#its my next option and im like lol no | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

odball · 1 year ago

Text

I refuse ECT I will never get it I don't care how psychotic I get in the future, they cannot violate me like that, I know what it did to my mother they cannot stake claim in my mind or body

#txt #ECT tw #its my next option and im like lol no

5 notes · View notes

baalzebufo · 2 months ago

Text

sharing my ykz photocards here hehe :) i got a couple of majima and kiryu ones and decided to do some sticker therapy on my toploaders

ive become a little obsessed with covering things in cute stickers lately... its fun, pretty cheap, and i get a nice picture to look at for emotional support lol

(cards from @kisssdmoon thank you for these! they're lovely!)

#i had tried to print out my own cards but. our home printer is very bad lol... it was either buy some nice professional-style ones #or attempt to commandeer one of the printers at my university to make em. aaaand this was the easier option haha #i got like a cheap pack of a bunch of cute stickers and occasionally pick some up when im in town now and its great #covering pics of my bedraggled and miserable video game men in hearts and cute animals #look if i cant give them a kiss its the next best thing right

9 notes · View notes

deoidesign · 5 months ago

Note

I adore reading your rambling tags, don't stop posting things there 😩

Don't you worry. I think I might be incapable of stopping idk what happened I never used to tag ramble

#asks #anon #i do really love talking. clearly LOL #but ive also been working on listening the past few years #and thays pretty cool too #i had to learn how to think before i speak. like legitimately im not hearing the words I say #im thinking about my next sentence while i say the current one #its exhausting and i never remember what I've said HWJJJSDJEJ #but people tell me im direct and deliberate and clear so idk...#but listening is also really hard...#conversation in general is really hard #i stll love it of course #its just very tiring for me #which is PART of why I like to do this when i cant sleep cause of nightmares or whatever #tires me out haha and also is a great distraction #and is good practice! for me #so idk i just like it. and its nice to know its not annoying #i wouldn't post hardly any words at all without the safety of the tags #they're not rebloggable so thats a relief #you have to opt in to read them #the space is limited. etc etc #so. im glad it is wn option and im glad its a welcome one!#no intention to stop #thank you for the reassurance on it #delete later #maybe. I'm so tired i need to check later to see if i wnt to delete it #anxiety meds working yay i can sleep bye

17 notes · View notes

moodr1ng · 8 months ago

Text

i always say im able-bodied bc i feel like it best describes my General Lived Experience but i do have that like. thing in my legs where if i walk briskly for some distance (like 500 meters) i get this crushing pain in my whole lower legs which gets worse and worse if i keep walking until i eventually have to sit down for a few minutes and wait for it to go away. which im still trying to get diagnosed bc so far artery scans and muscle ultrasounds render nothing. and ngl it is like, an issue often enough and is a pretty bothersome thing when it happens (like not only bc its extremely painful but also having to find some place to sit down in the middle of the street and having to stay there a while isnt awesome) so im not entirely sure "able-bodied" fully describes me but i also am not sure its a disability bc we dont know wtf it is. so i guess im kind of in a weird inbetween where i err on the side of just assuming its not a disability and its just like, an annoying body thing..

#97 #i guess if it happened every single day or something i would probably feel more confident identifying it as like....#idk some type of disability or at least something worth integrating into my definition of my general health #and ensuing relationship to my body to the medical system etc etc #but bc it only happens when i walk briskly for a bit and i dont even go out for a walk every day it doesnt feel worth mentioning #anyway ive had this since 2019 or 2018 lol but the first round of attempted diagnosing i gave up early #and for a few years i just ignored it which is easier when i dont get out a lot anyway #but im currently in the process of attempting to figure out what it is again..#by september ill know if its compartment syndrome which has been brought up but is apparently unlikely #thats the last exam were doing so. if its not that then ngl idk what the next options are #bc this was everything my doctor could think of to explain it #another thing abt it not being diagnosed and not clearly being a disability is i dont dare ask for a seat in public when i need one lol #which has been an issue a few times where every seat is taken but i REALLY need to sit to stop the pain #if i could say 'excuse me i have (x thing) i really need a seat' id maybe dare to ask #but i dont manage to just be like 'hey could i get a seat my legs hurt' lol

11 notes · View notes

icewindandboringhorror · 9 months ago

Text

Recent-ish life pictures and etc.

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. bright very poofy cloud sky #2. saw these weird bugs on a sidewalk that were clustered in a pile and some of them were sitting butt to butt or something.. I wonder if #that's how they mate?? or maybe just some sortof strange bug fight or something.. interesting little creature party happening #out on the pavement on that day #3. Its kind of hard to see but on the inside of this watermelon there is a slightly lighter formation that sort of looks like a heart shape #4. special breakfast of scrambled eggs. soy sausages. and jarred artichoke heart. with some black coffee and whipped cream + a strawberry #5. ARBY.. fish ...traditional summer treat available only until like september maybe for like a month. but I love them because theyre cheap #lol.. the next closest/cheapest fried fish sort of option that is easily acessible to me is a more upscale fast food place where you can ge #three tiny little chunks of fish maybe the palm of your hand sized for about $17 lol... so 4 arby fried fish chunks for like $5 is good #6. & 7 - very cool sunset colored sort of pink/yellow/orange flower I found growing wild in someone's yard #8. got as a gift from someone who got it for christmas but didn't really want it and asked if I did since everyone knows Im like The Person #Who's Obsessed With Cats out of any group of people.. but I still havent done it lol.. it just sits there gathering dust until I have #the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat)#9. Noodle (the aforementioned gray cat) with fancy lighting behind him #photo diary

11 notes · View notes

bf-rally · 3 months ago

Text

felt like i was going crazy yesterday trying to set up a login system for this website 😭 it was like i was back in college again!

#im using supabase for auth and i was like someone pls...show me how to do this...with just vanilla js #every tutorial is with like react or next #im trying to do this site with just html css and js (and php)#so i can learn #and later if i wanna move things to a framework i wont be completely lost if something breaks!#but yea i pretty much settled on like using react for part of the website so i can get this login set up #i found some videos and articles so im pretty sure its possible #other options is to use the archived js example i finally found for supabase auth but #it scares me that its archived #fingers crossed next time i code this works #i think this has to be the hardest part of the coding #i wish i could do my own auth thing but thats super dangerous as a beginner #anyways if i get stuck again ill just try the archived js example #and if im still stuck...#idk find another auth thing to use ig #BF RALLY WILL HAPPEN IT WILL #if it doesnt it means i died or someshit lol #but yea im mainly just like ugh about react cause i seriously dont need all those libraries added rn #this sites not supposed to be that complicated imo like yea its dynamic but its like a neopets like thing #the partial react thing doesnt rely on installing a bunch of stuff (i think)#so maybe we r good #????#web development #webdev #coding #codebreakers #if someone has the magic video to hand hold me through these pls send lol

2 notes · View notes

itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago

Text

also its so dumb that one of the arguments ppl have against a sims 5 is that theyve already invested too much money into 4. like yes its fucking scummy that ea charges so much for dlc and its Ludicrous the amt sims 4 costs if you have all the dlc and its going to keep getting more and more expensive but . to be honest . why are you paying for sims packs. im sry

#ik not everyone can pirate i get it and its your money do what you want #but itis your choice to invest so much into like. a sinking ship DJRNFJFNG. idk....#i want 2 be optimistic and believe that somehow they WILL be able to fix every single issue with ts4 #but i honestly believe thats require them to take an extended break from releasing new packs and shit #and i genuinely honestly dont think theyll do that. lol.#but like. i think itd be a good idea like. Cut down on new releases and focus on fixing the base game and then pack refreshes #bc itd be rly cool to have like. pack refreshes to make them more fleshed out #but also like. sigh. it rly does come down to the packs bc i judt genuinely find it kind of disgusting how little is in each pack #and how many of the packs could be consolidated #genuinely earnestly feel like growing together and parenthood shouldve been one pack. like. and honestly throw hsy in there...#hsy could do with a refresh Badd ik its fairly new but oh my god the school is so fucking buggy #and in general like. IDK. id rly love the packs to be refreshed and id love love love More fucking lots in the worlds oh my god. multiple #worlds have literally 4 lots. Thats fucking actually insane it makes me crazy #i get like. ooh bc you can travel between worlds the worlds can be smaller but i hate it 😭😭😭#i think its just bc i grew up playing 3 perhaps but like. i rly loved like. idk when i choose to play in a sims world i want to play in tha #world. i dont want to have to like. i live in moonwood mills (5 lots .) and thej i have to go to like. san myshunonif i want to go to a bar #or whatever. is there a bar in san myshuno idr #IDKIDK. i feel like Innnn my opinion there should be like. at least 1 of the basegame lot types for every world maybe with some exceptions #and there should be enough empty slots ppl can fill it out more if they want...#but also like. idk. i suppose it wouldnt affect me much bc i usually stay on my home lot as much as possible #bc of the loading screens #it wouldnt be so bad if like. idk. i understand why they didnt wanna do open world like ts3 #well i dont its fucking actually stupid. but i get that ts4 wasnt supposed to be what it is and it wasnt built to be a longrunning game.#hence why ts5 should happen instead as a Strong Foundation BUT WHATEVER but like. yk. and ik im not the only person in the world and other #ppl want different but i feel like maybe you could have options .. idk. im not a programmer #but itd be cool to have some sort of way to toggle between like. open world semi open world and closed world #where itd be like. ts3 style where the exteriors of everything r there but the interiors r loaded in when u visit (if that is how ts3 works #i may be a bit off) nd closed would be ts4 style Loading screen to go . next door #am i misremembering or are there even loading screens between like. the new apartments with forrent.... there were for the city living ones #skull Fuckk i ran out of space

4 notes · View notes

guinevereslancelot · 1 year ago

Text

snowdrop emoji when

#i cant keep saying 🌱🤍 it's literally not the same #i would pay real money to upgrade to more flower emoji options #sliding scale of colors first of all #also i would like a hydrangea 😤#also a crocus #anyway...#snowdrops my BELOVED #my fancy fancy ine is currently buried under snow but when it melts it should bloom soon :0 #bc its the FANCIEST i spent $35 dollars on it bc it has such a crazy bloom time #and imported it from the uk bc there's not many sellers here and the prices are crazy expensive lol #however the etsy seller is gone now its like 3x as expensive to import from the one uk seller who ships here #anyway i Will be wasting money on more fancy kinds to try to get one that will bloom for me at christmas but not until next year lol #no more wasting money on frivolous things until i have money #however i loveeee snowdrops so much 🤍#and would like an emoji #bc love is stored in the emoji #anyway!! someone with a huge snowdrop collection is going to gift me some special ones soon 🥺#im excited to see what she picks!!!#this has been a shitpost

2 notes · View notes

dearmrsawyer · 2 years ago

Text

`

#just filled in a new patient form for a gp at the uni i live behind #and there was the optional field to include sexuality and they had an 'asexual' box and i got to select it :)#first time i've ever seen that option included on an official form before!!!#hoping that i can become a patient (and that if i do i like the dr lol)#it would be so convenient as i live next door and the gap payment is half as much as the gp i go to now #a little bit sad tho as i really love my current dr she is so sweet #i want to stay with her but its 25 mins away since we moved #and the gap payment they introduced this year feels v high #im going to write an email to my local member asking why i need a new referral for my specialist every year #for a CHRONIC illness that i'll have forever #surely my specialist does not need my gp to write me a fresh referral every year for something i will always have ???#and now i will need to pay just to get a referral i will always need #dumbest system lol #ANYWAY point is i got to say i was ace on an official form and it was exciting \o/#tp

8 notes · View notes

wyllzel · 1 year ago

Text

ok anyway i fucking hate mizora lol. i hate how she talks to wyll she is so awful and gross i want to throw up :( all i ask for is a "hunt mizora down in avernus" dlc lol

#chelle.txt #dark urge: agarwaen #we just finished her favor in act 2 iykyk #bg3 spoilers #(in the next tags)#i brought wyll and we popped her out of her pod #and he was like 'ugh another 6 more months...'#and i chose the dialogue option that was like '6 months is a long time... she might find a way to weasel out of letting u go'#and he just looks at my character in surprise and is like 'nah no way the contract binds her. anyway i have you by my side! :)'#CRIES..........#the metagaming / foreshadowing im going to cry this poor man #hes only 24 😭😭😭#thats like my age 😭😭😭😭😭#he usually looks older bc of his scars and furrowed brow #and then he gets lines like these and his face lights up and its like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 hes so young!!!#😭😭😭😭😭#im throwing up #i need to murder mizora LOL. 😐

6 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

Text

...

#ok. so the guy from school i visited emailed me today like: good news! we unanimously voted to extend u an offer here #so expect the formal offer in the next week. and im like uuuugh i wanna say yes so bad #bc in the us i would have more flexibility in the program than i would in the uk #and my options in the us r either to b a big fish in a small pond at this schoolor a little fish in a big pond at the other #bc this school is underfunded and a bit isolated out in the mountains but the staff r pretty great and big egos dont seem like a big issue #but if i go to the other school its like a big well funded school. the application was like 75 dollars. fuck u and really annoying #and i mean id have to live in new jersey. so in the city with city driving and prob a more high pressure school environment #and more of a chance of dealing with big egos. but like career wise im sure it would b good. assuming i don't mentally collapse #but i mean that doesnt seem as fun as spending 5 years out in the rocky mountains #like thry have fucking moose and bears! there were deer and turkeys in town!#and my dad just sent me a video of all the spring peepers singing back home and im like 😭 bc froggies and he was like i bet u could find #frogs out in [redacted city] and im like 😭 ur right. it just seems like the better choice for my poor overtaxed brain and the project is #so cool too. i want to get the cyano species as my computer background asap. and the guy is nice and apparently super supportive #and i could probably walk to hiking trails. god. i mean i have to say yes to that. i wanna say yes so bad. send me the formal offer bro #ill fucking take it before i even hear back from the other schools lol. ugh. i hate making choices #oof i am so excited to kno where im going and plan my departure. its gonna b such a pain moving tho i pray that my mum or dad can drive #with me bc otherwise the 20hr drive by myself might kill me. thats almost as bad as my initial move out here lol. the us is so big #ugh. again choices. is this the right choice? probably one of the biggest decisions of my life. the project feels so right. cyanobacteria #my algal group of choice. and hot springs. how tf do u say to no to that? i mean. id b doing that in new jersey too but with red algae #ugh. put me out of this misery lol. also as an aside. shout out to my fucking disaster brain for not being able to focus on a single thing #my boss in a meeting: so glad to have students and staff so excited to b working on this project!! me: lady i hate that im on this project #bc im just sitting in until they can get an actual student. i just do what im told but appreciate the enthusiasm lol #ay. im so tired. i wanna see the snow and mountains. and fix my head. and get outta the desert. and listen to frogs 🐸 😌#unrelated

9 notes · View notes

aroaceofthesea · 2 years ago

Text

Okay so i havent completely come to terms with it yet but WE WON THE HP CODEWARS (a coding competition in teams) AND WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO HOUSTON TO COMPETE IN NEXT YEAR'S COMPETITION WHAT

#what what what #what the fuck #(only adding the pic of me alone bc im too lazy to ask my friends for permission lol)#no but really what #like we knew we had options to make podium but no way we were going to win #we didnt even rlly believe we would actually make podium before starting bc there were some rlly good teams #(we kinda know everyone good so that was easy to spot)#and then after the competition we were like huh we did pretty badly we think #then we thought again and compared with last year and we said huh maybe not suuuuper bad but not rlly good either #(last year it was online and you could have a computer per person but this year it was only one so it was rlly different)#amd then we talked with the ppl that we knew and we were like huh were the best so far #then they talked to like everyone good bc they literally know everyone and they were like congraats youre 99% sure winning #and we were like naaaaah impossible you probably missed someone or smth theres no way #like we were pretty sure we were gonna be making podium by then but we somehow didnt even fully believe it #and then at the awards ceremony they gave the first girl team prize to someone else with less points and we were like aaaaa we made podium #and then they announced the third position we literally screamed bc since we knew ppls points we knew it meant we were first #i almost cried istg #like being 2nd or 3rd or 4th or first girl is like yeah im good but im not the best but like being THE best? being first is scary #it feels fake and confusing but also im so happy and i dont know how to express it aaaaaa its so weird #and the fact that were going to HOUSTON next year? what the actual fuuuck feels impossible #like were going to go there? a prize that is only for the first group? rlly? just like that?? whaaaat #also now hp has our data (we obv gave it to them) and they will likely be happy to accept us to work and/or get internships there so yayyy #but im still not over any of this it rlly feels fake like what the fuck one of the important hp research facilities asked for MY email??#what the fuuuuuuuck #also unrelated but they just had a paper mache how to train your dragon dragon just there in the corner of a football field like whaat #(a dragon that was bigger than us not some cute little figure eeh)#mine #life #codewars

4 notes · View notes

phagodyke · 3 months ago

Text

wugh

#anyone else taking part in being eaten alive from the inside sunday or just me. just me? oh okay then #but im a big boy i can learn to communicate my distress to other people. possibly. well im not so sure actually. ykw nvm #anyway im making brownies and then im gonna do my ironing while watching a movie #the upside of being medicated is being able to focus but the downside is that if i dont direct that somewhere i will focus on ruminating #its quick its easy and its free: having intrusive thoughts abt killing yourself in response to thinking abt trying to express emotion #hmm. yeah. anyway #.diaries #Well im going to have to say smth by next weekend anyway bc if i dont ill have to duck out of whatever social plans #and if i dont go ill get rsd triggered and end up home alone self harming instead. so like. not rly an option innit #i say that as if i havent chosen the latter option over talking abt how i feel to resolve shit many many fucking times before lmao #well maybe this time! whatever im just being dramatic it doesnt matter that much. well it does to me. but not to anyone else so.#anyway i need to get off my phone and get these brownies in the oven fr #.vent #sorry for ventposting but its kind of expected from me on a sunday by this point innit lol

0 notes

caruliaa · 1 year ago

Text

this is like. it feels insane to do and i feel like i might just do it for a bit of a break but like. i kinda wanna change my blog theme and url and stuff to be hatchetfeild themed. im still into cs ofc but npmd has meant iv felt myself rly getting back into tht stuff, with finally watching nightmare time and everything and idk. i feel like i associate this current like. aesthetic and phase of my tumblr is smth i associate with a phase in my life when i had someone be a part of it and now they dont want me anymore or ig. its a bit self pitying to say that but they still yk. arent in my life anymore and its hard to not feel a bit sad with how my blog is rn with how much i associate stuff like this with them. idk maybe not my url im very proud of being tuser caruliaa but i think it wld be good for my pfo and blog aesthetic yk. ill change them back to cs eventually (and i also know im not tht active in rly any fandom on here anymore but i do wanna try to be a little esp in terms of like. connecting and talking with others) but i think it cld be a good change. or even like a cs theme thts different yk idk . but cs while smth i loved before and can love after them its also smth i shared with them a lot so i think focusing on smth tht i didnt rly share with them as much at least for a little bit wld be good for me yk while also reclaiming tht interest we did share ofc

#ya idk. also shld go url shopping for a cool hatchetfield one. ik all the miss holloway options r taken tho esp since #okay actually idk if we know her first name yet im part way thru yellow jacket rn but im assuming we dont have one for her #but tht sucks bc i literally love her smm shes the best im so happy abt apparently the next hatchetfield show #is gonna be abt her. i def also wanna start like financially supportive team starkid a bit more with their future projects #like ik they seem like a big groupto us but they rly arent esp comapred to like broadway nd they make like rly quality muscials #tht have proshots avalible for FREE on yt which most big broadway shows dont even have proshots you can pay to watch #theyre obvs not infallible lol but now tht i have like. my own bank account i wanna do things like but the live tickets #for nightmare time 3 and join the kickstarter fr their next show yk. idk thats soo off topic i think i went on tht rant bc the idea tht #they wldnt be able to make a miss holloway musical made me so upset tht im like i need to make sure they can asap #speaking of making sure ppl on yt can make the projects u want them to. go sub to quintion reviews #ik its of topic but if he gets 1mill hell make vids on drake and joash and zoey 101 and like. i wanna see those yk !!!!!#so do it ik a decent amnt of you watch his vid and thought u wehre subbed but arent this is the 5 our victorious yt essay website #anyway sooo of topic i just suddenly remembered tht. the real real point is tht nightmare time is so good #nd tht i wanna make a bit of a fresh start post a heart breaking friend breakup but theyre like. equeally the point honestly #flappy rambles

0 notes

maraeffect · 1 year ago

Text

VERY happy to report that the only appointment i have next week is my wheelchair eval on friday. that means i get to REST 😭💖

#IDK why but the past few weeks have been absolute hell in terms of fatigue and fogginess #pretty sure it's my body complaining about healing several body mods at once 😬#unfortunately i already put the deposit down on my text tattoo in a few weeks so i have to go then #i just wanna have energy for ONE day #i tried taking my full prescribed dose of Adderall one day this past week #and i was SO anxious so. thats not an option 😭 i wish it was #srsly im in bed rn and all ive done today is crochet like 5 rows of a small project and water a plant #its not fair 🥲🥲🥲#OKAY im done complaining.jajakdl #oh shit that should say ''next tattoo'' not ''text tattoo''. no text involved in this one lol #chatter

1 note · View note

29121996 · 1 year ago

Text

.

#deciding fuvk it il #kms within the next week #bc im Literally Asking for Help from people without begging for it.#and im twlling people how i feel and no one seems to fuckimg GET IT or they keep . brushing me off #like i feel like im beimg swallowed by a black hole. and iys threatenung to consume me fully #but ita fine right !!!#im not actibely depressed !!! im just suicidal #whats fucked is that i wasnt suicifsl for months n now i am and . no one cares lol #and im tired. sp fucking tired and over feelijg like this #and like i gave to fucking fight for help so i dont feel like this.#and i dont . want killing myself to be the option i have. but . i either jeep downplaying how much pain im in #or no one actually gives a shit enough to like . care.#so its fine.#im determined to make it tjrougj august wuthout an attempt bc itll b my first aug sunce 2017 whete i HAVENT #or 2018 #whuchrber it is #but . i am not gonna lie i literally cant keep going anymore #this is a cycle atp and i want out of it bc its no fun i hate wanting to die and not knowinh how to fxi it #like man i was feeling so good for like 5+ months #i went so long without being actibely or passibely suicifal and now its back in full swing anf Angry and trying to destroy me.#i juat hate this.

1 note · View note