#its not like i was planning on going to uni anyway i dont have that kind of money

[yippie-madness]

only thing im good at is academics and i fucking hate school. i cant do nothing else

[hakaiart]

f to my parasite mu dreams </3 i thought i may as well finish this right now since otherwise id never post it

[stardust-snow]

fuck exam revision i just spent the last two hours writing an entire google doc of a shittily written mayoshino AU concept i came up with while sleep deprived. i am going places, certainly not a further education, but places

[stupidnaturals]

.

[straykats]

/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh

[nerdie-faerie]

This has got to be the worst move out yet

[gommyworm]

:^}

[ev1lde4d]

however i do feel a bit insane

i love my friends the kids shows were right friendship CAN save the world

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!! im back with an update about me, M, and F!

okay so, i told M how i feel about F and she was... sort of okay? like she said she was fine, had picked up on it, and had decided she wasnt going to try anything anyway because she wanted to work on herself before going for a relationship with anyone, so thats good (honestly im more just glad shes planning to work on their mental health etc because she deserves to feel good about herself and i could tell recently theyve not been feeling great)

as for F and i, we're... something? idk, we had a sort of movie "date" and after she walked me to my flat (we live literally like a minute from each other bc we're both living on university campus) we did kiss but then weve just... not acknowledged it since? we flirt a bit still (we did this before bc neither of us were brave enough to do anything more ahaha) but thats it

to add to whatever that is, ive hit a roadblock in regards to my feelings. idk how much you know about abrosexuality, but thats how i identify, which means (for me, at least) that my sexuality changes (im also genderfluid so i usually describe it like that but with sexuality instead of gender). and right now im not really romantically attracted to women? maybe not anyone, its bloody impossible to tell most of them time, but as much as i know that i like her, its kinda turned to really strong platonic feelings?

this is the first time ive had any sort of romantic interaction with anyone since finding the abrosexual label, so i dont really know how to navigate this, especially because even though i have come out to this friend group as abro, i dont really know if she properly understands what that means. honestly, im nearly at the point where i might just send her a fic i wrote with abrosexual!sirius even though that would expose my ao3 ahaha

i dont want to make her feel like i dont like her anymore because i do, just not in the same way all the time, if that makes sense? it also really doesnt help that idk what we are, so its not like i could just rock up and be like "hey, so i know we might be dating or may date in the near future but i actually only like you as a friend right now, sorry!" because what if it actually wasnt a date?? we never defined it as one but it felt a lot like one

on another, separate note (my apologies, but life is hard and navigating it is even harder) im feeling really shit about my name at the moment, but i have no solution. when i went to uni, i started going by my chosen name (for online's sake, we'll say im using dorian which is what i go by here, though i use a different one irl) and it felt really great to use something i was more comfortable with

but recently i went back to a show i watched years ago because it came up on my recommended and i was bored, and since i stopped watching, one of the characters changes his name. hes not trans, but his storyline sort of- triggered something in my brain? idk how to describe it, but ever since then my chosen name just hasnt felt right

ive tried looking at other names and ive really thought about it a lot but now absolutely *nothing* feels right and its making me feel really dysphoric any time anyone speaks to me using any name (like, my chosen name now feels as shit as my deadname) and i know you cant just pick a name for me but do you have any advice about what i can do? i feel like ive looked at a thousand or more names and nothing feels right

sending love as always! <3

Ooo okay so for the first situation, could you bring up your sexuality to F in a hypothetical way. Like "hey I'm figuring out my sexuality and I need someone to talk to"? That way you're not saying how you feel about HER, and neither of you has to deal with rejection, but the point gets across.

As far as your name, do you have a supportive friend that might be willing to try a few names with you? Like actually refer to you by those names, to see how you feel when they're used for you? Maybe it's that you have to hear the names used to see how you feel, you know?

[nninoxasaur]

IM ON UNI BREAK!!

and to celebrate im releasing the first 3 chapters of In Its Wake on A03!!!! (its only available to registered users because i want to try and protect my work from ai data sweeping sorry)

Initially i was planning to write the whole thing and then do final edits before releasing but its been like a year and i have nearly 50k words and im like halfway through so i just decided fuck it its going out now.

Im planning on posting a chapter once a week until i hit chapter 20 and depending on where im at by that point i might go on a hiatus but at the very least u guys dont have to worry about no content for awhile haha.

anyways ive rlly enjoyed writing and i hope u enjoy reading :DD

[mj0702]

okay this is going to be so long i am so sorry

exams:

the most common format

they are set on any day like not in the class exams are done in like another room (either one of the largest lecture halls if your class is smaller like <100 people, or more commonly theres like 3ish classes in the gym and were like given rows so one class is like a-f then so on to ✨organize it✨)

they are very fucking strict, like they release the schedule for ALLL the exams for the university during reading week (late october) and then you plan accordingly to take them on that date and time they set and if you want to change anything for most reasons they will laugh in your face and say suck it up, also changing the exam format takes like every single person in that class physically signing their agreement and if ONE person says no the exam can not change!! also the profs often dont even consider allowing that anyway (obviously accommodation and stuff are different but thats either like accessibility or extenuating circumstances)

so you often will have an exam anywhere from monday to sunday at any time between 8am and 7pm starts and theyre usuallyyyyy 2-3 hours!! (ive never had a longer/shorter one), typically they include like a multiple choice thing and then short, long, and essay questions but it depends on the class and professor!!

less common format:

sometimes exams are put online :D for various reasons (though i cannot confirm if they do that for the snow problems bc im lucky enough to have had exams situated just outside of those), tho i did have an exam released at noon on friday and due at noon sunday so that is possible (this exam was originally a 3pm sat exam that we convinced the prof to move online!! tho that only worked bc its a small class and department and the prof knew all of us very well, this class was like 15-20 people lol)

and ive heard of final assignments and presentations, but for those theyd just be in the regular class times before the exam period starts

leading to my final point that some classes dont have exams, more common for like online courses or like assignment/coursework heavy courses (very very very uncommon ive NEVER heard of it for psychology, bio, chem, physics ((psyc is science at my school)), or maybe math etc courses tho for some math courses you may get cheat sheets/formula sheets so thats nice)

but obviously ive not taken EVERY type of course (i do however know a decent bit bc i have friends in a many different degrees lol)

okay midterms:

midterms are serious, they are like an exam (they are an exam) just less formal! but they dont always exist like it depends on the class (personally i had 3 classes with midterms this past semester but two classes had two midterms each -same prof for both classes- so i wound up with 5 midterms anyways)

you write them usually on a set day thats like within your class time, so its like going to class and writing a test, but like a test on steroids bc the exam and midterm are almost identical in difficultly most times!!

however midterms CAN be set on saturday or sunday if the prof fucking wants to (this is common in chemistry at my uni) so yeah :)

okay i think this is all questions answered!! but yeah exams and midterms are like big for me!! theyre often also worth large amounts of your grade (in my two classes with 2 midterms each exams and midterms made up 75% of my final grade, each 25%), and while 25% is a bit bigger for one exam in my degree, theyre typically like 15-20% of your grade each!! so not a small impact if you were to fail!

overall, this is just MY university when it comes to specifics and my university is like slightly smaller than some of the others. however, i also know this is common for surrounding universities!! like i know for my lil southern portion of my province (where a lot of LARGE and well known canadian universities actually reside lol) this is not completely out of left field like its relatively common to hear about it!!

but yeah again im so sorry for how long this is!! :D

-lil canadian :))

I'm just gonna post it like this without reading it 😅😅

[inqilabi]

I’m kind of surprised you started dating a lot more and are open to Islam recently, you’re one of the reasons I stopped entirely, which neither is a wrong thing to do. It’s kind of hard to do it alone but I just prioritized friendships in the time I’ve been following you. Which actually is closer to 10 years now I think, definitely since way before the pandemic. Anyway it’s just been on my mind to send this ask for a while now, you seem so successful that when I get to be where you are I know I’ll be even less interested in marriage and dating, but I guess that’s also a plus for you since you said you want kids. Good luck with it all, It’s great you were able to reconcile yourself and Islam, I’ve never felt like religion could be fulfilling, especially when you have views on gender and politics that go again the core tenants of a patriarchal religion. But I can see how the immediate community has its appeal and people are judged overly harshly when they don’t conform to societal and gender expectations of be a woman/man then have a partner/kids, and it’s not like there aren’t other good things too. Anyway I’m glad I followed you when I did because I got a new perspective and it made me more of a brave, accountable person, I’m not really afraid of being lonely and I can take accountability for my wrongs too, knowing that socialization is so deep I need to think about why and what I’m doing. You a few other people impacted me so deeply when I was 16 and trying to leave my parents home

wow this is a very sweet message. But almost makes feel scared that i had an impact on impressionable young teens I dont think my views on Islam have changed, certainly not as much as my view on dating. I still have the same criticisms of sunni jurisprudence. I think i just have less of exposure to that community now as i did back in the day, and it just use to rile me up. I was just angry, justifiably so, and wanting to dismiss everything - and it showed up in the tone of my writing.

I mean i still can't go around muslim events saying the things i actually believe. Sunni jurisprudence is undeniably patriarchal. But so long as they aren't like getting very preachy, doing halaqas and sermons on how to oppress women, im okay. In my uni days, MSAs were actually doing exactly that. That's why i was so critical. But i see now this type of thing seems to be dying down, atleast in my area. i dont find religion fulfilling but i do find likeminded people fulfilling. I still associate more with like academic type folks who either research religion, anthropology, write critiques. I went to a party full of marxists the other day. I didnt agree with everyone there. But i suppose, its discussion that's fulfilling. And sometimes muslim community and gathering can be very dismissive and not receptive to discussion. Which is a shame because in the islamic golden age, that's all they were doing.

i was honestly planning to be alone, and my plan was to solo adopt a kid if i wanted a child. I felt this way all the way up until like summer of 2022. then something did change. and i didn't want to be alone. if you had asked the 2013-2022 version of me, i would have balked at the thought of me wanting a partner. I was almost proud of it. Proud of being a single unattached woman with no men in her life. I suppose the only thing I can say now is that it's very hard to predict how and what you will feel and want at some point in the future. I was certain that I wouldn't want companionship and kids. Half my blog was dedicated to it. And that is kind of scary. I actually wrote about this on my blog back in the fall of 2022. It scared me how much something had shifted so suddenly, something that was a such long held state. If that could change, what else could change?

At your age, i would say prioritize career first ofc/financial freedom etc. If you dont have that, you wont feel ready for anything else. And ofc keep expanding your friend circle and forming connections through local activities or travel.

[scoonsalicious]

helllooo mother poookie🩷🩷🩷 I MISS U!! also bcs i feel like i havent yap a lot here hehehe

anyway i just wanna say after reading chpt 9.2, i feel like shits abt to go down… HARD but slowly.

idk why but it just feels like it😂😭 and i have to say i am EXCITED! i need the drama :) [ps: chp9.1 was satisfying, i need buckybaby to stand up against lily and her delusionalism again]

I do hope Rand will listen to Major though (that he’ll try to trust Bucky) but the percentage for that to happen is quite low. I dont think Rand will do something ‘bad’ to show off his disapproval. I cant say anything more for now.

[I have high hope for you Rand, do not mess this up!!]🫵🏻🫵🏻

Now idk what Lily is planning but i could say, one of the things i can see her doing is burning the WarZone down (but this will not be her 1st plan) i could see her trying to seduce Bucky first (and she will try hard with this IF she knows about Major’s past). Mother pookie did say that Lily will ‘date’ someone, maybe then she made up smth like her bf is shitty and abusive and ask Buckybaby to ‘save’ her again, and use that as her advantage by ‘trying’ to manipulate bucky, seducing him at that point (maybe framing him) and when that doesnt work, she plan smth worse which is burning her warzone.

I don think Lily will ‘try’ to befriend Major (BUT SHE COULD BE) yknow, just bcs Buckybaby ask her too and then boom she use that as her advantage, making everything hurt 100x more. ITS JUST TOO MANY POSSIBILITIES!!!! HHIHIHIHIHI.

Okayy thats all. My uni entrance result is in September (i thought it would be earlier but it’s in SEPT😭😂) … oh and I also applied for a scholarship, Study in Romania (all because of Sebastian Stan)🫡 result is in July. ALL BECAUSE OF SEBASTIAN STAN!

I love you mother pookie🩷🩷🩷 MISSS UUUU!!!! KISSES AND HUGGIES FOR U

Hello, bestie! You changed your username! It's super cute!

If you are looking to see more of Rand, you're in luck-- he'll be playing a role in Chapter 10! I don't want to give too much away, though, so I will stay tight-lipped. I will just say that I don't think he'll let you down. Or, at least, I hope he doesn't, anyway!

Lily's starting to put some plans into action very soon, like, within the next two chapters. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but she won't try to burn down The WarZone, lol. With how close all the buildings in NYC are, it would be too dangerous and risky!

Ugh, it sucks that you have to wait until September for your results, but I wish you the best of luck with your Romania scholarship! Fingers crossed, bestie! Love you!

[elytrafemme]

shoving under the cut so i can talk candidly bc this is lowkey killing me, minors PLEASE don't read ty

sexual trauma drives me crazy insane because on top of all the like already exciting stuff i have to deal with like being unable to masturbate and endless horrifying guilt i also have this weird mindfuck where whenever im at home nobody talks about sex at all unless its a medical gig or im being told that i need to be careful because i look too pretty or im being reminded not to wear short shorts because i dont need to do that ANYWAY so anything i try to do is like inherently branded as kind of an illicit thing when its my own fucking body, but when im at uni i can't really do anything because while i didnt have a roommate last year i do have one this upcoming year and like even when i had my own bedroom i felt embarrassed and also everyone you know is way ahead of you and you are the one staggeringly behind but then you go back home and u feel like the biggest whore ever. Like. Sorry but even worse than sex not like ever going to happen for me being any kind of Other turned on is fucking embarrassing because like not exactly easy to explain to your friends that since everything got kinda ruined for u your sex ed is planned parenthood and written porn (largely fanfic) and ur routine is to just get ungodly horny and then give up (not to mention that im like super autosexual not in actual hypothetical practice but like nobody else except me gets me. Yeah). Girl who is forced to always think about sex but cannot do anything about this because of the very same thing that forces her to think about sex. AUGH. And then i try not to be envious of other peoples experiences but unfortunately i kinda have a tiny voice that sees other survivors and is like. how can you just Do The Thing. I never even had THAT direct of contact (trying not to say it wasnt that bad but like in a very literal sense it was NOT that bad) and i am like literally ruined forever lol. my literal life goal this summer is to jack off successfully but i dont want to cut my nails and i have nothing else and none of it even feels good. so i guess one day in college im just going to have to read some crazy fanfiction cut my nails and hope none of my sexually adept friends notice. should probably just bite the bullet and cut them tomorrow or something but like. Ugh. ugh.

[post-office-by-the-bay]

dear covey!!!

i love this shade of blue its so pretty ☹️

anyways! hows your day going?? any plans this week?

classes started for me last week and ive been exhausteddddd (the school year starts in april for me)

i require 10 hours of sleep but the world makes me live on 6 or 7 😞

now that im in my last year of high school ive got to study for college entrance exams and whatnot!!

i had a question for u!!! im in the process of choosing which unis to apply for and i have a list of like. 30 universities but it takes so long to go through them all and im honestly procrastinating it.. so i was wondering if u had any advice!! no need to like get into it but idk im a little lost (i cant tell the difference between each university’s programs.. i feel like theyre basically all the same???)

oh! i had a bagel for breakfast today!! blueberry 😋 whats ur fav bagel flavor??

this is the longest letter ive sent.. i hope u enjoyed reading it 🫶

wishing u lots of love,

🪼

dearest darling jellyfish anon,

plans for this week??? sURVIVE LMAO- actually, i've got to go try on prom dresses today but tbh...i dont wannaaaaaaa but i have to soooooo yeahhhhh. also, it's so weird to me that classes are starting for you BUT they're about to end for me lmao-

also im ya girl for colleges as i just did all that junk!! okay okay, so as far as programs go, they're gonna be relatively the same bc like....same major, same degree, there are standards you're gonna have to meet, ya know?? so, for me, it came down to location. i wanted a school in boston so i didn't care too much about whether or not it was the best for my personal field. but, it could also come down to campus life. do you want a school that's really into sports?? maybe clubs??? maybe you want a school that has a big campus or a small campus??? me personally i wanted a school with an unconventional campus, so basically they is NO campus, as the city is the campus!! i just prefer it like that!! i would try to narrow that list down bc, at least in america, it is EXPENSIVE to even just apply. i applied to like i wanna say 7 schools and had to pay 270 totally. i know a guy who paid well over 500 bucks just to apply. kinda crazy but he also got into an ivy sooooooo. ANYWAYS, all this to say, try looking not so much at the degree courses but also at the school itself!! maybe go tour a few and see which vibes are better!!! that's how i found out i wanted an unconventional campus!!

blueberry is a pretty good pick when it comes to bagels but im a plain loyalist simply bc you can do so so much with it!!!

this was fun and the whole reason i started this blog.

YAPPERS UNITE

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[byyliss]

Little rant about smth thats been bothering me since yesterday.

So im autistic, and have a very hard time making friends, like, i try to be friendly but i never know for sure if Im bothering someone im trying to make friends with or not, doesnt help that ppl dont openly tell me if im doing so.

That said, yesterday, I was at one of my classes and started talking to two girls of my class, and I thought it was going well, I was talking, asking questions about them, told them to let me know if I was bothering them. Anyway, at the end of it I invited both to eat something at the campus coffee place, they said "yeah lets go! We'll just go to the bathroom real quick" and I said "no problem, im going ahead you guys can meet me there". And....they stood me up, I was there for like an hour and a half, eating on my own in front of the place I told them I would be.

I know this is normal, I know we werent friends and they had no obligation to go, but man...it still hurts bc they could have just told me they had other plans or smth. Idk if I acted like a parasite clinging to them or misread the situation, I just saw two ppl in my class that were friendly towards me and thought I was doing well. I dont know how to make friends, the way i do it is make small talk and slowly start asking for their name and try to make conversation go from there.

Im always so alone most of the time at uni. Im scared that im bothering ppl, and whenever I try to socialize I get ignored. I can count on one hand the friends I have and most I dont even know of they count as such (except for one who I talk almost all the time and im grateful to have met bc hes awesome)

Its silly, i know, but it has been bugging me still, I felt really bad yesterday bc of it.