#its just. really nice. im really happy to have such good friends
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b4bybunz · 1 day ago
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Just Friends
Satoru Gojo x Reader
2.5k words
Content: public, choking, etc, etc
A/n: hey sistas :3 if u didn’t know im in love with Gojo
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“I need you.” were the only words that Gojo needed to hear before he was the assigned designated driver for you and your friends. He cancelled all plans he had and dropped everything to be right where he was at the moment which was in the driver seat of your small girly car.
“I’m surprised you didn’t have any plans tonight out of all nights.” You said as he adjusted the driver's seat to his liking.
“I know, crazy right.” He laughed nervously. He did in fact have plans, plans to host his own New Year’s Eve party, that he quickly cancelled in order to make you, his pretty lady friend, happy.
“Thank you for this Satoru.” You put a hand on his arm, that sent a rush of heat through his body. You noticed the way his veiny arm tensed when you touched him, ‘weird’ you thought.
“It’s not a big deal,” He finishes adjusting the seat then looks at you as your hand still rested on his arm your perfectly manicured nails grazing the vein on his pale skin “You know I’d do anything to make you happy” his voice deepened as his slender blue eyes looked into your big brown ones. The way he looked at you made your breath hitch in your throat, your mind completely blanked.
“Because that's what friends do.” He smiled as his voice returned back to normal.
“...yeah…friends.” You gave him a slight side eye and then you turned to look out the window waiting for your girlfriends.
Satoru always did things like that, things to get you flustered. It wasn’t that he liked you or anything, that's just how he was. A charmer that used his looks and charisma to get what he wanted. What you didn’t know was that he wasn’t like that with everyone, just you.
Your hair was in its natural state. Curls defined perfectly and smelled of coconut and mango. Your skin shined beneath the streetlight that shined through your tinted windshield and your body sat nicely in the black lacy top with matching bottoms. Satoru could not stop staring at you, and you could feel his eyes looking at you as his tongue licked his bottom lip slightly.
“What is it?” You finally give him attention.
“You look really pretty.” He grinned “and you smell good, that's all” His hand rested on his chin as he continued to stare at you.
You tried not to smile at the compliment, instead you rolled your eyes trying to brush off the feeling that was in your stomach. He was just a friend, you couldn’t be feeling whatever you felt in the pit of your stomach for him. You’re just friends you kept repeating in your mind. Finally, your slow ass friends made their way to your car so you could finally get to this NYE party.
During the drive you and your friends talked loudly about random shit, and sang along to the songs on your playlist. All three of you were hyped for this frat party, the only thing Satoru was hyped about was having you on his arm. Even though it wasn’t anything official, he wanted to let everyone know he wanted you. He’s wanted you since he met you, but you made it clear that he was just your friend. Friends don’t feel the way Satoru felt about you and he was convinced you felt the same way he just had to test his theory a little. He was already touchy, but that wasn’t enough. You still called him your friend, so he planned to just be straight up and ask when the time was right.
“Why’re you so quiet, you’re literally never quiet?” You look at him.
“I’m not quiet, am I quiet?” he asks your friends for a second opinion.
“Yes.” they both say.
“It’s scarily quiet,” Your friend Liz says.
“Literally.” Your other friend Stella says
“Fuck you guys, I’ve been talking this whole time. You guys are just loud and don’t listen to what I have to say.” He lies.
“Whatever.” You look him up and down analyzing him.
“Unlike you, staring doesn't bother me.” He teases. “You’re going to get a lot of stares tonight looking as good as you do right now.” He says boldly.
“Oh, shut up.” You push his arm, he tenses up again as he slightly bites his lip.
Your friends watched the whole interaction, they swear they could see hearts in your eyes as you watched the way he bit his lip.
“Get a room you two.” Your friend Stella teases.
“Maybe we will.” Satoru says.
It didn’t sound like a joke.
“Oh look, we’re here.” Satoru fills the silence and parks on a spot in the grass in front of the huge Fraternity.
The music was booming out of the house, as well as the sounds of people having fun, playing games, and celebrating. All of you got out of the car immediately and practically ran to the action. You and your friends saw your other mutual friends screaming in excitement and gushing over each other's outfits.Gojo stayed close behind you, almost guarding you.
“Who’s that?” Your mutual friend raised an eyebrow.
“Her boyfriend.” Liz blurted out.
“No-” you start.
“Yes.” Gojo smirks and immediately wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. There goes that feeling again, the butterflies. Heat rises to your face as you feel his farms tighten and his body press up against you.
“Okay, I see you y/n, popping out for the New year.” your friend teased.
“New Year, New Man!” Stella egged it on.
You just sighed in response. “I need a drink.” you unlatched his arms from around you and walked to the kitchen with him following behind.
You weren’t one to drink, but with the way the night was already starting you needed something. You grabbed a jello shot off of the counter and threw it back like nothing.You felt someone press up behind you that you thought was Gojo, but when the guy spoke you knew it wasn’t. You turned around and the guy trapped you against the counter with his hands pressed on each side of you.
“You look good, Ma.” The random guy said. He was drunk, all you could smell was beer on his hot breath and it made you scrunch your nose.
“Excuse me.” You push him back and he presses up against you more. The house was so crowded Gojo must've got caught in the crowd.
“You’re not going to say thank you?” The guy leaned in more. His hot breath hits your nose directly.
“I will when you back up-” you start before Satoru snatched him off of you.
“Get the fuck off of her, dude.” he pushes the guy onto the ground and the guy looks up at Gojo which towered over almost everyone in the kitchen. You look up at Satoru before he pulls you against him with one hand.
“You okay?” He said in your ear, his voice going deep again. The way he spoke made your legs nearly give out.
“Mhm.” you nod subtly, biting your lip.
That’s when he knew, he got you.
“Come on.” He took your hand and took you to the backyard that was quiet. You didn’t say anything, you just followed him.
He led you all the way to the far side of the backyard, next to a big tree.
“What are we doing out here?” you ask him.
“Talking.” He licks his lips.You feel the butterflies again.
“About?” You notice he’s still holding your hand. He begins playing with your rings as he speaks.
“Us.” Satoru continues looking at your hand. Your breath hitches and he watches how you react.
“You like me, don't you?” He has a big grin on his face.
“N-no, we’re just friends.” You say, he gives you a look that calls out your bullshit.
“I don’t like you like that, Satoru.” You give him a serious look.
“Oh yeah?” he says and you nod “Well why are you still holding my hand?”
“Fuck you.” you snatch your hand away and begin to walk away
“Fuck me.” he says which stops you in your tracks. “I want you.” he adds.
You turn and look at him, those eyes piercing into you. Satoru looks you up and down, his chest heaving. It’s almost like you’re being pulled toward him the way your body gets closer and closer to his.
“Fuck you?” you raise an eyebrow.
“Please.” his eyes plead.
“Hm, no.” You pull him by his wrists and put his hands on your ass. “How about you fuck me.” You bite your lip a little before his lips crash onto yours.
Your hands on his strong biceps as he kisses you deeply making you stumble backwards slightly. The taste of your lips making him moan as he kisses you hungrily, needing to taste all of you. His tongue in your mouth lapping against yours creating a sloppy mess as his hands grip and rub your ass, in one maneuver he turns you around and presses you up against the tree. His knee in between your thighs making your lips pull away from his to release a sweet moan before pulling his lips back onto yours. The way his lips tasted was almost addictive, You needed more, and he gave it to you. Lifting you up by your thighs he wrapped your legs around him as his bulge grinded directly into your heat everytime your lips met each other. The warmth of your pussy made his cock twitch in his pants, he had to stop.
“Wait.” He pulled back breathing hard.
“Don’t stop.” you pulled him back in.
“We’re in public.” he said between kisses.
“No one can see.” You stopped kissing him and looked around.
The backyard was dark, especially nin the corner you both were in.
“Well I know that, but they’ll hear.” He said in your ear.
“I’ll be quiet.” you grin and plant a long kiss on his neck. “Take it out.” you say in his ear and just like an obedient dog that’s what he did.
You looked down and saw the outline of his thick and long dick. The thought of it being inside of you made you salivate. Satoru pulled your lace mesh pants and panties down, only exposing your pussy. His big strong arms held you underneath your legs.
“Ready?” he asked and you nodded.
He gently pushed the throbbing tip of his cock inside your plush gummy walls. Your mouth is agape from the full feeling of just the tip. Satoru himself already felt like he’d cum if he moved even slightly. You felt better than he’d ever imagine you feeling. Both of you just stuck until Satoru pushed his way deeper and deeper through your tight walls until his dick is inside of you fully. You had to widen your legs to let him in deeper, that’s just how thick it was.
“We should hurry before your friends come looking for you.” He tells you, almost giving you a warning on how he’s about to rail your guts. You nod in response feeling like you’d be too loud if you spoke.
The sound your pussy made around him was enough noise for the both of you as he began thrusting slowly. One of your hands held onto a tree branch for support and the other held Satoru close to you. Being quiet wasn’t too bad of a problem until Satoru couldn’t bear being slow and gentle. His dick began pounding into you rapidly making your voice squeak out ever so often. Your big brown eyes looking in his as you bite your lip trying to muffle the whimpers. The impact of his hips making your boobs bounce in and nearly out of the low cut shirt.
“Shhh..shit! You gotta be quiet, baby.” Satoru warned.
“It feels so good” you quietly cry out in his ear.
“Oh fuck, I know.” He chuckles quietly in your ear then puts his lips on yours to try and quiet you before he thrusts harder.
“Mm!” you moaned into his mouth at each thrust. He was deep in your guts to the point you couldn’t think straight. You could feel each vein of his throbbing dick inside you, it was like he was making your body accustomed to him and only him.
“Shhh.” he hushed you, putting a hand on your throat. His hips pounded into you needily, needing to make you cum as quickly as possibly wanting to make you feel good. His whole body felt hot with arousal for you.
“Right there toru~” You hum.
“There?” He slows his thrusts down, hitting that spot directly watching your eyes roll back. He hits that spot with such precision it almost sends you into over shock. At least you were somewhat quiet, the overwhelming pleasure only mustering shuddering breaths as hes grunting in your ear.
“Fuck baby, this pussy is so good.” Satoru’s hand squeezes your throat a little tighter as his hips thrust faster. You moan in response to his praise, your nails digging into his shoulder as you try and hold yourself up. A ring of cream forming around his thick cock as he fucked you good and deep. The only noises coming out of you were strained whimpers from the way his hand squeezed around your throat. You didn’t mind the way he chokes you, as long as his dick kept pounding your guts in.
“Y/n!” Gojo could hear your friends calling for you in the far distance. You looked at Gojo with wide pleading eyes pleading for him to make you cum before you were caught.
“Hold on, okay.” he stopped choking you and pressed your legs against your chest. He began sloppily pounding your poor cervix making you gush around him. Tears formed in your eyes as you tried to hold your moans back but failed. Your pussy dripping from the way he fucked you.
“I’m gonna- fuck.” Your chest heaved as your toes curl.
“Cum on my dick, make a mess on it. Do whatever you need to.” Saturo’s lips kissed your neck as he continued to pound deep bruising your cervix.
“I’m cumming~” You gripped his shirt as your legs shook uncontrollably. A knot forming in your stomach and your back arching up off of the tree.
“Fuck!” Satoru grunted as he pulled out before cumming.
Your pussy was a dripping creamy mess as your legs continued to shake around Satoru’s waist. It clenched around the air , needing Gojo to put it back in. You wanted more, just one more round is all you wanted. You could barely even speak, still in shock from how hard you came.
“Later.” He kisses your forehead and pulls your pants and panties back up. He sets you down before pulling up his own pants and making sure you both don’t look suspicious.
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bizzybee429 · 10 months ago
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clenches fist. i fucking love my friends so much
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unriding · 16 days ago
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EVIE !!!!!
I SAW U USE MY ART AS UR THEME SO I WANNA DO A REMAKE !!! mostly cause the other one was full of mistaks hurrrrr orz
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keeping the color palette the same so itd still fit + use softer shading so convey how soft u are + moze is now IN UR HAND !!!! >:3
oh nick :’)
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#🐦‍⬛🐕 .#彡 cherishing.#彡 inbox.#彡 nick!#AAAJSNSNS i did my makeup in record time because i had to respond to this asap !! T T i have 25 tags left and so much to say so let’s see#how efficiently i can use my words to convey my gratitude !! T T im actually losing my mind at the addition of moze’s little hands .. i#i will get into that later …. i cannot believe u revamped it for me!!!! thank you nick ?!?! 🥹 i went to gaze 🔎 at the two!! though i think#both are so lovely — i love the curl to my hair !!! i sleep with my hair in those heatless curl rods — so they always tend to be wavier at#the bottom since the top comes loose — THOUGH ITS A RANDOM DETAIL AHAJJ I THOUGHT it looked so accurate !! >< U DID THE BOW EARRINGS UUURGH#i love drop earrings !!!!! and the bow matches with the big one — i noticed the bow & headband is a bit different!! I LOVE BOTH — omg and t#god im going to run out of tags - AND THE SLEEVE!!! ok i shouldn’t point out every difference akajjajaj i am just so excited looking at bot#of them!! I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW ME IM SO?? CAN I SAY THAT??? the little sparkle is spot on because !!! i am showing off mini moze!! to everyo#everyone* T T !!! HE IS SO PRECIOUS AHAHAJSN his gigantic hood … and his signature (ᓀ ᓀ) oh but he is so cute …. T T NICK YOU MAKE HIM LOOK#SO SQUISHABLE URK ITS SO SPOT ON . HIS SQUISHABLE-NESS REALLY SHINES IN YOUR AWESOME ART STYLE (i don’t think i have ever reblogged somethi#something* from you without mentioning your art style) HES SO TINY AAASJSN MY HEART FELT SO HAPPY SEEING HIS LITTLE HANDS …. HIS HANDS ARE#FHE SIZE OF MY EARRING 😭😭😭😭 oh my god i just noticed you gave him a little blush and i want to lock myself underground /pos HE IS SO CUTE#IN YOUR STYLE IUUUAGGHHHH IM IN SUCH AGONY /pos :’) oh i don’t think i will get over his little hands ISNSKDKX im feeling so violently#affectionate staring at it — THE WAY HE IS DRAPED OVER MY HAND IS SO SJSNDNCJ he is my …. most treasured little crow …. that i am showing#everyone with the happiest smile ever …. THANK YOU NICK ))): and the fact that you kept the colors for my theme is so ?!?! you are so thou#UGH TUMBLR — you are so thoughtful with all of your gifts towards your friends!! noting all the details and such ): oh i adore you ): u sai#softer shading to convey how soft i am but i have quite literally melted into a puddle of goo so now am i soft ?! i believe i am just a#puddle in the corner over there in the nick museum -> waiting to be mopped -> OH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SOB THANK YOU ))): i was about to say#that i don’t even know what to say to convey my gratitude — but i have said something! just not enough to get out my feelings ^^; never eno#ALSO I LOVE HOW YOU DID MY LASHES AAHHHNXNX )): my eyes !!! your style !!! oh i am really in such agony /POS URGH AND I KEEP LOOKING AT HIS#LITTLE HANDS AND WANTING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BUNDLE OF VIOLENT AFFECTION I GET FROM IT T T HES SO TINY AJANSDto ruffle his hair with#the very tip of my pinkie … trembling trying not to knock him over ……. i must make him a little spot in my purse …. with little blankets to#keep him nice and cozy …. nick words cannot express my gratitude — thank you!!! both versions are so stunning 🥹 I REALLY APPRECIATE IT (<-#severe understatement) (the most severe understatement) your art is always so stunning#when im home i must come back and add some good reaction photos !!!! THANJ YOU SNIFFLE YOU ARE TOO KIND )))))):#similar to the first time u visited my inbox …. if I ever spot a kofianywhere 🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎👁️!!
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driftwooddestiel · 8 months ago
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I DID MY COMEDY PERFORMANCE TODAY!!! in front of like 200 people!!! and i didnt stutter or forget what to say!!! and people laughed!!!
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#i wasnt THE funniest other performances got better reactions but that was largely because the people performing were popular#point is people laughed !! two girls i barely know came up to me after and said i was really good! (thank you nikita and i forgot your name#and according to one of my friends some mullets were making fun of me during my thing and then a popular girl behind them was like#hey stop dont do that#so thats cool#and the girl whos lockers next to mine also complimented my comedy thing after so that was nice#+ one of the other ppl performing who i used ro be super good friends with (years ago) was very engaged and laughing which was nice :-)#we may not be close friends anymore but yk its nice to still get along 👍#also two of my friends also performed and they did well too ‼️ it was very cool#anyway im very proud of myself for being able to perform in front of that many people cos i have literally never done that#the last time i spoke to an audience of more than 30 people was year 4 assembly and that was like 100 ppl max#so yea im very happy lol. especially considering that the past three years weve been doing persuasive speeches instead of comedy#(comedy was introduced this year to try it out instead of persuasive speeches)#and for the past 2 years ive done my speeches to just the teacher and a few friends cos i dont like giving persuasives to the whole class#(which i still feel tbh) but like. i can do comedy and play a character in front of an audience! which is pretty awesome
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spaghett-onaplate · 5 days ago
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new years vibes
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gorillaxyz · 5 months ago
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sniffle. sniff
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snow-and-saltea · 7 months ago
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finished like 153 chapters in one night. i love these kinds of executions for yandere characters so much. i love it when a story takes mental illness and psychological brokenness seriously and still be able to create a beautiful interpretation without fetishizing that appeals to the very raw and basic nature of wanting to be loved so badly that fractures a person. i love stories like this that show us the worst of a person but doesn't rush to ease them again. i love stories that show the darkest pits of the human psyche and makes you go, "this is happening but it isn't the end. wait just a bit, and ill show you how things get better." i LOVE when stories do that; get all meta and create a story within the story that the actors/characters have to now see their way through and reach the scripted happy ending that feels impossible and illogical to reach as a conclusion, but happened anyways. stories that are seemingly taken out of the author's hands and into the characters instead and them being like "i know you believe this happy ending to be false, because you can't believe it'll be achievable through anything but delusion. but just wait, i'll show you." (thinking particularly about the princess iron fan arc in act age bc that still makes me tear up)
the depiction of ptsd and mental illness was something i was particularly touched by, too. the "problematic" aspects, ugly aspects, of mental illness were addressed so kindly and compassionately, and the solution never felt like it was straight up telling you "you're messed up. this isn't right, you're not normal". this is something i would've expected reading a story with a yandere character, because for most people the appeal of a yandere is to be attracted to someone who is Fucked up but hot. but like. even rebuttals like "no that's not normal! that scares me!" were handled so casually -- almost to the point you could call it carelessly, but it wasn't careless at all. it was a deliberate choice to not make a Huge deal about being turned off by someone's thoughts or preferences that made for a much more judgement-free and loving environment to agree or disagree with each other.
rindo is really the ideal wish fulfillment for mentally ill buddies like me along w kim kitsuragi sjjdjdjfkfkf. like i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, to see the twist that oh this guy is gonna be fucked up too! bc of the Genre! but no. he's kind, steadfast and humourous, and is so generous w his capacity to love people. he might be understood as a selfless martyr type with the way he keeps wanting to reassure amane even during really troubling events in the plot, but he was never traumatised by those events and he had a clear and sane mind the entire time. its so easy to think of him as a "victim" in an overbearing codependent relationship in the story, but he's just really emotionally resilient. he doesn't give up, he doesn't take hurtful words at face value because he knows something deeper is at play, he doesn't hesitate opening up first and being vulnerable or pushy if it helps amane feel less ugly being vulnerable with his thoughts and desires towards him.
this is a fictional story and not irl, so obviously like. irl, you wouldn't want to enmesh yourself so deeply with someone that you'll die if they do. but he was willing to do that. not necessarily that, but the same gesture -- "if i ever betray you, you can kill me, and then we'll both be the last thing we'll see". on paper, even just writing it, makes me sound insane and delusional. how could this be something someone sane could say? but he WAS sane, because he was also saying "you said you love me so much you want to die with me, so you must also mean that you love me so much you want to live with me forever. this means your heart wants to be with me, so stop deceiving yourself into thinking you'll be fine. know that my heart and yours are joined in the same way, because i want to see you at the end of my life too, and there's nothing wrong with that."
rindo has such a great talent for finding multiple meanings, often positive, to amane's thoughts. because his mind is often muddy and swamped with unpleasant words and memories when he spirals / ruminates , he can't stick his hand through it long enough to see what comes out when he pulls out of it. very natural, normal and human desires you form with someone you love: "i love you. i'm scared you'll leave me someday. i want to be with you forever. i don't know if i deserve to be this happy. i love you. i love you. i love you. i don't want to spend a day without you. i want you to be happy and i want to be involved in making you happy, but i feel so incompetent that i'm worried i'll fail too much. i love you. please love me back.”
the way the characters in this story is so kind genuinely ... makes me want to cry. like rindo's mom accidentally saying homophobic things at first out of surprise but then her Maternal instincts took over and she could have another son to shower with love. the way everyone looks out for them but doesn't judge their relationship or try to messily break them away from each other or intervene for their "own good". there's no unnecessary drama or misunderstanding that isn't solved within 1-2 chapters in a really clear, reassuring tone (while also maintaining a natural pace so as to be thoughtful to the writing).
man. i cried multiple times reading this story. i was just here for the yandere BL ride, not the unexpected feeling of love and validation for my mental health issues?!
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pyrriax · 7 months ago
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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girl-bateman · 8 months ago
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her#but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav#a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now#while im still a bit elevated#which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends#we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science#we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r#leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here#support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here#and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact#my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun#and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful#but im just really happy i got accepted here#and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering#the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy#means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved#this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b#honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh#its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop#and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better#its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and#this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt#ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like#defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr#unrelated#meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH#R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away
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kathrynmjaneway · 10 months ago
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yoshistory · 11 months ago
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the perspective of looking at new jersey apartments again makes me glad im living where im at now, honestly ... ^^ ''
#i SO wish i could hop over there though ... the price of living is SOOO high and the pay doesnt match even a little#its bad everywhere .. but new jersey's got a special kind of sickness like that because of its nyc proximity#everyone lives there and commutes to the city like 1.5hrs away for the better pay . but i just lived there lol#i feel like compared to here everything in jersey's tinged an ''old'' way ..#i dont know how to describe it but EVERYTHING from the stores to the apartments has a ''grandma's house'' feel#a ''hasn't been updated in 40+ years'' feel#and austin's so new and booming. apparently. but i agree it doesnt have that old tinge to it#the apartment im living in isnt new. but it isnt old either. it doesnt have the feel to it#i thought it was just nostalgia speaking but looking at nj apartments today was like. oh wow. its nice to know im not going crazy#this same apartment in nj would be SO SO SO much more expensive. people here complain about prices (they SHOULD. its bad)#but looking at where i was and why i HAD to move elsewhere .. i remember now yknow. this place is a luxury i could never have had in nj#which doesnt mean its good. its sad. i wish things were different. i DO .. sort of .. wish i never moved out here to begin with#but im glad im here. i feel like ... you know when a hero goes on a quest and makes friends along the way and then .. doesnt return home ..#even though the quest was supposed to be a transitory period .. yknow .. maybe im just home now#atleast awhile longer. im happy calling here home awhile longer#i do kinda miss that old tinge to it. i always said everything in nj was like .. ''tinged yellow '' .. and it really is. yknow.#i just need to put some antiques and lighting into my apartment. lol. feels just like home
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elegyofthemoon · 1 year ago
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today was good!!!! but i am!!!! very tired!!!!!!! :D
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jusiri · 2 years ago
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such is my anxiety that for whatever reason I feel like if I post too many silly little "My friends are awesome and I love them" things that said friends will start to think I'm being
idk the word for it but like over the top or annoying or pandering about it
that I'm just doing it for attention or something
and I don't know why I think that cause i know I wouldn't think that if someone else was doing it
I don't know anxiety is just silly like that
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feeling-kinda-sad-ngl · 2 years ago
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its my moms birthday and i feel bad but like i dont wanna go celebrate
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jesperjohansen · 2 years ago
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good lird you guys like that nnk art
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