#its not like i was planning on going to uni anyway i dont have that kind of money

[hakaiart]

f to my parasite mu dreams </3 i thought i may as well finish this right now since otherwise id never post it

[raisethe-velvet]

fuck exam revision i just spent the last two hours writing an entire google doc of a shittily written mayoshino AU concept i came up with while sleep deprived. i am going places, certainly not a further education, but places

[stupidnaturals]

.

[lemonpastrys]

as a gift to u every time i want to do a tag rant im going to rb this and do it under this 🫶 <3

(wrote a tag rantpost below but THE TAGS ARE LIMITED NOW???? 30 TAGS REACHED I CANT WRITE ANYMORE WHAT IS THIS SORCERY)

NEVER apologize for leaving long tags when you reblog from me. i am reading it like its my daily newspaper in the morning. idc if idk shit about what ur talking about, its like checking out the gossip from the next town over

[straykats]

/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh

[nerdie-faerie]

This has got to be the worst move out yet

[gommyworm]

:^}

[ev1lde4d]

however i do feel a bit insane

i love my friends the kids shows were right friendship CAN save the world

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!! im back with an update about me, M, and F!

okay so, i told M how i feel about F and she was... sort of okay? like she said she was fine, had picked up on it, and had decided she wasnt going to try anything anyway because she wanted to work on herself before going for a relationship with anyone, so thats good (honestly im more just glad shes planning to work on their mental health etc because she deserves to feel good about herself and i could tell recently theyve not been feeling great)

as for F and i, we're... something? idk, we had a sort of movie "date" and after she walked me to my flat (we live literally like a minute from each other bc we're both living on university campus) we did kiss but then weve just... not acknowledged it since? we flirt a bit still (we did this before bc neither of us were brave enough to do anything more ahaha) but thats it

to add to whatever that is, ive hit a roadblock in regards to my feelings. idk how much you know about abrosexuality, but thats how i identify, which means (for me, at least) that my sexuality changes (im also genderfluid so i usually describe it like that but with sexuality instead of gender). and right now im not really romantically attracted to women? maybe not anyone, its bloody impossible to tell most of them time, but as much as i know that i like her, its kinda turned to really strong platonic feelings?

this is the first time ive had any sort of romantic interaction with anyone since finding the abrosexual label, so i dont really know how to navigate this, especially because even though i have come out to this friend group as abro, i dont really know if she properly understands what that means. honestly, im nearly at the point where i might just send her a fic i wrote with abrosexual!sirius even though that would expose my ao3 ahaha

i dont want to make her feel like i dont like her anymore because i do, just not in the same way all the time, if that makes sense? it also really doesnt help that idk what we are, so its not like i could just rock up and be like "hey, so i know we might be dating or may date in the near future but i actually only like you as a friend right now, sorry!" because what if it actually wasnt a date?? we never defined it as one but it felt a lot like one

on another, separate note (my apologies, but life is hard and navigating it is even harder) im feeling really shit about my name at the moment, but i have no solution. when i went to uni, i started going by my chosen name (for online's sake, we'll say im using dorian which is what i go by here, though i use a different one irl) and it felt really great to use something i was more comfortable with

but recently i went back to a show i watched years ago because it came up on my recommended and i was bored, and since i stopped watching, one of the characters changes his name. hes not trans, but his storyline sort of- triggered something in my brain? idk how to describe it, but ever since then my chosen name just hasnt felt right

ive tried looking at other names and ive really thought about it a lot but now absolutely *nothing* feels right and its making me feel really dysphoric any time anyone speaks to me using any name (like, my chosen name now feels as shit as my deadname) and i know you cant just pick a name for me but do you have any advice about what i can do? i feel like ive looked at a thousand or more names and nothing feels right

sending love as always! <3

Ooo okay so for the first situation, could you bring up your sexuality to F in a hypothetical way. Like "hey I'm figuring out my sexuality and I need someone to talk to"? That way you're not saying how you feel about HER, and neither of you has to deal with rejection, but the point gets across.

As far as your name, do you have a supportive friend that might be willing to try a few names with you? Like actually refer to you by those names, to see how you feel when they're used for you? Maybe it's that you have to hear the names used to see how you feel, you know?

[monstress]

hii. if u dont mind, could u please share that "change of attitude" towards journaling? i feel like i really need that.. since i myself changed my attitude towards drawing and have been much more productive and happy doing it this last year. however Writing About Myself its another beast completely.. hope u r having a nice day! 🍃

hope you're having a lovely day as well! anyways as i was typing this up, what starts as a small tidbit has gone off the rails so i suppose this is my blanket advice as a newbie in journaling:

the materials!

choosing the titular journal aka notebook:

soft vs hard cover - i didn't realize this is SUCH a deciding factor until much later. most people prefer soft covers since journals can get massive with use but it's very subjective. be tactile - if it just don't feel right in ur hands, it's not gonna be something u reach out for when u have free time.

size - the most common sizes are A5, A6 or regular aka travelers notebook. you have to think abt who you are as a writer. do u have a large handwriting that takes up pages and pages? do you like space or are you overwhelmed by a blank page? do you travel a lot and do u want something unobtrusive in your bag? choose something that will reasonable work as a part of your daily life.

paper texture - paper that is smooth to write in are a great source of pleasure. notebooks with 100gsm paper is a good benchmark.

price - pleaseeee do not break the bank to purchase a fancy notebook. an expensive notebook can become an unloved one. you'd be too stressed to ensure every entry is perfect and pretty enough and the notebook eventually becomes too intimidating for you to fill in. check out your local hypermarket or online stores for quality notebooks. moleskins are overrated--in my country, they are v v expensive so don't feel pressure to buy a certain stationary just bc you see them often on ig/tiktok like my journal cost me approximately RM10 (USD2.34) and my new one w 100gsm paper cost me RM17 (USD4) like affordable options are out there!

build a connection with your notebook - listen...this sounds strange but having an attachment with your journal and making it inviting as possible is a great source of motivation. personalize it: add stickers, doodle or paint the cover. get a fabric/pvc cover to keep it clean if you'd like (you can add lil papers/stickers on ur actual notebook cover before putting on the pvc cover! very cute and easy)

and your pens:

again: less is more! use any relatively cheap pens you like - be it for the ink or smoothness. if you want to journal a lot, expect to lose a few pens during traveling or just around the house lmao

for fans of darker inks like me, i use Uni-ball Signo Broad, M&G R3 retractable gel pen and my favorite: Faber Castell RX Gel Pen 0.38mm - which cost like RM1.49 (i dont wanna convert - it's change money in america)

final note: i don't use fountain pens so i'm afraid i'm not well-versed enough to advise in that department but i deeply respect (and a little in awe) of journallers who use them 🫡

the tenet!

purpose: what do u plan to use the notebook for? daily journal? art journal? planner? all three? it's your life! live deliciously! since i have a 9-5 job, i know i can't keep up with more than one journal so i've been using mines as a diary and i dump my daily activities/thoughts/reviews of all kinds of media i'm currently obsessed with and it fills up quick!

don't be too hard on yourself: if you missed a day or two of journalling, it's fine - take it back up. write down anything memorable you'd like in the past few days. if you come across a certain blank page your brain is blanking to fill, perhaps after a previous dark entry, skip the page. skip two pages if needed. don't be scared of blank pages. if it needs to be blank, let it be.

it doesn't have to only be words! add stickers, dried flowers, receipts, ticket stubs, other ephemera you collected in the day. be artful! go crazy on page decoration!!

if there's anything you take away from this post, it's this: if you truly want a journal that is used up quickly, do not have plans to share it on social media. personally, i find once you are in the mindset of sharing your journal for an audience's consumption, you get worried whether it's "aesthetic" enough or is it too boring or too ugly or too dark or that you don't upload regularly enough. social media can be inhibiting your creativity or motivation to journal like let your animal brain ruminate in private! stay free from the shackles of responsibility!

[nninoxasaur]

IM ON UNI BREAK!!

and to celebrate im releasing the first 3 chapters of In Its Wake on A03!!!! (its only available to registered users because i want to try and protect my work from ai data sweeping sorry)

Initially i was planning to write the whole thing and then do final edits before releasing but its been like a year and i have nearly 50k words and im like halfway through so i just decided fuck it its going out now.

Im planning on posting a chapter once a week until i hit chapter 20 and depending on where im at by that point i might go on a hiatus but at the very least u guys dont have to worry about no content for awhile haha.

anyways ive rlly enjoyed writing and i hope u enjoy reading :DD

[inqilabi]

I’m kind of surprised you started dating a lot more and are open to Islam recently, you’re one of the reasons I stopped entirely, which neither is a wrong thing to do. It’s kind of hard to do it alone but I just prioritized friendships in the time I’ve been following you. Which actually is closer to 10 years now I think, definitely since way before the pandemic. Anyway it’s just been on my mind to send this ask for a while now, you seem so successful that when I get to be where you are I know I’ll be even less interested in marriage and dating, but I guess that’s also a plus for you since you said you want kids. Good luck with it all, It’s great you were able to reconcile yourself and Islam, I’ve never felt like religion could be fulfilling, especially when you have views on gender and politics that go again the core tenants of a patriarchal religion. But I can see how the immediate community has its appeal and people are judged overly harshly when they don’t conform to societal and gender expectations of be a woman/man then have a partner/kids, and it’s not like there aren’t other good things too. Anyway I’m glad I followed you when I did because I got a new perspective and it made me more of a brave, accountable person, I’m not really afraid of being lonely and I can take accountability for my wrongs too, knowing that socialization is so deep I need to think about why and what I’m doing. You a few other people impacted me so deeply when I was 16 and trying to leave my parents home

wow this is a very sweet message. But almost makes feel scared that i had an impact on impressionable young teens I dont think my views on Islam have changed, certainly not as much as my view on dating. I still have the same criticisms of sunni jurisprudence. I think i just have less of exposure to that community now as i did back in the day, and it just use to rile me up. I was just angry, justifiably so, and wanting to dismiss everything - and it showed up in the tone of my writing.

I mean i still can't go around muslim events saying the things i actually believe. Sunni jurisprudence is undeniably patriarchal. But so long as they aren't like getting very preachy, doing halaqas and sermons on how to oppress women, im okay. In my uni days, MSAs were actually doing exactly that. That's why i was so critical. But i see now this type of thing seems to be dying down, atleast in my area. i dont find religion fulfilling but i do find likeminded people fulfilling. I still associate more with like academic type folks who either research religion, anthropology, write critiques. I went to a party full of marxists the other day. I didnt agree with everyone there. But i suppose, its discussion that's fulfilling. And sometimes muslim community and gathering can be very dismissive and not receptive to discussion. Which is a shame because in the islamic golden age, that's all they were doing.

i was honestly planning to be alone, and my plan was to solo adopt a kid if i wanted a child. I felt this way all the way up until like summer of 2022. then something did change. and i didn't want to be alone. if you had asked the 2013-2022 version of me, i would have balked at the thought of me wanting a partner. I was almost proud of it. Proud of being a single unattached woman with no men in her life. I suppose the only thing I can say now is that it's very hard to predict how and what you will feel and want at some point in the future. I was certain that I wouldn't want companionship and kids. Half my blog was dedicated to it. And that is kind of scary. I actually wrote about this on my blog back in the fall of 2022. It scared me how much something had shifted so suddenly, something that was a such long held state. If that could change, what else could change?

At your age, i would say prioritize career first ofc/financial freedom etc. If you dont have that, you wont feel ready for anything else. And ofc keep expanding your friend circle and forming connections through local activities or travel.

[scoonsalicious]

helllooo mother poookie🩷🩷🩷 I MISS U!! also bcs i feel like i havent yap a lot here hehehe

anyway i just wanna say after reading chpt 9.2, i feel like shits abt to go down… HARD but slowly.

idk why but it just feels like it😂😭 and i have to say i am EXCITED! i need the drama :) [ps: chp9.1 was satisfying, i need buckybaby to stand up against lily and her delusionalism again]

I do hope Rand will listen to Major though (that he’ll try to trust Bucky) but the percentage for that to happen is quite low. I dont think Rand will do something ‘bad’ to show off his disapproval. I cant say anything more for now.

[I have high hope for you Rand, do not mess this up!!]🫵🏻🫵🏻

Now idk what Lily is planning but i could say, one of the things i can see her doing is burning the WarZone down (but this will not be her 1st plan) i could see her trying to seduce Bucky first (and she will try hard with this IF she knows about Major’s past). Mother pookie did say that Lily will ‘date’ someone, maybe then she made up smth like her bf is shitty and abusive and ask Buckybaby to ‘save’ her again, and use that as her advantage by ‘trying’ to manipulate bucky, seducing him at that point (maybe framing him) and when that doesnt work, she plan smth worse which is burning her warzone.

I don think Lily will ‘try’ to befriend Major (BUT SHE COULD BE) yknow, just bcs Buckybaby ask her too and then boom she use that as her advantage, making everything hurt 100x more. ITS JUST TOO MANY POSSIBILITIES!!!! HHIHIHIHIHI.

Okayy thats all. My uni entrance result is in September (i thought it would be earlier but it’s in SEPT😭😂) … oh and I also applied for a scholarship, Study in Romania (all because of Sebastian Stan)🫡 result is in July. ALL BECAUSE OF SEBASTIAN STAN!

I love you mother pookie🩷🩷🩷 MISSS UUUU!!!! KISSES AND HUGGIES FOR U

Hello, bestie! You changed your username! It's super cute!

If you are looking to see more of Rand, you're in luck-- he'll be playing a role in Chapter 10! I don't want to give too much away, though, so I will stay tight-lipped. I will just say that I don't think he'll let you down. Or, at least, I hope he doesn't, anyway!

Lily's starting to put some plans into action very soon, like, within the next two chapters. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but she won't try to burn down The WarZone, lol. With how close all the buildings in NYC are, it would be too dangerous and risky!

Ugh, it sucks that you have to wait until September for your results, but I wish you the best of luck with your Romania scholarship! Fingers crossed, bestie! Love you!

[elytrafemme]

shoving under the cut so i can talk candidly bc this is lowkey killing me, minors PLEASE don't read ty

sexual trauma drives me crazy insane because on top of all the like already exciting stuff i have to deal with like being unable to masturbate and endless horrifying guilt i also have this weird mindfuck where whenever im at home nobody talks about sex at all unless its a medical gig or im being told that i need to be careful because i look too pretty or im being reminded not to wear short shorts because i dont need to do that ANYWAY so anything i try to do is like inherently branded as kind of an illicit thing when its my own fucking body, but when im at uni i can't really do anything because while i didnt have a roommate last year i do have one this upcoming year and like even when i had my own bedroom i felt embarrassed and also everyone you know is way ahead of you and you are the one staggeringly behind but then you go back home and u feel like the biggest whore ever. Like. Sorry but even worse than sex not like ever going to happen for me being any kind of Other turned on is fucking embarrassing because like not exactly easy to explain to your friends that since everything got kinda ruined for u your sex ed is planned parenthood and written porn (largely fanfic) and ur routine is to just get ungodly horny and then give up (not to mention that im like super autosexual not in actual hypothetical practice but like nobody else except me gets me. Yeah). Girl who is forced to always think about sex but cannot do anything about this because of the very same thing that forces her to think about sex. AUGH. And then i try not to be envious of other peoples experiences but unfortunately i kinda have a tiny voice that sees other survivors and is like. how can you just Do The Thing. I never even had THAT direct of contact (trying not to say it wasnt that bad but like in a very literal sense it was NOT that bad) and i am like literally ruined forever lol. my literal life goal this summer is to jack off successfully but i dont want to cut my nails and i have nothing else and none of it even feels good. so i guess one day in college im just going to have to read some crazy fanfiction cut my nails and hope none of my sexually adept friends notice. should probably just bite the bullet and cut them tomorrow or something but like. Ugh. ugh.

[fandxmslxt69]

👉🏽👈🏽 might I request double info bc that list is 🔥🔥🔥

✨️matt x muslim!reader

✨️Zaina & Elias

OFC YOU CAN REQUEST DOUBLE I LOVE YOU

um pls imagine me giggling in my bed and kicking my feet in the air bc i love talking

OKAY <3

✨️matt x muslim!reader:

a) im a slut for matt murdock b) i SAID we need more diverse x reader so it is also my job to add more to the world.

anyway. SNIPPET <3

love confession but its more of Matt being stupid one night (bad patrol night, she's patching him up, OBVIOUSLY WHAT ELSE.) and he goes, bc he's angsty and has been holding in his feelings to avoid making things uncomfortable: "we're already basically dating so we should just get married. for the laughs" "i'm NOT marrying you for the laughs" we're dating????? "okay then marry me for real" "what" "marry me for real" "did you ask if I liked you like that? "im smart. i figured it out" "oh so we're assuming" "Do you like me?" "....yeah." "great, then let's get married" "i'm not getting married in a church. Just so you know" "I'm sure we can figure something out" ".....i'll still dress very modestly around the house. so you can't see anything," "honey i'm blind," (dah dum dish)

✨️Zaina & Elias

AH. MY BABIES !!!!!!!! AH!!! sorry im rambling a lot but i dont have a single coherent thought in my head :/ anyway SO

Zaina and Elias <3 um actually they're like the THIRD pair in a little Series i'm working on ("working on"). I, once again, do not have the full details planned bc its so far away BUT. it's the third book of a series im writing yeah yeah (first is Nawra & dante god bless them.) um so in general as a whole the series is abt 3 sisters yknow falling in love. romance. silliness. bc i like romance. um it kind of started bc i was getting so sick and tired of the lack of Arab rep in the romance genre after smth happened with an ex-fav author of mine and so I was like YOU. KNOW. WHAT. i'll do it myself >:(

and so this series was born. Zaina is the youngest of the three sisters (oldest is Nawra, middle is Farah) and it's a like....friends to lovers university romance...? she's a law student and he's in business but he's not a native english speaker (he's...french.) so she's helping him with that bc actually they get along really well (maybe they're rooming together idk)and yknow things go from "oh i love my friend <3" to "oh i love ." there's lots of silliness and its very centred around trying to learn to balance personal life with school life and the stress of it all but also how fun school years can actually be and how to learn to enjoy them too !!! andddd yeah.

im keeping this SO short....im missing a lot of plot points but yeah friends to lovers uni romance <3

ITS VERY FUN . i havent done anything other than pinterest boards and bullet point summaries for them cuz im 12k words into the first book so im going through

THANKS FOR ASKING CUTIE why do i always talk so much during these...........

I LOVE YOU <33 thank you for letting me ramble on abt them <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas

im not sure if youll remember me, but i sent an ask a few months ago when i (à genderqueer lesbian) found out my only friend was passively homophobic (he'd never actively do anything, but he also said he could never support it either)

soooo, update? i did a lot of thinking, and i did end up breaking up our friendship. it sucked massively, honestly, and even moreso now because i dont actually have any friends at all irl now. he genuinely was my only one. i work full time just now so its not like i have loads of social time anyway, but its weird not having anyone to message with my weird work stories or to hear about his uni stories

i move away from home in september though, to start university myself. ill be in a big city which is the complete opposite to how ive grown up (i live literally half an hour from the nearest grocery store) so ill get to make new friends there hopefully, and im even visiting the city for their pride celebrations this summer (aaaaaaa!!!!) but id always planned on doing all that with my friend's support along the way. im not very good at putting myself out there in foreign situations and university is going to be a lot of new and unfamiliar situations that im afraid ill just end up dropping out (which was the reason i took a gap year in the first place; to escape it for a year and to try to work on my confidence, which i have to an extent)

i dont really know if im asking anything here aha. it was supposed to just be a lil update that id let him go buuuuuuuuuuuut i guess its never as simple as that, is it?

anyway, have a lovely day cas ♡

Hi!

Yes, I remember you! Honestly, I'm so proud of you for letting that friend go.

I think university is coming at such a good time for you! I know it sounds so scary right now, but try to stick it out and try new things! Really, I have such a strong feeling this is going to be amazing for you <3 It's okay to be scared and nervous and even feel homesick, but soon you'll find that your university feels just as much like home (or more) then your home does.

Please keep me updated!

(Also I'm naming you university anon in case you do update me! Enjoy your free tag!)