#its hard enough for my autism to stick with what it wants and what it hates

[heroesbrine]

the lovely debate within myself of "is my autism changing my taste in food without warning or did this company change the recipe of this hyper-specific product without telling us"

[ambrosiagourmet]

I notice no one has asked yet so for the character thing: laios! Or if you want to go for a less common one: the winged lion

Laios!!!!!!

First impression

Honestly its hard to even limit this within the confines of starting the actual manga. I genuinely think I'd have to say my real first impression of Laios was the "autism be damned, my boy can work a grill" joke that gets passed around a lot 😭

Impression now

Older brother.

Loves his friends and family so much. Let him infodump!!!!! A guy that can character arc so hard he becomes a king because its the only way to deal with the things he can no longer let himself look away from. A guy who wants to eat a good meal. A guy who wants everyone to eat a good meal.

A guy who can be all that and still kind of pettily complain that he doesn't get to hang out with monsters anymore & can mope about it soooo annoyingly. A guy who decided to eat the concept of all-consuming hunger because it was the only way to deal with the problem so he might as well try. A guy who can completely change his life by deciding to share his special interest. A guy who can imitate a dog really well.

Favorite moment

Don't make me choooose... okay I'm gonna do three:

1. Assembling Falin's bones with Marcille

The humor. The patience. The slow realization that, despite how absurd of a task it is, it is actually all possible. The moments of admiration for the way skeletons work, the love of the details, the care of assembling all three skeletons just to make sure they get Falin right. Iconic scene.

2. Killing Falin

"Unable to make myself accept. Unable to make myself resist" lives in my soul now idk what else to say. Life is so vibrant and horrifying and raw and beautiful and to let yourself fully be a part of it you must take up space. You must consume. You must fight. You must take and be taken from. Ourgh

3. Talking Marcille down

I love that he looks so goofy on his way up to her. I love the context of how much he refuses to give up on her leading up to this, and how he refuses to give up on her now. I love how everyone is part of this scene, but he's the first one to cross the threshold. I love how she almost blows him up but can't do it (fun fact: this exact situation/post was how she killed Mithrun a couple of chapters ago. It was close).

I love the way he appeals to her mostly just with messy honesty, and I love the silly three rules callback. It's such a sweet chapter.

Also honorary mention for the final page of the story, which gets me every time.

Idea for a story

I'm actually currently fiddling with a longer story concept dealing with the question of Laios needing an heir. Dungeon Meshi is grounded enough in politics that it genuinely feels like a question that the characters will have to grapple with at some point. At the same time, there's no way that like arranged marriage and even having kids in general are not messy topics for Laios and I don't think anyone involved would want to force him to be miserable.

(I also don't personally like the idea of Falin as his heir ftr, bc I think forcing Falin into that role sucks and I don't think anyone would go for it)

So how DO they deal with the issue? Idk! I might write a long meandering story about it! Maybe! I want to, at least.

Unpopular opinion

Ughhhh I don't realllly want to poke this with a stick but yeah I definitely think my most generic (apparently????) Unpopular Opinion with Laios is just that his relationship with Marcille is meaningful and loving. I personally don't view it as romantic and they mean a lot to me as a platonic-life-partners kind of thing, but I also think that dividing relationships in general into Ships TM and Definitely Not Ships isn't really appealing to me personally. I just care them.

(at the same time I really do worry about trying to write about them and it being taken as romantic despite me very intentionally not framing it as such. idk, navigating this stuff is complicated.)

Favorite relationship

UGHHHH LIKE. It is probably him and Marcille. But it's so hard to rank that against him and Falin. Both relationships mean a lot to me and I love them and I love to think about them.

Because him and Marcille have more on the page interactions to dig into and because I don't see them discussed as much, I do tend to gravitate to Marcille & Laios stuff above all else. But like.... don't make me actually commit to picking.

Favorite headcanon

I can't think of a strong answer for this so I'm going to make one up on the spot: I think he giggled to himself soooo much when he included the winged lion in his king outfit but made it so that it looks like the wolf head is eating it. I think he continues to giggle about it years later. I think he gets dressed in the morning and puts on his cloak and goes "get ate, idiot" as he fastens it around his shoulders.

Oh actually for a more genuine headcanon related to the story thing I mentioned above: I think Laios is really good with kids but would be scared of having any of his own. I think he'd have trouble with the classic "I don't want to mess them up the way my dad messed me up" abused kid struggle.

[youdontlookautistic]

Autism/ADHD and doing THE THING in THE SPACE [routine and dedicated areas]:

Art nest. It was those words that got me hooked like all hell. Just strap me up my dude and stick it in my veins.

Since studying art, I watched an awesome woman on YouTube explain her art nest. Her comfort place to work and explore when her spoons were out for the day.

The art nest was made to support her disability, and all her shit was just there and accessible from her armchair. So I made one for myself and I love it.

It's on the floor, in the corner between the couch and ottoman to keep me propped up, it's full of pillows and blankets and I have a standing laptop lap desk that I use for everything.

I've come to see that I personally love, and require, a dedicated space. I’m a person of routine and I love having my own special place to do THE THING.

I’ve also learned that that alone can stop me from doing THE THING.

Why? Because if I don’t want to be in that space, I can’t do THE THING. So while I’ve made it to try and open up myself, sometimes it becomes the reason I struggle to. I don’t give myself permission to go draw, paint, write anywhere else even if I want to or feel like it, cos I’m now supposed to be in the space.

I find having that space is amazing but I also have to give myself total permission to only use it 10% of the time, if that’s what I need and still working elsewhere 90% of the time, then it’s still doing its job.

It’s still getting me to do THE THING. It's fulfilling its purpose.

My dedicated space is no longer an immovable space, but simply an access point.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

OK..U ASKED FOR IT. GIVE ME THE NARRATIVE SIGNIFICANCE OF BOBO EATING THE FUCKING HAIR STRAIGHTENER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but also I want to talk about the Ashe static electricity thing because I love that a lot I love that so very much and I need 2 know ur thought process on that bc it makes me so happy

HELLLOOOOO HELLO!!!! HI!! narrative significance of bobo eating the hair straightener. listen i am holding dakota cole in my hands and shaking him around. he gets hurt and he doesn't take care of it!!! he has fucking meltdowns and hurts himself and others during them without even fucking realizing what he's doing!!!! part of it is the autism for sure and part of it is just general "holy shit this is a teenager in situations he should not be in and is having a terrible time!!" and part of it is probably the demon he ate <3 all three of those things just pushed into the worst concoction of all time to make his brain the worst thing to live in sometimes!!!!

and bobo has seen dakota at his absolute worst. he's been there thru LITERALLY all of dakota's journey including the timeskip!!! he is a tiny little monkey and his lil brain doesn't understand everything but he is like dakota's service animal this is so fucking canon 2 me. if u hurt dakota cole i think bobo will Fucking Get You. even if ur an inanimate object. bobo helps w dakota's meltdowns (i like 2 think he wraps all eight of his weird little limbs around dakota's torso and squeezes. pressure stim!!!!! not restraining but comforting and grounding) and once dakota's calm then bobo immediately starts trying to fight whatever it is that hurt him. he's eating that fucking hair straightener until it learns to not hurt his dakota when he's holding it!!! (not understanding that dakota was losing it and probably grabbed the straightener--still plugged in bc theyre fucking stupid and dont UNPLUG THEIR SHIT IN THE BATHROOM!!--by the hot part and didnt even fucking notice until he yanked the cord out of the outlet and threw the straightener so hard it stuck in the wall). bobo is chewing on that thang so it cant hurt his dakota anymore!!! bobo number one dakota cole defender!!!!

ASHEEE MY FRIEND ASHE WINTERS <3 mark winters is a walking energy source!!! and idk how the fuck powers work in this universe like idk if they're hereditary or anything?? but i like 2 think ashe inherited justtttt the tiniest bit of it. barely any but enough that his hair stands on end when he's frustrated or angry (hence the beanie <3 he does not want 2 walk around looking like a porcupine and he also doesnt want 2 cut his hair so he keeps it down with a hat) and when he touches people it's like a 50% chance he'll accidentally give them a small static shock. he wears a lot of wool sweaters because he thinks its funny that it makes the static worse and he'll shock his dad as he passes him in the hallway. the static in the winters household is SO BAD!! doubly worse in the winter bc it's so dry!! they never take receipts when they shop because that shit will stick to their hands and it is impossible to throw them away because they just need to keep trying to peel the fucking paper off each other. mark sets up humidifiers in every single room to help kill some of the static. listening to the radio is hard sometimes because just the winters' presence fucks with the radio waves. even if mark's powers aren't hereditary or he got his powers after ashe was born, i still like to think they've effected ashe from living with his dad!! he'll leave the house with the hair on his arms standing on end and papers clinging to the back of his wool sweater and the first person he touches is getting shocked. sry this turned into a rant. i love u winters family <3

[rainbowgod666]

...i mean you forgot my tags but if you want yapping then whatever its almost midnight where i am.

Ok so

"Every romance book is called The Cootie Paradox" i mean. Not exactly, its usually some My Immortal tier bullshit that makes you wonder just how HARD society failed women, but also it adesso how most of these books (which i never actually READ btw 🤔) are basically just "what if twilight but with no superwholock supernatural shit and with r/womenwritingmen guys. Also none of the girls is described in a way that makes ANY eventual actor older than 17". Which just. Ew.

"Every horror movie is called Saunter" look. 90% of my posts are made under the presumption that one day pm seymour *will* be like "and what the fuck would YOU be, huh? :3". Of course every movie tries to be the new Thing/Saw/Friday the 13th/Gremlins/Tremors/Etc., because sure, art is beautiful regardless, but the monke brain wants golden statues, so why not try doing exactly what another film did? (And then you realize that not only there was no vision other than "fuck them they dont deserve to be better than me"¹, but also CINEMASINS watched that damn thing, and everyone in the comments agreed its the first time he had a correct opinion). Then the fucking FNAF movie came around and said "shut the fuck up and stick to the source material. Take some liberties if you want either a sequel or just want the movie to be Itself rather than Just Another Thing" and that was so cool.

"Every middling adult fiction book is called The Thousand Mile Road To Kelly Larson": m8 im already Autism Blasting onto you your OWN DAMN POST. last thing ya need is another post about the #society (which is so many dead memes i cant even-)

"Every influencer lead dieting brand deal is called Frümpi" dude. There are way too many posts about the "fitness regime" of society, all of them done by people that, unlike me, actually KNOW wtf they are talking about. Best i can tell you is what i KNOW (which is that excess in fiber or proteins kinda deletes your fucking intestine's internal CPU) and not what i FEEL (which i would do, but i dont want to sound like an... *audible disgust* a m e r i c a n c o n s e r v a t i v e 🤢). Also lets be honest, Frümpi is White People Code for "food that tastes good but funds the fucking idk gaza genocide? Congo genocide? The one in Sudan? Do americans think the world is a sandbox for them to kill as many people as they can? And they say videogames cause violence the fucking cunts". And also the name sounds like a granola bar you eat because a box of the things is 1.10€ and its the cheapest in the store and you go back home and you eat one of them and then you realize that damn bar is an offbrand of an offbrand of an OFFBRAND. How. The fujkck.

"Every resale app is called Bootd" the only thing i can say here is: Making Ebay 2 is idiotic, but at least the names sound somewhat funny² so there is an argument for that (also tech illiteracy is KINDA rampant so something that isnt older than me is probably easier to navigate or whatever)

"Every video essay made by someone who just picked a piece of media at random and thinks reading off the Wikipedia page for 80% of the vid is "good enough" is called The Capitalist Horror of Peppa Pig": ok. What fucking HBomberguyClone did you snort this off. Usually video essays are.done correctly. There are sources in the description nobody reads but they still put them because they care dude are you ok do you need somebody to talk to nobody gets this sort of visceral reactions unless they are particularly mad at the topic³ DO YOU NEED A HUG-

"And every place we experience all these things and more is called earth 💕": ...ok no thats actually kinda wholesome cause it implies humanity is Kinda Cringe-desu Innit Bruv and yet thats... what makes us human. Huh. Maybe i shouldnt set the bar on the ground for someone that can jump like a grasshopper.

So yeah this is all the content and the confusion i could squeeze from your post OP. In any case, my ask box is open (and so are my DMs really) and there are helpful footnotes in the post in case something needs higher clarification or is. You know. A Funny.

Also i proofread this damn thing. Something i didnt do for my ACTUAL IRL CLASS TESTS. SO.

every romance book is called the cootie paradox every horror movie is called Saunter every middling adult fiction book is called the thousand mile road to kelly larson every influencer lead dieting brand deal is called frümpi every resale app is called bootd every video essay made by someone who just picked a piece of media at random and thinks reading off the Wikipedia page for 80% of the vid is "good enough" is called The Capitalist Horror of Peppa Pig. and every place we experience all these things and more is called earth 💕

[kabretoss]

I've been trying really hard over the last couple of years or so to branch out and make new friends, especially online, after spending several years ollied out of any sort of group online experience, and I had forgotten how gotdang hard it is to find a comfortable shared online space.

I know what happens: it's a familiar pattern! It's happened almost every time I've tried to join a new group! But I haven't yet found a way around it.

In the interests of dissecting the pattern and taking away some of its power, I'm going to sit here and have a little think about it. Navel-gazing behind the cut.

The cycle usually goes:

Find cool new online space

Join up and lurk for a while

Once I've parsed the group language and behaviour norms, get more comfortable participating

(if it goes well) Honeymoon period where I'm having fun and it feels like I'm making connections

Bump in the road (usually RL stuff interfering, but sometimes community drama, or some social faux pas on my part)

Either I withdraw a little to recoup or other people withdraw from me or both

Death spiral of decreasing engagement and feeling left out.

This comes with all sorts of brainworms ("wow I guess I never really fit in if it matters this little that I'm not there", "it was foolish to try because I'm always going to be faking being a Real Person, so this stacks", etc). It's always stuff I recognize as catastrophization, as unfair to others and therefore business for me and my therapist and no one else.

But it does end up feeding the death spiral, because I think when you can't be chill about being in a space, other people can smell it, and the last thing I ever want to do is bring that stink. That's what the death spiral's made of: staying away from a space when that space or the content in it is the subject of considerable distress, which leads to disconnection from what's going on in that space, which leads to further distress, which etc. This is a part I'm not sure what to do about or with.

Overall, though, there's usually two approaches: Stick it out and hope for things to get better, or call it and move on. This is not intended to be a maudlin statement, just one of fact: sticking it out has never once worked for me.

Sometimes coming back to a space a couple years later, with distance and perspective, works; it's part of why I cycle through a few online spaces periodically.

(Some of that, too, though, is the mixed fear/desire to get close to people. This is the autism brain at work: I have had too many "friendships" over time that I realized were one-sided, and the really sad thing is sometimes they were one-sided in that they thought they were friends with me and I saw them as an aquaintance. Not as often as the other way around, but still! I don't want to hurt people and I recognize that that hurts! But I'm also human: I crave human connection. I crave friends that care and with whom I can relate, and I deeply crave feeling as if I am permitted to care about other people. Which for some reason I usually feel that I'm not permitted to do. That's another one for my therapist, lol.)

A lot of my problem is that fitting in in a space is usually an effort of masking. I know people who are incredible at masking to fit a space; I am mid. I can pull it off to an extent but there's a point at which I don't make the grade. (I think of this like the fitting-in eerie-valley: even if other people can't tell me what's off, something's off enough about the masking that it just makes them uncomfortable.)

Again, this isn't meant to be maudlin: this decades of trial and error. I would love to unmask in a space and just make friends with who vibes with me-as-I-am, but I've seen how people like me get treated when they just act like themselves. Even by other ND people. It's rough out there, yo.

(One of the things a lifetime of masking's taught me is how to love and appreciate people who communicate differently than I do: the thing is, I don't find that grace is often extended to me. It's something you have to learn to do and a lot of people just don't have motivation or incident to pick up the skill.)

I do think the worst part of this pattern is the repeated lesson of alienation.

It becomes erosive, over time; the thing is, it's not the fault of the space, or the people in it, or even (I'm telling myself) my own fault, beyond however much my autistic and social deficits are my "fault". But it IS alienating, and I'm closer to forty than thirty, and I'm not sure at this point if I'll ever get the knack. (Just to be clear, that part is maudlin and I'm going to just roll with it, because I am feeling sad just now.)

I'm sure there are people that have gotten through or past it or around it, and I'm going to keep trying, because the alternative is giving up, but... I'm tired, and I'm sad, and honestly I'm kind of lonely for a particular type of friend-connection I keep hearing about other people having, and not finding myself.

Maybe the trick is to try and find the silver linings.

The one or two people you come out the other end with as friendships that have a chance to persist outside the space.

The friendly acquaintences who will greet you cheerfully in the future in some other shared space you both find yourself in.

You never know when a friendship is going to bud up out of the mycelium of people you've met, like a mushroom that just needed the right conditions. The thing is, I almost never fade out of a community because I dislike the people there; if I've spent the time to get invested, it's probably chock-full of people I admire and adore.

[localgardenweed]

Im in a constant war with myself on changing my persona cause i wanna get a haircut this summer cause little fact i have wavy/curly hair and i always struggle to maintain it cause i dont have the energy to brush it when its long and its hard for me to wash it properly cause im stupid as fuck so i wanna chop it Dora style maybe get some form of those curtain bangs of my dreams or like a thin block bang thing going on, o used to have a thick ass full one as a kid but it kept poking my face so we had to cut it. Which also sucks cause I HAVE A SENSITIVE FACE I used to cry if my parents put too much lotion on me at a time i have to be dry, my body is a dessert but my face wants to be soft so we had to do it in layers. For this im and constantly peer reviewed for autism by my autistic friends. Also on my hairline i have “baby” hairs and dude when you meet me irl or hell dig deep enough online or just ya know look thru a few of my tiktoks idk though if its noticeable but MY HAIR LIKE SHOOTS OUT ITS FORMABLE. I dont know how to describe it or hell take care of cause it wont stay down it always dries quick and sticks out after a few hours. The only way to tame it is by soaking it and shaping it cause like i made a Lupin Cosplay and i needed that hair tamed so i soaked it in water and conditioner and curled it around my fingers and let it dry and had to constantly rewet and recurl all day

IF I DONT DO SHIT TO IT I COME HOME FROM SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE THIS

ITS EMBARRASSING ITS AGONIZING ITS SHITTY WHY WHY WHYYYY When i was going into middle school i fully believed i was gonna start getting out right bullied for that but no i got a bit of that up and coming psychological bullying but i was so fucking stupid to notice and usually just didn’t get it or noticed it immediately and just pushed through. Victim of the Oreo Game ✊. Holy shit ive been getting so off track with this post BACK TO THE PERSONA THING. So yeah if i change it i wanna like shop off her hair go Dora Style OR a very tiny itty bitty ponytail. Maybe add more hairclips to her hair cause im getting back into those to calm the demon “baby” hairs, it kinda works it saves me from looking crazy at work but the issue is i weirdly have more hair on one side that the other so they always slip and slide and look uneven at the end of the shift. But in drawings that doesn’t have to happen!!! I like a-lot of star clips cause im a loser and gold cause il a gold gurly idc if it doesn’t make my skin tone or anything I DO WHAT I WANT, i was predestined gold with my earrings i basically popped out the womb with and i will stay gold IMMMA STAY GOLD JOHNNY PONYBOY STAYING GOLD. Also may give a her a new outfit cause shes had a new outfit the persona i have in my intro is a little old cause now she wears jeans and sneakers instead of sweatpants and combat boots which i still wear i live and breathe in sweatpants but my persona doesn’t have as much sensory issues so she gets to wear whatever. I can wear jeans jut not certain ones or i die and kill myself. I wanna experiment and maybe give her seasonal outfits too but idk i just UGHH i need her to be the epitome of swag. SWAGGGG swag.

[passionategamerotica]

At the Kitchen Table: Autism and Eating

My earliest memory of a meal is one where I refused to eat. I'm not sure what the food was, I think it may have involved mash. But I remember my parents' response to refusing to eat it, was for it to be reheated and given to me the next day. I don't remember any similar acts of defiance. Sometimes if food was very onerous I would refuse it, usually with my Mom who I felt safe and comfortable expressing that discomfort with. But we have a lot of rules in our society about food. Good manners means eating what you are given. 

Most of my memories with food in childhood are pretty positive. I remember eating my Grannie's amazing home cooked meals, it's a feeling that cannot be imitated. However, as I started to process my relationship to eating, I realised it wasn't always this warm feeling. Sitting at the table could feel agonisingly difficult, especially the socialisation involved. In fact it still does, my instinct that I am often repressing even when enjoying time with those I love, is to force myself to leave as soon as possible. Certain textures, temperatures, flavours began to stick out to me not as ones I didn't necessarily like but was repelled by. There was a difference between disliking something and the revulsion I was feeling. The rebellion of my mouth, sometimes over foods I had previously enjoyed felt like betrayal by my own body. Foods I thought were safe for me, sometimes became suddenly antagonistic and I think it reinforced an idea that eating was hard. 

When I left home for university I was not prepared. My disordered eating became very difficult to manage. The mental load of manging what ingredients I required, how to prepare them (despite learning the basics from my Mom and Grannie), how to know when things were still edible was overwhelming. I quickly became dependant on takeaways, pre-prepared meals and foods, but of course they're much more expensive. My disordered eating could easily spiral, if I cooked a meal for myself that was particularly bad, or that my body couldn't let me eat. I could go days with eating very little, trying to reduce my ability to go anywhere food. Sometimes gagging at the thought of putting anything in my mouth. And then binge heavily when of course I was desperate to eat, or if I was upset. My relationship with food swings wildly, from overindulgence to fasting. I struggle to think of times where my eating has been orderly, focused and regular. Probably when people prepare food for me.

That has its own problems. I find it difficult to express to people that I can't eat what they've given me. I'll try and distract people from it subconsciously, moving the food around my plate or just eating the specific parts of the meal I can manage. I know all these rules around food. And I'm sure there's more I have no clue of, but I know enough that I don't want to upset anyone. But that makes eating difficult for me.

Food often feels like my biggest problem, I want to eat, I want to eat balanced, healthy, delicious meals. And at times I feel at war with food. I feel very constrained around food, around meals and around eating. And I don't have a solution to it. It feels like there's something I can't see about food, that there is an extra element beyond taste, or smell or texture that is antagonising me. I'd say the majority of my meals feel wrapped in shame, frustration and disappointment. Frustratingly, it feel like it's all there on the kitchen table, all the ingredients are there, but I can't make the meal. I can't make eating work for me.

[hoardofshinythings]

Hauled In To Fandom Kicking and Screaming

Look. I usually dance along the periphery of fandoms, ones I have actually watched the shows of and ones I am literally just in it for one or two good fan fiction writers. It is VERY rare I see a character and it actually makes me want to get in to a fandom. My ADHD/Autism combo makes it hard for me to get in to the mood to watch shows okay? Movies maybe. but series? oh lordy I have been bitten and burned so many times I am gun shy as heck with getting in to watching a show. I have gotten involved with to many shows for them to get axed for attracting the 'wrong' fans (Teen Titans, Motor City), or bizarre choices to take everything that attracted people to the first seasons and toss them in the trash and stick a sexy white woman in peril as the main into it's place. Weirdly specific but the fact it has happened several times is... something (Grimm, Sleepy Hollow). Or later episodes fall down the Stairs of Stupid Out of Character Decisions and Mistakes An Idiot Plot for a Plot Twist. I'm sure at least a few shows popped in your head at that one!

So I am .... reticent.... to get in to anything these days. Enter Eddie Munson.

Look. Stranger Things is in the background of the internet fandom zeitgeist. Okay creepy monsters, 80's, people actually LOOK like they are from the 80's and aren't airbrushed into an inch of their lives. Made a huge splash in its first season then kinda... floated in the background for the next few seasons.

Nothing about it really grabbed me. Looked fun. Not enough to attract my scraggly feral arse.

Then THIS little curly haired muppet man starts showing up on my dashes.

Eddie before disaster.

See. I KNOW this fucker. See I was a wee barely existing bean in the mid 80's. I have a brother who is over a decade older then me who thankfully I grew up having a great relationship with. So he was a TEENAGER during the 80's. Closer to Henderson's age then Munson's during 86. But I look at this fucker, and I KNOW him. Eddie Munson is the cobbled together pieces of my older brothers friend circle. The hair from one. The weed from another. The fashion from a few of them. My brother was more of a Johnathan type fashion and music wise (not personality), but a lot of his buddies were heavy metal or grunge. And more then half of them were in to DnD and comic books. Two of them were always writing or playing an instrument while hanging out at our house or back yard. They gamed at our house or at the drug dealer guys house (I didn't know he was back then cause again, baby wee me, but I remember he did cool smoke ring tricks and got my younger brother and I a huge pile of dinkies, so A+ dude to me) because hey, GUESS WHAT, the Satanic Panic was even a thing in but fuck nowhere Eastern Canada. My dad was Atheist (GASP) and my mom was vaguely Anglican (Sunday every week for socializing) but had logical heads. Mom was scared at first when my older brother got in to DnD, but despite being a early 20's young mother to two toddlers and a teenage step son with the whisper of church ladies in her ears... she sat down and learned about it. Found out it's just creative writing within a group with math. So we were the one place other than the drug dealers house they could have their games without judgement. Obviously our house was nicer so they were over a LOT. Which with it being the 80's, and both our parents busy nurses overworked and always on call, that resulted in a bunch of teenage scrungey boys babysitting tiny me and baby brother while playing DnD, practicing, hanging out, or whatever. I KNOW this fucker. I know Eddie Munson. All the pieces that make him I know them because I grew up with them. I have NEVER had a character give me a whiplash feeling of nostalgia for the past like THIS MOTHERFUCKER. Yes. I got bitch slapped by a blorbo in to watching a show so I can actually tell if the character is written believably (much more elastic then you think) or if the fandom is full of poop.

So I watched short snaps of just his scenes. God dammit he is Like That. Well NOW I have to go back to the beginning of the show because guess fucking what you shit heads. I want to actually try writing fanfiction. I want to making Eddie Munson SUFFER my twisted form of love.

I haven't done that in over 10 years. I've kept up with character writing, but nothing beyond role play games. This FRIGGER is making me dig up so many things from the graveyard of my fandom enjoyment past I may as well accept my new life as a Necromancer.

The show is meh, I know this, but the world has so many options of PROMISE. MUSIC THEMES. the fucking 80's! The characters, once again, do NOT look like airbrushed, they actually look like 80's awkward kids and adults and people. There's mullet's and mens crop tops and short shorts. All on the background of Modern (ish) Suburban Hidden World Fantasy with a good and proper horror twist. Shitty government fuckery. Monsters. Weird powers with no real explanation as to WHY. POTENTIAL!!!! SO yeah. There was a shiny toy in the sandbox (Eddie Munson) and I'm joining in, cat turds and cigarette butts be damned. I am going to try and slap in my observations of each episode as I go. Have fun watching me hate but love it all.

[decayingblorg]

31/12/2022

I know I am posting this after midnight so it’s technically my 1/1 post, but we shall let this one slide!

Not much happened today really. Just spent the most of it chomping on sweets, drinking alcohol and playing my 3DS

But there is something I would like to reflect on. Truth be told I have always found it incredibly difficult to make friends (it doesn’t help with other issues I have). And has always been a struggle. I grew up feeling “different” and not like I fit in anywhere! I wanted to impress people to they’d like me and want to be “friends” with me. (In later life I was diagnosed with Aspergers. Explains the lack of social etiquette and seeing the world rather differently than the majority of others) and when I left school and a year into college all the people I thought were my friends decided to stab many a knife in my back and stay befriended with the manipulative prick incase they upset him. A grown man can only get friends by bulling people? Says alot about you, arse wipe. All my so called “friends” abandoned me for him incase they made him upset. This boy and his behaviour wasn’t just pointed at me. He used to insult and pick on other kids who were maybe abit bigger than others and or had some form of disability, he was that wretched and disgusting and I was the only one who would tell him to stop bullying people just because they look abit different. Everyone else around us would just play along and laugh at his disturbing ways. (His bullying has gone onto affect me in adulthood which has lead into mental health issues) and I wasn’t afraid to be without all of them. They’re fine to stick with the fat cunt all they like! And continue to be blind to his manipulative machinations! Anyway, getting abit off track there. Even writing about the pratt does still kinda get under my skin. But new year coming up, new start for sure!

Anyway! I have always had that struggle and never truly understood why. But when I was younger my sibling played a game series called Final Fantasy and I was in awe of it because it was something I’d never properly got into before! There was this whole world in several disks for exploring!? Hell yeah, let’s go! And there is what started my love for Final Fantasy as a whole. I was originally bummed I could never get FF11 (I was only a teenager when it came out and obviously wasn’t old enough to play the game and or have a subscription).

So my love of Final Fantasy remained a constant in my life. Through all the hard ships, the constant bullying, the insults and even some of the fights I’ve gotten into. There was that one happiness which spurred me onto keep going, that excitement of escaping to another world and not be in the shite known as reality… I sort of didn’t really think much about it much through most of my teens/older teens and was just into all sorts of anime/manga and things happened and I got abandoned a second time. But that is a story for another day. Obviously from it happening a second time, it really took its toll on me and just made me feel like a loner and an odd one out. Luckily come college I found a few friends and they were great and I still talk to one of them even now (I’ll use the term talk rather loosely there) and a girl there; Louise really did make me feel okay to continue to be different, she wasn’t put off by me or any of my strange behaviour! (It was Autism the entire time)! Sort of went own ways after college but we send each other gifts on Pokémon Go! Real friendship right there! Anyway!

But I’d sort of started drifting away from anime/manga and found myself turning to a game called Final Fantasy XIV which hadn’t long been released and I remember watching my sibling playing it and I really wanted to play it! Always so much hype over a main line Final Fantasy game! (Although we don’t talk about the XIII trilogy) But then the game shut down and that was an end of 1.0 and then I remember a few years later in 2012 they’re were relaunching FFXIV but as A Realm Reborn and I knew that I was going to get into this! I was determined to! A main line Final Fantasy game? Sign me up! Especially meaning that I can experience the game finally! Brought the collectors edition, installed it onto my PS3 and away we go.

Instantly got into it and remember making my first character. He was on Odin and I loved him. A male, blue and white haired Miqo’te (a playable cat race in XIV) and I instantly fell in love with him. I completed everything in that but wanted to go again. So I made the same named character over on Moogle and goodness me am I glad I decided to do that.

I met someone ingame shouting about a free company (XIVs version of a guild) and unbeknownst to myself I was letting myself into a whole different world! I met a friend called “Vapa” and this was in like 2013 we met and became fast friends and got into the game and knowing the leaders and that and we were all firm friends, raiding for awhile and then people started getting bored of playing and would sort of just go off for awhile and randomly appear one day in the future. So I decided to make a Tumblr account for other Moogle players to communicate with and that (there was a whole linkshell made and everything for that, but then stuff happened and it sort of died off) anyway, and Vapa was also a admin for that page and he found two people on Tumblr, on our server that wanted to meet others aswell! (This was all before discord! Back in our day we used teamspeak xD) and so Aida and Mia appeared and now we ended up just chatting and also went onto chatting on PlayStation (Aida also played on ps3 so understands the hardships of XIV on such a console lol) and then Aida came his new boyfriend Lupus who Aida introduced to the game and that was the start of something truly exceptional and remarkable for me. (I also joined a free company before meeting these four and I ended up changing my character from make to female because it felt like “I was living a lie” and now she is female and I haven’t changed it back)!

But still. Meeting them all was great! We’d chat often! Have a laugh and a joke and it was real nice just being yourself and just having a laugh with your friends. Now that is a curious word, with my friends? I barely understood the concept after all the shit I’ve had to endure! But it was the start of a genuine friendship and I never knew how far it would go! But it continued! We played, laughed and just enjoyed playing the game and each others company. Sadly Vapa and I had been out of touch and stuff happened which meant I have to leave him behind for awhile (he had gotten in deep with a particular ginger haired twat being manipulative. I was afraid of being abandoned again and had to just take that step away from him for awhile).

And then it would be that I met a new FC which was shouting saying they were looking for members. And it had happened again. A friendship started emerging from that. Arty, Papa, Hek, Elora and after awhile; Joey would lead onto something just as great as what happened with Mia, Aida and Lupus. It was the start of a friendship that I didn’t think I was ever capable! But they’re a real thing! We all started talking as a group, chatting, laughing and having fun evenings playing all sorts of games and even though I’d not met any of them in person, I knew I wanted them to continue being my friend! And I think that was in like 2015? (That is also the year Aida and Lupus became best friends ;)).

They’ve been there through some of the darkest times in my life. When I went to go and jump off a multi-storey car park because I was just not coping with the continued progress of OCD and how it completely took over my life and I didn’t want to live that way, I couldn’t cope with the constant anxiety in your head, having to do things in certain ways, doing things in even numbers, even avoid going out at a certain time of day was the scariest thing in the world! And I had come to that conclusion that I didn’t want this life, I wanted to end it all, I wanted to die.

Something stopped me that day and I do believe it is their influence/friendship was one of the thing that made me pull back and call for the help that I needed. I ended up calling the police, they come and blocked off the road below and got me away from the tiny wall which was blocking me from my certain demise below. Ended up being sectioned and spent the best part of 2 months in a mental health ward. Then covid struck and was sort of forced out of hospital early so I didn’t get the proper care needed. Went on for sometime and I went to go and top myself again, once more knowing this could be it. But again, called for help. Did a short stint in hospital and was out. Was back in again about 2-3 weeks later. Spent my 2020/21 Christmas and new year in a hospital ward and because I didn’t have my mobile, it was alot harder than you think.

But despite it all, they were my constant. They were my means to go on and strive to get a handle on this. Their love and kindness was one of the things that spured me to continue fighting and get stronger. Truth be told it was all their support (and my family) which wanted me to keep getting stronger. I love each of them very much and all mean a great deal to me. And these were friends who DIDNT abandon me, despite the things I was saying and doing. Their beings transcend such a beacon of light to my life I never knew was capable. Hek, Arty, Papa, Mia, Lupus, Elora and Aida are all extra special and amazing and their love is what makes life worth living alot more. Alot more than wanting to take my own life.

My long standing friend Vapa we did finally talk again and I am so glad we did. He’d gotten himself out of the grasp of that ginger haired twat and we started speaking again. Full glad am I that it happened. He has been there since the beginning and will hopefully continue to be in the future! (It’s been like nearly 9-10 years we’ve known each other haha).

Even after being friends with these people for a good number of years now, I’d always felt I was somewhere I belong. They’ve never been a judgemental bunch of people, just loving and embracing each other for who we are. Being unproblematic themselves and embracing everyone else just for who they are. I longed when I was a kid to find that place I belonged. It took like 22 years, but it happened. Finally, after searching for so long. I can be somewhere I won’t be judged for being different and I can just be myself. Everyone to be honest has their own unique traits aswell and we don’t judge each other for it, we just love each other as we are, just ourselves. We all come from such different walks of life and it just seemed right place, right time happened. I can be my autistic, asexual self and feel liked and wanted. I know this is overly mushy and I usually only save these moments when I’ve had one to many to drink, SO HERE WE ARE! They are each unique, special and wonderful. Each individual has played a part in my life to make it for the better for sure!

But I went from being a lost, 20 year old adult, with no job, high anxiety and just being alone. To actually realising that people do, out there, like you and can be accepting of who you are. To again, that one constant. It all comes back to Final Fantasy. My need to play XIV for myself brought these people into my lives and it’s why I love Final Fantasy so much. In dark times. I looked to the light of FF and found a whole new world, including amazing friends and my blue and white haired cat girl! My WoL is one of my favourite characters because without her, I wouldn’t of met anyone like I have.

If you’ve made it through that long essay then bloody hell, wtf you wasting your time here for!? I’ve been at this for like 45 minutes, I’ve just not wanted to stop writing about my friends. I care for them all and it’s nice to have the feeling returned! (Atleast I hope so xD)

It’s like 2 in the morning here, but I just wanted to get that off my chest/out of my head. I do have other friends I’ve met through various different stages in life but they are a story for another day.

I have other friends also, but they’re in abit of a different category. (Nothing bad I should note! It’s more meeting loads of new people and making new friends on Instagram and they’re totally a story did another day also)

To cut a long story short, I’m super lucky to have these people in my lives and I hope they continue to for years to come! I will be back at blogging tomorrow when it’s 1/1 and it’s my XIV OCs Birthday! I always enjoy celebrating it because she just means a huge deal for me.

AGAIN. FINAL FANTASY. CENTER OF THE WORLD!

[factorialsfandoms]

Autistically Flavoured Link Headcanons

(Disclaimer: these are all based on my personal experience of autism. I also have other brain weird, so while I’m /pretty/ sure its all autism, some might not be. Not representative, etc etc etc. Also I just wanted to write all these down before reading other people’s, because its interesting to compare, but I need the reference point for my own.)

(Some Links have more points than others. This isn’t always dependent on how much I like or have thought about them, its just which ones I had more ideas and firm vibes are)

(Also general that even if I don’t stick to these headcanons, I always write all characters as autistic as I’m literally incapable of not being so myself, and have to run the dialogue. Its just easier if I accept they have my neurotype and have fun.)

Cut because very long

Legend - is in constant sensory hell from everything. made it a little better by ditching pants, gnawing on necklaces, fiddling with his rings, and similar. the constant sensory hell makes him snippy, as the world is constantly too much. - As a kid he was constantly told off for being rude/pretentious, but never managed to work out why. So, he has decided to just pretend to be rude so it hurts less when people think he’s mean. It’s easier, no? to be hated for something you're pretending to be, than for something you can't control. And anyway, he can't read intent, so has decided to believe the worst in everyone and everything. A very few people can convince him they’re not awful, but it takes a lot of work. Everyone takes the worst interpretation of him, so why not return the favour?

Hyrule - what's autism and what's a feature of his Hyrule is very hard to tell sometimes. He's aware that he can't read emotion, tone, or body language, but just assumes it’s because he's spent so little time around people. - He has made a conscious choice to believe the best of everyone, and has been taught very quickly that if he isn't sweet and kind then he will be murdered. It reads as naïve to most people, but its as much a survival mechanism as Legend's constant snark. He doesn’t know what people are doing, so he has made a conscious choice to be kind, and to assume other people are too. Until they prove otherwise. Proving otherwise usually involves actually hurting them - His special interests have long involved magic. His sensory issues are rarely obvious, but certain colours are physically painful - there's a reason he sticks to his brown and greens. - All of his stims are forcibly suppressed to the point he doesn’t know any of them. Even the gentle flapping of his hands at his sides is a danger when you’re being hunted.

Four - I don’t have a whole grasp on Four, but blacksmithing? Blacksmithing is his special interest. He’s very blunt a lot of the time, but he’s generally just taken for distracted rather than rude. Everyone where he lives knows he’d rather be in his forge, and its useful enough they let him.  - He usually seems to have most of it under control, but when things get too much it looks like a very sudden shift. - The colours things gets tricky with all this. Yes they would all be autistic. They’re kinda all also different ways of dealing with it. As a whole Four can shift between them as situation necessitates, but split each colour only has one way of handling the social weirdness.

Time - didn't have his whole childhood being told off for being rude, and so for a long time was completely unaware that he can come off that way - or worse, insensitive. Forest children notice these things much less, but it means in adulthood he doesn’t always realise he’s coming off as mean. He is trying to learn to do better, but being the eldest of the group few of them call him out on it.  - As a kid relied a lot on his masks to work out the rules of different engagements, taking on different personas and so forth. He hasn't quite realised he put one of them on and never took it off again (figurative). Neither has he realised what it is costing him.

Wild - near constant state of not enough sensory, except for occasional moments of too much. he doesn't have a line of just enough. sensory seeking until he implodes. licks things, touches things, looks at shiny things - all of that. This has only gotten worse since his death and rebirth; the nerve damage with his burns has left huge expanses of his body in constant sensory deprivation, which he can only try to counter via elsewhere. - His social skills are a work in progress, but what's autism and what's trauma and what's amnesia is anyone's guess. - Cooking is great but fire noise distressing. So, he does the little hum. He likes the hum. It is a stim, but a stim that only works in specific situations. Sky - fakes it until he makes it, but it drains all his stamina and spoons, and neurotypicals still read something off about him anyway. He used to have a special interest in flying, its still sensory very pleasing to him, but his adventures have burnt all of his special interests away. Unlike Time he's uncomfortably aware of his masking, and that its hurting him, but has no idea how to turn it off. He is suffering badly from autistic burnout. Combined, of course, with actual burnout. Still, he's doing his very best to be kind. - Pressure is very good for him. Many blankets, also hugs. If he ever learns about Wild needing to be squished sometimes he'd love a cuddle buddy. For now its clinging to blankets and pillows and covering himself in everything. - Conversely, if he eats food with actual flavour, he might die. He wouldn't die, but the slightest bit of taste is too much for his brain to handle. Wild doesn't get it, but makes him very plain food anyway. Twilight - spends time with animals over people, as they actually make sense. Has always known he's weird and not quite... normal, but assumes its a result of his messy ancestry. Everyone else also knows he's a bit strange, but he's good with the horses and the kids, so what does it matter? Swaps between wolf and Hylian form to try control his sensory brain - if light is too much or smell too little, go wolf. Vice versa, go Hylian. It doesn't always work, but its one of a handful of pros. Wind - special interest in boats. Has far fewer problems than the other heroes, in part because young, in a small community, and his grandma wasn't going to stand for any nonsense. Now the chain protects him from nonsense as he explores himself. - Has, with Wild, recently discovered he's not actually easily overwhelmed by taste - he's actually underwhelmed by it, but bland food is easier for his brain to manage than slightly flavoured but not flavoured enough to deal with the sensory underwhelming he has. Grandma's soup had been the only flavoured thing he could stomach before. She knew the trick of actually flavouring things. Warriors - Can get through any social situation just fine, having absolutely delighted in the complexities of the rules and the drama of it all. Unfortunately, while he looks incredibly socially competent, he's still running largely from a script. So much attention is on how he himself is presenting and his own words and how people read him that he's completely unable to process what they're doing. Someone else really needs to take notes on the conversation for him, because he will remember precisely none of it later.

[queerautism]

ok so for disability ask - I've known for a while that I have disabilities such as DID and CPTSD that is disabiling for me, as well as adhd (which i have had funding ready for and paperwork assigned to me to get diagnosed with for a year, and still haven't finished... god, paperwork.......) and autism but I don't count autism as being disabling for me.

but I think I'm also physically disabled and i'm starting to be more honest with myself about it and recognizing? so as far as physical conditions:

dizziness/lightheadedness when standing up after sitting/lying. it's been happening since I was a very young kid. i'm pretty sure its POTS but the one time i tried to tell a doctor when i was a teen she just told me to drink more water. it didn't fix it.

hypermobility in joints, toes and fingers locking in the wrong direction, this has happened for several years, as far back as middle school tbh. also my nose is really squishy and squishes more than cartilage should. i think this is Ehlers Danlos, ive done some reading on it but not enough, i wish i could get in touch with a specialist who actually knows about it.

pain. my back always hurts. like its at about a 2 usually. if i dont focus on it its not all encompassing but i do feel it, especially if im thinking about it. that's just like, regular pain though. i also get hip pain and sometimes my limbs hurt so bad down to the bone and radiating that I wish I could amputate them. its fucking BAD and theres nothing i can do about it, it just lasts for a while, is terrible, takes all my focus, restricts my movement (usually its down through my whole leg and makes it hard to walk), and then it goes away and doesn't happen again for like a month. its varied in intensity through my life but its been around a very long time

also asthma???? i cant really run or anything, i have to have an inhaler or i cant manage it

also i get very dizzy and uncomfortable when i have to stand for long periods (30 minutes, an hour) it becomes all i can think about is how hard it is to keep standing. i try to squat or sit on the floor when i can. i've been wanting to buy a walking stick/cane, i really need one honestly. so long walks or long times standing is really hard on me. its actually wild to me that people can just like stand??? for a while???? like maybe its uncomfy but like its not a big deal???? i have to go lay down for a WHILE after standing that much it sucks

anyway im pretty sure i am physically disabled but im still questioning i guess. and i really need to see a doctor for looking into pots/ehlers danlos but i have no clue how to, or how to get someone good, or anything really. and i want a cane so bad :(( i always lean on the carts when shopping as a mobility aid, i never want to use the little basket because i wont have somewhere to lean. and honestly i think that I am going to use a wheelchair in the future. like part time or full time but i am gonna need a wheelchair eventually. i don't think im gonna get like, less frail. but its super hard for me to convince myself that its ok for me to get a wheelchair, but when the time comes im gonna have to do whats right for me without stigmatizing it. nobody loses anything from my use of a wheelchair. just gonna feel structural ableism in city and building design really acutely.

You are physically disabled like for real buddy but also?? Please try out a rollator if you can. Highly highly recommend if you're doing stuff like leaning on shopping carts and find standing difficult, they are absolutely amazing. I can just sit whenever!

[toofarovertherainbow]

hey, could you explain the Dan Ticktum autistic thing? I think it's very interesting but don't know enough about autism, I think? I've started reading up but would be interested to hear what made you think that

hi anon, you’re about to get an essay. i will explain my thoughts under the cut to not clog up the dashboard :)

there’s a multitude of things that stand out to me about dan, but i think the main ones are 1. his need for everything to be fair all the time 2. his stimming 3. his social unawareness and 4. his voice.

1 - needing everything to be just is a key autistic trait. if things aren’t fair we just can’t comprehend it. our brains just don’t do it, so we get super caught up in making things fair. with dan, it was a stream on 22/2/21 in which max f was having a shit game of cod, he kept dying and he asked dan to buy him back multiple times and when dan went to the buy station he bought back friz and lando instead. when dan did it, he said he picked the top two players which makes perfect sense if you want to win the game, it’s fair, so in dan’s mind how can max be upset. max was not a happy bunny, because in his mind he should be bought back so everyone can ‘have a turn’ even if its not the best option to win the game. that isn’t how dan thinks. second example, calling mick a cheater in f3. he did not make many friends doing this, but when he percieves injustice he can’t keep his mouth shut because it isn’t fair. it was never about mick personally, it was the results and tbf mick had a serious upturn in results and dan isn’t the only one who has called him suspicious for it.

2. stimming. for those that don’t know, stimming is self stimulatory behaviour. it’s essentially how to deal with big feelings and overwhelming sensory input when you’re autistic. i will keep this short. he rocks a lot, he wanders around his room, he makes noises with his mouth, he repeats the same phrase over and over again. his stream elements bot is just his vocal stims at this point.

3. i think this one is pretty self explanatory. he never has conformed to what people expect racing drivers to do or say, he’s brutally honest, he doesn’t ever stick to the usual media script. he’s been described as naive more times than i count. one of the official attributes on the nhs autism test is often makes embarrassing and naive remarks, do with that what you will.

4. okay this is hard to describe, but he has this tone of voice and lack of volume control that made me seriously go, huh?? autistic?? when you compare his brother ash and his voice’s dan sounds different in a very particular way that isn’t pitch. its a bit like an accent. and then volume control... i think we all know he has none of that. he’s got a stutter as well which is typical of autistics.

yes he’s got attitude issues and the shitty stuff he’s done can’t and shouldn’t be excused, but also he’s not just the angry kid? i think people should give him more breathing room. nobody ever learns or heals by being villified as a teenager. i also think he doesnt know he’s autistic which, yknow, hasnt helped him.

[dramaticnerdwithanxiety11]

, LITERALLY WHO LOOKS AT NICK FUCKING RUSSEL AND GOES “mm yes, take my autism”

THIS IS AN ISSUE

WHY AM I LIKE THIS

whatever its too late now! you get to hear me talk about it to avoid writing it!!

So, i’ll be explaining the show for you newbs who dont watch power rangers like a smart person (as in the not watching it is smart). 

Power Rangers Mystic Force is, obviously, power rangers. It’s got the standard team of five with superpowers and weird biker-looking uniforms. 

If im honest, PRMF is literally just power rangers but with like fantasy magic.

It follows Nick Russell, the new guy in town. He’s a biker and he’s got this tragic bs backstory about how his parents abandoned him (update: they work overseas, they adopted him and like do not vibe with him)  and he travels, living with  family members and how he never sticks around long enough to make friends. We know he’s staying with his sister, and about nothing else. ~ Nick Russell is actually really important, of course, he is the Red Ranger and if we didn’t have the leader be angsty what kind of Power Rangers would we be, am I right? (i dunno i havent watched other power rangers in like ten years) ~

But we’ll come back to that. ~

There’s also Charlie “Chip” Thorn, a hyperactive hyperimaginative redhead with a love for fantasy and superheroes. He’s eager to join the team and loves the idea of quests and fighting villains and shit. He’s the Yellow Ranger, with Lightning Powers. ~

Vida Rocca, the ‘bad girl’. She has this one strip of her short hair that she dyes and may I just say when I finished the show a third time I couldnt not think ‘yO HER HAIR CHANGES TO SHOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE RANGERS’ but lets be honest thats probably bs lol. Anyways, she’s a DJ and she loves music, she’s the Pink Ranger (who hates pink for most of the show) with Wind Powers. ~

Madison Rocca, the ‘good girl’. She’s Vida’s sister, and she like following the rules and she enjoys recording her friends to make little videos for them to look back on when theyre older. She’s hesitant and cautious, but will do a lot to make sure her sister is safe. She’s the Blue Ranger, with the power of Water. ~

Xander Bly, he’s cocky and thinks hes all that, and flirts with women like every chance he gets. He thinks he’s super handsome and amazing and probably has a superiority complex for one reason or another. He’s the green ranger, with Nature Powers. ~

Not rangers include: ~

Koragg, one of the big bads who (SPOILERS) later turns out to be Nick’s father and Udonna’s long lost husband. Early on in the show he can telepathically communicate with Nick, which gives Nick these really really bad headaches, great for angst, it’s used as a bit of a plot device through a lot of the show and ngl I love it cause angst. ~

Uhh forgot her name but there’s the Vampire Queen who has bat wings on her hips and is in a full leather body suit. She’s kinda boring. ~

I forgot her name as well but the Vampire Queens daughter, who later goes on to save her mother because she realizes that the Rangers are the good guys and she’s on the wrong team.  ~

Udonna, the kinda ex White Ranger and a very powerful sorceress, as well as the Ranger’s trainer and Claire’s aunt. ~

Claire, (SPOILERS) who turns out to be the Daughter of Udonna’s sister, who was more powerful than her and sacrificed her life to seal the gate to what is essentially hell. She’s comedically bad at magic early in the show, and acts a lot like a comedic relief. ~

The Master, aka The Big Bad that the evil guys are trying to let free. Koragg before he became Koragg was trying to kill him and succeeded in trapping him further than all the others. He’s some weird tentical creepy muscles-showing no skinned weird i dunno i think i repressed this cause i forgot what he looks like lol.

Alright, so those are the characters. Now let me explain the plot.

Nick rides into town on his bike and is usually found set up outside the record shop that the rest of the Rangers (yet to be) work at. Btw, theyre all teenagers, but I think this takes place in summer cause we never see them go to school. 

Anyways, this old man calls for somebody to help him, and says that his brother and him were walking through the woods and somebody grabbed him, and he needed somebody to go looking for his brother. Nick, not being apart of the town to know they have rumours about dying in the forest, offers to help.

Xander tells him the woods are haunted, he ignores the man saying the man needs help so who gives a shit about some rumours, and then Vida is like “i’ll help too,” and Chip joins in cause he thinks its gonna be some awesome quest. They make it out to the forest, and Maddie and Xander join them, (”Xander I told you if you ever took my car I’d rearrange your limbs!” -Vida, episode one).

The man is like super ominous and her vanishes once they get into the forest, this creepy witch lady saves them from some bad guys attempting to attack them, and then throws brooms at them that they fly off on. 

Time skip not actually in the show but im losing steam so we’re moving on. Eventually, they make it to RootCore, aka the base of operations, and meet Udonna and Claire. Udonna is this super powerful sorceress and the White Ranger, and she trains them. Claire is her apprentice who is comedically bad at magic.

She hands out wands to them, they go to leave, get into a fight, all of them but Nick believe in and use magic, Nick leaves the forest, Udonna fights Koragg and loses her staff aka her White Ranger magic, and the Rangers are left in charge of saving everybody. In the end, Nick goes to leave and ends up showing up anyways to save the rangers from Koragg and embraces the magic, becoming the Red Ranger.

That’s the gist of the first episode, and the rest is kinda just “fight the bad guys, discover random secrets that make a surprising amount of sense for a show like this, fail a couple times, do some weird shit then end on a happy note”

WHICH BTW THE ENDING? FUCKIN WEIRD

The fantasy creatures integrate with Humans, Vida dyes all her hair bright pink, Nick fucking leaves town and this is the weird part. Because for one, Nick wanted to stay with his friends it was obvious, but for two; the way he left was w e i r d . He, Udonna and not-evil-Koragg who I forgot the name of, leave together.

The end scene is Nick riding up to the edge of the rode on his Motorcycle, then it slowly pans out to show Udonna and Nek (im just calling him Nek as in not evil koragg now) on bikes as well?? one of them asks if hes ready to go and they ~ride off into the sunset~

For one: THESE ARE AGE OLD SORCERERS WHO HAVE VERY LITTLE IDEA ABOUT HUMAN TECH?? HOW DO THEY KNOW HOW TO RIDE??

For two: dID THEY JUST HAVE THESE BIKES RIDING AROUND?? AND THE HELMETS?? DID THEY SHELL OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR THIS?? LITERALLY WHAT???

anyways, great show! youve gotta watch it on some.. less than legal sites but shh its okay shhhh. It used to be on Netflix but like yaknow, its gone now. Either way, it’s a great show in my opinion! Like I mean it’s bad cause Power Rangers, so to most who are looking to critique there’s probably shit acting, and there’s a lot of not needed grunting in battle, the effects are shitty and the costumes are kinda depressing, but it’s still enjoyable! 

Random Facts-- ~

Vida hates Pink, despite being the pink ranger. ~

Chip, Vida, and Maddie have been friends since either kindergarten or elementary school, i dunno about Xander. ~

They all work at a Record Shop/Music Shop together, and their boss is an idiot but kinda entertaining. ~

Vida turns into a vampire for about two episodes, and Chip is the one to figure it out. ~

Maddie gets turned to stone because Nick essentially calls her useless and shy, and so she went out to prove otherwise, and got caught up in an attack. ~

Chip opens a weird black bottle he found after a battle and some weird thing comes out and attacks him, he spends the B Plot of that episode quite literally dying with his soul being eaten and climbing a mountain to get the cure. ~

Koragg has a really dumb moral code about how he only fights with Honor and refuses to kill the rangers most of the time because its “not honorable” for some reason or another. ~

There’s an episode where Xander gets this really really ugly and big zit right on the tip of his nose, and he uses this perfection potion Claire made for plants. He proceeds to turn into a literal tree and be depressed. ~

There’s a Troblin, the child of a Troll and a Goblin, named Phineas who’s very entertaining and I like this. By the end of the show, he ends up dating the daughter of the Vampire Queen which when you think too hard about makes no sense. ~

Nick turns into Koragg at one point late in the series. I completely fucking forgot how, but he does lol.

[tinyavenuesailor]

Problems with being Skinny and having an ED not concerned with Body Image

I don’t think a lot of people know this but not all Eating Disorders deal with body image or weight. I like to think that Bulimia and Anorexia are similar in the ED category like Autism and ADHD is like in neurodiversity category, they are so popular or well-known that most don’t know other disorders exist. 

I have ARFID, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. And look I have ADHD, Dyslexia and Anxiety but ARFID is the one thing I dread having to talk about. You can list some symptoms of ADHD and people will go like ‘Oh everyone goes through that’ as annoying as it is sometimes but explaining ARFID they are always like

And I understand when you are able to choose what you can or can’t put in your mouth, hearing someone explain to you that your subconscious mind rejects and gags out food it deems unsafe whether you want to eat or not sounds crazy. And when unsafe foods just happens to be vegetables and fruits it sounds like a ridiculous excuse and end up being labelled a picky eater and spoilt. 

Which just to make clear:

1. ARFID have nothing to do with body-image, race, wealth status, age, or culture. 

2. ARFID involves anxiety and fear of certain foods

3. My parents did not spoil me but instead force-fed me and punished me when I wasted food (which made my condition worse)

4. I’ve broken down crying because I couldn’t eat certain foods.

Its a horrible and stressful eating disorder and I would never wish it on anybody but sorry my neurodiverse friends you have a high chance developing it because of your sensory issues with textures. 

And if you think that wasn’t hard enough, it sucks even more because I am skinny. I’m sure people with more weight on their bones have their own issues but I can’t even talk about because every time I even mention I have an ED people are going to think I’m Anorexic and that’s an exhausting conversation.

I’m always getting comments on how little I eat or don’t eat at all which I know many assume its because I’m skinny and small or don’t want to gain weight. I laugh with them outside but I want to tell them that majority of the food available I can’t eat. And that finding something to eat somedays are so stressful that my appetite naturally took a big hit. 

The biggest annoyance is that I can never get any real help from doctors. My weight is fragile. I’m 5′4 so I would be happy sticking around 115 and don’t want to drop below 110. I was one of the few happy for Freshman Fifteen I went from 107 to 119. But slowly keep losing until I was actively working to keep at 110 and not drop below. Anytime that I said ‘I want to try gain some weight’, just to get tips, I was always met with ‘You’re fine how you are now.’ 

I don’t know if you they just assumed that I had body image issues or if society today just looks down on gaining weight. Fast forward to the pandemic lockdown I lose 10 pounds in less than three months and I’m currently struggling to just to reach 105 (I’m trying to maintain 103). 

My psychiatrist who is a blessing from the heavens is literally the only person to ever listen to me about my eating disorder. I didn’t even have to get into details I just told him my parents force-fed me as a child and he said, “That makes perfect sense, many parents don’t realize they are making a traumatic experience for the child.” And then recommended medication to help me gain weight and is advising me on how to find foods that are safe and provide me the nutrition I’m lacking. 

The majority of the world is... agh. Well maybe there is a parallel, when a ‘fat’ person raises concern about their health everyone assumes they need to lose weight even if that is not the issue and when me, a skinny person does the same, they get blow off because ‘you’re fine, nothing to worry about’ mind that they don’t know that I’ve never eaten a vegetable in my life, have a poor diet of fats and carbs with what little I can eat, have one real meal a day without structure (ha COVID), if I don’t forget to eat and in desperate times have to force feed myself because my body is weak and needs food but my stomach can’t build an appetite......

But I’m fine. Totally healthy. 

Society and its forever inaccurate conclusions in the relationship between health and body image. 

[musicalmagic]

Some Things Just Are

Summary: Hoseok and you are roommates, and have been for a while. There's just one tiny detail: You're autistic. That's nothing to be ashamed of, it just means that there is always something that can bother you throughout the day, and with support from Hoseok and everything else, you'll get through no matter what comes your way.

A/N: First off, hi...I’m back. Did you miss me? Uh so... this one is a little more personal, a little more real. Just to let you know, some sentences where a character other than yourself is talking, I may not include how they say it (also because I might not be able to describe it in the first place…haha hahahh) I am autistic myself by the way. I have experienced a lot of what the reader has dealt with, and have also included a couple of my own personal stims. This story isn't a representation of all autistic individuals however, it's a perspective of one person. As autism is extremely personal and every one of us is different. But please, if you don't know what we've gone through, don't try to explain how we feel for us. Just listen.

* Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Autistic Reader

* Word Count: 1,222

* Genre: Fluff

* Warnings: Meltdown scene

While it was just before 8am when your alarm would blare and awake you, you had woken up before it. Blinking rapidly as sleep worked its way out of you, the weight of your blanket heavy against your chest and your back tingling from it pressing against the mattress. It was always something tactile, always something, every fibre of your being ignited when something made itself known to your skin. It was a relief to feel the almost automatic smoothness from turning to your side and feeling one foot moving up and down the other as you yawned and released the stiffness in your muscles for sleeping in the same place for too long. Truthfully, it was a natural thing that you had done since you were young. No one taught you to do this motion when the sensations from everything else began to irritate you. It was just, something you did.

 You were still in your pjs when you exited the room you occupied. Rubbing your eyes and trying to get it to focus afterwards, Hoseok, the “best-roomie-ever” was jumping excitedly in front of the T.V, watching the dancers move about the screen. Recently, he had bought a smart T.V that had YouTube as a function, and you thought it was because of all the new features and cool things that were built-in. Yet again however, Hoseok smiled and said that he bought it for YouTube, so that he could have the T.V “large enough to view the dance moves”, as he had graciously put it. You only laughed and had gone about your day afterwards as Hoseok switched it.

 Now, Hoseok was studying the main dancer extremely close, watching every movement and flick of their hips, all the little intricacies that they were doing.

 “Hoseok, you’re doing it again!” You called out to him from your room, voice slightly croaky.

 He turned, waved and smiled a little, and sat on the couch behind him. You moved over behind him and started to thread your hands through his hair.

 “Ahh, so I was up to it again, eh?” Hoseok said playfully.

 “Yup,” you replied.

 “How do you always manage to catch me though?”

 “I don’t know. You seem to have a habit of it. I just am there to witness it,” almost a robotic sounding reply, to anyone else that didn’t know you, but Hoseok just tilted his head up, craning his neck to see you and had a fond expression on his face.

 Hoseok didn’t say anything as he stared at you, and truthfully, you had not the faintest idea why. To you, Hoseok and many other people were an enigma that couldn’t be solved. Much less try to wrap your head around. So, you detached your fingers from his bedhead and ran over to the other side of the couch. Avoiding his gaze as he trained his eyes on you.

 “Anyways, wanna watch something better than the news right now?” You said quickly, plopping yourself down next to him, “I had an idea of watching a T.V show I saved for this very occasion.”

 “It’s barely 8:30 in the morning and you want to watch T.V?” Hoseok asked, a slight chuckle under his breath.

 “Yeah!” You said happily. Hoseok gave you a funny look, but shook his head at you. Which you took as a no, it wasn’t a bad thing.

 The couch’s pillows had, with all its rough glory, begun to irritate you, Hoseok was none the wiser as he switched from YouTube to Netflix, but your back was tingling with that familiar feeling, and at some points down your back was starting to hurt slightly. You wiggled in your seat trying to dispel the discomfort, only for you to sit back in a huff.

 “Hobiiiiii,” you whined. Hoseok turned his head in confusion, only to see your reddened face and an unhappy expression.

 Pleadingly you said, “Please can we get something a little less fluffy on the pillows!” Hoseok only stared, and you tried your best to look for longer than a second or two, but honestly the pillow was really annoying you.

 He could tell you were about to crack like an egg if too much pressure was pressed to it, his gentle hands pulling you forward, and you came face to face with him. How did he get there so fast?

 “Breathe. You gotta breathe,” he suddenly said sternly. Like a switch from happy and joking to concern and worry, yet you still couldn’t keep your eyes on his for too long. Lest it’d stir up uncomfy-ness in you. Your back had stopped tingling like before, but his fingers that pressed into your wrists (barely there), and hair sticking to your face, not to mention the clothes that weighed on your skin, was enough for you.

 It had broken you.

 Like something came over you, you shoved Hoseok away and retreated to your room. Eyes unfocused and blurry, everything up against you was so consuming. Thoughts switching off as you desperately tried to rid the feeling, and all you could do was press your hands together and rock; back and forth, back and forth, a haze in your head like a bad headache, but it just made you dizzy instead of just the pure pain of it forcing a pressure to your skull. You didn’t hear as Hoseok opened the door, or when he quietly sat next to you. Humming under his breath, a simple melody that you could latch onto. Becoming hyper focused to the sound of the notes, the haze in your brain becoming lighter, and lighter, and lighter, until it was barely there. You sighed as you slowed, and your white-red hands flooding with blood as you relaxed them.

 When it was finally over, you tipped your head and felt like crying. It happened again.

 Hoseok didn’t say anything as he handed you a tissue, and you held it with both hands. A neutralness to the tissue that you liked. Nothing soft nor rough, which suited you fine. You glued your eyes to your lap, studying the patterns.

 “I’m sorry…I ruined our morning again, haven’t I?” You said sorrowfully.

 He was quiet for a moment before he answered, “No. You never ruin it.” Hoseok suddenly laughed, his signature heart-smile breaking through, “Although, I think we’ll definitely get a better pillowcase!”

 You laughed too. It relaxed you, and nothing was better to latch onto than someone’s laugh. Especially Hoseok’s, something about his laugh always made you feel better.

 “Yeah…I don’t like that pillowcase anymore. I know I was the one who chose it, but…” You trailed off.

 “Hey, hey,” he started to say, “It’s alright, no biggie. Besides, I never liked—”

 Your head twisted so quick that it cut Hoseok off in momentary surprise, “You didn’t like it?”

 He stuttered, “Y- I mean, of course I liked it! It was a combo of your and I’s favourite colour after all!”

 “Oh…that’s good,” you simply said, happy at his answer.

 “By the way,” Hoseok began, clearing his throat, “I hope you know, that you don’t ever ruin my day. Never ever, so please, don’t think that.”

 “It’s hard not to Hoseok…” You answered sadly.

 “I know…” He breathed in, “I know.”

 “But no matter what, you’re who you are; that’s nothing short of amazing.”