#its how I feel

[null-doesnothing]

"hey you doing alright?" no actually I'm thinking about Sarek again

[wilsons-three-legged-siamese]

As much as I don't really like House...

I shall always be a House apologist.

[beatheprincess]

Call me out for being delulu but-

Maladaptive daydreaming has honestly saved my life ♡ like I've always had such a huge imagination as a kid to help me feel safe/sleep at night. Highschool it started to get a bit real💀 like all the fake relationships inside my head I would even replace my "friends" with different people now I just use it to fill that whole in my life, my highschool experience wasnt great and left me feeling lonely alot so I replay it out in my head differently and it makes me feel better 💓 I dont experience the tiredness or depression from it honestly maybe occasional sadness from my own mental health by when I slip into that daydream like scenario I feel safe, when I regress I feel safe. ♡

[riggedbones]

every time i animate something and show it off i want everyones reaction to be like what the fuck. okay. what the hell. you just did that?

[hesitanalien]

a crying doll

[bruisedbruiser]

Being a crippled cosplayer fucking sucks. I want to paint and sew and create and cosplay and have fun and do all of the things I enjoy doing but I'm tired.

And it hurts

So I live with my pintrest board of broken dreams and desires

[flyttadigs]

"for god so loved the world he gave his only begotten son" god couldve given us 20 sons and sacrificed each of them. like nicki minaj.

[wordsbyrian]

I don't know if it's the raging ADHD but attempting to write with anything but a very specific type of pen or pencil makes me want to cut off my hand

[lesbirdie]

me when the girlies keep all their buccal fat

[neilphen]

i need someone to be sooo unnatural with abt the beatles because no one GETS it like me

[wildcatofgreen]

((hi! local catmun here. by now it has ALREADY BEEN new years about a couple hours over on my side of the world. and i wanna be a sentimental little MF for a little bit

((these past couple months. getting the chance to come to this wonderful community, to meet all these wonderful people, to make all these new friends, to make all these wonderful experiences and to share the silly little adventures of a bisexual green cat from a chinese inspired world

((it just. it warms my heart. it makes me so happy. it makes me SO fucking happy.

((i dont know how many words ive written for this blog, but i will say

((in these past couple months, from the start of this blog to now, i have overtaken the amount of pages that were on the original wildcatofgreen blog. sitting at 157 pages of content here. compared to the old blog's 121.

((121 pages that were intermixed between hiatuses and long stretches of things happening.

((it's not like i didnt have passion for the blog--i started it right before freedom planet 2 was announced. the passion was there, the dripfeeds of content filling my brain were already set in motion and i did little blurbs questioning these characters we had never heard of before

((in the old blog's canon, askal was lilac's and carol's teacher. there was this overarching plot point about askal's training with these two to make them stronger and better, just in case a new threat were to occur (([if it wasnt obvious, i was setting up for fp2, of which i thought it wouldve been coming out Soon™. lmaoing at my old self she did not even have a sliver of a guess]

((i figured out reasonable dates for lilac's, milla's and carol's birthdays by scouring ziyo-ling's deviantart for the dates the characters were originally posted! (([lilac aug 19th (([milla may 28th (though with recent revelations her birthday might as well be the-day-they-found-her] (([carol dec 27th] (([and to complete the quadrio, neera's birthday would obviously be fp1's release date--july 21st]

((back then i even imagined a weird, strained relationship between carol and her sister. i had thoughts about how shitty the scarves were. i had ideas and headcanons about a LOT of stuff [and i still have to sift through all of it at SOME POINT i SWEAR IM GONNA DO IT]

((but i think the thing that... probably got me to stop doing it in the first place was... the lack of people to do it with? the lack of people to build these stories with and to make these things happen

((this isnt to say i wasnt rping with people back then--i obviously was. there's 121 pages to prove i was. and i remember hitting the milestone of getting 200 followers on that blog. it's probably not sitting at that number anymore with all the deactivated blogs and such ((but at it's peak! i had people who wanted to interact with me. i had probably a lot of the same things i do now.

((maybe, just... i was the problem, back then. i can see it from how standoffish i was--how my rules were written, how aggressive i wrote x y and z thing. and maybe someone who goes back to look at the previous blog wont get these same vibes i get ((but youre your own worst critic, right? i know myself--i know how scared i was to be friendly with people, to show myself and to kind of... have fun with things. i still have that fear now--to be more ooc than ic. that people dont care about ooc because the blog isnt about me--it's about carol!

((i still kind of hold that philosophy. y'all ain't follow for catmun y'all followed for carol, and i dont wanna flood up my blog with a bunch of unnecessary posts, no matter how much i wanna archive that stuff and keep it for prosperity's sake it kind of feels like i flooded up the blog from what's supposed to actually be there.

((i wasnt nice to myself much. i was kinda awkward but i can forgive myself for that. its been seven-to-five years since any of that. i didnt allow myself to be... well, me.

((but now. its kind of overwhelming, to see how much love and support this little blog gets. how people who i feel i can truly call my friends are so into the things that happen here. how people can enwrap themselves into this little silly lore i have. there's this passion here from... so many people i write with. its. its exciting!!!

((ive never felt so confident about my writing. ive never felt so happy about writing. ive never felt so excited to move on with another crazy wacky thing.

((i still think long time no see dragon girl is my magnum opus on this blog--something that ive tried to build up a while through hints about lilac's thought process without actually just, letting you see as her, and stuff through carol's thought process. the moment where it hit, the moment where lilac went on her little monologue about being the scarf's princess, the moment where lilac looked at carol and asked "Would you?" is, i think, one of the best things ive written on this blog hands down. ((and that all spawned from the funny question of ''what if lilac was homophobic and gay''. like that idea was just a funny joke to myself for a while, but the more i thought about it the more i went ''this could actually be something''. ((and then i started rping with azure and their lilac obviously influenced that lilac and now the two lilacs are one in the same ((it helps that past blog's lilac didnt DO much and i didnt have these thoughts about the love angle back thing. made everything more free form now (([though tbh if i DID i could just RETCON WHATEVER I WANTED HAHAHAHA]

((that's all not to say that i dont think the other things ive written on here werent good--not at all

((the first big plot with sonarmun, that all spawned off because an anon said "get married already" (([btw anon carol is currently getting married right now because of YOU. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, WHOLEHEARTEDLY <3]

((the date night, which TOOK A WHILE TBF but it was still loads of fun ((the first bapho/carol thread, which ALSO TOOK AWHILE but is still one of my favorites ((tangle/carol interactions give me life i love these two idiots so anything with THEM ((that first lilac/carol thread with azure [that is still unfinished, i intend to go back to it SOMEDAY] with all their cute interactions and all the neat things like carol's bike being decidedly not-as-cool as it is now and lilac's earpods being SHITTY and all the other things to show just how fucking far theyve come

((those are just some notable ones but there's so many things i think are just. GOOD. so many interactions i just. LOVE.

((big RECENT highlight? the most recent lilac/carol thread--carol's little tirade took. a while to write. but it all flowed off the page. and like, reading lilac during that thread genuinely made me wanna cry

((if you want another big recent highlight its the fights in the battlesphere blitz arc--just for the fact that i was going into something i had. NO confidence in [fight scenes]. and here this was gonna be a whole fucking arc just ABOUT fight scenes, built up for WEEKS at this point. ((i was so scared to do any of it. scared to write the fights, scared to do the character interactions, scared to pull off the cordelia plot point. but the fears werent warranted--because it all came out good. ((i am especially proud of the askal fight and the second spade fight--the one AFTER zao was an asshole. i think those two are real fucking highlights and im so happy with them

((point being...! its. all of this, all of this

((it makes me so happy!!!! this is the most fun ive had in years with writing!!!! this is the most passion ive had in years with writing!!!!! this makes me wanna do it for as long as i possibly can!!!!! im so fucking happy!!!!!!

((and a lot of it, a LOT of it, is thanks to you guys

((the people who follow me and want to interact with me and want to see more of the stuff i do and more of the ideas i have and

((all of it! i

((i didnt think i could be so happy about rping. i didnt think people like this would exist, frankly.

((i wouldnt be able to do awesome EVENTS like this. i had this lingering anxiety in the back of my head that the wedding would be too imposing on other writers and i didnt want to make it this big, grand, amazing event that it should be because like

((i was scared people wouldnt be down for it

((but everyone i sent in an ask for was... totally down for it!!! and even now people are doing things and interacting and just

((im so happy. im crying. im fuckin' crying because all of this feels impossibly awesome and i dont even know what to say

((thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. no matter who you are, no matter if i interact with you a lot or dont interact at all, no matter if youre just a personal blog who sometimes reads my stuff, no matter what.

((thank you so much

((i didnt think anything about making the carol blog again, other than to get some stuff done with sonar and carol, and to maybe throw a silly cat at some people

((but all of this? all of this?

((i cant express how grateful i am. i cant express how happy this really makes me feel. i cant express how glad i am to be in such an amazing community full of roleplayers. i love you all, i really, really do.

((this blog has barely been up for three months. and ive already made memories and stories i know ill keep until the end of my days.

((i cant wait to continue writing with you all. i cant wait to see what the new year will bring us. because, fuck it

((its gonna be really, really fucking fun

((EDIT 4:52am 1/1/23: HAPPY NEW YEARS. I FORGOT TO PUT THAT IN OOPS MY BAD

((i love you all. i really, really do.

((thank you.))

[alicentsgf]

see this is why I wouldn't hate the alicole thing. IF we’d been given the moment where she finally broke completely. Where we saw her sense of duty destroyed because she’d tried so hard and everything was going to shit anyway. It was built up to in season 1 but we never got that. at most its lazily implied. It rly should have been the moment she went against viserys wishes and made aegon king, but instead they had it be all wishy washy and ambiguous, as if she just misunderstood him. I was alright with that at the time, but given the version of her we’re getting in season 2 (with the very core of her character changed in between seasons??) She definitely should have had a moment where she realised viserys doesn't give a single thought to her childrens safety and told him to go fuck himself. That would have made her character way more compelling and consistent going forward if this is the direction they wanted to go.

god people really don't get it do they. tying themselves in knots trying to understand alicent as if she's really that hard to get. she's angry because no one saved her. no matter how good she was, how hard she loved, how kindly she spoke, no one has ever tried to save her. she lives in a world where she is functionally incapable of saving herself, and yet surrounded by women with royal blood and the modicum of agency that affords them. like wouldnt you go a bit insane too? wouldn't you leave your kind nature to starve? wouldn't you sob over this injustice to your long lost love whilst pointing a dagger in her face?

[bacchuschucklefuck]

couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[lemongogo]

dont forget what happened to icarus

[canonkiller]

but you can't keep holding on like this.