#its hard being disabled
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Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in
#viktor#arcane#ig my assumption would be that he wears both simultaneously cause in the scene where he injects the shimmer#it seems implied that he just threw off his clothes and kept experimenting#so one might assume he was already wearing the smaller one underneath#tho it is a funny image to think of him just being like 'one sec i gotta go all the way home and grab my other brace to do this'#he can take off the back brace too cause hes not wearing it in the scene where he's in the hospital bed and you can see his shoulder#where the strap would be#but that one seems to make even less sense functionality wise#everything looks like its screwed together#or screwed INTO him#but only the top bolts on his spine are i think#in the close ups of his back brace model it looks like theres cushioning underneath the parts of it that cover the rest of his spine#so he can take it off. but HOW#what parts of it unscrew/detatch to pull open and off#does it not do that at all and he just has to shimmy it off his shoulder and all the way down his legs to get it off like a romper#the shape language of the designs are cool but like. tell me how it wooorrkkksss#forgive me if im just dumb and dont know at all how braces work and theres a very simple practical explanation for all this#any king who wants to infodump about mobility aids at me....the floor is yours#something to be said i suppose about the fact that zaunites have crazy prosthetics with wild augmentations that work flawlessly#and piltover's like. idk heres some fucking uncomfortable ass metal. salo gets wheelchair in non ada compliant place#they havent ever needed to adapt to accommodate disabilities etc etc#or maybe artists were just like 'heres a design' and everybody clapped and didnt give it a second thought#and then they just turned off the visibility on the mesh when they didnt need it knowing thered not be a scene where its taken off#dont even wanna THINK about what that rig would look like#like 40 different controllers#soft body and rigid hard surfaces needing to move together....#a cold chill just shot up my spine#<- guy who is only an animator and doesnt know how to rig#forgive the magic wand tool with zero cleanup. i am lazy
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i dont really like it when people dumb down Curly's characterization to just the guy enabling Jimmy. I get that that makes it easier to not like him, so that's why a lot of people do that, because they feel guilty about sympathizing with someone who's done smth fucked up like that, but i really don't think it's giving Curly the justice he deserves.
regardless of if you like him as a person or not, Curly is still a victim and he suffered greatly at Jimmy's hand. Just because he did something fucked up doesn't make him a 'monster' (sorry because i saw someone say that he looks like a monster post-crash and thats sticking with me because why TF are we saying disabled burn victims look like LITERAL MONSTERS- yall use some common sense I BEG)
Dumbing down characters is what fandom does best, but i think it particularly irks me in Mouthwashing because of the nature of the story. Jimmy already thinks of the rest of the crew poorly and doesn't see them for how they really are, we don't need to be doing that too.
I also feel like people don't really recognize the fact Jimmy manipulates and abuses Curly too, even before the crash. What Curly did was fucked up but for the love, don't dumb him down to just this one thing he did.
#as someone who loves to analyze medias for characterization patterns some of yalls takes actually pain me#its kinda obvious yall didnt actually think hard about the different scenes and the interactions between everyone#like replay the game or rewatch a play through and focus on character interactions- then come back to me#ALSO THE PREVALENT ABLEISM IN THIS FANDOM DEAR FKIN GOD#YALL REALIZE THAT BEING ABLEIST TO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER ALSO EFFECTS THE DISABLED RIGHT#thats a whole other rant post tho#mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#fuck you jimmy#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouth washing#riv rambling
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Go you funky little SecUnit! Go!
(One of my favorite scenes from the newest Murderbot novel: System Collapse)
#love when secunit gets a little bit feral#system collapse#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#system collapse spoilers#I'm not good at drawing armor pls go easy on me#I just laughed so hard at this scene it's so fucking funny to me#imagine being the B-E secunit already having a terrible day#your clients are scheming and trying to murder each other#and then here comes the weirdest secunit you've ever seen and you need to neutralize it#you very cleverly disable its projectile weapon with a well-aimed shot oh you're so clever#and just like that it's flinging itself at your head like a fucking feral cat at the vet's office#grace makes art
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Okay but does Peri KNOW that Dev has a robotic leg when he shows up? Something about the fact that Peri's wand is a cane and the fact that Dev could have kept his leg and just had a cane for the rest of his life instead tickles my brain.
I mean he doesn't know immediately, he wasn't like briefed or anything, but he basically lives in Dev's house so he definitely finds out. Peri doesn't comment on or react to it all though really, there's no reason for him to think anything of it, plenty of people have missing limbs, a lot of people are born without them, it doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister happened. He had no reason to pry or ask and I think Peri's lack of reaction to it helped Dev feel a bit more comfortable in his skin. (Not by much but.. a little bit.)
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fop dev#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dale#fop Nature AU#<- I might rename it to something else idk give me ideas#LITERALLY thinking about the ableism implications of my AU so hard#Dale doesn't even stop to think that his son might not want a prosthetic leg#(Within the context of the AU the technology is good enough its basically indistinguishable from a real leg aside from lack of sensation)#he's basically deciding FOR his son that having his leg fully replaced would be better than living with a mild disability#After being the cause of that disability!! Double traumatization whammy!#If he stopped even for a second to ask Dev what he wanted he'd have learned that this was absolutely not it!#Half the reason Dev is so secretive is because he thinks being visibly disabled is showing weakness and is some terrible thing#You need accommodations right now man!!! Tell people what you need!!#Dale doesn't actually care all that much about people knowing about the prosthetic leg as long as Dev is quiet about the cause#and doesn't make him look bad#tbh he's kinda proud of the prosthetic leg. Im sure half the reason he was so eager to push it onto his son was because his own company mad#it and wanted to try it out#I have so many thoughts this is getting so long
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Being released into the wild after a lifetime in captivity
#i have so many feels about being treated as an animal for being disabled and mentally ill and all that by one's society#and harry just is that#its hard to explain so i drew this instead#being thrown into the world and just expected to function even though no one ever told you how#he's my babygirl#disco elysium#harry du bois#harrier du bois#de#my art#very quite proud of this one#why dont i use refrences more often...
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so. rescuing kittens, huh.
#paper craft#help me kdfhgkghj they dont let me sleep....#its hard being a single mother of three.#we're taking them to the shelter tomorrow but we've been caring for these babies for about 3 days now and oh my stars dgkhdfgdjgkd#anyways the one climbing siffrin is named cupid he was the first we found#the one by his foot is valentine she is a sweetheart??#and then the one below cupid is arrow she is very talented#there was a fourth kitten but we couldn't capture them :( hopefully they're okay!!!#this is very difficult <3 bc of many reasons!!! gonna vent a teeny rq buuuuut#i lost my therapy cat in november. and we can't afford to get me a cat in our current situation#which is fine!!!!!#but.... taking care of these guys is really triggering my mourning and grief something fierce#and also theyre incredibly physically taxing and it's making my disability flare up pretty rough#so this has been... an exhausting few days
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at some point in disability you stop wanting to "get better" and this is just really hard for able bodied people to understand for some reason
#i had an interaction with a doctor which prompted this#theyre almost certainly a quack but they promised they could find a cure for my eds#to be unequivocal no such thing exists eds is genetic and changing that is beyond the current limits of medicine in almost every case#i was there for regular blood testing and when they said this to me my response was pretty unenthusiastic#something like 'thats not really what im here for'#which was clearly completely baffling to the doctor#part of that has to do with the way doctors are really solution oriented but also#i dont really want to be 'cured'#its hard to explain but this is my body now and ive gotten used to it#what matters is my day to day quality of life not a return to 'normal'#in my eyes disability isnt a bad thing its a neutral one#the idea that im okay with being permanently disabled is intolerable to able bodied society#this doctor has a ton of pther red flags id like to separately post about but ive gone on long enough#to the person who sent me the ask about intersectionality bw transgender and disabled identity#i see you it just turns out a lot of research has been needed to answer you#a reply is coming tho#anyway#disability#salt baby talks#chronic illness#ehlers danlos syndrome#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ableism
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"From the creators of Wonder, a movie on par with Music as far as autism infantilization"
#bruh wtf is that movie even#you know because all autistic people are little white boys with speech impediments who live to be inspiration 🙄#the unbreakable boy#literally another movie about how hard being the family of a disabled person is#but dont worry its actually okay because they are an ✨ inspiration✨or a savant of some kind#'they may be dumb as rocks but they have a beautiful heart 🤪'
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my positivity posts are oftentimes for others, yes. of course they are. but they are also for me.
today i was really struggling with my symptoms - npd, autism, adhd - you name a symptom from them, i was probably struggling with it. it was Not fun to say the least.
i love my point of view on the world. i really do. i wouldn't change anything about my brain in terms of my neurodivergencies even if i could because it makes me who i am in part. but i do have rough days just like any other person with disabilities or even without. please don't feel alone if you have a bad day. shit hits the fan sometimes and that's okay. i'm with you, as are many others <3
#no because tell me how i managed to split on like 3 people multiple times in the span of thirty minutes today T-T INCLUDING MY EP ????#i hated everything so hard today then i got home and was like “ohhhhhh it was the Brain Things”#also my sensory issues were having a field day today it was lovely /s it was Hell#actually autistic#autism#neurodivergent#asd#actuallyautistic#being autistic#adhd#actually adhd#its the neurodivergency#npd#bpd#actually bpd#actually npd#actually autism#cluster a#cluster b#cluster c#pd safe#actually narcissistic#positivity post#npd traits#disability positivity
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#felt cute#might delete later#kira#selfie#self#personal#selca#trying to feel good after my disability status#it's hard#its been hard#which is why ive been off tumble for so long#its been hard fo get back my self esteem#ive felt so lost emotionally#and i feel bad fhat people have to help take care of me#everyhing hurts#i hate being wheelchair bound#disabled#theres so much more i wanna say#maybe i will in a post#I'm sorry to everyone that's reached out that i haven't responded to#i appreciate it but I've been so down that it's hard to answer#but I'm going to start soon#i love you
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Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago
So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!
ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.
Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.
Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.
Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.
Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.
Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.
#Not Stories#mutual aid#adult literacy#'uuhhhggg its soooo disappointing when i meet a girl who's like 'yeah omg i luv 2 read'#'and then she only reads booktok trash and grocery store thrillers and manga'#'like come on thats such a turn off :/'#'like aren't you bored??? what about reading The Foundation and War & Peace and Grapes of Wrath where's THAT girl haha'#nobody gives a shit what sort of high school reading list gets your dick stiff! NOBODY!#I'm too busy dealing with the fact that most public education systems hate students of color and anyone with a learning disability#from the very bottom of my very dyslexic heart go fuck yourself#'this chick only read 8 books in twelve months lmfao thats so pathetic'#'i read eight books a MONTH some people really give up after high school'#do you think my great grandfather or his father got to fucking finish high school????#or were they busy getting fucking shot at in germany in two different fucking wars????#thank every god you wanna name that my lunatic mother stopped abusing me long enough to put me through FIVE YEARS OF TUTORING#to get ME literate because that's what it fucking took#I watched more than one kid from my underserved semi rural district drop out at 17 or 16 or 15#because their parents needed a third paycheck or they were gonna lose the goddamn house#10% of my majority black school district graduated FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and not an ounce of it was those kids' fault#our racist ass school district failed them and the district did NOT protect my white ass when I was diagnosed dyslexic#the adult literacy crisis is not about you getting a girlfriend who can discuss Ayn Rand with you#the adult literacy crisis is about us being exploited and neglected and made easier to control and manipulate#reading is FUCKING HARD and learning to read after the age of six is SO MUCH HARDER#so from the VERY very bottom of my VERY very dyslexic heart#FUCK. YOU.
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getting the late winter Lonelies :(
#taste in romantic partners being 'people who dont really want to be dating but w no hard feelings and are also in different countries'#has not really been working out for the expectable reasons#and man dating apps suck when you're housebound + disabled like hi im doing the same thing forever and its nothing#pbbbt#patch me through to palaven command
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There's this phenomenon where like, when I read my own fics it just always feels vaguely bad, like even if i feel it's well written I have this voice going, "your sentences are too plain, your 'authors voice' and how you phrase things isn't the same, this pacing feels word the way it flows from one sentence to the next just doesn't feel right, the sentence structure is too similar to how you write your prompts it feels too casual and not "book like" enough"
But then it might also be because, I'm the one who wrote it and made it, so it's just naturally going to feel different than like, a fic I read from someone else? So I kind of naturally don't ever feel good, or if i ever feel any pride it's pretty short lived?
Like this Vox fic is like 95% finished content wise but if you were to tell me if I wanted to tweak some parts and flesh certain dialogue out a little more, put a little more charactwr development in there, it's around 70%. So then this voice goes, "well shit now you gotta sit down and pick through it for specific parts, that's so much more time consuming than going from point a to point b"
I think this is maybe why I started getting so hung up on never publishing anything. This unending demand for self perfectionism to the point it's a little excessive and exhausting 💀 I have so many drafts and some of them are so detailed and they're just, trapped in limbo forever, because i either beat myself up so much I'm discouraged from finishing it or I sit on it so long I eventually lose interest and move on
I was wanting 2025 to be the year I try and get some adhd medication or something but I probably literally won't be able to afford it but, trust me when I say I'm aware of how little I publish anymore 💀 being in a country with for-profit healthcare fucking sucks, but I'm gonna do my best to... do my best!
#its also so hard deciding how long to make something bwcause honey i got ideas! they just keep turning into novels!!#shout out to the orange bastard for one of his first moves as presidsnt again literally being raising the price of medicine#if I hadn't been on state health insurance i never would have even been able to get surgery for my disabled legs to walk properly#i hate it here#doesnt help that allister might be sick again... i have to keep an eye on him..
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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It’s heartbreaking as a disabled artist to be reliant on always needing to make work and always needing to sell it. Always needing to sell everything you make to get by because there’s not other options for you. Not being able to plan bigger projects, not being able to hold onto anything. Not being able to take the time to work on things without feeling the timer ticking down because you need to finish something new to sell, so you don’t get the sleep you need.. And then when you do invest in future things you think are cool.. You will never be able to keep them. You can’t afford your own work, and owning art’s not a necessity and everyone around you is struggling, understandably.. most of them can’t either
#negative#one of those nights i legit just. think about giving up and going back on disability#its so hard. because both disability and continuing to try have steep negatives.#i just dont know how im supposed to ever survive when i get a bit older#def going to be one of those days i have a headache all day after i wake up#i deeply apologize for being negative.. i know there's other people in my shoes who have all the same feelings#and some dont have the option of disability assistance#it just feels so hopeless and idk how anyone does it#disability#i dont like talking abt being disabled nowadays. but sometimes the specific trapped feelings are overwhelming#anyway thank you to everyone who supports my work how they can#im still very lucky#i just wish it wasnt always a struggle. for everyone else too
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"just give them an aac device!"
"just teach them sign language"
"body language and facial expressions alone are good enough for communicating what you need"
Nonononono f*!k off. Stop acting like nonverbal people have easy solutions to their lack of verbality. Not everyone can use an aac device- some people struggle with spelling or can't spell at all, some people have motor skills issues that makes typing a nightmare that takes a long time, some can't articulate themselves without outside help. Learning sign is hard if you again have motor skills issues or struggle to make facial expressions that convey what your feeling (flat affect applies to more than just a person's voice- some people really struggle to make facial expressions and have stilted or strange body language- you people can understand why autistic people get burnt out from masking all day- you know often having to control their body language and make certain facial expressions etc yet you can't understand why nonverbal autistics can't just learn sign- a language very heavy on facial expressions and expressive body language?) also again spelling and motor skill issues are a pain and also a lot of families with deaf or nonverbal children refuse to learn sign for said children and I'm sorry in day to day life I haven't met many people who speak sign- yeah you can move to a community with a lot of deaf or nonverbal people that use sign but that's not always possible and its very limiting. And do I even have to explain the third one- autistic body language is confusing to neurotypicals and I hate the stereotype that its just so blunt and obvious/better than neurotypical communication- maybe that's what its like for you and your 'smart sheldon cooper/Wednesday Addams' style autism but not every autistic person 'says exactly what they mean' often times autistic people struggle with semantics and articulating sentences that make any sense! and all these misunderstandings surrounding stimming are annoying to!- spinning can be a 'happy' stim but it can also mean your overwhelmed or understimulated, a lot of people with autism have voices that lack inflections, mix that in with being unable to use words and no it does not help communicate their needs- f!*k off with acting like its easy not all autistic people who are nonverbal can spell, not all autistic people w are nonverbal have good motor skills and body language alone is never enough to convey a persons needs. Before anyone comes after me yes Sign is body language but its also actual symbols and can convey full thoughts and ideas and sentences and also body language is hard for a lot of autistic people to convey like stated above.
Not every form autistic communication is being 'logical' and unoffended because 'we're just more logical than those superfluous, shallow neurotypicals that let their feelings control them and are never direct about what they want-we value facts and logic unlike those butthurt neurotypicals' and being overly blunt- no a lot of autistic people find that communication is messy and the ways they can communicate are ineffective and your 'logical, facts dont care about your feelings' style of communication isn't as amazing as you think it is. Stop speaking over nonverbal autistics- their is no real perfect solution to them not being able to speak. And I'm gonna say it- while not all nonverbal people are low functioning or high support needs or whatever the new term is-being nonverbal is a massive disadvantage and having your disability be visible like that is scary in many situations and being unable to communicate your needs can make it impossible to meet your needs-
#ableism#nonverbal#autism spectrum disorder#autism#asd#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#autism is a disability#autism issues#I'm verbal but as a child I wasn't and I am so happy that I can speak now because damn the shit people who need to use alternative-#Communication go through is fucking ridiculous#accessibility#Isn't always as accessible as you think#Part of the reason I don't interact with other autistic people is because of shitty attitudes like this#We need to stop acting like autistic communication is logical and blunt all the time a lot of the time we don't make any sense#Out ways (and I mean ways cuz there are multiple types of autistic communication) aren't inherently superior your just assholes#Even as a verbal person unless I've really studied a person communicating with them in a way that makes any lick of sense to anyone is hard#It's not just brutal honesty! Stringing together sentences is hard. Also brutal honesty isn't the cool strength you think it is#language processing#Is hard for people#Autism communication isn't just brutal honesty and being 'rational' its dangerous stims and poorly strung sentences and so many other thing#Also when someone is hurt by your brutal honesty they aren't always being overly sensitive and 'illogical'#Sometimes your being a bitch and the person you where being 'blunt with' has every right to be mad at your tactless#And again there's more to autistic communication than being 'a pure logical being's#Idk where this idea we're all super logical and superior comes from#I might come off as emotionless and dry to a lot of people but like my emotional regulation is shit#I am not logical and a lot of other autistic people aren't logical
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