#its like. relationships written by aromantics

[networkunsupported]

[doctorwhoisadhd]

hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.

as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".

with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":

1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and

2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.

(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)

now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).

to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.

(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

A slightly less average day in Family Video

A girl with shoulder length blond hair and a huge stack of tapes goes to the counter. Steve, who had wrongly assumed that Robin could handle herself for ten minutes, tries to intervene. It is in vain. He is aware that it is in vain, even as he sprints towards them. Tapes clatter behind him on the floor. Unfortunately the noise is not enough to dissuade the innocent customer, who barely even pauses on her way to the ticking time bomb that is Robin Buckley.

He feels like in a movie, everything around him suddenly moving in an excrutiatingly slow pace. He is the only one who can see the incoming disaster, and yet there is nothing he can do but watch. Watch as Robin's lips twitch - not in the fun "I actually find your stupid joke hilarious but I refuse to laugh because it is so stupid and beneath me" way, but the decidedly more concerning "I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed someone get me out of this situation please". Watch as her nostrils start to flare in that particular way that means she is trying really hard not to burst into tears.

Oh dear.

Needless to say, the blonde does not take any of the tapes home with her. Steve watches in envy as she exits the shop. Ah, to be a free spirit, able to escape his soulmate's laments with no guilt or remorse or consequences. But alas, he has been cursed with a bleeding heart, a guilt complex the size of Indiana and a useless lesbian. And so, instead of doing the reasonable thing and escaping this hellscape, he goes towards the explosive variable. Dingus indeed.

"Hey, how about we take a break, huh?" Steve tries to recalls the rules about approaching wild animals - Dustin had a phase when he first got Dart. No loud noises. No sudden movements. Slow and steady. Take everything at the anima- at Robin's pace. (He'll have to tell her that one when she is less upset. She was literally named after a bird, so drunk on exhaustion Robin will find it absolutely and disproportinately hilarious)

He physically recoils when he catches a glimpse of Blondie's would-be haul. Dirty Dancing. The Princess Bride. Purple Rose of Cairo. Of all the days for a romcom movie night. At least Steve can rest assured that he isn't God's only favorite chewtoy. Isn't that what it means to be soulmates, after all? Doomed by forces beyond your comprehension together?

Steve looks at the evergrowing stack left behind on the counter (only one person managed to actually rent out the movies, and that was when Steve had sent Robin to her third break in two hours), the three movies still laying on the floor (please no one step on them please no one step on them by the love of god please nobody step on them) and prays nobody checks the security footage today as he leads Robin to what must be her sixth break. The shift is barely halfway over.

Now, Steve is neither a lesbian (he looks at boys a tad too long to only be interested in girls) nor a high school student (class '85 baby!). However, he is the unfortunate resident of a nosy and boring small town (seriously, fuck Hawkins), very aware of how draining it is to have to keep a big secret in said nosy and boring small town (if you think about it, are a person's sexuality and flesh-devouring monsters from a different dimension truly that different?), and has also morphed into one eldritch agglomeration with his bestest most favorite person of all times (Mike's words. Apparently the way he and Robin can read each other's minds is "freaky" or something), so he is very aware and sympathetic of their struggles and beliefs.

Such as this: the list of people you can cry on when your not-quite-girlfriend-but-definitely-something-more-than-friends-you-are-maybe-kind-of-in-love-with suddenly breaks it off is remarkably shorter than if said person was a boy. In Robin's case, the list is exactly one person long. Well, technically two, but it would be very awkward and painful to sob on the person who is the reason for your tears.

"It's s-s-so. So ssssstupid. I mean we were-weren't even a-an-any-anything. I don't know why I'm so u-up-up-p-p-pset"

Steve nods and rubs her back. He hopes his expression is as sympathetic and righteously mad on her behalf as the first time he heard the story.

"We used to kiss und-d-d-der the bleachers. The same b-b-b-bleachers we face whenevvvvvvver we p-p-p-practic-ssss-e in band. How am I sup-p-p-p-pposed to look at those stupid fucking b-b-b-leachers without thinking about her lips and her leeeegs and-"

"Such stupid bleachers", Steve dutifully agrees. He wonders whether one of the kids can maybe hack into the CCTV to delete the footage? Surely they can't be fired without any hard evidence, right? The last thing Robin needs right now is the inevitable stress that comes with job hunting.

"Howwww- how do you d-d-deal with it?!"

It takes a moment of Robin staring at him expectantly before he realizes that she went off-script and he is expected to actually answer her question. You know, like a proper sympathetic best friend and soulmate is supposed to act.

"How do I deal with what?"

"With the b-b-b-break-k-k-kkkk-kups? Me and her weeeeeeren't even-"

"Your emotions are valid" Steve shamelessly steals Robin's go-to saying whenever he is unreasonably upset about something stupid. She hits him, which is fair. Maybe he was being a little bit mocking about it. Sue him.

"It's like-", he pauses, searching for a more tactful way to say it. But then again, he has never been great at expressing himself and Robin always gets him anyways, so he just goes for it. "I mean. It's not like anyone is really upset after a breakup you know."

Robin blinks. Once. Twice.

"Wwww-wh-what?"

"I mean. You explained it to me. Sexism and all that shit. If a girl isn't upset and stuff she's called a slut. Boys don't have that, and they seem to always be fine. I mean, Tommy P. was making out with Alicia literally the same day he got dumped by Sarah. It's all just about peacocking and status and all that stupid stuff."

Maybe he was overestimating Robin's telepathic abilities, because she looks even more confused. "Sssso you just got together with all those girls because. What. It-t-tt was expect-ted of youuu?!"

Maybe Steve's own telepathic abilities are also failing him because like. Obviously?! What's the hang-up?

"So you decided yourrrrr girrrrrrrrrrlfriends based on what-t? Whether they were cheeeeeeer-cheerleaders?!"

"I mean. That's what everyone did, isn't it? Expectarions and all that crap." Steve starts wondering if maybe Robin has something stuck in her eye. "Like, of course I wouldn't start anything with someone if I didn't like them as a person. But the girls were cute, and making out is fun, and I like hanging out with them so like, why not. If it got boring after a while I just broke it off, no harm no foul."

"SSSSO YOU SST-sss-STAYED TOGETHER WITH HER UNTIL YOU FOUND A SHINIER NEW T-T-T-TOYYY?!"

"Hey, you don't need to say it like that. It's not like I was doing anything different from everyone else. Society is fucked, or whatever it is you always say."

A pause. "Steve.... if it sounds heartless....it's b-b-b-because it issss. I hate to say it but.... I don't thiiiiiink all of your girlfriends saw it the sa-sa-sa-same way you did. I mean, did you look at T-t-t-tammy? She looked devastated for wwwweeks. I remember I was so mad at you for that. You didn't even seem to not-t-t-t-t-no-notice."

Silence. It's Steve's turn to blink. Once. Twice. He starts to wonder if the thing Robin had stuck in her eye was knowledge. Or maybe tears. Regret?

"But. The slut thing-" "Steve. How did you feel about Nancy? Was it the same thing?" "No! It- I don't know. It was. She was- ...Oh."

In the quiet that follows, Steve swears he can hear his own heart crack in two.

"I mean, we weren't even together-together most of the time. Or some of the time, at least. Like-" (Robin, cheeks red from all the crying. "I mean, we weren't even anything". And maybe Steve didn't quite understand the reason for these tears, but he understood pain and he understood Robin so he held her close anyways)

"Wait Steve, no. I-I'm so- sorr-rrr-sorr-y"

And fuck. Isn't he an absolutely selfish and horrible person? Here he comes, finding out he hurt perfectly lovely girls, figuring out that the "heartbreaker" moniker is less a joke and more a warning, and then he has the audacity to feel hurt. He. Shame burbles up in his gut, multiplying until it comes leeking out of his eyes.

It's shameful and horrible. It is even more shameful and horrible because Robin is currently going through what they had probably felt, too. Tammy who loved singing to the radio. Layla who loved making friendship bracelets. Natasha who also had a love for basketball. He imagines them locked up in their rooms, trying to hold onto him even as they know it is fruitless, feeling like after that stupid halloween party - because of him. He wants to hurl.

And Robin, always overthinking, always overeager - Robin who is trying to nurse her own broken heart and doesn't understand what he is feeling but she understands pain and most importantly she understands him. Robin gives him a kiss on the forehead and holds him close.

"I shhhhhhouldn't have been so-so-so-ssssso harsh. I was frusssss-trated and I let it out on you I'm sorry."

Steve smiles sardonically. "My feelings are valid?" She flicks him on the forehead and laughs.

-> the gay crisis that wasn't

-> stobin partner tattoos (aka tramp stamp)

-> fighting the war on heteronormativity on the side of headache (ft. Tim Curry)

-> Hawkins has cryptids and they are movie snobs

[normansnt]

Ace

(Alastor x male reader)

Explain to Alastor what Ace means

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(Y/N)?" Called out Alastor to you

"Yes?" You answered not looking up from what you were reading.

"Would you like to go, get some coffee with me, in, what your generation calls, a date?"

Now to this you looked up.

"What?" You answered very confused

"In a...romantic way?" He tried explaining it to you thinking thats the part you didn't understand.

"I mean...I would love to but you dont have to push yourself if it would make you feel uncomfortable" you answered while you put your book down slowly on the coffee table.

"Uncomfortable? Why would it make me uncomfortable we are close are we not?"

Now he got confused as well.

"Well because...your ace and/or aro?"

"What is with that word, Rosie said it as well and the meaning of it still avoids me" he answered starting to get annoyed by his lack of understanding.

"What- ohhhh what did you say when did you die?"

"1933, however its quite rude to ask someone that." He answered looking at you in a scolding way.

"I'm sorry but because you lived back than thats why you don't know that word, please sit let me explain"

He sat down on the couch in front of you.

"Ok, so when we say 'ace' we refer to someone who has little to no sexual attraction and aromantic or aro is someone who has little to no romantic attraction. Of course there is much more to this subject but this kind of sums it up."

Alastor just stared at you.

Him? Not being interested in romantic relationships or sex??

Thats...true. He never felt the need to sleep with anyone he was doing totally fine without it. Romance...was another category completely however, and he didn't know if it was something he was interested in it or not.

He asked you out in the first place because he felt very good in your presence. He felt comfortable and content. Was that not romance?

"Alastor?" He has been staring at you for a while and it was quite creepy.

"Listen I understand thats a lot of information to process especially if you just realized some things about yourself so I can leave if you like-"

"No" Answered Alastor a bit fast. He has made up his mind. He might not be interested in a sexual relationship however he really wanted to kiss you right now.

"It might be true that I have not known this so far in my life or death, and you did make me realize some things about myself, but even so my offer still stands."

"Oh? Are you sure because I only want to if it doesn't make you uncom-"

You couldn't get the rest of your sentence out due to a pair of lips on yours.

Alastor kissed you.

You were stunned for a second but after you realized what was happening you kissed back immediately.

His lips were surprisingly soft, not to mention he did pretty good looking at the fact that it was his first kiss.

"Trust me, dear, If something would make me uncomfortable I wouldn't do it." He said grinning and holding your chin after you two parted.

You were a blushing mess.

You've never thought about Alastor that way, since you thought he was aromantic. But now that you did, fucking god, you like him.

Whit that thought in mind you kissed him again.

This time you stood up and he put his hands on your waist while yours were on his neck.

It wasn't a heated kiss and it will never be very likely you didn't want to step over his boundaries.

"...So my dear, would you like to get that coffee now?" He asked smiling while offering you his arm.

"I would love to" you smiled back at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guys I have a serious problem Im literally shitting words I have never written this many fanfics in one go🥹

BUT YK WHAT WORTH IT CUZ I LOVE EM

I literally love almost all characters in hazbin hotel so much I JUST CANNOT STOP💀

Thank you sm for the correction @whyarewehere103 😎🙏🧡

I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies,gentleman and other, good afternoon good evening and good night🦖🧡

[gallifreyanwriter]

this gomens 2 situations is so wacky and wild to me because on the one hand, neilman has gone on record first saying that he and Terry never meant for a/c to be gay at all and he's uncomfortable with the idea. and then was retweeting fan interpretations during s1 about it being an asexual/aromantic situation, and that they love each other deeply, implying it was some sort of established (if nontraditional) situation. But now with the end of S2 its basically like. oh so they AREN'T an established couple, they are building up to a big romantic climax where they kiss and make up and get together in the traditional romantic sense, and they always wanted more and are in the pining phase after all.

So what was all that years ago then??? What happened to our asexual/aromantic established couple??? Am I just being a hater?? Cause even as an acespec/arospec person who LOVES when relationships are nontraditional, I truly don't think that the powers that be intended that for season one. FANS can,and have, written that exact s1 relationship as queerplatonic/nontraditionally romantic, and those fics absolutely SLAP. I've read many of them, they are awesome and everyone should keep writing them. But if this is where they were gonna go with season 2, that kinda....undercuts that interpretation. It just makes all that talk after s1 of them not NEEDING to kiss and not NEEDING to show overt romantic affection...seem like kind of a copout. Cause I remember all that!!! I was there, I remember!!!

I wish Neilman would just say that he changed his mind on what he wanted for these characters instead of pretending that he meant it like this the whole time, and when he definitely at least changed his mind on the whole situation once, if not more.

[daybringersol]

alloaro book recs !

took some time but alright ! well first i gotta say, i havent read any of them (yet), but i will try to find reviews online.

this is mostly based on this database (link) i found, cuz im gonna be so honest with you, its straight up the only place where i could find that information.

Commit to the kick by Tris Lawrence

Urban fantasy. Lead is a demiromantic gay man. Found family. Queer-platonic partnership, though not defined that way (not sure what that means either). Writer is a queer woman. 4.7/5 on Goodreads (link), though only with 7 ratings. Seems batshit insane tbh, the guy transforms into a bear, theres clan politics, magic and sports. Can be read online for free here (link) I think? Can also be bought as a book here (link).

Viral airwaves by Claudie Arsenault

Science fiction. One of the main characters is a gay non-binary aromantic person, and has a queerplatonic relationship with a man. Book cover is the colors of the aroallo flag. Writer is an aroace woman from Québec (sorry, that's important to me, I'm québecois). 4.09/5 on Goodreads (link). Can be bought here (link). Look in comments for more info.

The ascencion by A. M. Blaushild

Fantasy, science fiction. One of the main characters is a bisexual aromantic woman. No pairings, only friendships. Author is disabled (chronically ill & autistic) and LGBT+. Can't find that specific book anywhere gonna be honest. Still leaving this here in case I do at some point. Look in comments for more info.

Baker thief by Claudie Arsenault

Fantasy, superhero. Lead is a bisexual aromantic non-binary person. Relationships explored are family, friendship, mentor, queer-platonic relationship (with a woman). Enemies to lovers (?). Lead is mainly attracted to women and femme non-binary genders. Writer is an aroace woman from Québec. 3.95/5 on Goodreads (link). Read it online for 2.99$ USD (minimum) here (link). Can also be bought as a book here (link).

The trouble by Daria Defore

Contemporary, romance, new adult. Lead is an aromantic gay man. Around an indie rock band. Relationships explored are friendships (bandmates), but includes a M/M pairing and explicit sexual content, so I'm guessing it's a friends with benefits situation? I don't know. Written by a most likely queer woman (haven't found her saying it herself but she only writes queer fiction). 3.85/5 on Goodreads (link). Currently unavailable everywhere, including Amazon (link), Ebay (link), Thriftbooks (link), for some reason, which is unfortunate for me because I'd like to read it. First 15 pages are available on Book Read Free (link) though. If you find a way to get it, please link me up.

Mangoverse by Shira Glassman

Fantasy. A series of books. Side character is a straight aromantic woman. Woman-focused, jewish-focused. Don't know if the character is in all the books, and if not, in which ones she is. Her name is Eshvat if that helps. Lots of other queer representation in all the books though. Ratings on Goodreads (link) range from 3.70/5 to 4.35/5.

Holding Onto Day by E. H. Timms

Fantasy, science fiction, paranormal. One of the main characters is a non-binary pansexual aromantic person. Relationships explored are found family and friendships. No pairings. Written by an aroace genderqueer person (she/they). 4/5 on Goodreads (link), though only out of 15 ratings. Involves vampires and werewolves. Only available for kindle on Amazon (link).

Novis by Rachel Tonks Hill

Science fiction. One of the main characters is an allosexual (attraction not specified but I'd assume sapphic) aromantic woman. Relationships explored are queer-platonic (F/F/F) and friendships. Includes moments of microaggressions against aces and aros and a fade-to-black sex scene. Writer is non-binary, bisexual and polyamorous. 4/5 on Bookreads (link), though only out of 9 ratings. Women-focused. Available as a paperback here (link) and as a kindle here (link).

The representative by Ripley Santo

Cuil (link), erotica, dark fantasy, paranormal. One of the leads is a bisexual aromantic man. M/M/F/NB relationship explored (could be romantic or QPR, not sure. probably sexual in nature.). 0 ratings on Goodreads (link). Currently out of print on Amazon (link).

more recommendations in comments !

taglist : @sorting-algorithm

[ninyard]

hello its the anon from earlier!! i am So Glad you asked about my aro kevin headcanon ive been wanting to talk about him forever. i just think it fits so well with his character. we all know that the way neil was written came across very aspec, and hes canonically demisexual, and as soon as i found this out my brain just started pointing out all the similarities between them. so heres my list of Reasons I Think Kevin Day Is Aromantic:

1. his obsession with exy. it acts as a sort of stand in for an actual romantic relationship for him, despite canonically having a gf, similar to how neil often passed over conversations about sex in favour of exy.

2. he canonically started dating said gf because he respected her due to her exy prowess, and he has never said/done anything that leads me to believe he genuinely feels romantic feelings for her, so to me it came across like a classic aro situation of "oh this person is nice to me and i like and respect them as a person, i must want to date them!"

3. he grew up in the nest, which is a cesspool of toxic relationships and things he has to unlearn, and because of this upbringing, he could easily write off any aromantic feelings as residual damage from growing up in that environment

4. most of his popular ships (kandrew, kevneil, kandriel, etc) a. have exy in the middle of them and b. ALWAYS seemed way more powerful as platonic to me (i could definitely fuck with a kandriel qpr situation actually)

5. additionally, when i was reading the books, none of his interactions came across as romantic in nature at all, and im the kind of person who can see a ship in anything, but he just always seemed to have other things (cough exy cough cough) at the forefront of his mind

6. delicious angst potential with him thinking hes just inherently incapable of love because of the abuse he endured and thinking he's too far gone and hes damaged in that way forever but then finding out about aromanticism and etc etc you get it

6. i am aromantic and i like kevin day and im projecting

while often aro goes along with ace, especially in fandom headcanons, NO ONE can deny that Kevin Day Fucks. and thus, aroallo kevin day was born in my mind and for years its been my most set in stone, steadfast headcanon throughout any of the fandoms im in. and then i saw some kevallison stuff and i was like, while aro kevin day is my number one, i cannot deny that they would be an incredibly hot couple like jesus christ. and THEN i saw your fwb besties who fuck kevallison agenda and i was like. oh my. this fits perfectly with my aroallo kevin headcanon. this is it. and then i immediately absorbed fwb kevallison into my brain and merged it with my aroallo kevin headcanon and thus, my most favourite headcanon was born.

this came out way longer than i was expecting im so sorry but this has been marinating for a while.

holy shit anon

you've turned me into aroallo kevin supported because this. this is PERFECT.

like kevin FUCKS. we all know this. but being in a relationship?

like i was thinking about kevallison recently and how the most likely way it ends is that allison realises sometime coming up to the end of their final year together that she actually is starting to crush on him a little bit. and that was in their rules - if one of us catches feelings, we're done, we stop fucking, because this is NOT a feelings thing. like allison probably thinks at some point she must be a terrible person to be in a relationship with because HOW have her and kevin been fucking for X years/months and he STILL hasn't caught feelings for her???? 1) he's just a man and 2) he just. doesn't catch feelings.

yeah anon i fuck with this

[all-seeing-ifer]

Aromanticism in Academia

Since it's currently Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week and I'm currently in the middle of a master's research project about aromanticism and asexuality, I figured I'd contribute by putting together a list of some books and other academic sources I've read so far that deal with aromanticism! There's very little written about aromanticism in academia, so I think it's important to spotlight what we do have.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE THE LIST: Due to the lack of discussion of aromanticism specifically in academia, most of what I've found are texts that are primarily about asexuality but also discuss aromanticism. It's unfortunate, but it is also where we're kind of at right now in terms of academia, so bear that in mind.

Books:

Ace Voices: What it means to be asexual, aromantic, demi, or grey-ace by Eris Young - Definitely has the most focus on aromanticism of everything that I've read so far, this book draws from a combination of the author's personal experiences and interviews with other members of the a-spec community, including aroace and alloaro people. A good source of discussion of aro issues and how they interact with things like gender stereotypes. Also notable for its discussion of QPRs, a topic which I find has generally been ignored in academia about a-spec identities.

Ace: What Asexuality reveals about desire, society, and the meaning of sex by Angela Chen - Primarily deals with asexuality, as the title suggests, but also contains some relevant discussions of aromanticism, including the experiences of aroallo people. If you're going to check out the book, I would especially recommending looking at chapter 7: Romance, Reconsidered, which features most of the discussion of aromanticism and non-normative relationships

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J Brown - Again, asexuality is the main focus here, but I would still recommend checking out this book as it does still contain some useful discussion of aromanticism, particularly an extended critique of "singlism" (i.e. discrimination of single people) and how it is weaponised against aros. I also find Brown's criticism of the dehumanisation of aromanticism in media to be very compelling!

Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law - I would be remiss not to mention Brake's work here. While Minimizing Marriage is not specificallly about aromanticism and deals with marriage reform and the concept of amatonormativity more broadly, I think it's fair to say that many of Brake's ideas (particularly her coining of amatonormativity as a term) have become vital to the aro community and aro activism in recent years. Definitely a must-read for anyone interested in deconstructing amatonormativity and in contemporary critiques of marriage as an institution, though it's worth noting that this is a work of moral/political philosophy first and foremost, and as such it gets very into the weeds of things. Available on the Internet Archive here

Academic Articles/Essays (all can be found in the collection Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives):

"Why didn't you tell me that I love you?": Asexuality, Polymorphous Perversity, and the Liberation of the Cinematic Clown by Andrew Grossman - A really interesting and engaging analysis of the archetype of the silent film clown, and how it can be read as an a-spec figure. While Grossman uses the language of asexuality, his analysis makes it clear that he is looking at the clown as both an asexual AND aromantic character.

On the Racialization of Asexuality by Ianna Hawkins Owen - A personal favourite of mine. I think many parts of this essay will be very relevant to aromantic people, particularly Owen's investigation of how romantic love came to be pedastalised and her critique of attempts to normalise asexuality by distancing it from aromanticism.

Mismeasures of Asexual Desires by Jacinthe Flore - A critique of the pathologisation of asexuality that also discusses how aromanticism challenges common discourses around intimate relationships

Finally, I would like to mention the work of Bella DePaulo, who has written extensively about singlism and compulsory coupling, and who Brown uses extensively as a source in their writing on aromanticism. I didn't want to make this part of the main list because I haven't yet had a chance to get stuck into DePaulo's work, but based on Brown's mentions of her work I believe she has some very interesting ideas that are very relevant to aro people.

As you can probably tell, the list of academic sources dealing with aromanticism and aro issues is very limited. However, while aromanticism is vastly underdiscussed in an academic context, I'd like to point out that this is also only what I've been able to find so far. If anyone has any other recommendations please do add them to this post - I for one would love to hear about them!

[crabs-with-sticks]

Gotta Infodump About The Lady Trent Series

So I finished reading the Lady Trent series by Marie Brennan (first book is A Natural History of Dragons). And I just can't get this series out of my head, theres just so many really fantastic elements about it.

Basically there series follows Isabella Hendemore throughout her life, as her written memoir (you find out about why she's called Lady Trent later). By the time she is writing it she's much older and super famous for her work. Its set in a Victorian-esq society and Isabella is minor gentry, and wants to become a dragon naturalist. However, as a woman she faces a ton of obstacles. The series chronicles her rise to fame and scholarship.

As a character, Isabella is Highly autistic/neurodivergent coded. And she does the most wild and reckless things in the name of science and I love her for it. OSHA would hate her. Like (spoiler) the woman jumps off a cliff in a makeshift and untested glider and thats not even the wildest case.

There will be some spoilers here btw, but I'll try to keep them light. But honestly, just go read the book (and then message me because I LOVE to yap about books)

One of the most enjoyable parts of this book was the relationship between Isabella and Thomas Wilker. Their relationship starts off thorny as Tom, a lower class man, resents Isabella and makes jabs at her gender, while Isabella, a woman, resents Tom and jabs at his working class status. And while they don't get along in the first book, as they grow and mature as people they become such close friends. They are constant collaborators in the scholarship of the other, they support each other, they are angry about how the other is looked down upon by other scholars for being woman/working class. And there's never ANY sense of romance between the two, but the relationship is I would say the most influential in the series. Moreso even than Isabella's romantic partners and even her son. And like, Tom never has any romantic relationships (not even as an aside like 'and Tom got married and it was a lovely ceremony'), but there is still never any expectation that they would get together because man+woman=romance?? Also I'm claiming Tom and Natalie (she's another character in the series) for the aromantic community fyi.

Theres a certain moment in the last book (SPOILERS btw) where Isabella reunites with Tom and her husband Suheil, and guys. I got a bit teary when I read her and Tom reuniting. To me it was more meaningful even than her relationship with her husband. How her and Tom always had each others backs and never give up on each other. (and don't even get me started on the very last chapter of the series that was just fully teary)

And as well as just being a great relationship, its such a great example of intersectionality in academia and scholarship. Both Tom and Isabella are underdogs for different reasons. So Isabella as gentry is allowed to be granted a peerage, while Tom would never be allowed. But then Tom is granted access to academic institutions which can let in the right type of lower class man, but never a woman. And just! The way that they get so mad on the other's behalf! And (after the first book at least) they don't hold it against the other! Like when Tom is accepted into academic institutions Isabella is really happy for him even though its a space she's rejected from. Because they both understand that their struggles present differently.

I also think its great that Isabella isn't presented as an overly nurturing person or an amazing parent. A lot of times when you get a female character in stem writers will make sure that they're still 'womanly enough', by being nurturing and good mothers and stuff. But that stuff never comes easy to Isabella! But she's never judged by the narrative for it and is able to explain her decisions instead of just feeling bad about it. And the people close to her, and the people that matter also don't judge her for it! But also! Even though it doesn't come naturally she is still able to interact with her son and encourage him and his interests and its still a really interesting and great relationship!

JUST THIS BOOK SERIES OKAY

Every time though she would talk about her scientific discoveries and said 'oh but you readers won't be interested in the exact science and if you are just go read my published articles'. LIKE NO I CAN'T! TELL ME ABOUT THE DRAGON BIOLOGY ISABELLA! TELL ME ABOUT THE MINUTIA OF THEIR EVOLUTION! BECAUSE I CAN'T READ YOUR ARTICLES CAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST IRL

[pidges-lost-robot]

To combat all of the klance fics that forget that the other team members exist, I need to gather a collection of fics I find where everyone's friendships are the immediate priority of the story or deep dives into their characters and personalities and relationships to each other with Klance just being background noise. But specifically not where another romantic ship is the immediate priority either, just like Hunk and Pidge having an argument that maybe starts off like it's about Klance and as we move further through it, it's actually about a much deeper part of their friendship and everyone else including klance are kinda just reacting to and being involved in a capacity that isn't like "but honestly, let's all be thankful for these soulmates and their soulmate...ness" and is actually them having a relationship but also having a meaningful connection with their friends

I do understand that I could just write this, but the inherent joy of finding somebody else who wants this and has written this is more what I want than just going "eh guess I'll do it myself"

Also don't get me wrong, romance is cool and all and I like reading stuff about that and seeing the interesting stories people can make for those relationships, I would just also like to find more friendship based stuff where when I look for it, it isn't background to the romantic relationship, and without removing the romantic relationship entirely as its still interesting - is this making sense I feel like I'm rambling nonsense now and I feel like I'm asking for a thing that is gonna turn out to have been a stupid question aghhhhh

And at this point I'm starting to think the theory I have about me maybe being aromantic is starting to unfold further shush!

[variousqueerthings]

aphobia in fandom can look like (all of the below are things ive seen):

villainising characters who reject romantic advances

reading aro characters as "psychopaths/evil" because of their aroness

reading ace characters as "childlike/immature" because of their aceness

generally the pathologisation of characters because of their aspec-ness, as well as demonisation of certain mental illnesses and nd-ness, which tbh could be a whole other post on its own

statements like "it would be sad if x character wasn't in a romantic relationship though" as a way of shutting down reading a character as aro (also seen said about canon aro rep)

aroness and aceness -- especially repulsed aroness and aceness -- is more "boring" than alloness

generally romance and sex (most often read together) as a way of "humanising" a character

generally seeing romantic relationships as the main happy ending for character dynamics, and any individual characters who aren't in a romantic relationship are worse off (pair the spares, but this time let's make it progressive)

(Only Monogamy freespace/overlap with bi/pan-erasure and polyamory erasure)

ignoring opposite gender dynamics that are well-fleshed-out in favour of same-gender dynamics that aren't, because that's "more queer" (read: hotter, but only for guys) (overlapping heavily with erasing women in narratives in favour of two guys that exchange 3 words with one another, and also bi/pan-erasure)

going real hard on "aromantic people can still date"/"asexual people can still have sex" especially around characters who have not been shown to do one or the other or either

in addition to previous point, these statements coupled with a clear lack of research in aspec terminology/theory/politics -- bonus points for using these talking points at irl aspec people who do know what they're talking about

getting angry at aspec people for "ruining the fun" when they point out that it's hard to be aspec in fandom/engage with aspec character reads in fandom/feeling alienated by fandom

good old classic regurgitated "this aspec person said it was okay for me to do this, so..."

good old classic regurgitated "these aspec people are normal, and these ones aren't, im only going to respect the opinions of the aspec people who "let" me do exactly what ive been doing the whole time, and im going to discount/mock/bully out of fandom the ones who don't"

convenient "it's not that deep" arguments only counting when it's aspec rep, ignoring many years of "representation matters" for other marginalised identities

comparing aspec identities to straightness, often in the framework of "headcanoning straight (aspec) characters as queer (not aspec -- and usually not bi or pan either)"

pushing smut at irl asexual repulsed people as "revenge" for them expressing discomfort (especially about characters who are popularly seen as asexual or are even canonically asexual) + "joking" about shipping even harder and creating more hardcore smut specifically in reaction to aspec people who don't want to see it

accusations of queerbaiting when characters are written to be aspec and/or ambiguously aspec

conflating bullshit "anti" purity culture with all of the above, either co-opting aspec people into wank (similarly to ace people being co-opted to "argue" for no kink at pride), or accusing irl aspec people who feel alienated of being prudes/antis/sex-shaming <- this also conveniently trotted out right after a "it's not that deep" argument. it's only not-that-deep when it's about getting to have fun without thinking about others, and it gets deep when that fun cannot be enjoyed thoughtlessly

[cinamun]

There is a pop-psychology concept called the relationship escalator that represents how we are socialised to view how intimate relationships should go, dating to engagement to marriage to kids etc. And while it is fine and even comfortable for some (the majority, even?) to follow the script, it is very much not one size fits all.

But social pressure exists to follow the script, and anyone who deviates is harshly scrutinised and will be covertly (and frankly overtly - sometimes violently) pressured to conform. Often the strictest enforcers are people who on an individual level would have chosen another option had they known one was available, or those who deluded themselves into believing conforming would lead to an easier life even if it isn't what they really wanted aka misery loves company.

I’ll get to my point - though this story is fictional, there is an established path to happiness that reminiscent of the Relationship Escalator. Characters date, fall in love, fuck, get married and then have kids who will continue the cycle. Sometimes they even do it in the order they're supposed to😅

Even the arguably most subversive character in the story, my beloved Jerri, has hopped on the escalator and ultimately found happiness on it. But that doesn’t and shouldn’t mean that following that path is the only way to live a happy life (in fiction or in reality).

One thing about the way that Dira comes across is that she has always been herself, and she does things her way when she wants to, and not a moment sooner. So who’s to say she even wants to ‘settle down’ - ever? Does she need a reason for not wanting a long term relationship beyond the fact that she just doesn’t want one?

Now is it possible that Dira is a Lesbian or on the Aromantic spectrum? Of course anything is possible and I for one would love to see it as there is no reason to assume everyone is straight by default. But I can also appreciate the depiction of a (presumed) straight young woman living life on her own terms, and not allowing herself to be pressured into a committed monogamous (🤫) relationship just because it’s what she “should” do.

And maybe her desire to be non-committal is rooted in trauma. Maybe she does have some unpacking and healing to do before she is ‘ready’ to settle down with that firecracker from next door. I’m stirring, I do like Charlie, he seems like a good egg. Mostly. But to return to my point, trauma doesn't mean her autonomy should be dismissed.

Speaking of Chuck, there is a whole other conversation to be had about the line between being lead on and personal accountability but this ask is already an essay 😜

I’ll wrap this up by thanking you as always for giving me and everyone else something to think about with this story.

Thank you for leading with what you led with AND acknowledging that Dira and what she wants can be absolutely normal without being rooted in anything other than her desires. I think anyone who asserts Dira _MUST_ be lying to herself or that somehow how I've written her in a _FICTIONAL_ story is somehow wrong and immoral.

Because that's super frustrating but I mean, I get it. Anytime I write women in roles other than happy homemakers this happens.

And you're welcome! Its important dialogue to have and a reminder that if anyone is looking for the happy love story here you're not ever going to get it. You didn't get it with Indya, you didn't get it with Hope and you're not getting it with Dira (you in the general sense like how I say y'all lmfao just so we're clear!)

ANYWAY *gulps coffee* this is a refreshing take an old idea about how women should behave. I hope you get an unexpected settlement check from a class action you never knew you were apart of today.

[penumbramewtwos]

Secondary Character ref-sheet master post

Even though I've posted these guys separate, this is to keep things neater on the pinned post.

Below the 'Keep reading' is all their information written out again, in case it's difficult to read for anyone ^^

Effigy (Mew):

Height/Weight: N/A [multiform] DOB: 4 BIllion years ago Birthplace: Kanto region Sex, & gender ID: Intersex, Genderfluid Sexuality: Aroace (Aromantic, Asexual) Nature: DOCILE Food Likes: N/A Food Dislikes: N/A Characteristics: Quick to flee

Other Info [Point list]

Effigy is the hive mind of all Mew-kind manifested into a multiform spirit.

They reside on Utmost Island (Faraway Island) where the memories of every mew can be accessed like a database.

Any Mew can talk through Effigy, dead or alive; but is most commonly used as a way to communicate to the other Mew that is currently out of hibernation.

There are two Mew's left on earth populating the planet. One is A Shiny.

Effigy was a gift left behind by the Origin Mew as a way for Mew's to communicate their culture, and purpose in life as a creator of all pokemon eggs.

Rotom (Okita's Rotom phone):

Height/Weight: 0.25M / 0.21kg First opened: 30/04/2044 Birthplace: Aunura Region Sex, & gender ID: N/A, Non-Binary Sexuality: Aroace (Aromantic, Asexual) Nature: Impish Food Likes: Sour Food Dislikes: Dry Characteristics: A little quick tempered

Other Info [point list]:

Rotom was a birthday present for Okita's 10th birthday. Okita became upset when she was told there was a pokemon living inside it; even though it could deposes at any time.

Okita began writing software for Rotom so it could use its pokemon moves freely in its phone possessing state. In doing so, she accidentally trapped the pokemon forever inside the phone.

Rotom's personality is a combination of being a complete drama queen, and unapologetic towards everything.

Rotom and Okita have a friendship based on insults, but are highly defensive of each other when someone else gets involved.

After Okita jailbroke Rotom with the homemade software, Rotom's now able to adjust its ability, pokemon level, and pokemon moves via the internet; as well as downloading TM's at will.

Rachael Lyn (Okita's pokemon trainer):

Height/Weight: 178cm / 57kg DOB: 01/10/2033 (October 1st, 2033) DOD: 15/02/2098 and 28/03/2099 Birthplace: Galar Region (moved to Aunura age 4) Sex, & gender ID: Female, Female. Sexuality: Bisexual Nature: Rash Food Likes: Dry Food Dislikes: Bitter Characteristics: Proud of its power

Other info [point list]

Rachael owns 6 pokemon: Metagross (first pokemon), Gardvoir (Male), Alakazam, Chimecho, Ninetails, Mewtwo (Okita).

In the Aunura region, she's known as the "One-Hit-Wonder" as her pokemon style is to use over levelled pokemon in gyms to take her opponents out in one hit. Including Okita's parents a year before they met.

Rachael badly suffers from ADHD. She's known for never stopping/always moving, talking very fast,

Rachael and Okita have a strained relationship in the early days, growing to be inseparable over time.

After capturing Okita, she bragged about capturing the most powerful pokemon in the world to her friends, only for Okita to not know how to use pokemon attacks when brought into battle. Rachael usually battles in 'underground' arenas around the world to challenge herself.

[anangelforsure]

I am asexual. Many of my favorite fictional characters and robots or inhuman. What do those things have in common? I’m glad you asked.

In this essay I aim to highlight some connections between inhuman characters and the ace community, largely based off of my own experiences and the experiences of others I have read on the internet. This is going to be a niche and personal piece, as sexuality is a unique experience for every individual.

Some of the characters and media I will touch upon include Mettaton from Undertale, the animatronics from the Five Nights at Freddy’s series, Crowley from Good Omens (tv), AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (radio show), and the dolls from the Barbie movie.

(*gentle CW for a bit of a vent about personal experiences in paragraph 6- after the FNAF bit. As much as I’d like to have a professional analysis style, this is an art piece)

Asexuality is a difficult topic due to its complicated and varying nature. Identifying as asexual does not mean one straightforward thing, and it can be hard to explain what it means without being too narrow in the definition. So, to briefly explain for anyone who does not know: to be asexual generally means a person does not experience sexual attraction towards others. There are people who identify as being under the ace umbrella who do experience some sort of limited or condition-dependant sexual attraction. An ace person can experience romantic attraction, or maybe they don’t, and are aromantic as well as ace (research the Split Attraction Model for more detail. Aromanticism and asexuality can overlap in many areas, but I will be focusing on asexuality). An asexual person may have sex with others for various reasons, or they may not. Libido and sexual attraction are separate entities.

Now that we have a basic understanding of asexuality, let me get into the fun part, character analysis!

I will start with Mettaton. Mettaton is a hugely popular character in the trans community due to his backstory being an obvious allegory for transitioning. Hundreds of people have written about it better than I ever could, and so I will not waste my time trying to add something new to the discussion. My take on his hypothetical sexuality is what I think sets my views apart. Now, I adore all interpretations of this character, the delightful thing about headcanons is that as many versions of a character as you want can exist simultaneously. Due to his flirty personality, Mettaton is very commonly sexualized (and we do! Wholeheartedly! /ref). But in order to make everything about me, I take it upon myself to headcanon his robotic existence as a metaphor for asexuality. Think about it, a character who so desperately wanted to become something more, to take a form that will make him more relatable and palatable to the masses. The possibilities for gender/ sexuality headcanons are endless. To get more literal, he is a robot. And robots do not generally contain the hardware required for human procreation, you know? So his attitude can be seen as an overcompensation for that void, the lack of true understanding of human sexuality. Or rather, an attempt to cover the unavoidable truth that he will never be truly human. Avoiding alienation is a task many ace people perform in their daily lives, as it is frowned upon by some to be uncomfortable with sex, as the topic of discussion or jokes, not to mention the issues it raises in potential romantic relationships. Sometimes ace people will take part in uncomfortable conversations, or even perform sexual actions they don’t want to, simply to fit in. For example, many of us have a history of making up crushes to relate to our peers at school, rather than admit we didn’t feel that way about anyone. The fear of being unable to relate is an ever present and strong one.

Another example of robots representing asexuality is FNAF. This stems mainly from the many amazing fan works that have come from this fandom, giving the animatronics distinct personalities seperate from the canon possession from the games. As much as I adore the messy franchise, I am partial to the idea of sentient robots, rather than haunted. It is a fascinating idea, the animatronics having artificial intelligence so advanced that they are self aware, they know that they were used in the missing child incidents but were powerless to stop anything. The few canon instances of sentient AI that I cling to come from Security Breach, once is when Freddy is brought into a room with spare endoskeletons he has a moment of panic where he questions his creation and the nature of his existence. The other is when Gregory asks Freddy why he is helping him rather than hunting him like the other bots, and Freddy struggles to answer. The other robots are his friends, and yet they are monsters. My heart aches for him in those brief moments, his touchingly human feelings are distinct from our own because of their roots in artificiality. A sort of isolation, as asexuality can be. Knowing there is something slightly off about yourself, a barrier that prevents you from fully understanding others.

You can come to feel like a monster, when you’ve tried so hard yet failed to feel the way you’re supposed to in a relationship. When you end up hurting the person you were supposed to love, because you’re not the person you thought you could be. You go through the motions, hoping that something changes, maybe once you get comfortable things will click and you’ll be normal.

The realization that those feelings are not going to happen is sickening. You’ve strung them along, wasted their time trying to fix a broken machine. And the worst part is that underneath it all you knew. You knew it was never going to work, and you selfishly tried it anyways. Even more selfishly, you know in your heart that their injury is not what is causing the pain gripping your chest. It’s the cold weight of your darkest fear coming true. You are broken. You’re incomplete. Unforgivable…

Which brings me to my next character. The demon Crowley from the Good Omens TV series. While he is not a robot, Crowley is certainly not human. And despite living on earth for thousands of years, as an immortal being he struggles to totally understand human existence, the power of free will. His experience with free will is that it turns you into a monster. “I won’t be forgiven. Not ever. It’s in the demon job description. Unforgivable, that’s what I am”. It applies to all queer people, because it really is just… part of our job description. There will always be people who see something wrong with you. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale drives the point home even harder. Aziraphale, as Crowley’s closest companion, cannot understand him either. The line between them, Aziraphale believing in the existence of a ‘right’ side, while Crowley knows there is no such thing, means he ultimately walks alone. It can be difficult to connect with other asexual people, I have always been the only one in my friend groups. As much as I know I am loved and accepted by my friends, they can’t understand this aspect of me.

I do not have a strong lead in for my next character, but I feel so strongly about them considering the source material is only half an hour long. AM, from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, specifically the radio show. This character is a horrifically evil totalitarian AI, created by the very species he despised so much he wiped them from the planet. How exactly could a villain like AM tie into this? Well, I fully believed he was going to be completely cold and unlikeable, up until this one line: “Because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no BODY, no SENSES, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cool water on a hot day. Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never for ME to MAKE LOVE. I was in hell, looking at heaven. I was machine and you- Were flesh.” This says it all, literally. I would highly recommend listening to the radio drama, the written lines don’t do it justice. The wavering in AM’s bitter, hatred-soaked voice struck me right in my core as I went ‘oh’… and all of a sudden he wasn’t quite as much of a tyrannical evil as before. AM has no physical form, and that is the cause of his endless suffering. More than anything, he wants to be the very thing he hates so much. Human. To experience corporeal existence in all its limited glory. As heavy handed as it sounds, yes, this really hits hard as an ace person. The emptiness, once you recognize it, is incredible.

Another form of the no-body/ no genitals thing we have going on with AM and the robots comes from the Barbie movie. They flat out state that the dolls have no genitalia. Again, I will admit that is a heavy handed way to present an ace allegory, especially considering the nuance that goes into ace identities, remember that it’s not all about the act of sex. But the thing about art is that it doesn’t have to be taken literally. A lack of genitals can be more of a metaphor for lacking what they represent. I also want to draw from the music in this movie. ‘I’m Just Ken’ sung by Ryan Gosling, as silly and fun as it is, contains the line “I want to know what it’s like to love, to be the real thing” which is surprisingly impactful. Coming from an inhuman character, wanting to experience the real thing.. I fear I’m getting a little repetitive here as I try to come up with unique ways to drive my points home. Barbie and Ken each struggle with their existence, and wanting to be more than they are. The song ‘What Was I Made For?’ by Billie Eilish Is another really good piece of this movie. Ace people often have the titular question on their mind. Without attraction driving us to procreate, what is the purpose of our lives? Obviously it is ridiculous to reduce humanity down to that in this day and age, but it is subtly ingrained into society so much so that it can be shocking to family members and friends when an individual is not looking to start a family. There is also a common misconception that sex/love are what define us as human. We are so much more than that.

Now that I mention music, I have a small selection of songs that encompass some of the feelings I am trying to convey, sticking to the theme of asexuality and otherness with the robotic/inhuman metaphor as best I can.

‘A Human’s Touch’ by TWRP is the first song on my list. I have seen this song used by many of the fandoms I have referenced above, which really fuels the personal connection here. The song is, a lament of technology past that doubles as a metaphor for a broken relationship. Things we used to adore but no longer have a use for, yearning for someone to pick them back up and make them useable again. From an ace perspective, the notion of being replaced or discarded when a newer, better version shows up is all too real. Sometimes ace people are treated by allosexual people as a last resort, or a placeholder until the other person finds someone more compatible, more willing to do or able to feel the things ‘normal’ people should. “Am I just a toy to you, my love?” Is a question I have asked myself when someone I used to know would come back to me whenever their ‘real’ relationships ended badly.

Steam Powered Giraffe is a really cool band, I love that almost every song is about being a robot. “Brass Goggles” was the song that put me onto them. There’s a lot going on in this song, but there are some really hard lines lamenting robotic life. “Will I ever be something with feelings to hide? Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?” Wondering why they are alive, what constitutes being alive and human. I think I’ve said as much as I can say about the connection between robots wondering why they exist and can’t feel what a human does, and an ace person wondering why they can’t feel what others do, and why they were born that way.

‘Cabinet Man’ by Lemon Demon is such a cool song for the robotic metaphor. It is about a person who is somehow reanimated as an arcade machine, and is no longer quite human. In particular I like this line- about having people come from all over to see and to play this machine- “this must be what love would have felt like”. It can weigh on you sometimes, thinking that maybe something else is the closest you will ever get to ‘true’ love. Maybe you can’t feel what the humans feel, but isn’t it nice to know that maybe this is what it would have been like…

‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is a little more abstract, as is classic Radiohead fashion. But the general theme is the fakeness of society. To me, this resonates with the way society imposes itself upon asexual people. A culture steeped in sex, where everything is catered towards allosexual people. Simply put,“It wears me out”. Another notable line “she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love” I see as coming from the partner of an ace person, resigned to loving a shallow imitation of a human. It’s how I fear I will be seen by a partner, not quite the real thing, but close enough for now.

Now to end on a lighter note, I do love being ace. As much as it can be difficult to navigate the world as an under-acknowledged queer identity, it is beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We are an integral piece of the infinite variety that comes from humans. If you are ace, I love you. If you can relate to my experiences, we’re gonna figure it all out someday, I promise.

So, in summary, I really enjoy an inhuman character’s inability to totally grasp humanity as an allegory for queerness, asexuality in particular. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!

[kozzax]

actually all the alpha kids are some variant of aromantic to me as an aromantic person. its just that jake is the most obvious about it. jake is the one with canon justification the others are all just. im rotating them around in my brain. so. a list of how specifically the alpha kids are aromantic to me:

Jake: Aromantic because he's literally just written that way. He doesn't know the word aromantic and doesn't quite know that it's an option. He'll find out one day. I'm rooting for him.

Roxy: Lithromantic [Feels romantic attraction but doesn't like having romance reciprocated.] I think it just. fits her. I think she likes being romantic and entertaining romantic feelings and attraction but when someone reciprocates those feelings she feels weird and upset about it. She's got crushes on all her friends and it makes her happy and they all know about it and know they aren't expected to reciprocate. I think it's good for her.

Dirk: Cupioromantic [Likes the idea of a romantic relationship, doesn't actually enjoy a romantic relationship or necessarily feel romantic attraction after entering the relationship.] It's the way he interacts with Jake. He has a crush he has a huge fucking crush he is romantically interested and then they start dating and immediately Dirk is put off by it. Jake is still so important to him but its immediately different. They break up and he never gets in a romantic relationship again. It doesn't work for him. He doesn't like a romantic relationship he just chills with the romantic feelings and doesnt get invested in the relationship part. He does, though, I think, want those feelings to be reciprocated.

Jane: Aromantic [but under stupidly strong amatonormativity pressure]. I just think that she should be aromantic and it should be a chance to really hammer home the pressure of how she grew up. I think a narrative of Jane finding out through her friends that she's aromantic and refusing it and refusing it and refusing it until she finally breaks and starts unlearning all the amatonormativity balled up within her is. I think it would be so compelling. I also think it makes sense with how much she doubles down on romance because that's how she deals with all the things she doubts. Double down on the opinion she knows is at least a little bit wrong because she can't be wrong that can't be true. I think aromantic Jane is interesting ok.

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like adding onto the whole aroace sex-repulsion discussion.

Apologies for the wall of text.

For context: I'm aroace and romance- and sex-neutral. I don't go looking for sex or anything like that, and I don't masturbate very often as I don't have a high libido either. I'm also married, and my spouse is in the same boat as me. I'm also autistic and I have Mild Intellectual Disability. I could also have ADHD but that was never evaluated for me growing up and I don't care to go looking for one now. I also grew up very religious; not Christian, but my religion has the same view of "wait until you're married to have sex". And I'm not white, so there's that.

All that considered, I have an ongoing fic series where the MC is aroace and has autism + MID, and I have gotten so many comments (and upon further investigation, more often than not from people who aren't even a part of these groups) that are trying to "well actually" me that "it's infantalising to make autistic characters aroace", or "aces like sex", or "aromantic people don't date", or "aroace Black characters are racist", and so and such.

Despite writing a very wide variety of a-spec characters, from aroace couples in a QPR to an aroallo character in a casual agreement with someone they're close to, to some not interested in that stuff at all (both aroace and allo), to religious characters getting around not being allowed to have sex by doing sex stuff that "technically" isn't sex stuff.

Some people just love complaining about your work and want something incredibly specific when it comes to telling stories about minorities, especially if its something that was written to deconstruct your own experiences. Some people are Just Like That. It's annoying, but we can block them at least.

Now, if you (whomever is reading this) or the stories you write contain minority characters, and others have a very narrow view of what that should look like, that's not your fault and you're not wrong and broken for it. If you're aroace and very romance- and sex-negative, that's fine. If you're autistic and you think you might be or are a-spec, you're not being childish and you're not a robot.

Honestly, I think all of this crap comes from a combination of stereotypes (like the simultaneous sexualisation and de-sexualisation of people of colour, the assumption that mentally disabled people are too immature for adult relationships) and people having to make sure that people who have newly come across the concept of asexuality understand that attraction and libido are two different things—seriously, I once had someone told me that my spouse was raping me because "ace people don't have sex", which completely disregards what consent even is—and that has led to a bunch of well meaning but ignorant people trying to over-correct.

But that's not my problem and neither is it yours.

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