#its like. relationships written by aromantics

[networkunsupported]

[doctorwhoisadhd]

hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.

as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".

with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":

1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and

2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.

(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)

now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).

to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.

(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

A slightly less average day in Family Video

A girl with shoulder length blond hair and a huge stack of tapes goes to the counter. Steve, who had wrongly assumed that Robin could handle herself for ten minutes, tries to intervene. It is in vain. He is aware that it is in vain, even as he sprints towards them. Tapes clatter behind him on the floor. Unfortunately the noise is not enough to dissuade the innocent customer, who barely even pauses on her way to the ticking time bomb that is Robin Buckley.

He feels like in a movie, everything around him suddenly moving in an excrutiatingly slow pace. He is the only one who can see the incoming disaster, and yet there is nothing he can do but watch. Watch as Robin's lips twitch - not in the fun "I actually find your stupid joke hilarious but I refuse to laugh because it is so stupid and beneath me" way, but the decidedly more concerning "I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed someone get me out of this situation please". Watch as her nostrils start to flare in that particular way that means she is trying really hard not to burst into tears.

Oh dear.

Needless to say, the blonde does not take any of the tapes home with her. Steve watches in envy as she exits the shop. Ah, to be a free spirit, able to escape his soulmate's laments with no guilt or remorse or consequences. But alas, he has been cursed with a bleeding heart, a guilt complex the size of Indiana and a useless lesbian. And so, instead of doing the reasonable thing and escaping this hellscape, he goes towards the explosive variable. Dingus indeed.

"Hey, how about we take a break, huh?" Steve tries to recalls the rules about approaching wild animals - Dustin had a phase when he first got Dart. No loud noises. No sudden movements. Slow and steady. Take everything at the anima- at Robin's pace. (He'll have to tell her that one when she is less upset. She was literally named after a bird, so drunk on exhaustion Robin will find it absolutely and disproportinately hilarious)

He physically recoils when he catches a glimpse of Blondie's would-be haul. Dirty Dancing. The Princess Bride. Purple Rose of Cairo. Of all the days for a romcom movie night. At least Steve can rest assured that he isn't God's only favorite chewtoy. Isn't that what it means to be soulmates, after all? Doomed by forces beyond your comprehension together?

Steve looks at the evergrowing stack left behind on the counter (only one person managed to actually rent out the movies, and that was when Steve had sent Robin to her third break in two hours), the three movies still laying on the floor (please no one step on them please no one step on them by the love of god please nobody step on them) and prays nobody checks the security footage today as he leads Robin to what must be her sixth break. The shift is barely halfway over.

Now, Steve is neither a lesbian (he looks at boys a tad too long to only be interested in girls) nor a high school student (class '85 baby!). However, he is the unfortunate resident of a nosy and boring small town (seriously, fuck Hawkins), very aware of how draining it is to have to keep a big secret in said nosy and boring small town (if you think about it, are a person's sexuality and flesh-devouring monsters from a different dimension truly that different?), and has also morphed into one eldritch agglomeration with his bestest most favorite person of all times (Mike's words. Apparently the way he and Robin can read each other's minds is "freaky" or something), so he is very aware and sympathetic of their struggles and beliefs.

Such as this: the list of people you can cry on when your not-quite-girlfriend-but-definitely-something-more-than-friends-you-are-maybe-kind-of-in-love-with suddenly breaks it off is remarkably shorter than if said person was a boy. In Robin's case, the list is exactly one person long. Well, technically two, but it would be very awkward and painful to sob on the person who is the reason for your tears.

"It's s-s-so. So ssssstupid. I mean we were-weren't even a-an-any-anything. I don't know why I'm so u-up-up-p-p-pset"

Steve nods and rubs her back. He hopes his expression is as sympathetic and righteously mad on her behalf as the first time he heard the story.

"We used to kiss und-d-d-der the bleachers. The same b-b-b-bleachers we face whenevvvvvvver we p-p-p-practic-ssss-e in band. How am I sup-p-p-p-pposed to look at those stupid fucking b-b-b-leachers without thinking about her lips and her leeeegs and-"

"Such stupid bleachers", Steve dutifully agrees. He wonders whether one of the kids can maybe hack into the CCTV to delete the footage? Surely they can't be fired without any hard evidence, right? The last thing Robin needs right now is the inevitable stress that comes with job hunting.

"Howwww- how do you d-d-deal with it?!"

It takes a moment of Robin staring at him expectantly before he realizes that she went off-script and he is expected to actually answer her question. You know, like a proper sympathetic best friend and soulmate is supposed to act.

"How do I deal with what?"

"With the b-b-b-break-k-k-kkkk-kups? Me and her weeeeeeren't even-"

"Your emotions are valid" Steve shamelessly steals Robin's go-to saying whenever he is unreasonably upset about something stupid. She hits him, which is fair. Maybe he was being a little bit mocking about it. Sue him.

"It's like-", he pauses, searching for a more tactful way to say it. But then again, he has never been great at expressing himself and Robin always gets him anyways, so he just goes for it. "I mean. It's not like anyone is really upset after a breakup you know."

Robin blinks. Once. Twice.

"Wwww-wh-what?"

"I mean. You explained it to me. Sexism and all that shit. If a girl isn't upset and stuff she's called a slut. Boys don't have that, and they seem to always be fine. I mean, Tommy P. was making out with Alicia literally the same day he got dumped by Sarah. It's all just about peacocking and status and all that stupid stuff."

Maybe he was overestimating Robin's telepathic abilities, because she looks even more confused. "Sssso you just got together with all those girls because. What. It-t-tt was expect-ted of youuu?!"

Maybe Steve's own telepathic abilities are also failing him because like. Obviously?! What's the hang-up?

"So you decided yourrrrr girrrrrrrrrrlfriends based on what-t? Whether they were cheeeeeeer-cheerleaders?!"

"I mean. That's what everyone did, isn't it? Expectarions and all that crap." Steve starts wondering if maybe Robin has something stuck in her eye. "Like, of course I wouldn't start anything with someone if I didn't like them as a person. But the girls were cute, and making out is fun, and I like hanging out with them so like, why not. If it got boring after a while I just broke it off, no harm no foul."

"SSSSO YOU SST-sss-STAYED TOGETHER WITH HER UNTIL YOU FOUND A SHINIER NEW T-T-T-TOYYY?!"

"Hey, you don't need to say it like that. It's not like I was doing anything different from everyone else. Society is fucked, or whatever it is you always say."

A pause. "Steve.... if it sounds heartless....it's b-b-b-because it issss. I hate to say it but.... I don't thiiiiiink all of your girlfriends saw it the sa-sa-sa-same way you did. I mean, did you look at T-t-t-tammy? She looked devastated for wwwweeks. I remember I was so mad at you for that. You didn't even seem to not-t-t-t-t-no-notice."

Silence. It's Steve's turn to blink. Once. Twice. He starts to wonder if the thing Robin had stuck in her eye was knowledge. Or maybe tears. Regret?

"But. The slut thing-" "Steve. How did you feel about Nancy? Was it the same thing?" "No! It- I don't know. It was. She was- ...Oh."

In the quiet that follows, Steve swears he can hear his own heart crack in two.

"I mean, we weren't even together-together most of the time. Or some of the time, at least. Like-" (Robin, cheeks red from all the crying. "I mean, we weren't even anything". And maybe Steve didn't quite understand the reason for these tears, but he understood pain and he understood Robin so he held her close anyways)

"Wait Steve, no. I-I'm so- sorr-rrr-sorr-y"

And fuck. Isn't he an absolutely selfish and horrible person? Here he comes, finding out he hurt perfectly lovely girls, figuring out that the "heartbreaker" moniker is less a joke and more a warning, and then he has the audacity to feel hurt. He. Shame burbles up in his gut, multiplying until it comes leeking out of his eyes.

It's shameful and horrible. It is even more shameful and horrible because Robin is currently going through what they had probably felt, too. Tammy who loved singing to the radio. Layla who loved making friendship bracelets. Natasha who also had a love for basketball. He imagines them locked up in their rooms, trying to hold onto him even as they know it is fruitless, feeling like after that stupid halloween party - because of him. He wants to hurl.

And Robin, always overthinking, always overeager - Robin who is trying to nurse her own broken heart and doesn't understand what he is feeling but she understands pain and most importantly she understands him. Robin gives him a kiss on the forehead and holds him close.

"I shhhhhhouldn't have been so-so-so-ssssso harsh. I was frusssss-trated and I let it out on you I'm sorry."

Steve smiles sardonically. "My feelings are valid?" She flicks him on the forehead and laughs.

-> the gay crisis that wasn't

-> stobin partner tattoos (aka tramp stamp)

-> fighting the war on heteronormativity on the side of headache (ft. Tim Curry)

-> Hawkins has cryptids and they are movie snobs

[normansnt]

Ace

(Alastor x male reader)

Explain to Alastor what Ace means

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(Y/N)?" Called out Alastor to you

"Yes?" You answered not looking up from what you were reading.

"Would you like to go, get some coffee with me, in, what your generation calls, a date?"

Now to this you looked up.

"What?" You answered very confused

"In a...romantic way?" He tried explaining it to you thinking thats the part you didn't understand.

"I mean...I would love to but you dont have to push yourself if it would make you feel uncomfortable" you answered while you put your book down slowly on the coffee table.

"Uncomfortable? Why would it make me uncomfortable we are close are we not?"

Now he got confused as well.

"Well because...your ace and/or aro?"

"What is with that word, Rosie said it as well and the meaning of it still avoids me" he answered starting to get annoyed by his lack of understanding.

"What- ohhhh what did you say when did you die?"

"1933, however its quite rude to ask someone that." He answered looking at you in a scolding way.

"I'm sorry but because you lived back than thats why you don't know that word, please sit let me explain"

He sat down on the couch in front of you.

"Ok, so when we say 'ace' we refer to someone who has little to no sexual attraction and aromantic or aro is someone who has little to no romantic attraction. Of course there is much more to this subject but this kind of sums it up."

Alastor just stared at you.

Him? Not being interested in romantic relationships or sex??

Thats...true. He never felt the need to sleep with anyone he was doing totally fine without it. Romance...was another category completely however, and he didn't know if it was something he was interested in it or not.

He asked you out in the first place because he felt very good in your presence. He felt comfortable and content. Was that not romance?

"Alastor?" He has been staring at you for a while and it was quite creepy.

"Listen I understand thats a lot of information to process especially if you just realized some things about yourself so I can leave if you like-"

"No" Answered Alastor a bit fast. He has made up his mind. He might not be interested in a sexual relationship however he really wanted to kiss you right now.

"It might be true that I have not known this so far in my life or death, and you did make me realize some things about myself, but even so my offer still stands."

"Oh? Are you sure because I only want to if it doesn't make you uncom-"

You couldn't get the rest of your sentence out due to a pair of lips on yours.

Alastor kissed you.

You were stunned for a second but after you realized what was happening you kissed back immediately.

His lips were surprisingly soft, not to mention he did pretty good looking at the fact that it was his first kiss.

"Trust me, dear, If something would make me uncomfortable I wouldn't do it." He said grinning and holding your chin after you two parted.

You were a blushing mess.

You've never thought about Alastor that way, since you thought he was aromantic. But now that you did, fucking god, you like him.

Whit that thought in mind you kissed him again.

This time you stood up and he put his hands on your waist while yours were on his neck.

It wasn't a heated kiss and it will never be very likely you didn't want to step over his boundaries.

"...So my dear, would you like to get that coffee now?" He asked smiling while offering you his arm.

"I would love to" you smiled back at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guys I have a serious problem Im literally shitting words I have never written this many fanfics in one go🥹

BUT YK WHAT WORTH IT CUZ I LOVE EM

I literally love almost all characters in hazbin hotel so much I JUST CANNOT STOP💀

Thank you sm for the correction @whyarewehere103 😎🙏🧡

I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies,gentleman and other, good afternoon good evening and good night🦖🧡

[gallifreyanwriter]

this gomens 2 situations is so wacky and wild to me because on the one hand, neilman has gone on record first saying that he and Terry never meant for a/c to be gay at all and he's uncomfortable with the idea. and then was retweeting fan interpretations during s1 about it being an asexual/aromantic situation, and that they love each other deeply, implying it was some sort of established (if nontraditional) situation. But now with the end of S2 its basically like. oh so they AREN'T an established couple, they are building up to a big romantic climax where they kiss and make up and get together in the traditional romantic sense, and they always wanted more and are in the pining phase after all.

So what was all that years ago then??? What happened to our asexual/aromantic established couple??? Am I just being a hater?? Cause even as an acespec/arospec person who LOVES when relationships are nontraditional, I truly don't think that the powers that be intended that for season one. FANS can,and have, written that exact s1 relationship as queerplatonic/nontraditionally romantic, and those fics absolutely SLAP. I've read many of them, they are awesome and everyone should keep writing them. But if this is where they were gonna go with season 2, that kinda....undercuts that interpretation. It just makes all that talk after s1 of them not NEEDING to kiss and not NEEDING to show overt romantic affection...seem like kind of a copout. Cause I remember all that!!! I was there, I remember!!!

I wish Neilman would just say that he changed his mind on what he wanted for these characters instead of pretending that he meant it like this the whole time, and when he definitely at least changed his mind on the whole situation once, if not more.

[daybringersol]

alloaro book recs !

took some time but alright ! well first i gotta say, i havent read any of them (yet), but i will try to find reviews online.

this is mostly based on this database (link) i found, cuz im gonna be so honest with you, its straight up the only place where i could find that information.

Commit to the kick by Tris Lawrence

Urban fantasy. Lead is a demiromantic gay man. Found family. Queer-platonic partnership, though not defined that way (not sure what that means either). Writer is a queer woman. 4.7/5 on Goodreads (link), though only with 7 ratings. Seems batshit insane tbh, the guy transforms into a bear, theres clan politics, magic and sports. Can be read online for free here (link) I think? Can also be bought as a book here (link).

Viral airwaves by Claudie Arsenault

Science fiction. One of the main characters is a gay non-binary aromantic person, and has a queerplatonic relationship with a man. Book cover is the colors of the aroallo flag. Writer is an aroace woman from Québec (sorry, that's important to me, I'm québecois). 4.09/5 on Goodreads (link). Can be bought here (link). Look in comments for more info.

The ascencion by A. M. Blaushild

Fantasy, science fiction. One of the main characters is a bisexual aromantic woman. No pairings, only friendships. Author is disabled (chronically ill & autistic) and LGBT+. Can't find that specific book anywhere gonna be honest. Still leaving this here in case I do at some point. Look in comments for more info.

Baker thief by Claudie Arsenault

Fantasy, superhero. Lead is a bisexual aromantic non-binary person. Relationships explored are family, friendship, mentor, queer-platonic relationship (with a woman). Enemies to lovers (?). Lead is mainly attracted to women and femme non-binary genders. Writer is an aroace woman from Québec. 3.95/5 on Goodreads (link). Read it online for 2.99$ USD (minimum) here (link). Can also be bought as a book here (link).

The trouble by Daria Defore

Contemporary, romance, new adult. Lead is an aromantic gay man. Around an indie rock band. Relationships explored are friendships (bandmates), but includes a M/M pairing and explicit sexual content, so I'm guessing it's a friends with benefits situation? I don't know. Written by a most likely queer woman (haven't found her saying it herself but she only writes queer fiction). 3.85/5 on Goodreads (link). Currently unavailable everywhere, including Amazon (link), Ebay (link), Thriftbooks (link), for some reason, which is unfortunate for me because I'd like to read it. First 15 pages are available on Book Read Free (link) though. If you find a way to get it, please link me up.

Mangoverse by Shira Glassman

Fantasy. A series of books. Side character is a straight aromantic woman. Woman-focused, jewish-focused. Don't know if the character is in all the books, and if not, in which ones she is. Her name is Eshvat if that helps. Lots of other queer representation in all the books though. Ratings on Goodreads (link) range from 3.70/5 to 4.35/5.

Holding Onto Day by E. H. Timms

Fantasy, science fiction, paranormal. One of the main characters is a non-binary pansexual aromantic person. Relationships explored are found family and friendships. No pairings. Written by an aroace genderqueer person (she/they). 4/5 on Goodreads (link), though only out of 15 ratings. Involves vampires and werewolves. Only available for kindle on Amazon (link).

Novis by Rachel Tonks Hill

Science fiction. One of the main characters is an allosexual (attraction not specified but I'd assume sapphic) aromantic woman. Relationships explored are queer-platonic (F/F/F) and friendships. Includes moments of microaggressions against aces and aros and a fade-to-black sex scene. Writer is non-binary, bisexual and polyamorous. 4/5 on Bookreads (link), though only out of 9 ratings. Women-focused. Available as a paperback here (link) and as a kindle here (link).

The representative by Ripley Santo

Cuil (link), erotica, dark fantasy, paranormal. One of the leads is a bisexual aromantic man. M/M/F/NB relationship explored (could be romantic or QPR, not sure. probably sexual in nature.). 0 ratings on Goodreads (link). Currently out of print on Amazon (link).

more recommendations in comments !

taglist : @sorting-algorithm

[variousqueerthings]

aphobia in fandom can look like (all of the below are things ive seen):

villainising characters who reject romantic advances

reading aro characters as "psychopaths/evil" because of their aroness

reading ace characters as "childlike/immature" because of their aceness

generally the pathologisation of characters because of their aspec-ness, as well as demonisation of certain mental illnesses and nd-ness, which tbh could be a whole other post on its own

statements like "it would be sad if x character wasn't in a romantic relationship though" as a way of shutting down reading a character as aro (also seen said about canon aro rep)

aroness and aceness -- especially repulsed aroness and aceness -- is more "boring" than alloness

generally romance and sex (most often read together) as a way of "humanising" a character

generally seeing romantic relationships as the main happy ending for character dynamics, and any individual characters who aren't in a romantic relationship are worse off (pair the spares, but this time let's make it progressive)

(Only Monogamy freespace/overlap with bi/pan-erasure and polyamory erasure)

ignoring opposite gender dynamics that are well-fleshed-out in favour of same-gender dynamics that aren't, because that's "more queer" (read: hotter, but only for guys) (overlapping heavily with erasing women in narratives in favour of two guys that exchange 3 words with one another, and also bi/pan-erasure)

going real hard on "aromantic people can still date"/"asexual people can still have sex" especially around characters who have not been shown to do one or the other or either

in addition to previous point, these statements coupled with a clear lack of research in aspec terminology/theory/politics -- bonus points for using these talking points at irl aspec people who do know what they're talking about

getting angry at aspec people for "ruining the fun" when they point out that it's hard to be aspec in fandom/engage with aspec character reads in fandom/feeling alienated by fandom

good old classic regurgitated "this aspec person said it was okay for me to do this, so..."

good old classic regurgitated "these aspec people are normal, and these ones aren't, im only going to respect the opinions of the aspec people who "let" me do exactly what ive been doing the whole time, and im going to discount/mock/bully out of fandom the ones who don't"

convenient "it's not that deep" arguments only counting when it's aspec rep, ignoring many years of "representation matters" for other marginalised identities

comparing aspec identities to straightness, often in the framework of "headcanoning straight (aspec) characters as queer (not aspec -- and usually not bi or pan either)"

pushing smut at irl asexual repulsed people as "revenge" for them expressing discomfort (especially about characters who are popularly seen as asexual or are even canonically asexual) + "joking" about shipping even harder and creating more hardcore smut specifically in reaction to aspec people who don't want to see it

accusations of queerbaiting when characters are written to be aspec and/or ambiguously aspec

conflating bullshit "anti" purity culture with all of the above, either co-opting aspec people into wank (similarly to ace people being co-opted to "argue" for no kink at pride), or accusing irl aspec people who feel alienated of being prudes/antis/sex-shaming <- this also conveniently trotted out right after a "it's not that deep" argument. it's only not-that-deep when it's about getting to have fun without thinking about others, and it gets deep when that fun cannot be enjoyed thoughtlessly

[justagaymoth]

update!!

I started writing a story about a loveless aromantic aplatonic allosexual nonbinary person. They met a guy named Bayely his nickname is Bark. they meet in a collage biology class and they don't fall in love or get into any type of relationship. They after a few months of being friends he develops sexual feelings for the main charter. and they become friends with benefits but the benefits are sex and cuddles. he has never cuddled anyone besides family because all of his romantic partners have just wanted him for his body. their story focusses on their abnormal friendship but its not a queer platonic relationship. eventually the main charter wants a kid and has the awkward conversation of asking Bark to help them explaining that he does not have to have a father role in the kids life if he does not want to. he says yes after a month of thinking it over he says he wants a more uncle like role in this kids life. after a year of sometimes helping out with this kid he wants a more fatherly role in this kids life. a few months later he moves in with the main charter to take care of the one year old. Bark and the main character have separate rooms they are pretty much friends with befits roommates who are raising a kid together. I have not written all of the story yet I only started writing it today I have 692 words so far. I got the idea for this story while daydreaming about what I want. I might call the main charter Soe (pronounced like the word so) as a shortened version of the charters birth name Sophia. Might post somewhere if anyone wants to read it when its finished comment or like this post if this sounds interesting to you

[all-seeing-ifer]

Aromanticism in Academia

Since it's currently Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week and I'm currently in the middle of a master's research project about aromanticism and asexuality, I figured I'd contribute by putting together a list of some books and other academic sources I've read so far that deal with aromanticism! There's very little written about aromanticism in academia, so I think it's important to spotlight what we do have.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE THE LIST: Due to the lack of discussion of aromanticism specifically in academia, most of what I've found are texts that are primarily about asexuality but also discuss aromanticism. It's unfortunate, but it is also where we're kind of at right now in terms of academia, so bear that in mind.

Books:

Ace Voices: What it means to be asexual, aromantic, demi, or grey-ace by Eris Young - Definitely has the most focus on aromanticism of everything that I've read so far, this book draws from a combination of the author's personal experiences and interviews with other members of the a-spec community, including aroace and alloaro people. A good source of discussion of aro issues and how they interact with things like gender stereotypes. Also notable for its discussion of QPRs, a topic which I find has generally been ignored in academia about a-spec identities.

Ace: What Asexuality reveals about desire, society, and the meaning of sex by Angela Chen - Primarily deals with asexuality, as the title suggests, but also contains some relevant discussions of aromanticism, including the experiences of aroallo people. If you're going to check out the book, I would especially recommending looking at chapter 7: Romance, Reconsidered, which features most of the discussion of aromanticism and non-normative relationships

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J Brown - Again, asexuality is the main focus here, but I would still recommend checking out this book as it does still contain some useful discussion of aromanticism, particularly an extended critique of "singlism" (i.e. discrimination of single people) and how it is weaponised against aros. I also find Brown's criticism of the dehumanisation of aromanticism in media to be very compelling!

Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law - I would be remiss not to mention Brake's work here. While Minimizing Marriage is not specificallly about aromanticism and deals with marriage reform and the concept of amatonormativity more broadly, I think it's fair to say that many of Brake's ideas (particularly her coining of amatonormativity as a term) have become vital to the aro community and aro activism in recent years. Definitely a must-read for anyone interested in deconstructing amatonormativity and in contemporary critiques of marriage as an institution, though it's worth noting that this is a work of moral/political philosophy first and foremost, and as such it gets very into the weeds of things. Available on the Internet Archive here

Academic Articles/Essays (all can be found in the collection Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives):

"Why didn't you tell me that I love you?": Asexuality, Polymorphous Perversity, and the Liberation of the Cinematic Clown by Andrew Grossman - A really interesting and engaging analysis of the archetype of the silent film clown, and how it can be read as an a-spec figure. While Grossman uses the language of asexuality, his analysis makes it clear that he is looking at the clown as both an asexual AND aromantic character.

On the Racialization of Asexuality by Ianna Hawkins Owen - A personal favourite of mine. I think many parts of this essay will be very relevant to aromantic people, particularly Owen's investigation of how romantic love came to be pedastalised and her critique of attempts to normalise asexuality by distancing it from aromanticism.

Mismeasures of Asexual Desires by Jacinthe Flore - A critique of the pathologisation of asexuality that also discusses how aromanticism challenges common discourses around intimate relationships

Finally, I would like to mention the work of Bella DePaulo, who has written extensively about singlism and compulsory coupling, and who Brown uses extensively as a source in their writing on aromanticism. I didn't want to make this part of the main list because I haven't yet had a chance to get stuck into DePaulo's work, but based on Brown's mentions of her work I believe she has some very interesting ideas that are very relevant to aro people.

As you can probably tell, the list of academic sources dealing with aromanticism and aro issues is very limited. However, while aromanticism is vastly underdiscussed in an academic context, I'd like to point out that this is also only what I've been able to find so far. If anyone has any other recommendations please do add them to this post - I for one would love to hear about them!

[ninyard]

hello its the anon from earlier!! i am So Glad you asked about my aro kevin headcanon ive been wanting to talk about him forever. i just think it fits so well with his character. we all know that the way neil was written came across very aspec, and hes canonically demisexual, and as soon as i found this out my brain just started pointing out all the similarities between them. so heres my list of Reasons I Think Kevin Day Is Aromantic:

1. his obsession with exy. it acts as a sort of stand in for an actual romantic relationship for him, despite canonically having a gf, similar to how neil often passed over conversations about sex in favour of exy.

2. he canonically started dating said gf because he respected her due to her exy prowess, and he has never said/done anything that leads me to believe he genuinely feels romantic feelings for her, so to me it came across like a classic aro situation of "oh this person is nice to me and i like and respect them as a person, i must want to date them!"

3. he grew up in the nest, which is a cesspool of toxic relationships and things he has to unlearn, and because of this upbringing, he could easily write off any aromantic feelings as residual damage from growing up in that environment

4. most of his popular ships (kandrew, kevneil, kandriel, etc) a. have exy in the middle of them and b. ALWAYS seemed way more powerful as platonic to me (i could definitely fuck with a kandriel qpr situation actually)

5. additionally, when i was reading the books, none of his interactions came across as romantic in nature at all, and im the kind of person who can see a ship in anything, but he just always seemed to have other things (cough exy cough cough) at the forefront of his mind

6. delicious angst potential with him thinking hes just inherently incapable of love because of the abuse he endured and thinking he's too far gone and hes damaged in that way forever but then finding out about aromanticism and etc etc you get it

6. i am aromantic and i like kevin day and im projecting

while often aro goes along with ace, especially in fandom headcanons, NO ONE can deny that Kevin Day Fucks. and thus, aroallo kevin day was born in my mind and for years its been my most set in stone, steadfast headcanon throughout any of the fandoms im in. and then i saw some kevallison stuff and i was like, while aro kevin day is my number one, i cannot deny that they would be an incredibly hot couple like jesus christ. and THEN i saw your fwb besties who fuck kevallison agenda and i was like. oh my. this fits perfectly with my aroallo kevin headcanon. this is it. and then i immediately absorbed fwb kevallison into my brain and merged it with my aroallo kevin headcanon and thus, my most favourite headcanon was born.

this came out way longer than i was expecting im so sorry but this has been marinating for a while.

holy shit anon

you've turned me into aroallo kevin supported because this. this is PERFECT.

like kevin FUCKS. we all know this. but being in a relationship?

like i was thinking about kevallison recently and how the most likely way it ends is that allison realises sometime coming up to the end of their final year together that she actually is starting to crush on him a little bit. and that was in their rules - if one of us catches feelings, we're done, we stop fucking, because this is NOT a feelings thing. like allison probably thinks at some point she must be a terrible person to be in a relationship with because HOW have her and kevin been fucking for X years/months and he STILL hasn't caught feelings for her???? 1) he's just a man and 2) he just. doesn't catch feelings.

yeah anon i fuck with this

[crabs-with-sticks]

Gotta Infodump About The Lady Trent Series

So I finished reading the Lady Trent series by Marie Brennan (first book is A Natural History of Dragons). And I just can't get this series out of my head, theres just so many really fantastic elements about it.

Basically there series follows Isabella Hendemore throughout her life, as her written memoir (you find out about why she's called Lady Trent later). By the time she is writing it she's much older and super famous for her work. Its set in a Victorian-esq society and Isabella is minor gentry, and wants to become a dragon naturalist. However, as a woman she faces a ton of obstacles. The series chronicles her rise to fame and scholarship.

As a character, Isabella is Highly autistic/neurodivergent coded. And she does the most wild and reckless things in the name of science and I love her for it. OSHA would hate her. Like (spoiler) the woman jumps off a cliff in a makeshift and untested glider and thats not even the wildest case.

There will be some spoilers here btw, but I'll try to keep them light. But honestly, just go read the book (and then message me because I LOVE to yap about books)

One of the most enjoyable parts of this book was the relationship between Isabella and Thomas Wilker. Their relationship starts off thorny as Tom, a lower class man, resents Isabella and makes jabs at her gender, while Isabella, a woman, resents Tom and jabs at his working class status. And while they don't get along in the first book, as they grow and mature as people they become such close friends. They are constant collaborators in the scholarship of the other, they support each other, they are angry about how the other is looked down upon by other scholars for being woman/working class. And there's never ANY sense of romance between the two, but the relationship is I would say the most influential in the series. Moreso even than Isabella's romantic partners and even her son. And like, Tom never has any romantic relationships (not even as an aside like 'and Tom got married and it was a lovely ceremony'), but there is still never any expectation that they would get together because man+woman=romance?? Also I'm claiming Tom and Natalie (she's another character in the series) for the aromantic community fyi.

Theres a certain moment in the last book (SPOILERS btw) where Isabella reunites with Tom and her husband Suheil, and guys. I got a bit teary when I read her and Tom reuniting. To me it was more meaningful even than her relationship with her husband. How her and Tom always had each others backs and never give up on each other. (and don't even get me started on the very last chapter of the series that was just fully teary)

And as well as just being a great relationship, its such a great example of intersectionality in academia and scholarship. Both Tom and Isabella are underdogs for different reasons. So Isabella as gentry is allowed to be granted a peerage, while Tom would never be allowed. But then Tom is granted access to academic institutions which can let in the right type of lower class man, but never a woman. And just! The way that they get so mad on the other's behalf! And (after the first book at least) they don't hold it against the other! Like when Tom is accepted into academic institutions Isabella is really happy for him even though its a space she's rejected from. Because they both understand that their struggles present differently.

I also think its great that Isabella isn't presented as an overly nurturing person or an amazing parent. A lot of times when you get a female character in stem writers will make sure that they're still 'womanly enough', by being nurturing and good mothers and stuff. But that stuff never comes easy to Isabella! But she's never judged by the narrative for it and is able to explain her decisions instead of just feeling bad about it. And the people close to her, and the people that matter also don't judge her for it! But also! Even though it doesn't come naturally she is still able to interact with her son and encourage him and his interests and its still a really interesting and great relationship!

JUST THIS BOOK SERIES OKAY

Every time though she would talk about her scientific discoveries and said 'oh but you readers won't be interested in the exact science and if you are just go read my published articles'. LIKE NO I CAN'T! TELL ME ABOUT THE DRAGON BIOLOGY ISABELLA! TELL ME ABOUT THE MINUTIA OF THEIR EVOLUTION! BECAUSE I CAN'T READ YOUR ARTICLES CAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST IRL

[pidges-lost-robot]

To combat all of the klance fics that forget that the other team members exist, I need to gather a collection of fics I find where everyone's friendships are the immediate priority of the story or deep dives into their characters and personalities and relationships to each other with Klance just being background noise. But specifically not where another romantic ship is the immediate priority either, just like Hunk and Pidge having an argument that maybe starts off like it's about Klance and as we move further through it, it's actually about a much deeper part of their friendship and everyone else including klance are kinda just reacting to and being involved in a capacity that isn't like "but honestly, let's all be thankful for these soulmates and their soulmate...ness" and is actually them having a relationship but also having a meaningful connection with their friends

I do understand that I could just write this, but the inherent joy of finding somebody else who wants this and has written this is more what I want than just going "eh guess I'll do it myself"

Also don't get me wrong, romance is cool and all and I like reading stuff about that and seeing the interesting stories people can make for those relationships, I would just also like to find more friendship based stuff where when I look for it, it isn't background to the romantic relationship, and without removing the romantic relationship entirely as its still interesting - is this making sense I feel like I'm rambling nonsense now and I feel like I'm asking for a thing that is gonna turn out to have been a stupid question aghhhhh

And at this point I'm starting to think the theory I have about me maybe being aromantic is starting to unfold further shush!

[heart-freak]

its late and i am tired..but i feel like talking. okay. being aromantic and asexual is quite odd. th' concept itself is not very out of ordinary, but... the people do insist i can still date. still kiss. still fuck. have a qpr. ist dont want to do any of those things, ever, altho i agree..i coudl. if i wanted.but i dont. however, i dont wish to come off as cold... some may think the fact i dont want to be more than friends, even in a queer platonic way, makes me that way (god, even to aplatonic and afamiliar individuals. or loveless aros. or aroallos. however, im none of those things) but i think i am a very loving person. i love so much.i love my friends always. i say that, i do reciprocate things such as "i love you" , when said to me..usually. saying i love things is something i do often...well,mostly about things...but people too! many "i love my friends," posts. or thoughts. many many "i love my friends" thoughts. sometime i feel as if im not doing good for the people who are allosexual.. or asexuals who are into certain stuff. that existence is okay, tho i am sex repulsed and asexual,so ist dont enjoy it.. but i guess thats the clear dvidier there. i dont hate sex (or romance for that matter) but i just..mm.. disconnect from it. okay. have fun,dont bring me into it. you understand (i hope) and i say you can be like me..and still be such a loving person. or you can allosexual and alloromantic. or alloaro or alloace... ih not disgusting or abusive(i cant fahtom why individuals think these identites are abusive. can everyone earnestly say they wanted a serious relationship with everyone theyve found sexually appealing . or wanted to be in bed with everyone they had a crush on..seriously..) you can be dating someone only half the time..the other half you are a qpr...you know, a milion combinations, i feel, maybe you get the idea by now. also, i wish people would stop treating thes elike mental illness... can you believe it? i don't want a romantic partner...so im mentally ill? i dont want to have sex so i need mental help? do you hear your self. if you truly believe so, that it is mental illness, must you be rude about it? what does this achieve? you are just huritng someone. and..some people are that way because of trauma...so iguess you could say it about that, but, again, meaness doesnt help... besides, must we really fret over someone not wanting to fuck or be in a relationship>? ist not that deep,i think. we will all live through it. individuals like me do not hate people who have sex or smooch and call each other pet names... i certianly dont.. being rejected by an aro person is really not that different from being rejected form a person who's not into you, is it? the aroperosn is also nto into you..do you see what i mean? well. this is a rant now. i think ivbe written enough. goodnight

[cinamun]

There is a pop-psychology concept called the relationship escalator that represents how we are socialised to view how intimate relationships should go, dating to engagement to marriage to kids etc. And while it is fine and even comfortable for some (the majority, even?) to follow the script, it is very much not one size fits all.

But social pressure exists to follow the script, and anyone who deviates is harshly scrutinised and will be covertly (and frankly overtly - sometimes violently) pressured to conform. Often the strictest enforcers are people who on an individual level would have chosen another option had they known one was available, or those who deluded themselves into believing conforming would lead to an easier life even if it isn't what they really wanted aka misery loves company.

I’ll get to my point - though this story is fictional, there is an established path to happiness that reminiscent of the Relationship Escalator. Characters date, fall in love, fuck, get married and then have kids who will continue the cycle. Sometimes they even do it in the order they're supposed to😅

Even the arguably most subversive character in the story, my beloved Jerri, has hopped on the escalator and ultimately found happiness on it. But that doesn’t and shouldn’t mean that following that path is the only way to live a happy life (in fiction or in reality).

One thing about the way that Dira comes across is that she has always been herself, and she does things her way when she wants to, and not a moment sooner. So who’s to say she even wants to ‘settle down’ - ever? Does she need a reason for not wanting a long term relationship beyond the fact that she just doesn’t want one?

Now is it possible that Dira is a Lesbian or on the Aromantic spectrum? Of course anything is possible and I for one would love to see it as there is no reason to assume everyone is straight by default. But I can also appreciate the depiction of a (presumed) straight young woman living life on her own terms, and not allowing herself to be pressured into a committed monogamous (🤫) relationship just because it’s what she “should” do.

And maybe her desire to be non-committal is rooted in trauma. Maybe she does have some unpacking and healing to do before she is ‘ready’ to settle down with that firecracker from next door. I’m stirring, I do like Charlie, he seems like a good egg. Mostly. But to return to my point, trauma doesn't mean her autonomy should be dismissed.

Speaking of Chuck, there is a whole other conversation to be had about the line between being lead on and personal accountability but this ask is already an essay 😜

I’ll wrap this up by thanking you as always for giving me and everyone else something to think about with this story.

Thank you for leading with what you led with AND acknowledging that Dira and what she wants can be absolutely normal without being rooted in anything other than her desires. I think anyone who asserts Dira _MUST_ be lying to herself or that somehow how I've written her in a _FICTIONAL_ story is somehow wrong and immoral.

Because that's super frustrating but I mean, I get it. Anytime I write women in roles other than happy homemakers this happens.

And you're welcome! Its important dialogue to have and a reminder that if anyone is looking for the happy love story here you're not ever going to get it. You didn't get it with Indya, you didn't get it with Hope and you're not getting it with Dira (you in the general sense like how I say y'all lmfao just so we're clear!)

ANYWAY *gulps coffee* this is a refreshing take an old idea about how women should behave. I hope you get an unexpected settlement check from a class action you never knew you were apart of today.

[littlechaoticwitch]

Winx Club Rewrite: Season 4

I understand this is me being very late to the party, but that's pretty on-brand for me at this point lol

A few years ago, I started to work on a possible rewrite for Fate: The Winx Saga but it soon became this monstrous project of rewriting the entire franchise. Because while this series is one of my beloved childhood series, it is also very messy with its world-building and plotlines, as well being done dirty over and over again by its countless reboots. As much as I would have loved to create a full-on alternative universe like the ones I've seen on tumblr for years, it just took up so much of my time that could have been spent on other projects and it was starting to feel more like a chore than anything else. Eventually, I did create some fashion boards for how to translate their outfits from the show into real life, and wrote up some concept ideas for their live-action costumes, which led to me just writing up the notes I had for the rewrite to share them with y'all.

Some of these ideas were inspired by other people's rewrite of the series, some of these ideas came to me while writing this up, and a lot of these are my attempt to make sense of Winx Club's fucked-up lore. While these were originally written with a live-action reboot in mind, these could also work for an animated reboot targeted for teens/young adults.

This is probably the extent I'll do for any sort of Winx Club rewrite, but it was still fun!

-Roxanne "Roxy" Hensley is the last fairy on Earth, whose mother was an escapee of Tir Na Nog but had her wings ripped off by Grey's parents. A Native American girl who is fully into the scene culture, she is a rebellious loner who has a better time connecting with animals than with people, which is a result of her mother dying when she was still young. She is quite close with her father, who runs an animal shelter right next to Gardenia's main beach. When meeting the Winx Club, she refuses to believe magic is real but after seeing the girls trying to defend her from the Hunters, she ends up getting her own wings when trying to help out. After Morgana's death, the Hunters try to manipulate her into joining their ranks and even use the Black Circle to corrupt her fairy form, but she goes on a vengeful rampage instead, killing two of the Hunters before Bloom is able is calm her down. Once she comes back to her senses, she is allowed to keep the White Circle to remember Morgana, but the High Ladies let her keep the Black Circle as she understands the extent of its true power. She is a short lesbian with maroon-brown hair done in a wolf cut and grey eyes (which turn green when transformed), and she has a service dog named Artu.

-The Hunters consist of Grey, Dane, Sebastian (Fate!Sky), and Roman (Fate!Riven). The last members of a cult which tried to destroy all magic on Earth, but unlike their ancestors, they wish to control humanity using alchemy. Grey is the leader, with the power over water but he focuses on blood magic, whether it's using his own to heal himself to take control of someone's body using their blood. Sebastian is the second-in-command, with the ability to control a destructive blue fire to burn anything in his path. Dane acts as the spy for the group, as his control over the air allows him to have super sensitive hearing, as well as the ability to create supersonic soundwaves, turn invisible, and move as quick as the wind. Finally, there is Roman, who has the power over the earth and acts as the muscles of the group, using his super strength combined with his preference of using rocks to create fatal punches.

-This season focuses on Bloom coming to terms with being aromantic-asexual. Her relationship with Sky was a result of being caught up in the fantasy of a fairy-tale romance (which she loves reading about), and she admits to Flora that a major reason she was unhappy in the relationship was because she was forcing herself to have romantic feelings.

-This season also focuses on Bloom still grieving over Sky's death. While she no longer loved him romantically, she still cared for him and even after they had broken things off for good, she saw the potential of their friendship being rebuilt. She blames herself for his death, believing he should have stayed in Eraklyon where he was safe, but with time and the support of her friends, she learns to accept his passing in a healthy manner. Later on, she uses her experience to help Roxy overcome her own grief with losing Morgana, which helps bring the younger girl back to her senses.

-Morgana is NOT Roxy's mother, though she does come to care for Roxy like a daughter and see her as a worthy heir to her throne. Though she is angry at humanity for their sins and being so eager to chase magic away, she does understand humans were being brainwashed by the Hunters and she took her people to Tir Na Nog for safety. Unlike the others, she chooses to leave the realm in order to defend the girls from the Hunters, turning her into a mentor figure despite the fact outside of her realm drains her magic. Sadly, in the end, she sacrifices herself to close a portal which threatened to kill her people.

-The Major Fairies are known as High Ladies, with each one being in charge of a different season. The High Ladies had their magic taken from them by the Hunters and trapped in a deep slumber in their own palaces, which is why Morgana needed help from the Winx Club. Diana (Fate!Aisha) is the High Lady of Spring, Sibylla (Fate!Flora) is the High Lady of Fall, Aurora (Fate!Stella) is the High Lady of Winter, and Hestia (Fate!Musa) is the High Lady of Summer. Unlike in the cartoon, the four do not have active roles besides their connection to the Hunters, helping the Winx in the final battle, and after Morgana's death, deciding to rule Tir Na Nog as a group.

-Nex returns, and his friendship with Musa continues to grow into something more, beginning when she asks him to do her shoulder tattoo. After finding out she is a fairy, Nex comes clean and reveals his own secret; his family has been cursed for centuries, with the males destined to become werewolves, but they have learned how to handle it and became protectors instead of mindless creatures. Despite her originally wanting to break the curse, Musa learns to accept it and after spending more time together, the two decide to start a relationship (especially since Musa feels ready to start looking for love again)

-The other love interests (Brandon, Timmy, Nabu, and Helia) do not appear in this season, as they all have graduated and went straight to working. Both Nabu and Brandon are preparing themselves for their roles as king consorts, Timmy decided to stay at Red Fountain to become its potential headmaster one day, and Helia has gone back to pursuing her art career, where she has started to teach at a school.

-Bloom works at a normal pet store, Stella works at a small clothing store, Flora works at Vanessa's flower shop, Tecna works at a video game store, Musa works at a bartender, and Aisha gets a job as a yoga studio

-Things which shall be excluded from this season: The band plotline (except maybe one episode where the Winx pretends to be a band to lure the Hunters, but Musa is the lead singer while Bloom plays guitar), Love & Pet store, the extra wings, the Ethereal Fairies, the Gifts of Destiny (Sophix is used as a design for Diana's followers, Lovix is used a design for Aurora's followers, & the Black Gift is used as inspiration for Roxy's corrupted form), and all the bad romance subplots (Mitzi starts off as a shallow mean girl before working with the Hunters, Jason Queen is just a potential manager who acts more like a paternal figure to Musa, and Nabu does not have to die for the sake of a bad plot)

-Enchantix is not useless against the Wizards, but due to Earth's odd magical system, the Hunters do have the advantage of being more unpredictable. Despite fairy forms not existing on Earth, Believix was created from Roxy's magical core interacting with the Winx's magic, but each girl still has to earn their form by having someone from Earth believe in magic. The form grows in strength when more people believe in the Winx Club, but it also grows when the girls believe in themselves, each other, and their own magic; unfortunately, Earth is the only realm in which the girls can use this form, as it would be useless in the Magical Dimension.

-Believix takes on a more traditional Japanese "magical girl"-inspired look, with the girls still having different styles but with uniformed pieces and different-colored hair. Bloom earned hers through Roxy, Musa earned hers though Nex, Tecna earned hers when helping a young genius named Naoki, Stella earned hers when helping a young girl named Terra, Flora earned hers through Macy, and Aisha earned hers when helping a young man named Matt.

-As an Earth fairy, Roxy would have been born in her "transformed" state (pointed ears, sharp teeth, pupil-less eyes, wings that grow with age, etc.) but due to her half-human status and being exposed to the Winx's magic, she does gain a fairy form. Her magic is connected to animals (making her the "Fairy of the Wild"), as she was born to a Spring Court Fairy. Unlike in the show, her design is closer to that of an Enchantix fairy.

-The beginning starts off with Bloom taking up a teaching job at Alfea while her friends are working hard towards their own dreams, as she feels suddenly directionless in her life. After almost three years, Bloom asks Faragonda why Earth is a forbidden place for magic and Faragonda explains that centuries ago, Earth was a magical place, but a cult of anti-magic users hunted down those with gifts. As a result, fairies hid themselves away in Tir Na Nog while witches and wizards hid themselves among the mortals, hoping for they could proudly show off their magic in public. That evening, as Bloom is doing an obstacle course with her class, a strange woman appears and Bloom defends her from four men known as the Hunters, leading to the woman revealing herself as Queen Morgana of the Earth Fairies… and she needs help finding the last fairy of Earth.

[nams2]

You know, aro tumblr constantly complains about "aros being put in qprs" as this horrific form of erasure we see all the time, but I'm convinced this is just a thing spread by exclusionists to turn other aros against us.

First of all, it's not fucking erasure. Aros do qprs, im one of them, fuck you. Second, its not common at all. Seriously, check the numbers. I looked on AO3 - of the roughly 17,000 fics tagged "aromantic", only about 2,700 of them (or 16%) contain a queerplatonic relationship.

Like, honestly, I think that's pretty open and shut. 84% of aromantc rep on AO3 does not even contain a qpr, yall have plenty of aro works without qprs. Id imagine that 84% number is even higher in more mainstream works, since they're mostly written by authors with no idea aros even can partner.

Honestly, I have a lot more to say about the sterotype that partnering aros all want to turn other aros into allos (shot version is its exclusionist bullshit), but Ill leave it there for now.