#its insane that this is always the topic
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why is it every time I step on this blog there's always some anon related drama going on?? Ya'll gotta know anon hate REALLY is not that frequent. shit is getting old, and to see it every time?? about to take out my mom voice and say ya'll all need to just turn anon off cuz ya'll can't play nice or just ignore shit for the love of christ.
#⌜off the air⌟ . // ooc#every since removing over half the hellaverse peeps from my multi shit has been peaceful and quiet#come over here for two seconds and I'm already just ughingggg#obviously its not everyone but like#its insane that this is always the topic#really drains the fun out of this shit#i miss alastor but i cannot stand the dash as of late#some people on here really need to take a look at themselves cuz enabling behavior is not helping anyone change or be better for themselves#or the people they surround themselves with#unfollow me if this makes me you mad but its so fucking draining#i'll be on multi and putting on an indefinite hiatus for this blog until I decide its worth something to come back#start loving yall selves#cuz the validation you keep seeking from strangers online obviously is getting you nowhere#when its nothing but negativity and you wonder why ppl dont wanna be around you#we all got our shit but at some point you gotta stop making excuses for yourself#its exhausting
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caw 🦅
#neopets#neotag#neoart#eyrie#mutant#vin doods#I can't beat the allegations that i doodle dnd creatures on a daily with this one huh#god i love mutants eyries so much i'm sorry i gavehim more draconic features but uGH;#what great colours lmao#I also gave inverted knees to the hooves cause i aint doing whatever neos doing#can you tell i have a thing for dnd and dragons in general im so sorry JAKLSDF#also in topic i've been so wanting to make a neo player's manual for so stupidly long its insane#might actually do it at one point#i had species and proficiencies and everything at one point i think its all gone lol#also for a fact that i'd be a me-thing for the most part#like i'd be the only one wanting it or playing according to it#my other friends none like neopets so yeah#god do i want to dm a neopian adventure i have tons planned lmao#but oh well#i'm super greatful for all positive commenta ad every like and reblog you guys ave given meeeee#i sound like a broken record but i swear i try to not leave this blog for long but i always read your tags and crack up to them sajhas#i know i've left a couple of you on read that actually wanted to know about my characters BUT IM SO SORRYYYY#my master's taking so long and everytime there's something new and have to rewrite and replan everthing everyday i hate it here#but i will do it#i know i will#both the lore writting and my thesis HASJKHASJS#anyways if you're still reading dont be afraid to shoot up a couple of messages! It might make this blog less dead
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in case anyone still cares about object show crew discourse: brian finally confirmed that taylor wasnt exiled from the team as a result of one dumbass thing he did, but rather because he has a history of being a massive jackass for no reason and lorengate was just what tipped them over the edge
#inanimate insanity#i always suspected this so its good to have confirmation#taylor was always weird hostile towards fans for some reason#he had the energy of someone who was like. ashamed to be involved with object shows??#that was a popular mindset while bfdi was on hiatus and the osc was in the midst of whats now considered to be A Bad Time#bfdi had vanished completely. ii was releasing one episode a year AT BEST. object redundancy was airing. ii-critical existed.#truly dire times#idk i just find the bfdi hiatus slash oddly self loathing era interesting as someone who was most active during that time#i got super off topic sorry its almost 3 am ive been playing project sekai for 4 hours
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This post is something that can actually be so personal and no I am not done talking about it. There's a whole concept behind it and the fucking hair ties are just one way of channeling it but oh boy is it a good one. This works so well with the hair braiding too and i cannot think about it to much or i will spontaneously combust, but I had to so I hope you enjoy the result of it.
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Joel has a hair tie on his wrist because Ellie forgets to take a spare and when the first one breaks or she loses it somehow, he can offer it to her before her hair becomes an annoyance.
He has one because she gives it to him sometimes when they're laying on the couch and her ponytail makes resting her head on a pillow or against his chest uncomfortable. At times she also takes it out simply because her scalp is especially sensitive that day and the constant pull becomes painful after a while. There's always another one in his jacket pocket, too, so when Ellie asks him for braids afterward or allows him to do her hair he isn't limited to simpler styles.
It starts with hair ties in Jackson but there are months of different acts preceding it.
Joel carried whatever he could for her, taking more than necessary sometimes because the slim line of her shoulders being weighed down by her backpack made his heart ache even when he couldn't admit it to himself back then, not at first at least. There are water bottles, sweatshirts she cannot quite fit into hers that day, all of their food, whatever first aid materials he can find, even a spare bar of soap.
Then he starts carrying hair ties once they get to Jackson and suddenly he needs to keep a brush on him, too, and with the brush comes a comb and with the comb comes a hat and with the hat comes a homemade creme he traded for since her hands are uncomfortably dry sometimes (she never said so but he knows her), and after that what started as a small piece of twisted fabric turns into him carry a bag around that is filled with everything his brain thinks Ellie might require at some point. Sure, maybe he is being a little bit overprotective and maybe Tommy jokes about getting him a purse several times, but he can offer her sunscreen and a bottle of water during summer, he gives her gloves and a scarf in winter when she doesn't remember to put them on before leaving, there's always one of her books in a side pocket, too, and as soon as he finds her a new one, her Walkman gets an especially safe place in his bag.
And yes, he fusses over her a little bit too much, maybe even to the point of being smothering sometimes (she always tells him to back off when that happens and he does without complaint), but Ellie grew up utterly alone and without someone to look after her for fourteen years, she deserves to know what it is like to be cared about by someone. Whatever she asks for, whatever she needs, he gives it to her even when she could walk home and come back with the thing in question in less than ten minutes. There's always a snack, a spare sweatshirt in case she gets cold, space for the one she takes off when she gets too warm, a small sketchbook and a pencil both as a distraction and so she can draw whenever she feels like it.
No one pays any attention to it, and while Tommy softly teases him about it from time to time, the smile that blooms on Ellie's face when he quietly gives her something she needs based on nothing but hardwired instincts before the words leave her mouth tells him everything he needs to know.
Joel might not be good with words, but he continues to carry a bag and hands her little pieces of his love time and time again, hoping she can put the puzzle together, hoping she knows.
Ellie does the same, hoping Joel notices it, hoping he knows what it means, that with every time she tells him to rest, every cup of coffee on his nightstand, every night spent in his bed when she wakes to the mere suggestion of a nightmare and brushes them away before they can settle so she can put herself in their place instead, every trashy action movie she borrows from the library for their weekly movie night, every handmade guitar pick she gifts him, every single gesture she does not have to do but does regardless because she wants to, she is saying I love you, too.
They notice, they care, they willing hand over carefully chosen parts of themselves and the puzzle they piece together is one and the same, because paying attention to things is how they show love and it is oh so easy when there is nothing to look at but each other.
#alex writes tlou#the last of us#tlou#joel and ellie#joel miller#ellie williams#fanfic#miller family#episode 3 reference because i go insane over half the lines they say fucking craig i hate you i hate you what did you do to my brain#also i finally got the bill and frank strawberry shirt and i am wearing it right now and i am in love#two old gay men living a happy life in the apocalypse is actually so defining to me as a lesbian#does that make sense probably not but its true#anyway inbox open as always it is easier to write you something if it's related to my current brain rot topic but i get to everything#eventually i just wanna do it properly
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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I just fell down a rabbit hole about (legal) body disposal and part of me is so anxious wishing I could tell the FBI agent monitoring my internet searches that I’m just morbidly curious and I’m not planning on dying anytime soon (or planning anything ELSE, for that matter)
#I swear I’m innocent#I just didn’t know there were multiple types of cremation#and then I got curious about other legal burial/body disposal methods#and then I learned that you can have your ashes basically made into a starter reef in the ocean????#THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY ADVANCEMENTS IN BODY DISPOSAL AND PREP GUYS ITS KINDA INSANE#YOU CAN MAKE YOUR BODY INTO SOIL!! which seems like it would be easy but apparently it’s a rather new advancement!!#and I mean like proper soil not just like. decomposed and mushed up remains I mean like Actual Human Compost#hi I’ve always been interested in morbid topics I swear#I’m not insane I just love the art of the funeral and the way we honor the dead#I always thought I wanted to donate my body to the army to have them drop my remains out of a plane#but uh… becoming part of the coral reef and helping sustain the reefs is definitely a more appealing option now#and like I always knew you could do the become a tree thing but there’s more options for that too!!#also there’s multiple ways to cremate and two of the three that I’ve researched don’t use an incinerator!!#they use a mix of water and highly alkaline chemicals?? which is so cool?? I thought the only way to get ashes from a body was to burn it#but apparently not!!#dude. science is so fucking cool#mortuary science is so fucking cool specifically#alright to the FBI agent assigned to me: sorry if I’m flagging shit with these searches I’m trying to keep the wording respectful#and non-incriminating lmaoooo#MelloMoans#mortuary science#morbid curiosity#funeral services#I guess??
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ngl i’m not even bothered by the monthly majima discourse cuz genuinely the rgg fandom is so much better than 99% of fandoms out there like thank god that’s the only thing we complain abt id rather than that than new drama every week (ahem ahem persona fandom..)
oh to live in a timeline where majima discourse is the only thing rgg fans complain about
#snap chats#though maybe its because i distance myself from socials more as of late i dont see people argue that much anymore#but i can def think of a lot of topics people argue/d about. namely people still arguing whether mine's gay or not#no matter how much times passes i still see that vjaERLVJAE#like i remember years ago people'd get uppity about daigo. or more specifically daigo fans on twitter ig#like people would still be like 'daigo's done fuckall he's rather useless' but i more saw complain of his fans by like. a small margin more#but people've come around and are chill with him so thats neat#there was SOME wack take i saw the other week but i think it was another insane majima take so. we're moving on#when deep in the trenches of the rgg community i cant act like i didnt see a new argument on twitter every other week tho vajEALKJE#at least on twitter. tumblr's always chill for me but thats because i follow fuck all anyone vjLKAEkja#but yeah. most complaints i see nowadays are majima related lol. and gay people
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idk what happened to prompt dumbasses to start being tweaked in your inbox but i’m glad you’re not giving them any power. ppl are weird and you’re an incredible artist that feeds us amazing art at an astonishing rate. me and my moots (and my roommates) love you and discuss your posts and aus near daily so you’ve probably got a lot more silent love than you’re even aware of
you talk??? abt my art n aus??? with other people????? im not crying youre crying. no yeah im just. give me a second. crying noises
#i dont keyboard smash bc i always end up shutting down my computer or smthn when i try it but like. PRETEND I WROTE ONE HERE#its cropped my totally legit moodboard for this so u will have to click all the images for full sorry#im just. i dont even have the words im so touched thats so cool#my stuff... can be a conversation topic... for people that arent me ?????? insane#thanks for the ask!#⋆
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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.
#j.txt#vent#barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible#I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do#my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over#the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa#nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to#see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc#I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being#treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through#any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt#but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much#but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really#I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen
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wait bagi casually referencing the main channel is making me realise its been way too long since its been relevant. like we got the main channel explained and then got someone with access to it and its just??? not been able to be accessed yet???
The chekhovs gun is just sat and the gunshot feels overdue, yknow
#bagis main channel access forever driving me insane for some reason#its my curse to bare#also obligatory who stole the furniture on the topic of things we always forget about#qsmp
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not to sound like i’m tweaking or anything (i’m tweaking) but my chem professor is so bad at her job i think i need to be put in a mental hospital bc how bad she teaches
#🎀 - mello talks too much#ill understand a topic and then she will teach it and i will go insane#i can’t do this#this fucking exam on wednesday is going to slaughter me#I WAS ALWAYS SO GOOD AT CHEMISTRY ITS JUST EVETYTJING SHE SAYD IS SO CONFUSING#HTTDAYYSDGDYDYD#SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME#A
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which "táj" tho
Very good question! I dont know either!!
#besides that 1 mutual people in bp always say this and and at this point idec i just concluded that budapest people are insane#like every once in a while this topic circles back into my brain and no matter if its 25 50 or more pdfs and articles and forums on tabs#i find nothing and can match my uh...speech(?) with nothing ''''special'''' like im convinced people say this to either shut me up or find#reason to ridicule me or something like i swear i have the most generic szókincs and kiejtés ez nem lehet igaz#mutuals#Postaláda
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i think about asian link all the time. theyre asian to me like... "oh its not realistic theyre pale and blue eyed and blond" do u wanna know whats unrealistic. in the legend of zelda series thats fantasy/adventure. the way no ones just moved out of hyrule already just make a bridge and leave!!!! place keeps getting overrun!!! leave!!!!!!!!
#loz#once someone said i draw my links weird. they have such soft jaws. wide noses. angled eyes. what could it possibly be i wonder#things that drive me insane. balls to the walls apeshit#i still have a screenshot of that convo bc it was so nuts to me. its like i didnt periodically talk about it in the lu server w them#and my hcs kept getting hijacked by ppl talking about scottish westerner link hcs like thats nice! love u have ur hcs!! but cmon.#every single time. every? single time?#even in the lu au server when i was detailing out like hey this au is based on an explicitly set in japan game so like. theyre japanese#oh nooo theyre white and irish and scottish and welsh to you. congrats but now isnt the time to say that??#i think a lot of my lu experiences wouldve gone better if ppl were more. socialized#not in the neurotypical way of whatever that nonsense is but in the. yes showing engagement by relating ur own hcs is fine#but also express interest in what im saying instead of just taking over the convo to talk about ur own take only without acknowledging me#god. once i was like trans link! and someone came up and said thats an hc i dont like bc when canon not trans are trans my brain goes brr#the way they said it was so . ??. u come into My Channel in My Category for My AU and say#god bless their heart they were Trying i think. bc they did say they wanted to keep an open mind. but Really??????????#i dont always communicate the best either so i try not to be harsh or bitchy abt it. but man. man.#i got off topic again. theyre asian to me. theres no norway or germany in hyrule and probably not japan either so its a moot point but#theyre asian!! thanks.
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I think what anon meant to say is that Mine is the complete opposite of Kiryu, but they have their similarities (both being orphans who became weirdo’s when they grew up) however their paths, the people they surround themselves with, and their worldviews are different.
yeah alright thats fair 😩
#snap chats#i accidentally deleted all my tags im going to fucking scream. im gonna type them all up again but just know im mad#LIKE YEAH. its just the words 'mine is evil capitalist kiryu' shotgunned me in the face i coludnt discern what it meant#the comparison between mine and kiryu is somethin that ive always been interested in tho highkey#after mine's caregiver died he had absolutely no one growing up. meanwhile kiryu had the likes of yumi nishiki and kazama + kashiwagi#kiryu might not have had a biological family anymore but he very much still had a family and a role model#whether kazama was a good one or not aint the topic at hand Point Is its obvious having family in your early years is pretty important#its only astounding mine was able to become a white collar citizen all alone but god...#this is just reminding me i have to finish my childhood development paper WHOOPS its almost done i prommy but anyway#its so unfortunate for mine to be like 'you're like me why are you so happy' because he /isnt/ like mine#he had an entirely different life growing up so of course the two cant connect at all#and with that perspective its just a little insane for kiryu to try to assert that mine should Just Think Differently#thats not his fault obviously he cant know the extent of mine's childhood. all he heard was I Was An Orphan#and took his own experiences and applied them- as mine did towards kiryu#i am. RAMBLING anyway common grounds mine and kiryu do have are orphans + daigo + the lengths theyll go for loved ones#only problem is for mine that includes killing The Loved One because he's insane and thinks coma patients should be mercy killed#like no mine !!!! thats not a thing you can decide put the guN DOWN#ok bye. im gonna stare at my wall
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chronic pain off the shits rn I wish I could talk openly about what is happening to me without it being triggering/taboo
#insane how i can be suffering through something but cant verbalise it without bothering others#like but im actually experiencing it though?????#dykwim#it would make everyone else uncomfortable so the social protocol is Suffer In Silence#im not talking abt others whove been through it and could be actually triggered to be clear#bc im pretty sure that if youve been there then a trigger warning would be enough#im talking about everyone else who hasnt been through these specific things who would make their discomfort my fault and my problem#etc etc#sometimes its okay to sit with your discomfort especially if it deepens your understanding of marginalised people around you#not everything has to be comfortable and palatable some things are SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable to hear/read/see#and that doesnt always mean that those things are bad and wrong and evil#also if a kid is old enough for unsupervised internet access theyre old enough to learn about difficult topics#it will help them become a well informed well rounded and compassionate individual#anyway#autocorrect is saving my fucking life you guys have no idea how hard spelling is rn#i dont have the wherewithal to deal with someone saying something negative if i share this very painful experience im having rn#safe to say i am triggering MYSELF#and that in itself i could go on and on abt how that proves that sometimes smth WILL trigger you#and it is not the end of the world when that happens#you will deal with it like all difficult things#nd if you are strong enough to go through ordeals that led to having trigger responses you are strong enough to get through being triggered#like you WILL make it i promise#and sometimes its not anyones fault that you were triggered#its certainly not my fault that i am being triggered by something outside my control even if that thing is my own body#dont know what im saying anymore im too scattered mentally#i hope no one takes any of this the wrong way
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Ah lads not again
#keep having symptoms disorders and like. I don't know what this Is causing this but like#Keep feeling like I'm going fucking insane bc like#I'll be sat here spiralling like 'I didnt talk to certain people enough today they'll think I'm a flake'#'They're all going to abandon me I need to talk more and constantly need to stay relevant'#but then if I actually check our dm history we talked for Hours#And its quite irritating!!!! I don't like it its almost a daily occurence!!!!!!#Feels silly to just now realize that maybe it Isn't normal to spiral over a completely false lack of communication#Like I am always so fucking frantic to try and find ways and topics to chatter about so I don't lose people due to lack of engagement#and I'm realizing that maybe I am like. A little more frantic and neurotic avout it then I should be#Gripping myself by the shoulders. Your loved ones will not get bored of you or feel like you're being shitty#just because you didn't actively pop into dms like 10+ times a day or talk for most of it it will be OK#negative
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