfastening your robe.

The opened door with a view of the outside doesn’t concern you as Suguru’s deft fingers work at the knot keeping you decent, the same breeze that rustles his hair that has always reminded you of feathers blowing across your bare chest as the robe is worked down around your waist. Your nipple stiffens and Geto reaches to pinch it between his thumb and index finger, making you yelp.

“How long have you wanted this, my little bird?” He wonders aloud and you almost feel as if he isn’t speaking to you at all, he merely wants you to listen and to witness. “Since you met me?”

He knows the truth just as he knows the way you’re looking at him. Eyes lidded, cheeks puffed out, lips wet with your own spit. You’re never going to leave his side.

“Tell me the truth,” he pinches your nipple once more and you arch your back, lip jutting out at the roughness of the feeling. Nobody has ever touched you like this before and the feeling is electric. Despite the fuzziness in your brain, the heady arousal clouding your every thought, you wet your lips with your tongue and speak. 

“So long, Suguru.”

He smirks knowingly and lowers his head to suck your breast into his mouth, his warm tongue lapping at your skin. It’s nothing short of heaven, you think. This is how it always should have been. His hands travel from the dip of your waist to your hips, pulling the fabric of your robe further down to expose more of you to his hungry eyes. You reach out toward his face, your fingers tentatively brushing against his lower lip and he releases your nipple from his mouth.

“Can I touch you too?”

Another whisper, another secret. A predatory gleam shines in Suguru’s eyes and you wiggle against his lap, keeping your fingertips pressed against his mouth. He puckers and kisses them gently, reaching to grab your wrist. He places your hand against the bulge beneath his robes, covering your delicate fingers with his own.

“You can,” he uses his grip on your hand to press the heel against his hard cock and he hisses through his teeth. You admire the way his throat looks when his head is tipped back in pleasure, his Adam's apple bobbing. How is everything he does so effortlessly beautiful, you wonder. Your attention is recaptured by his voice. “But first, how long?”

Your wide eyed, parted lip expression only serves as further fuel for the blood pumping between his legs. You look so innocent, the same as you did when he felt the first of your defenses crumble, the day he approached you to come with him. It strikes him as funny that both times, your vulnerability is because he has put his hands on you. Nervously, you shift in his lap and he presses you closer to his body to keep you from going any further. 

“Since the first day,” you admit, to him and yourself for the first time. He smirks, molding your hand around his bulge and you squeeze. Another hiss from him is all you want, the noise motivating you to offer yourself further. Using your free hand, you slip out of your robe the rest of the way and for the first time, you're bare to his eyes.

"Look at you." Your face heats and you feel your posture collapse in on itself, shoulders slumping after being so seen. "Show me how well you listen."

His command drips with condescension but you’re too awed to notice. When you nod, he gently nudges you off of his lap and you tuck your legs beneath you. Watching as he rises, you stay seated and admire the way those same lithe fingers that were just caressing your overheated skin work at the knot in his own robes.

Those dark eyes glance down at where you kneel on the ground and he gently smooths his hand over the top of your head and slides it into place along your cheek to cup your face. Using his grip to force you to look at him, you do and appear dazed. Transfixed, perhaps, would be better. 

“I’ve always known,” Geto unfastens the knot in his robe fully and you gasp at the sight of his nude form backlit by dusk right outside the door. He’s tall and broad and you can’t look away. “That you would realize.”

Pumping his hand along his impressive length, you bite your tongue to keep from eagerly interrupting him. You want to touch him so badly, you have to sit on your hands like a child to keep from approaching sooner than you should. Before you can think any further about his words, he walks a few steps and the sticky head of his cock nearly brushes your soft, swollen mouth. 

“I knew it was you from the moment we met.” 

He hangs his head just low enough that you feel the words are truly meant just for you and you shiver. As you wait for further instruction, he squeezes your cheek and jaw in the palm of his hand. Your eyes don’t leave him once.

Suguru has always prided himself on his ability to break people down - to their core, their most base selves in every sense of the word. Usually there’s a moment where he can see in their eyes that they have been broken, cloudy and glossy. Yours have looked like that since he met you.

“This is what devotion gets you.” His words make you shiver as he uses his free hand to point the head of his cock at your lips, rubbing the sticky tip along your pouty mouth. Sitting still as stone and waiting for his directions, he gently pulls your face toward his pelvis and his tip pops into your mouth. A long, low moan leaves him and you squirm at the sound. “Just relax for me, okay?”

Suguru releases his grip on your cheek and moves to palm the back of your head, fingers finding an easy and natural grasp on your skull. You take a deep breath and look up at him with watery eyes and he chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re perfect,” he breathes toward the ceiling and you tense slightly as he uses his grip to move more of his cock between your lips. “Stay relaxed, baby. It’s okay.”

Your head bobs slightly and he groans again and you wonder what it will take to get him to make that noise again, the deep guttural moan sending shockwaves to your clit. You want to rut against something, to feel the pressure release in your stomach and between your legs, but Geto is your first priority. 

Experimentally, you dip your face toward the dark hair at the base of his thick cock and you gag a bit as more of his length slips down your throat. The grip on the back of your head tightens and he gasps. Lifting your eyes in his direction for just a moment, you whine at the sight of him with his head thrown back in pleasure. Open mouthed, eyes shut tightly, every muscle in his neck bulging - you love it. If you were a more artistic person, you’d find a way to capture this forever but for now you commit the vision to memory and allow him to thrust his hips so that the remaining length of him dips fully between your lips. The tip of your nose brushes his pubic hair and you moan and gag around his length, tears slipping out of the corners of your eyes. Using the thumb of his free hand, Suguru brushes your tears away and it makes you sob and gag. 

“Oh, don’t give up on me now,” he comforts from above, brows furrowed as his hips jerk and your nose continually bumps against his pelvis. Finding a rhythm, he listens to the noises coming from between your lips with every stroke and he feels himself getting closer. His balls tense and his cock twitches and he isn’t willing to prolong the wait any longer than it has already been.

“Open up, keep your tongue out, just like that,” he instructs as he releases his cock from between your lips with a sticky and wet pop, jerking his hand along his spit covered shaft right above your lips and chin and nose. “Stay just like ahhh-,” his words are cut short with a pleasured shout as he shoots translucent ropes of cum across your spit soaked face. A splash lands across your tongue and you note the salty taste - something you’ll associate with just Suguru for as long as you live. 

Wrist pumping until he feels fully emptied, he takes a deep breath and covers himself halfway. His lean torso is visible and you feel your cunt throb at the sight and part of you wonders if he’s going to do the same for you - if he’ll kneel between your legs and worship your pussy like he hasn’t had a meal in days.

“Miguel, Manami, you can come in now.”

The deep voice filling your ears makes you scramble to cover yourself with your arms, your breasts and back bare to the open sliding door. The pair make their entrance and you keep your face pointed toward the ground, tears spilling hot down your cheeks. Suguru pats the back of your head as he walks back toward the tatami and sits, patting the spot next to him for you.

“Had some other business to take care of, please forgive my rudeness.”

You stay frozen in place but you can feel the eyes of your compatriots on your sticky face, remnants of Geto clinging to your cheeks.

Days spent on the compound are simultaneously mind-numbingly boring and some of the busiest you’ve ever had.

Each morning, you rise with the sun and watch her from the window that is on the wall opposite where you lie. Most of the time you are on your side, arms wrapped around yourself, in your bed or Suguru’s depending on the events of the evening prior. He most often has you visit him in his quarters and you appreciate the near luxurious gift of privacy on those evenings. It’s far less private in your own room, thin walls separating yourself and whoever is in the room next to yours, although everyone seems to know exactly what Geto uses you for and has since your arrival.

He honors you by allowing you to love him, you remind yourself while the dark thoughts swirling in you churn. They’ll be chased away by the sun and by his presence when he returns to his room where you lay. His side of the futon is empty, already made up as if he were never there, so you allow your mind to wander. If he’s feeling generous, maybe today he will have lunch with you or even better, he’ll finally allow you to begin training your cursed energy into something more than a never-ending sinking feeling in your guts.

He promised you a very long time ago he would help you learn about your own abilities. It seems ungrateful to still long for usefulness considering you know exactly what your role is, yet you can’t help but wish to find this key to understand yourself that seems to always be out of reach.

Tracking the time fell away from you long ago, not long after the first time you were intimate with the man you so dutifully serve. Autumn gave way to winter which faded into a difficult to remember spring followed by the once again balmy days of summer. Again and again and again. Cicadas ring out across the secluded surroundings of the compound morning to night. You blink as they instruct you to rise, singing a tune even more rehearsed than the mechanical beeps of the alarms you used to set on your phone. How long has it been since you’ve had a phone? 

Does it matter?

Months or years may have passed but you find that you don’t care all that much. Time passes the same without being able to watch it, a voice that sounds a lot like Geto’s reminds you in the back of your head. You are here forever as part of your purpose to serve his goals and time is just a construct.

When’s the last time you felt like yourself?

Last night, when his satisfaction was the only thing you had to be concerned about, you chide yourself silently. You sound ungrateful to your own ears even if you don’t speak, these endlessly appearing questions becoming more aggravating with each second that passes, and you are annoyed and angry when you rise from Suguru’s bed, re-knotting the tie of your yukata. The shoji is open and he stands just outside of it wearing a cotton robe of his own, sunlight silhouetting him. 

He’s a God, you remind yourself, though it doesn’t kill the bitter taste in your mouth the way it usually does. Shuffling toward the door, you take a deep breath and call out his name from inside, his face turning toward you. This makes the bitter taste turn into something sweet you wish to taste again, a soft smile replacing your uncertain frown. 

“Good morning,” he calls toward you, sweeping his hand out in front of you to indicate where he’d like you to be. You dutifully follow the wordless instructions and arrive at his side with a smile, squinting in the early morning light.

“Good morning, Suguru. How did you sleep?” Smiling down at you, he gently takes your hand. “As well as I always do when you’re in my bed.”

The compliment and his touch make you feel girlish, heat rising in your face. To be a God’s beloved concubine is an honor, one you rarely take for granted even in your weakest moments. He has given you purpose, motivation, and an understanding you would not have found in a world with people who are unlike you.

Yet that same pit in your stomach lingers. He can tell, narrowing his eyes when he glances at you again though you avert your gaze.

“What’s on your mind?”

A tight smile slips across your face, measured and careful; similar to the one you always give Manami when she’s swearing her devotion to him at dinner or after the congregation. You want to tell him the truth, to open up and make him understand your need to be useful, but the words stick inside of you.

“Nothing, I just didn’t sleep very well.”

It isn’t exactly a lie but he knows that it isn’t the entire truth and his blood runs cold wondering what you’re hiding. You are usually so placid around him, glassy eyes and subdued smiles with averted eyes, but he can feel the anxiety flaring from your body. Are you unhappy? Is the spell he has held over you weakening? Does he need to scare you into reminding you of where your place is, the way he has with so many others?

Tutting gently, he wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you to his side.

“Speak freely, I value everything you have to say.”

Lulled into a false sense of security, you look at him out of the corner of your eye.

“May I train with you today?”

Suguru laughs, lifting his hand and gently brushing his thumb against your chin. He’s always touching you when it’s just the two of you, hands rubbing your forearms or fingers pressed against your face. He’s a sculptor and what are you if not simply the clay he’s molding beneath his touch, smoothing out edges and reshaping you from the bottom up into something you aren’t sure you recognize anymore which is how he has always intended things to be. His perfect blank slate, he said so many years ago. There isn’t a time where you haven’t proven it to be true even if you need a reminder. 

“Why?”

The tone of his voice makes you feel foolish for asking and your sidelong glance turns to the ground beneath you. Subservience is a practice and one you tend to be good at, evidence provided in the form of your refusal to make eye contact even when he begins speaking again.

“I’ll protect you from anything that could hurt you. You know that, right?” He furrows his brow, one of his hands wrapped around your forearm while the other remains on your chin. “You are safe here. Nothing here can or would hurt you, not while you’re in my care. Isn’t that enough for you? You demand training so you can, what? Fight?” Chuckling and finishing with a haughty sigh, he shakes his head. “You don’t have a fight in you, little girl. You never have.”

Defenses faltering, you laugh to yourself and up at him, sensitive eyes once again squinting when faced with the grace of the higher being in front of you. Of course he’s keeping you from having to enter battles you aren’t equipped for, isn’t that what he has been doing this entire time? Protecting you from those shadows that have lurked over your shoulder and kept you from sleeping since you were a child, comforting you, blessing you. 

Your rudderlessness isn’t Suguru’s fault, it’s simply your own for assuming you know more than he does.

Nobody knows you like he does. They never will.

“Please forgive me, Geto-sama.”

You call him Suguru in pleasure and Geto-sama in exaltation, raising it to the heavens that put him on the earth. Moving to fall to your knees before him in apology for making him believe his protection isn’t enough, he stops you with a firm hand on your shoulder. His thumb digs into your collarbone, somewhere between painfully and pleasurably, and you remain standing on wobbly feet with a dumbfounded expression. 

“I already have. For everything.”

There is so much you’ve done since you’ve arrived, so much to be forgiven for. Questioning him, doubting your place with him, doubting others, speaking with a jealous tongue and thinking poisonous thoughts. You accept his grace with a smile, tears rimming your eyes. You have always been told that forgiveness grants freedom, the wind at your back and the sun on your face. You feel it on this day, gazing up at a man who has saved you time and time again despite your own folly. 

Nodding and sniffling, you shut your eyes to stop yourself from open mouthed sobbing in thanks. You don’t deserve this and never have.

“I’m going to tell you something I’ve told nobody else, okay?” 

The assertion that he still trusts you despite your disrespect makes you emotional again, eyes opening and tears falling while you nod. 

“I love you.”

I love your devotion to me, he means, though you’ll never read between the lines to consider that the truth is that you are just a pawn to a man you’ve dedicated your existence to pleasing. Your body, your words, even the way you enter a room have all been carefully trained to suit him. You’ve been broken by his hands and he is always in a hurry to remake you, fashioning you into something once again useful.

“That’s why you’re here, little bird. To be safe and loved, not to fight or grow jealous or be angry with me. Are you angry with me?” You shake your head quickly, leaning into his touch with furrowed brows. He drops his hand from your chin and wraps his arm around your waist. “Never, Suguru.”

“Then don’t ask about training again, understood? Trust me to take care of you.”

And trust you do, nodding and finally letting that open mouth sob escape. He does a bit more tutting and his large hands paw at your body, yanking at the knot keeping your robe closed, roughly cupping your breast when the fabric falls open. Tears drip down your cheeks and onto the back of his hand, just how he likes it, and his tongue pokes out from between his teeth as he glances down at you.

“Do you trust me?”

This isn’t even close to the first time that he has asked but he needs to know just how many pieces he has smashed you into. He flexes his hand, squeezing your breast, further punctuating the point he’s trying to make - every little bit of you is his to have, to control, to make, to break, to feel.

“More than anything, Suguru, I swear.” Your legs ache to once again fold and bring you to your knees, the way you best know how to prove your regret, but you remain standing, lower lip quivering. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Your apology is a mantra you repeat as his hand dips lower beneath your robe, grazing the soft skin of your stomach and hip. Roughly wrapping a hand around said hip, he pulls you against his body, cold glance locked on your puffy, wet eyes. Despite himself, he smirks down at you, head tilted to the side. His hair is a black curtain that falls over both of you, soft strands resting against your bare torso and arm. 

“Do you love me?”

You do not have to think about your answer though it shakes when it leaves your mouth, your lungs begging you to gulp down enough air to replace what you’ve let escape through sobs. 

“I love you so much.” You shake your head and sob again. “Please, please believe me”

You feel like a half-formed thing, ready to be made over however he sees fit. 

“I believe you, no need to cry,” he assures you, grip on your hip tightening. You breathe through your open mouth and he takes the opportunity to bring his thumb to your face once again, pulling your jaw down and widening your mouth. You know what’s coming next, heat stirring from deep within you despite your sorrow, before he even commands it.

Your tongue lolls out of your mouth and he spits down onto the muscle.You roll it back into your mouth in an instant, grateful for the opportunity to have even the tiniest piece of him in you, his eyes following your throat as you swallow. Communion, consumption of him to purify yourself from the inside out. The ultimate apology until he can use your cunt to fulfill himself later, although he wants to take you now, right here, inviting everyone out to see the work of a master craftsman.

Sobs gradually give way to less powerful sniffles, you squint up at him with your skin exposed and his touch and his hair and his scent and wonder what you were even wishing would happen in the first place. That he’d train you to do what, exactly? This is what you were meant to do.

“Do you feel better?”

You nod and he smiles down at you, the same measured smirk he always wears. He leans down and kisses your forehead, pulling up the sleeve of your robe to give you some semblance of modesty but leaving it open as he ushers you back inside, sliding the shoji shut behind him. Suguru crowds you into the room, leading his nearly lost lamb toward the futon while untying his own robe.

“Now, apologize like you mean it.”

Now, you fall to your knees, grateful he’s allowed you to show how sorry you are in the shadows of his room instead of by the light of the sun.

“War is on the horizon.”

Sitting with your legs tucked beneath you at Suguru’s side on the elevated platform at the front of the room, you keep your eyes downcast while he addresses his congregation. This is your role, it has been for a very long time now, and you’ve learned to ignore curious onlookers or newcomers who will never be able to fathom such fanatical love. 

You love him so much you silence yourself. You sit by his side, so quiet you may as well be nothing but air. You have never learned how to defend yourself or even delved into the curses that used to weigh you down; freedom from these responsibilities came in the form of surrendering yourself fully to him. Body, mind, soul, all tied to his whims. You are a puppet on a string and he is free to move you in whichever way he chooses.

Just the way you like it.

“I’ve officially made the declaration to Satoru Gojo himself.”

For the first time in years, you look up when you are meant to look down, the anxious murmuring of the crowd making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You know what happens when the congregation disagrees or questions their leader and he rises with a flourish, petting the back of your head gently before stepping off of the platform.

“Do I sense disagreement?”

Looking every bit the apex predator that he is, you dare keep your gaze trained on his back rather than the floor. His head swivels from one prostrate form to another, seeking out anyone who dares disagree with his plans. Foreheads touch the ground below them, the ultimate show of devotion, yet one head remains raised and Suguru chuckles as he approaches the newcomer.

You don’t know their name, you realize. You stopped bothering to learn the newcomer’s names given how little interaction you have with them. They’re nothing but faces to be forgotten about after they have spoken out of turn and met their end at the hands of the man standing with his chin held high.

“Is there something you’d like to say?”

Whatever boldness was previously etched into the face of the man kneeling before Suguru has very clearly disappeared but tension flares through the room regardless. You know that whatever choice he makes, however he chooses to deal with this foolish man, is exactly what he deserves. To spit in the face of God is bold and everyone has to learn their place eventually.

You certainly have.

“N-no, no. Please forgive me, Geto-sama.”

Suguru clicks his tongue, turning to face the rest of his family with his arms spread wide, face turned toward the ceiling. Your eyes are to be trained on the ground but you drink in the sight of him standing amongst the mortals who have always believed they know better than he does. 

“What do you think I should do to the non-believer today?”

The question is rhetorical. At least, the silent room treats it that way, no one rushing to answer. Everyone knows to only speak when spoken to, even the inner circle who welcomed you years ago keep their foreheads pressed to the ground. He quietly pads through the crowd again, headed back toward you, and your eyes meet the ground swiftly to avoid being punished for looking at him out of turn.

“Look at me.”

Yours are the only pair of eyes he ever truly cares to have on him. Following the command, you glance up at him, remaining with your knees tucked beneath you and your hands folded in your lap. The way he looks down at you is as tender as he will ever get, even his softness is cold and harsh, but he speaks loudly enough that even the room behind him can hear that he values your opinion above the rest of them.

“What do you think I should do with him?”

Smiling back at him, your glassy eyes meet his and you say exactly what you know he wants to hear.

“Kill him, Suguru.” 

Smirking, he reaches down to pinch your chin between his index finger and thumb like he always does when you are performing as expected. It isn’t a performance anymore, if it ever was, it’s simply the way you feel when it comes to those who oppose him. He wags your head back and forth before dropping the touch completely, turning around and leaving you facing his back. 

Your eyes dart toward the ground once more. You were not instructed to look at him.

Geto walks through the rows of people once more, reaching to touch the backs of each of their heads while he passes, finally stopping in front of his target. His hands rest in the opposite sleeve of each of them and he bends at the waist, offering the same smile he gives to all of his victims.

“Well, unfortunately, your fate has been chosen. You may as well speak now while you still have the chance.”

A curse materializes, brought to this realm by the man in front of you, and you keep your eyes trained on the ground while screams and the sound of the rending of flesh fill the congregation room.

You’ll only look up once you’re instructed, as always.

[lethalchiralium]

Hi!! Can I request ghost one shot abt the reader having an abusive relationship (without ghost knowing he has a secret crush on her or smt), and when they are on a mission she tries to hide the bruises by saying that her bf is just drunk...thank u have a nice day!!

Innocent | Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader

a/n: i do not condone domestic abuse - or any abuse at all. If you are in a situation like this, you are not alone. There are a lot of resources that could help you get out. Please stay safe.

a/n: sorry if it sucks, it took me a while to even finish this.

warnings: DOMESTIC ABUSE, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. I’M SERIOUS. cussing, mentions of violence, injury, bruising, domestic abuse that involves mental and emotional manipulation, simon just wants to help, he is crushing but also wants to kill the man who touches you.

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It was the dead of night on the second day of the mission, Artemis laid in prone position with her sniper dug into her shoulder. It was swelteringly hot, even with the moon rising - she took another quick glance in her scope and deemed the area clear before sitting up. She sighed out the dormant breath, stretching her arms outwards before pulling off her short sleeve to gaze at the long sleeve underneath it.

She looked over her shoulders, making sure the rooftop was empty before pulling back the tan sleeves, gazing at the brownish-black bruises in the shape of handprints that littered her forearms near her elbows. Her fingers barely grazed the skin, staring at the vicious outlines. The ice had done nothing to help them go away and she couldn’t ice them for that long anyway, she was gone in a mission six hours later. That’s why she found herself on the rooftop on watch, questioning why her boyfriend kept doing it if he loved her.

She pulled her sleeves back down, nails found her teeth as she stared out into the treeline. It had been quiet for the past four hours, no one had even dared to venture up to the roof to talk to her - she was thankful for it in some aspect. Gave her time to contemplate, time to just breathe. She hadn’t been relaxed since… well… before this stuff had started with her boyfriend.

She was convinced that he didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t, he couldn’t. He bought her flowers every Tuesday she was home, he cooked dinner every chance he got, he folded laundry when she did the dishes - he was perfect to her for the past two years, except for when he got drunk. And of course, he was an incredible lightweight, so if he went past two beers, she knew she was in for it. She had finally gotten him to stop going for her throat, only grabbing at her arms and legs, punching whenever he felt like it.

She was humiliated by it. A Special Forces Sergeant being beat up by her boyfriend every time she goes home was embarrassing, but she couldn’t leave him. She loved him, she was convinced that he loved her. Wouldn’t he come to his senses one of these days?

She yelped in pain when a hand grabbed her forearm, she ripped her arm away as she looked up to see the familiar skull mask above her. The hand moved away quickly, she moved away from his feet as he spoke, “Not on your game, Sergeant.”

“Sorry, LT.” She mumbled, instinctively tugging down the sleeves even if they were grazing her wrists. She sat back a little, watching as Ghost settled on the ground beside her.

“Gettin’ tired?”

“No, sir.”

He didn’t make another sound, pulling the rifle from her stand and taking a look at it. “Did you hurt your arm earlier?”

She didn’t answer, only staring at the ground.

“Show me.”

Her head moved up so fast she thought it was going to fly off, she babbled, “What? No, it’s fine, LT, I promise-“

He grabbed Artemis’ wrist, she squawked as he pulled up her sleeve, seeing the purplish-black outline of a hand print. And he was damn sure it wasn’t her hand. She tried to pry her wrist from Ghost’s grip, but he looked up at you. “Tell me what happened.”

“It’s nothing, I promise-“

“Please don’t make me order you.” His voice grew soft, the grip loosened and she pulled her arm away, eyes staring into the ground. “Was it one of the muppets back at base?”

“No.”

“One of the boys?”

“What? No, no- Ghost, please.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“No no, it was my fault, I was annoying him and he was drunk-“ She mumbled, feelings tears sting at her eyes as she pulled the sleeve down again. “He just gets drunk sometimes, that’s all.”

“Are you serious?” Ghost’s voice was low, his hand resting on his thigh. If she looked now, she could see how his hands curled into fists, notice the small difference in how his jaw was clenched so hard, he thought he might crack some teeth. But she didn’t. Kept her eyes on the floor, looking away from her lieutenant.

“It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing, love.” He murmured, opening a hand and pressing his palm into his knee, forgoing trying to reach for her like his frozen heart wanted to. “No man who loves you should put his hands on you, ever hurt you.” He took a short breath. “Even if he’s drunk. That’s not love.”

“He loves me.” She spoke immediately after, her hands clenched into fists. “He brings me flowers, he cooks for me- he waits for me after every mission…” She sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “He proposed. He doesn’t ever mean to hurt me.”

He watched her with bated breath, letting her continue.

“We’re planning on kids. He told me he’ll get sober.” She felt the tears as they raced down her cheeks and onto her cargo pants.

“Would your kids deserve that kind of love?”

She froze. It took her a moment to turn and look at Ghost, his eyes out on the tree-line.

“What?”

“No kid ever deserves a father who beats ‘em, beats their mum. Doesn’t matter if he’s sober, love,” He settled the rifle back onto the stand and looked back at her. “He’ll always get violent. It’ll boil over ‘til he gets just mad enough that he puts one or both you and your kids in the hospital, even if he’s sober. That’s not fair.”

She sat there, stunned. Tears felt cold now as they dripped from her chin.

“Speaking from experience?”

He looked away, back to the treeline before lowly saying, “My father deserves to die. Haven’t gotten the chance to put the bullet in his head for what he did to my mum and brother.”

Artemis reached her hand out, placing her hand on his fist - his head turned to her. His brown eyes were wide, but she could barely see them. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t stay with that fucker. It’ll only get worse, it‘ll never get better.”

Her hand didn’t retreat; but her head lowered. “I don’t think I can leave, he always joked that he’d kill me if I tried to.”

“Sergeant, I really rather not see you in a civvy body bag ‘cause I wasn’t able to help you.”

She looked at her hand, his other hand gently settled on top of hers.

“I mean it. Let me help you, Missy.”

She looked to her lieutenant, a smile on her face. “What?”

“Your name is Artemis. Mis? Missy?” He answered, before continuing, “I’m not saying that you’re not good at aiming-“ He flustered over it but she just turned and looked up at the stars.

“Missy. I like it.” She nodded before looking back at him. “Only you can call me Missy, though. Letting Soap use it might go to his head.”

“Oh, didn’t know he had one.”

She laughed a little while Simon smirked under his mask. She looked back at the sky again, drawing the constellations in her head before she spoke, “Thank you, Ghost.”

“For what?” He asked, his eyes couldn’t move away from her, even as she kept her gaze at the sky.

“For being here for me today. And the other day.” Her voice wavered a little bit, yet she kept her gaze steady. If she could, she would’ve counted all of the stars in the sky - but she couldn’t. The tears were brimming at the side of her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I can go with you.” He spoke quietly, eyes back on the tree-line. “In case he gets physical.”

He felt as her head rested on his shoulder, hand still sandwiched by his.

“I still love him.”

Ghost sighed, moving the hand from underneath hers to settle on her knee. “I know.”

“All of my future will go out the window.”

“I know, love.”

“What will I do?” Her voice wavered, more tears fell from her eyes. “Where will I go?”

“I’ll help you.” He whispered, eyes still on the perimeter, making sure they were safe. “You can stay with me at my flat.”

“I can’t ask that of you, LT.” Her hand squeezed his knee, he patted her hand.

“I’m offerin’, you won’t be a burden. I can guarantee that no one will put your hands on you again.” Ghost spoke it into existence, promising the universe that would kill for her. He looked down to her, meeting her eyes again and he wished he could’ve moved closer, feel what her lips felt like on his like he did in his dreams. “I’ll off the bastard if you want me to.”

She gazed at him, tears slowly stopping as she whispered, ���Okay.”

“If you don’t, I won’t. I’ll make sure he’ll stay away, but know that he will get a bone broken for every time he ever put his hands on you.”

“Don’t hurt him.” Her voice was small, he could almost feel her tremble.

He shook his head. “He already crossed the line, love. My fists are called payback for a reason.”

Copyright © 2023 lethalchiralium. All rights reserved.

[mik0is0bored]

"Don't say you don't have enough time."

Chapter i: Sick from Exauhstion

Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

Contents page !!

Offical playlist🎧

Note: I didn't like my original megumi x reader fic, and I've wanted to do a jjk college au for like a few weeks, so here's this <33

Note: i plan on making a playlist for this fic, so when I get around to that, I'll have it linked in the contents page!!

Description: You've begun your life as a college student this October. And boy, it is not as fun as it seemed in those corny, romance movies you always watched when the leaves changed color. College is stressful. Buying the correct textbooks, then trying to figure out where your dorm is, and the most stressful it seemed, was trying to figure out where the hell your first lecture is. The weeks roll by, and you feel more and more burnt out as the days crawled by, your mental health wasn't doing so good either. But when you met the spikey black haired guy with green eyes (who occasionally helps you study) you begin to hope that the stress will lighten up soon, that it won't last forever.

Tags: Megumi Fushiguro x fem!reader, burnt out reader, mentions of depression, suicide (one chapter!), swearing, no curses au, college au, peers to lovers au, SFW

Note: Taglist is open! Comment on this post or any post related to this fix or use inbox to request being added to the taglist!

Warnings for this chapter: mentions of self-harm, depression, low mental health, and suicidal ideation.

God, it's about time.

You sigh to yourself as you put the final box containing your belongings into your car. Today was the day you were leaving to move into the dorms at the university you had been accepted to.

High school had sucked. The burnout was affecting you. Three months wasn't enough of a break, but there wasn't anything you could do.

You waved goodbye to your parents, then slide your headphones over your head, and press play on your phones music app, before getting into your car, then tossing your phone in the passengers seat.

You began to drive down the street, past the places you grew up knowing. You never moved around as a kid, you moved once, because your parents' apartment was too small for a family of three to live in, plus there was a pest problem anyway.

You had only moved across town anyway.

You also didn't have many friends. You weren't as social as the other kids in your class. You were close with probably four people in elementary, maybe three, you don't really remember.

Grade school, it felt like all your friends left. They either abandoned you, or they moved away, with or without notice, it still hurt.

You were close with two people at the start of third grade until you met your best friend, whom you've known since then.

One of the three you had befriended in second grade more or less became an asshole. But it was fourth grade. Kids are emotional and annoying.

So, to put it nicely, he had become quite the jerk. But near the end of fourth grade, he was a little nicer.

Until he moved without notice. You still had your other two friends, though.

Then fifth grade passed, your best friend moved to another school for a year, and your other friend wasn't responding to messages.

That felt like the worst year and a half of your life, and it was also when your mental health started getting bad.

By the time it became seventh grade, your best friend had returned, and your other friend would talk to you occasionally.

Until she moved.

You'd known her the longest, and somehow, you felt nothing when she left. You've experienced loss time to time. You've had depression, even at the young age of 13.

So all you had left was your best friend, whom was now your only friend.

You and her navigated through highschool together, you talked about everything together.

You never had any arguments, just minor disagreements here and there.

But nothing that would affect the relationship you had with her.

Before you knew it, you had left your town you grew up in.

You were now on the highway.

You thought about your highschool years. Chemistry wasn't your strongsuit in your second year, and your English teacher wasn't the best.

You really liked health, it was easy, you felt like you got a break from education there.

You exhaled a shaky breath, feeling tears start burning your eyes.

You shook your head, hoping to get the urge to cry out of your system.

It didn't leave.

You began to fall towards rock bottom at the start of your second year. The burnout, the depression.

The urge to just die.

It all became to strong then. And it seemed like it didn't to away then.

That one week you had eight tests, you wanted to shut down and die.

That week, you added another cut to the collection of scars that seemed to accumulate on your wrist.

You hid the scars, and you hid the cuts.

The only time you opened up about them was when you typed a whole paragraph to your best friend.

How you promised you were getting better, but you'd relapse your actions by the end of the month. Pathetic of you, really.

Eventually, without knowing it, you began breaking down in your car, sobbing your eyes out.

But for your luck, you had finally made it to the university, so you let yourself sob like your life depended on it.

This year, you promised yourself if things didn't get better, if things got harder, and you felt like you couldn't cling onto someone to help keep you afloat, you'd end yourself.

Yeah sure, your parents said you were overdramatic when you told them you felt burnt out.

"Get over yourself"

"It'll get easier"

Yeah, like hell it did.

But you did promise yourself. This was a promise you'd keep. If you didn't find someone, you were done.

At this point, you had nothing to live for.

Megumi was sitting in the university dining hall, conversing with his best friend, Yuji, whom of course, was always exuberant as ever.

Megumi was partially paying attention, he had spent the whole night reading a twenty page syllabus, which if he remembered correctly, highschool didn't have this many pages to a damn syllabus.

He let out a tired yawn, humming and nodding to what Yuji was saying.

Yuji looked down at his friend, noticing Megumi had slumped in his seat, the side of his face pressed against the cold surface of the table before flicking his forehead.

Megumi grumbled, sitting up.

"What the hell was that for?"

Yuji chuckled sheepishly, as he rubbed the back of his neck and spoke.

"You seemed to be falling asleep there, I just wanted to see if you were still awake. I think you need to-"

Yuji hesitated when he felt his phone vibrate before checking his phone, before sighing and speaking.

"Todo wants to head to the gym with me. But what I was gonna say is you need to give yourself a break, maybe find someone."

Megumi raised an eyebrow, his usual phlegmatic tone apparent in his voice, with a twinge of exhaustion in there.

"'Find someone'? Like a romantic partner?"

Yuji nodded and pointed at him, as he began scooping up his things and shoving them in his bag before stepping backwards, calling to him.

"Exactly! Go find a girl or something! Or a guy! I'd support you either way!"

Yuji exclaimed as he ran into a cement pillar before turning around and running off to go meet up with Todo at the gym.

Megumi rolled his eyes and sighed. "Go find someone"? How the hell did he expect him to do that?

Megumi had been pretty antisocial his entire life. He didn't really have friends until he met Yuji and Nobara in high school. He felt like he didn't need anyone, frankly.

He huffed in annoyance as he pulled out his phone, casually scrolling for a little while. He eventually decided he would get up and head to his dorm, he really didn't have anything to do anyways.

He knew he had to read another 20 page syllabus when he got back to his dorm, but he honestly decided against it for now, just wanting to sleep before he did anything else.

He made his way back to his dorm, falling into his bed. And almost as if on cue, he began hearing... an electric guitar?

"Damn it all..."

Megumi muttered to himself before kicking the wall and calling

"Hey asshole. Play your guitar quietly, I'm trying to sleep"

The guitar stopped before the person on the other end spoke.

"Yeah, sure. Sorry."

Megumi let out a sigh of relief at that, knowing the guitar would stop for now. He eventually fell asleep, but in an hour or two's time, he woke up again, it now being 3:48 in the afternoon.

He looked for his phone before looking over the edge of his bed and sighed. Apparently, he was too tired to put his phone on his desk, so it ended up staying on his bed, and now resulting to laying face up on the floor.

Thankfully, the screen of his phone wasn't cracked.

He opened his phone, before checking the weather app. It was cold, but fhe weather was nice. 52 degrees, but no rain.

He looked out his window and saw how beautiful it looked outside, so he decided to take a walk around campus. It'd accomplish two things;

One, he'd get exercise, and that's never a bad thing. Two, it'd help him get used to the large campus, which compared to his high school, it made his high school look like a daycare.

He didn't bother changing out of his grey sweatpants and black t shirt, and he also didn't bother to fix his messy hair.

Megumi handled cold weather well, so he kept his jacket draped over his desk chair, only putting on a pair of black sneakers and his dorm keys, and his phone before walking out, and closing the door.

After your breakdown, you had quickly made your way to your room, which was across the hall from this guy. How'd you know? He was walking out of his room as you were walking into yours.

The guy had messy black hair and had been wearing grey sweatpants and a baggy black t shirt. You guys didn't converse, but you both nodded a greeting to one another. That's a start, you suppose.

You put the four boxes from your car in your dorm, throwing your blankets and pillows on the bed, filling the small closet and dresser with your clothes (which was mainly jeans, sweatpants, a few pairs of shorts, a TON of oversized band tees and several sweatshirts and hoodies).

You exhaled after you did that, then went onto the next thing. You had already bought the textbooks needed, and for now, you just kept them in the box you had packed them in back home.

You felt too exauhsted to even do more.

The burnout you felt shouldn't be like this, since your lectures would start tomorrow, but you couldn't help it. Your job over the summer as well as the lingering stress and exauhstion from graduation was still there.

You threw yourself on your bed before sighing. Damn, was all of your time at university gonna be like this? Hopefully not.

As you let your mind wander, it fell back to the promise you made to yourself.

One more year. If it's just as bad or worse, you're ending it.

You exhaled quietly, before pulling up the sleeve to your sweatshirt, looking at the several markings made on your wrist. Scars were either a faint pink, symbolizing being older than others, or the redder ones, signifying they're newer.

And even the cuts that scabbed over, you felt the urge to pick st them until they bled again. The urge was strong. You felt like you needed to.

Like it wad a necessity.

You shoved it to the back of your mind. No, don't cut or pick at scabs today, you did yesterday and the day before.

But it was so. Damn. Tempting.

You clutched your wrist with your other hand, squeezing it tightly before sighing. You for up from your bed to grab a cup of instant noodles and headed for the dorm buildings kitchen, to boil the noodles.

Shit, you almost forgot.

You picked up your jacket you had taken off before pulling it back over your head and put on slip-on sandals and headed out your door.

Ooh first chapter<33

This might also be the longest chapter of anything I've ever written so round of applause👏

For the most part, everything abt the friend abandonment and the burnout and all that lovely stuff is stuff from my life so I wanted add a part of myself to this fic and I think so far it's coming out really nicely

This chapter might seem a little dark, the intention for this fic is mostly angst and a bit of sweet stuff here and there (that'll happen when reader and Megumi meet, which is more than likely the next chapter

Idk how ppl will react to this but I hope ppl like it >//<

Taglist is still open! Comment on this post/main contents post/inbox to request being added!

Taglist: @theremainsof @missunrise @1l-ynn @cloudserenity

[httpknjoon]

(re)starting over again | kth; 10.5

plot | Your four-year relationship with Taehyung was going well and strong. Until he was involved in a car accident, resulting to him losing some memories. By some, it means everything that happened five years ago. Things he remember? His friends, his bakeshop, and his ex girlfriend from the past. With that, you tried to keep up, restarting over again.

words | 3.5k

genres | fluff, angst, amnesia au

pairing | taehyung x reader

warning/s | -

note | more angst haha I swear rainbows and sunshine are coming soon. icymi, I made a spotify playlist for this series! it gets updated every time I write for mc and taehyung. expect it to be angsty haha! anyways, enjoy reading this one. let me know y'all's thoughts.

main masterlist | series masterlist

“Are you sure about this?”

Gail, your supervisor, looked at you while holding the paper you gave her just minutes ago. Your heart beats heavier and louder as you stood in front of her. Gail was never a terrifying supervisor to you. She was always considerate. But this thing that you’re doing right now is still nail-biting. You came to work early today just so you can talk to her. No one knew about your plan except you. 

“Yes,” you replied, unconsciously fiddling with the fabric of your scrub pants.

She stared at you for what felt like a minute. You cannot even read what’s going on in her head. Her eyes wore no emotions and her lips formed a thin line. She moved her sight to the paper again. You felt like you needed to say something.

You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry if it seemed too soon.”

“Oh, it’s fine. We all know two weeks is the minimum time for notices like this.” Finally, her lips broke into a small smile, easing you for a little, as she looks at you again. “May I ask your reason for making this decision?”

You didn’t hesitate on telling your true reason, “I need to take a break and a new environment due to recent circumstances.”

That was two days ago. Gail approved your resignation letter after that exchange and was supportive of your decision. She said you can come to her anytime if you need a recommendation letter for your next employer. Your two-week notice began that same day without anyone– even Jisoo or Julia– knowing. You don’t want to disturb Jisoo because she’s already stressed enough with her wedding.

“You coming home?” Julia asked as you two get your bags on your lockers. 

You two just finished your graveyard shift at seven o clock. You just had a twelve-hour shift but you’re still off to somewhere.

You shook your head, “Not yet. I’m taking a train to Incheon.” 

Her head tilted in your direction, “What? Why? That’s like an hour's ride from here.”

“I’ll be checking this studio apartment unit I saw online,” you answered like it’s not a big deal.

Her eyes widened almost instantly, “You’re moving?!”

You quietly nod your head to her surprised question. A hint of excitement was also obvious in her tone.

“That’s far! Have you told Jisoo yet?”

“Nope.”

“How about Taehyung? Is he going to travel from there to his shop every day? And the house–”

“I still haven’t talked to him about it.” you cut her off calmly before she can ask anything else.

Julia was quick to understand what you meant. Your lips formed into a small, sad smile after saying that. Julia just waved her hand back when you waved yours as you bid goodbye. She instantly knew that moving to a new place isn’t the only life-changing choice you’re making in your life right now.

It was a couple of days before Jisoo and Namjoon’s special day, exactly three days in your two-week notice. Raindrops just happened to visit every night you have a late night shift. You didn’t notice the weather until you heard the roars of thunder while you were in the shower. 

You were busy the whole day in your room. Just cleaning up, feeling like a robot, numbly working so much but eating less. You only had a late breakfast. Taehyung made you buttermilk waffles with fruits, leaving it in a Tupperware on your kitchen counter. You ate and made sure to leave no dishes in the sink. Like a ghost, that’s how you liked to describe your recent presence in your shared home.

You find yourself busy since morning, removing photos in the frames you displayed before and folding some of your clothes from your closet to your luggage. Then, you prepared for your eight-hour shift. Just five minutes past ten in the evening, you walked out of your room ready to go.

“Hey.” 

You saw Taehyung sitting on one of the chairs on your kitchen counter. A thin sheet of smoke from the cup on the table showed he was drinking tea. 

“Hi.” you greeted him shortly.

The shorter your response is, the smaller the chances of small talk, you thought. 

“I packed you some light snacks there. Just some granola and fruits. Also, yogurt.”  

You want to feel something. The joy and giddiness you always have when Taehyung does nice things for you, pre and post-accident. Something that will make your day and shifts your mood. But you almost felt nothing now.

“It’s raining hard tonight,” he mumbled, looking outside the small window in your kitchen.

“It is.”

You tried to busy yourself with putting the snacks he prepared in your bag, not even looking up at him. Not until he said,

“Can I walk you to the stop?” 

Finally, you looked at him. He cannot assume if you’re surprised based on your expression because your face remained blank. No emotions at all.

He continued, ”I just want to make sure you’ll get to work safely.”

“Okay.” Whatever you say.

“You know, you don’t have to do any of this.” You were just looking ahead as you resumed, “You’re not obligated to do anything with me.”

“I wanted to do this.” He replied.

You knew he was looking in your direction through your peripheral vision. As much as you wanted to believe his sincerity, you don’t want to get your hopes high. He was just being nice. That’s it.

Before you go, he handed you another extra umbrella. No one said a single word. You sat away from the windows, just at the back of the bus. Because you knew damn well that you might feel guilty if you see Taehyung frozen on the same spot, waiting for your bus to leave.

“Wake her up. I’ll take out our stuff.”

Jimin unfastened his seatbelt after parking the car. Taehyung turned his head back to your direction. You have been sleeping throughout the whole night and none of them bothered to wake you up when they had a quick stopover since they knew you came from an overnight shift earlier. He got off his seat, gently closing the passenger door.

“YN….” he softly calls for your name.

It took him two more calls before you hummed and moved on to your seat. Your eyes were still closed as you respond to him, still half-asleep,

“What?”

“We’re here…”

Slowly, your eyes opened. You blink a couple times before rubbing your eyes as you sat back properly. Slightly confused, you looked around. He watched as you slowly get back to your senses and realize that you have arrive at the event venue.

“Oh…” you said under your breath. You ran your hand on your dress to smoothen out the tiny wrinkles. Unexpectedly, you turned to Taehyung, “How do I look? Did my hair–”

“Lovely,” he murmured.

For a moment there, you thought you heard a small beat inside your chest. You stare at each other’s eyes and the first thing you sense was familiarity. Then, longing. Then, abruptly, you looked away. Taehyung wasn’t sure if your eyes began glistening before you blinked away. He was about to ask when Jimin spoke outside the car,

“Is she awake? Let’s go. The rehearsal is starting soon, we still have to get these bags in the hotel.”

Thank God, you found a slight relief. Taehyung moved out of your way to let you get out of the car. Minutes later, you, Taehyung, and Jimin are walking to the entrance of the hotel when someone greeted you.

“Oh, my god. Hi!”

Yoonji, Jisoo’s cousin and also one of the bridesmaids, greeted you on your way into the small hotel meant for guests. He recognized her as one of the girls who brought you home after Jisoo’s bachelorette party. You two hugged for a quick second while she smiled politely at Taehyung and Jimin, who introduced himself.

“You can just go tell the receptionist your names. Then, they will say what’s your room number,” she instructed in a little hurry. “The rehearsal will be starting in a few minutes!”

She was pulled by another woman, who you assume is Jisoo’s other relative. You followed what she said and the receptionist was pleasant when she asked for your names. After that, she handed out two keys.

“Room 23 is for Mr. Park. Room 27 is for Ms. YN and Mr. Kim.” Kath, the said receptionist, said.

Your jaw almost dropped while Taehyung froze. Jimin, who stood between you two, immediately noticed your silent reactions. He took the initiative to ask,

“Uhm… May we request another room?”

Kath shook her head, “I’m sorry, sir. But the Kims were the ones who arranged everyone’s rooms.”

You cleared your throat as your brain began processing again, “But do you guys have other available rooms that we can pay for?” 

“We’re currently fully booked, miss. We assume the Kims already booked enough rooms for their relatives and other important guests. So we had our further rooms booked for other visiting guests in town.”

After squeezing your eyes shut while listening to her explanation, you just forced a smile, “Okay, we understand. Thank you.”

Your rooms were on the upper floor and there were only stairs. Taehyung offered to carry your small luggage for you but you declined. Both men could not tell if you were pissed as you kept a straight face until you and Taehyung stood in front of the twenty-seventh room. He unlocked the door for you two.

“Hm.” 

You unconsciously let out a heavy sigh as you and Taehyung scanned the whole room with your eyes. The room was not that… spacious. But it has what a guest needs. A king-sized bed, closet, own bathroom, a table and a chair, and flat-screen television mounted on the wall for entertainment. Plus, a big window with big curtains. 

“You know, maybe I can just go to Jimin’s,” Taehyung, who’s standing behind you, suggested.

But you looked at him, “Do you want to?”

“What?” he blinked, maybe he misheard it.

“Do you want to go there? I mean, this is a king-sized bed. I’m fine sharing it, less hassle. We can put a divider or something.” you recommended, pointing to the bed.

“Are you okay with that?”

You nod, “Yeah. Are you?”

“Okay.” Taehyungs nods too.

“Okay,” you whispered.

It was silent again after that. The atmosphere was weird and maybe suffocating. You are starting to hate this kind of air every time you’re with him. It’s encouraging the decisions you’ve been thinking about lately. Breaking the ice, you looked up at him.

“Uhm, we should go. The rehearsal’s starting soon.”

“Thank you for helping make tomorrow the perfect day for us.” 

The wedding rehearsals earlier were quick as it was not that complicated. Everyone was later invited to the rehearsal dinner. Your seats were pre-arranged. So of course, you two sat next to each other. 

Jisoo was in the middle of her dinner toast when Taehyung took a glance at you. Your sights were focused on the couple who stood in the middle of the event. Your lips formed into a relieved smile as your eyes brighten.

"Tonight, we appreciate you, the people we treasure the most. We toast to having the best wedding team ever!"

Everyone raised their glasses of wine and champagne and took a sip from their drinks. Then, everyone began talking to someone while enjoying the rest of the dinner. Everyone around you and Taehyung is having fun conversations. Even Jimin, who is now talking to some guests. After stealing another glance in your direction, he thought of making a conversation with you.

“I’ve never seen Namjoon that happy,” he mumbled as he looked at his friend.

Unexpectedly, you responded, looking at the couple, “So is Jisoo. Look at their smiles.” 

“How did they meet?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s a really good meet-cute.” you chuckled, shoulders visibly relaxing. 

Then, you began talking about the beginning of your friends’ love story. You were proud as you shared that you were present when they first met. And after days of getting blank stares and rejections from you, Taehyung can see a genuine smile on your face again. He can listen to more of your stories if that is what it takes for you two to be okay again.

The conversation plays out until you and Taehyung decided to get out of the event since guests began going too. From Jisoo and Namjoon’s meet-cute, the topic jumped to how you had a couple of double dates with them. You were enjoying telling stories that you almost forgot about that gloomy feeling you’d been having in you for days now until Taehyung asked another question while you two stroll your way back to your shared room.

“Maybe we could do that again with them?”

You turned your head at him, raising an eyebrow, “What?”

“Double dates. It seemed like we had fun with them,” he replied, hands in his pockets as he smiled softly.

Then, once again, these heavyweights slowly landed on your shoulders and you can feel something breaking inside of you, making you clutch your palm on the skirt of your dress. Taehyung quicking took notice of you pausing and looking at him with lips slightly parted and the joy in your eyes faded, worrying him.

“Hey? You okay?” he asked gently, looking at you.

With that, you snapped out of your trance and nods, “Yeah, sorry.”

God! Get ahold of yourself. You remind yourself. You remembered your things packed back at home and the resignation you signed days ago. You already had a plan and this sudden idea from Taehyung should not change any of it. Unconsciously, you let out a sigh. Taehyung’s heart beats faster.

“Did I say anything wrong?

“Oh, no.” you forced a smile as you took steps with him to the stairs. You let out an awkward chuckle, “I just don’t think we can do double dates anytime soon.”

“Ah, yeah.” he went along.

And it’s silent all over again. But this time, there was this air between you two. You both can feel that someone wants to say something to another. But, both of you two can’t. With every step closer to your room, the air gets thinner and thinner. And when you stood outside your door,

It shattered.

“Can we talk?”

“Can I talk to you?”

Both you and Taehyung said at the same time. You two were staring at each other when you said that. And when you two realized what happened, you looked away with an airy chuckle. You opened the door and he followed inside.

“So… are we going to talk here or outside?” Taehyung spoke when he saw you opening the curtains, letting the fresh air get into the room.

“Uhm, here’s fine,” you replied before inhaling again on the small balcony.

The original plan was to let Taehyung know about your plans after this event. But you just can’t keep it anymore. Especially after you reacted with Taehyung offering ideas like double date again. Taehyung wanted to wait too and he was willing. But he felt he needed to say what he wants now. It might help your relationship at the moment.

“Okay,” you whispered.

You sat on the soft mattress of the bed. Taehyung took a seat on the chair next to the table, just a few feet away from you. He watched as you bit your lip, looking down. You fiddled with your fingers and he can see your chest heave. You were visibly nervous and it makes him wonder what are going to say. 

“YN–”

“Can–”

He nods at you to continue and you did, “I was just going to ask if I can go first.”

“Sure,” he answered, leaning back in the chair.

“Okay. Thank you,” you said every word with the heaviest sigh since you find your heart pounding like crazy just now. 

With all the will in your body, you focused your sight on the man in front of you. His hair was pushed back and the first two buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned. His eyes gaze back at yours, you wished you can just communicate with him through this since it might be easier. But you can’t. And within seconds, you can feel the tears at the edge of your blurring sight.

“Taehyung…I… Uhm…” you stuttered when you see a flicker of concern in his eyes. But you continued, “I’m leaving.”

He just stared after you said that. Then, you read the confusion on his face, “What?”

You gulped, “I’m leaving this… arrangement … or whatever this is called. Us. I’m leaving us.”

Your hands shake while waiting for a reaction from him when you said that. But you cannot read his face anymore so you went on.

“I’m moving out of the house. I already looked for an apartment. I know, the house is our shared property. We can talk about the whole splitting thing when I–”

“Are we breaking up?” Taehyung finally said something. His eyebrows were scrunched and his eyes were surprised. But his tone was in between shock and sadness. And maybe mad. You cannot tell.

“Is there even any relationship to break?” 

That was the first thing that came into your mind and you barely thought about it as you said it. You matched his tone. Now, it feels like you two were overwhelmed with emotions and the silence that followed after your question helped to at least make you calm a little. 

Taehyung, on the other hand, is not off his peak of emotions. But he was quiet. He doesn’t know what to feel. He cannot tell what he’s been feeling. Even after what happened these past few days, he didn’t expect to hear this from you. 

“You don’t know me, Taehyung. I’m basically a stranger to you and I’m more than grateful to you for at least letting me take care of you after the accident. But it’s not your obligation to be with me just because I was your girlfriend. The last thing that I want is to force you to stay committed–”

You were ready to end the conversation just like that. But Taehyung cut you off,

“What if I want to? What if I want to be with you now?”

“What?”

You didn’t sound happy. Because you’re not. Taehyung sensed it, you felt quite the opposite when he said that. Still, you stumbled with words.

“Wh– No! N-No, you don’t.”

“I do,” he said like you were challenging him to say it.

You remained unhappy and let out a firm, “No.”

“I do. Why do you keep–”

“Because that would just make me feel shit! You only want me now because you learned what happened between you and Lily!”

Taehyung’s mouth immediately ran dry. For the first time ever since the accident, you raised your voice at him. It’s like watching a volcano explode. Warm drops of tears flow down your cheeks. Your lips were quivering as you continued. Your shoulder shakes as you continued,

“You can’t just choose me like that! That’s fucking unfair! I– I’ve been feeling nothing but awful and lonely for the longest time. I can’t even sleep without having a nightmare about that night! And now that I’m trying to do something for myself, you’re telling me you want to be with me? Right after talking to your ex behind my back? The ex that you originally remembered as your girlfriend? Taehyung, that’s just so fucking unfair.”

You remained seated on the bed but your hand was clutching on the sheet under you. Your voice became weaker as you reached the last sentence. Wiping your tears, you cleared your throat,

 

“If you want me now, that would make me feel like someone you just kept around as a second choice. You know?”

Hearing that, Taehyung instinctively shakes his head, “No, it’s not like that–”

“But that’s how I feel right now,” you confessed in a sad whisper. “And I’m scared that the longer I try to keep this relationship, the higher the chance I’ll lose myself in the process.”

That was another confession. After countless talks and reflection with yourself and your close friends, you knew that sooner or later you have to go for your own. It just took you long to accept it and take a step. You were hopeful then.

It took some minutes for someone to say something again. There was like a big question in the room with you, asking, what’s next. Taehyung who remained speechless in the same chair, just watched you quietly. While you got up from the bed and reached for your phone and room keys. 

“Five years was a lot to be missed and forgotten, Taehyung. I just think that if we go on our separate ways, you can focus on exploring what you lost without the pressure of being committed to me. And I can try to focus on myself again.”

taglist rules

this series' taglist is currently under-construction and renovation lol reply if you want to be added

RESTARTING OVER AGAIN TAGLIST [🔧🔨 ]

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[mqverick]

your woman || ‎ ‧₊˚ 𓂃౨ৎ

mature themes, 18+

very detailed smut, dni if you’re a minor

“just use me up and then you walk away

boy, you can’t play me that way”

─── ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ───

Every time Charlie Babbitt opened his mouth, it seemed like a never-ending awards ceremony was on, a lazy smirk living permanently on the corners of his lips. It was as if the idea of someone questioning him was both amusing and absurd. Charlie’s ego was so immense, it practically had its own gravitational pull. It was the sun in his universe, with everything and everyone else relegated to mere planetary status.

If the work didn’t pay well, you wouldn’t had bared a single second next to him, leaving to finally rest at your home with his excessively loud yelling still ringing in your ears, the annoyed sighs, the rude commands. To sum things up, Charlie Babbitt was the kind of man to drive you insane even if you were walking on sunshine.

It surprised you when he first announced that he’d preferred little old you over Lee to come along with him on a business trip in Palm Springs.

The response that rolled on the tip of your tongue at first was a big fat no. Why on earth would you want to spend an entire weekend with that nerve wrecking boss of yours when you could just enjoy the rewarding silence and comfort of your own home? But then again, when Charlie had his mind set on something, he stuck with it until the end.

In other words, whether you liked it or not, you were going on a little ‘getaway’ with him. Turned out, though, that his plans got disrupted by the sudden death of his father, forcing him to take a turn and drag you along to Cincinnati, where the funeral was taking place. You found out later on in the car that Charlie wasn’t the biggest fan of his father due to the lack of emotion he showed throughout the ride. You didn’t care to ask, simply letting out an annoyed groan every now and then to piss him off even further.

For four hours, you were participating in a scoff contest with him, winner would be the one with the longest, most pained sigh. Things got even worse — if possible — after Charlie spoke to the family lawyer about his inheritance, which was as disappointing as getting to work for him all day long. Couple of rose bushes and a stupid car.

“For fuck’s sake, Charlie, can you quit complaining about everything?” you yelled at him after deciding that you’d had about enough.

“Quit complaining?” he repeated, looking at you as if you were a lunatic. “Tell you one story. Just one. You know that convertible out front? My father loved that car more than he loved his family. It’d always been off limits to me. Tenth grade, I’m sixteen and for once I bring home a report card and it’s almost all straight A’s.”

You glanced at him, impressed with the statement, whistling out a low ‘ooh’. “Didn’t know you had it in you, Babbitt,” you commented and he had to break the eye contact for a minute, flushed with embarrassment and a light blush.

“Don’t look so damn surprised, Jesus. So, I go to my dad. Can I take the guys out in the Buick? A victory drive, you know. Says no, but I sneak it out anyway, take the keys. We’re on the Lakeshore Drive; four kids — and we get pulled over. He’d called in a report of a stolen car, not his son took the car out without permission. Just… stolen.”

“I’m getting bored of your sob story.”

“Shut up, will you?” he gritted through his teeth, sighing when you faked a yawn to demonstrate how deeply nonchalant you felt about his story.

“Get to an end, it’s been years.”

“Cook County Jail. Other guys’ dads bail ‘em out in an hour. He left me there two days. Drunks were throwing up everywhere, psychos eyeing me up… That was the only time in my life I was gut scared. Shit-your-pants fucking terrified. Left home, never came back and here I am.”

By the end of his memory, Charlie was trying to choke back a couple of tears that burned through his blurry eyes. His back was turned to you, he hated getting weak, felt as though the Trojan walls he’d built to keep up his mental strength had been bombed, collapsing into crumbles.

You said nothing — couldn’t bring yourself to. You weren’t used to being around that Charlie, had no idea how to react. Under normal conditions and had you not despised his guts, you would’ve hugged him so tightly that the air would get knocked out of his lungs, but it felt wrong, inappropriate for the moment. You settled for a tight-lipped smile instead, standing up and grabbing the second pillow from the bed, tucking it under your arm along with a blanket.

“Looks like you need the bed more than I do.”

Not even a goodnight. He didn’t bother to say another word to you either, so you called it a night, hugging the uncomfortable pillow closer to your head as you shivered under the blanket, wishing that you could’ve gotten the bed instead of the couch. Charlie deserved it that night, though. It was probably the least you could do for him, seeing as your way with words wasn’t exactly a delight. Sleep wasn’t on your side either.

Spent a couple of moments tossing around in agony, until you eventually decided to get up, blanket wrapped loosely around your shoulders as you rummaged through the library in the living room, encountering a photo album. You looked around in the room, making sure that Charlie was still in his room and placed the heavy album on your lap, carefully turning the pages.

Charlie at four years old. Then a bit older, standing alone in the picture, scrawny chest, baggy trunks. You had to stifle a chuckle, the pictures of younger him amusing you.

───

You both woke up early the next day, wind blowing through your hair as Charlie drove to the beneficiary down at the Lynwood Home. Just some stuff I have to wrap up for my dad’s estate, was the only explanation he gave you as he turned down the narrow road, clearing the crest of a hill now, a huge white building coming into view. A country estate, you reckoned.

Charlie continued toward it, approaching a man painting at an ease near the side of the road, shielding whatever he was working from the view by having his back turned to you.

“Excuse me, that place up there is the Lynwood Home, isn’t it?” But the man didn’t acknowledge Charlie in any way and you had to hold back a chortle. Nevertheless, he continued his way into the building, asking you to wait for him outside (wouldn’t take long, he said) as he sorted out the beneficiary issue that seemed to taunt him.

Not being in a mood for arguing, you did as you were told, patiently sitting in your seat as you shuffled through the radio station, trying to find a catchy song to listen to. You gasped in surprise when the sudden presence of a man sat next to you at startled you out of your boredom.

“Hello, can I help you?”

No response.

His hands were firmly grasped around the steering wheel as he started intently at it. Didn’t move at first, just stayed still for a couple of seconds before he began murmuring something that you couldn’t really make out. You tried to get him out of the car, but he flinched as if your touch was scorching against him in every intention of pushing him away. At some point, you gave up and hoped the man would leave when Charlie would come back, otherwise he was bound to hearing it from him very loudly.

Which indeed happened when he finally returned, rudely asking the poor guy to get going. Raymond, as you found later he was called, had other plans though. Apparently — and it came as much as a shock to you as it came to Charlie — he was his brother. Son of Sanford Babbitt.

Raymond Babbitt, who was kidnapped in some sort of way by Charlie, claiming that Dr. Bruner had suggested that he took his brother on a little trip. You knew that was just his usual bullshit talk, though, but tried to keep it down your throat, focusing more on helping Ray relax. He was mouthing stuff that made no sense, spelling out Vern and memorizing TV dialogues — he looked and sounded stressed and it made you want to hit Charlie��s breaks so abruptly that he’d crash his stupidly air floated head into the front shield of the car without the slightest hint of a warning.

Fucking California.

You found yourself in a crappy motel he’d rented in California for the night. Raymond was upset, so out of his comfort zone and familiar routine and places, sitting alone in his room as Charlie wandered back and forth all over the rooms while making calls back to Lee, informing him that he needed to put a pause in the business for a bit.

How insane was he exactly again?

“You’re a horrible fucking person, you know that?” you muttered lowly into his ear as you mustered a warm smile to his brother, opting to make whatever the hell of an experience that was at least enjoyable for him.

“You have no place in this.”

“No? Last time I checked you’ve been dragging me back and forth your stupid trips like I’m some sort of forgotten luggage.”

“That’s it — lights out, Ray Ray,” Charlie exclaimed in a forced enthusiastic voice as he grabbed your shoulder and pulled you outside, closing the door to Raymond’s room.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Get a fucking taxi and leave! I’m not going to give you explanation on what I do in my personal life,” he whispered-yelled at you, stalking across to his own room as you followed him, pissed.

“He’s your brother! You’ve kidnapped the poor guy, have been nothing but a dick to him and all that for what? Go apologize to him, tell him that first thing tomorrow morning you’re taking him back to the beneficiary,” you ordered him in the same tone he used at you.

Charlie shielded his eyes, running his palms down across his cheeks as he let out a long, dramatic sigh, burning holes through your head with his malicious glaring. “The fuck that’s happening! He’s a freaking pain in the ass, obviously I’m not going to tuck him in and kiss his forehead goodnight — I’m not his mother.”

“You’re his kid brother, Charlie. For crying out loud, he needs you, the least you can do for him is show some respect. It’s not his fault he doesn’t understand the world the same way you and I do,” your voice softened just a tad, trying to keep the noise down for Raymond not to hear. “He’s your big brother, could be someone to look up to—”

Charlie glared down at the floor, fighting of his temper. He shook his head — could be even be hearing to your nonsense? “What’s going on in my life is none of your fucking business and you get no chance to go around giving advice.”

“Fine, be the shitty piece of burning crap you are then, I couldn’t care less. But you owe me explanation on why you brought him here. What are we even doing in California?”

Charlie collapsed on the foot of his bed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m going to keep him. I’m pissed off at him…”

“What is that even supposed to mean? Pissed off at Raymond? What has he done to you?”

“No, at my dad. I need to get what’s mine, okay? He left Ray a shit ton of money and… You heard what Lenz said, okay? He doesn’t even understand the concept of money — my dad preferred to leave him three million dollars, up until every last dime, he fucking despised me.”

You blinked slowly, trying to absorb all of this.

“You’re telling me you’re treating Ray like he’s some sort of your property for money? Where the fuck do you get off, Charlie — you’re disgusting!”

You stalked past him in the bedroom, storming off as you slammed your hands on each side of your head in disbelief. You heard him get up from the bed, catching up with you as he snatched your arm and turned your body towards his own.

“You don’t know how it feels to be in my shoes right now, okay? Look, I need you… I need you here, this is all very confusing for me and—”

“For you?! What about Ray? Is anyone’s life even worth anything to you? No, wait, everything has to be about you only! What do you even need me for, huh? Babysitting, pussy, more money? I’m fucking leaving, I don’t want to be involved in your little freakshow,” you were screaming now, unable to hold yourself back as your finger stabbed toward the wall to punctuate your points.

“What’s my crime here?” Charlie continued, as if he was clueless to the entire situation. You wished you could just start punching sense into his head.

“Your crime is that you use people. You’re using Ray, you’re using me, you use everyone you son of a bitch. I hope your money goes into your fucking grave when you—” out of the blue, his mouth was covering yours with force, hands clutching into your shoulders as he tried to keep you steady against him, eyes squeezed shut.

You recoiled, unable to gauge any reaction out of your body, but let him continue bringing more heat into the moment, eventually getting you to start moving your lips against his, matching the urgency he initiated. When Charlie pulled away, your brain was still foggy, struggling to catch your breath, which seemed to be an issue for him too.

“You wouldn’t shut up,” he explained in a raspy voice. It’d just hit him what he’d done; kissing you, kissing the person that he swore he hated. It was true, though, he’d only done it to get you to stop talking, your angry statements about his screwed up plans causing him to lose control.

Your eyebrow raised upwards in slight confusion and effort of comprehending that Charlie’s lips had been on yours just a moment ago and you’d never felt so good, so complete before in your life. You grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pinned him against the wall behind him, hearing him let out a chocked gasp, which for some reason sent a tingling sensation through your lower body. The second kiss was firmer, more passionate, because this time, you both knew exactly what was happening, it was consensual and Charlie’s crotch was pressing so beautifully against your thighs that you felt as if you were high. His hands were going through your hair, messing it up completely as he explored the rest of your face too, fingers gently cupping your cheeks for a brief second, before they dipped into the curves of your waist.

You arched against his touch, biting down on your lip as his mouth now moved below, leaving a trail of rushed wet kisses through your jawline. You felt him smirk against your neck as he softly dragged his teeth against your soft spot, licking and sucking, applying just the right amount of pressure to hear your muffled noises of pleasure.

“Ray—Raymond is in the next room,” you breathed, eyes rolling into the back of your head as your lips parted in a silent moan when you felt his index finger graze your underboob through the material of your thin blouse.

“He doesn’t understand this, he’ll probably think we’re fighting,” Charlie replied to you as he surfaced from the side of your collarbone to pepper small, quick pecks on your lips.

“We are fighting.”

“Good, shut up and fight me more then.”

You melted against him as he guided you backwards into the bedroom, dipping your chin over the slope of his shoulder as he held your weight, stumbling as your back accidentally hit against the corner of the door, making you wince. You didn’t care, though, pushing the door shut as Charlie pressed you against it with a loud thud. You lazily wrapped your legs around his lower waist, but his grip on your ass was strong enough to support you.

Your fingers tightened in his hair, absentmindedly tugging at it and eliciting a somewhat loud moan from him that made your entire system shudder, embarrassed at how wet you were growing just by making out. “Fuck, Charlie — bed now.”

He obliged, laying you on the bed as he pulled his already half unbuttoned shirt off, fighting back a cocky smile when he noticed you impatiently unclasp your bra under your blouse. He towered over you, falling gently on top your shoulder as he held onto your hips, placing soft kisses on your flesh. He had full consciousness of the effect he was having on you, finding it incredibly hot.

“God, you’re so…” he trailed off, hoping you hadn’t heard him. Truth was, Charlie had always been captivated by your beauty, convinced himself that there wasn’t another person in the planet that was half as gorgeous as you were.

He placed a tender kiss on your lips and helped you take your blouse off, giving you a moment to breathe before getting lost into the V-line between your breasts. You couldn’t help the moan that escaped from your mouth when the tip of his tongue made contact with your cold skin, his hums and groans vibrating through it.

The man who you’d been at odds with was tracing his digits dangerously close to the hem of your underwear and it all felt like the glimpse of embarrassment from having wet fever dream that pleased you more than any other human touch.

“I still think you’re the worst person I’ve met, by the way,” you muttered through tiny sighs, eyes closed as your fingers twisted around the bed sheets, hips suddenly jerking as you finally felt his hand hover over your scorching core through your trousers. “Stop fucking teasing me.”

“I think it’s rich that you’re giving me orders when I can just completely stop touching you and go to sleep while you’re whining like a mess,” Charlie replied, distancing himself from you in demonstration, walking right across the other side of the room to pick up his discarded shirt.

You were going to skin the bastard alive.

“Fuck you, Charlie, you’re a fucking brute, you know that?” you yelled in frustration, getting up from the bed and sprinting over to him, turning him around and crashing your lips against his, nails now digging painfully into the curves of his ripped back. Stealing each other’s air, you fell back into the bed again, pulling his trousers down and almost cumming when you caught a glimpse of his cock twitching against the fabric of his gray boxers, sort of visible due to the front patch that had gotten all wet and sticky from his precum.

You pulled at his hair, breaking the kiss to smile a little when you noticed that he was equally lost in the moment, biting on his bottom lip lustfully, looking at you through half-lidded eyes and beautiful blown pupils. You could feel the thud of your combined heartbeats, while fumbling to take off more clothing pieces, needing to feel every inch of his skin pressed up against yours, giving you goosebumps. You’d never felt that way.

“Fuck, that hurts,” he winced as your nails dug so deep into his back’s muscles that they ended up leaving wound marks, fresh and sort of pinkish.

“Touch me or it’ll get worse,” you threatened, knowing that as he’d said earlier, you weren’t really in a place to be colourful with him. His tongue scraped the roof of your mouth as he ran a finger down your center, testing the waters over your underwear and smirking when he felt the heat of your soaked panties radiate against his digit. You were so ready for him and he hadn’t even began doing anything to you — his erection growing painful at the observation.

“You’re so hot for me, I haven’t even touched you yet, gosh,” he whispered through a strangled moan, mind hazy as he tossed your panties aside and finally slipped a finger inside of you. Your hips jerked in surprise, rocking against his hand, craving the friction, the urge to fill you up more.

You moaned embarrassingly loud when the tip moved in a hither motion, almost losing your shit. He didn’t take too long to add another finger, which only made it better for you as you took a quick glance at him through your lashes, butterflies gushing inside your stomach at the sight of him, all worked up, lips parted as small groans came out of them, eyes closed as he fought off the need to wrap a hand around his dick as well, get off to touching you.

“Charlie,” you cried out his name, hips rolling forward as his touch made contact with your bundle of nerves. His long fingers were hitting all the right spots inside of you and the combination of the still very burning anger for him and the little wet noises along with his grunts had sent you over the edge a lot faster than you’d expected.

The moment Charlie felt your walls clench around his fingers, he pulled them off, wiping them off on the fabric of his boxers as he muffled your frustrated whimper with a kiss, permitting his hand to touch himself over his boxers as you ground against his thigh, pulling him down on top of you. Off, you mouthed, looking at his underwear. The bastard was driving you insane, so you yanked them off when you noticed he had no intention to giving in to your requests, sliding them down his ankles. Your jaw almost dropped at the gates of hell when you saw him, needing a moment to take it all in. He was so pretty, so achingly ready to go inside you, the image alone was enough to make you cum, your previous upcoming orgasm still hanging around the air.

“What did I tell you earlier? We’re doing this my way or we’re not doing anything at all.”

“Fuck, please, just fuck me, Charlie, I can’t wait any longer,” you found yourself pleading, forgetting that just ten minutes ago you’d been on the verge of cracking his skull open.

His eyes scanned your naked body for a second and you scoffed, tilting your head in confusion.

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” he admitted lowly, face growing hot as if he wasn’t just about to raw your bones. He crawled closer to you, giving you a kiss before parting your thighs, muscles clenching as his tip teasingly grazed your entrance. He wanted to make you feel so good, have you remembering that moment all the nights you’d be alone at your house, be the man you’d compare all the other men to in bed.

Except Charlie didn’t want you to have any other men after that night. Hoped he’d be good enough to make you want more of him, perhaps stay the nights over, ask to sleep next to him after, if he was lucky and satisfying enough.

“Sure you want to do this?” he asked you before he could change everything between the two of you, already knowing what your reply would be.

“Yes, god, yes, be fucking done with it already,” you dragged out, dramatically impatient. Your head was thrown back the moment he slid fully into you, staying still for a bit in order for you to adjust. Both of you inhaled a sharp breath, eyes shutting closed as he lost his balance a little, the dizzying feel of finally getting to be embraced by the warmth of your walls causing his heart to beat faster than a sledgehammer against his chest.

“You feel so good,” he hoarsed, forehead connecting with yours as he absentmindedly leaned down to kiss your nose. When he moved, slowly thrusting forward, you swore you wouldn’t be able to last enough. His breath was hot against the cell of your ear, allowing you to hear every groan, every noise he made and it turned you on so much that it practically ached.

“Faster,” you ordered, rolling your hips as he began having a steady pace, sloppy, wet sounds echoing in the room as Charlie fucked you rougher and rougher, skin slapping. The bed was squeaking now, your one hand grasping for dear life onto the sheets as the other wrapped tightly around his waist, fingers dipped into the curve of his lower abdomen. You focused on his face again, your heartbeat racing as you noticed his front teeth poking out of his parted lips, finding it both adorable and incredibly sexy.

He’d stopped moaning, not wanting you to know how desperately he needed you, his hands firmly placed on your hips as he tortured himself silently. “You like that? Like how we’re fighting?”

“Shut up,” you cried out. The angle he was hitting inside of you was killing you, you wanted him deeper, impossibly much, needed him to split you in half. “You’re the fucking worst.”

Electricity jolted through your veins as he picked up pace, practically slamming into you now, the moans he’d tried to hold back in his throat coming out in a struggle. “‘M not going to last long,” he warned you, capturing your lips in a deep kiss, hands cupping your cheeks with force.

“Cum inside of me.”

You really had no idea what you were doing to him, had you? Who — Charlie Babbitt — feeling his cock twist against your walls just by hearing you say you wanted him to cum in you. You had him in a chokehold, it was kind of ridiculous.

“Fuck, I—” he never got to finish what he was going to say in the first place, because you were trembling under his touch, overwhelmed by the speed and the fact that your worst fucking enemy was fucking you like you’d never been fucked before and it was all enough to send you over the edge for the second time that night, except now Charlie didn’t stop, didn’t pull away. You propped your chin upwards and caught his mouth in yours as you came, feeling him follow shortly after you, cum shooting inside of you in warm spurts as he fucked you through your orgasms, groaning loudly, body jerking.

Once both of you had reached your highs, he collapsed on top of your body, head buried into your shoulder as the two of you tried to catch your breaths, legs tensing. It eventually dawned on you that you just had sex with Charlie Babbitt.

“That was the hottest fucking sex I’ve ever had,” you confessed as he rolled off of you, laying next to your side as he chest rose in and out.

“Yeah,” he breathed, unable of saying much.

“I hate you.”

“You’ve got a really nice way of showing it.”

You kneed his thigh and he winced, still very fragile from the intensity of his orgasm. His hair was all sticky and sweaty, clung into his forehead, face flushed and red. You could orgasm all over again just by looking at him. “I believe we’ve traumatised your brother for life.”

“Worth it.”

“You’re taking him back tomorrow.”

“No, I’ve already told you—” you cut him off by kissing him, the tip of your tongue lingering against his bottom lip as you pulled him deeper into your mouth, hand tangling into his hair.

“You’re not the only one who gets to shut up others by kissing them. And if you ever want this to happen again, you’re going to do things my way from now on.”

And Charlie was just fine with that.

FIN.

tags: again, i wrote this for @honeymvnt so i hope you’ll enjoy reading this ml !! 🎀🫵🏼

[thechaoticdruid]

[The Spawn Vs The Ascendant] (3)

Pairing: Astarion (s) x Tav

Plot: We get a look at Ascended Astarion and M! Tav's complicated past. Meanwhile in F!Tav's world, she has a close call with The Vampire Ascendant himself all the while Spawn Astarion and Karlach prepare to attack the Crimson palace.

Content/Warnings: MDNI, THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER! M/m smut, oral and anal sex, I'll put some little red diving lines so you can skip it because it's not TOO important to the plot, but I just thought since y'all have been waiting forever for the next part I might as well treat you. Both a male and female Tav, alternate timeline shenanigans, Ascended Astarion is a toxic asshole as usual, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, threats, etc, slight choking, there's also a lot of blood and gore in this part, lots of violence and action.

Part One

Part Two

Part Four

The Spawn Vs Tav Vs The Ascendant

[Savegame 2: Somewhere, A year post game]

Tav let out a sigh as he felt a cool breeze hit his face, the scent of the forest washing over his heightened senses. He could smell the blood of a deer who was leaping through the grass.  He turned his head to look at it, tongue flicking over his newfound fangs. It had only been a year since his undeath, but everything had already changed so much. 

The young vampire had finally convinced his master to allow him to travel outside of Baldur's Gate. Tav needed to get away from the city so he could enjoy the comforts of nature once again even though many of his fellow druids would sneer at what he'd become. An undead abomination.  He was able to convince The Vampire Ascendant to allow him to leave their city, insisting that this would be a romantic getaway for the two of them. 

They had left Baldur's Gate and used the fortune they acquired to purchase a lovely little holiday home on an island off the Sword Coast. 

Their villa sat on the border of the ocean shore and the luscious woodlands that stood behind it.

Tav sat crisscrossed in the sand, the warmth of the sun danced up on his skin. He was quite fortunate to still be able to enjoy it, given what he was. 

“Little Love, what are you doing out here alone?” His master's voice purred out. 

“Just enjoying the peace.” Tav replied calmly. He didn't feel like looking his master in the eyes. Things had been distant between them now. Tav did his best to try and keep Astarion from turning Baldur's Gate into a slaughterhouse, but occasionally he slipped up, like with the incident at Sharess's Caress.  

There were so many days he wished he could just go back and convince his love not to go through with the ritual. Then maybe the warmth they once shared wouldn't have gone out. But he'd been terrified at the time. They both had. Astarion was afraid of losing his freedom. And Tav was afraid so desperately afraid of losing him. If only he'd known he would have lost him anyway. 

Now Astarion was the worst version of himself, all of his darkness let loose for the entire world to see. And Tav was merely a plaything that he refused to give up. The vampling’s red eyes blinked as his master’s clawed finger tilted his chin up to look at him.

“Pet, you know I don't like when you avoid me. It makes me so very unhappy.” The Ascendant pouted, making a painfully fake sad face. It made Tav’s blood boil. Tav jerked his head away from his master's touch.

“I am at your side day and night. You sit me on your lap every day like a glorified pup for all your guests to see. Am I not even entitled to my own space just for a moment!?” Tav suddenly snapped, fangs bared as he narrowed his eyes. 

“You're the one who suggested this ‘romantic getaway’ and now you have the audacity to accuse me of not giving you space!? How dare you! You ungrateful little wretch!” Astarion snarled at him. “If you want your fucking space so badly I can arrange a nice dark cell for you back at the palace.” His master threatened.

“No….I-I…Please….I'm sorry!” Tav's face suddenly filled with fear.  “….I'm sorry…. I'm sorry…I'm sorry…” Tav grabbed hold of Astarion’s leg, his head hung as he begged. Astarion glared down at him, his expression unimpressed. 

“You will make this up to me.” Astarion tilted Tav’s chin back up.  

“Yes. I will….I promise…” Tav nodded. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NSFW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Appeasing his master had become a regular routine of Tav's.  He pretty much had it down to a science. Beg, grovel, flatter, pleasure, usually one or a combination of them would do the trick to calm the beast. Funny how Astarion seemingly had no regrets about turning Tav into the very thing he despised being for so many years. 

The only saving grace was Astarion was far too possessive to share Tav’s body with anyone else. 

“I love you Tav. I can't fathom why you're determined to make things so difficult between us.” Astarion pushed Tav down on the bed with one hand. The spawn frowned. His master's words felt empty despite how much Astarion may have believed them himself; there was little proof to back them up. Tav removed his shirt, deciding it would be best to just give in and lose himself in pleasure if only for a little while. He slid down his trousers and drawers, completely exposing himself in front of the other male. 

Astarion lifted his own shirt up and over his head before discarding it to the side. He then climbed onto the bed and slowly straddled his spawn. He leaned down, getting very close. 

“Kiss me.” He ordered. Tav leaned up and pressed his lips against Astarion's, wrapped his arms around his neck as his master began to grind himself against Tav's unclothed groin.

Tav moaned against Astarion's lips, letting the vampire lord slip his tongue inside. Astarion tastes Tav’s mouth, the flavors of wine and blood intertwining as their tongues dance.  Astarion pulls back and pins Tav’s wrists above his head before slowly shifting down and licking the spawn’s nipples. 

“A-Astarion!” Tav let out a whine, feeling the elven male teasing his sensitive buds, grazing them with his fangs all the while grinding himself down against Tav's hardening member. Astarion began to nibble and suck his way down Tav's body leaving a trail of bright red hickies as he went. 

Astarion moved back, hand grasping Tav's cock as he licked his lips, looking down at his pet’s leaking tip. 

“So hard for me already?~” Astarion teased gently, squeezing Tav’s length as he pumped it back and forth in his hand.  

“Ngh!” Tav groaned and dug his claws into the bed.  Astarion leaned down to lick up the precum dribbling down from Tav's tip, before slowly proceeding to begin sucking the younger man’s cock into his mouth.  Tav's eyes rolled back into his head as he felt his master swallow his length with ease. Astarion’s hand moved to grab hold and massage Tav's balls as he bobbed his head.

Tav groaned and panted, resisting the urge to thrust into his master's mouth lest he gets punished for it like last time. Astarion pulled back with wet pop before rubbing Tav's cock a few more times and dropping his own trousers. 

Tav's red eyes trail over his lover’s body as the silver haired male began to suck his fingers into his mouth, coating them thoroughly in saliva before he reached behind himself and stuck two fingers up his ass. 

“Ahh…Ahh…” Astarion moaned, pumping his fingers in and out. Tav bit his lips, he could feel himself twitch at the sound of his master's moans. 

Gods it sounded so heavenly. The pale elf continued to prepare himself scissoring before then shoving his middle finger in knuckle deep. 

Once he was ready, he shifted over Tav's cock, grasping it and slowly guiding the tip to his hole. 

Astarion lets out a low moan, an open mouth smirk forming on his face as he sits down, taking the spawn's cock deep inside. 

“G-Gods….” Tav gasped, feeling his lover clench tightly around him. Astarion stared down at Tav, a pleased look appeared on his face as he noticed his pet squirming under him. Tav reached over to grab Astarion's hips, but the vampire lord stopped, gripping his hands.

“Tut, tut, tut, bad boy. You don't get to touch me.” Astarion clicked his tongue. “Keep your hands to yourself unless I tell you otherwise.” He ordered, before releasing him and placing his hands on Tav's chest. Slowly he began to move up and down, sliding Tav’s cock in and out of his ass.

“A-Astarion….” Tav whimpered, his nails gripping the sheets as Astarion kept up the same pace, bouncing on top of him. He eventually began to move up slowly before quickly slamming his ass back down on Tav's hips, making a satisfying slap sound and causing Tav to squeak in surprise. 

“Mmmm…..You feel good inside me…” He lets out a breathy side before moving up and slamming back down.  He could feel Tav's cock leaking, coating his insides, it made movement much easier.  Astarion began to pick up his pace repeatedly slamming down on Tav with enough force that it almost felt like he was about to break his pelvis!

“Please…I..ahhh!”  Tav cried out, looking up at his master with pleading eyes as his cock began twitching inside of him. 

“What is it, pet? Do you want to move, hm?” Astarion pushed down hard against his lover, taking him in deep. He bit his lip, smirking down at Tav. “I…. might let you…” He said, playfully taking hold of Tav’s nipples and tugging on them. 

“A-Ahh!” The spawn cried out. 

“Say you're mine.” He said. Tav groaned as Astarion slowed his movement, hips sliding up and down at a much slower pace, the room was almost silent aside from the slick wet sound of Astarion riding Tav's weeping cock.

“Say you're mine.” The Ascendant repeated. There was no compulsion, no glow of red eyes, no force. Astarion wanted Tav to say it all on his own. 

“I…I…I'm yours…” Tav breathed out, making his master grin widely. 

“Again.” Astarion slammed himself down on Tav. 

“I'm yours!” Tav said more confidently.

“Good boy! ~ You may move…mmm…” As soon as Astarion gave him permission Tav began to buck his hips upwards, cock repeatedly plunging up into his master's asshole. Astarion rode Tav in time, masterfully matching his pace. He grabbed hold of the back of his spawn's head, gripping his hair as he pulled him in for a rough, sloppy kiss.  It took little time from there for Tav to reach his peak, especially with his master's ass threatening to break him.   

The two of them relaxed for a while shortly afterwards until eventually Astarion had Tav pinned face down in the pillows, balls deep in his ass. However, the second round was eventually cut short by a disturbance in the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NSFW-END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Masters! Masters!” A charmed servant called beating on the door to their bedroom. His face was full of fear, hands shaky. 

There was some muttering, and scuffling coming from the other end of the door, before eventually it opened revealing Astarion shirtless in only his pants. Tav laid on the bed behind him, only a sheet covering his dazed form as he panted, body covered in his master's love bites.

“What the hells do you want!?” Astarion snapped, very annoyed by the interruption. 

“M-My lord! Theres a-a…It's t-terrible.. I-I….” The poor terrified man.

“You have ten seconds to speak before I splatter your innards all over the floor.” The sliver haired vampire lord hissed out.

“M-Monster hunters! T-They're on the island! They're harassing the locals and burning down their homes in hopes to find you, master!” 

“Determined little shits, aren't they? I don't quite care what happens to the peasants on this little speck of land, but they do pay me rent so...”Astarion sighed in annoyance.

“We have to help them.” Tav said, putting his clothes on and fixing his hair. 

“Oh, not this again! You know your little hero act gets so tiresome, love.” Astarion rolled his eyes, “protect the cattle if you must, but my only concern will be slaughtering these vagabonds for even thinking about setting foot on my property.” 

Tav kept quiet but glared at him harshly. The way he talked about the people on this island honestly made Tav's stomach turn. 

“As you wish, master.” Tav said coldly, the title spoken with pure disgust.  Astarion glanced back at Tav with a surprised look. Tav had never addressed Astarion as ‘master’ before. Astarion, despite all his arrogance, pride, and determination to remind Tav who he belonged to on a regular basis, had never once compelled or ordered him to to refer to himself as such. Mostly because the way Tav had always said the vampire lord’s name had been music to his pointed ears. Astarion quickly brushed off these sickening feelings. He was not weak any longer. Such sentimentalities were beneath him.  

“Hmm…Perhaps I should put their heads on spikes, leave some of them impaled out in the fields to send a message to any of their brethren.” Astarion chuckled darkly. His ruby red eyes glanced back over at Tav who refused to look him in the eyes. It felt infuriating.

   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The roads ran red with blood, houses shot up in a blaze and a mother ran across the scene, desperately dragging her children along with her. Tav and Astarion slowly approached the chaos. Complete and utter horror flashed over the vampire spawn’s face. His undead heart breaks to pieces at the site of villagers being slaughtered all for the sake of killing two vampires.  

“This chaos has to end Magnus!” An elven woman shouted at a human man. Both of them appeared to be amongst the monster hunters.

“There are children on this island for fucks sake!” 

“They had their chance! These people are servants to the undead! They will suffer the same fate as their masters!!!” 

“My love, please!” She begged, getting on her knees. “These people did not kill your brother! They're not in control of their minds! It's the vampire’s doing! You must forgive them!”

“Osha…I-I…” The man suddenly froze. He coughed, blood pouring out of his mouth before suddenly he fell flat on his face. Blood leaked from an open wound in his back as he laid in the dirt.

“MAGNUS!!!!” The elven woman shrieked in horror.

The silver haired vampire lord stood behind the man's corpse, a wicked grin as he held Magnus’s still beating heart in the palm of his hand. He slowly crushed it right in front of the elven woman, the blood dripping through his fingers before he licked them clean. 

“Mm…Not bad.” Astarion purred.

“You…. YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND!” Osha screeched. Astarion looked back at her slightly amused. 

“Oh, was that what he was? Apologies, he was making a mess of my things.” The Vampire Ascendant merely chuckled. 

“I'll…. I'll KILL YOU!!” Osha screamed, grabbing hold of a wooden stake from her dead husband's body and rushing for Astarion head on. But before she could even make contact Tav moved in front of her and kicked her away with enough force to send her flying into one of the houses.  Tav huffed before looking around at the villagers who were utterly terrified. Astarion blinked and looked back at Tav, a slight warmth flashing through his eyes.

He still loves me….

Before Astarion could say a word Tav ran off, unsheathing scimitars from his back and cutting down any monster hunter who dared to try and stop him.  The elven monster hunter’s eyes follow him as she lays on the ground, seemingly broken and lifeless.

“Glacious!” He shouted, shooting an ice knife right at the nearby burning building before kicking his way through the door. 

“Everyone out now!” He ordered. A mother pushed her daughters through the door. 

“My son! He's still in his crib!” She cried and pointed over to a blocked door. 

Tav quickly pushed past her and smashed his way through the blocked off door with vampiric strength. He quickly charged in and scooped up the baby boy, thanking the gods he didn't need to breathe any longer. Tav quickly came back out and handed the woman her baby. 

“Thank you, my lord, thank you!” The woman said, tearing up.  Tav gave a small smile before suddenly he heard the sound of crying coming from somewhere nearby.  Tav rushed over to the scene. It was yet another smoking home. 

“Glacious!” He shot another ice knife at the fire in order to put it out. Tav quickly rushed over, a look of confusion covered his face as he noticed the front door had already been open. 

Inside was a little half elf girl with long curly blonde hair. The child knelt down by some debris, crying as a pair of motionless legs poked out from under it. Shaky sobs left her mouth as Tav moved closer.

“Come on darling, we need to get you out of here.” Tav said, kneeling down beside her. 

“I'm not leaving without my momma!” She snapped; eyes puffy as she broke down into another fit of sobs. Tav shushed the child before placing a comforting hand in her hair and pulling her into a hug. 

“It's not safe here, little one.” Tav said, “where is your papa?” 

“He got sick a long time ago….He went to sleep and n-never woke up….” She sniffed.  

“Come with me and I'll take you somewhere safe and we'll get you something to eat.” Tav eventually was able to convince the little girl to follow after him. He took her by the hand and guided her out of the house. 

“What's your name sweetie?” Tav asked as he led her back through the village. He made sure to steer her away from the sight of any corpses in hopes to keep from terrifying the poor little thing.

“I'm Abigail.” She said softly, “momma used to always call me Abby.” 

“Abigail is a beautiful name.” Tav smiled softly. He then suddenly heard footsteps and turned to see Astarion approaching. 

“There you are, I was wondering where you'd run off to.” Tav’s master licked over the edge of his mouth, a little bit of blood dribbling down his chin. “And what's this? Have you brought me a snack?” Tav glared at the other male before protectively standing in front of the small child. 

“No. Stay away from her Astarion.” Tav said sternly.

Astarion clicked his tongue, “lighten up. It was only a joke. Gods.” The pale elf sauntered over to his beloved spawn, glancing over his shoulder without a care. 

“Pretty little thing…Perhaps this is just what we need.” Astarion smirked, an idea began to form in his mind. Tav's eyes widened, he knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“Astarion no! I'm taking her to an orphanage.” 

“Love, don't be ridiculous. Think about how much better off she'd be with us as her fathers.” Astarion took hold of Tav's chin and made the shorter male look up at him. “Isn't that what you want? To have a family with me…?”

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

[Save game 1: Act 3, Crimson Palace.] 

Tav bit her lip, holding back a whimper as gripped the wooden comb tightly in her hand. She needed to move fast before the vampire lord drank enough to weaken her. She held the comb high, preparing to plunge it down into his heart from behind but before she could make contact she felt a tight grip around her wrist.  Her lover's look alike pulled back from her neck, his blood stained lips forming a frown.

“Trying to kill me already are we? Pity.” His grip around her wrist tightened, threatening to bruise. Tav whimpered, dropping the comb from hand and letting it clatter into the floor below.

“You honestly thought that dull piece of wood would actually stab me!? Ha! Desperation doesn't suit you my dear.” The vampire releases her wrist only to grasp her throat, not as tightly, but still firm enough to make her worry. “I don't want to hurt you darling, but I cannot have you misbehaving.”

“Let me go!” Tav shouted as Astarion stood, yanking her up by the collar around her neck.  The Vampire Ascendant seemed to be keeping himself rather composed despite Tav's attempt on his life.

“Oh, I will, you'll go right down into the dungeon to think about what you've done.” Astarion hissed, dragging her out of the study. “Honestly, how can you be so ungrateful! I am giving you everything you could ever want!”  

Tav screamed and fought as she was dragged down the hall like wild cat, eventually her survival instincts kicked in and she slung her head around and sank her teeth right down onto the vampire lord’s groin. 

“FUCK!” He shouted and crippled down in pain, releasing his grip and Tav and allowing her to turn tail and run like her life depended on it. She darted through a door and quickly down the hall, spotting that strange half-elf girl, Abigail staring at her as she passed. 

I need to get this godsdamned collar off of me!

Tav fled further into the palace hearing some footsteps as she came closer towards the ballroom. Swiftly she climbed into a wardrobe off to the side and closed the doors. Peaking out through the cracks as two figures approached. A glowing red eyed Shadowheart and Lae'zel entered the hallway.

“Source of my bruises, are you still in pain?” Lae'zel spoke up, placing her hand on the other female’s cheek. Shadowheart simply shook her head. It appeared the wounds their master inflicted on her had already healed. Tav calmed her breathing, hoping neither of them would detect her presence here. Thankfully however the two of them appeared more concerned with one another. Eventually the two of them walked off, leaving Tav to let out a long sigh of relief.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

[Save Game 1: Act 3, Upper City.]

“Ooh looks like he's called some guard dogs to do his bidding.” Karlach said as she and Astarion stood onto one the of the nearby buildings adjacent to Cazador’s old palace. 

“What is up with evil arseholes and always refusing to get their hands dirty?” Karlach huffed as she peeked down below. 

“They’d claim It's beneath them, but truthfully it's all over calculated foolish paranoia.” Astarion looked over the side of the roof, eyes trailing over the large werewolves that stocked over the grounds. 

“Does he honestly believe no one is going notice all his pets running around?” 

“Well this is technically you we're talking about….What do you think?” Karlach asked.

“I would never have been this stupid! Perhaps overconfident, but this it just ridiculous!”

“Hmm…Maybe he just doesn't care if anyone sees them.” Karlach hummed, “oh wait did you remember to bring the bomb arrows?” 

“Naturally.” Astarion smirked, pulling out an arrow and notching it slowly. 

“Hells yes! Let's blow these fuckers up!” The tiefling cheered.  Astarion quickly shot an arrow which flew through the air hitting one of the wolves right between the eyes. It exploded upon impact, splattering brains, blood and pieces of skull over the cobblestones. 

“Gross. Do it again!” The tiefling barbarian’s tail swatted back and forth, eyes locked on the chaos below. The vampire spawn quickly notched another arrow and hit another wolf sending bloody severed limbs flying all over the streets. He then proceeded to shoot a couple more, clearing out the frontline security.

“That should give the others an opportunity to rush the front door. Now we just sneak in through the roof.” Astarion explained.

“Got it! Leave it to mama K!” The barbarian grinned before looking back at Astarion.

“Oh no, whatever you're thinking-”

“No time! We need to get in there and save Tav!” The fiery devil insisted before grabbing hold of the smaller elf, throwing his long slender body over her muscular shoulder. 

“Karlach! Gods-dammit! Put me down this instant!” The little vampire hissed. 

“We're coming, Tav!” She exclaimed, before backing up and rushing over the building leaping across the sky while Astarion clung to her wide eyed, fingernails digging into her like a scared cat. 

The vampire Ascendant never would have guessed his windows would have been shattered by a big red beefy barbarian lady and a cat-like rogue, but here we are.

Note From TheChaoticDruid: I am so sorry for the for the wait! Honestly, I didn't really feel like too many people were invested in this story and 'This Bites' had really become my main focus multi-part fanfic wise. I'm hoping to finish up this story in about two more parts. The Spawn and the Ascendant WILL start showing down next part. Also, I usually don't add a little divider for my smut, but I felt like I just randomly decided there was going to be smut in this part (kinda spur of the moment thing), so I added the Nsfw heads up in case someone reading was not ready for it in this story. Please leave a comment or a reblog down below it really helps motivate me to write! See you guys next time!

[sweetprfct]

High Infidelity

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Did you really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? Did you really have to tell him how he brought you back to life?

Author's Note: A short little epilogue to wrap things up. Thanks for keeping up with this story. It was a hard one for me to write because like I said before, it was based off my real life emotional trauma and it's almost as if it's a letter to my past to finally let go. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: 18+, emotional abuse, mention of harming, infidelity

(Please, please don't read this if it triggers you. I need you all to think hard about it before reading this one. This is a bit of a dark fic).

Wordcount: 1.7K

part one - part two - part three - part four - epilogue

Two Years Later…

“I don’t know. Sometimes I still feel guilty, but I know I’m in a better place.” You said as you stared at your laptop screen. 

“That’s good to hear. I think that the progress you made for the last two years has been really great. I know sometimes memories could take us back into a dark place, but I want you to know that leaving that relationship was a good decision.” Your therapist, Megan, gave you a smile as you nodded your head.

Looking out the window, you stared at the heavy raindrops that fell from the dark clouds outside. You were able to hear the pitter patter of the rain on the roof and the wind that was gusting. Looking back at Megan, you played with your fingers anxiously. 

“Does it…” You sighed. “Does it… get better? You know, doing all these exercises you told me and writing some of my feelings down… Will it get better? Will I ever get over what happened? Sometimes I feel like I’m too closed off with Joe because of what happened, and I don’t want that. I want to be better. I want this to be a healthy relationship.” 

“What does Joe think about all of that?” Megan asked, tilting her head a little. 

You shrugged lightly and said, “He understands it. He tells me that but sometimes, I feel worried that what if he’s slowly resenting me? I never want to be a burden to him. I want to make this relationship work because I love him.”

“Well, you said it yourself that you two have open communication, correct?” 

You nodded your head as Megan continued, “I think what’s happening here is that the trust that you have built before was taken down when you were with Eli, but you also have to remember that Joe is different, and you told me that he has proved that many times. I know it can be scary but maybe, you also have to start trusting his words. Trust that he would tell you how he really feels in certain situations.”

“Yeah,” You let out another sharp breath. “I think so too. I’m trying.”

“That’s good. Just take it step by step. You will eventually get there. Progress doesn’t happen in just a day. It takes time.” 

You gave Megan a smile and went on to talk about other things that were happening in your life lately. You told her how you quit your job being in Joe’s team because dating him and working for him was something that made you uncomfortable, and Joe did agree with you on that. You started working as a crew member on a movie set and somehow, it made it feel therapeutic for you. The busy long hours had occupied your mind, and you were able to really think about what was best for you. 

Joe never had gotten in the way of that. He told you that he would support you with anything that could make you happy. It was a different feeling when you first heard those words coming from him, but it was good different. Some days, you doubt the capability that you have through your job or your ability to trust yourself and some days, you start learning about the things that you really wanted and that was also a good thing. 

Slowly, you felt those broken pieces glued back together and as months went by, you almost felt whole. It was almost as if you were slowly finding yourself. You weren’t there yet, but you knew that you were at least getting there. 

Step by step. 

Just like what Megan had told you. 

Usually, you would see Megan physically in her office but not today or the next week or so because Joe had suggested to take a holiday outside of the city. Somewhere quiet, and you couldn’t agree more. 

You both needed it. 

You have been seeing Megan ever since you had broken up with Eli, and she has been such a huge help in dealing with your trauma. Joe had suggested getting into therapy and at the beginning, you were hesitant about it because you weren’t exactly sure if you wanted to talk to a stranger about your own problems. However, as time went on, Megan had become someone you could trust. Someone you could tell your problems to and open up about how you were feeling. 

Maybe you also needed to do the same with Joe. Trust that whatever he tells you, he is telling the truth. That everything was fine, and you need to stop being anxious over the fact that maybe you were disappointing him because he would have told you if there was a problem, right? 

Closing your laptop, you leaned back onto the chair. It was still early in the morning. You still felt a bit sleepy, but you had woken up because of your short session with Megan since she also had other appointments for today. Stretching your arms above your head, you yawned softly and got up from the chair. The sun was slowly rising from the horizon, and it was reflecting beautifully onto the lake outside. The cabin floors creaked under your steps as you walked back towards the bedroom. 

There, you found Joe still asleep. He was on his stomach, both arms under his pillow, curls all disarray and face buried in his pillow. He looked peaceful, and you couldn’t help but admire him for a moment. Walking towards the bed, you quietly slid yourself under the duvet as Joe stirred in his sleep.

“Hey, darling.” Joe gave you a sleepy smile, his eyes were still closed as he reached his arm towards you. 

“Hey, sorry to wake you up.” You whispered, your fingers running softly through his curls. 

Joe breathed heavily as he softly grunted, turning himself on his back and pulling you close in his arms. His body heat was making you feel warm as you pulled the duvet closer to your chest. His hand was softly rubbing your arm as he planted a soft kiss on your hair.

“How’s Megan?” He asked, his voice was deep and raspy. 

“She’s fine. She has a busy day, so she thought maybe we could do the session a little early. I didn’t mind.” You reached to pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. 

Joe’s eyes were still closed as he sleepily smiled. You rested your head on his chest as he tightened his grip around you. There was a comfortable silence between the both of you for a moment. You could only hear the rain that was pouring outside. 

“I believe you, you know?” You murmured, gazing up at him.

Joe opened one eye, looking down at you with a curious look on his face. 

“What do you mean?” He asked. 

“The things you say… I know sometimes I doubt them because sometimes they sound or feel unreal, but I know in my heart I believe them.” 

Finally, Joe opened his eyes, a small smile appeared on his face. 

“I know, darling.” He said. “I know what you have gone through, and I know it’s difficult, so I understand. I would never lie to you, and I never want you to feel as if I’m hiding something or I’m hiding my feelings. Remember what I said? I want to be open to you.”

You nodded your head, smiling. You moved from where you were and hovered over Joe, straddling his hips as you leaned down and kissed him deeply. Joe smiled through the kiss as you ran his fingers through your hair and pulled you down closer to his body. 

“Hmm…” Joe grinned. “What a good morning.”

You giggled softly, leaning down to give him another quick peck on the lips. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes, absolutely.” Joe buried his face on your neck, leaving soft feathered kisses on them. 

“That’s not what I meant!” You laughed, holding onto his shoulders as he sat up on the bed. 

Your legs wrapped around his waist as you sat on his lap and his fingers brushed a strand of hair away from your face. His chocolate button eyes studied your face for a moment, his thumb found your cheek as he softly brushed it. Then, it trailed down to the shape of your lips, tracing it softly before sliding his hand on the back of your head and leaned closed to your face. 

“I love you so much.” He whispered. 

You could feel his breath against your lips. Shivers went down your spine as his lips grazed softly against your cheek. The kiss was light, almost like a breeze of the wind on your skin. Then, he pressed his lips on the line of your jaw, making you gasp softly. Your hands on his shoulders gripped them tighter. His lips trailed down your neck, sucking on the skin softly, and you had to bite back a moan as he continued to kiss your skin. 

“Don’t hold back.” He whispered, smiling through the kiss. “I love it when you make those sounds.”

You bit your lower lip, stopping yourself from smiling as he kissed down your throat and down to your collarbone. He was making your head spin that you could barely breathe. You could barely think, and the world around you was just now a blur. 

Time has stopped.

Joe’s lips continued to travel down your chest and you let out a soft moan as his fingers gently ran down your bare back. 

“Come here.” You cupped his face with both of your hands. “I need to kiss you.”

You gazed down at him before pressing your lips against his, kissing him deeply. Both of your lips moved together as you gently pushed him back down on the bed and hovered over him. His hand had found the back of your head and his spare hand was under your shirt, caressing your back softly and a small moan escaped his lips. Joe was breathing heavily as you continued to kiss him hungrily and passionately this time. 

“I love you too.” You murmured through the kiss. 

Pulling away from the kiss, Joe gazed up at you and smiled. There was no other person he loved the most than you. You could see it all over his face, and you could see it in his eyes. You love him so much too, and you knew that you were still trying to work things out with your trauma and past, but you also knew that what you and Joe have was right. 

Everything seemed like it was a perfect piece in the puzzle. 

In time, you also knew that you would also find yourself. 

Just step by step. 

The End. 

Taglist:

@palomahasenteredthechat @sunvick @eddies-acousticguitar @demonsanddemogorgons @joesquinns @mmunson86 @ghostinthebackofyourhead @corrodedcoffincumslut @figmentofquinn @tlclick73 @browneyes8288 @bylermaxmayfield @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @capricornrisingsstuff @missonlypost @ali-in-w0nderland @amberolivia666 @lalalala-melmosworld @niallersfreckles @nanas-lasagna @emma77645 @indulgence-be-thy-name @readergf @ladamari68 @1paire2vans @d4rk4ng3l86 @paleidiot

[the-bar-sinister]

Deicide: A Test of Wills (4633 words) by thesavagesabretooth Chapters: 1/1 Additional Tags: Screw Destiny, Smart Monkey D. Luffy, Action/Adventure, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Reveal, Revelations, Akuma no Mi | Devil Fruit, Background Relationships

Summary: After leaving Wano the Straw Hats find themselves pursued by a ship their captain recognizes. The Red Force. Finally, now that Luffy has become an emperor, it's time for Shanks to acknowledge him as a great pirate.

Unfortunately 'congratulations' isn't all Red Haired Shanks has to say. And Luffy discovers a truth about his idol he never wanted to know.

-

They were a couple of days out from Wano and Luffy was dozing happily on top of Zoro's chest when he was nudged awake. Drooling and murmuring he opened his eyes, blinking to find Usopp kneeling down next to him.

"You didn't have to wake me up if you wanted to snuggle," Luffy murmured sleepily. He reached up to tug him down in the pile.

Usopp grimaced though, and shook his head, his dark curls bouncing as he pulled away from his grip. "Sorry, Captain. There's something you should have a look at."

"Mmm?" Luffy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned so wide he felt his jaw stretch. He tried to wake himself up faster– Usopp only called him captain when there was something really important happening. "What is it?"

Usopp offered him a hand up and he took it, snapping to his feet like a rubber band. He let Zoro sleep– for now, anyway.

"There's a ship following us. A big one."

Luffy blinked as Usuopp led him over to the rail, and pressed his spyglass into his hand. 

"A big one?" Luffy asked, extending the glass. "Is it Kaidou's? Or maybe Jaggy's?"

Usopp shook his head. "I couldn't see the markings at this distance, but it's definitely not a silhouette I recognize."

Usopp hadn't recognize it at the distance, but Luffy recognized it almost the moment he had the glass to his eye, searching the horizon. He would never forget the silhouette of that ship. Not in a million years.

"It's Shanks!"

-

Nami was greeted by the familiar clattering sound of Luffy's sandals as he raced toward her to where she was working on her charts at the forecastle.

Her chart of Wano, even now that they were so far ahead of it, had been going well. Meticulously crafted as all her maps were, and detailed in both the land masses and the sea-charts and currents.

She was tracing the path of one, towards their current location with her tongue poking half out of her mouth when she finally noticed Luffy's presence, looking up with a smirk. "Coming to make sure I eat, or something more fun?" 

That brought him up short and he practically skidded to a halt in front of her, cocking his head and staring at her with his big, dark eyes. "Have you eaten?"

"Probably," Nami said with a grin as she brushed shavings from her seachart with her feather. Honestly, yeah, she had— at least a few bites of one of the many snacks Sanji was ready to bring at a moment's notice. "So what's up, Captain?" 

Luffy's grin was suddenly blinding. It almost took up his whole face. 

"Shanks' ship is following us!"

There were two important things Nami knew about Shanks.

One, Luffy had known him as a child and he'd been one of his inspirations in becoming a pirate. The infamous straw hat had belonged to him.

And two, he was one of the four emperors. In fact, the only one of the original four emperors standing from the beginning of their journey after Whitebeard, Big Mom, and Kaidou had all fallen.

Nami knew Luffy was over the fucking moon about that, it was obvious in his face. He was a big figure to him, right? His personal hero.

However, Nami on the other hand, felt herself starting to shake a little bit at the idea of the last of the original Emperors rolling up on their ship in the wake of their recent—to put it delicately— absolute massacre of his rival's power structures.

"Does he look pissed?" she asked, trying to laugh it off. 

Usopp peeked out from behind Luffy's shoulder where he had been slumping. "Couldn't see at this distance."

Luffy just laughed. "Why would he be? I came over to tell you we should wait for him to catch up!"

Nami laughed with a shake of her head. "Geeze, Luffy. He's an emperor of the sea, and we just beat up his two biggest rivals in like, one fell swoop. He could be riding in to say 'hey what the fuck'?" 

"Yeah!" Luffy's grin hitched wider in a way that was only possible with a rubber face. He posed, flexing his bicep. "He might want to fight me, even! I said the next time we met I'd be a great pirate, and this means he's finally acknowledging me!"

Usopp looked a lot more dubious.

With a sigh and the pinching of the bridge of her nose, Nami shook her head in bemusement. "Does nothing ever worry you, Luffy? I mean. You can beat him, obviously, but can we at least make sure he doesn't trash the ship?"

"Well, yeah! I'd rather he didn't open fire on the Sunny…." Luffy chewed on his lip. "Run up the friendly flag so he knows we want to talk first, sound good?"

Usopped rubbed the back of his neck. "Are you sure we shouldn't just outrun them and pick meet up for a fight another time, Luffy? I mean you only recovered from fighting Kaidou a couple of days ago, and if anything Shanks could be even more powerful…"

Nami rubbed her neck before she glanced at Luffy. 

"Luffy wants to say hi to the guy. I'm probably gonna try and avoid him, myself. But I'll run up the friendly flag and stop the ship to let him catch up. I mean…" She grinned at Luffy, "he's your friend, right? He'll play nice." 

Luffy beamed. "I know he will! I told you the story about the lack of a bar brawl, right?"

Nami had heard the story several times at least. To hear it told, Shanks really didn't sound like the type of pirate who'd fire on a vessel flying a friendly flag.

"You've told me a few times, yeah." Nami leaned near her map. "About how they dunked beer on him and mocked him and he only fought back when …what? When they messed with you, right?" 

"Yeah! He saved my life! And right after I'd stolen his fruit too." Luffy smiled remembering it. "Shanks will want to talk— even if he wants to fight, too."

"I hope you're right about that, Luffy," Usopp murmured. Nami watched his hand go to his ammo bag reflexively.

Nami's eyes trailed the movement, her own hand resting near her climate baton "If he's not, we'll deal with it, just like we dealt with all that crap on Wano."

She flashed a smile to Luffy. "But I think it'll go just fine." 

-

Everyone had kept their distance when Red Haired Shanks rowed over in a longboat and climbed up onto the Sunny.

Everyone except Luffy of course, who had run over and stood proudly in front of him, beaming. None of them heard the conversation, but they did hear when Luffy shouted that the two of them were going down below the deck to share a drink and talk.

Zoro had followed them.

He had stayed to guard the door outside while Luffy and Shanks had their drink. He knew it was probably pointless, after all, Luffy had been eager to see Shanks since they'd started their journey together. 

Still. He was technically an enemy. A rival emperor. Who knew what the hell he might do?

If only as a formality. Zoro stayed, swords at the ready.

He was glad he did.

The room had gotten quiet. And then suddenly he heard raised voices.

Just as he was moving to enter the room, the door flung open almost in his face and Luffy rushed out of it, pursued by Shanks.

"Shut up!" Luffy yelled behind him as he ran toward the stairs to the deck. "Don't tell me that, I don't want to hear it!"

Shanks followed, and Zoro followed after in silent pursuit, assessing the situation.

As they got up to the deck, in the bright sunshine, everyone stared at the scene between Luffy and Shanks who stood opposite one another, as if any split second they were going to burst into an all out brawl.

There wasn't going to be a fight, though. Zoro understood that as soon as the first wave of opposed haki between the two emperors nearly doubled him over on his knees. He grit his teeth, and stayed on his feet– barely.

Shanks took another step forward, unsheathing his sword with what Zoro could tell was his off-hand. His only hand.

He was trying to bait Luffy into a fight— but Luffy wasn't responding. It looked in fact like Luffy was doing everything in his power to hold himself back from responding. He was shaking, almost vibrating.

What the hell had Red Haired Shanks said to his captain?

"It's your destiny, Luffy." 

"I don't want it!" 

Luffy stayed rooted to the spot, dark eyes blazing with fury as he stared down the man that he'd always spoken of so highly. Treated like a mentor.

No, not a fight. Instead, what happened on deck was a clash of pure haki; the Red Emperor's will, awash in righteous inevitability, against Luffy's will— Zoro's captain's haki— shot through with stubborn, incredulous, incandescent rage.

The air felt tense and electric like the moment before a lightning strike.

-

Vivi felt the world lurch around her. The crash of haki was nearly too much, even for her and her own increasingly honed conqueror's haki. She staggered but stayed standing as she watched in confusion. Why in the world was Shanks, the person Luffy constantly talked up as his mentor, yelling about destiny?

"That's too bad! It's been your destiny since the minute you ate that fruit." Shanks' fingers were tight around his sword, and the sunlight shone off it.

Since the moment Luffy ate his devil fruit? Vivi's altered devil fruit body shuddered under the waves of energy, dissipating briefly into a curtain of stars and darkness before she wrangled it back into her usual shape.

Devil fruits could change you, warp you more than just physically. Was Shanks somehow saying that they could warp your destiny, too?

"I don't care! Someone else can do it!" Luffy snarled. He didn't seem to be paying attention to Shanks' aggressive stance, like he didn't care if he attacked or not.

She tried to move, to take a step forward to help him only to feel the world lurch again under the wave of haki. Her fingers curled and she shuddered out a soft breath. Luffy wasn't going to fight, was he? Was Shanks, his hero, ready to strike him down? The thought made Vivi sicker than the waves of power washing over her did. 

"You ate the fruit, Luffy! It's already decided." Shanks' expression was intense, and the air crackled around him.

Shanks was an idiot if he thought that'd change anything. Even as her body dissipated again and quickly recombined with a start, she knew Luffy would never accept something that had been 'decided' for him. Luffy never accepted anything he didn't want.

He'd taught her how to be selfish, for her own good. Not even his hero could change that strength of his.

Luffy stomped his foot petulantly, and another wave of haki clashed against the Emperor's."No it isn't! I decide who I'm going to be, and I'm going to be the King of Pirates!"

-

So that was what the fight was about. Usopp felt like he was playing catch up. One minute Luffy and Shanks had gone down below deck to share drinks, and what seemed like the next minute they'd both come racing up the stairs, screaming at one another as Zoro followed behind them.

The initial burst of haki was so powerful it had knocked Usopp prone on the deck, staring up at his captain's boots as the two kept yelling.

"You're the sun god! The one who will free us all! Isn't that better?"

A god. So Luffy really was supposed to be a god. For all that it had become a joke on the ship and in the papers to call Usopp 'god', it really was Luffy's destiny.

Just like between the two of them, Luffy was the one who became captain.

But unlike that, Luffy didn't want it.

"It's not me! I'm not a hero. I don't share my meat! I'm not the god of anything and I'm not here to save anyone!" Luffy scowled and took a step backward as Shanks advanced. He raised his chin toward him defiantly.

Usopp couldn't blame him. Being a god was a miserable deal, and he thought anybody would probably want to avoid it. 

-

This couldn't be happening. When she'd decided to slow the ship down and run up the flag for parlay with the fucking Red Haired Emperor Shanks, Nami didn't expect him and Luffy to get into a screaming match as something as utterly insane as a destiny— or about Luffy being a god.

Luffy wasn't a god. Luffy was their slightly insane, off-kilter, determined and heartfelt captain. The man who placed his hat on her head when he walked off into the sunlight to beat Arlong to save her from a life she hated— couldn't possibly be a god. Because a god is untouchable, but Luffy was someone who held her in his arms.

"Ace would have done it. Ace would want you to do it." Shanks kept advancing on him, and Luffy kept taking steps backward. Still, the haki around them boiled and bubbled like the roiling sea itself, tense and grasping.

She wobbled again, falling back and only limply catching herself on the bannister under the new wave of haki, her teeth gritting together as she tried to force herself back up. How could Shanks do this when Luffy trusted him so much? How could he stand here and tell him that he was supposed to fight for everyone's freedom but his own? Bastard, the absolute BASTARD. Her mind hissed, even as her body betrayed her. 

"Don't talk about Ace! Ace isn't here! He gave his life for me, and he'd want me to follow my dream!" Luffy clutched his head, grimacing, his eyes alight with anger.

Ace. Nami felt her eyes stinging with tears. Just like she'd lost Bellemere, Luffy had lost Ace during a time when none of them could help, and Shanks brought him up just to hurt her captain?

"Just listen—"

Nami was fighting, desperately fighting to shake off the effect of the haki so she could kill him herself. 

-

Yamato was no stranger to the clash of will and power that was happening here. Time and time again, he'd stood against his father to the clash of red lightning and waves of haki washing over and incapacitating the Beast Pirates on Onigashima.

But this was on a level even he struggled to act in. The weight of Shanks and Luffy's combined power hadn't staggered Yamato, but it certainly made it hard for him to move more than a little even if he had felt good about interrupting a duel between men. He'd never liked it when others interfered with his own.

Still…something about this clawed at him with a tense familiarity. A god– the god of the sun, Nika. A name Yamato had heard whispered here and there among the prisoners of Onigashima.

Was Shanks saying that was Luffy?

Luffy whipped his head up and staggered forward, his will almost tangible as it aggressed on Shanks'.

"No! I'm not gonna listen! I heard that thing in the fruit whispering to me while I was fighting Kaidou, and I didn't listen then!"

It was like a shot went through Yamato, his head snapping up even under the weight of the increasing pressure of their wills to look at Luffy with a teeth-baring grimace.

It whispered about my father?

"What did it say to you?" That seemed to give the emperor pause for just a moment.

What did it say about my father? Yamato's whole body was shaking now, his attention rapt.

"It wanted me to kill Kaidou!" Luffy yelled. His expression, though stubborn as ever, was pained. Conflicted. "Even though he and King are just like me and Zoro!"

The god of the sun that the people of Wano whispered about had wanted to kill Kaidou? It'd been trying to push Luffy to kill Kaidou. Yamato's father. The complicated, twisted knot of a situation between them writhed in his chest as his jaw tensed.

Kill him. A god wanted his old man dead, and Luffy saw himself in his father and King.

Yamato hated his old man— but Yamato didn't want him to die. All of a sudden he was starting to feel sick. His own conflict mirrored Luffy's as he leaned on his club with a low and canine whine. 

"That's ridiculous, you're nothing like–"

-

Clearly Shanks hadn't gotten to know Luffy at all if this was his play. Robin's distaste for the way the man talked about Luffy sat heavy in her heart as she stood her ground against the onslaught of haki as best she could.

Telling Luffy the exact thing he'd feared, and expecting him to just roll over and accept it with a smile was naive at best, malevolently stupid at worst. Luffy was a lot more like Kaidou than Shanks knew— a lot more like Crocodile, too.

He had a habit of facing off and taking down men who stood in the dark mirror to him. Challenges …challenges…

The barrage of haki disrupted her concentration, shredding her internal musings to pieces as she attempted to bloom limbs that instantly dissipated into petals. 

"I am! I am though! I'm not a good person! I'm not even a nice person! I know everyone calls me a hero behind my back, and I'm not! That's why I left Wano even though they were throwing a party!"

Exactly that. Luffy faced challenges against men that he could have easily become with just a few differences. Men who could, with a bit of effort, find the spark to live life to the fullest like Luffy did .

Luffy was a capricious, often violent and sometimes cruel young man. Labeled with the cry of 'hero', he was at best a charming rogue who happened to find himself embroiled in conflicts he cared little about save for the few connections he'd made there.

He was a pirate. It was one of the things that Robin loved about him. She once more tried to bloom limbs only for them to shudder and wither away, shattering her concentration again. 

Luffy took a step forward, the conflict melting away from his face, leaving only fury and resolve once more in its place.

He balled up his fists as he took another step towards Shanks. 

Robin felt her heart beating in her chest, exhaustion weighing on her with every ill fated attempt to raise her power to help her captain. Her eyes narrowed, trained on him as if to convey her feelings without words.

Show him what kind of man you are, Luffy. Prove him wrong.

"People act like I saved Alabasta. Like I saved Dressrosa, but I didn't! That had nothing to do with me! All I did was beat up some people that my friends didn't like! If I met Crocodile first, I probably would have beat up Vivi's dad!"

Miss All Sunday knew in her heart it was true. She smiled thinly at him as the words hung in the air. If Crocodile had met him first, if one of Doflamingo's men had befriended him before Law or Rebecca— Luffy would have laid waste to their enemies for hurting them.

Luffy was a pirate, Luffy was a good friend…but he wasn't a hero.

And from a villain, a demon like her, that was exactly the reason she'd follow him to the ends of the earth and to the depths of hell itself. 

-

As Sanji grimaced and fought against the waves of power trying to take him out, supporting the swooning Carrot as she barely retained consciousness, he couldn't help but remember his and Luffy's conversation.

Luffy was afraid of losing himself to 'Gear 5', which turned out to be some kind of 'god of the sun' or whatever, just like Sanji was afraid of losing himself to the Vinsmoke treatments that had awakened inside him.

His captain was pissed, understandably so. Sanji was pissed for him. Here was the guy he talked about in the same kind of breath that Sanji talked about Zeff, basically telling him that he never mattered and all that he was supposedly came from a fucking devil fruit and a god.

That surrendering to that power was the righteous thing to do.

"Luffy, you can't be serious."

Shanks stepped backward again, and his back touched the rail of the ship.

"I am serious!" Luffy howled. "Get off my ship if you think I'm a hero, or a god! I'm Luffy, the man who will be king of the pirates!"

Sanji grinned sharply at his captain, arms tightening around Carrot as she weakly reached for her sword. 

This was going to be over soon. She didn't need to draw the sword at this point. It was going to end exactly as it should, with his captain knocking out anything and everything that told him he had to be something he wasn't…or that he had to stop following his dreams. That was just the kind of resolve Luffy had.

You tell 'im, Captain.

"But–"

Shanks' haki flickered, and crumbled and collapsed entirely.

-

"Get! Off! My! Ship!!" 

With a sudden rubber snapping sound, Luffy grabbed Shanks without warning as the Red Emperor's haki collapsed completely in on itself. 

With a swing of his elastic hands, the captain catapulted Shanks off of the Sunny and back toward his own Red Force just like he was skipping a stone across the water.

He turned to face them all, breathing raggedly, his dark eyes full of anger— almost malice.

"None of you think I'm a god, right?"

Before any of them could even respond, he crumpled. He slid down to his knees on the deck, crossing his arms over them, and laying his face against them as he dissolved into hiccuping sobs.

There was only a moment's pause, a stunned silence as the weight of haki finally left the ship's deck. Just long enough for Robin to rush forward and bloom a pair of arms from the deck of the ship to wrap around Luffy in a hug before she dropped down to her knees before him.

Nami, Sanji— the whole crew hurried to their captain in concern, but Robin held him tight as she murmured.

"Nobody thinks you're a god, Luffy." she whispered. "Just like we talked about when you heard that voice. You're still, and always will be, you." 

Luffy took great, shuddering breaths against her, his scarred chest heaving, and he clutched at her shirt, pressing his head against her chest. 

The rest of the crew voiced their agreement together.

"I can't believe this whole time—" Luffy's voice was choked and rough. "He never believed in me. It wasn't me he bothered to save. It was a god. He was always telling me I wasn't cut out to be a pirate right up until— until that day."

Zoro bent down beside her and Luffy and put a hand on his side, just under Robin's hand. "Doesn't matter what he thinks, Captain, does it?" He looked up at her.

Robin nodded, her arms tightening around him as she met Zoro's eyes for a moment only to turn her stare back down to Luffy. 

"He's a fool if all he cared about was some god in a fruit, Luffy." she murmured. "The man in front of me is worth saving more than any god is. If he can't see that, it's his loss."

Sanji stood over them, before bending down and placing a hand on Luffy's head. "Besides, haven't ya proven him wrong? I mean. You've gone from 'not cut out to be a pirate' to one of the damn emperors, Luffy." 

"I have," Luffy agreed raggedly. He took another sharp breath and looked up from where his head was hung in Robin's chest. His intense eyes were red, and full of tears. "I have, and it wasn't because of him. He was wrong about me. I think— I think he might be wrong about everything."

Jinbei, who was lingering nearby sighed. "It's hard, sometimes, to come to grips with someone you've considered an idol as a person instead, flaws and all. But it's better that way, just the same."

Usopp squinted and rubbed the back of his neck. He'd only just managed to stagger back to his feet. He took a breath, and Robin thought he was going to speak, but he stayed quiet instead.

Carrot hurried over with Chopper, the rabbit mink looking dazed and dizzy as she tried to find the words to help, only ending up rubbing her arm with a murmur of, "you're just Luffy to me, Captain."

Chopper bent down, near Robin, and asked him quietly if he needed something to give him a shot of energy.

Robin mostly tuned it out as she stroked Luffy's back soothingly. 

"I know he said a lot of frightful things," she said quietly "but not a single person here on your crew believes them. Your only destiny is the path you choose for yourself." 

He wiped his face with the back of his arm, and nodded. Luffy smiled at them all, but it was a wan, crooked smile, a pale shadow of his usual bright one.

"Thanks everybody," he murmured. "I'm really glad."

From the back, Franky muttered. "Good. And I'm really glad we heard about all this ahead of time. Can you imagine if this was the first we heard about it? Super fucking awkward."

"Yeah." Usopp nodded, sharing a glance with him. "But we're with you one hundred and ten percent, Luffy."

Vivi bent down, smiling nervously but genuinely down at him as she flowed like liquid starlight to settle near him. "That's what a crew's for, right?"

Yamato's foot tapped against the deck, his eyes turned out towards where Shanks splashed into the ocean. "I know I'm still new…" he said "but I'm with you too, all the way, Captain. Want me to chase the guy down?"

Robin chuckled quietly, tugging at the locks of Luffy's springy hair. "We promised not to let whatever it was inside you devour you, after all. Even if it's a god, it won't take our captain from us."

Luffy took another breath, and he squeezed her, and then Zoro, and then Sanji before he started to stand up in the center of the pile. 

"That's what crew's for," he agreed. Luffy closed his eyes, just standing there for a moment. "I don't want to chase him down. Let's just… let's just get the hell out of here and go back to our adventure!"

Nami spoke up, her voice cracking a little with a sharp hiccup of barely choked back tears before she ran over and scooped him into a hug. "I'll get us back on our heading, Luffy."

Chopper nodded, his hat bouncing on top of his velvety head. "Aye aye, captain! But you ARE gonna drink something to replenish your energy after that, doctor's orders!"

Yamato punched his hand. "Hell yeah! Jinbei! Lemme help get the rigging. Let's get outta this place as fast as—"

A hand placed on his shoulder from where it bloomed out of his back. "Have Franky prep the coup de burst," Robin said with a thin smile, "so we can leave this sordid little mess behind faster than the wind can take us." 

Luffy nodded. "Do it, Franky. Let's put this behind us."

[broadwaybalogna]

So I was think of pining Katara I desperately need more pining Katara fics. So the prompt is pining Katara in Ember Island being just a tennager trying to make sense of a pretty boy

Hey Anon! When you said “ember island” I’m sure you meant during the ember island players. HOWEVER, I think the headcanon that Zuko dropped Katara off at Ember Island after TSR and her realizing her feelings THEN would also be hella cute!

Enjoy~

“You sure you’ll be alright by yourself?”

“Yeah, I just need some time alone.”

“Alright… I’ll be back with the others by sundown.”

Zuko began to walk back to Appa, who had just groggily woken up.

“Zuko?” Katara called, once he was secured on the flying bison. She didn’t turn to him, she barely even acknowledged him. But she still called out to him.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” and with that, Katara could hear the sound of Appa leaving the ground and flying away. Now, she was by herself, alone with only her thoughts. She had at least twelve hours to herself before Zuko came back with the rest of their friends.

Hours one and two:

Katara decided to spend the first two hours or so walking along the beach of ember island. The sun was still rising in the horizon, which was able to give Katara some sense of calm. She continued to walk until her feet started to hurt, then she walked all the way back to camp.

Hour three:

Katara sat at the edge of the dock massaging her feet and stretching her legs. She hummed an old hymn her mother used to sing to her when she was little.

Then she remembered Yon Rha. And after hours upon hours of her night already thinking about him and what she could’ve done, she cried.

She cried louder than she had ever let herself. No one was around to hear or judge her, so she cried even louder. She cried until her eyes were as sore as her feet, and then, when she finally gained control of her body again, she cried some more.

So many emotions that she had left under wraps for years came bubbling up and exploded, and she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop to the point where it physically hurt to continue. Even more, she couldn’t stop because it felt so good to let it out.

Katara came to the conclusion that she was an ugly crier.

Hour four:

Once Katara had finally calmed down, she walked into a nearby lake to wash herself off. The ocean was too salty for her to feel like she was properly cleaning herself, so she found an abandoned lake to lay in. She sunk under the water until she was only breathing out of her nose and closed her eyes.

An image of Zuko flashes across her mind, if only for a second, and Katara shot up. Why would she think about him now of all times?

She scowled and got out of the lake, it had been ruined now anyway.

Hour five:

Katara decided to make herself lunch by the beach. She caught a fish and used Sokka’s fire starting technique to cook it. She thought about how much easier it would be to cook if she had Zuko’s fire.

Hour six:

She just couldn’t get Zuko out of her mind! What was wrong with her!?

Maybe it was because he actually encouraged her to face her mother’s attacker instead of telling her to just forgive him. Maybe it was that he empathized with her pain instead of separating himself from it. Or maybe it’s just that he was there when she needed someone to be.

Hour seven:

She felt really bad about what she said to Sokka, she needed to apologize to him when they got back.

Hour eight:

She can’t stop thinking about that one time she grazed Zuko’s lips while in the catacombs. How she had laid her hand on his scar in sympathy and grace, and how her thumb had just lightly touched his lips, and how soft they felt.

Hour nine:

She wonders what Zuko might’ve looked like had he been in the lake with her washing off.

Hour ten:

She stares up at the sky and the changing of the tides by the beach. She smiles.

Hour eleven:

She thinks about confronting Aang and Sokka when they get back. Also Zuko, maybe a little bit too much Zuko.

The more she thinks about it all, the more her face hardens. She wonders if Aang and Sokka will understand. She wonders if they’ll listen.

She goes to the end of the dock and holds her arm in her hand.

Hour twelve:

Zuko, Toph, Aang, and Sokka all arrive not long after the twelfth hour has passed. Aang goes up to her and tells her he’s proud she chose forgiveness.

“You’re wrong. I didn’t forgive him, and I don’t think I ever will.” She pushes past Aang who stands alone and climbs up Appa. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Zuko walk up to Aang.

“You were right-“

She turns her head around and blocks their conversation out.

She can’t cry now.

[brickmvster]

Savior [Abby Anderson x Reader]

Synopsis: You and Abby, best friends, aren't quite sure where you both stand with each other. After you get attacked while out on patrol, you begin to experience feelings of inadequacy; Abby, however, reminds you of just how important you are, and it is during this conversation that both of your true feelings come to the surface.

Tags: minor violence, non-graphic violence, near death experiences, panic attacks, minor injuries, friends to lovers, love confessions, emotional hurt/comfort, nightmares, fluff, a little suggestive toward the end but not explicit

Word Count: 8k+

Author's Note: this is my first time posting a fic of mine to tumblr (also my first time writing for Abby)! I'm nervous and also excited 😭 this has been proofread quite a few times but apologies in advance if any spelling and/or grammarical errors slipped by me, mistakes are all mine! I almost cried writing this bc my god do I want an Abby of my own. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy! Feedback is always welcome. This was cross posted on AO3 as well.

For the first time since joining the Washington Liberation Front, you finally felt like you were doing some real work. Fear and inexperience prevented you from going out on patrols, and for several months you stuck with doing laundry and food preparation. But many grueling and difficult weeks of weapon training and learning about basic self defense left you feeling confident – a feeling that, up until now, was wholly unfamiliar to you.

You were currently sitting patiently in your room, bag packed with all of the essentials and necessities for your first patrol trip. You were just waiting for your roommate and patrol partner, Whitney, to knock on the door and announce when it’s time to go. 

You could tell from the way your stomach felt like it was upside down that you were feeling a little nervous. Just months ago, doing anything that meant leaving the stadium absolutely terrified you; it was a safe haven and leaving it meant you were no longer protected from the unforgiving nature of a post-apocalyptic city. You weren’t afraid of the infected – you had encountered plenty of them prior to being recruited, and you couldn’t even begin to count how many you had taken down during your years as a lone survivor. 

No, you were far more scared of your own species . Within the once densely populated city of Seattle, you were completely by yourself with no sense of stability as you packed your stuff and relocated once every few days, paranoia never allowing you to stay in one place for any longer. Of course, there was also the looming threat of being captured by the Seraphites or brutally killed by other survivors. You were a true pacifist, having mastered the art of being light on your feet and narrowly avoiding getting into physical altercations with other people. Trees, tall grass, and anything else nature provided you with helped you in silently escaping without leaving a single trace. You had your fair share of close calls, like anyone would, but what you lacked in weapon knowledge and fighting skills you made up for in quick thinking.

One day, though, your luck had finally decided to run out. 

Your recollection of that day was hazy, but you could vividly remember sleeping on a raggedy couch within an abandoned house, before raiders had forcefully entered your home. You don’t really remember who started shooting first. There was so much screaming, and your ears were ringing from the piercing and relentless sound of gunfire. There had to have been three guys. Maybe four, you weren’t exactly sure. They were clumsy and missed a lot of their shots. Until they didn’t, and suddenly there was a hole in your leg. Although they couldn’t aim well, you weren’t any better. Your shots usually ended up in a wall or going through a window. But you did manage to take them all out. Almost all of them, because one guy had taken you completely by surprise, pinning you against a wall and attempting to inflict a stab wound.

But that was when a mysterious woman with a braid showed up.

There were other people with her but you could only remember seeing her. She took out the guy attacking you swiftly, her aim incredibly precise, the bullet going straight through his head. She aimed it at you, and immediately your arms went up – that was when you locked eyes with her, her gaze sharp and unwavering. Your eyes were blown wide, your heart rate never slowing down and adrenaline still pumping through you. You were pleading to her silently.

You knew you had managed to sway her when she had slowly lowered her pistol. She gazed down at your leg, and you’ll never forget the unexpected softness in her voice when she told you:

“I got you.”

Then, she let you wrap your arm around her shoulders, and she helped you exit the bullet-ridden house. She took you in and taught you how to shoot better; but you refused to help out with patrols, and that was when your fear of leaving the stadium had begun to blossom. You felt powerless in that moment back in the abandoned house. You almost died because of your cluelessness, and your inability to kill, let alone even hurt another human.

After having been rescued, your time spent doing busy work at the stadium is when you found yourself growing closer to the woman, who you had soon found out was named Abby. Despite Whitney being your roommate, she barely ever saw you – you were always spending time with Abby, whether it be eating together in the cafeteria, having in-depth conversations about random books that Abby may have found while on patrol (because that was one major thing the both of you had in common, surprisingly), or just enjoying each other's company and not exchanging any words at all, comforted by the mere feeling of the other person being in the same room. 

You soon realized, though, that you weren’t supposed to be experiencing a spike in heart rate after your hand accidentally brushed hers. You weren’t supposed to feel that stupid fluttery feeling your stomach whenever she laughed at something you said or smiled at you. You weren’t supposed to feel warmth spread throughout your cheeks at the sight of her sweaty and breathing heavily from exertion after working out. You told all of this to Whitney, and she only laughed at your suffering, telling you to your face that you had a crush on your best friend.

But it didn’t feel like a crush. Crushes were fleeting. You wanted Abby. You yearned for her closeness and thought about sleeping in her arms every single night, her lips pressing against your forehead. 

All of this, of course, terrified you. You had never experienced any feeling as strong as this. You always rolled your eyes at some of the cheesy romance novels you read, as the main characters always seemed so overdramatic to you. You never thought the feeling of desire could be so painful. You saw Abby everyday, and yet she felt so far away at the same time. Suddenly those romance novels felt too real.

You suppressed these feelings the best you could, because you weren’t even sure if Abby felt the same way. You had a strong feeling she didn’t, and you weren’t going to severely embarrass yourself by confessing your love to someone who you were sure wasn’t going to reciprocate those feelings.

You weren’t sure how well you’d be able to suppress your feelings for any longer, though, knowing that Abby was actually going to be joining you on patrol. 

Maybe that was the true reason for your nervousness.

Three knocks on your door pulled you out of the recesses of your mind. Whitney’s muffled voice could be heard on the other side.

“You ready?” She asked. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” You replied with a sigh. You stood up from the bed and grabbed your backpack, slinging the straps securely over your shoulders. Whitney had opened the door, meeting your eyes with a smile. You returned the warm expression, exiting your room, and locking the door behind you. The two of you made your way down the hall.

“How’re you feeling? Excited? Nervous?” Whitney questioned. You shrugged.

“Honestly? I’m feeling all sorts of things. I just hope everything goes well.” You replied. Whitney playfully nudged you with her shoulder.

“Hey, don’t worry too much. Most of the time, patrol runs go pretty smoothly. You’re bound to have some mishaps here and there, but usually everyone comes back safely. We’ll be alright, I know it.”

You felt reassured by Whitney’s words, grinning at her as a silent thanks for soothing your nerves. A comfortable silence settled between the two of you for another few minutes, but it wasn’t long until Whitney was speaking again, deciding to discuss another topic.

“So… about you and Abby.” She began.

You groaned in annoyance,feeling warmth immediately spread to your cheeks at the mere mention of the woman’s name. Whitney only chuckled at your obvious suffering. “I was wondering… did you two fight?”

You turned your head to look at Whitney quizzically. “No? What makes you think we fought?”

Whitney looked at you like you just asked her what two plus two was. “The both of you haven’t talked to each other in like… 10 years. I can’t help but think something happened.”

“We still talk to each other, Whitney.”

“Does only saying ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ count as talking?” She asked.

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t deny the truth in Whitney’s words. You hadn’t actually held a conversation with Abby in days . She would always make an effort to spend time with you but you always had some kind of excuse at the ready. They were often lousy ones, and you could tell that Abby could see right through them but decided against saying anything about it.

“I admit, things are… awkward between us, but-”

“She feels the same way.”

You paused in the middle of your sentence, sighing exasperatedly. “Whitney… how can you be so sure?”

“Because I see it. Just take my word for it, okay?” She replied, giving you a teasing smile. You didn’t even have time to respond, since the two of you had already reached your destination.

Eventually, you made it to where Abby and Alice were waiting near the vehicles. You saw Abby kneeling on the ground, gently petting Alice and showering the canine in all of the praise and affection in the world. While grabbing your weapons and extra ammunition, you stole a few glances at her, feeling a smile creep up on your lips as you watched Alice lick her face happily, to which Abby tried to move away, the sound of laughter cutting through all the chatter and extra noise that you heard around you. 

You’d never be able to get over the way Abby’s smile lit up her entire face, or the way her cheeks gradually took on a redder tint the longer the laughing continued. Abby would react the same way whenever you told her a stupid joke, or whenever you told about a funny line of dialogue in a book you took turns reading–

“When you’re done making googly eyes at your crush, come get in the truck, please.” Whitney’s voice, once again, pulled you out of your pleasant trance.

You cleared your throat, looking away shyly. “Right. My bad.”

You made sure your pistol was snug in your holster before slinging your rifle over your shoulder and making your way toward Abby. She stood up from her kneeling position on the floor, a certain something in her eyes that you just couldn’t decipher. She smiled at you a little awkwardly, brushing a loose strand of hair that fell in front of her face behind her ear.

“Heya.” She spoke. You grinned, ignoring the slight jump in your heart rate just from standing in front of her.

“Hi.” You replied, butterflies viciously attacking your stomach against your will. 

“First patrol. You got everything you need?”

“Believe so.”

“Alright, then. Let’s get moving.” She said, to which you nodded curtly.

Whitney opened the door to the passenger’s side, allowing Alice to jump in. As Abby was already climbing into the back of the truck, you threw a glare in Whitney’s direction, to which Whitney only smiled deviously. 

“What? Alice loves riding shotgun!” She said innocently before getting into the driver’s seat and giggling to herself like a plotting supervillain in a movie.

You shook your head, reluctantly getting into the back of the truck with Abby. When everyone was all settled, Whitney took off, eventually exiting the stadium. All that could be heard for several minutes was the sound of the tires on the dirt road and the songs from the birds that flew overhead. Abby seemed to be looking everywhere but at you, and Whitney’s eyes were focused on the road ahead, so you took this time to let your eyes take in the view directly in front of you.

Abby had settled for her usual loose tank top and cargo pants, and her hair was in her usual braid. There were always strands of hair that managed to fall in front of her face anyway, and you found it absolutely adorable how she would occasionally blow the strands out of her face in annoyance. You let yourself relax in your seat a little, admiring the constellations of freckles on her arms. Briefly, you were taken back to your last training session with her, remembering the way those same arms wrapped around you to “help you adjust your fighting stance.” You could easily recall her proximity during the session and the look of genuine proudness on her face when you successfully demonstrated a specific move she had taught you. Of course, you’ll never forget the moment you had her totally stunned, using a newly learned takedown move to pin her to the ground. A flame had been ignited in both of her eyes as she looked at you with something other than pride. It was an expression that you couldn't quite pinpoint, but you knew that if you had kept her pinned for any longer that you would've ended up doing something you'd regret; so, you were off of her quickly, laughing the obvious tension away and completely burying Abby's heated gaze in your mind and storing it for later.

When your eyes moved up from Abby's biceps and to face, you found she was already looking at you. She offered you a small smile, to which returned, feeling heat creep up your neck in embarrassment at being caught ogling. Either Abby didn't notice or chose not to comment, and whatever the case was, you were thankful.

She rested both of her elbows on her knees, spreading her legs as she leaned forward. Abby man-spreading was another sight to behold.

"So. How have you been doing?" She asked. 

Miserable. Because I miss you and I'm sorry for pushing you away but I'm in love with you and can't find the words. 

You opted for a simpler response. "I've been good. Honestly, this is the only exciting part of my week."

Abby chuckled. "Yeah, I hear you. How are you feeling about this, by the way?" 

There was some silence as you carefully picked out your next words. "A little anxious. But I'm proud of myself for being able to get this far away from the stadium."

"You should be proud. Overcoming your fears like this isn't easy," she said. "And just for the record, I always feel a little bit of anxiety before patrol. I think it's a good thing; it makes me more focused, and I feel like my senses are heightened." 

You nodded, clinging on to her words. "That's a nice way of looking at it. It's kind of comforting to know that Isaac's top Scar killer still gets a little nervous, too." You replied. 

Abby laughed at the statement, and there was that familiar warmth that spread through you. 

"Of course I do. I'm not fearless, you know. Aside from heights, there are plenty of other things that make me nervous." 

"Like what?" You inquired. 

Abby shifted in her seat. She looked away from you, turning her head to look at the scenery surrounding her. Immediately, your mouth soured, and you began mentally chastising yourself for making her feel uncomfortable. You were about to apologize and forget about the question all together until Abby spoke again. 

"Losing the people that I care about." She said softly. The tone of the conversation shifted from casual to something much more serious, and you looked at Abby pitifully at her confession. With the way Abby's eyes were downcast, you could tell that she was reminded of something – or someone. 

You wanted to reach out and place a comforting hand on her knee or squeeze her hand. Instead, you stayed put, opting to console her only verbally. 

"I'm sorry, Abby." Was all you could muster.

"Don't be." She replied, finally looking at you again with a barely noticeable grin on her face. 

There was a silence that settled between the both of you as the two of you continued to gaze at the scenery as Whitney drove. At some point, Whitney had called from the passenger's seat that they were almost there. 

The sound of Abby's throat clearing brought your attention back to her. 

"Hey, so… I wanted to talk to you about something." She started. 

You stiffened in your seat but you hoped that it didn't look obvious. "Shoot." You said in response. 

"It's about us." 

"Us?" You swallowed.

"Yeah. I mean, things have been weird, right?" 

Your eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion. "How so?" You asked.

"Has something been on your mind lately? You know you can tell me anything, right?" 

Not this time.

“Don’t worry about me, Abs.” You chuckled nervously. You threw her a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes to ease her worrying.

Abby sighed. "But you’ve been so quiet these past few days. I really miss-”

"We have arrived!" Whitney yelled from the driver's seat after finding a place to park. Abby was immediately getting off of the truck, and you honestly wanted to forget all about patrol and continue the conversation you were having with her. But you knew what was the priority right now, and so you brushed off Abby's words, focusing on the task at hand.

The four of you exited the truck and began making your way toward a gas station. 

"Alright. Let's check for supplies." Whitney said, leading the way toward the entrance of the small store. She opened the door, her weapon at the ready, looking in all sorts of directions to make sure it was clear. She stepped aside to make room for you and Abby when she deemed it was safe. 

While Alice kept watch like the good girl she was, the three of you silently put whatever you could fit in your bags in terms of food and any other items that might be deemed useful. You managed to scavenge some good items, and you were amazed at just how many worthwhile supplies had been left behind. 

Everything was awfully quiet, almost too quiet. But you weren’t complaining.

You took a small break from scavenging when your eyes landed on a display of sunglasses. There were only a few on the rack, and many of them had broken lenses, but then you saw a pair of pink cat-eye glasses that looked practically untouched. You giggled in amusement, taking the glasses and trying them on just for the hell of it. 

There was a small mirror next to the rack, and when you stole a glance at your reflection, your quiet snickering turned into a louder, sharper laugh that you couldn't contain. Abby, upon hearing the sound, stopped browsing the aisle she was roaming in and went to go find you, only to smile at you fondly when she finally saw what you were up to.

For several minutes, you were pulling silly faces in the mirror, and even with something as small as a pair of funny looking glasses, you found yourself completely entertained.

You heard Abby walking up to you, so you whipped your head around to look at her. 

"How do I look?" You asked her, striking an absolutely ridiculous pose. You may have been hearing things, but you thought that you even heard Whitney chuckling from wherever she was in the store. 

Abby could only shake her head at your antics, but she did give you an answer. 

"Those really suit you." She replied. 

"Why, thank you. I think the hot pink goes really well with the tan of my cargo pants." You said, jokingly. 

Satisfied with your little fashion show, you put the glasses back where you found them. Abby was still standing next to you, her amused smile never leaving her face. Her expression was something you'd never seen her sport. Her gaze was soft as she looked upon you with eyes full of complete admiration, and you found yourself being locked in place, as if in a trance, returning the eye contact. 

You cleared your throat. "Did… did you want to try them on?" You asked. Abby shook her head, laughing to herself quietly. 

"I know these aren't really your style but… I don't know, I think you could rock them. Please?" You pleaded, drawing out the "e" in the word.

"You just want to laugh at me." Abby responded through a fit of giggles. 

"Nope, I swear I won't laugh." You said, shaking your head vehemently. But the smile tugging at the corners of your lips revealed your true intentions. 

Abby reluctantly agreed.

"Will you put them on for me?" She asked. Nodding excitedly, you picked up the glasses again and gestured for her to come closer to you. 

"Come here." You said. Abby did just that, standing directly in front of you. You swore you could feel her breath fanning across your face from the proximity.

Just as you were about to place the glasses on Abby's face, you heard a short and sharp whistle pierce the air. 

You and Abby froze, and you immediately dropped the glasses, removing your pistol from its holster. Abby did the same thing, recognizing that sound instantly. 

"I'm not the only one who heard that, right?" Whitney asked as she rounded the corner from one the aisles. 

"Definitely not the only one. We've got Scars in the area." Abby confirmed. You felt every hair on your body stand on edge. You saw Abby, Whitney, and Alice take cover, so you followed suit, hiding behind the counter where the now useless cash register sat. 

You closed your eyes, trying to recall all the hours of gun and defense training that you learned in this very moment, but it was all hazy. You were starting to feel the effects of fear now, your palms sweaty, causing you to constantly re-adjust your grip of the gun. You found that what Abby had mentioned earlier was definitely proving to be true – although you were terrified, you felt hyper aware of every noise and small movement in the corner of your eye. 

You heard another short whistle again, but this time, you could definitely hear the barely there footsteps of a group of Seraphites walking toward the store. 

From the counter, you slowly raised your head, trying to see how many there were. You counted three from where you were crouched. 

While you were making a mental note of how many Seraphites there were, you failed to notice Abby sneaking up next to you. You felt her touch your arm, and you flinched, but Abby was quick to cover your mouth before any sounds of surprise escaped. 

"Sorry. It's just me." She whispered, removing her hand. "There's six in total. Three inside and three outside. We're gonna try to take them out quietly." Abby spoke. You nodded, trying to cling onto her words but all you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears, beating wildly.

Abby could sense the anxiety coursing through you and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "This is what you're good at, right? All those moves we practiced, now you finally get to use them. You can do this." 

You shook your head. Your eyes began to sting, serving as a telltale sign that tears would soon follow. You wanted the ground to swallow you up in this moment, feelings of inadequacy bubbling within you. Abby saw the faraway look in your eyes and immediately tried to quell any negative feelings you were experiencing.

"You can do this. Repeat it." 

"Abby-" 

"Say it." She urged, but there was no harshness in her tone. 

"I… I can do this." You said, and maybe you were beginning to give into false hope, but even just saying those words out loud seemed to put you in a different mindset. Abby grinned, and with that, she scurried off, probably to go get her first kill. You could hear the sound of quiet struggling from elsewhere in the store, followed by dead silence, and you made the assumption that Whitney probably already took care of one, leaving five still standing. 

You heard another go down, this time hearing the soft thud of the body hitting the floor. You couldn't let them do all the work, no matter how badly you wanted to.

With one final exhale, you were set in motion. 

There was one checking out the storage room in the back of the store, making sure the coast was clear, you followed behind the unassuming Seraphite, who carried a pistol. 

You replaced your gun with a handy combat knife that you carried around, closing the distance between you and the Seraphite slowly but surely. It looked like it was going to be a perfect kill. 

Until you stepped on a discarded bag of chips, the sound loudly making your presence known. 

The Seraphite froze, and slowly turned around. When her eyes landed on you, she gasped, her eyes wide. 

"There's a Wolf in here!" She yelled, and in a split second, the pistol was fired, but you managed to dodge out of the way in time. The Seraphite didn't waste a second in trying to shoot again, but you were quicker than her. 

The Seraphite's alert quickly caused chaos around you; you heard gunshots in the store, and you briefly thought about Abby and Whitney and hoped that they were holding up okay. But that thought was fleeting, and instead you focused on your own safety. 

With your knife, you went straight for her stomach, the gun in her hands dropping to the ground almost immediately. You pushed her up against a wall, and her hands were trying to grip anything that she could reach. She tugged at your arms and even tried to claw at your face, but you pushed the knife in deeper, and soon enough her body began to relax. You were looking directly at her, and it was during this moment that you finally understood what it meant to truly watch the life leave someone's eyes. 

Despite the fact that this woman had tried to kill you mere seconds ago, it was a sorrowful sight, watching the realization hit her like crashing waves against the shore that she was going to die. When she completely stopped moving, and fell to the ground, blankly staring into space, it was only then that you realized the entire store had fallen silent. 

You wiped your knife clean on your cargo pants, the vibrant color of the woman's blood staining the fabric.

You calmly walked out of the storage room, letting your feet guide the way as you currently felt like you were outside of your body. You thought you heard Abby and Whitney saying something to you, but their voices fell on deaf ears. All you could think about was how you couldn’t breathe in this damn store and needed to get out.

You slammed open the doors, your knees immediately falling onto the ground below. You felt like you were suffocating, your chest tight and your stomach feeling as if it had been flipped upside down. 

There was an incessant ringing in your ears, a ringing sound so loud that it was all you could focus on. You didn’t even notice the Seraphite that was barreling toward you until it was too late.

It felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of you as the man straddled you. Whatever had possessed you to take out the Seraphite woman in the storage room was not returning. There were sirens going off in your mind, and you knew you had to do something, anything to get this man off of you otherwise you would die . You knew this, and yet, when the man had his hands around your throat, you couldn’t lift even a finger. His face, scrunched up in pure anger and hatred, was getting blurrier and blurrier, the trees around the both of you becoming large blobs of green. The man was practically crushing you with his weight, and it was then you realized the futility in fighting back.

You were lying there for what felt like an eternity, wondering which breath would be your last, until the man was suddenly thrown off of you. 

You sat up immediately, air rushing back into your lungs all at once as you you coughing uncontrollably. When you regained your vision, you saw Abby beside you, now on top of the man, beating the ever living shit out of him.

The sound that was produced when Abby’s fists met with the man’s face made you physically cringe, and it was even harder to watch, so instead, you opted for closing your eyes, relishing in the fact that you were still alive to feel the sunlight hitting your skin. 

“Abby! Abby, stop!” You heard Whitney say, and the sound of Abby’s punches eventually ceased. 

When your eyes opened again, you took in the state Abby was in. Her eyes were blown wide, her chest rising and falling in quick breaths. Both of her knuckles had been painted red, and you knew that she was probably going to wake up with pretty black and blue bruises the next morning with how forceful her punches were. 

There was a silence that fell over the three of you as you all waited for the adrenaline to leave your systems. You knew that just sitting here out in the open may not have been a good idea, but in the haze of your fatigue, you were more than grateful for those few seconds of tranquility. 

"We should go." Whitney said, grabbing Alice and heading toward the truck. You and Abby had waited for a few more moments. 

"Are you hurt?" Abby asked. 

You shook your head wordlessly, emptily staring at the ground below you.

"You're sure?" 

You nodded your head this time to confirm. You didn't trust your voice enough to speak. 

Abby nodded, standing up and offering out her hand to you. You took it, and when she pulled you up, you made the mistake of looking at her face. 

The expression on her face could not all be compared to the one she had in the store when she watched you put on those stupid glasses. No, this one was much more hardened, her eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. 

She's upset at you. For being so careless. 

No, worse. She's disappointed. 

Abby always knew when you were drifting, and she placed a hand on your shoulder to pull you out whatever thoughts were brewing up in your mind. You felt your eyes stinging again. 

"Are you with me?" She asked, and it was then you realized that the two of you were standing right in front of the truck bed. You didn't realize your thoughts had halted you in your tracks. Looking away apologetically, you just nodded again, knowing that if you opened your mouth it would all come crashing down. 

Abby helped you onto the back of the truck, and when everyone was seated, Whitney drove off. The entire ride was unsettling. You could feel Abby's eyes on you the entire ride, but you couldn't return the eye contact.

When you returned to the stadium, you wasted no time in getting off of the truck and heading back toward your room. Whitney was quick to stop you, gently touching your shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked. You shrugged.

“Don’t worry about me, Whitney. I just need to be alone for a few minutes.” You replied. 

“I understand. Abby and I were gonna grab a bite to eat. You want me to get you something?” She asked. At the mention of Abby, you glanced over Whitney’s shoulder, and you saw the woman in question leaning against the truck, her worried eyes already staring you down. 

“No thanks.” You muttered quickly, tearing your eyes off of Abby, her concerned expression burned into your mind. You ran off to your room, and before Whitney could ask if you were sure, you were already long gone. 

You had taken a quick shower before heading to your room, staying in there for longer than necessary as you relentlessly tried to scrub away the build up of dirt and crime from today’s patrol. When your skin had practically been scrubbed raw, you changed into your typical loungewear, an old, slightly oversized shirt and sweatpants.

When you made it to your room, you closed and locked the door behind you, walking with hurried steps to your bed. As you relaxed atop the firmness of your mattress, it was then you realized just how exhausted you were. Patrol had drained every bit of energy from your body, and the soft cotton of your clothing as well as calming effects of a hot shower was only adding to your tiredness. You didn’t even try to fight it when you felt your eyelids getting heavy…

But once your eyes closed, you didn’t see darkness. Instead, you saw the Seraphite woman’s face. You saw her eyes and the way they slowly took on that cold, blank stare. You saw the man that had attempted to strangle you and the pure, murderous intent in his eyes as he tried to take your life.

You shook your head as if that would dispel the images that came to your mind, eyebrows furrowing as your body began reacting on its own. You could feel the intensity of your rapidly beating heart, perspiration coating your skin, as if you were back at the convenience store and not in the comfort of your own room. 

Your brain was replaying the events at the convenience store today, except it was slightly different. The man was on top of you, strangling you, but this time, Abby wasn’t there. Nor Whitney. Not even Alice. You were all alone as the man on top of you kept you pinned to the ground. The world around you was hazy as your vision began to weaken. The ringing in your ears was back and stronger than ever before; it was deafening.

Right before your consciousness left you, you saw another person standing above the man. It was the woman you had stabbed. The knife was still plunged in her stomach, but she was clearly alive and standing. She wore a smile that was far too wide and had far too many teeth on display. 

You shot up in bed, letting out a loud shriek.

You heard pounding on your door.

“___? What’s going on? Please, open the door!”

You could recognize that voice anywhere.

You stood up, slowly and on shaky legs to open the door. Abby was standing on the other side, clutching a burrito in her hands, her eyes wide. Her hair was down, dressed in another one of her tattered tanks and sweatpants.

“Please tell me you're okay.” She said urgently.

Just from Abby’s presence alone, you felt like you could relax. Like you were truly safe.

“Yeah… I’m fine,” I’m fine now that you’re here . “It was just a bad dream.” You replied, and neither one of you could deny the clear shakiness in your voice. Abby’s gaze softened immediately, and she wasted no time in wrapping her arms around you, holding you close against her rigid body. Your arms, almost instinctively, snaked around her back, and you buried your face in one of her broad shoulders. You could tell she had just washed up as well, the scent of pine completely engulfing you. She was still standing in the doorway, and you had no doubt that some people were walking by and watching all of this go down, but in the moment you couldn’t care less. 

You were clinging to Abby for a bit longer than what would be considered normal, and once you felt the heat rush to your cheeks in embarrassment, you pulled away. Abby’s hands lingered around your waist for a fraction of a second but to you, it felt like they were there for an eternity, and when she removed them you swore you could feel the ghost of her touch.

Abby awkwardly glanced at the burrito in her hands, oblivious to your panicking. “I, um… brought you this, because it’s been a couple of hours and you haven’t eaten anything yet, so…” She said, holding it out to you.

A faint smile tugged at your lips. “Thank you.” You said, accepting it, even though you weren’t terribly hungry at the moment; but you were appreciative nonetheless.

“No problem.” Abby responded. “Can I… come in?”

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, of course.” You said, stepping aside. Abby returned the smile, doing just that, and you shut the door again once she was inside. 

She sat comfortably atop your bed, and you joined her, sitting close next to her, your leg brushing against hers. You set the still wrapped up burrito on your bedside table where you knew it would grow cold. 

“I, um,” Abby began. “I wanted to check on you, too. I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.” 

You froze, not sure how to react to the fact that Abby just admitted to you she was thinking about you. You knew you had to say something, though, or else Abby would start getting worried.

“Oh… really?” You asked, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so out of it. 

“Yeah. I saw you storm off earlier when talking to Whitney. I wanted to follow you but I knew you probably wanted space. The whole time I was eating, though, I was just… really hoping you were alright.”

Your heart warmed at Abby’s words. “I’m sorry for worrying you.” You said. Abby shook her head fervently.

“No, it’s okay, I was just in my own head. How are you feeling right now, anyway?”

You paused to deeply consider your response. You could’ve easily just told her that you were doing fine, to rid Abby of any concern over you; but she was always truthful with you, so it would only be right to be truthful with her. She always knew the best ways to comfort you, anyway, and you knew she would never judge you for anything. In the relatively short time that you’ve gotten to know her, that was one thing she made clear to you from the beginning.

“I’m still a little… shaken by what happened today. That’s what my dream was about, actually.” You started, speaking softly. 

“Oh.” Abby said quietly. “I totally understand. Patrol today was scary for everyone involved.” 

You shook your head. “Yeah, but… I can’t help but think it’s all my fault…”

Abby looked at you quizzically. “What’s all your fault?”

“I stepped on a fucking bag of chips,” you laughed, but it was completely humorless. “And then after I killed that woman, I just ran out. It was stupid of me. I’m sure I scared the shit out of you and Whitney.” 

Abby remained silent.

“And of course, you had to save me. You literally trained me, taught me everything I needed to know and I still got myself in that situation. I just feel like I don’t belong here. What good am I to anybody if I can’t… If I can’t…” 

The tremor in your voice returned, and Abby was quick to get off the bed and kneel in front of you, cradling your face with her large hands.

“Hey. Look at me. Please.” She said softly.

It took you several long seconds, but eventually you met her eyes. 

“You do belong here. I don’t want you thinking otherwise for so much as a second. Every WLF in this stadium brings something to table and you are no different.”

“But Abby, I–”

“Please, listen to me.” Abby interjected. You didn’t say anything else and let her continue.

“It was your very first patrol. People make mistakes. You were frozen in fear, and that’s okay . That’s why we go in groups in the first place, so when another person gets themselves into trouble, someone else is there to help. You are alive and breathing and that is what’s most important, right?”

You nodded.

Abby removed her hands from your face, opting to hold your hands instead. “You are stronger than you know. You conquered your biggest fear of leaving the stadium, and you did well for your first patrol. You should be proud of yourself. I am definitely proud of you.”

You looked at Abby with surprise all over your face. “So you’re not… disappointed?”

Abby released an incredulous laugh. “Oh my god, no. Never.” 

You smiled. It was a wide smile, one that stretched from ear to ear. Abby felt herself instantly mimicking the expression. 

“I’m so glad I have you around,” you said. Abby chuckled.

“I got you. Always.”

As the two of you stared at each other, there was a blanket of silence that fell over the both of you. Both of your faces were mere inches apart, and suddenly the eye contact was making you feel shy. 

Now is your chance. 

You might not get another opportunity like this.

You ignored the voices in your head.

“Well, um… It’s getting late. I’m sure you have stuff to do tomorrow morning.” You said, your heart beating so fast you thought it would pop straight out of your chest. Abby stood up, and you could’ve sworn you saw her frown for half a second. But your mind was probably playing tricks on you. Right?

“Yeah… No doubt Isaac will have something for me to do.” Abby said. She began walking toward the door. You already missed her and she hadn’t even left yet.

She stood in front of the door, hand resting on the doorknob. She turned to you. 

“Well… goodnight.” She said.

“Yeah. Goodnight.” You replied stiffly.

Abby opened the door. But before she could even put one foot outside, you stopped her in her tracks.

“Actually, wait.” You said, standing up abruptly.

Abby didn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue.

You sighed. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears now and your palms felt clammy.

“I… shit. I didn’t prepare for this.” You said, laughing out loud. Abby found herself grinning but she was still visibly confused.

“We haven’t known each other for that long. But honestly it feels like I’ve known you my entire life.” You began. Slowly, Abby closed the door, leaning against it as she listened to you.

“I don’t even know what I would do without you. I’m just… so grateful for you, and… fuck…”

You went back and forth in your mind, contemplating your next words carefully. Months of friendship was on the line, and what you wanted to say next had the potential of throwing it all down the drain. But it was a risk you were willing to take.

“I love you.” You confessed. “And not in the– the platonic way. I… shit… I’m sorry if that was too forward but–”

Abby said your name softly, stopping your rambling. You stood there, nervously waiting for rejection.

But rejection isn’t what you got.

“I love you, too. So much.”

You could’ve fainted. “Really? Abby Anderson, are you messing with me?” You said, a smile lighting up your face.

“I am dead serious. I am so fucking glad you said something or else I was going to go crazy.” Abby laughed.

You found yourself laughing too, completely dumbfounded. “My god… we both felt this way for so long and neither of us had a clue. What the hell.” There were tears in your eyes now, but not the sad kind.

When you had calmed down, wiping the wetness from your face, you spoke again. “So, what now?” You asked.

With a smirk on her face, Abby walked over to you, placing her hands on your waist. You were starting to feel like they belonged there.

“There’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Can I show you?”

You already knew what Abby was asking, nodding fervently. “Holy shit. Yes. Please.” You replied.

Abby closed the small distance between the two of you, her lips connecting with yours gently. The both of you stayed like that for several moments, Abby being the first one to pull away. She rested her forehead against yours.

Kissing her is exactly what you thought it would be. It almost felt magical – it was like her lips had put a spell on you, a spell that made you want to continue kissing her forever. It was as if you were floating, electricity running through your veins.

“Do it again.” You whispered softly. 

Abby didn’t need you to repeat yourself, capturing your lips in yet another passionate kiss. The second one was much more intense, your hands tangled in Abby’s hair as the both of you slowly waddled over to the bed.

Abby laid down first, allowing you to settle on top of her, your lips never staying apart for more than a couple of seconds. You could barely breathe but you couldn’t get enough. In a frenzy of lips, tongue, and hands everywhere, neither of you heard the sound of the door opening until it was too late.

“Hey, how’re you– oh shit!”

The sound of Whitney’s voice had the two of you breaking apart immediately. You scrambled off of Abby, straightening out your clothes and wiping away the wetness that coated your lips. Abby sat up, but instead of being mortified, she kept that smirk on her face, clearly amused by the situation.

“Whitney– Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of knocking?” You exclaimed. Whitney doubled over in laughter, clearly finding joy in your suffering.

“I’m so sorry! I was distracted!” She said, holding up her PS Vita that you just now noticed she was holding.

“You and those goddamn games,” You muttered under your breath.

“Well, I see you two finally came around. God, I can’t wait to rub this in Nora’s face.”

“What?” You said, visibly confused.

“Oh, me and Nora had a bet going. Now she has to do my dishes for a week straight.” Whitney said. Your jaw dropped.

“A bet? Whitney, I can’t believe you.” You said through a fit of chuckles, not being able to suppress your own laughter either.

“I’m not even surprised.” Abby chimed in.

Whitney crossed her arms, leaning against the door. “Okay, so. Tell me everything. Who confessed first? Who kissed who first?” She asked. You rolled your eyes.

“I can give you the details later.” You said.

Whitney sighed, but she didn’t bother trying to pull the information out of you. 

“Fine.” She said, walking over to her bed and plopping down atop the sheets, her eyes returning to the PS Vita screen. 

You and Abby stood there awkwardly. Whitney glanced at the two of you, and then gasped.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I should give you guys privacy, huh? Do you want me to go?”

You immediately shook your head. “What? Whitney, no. I’m not kicking you out of our room-”

“You can stay in mine.” Abby interrupted. You whipped your head around to look at her.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Manny is hanging out with some woman tonight, so it’s just me.” 

“Okay, then.” You said, smiling happily. Abby looked back at you with pure adoration in her gaze, leaning in to kiss you again. And again. And again.

“Okay. Ew. Leave.”

You chuckled at Whitney’s disgust. “Goodnight, Whitney.” You said, grabbing Abby’s hand and going toward the door.

Whitney decided to say one last thing before the both of you left.

“Remember. We have thin walls around here. So don’t be too loud-”

“Oh my god, shut up.” You cut her off before she could even finish her sentence, leaving the room. You could just faintly hear Whitney’s breathy laugh as you closed the door.

“She’s so annoying.” You muttered, but there was nothing but fondness in your tone.

“I just can’t believe that she knew we were into each other before either of us realized it.” Abby said. The two of you began walking down the hall to her room, hands clasped together and arms swinging slightly as you both walked.

Abby’s words had reminded you of an earlier conversation with Whitney. “Holy shit. She literally told me.”

“Told you what?” She asked.

“Before we went out on patrol, she… she told me you felt the same way. I thought she was crazy so I asked her how she knew, and she just said ‘I see things’ or something like that. You know, all cryptic and shit. But I guess she really does see things.”

Abby shook her head, chuckling at Whitney’s antics. “Wow. Again, I really can’t say I’m surprised.”

Eventually, you two made it to Abby’s room, and you both wasted no time in getting in bed together, holding each other close. It was a small bed, just like yours, definitely not made for two people, but you made it work. You were practically on top of Abby in order to fit, but it was clear she didn’t mind it one bit.

You had one leg over her midsection while one of Abby’s hands stroked your back calmly and gently. You could die happy in this position. 

The stadium wasn’t your home. Abby was.

— epilouge —

“Hey, Bri,” You greeted, getting ready to help her wash some clothes for today. As you began scrubbing the clothes over the washboard, you started humming a random tune, a light smile decorating your face.

“You’re in a good mood.” Bri noted. 

“Aren’t I usually in a good mood?” You asked, chuckling at nothing in particular.

“I mean, I guess, but… you just seem extra lively today.”

From where you were in the bleachers, you looked out and saw Abby walking down the stairs, heading out to do patrol. She knew you were washing clothes today, and she turned her head to look at you, a killer smirk resting on her face. She winked.

“Yeah… I guess I am.” You replied, the fondness in your eyes clear as day.

[missjukebox8bit]

GET EQUIPPED WITH: New Chapter of The Roboticist's Daughters

I finally did it! I finally made a second chapter of my Rollinka fanfic The Roboticists' Daughters before Pride Month ends! Four hours before AO3 goes down! Great timing!

Because AO3 is going down I will also be posting it under the cut!

The year was 20XX A.D.

Wasn’t it always?

It was two years before Dr. Albert Wily first waged war between man and machine. The world did not yet know the man made horrors and wonders that lifelike robots would bring, but it was not a time without hardship. They still had to worry about the natural horrors. Katyusha Cossack had been fighting a battle against one such powerful enemy for a long time, one that had taken many lives and split apart many families, and though she had many rematches that ended in victory… her game would eventually come to a premature end.

Leaving her family to find a way to continue.

Mikhail Cossack slowly walked into the doorway of his apartment. It wasn’t particularly big or fancy, but it was home. A home he shared with his daughter and… no, just her now. It was going to take a while for him to get used to that. He steadied himself on a counter. Without Katyusha, this place felt empty, hollow even. Everything he saw reminded him of her. The turquoise fur coat she loved so much was still hanging up by the door, and he knew the matching ear-rings were on the nightstand by the bed they used to share. Resting on the couch is the stuffed frog she had won for their daughter in a claw machine… Part of him wished he could just leave this all behind and start over-

Wait… where is his daughter anyway? He didn’t see her come in… His heart started racing and he looked around the room frantically, until he heard a voice. “Papa?” The scientist jumped and his head turned to the source of the sound. A little blonde girl in the middle of the apartment, wearing her papakha and clutching something to her chest.

He breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled. He walked up to his daughter and affectionately patted her hat. “You have a talent for slipping away when I’m not looking, little Linka. What do you have there?” But when she showed him what it was, his heart sank. It was an old DVD of Don Bluth’s Anastasia . It wasn’t a favorite of his. He hated the historical inaccuracy, the glorification of the Romanov family, and the blatant demonization of communists. But that was far from the main thing on his mind right now. Because to Kalinka, this film was significant because-

“Mama said she would watch this with me when she got all better.”

It was already hard for Mikhail to tell her no when she looked up at him with those adorable puppy-dog eyes of hers, but in his current emotional state there was no way he wasn’t immediately dropping everything to sit down on the couch and watch a princess movie with his daughter as she cuddled her little frog doll. 

The mood in the room was tense at first, but as the film went on, Kalinka was engrossed in its story. Mikhail was familiar with the history of the real Grand Duchess Anastasia, and it was not quite as wholesome and fantastical as this film portrayed, but… he saw how his daughter’s face lit up as she watched the screen, how wide she smiled seeing the beautiful palaces, the music, the dancing… and it was then he realized, he would do anything to see that smile on her face forever. And it made him smile too.

By the time the film was over, Kalinka was getting drowsier and drowsier. Mikhail gently scooped up his daughter and led her to her bed.

As he tucked her daughter into bed, wild fantasies filled her head.

“I want to be a princess, papa. Like Anastasia!”

The doctor felt weary. “Things didn’t end happily ever after for the real Anastasia, sweetheart.”

“But it would be really fun! We could live in a big pretty palace, and we could have a big ballroom, and we could have a lot of robots be our servants and I could be friends with them!”

“You want a robot to be your friend?” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I’ll make friends with all the robots!”

The doctor admired his daughter’s optimism. Robot AI at this point was only smart enough to just barely simulate human speech, let alone have real emotions. So a robot that could actually be your friend? Technology like that was surely at least a decade away. But given the circumstances, he thought he might as well indulge her science fiction fantasies. “What kind of robots would live in your palace?”

She thought about it. “One of them could be a vacuuming guy, who vacuums, and he’s called uh… Dust Man!” She said, very proud of herself. “And there could be another guy who like… makes it rain when you want it to rain, and his name is uh…” she held her frog plushie up. “Toad Man!”

“Do all their names end in ‘Man’?” he asked teasingly.

“Yeah!” She thought about this for a second. “But, it would be fun if there was a girl one… We’d be bestest friends.”

Mikhail was amused by Kalinka’s ideas… but he had to admit they didn’t all sound so bad. Maybe a new project would help him get his mind off things.

“Can you sing me that song, papa? The pretty one from the movie.”

Mikhail smiled. “Of course, my princess.” And started singing her what would become her favorite lullaby.

“ On the wind, 'cross the sea, sing this song and remember

Soon you'll be home with me, once upon a December… ”

Kalinka yawned and curled up nice and cozy in her bed.

“I’m gonna turn out the light now, princess. Maybe I can build a robot that can do that for us too.” Mikhail joked.

“You could call him Bright Man, and he’ll have a biiiiiiig lightbulb on his head…” 

Mikhail chuckled at his daughter’s wild imagination.

As the lights and her eyelids fell, Kalinka drifted off to sleep, and the last thing she heard was her father’s voice.

“You are the most precious thing in my life. I promise that I will do anything in my power to make you happy and keep you safe, my princess.”

--------

Kalinka opened her eyes. She was still curled up, but not on the couch, or in her father’s arms, or on her bed. She was on a bed, but somebody else’s. And as she stared across the room at the owner of said bed rummaging through her closet, the reality of her situation came flooding back to her.

The year was 20XX A.D. It had been roughly five years since Mikhail Cossack made his promise, one week since he proved just how far he would go to keep his promise, and half an hour since the situation had been mostly resolved. But there was still the fallout to deal with.

“I know we have a first aid kit in here somewhere…” Kalinka was watching closely as she sat up on the edge of Roll’s bed, helping herself to some leftover soup and rice balls they set out on a tray. She thought it tasted a lot better than what she was given at Wily’s Castle. There was also an E-Tank on the tray. She picked it up hesitantly, she thought these were just for robots, but she took a tentative sip. She instantly perked up. It tasted like sparkling blue raspberry juice…

After the Cossacks were let into Light Labs, Dr. Light had taken Dr. Cossack to the living room to rest (and Proto Man went with them, Dr. Light seemed to have something he wanted to talk to him about), while Kalinka was set up in Roll’s room. She seemed to have dozed off.

“There it is!” The robot girl turned around with a first aid kit in hand and her eyes widened. “Oh, you’re awake! I hope I wasn’t too loud…”

“N- no, not at all! Don’t worry about it.” She felt a sharp pain in her arm.

Roll knelt down to Kalinka’s bedside. “Sorry, I’ve done a lot of repairs on broken robots, but it’s been a while since I’ve had a human patient…” She inspected the Russian girl’s arm. “Your wounds don’t seem that serious, just a couple bruises. Dr. Cossack seemed to absorb most of the damage.” She took an ice pack out of the kit and applied pressure to her arm. “You’re not feeling feverish at all, are you? I could get you some Coldkiller X…”

“N- no, I’m fine! This is really nice of you.”

“It’s no trouble at all! It’s the least I can do after… everything today.”

“Do you really need to do all this for me? Shouldn’t this be enough?” She swished the E-Tank around in her hand.

“Those only heal robots, unfortunately. For humans it’s basically just a tastier version of Monster Hunter Energy. No, we have to do things the old fashioned way.” She bandaged up the girl’s arm.

Kalinka shyly stared at her. “Umm… hi.” Kalinka waved at Roll with her other hand weakly. “I never really got to introduce myself. I’m Kalinka.”

“Oh. Oh! Right, sorry. Where are my manners?” the robot girl shook her head, then held out her hand to Kalinka. “My name is-”

“Roll, right?” The girl smiled as she held Roll’s hand. Roll looked at her, kind of stunned. “DLN. 002,” she continued. “The housekeeping robot. One of the first two of Dr. Light’s Robot Masters to be unveiled to the public.”

“You know about me?” She was… a little surprised. Sure when the Robot Masters were first introduced and she was one of a set of twins, she caught a lot of attention from the media. But after Mega Man put a stop to three different major attacks from Wily, she was increasingly sidelined in favor of her brother. Rock and Roll got stopped in the street a lot by Mega fans, but they rarely paid her any mind.

“Oh yeah, I’ve read a lot about you in Father’s scientific journals!” She blushed. “Sorry if that’s weird, I just… really like studying robots, and I thought you always seemed really cool… it’s nice to meet you.”

Roll smiled. “Nice to meet you too!”

Kalinka’s smile turned gloomier. “I just wish our first meeting could’ve been for some other reason than this… There was supposed to be a Robotics Convention this week, but we had to miss it because of…”

Roll looked at her sympathetically. “Look I’m… I’m really sorry about… all of this. If we had known what Wily was up to, we would’ve made sure you were safe way sooner.”

“No, it’s ok! It’s not your fault! It’s that jerk Wily’s fault.” Kalinka pouted and crossed her arms. “Making Proto Man take me away from school, using me to get Father to pretend to be evil, and make those two new robots to fight Mega Man…”

Roll’s eyes widened. “Woah woah, back up. Proto Man kidnapped you?!”

Kalinka nodded. “Yeah, but he told me he only did it because Wily said he'd explode if he didn’t.”

Roll scowled skeptically. “Yeah, he would say that, wouldn’t he?”

Kalinka waved her arm defensively. “You don’t get it. I wouldn’t even be here if he hadn’t fought off the robot guarding me.”

“Oh yeah, who was that? Quick Man? Snake Man? Don’t tell me it was freaking Bubble Man-“

Kalinka shook her head. “None of them. It was… someone else.” Kalinka thought back to the robot she had seen. She started to pout and curl up into the fetal position on the bed. “I thought I knew every robot that’s been released to the public, but that one… with her dark spiky helmet, the weird coily fingers, a stringy spark plug tail… I’ve never seen or heard of anything like her. She was scary.”

Roll searched all her memory databases for a robot that matched that description, but curiously found nothing. “Did she give you her name? A serial number?”

Kalinka shifted awkwardly in her seat. “She didn’t say. I tried to talk with her, but she didn’t seem to want to say anything about herself at all. I only know she was a she because that’s what Proto Man called her when he was rescuing me.” She brought a finger to her lips in thought. “But he could’ve been wrong, it’s 20XX, it’s not great to assume things like that just from looks...”

Roll was worried. Kalinka was clearly affected by this experience. “What did they do to you?”

She side eyed the robot girl. She was scared, but something made her feel like she could open up to Roll about all this. “She didn’t hurt me, if that’s what you mean. Not yet anyway. But Wily told Father and me that if I tried to escape, or if he let anyone know about his plan, if we didn’t do exactly what he said then… it would be game over for me.” The Russian girl started shaking. “You don’t think she’d follow us here, would she?”

Roll frantically waved her hands back and forth. “N- no, of course not! Mega Man will take care of it, just like he always does! He’ll save the day, and then we’ll get you home. I bet your mother will be excited to see you get home safe-”

“My mother passed away when I was four.” She looked like she was about to tear up.

Roll felt as if some obscure glass part inside her just shattered. Oh great going, Roll, your bedside manner is phenomenal today. “I am so… so sorry for your loss.”

“It’s okay. I was really little... It’s just been me and Father and my brothers as long as I can remember…”

Roll rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. “Yeah… same here. I mean it’s not really the same because I never had a mom to begin with but… It’s just always been me, Dr. Light, Mega Man, Cut Man and the others. It’s kind of lonely being the only girl in the family, you know?”

She smiled a little at this. “Yeah, I don’t really know any girls my age at all.”

“Me neither.” It felt nice to talk about this with Kalinka. Roll had never really been able to talk to anyone like this. “... Do you wanna-”

“Do you wanna be friends?!” Kalinka shouted a little too loud before she caught herself and started awkwardly twirling her hair. “I- I mean, if you want to…”

“Yes!” Roll agreed with no hesitation. “I would love to!”

Kalinka smiled widely at her. The two girls had only known each other for a short time, but something about them just seemed to click.

And it was at this moment that they were interrupted by a knock on Roll’s door. “Come in?” Roll said hesitantly. And when the door opened she frowned at the person she saw. Kalinka on the other hand seemed happy to see him. “Proto Man!” Even if Kalinka seemed to be on good terms with him, Roll still couldn’t get a read on this guy. What was his deal? Why did he act like an enemy sometimes and help them other times, but never stay long enough to explain what his problem is? To his credit, Proto Man seemed to sense the hostility. “Your uh… father wants to speak to you.”

“Mine or hers?” Roll asked, venom in her voice.

“Yes.”

--------

The roboticists’ and their daughters gathered in the living room. Proto Man walked in with them, but had since beamed away while nobody was looking. He felt awkward about the whole situation, and probably wanted to avoid confronting Roll about it. Kalinka wished he had at least waited long enough for her to say goodbye. Her injuries were minimal, but Mikhail was a lot worse for wear. His whole back was bandaged up and his arm was in a cast. Nonetheless, he looked a little happier seeing his daughter again. “Kalinka! Are you okay, my dear?”

Kalinka looked worried at her father’s appearance, but forced a smile. “I’m fine, Father. In fact, I should be good to go back to school really soon.”

Mikhail winced. “About that… I’m not letting you go back to that school. The faculty should be ashamed at what they let happen on their watch, I need to enroll you somewhere that I can be sure won’t let that happen ever again.

Kalinka looked surprised, but not necessarily disappointed. “Oh… okay, that’s fine. I didn’t really fit in at that school anyways…”

Mikhail gently rubbed his thumb on his daughter’s face. “Don’t worry, my princess. They didn’t appreciate you there, but I’m sure you’ll do great at Pajitnov Academy.”

Kalinka’s face lit up at this. Today has really been a rollercoaster of emotions for her. “Pajitnov Academy? The school with the best robotics program in all of Russia?!”

“And the lowest kidnapping rate! It’s difficult to get in, but I’m sure I could pull some strings after I explain our… situation.”

“Oh Father, you’re the best!” She went straight to hug her father, causing him to wince more. “Ow, ow, not so tight!” She released him and chuckled nervously. “Hehe, sorry…”

As she thought about this, Kalinka’s face fell for a second. “But if I go to that school, I’m gonna have to spend a lot less time at the Citadel…”

Mikhail sighed. “That’s fine, sweetie. I’ve had time to think about it, and I think it’s time we stopped shutting ourselves away from the world in that fortress. If I hadn’t been so reclusive, perhaps people would’ve figured out something was wrong much sooner… And besides, the Citadel is in a bit of… disarray lately. With Dust Man out of commission, it’s going to take months to clean out everything Wily did to it…”

And with that sentence it was like a switch had flipped in Roll’s head. Mostly because a switch did flip in Roll’s head: the switch that told her it’s time to fulfill her purpose. She raised her hand proudly and shouted out “I could help with that!”

Everyone turned to look at Roll, who had been silent this whole time. Dr. Light was the first to respond. “R- Roll? Are you sure…?”

“Dad, cleaning is literally my thing, I was built for this job! If I can’t keep a house tidy, then you might as well recycle me for scrap metal.”

That thought didn’t exactly make Thomas feel very good. “I- It’s a very big house, dear…”

But Roll was more determined than ever. “So we’ll get some of the mechaniloids to help, it’ll be fine! And…” She turned to the Cossacks, and made eye contact with Kalinka. She was making those puppy dog eyes. “... I want to help make up for all the trouble we caused. This is what friends do, right? Help each other.” Kalinka smiled at the word “friend”.

Dr. Light was still hesitant, but took a deep breath and smiled warmly. He laid a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “You’re right. You have a good heart, Roll. You and your brother are cut from the same cloth, after all. Would that be alright with you, Mikhail?”

Mikhail shared a look with his daughter, who nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, Thomas. Thank you for your kindness, Miss Light.”

Dr. Light laughed heartily. “Perfect! I’ll have some arrangements to make, but I’ll make sure you’re perfectly prepared for your first big mission.”

Roll was giddy with excitement that she was able to help out. “Thank you so much! I won’t let you all down!”

--------

Technically speaking, the official name for Dr. Light’s breed of hyper intelligent robots was “Numbers”, but market research found that “Robot Master” ended up being much more appealing and cooler to the average consumer. The only issue with the title is most people weren’t quite sure what it meant.

Some say it’s because they were masters at their main skill. This certainly applied to Roll, if there was anyone on Earth who could clean a room better than her, she hadn’t met them yet. Some of the Wily bots would tell you that they’re called such because they will be the masters of the new world once humanity dies out. Roll didn’t like that one as much, she didn’t mind humanity and running the new world sounded exhausting. And some would say the name just sounds really freaking cool, which Roll could not deny.

But one other distinct possibility is it refers to their ability to take command of armies of lesser robots. This was not a feature Roll had used much before, it was mostly something Wily’s rogue robots did, but today was different. Today, a few weeks after the fourth Wily incident, there was a job that needed to be done. A job she couldn’t do alone.

Roll stood in front of a crowd of worker robots, putting on a stoic face and stomping around like a drill sergeant, holding her broom as seriously as a 9-year-old girl could.

“Alright, mechaniloids. We’ve got a job to do. Wily’s forces outfitted this citadel with lots of tricks and traps. But we’re not going to rest until this palace is safe and spotless , do you hear me?” She punctuated her last line by getting right in a Metool’s face. It nervously nodded.

“Good. Now you all have your tasks. The Foojeens are going to help me scrub all the floors. Pointans, plug up all the pitfalls. Bunby Catchers are in charge of spike disposal. And the Met Corps will do… whatever it is you do, construction or something?” A Pickelman shrugged at this.

“Now I don’t wanna see any funny business or loafing around, okay? The Cossacks are counting on us to fix up their home, and we are going to do it right! Let’s show them what Light robots can do!” Roll dramatically swung her broom and accidentally exploded a different Met, to which she backed away in shock. “Oh crap, I didn’t mean to… you guys don’t feel pain, right?” The crowd of robots shook their heads, or whatever they had that resembled heads. “Okay, that’s probably fine then. Now… Light bots, ROLL OUT!”

The robots got to work right away renovating this makeshift death trap into the home that it was meant to be. Roll was more focused than ever on making sure every inch of the floors were squeaky clean. To most people, this would be a daunting and boring task. But Roll was not most people. She was made for this, and she took it as seriously as Mega Man took fighting Wily’s forces, and enjoyed it a heck of a lot more. Her broom was her weapon, and the dust and grime in every crevice was her enemy. She was in her element, in the zone even, and nothing felt more exhilarating. And besides… she’s doing this for her friend. And that made her feel even happier.

--------

“Alright, we’re almost here…” Roll led the Cossacks into their home with their eyes closed. Their injuries were healed by now, but Roll insisted they wait to see the results of her efforts. “Aaaaand open!”

They opened their eyes, and they almost couldn’t believe them. The old castle looked cleaner than it had in years. Kalinka looked on in awe, every hallway and corridor was shining like a diamond, the ballroom in particular looked gorgeous. “Wow! It’s beautiful!” Kalinka flapped her hands in excitement. “You did such a great job, Roll! Thank you so much!!!”

Roll wiped some coolant off of her forehead. “Eh, it was nothing.”

Mikhail’s reaction was more subdued, but he was similarly impressed. “Certainly not nothing. The old place looks good as new, you even took care of some of the mold we’ve been trying to scrub out for a long time.” He smirked. “I would expect nothing less from Thomas’s pride and joy.”

“Aw, shucks…” She didn’t feel like she fully deserved such praise. If anyone was her dad’s pride and joy, she knew who it was, and it wasn’t quite her… but she appreciated the compliment. “I’m just happy to help after everything.” She watched happily as Kalinka sprinted around the wide open space, gawking at every sparkling corner of the room. She had such a big smile on her face. Roll was glad she was able to make her smile. In that moment, she felt like she would do anything to see that smile on her face forever.

As she was lost in thought, Roll was taken by surprise when Kalinka ran up to her and grabbed her hand. “Come on, let’s go see the roof!” Before her systems were able to process what was going on, Kalinka was pulling her along through the system of lifts and ladders that led to the upper level of their castle.

--------

Eventually, the two girls had finally gotten to the upper level of the castle, and rested just on the edge of a floating platform, overlooking the snowy countryside below. Roll hadn’t paid close attention to it when she was working, but now it was her turn to be in awe. “Wow. It’s a really beautiful view up here. You’re lucky to live in a place like this.”

Kalinka grinned proudly. “I know, right? When I was really little, I told Father I wanted to live in a castle. So he made his robots build this for us. Just to make me feel like a princess.”

“He must really love you a lot.”

“He does! He’s always doing things to make me happy. Even… all of that from before.” She rubbed her arm nervously. “He did that to protect me… He wouldn’t have done all that if he didn’t love me a lot.”

Kalinka made a face, but Roll couldn’t tell what it meant exactly. “So, now that you have your home back, what are you going to do?”

Kalinka pushed some hair out of her eyes. “Well, I’m starting off at a new school really soon. You know how that is.”

“Psh, of course I do!” She did not. Roll had been homeschooled by Dr. Light her entire life, she had no experience whatsoever with real schools. But she had watched Rival School Musical and she was pretty sure that was about the same thing. “Are you nervous?”

“A little bit. But I have a good feeling about this. There will be a lot more kids that are into the same things I am. Robotics is just scratching the surface, I’m also gonna be taking some piano and dance classes, that’s going to be really cool!”

“Well that’s awesome! I hope you have a wonderful time.” Roll was happy for Kalinka, but it felt bittersweet. Kalinka was the first real friend she had ever made, and now it’s going to be a long time until they could see each other again.

Almost as if she read her mind, Kalinka continued on. “But don’t worry, we’ll still be able to talk and stuff! I’ve got a really good cell phone, I can give you my number, and my e-mail, and my dorm address when I figure that out! I’ll make sure you won’t forget about me!” She playfully elbowed the robot girl, which made her smile. “And I have summers off, I can come visit then!”

Roll liked the sound of that. “That sounds great-” Kalinka cut her off by pulling her new friend into a tight hug. “I’ll be back next year, okay?”

Roll was surprised, but hugged back. “Thanks, Kalinka. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Roll stayed for dinner that night, and they had a nice conversation, but before long, it was time for Roll to say goodbye to her new best friend. She felt a weird pain in her chest area, almost the same as whenever Mega Man leaves for a mission, but slightly different in a way she couldn’t place. But she knew it wouldn’t be long before she saw Kalinka again.

20XX will pass. But 20XX will be here before you know it.

[cam24fan]

Fanfic? Character study? I don't know. First thing I've written in quite a while though.

....

Dear Nanami,

Here I am again, writing letters I can never post. Unlike the ones addressed to Utena Tenjou, this letter will never reach its intended audience not beacuse I don't know where to send it, but rather as I doubt you would be too pleased with me knowing where you live. If you were to ever read this I know you'd find me pathetic, still clinging to the memories of people who have long since left me. How far your mighty brother has fallen! I used to mock the other duelists for their seemingly masochistic attachments, but now I wonder if even a little empathy would have left me with some semblance of friendship or family.

We used to have a family, do you remember? I'm not talking about the Kiryuus, but before. The four of us in a cramped, desolate apartment, with barely enough space to move or play without tripping over the countless bottles on the dirty floor. My earliest memory in that place is of the day you were born. You were such a tiny thing, barely bigger than my arm now. Perhaps it reflects on our guardians' negligence, that they entrusted the care of an extremely fragile and fussy creature to a boisterous 3-year-old boy, but I had learned by then to be careful with my toys. You were utterly mesmerized with me from the start, and I in turn was fascinated by you: your big wet eyes like those of an impressionable duckling and bald egg-head that soon cracked to reveal a luscious yolk of golden locks. I was envious, my own hair was chopped short suitable for a boy and it was a couple of years before I'd be made to grow it out. So, I would comb each strand of yours carefully, while narrating stories about a princess with magical hair (it was mostly from my own imagination, the books we owned were torn and incomplete). Eventually, I began encouraging you to repeat sentences back to me. "Brother" was the first word you learned to say, but by the time of our final conversation together you could barely choke it out.

The last time we spoke to each other was when you found out about our adoptive "father". I'll admit I found some petty satisfaction in your distress. "Serves her right," I thought. "Look at her begging and crying. She has realized how much she needs her brother to survive." It struck only years later that your pleas weren't for yourself, but for me. You asked me why I lied, why I continued to protect the head of the Kiryuu family even then, and I, intending to hurt, retorted that I wasn't spoilt like you, that I was thankful for the opportunities given to me through this transaction. It sounded more self-deprecating than anything and you accused me of sounding "robotic". Robotic? I didn't understand that. That word in my head was reserved for Anthy Himemiya, and her creepy soul-less smile, a mere facsimile of true affection. I wasn't like her; I couldn't be like her. She was an object at the mercy of her code, rewritten to suit the needs of whoever owned her at the time. I preferred to think of myself as an actor, selling a story to the audience, inciting emotions I never felt myself. I didn't once question whose script I was following.

The Prince protects the Princess. That is the universal law. We were neither, but I tried my best to pretend anyway. It's a bad habit of mine: making Faustian bargains with men I think I'm equal in power to. The first of those being "Leave my sister alone, and I'll do whatever you ask." Do you see why I began to resent you? I had sold my soul to preserve your innocence. Hate and love are two sides of the same coin and that decision was what finally flipped it for me. With the Kiryuus, my hair grew longer and yours wilder, but I had plenty to eat for the first time and months of respite in between when our "father" would leave for business. No, I was never "grateful" as I told you, but when I joined Ohtori, "Rich Heir To The Oldest Family In Japan" was a role I was glad to be casted in. Girls flocked to me, boys stared me with a mixture of jealousy and awe, and then came the letters. At first I was suspicious, even more so than the others, and perhaps that was what drew Akio's attention the most. I had no need for fairytales anymore, but what I did want was power. You told me once that you wanted to surpass me, surely you can understand that I wanted the same? I wanted to surpass who I was, the vulnerability I felt, the helplessness, the pain, all of it. For that I needed power, and I didn't care who I had to step on to get it.

Nanami, you and Saionji were never close, yet your recollections of our childhood are near identical, and vastly different from mine. You both think that there was a time when we were happy, before whatever event your brains' latched onto as the moment that changed everything. That was never the case, our whole lives have been those moments one after the after, that was just when you realized. The day I met Akio in person for the first time he asked about my family (he already knew everything, of course). I told him that we were a normal nuclear family, just like any other- a "father", "mother", "brother" and "sister". He asked if I was lonely, I said, "No, I have a friend here with me." Then, he asked if I loved any of the people I mentioned. Would a "normal" person have answered yes? No, a truly "normal" person would have been horrified to be questioned like this in the first place. But I wasn't "normal", and Akio knew that. I didn't love you. That so-called "love" between us did nothing to save me as a child, nor did it alleviate my pain in the slightest. The only logical conclusion, then, was that "love" was a construct designed for fools to fall into the traps of those much smarter than them (Do you remember Juri and her love that could never be realized? What about Miki? Kozue once told me, while drunk, that her brother didn't love her anymore now that she had been revealed to be a "witch", so she would keep sleeping with guys, hurting him more because his "love" didn't protect her either).

Yet, there was a part of me that couldn't wait for you to join Ohtori. A part of me that was thrilled whenever you acted like a heartbroken spouse catching her adulterous husband in the act. Not out of a sense of romance, that was another thing I made up to hurt you, but because (as I much as I loathe to admit both then and now) you were much more my Prince than I was ever yours. I didn't love you, Nanami, but I wanted your love to save me. The girls (and boys, sometimes, I don't know if you knew that) I would use to pass the time blended together in a swarm of "I Love You"s and "Do You Love Me?"s and "Why Didn't You Call Yesterday?"s, and there were times I was tired, so tired, of them. So I used up more, thinking there had to be some satisfaction in breaking them down, reducing them to desperate, dependant messes just like I'd been. You were the only one who could break that endless loop; you were the only one who tried. By then, however, I had been convinced that pure "love" didn't exist, it was just a farce. Then what was it that led you back to me? No matter how much I hurt you? Akio spoke of the stars, of providence and fate, of a pre-destined path that intertwined brothers and sisters for eternity, but I had never cared for any of his more fanciful ideas. I was practical: there was a sure pattern, one thing everyone I'd ever known had asked of me, indirectly or directly, and that was certainly what you wanted too. Akio and Anthy only confirmed my suspicions; I wasn't shocked when I found out, because to me that was the only answer that made sense (But that wasn't why Anthy stayed, was it? It was love, after all, and when she found someone who could love her back with the same selflessness, she left).

I did many terrible things back at Ohtori, as did many of our peers I'm sure. There are moments, even now, where I feel justified in some of my actions. On my worst days, I feel vindictive satisfaction. "They deserved it," I think, although I doubt I believe that even then. Most of all, however, I feel regret. Even though no amount of remorse could even attempt to piece back our broken relationship, allow me to wholeheartedly apologize for what I did to you that day, in that car. I wished I could take it back as soon as the moment I had uttered those words. Even when I realized something was terribly wrong, you weren't reacting according to the script, I doubled down, pretended it was something I wanted. Yet, my question to you was entirely honest. I truly was confused, Nanami, how messed up is that? It took me years, decades even, to begin to realize "what it was you wanted". Forgive me if I'm wrong, but in the end, wasn't it what anyone ever really wants?

"Love".

I lied, Nanami. Again. The truth is, deep down, even if I didn't comprehend it myself, I did love you.

I didn't love you then. But I think I love you now? Is that enough?

I never loved you. I wish I did. I truly, truly wish.

When I saw you standing long after your rose had been scattered, still angry, still determined, I knew that you were much stronger than I could ever be. I was jealous, yes, but also proud, although I had long since lost the right to be. I'm proud now. Long after Ohtori, and you're thriving. I watch every single one of your movies, even if I don't understand most of them (perhaps you are smarter than me, too). Sometimes, I take our daughter to see them with me. She enjoys them immensely. Her name is Nanami too, and I couldn't be prouder of her. She doesn't look anything like you, but I hope all those films she's seen since childhood influences her to be just as strong and intelligent. I hope I am able to give her the love I never gave you.

Your brother (because, in the end, you're still my sister), Touga.

....

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for snapping at my (18f) friend (19f) and then not talking to her again?

In middle school I met this girl who was in the same grade as me. We met because we were both friends with the same person, and slowly became friends as well. I wouldn't have called her my best friend though, she was just one of the people I hung out with at school (one of the few people, I struggled with having friends back then)

Flash forward to high school. The mutual friend moves away and just leaves us two. We're also in some of the same classes together, namely a digital media class we were in all four years of hs (we even sat beside each other all four years)

And well. her company was nice, but I wouldn't have called her a close friend. I never really told her many secrets, but I would be there for her in emotional support over her family being pretty shitty to her over and over again.

During our last two years, we both worked on the school yearbook (which was what you did in the last two years of that digital media class). I thought it was very enjoyable to work on it, and was extremely proud of the first one we produced, especially because the staff complimented it.

The second year (our senior year), however, was a little different. My friend started missing a lot of school because she was having stomach issues, and when she was at school she either spent more time roleplaying with her long-distance boyfriend (technically fiancé??? I didn't really understand their relationship, I was honestly very weary over it) over discord or half-assing the work she was supposed to be doing. In the end, she kinda stopped showing up to school, and I ended up taking over all the pages she meant to be doing, and changing the ones she did do because we changed up the scheming and her work was now very out of place.

Anyways, I'm wrapping up my senior year and the yearbook staff (which was me, two other students, my friend, and the digital media teacher) took a staff picture for the end of the yearbook. As usual, the friend isn't there. When we put the photo in and write down the yearbook credits, I ask my teacher if we should put the friend's name down since she was technically part of the group, and the teacher reveals to me that since she missed so many days she ended up being removed from the digital media class, which meant she wasn't on the yearbook staff anymore. I felt that was a bit of a rude move, but I also understood, so I left that decision alone.

Yearbooks then come out, and it took a while, but I guess my friend finally got her copy somehow, because she suddenly texts me in a fit of anger about not being in the yearbook staff section. She accuses me of not talking to my teacher about it (even tho I did) and going off on me about how I should have stuck up for her. She said a lot of other things too, but I long since deleted her contact, so I don't exactly remember.

What I do remember tho, was that I was pissed at her for making an assumption like that. I was also stressed as hell because at the time, my grandfather had just gotten diagnosed with lung cancer. The same cancer that killed my grandmother, his wife, when I was young. I remember that I replied to her telling that unlike her assumption, I tried to stick up for her, but I had to do what the teacher said. (She had been removed from the class anyways!) I also remember that I told her about my grandfather and being stressed about it, and that "now is not the time to do this". I wanted us to talk more about it later, after she calmed down and I got my head on straight.

It was the first time I snapped at her. She never replied to me. Eventually, I just decided to move on and deleted her contact. If she wants to get back in touch, she'll be able to. I know I probably should've checked in on her at some point, especially with her rocky home life, but I was honestly getting sick of her. Sure, we were there for each other emotionally, but I was starting to feel like all I was there for was to help her with her schoolwork and listen to her vent 24/7, which was slowly starting to make me more and more stressed.

It's been a little over a year since that happened, and I still hope she's doing alright and was able to move out at the very least. I was wondering if me snapping and choosing not to check in was an asshole move, considering the context.

What are these acronyms?

[gossipsnake]

TIMING: Summer, 2011 LOCATION: Tabasco, Mexico PARTIES:  Anita, Selena Nieves (mother), and Alejandro Nieves (father) SUMMARY: A flashback to the last time Anita saw her mother, when she was 22. CONTENT: emotional manipulation/bad parent-child relationship

“When we let you go to America, when we let you go see what was out there in the world, I thought you were smart enough to understand that it was only temporary. You wanted to go off, to learn about insects, to see more of the world, to meet different kinds of lamia… yes? And you have gone off, you have done that, yes? Yes, of course you have! Four years, Anita. Four years you have taken our money, our good will, and left our family with one less member contributing to our livelihood and our protection. I let you because your father convinced me you just needed to get it all out of your system - these foolish ideas of school and of leaving your family. And now here we are - you went off and you played dress up, you lived among the humans and you played your part pretending to be one of them. Instead of being gracious for that opportunity now you say you are not done? You love humans that much, is that it?”

Anita hadn’t expected her family to show up to her undergraduate graduation ceremony, not really anyway. Foolishly perhaps she held out hope that her father might have come but she knew that he would not defy his wife just to please his daughter. Would they have come had they known that would be the exact moment that she decided to accept the offer to go to graduate school, as she walked across the stage to collect her college diploma to the sound of silence? “This has nothing to do with humans, I’ve told you that countless times. I despise them as you do, mama. But the things I have been able to learn, the things I get to do in these classes…” 

“Do not pretend this is about the bugs. All of a sudden there are not enough bugs here for you to look at? For you to put in your little containers and take notes about? Your father works with bugs every single day! That is your path, to work with him, take over the business, keep providing for the family. What is the problem? You want bugs, and this is bugs.”

Looking over at her father as he sat across the room in silence almost felt like a louder act of disappointment to Anita than the lecture she was receiving from her mother. Had they discussed this all before she came home? Did he agree, or did he just not care to protest? “I had the second highest grades within my major,” she said softly knowing the achievement would not be met with any positive impression. “I just want to keep learning. You always speak about how connected we are, by our nature, to the natural world around us. Is it so bad to want to learn more about that world?” 

“To want to learn about it from humans? Yes, Anita, that really is so bad. The fact that you do not realize that? Well that is proof enough that you have spent too much time among them, too much time away from your family. If you find it impressive that you have sat before them, obedient, responsive, answering their questions, performing tasks at their request all for them to judge your ability to do so against humans … then perhaps you are too far gone.”

“Selena,” a flutter of hope rushed through Anita when she heard her father finally speak, seemingly signaling that she had gone too far. But it seemed his flutter of confidence didn’t last quite as long as her flutter of hope had. “No, I mean it.” Selena retorted, standing up and raising her hands up in exasperation, “I did not raise my daughters to want to be around humans for any reason other than to eat them. No daughter of mine would be sitting here and saying these things. This person sitting here… she is not my daughter. ” 

Her father didn’t say another word as her mother exited the room without so much as a final glance in Anita’s direction. The room remained quiet for an agonizingly long time as Anita sat there waiting for him to say something else, anything else. Observation was failing her as his body language failed to give insight into what was going on inside of his mind. The silence soon became so overwhelmingly loud, as Anita could not help but fill it with presumptions of his silence. Maybe he simply did not have the guts to disown her so directly as her mother had just done. Maybe he was waiting for Anita to cave and say she would return home, for good. 

Whether it was a battle of will or a battle of cowardice that the two were engaged in, Anita didn’t want any part of it any longer. Standing up she began to gather her things, still unwilling to be the one to break the silence and preparing to accept that might mean never getting to say goodbye to her father - her papi. As she started walking towards the front door, however,  she felt a hand on her shoulder. “I will send money, mi culebra, but maybe it is for the best if you do go.” 

Anita nodded but felt frozen and unable to do anything else, fearful that any movement would unleash the tears building up in her eyes. As she felt his hand fall from her shoulder and heard his footsteps begin to walk away, she was able to reach out for the door handle and swing it open, ushering herself outside before her tears finally fell. 

[annakie]

Fixing The House Part Nine: Within a Room, Somewhere.

Part One: I Do Not, In Fact, Have the Power

Part Two: Let’s Spend Lots of Money!

Part Three: All These Things That I’ve Done

Part Four: I Really Want to Stay At My House

A little interlude.

Part Five: Power Down

Part Six: You Will Leave Some Paint

Part Seven: Backwards to go Forwards

Part Eight: Master of Bathrooms

Another update? Already?

Yeah, we are really starting to close in on the end now. Probably 2 more days of Arturo's time and my checklist of what's left will be all checked off. I have slightly mixed emotions about that, but we'll get there! Last time, I posted in extreme depth about the master bathroom. I promised an update on that when the last two things happened, and they did! So we'll start with that, then I think we're just going to do all three of the bedrooms (or what should be bedrooms) because a lot of what happened in these three rooms was a lot the same.

MASTER BATH FINAL UPDATE

First, art prints came in so I did, after a mere twelve years, decorate the medicine cabinets with art. It was more annoying to get them in than I was hoping for but both bathrooms art looks perfect so I'm happy with the results.

Just a lil Monet in pretty complementary green and brown.

And, the big thing was, the new window was put in today!!

So one of the reasons it took so long was Arturo was trying to get the window without bars. But he went to several places that said they had the right window without bars but all of them were either in a salmon color and we definitely wanted white, or they just lied. This morning he sent me a picture of a window with bars and I was just like "Get it, I just want the new window DONE!"

Soooo....

Oh hey, a window you can see out of? Amazing. Honestly looks great and I'm happy with it. They painted the entire windowsill white, which I didn't love but I get why. I might try re-painting it to cream later, though. Or that might look terrible. :p

So yeah, now the master bathroom is completely done. No items on the checklist. First room to earn that honor!

-------------

THE MASTER BEDROOM

Now, lets move on to the bedrooms, starting with the master bedroom.

It's a bedroom. There's almost never exciting pictures of a bedroom. But there's a couple of pre-move-in pics?

Along with a very "I have little money and this is the only shit I own and I just moved in" type pic at the top."

And yeah that is the bedroom suite I drastically overpaid for in these pics.

It was better a year later.

Big regret though forever is going to be keeping those ugly green blinds up for 21 years. It was so easy to change those a couple of months ago? I mean Jorge did it, not me, but I both could and should have. They were not good at keeping light out in addition to their uglyness and many had broken tabs that had to be repaired.

The color was Dusty Apricot in there for 21 years, pretty cozy and tbh I was pretty happy with it the entire time. Almost didn't change it when it came time this year.

Probably could dig up some pics of when it had the white carpet from 2009 to 2019 but... that's OK. Much more pleasant memories when I got the laminate put in. Here, I had yet to put most stuff back into the room, I was just so damn happy to not have carpet anymore.

So for the renovation, obviously getting the sliding glass door replaced was definitely the biggest and most important part. I cannot tell you how much better life is with that new door. The best thing is that it dampens sound so much better. Like I could hear every dog in a block radius barking before it felt like. Now, if I have my white noise machine going, I don't even hear my next door neighbor's dog barking. They're very courteous about not letting the dog bark a long time usually, anyway. Can't say the same for the across the alley neighbors. It's just such a relief. And not to mention of course the temperature control, which I did last time.

I would wake up all the time to dogs barking. I already posted at length in part six about the new door with pics but I just want to reiterate how much I love that damn door for so many reasons. Looks, the fact that it's so much quieter AND makes everything else quieter, and temperature control. Truly if I could go back and make myself do ONE THING years ago instead of now, it would probably be that door.

I also posted in part six about the ceiling fans, and hell yeah I still love the fan.

And THEN I posted before that in the Interlude about the wall color, a bit.

That painting hangs over my bed and it means so much to me. I've probably posted about it somewhere before, but when I got my new job in 2012, they also hired a new office manager, Mary, at about the same time as me and we got along great. We both kind of hinted at our bosses that the office was ugly and unwelcoming to clients and had a lot of wasted space.

So here's a post about what we did together, me and Mary, with some pics but not of the painting, which is one of the things we bought to liven up the office. We saw it, both LOVED IT, and bought it. It hung up behind the front desk, it was the first thing you saw when walking in the front door, every day until late 2017 when the company got bought out and things went to shit.

I've talked about that job a lot, both when I had it and after, here on tumblr and how much I LOVED it there, so many of us who worked there did. It was a great place to work and all of us in IT and Development and a handful of others (like Mary) became really close work-friends. It was a special place that was still a job and we didn't do the "We're a family!" bullshit there, but it was like, a great job. I set up a Discord when things went south and it's still active. My Sunday Night D&D game started at that job and we're still playing. And there are ten of us from there who work at the place I work now because we try to stick together. (There are other clumps of people together at other jobs, too.)

Mary and I had a joking rivalry about who was going to be the first one to steal THE PAINTING and hang it up in our own homes.

Mary left the company (along with everyone else) not too long into things Going to Shit. And not long after the new company announced we would be moving to a different office. They more or less let those of us who were left take whatever we wanted, and there's stuff to talk about there, but that day I walked out with The Painting. I think at one point someone from the new company asked what happened to it since they liked it and I just played dumb. In my head I was playing no fucking way I'm telling you it's in my house.

So yeah, it got hung up over my bed not long after and so when it was time to decide to repaint the master bedroom, the bedroom would get painted FOR The Painting.

I pulled the main orange, called Chivalry Copper (have I mentioned I like copper yet?) straight out of the painting, as shown above. And knowing it was a crazy color to paint an entire bedroom, Sweet Orange, the top color on that card, was for the other three walls.

It turns out that Sweet Orange isn't that different than Dusty Apricot, lol. A bit lighter, slightly less pink, but pretty close.

Honestly I'm well aware that the colors here, or in any room, aren't for everyone, and this is a particularly crazy choice for a master bedroom, but I love it.

So another decision that happened was... all of the trim getting painted white. You can see in the original pre-move-in pics that allt he trim had been like a pinkish cream color. I painted it all the cream that's in the master bathroom I talked about last time, but because of a chain of decisions, it only made sense to re-do all trim and doors just pure white. It was a good decision.

You can also see here, compared to the pic right above it, that I got a new vent cover. All vent covers were replaced. They were all rusty and had been painted over several times and pretty gross, and now they look fantastic.

Also in this pic is the new closet door hardware. Every closet got the same oil-rubbed bronze door handles, instead of gold handles from the 1960's. Just bringing even the little details up to the modern. Oil-rubbed bronze is basically black and copper and.. something something... me and copper.

All of the closet doors had ISSUES before, I think there was one of five bedroom doors that moved easily and stayed on the track. Literally just today, Arturo fixed all of the closet doors in the house so they all work as intended.

And honestly I thought a few days ago how the closet doors were like an analogy for this house as a whole. Technically, they worked, mostly, but they were all a little bit shitty, each in their own way. They had been fixed up OK a long time ago and just got a little bit worse and a little bit worse and were dated but now not in a super obvious way anymore. But then a fresh coat of paint, replacing the visual with a more modern handle and a little elbow grease from Arturo and voila... still the same door... just way freaking better!

I think I mentioned this before, but every interior door handle ALSO got changed out also to oil-rubbed bronze handles, ten doors in total. Both of these things were Arturo suggestions that I absolutely had not thought about and when he was like "Uh, hey, you going to put in new doorknobs?" I basically smacked myself in the head. Another thing I just never thought about.

I even swapped out four of the doorknobs myself. I would have done more but I couldn't get the old handles off myself, lol.

There's a better version of this picture but it doesn't have Fry in it, so is it actually better? No.

In the master this door was rebalanced so it didn't automatically close today, I didn't even ask Arturo for that, it was just driving HIM crazy so he did it, lol.

That full-length mirror is also new, I never had one in the house and wanted one! Annnnd every door also got a doorstop, also in Oil-rubbed bronze. Many doors didn't have them before.

My bedroom isn't exactly picture-ready-perfect yet, but I'm OK with it.

Along this wall, a few new things. First, the speakers. Those used to be in the office, but my dad gave me new speakers a few months ago.

I bought this little receiver, $35, yeah it's a bad picture, sorry, after the speakers were mounted I connected them to that, and it has bluetooth so I can run music from my phone to the bedroom easily. Sounds amazing. I used to sleep with a little Soundcore 3 bluetooth speaker, which TBH, I would highly recommend if you're in the market for a little bluetooth speaker, it is great. But having two big speakers in the bedroom, even better.

Also in that pic, I painted a little bookshelf the copper color. It'd been in rough shape looks-wise since I acquired it like 25 years ago, and finally it looks cute.

The little white table near the door is brand new, just put it together last night. It holds my white noise machine. I didn't like it so close to my head on the nighttand. Already made the little drawer on that table a junk drawer, but at least my dresser is mostly clutter free. Mostly. There's more work to do.

Still on order is a new white bookshelf that has a cabinet at the bottom, should be here Friday. Going to put it in that far corner and the outside boys' Meow Mix will be going in there, along with the towels for the master bath, to get the rest of the bath clutter out and put somewhere logical. May need to move that TAH poster or the Ninja poster. Plus, I need a little more book storage.

My house has a serious lack of storage and one of the things you'll see in a few places is that I'm working on fixing that as I can.

Also, hey! Ugly green blinds are GONE. Instead, a heavy blackout curtain!

I'm aware that dark grey isn't exactly the most matching color for the room but tbh, that I don't care about. The important thing to me was that the curtain actually blacked out light so I could have a very dark bedroom at any point I was trying to sleep in it. Thinking maybe I should have gone with dark brown instead, but maybe I'll make that change later.

I have a memory foam mattress that doesn't have a cooling component (which, at some point when I have money again I may fix) so generally I just sleep with a sheet until it gets actually cold. Too hot for anything else.

And Fry and Pemily of course have their beds on my bed. Fry uses his a lot. Pemily... only when it's cold, otherwise she just sleeps on the bed directly.

I had Arturo install SIX outlets (instead of just two) next to the bed so I can charge ALL THE THINGS. Two are the bedside lamp and the reading lamp above, though. Not all of these things are ever all in use at the same time. I just have two USBC cords, a MicroUSB, my Fitbit charger and... something else I'm forgetting here.

Just a little quality of life change so I don't have to have a power strip under the table. Way more organized this way.

I already made a note after seeing this to get Arturo to fix the drywall here.

Okay so that's the Master Bedroom! I'm so much happier with it now!

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Since I talked about all of that stuff there, doing the other two rooms will be much quicker.

But also... I'm tired and want to do something else now, so I'm going to wrap this up and next time we'll talk about the Guest Room and Living room!