#(last year it was online and you could have a computer per person but this year it was only one so it was rlly different)

[aroaceofthesea]

Okay so i havent completely come to terms with it yet but WE WON THE HP CODEWARS (a coding competition in teams) AND WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO HOUSTON TO COMPETE IN NEXT YEAR'S COMPETITION WHAT

[spencerreidswhore187]

False Confidence

Don't take yourself so seriously / Look at you all dressed up for someone you never see.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer and Y/N hate each other, they just don't realise they have been anonymously messaging for months.

Word Count: 2.8k

T/W: Mentions of murder and death

A/N: For @sackofpissandshit . I came up for the premise of this as a plate of prawns fell onto my head at work. Enjoy! ◡̈

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SherlockHolmes1887: You were right. 

You couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face; you replied immediately, the half-drunk coffee in your hand forgotten. 

NapoleonOfCrime: Feel free to say that again.

He did.  

Briefly, you looked up from your phone to cross the road. You were on the way to work having just received a message from Hotch. It sounded urgent. 

NapoleonOfCrime: So what made you realise that, as per usual, I was right? 

You had spent the better part of the night trying to convince him that Sherlock Holmes was in love with Jim Moriarty. You had met him online several months ago, on an Arthur Conan Doyle forum and have been messaging ever since. 

He, except for the one and only Penelope Garcia, was your best friend. You told him everything. Except for who you are. 

Early on in talking you both had agreed not to exchange names, tell each other where you lived or what you did for a career. You knew what SherlockHolmes1887 favourite film was (Star Trek), that he liked wearing mismatched socks and his mum used to call him ‘Crash’ because he would crash into things when he was younger. You knew that, like you, he had four qualifications, liked Sherlock Holmes and had an unhealthy obsession with coffee. You just didn’t know his name. 

Your phone vibrated. 

SherlockHolmes1887: “The greatest schemer of all time, the organiser of every devilry, the controlling brain of the underworld, a brain which might have made or marred the destiny of nations—that's the man! But so aloof is he from general suspicion, so immune from criticism, so admirable in his management and self-effacement, that for those very words that you have uttered he could hale you to a court and emerge with your year's pension as a solatium for his wounded character. [...] Foulmouthed doctor and slandered professor—such would be your respective roles! That's genius, Watson.”

Your phone buzzed again. You silenced it as you walked into the BAU elevator. 

SherlockHolmes1887: I reread ‘The Valley of Fear’ last night. 

You were about to reply when a voice cried out. 

“Hold the door!” 

Instinctively, you stretched your arm out between the closing elevator doors. 

The person entered beside you. 

If you had known who had asked, you would have let the doors shut. 

Dr Spencer Reid leant on his cane, drumming his fingers against its metal top as the elevator moved upwards. He had recently been shot in the leg on a case. You would never tell him but when that gun fired, you thought you were going to be sick. Your heart ached. It made you hate him even more.

“Reid,” you said, staring forward. You refused to look at him.

“L/N,” He replied. 

That was the most words you’d exchanged in days. 

When the doors finally opened again, you both headed towards the round table, where the rest of the team was waiting. 

You and Spencer were the last to arrive. 

It’s not like him to be late, you thought.  

You took a seat between Emily Prentiss and Derek Morgan - you were sat as far away from Spencer as possible.

“Now that you are all here,” Hotch began, pulling you from your thoughts, “let’s begin.” 

Penelope connected her computer to the screen; there was a picture of a body. The flesh was rotten, decayed from what was evidently years hidden away. Your eyes are wide as you saw it: a long cut, rough and jagged, stretched from neck to naval. You recognised this signature. 

“The Brooklyn Butcher,” you said, interrupting the silence. 

Hotch nodded. 

It was a case that had occurred six years ago and ended up going cold. 

Spencer recalled, “Eleven women, all under the age of twenty-five, all with red hair, went missing and then their bodies always turned up three days later with a long knife wound across their torso.” 

“The only body,” you continued, “that was never discovered was Sharon Lewis’. The first to go missing. The wife of Mitch Lewis, the prime suspect during the investigation.” 

“Why wasn’t he arrested?” Derek asked. 

Spencer answered before you could, tucking a strand of his brown hair behind his ear. Why did you want to run your hands through his hair? 

“There was no evidence. The police’s only theory was his wife was his first kill and he killed all the other victims who resembled her in an attempt to relive the thrill of the kill.”

“He had an alibi for Sharon Lewis’ disappearance,” you added. 

“Correct - they also never found her body. They couldn’t prove their theory without her body.” 

“Well,” Hotch said, “they have now.” 

“Sharon Lewis, aged twenty-four, was the first victim in the Brooklyn Butcher killings. Cause of death, blunt force trauma to the head.” 

JJ leant back in her chair and pressed her pen to her lips, “So the cut was postmortem?”

“According to the coroners.” 

“But that was not the case for the rest of the victims?”

“No,” Hotch replied. 

“Our UNSUB gained confidence in his kills.” 

Lewis was likely his first-ever kill. You wanted to message Sherlock and ask him what he thought. He was intelligent beyond belief, you were sure he would add valuable insight to this case but you couldn’t tell him. Then he would know you worked for the Behavioural Analysis Unit. You couldn’t let him know that. He couldn’t know who you were. What would he think then? When he knew you were more comfortable around dead bodies than real people.

“How was the body discovered?” Spencer asked. 

Hotch had that dark look in his eyes, the one he got when an UNSUB scared him. You hadn’t seen that look in his eyes since Haley died. 

“The body was left on an empty police vehicle parked outside a station in Brooklyn. There was a note attached to it.”

Penelope clicked a button on her laptop and the slide changed to a screwed-up piece of paper nailed to the shoulder of the body. 

Hotch read it aloud, “You have three days before I kill another. Happy hunting, the Butcher.”

He stood up from his seat, “Selene Harker was reported missing twelve hours ago. We leave for New York now - wheels up in twenty. Penelope, you’re coming with us.” 

She smiled nervously, you gave her a discreet thumbs up. 

Everyone stood up from the round table and headed towards the door, you had grabbed the handle when Hotch stopped you.

“L/N, you need to stay here.”

You froze, confused. 

He continued, “Reid has not been cleared to fly by his doctors yet and I need you to go through the old Mitch Lewis interrogation clips, find out whether he told any lies. Stay in touch.” 

With that he left the room, leaving you there with Spencer before you had a second to protest. 

You weren’t really sure how you did it, it’s an ability you’ve had since you were a kid. It’s how you were flagged by the FBI. You could tell when people lied. Everyone has a tell and, like the lie-detecter you are, you knew how to spot it. 

When you and Reid had first met, three years ago, he had told you all the statistics about lies: “Did you know,” he had said, “10% of all lies can be defined as exaggerations, though 60% of all lies are considered to be deceptive.” 

You remembered how you had nodded, anxious as it was your first day. 

“Of all liars, 70% of them claim to be willing to do it again. Every week, Americans tell 11 lies. In a study of 11,366 lies told by 632 people over 91 days, 75% of them lied between 0 or 2 times per day.”

“You know a lot,” You had laughed. 

Reid seemed kind. You liked kind people; you dealt with a lot of horrible people growing up. 

“I have an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187.” 

That was the first time you and Spencer had ever spoken and it was the last time you ever spoke like friends. 

You spun on your heels to face Spencer. 

“You leave me alone and I’ll leave you be. Understood?” 

“Understood,” Spencer said, rolling his eyes. 

“God, you are so infuriating.”

“I hate you,” he retorted. 

You noticed the way his jaw tensed. 

You grinned, “Lie.” 

Spencer groaned and left the room. Through the window, you saw him take a seat at his desk. 

Laughing, you walked into Penelope’s office and pulled up the police footage. 

You were three hours into the Mitch Lewis footage and he had told three lies. 

The first was that he did not know what happened to the other victims. Although, this could mean he had read about the case online. 

The second was more interesting. Lewis said he was at the pub when his wife disappeared. Even though there was security camera footage to confirm this, he was lying, 

The third made your head spin. He said he didn’t kill her. True. He said he didn’t know where she was. Lie. 

You paused the interrogation and contacted Hotch to tell him what you had found. He replied telling you to take a break as they searched for Mitch Lewis. 

In an attempt to distract yourself, you reached for your phone and messaged Sherlock. 

NapoleonOfCrime: Hi.

He replied almost immediately. 

SherlockHolmes1887: Hey.

NapoleonOfCrime: So you read ‘The Valley of Fear’ in one night just to try and prove me wrong? 

SherlockHolmes1887: If that’s how you want to interpret it :) 

NapoleonOfCrime: And?

SherlockHolmes1887: And…they are very much in love. It’s almost blindingly obvious. 

NapoleonOfCrime: “It has been an intellectual treat for me to see the manner in which you have grappled with this case.” The definition of enemies to lovers.

SherlockHolmes1887: Enemies to lovers? 

You don’t think you ever smiled as much as when you did with him. 

NapoleonOfCrime: It’s better you don’t ask, or else I’ll be sending you links to Moriaty x Sherlock fan fiction.

SherlockHolmes1887: What are you doing right now?

Your fingers danced along the tiny keyboard on the phone screen.

NapoleonOfCrime: Work. You? 

SherlockHolmes1887: Work. 

NapoleonOfCrime: How is it? 

It made you nervous that he didn’t reply instantly. 

NapoleonOfCrime: Don’t worry, this isn’t me trying to figure out what you do or who you are. I like the mystery. 

SherlockHolmes1887: Horrible. But it’s not really work that’s the problem. There’s a girl. 

It hurt a little to know there was a girl, of course it did, but you didn’t mind. What you cared about was how he seemed distressed. 

NapoleonOfCrime: If you want to share, I’m a good listener. 

He typed for what seemed like an eternity. 

SherlockHolmes1887: We, her and I, have worked together for years. She’s smart and funny and beautiful. So beautiful. But she hates me. I messed up when we first met, I was so nervous around her that I just ignored her. Whenever she tried to speak to me, I would walk away or just act like she wasn’t there. And, now, I am finally more confident, she can’t even be near me without glaring in my direction at least once. 

You yearned for someone to talk about you that way. No one had ever told you that you were beautiful. You didn’t need someone to tell you because you didn’t believe it, it’s just that sometimes, on the inevitable bad days, you want to feel wanted. 

NapoleonOfCrime: I’m sure if you explain it to her, she will understand - you said she’s smart. I can see why you like her. 

SherlockHolmes1887: Yeah, I fell hard. 

I fell hard. 

You recalled what Hotch had said, “Cause of death, blunt force trauma to the head.” 

You recalled how the cut was messy and hesitant whilst the rest were neat. 

 You recalled how it was done postmortem whilst the rest were the cause of death. 

You ran out of Penelope’s office, straight to Dr Spencer Reid. 

“Spence,” you shouted.

You were both alone in the room. 

Spencer looked up from his phone. It was strange, to see him on a phone. You had always thought he was the type of person to hate technology. Instead, he seemed thoroughly invested in whatever was on his screen. 

“Who are you messaging?” You asked, acting causal.

“No one,” he said.

Lie.

“A girl?”

“No.” 

Lie.

Spencer’s face had gone bright red. It was cute; it made you smile. 

Why did it make you smile? 

You decided to change the topic before your face went red. 

“Do you have the coroner’s report?” You questioned. 

He dug through the many files covering his desk and held it up for you to see. 

Blunt force to the frontal lobe, that confirmed your suspicions. 

You stared into Spencer’s brown eyes.

“I know what happened to Sharon Lewis.” 

You explained how it must have happened. Sharon was reported missing by her friend at 19:37. She was supposed to be meeting her a 18:00. Mitch Lewis was at a bar from 17:30-20:01, this was confirmed by camera footage. This means that Lewis can’t have kidnapped his wife. Or, perhaps, she never went missing. She tripped getting ready to see her friend and fell down the staircase. She would have died upon impact.

Spencer nodded in agreement with your theory.

“When Lewis got home and saw his wife’s body sprawled out at the base of the stairs, he saw an opportunity…” 

“He dragged her downstairs to the basement, explaining the deep scratches on her back noted in the coroner’s report.” You said, “Lewis worked in construction, he had a table and tools down there, he said so in one of his interrogations. He placed her on that table and cut her. He butchered her. And then did the same to others to try and recreate the high of killing his wife.” 

“We need to call Hotch.” 

Four hours later and Mitch Lewis had confessed and was in police custody.

Derek and Emily had found Selene Harker chained to the very same table Lewis had carved his wife like a cold slab of meat. 

The team was on their way back from Quantico.

You found Spencer sitting on a bench outside the FBI building. Spinning the silver ring your grandmother gave you around your index finger, you sat down next to him. 

You both stared forward, at the road. 

You were glad that you weren’t the only one who was affected by cases like this. You were glad that you weren’t the only one overwhelmed by empathy. Your mother once told you that empathy without boundaries was self-destruction but you were just glad that after so much time in this field, you still felt something. 

Spencer eventually broke the silence. 

“It scares me, Y/N, how easy a life can end.” 

Spencer clutched his cane so tightly that his knuckles went white. 

Gently, you eased one of his hands off it and held it in yours. 

You could hear your blood rushing in your ears. It was deafening. 

“You know, when I was a kid, I was always tripping over things. I walked into doors, tables, you name it. My mum would call me ‘Crash.’”

He laughed dryly whilst your world began to crumble around you. 

You dropped Spencer’s hand. 

“Sh-she called you what?” 

Spencer turned to look at you, confusion and worry were etched across his face, “Y/N? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

It’s not that you were upset, in fact, you felt almost the opposite of that. 

Your voice was steadier than you expected when you spoke.

“He is the Napoleon of crime, Watson.”

“Y/N?”

“He is the organiser of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city.”

“It can’t be.” 

Spencer held his face in his hands. 

“Disappointed, Sherlock Holmes 1887?”

You said it mockingly but you were terrified of what Spencer would say. 

“No, Napoleon of Crime. Not even a little bit.”

True.

“You told me to explain how I felt to that girl so here goes. The first thing I noticed about you was your smile. I saw it from the other side of the room. And, Y/N, it was contagious. Just looking at you made me smile. You are so beautiful and so intelligent and I have wanted to tell you how desperately I liked you since the day we met.” 

He cradled your cheek with one hand. 

“And now I know that this whole time, as well as being the person I can see myself falling in love with, you are my best friend, my favourite, my person.” 

“I hate you, Spence,” you say just before you kiss him. 

Smiling against your lips, you hear him whisper, “Lie.” 

[yumeka-sxf]

I would have included this scan with my recent miscellaneous collab scans post, but I decided it deserves its own post, not just because it's one of the loveliest official Twiyor illustrations I've seen, but also because the story of how I got it is...interesting 😅

This image is from the chara fine graph (which is basically a framed picture) that was included as a preorder bonus for buying the complete season 2 blu-ray set from a shop called Rakuten Books (together with badge pins of the same designs). I briefly mentioned it back in October of last year when season 2 was airing, along with preoder bonuses from other shops like Animate and Amazon. I only wanted to get this one though, so as per my usual process of trying to secure rare SxF goods, I made a note to myself to keep an eye out for when it released. Rakuten, which I believe is the main company for Rakuten Books, has their own proxy buying service, and as the season 2 blu-rays were released, I saw them appearing there. But as noted on their main site, the condition for them to send you the chara fine graph is that you must preorder all of the three season 2 blu-ray discs from them. Once you buy the third one, if they know that you've already bought the others, then they'll send you the preorder bonuses along with it.

I was concerned that if I bought the discs via proxy, they wouldn't know that I bought all three and would cancel my order at the end! I would be devastated if that happened after waiting months and spending all that money on the complete set. I knew people would sell the chara fine graph second-hand as soon as it released, so I decided to wait until then and try to find it on Mercari.

So the months went by and eventually I found out that the final blu-ray volume of season 2 would release on April 17th, 2024. I made a mental note to check Mercari for it then, but unfortunately something else released around that same time...CODE: White in the US, which had its first screening on April 18th. Admittingly, I got distracted by the CODE: White release and had seen it twice by the following weekend. I did do some preliminary searching for the chara fine graph, but not with my usual refined search terms. It wasn't until the 21st that I finally sat down and really started searching for it. And while I did find a few listings, they had already been sold.

I was hopeful that more people would sell it, since it had only been less than a week since release. But I guess I underestimated how popular this chara fine graph was because, after the initial five listings I saw that were sold within the span of a few days, none appeared after. I had, like, ten Mercari tabs open on my browser with different search terms that I refreshed many times a day, but nothing was showing up. I would groan whenever I'd see the preorder bonuses for the other shops like Animate and Amazon pop up, but not Rakuten Books. I did finally see one new listing of someone selling just the badge pins, but that was sold within a few minutes, which made me even more nervous. I would also be nervous getting up in the morning since I didn't want to see that a new listing was posted and sold while I was sleeping! Thankfully I work from home so it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me to refresh the Mercari tabs on my personal computer whenever I had a minute. But as the days went by and I didn't see any new listings, I started getting mad at myself that if I had only started seriously searching for it right on release day, I would have had at least five chances to get it and could have saved myself this hassle. I even sent a message to Rakuten Books via their online form, asking (in Japanese) if they could somehow sell it to me and ship internationally, etc. But their response was pretty much what I expected...a polite "no."

But then, on the evening of May 4th, I found a new listing and immediately bought it! What should have been a red flag though is that the person was selling it for $30 (with the badge pins included), while everyone else had been selling it from around $80-$100. The title they gave to the item was weird too; they simply called it "Spy Family" instead of "Spy Family Chara Fine Graph" or "Spy Family Rakuten Books Bonus" or something descriptive like that. But the seller had a decent rating so I didn't think there was a problem. After I got the email from Buyee (my proxy service) that they successfully bought the item, I thought I was all set. I closed out all my search tabs and went to bed feeling satisfied.

However, when I got up the next morning, my heart sank when I saw that about an hour after I had gone to bed, Buyee sent me another email saying that they refunded and cancelled my order! The reason they gave was "due to the convenience of the seller" 😫

But what was most frustrating about this is that, when I checked the searches again, I saw that the same seller had relisted the item, with a higher price and more descriptive title, and it had been sold already. What probably happened is that the seller realized they made a mistake with the title and price of the listing and wanted to change it, which Mercari apparently allows them to do even after it had already been sold and paid for!

I was furious with Mercari for allowing this. The least they could do in a situation like this is give the original buyer, like, one day to buy the item again with the increased price before the seller is allowed to relist it again. I wanted to write to the seller and/or Mercari, but I wasn't able to make a Mercari account since it's restricted to Japan. I was also internally yelling at myself that if I had just started searching for it within a day or two of release instead of procrastinating, I could have avoided all this. So it was back to square one, but I wasn't going to give up! I opened up more search tabs with even more refined search terms. I also expanded to other proxy-supported shops like Surugaya and Yahoo Japan Auction. I even got my mom to help me, since she's often up in the middle of the night and can check in case anything is listed during that time while I'm asleep. I downloaded the Buyee app too so I could check listings even if I was away from my computer. With all this, I was hopeful I'd be able to buy it again, though it was more of a question of "when" than "if." With second-hand collectibles, you never know when they could pop up...I could find a new listing the next day, or not for a year or two. But I just kept up the searching, and finally, after another month went by, on June 3rd (June 4th in Japan, so technically Twiyor day 😁) I finally found it again...on Yahoo Japan Auction of all places!

I had never bought via auction before so I was a bit nervous I'd get outbid or something. But I immediately clicked the "pay buyout price option" (which was only a few dollars more than the original price) and, thankfully, a short while later Buyee informed me that I successfully won the auction! But after what happened before, I was still paranoid that it could get canceled for whatever reason. But that didn't happen, and after waiting for shipping, it finally came~

I always like to add a "lessons learned" in these situations, so I'd say the lesson here is don't be blasé or procrastinate when it comes to something you really want. And of course, being persistent pays off more than not!

[unioncolours]

The 5th Majsasaurus Year

Today is the 22nd of September, 2024. As per tradition, I have written a reflection of the year that has passed since September 22nd 2023, a public diary entry of sorts. Not only is Sept 22nd Shikamaru’s birthday, but also Majsasaurus as a member of the Naruto fandom’s birthday as well. This date marks five years since I posted my first fic in the Naruto fandom. You can read my first reflection from 2020 here, the second from 2021 here, the third from 2022 here, and the fourth from 2023 here.

It's been five years guys! Half a decade of making a fool out of myself online!

I have to be honest, this year has not been the best when it comes to fandom. While not as depressing as the worst year of 2021, it’s been challenging for sure. Before I go into this year and personally reflects all its quirks and events, I’ll start by introducing my nickname that’s been used on me online; Bex.

When I got social in the Shikatema fandom spheres back in late 2019 I asked people to call me a different name, a name I chose. My back then friends said the name I chose was too long and didn’t want to call me that, so they gave me the name Bex. I accepted the nickname without whining, because there I was, new in a server, and I just followed their lead. So I became Bex online. This is important for later, hence why I told this backstory.

And now onto the fifth year of being this persona online. Keep reading if you’re interested in my year.

I finished my last review of my year by announcing to you, my followers and friends, that I was expecting a child, a theme which was very visible in the fic I published 23rd of September 2023, we hold galaxies.

Since I knew that I’d obviously would have to cut down my time spent online very drastically after my baby would be born, I planned to write one more Shikajin fic with the aim of it being around 30k long, hoped to publish it in December and then be on a longer break. However, it’s… not always that easy being pregnant haha! What I didn’t realise then but realised later was that I suffered from brain fog and that made writing challenging.

What did cherish my days was that dear SpicedGold, who I for a longer while have been close to, sent me a giftbox literally from across the globe. In that giftbox she included two homemade plushies, one of Inojin and one of Shikadai and I had never been so surprised in my life. Now two plushies of them is decorating my shelf above my computer by which I write fics! My friend @clumsydragon28sent me from another corner across the globe another gift box to me as a Christmas gift, where I got even more plushies! Those were of Rowlet from Pokémon and Fyodor from BSD and both plushies decorate my living room. The gifts were truly cherished.

However, because I had rather forcefully decided that I WILL write a final pre-motherhood fic and had a deadline if I wanted it published before my baby was born, it meant I stuck with the first idea I had that sounded mediocrely interesting. Yeah, I should not have forced myself at that point, but wanted to go on a break with a bang and wanted to give my readers something to chew on before giving birth.

And I had very strong faith in myself that I could make it.

For months I battled through writing a plotline my heart didn’t love and my due date got closer and closer and all I could see was plot holes and words that refused to form. I realised 30k would not be enough for whatever I was cooking, and I had now strayed very far from my original plan.

I started to procrastinate and, because I had gained 60 user subscribers on AO3 (if you’re one of them, thank you so much), I decided to host a silly bingo with prompts. I received a few prompt-asks and wrote mini fics for them, all around 600-800 words. It was a wonderful way of procrastinating. You can read my mini fics here: Jinchuuriki Temari part one and two, TemaTen modern au, a fluffy Shikatema, and a Witcher AU.

Not even when my maternity leave had begun before the due date had I made any significant dent in my primary fic and I failed my quest to publish it, even if I by then had a good idea of what to do of the story.

After my child was born and when I had healed form the birth the brain fog vanished immediately. With zero sleep and a tired body I once more had a vision for my fic, and I banged through the rest of it like a madwoman. I had inspiration once more!

TERRORISE, the Shikajin fic, was published at the end of March 2024 and ended being 56k long. It is definitely not my best fic by any means, and there are at least two or even three places where I know I could have added a subplot to up the word count to my trustworthy 90-something thousand words to make a deeper and more profound story, but at that season of my life I could not write a better story than what TERRORISE ended up being. The missing subplots were the lie Inojin told, and Chocho and Sarada’s common backstory, which were only mentioned and alluded to, but not explored like they could to have made a better story. The final chapter was published by the beginning of May, and I have not re-read anything of it.

I had already decided before my baby was born that my project when they were here would be to re-edit To go down with the Sun, my first long fic from 2019. I had often thought about re-editing it finally, since before 2019 I had never written something vast that in English before. That meant my fics at the beginning of my career had language errors that I couldn’t see then, but now was aware of. I started re-editing in May, thinking I would change and add to a good amount of scenes, but in the end, I only added a little bit to one scene aside from correcting and re-editing the rest, which honestly surprised me, even if I so boldly stated in my previous official diary post that there would not be anything to correct. That my bold claims were true did surprise me after all.

Beside that I also added more scenes to three chapters from no one cries for unknown soldiers, my Shikatema WWII fic from 2022, just because I could and I had wanted to do it for a longer while, since that fic would have benefited from having a longer editing period than what I allowed it to have two years ago. So I did! It was fun and lovely to dive back into one of my favourite projects of all of my time in fandom.

In the middle of re-editing Sun I was struck by very sudden and intense inspiration to write about Saiino. In my ‘giving birth’-projection fic with Temari I waxed poetics about the wonders (and horrors) of biology when it comes to childbirth and ended the fic on a very powerful and positive note, but now felt inclined to write a fic which featured a mother who did not have a wonderful start of her motherhood and who fell ill to postpartum depression instead of having a lovely baby bubble.

As if possessed I smashed on my keyboard and crunched to get the fic done in time for Mother’s Day 2024. I made it, and the Ino-centric fic to grow a bed of flowers was published late that evening. I even rushed my ending a bit to make it but even with a rushed ending the entire atmosphere of the piece of so bittersweet and lovely! Postpartum depression is also such a hidden or even taboo topic that I think it was very needed in our fandom to have a description of that.

I could then go back to To go down with the Sun, and I had even commissioned the skilled and wonderful @keijidraws to make a poster for the fic, which I felt like that fic deserved. Over these five years that has passed since I wrote the first words of this fic (if my memory isn’t failing me, I think it was 10th of October 2019 I started writing Sun), To go down with the Sun has given me so, so much. My most kudos and hits, many friends, online crushes, *fans* even if I dare to call them that, soulmates, it all, all started from that fic. It deserved getting reborn and loved again. It was a rather easy job banging through published chapters and just edit them. I had finished everything the final week of May and was really proud.

By the beginning of June I was planning to write an InoTema fic, and was musing between two different settings and plots when I learned that the way I was perceived in what was part of my fandom circle was not a positive one and, being my own fault for how I behaved or was, or not, it affected me badly. Being online caused me panic attacks, I got problems with my sleep, and I had nightmares. And because of that I started to hate the person I was online. I hated Bex and I hated Majsasaurus. I hated the way I was that had led to me being perceived that way and if I hadn’t known better and counted down from ten, I would have nuked myself off the internet out of shame and hatred.

I would have deleted this tumblr you are reading this post from. I would even have deleted my discord server I have loved and nurtured since 2021 without the blessings of the other mods, just nuked it, leaving them shocked and detached from the group of friends we had. I would have ruined it all. I would have deleted everything but my fics on AO3. No, deleted wouldn’t have been enough, in my hatred for my own persona, for Bex, this person that was given to me all those years ago, I wanted to kill her.

I constantly planned suicide letters in my head to post here online. Not killing myself in real life of course, but online. And killing Bex would mean to kill my love for Naruto the series and ShikaTema and Shikajin. How does one kill a hyperfixation?

I started working on it, on killing her. I created a new tumblr and a new nickname and logged out of this one. I hid my twitter account. I decided to never write a Naruto fic again. As you can see, it got very bad very fast. Some of you might think I overreacted at words on a screen and that it all was my own damn fault and I should have reacted or gone about it differently, but it just got like this.

The entire month of June and July I spent in darkness when it came to fandom. It felt like Shikajin would be the only thing keeping me tied to Naruto again and in a desperate attempt to cheer myself up I began editing To dance above the Stars, the sequel to To go down with the Sun, and my true favourite out of the trilogy it belongs to. To try to force myself to not give up, I asked my dear friend Soverel6 if she wanted to make me a poster and she happily agreed, without knowing I was one click away from deleting myself away from her.

Then I began editing sometimes in June. I thought the fic sucked when I re-read it this time around and rather than adding, deleted a lot of the content. Most of the content I deleted was unnecessary preaching for a cause I ran in the fic, and I toned down that theme a lot. After 4 chapters I was ready to give up, to just not bother anymore with this fandom crap and leave for good, when Soverel6 surprised me with an almost finished poster. For her sake, I could not give up. I could not fail the trust she had in me, and I kept fighting for my joy within the little world of the fic.

After a month of sulking and feeling awful I managed to once more spew fun ideas for @notquitejiraiya's sequel fic to her masterpiece Grandmaster, which we jokingly call GMJ (the real name is Piano Man haha). SpicedGold also got to know I was feeling bad and to cheer me up started writing the sequel, When Waterlilies Waken, to the fic that originally made us friends, Let Wildflowers Grow Free. I felt so honoured she got around to do this, after me talking (pestering her) about a potential sequel for a long time. During this time I had reached my favourite parts of the fic, To dance above the Stars, I was editing, and thanks to the support I received from friends when talking about it I finally managed to find it fun to work with a fic again. I was still greatly offline from Naruto spheres, and when I sometimes logged into this tumblr just to check I was very careful to never reblog anything and often logged out again with a pending panic attack.

I uploaded the edited chapter of To dance above the Stars onto AO3 when it was finished in August along with Soverel6’s poster and finally dared to show my face on twitter again. Twitter felt safer than tumblr for some reason.

By this time, two months since I began hating being part of this fandom, I finally started feeling hope again. I decided that, before taking the ultimate decision to actually leave, I must write one final long fic of ShikaTema. I mused different prompts, all of them long and angsty and bloody of course per my brand and what I love to write the most. I mused different plots and it was between yet another historical au which would take place during WWI, another historical au which would take place during the 1700s and focus on witch-hunting, or a fantasy au which would be my Witcher AU, which I have mused for a bit and am really fond of.

I decided in the end to attempt at the Witcher AU.

However, I didn’t start writing it, and started writing this text instead already in late August. Then, after knowing I had received so much love on the WWII-au from 2022, one of my best fics to be honest, in the spur of the moment I decided that I will record the entire fic as a podfic. I begged my dear friend Becks to make me a new poster for the fic’s re-launching as a podfic and since she luckily agreed, I promised myself to do it. I, Bex, would try something completely new! And dauting. And tough. Recording wasn’t a problem in itself, I love reading things out loud, but the chapters were longer than I thought when reading out loud, and the software I downloaded for the editing was not as easy to manoeuvre as I predicted.

Then the fatigue hit again. I got stuck. I have not given up and I will finish it, but the deadline is maybe by 2025, haha.

When I got stuck with recording myself, I managed to scrape together a will to finally, after three months of practically deciding to never write any fic ever again, write a one shot. That one shot ended up being a second chapter to we hold galaxies, my projection fic I published exactly a year ago on Shikadai’s birthday 2023. I first thought of making it a one shot, but ultimately decided to add it as a chapter instead, and I was pretty satisfied with how it ended up being.

Now I am facing what to do next. I still had that promise of a long ShikaTema fic, but the Witcher AU didn’t feel as good as it once did. The hype inside me waned at the same time as new ideas spurred. New ideas. Did you hear that, “new ideas”? That is the sound of me almost being healed from the intense hatred I felt towards my Naruto online persona during the summer.

One of the new ideas is for example connected to Inojin’s canon fate in Boruto the manga, during which chapter he ‘died’ I was not feeling good. I was already trying to strangle my love for him and then he DIED on me. I cried. Yeah, no, judge all you want, but I was not exactly mentally stable enough to witness that. Now, however, I am luckily having fun with engaging with canon once more, since Inojin survived, and we got some good food from the chapters. I had fun in my safe space with other people who were engaged with his fate.

I am now brooding an intense and angsty Shikatema canonverse long fic. Canonverse! It’s almost like going back in time to when I thought I only could (and wanted) to write canonverse, back in 2020 and 2021. I also have a wlw idea again, after deciding to trash all the InoTema ideas that were ruined due to my anxiety in June, so it feels… normal again. It feels like I normally feel like in fandom, in a place where my imagination can run free and I can be the antithesis of a dude bro: the silly bean sister.

I find it ironic how I every year say I have learned to deal with fandom grief, but this year proved once more that I will never learn. But I think I will have to learn to accept that I won't learn.

Now we are here again, at the 22nd of September. Five years has passed since I uploaded the first chapter to my first fic, and I have 950 000 words uploaded on AO3. Earlier this year I promised myself to beat the delicious one million word count before 2025, and I know I realistically still can do it if I start writing tomorrow and stick to it.

But I will not retire until I have that sweet one million words on AO3. It would be too much of a failure to do so. So, dear sixty something subscribers, followers and other lurkers, expect at least 50k more of Majsasaurus fic in the future.

And yes, you can call me Bex. I don’t want to kill her anymore. I asked her forgiveness for being so angry, especially when I proudly bought a Temari Funko figurine in September. I don’t think I can kill this hyperfixation just yet. I don’t think I even want to kill it.

I can, with confidence, say, that there will be a 6th Majsasaurus Year in 2025, at least in some capacity.

Thank you to those who stopped me from deleting everything.

Majsasaurus Bex

[aniamra]

If FurAffinity Goes Down

Last night it was announced that Dragoneer has passed away. For those not in the know, Dragoneer was legally the sole owner of FurAffinity. I'm not really here to talk about his passing, instead, I'm here to talk about the reality that many of those that use FurAffinity, may have to consider: FurAffinity could very well go down.

Personally, I do not really use or care for FurAffinity, but I have many friends and colleagues that do and I wanted to write this up so that they could have a reference of options available to them. Even if FA turns out fine, I think now is a good time to remember that it is always a good idea to have mirrors of your work as well as maybe consider establishing a personal website for yourself. I'm going to try to provide a rough rundown of the options that will be available to those looking for another home in addition to FurAffinity so that if the worst does happen, they won't completely loose years of archives.

(a lot of links have been stripped from this version so that Tumblr hopefully won't think this post is Spam =_= )

How To Get The Files

furarchiver.net If for whatever reason you do not have your own archives on your computer, this can be used to grab files off of FA, easily. (also useful if you want to archive someone else's work) This also makes copies of descriptions for all the images. Right now their queue for new archive requests is getting hammered but they will remain online even if FA goes down and still have whatever archives have already been made.

github.com/BruceDone/awesome-crawler cyotek.com/cyotek-webcopy httrack.com There are also a huge selection of crawlers out there you can use to personally crawl FA and capture the whole page if you want to keep anything like notes and comments.

Where To Put Those Files

Now that you have the archive, if you want to put your own work online you have 3 decent choices. Art Galleries, Blogs, and Self-Hosting.

Art Galleries

I am only listing galleries that will accept EVERYTHING that can be posted to FA. If a service wouldn't allow something FA hosts, it is not going on this list.

anthro.art - Despite the name they do allow humans. This is currently invite-only, you'll have to joint Kameoh's server in order to gain access to it. I haven't used it, I just know it exists and it seems to be comparable to what FA allows but if that changes for the more restrictive I'll remove it from the list.

buzzly.art - Eeehh it exists but I honestly cannot recommend it after all the mess that has gone on with the owner. I'm only listing it in anticipating someone else suggesting it.

hentai-foundry - It exists, people use it, but I think it's garbage. It's juried which means every submission has to be approved before it goes live which can take anywhere from days to over a month. Take that as you will.

itaku.ee - This will be BY FAR the easiest service to archive to. They allow for mass uploads, I don't even know what the upper limit is, but I've uploaded as much as 50 images at a time. When doing batch uploads it auto-fills the title and description with the name of the file for the title and date of the file for description. From there you have to choose 5 tags which can seem daunting but if you pile up the meta tags like style and type, it helps. Tags can be applied to the whole batch, which can make it go faster. There are also three access options: Public, Gallery View Only, and Unlisted (can only be accessed via direct-link only). It also offers folders within folders for organization and you can submit the same image to multiple folders.

newgrounds.com - They have changed A LOT since they came on the scene and if you haven't checked it out in a long time there is no harm in doing so now. Uploading is a lot easier and they have support for image stacks (posting multiple images in the same submission) but they limit tags to only 12 per submission which is frustrating.

pixiv.net - You'd have to censor things according to Japanese censorship laws, but it's use-able.

sofurry - Mostly associated with writing but they allow art. I genuinely don't know much about this service other than it exists.

weasyl.com - I know the the owners and like them but the service has not had updates to the functions in a while. It is stable at least, has functional tag filtering, also has a friends-only post feature. There is a misconception that it doesn't allow humans, but it allows all subjects, it's not restricted to furries-only.

Honorary mentions to picarto.tv and piczel.tv, as they have their own gallery services, but most people associate them with their streaming. Both of their galleries also support image stacks.

Blogs

For this I am covering what amounts to 'Social Media' but specifically I am using the category of Blog to indicate a post system that favors long-format. I will not be listing microblog services.

pillowfort.social - You can upload like 50 images at a time so being able to make posts with large chunks of images at a time can be helpful if that is something you're keen on. It has tags and tag filtering, and it also truncates your feed so if multiple people reblog the same thing, you only see it once in your feed. It offers a lot of privacy options if that's important to you, including Public, Logged-In Only, Followers-Only, Mutuals-Only, and Private post options. It has communities and the ability to re-blog posts which can help for discovery.

cohost.org - Currently, their editor only allows for 4 images to upload at a time, adding any more requires off-site hosting and using HTML or BBcode to link to it. But it has the best tag and content warning filtering system of the social media services out there.

I guess Plemora and Pixelfed instances could fall under this but you'll have to do your own searching for these. I'm not going to be listing them.

Self-Hosting

This option always seems intimidating to people, but now more than ever it is important to consider making your own website. This isn't a whole and complete guide on how to upload and host things but rather a list of options of what you could be looking at if you want to get started hosting yourself.

The Hosts

Free: neocities.org - Static websites only, but it's low commitment since you don't need a domain and you'd be surprised how much you can store on 1 gig with properly compressed files.

nekoweb.org - Pretty much the same as Neocities

leprd.space - They are application-based only and not always available, but they allow PHP

netlify.com - This is more of an advanced user service for people using deployment services like Git, but they do offer a free tier.

Paid: nearlyfreespeech.net - Pay as needed service. If your site is small you can get it for pretty cheap. But if you plan on having any databases or a lot of websites, it might not be as good of a deal. But the owner seems pretty dedicated to protecting all forms of expression.

hostwinds.com - By far the most straight forward adult content policy. If it's illegal according to US law, it's not permitted. That's it.

amscomputer.com/deals.php - Pretty average adult content policy, will be good for anything that was hosted on FA. But this is by far the cheapest plan I've found for shared hosting that also provides multiple domains and email.

webhostingpad.com - Pretty permissible adult content policy, average prices.

greengeeks.com - Popular with a lot of cam services so it'll host furry just fine. Also pretty average prices.

There are certainly hundreds of hosts that allow sexually explicit content, but the ones I have listed have some of the most straight-forward and flexible policies that I've found thus far.

The Domains

For any self-hosting I recommend registering your domain separate from your host, my personal preference is namecheap.com or porkbun.com You can also get a free subdomain here: freedns.afraid.org

But a side-note, if you're looking for no fuss and cheap SSL options, cloudflare.com you can use to register your domain and manage your DNS, or purchase your domain with another service and manage the DNS with Cloudflare.

The Files

If you downloaded your stuff from The furarchiver, you could just upload those files whole to any of the static site services. You'd have to make a directory page to link to every page but it would be functional. Otherwise you'd have to create everything from the ground-up. https://discourse.32bit.cafe/t/resources-list-for-the-personal-web/49 This has a massive collection of help and options and templates to help guide you through making a website.

If you have access to PHP hosting, one of the easiest, and fastest methods of creating an archive you can use that only takes FTP access is this PHP-Powered image dumper, which is what I use for my art gallery.

HeckScraper's Image Dumper https://mega.nz/file/Fa8lQbZS#hnh6dc4YYx7v611oiV_pWCx5rY3g43DxCZUzHnGNRDY In it includes both the OG image dumper as well as my edits to detect more file types and display in chronological order. To use it, all you have to do is drop the index.php and image.php into the same directory as the images you want to display. Like so:

How it works is the index file looks for all the images in the folder it is sharing space with and then displays those as a thumbnail. The image file is the one that displays the large version. All you have to do is upload images to that folder and the index file will automatically detect and display the new images.

There is also a With Text version that pulls text from a corresponding text file to display with the image.

If you would like something a little bit more Robust than that, and also allows you to make webpages, I recommend this CMS named Kirby. getkirby.com It requires PHP 8, which shouldn't be a problem for most hosts, but something to keep an eye on when setting up a new hosting account. But it's a very simple system that uses all text and image files, while also giving you an interface to work with for uploading and editing if you need it.

Website Builder Notice: I don't want to recommend these, but I know some people are terrified of doing anything else so if you HAD to pick one, Wix is the only one that allows sexually explicit content. And Hostinger has a website builder I guess. slashpage.com also doesn't seem to have anything in its TOS that restricts sexually explicit content.

I hope this has been helpful to someone as well as maybe provided some options/perspective to those interested in creating mirrors for other gallery services.

[isabellarosestudio6]

Week 5: Making

Playing with Symbiotic Dream Girl footage:

playing with ideas of reflections, and letting the video mimic the connection between self and doll.

also experimenting with reversing the footage? (Unsure if this is necessary, but perhaps there is something interesting in the way time is distorted- mimicking a sort of dreamscape, where nothing makes sense. Also a further Twin Peak reference... One screen is doing whilst the other is undoing? Simultaneously)

Reflections:

would like to play with this idea, just need to take into consideration how many screens/projectors would be needed, ie. one per shot? or mash into a single screen?

Do I need to show all these shots at once, or could I create an extended performance reel, in which many different versions of this footage is displayed over say the period of 12hrs. Fowards, backwards, fast, slow, upside down, etc.

I still like the idea of having two screens- a connection to reflections, image, self and mirror, and the doll-self relationship.

Could I use old tv monitors? Nam June Paik art.

Interested in the retrofuture aesthetic. Again referencing this sort of crushing and collapsing of time. Issues of past still relevant to the now. Everything old is new etc. Referencing old hollywood and 1950s culture, whilst questioning my own future?

Need to make soundscape to go with.

ITERATION 2:

Soundscape made using the soundtrack and dialogue from 'The Seven Year Itch', Rachmaninoff Concerto No.2 Movement 1 (as mentioned in the fantasy scene from the film- see link to scene below). Slowed down to for distortion and to draw attention to what's said. Script hasn't aged well.

Used an AI function on Premiere Pro to transcribe soundtrack, and then add transcription as subtitles on video.

Text is repeated across both videos, as a further reference to this idea of reflections, and the doll-self/image-self relationship.

Play with speed, duration and orientation of videos- playing with video as a medium, comment on the malleability and suggestibility of film? Looping time. Drawing attention to the fiction and stereotypes held within the piece. Narrative not truth. Theatre.

I like the idea that as a gallery visitor, you will likely only observe 5 minutes of the work, and depending on what time you arrive, you will see a slightly different version. Fast/slow/upside down/mirrored. With different subtitles. It is very unlikely anyone would stay for the whole 5hr duration. And in that sense, it exists partially beyond the viewer- has a sense of autonomy? Rather than existing for the viewers gaze, as in a 1.5hr cinema film.

Rachmaninoff Fantasy Scene from the Seven Year Itch

FURTHER MAKING (UNRELATED):

Creating a shortened video of 'LUMP' (2024), from last semester's studio, for social media purposes

Original film was 17min long.

Portrait Orientation:

Landscape Orientation:

After feedback with team (Kelsey Dell, Grace Campbell, Mitchell Chooi), we decided we would first use an even shorter version, to please the algorithm.

This version goes for 20sec. Please see below:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bella Rose Cort - Artist & Model, Meanjin / Brisbane (@isabellaroseartist)

It is interesting having trying to cater the piece for different platforms. Obviously I do not have to advertise my practice on social media, but having a public presence is something I choose to do, and will hopefully have some sort of positive impact on my long term career. At least for providing further public outreach and engagement.

I do not view either of this shorter videos as the actual art piece however. I will reserve the actual 17min piece for exhibitions only.

FURTHER MAKING: POETRY

First bit of writing completed in a few months.

Thinking on my personal history and relationship tendencies.

NOTES/RESEARCH

How to set up a retro tv set for film display:

Also had a look online into purchasing an old tv set or computer monitor, however turns out they're quite expensive. Best option may be to hope and source them from an opshop.

[writingintheocean]

How many email accounts do you have? Not the accounts your work or school forces onto you, real accounts that you made on purpose, with intention, to be used. Most people say one--One account for professional and personal correspondence and a well-honed junkmail filter. Or maybe two, a real one for all the important things like contacting your congressman or sending Christmas pics to family and a second one for online giveaways you don't actually think you'll win, but it couldn't hurt to enter. A normal amount of emails.

I have 6.

I was raised by paranoiacs, concerned with Trojan horses and stranger danger. This feels normal to me. This IS normal to me. The idea of "cultivating an online persona" is a red flag with its own soundtrack, pealing alarms that would send a sailor into overdrive. How many horror story firings have to stem from cursing in a tweet, being 'too sexy' on Instagram, supporting the 'wrong group' in a post before setting all of your accounts to private and unsearchable and locked down?

Searching for [NAME REDACTED] will only net you fistfuls of community news articles about plays I've directed. This tells you I have a dedicated hobby. Will this be a boon of loyalty or a vice of distraction? Am I a freelance project manager or a liberal-leaning liability? Every company's HR department is a black box and I never know which wire to cut to prevent my own demise. Does anything mean anything? Is what I do real? Am I a person or an investment or a resource?

I hope my shielded life says I prefer privacy; I hope it says I would rather gamble than commit fraud. Or maybe it says I'm not willing to smile and wave and step in line, that I'm of unknown quantity and quality and not willing to play the game. 

I could finish the personal website that's been languishing for a year, the one that aggregates my theatrical accomplishments. But that means showing REAL employers that my interests don't lie at their bottom line. I could join LinkedIn, create a beautiful profile outlining scattershot jobs that I can't seem to keep for more than a year, and have them thinking I'm not worth the time to train. Or maybe I can be loud and proud about my successful union organization efforts, the ones that got me fired from my last job, and never work again.

Aren't you tired of playing pretend? I direct people on how to move, to speak, to portray false scenarios and trigger specific emotions. I know how the game works. Send a thank-you note to show that you were 'paying attention' in your interview, or to show that you're desperate. Fill your resume with enough buzzwords to trick the computer scanners into approving you, but not so many it annoys the human who eventually gets to look at it. Emphasize your volunteer hours because it means you're well-rounded and charitable, or sweep them under the rug because activities outside of work mean you're unfocused and wishy-washy and not committed to 60 hours per week, overtime exempt. Step on landmines until you get lucky.

I'm supposed to be playing the game, and it's humiliating to roll the dice. 

I don't think this says anything good about me, potential employee.

[wamuzimedia]

Love poverty: Cost of dating hits new high on inflation.

For young Kenyans who are just starting their careers and would like to settle down, the surging inflation amid a freeze in salary raises is robbing them of decent living and the chance to meet and settle down with a partner. Over the past year, Mark, a 35-year-old banker, has been consciously trying to leave single hood but has been set aback by the vast sums he needs to spend on dates and activities required to know someone he’d like to spend the rest of his life with. Mark is in his third year of employment. He says a decent dinner or lunch date acceptable to most women he is attracted to costs between Sh4,500 and Sh6,000. Servings for two in chic restaurants in Nairobi start from Sh3,000 upwards. In some hangout joints, the amount could easily hit over Sh10,000, which is a painful pinch for someone with a litany of bills and family members to take care of. “Food has become more expensive than when I started working. My salary has not increased to match the prices of the things I need to survive. What this means is that I don’t have money to spend on leisure and other important modern-day dating activities,” says Mark. He has met potential partners who would have removed him from the dating market, but he has been unable to commit to a relationship because of his financial position. Over time, the spark for would-be partners has been dying down as Mark finds it challenging to plan a date while surviving paycheck-to-paycheck. More Kenyans, like Mark, are reducing spending on luxury items and activities. They are now forced to chase bargains to deal with the unrelenting inflation eroding their purchasing power. Food usually has the biggest impact on the overall price movement when computing the cost of living. It accounts for nearly a third of the shopping basket for most families. Kenya’s inflation last month rose to eight percent from 7.9 percent in April, when it declined to a 10-month low at the onset of rains Game of probabilities For single people like Mark, the choice is clear; put food on the table or engage in a game of probabilities that might end in heartbreak. Fun games that most young couples can participate in, such as bowling, ice skating, and archery, don’t come cheap, either. Most places charge between Sh500 and Sh1,500 per person, a significant cost for a single man living on a tight budget. “Most 8-5 jobs only give you sufficient time over the weekends. What this means is that you have minimal time to know someone. And what does that mean? You have to do many of these activities and dinners before deciding to settle down,” says Mark. Mark’s struggle in the search for a suitable marriage partner is one that David Obonyo, a 31-year-old freelance web developer, knows only too well. He, however, says while his dating journey has not been easy, he was lucky to meet someone who understands the current pressure. Fake perception “Social media has created a fake perception that the good life has to be fancy with expensive things, including travelling and spending on expensive gifts and fine dining. You really need an understanding partner to get off the dating market,” says David. His top stressors since he left school have been his long-term financial future and declining opportunities which might affect the life he is trying to build. Amid the economic shocks, David believes that single people should treat dating as a marketplace and search for their matches until they meet the suitable one. “I tried online dating, but it didn’t work out well for me because you have to spend money for every meeting. Sometimes I lack the money, and when I have some, the bills are just too many, so I choose to prioritise what’s important,” remarks David. Changing choices The financial pressures are also pushing young people to change what they are looking for in a partner. Gifting is important, but given the real chance of sleeping hungry, David says the pursuit may not be worthwhile. Rising inflation has eroded most Kenyan’s purchasing power meaning that most of their spending is directed to essential commodities such as food and housing as they cut money to luxury stuff like perfumes, watches, expensive holidays, and necklaces that couples can get for each other.Collins Michael, the CEO of Nyaluk Foundation, a non-profit organisation, believes the current economic climate in which the cost of living is unbearable for most, people should have conversations around finances while dating. “It is a societal construct that men should be providers. But with rising inflation, it’s good to talk about having different sources of income and sharing some responsibilities,” says the 32-year-old. Collins says the belief that one can only be a man when one provides leaves many young people who want to settle down in a tight spot. Splitting bills While splitting bills during dates might be unpopular, it is one way that dating couples can cushion each other as inflation squeezes the extra shilling from many Kenyans’ pockets. “What happens when you lose your job after settling down?” Collins poses. He says that finding love in fast-rising inflation is not tough, but single people must have clear priorities for what they want. Collins, however, cautions that people looking to date should not seek partners hoping to gain financially. “When you neglect other important issues when dating and chase other things, you end up with a failed marriage after a short time. Responsibility should be shown from both parties,” Collins advises. Read the full article

[acmemarketssurveyss]

Acme Markets Survey – www.Acmemarkets.com/survey 

AcmeMarketsSurvey

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Therefore, complete this Acme customer survey for a chance to win $100 to use towards your next Acme purchase or visit, or to use towards the offer listed on your receipt.

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Acme Markets Rewards for Customer Survey

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Limit one prize per individual or household.

There can only be one winner per home or family.

www.acmemarketssurvey.com a survey is necessary

receipt from Acme Markets

basic understanding of both Spanish and English.

an internet-connected mobile device, tablet, computer, or laptop.

Required: A valid email address.

Regarding Acme Markets

A supermarket chain in New York City and the Delaware Valley is called Acme Markets, and it is owned by Albertsons. The corporation was founded in Philadelphia in the late 19th century, though its precise roots are uncertain, and it grew there in the 1920s.

Last Words

Finally, I hope you have all the information you require about the Acme survey and that you enjoy using this website to provide feedback about Acme.

If you have any questions, please let us know in the comment section below. If you like it, spread the word to your friends on social media.

[geologi97]

How to get Microsoft 365 for Free

How to get Microsoft 365 for Free

Do you want to get your Microsoft 365 Plan for free? There are some options you should try first.

I know, the prospect of a free Microsoft 365 sounds kind of farfetched. But it’s not. If there is a legal way that you don’t have to pay, you’ll find it here.

Of course, one way is to simply get the free trial of Microsoft 365 if you don’t have it already. This is limited but will give you a chance to try it before you buy.

Here are some ways to get full edition of Microsoft 365

1. Get Microsoft 365 through your school

Microsoft offers Microsoft 365 Education for free through many schools and universities. If you are a student or educator, and your institution is eligible, all you need is a valid school email address.

This is a truly free version of Microsoft 365, and you should enjoy this benefit for as long as possible. In addition to your familiar MS apps, it comes with tools to encourage collaboration in the classroom, like Access, Sway, Teams, SharePoint, Stream, and Flow.

However, Microsoft will verify you are still an active educator or student. Once your Microsoft 365 Education plan expires, applications will become view-only after 30 days. After 60, you will lose access. To keep working, you will need to subscribe to Microsoft 365, or back up your files and use Office Online.

If you used to be a student, see if your school address will work. If not, access the alumni discount they offer for Microsoft 365 Personal.

2. Get the free trial of Microsoft 365

This is the easiest free option for accessing Microsoft 365. But it only lasts for a month. After that, you’ll have to begin a subscription or use one of the other methods here.

Remember to turn off recurring billing in your Account Settings unless you want to start paying.

Unlike the online version, when Microsoft 365 is installed locally you have full document editing capabilities offline. You can share the free Microsoft 365 trial version with up to five other people. Each person gets 1TB of OneDrive cloud storage, plus the ability to sync and share files across Windows, Apple, and Android devices.

This is a great option, but only for the short-term. You only get a single free trial per email and credit card, so unless you try to bend the terms of the license agreement, it’s a one-shot deal. Or is it?

3. Convince your company to get Microsoft 365

If your need for Microsoft 365 is strictly for work. And you constantly find yourself in need of full-versions of Word or Excel, you probably have a strong case to make to your employer.

Office Online is great, considering it’s free, but the lack of function or offline capability can be extremely frustrating. If these things are getting in the way and costing you time, it’s likely costing the company more money a subscription would.

This isn’t always going to work—but I told you we were looking at every option to get Microsoft 365 free of charge.

4. Free Microsoft 365 (with purchase of a PC)

Here’s an option that is not going to be right for everyone, but if you are in the market for a new computer, this could be an answer. Some PCs come with one year of Microsoft 365. This sometimes includes ultra-affordable laptops, and you still save $99 annually on an Microsoft 365 subscription.

One thing to make sure of is that you are getting what you want. Some computers will only come with Microsoft 365 Personal, and others may not even have an OS installed.

What about Office Online and Mobile?

Now you know how to get a free download of Microsoft 365, but I should mention two easy, free-forever Office options just in case they do the trick.

Get Office Online

Office Online is entirely cloud-based and works on most browsers. As long as you have the internet, you have access to familiar MS Office tools like Word, Excel, and PowerPoint, as well as Sway, OneNote, Outlook, Calendar, OneDrive, Forms, People, and Skype. Simply create an account and log in from anywhere to collaborate with anyone.

While Office Online doesn’t take up any space, the downside is that you need the internet in order to use the programs and your documents. If you can rely on wifi wherever you need it, this limitation isn’t so bad. Plus, you can always sync your computer with OneDrive so that files are automatically stored for offline access.

The features are greatly limited compared to Microsoft 365, but for personal use, it’s probably okay as long as you plan ahead. The extra logistics required to coordinate larger teams using Office Online, however, probably don’t end up saving much money.

Get the Office mobile app

The Office mobile app works on Android and iOS on your phone or tablet. Word, Excel, and PowerPoint are combined into a single app that syncs with all of your devices that use Office.

You can download additional apps, which take up some space, but all of your documents are stored in the cloud. You’ll be able to create and sign PDFs, and edit documents, tables, and slides—but be aware that the editing features are limited without the Microsoft 365 subscription.

Similar to Office Online, the mobile app is okay for personal needs but quickly reveals itself wanting at the enterprise level.

Final note: If you have to pay… it’s really not that bad! In the end, Microsoft 365 is an extremely valuable set of programs. Getting it for $99/year is pretty amazing. and now there is a special offer for one year, one user, 5 devices on www.keyingo.com , and it is only $25 USD, if you can't access these free edition, don't miss this opportunity

[distancepathsala]

Here’s Why You Can Consider BCA Online Course

Bachelor of Computer Applications (BCA) is one of the most prominent undergraduate degree courses as per the recent and current trends. This is because of the fantastic career opportunities that the course entails compared to the few required fees. There are job opportunities in several domains, which makes this course even more dynamic.

However, did you know that there is an even more convenient as well as cost-effective way to pursue BCA courses? The BCA in distance education in India has opened doors for freshers to pursue this prestigious course from the comfort of their homes and with a fee that is extremely pocket-friendly. The BCA distance course fees are much less than the regular BCA fees.

This blog answers why it is wise to consider BCA online courses and everything related to BCA distance education in India. Know the best university for BCA distance education, BCA distance course fees, eligibility, syllabus, admission process, career scope, salary, and more.

Why BCA in Distance Education India?

With the advent of online education in India, caused primarily by the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic, distance education has become a major player in the education sector in India and for all the right and obvious reasons. Online and distance education plays a very significant role, especially in a country like India where education is yet to reach that last mile.

There are multiple myths surrounding online and distance education in India regarding its value and credibility. But have you thought about why some of the top institutes and universities in India are expanding in the distance education niche? If not, then read further to know.

●      Affordability & ROI

The best part about online and distance education is the highly affordable fee structure. After pursuing your BCA degree, you will get job offers with similar packages irrespective of the mode of education. This simply means that if one pursues BCA in regular mode and the other pursues BCA in distance education, then both of them will receive similar salary packages.

What you understand from this is the incredible ROI you get with BCA in distance education. How? The average total fee for BCA in regular mode is between INR 2-5 lacs. While the average total fee for BCA in distance education in India is less than INR 2 lacs. The splendid return on investments that online and distance BCA offers makes it one of the most sought-after undergraduate courses.   

●      Flexibility

The feasible fee structure is one thing but even economically sufficient individuals are resorting to distance education because of the flexibility that accompanies it. The online and distance BCA courses give you the opportunity to hone your skills and knowledge while simultaneously pursuing your degree. 

For instance, while pursuing your BCA in distance education, you can take up an internship or a part-time job to gain work experience. Other options could be taking up skill development courses relevant to your BCA course to gain new skills or hone the existing ones. In the case of BCA in regular mode, you will have to gain 2-3 years of work experience after graduation to be at the same level as a person who pursued BCA in distance education and a job at the same time. This flexible environment helps you grow better in your career as you save years of time. 

●      Career Oriented

The BCA in distance education mode is a career-oriented course as it allows you to pursue a job side by side while studying this undergraduate course. You can pursue an internship, a part-time job, or even a full-time job while studying your distance BCA.

This has been considered the greatest advantage of distance education in India. In modern fast-paced times, when there is fierce competition, being ahead is the key to success. When you pursue the BCA degree in regular mode, you are left with just a degree after three years. However, if you pursue BCA in distance education mode, then you can take up jobs at the same time, so after three years, you are left with not just a degree but job experience also. This experience helps you get an edge over others and keeps you ahead of time. 

●      Networking

Believe it or not, networking opportunities in the case of online BCA are better in comparison to BCA in regular mode. How? When you pursue online BCA from a reputed and accredited university, you get the facilities to attend webinars and live interactive sessions with industry experts and leaders from across the world very easily via online platforms. This might not be the case with regular BCA as it is difficult to conduct in-person seminars with eminent personalities so often. The online and distance mode allows you to interact and communicate with more peers as compared to classroom interactions.

You must be wondering why is Networking such a big deal though? Well, in the corporate world where the BCA degree takes you, networking is a vital part of your career growth. So, it is best to maintain an excellent professional network while you are still studying so that you can flourish as soon as you graduate. 

Key Highlights- BCA in Distance Education India

The following table enlists some key pointers about the BCA in distance education in India which are further discussed in detail.

BCA in Distance Education India Key Highlights

Total Average Fee

INR 1.5-2 lacs

Eligibility Criteria

10+2

Mode of Education

●      Online Mode

●      Distance Mode

Duration

3-6 years

Job Roles

●      Web Developer

●      Software Developer

●      Applications Developer

●      Database Administrator and more

Average Salary

INR 4-5 LPA

Top Recruiters

●      Accenture

●      Wipro

●      Vodafone

●      IBM

●      Infosys and more

Top Universities

●      LPU Online

●      Amity University Online 

●      Online Manipal University

●      Hindustan CODE 

●      Manav Rachna CODE and more

BCA in Distance Education Eligibility Criteria

The BCA distance education eligibility criteria may vary a little across different universities. However, there is one standard and basic minimum eligibility criteria that is the same across each and every university. The applicants must fulfill this minimum eligibility condition to be able to get admission to BCA in distance education in India.

●      The applicant must have passed 10+2 in any stream from a recognized board of education with at least 45% aggregate marks.

●      Most universities (not all) prefer applicants that have Computer Science or Mathematics as core subjects in 10+2. 

Duration of BCA in Distance Education

BCA in distance education is an undergraduate degree course and just like regular BCA, the duration of this course is 3 years. The 3 years are subdivided into 6 equal semesters of 6 months each.

However, since it is a distance course, it comes with flexibility. Most distance universities allow students to complete the course in a maximum of 5-6 years. Students can clear their exams in these extra years to get their degrees.  

Fees for BCA in Distance Education India 

BCA distance course fees definitely differ across different universities. The fee varies based on the facilities offered by the university and the kind of curriculum offered. The average BCA distance course fees, however, lie in the range of INR 90,000 to 1,50,000 for the entire course. The BCA distance course fees for top universities are discussed further. 

Best University for BCA Distance Education

Bachelor’s of Computer Applications (BCA) is a technical course and is offered by some of the top educational institutions in the country. The system has a really good relevance in the current corporate environment and hence it is one of the most sought-after courses globally. This is why many top universities have started to offer this course online and through distance modes. It is difficult to choose just one best university for BCA distance education as there are many good universities in the race and most of them offer world-class educational experience and facilities.

So here is the list of the top universities for BCA distance education in India. 

Best Universities for BCA in Distance Education with Fees

University Name

Total Fee Per Semester

SASTRA University

INR 20,000/-

Hindustan Centre for Online and Distance Education (CODE) 

INR 17,500/-

Manav Rachna Centre for Distance and Online Education (CDOE)

INR 26,000/-

Uttaranchal University

INR 12,000/-

Lovely Professional University (LPU Online)

INR 29,000/-

Amity University Online

INR 26,600/-

Online Manipal University

INR 20,000/-

Syllabus for BCA in Distance Education

Each and every university sets up and comes up with its own unique curriculum for any course. So, the syllabus is not entirely the same for each university. However, the topics are almost the same. There are only minute differences, like in the structuring of the curriculum, topics included in the elective subjects, and more.

So, more or less, the syllabus remains pretty much similar. The basic syllabus for the distance BCA course is as follows: 

Syllabus for BCA in Distance Education India

Semester

Syllabus

Semester 1

●      Discrete Structures

●      Programming Methodology

●      Fundamentals of Information Technology

●      Basic Mathematics

●      Programming in C

●      Human-Computer Interaction

Semester 2

●      Database Management Systems

●      Computer Networks

●      Object Oriented Programming

●      Computer System Architecture 

●      Computational Statistics

Semester 3

●      Data Structures

●      Green Computing

●      Fundamentals of Web Programming

●      Operating System

●      Network Basics

Semester 4

●      Software Engineering

●      Artificial Intelligence

●      Python Programming

●      Unix Operating System and Shell Programming

●      Cyber and Information Security

Semester 5

●      Fundamentals of Ecommerce

●      Professional Ethics

●      Internet of Things

●      Blockchain Technologies

●      Data Warehousing and Mining

Semester 6

●      Big Data Analytics

●      Deep Learning

●      Introduction to e-Governance

●      Computer Vision

●      Project

Career Scope After BCA in Distance Education India 

As already iterated above, BCA is one of the finest undergraduate courses in terms of career scope and opportunities. The course is highly dynamic and offers you to explore various industries of the corporate sector.

With the world practically becoming slaves of the internet, there has been exponential growth in the sectors of website development and designing, software development, app development, network administration, and more such domains.

The following table enlists some of the job roles that you can get after pursuing a BCA in distance education:

Job Roles After BCA in Distance Education

Database Administrator

Software Developer

Applications Developer

Web Developer

Network Administrator

Computer Animation Expert

Web Designer

Multimedia Authoring Programmer

Salary After BCA in Distance Education India

BCA is one of the highest-paying undergraduate courses as you get lucrative job offers immediately after your graduation. In India, the average salary for a BCA graduate is INR 5 LPA, irrespective of the mode from which you graduate.

The table below has a list of job roles and their starting average salary for your reference.

Average Salary After BCA in Distance Education India

Job Role

Average Salary

Web Developer

INR 3-6 LPA

Web Designer

INR 2-5 LPA

Software Developer

INR 5-7 LPA

Applications Developer

INR 3-5 LPA

Database Administrator

INR 5-7 LPA

Network Administrator

INR 3-5 LPA

Computer Animation Expert

INR 5-10 LPA

Multimedia Authoring Programmer

INR 2-5 LPA

Top Recruiters for BCA in Distance Education India

Many corporate giants and MNCs actively hire BCA graduates for several job roles at decent salary packages. Some of the top recruiters known to hire BCA graduates are:

Top Recruiters for BCA Distance Education India

Accenture

Wipro

Vodafone

Sandisk

Reliance

Oracle

Infosys

IBM

HDFC Bank

Bosch

Capgemini

HCL

Admission Procedure for BCA in Distance Education India

The admission procedure for BCA in distance education in India is really simple. You do not need to visit the university for anything as all of the formalities can be completed comfortably in online mode.

While different universities may have different procedures, they only have slight differences. All the distance education universities follow more or less a similar approach to the admission procedure, which is as follows:

Step 1- Visit the official website of the university, where you wish to get admitted 

Step 2- Register yourself on the university website to get login credentials

Step 3- With the credentials, log in to the admission portal

Step 4- Fill out the application form

Step 5- Upload the required documents

Step 6- Pay the application fee (if any) and the tuition fee (if stated)  

Step 7- Once the admission is confirmed by the university upon verification of all documents, you receive your enrollment details via email.

Summing it Up!

If you have reached here, you must have understood the credibility of the BCA in distance education courses and how relevant the degree is in the current times. It indeed is a great opportunity as the minimum required eligibility is feasible for anyone to take admission. The fee in case of distance BCA is quite less and job opportunities are a lot, which makes this course give splendid returns on your investments. So, to sum it up, pursuing the distance BCA is a really wise decision in accordance with the trends of the time.  

BCA in Distance Education India FAQs   

What is BCA in distance education in India?

Bachelor of Computer Applications (BCA) is an undergraduate course of a minimum of 3 years duration. BCA in distance education is a course that you can pursue from the comfort of your home. In distance education, you do not need to go to college to study, but the college comes to you via online mediums. There are online classes through the Learning Management System (LMS) of the university. The study material is also provided through this LMS. Even the exams and all the other interactions happen through this LMS. It is just like a classroom that is just totally virtual.   

Which is the best university for BCA distance education?

There are a lot of good universities with top rankings that offer the BCA in distance education mode. Some of them are Amity University Online, Online Manipal University, LPU Online, SASTRA University, Manav Rachna CODE, Vignan University, Hindustan CODE, and Uttaranchal University.

What are the BCA distance course fees?

The average BCA distance course fees lie in the range of INR 90,000 to 1,50,000 as it is different for different universities. 

What is the eligibility to take admission to the online BCA program?

To be eligible for admission to online BCA programs, the applicant must have passed 10+2 in any stream with at least 45% marks and from a recognized board of education. 

How to get admission to online BCA?

The admission procedure for online BCA is simple, you just need to visit the official website of the university and fill out and submit the application form, upload documents, and pay the fees. After document verification, the university will send you a confirmation email for your admission. 

Is a distance BCA degree valid for jobs?

Yes, the distance BCA degree is completely valid for jobs across all sectors. The University Grants Commission (UGC) has announced that all online and distance degrees when pursued from approved universities will be considered to be of the same value as their corresponding regular degrees. 

Is it worth pursuing BCA in distance education mode?

BCA in distance education mode is a lot more affordable, offers incredible flexibility, helps you be more career-oriented by allowing you to pursue jobs alongside, and also offers better networking opportunities for professional growth. 

Which job can I get after distance BCA?

Distance BCA makes you eligible for several job roles like database administrator, web developer and designer, software developer, applications developer, network administrator, and many other roles in various domains. 

What is the salary after distance BCA?

The average salary package for a BCA graduate is INR 5 LPA irrespective of the mode of education. This is just the starting salary, the package increases tremendously with more experience. 

Is online BCA a good course for a career?

There has been a lot of demand for BCA graduates in the corporate world because of the subtle technological advancements globally. The course has gained a lot of importance over time and has been known to be one of the best undergraduate courses when it comes to career opportunities and future scope with job opportunities in several different sectors and domains. 

[vignanonlinedegree]

Is online MCA equivalent to regular MCA?

Is online MCA equivalent to regular MCA? 

There are two options to pursue your degree in Master of Computer Applications (MCA). One is the regular mode and thanks to technological advancement, options like distance learning or online programs have become the other mode of learning. But there is certainly a lot of confusion among learners on whether regular MCA learning is a wise option or an online program. 

To be precise, ideally, there should not be any debate on which option is preferred over the other because both programs offer knowledge that learners can use in their careers ahead. 

But the competition and the complexity of the education system have increased quite a lot which is why it is always better for the aspirants to choose the option which offers them convenience.

Know more about MCA:

Learners who want to explore more about programming language and application development can always go ahead with the degree course in Master of Computer Applications (MCA). Through the MCA degree program, aspirants can delve deep into mobile technologies, electronics, mathematics, statistics, and even cloud computing, to name some. The program lasts for 3 years, and once cleared, a learner can go ahead and look for better career opportunities.

MCA Regular

If there is not much financial pressure on you or the time that you need to attend the regular class is convenient, then pursuing the regular MCA degree from any institute can be good. But at times, be it financial trouble or part-time jobs, finishing such a program can be challenging. So, choosing Vignan online for the MCA program would be a wise thing to do. You can have a close interaction with the quality faculty through virtual callings, or if there is any hands-on practice experience that you need to do, then you can do so through the online forums, websites, and creating projects online.

MCA online program

Online MCA Degree  is a highly demanding degree in today's time. The world is now getting quite advanced with computer language and its use will be more common in the future. Through online MCA, the ease of accessing the program for those who wish to study but, due to some restrictions, couldn't be a part of regular mode can also have a scope. Online accessibility has also helped many professionals and learners who had to drop out in the middle due to personal reasons to join the program again and earn the degree.

In terms of fees, the charges could vary depending on the platform that a learner chooses. But in terms of material that is needed for education, both platforms are the best.

Online MCA- a 2-year professional Program

Online MCA learning is the best choice which is of 2 years that has been designed for those aspirants who have an interest in learning more about computers, practical and theoretical. The online program for MCA offers special knowledge of computer language, database management, programming in other languages, and networking, to name a few. It certainly has a lot of scope for the experts who were already interested in computers but were working on their own without any kind of degree.

Pursuing an online or regular MCA can be a great way to earn a master's degree in computers. For one, you don't have to commit the time and can study as per convenience, but in another regular program, you need to commit hours to visit the institute and learn. Further, MCA online programs are designed per the working expert's needs and structured so that an advanced theoretical level and practical knowledge are straight to the point, making them further competent. 

Vignan Online University is an online accredited institution that offers different undergraduate and graduate degree programs. So, you must choose the online course to get quality learning without attending regular classes.

Why Online MCA Course?

There is no compromise that a learner has to make while attending an Online MCA Program. Rather it involved deep computer application study. The program covers different topics that can enhance soft and hard skills. The program covers operations, programming, and many more while brushing up the learner's technical skills. Also, there are other advantages to not missing out, such as:

Freedom to attain cross-functional skills

All-round development in computer technology

Career mentorship available

Skill development for learners

Providing training to be prepared for interview

Access to classes of all domains

Eligibility and topics covered:

Whether you go for the regular MCA or online, the eligibility is that a person must have finished a Bachelor's degree with a 10+2 in Mathematics. As a part of an online program, there is also a degree of MCA distance learning program that a learner can choose from. However, for that, there is no entrance exam needed. Final-year or freshly graduated learners who want to seek a career in the software and computer industry can think of this option.

This program is divided into 3 to 6 years in six semesters. The MCA online learning inculcates the computer's advanced level of knowledge. It covers topics such as:

Computer Science and IT

Full Stack Development

Artificial Intelligence

Data Science

Machine Learning

Cloud Computing

Conclusion

MCA regular and MCA online programs both have their perks. But irrespective of what option a learner chooses, there is no doubt in return, the program would offer better knowledge, finely brush up skills, and good education, of course. It all depends on the learner on how they grasp the topics being taught because the faculty of any type is going to be amazing and can help to teach those concepts that can be used in setting the career in the future.

The debate on MCA online or MCA regular is never-ending. That is why the MCA aspirants should focus on their present scenario and make a choice accordingly. This way, they can stay motivated while achieving their other goals too.

#online mca degree, #online mca admissions, #masters in computer applications, #online mca colleges, #online mca certificates, #online mca certification program, #online mca program fees, #online mca degree programs

[cosmica-galaxy]

In the Player’s World - Player x Yan!Madcom

So...I read most, if not ALL, of @saltymongoose‘s Yandere Madcom material and I just wanted to throw an idea out there.

How would Hank, Deimos, and Standford like the player’s world in comparison to their own and what I think the guys would like most about it. So I have a few short headcanons for it.

(For the sake of the setting, Player lives in a nice rural area and lives alone.)

-Headcanons under the cut-

       -- HANK --

When Hank arrived he was...pretty agitated and shocked by the sheer level of colors that assaulted his eyes when he gathered his bearings, but when he finally gets to meet his player, his mood instantly improves. The Player is obviously willing to accommodate their vessels, so while Hank is primarily indifferent, he couldn’t be happier. He gets to see you for real and hold you in his arms, what more could he want?

--

There wasn’t much that Hank found personal interest in, but there was one thing he did seem to like...very much, actually. One thing that was so rare in Nevada, but common here in his Players world.

Rain.

The first time Hank saw the rain falling from the sky, he stood out on the driveway. Allowing the water to drench his body and drip off of his form. It was...tranquil. Pleasing. Beautiful even. How it changed the world around him, darkened the colors of the world, and it always left a wonderful scent afterward. Hank really adored rainy days. You, not so much. Mostly because he would always come inside all muddy and soaked to the bone. Hank just uses it as an excuse for you to help dry him off.

--

The second best thing Hank seemed to like was the sheer variety of meat that your world had to offer. Being an avid hotdog enthusiast, Hank was more than thankful when you brought home a large selection of hotdogs and meats from your trip to the store in town. He didn’t know primarily how many meats you brought in, but Hank wouldn’t dare turn down an offering that you went out of your way to get.

He got to try so many things! Such as chicken, turkey, pork, fish, venison, duck, and much more. His favorites were ‘beef’ and ‘pork’. Since those meats just had a taste that was similar to the meat back in Nevada. He would still eat whatever you fixed or brought home for your vessels that night. For you, he wouldn’t dare be picky.

--

The last thing he enjoyed from your world was the abundant amount of entertainment. Your world had so many things to keep him occupied, since he couldn’t really go on missions or kill anyone (As per your request), so he indulged in your TV, gaming consoles, and various other electronics to pass the time.

He seemed to get entranced by some shows, namely violent ones. Such as the ‘Saw’ series or other gorefest flicks. He even got into the horror game aspects of entertainment, despite him not being very good at video games. Regardless, he enjoys watching horror movies with his player. Especially when you jump into his arms to hide your face from a scary monster that shows up on the screen with a loud noise.

That was his favorite part.

-

–

-

-- DEIMOS –

Deimos had a similar reaction to Hank when he first crossed over into his precious Player’s world. The colors of their world were so vivid that Deimos had to visibly squint to limit the amount of colors that were overstimulating his eyes. However, it eventually ebbs away and Deimos happily embraces his Player and gives them a firm hug. Deimos is happy to explore their abode while the Player gets their vessels settled in. Enjoying the finer things in life, like a couch that wasn’t lumpy or broken down. Man, he felt so comfortable here, that he probably would never want to leave.

–

Deimos was much more invested in technology than Hank or Sanford. He even acquired a hobby of hacking into various online websites to test their security and databases. He even found a few accounts on one of your personal computers of people that you had blocked over the years.

Deimos…was mischievous, to say the least. He was also a total snoop.

He manages to hack into your accounts and opens a few of those private conversations that never seem to get deleted and his blood slowly crawls up to a boil as he reads some of the messages that some of these worthless FILTH sent you. Many were spambots, but some weren’t. Namely some that were obviously still very active users.

He doesn't feel any regret when he pinches their IP addresses and the information of their credit and debit cards and buys you very nice electronic equipment. When questioned about the packages that show up on your doorstep, the only thing he does is shrug and play dumb.

Don’t worry. He’s made sure that those creeps online felt a LOT of financial pain.

Anyone that says those things to his dearest Player deserves to be in the poor house.

–

Deimos is also a rather active individual. He’s rather athletic and staying in one place for too long seems to bother him. So he takes up doing laps around his Player’s home. Scouting out the location and even taking in the surrounding nature that is nestled close to the home. One day, he even managed to get his Player to come out and walk with him on a brisk nature walk in the early morning. Those days are the best, merely because he usually gets the Player all to himself. It was selfish and immature in a way, but Deimos has always been that way.

If he can both scout out, exercise, and explore with his precious Player by his side out in the woods…completely alone, he probably wouldn’t want anything else in this life.

What could top being out all alone with the love of his life?

-

–

-

– SANFORD –

Sanford, just like Hank and Deimos, had the same reaction to entering the Player’s realm. His eyes could be seen squinting from behind his black shades. Even with their protection, the colors of your world were piercing and absolute. Still, he found it stunning and beautiful.

Even better than that, he finally got to meet his Player. He could only embrace you and let out an elated baritone chuckle as he relished in your eternal warmth that radiated from your very being. Finally, after so long he finally got to meet the one that had been helping his group out on missions.

And he had to say…you were much more stunning in person than in those photos.

–

Sanford was not much of an openly emotional guy, but he did admire some things. Guns, certain types of kills, Deimos, and various explosives. But one thing he never knew he could admire, nor did he ever think about, was the first thing he saw when he stepped outside onto the house’s porch with a warm cup of coffee that was brewed by his Player in his hand.

The sunrise.

Sanford watched in awe as the sky above turned into a bright and colorful painting as the sun rays of the early morning sunrise lit up the sky. He nearly dropped his mug in surprise when he saw the sight, but he managed to keep his composure. Watching the colorful world become even more beautiful with the passing hours made Sanford realize something. When was the last time he ever saw the sun in his realm? The sky turned blood red and it’s been like that for years…he has forgotten what the sun even felt like.

So he could only watch as the trees and nature around your house began to glow and take on vivid shades as your sun slowly cloaks the world around him in warmth.

Funny. It reminded him of his Player in a way. But of course, there was no way that the sun would outcompete you in his eyes. But, maybe that’s why most of the grunts tend to covet your warmth.

Maybe you simply make them all nostalgic for what they used to have.

And well…he wasn’t intending on losing it again.

–

Sanford also decided to pick up a new hobby while in your world to pass the time. Which was helping you to cook some of the exotic meats that your world happily provided for you.

Despite cooking for his team most of the time, supplies were hard to come by in his dimension, so sometimes they would have repeated meals over and over again. This time was different, however. You would go out on some days after going to work and come home with a plethora of goodies for him to experiment with.

Fish, poultry, pork, beef, and other varieties were on the menu and Sanford was rather entertained with the prospect of eating so many different foods. With your ever-comforting guiding hand, you taught him how to prepare most of the meat and certain ways to cook veggies.

Sanford’s cooking skill greatly improved, as stated by both Deimos and an approving nod from Hank, but your approval stood out the most of all. You would encourage Sanford to keep sharpening his skills in the culinary field.

Sanford never felt so much pride swell up in his chest before.

For you, he would do anything. He was certain of that.

–

Sanford also found an outdoor activity he enjoyed and it wasn’t just so he could keep his more impulsive partner under his careful watch. Sanford had taken up the activity of fishing in the lake nearby your abode.

The first time he explored the lake, he was rather surprised to find other creatures inhabiting the water. Living beings that weren’t humanoid in shape. This was his first encounter with what you called a “fish”. Which was also edible and could be hunted and eaten. So, Sanford decided to watch a couple of “fishing” videos and decided to take a stab at it.

With his large hook, he would go out to the pier and watch the waters for movement. His gaze was sharp and wary, similar to how he would watch for danger back in Nevada. Then at the first sign of large movement, and a quick thrust of his hook and chain, the water surface was broken and a large fish was skewered on the end of his hook.

Sanford took a minute to process before he allowed a large smile to show on his face as he carried his prize back to the house.

Once he showed his catch to his Player, he was given a flurry of encouragement and congratulations. To which Sanford soaked up like a dry sponge. You even took the fish from him and told him that you would be cooking it up for dinner that night. To which a lightbulb went off over Sanford's head.

Then, he started performing rather unique types of chores around the house. Cutting wood, helping with outdoor upkeep, fixing any problems with equipment, and fishing on some nights when money was tight.

If there was one thing Sanford was going to prove above his rivals, was that he could provide for his Player.

To prove that he wasn’t just a vessel, but that he could also be a worthy husband of yours someday.

[wow-its-me]

Okokokokokok

A TMNT AU that focuses more on splinter. A story similar to 2012’s story, but with Rise’s personality.

What if instead of of protecting the world from the shredder, Yoshi was destined to protect the world from the Kraang? What if he knew he failed as soon as he mutated? What if there was nothing he could do but wait? What if Lou Jitsu was an early online influencer?

A story split in to three parts, three times, the early 2000’s/Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki, 2012/Lou Jitsu and the turtle tots, 2022/ Master Splinter and the TMNT

Anyway I’ve been thinking about this all day so here you go

The Tale of Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki

1980

Not too far from Tokyo sits a small village, home of the Hamato clan who happily welcome there newest addition, Hamato Yoshi

1984

Tragedy strikes, the first of many tragedies that will follow Yoshi throughout his life. His mother must leave, to watch for something, protect them from something

1987

Yoshi befriends a local boy named Oroku Saki. They quickly become inseparable. However, before the year is up, tragedy strikes once more, Leaving Saki an orphan, tragedy will follow Saki throughout his life. Yoshi’s family is quick to take in Saki, in there eyes the young boy was always family.

1995

The brothers learn together, play together, train together. But like all brothers they fight. They argue and bicker over silly things, but when it comes down to it they’ll always defend each other, won’t they?

1997

The brothers sit in the dojo while their father speaks to them. He talks to them about their family, their history, the Hamato clan. Hundreds of years ago their family stopped the demons that attempted to destroy their home. Yoshi in Saki will one day bare the responsibility of protecting them if the monsters shall ever return.

Saki nodes, he understands the weight that he must carry.

Yoshi on the other hand is not paying attention.

“Monsters and Demons and Aliens and Yokai,” he later tells his brother, “like they fairy tales he’d tell us to keep us out of trouble as kids? You seriously believe that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? I won’t ignore Hundreds of years of tradition because I don’t want to be responsible, will you?”

Their sibling rivalry suddenly lost its playful twang

1999

The rivalry between them continues to grow becoming more intense with every argument.

Saki believes that their father favors Yoshi, despite Yoshi never seeming to care or take anything seriously.

Yoshi believes that Saki is simply a hateful man. That Saki will hate him no matter what so there’s no point in trying to stay kind to him.

Yoshi also spends more of his free time on his computer, the internet was a fascinating thing.

1999

Yoshi posts on blogs and forums, starting to make a name for himself on online spaces. That name however is not Yoshi, he instead goes by ‘Lou Jitsu’

2001

A young woman moves to town. Yoshi and Saki both become smitten.

Tang Shen is her name, smart, strong, kind, beautiful.

Weather she realizes it or not, her love will be the final thing to push the brothers apart.

Shen finds them both charming in their own ways.

2002

The young men continue to try and win her attention. However in their fighting does not go unnoticed by Shen. She notices the malice behind Saki’s words, behind his eyes.

Tang Shen chooses Hamato Yoshi

2003

Lou Jitsu has gained quite a following on a new website called ‘MySpace’

He tends to embellish his life on the internet, he makes himself out to be some sort of hero. Never lying per say, just exaggerating.

2004

Tang Shen is pregnant.

Yoshi is there for her, but he starts distancing himself, spending more time working, training. He’s scared. He doesn’t think he could be a great father.

Saki doesn’t care that she’s going to have a child. He is convinced that she still loves him, that she will leave Yoshi. He is plans on raising the child as if it was his own

2005

The Hamatos happily welcome their newest addition,

Hamato Miwa

However this happiness dose not last.

Yoshi’s father is ill. While he tries to remain carefree, he can feel the sadness and responsibility he’s been running from begin to catch up with him.

Deep into the night someone knocks at the door.

Shen lights a candle and makes her way over to the door.

Oroku Saki

He demands she change her mind. She demands he leave her be.

Their argument wakes up Yoshi and they soon begin to fight, unlike they have ever fought before. The candle falls and fire slowly consumes the building.

Saki unsheathes his blade and swings for Yoshi,

“STOP” Shen blocks the swing before falling to the ground

Saki Runs

The supports of the small building begin to fall.

Yoshi barely makes it out alive

Miwa is lost

He sits outside whispering to himself though broken tears.

He goes to his clan. But Saki got there first, he doesn’t know what he told them but it couldn’t be good. His own father won’t look him in the eyes.

There’s only one thing left for him to do, flee.

He books a plane to the first place he can think of, America, he briefly considers LA before settling on New York, Shen always wanted to visit New York.

2006

Yoshi can’t shake the feeling that grief isn’t the only thing that followed him. He swears he sees things in the streets, things only mentioned in cautionary tales, hears the name he was taught to fear.

His mind must be playing tricks on him.

Since moving Yoshi struggled to find a job, before ending up at a local pet shop. Most of his paycheck went to paying the rent of a small run down apartment.

He was entirely alone, the only thing that gave him the slight sense of community that he craved was his online presence. He often posted martial arts videos and life blogs. He gave up attempting to be honest with them. Lou Jitsu became a character he put on as a last attempt at keeping his sanity, was he still sane?. He wished that could be a paying job.

The depression, grief, anxiety, and pain of his life was becoming to much to handle alone.

‘Maybe I should get an emotional support pet.’

The next day he clocked out of work, but didn’t walk home alone. He was now accompanied by the four baby turtles. He finally felt like things could be okay again.

And they almost were. Yoshi was mere feet from his apartment when he heard the voices coming from the alleyway.

“Kraang has received new orders from Kraang Prime” the horrid robotic voice screeched.

Fear, all he felt was fear. Then relief, he wasn’t seeing things, he wasn’t loosing his mind, they were real, they were here. Regret. He should have paid more attention to his father. He places the turtles on a window ledge

“What has Kraang-“

BANG

Yoshi hits one in the back of the head and it topples to the ground. The other stands shocked in front of him. ‘Could Kraang be shocked?’ In it’s hands was a glowing canister filled with a thick green substance that bubbled and oozed.

a fight brakes out the canister traded hands back and forth between the man and the alien-piloted machine. Suddenly it was in the air

The Air stood still. Rats ran by his feet. Shattering glass. Ooze coated his skin.

Pain. White hot pain. It clouded his vision, rang in his ears. He felt his bones stretching, skin morphing. Was he growing taller? Or getting shorter? He grasped his arms for stability, only to feel a thick layer of fur. When did he get on the ground?

‘The Turtles’

He glanced over and they too were sitting in a puddle of the ooze. They were changing right in front of him. Yoshi looked to the baby turtles and for a split second he thought they looked familiar. Almost like him, Almost like,

He picked up the children an ran, retreating into the sewers where no one would see them.

2006

The Hamato clan is born anew

They happily welcome four additions.

Hamato Raphael

Hamato Leonardo

Hamato Donatello

Hamato Michelangelo

[akitokihojo]

'Tis the Damn Season

I don't care if it's early January. Being super busy means I get a grace period to post a Christmas Fic.

It's long. Like, really long. I'm sorry. And, I know I don't usually post on Mondays, especially so late in the day, but I'm tired, and I can't look at it anymore, and don't really want to hang onto this as we get further and further away from December. lol

Okay, so if you read this, thank you v much. I missed writing pining idiots, so have a butt load of it.

AO3

----------

It was hard to keep her eyes on the road when the atmosphere of her hometown was nothing short of mesmerizing. Every year since Kagome could remember, the decorations went up, the snow fell down, and when the lights came on, it was like magic in the air. Even now, in the daylight hidden behind thick, gray clouds, she couldn’t help but toss her head back and forth to look at each wreath hung on light posts she passed.

The speed limit may have been thirty-five miles per hour, but no one was going over twenty. The snow had piled up and the streets were slick. From the phone calls she’d received from her mother over the last week, she’d heard about the several feet of snow that’d just kept falling. Kagome must have gotten too acclimated to the city she’d moved to years ago. It was hours away from the mountains, and if they got snow, it was no more than two inches. She’d had the audacity to think her mother was exaggerating. From the looks of it, the reality was actually downplayed.

It had been at least five years since she’d last returned home. Her family chose to come out to her twice, she spent one Christmas with an ex, and one on her own that contained a very long FaceTime call with her mom where they virtually opened gifts with each other and spent time together the only way they could. This year, her younger brother concocted a plan. Months ago, he called Kagome up to arrange for her to come out. She’d wanted to as it was, but when he mentioned they should surprise their mom, she was all in. So, she told her mom she was going on a business trip this year. Kagome worked for an editing company and she’d just recently gotten a promotion, so the lie was easy to spin. She was busy as an editor with some high maintenance clients, and it was gratifying work. Did her promotion entail any sort of traveling, though? Not at all. Her business was all on the computer, but her mom didn’t know every single detail.

It was crushing to see the disappointment on her mother’s face. Her mom was the type of person to swallow her ill feelings and put on a smile so everyone was comfortable. She rarely complained, always emphasized how proud she was of her children for leaving the nest and taking life by the horns, and was the type of mom to leave sweet voicemails when Kagome couldn’t answer a call. It wasn’t normal to witness any sort of sadness on her mom’s precious face. And, she’d covered it up quickly, telling Kagome to do her best and they’d FaceTime on Christmas morning. But, Kagome had noticed. It almost made her break, and she was so close to spilling the beans then.

Thankfully, she’d remained disciplined. Her brother would have pulverized her otherwise. There may be a six year age gap between them, but ever since Sota hit puberty, spiked in height, his voice dropped, and he stopped looking so scrawny, the kid started giving Kagome a run for her money. Sitting at twenty-two now, several inches taller than her, and nearly as quick-witted as she, there was no way she was going to get on his bad side. The one thing she had over him was speed, and the last time they saw each other, she’d antagonized him to the point where she’d had to run for her life.

Driving very carefully as she wandered through the more residential neighborhoods of the small town, she could finally see the house she grew up in. Sota had been home from college for over a week already, taking his last final online, so he had to have helped their mom put up the Christmas lights outside. They twinkled around the edging of their roof, glowing in the dull light that the clouds provided. Even that caused Kagome to gleam. She’d missed this so much. It wasn’t until now that she realized how painfully homesick she actually was. And, it didn’t help that she was moments away from executing the biggest surprise ever.

Kagome had turned her location on for her brother to monitor on her way over, so it was no surprise that he was coming outside and shutting the door behind him just as she pulled up. It was hard not to squeal from the excitement. She put her sedan in park, twisted her key out of the ignition, threw her car door open, and ran to meet Sota where they collided in a hug. Stupidly, she wasn’t wearing her jacket yet. She was already shivering where she stood, clinging onto him for another minute longer just to absorb some of his body heat.

“Oh my god, it’s freezing.” She trembled, finally pulling away to tuck her fingers into the thin sleeves of the hoodie she dawned.

“Oh, you city slickers.” Sota joked. “Please tell me you brought warmer clothes.”

“Of course, I did.” She notched her head for him to follow as she urgently shuffled back to her car, nearly slipping on the shoveled walkway. Kagome leaned over the driver’s seat, grabbing for the beige, puffy jacket strewn carelessly on the passenger side. Never had she gotten an article of clothing on so quickly in her life, frantically zipping it up and tucking her hands inside the pockets.

Sota was laughing, opening up her trunk to grab the luggage and gifts she’d brought along with her. “Don’t worry, the worst we’re gonna get for a few days is flurries. The snow should melt a little.”

“No, don’t say that.” Kagome gave a small whine.

Sota glanced over at her disheartened expression, securing her laptop bag over his shoulder. “I said a few days. The forecast is one hundred percent snow on Christmas Eve.”

Her smile grew exponentially brighter. “White Christmas?”

“Did you expect anything less from here?”

“I missed this!”

“Shut up,” He chuckled, closing the trunk. “Mom was in the kitchen when I stepped out. She’ll hear you.”

Sealing her lips shut in an effort to contain her excitement, Kagome reached for a couple Christmas bags to free from his full hands. Behind him, the charcoal truck parked in the driveway of their neighbor’s house that had already been hard to ignore finally claimed her undivided attention. From what she remembered, the vehicle usually parked there was an SUV.

“What’s with the truck? Miss Izayoi get another upgrade?”

Sota’s head spun to look, but as he turned back to her, the grimace deep on his face, she felt her heart give an ill-feeling thump. It leapt into her throat and then plummeted into her stomach. Dread curved her lips into a frown as she mouthed the word, “No.”

“No,” Kagome repeated, this time in a hoarse whisper.

Sota cringed worse, being the only one to truly know what had happened between them and the way Kagome used to feel. “Yeah.”

“He’s home?” She’d kept her voice low, desperate. She hadn’t even considered the fact that they might run into each other. It was so abnormal nowadays, that this time around, Kagome had nearly forgotten that they used to live right next to one another. “What happened to the heads up I should have gotten?”

“I’m sorry. I was hoping you two wouldn’t even notice each other. Like the last time.”

“Sota, it’s not that we didn’t notice each other. It’s that I hid from him.” Kagome argued.

“Oh, shit that’s right.” He hissed.

“Because, I knew he was here!”

“I know, I’m sorry. He showed up a few days ago. Look, let’s back track.” Sota tried. “Yes, Miss Izayoi got a new car. One she, uh,” He glimpsed the truck again. “One she needs a step stool to get into.”

“Oh my god.” She breathed. Sota could tell she was inwardly spiraling, and he urged her inside.

“Come on, it’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Sota, I’m gonna need you to go over there and tell him to leave.”

She was making it so hard for him not to laugh. Even he was surprised he’d maintained composure through her beginning frenzy.

“It’s my turn to be home for Christmas.”

“He wasn’t here last year. Or, the year before that.”

She stiffened, feeling her lips jut out in a pout. Uncomfortable, Kagome bobbed from foot-to-foot. “I said what I said.”

“Get inside, you fucking drama queen. You two will have nothing to do with each other.” Her brother shoved everything he held into one hand and grabbed her wrist to forcefully pull her along.

“But -“

“Shut up.” He gave a squeeze to her arm as they got closer to the door, and Kagome finally tore her brown eyes away from the charcoal truck of doom.

She needed to push it to the back of her mind. Sota was right. They’d have nothing to do with each other. She’d successfully hidden from him one time. So well, in fact, that he didn’t even know she was merely a hundred feet away. And, that’s saying something since the guy was half demon and had a keen sense of smell. Chances are, he wouldn’t even know she was there this time around. He was visiting to see his mother, and she was visiting to see hers. Outside of town, they were so far disconnected from one another that it wouldn’t even make sense to think they’d suddenly reconnect now.

With a deep breath, an exasperated groan, and a slug to her brother’s arm for giving in and laughing at her, Kagome was just about back on track. Inuyasha was nothing but a friend from her past. A best friend that stayed in the past. Instead of focusing on the anxiety-inducing chance that she’d see him, she instead focused on the good news that Miss Izayoi wouldn’t be alone this Christmas.

Sota gently placed her belongings down in the entryway as Kagome shut the door behind her. The house was substantially warmer than outside, and Kagome could feel the heat thawing out the tip of her nose already. Her brother pressed his finger to his lips in a gesture to stay quiet as they kicked off their wet shoes before walking deeper into the house.

“Sota?” Their mom called, and Kagome’s stomach erupted in thrilled butterflies. She’d never been part of a planned surprise for someone before. Hell, she’d never been the surprise for someone before. And, she was just so excited to see her mother in person.

“Yeah.” He answered, peeking around the hall to see his mom’s back facing them. She was still in the kitchen, and from the looks of it, she was getting ready to start dinner. Her apron was on and a cutting board was set out on the island counter while she fished through the refrigerator.

“Where’d you go, sweetie? I didn’t even realize you got up.”

“I left my charger in the car.” He seamlessly lied, entering further to stop at the opposite side of the counter with Kagome following in behind him.

“You’re so quiet, I swear.” She giggled. “Makes me worried about how many times you might have snuck out as a teenager.”

“Only twice.” He was actually telling the truth that time, but he’d said it so casually.

She hummed in restrained displeasure, giving him a fleeting glance as she placed some vegetables on the counter and headed over to the pantry. “Is it still snowing?”

“Nope.” He replied stiffly, putting his all into resisting a chortle. Kagome was directly next to him now, looking as baffled as ever to have been missed like that. Her jaw hung open and she gaped his way. Even the small crinkle from the gift bags she'd placed on the island didn’t catch their mother’s attention.

“Good. Want to help with dinner? I’m making a stew. I feel like that’d be nice over a bed of rice for a cold night like this. What do you think?”

Sota quickly moved from the spot he was in to aid his mother as she reached for the large, ceramic bowl on the top shelf. Her toes were pressed up and her arms stretched out as far as they could go while she struggled to grab what she needed, and given her recent track record for clumsiness, Sota wasn’t having it. “Mom, let me. What else do you need?”

His mom took the bowl from his hand, thanking him with a tender grin. “Would you mind pulling the crockpot down from the cupboard? I think I’d like to do this the easy way tonight.”

“What can I help with, mama?” Kagome finally spoke. Their mother glanced her way but only out of reaction to see who’d talked. It was the double take that was the big catch. The smile on her face fell into an expression of shock, and her eyes lit up immediately. Her grasp slipped on the bowl as her hands flew up, and Sota’s reflexes were impressive as he lunged to successfully catch it.

“What!?” She shouted, completely taken aback by her daughter’s sudden presence. Within seconds, she folded, tears springing to her eyes as she bounced around the counter elatedly to clutch her baby girl. Her voice was high and her arms were shaking, though not a word she said was missed through either of her children’s laughter. “What are you doing here!? What about your work trip!? When did you get here!? Oh my god, you’re here!”

“I just showed up.” Was the only thing Kagome could respond with as she hugged her arms around her mom’s waist a little tighter.

“But, what are you doing here!?”

“Sota and I wanted to surprise you!”

“Well, it worked, you dirty liars.” Her mother sniffled, pulling back to cradle Kagome’s pink and smiling face before jumping forward to hold her a little more. “So, no work trip?”

“If I had one, I sure did travel in the exact opposite direction of it.” Kagome said sarcastically, giggling as her mother gave a tsk of her tongue.

Finally able to pull herself away, Kagome’s mom looked around for her things. “How long are you staying?”

“The week.”

“Until Christmas!?” She asked happily. “Where’s your bag?”

“Two days after, I go home. And, it’s in the hall. Couldn’t carry that all in without giving away my grand entrance.”

“Okay, okay, enough of the waterworks.” Sota groaned through the prideful smirk on his face. He made his way to the fridge, pulling out a container. “Who wants eggnog?”

Being down for absolutely anything right now, their mom rose her hand and bounced on her toes. She was so excited, that if someone told her to forego a homemade meal and run out for taco bell - the very thing that turned her stomach upside down in the worst ways - she would have.

Kagome eyed the carton and the smirk on her younger brother’s face. She knew that look. “Sota, does she?” She asked skeptically.

Still smiling, he nodded, placing the eggnog on the counter before reaching for three mugs. Twisting the cap off, he poured his mom a glass and placed it before her, not surprised when she didn’t immediately take it as she was still clearing her cheeks of tears. Sota spun around, grabbing the unopened bottle of rum he’d hidden on top of the refrigerator.

“Ah, there it is.” Kagome pointed.

“Sota.” Their mom gasped.

“Mom.” He lightly mimicked in return, eyeing out a shot into each mug before mixing in the eggnog. “Here, May, see if this is strong enough for you.” He said, sliding Kagome’s mug over to her.

Kagome nearly choked on the sip she’d taken. “Dude…”

“Oh. Too strong?”

“No more guessing for you.”

Sota took a slurp, smacking his lips together a few times as he tested the taste. “It’s fine to me.”

“God, what are they giving you college kids these days?” Kagome asked, grabbing the eggnog from him to try and dull out the taste in her cup.

“Please don’t answer that in front of me. I am blissfully naive and would like to stay that way.” Their mom said, as she swiftly changed the subject with a raise of her glass. “I propose a toast!”

“No - mom.” Sota grumbled.

“Yes! Toast!”

Kagome laughed, raising her mug of spiked eggnog while her brother begrudgingly obliged. Their mother was notorious for toasting anything and everything. There was no logical explanation for this; she just loved to celebrate the littlest occurrences.

“To both of my babies being home for Christmas.”

“Huzzah!” Kagome and Sota cheered.

Both siblings clanked their mugs on the counter and took a large swig of their drinks, bringing a huge cringe from Kagome that wriggled her shoulders and caused her nose to crinkle.

“Never mind, you two are ridiculous together.” Their mom rolled her eyes with a sigh, though she wasn’t actually the least bit bothered. She took a healthy gulp of her own drink before taking it with her to the vegetables. “You know, speaking of being home, you’ll never guess who’s here.”

“Who?” Kagome asked, taking residence in a stool at the counter while Sota took the initiative to bring in her things from the entryway.

“Inuyasha.” The grin on her mother’s face was wide, her cheeks still a bit blustery from the happiness that’d yet to die down.

“Oh, yeah?” Kagome coolly played off. Her mom knew the basics, but not everything. It all took place back in a time when teenagers didn’t share those details of their lives with their parents. It was awkward. Being a teenager with any sort of feelings was awkward. Even being well into her late twenties now, Kagome didn’t feel inclined to spill the most uncomfortable bits of her life from over a decade back. She wanted to let it all go, and quite frankly, had been trying to do so for a long time. The only reason Sota was in the know was because he’d seen her crushed from their last run-in and helped her through it. How could she not let him in after walking in on her like that?

It wasn’t a door she was going to reopen, though. Her mom knew every other intimate detail, but this one, as dated as it was, could stay in the decade it belonged in.

“Yeah. He’s here for the rest of the month. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Pretty cool.” She nodded along, taking another sip of her drink. Suddenly, Kagome didn’t mind the heavy spice of rum.

“Why don’t you go say hi?”

“Well, because that’d be weird.”

“How would that be weird?” Her mom blinked, picking up the knife as she got to chopping the produce.

“Mom, we haven’t spoken in ages. You know this.” She explained with slight exasperation. “I can’t just walk over there and pretend we’re seventeen again. Even smalltalk would be,” Kagome paused as a chill ran up her spine. “Uncomfortable.”

“You’re so silly.” She giggled. “When you’re best friends for as long as you two were, you don’t just lose a bond like that. Especially if you simply grew apart. But,” Her mom was particular to use an emphatic to prevent Kagome from interrupting. “If you aren’t comfortable, then you aren’t comfortable. I respect that. As you kids would say, you do you, boo.”

“You do you, boo.” Sota repeated with more of a hip tone, re-entering the room. “Mom, where are your car keys?”

“Didn’t you take them?”

“When?”

“When you went to get your charger.”

“Mom,” He pointed to Kagome. “I went to go get her. I was lying.”

“Oh. They’re in my purse then. Why? Are you going somewhere?” Their mother’s face drooped in disappointment as she set her knife down on the counter. “Sweetie, I’m cooking, and -“

“Chill, I’ve just gotta get May’s gift’s out of the trunk.”

“What do you mean, they’re in the -“ She gasped thickly, sharply. “Oh my god, your gifts! I had Sota ship them to you!”

He stood there with a wry grin, waiting for her to clue in. Honestly, with how much effort Sota had put into this, maybe it shouldn’t have been Kagome that got the huge hug for her arrival. He’d really thought of everything. Sans the warning. Almost everything.

The fear in their mom’s expression gradually dwindled as she read the look on her son’s face. The remainder of his statement finally processed, and she wasn’t sure whether to deadpan or show relief. “They’re in the trunk?”

“Yup.”

“You brat.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Anything else I should know?”

Sota pulled the lanyard with her keys on them out of her purse, jingling them as he waltzed to the entry hall. “Yes. I’m pregnant.”

—

Kagome awoke the next day as groggy as ever. If there was anything she wasn’t, it was a morning person. She rubbed her eyes and pushed her messy, black hair from her face, staring at the white ceiling above her as she tried to sink further into the pillows of the bedroom she used to occupy before moving out.

There were only small changes made by her mom since then. The color of the bedding was more neutral, the boy band posters were long gone, and the layout was altered a bit. Instead of the bed frame being completely against the wall in the corner, her mom had switched it up to sit more center. There was also a TV in the room now. Kagome was covered by a thick comforter that she would gladly stay under all day if she could. It was the kind that hugged you while not being too heavy, and made that luxurious crinkle sound anytime you moved.

She’d realized last night that she’d left her purse in her car. Kagome had been too wrapped up in the quality time she was spending with her family that she couldn’t be bothered to run out and get it. The neighborhood was rather safe, and even though she’d learned to be paranoid about things like that, just for the night, she let it slide. Laying there, she figured she should just get it over with and grab the damn thing. It had her phone charger in it, and her wallet, and of course, her chapstick. Kagome had lost track of how many times already she’d licked her lips, but the dryness was driving her insane.

Throwing the blanket off of her, she slid out of bed. Her pajamas consisted of red, flannel pants that fit a little too big and a black tank top she would have easily swapped out for a long sleeve if the heater wasn’t on in the house. Lazily, Kagome ruffled her fingers through her long tresses to try and arrange it all a little better. Specifically, her bangs. With naturally wavy hair, her fringe had the tendency to sort of do it’s own thing unless blowdried into position, and next-morning-hair was particularly unruly.

“Morning.” Sota greeted as soon as she walked out into the living room, his voice thick from sleep. He was in the kitchen, getting the coffeepot going with his short hair in absolute shambles.

Kagome could only muster a grunt as she headed toward the door.

“Hey, you remember that snow covering the ground means it’s cold outside, right?” He asked, arching a brow.

He was right, but she’d left her coat in the bedroom. And, the bedroom was in the exact opposite direction of her vehicle. So, she grabbed his from the coatrack in the entrance, opting to take his shoes too, since they were larger, and therefore, easy to slip on. Grabbing her car keys from the entry table, Kagome unlocked the front door and slumped out into the biting freeze of the air with nothing but a sharp inhale and that same breathe clutched within her chest.

Inuyasha glanced over at the noise of a door opening, shovel in hand as he was clearing up the walking path so his mother wouldn’t have to. Being out in the snow should have prevented any sort of shocks to his system, but he hadn’t expected to see her. On top of that, he wasn’t remotely prepared for the odd sensation inside of his abdomen to soar uncontrollably, or for his heart to do this weird twinge, or for his throat to swell up like it had. Everything sort of hit him on the spot, and he did a double take. It was her. It was Kagome.

He hadn’t seen her in years, and still, these were the effects she had on him. Maybe it was due to the surprise he was thrown off by. Or, maybe he was just awestruck.

Her hair was longer than when he’d last seen her. Way longer. He remembered it being just below her shoulders in her early community college years, and now it neared her lower back. The baggy clothes she was donning made it hard to determine a difference in her physique, but it was impossible to care about that sort of thing. Having known Kagome for so long, it was clear to him that things involving her were more than just a physical attraction.

The girl was as oblivious as ever. She seemed to be in a lifeless trance, trying to walk in a pair of tennis shoes four sizes too large on the path her younger brother had cleared a day and a half ago. She trudged over to a white car that he’d failed to really pay attention to before, unlocking it on her second attempt to press the button on the remote right. She was on the driver’s side, opening the back, passenger door, finally taking one of her hands out of the large sleeves of the jacket she wore to grab something from within.

Kagome regretted that she actually needed fingers to grasp onto things. How could she be dumb enough to think that thirty seconds outside wouldn’t be too bad? The way her jaw shivered, teeth clashing, had her reevaluating her life choices when she wasn’t fully awake.

A flash of silver and black in her peripherals caught her attention as she stood up straight, and as she inadvertently followed her eyes to see what it was, Kagome completely froze. She wasn’t sure what sort of expression she’d been holding before this, but she felt it drop. He was taller than she remembered. Or, maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe it was the muscle he’d put on, evident even through the dark sweater he wore. His silver hair was tied back into a ponytail, triangular ears on the top of his head just as they’d always been. Bright, golden eyes stared back at her, seeming almost as shocked as she was. But, then a soft smile appeared on his lips. One she couldn’t handle seeing. One she was unprepared for. One that made her heart thunk against her ribcage.

Oh no.

Inuyasha took a step in her direction, and his mouth opened to speak. She’d heard his voice just slightly before her panic took rein and she spoke over him.

“Y-yes. Yes, I’m here. I am so sorry.” Kagome fumbled over her words to say. She looked away as if to better concentrate in her act, and then glanced back over to Inuyasha with an apologetic grimace. She pointed to her ear as if to gesture she was on a call with headphones, using that same moment to make sure her thick hair was covering her lie. “Yes, I can see about getting that back to you today.”

She took a pause for the sake of theatricals.

“Well, I did warn you that I would be on vacation, so you should have sent this my way well in advance.”

Inuyasha jolted to a stop, heat flushing over his face as he felt mild embarrassment from mistaking that he’d actually be able to talk to her for the first time in too many years. He acknowledged her silent, mouthed apology with a wave to dismiss it all and watched her hurry back toward the house, the shoes she borrowed grinding against the cement since she struggled to actually pick her feet up the entire way. The door nearly slammed the moment she was back inside, and Inuyasha pursed his lips. He really shouldn’t have been surprised. Their friendship didn’t necessarily end on the greatest terms. He was a prick, always jealous, too protective for someone in his position, and absolutely clueless back then on why that was the case or how to properly communicate that sort of thing. Kagome justifiably grew fed up with his shit, and going to separate colleges just sort of aided in their falling out. He hasn’t seen her since she was transferring from the community college here to a university ten hours away, and even then, it was awkward.

It was like they had nothing to talk about anymore back then. Her mom threw her a little going away party that his mom had pushed him into going to alongside her since he was advantageously in town. They weren’t the best friends they used to be. He’d immediately gone away to a state college right out of high school, phone calls lessened, video chats rarely happened, and by the time text messaging was a big thing, Kagome had gotten a new number that he never received. So, why he’d suddenly think small talk would be easy, he’d never know. What came over him was stupid. He should have remained stiff and gone back to shoveling. He should have been the old Inuyasha and pretended he hadn’t even noticed her.

But, even the old Inuyasha was horrible at that. He always noticed Kagome. He remembered that facade being weak and tarnishable. At least, when it came to her.

Kagome all but kicked Sota’s shoes off, only one of her arms freed from his jacket as she crumbled to her knees and then, ultimately, laid facedown on the hardwood flooring of the living room. Her purse was lost somewhere between the entry hall and where she’d disintegrated, an arm beneath her head for some semblance of comfort.

She heard the sliding of socked feet heading her way, a mug she could feel the steam coming out of placed near her head.

“You good?” Sota nonchalantly asked, seeing as this was a decently normal happenstance for his dramatic sister.

“Mhm.” She hummed, but her voice was too high. He knew when her voice reached an octave like that, something bad had happened and she was just barely holding it together. Furrowing his brows, Sota stood, walking to the window facing their front yard to glance out with his own cup of coffee in hand. She was fine when she left, not so great when she came back, so it didn’t take brilliant deduction skills to determine something had taken place outside. And, when his brown eyes spotted the toned back of their neighbor’s son shoveling snow, Sota damn near choked on his sip of coffee.

“Dude!” He hurried back over, barely holding back his guffaw from shock. “What happened!?”

“Nothing!”

“Nothing doesn’t make you die on the floor like this. Did he see you?” He retook his squatting position beside his sister.

“Yes.” She grumbled into her arm, muffled as it was.

“Did he say anything?”

“I didn’t let him.” Kagome rolled over to her back. “I - I pretended I was on the phone.”

Sota glanced at the cell phone she’d left on the counter the night before. One she’d happily put on do not disturb so that none of her clients could reach her while she was finally taking a well-deserved break from the office. “But -“

“Yes, I know! I pointed to my ear like I had a headphone on!”

His sister wore the most mortified frown as she went from looking at him, to the ceiling, to covering her face with the one arm still trapped in his jacket.

“C’mon, if that’s all that happened then it wasn’t that bad. What’s up?” Sota asked.

“He’s so pretty.” She whined desperately.

“Yes, I know. A true Adonis of his kind.” He replied dryly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, I lack the sexual attraction to him that you have. So while, yes, he’s quite nice looking, I’ve gotta tell you, he just doesn’t do it for me.”

“Sota, what the fuck?” Kagome’s voice was still high-pitched, and she lowered her arm to peek out at him, doe-like and round. “When did he start looking like that?”

He arched a speculative brow, finally giving his knees a break as he sat back on his butt. “I want to say sometime between the last time you saw him and had this same breakdown and now.”

“Thanks, that’s real helpful.”

“May, he’s always been ridiculously handsome. You remember what his dad looked like? The dude could emasculate another just by standing within reach.” Sota paused for another sip of his coffee. “It was only a matter of time before Inuyasha caught up. And, I mean, he’s - what? Twenty-eight, right? The guy was bound to hit his manly growth spurt sooner or later. Can’t look scrawny forever.”

“Twenty-nine.” Kagome corrected, sitting up to her elbows. His birthday had actually just recently past, and he was a good five months older than her.

“Then, it’s about time, really.”

She felt the pout forming deeply on her face. She was hot. Her blush burned at her nose and her eyes, and she knew it wasn’t the warmth of the house chipping the snow flurries away from her skin. Pushing herself up all the way, Kagome crossed her legs and slouched over, digging her elbows into her thighs and burying her face into her hands. “I panicked.”

“You don’t say.” Sota remarked dully, slurping from his mug.

“He was coming toward me.” Her heart was still beating fast. Why? Why wasn’t she past this yet? “He was going to talk to me, and I freaked.”

There was a brief moment of silence, and she swore she heard the faintest, clutched snort from Sota’s nostrils. With that, she pulled her face from her palms to shoot him a look.

“Wait, I just want to make sure I’m getting this right: you two saw each other, made eye contact, he was on his way over, and then you were suddenly on a phone call?”

“Is there alcohol in this coffee?” Kagome swooped up the mug he’d left for her on the floor.

“And then, what? Did you at least make the call make sense since you didn’t talk for the first sixty seconds you were outside?” Sota laughed.

Kagome took a sip, wincing at the heat that hit her tongue. Realizing that the creamer wasn’t spiked, she quickly stood up and finally dropped the jacket, her feet patting against the floor as she quickly sped to the fridge.

“Kagome, did you pretend it was a work call? Or, were you pretending to be on the phone with me or mom like you usually do in uncomfortable situations? Please tell me it was the latter.”

“It was a work call.” She scorned, pressing to her tiptoes to reach for the rum Sota had put back on top of the refrigerator. He’d carelessly set it in the center, not realizing she was stuck at five-feet-two-inches, and her fingers barely grazed the glass.

“Right, because you aren’t that stupid.” He nearly wheezed, getting up from the floor and sauntering over. Easily, he grabbed the rum, taking it into the living room to place on top of the bookshelf that reached even higher. “It’s too early to drink this away, my dude. You’re gonna have to sit with this one for a while.”

“You know, I think I’ve been a pretty good older sister to you. I never beat you up. When I shoved you into the dryer as a kid, I only turned it on for a split second -“

“I tumbled!”

“I stood up for you when you were being bullied and even punched a guy out. And, I went and picked you up at two in the morning one of those times you snuck out.”

“What’s your point?”

“I don’t deserve your cruelty. Give it back.”

“No.” He grinned, ambling back over. “It’s time to face the music, May. You’ve still got it bad.”

“I don’t want to have it bad.” She pouted again, shoulders sagging and fingers delicately wrapping around the coffee cup Sota handed back to her from the counter. “I’m too old to be experiencing the same disappointment over and over.”

“What if you’re not disappointed this time?”

“Sota,” She turned to keep her eyes on him as he walked back over to the coffee pot for a second cup. “He’s married. If I’m feeling this way, of course I’m going to end up disappointed.”

He had no argument that time. He’d long learned when it was better to shut up, so Sota pressed his lips closed, turning back to her with a sympathetic gaze. The best thing for Kagome was to keep her mind off of it, so as she got over the initial shock of it all, he brewed a fresh pot of coffee and turned on the TV for them to sit in front of for a while.

Their mother had insisted on going grocery shopping the next day for ingredients to make a special meal on Christmas Eve, and it was imperative to go before the last minute holiday rush. It didn’t spare them from a crowded market, but Kagome still knew there was a significant difference between what they’d just walked through and what they would have had to shove through a couple of days from then. Taking the chance to grab everything they may need, including snacks and extra coffee so no one would have to go to the store again, the cart was loaded up completely.

Pulling into the driveway, Kagome’s mom hit the button for the garage that was clipped to her sun visor so they’d have an easier time getting everything into the house.

“I was wondering where your beater was.” Kagome remarked at seeing Sota’s old, black car sitting in the parking spot of the garage that typically belonged to the hatchback their mom drove. “Why aren’t you parked on the street like a normal person?”

“It was my idea.” Their mother giggled, pulling the key out of the ignition. “We’re more likely to use my car for travel anyway, so he may as well tuck his away while he’s here.”

Kagome feigned a groan as she threw her door open to get out. “The favorite child wins again.”

“May, it’s a nineteen-ninety-five Nissan Maxima. It takes forty-five minutes to warm up, and the heater smells like something was just lit on fire. The less I use it, the better.” Sota returned defensively.

“How are you still driving that thing?” She laughed, opening up the back of the car so they could start taking things in. “Isn’t it over two-hundred thousand miles? How did you even get it here from school?”

“By the grace of god and new tires I sold pictures of my butt to buy.” Their mother gave a throaty grumble as she dismissed herself to put something in front of the entry door to keep it open and Kagome released a sort of snort as she doubled over from laughing. “I’m not kidding.”

Through their joking, she’d missed the crunch of snow approaching a little ways from their side. “Kagome, is that you?”

The voice was sweet and warm, inviting. Kagome, still smiling widely from her laugh, turned to see Izayoi in her front yard, her son not too far behind her. Initially, she’d jolted. Her grin wavered and she was stunned with spiked nerves that made it hard to function through. But, with the woman making her way through the thick snow that was nearly up to her knees, totally bundled up in a coat that rivaled the thickness of a blanket, Kagome was able to swallow as much of her nervousness as she could. Of all people, Miss Izayoi didn’t deserve to be avoided. She was always kind and understanding, and having known her since childhood, Kagome held her in high regard.

“Oh wow, hi.” Kagome greeted, putting the pack of bottled waters back in the trunk as her smile returned.

“No way.” Izayoi, having the confirmation, made her way closer, meeting Kagome halfway with an unmatched brightness at her shock. “I haven’t seen you in ages. You’ve grown so much.”

“I’m pretty sure she stopped growing at thirteen.” Sota remarked, deciding to stay near his sister. Inuyasha had come up behind his mom, not opting to stand beside her or get in their space. His hands were tucked into his jacket pockets, and his amber eyes danced around in a careless manner. Almost like he didn’t want to be there. Nevertheless, considering his sister’s habit of collapsing on the floor in mental torment after any sort of near encounter with the guy, Sota wanted to be there to attempt to cushion any sort of blow. And, most importantly, stop his sibling in case she panicked and said anything humiliating.

“Sota!” Izayoi rejoiced. “You’ve been away from home for a while, too. It’s so good to see you two!”

“Mom, you saw him the other day.” Inuyasha mentioned lowly.

“But, I didn’t get to say hi, did I? Because, someone was in a hurry. Always in a hurry.” She said, unbothered and gleeful. Izayoi spread her arms wide, reaching for a hug from Kagome that the girl happily returned. Her gloved hands cradled Kagome’s face as she leaned back, gently pushing black, wavy strands away from her cheeks. “You have gotten so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Kagome grinned shyly.

“How have you been, dear? I hope everything is going wonderfully for you. Your mom tells me you work hard and have your own place. You’re safe, right? And, healthy?”

“Oh, yes.” She tried not to stammer. It was getting increasingly harder to keep her eyes on the woman before her when all they wanted to do was flicker to the tall man behind. Talking about herself always sort of made her feel put on the spot, as well. Talking about herself in front of Inuyasha was suddenly more nerve wracking than she ever remembered it being. They lost connection so long ago that it almost felt like they were complete strangers now. Complete strangers with a non-erasable history. “Um, yes. I - yes, I have a little apartment, and I have a job. That I work. And, I really like it.”

“She eats her vegetables and everything.” Sota said, helping her wrap up that topic.

“You live in the city, right? Do you live alone?” There was a hint of concern in Izayoi’s tone.

“Yes, but it’s a safe neighborhood.” Kagome managed to say.

“I got her pepper spray for her last birthday, there’s a bat near her bed, and I programmed her Echo Dot to bark like a Rottweiler if she says ‘intruder alert.’ She’s good, I promise.” Sota added.

“The bat’s next to your bed?” Inuyasha asked with a judgmental grimace. “The hell’s that gonna do for you if you’re in the living room when someone breaks in?”

Kagome hadn’t expected the thick timbre of his voice when he spoke, causing her to look at him. Without hesitation, her brows furrowed with attitude to match his own. “Knives in the kitchen.”

“If you’re fast enough.” The half demon scoffed.

Izayoi swatted his stomach with the back of her hand, immediately silencing her son. “Ignore him. I’m so glad things are going well for you, sweetheart.”

“Mom, we’ve gotta go.” Inuyasha returned to his low voice.

“Any new boys in your life?” She said with a suggestive smirk.

“Mom.”

“Oh my god, Inuyasha.” She chided, annoyed. “How about you help them unload the car?”

“Oh no, that’s okay.” Kagome quickly deterred.

“Yeah, no, we’ve got it.” Sota rushed to insist.

“Inuyasha! Izayoi! Hi!” Their own mother joined them. “I see you’ve met my long lost children.”

Izayoi gave a laugh. “When was the last time you had them in the same place at the same time?”

“Technically, two Christmases ago. It’s a long drive for Sota, and an even longer one for Kagome, and we spent that one at her place. But, to have them here, home, is even more special than anything.”

“Mom.” He reached for her arm, but Izayoi shot him a look.

“Inuyasha.”

Instantly, he swerved, arm still outstretched as he sauntered over to the open hatchback of the Higurashi vehicle. He wore a sore frown as he did as he was told, stacking the two packs of water to lug into their open house.

Sota went to help him with a flick of his eyes that told Kagome to stay put. She wasn’t one to argue against that. Willingly put herself alone with Inuyasha? And then, what? Be labeled a masochist thereafter? Not likely. Not her brand of kink.

“Where are you two off to?” Kagome’s mother asked, slipping her arm in the crook of Kagome’s for a sense of closeness.

“He insists on going with me to my doctor’s appointment. You know him, too protective for his own good. Lord help him if he ever has a daughter.” Izayoi replied.

Kagome couldn’t help but duck her head at that. She reminded herself to remain nonchalant, so she quickly picked herself back up, holding her breath as she nibbled on the inside of her bottom lip.

“If you two are in a hurry, please go! He doesn’t have to help us.” Mrs. Higurashi assured, turning around to see if he was on his way back out.

“Oh, please. No. We’re running extremely early, are you kidding me?” Izayoi dismissed with a playful roll of her eyes. “My appointment isn’t until two-thirty. We have plenty of time. He just wanted to leave cushion for the icy roads.”

“Roads are pretty clear, actually.”

“I know that, but he’s not used to driving in this sort of weather anymore.”

“Stop talking about me.” He ordered gruffly, almost with what could be considered a whine for him. “I can hear you.”

Izayoi muffled her laugh behind the scarlet glove on her palm.

“It must be so nice to have him home.” Kagome’s mother said softly, relishing in the happiness on her friend’s face.

“It’s wonderful, really.”

“Stop.” He groaned, dragging the word out as he took more of their groceries inside.

“He’s so helpful. He does the heavy lifting, took me to Costco all the way out of town to bulk up on things, and has been doing most of the cooking. I’m lucky if he lets me help. But, I mean, it’s my kitchen. So, I do what I want.”

“Oh, I know how that is. We age a little, and then suddenly our children think we’re fragile. Sota won’t trust me to grab things off the top shelf anymore.” Kagome couldn’t help but give out a small laugh at that. Given their mom had taken a couple falls recently, she could see why Sota was a bit overprotective. But, their mom wasn’t old by any means, and accidents happen - even to Kagome. Especially to Kagome. It was endearing to see her younger brother taking up such a role.

“And, let me guess; he puffed himself up like the big, burly man he is and brought in the Christmas tree all on his own, right?” Izayoi chuckled knowingly.

“Actually, we haven’t gotten our tree yet.” Mrs. Higurashi mentioned. “We were going to do that tomorrow.”

“Oh, you haven’t? We haven’t either. I was going to see if I could drag Inuyasha to the tree farm today after my appointment. They’ve got the whole place decked out to the nines for Christmas, and it just seems so festive.”

“I heard that, too! They really went all out this year, supposedly. Why don’t you guys go with us?” Kagome’s mother suggested. Swiftly, Kagome’s head snapped over to look at her mom, eyes wide while she tried to cover her disapproval with a small smile.

“What?” She breathed.

“What?” Inuyasha asked stiffly as he approached again from behind.

“Oh, we’d hate to intrude.” Izayoi said cautiously, not failing to notice Kagome’s hasty response.

“What’s going on?” Sota inquired as he came over to the opposite side of his mother.

“I was just inviting them to go shop for a Christmas tree with us tomorrow. Please, it’s no intrusion at all. It’ll be fun.”

“Mom, they probably have their own plans.”

Izayoi’s eyes met Kagome’s, looking for her input. The girl was guarded, and she knew why. She knew why the once talkative beauty was so quiet after all these years. If she looked like she was ready to say no, Izayoi would understandably accept that answer and go with her original plan to sweet talk her son into going with her today. But, Kagome softened, dropping the tension in her shoulders as she met the woman’s reading stare.

“Are you sure?” She asked, and though the question was given to their family as a whole, it was more for Kagome to answer.

“You’re more than welcome.” Kagome said, and even she was surprised she’d spoken so clearly when she felt a fire rushing through her veins, and like if she wasn’t holding onto her mother, she’d shake so bad she’d fall right down to her butt.

“We have a Christmas tree, don’t we.” Inuyasha asked, his tone a little more on the urgent side as he made it back over to his mother.

“A fake one,” Miss Izayoi sighed. “Don’t you think we should get a real one this year? There’s nothing like the smell of pine in the house.”

“We’ll get a candle.”

“You stay home then.” She lightly sneered. “I’ll go with the Higurashi’s and get myself a tree.”

“And, who will lift it for you?”

“I can do my lifting myself, thank you very much.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He shrugged his brows in slight mockery.

“I’ll help her.” Sota offered.

“You’ll be too busy with your own tree.”

“Um, hello?” Kagome couldn’t help but gesture to herself expectantly. “There’s more than enough of us to make sure we get a couple trees strapped down to our cars securely.”

“Of course, if you’re feeling so unsure, we’re happy to have you along, Inuyasha.” Mrs. Higurashi sang welcomingly.

“And, if not, then no harm - no foul.” Sota countered.

“Knowing my mother, she’s going to want a ten-footer.” He rolled his amber eyes, bobbing to press more of his weight onto one foot.

“I do.” Izayoi scrunched her nose, speaking in a bashful whisper. “I do want a big one.”

“Then, I guess we’ll see you tomorrow. Let’s say around six?” Mrs. Higurashi suggested.

“I guess.” Inuyasha damn near grumbled.

“I swear, he’ll be nice tomorrow.” Izayoi assured, giving a small shove to her son’s shoulder to knock him slightly off balance. She gave what equated to a breath of excitement. “It’ll be so nice to be all together again and catch up. I’m really looking forward to this.”

“Us too!” Their mother spoke for them, giving a wave goodbye when Inuyasha finally pulled his own away. “We’ll meet you guys there.”

“Can’t wait!”

“Keep it together.” Sota muttered to his sister. She was holding composure, but he could see her eyes widening as she processed what had just happened. Releasing her mother, she walked back over to the open hatchback to pull it down and shut, and the tight press of her mouth told him she was seconds away from cracking. “Nope, give it another minute. They’re getting in the truck.”

“What’s going on?” Her mother asked, following them over. “What are we keeping together?”

She went ignored as Sota played as casual as possible for the sake of his sister. They could still be seen. “Let’s go inside.”

“What’s wrong?”

Kagome breathed out tightly, her expression twisting as she struggled with herself.

“Not here.”

“Oh my god.” His sister whimpered.

“Nope, keep it in.”

“Why aren’t they leaving?” Her voice that time was broken and wheezed, absolutely dramatic.

“Somebody?” Their mom tried again.

“They’re about to drive. Stand up straight, you look like you’re constipated.”

Kagome huffed out that time in a reach of determination, shooting her brother a confident grin as he did his best to help her with the act, wrapping an arm around his mom’s shoulders to keep her close as they made their way inside.

Izayoi strapped the seatbelt of the passenger side across her front, clicking it into place and adjusting the fit over her thick, winter coat. Inuyasha threw the driver side door shut as he got in, quick to start the truck and get the heater going so the tip of his mother’s nose wouldn’t be so red anymore. He said nothing as he got the directions to the doctor’s office up on the GPS screen, watching as the monitor zoomed out and then back in as it locked in place. There was no neglecting the small smile on his mom’s face, but Inuyasha applied valiant effort not to bring attention to it. It was smug. There was something else written within, and he knew damn well that without him having to say anything, she’d bring it up.

“So,” She spoke smoothly just as he began to back out. Inuyasha almost wished there was someone else in the car with him to place bets, because he could have just won a chunk of change. “What did you do?”

The half demon shot her a look, grimace apparent and harsh on his face as he silently questioned what the hell she was getting at. “What!?”

“What did you do to Kagome?” Still, she didn’t raise her voice or hold any sort of accusatory timbre, though the judgmental arch in her brow said it all.

“What are you talking about?”

“You told me you two grew apart.” Izayoi began to elaborate. “Inuyasha, I’ve gone to my high school reunion and had more to talk about with people I didn’t necessarily get along with back in the day than you and Kagome do. That doesn’t happen when you simply ‘grow apart.’ That happens when there’s conflict.”

“Why the hell do you assume I created the conflict?”

His mother deadpanned, dropping her head to gaze at him through her brow expectantly.

“Okay,” Inuyasha acknowledged that her silent point was fair. “But, I didn’t. There’s no conflict. There’s nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Izayoi hummed that time, sitting back in her seat normally. “Then, you two will be just fine tomorrow?”

“Sure, whatever.” He said, shrugging a single shoulder lazily.

“Because, if that’s the case, you two will have the most catching up to do. So, we can just leave you two alone. You know, back to your roots.”

Inuyasha had to resist the cringe. He held his breath and scrunched his nose in a discomfited expression. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“I know what you’re doing, mom. I know what you’re doing, and you need to stop.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re fishing. You want me to break and give you the real reason that can’t happen.”

“Oh, is there a reason that can’t happen?”

“Mother.”

“Son.”

“Mom.”

“Inuyasha.”

He sighed out, the breath clenched in his throat to make an aggravated grumble as he pressed his foot into the break at the red light, and then dropped his head. “That can’t happen.”

“Why can’t that happen?”

“Because, Kagome wants nothing to do with me.”

“What? No.” She poorly feigned astonishment. “But, why?”

“I don’t know.”

Finally, Izayoi dropped the act, giving him the same deadpan as before.

Inuyasha repeated himself with more vigor, throwing his hands up exasperatedly in response. “I really don’t know! We never, like, got into some screaming match or anything. Things just sort of died off. I figured it was because I was a bit of an ass back then, but I didn’t expect her to hang onto that until today.”

“So,” She paused, taking in what he’d explained. Izayoi pursed her lips, analyzing the mysterious situation. She could tell Inuyasha was being honest. He was at as much of a loss as anyone. But, he also didn’t seem to be questioning it, either. “So, you two didn’t get into a fight?”

“Nope.” He pressed on the accelerator, following the flow of traffic with one hand on the steering wheel as it crept through the streets.

“No big blow up?”

“Nope.”

“Did you make her cry?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“Because, Kagome’s really sensitive.”

“She’s not as sensitive as you think, actually.” He mentioned. “Girl’s tough as nails. She’s got a thick skin.”

“When was the last time you two talked?”

“Her going away party. And, even that was strange. We only stood by each other for like ten minutes before I snuck out the back and into my room from the window.”

“Inuyasha!” His mom fired.

“What!? It was awkward! She didn’t want me there, and I had a fuck ton of homework I would have rather been doing!”

“No, I remember you always leaving your homework for last minute, Mr. Photographic Memory. Even in college.”

“I know.” He concurred matter-of-factly. “So, that should tell you something.”

She was quiet for a moment. As much as Inuyasha liked to try to act like nothing bothered him, she knew what actually did and didn’t. With the way the fingers of his left hand were clutching the top of the steering wheel, she could tell this wasn’t sitting entirely well with him. He was curious, but he was also stubborn. He wanted to leave it alone, but something was unsettling him. Izayoi considered that it was her questioning, so she decided it may be best to drop the subject for a little while. They could return to it later.

“I tried talking to her yesterday.” He mentioned on his own, eyes on the road and voice low. Izayoi’s attention snapped back over to him. “Hardly got a word out before she faked a phone call and ran back inside.”

“Wait, what?” Her upper lip curled with skepticism. “Why would she fake a phone call?”

“So she wouldn’t have to talk to me.” He chuckled. “I’ll admit, small talk can be painful sometimes. She might have been trying to avoid that. I don’t know.”

“But, how do you know she faked it?”

“Oh, come on.” He groaned, grinning in amusement. “She didn’t say a damn thing until she saw me. All of a sudden, she’s on the phone?”

Izayoi grimaced. It was a pretty unrealistic cover up, she’ll give him that.

“I didn’t know she was coming, or that she was here. I was just as surprised to see her as she was me, but there’s a difference between the way we reacted. I was glad. She looked scared shitless.”

“No, that can’t be true.” Izayoi countered, shaking her head. “You’re looking too far into it, honey.”

“No, no. I’m not.” He chuckled again. “Mom, I’m not exaggerating. She ran back inside. I think it’s pretty clear she wants nothing to do with me.”

“But, why?”

He shrugged again.

“Don’t you want to know?”

“I don’t know. It’s been so long, why bother?”

“Because, it’s Kagome.”

“So?”

“It’s Kagome.” She reiterated. Her son’s facade was dwindling away. His careless smirk was falling, and he watched the road with a straight face now, a thick swallow bobbing his Adam’s apple.

“It was so long ago.” Inuyasha tried to solidify.

“But, it’s Kagome.”

She laid on the floor, having made it to the cushiony throw rug near the couches this time around. Kagome had managed to pull a decorative pillow from the sofa nearby, shoving her face into it to muffle her whimpers. Her mom sat on the floor with her, stroking her back up and down in a soothing motion.

“This is why we make sure mama’s always on the same page.” She looked to her son sternly as he ambled over with a cringe, kneeling down beside them to tap his sister on the head. Without looking up, Kagome raised her hand, blindly waiting for the shot glass she knew Sota had. The moment it was in her fingers, she pushed herself to her elbows, back arching like a dolphin as she took the shot without a chaser, coughing mildly, handing the glass back to her brother who’d taken one alongside her, and then throwing her face back into the pillow.

“Why did no one tell me?” Their mom pushed.

“We didn’t expect this to happen.” Sota replied. “You haven’t invited them anywhere with us in, like, ten years.”

“Eight.” Kagome mumbled into the pillow.

“Still!”

“If I had known this, we could have made it nine!” Mrs. Higurashi argued.

“Mom, why would you invite them with us if you knew Kagome and Inuyasha didn’t get along anymore?” Sota laughed, a small amount of exasperation visible in his hand movements.

“No one said anything about them not getting along. All I was told was they didn’t really talk anymore.”

Sota sort of ushered her to continue with her logic, even knowing this.

“I wasn’t thinking it would be a problem.” She frowned, lowering herself to her daughter on the floor to hug her backside. “I’m sorry, honey. I should have asked. I just got so excited and thought it would be nice, but I wasn’t thinking about your feelings.”

“It’s okay.” Kagome said incoherently into the pillow, sniffling as she picked herself up slightly. “It’s okay. This is okay. It’s fine.”

Sota pinched his lips shut tight as he tried not to laugh at his flustered sister. A small snort left his nose that was quickly silenced as his mom swatted his knee.

“I can cancel.”

“No, you can’t.” Sota said at the same time that Kagome shook her head. “It’ll seem like we didn’t want them to go. It’s insulting and attention grabbing.”

“But, we don't want them to go.” Their mom clarified slowly, confused. “Right?”

“No, Kagome just can’t handle being anywhere near Inuyasha.”

Kagome dropped her face back into the pillow with a wail, pointing to the shot glasses again. Her younger brother was quick to leap to his feet, scurrying back to the kitchen to get refills.

“Okay, wait. Honey. Sweetie.” Her mom urged, trying to roll her daughter over and pick her up to no avail. “Kagome. Love. I have to ask again… Why didn’t you tell me you still had feelings for Inuyasha?”

“I do not!” Kagome responded gutturally.

Sota laughed unreasonably hard from across the room, the cackle hoarse and loud.

“Who the heck are you trying to fool? Especially now?” Mrs. Higurashi asked with limited patience, giving a small smack to her daughter’s butt.

“Mom, it’s called denial.”

Kagome murmured something that was incomprehensible to their ears, completely muffled by the pillow she buried her face into. It was a wonder that she could even breathe like that. Their mother leaned closer, trying to gather what was just said, though unsuccessfully.

“What was that?”

Kagome turned her head to face the general room, no longer smothering herself so she could repeat, “How did you even know?”

“What? That you used to like Inuyasha? Please.” Their mom rolled her eyes so dramatically she nearly tipped to the side. “Are you kidding me?”

“I told you it was obvious!” Sota laughed, returning with their shots of rum. Kagome arched up again, throwing back her head to take hers much quicker than the last time. She flinched, keeping her cough in check as she pulled herself to sit up completely.

“Mom, you knew!?”

“Of course, I knew.” She stated simply. “I’m your mother. You think I don’t know your heart eyes when I see them?”

Kagome gaped at her brother.

“You were smitten with that guy the moment you hit puberty. I actually thought you two would end up dating eventually. Or…” Her voice trailed off as she cocked a look at her daughter. “Did you? Did things end badly? Is that what happened?”

“No!” Kagome said a little too loudly. She released a pent up sigh, sitting back against the couch to ground herself at least a little. “No. We never dated. Inuyasha had no clue I had a crush on him.”

Sota snickered. “Remember the days when it was referred to as a crush. How nostalgic.”

“Shut up.”

“Then, what happened? Come on, if you’re going to have a breakdown in the middle of the living room floor, at least let me know why I need to step over you for the remainder of the night.”

Kagome looked to her brother. Her one confidant in all of this. He made an expression that basically told Kagome it was her choice, but she also got the feeling that it could have meant it was justified by now. She slouched back a bit, pouting as she plucked up the courage to reopen the door that was well on its way to being pried at this point. What good would it do to keep it locked up anymore? Clearly, she wasn’t as past it as she had originally had the audacity to think. She was beginning to wonder if she’d ever be. Or, would she end up a fifty year-old with a forever affection for her once neighbor?

“Nothing happened. I just - I broke the rules. You’re not supposed to fall for your best friend. It’ll never work out.”

“Oh my god.” Her mom was quick to react. “Did you really believe that? Kagome, did you sabotage yourself from day one?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” Kagome huffed. “I was a kid; of course, that’s what I believed. After watching so many people lose their best friends that way, especially if they were the opposite sex because of the pressures in high school, what else was I supposed to think? So, I tried to force myself to let it go, but it just got worse and worse and worse. I won’t even try to tell you how bad it got, because it was pathetic and it makes me want to cry just thinking about it.”

“Was?” Sota murmured in remark. Smart enough to bring the rum with him this time, he pretended he hadn’t said anything when shot a glare, refilling the glasses as if her were the bartender on duty.

“Awe, honey.” Her mom coo’d sympathetically. “You really liked him.”

“Yes. I did. And, it sucked. Every second of it sucked.” Kagome replied, throwing her fist into the pillow at her side in a tiny fit. “It came to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was getting mixed signals from him, and it was really hard not to read into it all. When we went to college, I was grateful he moved away for his. Without him next to me all the time, I was able to let him go.

“Then, he was here for my going away party, and it was weird. I hated that it was weird. I knew it was my fault for being that way, so I wanted to fix it and get back onto some sort of friendly terms. I went to my room to go grab my phone off the charger, because I didn’t have my new number memorized yet and I wanted to give it to him. When I came back out, he was gone. So, I don’t know, I figured that was as good a sign as any that he wasn’t interested in reconnecting, and really, it was for the best. Because, I mean, look at me now. Can you imagine how much of a train wreck I’d be if we had constant communication again? If I had to be his best friend through relationships, and watch him be with another woman, and - you know what? - I’m okay without it. It was nice while it lasted, but it’s over.”

“Shot.” Sota urged her to take another, seeing how sad she truly was while running through it all. Kagome didn’t hesitate, tossing her head back as she swallowed the liquor that left a small burn in its wake.

“Okay, sweetie, I understand all that. I even kind of agree with you. If you felt it was best for you to part ways and move on back then, then no one has the right to tell you you’re wrong for that. But, what does that have to do with now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you still have feelings for him, but who’s to say that’s bad?”

“His wife?” Kagome grimaced. “I think she’d have a thing or two to say about that.”

“Who’s wife?” Her mom questioned, her head leaning to the side just slightly.

“Inuyasha’s?”

“Inuyasha has a wife?”

Kagome recoiled slightly, lips pursing with curiosity as she uttered her next words very slowly, “Doesn’t he?”

“No?” Finally clueing in to what Kagome was referring to, Mrs. Higurashi gasped, her expression widening. “No. No, he’s not married, Kagome.”

“He was engaged five years ago. When I was last here, he was right next door with a fiancé on his arm.”

“Right, yes. I remember now. No, Kagome. They didn’t go through with the wedding. Inuyasha’s not married.” Her mom assured.

Kagome’s mouth hung open. Then, shut. Opened again to show her silent astonishment. Then, shut. She turned her head to look at her brother on her left, watching his shoulders raise so high in a clueless shrug that he nearly knocked his ears.

“You didn’t know?” She asked him.

“Does this look like the face of someone in the know?” He returned. “No. For a while I was on a spiteful binge and hated him for no reason. All I knew was he hurt my sister. I didn’t care to hear anything about him.”

“And, I didn’t think you wanted to hear about it because whenever I brought him up in conversation, you’d change the subject.” Their mom said to Kagome. “I figured, since you never told me straight out about your feelings for him, you wanted to leave things like that alone. If all you wanted to give me was that you didn’t talk anymore, then that’s what I’d run with. I didn’t know you thought he was married and that’s what was hurting you this whole time, honey.”

Kagome had gone mostly silent, though she didn’t look relieved. This scared her more than anything. The most detrimental thing was to think there was hope for something that wasn’t even there anymore. It was Inuyasha. Inuyasha brought back those residual feelings, but the security of who they were together was nonexistent now. To feel hope for something more at this point made her feel sillier than when she didn’t want to let go during their hugs all those years ago.

“Don’t tell me that.” She whispered. “Tell me he’s married.”

There was silence. Her family was slow to give her what she wanted, and she’d almost pushed them to do it when Sota spoke, beating her to the punch.

“What if you’re not disappointed this time?” He repeated himself from the day before.

Kagome smiled. It was dry. Her brown eyes flickered away to stare at the mahogany coffee table before them. “I’m not stupid.”

—

It wasn’t an appropriate time to check in on her emails. It was past eleven in the evening, and she was holding a blissful buzz with another spiked eggnog courtesy of Sota after allowing her earlier buzz to die down with a monumental amount of water. Yet, here she sat, pajamas on, drink in hand, an old Christmas movie playing on the TV, and her laptop right in front of her on the bed. She’d hadn’t climbed under the comforter yet. She knew the moment she did, the damn thing would claim her life and she’d be down for the count, and she was enjoying the peace of the evening too much to allow herself to sleep at the moment. Her brother and mother were in their own rooms, and while she was sure Sota was the only one awake beside her, the sound of his TV still noticeable through the walls, the atmosphere was still holding serene.

Her fingers scrolled on the mousepad, careful not to click on any emails that actually required attention. Some of those had read receipts on them, and the last thing she wanted to risk were any of her clients thinking she was back from vacation early. All Kagome intended to do was rid her inbox of the emails that didn’t apply to her. Those mass emails sent out company-wide but didn’t necessarily pertain to her department. There were even a couple announcements that could be quickly read and archived. If she did this every few days, her inbox may be a little more manageable when she returned to work the next week.

A few light knocks hit her ears, and instinctually, Kagome glanced up to the movie playing on her TV to see if that was where the sound had originated. It nearly matched the low volume she had it set on, blending in, but she could have sworn the scene playing didn’t have any sort of knocks. Without a second thought, Kagome let it go, taking a quick sip of her drink and diving right back into her emails before she heard two more. Brown eyes blinked over to the window across the room on her right, doing a double take and going painfully rigid as she noticed someone looking at her from behind the glass.

He quietly laughed, the grin beautiful on his features, and Kagome could only stare as she settled down from the startle. Inuyasha used to sneak over in the middle of the night so often as a teenager that Kagome almost didn’t think anything of it. Almost. The reaction lasted no more than a second before she remembered how long ago that was and who they were now. Suddenly, she didn’t know what to do. Did she open the window and let him in? For what? What was he even doing there? Why was he smiling like this was normal? But, she very well couldn’t leave him out there. That would be rude, and he had to have come over for a reason, right?

Coming to, Kagome shuffled off the bed and placed her cup on the nightstand, freezing in the middle of the floor as she realized the bedroom door was still open. Now, she questioned which came first: the window or the door? She was an adult now, so she didn’t need to hide his sudden appearance, right? Of course, it was the middle of the night and everyone in her house would be tipped off if they suddenly heard his voice. Additionally, they would wonder what he was doing there and come to her room to see what was going on. Looking back and forth a few times between the two options, Kagome decided to shut the door, rushing over to twist the knob and silently latch it.

Heading back to the window, she watched his eyes follow her the entire time. Not once did Inuyasha look away, his lips parting in the center before the corners curved in the softest grin. Remembering how the window used to stick, Kagome used the heels of her palms to hook under the rim at the top, giving the window a strong nudge so that it would slide up.

The outside air was nearly torturous as it hit her midriff, stomach, and then chest, her arms wanting so badly to wrap around her, but she had to loosen the screen for him first.

“Jesus, it’s…” Kagome couldn’t even finish that sentence. Her teeth were on the verge of clattering, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

“I know. It’s cold.” He agreed, tone husky and low.

“What are you doing?”

“Came to say hi.”

Kagome stared down at him, blanking on what to say or do next. It was difficult to determine how to act right now.

She remembered him being a little shorter the last time this happened. His sweaters definitely weren’t so snug on him, and he rarely smiled like that. When he did, she distinctly recalled wondering if her infatuation was obvious, because even she knew she’d give it right back to him. His hair was so much shorter then, too. It was up in a ponytail again tonight, long, silver, and nearly blending with the snow beneath him that shimmered in the light of her room.

Inuyasha gave a small clear of his throat. “Brr…” He faked, reiterating himself. “It’s cold out here.”

“Oh, sorry.” Kagome snapped back, moving aside for him to climb into her room.

His chuckle was teasing and light, and he took the initiative to close the window as soon as he was inside. Her arms clung around her, protecting her chest from the sharp chill she’d been assaulted with.

“Why are you holding yourself like that?” He questioned, noticing how she was blocking her chest obscurely.

“I’m not wearing a bra.” She murmured, spinning around to grab the knitted cardigan she’d thrown on the back of the desk chair. Quickly, she shoved her arms inside the loose sleeves, ignoring his laugh as she wrapped the sides around her front to hide the evidence of her shiver.

All of a sudden, she was just standing there. Inuyasha slowly turned about her room, taking in the minor change in decor and layout, and Kagome was left to stare at him. What started off uncertain shifted into something warm. Something warm that she tried to force back into uncertainty, and it sort of worked. She was half and half while she gazed at his back, his shoulders, his profile. She was half and half as the quiet tried to take on a comforting feel and she just watched the way his large hands slid into his sweater pockets while he noticed the Christmas movie playing that she watched multiple times this season every year since it came out.

“Hi.” Inuyasha finally said, grabbing the remote on her bed and pausing the movie so she wouldn’t miss anything more.

“Hi.” Kagome matched the volume of his voice. She wondered if he knew how nervous he made her. She wondered if he could hear the beat of her heart, and if he could, would he wonder if the erratic rhythm was normal after hearing it so often as a teen? “What are you doing here?”

“Already told you.”

“You know, we have a front door.” She said with a playful smile that appeared of its own volition. “We’re not seventeen anymore. You’re more than welcome to use it now.”

Inuyasha chuckled, giving her a one-shouldered shrug. “Old time's sake.”

He backed up, leaning against the dresser as he took her in. She was uneasy; her body language said it all. Hell, he was too. It had been a long time since this sort of thing happened, and he was being bolder than he had in a while to just come up to her window expecting to be let in. This was the only way he could think to try, though. No younger brother to play buffer, no mothers in between, it was just he and Kagome right now.

“How are you?” He asked.

“I’m good.” She answered just a little too quickly, hugging herself a smidgen tighter. She needed to relax. Even before, she managed to play nonchalant better than this. “How are you?”

He’d almost bounded to the cliche response, the expected response - just as she had. Small talk was like second nature for most, and Inuyasha resisted the instinct to say he was fine. He was more of the direct type, much like Kagome naturally was. When Kagome meant business, she was straight to the point. He, himself, was notorious for how blunt he could be.

“Confused, actually.” He admitted, watching as she raised an eyebrow in response. “Maybe I should know the answer already - I don’t know. But, what is this?”

“Hm?” Kagome hummed in her own befuddlement.

“What happened, Kagome? How did we go from best friends to whatever the hell we are now?”

“We’re still friends.” She, again, answered too quickly in an attempt to cover from additional discomfort. It was dumb. Even she could admit her answer was weak and she was better off saying nothing, because Inuyasha scoffed instantly.

“Are we?” He asked incredulously, careful not to come off too confrontational.

Kagome was wise to keep her mouth shut that time, lips pursing warily as she notched her head slightly.

“I don’t get it. I really don’t. Again, maybe I should, but I’ve been racking my brain for hours and I seriously can’t remember doing anything to cause this big of a rift between us. So, can you remind me? Please? So, I can apologize for being a dick.”

Kagome felt something sour spreading in her abdomen, expression falling at his request. Was she doing this to him? Was their silence affecting him this bad right now? Why would he think he needed to apologize for something?

What could she say? Kagome hadn’t expected this at all. While he wasn’t appearing upset, she could tell by his broadened shoulders and the way he made eye contact just how earnest he was being. A part of her wall began to crumble then. Kagome held her breath wondering if she should get more mortar to repair the bricks that fell, or if she should embrace the vulnerability for the first time in forever.

“Uh-oh,” Kagome smirked cheekily. “You’re serious. The Inuyasha I knew never apologized.”

“Bullshit,” He rolled his eyes without vexation. “You’re one of the only people I ever apologized to, so give credit where credit is due.”

“Alright, alright. That’s fair.” Kagome raised her hands in reprieve, dropping the edges of her cardigan. He had her there. She was the only one he apologized to.

“So, what is it? What’d I do?”

“You didn’t do anything.” Kagome replied honestly.

“Then, what happened? How’d we get here?”

“Nothing happened, Inuyasha.” She hung her head, crossing over to the bed to shut her laptop as she noticed the screensaver come on. “We just - I don’t know - we just grew apart.”

He knew she’d say that. Because, he’d been saying the same shit. It was the easiest excuse, but it didn’t add up to him. Or, anyone really. It was cheap, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something.

“So far apart that we’re faking phone calls to avoid saying hi to each other?”

“What?” Her attention snapped back over to him, embarrassment going from subtle to a heated flush on her cheeks.

“Come on, Kagome, you think I’m that stupid?” Inuyasha crossed his arms over his front, sneering knowingly.

Her jaw dropped but the only noises Kagome was producing came out as quiet guffaws as she looked around disbelievingly. He waited. One thing definitely hadn’t changed. Kagome was still sloppy under pressure.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She finally said.

“Oh, you don’t?”

“If you’re referring to the call I was on yesterday, that was very much real.”

“Was it?”

“Very much so.”

“Alright, then where are your headphones?” Inuyasha challenged smoothly.

Kagome spun around in place, praying that her mother kept a random pair on the bedside table. When she came up empty, she thought fast, covering for herself as she completed her three-sixty and was back to looking at Inuyasha. “They’re in my purse, and my purse is in the living room.”

“Ah, convenient.” He bobbed his head. He thought to call her out and point to her purse on the desk, but decided against it. It was enough knowing he had her pinned as it was.

“What is this, an interrogation?”

“I’m just trying to figure out how we suddenly went from Inuyasha and Kagome to Inuyasha - and - Kagome.” The half demon said, emphasizing the spaces between their names.

“Suddenly? Inuyasha, we’re in our late twenties now. This didn’t happen yesterday.”

“Maybe so, but I’m asking the questions I should have asked then.”

“And, I’m giving you the answers.”

“You’re not giving me anything.”

“I’m giving you what I have.”

“If that were the case, I’d have something to work with.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, I guess.”

“Fine.” Inuyasha threw his hands up to yield, pushing himself from the dresser. Dancing around the subject in circles wasn’t going to do anything for them. It would only worsen what they were currently struggling with, and Inuyasha found no fucking point in that. “If that’s it, then that’s it.”

“What?” She questioned, thrown off but how easily he tossed in the towel.

“I don’t know if this is really the truth - that we grew apart over night. Or, if you just don’t want to talk about it. From the looks of how uncomfortable you are, I’d say the latter. Or fuck, maybe it’s both. Guess I’ll just have to settle with that.” He shrugged indignantly, heading toward the window.

“Wait, but -“ Kagome shook her head, hoping it was a surefire way to arrange her thoughts. “I don’t - Where is this coming from? Why do you care now?”

The half demon let out a single puff of air from his nose, like an effortless chuckle to show ambivalence. Looking over his shoulder, he passed Kagome an expression of disbelief that leaned on the side of withheld amusement. “You’re an idiot. If you think I didn’t care about losing you…”

He didn’t even have to finish that sentence and the air was punched out of Kagome’s lungs. Her shoulder’s deflated so much that the large cardigan slipped off of one, bunching around the crook of her elbow. In an effort to save herself, she’d hurt him. Inuyasha wasn’t shy when placing the blame on others, but there were certain scenarios where he was more than willing to take the fault. This entire time, she’d thought their loss of contact was simple. She’d thought it could easily be passed off as a coincidental slip in time where they missed each other and then grew up. Kagome hadn’t once thought that he didn’t see it the same way, or that he’d remotely think he’d done something to cause this. Or, maybe the problem was, Kagome hadn’t thought of Inuyasha at all.

That was necessary, she felt. To move on, she had to make the decision to consider her own feelings. Only her feelings. She remembered it hurting to like him as much as she did with no chance of reciprocation. What was younger Kagome supposed to do? Hanging onto something like that would have been stupid. In order to let the version of him that she’d romanticized so much go, she utilized their busy college schedules and gradually… stopped.

With Inuyasha’s hands on the window frame, pushing it up to make his escape, Kagome was rethinking everything now. She didn’t want him to continue thinking he was at fault for anything, she didn’t want him feeling put down when all he seemed to want was his best friend back. Maybe not even that. Maybe he just wanted her back. Either way, the damaged and now-irreparable wall she’d stood behind around him was taking her resolution with it. Quickly. Her panic to once avoid being alone with him now turned into a panic that couldn’t watch him leave.

She sighed out audibly, feeling fed up with her own self. Her head fell back with a light groan, dropped forward so her dark, wavy hair hung around her shoulders, and then she peeked up through her bangs, blowing out a puff of air to clear her vision. Inuyasha’s attention was caught, mid-crouch out the window but looking back at her now.

“Stop.” She breathed, and with that left the last of the version of her that pretended she wanted nothing to do with him. “Don’t go.”

His heart gave a thump that both rattled and brought warmth. When she looked up, she didn’t seem quite so troubled anymore. Kagome actually appeared like she wanted to talk to him for the first time since her stay.

“Are you sure?” Inuyasha asked.

“Don’t go.” She repeated, a smile forming.

Inuyasha shut the window, hoping the chill hadn’t touched her from where she was standing. Kagome ran her fingers through her hair, uncaring of how her waves fell back into place as she crossed the floor toward the nightstand and downed whatever beverage was in the cup. The large, knitted cardigan remained hanging off of one shoulder, the color pastel and not matching with the red, flannel bottoms she wore, but still complimenting her perfectly well. He’d seen her in the most frumpy clothes while home sick with the flu before and still found her cute. Disgusting, but cute.

“Y’know,” Kagome began, leaning against the mattress at her low back, held high by the large frame her mother had gotten her long ago. “Old-time’s-sake-you usually came over with a snack.”

Inuyasha released a light laugh, appreciating her newfound, laidback demeanor as his right hand dove into his sweater pocket to pull out a sandwich baggy with three cookies in it. He tossed them onto the bed beside her, watching her face light up as she snatched the bag to indulge in one of his mother’s homemade recipes.

“I know the toll.” He joked, snagging the rolling desk chair to sit on backwards. “No entry without food.”

“Of all the information in the world, I’m glad that’s something you retained.” The giggle off her tongue was silky and Inuyasha felt a small part of himself relax. This. This was Kagome. This was the girl he’d missed so much. This was her without a guard.

“So,” His tone remained husky and low, dragging out the word until it died off with the last of his breath. “Did I really do nothing?”

Kagome climbed up on her bed, taking a seat on the edge. Her hands rubbed together back and forth and her shoulders hunched with the discomfort of the weight she’d put on top of herself. Telling him the whole truth was unnecessary. It would lead down a road of feelings she didn’t want nor need to unpack, and may only make him feel uncomfortable. It was avoidable.

“You didn’t do anything, Inuyasha.” She shook her head, looking him in the eyes as she said it. “I’m really sorry.”

“For what?”

For pulling away.

“For making you think that this whole time.”

Inuyasha disregarded it with a flick of his wrist. “Eh, fuck it. You didn’t make me think anything. If we really did grow apart, then it’s my dumbass fault for not realizing it sooner and doing something about it.”

“I could have done the same thing.” She quickly and blindly rebutted.

“Fuck it.” He repeated more resolutely that time. Inuyasha dropped his head, smooth, silver hair falling over his shoulder from the knot at the crown. When he picked it back up, he granted her that infamous, soft smile that caused her to hold her breath in order to prevent any sort of reaction. “It’s done now. Here we are.”

“Here we are.” Kagome echoed in a whisper, fruitlessly pulling her cardigan sleeve up to cover her nearly bare shoulder that her tank top did nothing for. The sleeve easily fell back down, a little too large for her frame, and she had no endeavor to put up a fight with it.

“We cool?” He asked.

“Yeah.” She breathed, letting some tension fall as another grin developed on her lips. “We’re cool.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll stop being weird around you now.”

“Thank god.” The half demon dropped his head back in relief. “Tomorrow was gonna be really fucking rough if that kept up.”

“I’m surprised you were even gonna go.” She laughed. “It seemed like you were against it, too.”

“Kagome, you were acting like I was contagious with the bubonic plague! Was I supposed to happily hop on board the fun train?”

“Oh, I wasn’t that bad. Don’t be dramatic. It was more like tuberculosis.”

He sputtered out a laugh, lolling his head to the side. “Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry!” She urged in a hoarse whisper, trying not to be too loud. “I didn’t know how to act around you anymore!”

“Well, I’ll give you a hint: not like that.”

“Look, in my defense, the last time I saw you in person, you didn’t look like that.”

Inuyasha glanced down at himself. His arms opened wide in an extreme shrug before he shot her a confused expression. “Like what!?”

“Like you live at the gym and you only eat protein and vegetables.” Kagome fired, grabbing a cookie from the bag he’d tossed her earlier. “Here, eat some freaking sugar. You need it more than I do.”

He was trying so hard not to gape, a stiff laugh wheezing from his throat. “I go to the gym three times a week like a normal person, and I eat like shit. I’ve just got good genetics.”

“Unfair genetics.” She corrected, rolling her eyes and taking a bite of her treat.

“I’m sorry, are you…” Inuyasha couldn’t help the cheeky grin that formed, his tongue swiping over his teeth. “Are you saying I’m attractive?”

“No.” She lied. Horribly. There was very minimal effort put into it, really. “I’m saying I thought you were someone else for a moment and it threw me off kilter.”

“Right. Because, how many people do you know with dog ears on their head?”

Kagome let out a cheap scoff. “Like I was even looking at your ears.”

They both stopped. Kagome realized what she’d said and her expression blanked. Those words had just come out of her mouth. Where had her shame gone for that moment? Where was the little voice in her head that advised, “hm, maybe don’t say that.”? One minute, she was terrified to talk to him, the next she was admitting how alluring his body was. Apparently, there was no in between for her. Maybe that’s what she should have been worried about all along.

Though his smile only grew wider after the initial shock of her statement wore off, Inuyasha could feel his flush dangerously ignite. He’d been flustered only a few times before in his life, and it really took a lot to make him as speechless as he was, but this heat he felt now was creeping down his neck and over his chest. He was glad there wasn’t a mirror in front of him, because if he knew he looked as red as he felt, he’d be out the window pretty fucking quickly. This wasn’t the first time Kagome had let it slip that she found him handsome. In the eleventh grade, she’d forced him to go to the junior prom with her, and he nearly had a meltdown from the way she’d stared at him. Being the lightweight that she was, after a sip of some strong shit one of their friends had snuck in, she’d commented on how good he looked while taking the opportunity to fix the tie he’d loosened. He’d had to hold his breath to maintain composure, and it barely worked to prevent his inward scream of pining agony.

“What were you looking at then?” He mischievously asked, his recovery bringing out the impish side of him.

“Oh, dear lord.” Kagome grumbled nervously. Her brown eyes bounded to the ceiling as her head fell back slightly before she remembered she’d finished her beverage. With a little wobble, she slid off her tall bed, grabbing for the empty mug. “I want a drink, do you want a drink?”

He laughed. So hard, he couldn’t fathom a response past a nod. She was so jittery that it was impossible not to laugh. The girl was out the door fast, leaving it cracked behind her while the thick socks on her feet slid along the wooden floor in the hall.

She’d forgone the eggnog this time. During their trip to the store, she and Sota grabbed a little more than rum for versatility. Their mother, not being a drinker, griped all the way down the alcohol aisle. The rum and wine were for taste. The tequila was purely for reaction. Tonight, it was coming in handy. She mixed two shots each with glasses of strawberry lemonade, took a deep breath, and then headed back into her bedroom.

Inuyasha was standing with his back to her, looking at a few framed pictures at the top of the bookshelf in the far corner of the room. He glanced back as she entered with a small nudge of her foot to shut the door behind her, going right back to gazing at the professionally taken graduation photo. Kagome wore her black robe and sash, blue dress beneath, sitting on the edge of a water fountain with the cap she’d decorated with monumental amounts of glitter in her hand.

“I can’t tell what you majored in.” He mentioned, taking the drink she’d made for him with a notch of his chin as thanks. “Did you go for meteorology like you’d planned?”

With a small snort and an enthusiastic shake of her head, Kagome replied, “No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because, I hate being wrong.” She joked. “How often is the forecasted weather ever right?”

“About ten percent of the time.” He chuckled, taking a healthy chug of the fruity drink she’d made him.

Kagome hummed, taking a sip of her own as she went back to sitting on the mattress. “Exactly. Those odds were not pretty enough for me.”

“So, what’d you choose?”

“Well, I played around with broadcast journalism, but ended up majoring in English with a minor in creative writing.”

“Oh, shit.” He was colored impressed. He should have expected that with how much she’d enjoyed reading back in their earlier years. “So, what do you do now?”

“I’m a developmental editor for authors.” She replied bashfully. Her lips had pursed minutely and she shrugged as if it were no big deal. “Was actually just promoted to which.”

Inuyasha smiled, leaning back where he stood and he had to admit that a sense of pride took over when she’d said that. In his eyes, she’d made it far. Kagome was too humble for her own good; she should have been boasting about her promotion, celebrating, meeting his eyes and saying it as proudly as he suddenly felt in her stead.

“What about you?” Kagome asked with a wave of her hand and a shake of her head. It was to dismiss herself and take the attention off of her; an ism that hadn’t changed from before.

“No, wait, wait -“ He tried, wanting to give her some sort of congratulations.

“No,” She whined, releasing a soft giggle mixed within. “Your mom talked about me earlier, you’re hearing this now, enough about me. I haven’t heard anything about your life. Please catch me up.”

He was reluctant. But, it was difficult not to give her what she wanted right now. Taking another drink from his cup, he leaned back against the desk next to the bookshelf. “What do you want to hear?”

“Everything.” Kagome smiled eagerly. When he wasn’t quick to pick up the topic, she gave him a place to start. “College. Did you ever figure out what you wanted to do?”

“No.” He chuckled. “But, I mean, I graduated. So, I guess that’s something. Sort of landed myself in the criminal justice field, and now I’m a forensic investigator.”

Kagome looked amazed, highly interested as she leaned forward in her seat. “So, what do you do?”

“Investigate crime scenes.”

“Like, a cop?”

“No, cops are the ones that call us in. You ever seen Law & Order?”

“That’s like asking if I breathe. Of course, I have.”

“You see the guys taking photos of literally everything, collecting fingerprints, bagging shit, so on and so forth?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m the guy they come back to. Usually, I’m on the scene helping, but more often than anything, I’m analyzing it all in a lab. I help determine what happened during the crime using the evidence brought back to me.”

She wanted to go on and on about how cool that was. About how proud of him she was. About how she always knew he was super intelligent and he was just too lazy to truly apply himself. But, Inuyasha never really had a dream or aspirations growing up. He just wanted to get out of their small town. The money he’d gotten from his father’s passing, it went straight to his tuition. And, he left.

“Do you like it?” Kagome asked considerately. The degree and career may have been happenstance, but his happiness was what she’d considered most important.

“I don’t hate it.” He shrugged. “It’s what I’d consider to be a bit of a dirty job, though. You’re not always prepared for what you’re going to walk into. Even when I’m not on the scene and I’m one-hundred percent in the lab, what’s brought back to me isn’t always pretty. But, the bills are paid and I’m rarely bored.”

Inuyasha was only passionate about a few things in life, so she couldn’t have expected much more from him there. If his body language and fine-print messages remained the same, Inuyasha was telling Kagome that he was content.

“What else?”

“What else?” He repeated softly, thinking. He took a sip as he pondered, trying not to blank on the ins and outs of his life like one normally would when asked to talk about themselves. With the look she was giving him, he was sure even the mundane details would astonish her right now. It was a form of intimacy, so subtle and small, that he was now convinced only she was capable of. “I live in a city about eight hours south of here, have a townhouse, thinking of getting a dog or something, uh, and that’s about all I can think of on the spot.”

Kagome crinkled her nose. “I thought you lived closer. That drive must have been horrible for you, too.”

“Grueling.” Inuyasha concurred. “How far are you? Ten hours?”

“No, a little less.”

“Still more than eight. You poor thing.”

“My butt was thoroughly numb when I showed up.”

He chuckled, “Alright, your turn. Catch me up.”

“Hey, no.” Kagome argued, recoiling some. “I had successfully taken the topic off of me.”

“It’s not fair that you know every little detail about my life and I merely know what your career is.” Inuyasha exaggerated with a smirk.

“Every little -“ She gawked incredulously. “You gave me, like, three things.”

“What can I say? I’m not very interesting.” He shrugged carelessly.

“If that’s the case, neither am I.” She copied his shrug.

“Bullshit, you’re just annoyingly modest and hate talking about yourself. Come on, Kagome. Fair is fair. Give me something. What’s your cat’s name?”

“Why do you assume I have a cat!?” Kagome laughed, trying not to spill her drink as she fell forward some.

“Because, it’s you. Am I wrong?”

She feigned annoyance, avoiding his amused eyes. “His name’s Buyo.”

“That’s what I thought. Your hobbies?”

“Sleeping past seven and painting.”

“Painting? That’s new.”

“Not really. I started experimenting a few years ago. Of course, when we haven’t seen each other in five years, I guess you wouldn’t know that.”

“Five years?” Inuyasha’s eyes slanted and brows furrowed as he thought back. That was a huge chunk of time to get so wrong. “Try eight years.”

Mindlessly, Kagome kept going. “No, it was five years. Because, you were here with that same truck and - No, it was eight years.” She snapped to as she grasped exactly where she’d went wrong.

Oh no.

Looking down at the half-full glass in her hands, Kagome silently cursed it. Alcohol was doing the exact opposite of helping her tonight. As if it were spoiled milk, she quickly set the glass down on the nightstand, pulling her hand away in unmitigated disgust. She could recover from this. She could play nonchalant and climb her way out of the hole she’d just dug. So long as she stayed calm and collected, Inuyasha would have no reason to suspect her slip was anything more than such.

“You’re right, it was eight years.” She gave a short chuckle as if to mock herself, tapping her forehead with the pad of her middle finger. “Can you believe it’s been - I almost forgot my party was that long ago.”

Inuyasha wasn’t fast to respond. That didn’t make sense, something wasn’t adding up. Kagome had mentioned his truck. He’d gotten the thing just before coming out. Five years ago. Bright, and shiny, and new. He remembered this, because it was his first brand new vehicle, no less a truck he’d been eyeing for quite some fucking time. When he’d come home for summer break the year Kagome was transferring from community college to a university, he’d flown in. His crappy, nineteen-ninety, rusted sedan that his mom had gotten for him for no more than fifteen hundred dollars stood no chance of surviving a multi-state drive. The only vehicle parked in his mother’s driveway eight years ago was her own SUV. As far as he knew, this was the very first time Kagome should have been seeing his charcoal truck at all. So, how was she getting the two occasions confused?

“Five years ago?” His voice was gruff as he continued to ponder, leaning his seat a little further on the desk.

“No, I was wrong.” Kagome continued to try. “It was definitely eight years.”

“My truck…”

“I was wrong.”

Amber eyes darted to her then. He was right. It clicked from what she’d just said, and he was right. But, why was she covering something from him? All it was doing was making him more curious. “What’s up?” He asked suspiciously.

“Nothing’s up.” She responded, her voice taking on a higher pitch of anxiety.

“Kagome,” He pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes tight before sighing out and looking back at her. “You hate being wrong. You’d said so yourself not too long ago, and I’ve known that since I met you. Now, you’re just going to admit it? No. That’s too casual.”

“But -“

“Five years ago, what was that? What was going on that year?” He thought, brows pinching inward yet again.

Did she remain firm? Did she give up the act? It was hard to tell what the right thing to do was right now. It didn’t seem likely that she was going to be able to save herself, and it had her heart rate skyrocketing.

Remembering clearly, Inuyasha looked back up at her with disconcertment. Kagome was stiff, her hands rubbing back and forth over each other as her teeth pressed into the plush of her bottom lip. Her body language confirmed it all.

“You were here?”

Kagome swallowed thickly, feeling the pressure of the saliva glide down her throat. For some reason, she couldn’t answer him. She couldn’t even shake her head no anymore. The look in his eye, the way his brows hooded over them, he’d figured it out and she had done nothing but basically corner herself.

“No, you - you weren’t.” Inuyasha argued with himself, thinking of the logistics of her being so close without him knowing. “Your brother was home, but you weren’t around. I remember this. There wasn’t another car parked out front, and the two times I saw your family, you weren’t with them.”

Another thick swallow, and Kagome was having difficulty meeting his eye contact anymore. Maybe setting down her drink was the wrong choice. She should have downed it. There wasn’t nearly enough liquid courage in her for what she was about to admit. The disturbance in her abdomen was making her fidget more than usual, and she didn’t know how to quell it. Later, she was going to have a very stern talk with herself in the mirror about how she needed to learn some freaking chill and stop throwing herself under the goddamn bus. Other people are supposed to do that for her.

With a slow, deep sigh, Kagome told him the truth. “I was here.”

Inuyasha didn’t looked pleased. He looked bemused. Perplexed, even. This was troubling him. “You were.” He stated more than asked.

“Sota was still in high school, so he didn’t have a car. Mine was in the garage.”

“Fucking hell.” He said on a rough exhale, swiping his hand over his face. “How the fuck did I miss you?”

“I mean, you were a little preoccupied. It’s completely understandable.” Kagome said in meager defense.

“No. No, it isn’t Kagome. Me wanting to talk to you, it wasn’t spur of the moment. I didn’t see you yesterday and think it was time for a sudden walk down memory lane. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long fucking time; I just had no way. If I had known you were here then - which I should have - I would have done something about it.”

Kagome was feeling hot. Her face, her neck, her shoulders, all hot. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to see her. She couldn’t process that right now.

“You wouldn’t have been able to and you know it.” Kagome said, dropping her head to the side as if this should have been common sense.

“God, no fucking wonder you faked a phone call.” It was like a light bulb had gone bright over his head, the epiphany hitting him in the gut full force. “Apparently, I’ve been no better. You were right here, and I didn’t even pay close enough attention to realize that. Look, if you thought I was ignoring you, I wasn’t. I swear to god, I wasn’t.” He frantically explained, finally setting his glass down before his hand flinging to gesture toward the past caused him to spill anything. “I don’t blame you for wanting to avoid me after I probably made you feel that way, but I didn’t fucking mean to, I promise you that.”

No. Not again. Why was he blaming himself again? How did he not jump toward accusations with her? If it were anyone else, he’d point fingers and ask what the hell was the matter with them. She couldn’t take it. The guilt was overwhelming, and the last thing she wanted was for Inuyasha to think he’d done anything wrong.

This was on her.

“Inuyasha, you can’t see someone that doesn’t want to be seen.”

“What?” He questioned, confused.

Kagome released a guttural sigh as she buried her face in her hands, bucking up the courage to just get it over with. Her knees bounced a few times, so she pulled some tension off of them to stop, giving her bottom lip a good bite before she damned it all and ripped the bandaid off swiftly.

“You didn’t know I was here because I didn’t want you to. I was hiding. I wore Sota’s clothes so I could mask my scent from you, that I’m surprised even worked. At the time, I was interning for a really shitty company that didn’t want to give me my full, requested vacation off, so the only way I could come out here was to bring work with me. When my mom wanted to go somewhere, I used it to my advantage and said I had a meeting to Skype into. And, this is not your fault, okay? It’s not! I panicked, and we all know how rational I am under pressure. It’s just - I saw you, and I freaked. It was the first time in what felt like forever, and I was going to say hi because I thought I was fine enough to do so, but then I saw her and I ran. I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why. I mean, everyone moves on with their life, and we’d grown up, and I was really happy you were happy, but I didn’t expect you to be engaged. Engaged. So, me being me, I wanted to avoid the awkward meeting at all costs and booked it out of there. That was when Sota found out everything, so he was in on it, and he gave me his clothes to wear so that you wouldn’t realize I was -“

“Wait, woah, wait a second. What?” Inuyasha looked like he had a headache with the way he pressed his fingers into his temples. He gaped at Kagome, face twisted in perturbation. That was a lot to be thrown at him in the span of a rambling thirty seconds. “What did Sota find out? What do you mean, fine enough to say hi? Am I missing something here?”

“Of course, you are. That was the whole point.” She rasped, reaching for her drink to moisten her nervously-dry throat. Inuyasha stomped forward and she knew that look, instantly kicking her foot out and leaning back to withhold him while she managed to steal a healthy gulp before he successfully stole it from her. The battle was fruitless. He ignored her protest and walked back over to the bookcase to set it on top.

“No more until you tell me what’s up.”

“Give it back.” She grumbled with a pout, having followed him over. Her arms crossed over her chest, and he mentally counted down from three, hitting one right as she stomped her foot as expected.

“God, you’re such a baby.”

“Yes.” She didn’t even try to defend herself, still holding her pathetic attempt at what was supposed to be a scowl.

“I’m not giving it back. I’m cutting you off until you talk to me.”

She gasped. “Manipulator.”

“You just told me you hid from me. I think I deserve to know why.”

“I told you why.”

“Because, I was engaged?”

Kagome’s heart gave a painful twist, and she recognized the threat it posed to climb into her throat and make if harder to speak. She took a step back and ducked her head, knowing he took that as a solid confirmation when he leaned back against the desk again with a shallow breath.

“What’s going on?” He reached again.

With unsteady hands, Kagome raked her fingers through her hair, disturbing the smoothness of her groomed bangs in doing so. She could hardly put more effort into fixing what she knew was sitting in disarray past a small shake of her head to hope the force would help them remember their place. Too shy to make the eye contact he was searching for, Kagome tucked herself into her sweater and held on tight.

“See, okay.” She started stammeringly. “A long time ago, back in high school - oh gosh. Okay.” Kagome took a breath, nearly laughing at how ridiculous she was being right now. “You weren’t just my best friend, Inuyasha. Not to me. I was - god - I had the fattest crush on you. It was so bad. I didn’t know what to do about it. So, I said I thought I was fine to say hi because I’d figured by then the feelings were long gone.”

Inuyasha had to wonder if he was still breathing. He could feel it coming. The anguish was right around the corner at discovering she had feelings for him way back when and he’d missed it. She was always right there, right beside him, and he was none the wiser that she felt the same exact way that he did.

“Were they?”

“Yes.” She lied. She was stiff, and even she didn’t believe herself. “No. I don’t know.”

“But, you saw my fiancé?”

“Yeah.” Kagome breathed, unable to find her voice for that.

“And…”

“And, I hid.”

Inuyasha took a deep breath, grabbing his own drink and finishing it off. He bobbed his head a few times, letting the information settle. He didn’t want to stew in silence, though. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he thought back to every lingering gaze she’d given him, every gentle touch, every late night together where they spoke very little but enjoyed each other’s company, every hug, everything. It had meant something to her.

“It was pretty unfair of you to wear your brother’s clothes to hide from me. Everything around here smells like you. You don’t even live in this room anymore and I can still smell it from my house. It’s like searching for a needle in a haystack sometimes. Anytime I’m here, I can’t stop thinking you’re right next to me when you’re not. The one time you actually are, and you trick my nose into thinking it’s crazy.”

“What was I supposed to do? Fake a smile, pretend I was fine, and make nice just to please an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in years?”

“No.”

“What would you have done?”

He went taut. What would he have done if she had a fiancé while he was still crazy about her? It was a topic he preferred not to think about now that it was on his mind. It made his stomach feel sour, it made a lump swell up in his throat. To think of someone getting to her first when he was too stupid to step up didn’t sit well with him at all. But, was he considering the idea for feelings that were around years ago, or was this relevant to now?

Kagome noticed he seemed uncomfortable with the question, and she instantly regretted asking it. It could easily be misconstrued to assume he’d ever had feelings for her, so she hastily corrected herself. “If - if you were in my shoes. You know, not like - forget it.”

To lighten the mood and dismiss some of the tension in the room right now, which was beneficial for the both of them at this point, Inuyasha reached up for her drink, bringing it down for her. She clutched the glass eagerly with both hands, taking three gulps before cringing from the strength of the tequila hitting her throat.

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” He teased. There was a deep shade of red on her cheeks and Inuyasha couldn’t tell if she was still feeling bashful or if choking on her drink had caused the hue. He had to admit, he liked when she was flushed. He liked when she tucked herself into a sweater too large, always threatening to fall off of one shoulder or the other, and he liked when she licked her lips to drag her bottom one between her teeth.

She sneered, ambling back toward the nightstand beside the bed, and drinking a little slower that time until her glass was empty. She may as well. It’s not like she could dig her grave any deeper at this point.

“So, you didn’t like that I was engaged.” He speculated.

She froze.

“Because, you still had feelings for me.”

She could tell where this was going. Was he trying to hand her a shovel or something?

“Or, may have.” He continued. “You’re not sure. Either way, how do you explain running from me yesterday?”

Kagome spun around on her heel, black hair flipping over her shoulder. “I did not run.”

“Jogged.”

He cocked a brow in her gape of silence, a smug grin developing on his face.

“I was on the phone.” She said meekly.

“We’ve already proven that to be wrong.”

Why was his voice so smooth right now? What was this deep hitch he was presenting? He needed to go back to his normal tone, because this was dangerous for her.

Still, understanding he was fucking around, Kagome pinched back an embarrassed smile. “Oh, shut up.”

“No, no. Tell me. Please. Enlighten me.”

“Why are you so hung up over that one thing? Obsessive much?”

“It’s perfectly rational to be curious about why someone may be avoiding you.”

“I don’t know. It sounds like I just hurt your feelings.” Kagome teased right back.

“My feelings.” He let out a light scoff, crossing the space to her. “Not quite.”

“Your ego?”

“Maybe, I just don’t like watching you walk away from me.”

Kagome looked up at him as he stopped before her. He was daring. Her heart gave an excited thump, and for the first time, she didn’t want to hide from whatever this was. In fact, the opposite. She didn’t quite know what he was trying to do, but she couldn’t help the challenge rising in her.

“Maybe you’re just looking at the wrong thing.”

Inuyasha chuckled, nearly defeatedly. Cheeky motherfucker, this one. She had him on that, but he wasn’t about to pull away. Just a few more seconds. They were within a proximity where their voices were hushed, and their chests almost touched. Almost. He wouldn’t touch her, though. Not yet. Not now. He wanted the suspense to drag her under again.

“Admit it.” His voice gave a small rumble from how low he’d kept it and Kagome’s lashes fluttered as she couldn’t resist the pull to glance down at his lips for the smallest moment.

“I thought you were married.” She breathed.

“I’m not.” He said.

“I know.”

“Things didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.”

“Oh.” Kagome sighed unsteadily. It was like the more he spoke to her this way, the deeper she got lost in a trance. His eyes traveled from her own to her lips and back, slow, the warmth of his golden irises physiologically affecting her. This wasn’t a game to Inuyasha, either. He didn’t joke around like this. She, of all people, would know. He was doing this on purpose.

“If you thought I’ve been married all this time,” Inuyasha brought a hand up to hover near the crumpled sleeve of her arm, allowing the heat of his body to radiate onto her own. “Why’d you avoid me now, years later?”

Her collar bones popped out a tiny bit further as Kagome dragged in a careful breath, chest and shoulders rising just a little. She didn’t respond. But, she didn’t break eye contact either. He knew the answer from that alone, and a satisfied smile appeared of its own volition.

Inuyasha leaned in an inch further, reveling in the hitch from her lungs. “I want you to think about what I said tonight. About your scent being everywhere. Think about it and let it sit. Why would I say that?” If he’d touched her in that moment, he would have been the one to fold. At this point, his mindfulness was heating the both of them. Inuyasha stole one last glance at her parted lips before fixing to take a step back. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kagome was past the point of enraptured. Completely stunned, she’d almost forgotten to watch him as he headed toward the window. An admission she’d thought was bound to ruin things took a turn she wasn’t expecting in the least. While her stomach was completely jostled by the quick pace of butterflies flapping their wings and finding no escape, she couldn’t say she was upset by it. What was happening, she didn’t quite yet know the answer to. But, it was something she was eager to explore.

Her eyes flickered to him as he opened the window, turning to grant her one last smile. It was sweet. Soft. Sauntering over, Kagome returned it, stopping just before the window frame as his feet hit the ground on the opposite side. Silently, he grabbed the screen they’d removed for him to enter, holding it center so that she could fasten it.

“Goodnight.” She said, reaching for the top of the window, slowly pulling it shut. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

—

Anytime I’m here, I can’t stop thinking you’re right next to me when you’re not.

Even if he hadn’t told her to think about it, those words would have echoed in her ears all night anyway. It was all she could think about, really. She’d laid in bed, staring at the ceiling while the TV flashed colors and images over her walls, but nothing tore her mind away from what he’d told her. As she’d come down from the sensual adrenaline he’d injected her with, she began to overthink and over analyze.

Why would I say that?

“I don’t know, why would you say that?” She’d found herself grumbling in the middle of the night before grabbing one of her pillows and throwing it on top of her own face.

The only conclusion she’d come up with was one that made her entire body feel light and wobbly. Her heart gave a thump, and she wasn’t sure if she was willing to encourage the idea to stick around. At first. The moment she’d thought it may be best to push it to the back of her mind, she remembered the way he was looking at her. How close he was standing. How his hand had hovered near her arm and caused a wild series of gooseflesh to course over her body. He hadn’t even touched her, and she could feel him. Someone doesn’t just accidentally do something like that. She’d never seen that side of him before, but she knew Inuyasha was serious. She knew he wouldn’t toy with her. That was when the idea made home, roots gradually gliding through the ridges of her brain to stick around for good.

All day, she’d kept herself distracted by spending time with her family. The less she thought about it, the smaller her chances of malfunctioning before it was even time to leave. If she had, then she’d have to explain what had happened, and that was a whole mess she’d prefer to avoid altogether.

Most of their day was calm. They watched movies, got the decorations prepared, ate an early dinner, and then it was time to get ready to go. Kagome stood in front of her mirror, leaning in close as she blended her eyeshadow out a little further. Her bedroom door was open and her younger brother stopped in the doorway, giving her time to realize he was there before he walked through and startled her. A trait about him that she appreciated since she was currently putting makeup on her eyes.

“What do you think? How do I look?” She asked, presenting her outfit by turning toward him and spreading her arms out.

“Clothed.” Sota carelessly said, welcoming himself in and walking over to her bed. He was dressed and ready to go, hair doing it’s own thing, hands tucked into his sweater pockets with a beanie poking out at the side.

She groaned. “You’re useless.”

“Speaking of,” He guffawed, rolling himself onto the mattress and making himself comfortable as she went right back to doing her makeup. “You want to know what else is useless?”

“Hm?” Kagome hummed, not minding him anymore.

“Muting your TV when you’re gonna have a loud conversation you don’t want anyone to hear.”

Kagome stopped, eyes dulling as her mouth dropped open an inch. Very, very slowly, she turned to look at the extremely smug expression on her brother’s face. It was like her stomach was being held in place by two feeble strings and they were losing their knot, steadily dropping the organ lower and lower.

“No.” She mouthed, mortified.

“Yeah.” He returned in the same sense.

“Does she know?” Kagome asked, pointing out of her room in a gesture to their mother.

“God no.” Sota snorted. “She’s the heaviest fucking sleeper around, you know that.”

Her face was red, she just knew it. She felt so unbelievably hot that her eyes burned from the embarrassment, her nerves making her fight back a laugh. “Oh my god, did you hear anything?”

“Bitch, the moment I heard him in your room, I turned my TV up. Walls are thin, May. You think I want to hear -“

“Oh, ew! No!” Kagome lunged to smack him in the arm, missing when he jerked away. “We didn’t do anything! Why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” His voice dropped to a mocking level. “Maybe because you’re twenty-eight and twenty-nine, are sickeningly in love with him, and the dude snuck into your room at eleven o’clock at night. If that’s not the makings for a good time, I don’t know what is.”

“Well, we didn’t.” Kagome scorned. “We just talked.”

“Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”

Kagome swung again, this time slapping her hand right on his chest. Sota clutched his left side, curling slightly in pain.

“My nipple.” He cried.

“We just talked.”

“Okay, okay.” Sota laughed at how defensive she easily got, rubbing the sting away and getting comfortable again. As she went back to finishing her makeup, he continued. “So, how’d it go.”

“Well, I guess.” Kagome gave a deep sigh. “We caught up a bit.”

“That’s it?”

“And, I let it slip that I hid from him when I saw that he was engaged.”

“That’s the Kagome we know and love. How’d he react? Did he blow a fuse? Get all butt hurt?”

Kagome looked over her shoulder at him, bashfulness hitting her once again as she remembered him standing so close. Sota sat up, reading her expression and his interest piqued ten fold. So, Kagome had pulled a Kagome, but Inuyasha hadn’t pulled a classic Inuyasha act? “How’d he react, May?”

“Very,” She paused, searched for a word to best explain things without giving too much to her brother, of all people. “Interested.” She thought some more. “Confused, at first. A little conflicted. But, then interested.”

“Interested?”

“Interested.”

Sota shrugged his lips, giving a bob of his head as he speculated. “So, it’s safe to assume today won’t be as awkward as we’re all expecting it to be?”

“I think so.”

“And, I can put the paper bag I have in my pocket back into the kitchen since you won’t be hyperventilating from being near the guy?”

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes, putting down the eyeshadow to grab for her mascara.

“How are we gonna explain the sudden change in your attitude towards him to mom? I take it you don’t want her knowing he snuck in through your window in the middle of the night.”

Kagome nearly dropped her head, pulling the mascara wand away so she wasn’t in danger. “Fuck.” She breathed. “I may be a whole ass adult, but that’ll just lead her to wonder how many times I snuck out or someone snuck in when I was younger.”

“Mom’s not one for whooping ass, but she’d hand you yours.” Sota snickered.

Kagome whipped back around, giving her little brother the biggest puppy eyes she could conjure. He’d grimaced at first, but then eventually lolled his head dramatically. “Why do I always have to cover for you?”

“Remember, I picked you up that one time you snuck out in the middle of the night and mom never knew.”

“I was fifteen! Let it go. Get some new material.”

“Okay,” She smirked devilishly, perking up with a little too much enthusiasm. “You remember that one time you brought your ex-girlfriend, Shiori, over while no one was home and decided it was as good a time as any to take her back to your bedroom and sleep with her?”

Instantly, his face dropped and eyes widened, unmitigated terror taking over. Kagome pointed to herself with a little flare. “Well, guess who was home.”

“No.”

“And, guess who ran out the door as soon as mom pulled up from work, begging her to take me to the store and get some tampons so you wouldn’t be scared into premature ejaculation.”

“Kagome!”

“Eh, you were sixteen. You barely stood a chance as it was.” She flicked her wrist raffishly. “But, mom never found out and that’s all that matters, right?”

“Are you serious? You were home?” Sota implored frantically.

“Unfortunately for me, fortunately for you.”

“No, no. You can’t use that against me. I’m twenty-fucking-two.” Sota panicked, crawling to the edge of the bed nearest her. “I can’t get in trouble for sex I had six years ago.”

“Mom’s not one for whooping ass, but she’d hand you yours.” She mimicked, smirking.

“You son of a bitch.” He grounded out slowly. “You’ve known all this time, and this is what you want to use it for?”

“Yup. Always kept it in my back pocket just in case. It’s time to cash it in, buddy!”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” Kagome grinned smugly, finishing up her mascara and twisting the small vile shut. “Thanks to me, you had the best, undisturbed forty-five seconds of your life.”

“Fine!” He slapped his palm against the mattress, jumping down and stomping toward the door. “I’ll cover for you. Again. But, I’m putting every bottle of alcohol we have out of reach for you so when you come home and have your inevitable existential crisis, you can’t have any.”

She gasped. “Rude!”

“Oh, yeah. And, I’ll watch you wither on the floor like a fucking worm all while I stand on the counter and enjoy a few shots that you’re too panic-stricken and pathetically short to reach.”

Her gasp that time was deeper, louder. Sota smiled wide, nodding his head as he once again had the upper hand.

“Yeah! How you like them apples?” He gloated.

“You’re vile.”

“Thank you.” Sota hit her doorframe in his final exit, just in time for their mother to come over and shove in between them. Instantly, the siblings put on nice faces, pretending it was all an act so their mother wouldn’t ask what they were butting heads about. It was mostly normal for her to see Kagome and Sota play fighting, so she usually never asked what had happened to cause it anymore, but this was the time to really make sure she suspected nothing. From the both of them.

Before they knew it, they were zipped up tight within coats, their necks wrapped snug inside of scarves, and they were in the car and on their way. Inuyasha’s truck was already gone, Kagome had noticed. She wondered if they were already there and waiting on them. The sun was long gone, it was dark, and their mother was practically bouncing in the driver’s seat from how excited she was for the Christmas festivities. It was keeping her distracted, because right next to her, Kagome was wiping her sweaty hands along her jeans to keep them dry. It was a solid eighteen degrees outside, but she couldn’t help but be nervous and fidget a little.

Please let her be right about the message he was trying to send.

Strands of lights laced over pole beams and criss-crossed high over their heads to illuminate the tree farm they were welcomed into. Snow covered the field, glistening under the twinkle and adding to the magic-like quality. There were stands for different flavors of hot cocoa and coffee, fake snow was blowing in the air just over a designated photo area where a photographer looked to be shivering from head-to-toe, and Christmas trees were lined in long rows in the distance.

“Oh my goodness, hi!” Came an elated greeting to their left, and the Higurashi family all turned to see Miss Izayoi jumping up and down to wave. Inuyasha calmly placed his hand on his mom’s head in a feeble attempt to calm her, but everyone knew it was to no avail. This was the most wonderful time of the year, and it seemed their mother’s enjoyed it the most.

“Hi! Hi!” Kagome’s mom cheered, hopping her way over to Izayoi. “This place is gorgeous!”

Kagome and Sota followed behind their ecstatic parent while trying not to laugh, hands tucked deep into their pockets for warmth. She was almost inclined to keep her eyes low, feeling like it was a learned habit at this point, but a twinge in her belly had Kagome’s attention flickering upward to meet Inuyasha’s. There was a lightness in her abdomen as his straight expression shifted into a crooked grin, and without prompt, she’d returned it. It was the same one he’d always given to her since childhood, and it was the same one that had her feeling insane when she’d realized what it did to her all those years ago.

“Isn’t it! This has got to be their best year yet!”

“You two weren’t waiting for us too long, I hope.”

“Not at all. We don’t mind either way! Inuyasha doesn’t know cold, and I have a peppermint hot chocolate, so waiting was a pleasure.”

Kagome perked as she’d mentioned the hot chocolate, unable to control her craving as she spun around to try and locate the right stand she needed to head to. The longest line was leading toward the coffee, and the second longest was leading toward the gingerbread flavor. That boded well for her. The stand had to have been further down the way and Kagome just couldn’t see it from where she stood, and she’d even heard her brother begin to ask where Miss Izayoi had gotten it.

“I’ve got you.” Inuyasha softly spoke, giving Kagome’s shoulder a tap as he passed by her.

“Hey, wait.” Kagome objected just as she realized what he was doing.

The half demon graced her with a fleeting glance over his shoulder, that same crooked smirk curving his lips. “Go on. I’ll be right back.”

She stiffened. Watching him walk away with his hands in his coat, Kagome tried to remind herself not to get too carried away with his kind gesture. There was no reason to think too far into it. Or, grow timid. Or, smile like a freaking idiot. That part was probably going to be the most difficult.

There was a small crunch in the snow beneath her boots as Kagome turned back to face everyone else, noticing that they were silent. Their mother’s just sort of stared on with a hint of peculiarity while Sota grimaced with his hands held out expectantly.

“Well, fuck me then.” He murmured quietly for only Kagome to hear. He’d wanted one too, and she’d had to duck her head to avoid a snort from laughter.

She gave a quick clear of her throat, looking back to her mom and Miss Izayoi with the most innocent smile she could muster. Inuyasha’s mom simply dismissed what she’d seen with with a shrug of her brows, turning on her heel to lead the way down a different path.

“Alright. He’ll catch up; let’s go look at some trees.”

Following behind her, Kagome’s mother turned to her daughter and quietly asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Of course, I am.” She shrugged.

“Don’t say, ‘of course,’ like that. Not after what I saw yesterday.”

“Mom, he offered to buy her a drink.” Sota interjected. “If anything, this is a step in the right direction for them.”

“You’re not uncomfortable, right?” Her mom asked, casually pulling some of her daughter’s raven waves from the twist of the scarf around her neck so Izayoi wouldn’t turn around and think something was wrong.

“No, I’m okay.” Kagome smiled. “It was very nice of him. I think he’s just trying to be my friend again.”

“Yup. That’s what I’d call it, too.” Sota snickered.

“You guys are horrible at playing coy, you know that right?” Their mother remarked, rolling her eyes. “But, fine. Keep your secrets. Just let me know if you need a breather.”

She walked ahead of them, joining Izayoi so that they could wander side-by-side.

“You kept your cool.” Kagome’s younger brother mentioned, nudging her shoulder with his arm. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Shut up.” She mumbled.

“Our little anxiety goblin’s growing up.”

Kagome nibbled on her bottom lip, shrugging deeper into her jacket. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to be casual or flirt with him. I mean, it’s just hot chocolate. But, it’s Inuyasha getting me hot chocolate.”

“You do you, boo.” Sota joked. “Whatever happens, I can guarantee everyone’s going to pretend they think nothing of it. Miss Izayoi will save her questions for Inuyasha in private, and if mom asks anything - which I doubt she will - we’ll tell her he came over to talk. Through the front door.”

Swiftly, Kagome slapped her palm to her forehead. “The front door.” She repeated in a cry. Such a simple explanation, and she’d completely failed to think of it. She’d even brought it up to Inuyasha last night. Rookie mistake.

“That’s right, homie.” He laughed, skipping joyously next to her to tease. “You cashed in some blackmail for some basic level shit. What would you do without me?”

The incoming crunch of snow from behind prevented Kagome from responding with the sass already equipped on her tongue, looking over to Inuyasha approaching with a cup in hand. Sota kept walking while Kagome stopped to wait, her lips curving upward in greeting.

“That was fast.”

He shrugged, holding the cocoa out for her. “Both hands. It’ll keep them warm for a while.”

“Thank you.” She said, doing as he recommended. “How much do I owe you?”

He smiled at that, looking ahead as they walked behind everyone. “Nothing.”

“The stands say two dollars.”

“And, I said nothing.” He repeated smoothly with a quick glance down at her. “You still like whipped cream, right?”

She gleamed, blowing into the small sip hole of the top covering her disposable, green cup. “I will never not like whipped cream.”

“Good.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, walking directly next to each other while they watched their mom’s jump back and forth from trees. They spun around them to evaluate thickness, dryness, height, and even debated on their preference of type - from various pines to various firs. Sota had knocked back a few jokes to compare their love of this holiday to that of a Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, but it was quickly turned on him as soon as he lit up with excitement at the sight of actual reindeer pulling a sleigh with Santa on it.

There was a barn in the distance, glowing with warm lights that pulled Kagome’s attention. It was clearly where the checkout was for whatever tree had been chosen by families, but there was a welcome sign just next to it that had Kagome stopping to try and determine what it led to from where she stood in between trees.

“What?” Inuyasha asked, noticing she wasn’t next to him anymore.

“What is that?” It looked like there was a huge section of decorated trees that people were strolling through.

“Don’t know.”

“Want to check it out?” She unthinkingly asked. Her nerves gave her a little jolt as if to bring her back to the present. Was that too bold? It was clear she wasn’t inviting anyone else; only him. When she’d looked over, he was already on his way to her, a simple grin on his face as he gave a nod.

She was happy. Sparing a glance toward her brother to signal that they were leaving the group so someone knew they weren’t to be reported as missing persons, Kagome kept up with Inuyasha. The sleeves of their jackets rubbed slightly as they stayed close, and she had to admit that this was substantially more comfortable than she’d expected earlier.

She was right. There was a large maze of trees, each one decorated with different types of ornaments, garland, and ribbons. It was like a Christmas wonderland they were now walking through, groups spread out and paced so no one was bumping into each other or interrupting the spectacle that had everyone in awe. The lights of the trees were dimmed, creating an incredibly intimate aesthetic that had Kagome’s head turning left and right in amazement. Nothing was too in-your-face or blinding. It was beautiful and serene, with the very, very light hint of classic Christmas music playing over the speakers near the barn that they steadily traveled away from.

“This way, dummy.” Inuyasha said as he grabbed the waist of her coat to pull her along with him in his direction. There was a fork in the road signaled by a red and white “north pole,” but she’d almost walked straight into it, too distracted by everything around her. Inuyasha had chosen, what he’d observed to be, the less traveled route. Everyone was going right because there was a perfectly, and conveniently, placed cocoa stand. Kagome already had some in her hands. It worked out in his benefit.

She giggled, not fighting his yank at all. Their boots were the only ones in this direction making any noise along the packed ice beneath them. Inuyasha walked quietly next to her. There were a mixture of red, green, and blue lights among the whites and golden, and she secretly admired the way it bounced off the sheen of his silver hair. He’d never appreciate being called beautiful. But, she thought that of him. Especially when he looked as content as he did now. He hardly had any sort of expression written on his face, but his body language, the way he spared small glances toward her, the way he matched her pace, it said it all.

“I never got the chance to ask you,” She began, clutching her drink a little tighter within both hands to absorb the heat. Maybe what she was about to mention would put him off, and she was nervous about that, but this was something she’d rather know than avoid. “Are you upset? That I hid from you five years ago?”

Inuyasha hadn’t expected that. His brows twitched inward as he looked down at her. He was surprised she wasn’t staring at the ground then. Kagome was meeting his eyes, looking for his honest answer. “Where’d that come from?”

“Well, I was a little confused by your response yesterday. I thought about what you’d said, like you’d told me. Obviously, not for the reason you’d intended, but something stuck out. You’d called me unfair. While I understand where you were coming from, I wanted to know if there was anything else.”

He licked his lips, cocking a small grin. “Why does that matter?”

Kagome stopped, gathering his undivided attention as he took two more steps before turning around to face her. “It matters.” She said. “I just want you to know that it wasn’t meant to hurt you. You weren’t supposed to find out.” Kagome sort of chuckled at herself.

Inuyasha looked to the side, having to momentarily distract himself from what her stare was doing to him. Sure, anyone could choose to be upset about something like that, but she’d made it perfectly clear as to why she’d done it. Inuyasha couldn’t hold it over her head even if he’d wanted to. “If I’d seen you with a fiancé of your own, I’d have reacted worse.”

It was simultaneously an answer to her recent question, and an answer to the one she’d asked the night before. Kagome swallowed thickly, feeling struck by his sincerity. He took a step in, the silence in the air not the least bit discomfiting. The music from the barn was barely noticeable from where they stood, giving them a sense of privacy and peace.

“I’m not even a little bit upset.”

“You promise?” Kagome breathed.

“Have you been worried about that all night?”

“No.” She said honestly.

“Good. Because, as you well know, that’s not what I wanted you to think about.” Inuyasha chuckled. His hands were tucked within his jacket pockets, and he leveraged out his elbow for Kagome to hook her arm through if she’d wanted. He was glad that, despite her bashful smile, she took the offer.

Her eyes wandered up to him again as they walked along. She wanted to lean further against him, but she held back. It was so difficult to push past the nerves serving as a blockade to do even the simplest of gestures. Was his heart beating as fast as hers was? She wished she could hear it. She wished he didn’t speak so indirectly and came right out with what he wanted her to know. She wouldn’t reject it. He knows she wouldn’t reject it. That much, she understood by now.

Sensing her, Inuyasha tucked her arm closer into his side, glancing down at her. “Are you warm enough?” His timbre was husky, sweet.

Almost losing her train of thought, Kagome could only muster up a nod in response. When did Inuyasha become this bold? And, confident? She had to admit, this was a huge difference from what she’d grown up with. He could have easily been described as emotionally stunted way back then. Of course, being engaged once should mean that he’d figured it out somewhere along the way.

“You’d said this wasn’t the first time you’d wanted to talk to me - when you saw me the other day.”

“Yeah.” Inuyasha confirmed, leading her through the maze.

“What would you have told me?”

“Hi.” He laughed, slowing her down as their route finally merged with the other they’d parted from. There was a group of teenagers he let slip before them, tuning out their loud antics as they excitedly pointed out everything they saw.

“No,” Kagome giggled, pulling on his arm a little in a meager sense to get him to be serious. “What would you have told me?”

“What are you on about?” Inuyasha chuckled again, giving her another yank closer into his side.

“What would you have told me? Like, what did you want to say?”

“It’s not like I had some speech planned, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just wanted to see you again.”

“And, if you had sooner, what would you have told me?”

He was blushing. Just a little, but she could see it as their route was nearing the back entrance of the barn they’d ended up looping around. The lights were hitting his face perfectly to show her, but he wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable about it. He was still smiling, giving her his attention and completely ignoring the uproar of the teenagers before them.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I’ve always been a make it up as you go along kind of guy.”

That was true. Inuyasha definitely wasn’t a planner. He was too impatient for that sort of thing.

“Okay. Then, what did you want to tell me two days ago?” Kagome boldly asked, holding his eye contact.

“That I missed you. That I -“

A small cheer met their ears as they just barely entered the barn, ripping his attention away from the girl he held to see a woman dressed as an elf nearby pointing right above them. A few of the teenagers had stuck around in the distance, having clearly made it a game to wait and see if he and Kagome would notice in time and separate like everyone else hastily had. He hadn’t been paying attention. Their group had been wild because they were trying not to get stuck under the mistletoe together.

Son of a mother fucking bitch.

“You gotta do it! It’s the rules!” The elf cajoled too happily, and it was all Inuyasha could do not to outwardly groan.

Yes, he wanted to kiss Kagome. Of course, he wanted to fucking kiss her. But, it was something he wanted to be a little less forced than this - as he felt was reasonable for anyone in his shoes. Kagome hadn’t said a word at his side, and he peered down, noticing how goddamn red she was. She’d only met his eyes for a moment, glancing around the room awkwardly as an elderly couple gingerly snickered their way.

If he pulled her out of there and ignored everyone as he felt he should, he risked sending her the wrong memo. If he rolled with the punches, he risked ruining the momentum of genuineness. Inuyasha was beginning to feel too much pressure building up, and he did a quick bob from one foot to the other. What he found he was more afraid of in that moment was messing with Kagome’s head. She was asking these questions for a reason. She wanted to know what he was feeling. What they had, it was fresh. It was fragile. It was way too easy to fuck things up right now, and then he’d have to start right back at square one. They were too limited on time to add more mistakes to fix.

Before he made a move though, he needed to make sure Kagome was okay with it. And, if that stupid, middle-aged elf urged him one more goddamn time before he was able to do so, he was going to punt her out of the way. Inuyasha released Kagome’s arm with a deep and stiff sigh, looking down at her. She returned his gaze, but it was obvious she was incredibly nervous.

“We don’t have to.” Inuyasha mentioned.

Her brown eyes flickered up to the mistletoe. She wasn’t opposed, she just didn’t like being under a spotlight. But, she wasn’t opposed. Definitely not. It was just difficult for her to communicate that, or even make the move on her own. All she could do was give him a small shrug, a shuddering breath, and a careful smile that left the choice up to him. She could only hope it was obvious which option she’d wanted him to choose.

Something came over him then. The noise of the elf, the teenagers, and everyone else minding their own business around them faded out, and Inuyasha only recognized her. Kagome. His thumb grazed the soft line of her jaw as his hand reached to curl around the nape of her neck, pulling her to meet him halfway as he leaned forward to kiss her. Her lips were delicate. Her breath was warm. His heart stopped. Pulling away was now the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life, and it took striving effort not to remember people were watching - sparsely clapping, even - and others were coming down the path.

It was the clapping that did him over. It quickly took him out of his reverie, and Inuyasha could hardly hide the tidal wave of embarrassment. His hand slipped down to grab hers, forcefully pulling her out of the barn altogether. He guided her over to an icy stack of hay bales on the far side where no one was, letting her go as he released his pent up aggravation on the snow atop that was thick enough to fight back.

“That -“ He hit again. “- was not - “ And, again. “- supposed -“ Once more. “- to happen like that.”

Kagome had been poorly resisting it, but her battle was fruitless. She sputtered out a guttural laugh, so hard it had her gradually folding over.

“What the hell is so funny!?”

She couldn’t even answer she was laughing so hard. God, it was about freaking time.

“Hey!” Inuyasha pulled her to stand up straight, grabbing the sides of her face as he jostled her a little. Her laughter was contagious and he was already cracking, an incredulous smile forming on his face. “The hell are you fucking laughing at!?”

“I was wondering where you were.” Kagome said, playfully shoving him off of her. “You can only stay cool and collected for so long before you lose your shit.”

“Excuse me, I’ve matured since you last saw me. Thank you.” He retorted.

“Oh, I’m not doubting that. But, you’re still Inuyasha.”

“And, you’re still a punk ass.”

“What? You’ve gone three days without yelling, as far as I know! I was beginning to fear I’d lost you for good!”

“Oh, there are so many fucking things I can say to get back at you, but I won’t! I won’t!”

“Why?” She teased. “Because, you’re the ‘bigger person’ now?”

“Not quite. I just don’t want you getting so nervous that you run off again.” Inuyasha had flexed his jaw, his heart rate stabilizing as her smile grew wider. She was cheeky and playful, and her flush was still evident, but she wasn’t pulling away from him. In fact, when he’d reached for her hand, she’d stepped inward to give it to him.

“Make sure you’re actually watching this time.”

“Uh-uh.” He hummed low, looking her dead in the eyes. “I’m not letting -“

“There you are.”

Their hands were separated in an instant and both she and Inuyasha were turning to see their group walking over to them. They acted as casual as possible, but Kagome was stuck with the giggles. He’d kissed her. It was short, and it was simple, but it lingered and Kagome swore she could still feel his lips. It wasn’t enough to say she was happy or excited. Kagome was unequivocally exhilarated.

“Shut up.” Inuyasha ground out toward her, holding no venom in his tone as he shoved her away.

“We’ve been looking for you.” His mother commented, sharing a smile at their lightheartedness. “Where’d you go?”

“Through the tree maze.” He gestured behind him with a point of his thumb.

“Well, since you weren’t around, I chose our tree all by myself. The nice boys are getting it netted for us.”

Inuyasha grimaced. “Mom, how large is it?”

Izayoi grinned sheepishly, giving minimal effort to her shrug.

“Mother. How large is it?” Inuyasha repeated, more stern that time.

“It took three guys.” Sota informed with straight, pressed lips.

“Goddammit.” The half demon grumbled.

“I have high ceilings. It’ll fit.” His mom said innocently, following after her son as he went to go see the one she’d chosen.

—

It was late, but it’d taken much longer than she’d expected to get the Christmas tree screwed into the base to stand evenly, and then decorate it. Sota and her mom had chosen a huge, bushy, some-kind-of fir that looked perfect under twinkling lights with red and gold ribbon layered around it. Ornaments were added, and Sota was not too happy that their mother had chosen a table chair, of all things, to stand on in order to get the star on top.

Past midnight now, Kagome was finally out of her jeans and donning some comfortable and cozy leggings. A black, long sleeved crop top dressed her torso with the very bottom of her sports bra poking out from beneath. She’d debated brushing the tangles out of her hair, but decidedly let it wave in its own frenzy for now, thinking it more important to find something to watch on TV first.

Inuyasha had been impatiently waiting for the living room light in her house to go out. Upon taking out the trash earlier, he’d seen through her front window. They were decorating the tree with loud music playing, and he’d noticed the smile on her face. The way she held her wine glass high up in the air when it seemed they were toasting to something, and she laughed and ran from her brother, it had him realizing that he’d long passed smitten years ago. He’d left it behind at their junior prom.

As soon as he felt he was clear, Inuyasha couldn’t resist the temptation any longer. He headed over to his childhood best friend’s house, listening carefully to see if anyone was talking in her room with her. She was alone, the light within coming from both the bedside lamp and the television. With just a few light knocks to her window, Kagome turned to see him, knowing exactly where to look for the source of the noise.

A welcoming grin developed on her lips, and she set the TV remote down on her bed, ambling over to the window to open it. The screen was skillfully loosened, and Kagome took a few steps back to allow the half demon to enter, briefly checking behind her to make sure she had, in fact, shut the door earlier.

“Hi.” He whispered after closing the window.

“Hi.” She said right back.

Inuyasha took her in. Her hair looked silky, the long, black strands doing nothing but inviting his fingers to rake through it all. Her attire was laid back, fitting to her form in a manner that had him pathetically mesmerized. Her lips, the plush of them, after tasting them earlier, did nothing but make it hard to concentrate.

“The reason I never asked you sooner,” He spoke, keeping his voice low. “About why we grew apart… It was because I thought it was my fault. You know better than anyone that I sucked at vocalizing my feelings when I was younger. I was jealous of almost anyone that stole your attention, and I was horrible at hiding that. And, when you’d tell me it wasn’t a big deal, I’d get mad about it. I was overbearingly protective, I annoyed you, I’m pretty sure I called you ugly once and made you cry, and I just thought you’d had enough. I never asked because I didn’t want to hear it. I’m pretty sure hearing how shitty I was from you would have been the one thing that broke me. So, I let it happen instead.”

Kagome’s shoulders had almost deflated. Everything he thought, it was all wrong. It was the exact opposite. “I liked that, actually.” She admitted. “All of it. Too much. I thought I was reading too far into everything, so when you left for college, I pulled away.”

“Why?”

“To move on.”

Inuyasha chuckled, the sound nothing but a breath leaving his lungs, and he licked his lips. “How’d that work out for you?”

“Just about as well as it did for you.”

He moved inward until he was mere inches away, his hand rising slowly as the backs of his fingers gently grazed up the sides of Kagome’s arms. “I never wanted it in the first place.” He rumbled. “I wanted you.”

“What would you have said to me?” She repeated her question from earlier, taking a loose grip on the sides of his sweater.

Steadily, Inuyasha cradled her jaw, leaning down to skillfully ghost his lips over her own. She was so warm, he could have easily lost composure. He felt her fingers curl tighter into his clothes, pulling him a little closer, and he instantly obliged. As their lips met, Inuyasha felt astonishingly more grounded than he ever had in his life. There was a buzzing behind his sternum, but it was invigorating, sending warmth to course through his veins and ignite a fire in his belly that he’d never before felt.

He pulled away, feeding her adventurous mouth with the few more kisses it sought before he was able to gaze down at her. Even in the dim lighting of the bedroom, she was breathtaking. Inuyasha couldn’t help be caress her cheeks with an unmatched softness he’d never given to another person before.

“That’s how it should have been done in the first place.” He remarked.

Kagome couldn’t speak. So captivated by him, she was stuck using her hands to communicate. She gave a gentle nudge for his palms to drop, feeling them wrap behind the small of her back as she pulled him down to kiss her again. Their enthusiasm soared, his lips heatedly took control of their pace. Leveraging her up, Kagome took her cue to wrap her legs around his hips, feeling him go to grip her thighs one at a time. She was gently lowered against her mattress, Inuyasha crawling on top of her to swallow her smile and give one of his own. He released a chuckle at her cold hands gliding over his neck, but never pulled away. Instead he pressed kiss after kiss against her lips as she returned a small laugh, allowing her fingers to travel wherever they pleased.

Inuyasha had wanted this for so long. He’d wanted Kagome for so long. It should have aways been them. But for him, it would always be her.

[chojiakimichi]

More Modern AU Headcanons:

So Naruto and Sasuke? Gay. Like they’re gay in every version of everything because have you seen this show but in a modern setting Naruto is the son of a politician (Mayor, Prime Ministory, idc) and Sasuke is either the son of the Police Chief or the son of a wealthy business tycoon meaning one way or another they see a lot of each other which leads to gay shit. 

Choji is king at beer-pong, beats everyone. He went to his first party when he was sixteen had his first drink there and was crowned champion when he kicked Neji’s ass.

Lee is a lightweight as per canon but Sakura is the only person to have ever come close to drinking Choji under the table. No one knows how she dose it.

Ino is bisexual, as are: Sakura, Shikamaru, Lee, and TenTen. 

Neji realizes he’s gay as fuck in his last year of university when his uncle is talking about introducing him to girls.

My boy Itachi graduates high school at like eleven or twelve and goes to college at twelve or thirteen. He goes for Bio-Engineering and gets his doctorate in it by the time he’s eighteen. Hates it, it’s something his father pushed him into so after that he gets a doctorate in child phycology.

Shisui codes; like he hacks and was pushed into college by his auntie Mikoto so that he and Itachi could dorm together and he could get a good job in his twenties even if at the moment all he plans on doing in life is stealing from big business men via his computer.  

Orochimaru is a chemistry teacher everyone knows is also probably a serial killer. Or a cult leader; either way Kabuto is still there being his little lackey but also super creepy on his own.

Kabuto probably went to juvey at some point, he’s got eight year old killer vibes.

Shino sells pot. AND HERE’S WHY: so Shino goes into the woods a lot to look for bugs or whatever and he happens upon a pot plant and he starts selling it at school so he can buy rare bugs online and fund his weird little research.