#its okay at first because its nice
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CW: unreality
I do hope that, in the future, I'll be able to better separate real people from imaginary people. Because I really don't like how it felt.
I remember the first time she helped me. Especially since it was quite recent. I started crying and pretty immediately held her hand. Almost like I knew her already. I tried apologizing for it. Since I knew it was weird and didn't make sense. But she didn't seem bothered by it. So I just kept holding her hand anyway.
Maybe I just seem lonely.
I remember the amount of times at homecoming, people would come up to me. Tell me to dance. Or make me dance with them. I just I just permanently look miserable now. But I really wasn't. I was enjoying myself for the most part. And was mostly trying not to worry about the girls feelings.
Or what might happen to me.
I really didn't want to tell her the night before. I was afraid she'd be upset with me. And she was.
She had told me a lot that she wanted to go to the dance. But was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to.
I didn't really want to go. But my dad thought it would be good if I did. Since I'd been avoiding hanging out with people still.
I'd seen her get upset before. And while it did kind of scare me. I let it slide since she wasn't upset with me. I'm not sure why I assumed that she would ever be, at the time. Maybe I'm just a bit airhead-ed.
I don't really get it.
Its not really that I didn't think she was real. But it felt more like a dream than real life when I was with her.
I stayed up all night responding to her. Trying to get her to see I wasn't going to the dance with other people. I just knew someone who was going.
NB (NBB) was going. And she had ran for princess but didn't win. I still shouldn't have told her.
I shouldn't have told her so much information about me and my life.
She was very rude to me the next day. I understood why
Especially since we were constantly misinterpreting each other
I don't like seeing my imaginary friends in other people. It always seems good at the time. Or at the very least not bad. But. I don't really like it.
It doesn't benefit me at all. And it usually does the opposite. And unless I can move past what i first saw them as. I just try not interact with them.
So I wish I didn't interact with you. I wish I would have just told you everything was okay the first time.
I have other people to rely on anyway.
I wish hadn't jumped so fast at the chance someone would listen to me.
Maybe it was because you were in person. And you wanted to help me. And you reminded me of Alama and Janiah. I didn't really ever feel like it really was them. But the similarities made it hard to see you normally.
I don't like that
If can't see you far enough beyond that. We really shouldn't be around each other at all.
I tried to find out what you were interested in. But you never really did share much.
You only seemed interested in helping me in return of friendship. But I guess that doesn't really work if I'll get scared of you sharing your feelings.
I wanted to be upset with you, but it didn't work.
When I told my parents and brother they were upset.
But I mostly felt disappointed in myself. I couldn't even express my feelings to you
I kept wishing I never met you. But it was a good thing I did. So that I never do this again.
I've done it before.
But it's never really resulted in much of a real friendship blooming
Now I know its not worth it
I was so scared of hurting you. And I was scared of you hurting me. But. That's no way to live or be in a friendship anyway.
I remember when I was afraid I'd forget about my imaginary friends. But I suppose it's harder than that. Especially if I don't want to. And they're everywhere.
It makes it harder seeing things labeled Cookie12 in my room. I barely know what to say.
I do know that. If I do this right it will go away. And I won't feel same way I do now.
There was a time this happened to me in 8th grade. With a guy. And that was how I created Jack-al basically.
But eventually I was able to make it to where. He no longer reminds me of Jack-al. I'm not afraid of hurting the real guys feelings or being around him anymore. And I don't stare at him
He doesn't bother me.
So. I could probably do it again.
I like when the sparkles and hearts around your head go away.
It means I just see you as a normal person now
And I can't be afraid of you
#Alama#Jack-al#Janiah#Cookie12#the same thing happened when id go to ROTC balls. id look so miserable people would try to dance with me.#its okay at first because its nice#but if i say i don't want to dance anymore please leave me alone. and don't tug at me either. im already tired#i wanted to dance at the end. there was a part of the dance where you go low. so i did that. and i of course i fell on my head#i really need a helmet 😭.#i wanted to put lyrics here. but#it made me feel embarrassed#so im not gunna do it.
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i know for a fact i have made this post before but for me it's very important that bbc merlin is a pointless tragedy. it wouldn't be good (it's frequently not good anyway but it would be a lot further away from good) if it wasn't a pointless tragedy! it's simply not arthuriana if it doesn't go past the high point of the heroic/legendary/high medieval romance stuff and end with detailed rundowns of exactly how everybody got betrayed and died like that is what makes it real arthuriana to me and not just a silly show about a wizard
#'why did he die at the end! why did they make us miserable? why can't we have nice things!'#BECAUSE IT'S ARTHURIANA OKAY .that's what HAPPENS#if you're doing arthuriana you're not doing it right unless when you finally get to the end of this endless string of knight adventures#the main guy is like. dead and you're like well . what am i supposed to do now#like when i first read the great illustrated classic abridged king arthur in third grade and got to the end ofi t#and guinevere had been sent to a nunnery and half the nights had died in this battle or that one and merlin had been stuck in a cave#and then arthur dies and bedivere chucks his sword in a lake and then the book just ENDS#and i sat there consumed with emotions id never felt before. well i would've been disappointed if the end of bbc merlin had#NOT made me feel those emotions again#but it did. to me that is in fact its greatest success#merlin#q#like. dont get me wrong i like a fixfic as much as the next guy and in fact i plot them out all the time#but you cant DO that if the original material is. like. already happy#or meant to be
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i know this is an extremely unpopular opinion but some of the stereo shows make me cringe because dan was still in his ironic "phil sucks am i right" phase and even knowing it's all a joke doesn't make it... a funny joke
#every time i see someone say this the response is always ''why do people take dan so seriously its obviously a joke''#its the same thing with dystopia daily#i know its a joke and i get the joke but it doesn't make me laugh#the cynical vibe is not my thing#especially because phil didn't really play into it back then?#with current content we get a nice back and forth where they're both ironically roasting each other often#so even though i know the stereo comments are a joke and phil isn't actually hurt it still feels one-sided and awkward#like dan saying ''the best part about living with phil is when he leaves me alone and would be killed first in a home invasion''#its like...... okay edgy 14 year old i'm glad you got that out of your system now lets try saying something beautiful and true
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partners
#ellie is not in her gov outfit because she is Too Swag for that (i forgot)#consider this a triple-threat-esque au#in which she helps ren get pardoned and they work together from thereon#its her first day on the job . be nice okay#thsc#henry stickmin#ellie rose#oc x canon#my art#artists on tumblr
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Thinking about Murderbot and ART again and how Murderbot is so adamant that ART is not its friend and that they can't be friends and okay fine it'll tell the stupid space ship about its traumatic past but only because it keeps pestering it! And alright, maybe ART can help Murderbot and do a little surgery on it and assist with uncovering the Dark Secrets™ of Murderbot's past but it's and asshole and NOT Murderbot's friend!!!
And then when Murderbot mentions ART to its clients on RaviHyral it just immediately goes for the word "friend"??? And I understand that it couldn't exactly say "there's this giant research transport AI in my feed that helps me pretend to be a human" but like. Murderbot, darling, you could have used anything. You're cosplaying as pretending to be a professional human security consultant, you could have said something like "associate" or "assistant" or whatEVER but "friend" just rolled right off the tongue there, didn't it?
Bonus from Network Effect:
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#asshole research transport#𓄿#i am pretty sure that is the first time in murderbot's life it has referred to someone as its friend??#it definitely is the first time in the books#and then murderbot just continues to call ART its friend for the rest of the book?!??!?!#i wonder what ART felt like hearing that#a little vindicated? because YES it IS murderbot's friend now no matter how hard murderbot tried to deny it >:))#(lesson learned: if you want to make friends just do a little surgery on them)#or just a warm feeling it can't quite place because i have a feeling murderbot is the first friend ART ever actively made too??#apart from like its humans etc? but that's different!#and hearing it said out loud by this grumpy stubborn lil construct must be#nice#i just really like what they have going on okay 🥺#murderbot diaries#being very normal about ART and murderbot's friendship YET again#i wonder if murderbot noticed that it did that too??#like did it try the word out a few times in its head#tentatively just to see how it felt?#or is this one of those '20 inputs all at once while also calculating the likelihood of being attacked by evil corporates#and fighting with the risk assessment module#all while running pretendingtobeahuman.exe and TALKING to the humans :('-type situations?#so that murderbot really can't monitor what it's saying super well and so “friend” just slipped out unnoticed??
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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Hi I kinda. Uhm. I. COUGH
Uhhh thank you @blackkatdraws for making silly hot wife and the pink clone, I will never forget your generous donation (💀??)
Some close ups too, I mean why not? :3
#goddamn Im awkward Im too shy akndksnfjsndnf -😭#also kitty if you're reading this I wanted to let you know that I saw your vent (?) post and Im letting you know that Im pretty much going -#- through something similar. I dont want you getting fully taken by this feeling like I did. Its not nice at all and it hurts a whole lot#Sooo I just want to remind you that you're loved by many many people and we care about you dear kitty <3#Apologies if that sounds strange- I mean its our first time ever talking- But just wanting to let you know because you're important to me!#but yeaaa I want to make out with Black I MEAN WHAT-#(also I drew this for the whole night. I started at 11 pm and finished at 6 am :333 yes Im okay :33)#the stanley parable#tsp#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tspud#narrator#tsp narrator#gip!!#I gib gip eheheeh >:3
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a man contemplating how to feasibly knick a 35 pound tincan from his captain without getting the shit beat out of him by said captain
and hes about 10 seconds away from reenacting raccoon stealing catfood shenanigans
absolutely hysterical hes giving the cup that look after he stole it from sasha and had to give it back beforehand
LIKE GIRL BE A LITTLE MORE SUBTLE
#luosty shenanigans...#he is but a raccoon to me#i think a lot about luosty going “its all yours” and changing it halfway through to “its your day”#so instead we get the amalgamation that is “its all your day”#becasue i think luosty would rather die than give up the cup actually#its a big shiny thing and by god will you have to pry it from his cold dead hands#i think its really funny that sasha hops between luosty and lundy#in that sense that if hes acting a little nice to one of them he'll be mean to the other#aka sasha letting lundy hold the cup first (before the stunt) because he knew itd been way too long since he held it#and he decided to be nice to him for a bit by giving it to him#(despite the fact lundy immediately messed up afterwards after being given grace for a few seconds because boys are dumb)#and then teasing luosty by going “i didnt give him the cup but he took it anyways” and then going “okay give it back m”#it aint easy work babysitting two brats with no mikksy around but sasha will hold the fort down until then#(his patience shall tested to unimaginable lengths until then. godspeed.)
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I don't really agree with your takes on Kuai Liang. You hold him to a standard far higher than his circumstances allow him. You say he should have confronted the Lin Kuei but the moment he saw them, they immediately tried to kill him and Tomas without any chance. You assume Liu Kang helped him when an intro suggests Liu has left him on his own. You say he should have returned and taken over Lin Kuei, people who rejected him and never gave him a chance but take issue when he tries to get stronger to face them. You conveniently leave out the part Kuai wants others to not touch Bi-Han and Lin Kuei and that's why he's in Outworld to stop Bi-Han according to intros.
I think you're more than a little biased against MK1 Kuai. It's getting obvious.
That’s perfectly fine if you do not agree with my take on Kuai Liang. I’m not here to convince you or anyone to my ideas, simply explaining my reasoning since you asked 🙂
“You say he should have confronted Lin Kuei but the moment he saw them, they immediately tried to kill him and Tomas without any chance.”
I think you mistake two separate events. I said he should confront Lin Kuei when he learned the truth about Bi-Han not aiding their father in need, right away when he defeated and captured his brother. Tomas thought he would do so, to take the title of Grandmaster and prevent further damage. But Kuai Liang outright rejected this idea, thinking Cyrax and Sektor would still stick to Bi-Han despite the grave accusation. In that scene Kuai Liang chose to cut his ties with Grandmaster, as was seen when he removed his emblemant of Lin Kuei, saying "You are my grandmaster no longer" . Which I guess could count as him leaving the clan.
From story mode we know only that they took Bi-Han with themselves and a few chapters later, Tomas noted that Lin Kuei refused to aid Liu Kang. But as far as dialogue goes, neither Scorpion nor Smoke said they were attacked by Lin Kuei or in any other way persecuted and I don’t think there is any source claiming that for this specific point in time. Otherwise Kuai Liang and Tomas would either mention they needed to run away from their people to join Liu Kang for the battle or would not be there at all, if the clan wished them dead or hurt.
The attack you mentioned comes AFTER Titan Shang Tsung was defeated and again, comes from Scorpion’s ending and not story mode itself. Which is a second, separate event from the one I referred to in my previous post. In my opinion Kuai Liang should take control over the clan right away Bi-Han was compromised, because it was his duty as the second-in-line. And most likely he was trained for that possibility, as being Lin Kuei was a hazardous job and Grandmaster Sub-Zero was personally involved with doing Fire Lord’s bidding. So no, I don’t think this is holding Kuai Liang to a higher standard, as he is not a mere warrior forced to step in and solve the critical situation all by himself but a man raised as part of the ruling family and with a birthright to do so. Expecting Scorpion to do his duty hardly feels like demanding too much. But it is perfectly fine if anyone does not agree on this one with me.
So yes, I say he should have confronted Lin Kuei and no, Tomas and Kuai Liang were not immediately attacked between chapters. Lin Kuei refused to aid Liu Kang and at this certain point in the story, it is all they did as far as source materials goes to my knowledge.
“You assume Liu Kang helped him when an intro suggests Liu has left him on his own. “
Yes, I assume so, as for me characters BIO and story mode are a more truthful source than intro dialogues that don’t give us the full context of the interaction, or characters’ endings that aren’t always 100% compatible with the next game (and I do acknowledge that my opinion about Scorpion's ending may change once the new story will be released). Sadly, I have no idea what intro dialogue you're referring to. It would be helpful if you could paraphrase it for me. I checked out MK Warehouse’s page but did not see anything fitting? Or did you actually mean Scorpion’s ending?
“You say he should have returned and taken over Lin Kuei, people who rejected him and never gave him a chance but take issue when he tries to get stronger to face them.
Yes, as I said before he should do so right away when Bi-Han allied with Shang Tsung but was defeated in one on one match. Sure, the sources strongly imply for us that no Lin Kuei beside Tomas supported Kuai Liang which I admit is pretty surprising. I imagine there were still plenty of people who loyally served his father and to think all of them rejected Scorpion in Sub-Zero’s favor says a lot about the political mood within the clan. Me wishing for Kuai Liang to confront Lin Kuei right away after the failed mission is not saying he would succeed but he definitely could at least try. Instead all the story mode said on the matter is that he doesn’t think Lin Kuei will make him the next Grandmaster due to Cyrax and Sektor, which again raises a question why his socio-political status would be so low between his folks if BIO alone introduced Scorpion as a REVERED Lin Kuei Warrior.
(definition presented at Cambridge Dictionary)
If you meant “return and take over Lin Kuei” in regard to leaks, then again, I do stand by my previous statement. He should take an active part in bringing back Lin Kuei on the righteous path, reclaiming his home and position, if he truly was so dedicated to his duty and father’s teaching. Otherwise leaving Lin Kuei on their own terms may lead to another conflict and in result put Earthrealm at risk. I do not say doing so would be pleasant or easy for Kuai Liang, but what else could be a better way to honor his father and the tradition he revered so much than personally restoring father’s legacy? A legacy for which Scorpion rejected his own brother and future offered by Sub-Zero? Though again, feel free to disagree, as this is just my personal opinion.
I take no issue with Kuai LIang getting stronger and preparing for the war. I would be quite disappointed if he didn’t do so, as he is warrior first and foremost. Last time I only pointed out that MK1 Kuai Liang has better means to face Lin Kuei than his previous incarnations even had. Which is why I rejected your statement Scorpion and Tomas had not enough time or resources to do anything. If we go with intro dialogues, it seems they used the given opportunity very well, as in the relatively short time Shirai Ruy rose in such power they felt ready to face Lin Kuei on their own terms. Or more precisely: hunt down Bi-Han.
Scorpion: Bi-Han's trail has led me to Sun Do. Li Mei: I'll abide no vigilante justice, Kuai Liang.
or
Raiden: How goes the hunt for Bi-Han? Smoke: I've never chased a cagier quarry.
You conveniently leave out the part Kuai wants others to not touch Bi-Han and Lin Kuei and that's why he's in Outworld to stop Bi-Han according to intros.
Conveniently leaving? Nah, the only reason I did not go into great details about all intro dialogues is simply the fact that those intros do not contradict in any way my statement. Both brothers are fully ready and willing to hurt each other to fulfill their goals and show little regret over this (with only Tomas actually preferring the reconciliation). Kuai Liang rejecting Kitana or Raiden’s help or Mileena's demands as he wishes to deal with Bi-Han by himself is not an example of Scorpion regretting the fratricidal struggle. Same with Bi-Han rejecting Havik’s offer
Havik: Aid me, and I'll destroy the Shirai Ryu. Sub-Zero: That is *my* privilege, Havik.
Funny though how you conveniently left that Bi-Han too rejected help from his allies in regard Kuai Liang at least once or that he actually is willing to make peace with Liu Kang (what most likely would stop the war between brothers)
Sub-Zero: You want peace? Let us be. Liu Kang: The Lin Kuei's sins aren't easily forgiven.
or that he is willing accept Tomas back if he submit
Smoke: Are we to be enemies for life? Sub-Zero: Unless you submit, Tomas.
Which is not much, but frankly, at this moment it is more than Kuai Liang’s intros offer in regard to calming the clans war. Understandable, as Scorpion has right to be bitter and angry but even Liu Kang is concerned about his vengeance:
Liu Kang: You allow vengeance to consume you. Scorpion: I should not punish Bi-Han for his crimes?
But like I said, showing a bit of good will here and there or brothers seeing their conflict as personal matters that should be resolved between them does not contradict my statement that both Bi-Han and Kuai Liang are willing to face the other in fight and if needed, even hurt each other’s friends and family. So in all fairness, I’m not sure what you are accusing me here?
I think you're more than a little biased against MK1 Kuai. It's getting obvious.
The thing I’m definitely biased towards is the NRS forcefully bringing back the Shirai Ryu vs Lin Kuei conflict that was solved in MKX almost decade ago. If you think this is a personal bias toward Kuai Liang then sure, why not 🙂
#mortal kombat#scorpion#kuai liang#bi han#sub zero#lin kuei#my replies#my best analogue to mk1 kuai liang is zuko from ATLA#should he be burdened with the responsibility to reform a country he helped to bring down? we would not wish that on real person#but as fictional character it fits his character arc & themes like honor and duty/dedication to his people#so would be anyone okay if zuko for example picked up ty lee or li mei#or some random dude to lead fire nation at the end of the story? just because Fire Nation may not like him and he doesn't feel like dealing#with his prince responsibilities when he has great friends and could go on some nice adventures instead of risking his life while reforming#country and its people who rejected him in the first place?#dunno about you all but that would not sit well with me at the end of the story#(unless uncle iroh actually decided to take the responsibility on himself and not throw it on traumatized 16/17 years old)#just to be clear: I have never claimed to be okay with how new timeline (NRS) treats Kuai Liang :)
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my favorite thing about bt is when there's an opportunity for buck and t to have a deeper connection, but then t just shuts it down. like, go girl, give us nothing!!!!
#like outside of 7x04...have they had an actual conversation that didnt exclusively consist of sex or t being dismissive#ig you could argue their date scene#well both date scenes but come on the first one was like so bad#yeah they had a nice (im using that term very loosely) little conversation about coming out but then t made that closet joke and left buck#like okay listen its not tha big of a deal but it is!!!#how can you seriously sit there and be like oh yeah i was lying to myself about being gay because i was scared#and then when the (newly bi) man youre on a date with kinda freaks when faced with coming out not on his own terms youre surprised???#come on#be so serious rn#and sorry not sorry but i will always hate him for leaving buck on the sidewalk outside the restaurant#yes buck is a grown ass man and could get home safely#but its the fact that he didnt tell buck anything until his uber had pulled up#like that man was talking about the movie yall were planning on seeing on you were just watching your uber get closer#i dont care who you are that us just rude as fuck#and the your fathers alive in the finale#fuck off#like the conversation about t and his father was literally only included to connect to gerrard#deny it all you want but t really was a plot device in 7b#he had like what maybe 5 minutes of screentime#he is so over#anti tommy kinard
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Me: *experiences unpleasant things from People Being Crazy*
My inner whump writer: *takes notes about the feelings for more accurate future writing*
#whump#whump writing#whump humor#someone went really nuts on me and i set a boundary and now they have cut all contact#i dont regret it#my mental health has to come first#a guy put me in the girlfriend zone#i firmly said i didnt want a romantic relationship#i thought we'd be ok just being friends#but he kept pushing for more interaction even when i said i didnt have the spoons#and he basically threatened me with his own mental health to get me to respond#which is Extremely Not Okay#i told him in the nicest terms possible to cut that shit out#because it was triggering me (and i dont say that lightly)#and now its radio silence and he deleted all the previous messages he ever setn#which is LITERAL MONTHS OF MESSAGES#and the whole thing was this surreal mess of slowly sinking further into my time being absorbed by him#whether it was intentional or not is pretty much irrelevant at that point#he was really messing w my head#and if he takes me nicely setting a boundary as a reason to cut contact? then NO CONTACT#and yeah. i have more ideas of how bailey got in so deep w supervillain now#it didnt feel like a slippery slope until i was looking back at where i came from#essay in tags
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I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.
#since when were we friends nor did I have any obligation over you or towards you#we are literally roommates here acting like we’re friends#dora daily#I say this cause I saw yet another younger sibling on tiktok trying to make themselves a victim like the older one is clearly avoiding the#whole family and changing their phone number so u guys don’t contact for a reason like wth did you guys do that’s so bad they would go#through all that trouble#‘older siblings will never understand how doing that affects us physically and mentally’ oh quit whining and cope#I didn’t have an older sibling I relied on only myself heck not even strangers help me when I’m in dire need#I think yall need to cope harder and wake up to the real world#not all younger siblings but a lot of them like my little brother 13yo is good id never want to abandon him but the rest … yeah bye#idgaf you should’ve not been an idiot because believe me ik kids mess up but not like this#and now she’s grovelling at my feet bye grovel harder#like just an hour ago or so she came up to me and was like I’m going to school for the first day are you gonna miss me#I said no because she always tells me no when I ask her if she missed me#and somehow she had the audacity to be upset like okay#the same girl who tells me to move out btw#my mum said oh u have to be her best friend cause if she has nobody here then she will have to rely on strangers#and she would find herself in trouble cause they don’t have good intent oh gee I wonder which person caused me to do that#it’s honestly ironic#like Eris and virtue happened because she couldn’t step up and be a normal mother byeeee#and anyways whyre you acting like having a sibling is essential#it honestly isn’t like why would I be nice to a girl who dogs on me and beats me up and is disrespectful#she’s not that young anymore she’s almost 12#‘oh they have different personalities’ well i hate hers and im not to be forced to like it either its my right
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i do think the most interesting interpretation of btvs lore is that non-vampire demons and mystical entities ALL have souls, unless they sold, destroyed or otherwise got rid of them (like the mayor)
#because first of all: it gives a potential explanation for why there is a VAMPIRE slayer who specializes in vamps and not just a ''slayer''#like why vampires are singled out in particular. if its because they are in some inherent way crueler more evil less human less worthy#than at least the average demon altho not the most terrible demons. and that kind of checks!! plenty of demons seem to be fairly chill#amoral maybe and have weird diets but not necessarily Big Bads. whereas all vampires by definition drain humans of blood for fun and profit#second: it explains a lot about anya in particular - i'm thinking of two things in s7 when she's a-venging again#1. when she sees spike's soul in his eyes and is Shocked. not the face of a woman who has never seen a soul in the eyes of a demon before#2. no one is like ''oh anya has a soul!!! you cant slay her'' or ''how can you be a demon again when you have a soul wahhh''#i bet everyone just knows she has a soul. she's had a soul the whole time. everyone knows that. everyone's been knowing that.#third: it explains Why Angel And Spike Are Such Frickin Big Deals lmaoooo#the whole ''vampire with a soul'' thing isnt understood by buffy in s1 - angel tells her about it and she's like okay sure. try harder#the concept of ''souls'' being ''something'' that one ''has'' is like so ... it ONLY MAKES SENSE if vampires are KNOWN to NOT HAVE SOULS!!!#like imagine youre a demon or w/e and some master vamp comes along and youre like ''oh shit'' and he's like nah man ... ive got my Soul#and youre like ''oh SHIT. i didnt know you could do that''#vaguely related point: i think something people in fandom have always struggled with (''struggled with'' is the nice way of phrasing)#is the idea that in buffy's mind vampire with soul = good / vampire without soul = bad ALWAYS NO EXCEPTIONS#and like. theres so much nuance there. nuance number one being that buffy anne summers is the Queen Of Black And White Thinking#and we gotta take what she says with a grain of salt. nuance number two being obviously bad people can do good things and vice versa#nuance number three is that she's kinda right? if you have no true moral compass AND no true empathy AND delight in causing pain You're Bad#anyway i think this take ^^^^ about demons having souls and the people of btvs being aware of this lends EVEN MORE NUANCE!!!#because people in fandom love being like ..... buffy would kill anything without a soul. and protect anything with a soul. which tbh#i think is a deliberate misunderstanding of the source material. buffy would kill anything that harms humans and will protect#anyone that is human. thats her fucking job lmaoooooooooooooo its her calling in life. get bent#i'm ending the tag spiral here <3#it's terribly simple
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Yesterday I got the chance to go on the zip line, and I'm desperately afraid of heights but I still want to do things at heights, like the climbing wall or a high ropes course. And I've tried both of those things but quit very soon or before even starting, because I can't fucking do heights. But last night I got the chance to do zip line and I really wanted to, but was incredibly terrified.
So one of my dearest friends, a woman I deeply like and love, first reassured me (I was afraid I was too heavy for the zip line) and then said "Would it help if I went with you?" And yeah, she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met and she's an incredibly comforting presence, of course I said yes.
So we walked up to the zip line platform, and this is her job so she's very good at reassuring people (usually little children, but it worked for me too) who are scared to go on the climbing wall or zip line. So as I was trying to comfort myself, she told me how it would work, and that I could just sit and the harness would hold me, so I tried that and it helped, and she told me I could just lift my legs and I'd go. So I did, and she went at the same time as me, and
My god, the anxiety and the thrill, flying through the air with her next to me, seeing her wave at me as we went, getting off at the end and her asking, "So do you want to do it again?" And wanting to do it again with her, it was one of the most amazing feelings I've ever felt. I truly felt like I could've done anything I wanted with her by my side.
#if it wasnt clear i have a massive fucking crush on her and last night solidified it so much#i volunteered to work at the wall and zip line because she works there and i wanted to spend more time with her#so shes been training me a little and also just been staying near me#like today there was open zip line and her favoeite job is sending#today she had the option to send but instead stayed doing helmets and harnesses with me and one other person#she has so much experience and certifications that she did not need to be at helmets and harnesses#i think she just wanted to be near me but maybe im crazy. but it was so nice to spend time around her#i think she knows i like her. i just havent said anything yet#today i said 'i need to tell you something but i cant' andshe said 'its okay. take your time' very clearly me needing to confess my feelings#im just bad at shit like this#but last night on the zip line with her... her reassuring me...#she said if i got up there and decided i couldn't then we would just walk back down and it would be alright#it was sincerely life changing. something out of a movie based on a ya book#on the zip line. trees around me. gorgeous scenery. looking and seeing her smiling at me. she waved. we were both laughing#fucking life changing. one of the coolest experiences ive ever had. definitely helped me get over my fear a bit#after the first time on the zip line she told me experiences like that are why she loves cope and climbing#helping someone overcome their fear and develop a love for something they were scared of#it made me feel very close to her and altogether very fulfilled#and today ive spent most of the day with her. just constantly chatting and playing card games#shes been jokingly antagonizing me today with various games (how many horses and mao) but i love her playfulness#i love her humor and creativity and laugh and mind. shes horribly snart and makes it a problem /lh#shes amazing and has changed my life as long as weve been friends and i desperately wish i could tell her my feelings#but last night was. the most amazing time ive had in quite awhile#goodnight
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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I wore my wool cloak to my family's Noche Buena gathering and actually got compliments
#i was expecting to be made fun of#also my partber took the first two pics and its proof that you should never ask a man to take a nice pic of u#they dont understand angles#but im posting anyway because i know im just having weird body dysmorphia things because you can see my double chin or whatever#but its okay to have a double chin Car shut the fuck up#i know im hot im just self conscious#ok anyway i guess im posting this for validation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#carmen talks#carmen's face#cloak#cottage core#selfie#my face#polyam
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