#its gonna happen again ok? inevitably. this is where i go when im having a bad time; ok? like. you gotta know ok ?

[trainingdummyrabbit]

rraahh. trying to sort out th comms situation again, excuse me for spitballing

ihave been tryin t get myself to do more example work for SO goddamn long. like. probably since september long. adn ihave had NO luck KSJGNKDJ

like! its easypeasy, i do this for a living, i do this for a being, it is in my nature! but god im so tired. yknow? n like i keep going 'im gonna fix it up i swear!!' but i still havent and i feel so bad. fuckin. impostor syndrome aside. so it comes back around to Okay am i not pushing myself hard enough or am i pushing myself Too Hard. and well. well! well. \o/

anyway my artblog scares me even still but its better that stay over there than accumulate more eyes here so ✌

[jack-kellys]

would u change anything about the jack and crutchie dynamic? how would u portray C? i would love to see a production where hes a little less sunshine and a little more realist (which i think uksies did well) buttttt i know thats your man so gimme some thoughts

- @we-are-inevitable ✨

how ~i~ would direct crutchie. ooough. major. hi again jac

give me some newsies issues and ill. i'll-

so i would cast him a year older than jack, or like. he turns 18 a few months before jack or smth. he just seems to understand things already that jack's whole arc brings him to at the end of the show. "I don't need folks. I got friends." takes jack two hours and a fifteen minute intermission to figure that one out. brotha.

i think making crutchie the only guy in the play who really knows what and how things are going to happen is really... just. makes him interesting. his sense of self-awareness, his personal knowledge of who he is and what he stands for- the wild thing abt him is he already. knows. crutchie stands for his friends. it's why initially he isn't for striking ("let's hit the streets while we still can") bc he knows any other action is going to get his friends hurt... but it's also why he's good with it pretty soon after- well, if they are gonna do this, he's not letting his family do it alone/without him... even if he knows what's probably going to happen to him afterward. give me a crutchie with foresight who doesn't ignore it, per se, but whose moral backbone refuses to make him a coward. (its why he and davey r like🤞🏼 to me.)

i would also let him fight. in the fight choreo. he's winning to morris delancey i do not CARE. i'm having the reason he gets caught be him shoving the jacobs out and away. because crutchie already knewwww. from the moment of "you mean like a strike?" what was goin down.

(i would also make the "romeo! finch!" not be a reaching out, but a "get the fuck out of here" wild gesture. as long as crutchie takes center, no one else is getting hauled through downtown in a police wagon.)

i also think that whenever race makes his little comments to davey crutchie is the one gesturing for him to back off, bc i think it's fun when racer and crutchie butt heads and i rly adore crutchie seeing davey and knowing his potential like. immediately. i think i'd have them be talking a lot in staging it- uksies does this already if ur looking for it, but it's so key to me.

tl;dr, crutchie is the most experienced person at the lodge, and i think it should show. and also like. u can debate me on that? that jack's more experienced or is portrayed to be since he's the leader, but... tell me why jack learns friends are equivilent to family when crutchie knew that shit at 00:00:00 in the musical. lmk. crutchie has almost prophetic knowledge in his brain ok he knows newsies the musical as well as us. i think that's fascinating.

also this is unrelated but the way matthew duckett uses the crutch as a true extension of himself is unlike any crutchie we might ever have again. go watch the boot again and just watch him. he points with it, gestures with it, sits in interesting ways, like. his comfortability with his body is smth crutchie needs to have bc he knows himself, more than the rest know themselves. im so serious.

[ddeongies]

this ended up being way longer than i expected (again) LOL

to start off, i love how they're in this gray area of managing to pick up on each others hints but still not fully on each other's level with things, like there's still a few (really important) things they need to iron out ---relationship status, what they both want out of this, etc. basics really. but they're also at a point where i'd call it inevitable. but at the same time AGH omg. a lovely level of frustration. ryujin thinking the posts yeji made weren't for her....i need to smack her omg.

one thing i really really love about the way you write them (in all your works but i feel its to a greater extent in nmau because it has more time to actually dig in to these things given that its a slowburn) is just this overarching relationship dynamic where all ryujin has to do is say "yes" and yeji will meet her as far as she's willing to let her... which ofc is not to say that there's no effort on ryujin's part, but ive noticed that ryujin tends to be the one that requires more...coaxing so to speak, when you're writing longer stories about them getting together. and i love this! i think it's a very good bit of characterization (for both of them) and it's not exactly the same over all of your works which just makes me love to see it even more than i already do.

the way yeji "places the ball in ryujins court" as you put it, just really hammers it in, the way that yeji will implicitly say "ok, im here, whenever you're ready". it's in the way she stops as soon as ryujin is uncomfortable when they were kissing the first time, in the way she watches and waits for ryujin to come to the bed, these little bits of opening the door but not forcing ryujin into a decision she might not be ready to make. ugh ITS SO GOOD. + like on top of that i think you write yeji in a way where its obvious like.. even though she literally would give ryujin the world if she asked for it, she still will make sure that she herself is feeling okay about everything and that by doing it she's not totally ignoring her own emotional needs + all that. if that makes sense, i feel like the way im phrasing this makes rj seem really passive but THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN u know what i mean, right. like it definitely goes both ways but. yeah. i saw it a lot in balcony au and choreo au as well, just got me thinking a bit. anyway,

some misc stuff from the rest of the chapter:

really great to see how ryujin felt about the events of winter break, i really love ur split povs, u balance each character voice so well.

i love ryujin and yunas friendship in this, i don't think ive mentioned that before but its really good

hwang "fire react" yeji..............

she thinks she's so sneaky, getting yejis number and asking her to model for her sjwhdkfjfk GIRL. and yeji 😭 "oh, youre really gonna..." LMAO

the tension in that whole scene.....delicious omg.....like its hot and heavy and so palpable like you can actually feel how hot it is through the screen. its so good.

they did it! and it only took them 11 chapters wow. i honestly like how this was a bit more on the emotional side rather than outright explicit fucking which like! is still great dont get me wrong, but i think it's very fitting for this particular instance.

"come here, beautiful" i feel normal about this!

yeji getting locked out 😔😔😔 shes so silly. but god ryujins reaction to waking up alone....dude....u gotta talk to yeji abt whwt u want out of this.....

rj talking about how she "cant have yeji the way she wants" DUDE. GET A GRIPPPPP SJES HEAD OVER HEELS FOR U.

this honestly felt very... sequel to the movie couch moment when ryu let her shirt "slip" off her shoulder, only this time they've both somewhat acknowledged the huge mess of attraction between them and so something can actually happen instead of both parties left unsatisfied. i love it i love character and relationship development.

"no, keep going" "im sure" are we even still talking about figure drawing...

yeji ordering basically just chocolate milk...i love her so bad

"sure yeji can be kind of goofy but its charming" u are so....sureee...u just keep telling urself ur not obsessed with her.

yejis focus face…dont get me started...lets just say if she looked at me like that. i would no longer exist.

shoving each other🥹🥹 like i really love how uve written them as "friends first" so to speak, like theyve made a really solid foundation for this budding relationship(if you can call it that yet LOL, ill let them have it though). its so great...its so great...and yeji walking ryu all the way back to her dorm ohhhhh....overall.

very good chapter as always.... definitely looking forward to the next one!! whenever that may be, lol. that and other projects u may be cooking alongside it...thanks as always and take care!

-🖤

long comments like this make me 😈 i’m so ready (i’ll go under a read more tho lol)

i honestly love the point they’re at right now too! they’re somehow on exactly the same page in a way that makes them not be on the same page LOL. like you feel the same way about each other and are assuming the same thing about each other’s feelings!! it is inevitable though isn’t it? someone’s just gotta be a little brave :)

yes yes yes i know what you mean!!! i’m so glad you’ve picked up on and appreciate the way i do the relationship and the characterization there (and that it’s working in general!) you put it really well like, yeji (irl and when i write her) is such a freaking observant person. like you can see the way she watches people, sees when people are uncomfortable, etc. ryu is such an internal and sensitive person and a deep thinker and feeler, and i just love the way those two ways of being match up like “i know how i feel, and i see that you’re figuring yourself out in that way you do, so i’m here for you and i’m gonna be steady through your process” or something idk i’m rambling. but yes! yeji will still protect herself and her own feelings. like, yes, she’s not 100% doing that in feeling that ryu doesn’t want what she wants, but i think part of her can feel the way they really are on the same page (and that ryu would never want to hurt her)

misc stuff!

i love writing this story split pov! when i first came up with  the idea i realized there was no way i could tell the story i wanted to from just one pov. i love having them reflect back on previous chapters but also not on every single thing that happened just the stuff they would naturally be thinking about when we’re back in their heads

i love 2shin…. i love writing hwangshin and 2shin in the same fic my loves

the 🔥 is so important to yeji you have no idea (or maybe you do at this point)

the “oh, you’re really gonna…” like she was right to assume what she was being invited for but still LMAO

i love writing tension…..i love it

just took them like 50k but they finally made it we cheered 🥳 and yeah! i really want this fic to stay M rated i think it just fits the vibes better than E (the next scene might be a liiiil more smutty but still they are Pure)

ryu feels normal about it too and so do i yeji is so 😵‍💫

yeji would get locked out LOL (and yeah ryu pls get a grip girl she likes you so so bad and has for months)

yes!! a similar situation (with the same mastermind), but they’ve honestly come so far since then like they’re truly in a different phase of their relationship now :’) it opens so many doors for them

we’re not not talking about figure drawing ;)

yeji’s sweet tooth is so so dear to me (and chocolate milk is also a great pre workout drink for our little jock)

ryu is genuinely obsessed with her they’re gross! and they will get grosser!

yeji’s focused face is….. let me not speak actually

they’re CUTE they’re friends but also a lil more than friends but also who knows and i honestly love it for them! like no matter what there’s no way they would ever just have a physical relationship when they like each other this much even if neither of them is ready to fully make that leap yet

thank you for such a long and lovely comment as always!! made my day/week/idk how time works anymore is it finally friday thank god

[neomedievalist]

here is your sign to go off about jonawalter dont hold yourself back

I HONESTLY HAVENT THOUGHT ABT THEM IN A BIT I NEED TO REWIRE MY BRAIN AND REFRESH MYSELF HOLD ON...OK. listen its about the. they both construct intricate fantasies where the other just Comes to their senses and joins their side and they go and rule the world together and everything is fine and back the way it used to be again right guys! and thast the fucking thing when youre in an incredibly restrictive society and never given the opportunity to question your views or see another world is possible. is that you get along really well with someone with wildly different political opinions than you. so its easy to idolize that innocent life beforehand and blame the demons that manipulated them (true, but not the point) and view yourself as, yknow, a righteous samurai on a noble quest from god, or a brave underdog changing society for the better, and basically just view going against them as an inevitability. obviously this makes jonawalter the #1 divorce pairing of all time. i personally love the bit in blasted/infernal tokyo where theyre both like Yeah im not gonna acknowledge that i/you tried to open the portal to the demon dimension and also we have differing memories of the same incident.Because i really want to argue about you about ideological differences. Like old times sake. its honestly so . ADJECTIVE to me that they slip so easily into their old banter after all of that despite being very uneasy and continuing to say more and more extreme things in response to what theyre seeing the tension is SO high but they are both like. trying not to acknowledge how much they already missed this and trying to cling to normalcy just like theyre on a quest together again and nothing bad is happening. WAIT I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING. if they both think flynn is on their respective routes, after you are route locked, for example if youre on law, you kill kenji, deny the white, go with jonathan meet gabriel in the white forest the whole thing. when you get back to tokyo. did walter see that? did THAT walter actually go with them to blasted tokyo or since you didnt choose him, does that walter no longer exist?? oh man. im gonna post this and then reblog if i think of anything later

[i-know-you-know-we-know-lee-know]

Enhypen hyung line react to their so falling asleep on them

Its time

Aka i felt motivated again😌

I thought i should continue with the falling asleep reaction soooooo

Should i do a txt one?

Listening to Memorabilia did something to me and im now going through a major Enha phase

Im not complaining tho

Enjoy :3

Ps: Lucifer is my favorite ;)

Warnings: Grammar mistakes, spelling errors, not proofread, random thoughts, sorry this is so short 😭🙏

Maknae line

Heeseung

Shy...

But

Not?

He's either a blushy mess or you are

If he's the blushing mess he probably wasn't expecting it

Heefused

He's happy that you trust him enough to sleep on him so comfortably

Awkwardly pats your head

😭

Poor boy doesn't know what to do

Kinda just stares off into space

But reflexively puts his arms around your waist

He probably stares at you while you sleep

In a non creepy way

May or may not fall asleep

However

If you're the blushing mess

...

Prepare yourself for some melting cuz he's gonna fluster you like there's no tomorrow

Will be all "😏?"

Like,

Sir

Please

I am but a poor innocent girl

Why must you do this to me?

I understand why this man is the most biased in enha ヽ(゜▽、゜)ノ

Moving on-

He will still cuddle you back

Hug you around your waist

Ya know, the normal

With a little extra Heespice™ added

Aka he's just hotter when he does thingss

When you wake up he kisses your forehead

Tells you to go back to sleep

And then falls asleep with you

(╥﹏╥)

Jay

Literally won't care

Lol

He would still be happy that you felt comfortable enough to pass out on top of him

But he would just treat it like an everyday experience

Even if it doesn't happen every day

You come over and sit on his lap and he just hugs you untill you fall asleep

May be mildly concerned

But by the time he has processed that he should be concerned

You've fallen asleep

And he doesn't want to wake you

So he does the chivalrous thing and falls right asleep with you

CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD

But if you know one thing about him it's that you can't wake him up once he's fallen asleep

He sleeps like a dead body

Like me :D

So when you inevitably wake up before him you have two choices

A: go back to sleep

B: wake him up

Obviously you choose to wake him up because its no fun being awake by yourself

All you have to do is play billy poco for five seconds and it wakes any of the members up-

Anyways have fun trying to wake him up because if you do he will drag you right to bed and fall back asleep

Even if its 3:26 pm

Let the poor man rest

Jake

Flustered

There's no way around it

He's just a generally flustered puppy

He's kinda like Hee where he doesn't know what to do

But he just does things unconsciously

Im a strong believer that Jake is the heater in Enhypen

So he woud be warm

And comfy

He would rub your back

Draw little shapes on your back

When you wake up he would keep doing it and have you guess what he was drawing

I love when people do that

Excuse me while i take my mandatory combustion break-

*𝔼𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕠𝕕𝕖𝕤*

Would wrap your arms around his waist

And pull you as close as he could to himself

He just wants you to be with him

And how could you deny that face?

You cant

The answer is nobody can deny that face

Would whisper in your ear

Little affirmations

AGDJDJ

Squeezes you

HE JUST WANTS YOU TO BE NEAR HIM OK?

He hugs you like yourr a giant stuffed animal

He just loves his cuddles🥰

Will cuddle you back to sleep

Yes

 ( Ĭ ^ Ĭ ) 

Sunghoon

Oh boy

He will be confused

"why would you want to sit on my lap?"

He just doesn't understand

That he's my bias wrecker~

Even more confused when you fall asleep

Flabbergasted, you could say

I love that word

He would worry that he would wake you up

Evn though he's sitting still

And your fast asleep

But he loves it

Definitely zones out

Because he doesn't know what to do

Hell just sit there like🧍‍♂️😃

Puts his chin on your head

Will probably play with your fingers

Just for fun

Definitely not to keep from falling asleep

Definitely not...

*falls asleep*

Hes a sleeper

But he cant help it because your so comforting

I mean have you ever had someone fall asleep on top if you?

Ok nevermind that's never happened to me

But you can probably imagine

How

✨fabulous✨

It would be

Youur just returning the favor of sleep to him

If you two sleep for long enough one (or all) of the members will find you and take pictures

But maybe you want that

When else are you going to see how cute a sleeping Sunghoon is?

[4beomy]

idk if anyone even enjoys my work enough for this sorta ...update? lol but just in case..

im writing something completely new right now T-T im gonna finish with Totally Not Endgame probably by the end of this month..heh.. (so much world building and character development its a big project) and ill update get over him! a week from now!! (i think. hopefully)

but anyways, it was in the spur of the moment and i got super super inspired and made a roommate!au oneshot for yeonjun. yes, yes im writing for another member that is not beomgyu lmao. i was abt to make it a beomgyu oneshot since i thought the personality fit him but then...idk cute whipped yeonjun is something i've been looking for on here FOR SO LONG. so i was like, why not make one myself! so i made it. and i got carried away with it.. but whatever, i think its genuinely my best work so far T-T (out of all my drafts)

heres the synopsis if anyone sees this and is curious ^^

choosing to live with a complete stranger was...not the smartest thing you've chosen to do. but it's okay! it can't be too bad. well, except it is. it is bad. especially when you're kept awake with music blaring through the walls of your room. just what's up with your roommate?! (this can be changed later on) genre: fluff, crack, enemies to lovers (kinda) word count: IDK BCS IM NOT DONE YET T-T w my layout in mind, i think this will probably be really...really long.

if anyone wants to be in the taglist (though im not planning on making one lol but just in case <3), sending an ask would be great </3 but anywho this is just an update to show that im working on something hehe

edit: ok. what if i include smut. and a fwb relationship. im contemplating rn. bcs like this is the idea i have rn, when they get over the enemies arc (which wont be that important honestly) and become friends, they get like super close, super intimate bcs both oc and yeonjun like skinship then boom, one day, they're both super drunk and !! yeah. then they have this whole thing abt whether or not it matters, and they both decide nope it doesnt. but but but, it happens again, and its like the inevitable atp. so they decide on having sex casually cuz they realize they both enjoy it, sowhat!! and yk how those go, someones gonna catch feelings eventually but im thinking i wanna make them as oblivious as possible and also include one jealousy driven sex where yj just lets out his feelings ??? idk.

the issue is, im not the best smut writer LMAO and its hard for me to convey sexual tension UGHHH IDK ANYMORE THIS IS BASICALLY JUST A RANT

honestly, id prefer to make it just fluff and some angst ig because its comfortable and easy for me. but then theres this thing with long fluff fics getting barely any traction so im kinda demotivated in that aepsct of it all T-T and i do know theres some kinda demand for long smut fics with plot, so in terms of growing this blog thatd probably be the best option.. idk if someone can give me their preference and ill just base it all on that lmao

[casawio]

'The Festival...' (October 16th 2020) (Wilbur's POV) 

“i think someone stole my potatoes” (paranoid tone, one-off comment but starts the stream off with a quick hint towards his spiral)

“i dont think im ready, chat” / “im- im worried, but it’s gotta be done. its something- you ever had that thing in life, where you feel so ready to do everything.. but at the same time, you’re just not ready” (although this was implied to be about fighting for manberg, it’s said with a sadness that hits different after his death)

“im so ready to just- just put an end to this whole thing tonight” (same as prev, he takes a deliberate shuddering breath after this line.)

“i’ve been watching as people have strolled past the button, in manberg, and they havent pushed it, luckily” (another one that makes sense in retrospect! he’s projecting onto the button. he can feel himself slipping but continues on with everyday life. nobody will notice, until something drastic happens. until its too late.)

“[techno] was the one person who was completely on my side in helping me. tubbo.. was on my side aswell. but.. tubbo didn’t actually want to help. he just wanted to support me, verbally. which is appreciated, but not helpful.” (while this is--once again-- in context of winning back manberg, it conveys a deeper meaning. techno helps wilbur create chaos, destroy things, achieve his desire to feel worse. techno helps wilbur spiral, and he enjoys it. he likes being sick. tubbo wants wilbur to get better, he’s supporting him. )

“and tommy.. well.. tommyinnit, as you know, is just- he- he thinks im insane. im not insane, chat. im not insane” (at this point, wilbur is already planning his suicide. he’s trying to compartmentalize it, assume tommy hates him. he’s not trying to make himself some victim here or anything, he’s trying to justify his death. he’s trying to make it seem inevitable, like the best option, because it’s too late now. all he has left is to cling onto some presentation of sanity, whatever ‘sanity’ even means anymore.)

“yeah, yeah, how are you?’ ‘i'm not insane, tommy.’ [silence] ‘tommy, why'd you go quiet?" (immediately feeling attacked when caught off guard. this was uncharacteristic of earlier wilbur. he's lost in his own mind, whereas lmanberg era wilbur was more well adjusted to the moment. he clings onto every implication of tommy's thoughts, every bout of silence to fit his mental narrative.) "wilbur, have you done any preparation, pvp-wise?’ ‘i dont.. i dont need anything." (this line is important to pogtopia era crimeboys' dynamic. tommy interprets this as arrogance, or assuredness. it's said with a melancholy tone, though. wilbur doesn't mean it as in he knows the plan will work, he means it more as 'i dont care if i die anymore') "tommy- and im, i'm gonna do one last plea to you, tommy. and i want you to listen carefully. please, please respect this, right? you don't have to agree, just respect this, tommy, ok?’ ‘yes." (at the time, this line feels like wilbur pushing tommy aside. im sure it could've easily been interpretted as 'i dont care about your opinion anymore, just don't get in my way.' in retrospect, it reads more like a suicide note. he's telling tommy he can grieve, but to stil try to understand his reasoning behind it.) "but we've been through a lot, we've been through so much together, man. dont drop this all over your- your weird ideas of patriotism and heroism. this isnt a thing of heroism tommy, this is a thing of victory. tommy this is your last chance to get on my side, man." (even through lmanberg, even through battles, wilbur still wants whats best for him and his friends. he doesn't want tommy to give up his life for an ideal. the 'last chance' offer isn't one of sides or nations- it's a promise of how wilbur's legacy will be remembered. even if he knows he's a villian, he still has some hope that his story will be told from someone on his side.) "and we're gonna slam that button" (we.) "and you know we could reclaim it, man.’ ‘i dont think we could." (tommy says we. wilbur knows he wouldn't be around for long enough to run it 'together.' it's that same sense of nihilism. he knows that realistically they could, but it wouldn't matter either way. being president wouldn't fix him, it didnt the first time.) "tommy, its gonna be great. its gonna be absoloutely wonderful. i know you don't agree with it, but today? let's just be friends! lets be friends today, man!" ( he wants to end off on a good note. a giddiness creeps into his tone, it's not genuine. it's a response to the growing numbness. "technoblade's just mocking us already." (despite them being on the same side earlier, despite wilbur praising him for all his 'help.' ) "you know you havent got any armor on, and you're a wanted man?’ ‘tommy, i don't need armor! you don't seem to understand!" (he's clinging onto ideals to give tommy a sense of familiarity. his anti-armor habit is less out of peace, now, and more out of self sabotage. it's the same point as him not bringing any pvp supplies or preparing.) "why are you not concerned about the fact that we're not invited here?’ ‘i am concerned! i'm being very careful, tommy!" (prev) "if i can't have it, no-one can, tommy!" (it's within his grasp. still, he doesn't want it. it won't grant him happiness, it's just a goal now. theres no use in reclaiming it, so wilbur wants to leave it as a memory. he wants to leave it's legacy.) "no-one can have happiness." (once again. he's resigned to his depressive cycle. theres an urge that comes with it, to drag everyone else down. he knows nothing will fufill these people, so long as they keep playing a drawn-out game of chess with other's lives.) "me however.. i'll take the fall. i'll take the fall tommy. i'm taking off this fucking helmet. look, i'll take the fall, tommy." / "see, im not so crazy, tommy! i know what i'm doing!" (he's looking for outside validation. if he says things that appeal to tommy and selectively leave out his intentions, maybe it will be easier to justify his death.) "when it all going kaput i don't wanna be trapped up at hbomb's house" (ok for context he was setting his spawn since he hadn't done so since doing hbombs challenge. this both implies that he hadn't slept and he knew he would likely die from the explosion) "what've you given me, a cake? niki cake.’ ‘you might need something to eat, i dunno." (he throws the cake away. he doesn't want to think about niki. he can't think about how this will hurt her. it's another act of self-sabotage, aswell.)

"we can kill them all, seriously it doesn't matter. they're not on our side." ( once again, distancing himself from people that care about him. he's stuck in the same paranoid mindset, convinced everyone will betray him. hes constantly assuring himself of it, to keep building his same narrative. each comment is a brick, and he is building walls so that nobody will notice he's gone.) "wilbur, wilbur- have [an enderpearl] i understand what you're doing is wrong, but i don't want you to go down with it.’ ‘oh, i have no intention of going down with it. dying with the explosion is the least thing i want to happen." (still, he set his spawn. he's lying as a defense mechanism. the enderpearl was a sign that tommy cares, and wilbur couldn't let his walls crumble. he also mentions he doesn't want to die with the explosion; not that he doesn't want to die in general.) "chat, im having second thoughts about the tnt. do i wanna do this? do i wanna kill all these people? they're my friends." (bits and pieces of his actual thoughts are slipping through the cracks. he not only doesnt want to kill them in the explosion, but he's considering how his death would affect them. seeing everyone existing without him is ruining his carefully composed structure.) "tommy, im- im getting second thoughts. these are my friends. do i- i don't know if i wanna do it.’ ‘dont! dont wilbur, you shouldn't!" (he's being honest with tommy, or atleast closer to his true feelings than before. he starts begging tommy to stop showing him everyone below, enjoying themselves. he's at a loss for words, he can't explain why he doesn't want to look at them. it's too complicated for him to explain, and he doesn't fully understand) "tubbo's just a yesman" (this pisses wilbur off, because it goes against his entire structure. there's nothing to work with, nothing to twist in tubbo's words.) "i miss philza. i wonder if he'd be proud of me." (combined with the 'philza taught me how to make a tnt duplication machine' earlier in the stream. as he draws closer and closer to what he assumes is his death, he references the angel of death more and more frequently.) "tommy GO, tommy GO!" (when put on the spot, he instinctively tells tommy to run.) "if you're gonna kill anyone else, kill me. don't kill anyone else here." (this whole stream, it was all the things that mightve happened if he went through with the button then and there. his friends' blood, spilled. everyone existing without him there. and after seeing all that, he would choose to sacrifice himself.) "look tommy, this is perfect! tommy, this is absolutely magnificent! you know why this is magnificent, tommy? because now, its- its exactly what i said! no-one's on our side, tommy! everyone's just listening to whoever's got the most power! no one cares, no one has any honor here!" (this is exactly where he started from, but worse. he frames the festival as a perfect thesis to his original mental narrative. the walls grow taller and taller, with every concrete betrayal towering over him. this is such a good writing move, it makes me feel insane.) "i don't know about you tommy, but i'd forgive technoblade in a heartbeat!" (once again, this circles back to the beginning of the stream. techno can help wilbur hurt himself. if forgiving technoblade makes tommy and tubbo hate him, that's exactly what he wants. he needs everyone to be bitter, because just maybe it'll soften the grief.) "i thought today was gonna be my last time here, honestly. i- genuinely, i was considering blowing up lmanberg, having a big- having a big moment where i'm like looking over the rubble and im like 'ive changed as a person.' but like, after this... i am just deeper! i wanna- i wanna do different, more blown up things! y'know?" if there's any other streams you'd like me to analyze, just send me an ask ^_^

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

[cdroloisms]

so... the red banquet, huh?

im not going to lie, i was cheering on the eggpire the entire time (/lh) - what can i say, something abt the demon possessed resident evil crew just speaks to my heart. theyre FUN, ok? 

anyway, a lot of people were theorizing abt what c!dream showing up at the banquet could look like - and, well, i thought i’d write my version of it. this takes place in the “guard dog au” developed primarily by a gc im in on twitter (@stabbysideblog being the main originator of it, do check sunny out !!) - the basic premise is post-getting the revive book from c!dream, c!quackity continues to get his, uh, “use” out of him by basically treating him as a bodyguard/guard dog as he goes around the server - which should probably give you a pretty good idea of how this is going to go :] 

tws: death, grief, implied torture, starvation, abuse, blood, murder, unhealthy relationship, dehumanization, possession, trauma, mental illness, violence, dark content, dark imagery, emotional distress, mental instability, pandora’s vault/prison arc, c!quackity critical (not really, but a very dark portrayal of him) 

A strangled sob claws its way up Puffy’s throat as she watches Foolish fall.

He drops in a spray of golden ichor in the crimson, brilliant green eyes trained on hers, jaw slack in horror, pain, dipping to the ground and whiting out before he’s even fully collapsed. The others’ screams hardly even meet her ears; all she can see is her son, falling, her son, dying, her son, that same sunlit kindness still held in the curve of his lips in this room that knows nothing but pain and betrayal, gone gone gone gone-

Because of her.

Ant’s still staring at her, pupils thinned to needles from the brightness of the lava at their backs, ears alert but stance entirely calm as he twirls his sword, still dripping gold. His mouth is moving but she cannot hear anything above the ring ring ringing in her ears, the world swirling and blurring dangerously from the tears gathering in her eyes and spilling over her cheeks, Ant’s eyes polished rubies where there had once been a cloudless sky. Bad gestures at the crowd, pushed back towards the lava’s fire in their fear, leaving her to stand in the middle of the room as one desperate dying scream, the egg, standing as a silent witness to it all-

“Bad-” a flash of blue, and there’s someone standing in front of her, shoulders pulled back, a diamond sword glittering their right hand, “Stop it.”

“Quackity.”’

Bad snarls, tail whipping back and forth; Puffy takes a step back, then another, shoulders still shaking in grief for her son, for her friends, for everyone who’s about to lose their lives in this twisted realm of crimson and hellfire. There is no fear on Quackity’s face though he stands unarmored, and for the first time in this awful day something like worry flashes over Bad’s face. There’s history here, she realizes - what did Bad say about Quackity attacking? - but none of this is making sense, not the self-assured way Quackity is carrying himself, wings relaxed and folded at his back, not the simmering unease making itself known in the foreign cadence of Bad’s voice.

“Oh my gosh, look at what you’ve done,” Quackity says, voice almost patronizing, like a parent stumbling in on the mess their child has made out of their bedroom, “this is impressive, I’m not going to lie, this is quite impressive.” Puffy swallows thickly, hears the shuddering gasp of someone behind her - Fundy, probably, or Sam - as Quackity’s voice drops. “You have to stop right now.”

“Stop?”

“This whole Egg thing is just getting out of control - you just killed a man,” Quackity stalks across the netherbrick floor like he has all the time in the world, ignoring the crossbows that the Eggpire has trained on his back, guarded only by the off-white shirt he’s wearing, an untied tie hanging limply around his neck. She sucks in a sharp breath through her teeth - my son, they killed my son, she means to say, but the words stick to the walls of her throat and only escape her lungs in another series of wracking sobs. “Is that what you wanted to do, Bad?”

He laughs - laughs, of all things, and there is something here that Puffy is missing, that isn’t clicking through the muddied fog of grief hanging grey and suffocating around her head, but Quackity is speaking again and she can’t think about it all, not now, “-and I’m not gonna have it anymore, Bad.”

He slips over by the crowd, eyes glancing all of them huddled in one fearful mob over the tables, eyes dark and daring and cold; the Eggpire keeps their eyes trained on him, Bad’s eyebrows furrowed, Ant’s muzzle twisted in a snarl. Puffy watches, their words passing over her like water skidding against the surface of a rock splitting a stream in two, heart thudding in her ears, marking out the heartsick beats in this poisoned melody - one-two, her-son, her-son, her-son-

He stops in front of her in the middle of monologuing, eyes trained on her own like he’s trying to tell her something. His eyes flick down and she follows their gaze to his other hand, the one not clasped around a sword handle, watches as he gestures vaguely in the direction of the Eggpire. She frowns, confusion cutting through the grief - what is he trying to say? - and Quackity sighs, index finger slashing in the air in the shape of what might be an A as he spins on his heel to walk back towards Bad and the others.

“So how about we just stop playing?”

Quackity smiles, teeth white and glittering from the lava’s glow even as the Eggpire surrounds him, pushes him back against the wall. Bad seems to hesitate, hand clasped around the trigger of a crossbow he keeps pointed at the other’s head; when he speaks, he almost sounds mournful.

“I can’t,” he mutters, quiet, stepping forwards as his shoulders straighten, pushing Quackity back in a motion that the others are quick to follow. Puffy watches, an awful sinking feeling falling through the hole left in her chest by the sight of her son, falling, her son, dead - watches as Quackity’s wings open, shine golden in the lava’s light - what is he planning?

“You know why I can’t stop.”

Quackity heaves a heavy sigh through his lungs, “Bad- you and all your buddies here, drop your weapons, and leave. Let all of these people go.”

“Or what?” Ant’s voice is sharp, but Quackity barely pays him a second thought, swinging a glare at his head and cutting him off.

“I’m not talking to you,” he laughs, dismissive, “I’m talking to Bad.”

“No-” Puffy watches as Bad’s hand tightens on his crossbow, punctuating the word with a step forward. “You put your weapon down. If you wanted to stop us?” He’s too close to Quackity for Puffy to make out either of their faces, crossbow bolt aimed and ready to send straight through his skull. She stiffens, sees from the corner of her eye as the ones beside her look away, and resigns herself to the inevitable spray of blood on brick - not again not again don’t make me watch again - “You should’ve brought more than just yourself.”

Quackity laughs.

“I did,” his voice is dangerous in its levity, making Bad, then the rest of the Eggpire step back as his wings spread open further, watching with bated breath and wide eyes as a swarm of white descends from a hidden hole in the wall, “Or, well, I did the next best thing. I brought my worst enemy.”

“What?”

“Alright Quackity, where’s this Egg thing?”

Technoblade jumps down into the room in a familiar purple-black blur of expertly enchanted netherite armor, form impeccable despite the seeming exhaustion in his voice. At his feet, a pack of wolves gather, pace, muscles coiled and clearly ready to strike; he rolls his shoulders back, signature fireworks loaded into his crossbow, and the crowd behind Puffy immediately breaks into shocked murmuring and soft cheers.

On Quackity’s other side, someone else flips into the room, wearing a suit of all things, crisp and well-pressed; Purpled grins, entirely too gleeful as the Eggpire presses back further, held off by the dogs swarming and growling at their feet.

“Purpled- we hired you!”

“To be frank with you, Bad, a sword appears in Purpled’s hand and he flips it casually, blade thin and gleaming, “Quackity just had the better price.”

“We- we still outnumber you!” Bad’s voice is a near-scream in its desperation, his tail lashing back and forth as he shifts his weight forward, “It’s four against three- we’ll still win-” Despite herself, Puffy’s mind spins; either way, they’re still at a disadvantage from sheer numbers alone, never mind Quackity’s lack of armor. Maybe if they all work together, they’ll be able to sufficiently stop them, but there’s no way she can see this ending in anything less than a bloodbath-

“I didn’t want for it to come to this, Bad,” Quackity’s voice drops low and sweet, the sincerity in his tone belied by his glittering eyes and jagged grin. The shift in tone sends a shiver down her back, has even his allies shifting uncomfortably in what seems to be confusion - Puffy catches something like a murmured no from Sam, behind her, before Quackity whistles, loud.

It all happens too fast for her to follow; one moment, the Eggpire is standing, weapons raised and ready to fight; the next, and there is a new netherite-clad figure in the middle of the room, signature sparks of purple from a pearl still glittering around them, axe buried into Antfrost’s chest. The room devolves into shrieks as his body dissolves, Bad gasping sharply and something dark bubbling in Puffy’s chest - good - as the newcomer in the room moves over to Ponk, bloodstained axe swinging in a downward arc, only barely stopped in time by a diamond sword catching on the crook of the blade.

“Go!” Quackity’s voice rings out above the chaos, and Techno and Purpled - seemingly shaken from their shock - fly into motion, fireworks bursting in flashes of red and black that send Puffy blinking out stars from her eyes, Purpled moving to match blows against Hannah and Techno’s army biting at the ankles of the Eggpire leader. Around her, people scream in relief, cheering as the Eggpire, clad in eggshell-blue, are pushed back one by one, hindered by a shifting wave of teeth and claws and clashing blades and netherite moving smoothly over the uneven floor - Bad screams, “RETREAT!”, and they disappear into the wall.

Purpled curses; “I’m going after them.” Puffy watches, still reeling, as he dives into the corridor that Bad had revealed, a flash of purple and blue melting into the shadows; the mystery figure - still hauling a heavy, bloodstained axe, nearly dragging against the floor - moves forward as to follow.

Quackity snaps his fingers, and the figure stops, turns, immediately moving to the winged man’s side. Behind her, Puffy can make out cheers, gasping, hysterical sounds of relief; she can’t join them, feels nothing but the shuddering weight of her grief pressing further on her lungs as the adrenaline fades, head dizzy with Foolish’ sharp gasp in pain, Ant’s yowl of agony. Her eyes flick to the side, catch on Sam pacing, muttering under his breath; when his eyes meet hers, they widen in something like - alarm?

She shakes her head; she can’t think about all of that, right now. Her hooves stumble over the vines and rot strewn over the floor, carrying her forward to the glitter of gold on red, to where her son had fallen and she could do no more but watch with a scream caught between her teeth.

A hand lands on her shoulder- “I’m sorry we couldn’t make it in time.”

She whirls around; Quackity’s looking down at her, face twisted in sympathy. Behind him, the armored stranger looms, hair long and tangled, helmet keeping their face in shadow and hiding their features from view. There’s something distantly familiar to them, in the way they shift from one foot to the other, something that makes her eyes narrow and throat tighten-

“Who are you?” The words tumble from her mouth, making Quackity freeze, jaw snapping shut, the figure behind him tensing almost imperceptibly under their armor. “Who-”

Quackity’s eyes are dark, piercing; she can’t read them, the flat line of his mouth as confusing as it is frustrating. His eyes flick up to somewhere over her shoulder before moving back to her own

“How rude of me,” He smiles, gold tooth glinting, “I didn’t even introduce our special guest.”

His right wing presses against their back, and they drop, immediately, to their knees, making her step back in shock. Quackity’s hand slips easily under the edge of their helmet, ripping it off with little care and letting their hair fall in a wave of dusty browns over their face; he pulls the strands back roughly, revealing the paleness to their skin, the hollows in their cheeks-

“Dream?”

Her breath shudders in her chest, eyes snapping up to Quackity, still smiling, hand still pressed against the back of his skull. Dream’s face is pale, thin, clawed with new scars that highlight the jut of his cheekbones and the dullness of his eyes. He looks up at her, eyes glassy, skin almost grey, and for a moment she’s looking at Foolish, eyes unseeing in death, the luster of his skin stolen like the air from his lungs, and she nearly screams.

“Puffy, Puffy,” Quackity murmurs, almost kind, “It’s alright, see? Everything’s fine now.”

“He- he’s supposed to be in prison,” she hisses, not missing how he flinches, not missing how even that is hindered by the hand braced against his head. He looks strangely small kneeling at Quackity’s side, dwarfed by the netherite he’s wearing; even with an axe strapped to his back, the blade still wet with crimson and reeking of iron and decay, he hardly looks like the villain that had terrorized the server, the son she could no longer recognize in the midst of the bridges he burned.

“Oh- don’t worry about him,” Quackity shrugs, wings fluttering, “It’s all being done with the Warden’s permission, Puffy, I know what I’m doing.” As if to prove his point, his hand tightens on the other’s hair, tugging his head back by the roots; Dream hardly even reacts, simply letting himself be manhandled, throat bare and exposed to the air, similarly criss-crossed by scars. “He’s perfectly well-behaved now, you see?”

Her throat closes, the pit in her gut torn open by the sight of her son with a blade skewered through his heart only growing wider, hungrier, by the dullness in the eyes of the other. Foolish’ death had happened too fast for her to react: one moment, he was staring at her, eyes mournful in goodbye; the next, he was a tumble of gold and green and blue against the floor, half of his name still not having left her lips. Dream’s head swivels to hers, face entirely blank; there is nothing quick written in the gauntness of his face, more scar tissue than skin, in the shadows under his eyes or how they seem to stare, unseeing, in the long, knotted strands of hair twisted over Quackity’s knuckles. He looks like he’s been dying, slowly, for months, and the screaming cry of YOU FAILED ringing in her head in Ant’s voice only grows louder.

“What did you-” the words scrape roughly against the inside of her mouth, “What did you do?”

Quackity shrugs, letting go, and Dream’s head tips forward to stare at the floor. “What had to be done.”

He clicks his fingers again, and Dream stands, falling behind Quackity with his shoulders pulled up to his ears. Quackity hands him back his helmet, keeping his hand stretched out, palm up, even after Dream takes the netherite and fastens it back over his head. Puffy watches, heart stuck in her throat, as Dream fiddles with something by his throat, pulls out a thick coil of iron chains, pressing the end to Quackity’s outstretched hand - the other side, she realizes, fastened around his neck.

Her breath stutters when he looks back at Quackity, gut roiling at the familiarity - it’s an imperfect copy of the way he used to look at her, a skittish shadow at her tail, all awkward smiles and fidgeting hands. Only now, his eyes don’t dance with the same light, his lungs shivering in fear instead of wheezing laughter; she watches as his head follows Quackity like he’s the only person in the room, a duckling imprinted on the nearest person and ready to follow to the ends of the world and further, and her heart shatters all over again.

“Anyway,” Quackity’s eyes soften, lips curled in sympathy, “My condolences, Puffy, for your son. It really is a tragedy.”

She watches him leave with tears in her eyes, a sob once again caught in her throat. The images overlap - Foolish, smiling under the sun’s glow, sitting on the roof of his summer home - Dream, grinning in the treetops, eyes as green as the leaves surrounding him - Foolish, falling in a spray of ichor and a gasp of pain, Dream, grey-eyed and silent, dead as the crimson rot surrounding his beaten body-

My condolences for your son, Quackity’s words echo in her skull, and not for the first time, she laughs miserably, tears falling from her eyes.

Which one?

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[tutubola-moved-on]

Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

[seven-homosexual-dinosaurs]

Tree trouble

Part of the “The kids are back” series. Set before “Reunions”

Anne totally meant to get in this situation. Yep. Totally. 

Otherwise known as Anne’s tree story.

To Anne’s credit, she wasn’t completely responsible for her current predicament. Probably only forty? Fifty percent? Whatever. Point is, she wasn’t the one responsible for her situation for once. 

She hadn’t even meant to cause chaos. She’d simply wanted to give her girlfriend a nice present. Though, perhaps explaining what was going on would be a good idea. 

It had all started when she’d gone shopping with Cathy. They’d been looking for a present for Anna’s birthday. Anne had gone up ahead to look at a sparkly green pair of heelies when she’d noticed the absence of a certain blue queen. Turning back, she’d found Cathy examining an orange woolen hat.

“You think Anna’d like it?”

Cathy shook her head. “No, I was just thinking. I’m gonna need a new hat since Kitty’s been stealing mine,”

“You like this one?” Anne asked, feeling the hat in her hands.

“I mean, I guess? Just not a huge fan of the colour,”

Anne nodded in understanding. “Not blue enough, huh?”

Cathy swatted her arm. 

“Just because I’m ‘The blue queen’ doesn’t mean that everything I own has to be blue!”

Anne snorted. 

“So what colour were you gonna get?”

“... blue,”

Anne grinned , wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. 

“That’s what I though,”

Cathy rolled her eyes, grabbing Anne’s hand and leading her away from the store. “Whatever. It’s too expensive anyways, we should probably just go finish getting the present,”

Anne nodded reluctantly, sparing one last glance at the hat before following Cathy towards the video game isle.

-----------------------------------------

“You want to learn to knit?”

Jane eyed Anne dubiously. 

“Yeah, and?” Anne shuffled her feet self consciously. “What’s it to you?”

Jane expression shifted as she smiled at Anne gently, setting her book down on the kitchen counter. “Nothing, just surprised,” Seeing Anne’s expression, she elaborated, 

“Not in a bad way! Just a bit unexpected. Are you free tomorrow after lunch? I’ll need today to get the materials,”

“Yeah,” Anne nodded. “And by the way, could the wool be blue?”

-----------------------------------------

“Hey Kitty, lemme borrow that hat for a sec,”

Kat snatched the hat away from her, planting it firmly on her head once more.

“No! I need to keep my head warm!”

“It’s not even yours! It’s Cathy’s!”

“Then go ask her!”

Kat’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Unless... you don’t want Cathy to know you’re taking her hat!”

Anne snatched the hat off of Kat’s head, stuffing it in her hoodie pocket before retreating to the entrance of her room. “What? No! Psssshhhh, why’d you think that?”

Kat scoffed, throwing a sparkly pillow at Anne. 

“Yeah, whatever. If you wanted to go cause trouble you could’ve just asked,”

Anne sighed in relief. She hadn’t been found out yet.

“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t tell anyone, k?”

“Like you even have to ask!”

----------------------------------------- 

Finally, it was done.

After several painstakingly long knitting classes with Jane and a close call where Catalina almost discovered her, she’d done it.

She’d made a hat.

Not just any hat mind you, she’d created a replica of the hat she’d seen with Cathy. It was blue of course, what kind of girlfriend would she be if it were any other colour? Now all that was left was to add some personal touches. Namely, a light blue and green pompom she’d spotted at an art shop near Catalina’s favorite café. 

Currently, she was making her way to the store. With the other queens out of the house, there was no one to be suspicious of her absence or question where she’d gone. With Anna and Kat were going out on a date to celebrate Anna’s birthday and Catalina, Jane and Cathy going to watch a movie at the ladies’ house, Anne was free to finish the hat. Turning the hat over in her hands, she smiled. Cathy was gonna be so damn impressed.

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew past her. Stumbling, Anne threw her hands forwards to steady herself. The hat, now free from her hands, blew away into the wind. Yelping, she ran forwards to try and catch it, only to let out a short scream as she tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. Picking herself up, she looked around for the hat. Finally she spotted it.

On the top of a tree.

....Fuck

Groaning, Anne walked to the bottom of the tree to try and figure out how to climb it. 

Because what else was she supposed to do?

Ask for help?

Anne would get beheaded again before that happened. 

Glaring at the tree once more, she got to work.

-----------------------------------------

Pausing on a sturdy branch, Anne took a second to catch her breath. Rubbing her sore wrists, she risked a glance back towards the ground.

Huh.

She was a lot higher than she thought. 

Oh well.

Sighing, Anne looked back up towards the hat. Just a bit more, then she’d be able to go finish the hat and pretend this whole ordeal never happened. 

Left hand, right hand. Left foot, right foot. Left hand, right ha-

The branch snapped.

Oh shit.

Anne tumbled towards the ground with a scream. Her arms flew up to her cover her head as she raced towards the ground with a scream. Bracing for impact, she closed her eyes.

Anne hit the ground with a sickening snap. 

Immediately, she was consumed by a blinding pain in her leg. Groaning, she tried to turn over, only to hiss in pain as a jolt of pain shot through her ribs. Laying back on her side, she slowly exhaled and waited for the pain to ease.

And waited.

And waited.

After realizing nothing was gonna happen, she resigned herself to her fate. Inhaling deeply, she slowly sat up, hissing as pain shot through her ribs. Standing up, she balanced herself on her leg, gripping the tree for support. Exhaling shakily, she pulled her phone out to call a taxi.

-----------------------------------------

Anne looked through her phone, bored. She tried tapping her foot to emphasize how bored she was, only to remember it was in a cast. After getting checked out, she’d found out her leg was broken, along with two of her ribs. Sighing, she put her phone down and stared at the ceiling. She’d hopped that perhaps the hat had fallen when she had, but no, it was still stuck on the tree. That goddamned tree.

Hearing her text tone go off, she picked her phone up.

Janey: Where are you?

Janey: Why aren’t you home?

Oh. Had the queens gotten home already? Fuck, this wasn’t gonna be fun to explain.

Anne: get on the gc. get the othr queens there too

Janey: ???

Anne: just do it

Queens:

Lina: what is it anne?

Kitty-Kat: where u @

Bo: Queens, i have gathered you all today to make an announcement

GamerGirl: ??

Bo: i am

Cathy P: yes?

Bo:  ✨in the hospital ✨

Several people are typing...

Anne placed her phone down as it blew up with texts, grinning at the chaos that was inevitably taking place in the queen household. 

Bo: its the hospital near the mall

Bo: btw im not dying

Bo: but also hurry up and get here im bored

Smiling, Anne laid back down on the bed. This should be entertaining.

-----------------------------------------

“Anne!”

“Annie!”

“What on earth did you do?!”

“Bo!”

“Anne Boleyn!”

Anne grinned sheepishly at the queens standing in the doorway.

“Hi”

The queens all situated themselves near Anne. Jane and Anna both pulled a chair up, Catalina sat at the foot of her bed, Cathy sat next to Anne, and Kat situated herself in Anna’s lap.

“Are you ok!?”

“What happened?”

“Did you do something dumb like fight a raccoon?”

“Anna!”

Anna shrunk down in her seat at the seething glare Cathy and Catalina sent her. Kat snickered quietly as Jane facepalmed at her shenanigans. Anne rolled her eyes. “Yeah totally. A raccoon broke two of my ribs, broke my leg, and cracked two more of my ribs,”

A stunned silence followed her retort. Looking up, she grimaced at the horrified looks on the queens faces. 

“Fell out of a tree,”

“......”

“Anne, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but what the fuck,”

Anne flipped Anna off, earning her a fake gasp from the latter. Kat however, didn’t seem keen on dropping the topic.

“Why were you in a tree anyways?”

Anne weighed her options carefully. If she told the truth, the surprise would be ruined for Cathy and Kat and Anna would call her a simp for the rest of their reincarnated lives. Jane and Lina might not overly react, but it wasn’t a risk she was willing to take.

Steeling her mind, Anne made her answer.

“Felt like climbing a tree,”

As the room devolved into chaos, Anne knew one thing: she’d get that hat back or die trying.  And knowing Anne, it would probably be the latter.

Oh well.

[seijorhi]

asks :)

y’all are killing me, but like in the best possible way 😭

rhi,,, i have been FED. i am so GRATEFUL for the MEAL. 😤 it never ceases to amaze me how talented you are 😭💞 seijoh supremecy reigns!!! and let me tell you,,, makki... just.... ✨makki “stronger than he looks, makki”✨ i frothed,,, we love our underappreciated strawberry on this blog!!!

all i want is for makki to pin me down and fuck me until i’m sobbing. and timeskip makki?? i love him so much 🥺 

and thank you, bby!! 

Rhi. First of all holy shit??? I had to take a deep breath because holy fuck that was just 🥵🥵🥵. I rarely read Mattsun or Makki fics but ugh, I really looked forward to this and holy hell you did not disappoint! Damn. Because you mentioned that this was supposed to be another Seijoh 4 fic, I'd like to consider this as an alternate version of your Manager au and ugh the biggest question! Who did Makki send the pics to? Oikawa and Iwa to tell them what they're missing out? Or to the mystery boyfriend because they finally staked their claim on reader-chan?

Hmmm seeing that the Jackals are the ones in Osaka, I feel like it's any of the four? Omg what if it was Hinata???? But I'll probably feel sad if it was Meian cuz I love him 😭😭😭

sdfghjjhgfhjkl thank you!!!!! i was like ‘okay, you’re not gonna make this about all four of them’ and then my brain ignored all of that entirely and decided just to sprinkle in some hints. i like to think that a lot of things that probably crossed a line happened back in their last year at highschool between all five of them that the reader either rationalises or brushed off, so it is kind of intended as an alternate manager au i guess.

and yeah, makki sent the pics to both iwa, oikawa and your (soon to be ex) boyfriend :)

Hot damn! Baby it’s cold outside is phenomenal!!! I loved the buildup. Am I wrong to assume that iwa and oikawa had some idea of what was going to happen?

oh no, they absolutely knew 👀 and thank you!!

wait omg did makki send those pics to himself or to your boyfriend (perhaps iwa and oikawa?) but wow amazing work as always!! 💕

one set to your boyfriend, another to their captain 😌

Sooo, Oikawa and Iwa were in on it, but why didn't they want to take part?

it’s not so much that they didn’t want to, more that they didn’t want to overwhelm you all once - but dw, they haven’t gone far 👀

The funny thing about timezones is that I often read your fics a few minutes after I wake up at 5am and lol, I end up thinking about them the whole day. They're basically my breakfast at this point lol

timezones are a bitch and i would fight them bare fisted if i could. no but that’s probably the best way to read them, still half asleep 😂 thank you tho!! i’m glad you like them so much!

i love ur soulmate aus 😭 sometimes i wish i could read outrunning fate for the first time again

this is so sweet, thank you, bby!!

out of all your oikawa’s, which one is your fave 😌

but i love them all so much?? unpopular opinion i think, but maybe home! oikawa

kuroo calling you “kitten/sweetheart” and oikawa calling you “his pretty girl/cutie” makes me 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

this makes me so happy because i am an absolute whore for pet-names so they inevitably find their way into my fics - glad i’m not the only one who like them haha

i hesrd soulmate dabihawks and my brain malfunctioned in a good way we can never be sick of soulmate aus

i think i promised to write something for dabi & hawks waaaay back when i started this blog and i still haven’t so maybe now’s the perfect time 👀

ahhhhh im literally gonna go beserk when u open comms i got a whole note in my notes app titled 'bbydoll comms' n like its just a list of comm ideas im so fucking excited

wait, really?? omfg you’re gonna make me melt!!

you're my favourite writer!! each one of your fics is always so well written and interesting and i just--- omg. i have reread practically all your work i literally always go back to it <3

thank you so much, you’re so nice i hope you’re having a good day, bby!

saw dark content slander “ur sick bastards, get help” I AM BEYOND FUCKING PISSEd who the hell are y’all to tell us what to do and what to like. wtf. i’ve been seeing so much shit and it’s like “ok, and??” mind ur own fucking business, block. no one needs to hear ur opinion about it lmao. they be acting like they’re content makes them a better person. what u condone irl and what u condone in fiction is very very different. anyways thanks for listening to my rant, i’m sure u get a lot of shit from random people about dc haha

it’s frustrating, but at the end of the day it’s better just to ignore it and keep enjoying the content you want to - that’s not hurting anybody. you’re never going to change their minds and they’re not interested in that - so long as the content is appropriately tagged it shouldn’t be an issue, but i get where the frustration comes into play

and honestly compared to a lot of dark content writers i think i get off pretty lightly with hate, thank god

[cheekbites-moved]

ok i still havent gotten the secret ending but farming for it might take me a bit so im gonna make a thoughts post for age of calamity now:

Major spoilers obvs so ill put it under a read more

things i enjoyed:

revali beatdown simulator

the controls for the divine beasts are a bit clunky, but i think the angles they used for them did an excellent job at really making the player feel like we were actually controlling a divine beast. so i think it was done well.

link’s personality really gets to shine full force in this game with the amount of cut scenes and it was wonderful to see

every character clearly had a lot of love put into how they operate. they truly all feel unique, & all of their play styles fit them really well in my opinion

the game does a really good job of making you understand what a real threat the monsters are. like in botw they’re intimidating at first, but once you’re far enough into the game they become just an inconvenience to work around if anything. this game managed to actually make certain monsters intimidating for me again, and i think that’s a real accomplishment

the blight battles are actually somewhat challenging in this game and that is truly a commendable achievement lol i think all the bosses are good tbh. i didnt rly dislike or not enjoy any of them.

the way daruk and link’s friendship & urbosa’s motherly relationship towards zelda got to shine was. so good. it’s all i could’ve ever wanted

seeing the descendants again was really nice & it was awesome to see the champions interacting with them!! especially sidon and mipha omggggg. that was. really fucking good shit

kohga. just. kohga in general. getting to see more of him was really rad, he’s such a fun guy! and his english va was Excellent. you could really tell he was having a lot of fun playing him, and it was lovely to see! :)

zelda getting to really shine in this game was also lovely to see. and her being so assertive and badass by the end? omg. it was so wonderful especially after botw. man. 

the combat is done very well imo. im rly glad that they took so many elements from botw, but also added their own flares to make it feel fresh. it was rad.

sidon’s tagline is “winning smile” and his power is “boundless optimism” and i think that’s beautiful

the music in this game is SOOOOO good oh my god. multiple times during playing i had to pause to just appreciate it. it’s pretty much all remixes of botw with a few originals for the new characters, but they all slap. there was not a single song in this game i didn’t like. it is definitely one of my favorite video game soundtracks officially. maybe one of my favorite overall soundtracks in general tbh.

the visuals obviously look just like botw, but it still looked fucking gorgeous at some points. like. man. they really went off to make it look not only faithful to botw as far as appearance goes, but also as far as capturing botw’s beauty and it was. excellent to see!

if anything is true to botw’s backstory, it’s definitely how op link is. cause he was established to be op in botw, & when u finish botw he is also op as hell. he is so fun to play as the higher leveled he gets. he absolutely kicks ass. especially with a two-handed weapon??? daaaaammmmnnn. thats my badass baby boy!!!!

link eating rocks not once, but TWICE. just showing PEAK gremlin energy. 10/10 for those scenes they were great

the ending was really beautiful actually and i did cry like a little baby for it what about it

things i didn’t like:

obviously first and foremost.. this is not the game we were advertised. and no matter how much i overall enjoyed the game, it will always have some layer of being tainted attached to it due to the false advertising. this is not the prequel we thought we’d be getting. & not using “prequel” specifically doesn’t matter when all the advertising, including the box art talks about this being the story of what happened 100 years ago. with no indication it wasn’t the story of what happened 100 years ago in the botw timeline, but a separate universe/timeline entirely. i do hope we get dlc for the game at some point giving us what we were advertised, but at the same time... rly wish that the story that’s in the final game was dlc, & the story we were promised was the original :/ or just having the game have two separate storylines originally would’ve been cool. i just wish it wasn’t falsely advertised. 

fort hateno can fucking eat my whole entire shit WHY is that part so needlessly obnoxious compared to everything else oh my god

being forced to fulfill revali’s power fantasy TWICE hurt my soul

fuck any mission where you have to protect the useless hylian guards. i hate them. they suck.

the ai for player characters when you aren’t playing as them can also be pretty useless. it was really frustrating failing missions because my fellow party members weren’t helping me, and i was basically expected to be in two places at once to get shit done myself. :/ ik you can just switch between characters to make it easier, but like. i like playing as link the most. he’s my favorite character, & ofc since he’s mandatorily played for most of the story, he’s gonna be the most leveled up character regardless so he’s just the best to play as in general especially for harder missions. it was annoying to be forced to play as other people Solely cause the ai was so useless.

king rhoam’s attempt at a redemption arc. i’m not sorry that i just fucking hate this man. i don’t mind him entirely in botw bc you can see clear, genuine remorse during the cut scene at the end of the great plateau. but the redemption arc he gets in this game? after all the fucking shit he does in this game? especially when after his ~redemption arc~ i had to sit through a cut scene of him being an absolute fucking asshole to baby zelda after her mother just died????? absolutely fuck that shit. i don’t appreciate that crap at fucking all. he’s a verbally abusive piece of shit and i hate his guts.

obviously there was gonna be some retconning of how certain things worked in botw in order to make this kinda game work but the way sheikah technology works in this game is so goddamn confusing i do not get it. the works of botw are never outright said or explained completely, but it’s straightforward enough that it doesn’t really matter. this game does try to explain certain things and it just becomes. really clunky and confusing very quickly. 

the story is alright, i guess, but..... really confusing/convoluted as hell at times to a point that it’s. really fucking distracting. especially in comparison to how straightforward botw’s story is. like..... cannot help but be annoyed that such a problem wouldn’t have been a thing if they stuck to botw’s story.

i was sad when the egg thing died but i dont like the egg thing.... it is the MAIN reason shit was retconned so much & i just. dont get its purpose. but i did really like the reveal that zelda made it herself. that was good shit!

also the egg glitched out like. a LOT. idk what the fuck was going on with the poor thing but there was multiple times during a cut scene or when i was just sitting there that it was freaking out in the background and it was rly weird

elemental overworld boss monsters................. obnoxious. especially elemental guardians like goddamn bro what the fuck

i know warriors’ games aren’t about exploring anyway but the limitations for exploring was really sad/frustrating. this is still somewhat the world of hyrule before the calamity, which is something we’ve always wanted to see. not being able to explore even the immediate area at certain points because of shit like timed missions was really upsetting, man. :( i just wanted to see hyrule castle Before the calamity why was did they have to rob us like that.....

creepy corrupted egg’s transformation. why. what was that. what the fuck

even though i did enjoy the boss fights, it did get. incredibly taxing eventually to have to fight the SAME bastards so many times. like yeah botw is also guilty of this with the blights, but goddamn.... at least i have a choice to avoid certain encounters with them? this game has you fighting the same bitches like upwards of 3-4 times. it was. really annoying tbh. like the fights themselves are enjoyable, but damn we added new characters and it still inevitably lacked variety in boss fights.

no playable kass >:( if he’s available later in dlc then fine but i wish he was playable in the original game. so many random choices you’d never expect are. why couldn’t he also be there >:(

overall:

it will forever have that sour taste for the false advertising attached to it unfortunately, but that aside, i overall did enjoy the game! i think it has a lot to love in spite of the issues i encountered. as someone who has this as their first warriors game as well, it did lend itself to letting me see the appeal of them. idk if i’ll get more, but i do get why they’re so beloved/popular now. it was an alright time, with some amazing highlights that i’m gonna think back on very fondly for a very, very long time. if i had to rate it..... 7/10 

[where-all-the-time-went]

gah, screw it

[ID: A tumblr post from me, reading, “now is probably the time to write my 500-word essay on the politics of revolution of the daleks that gets 30 notes and is never seen again, which i return to in a month to find a lot of typos, otherwise no one will see it, isn’t it,,, “but i haven’t seen jack robertson’s first episode,,,”. End ID.] answer: yes, it is. but im gonna take a while to write this and look up a summary of arachnids in the uk (which i dont wanna watch because i heard its Not Good and you dont have to watch every episode of doctor who to be a fan, ok?) i sometimes talk about politics on tumblr, but rarely do i make political posts--mainly because, as my sidebar bio says, i’m a teenager. i don’t really have a degree in politics, and as much as i have been trying to read up on political stuff, its kinda hard when i dont have access to a college professor to guide me along. still, some things about this episode stood out to me, especially because it’s stuff i’ve noticed in a lot of media. i’m not even sure where i stand politically, but i absolutely love media commentary, and i have so many thoughts i feel like i never get to put out there when im watching movies and tv. obviously, spoilers under the cut (and it probably won’t actually be 500 words. probably.) i’m also gonna assume you’ve seen this episode, because i don’t wanna recap it. if you haven’t, go watch it! tbh, it’s well worth it (my favorite chibs era episode, just ahead of the haunting of villa diodati and demons of the punjab)

Now, um, obviously this episode is political. It’s the in-your-face without down-your-throat type of political we know and love. Still, media can be a direct allegory that wouldn’t bother the average viewer while still having politics that are good, bad, or somewhere in the middle (I mean this extremely subjectively). First, I’d like to address the elephant in the room:

While a Doctor Who festive special would normally film in the summer, this time the episode was filmed well ahead in winter 2019, over a year before it was due to be broadcast in a bid to include it within filming for series 12 (which aired from January to March) and give cast a longer break.

- The Radio Times

I’ve noticed some people pointing out that the episode references the protests that happened this summer. Honestly, I’d love it if that was the intention behind the episode, because then maybe Chris Chibnall’s team really does have a TARDIS, and we can all just time travel out of this mess.

[ID: An image from “Revolution of the Daleks.” A very sleek Dalek stands in front of police who have riot shields. The air is foggy, possibly gaseous. End ID.] However, the protests from this summer and the episode itself do not exist inside a bubble. Police brutality did not come into existence this summer, and it did not end with the autumn equinox. The episode, while featuring a small-scale protest that was eerily reminiscent of the large BLM protests this year, chooses to focus instead on one of the roots of the issue: somehow, capitalism.

I can’t say how purposeful the anti-capitalist messaging in the episode was. Obviously, Jack Robertson is meant to be an American capitalist caricature. Not to mention, Doctor Who is a family-friendly show: you can’t get too overt with what can be considered “radical” coding. Nonetheless, the episode tackles the connection between policing and money, and thus inherently comments on capitalism. 

The Dalek itself only exists to support the police force because Prime Minister Patterson knows that the idea of security will appeal to her constituency. Simultaneously, it could not exist if Robertson didn’t know just how profitable it would be. As they preach security, they create chaos. More importantly, the security they preach is one that bases itself on profit--similar to the weapons of the policeforce, and the prison industrial complex. As a result, the “security” inevitably fails.

[ID: Prime Minister Patterson, in a red coat, listens to Jack Robertson and Leo, in dark neutral-toned clothes both. They stand in front of a brick wall as they discuss the new Dalek plans. End ID.] Unfortunately, while the show presents a clear stance against money in policing, there is never any direct call to action. The political allegory may be straightforward and obvious, but the solution at the end is just to end the Daleks, and watch as Robertson announces his run for President (which, by the way, is very reminiscent of Trump, who does exist in-universe, so that’s weird). Regardless of all that, why am I even talking about this? Well, on the one hand, I love talking about these sorts of things. On the other hand, this post has started to sound like nothing but a rant with some pictures. Earlier, I said that this was something I noticed in a lot of media. For instance, I think of “The Boys,” with its obvious anti-capitalist and anti-military industrial complex messaging. At the same time, the show offers no solutions. Both are afraid of the obvious solution to capitalism: replacing it. To be clear, I say this as a person who is unsure about capitalism. I don’t know where I stand. Like I said, I’m a teenager. However, these shows can’t seem to make a decision either, when they're made by big companies with big budgets and professional adults. Politics in popular media tends to fit perfectly with the popular politics of the time, given that media must do so in order to make profit. Hence, similar to the media we consume, so many individuals seem to recognize that there’s something off with the hand money has in politics, and war, and security, yet no one seems to look for solutions.  Personally, I love talking about politics in the media, and analyzing media in general, because it’s the best way for me to communicate my internal thoughts. Meanwhile, I don’t even know my own internal thoughts. This post’s very existence is ironic. I had said in a very awful post that I wanted to write this when the tag was still trending, because I, in part, want someone else to do the thinking for me. I want people to see this and go, “well, okay, here’s where you’re wrong,” or, “here’s what we do about it.” Do I then have a responsibility to know what I’m talking about? Is the discourse all that matters? Does the media as a whole have to propel revolutionary ideas to get them into the social conscience, or can it just open up discussion?  There is, of course, irony in shows that could only exist in a capitalist world degrading aspects of that system. But no one, not even me, is exempt from the fact that these ideas do not exist in a bubble. The show’s protests look eerily familiar because, as this summer has proven, those protests are profitable (see literally every ad from companies that own sweatshops talking about how much they care about races they don’t represent in their board of directors). At the same time, I exist in that capitalist world, and my opinions have been formed via the capitalist media I was raised with. tl;dr: i know literally nothing. im sure of literally nothing. help, someone tell me about the politics of doctor who. wow, this was a really sad tl;dr, i normally make a shitty joke here. um, uh, EXTERMINATE

[artificialqueens]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Chapter 1 (Crygi, Jan x Nicky) - Joley

ao3 link

“Mail call!” Crystal called out, even though it was only her and Jan in the apartment. She sorted the pile out between the two of them, ending up with two slightly messy stacks. “Looks like you got an international package!”

That brought Jan barreling out of her room, nearly slipping on the rug on her way in. She grabbed onto the counter to support herself, taking a gasp of air before standing upright. “Oh yay!” She grabbed the package with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning and took it back to her room along with the rest of her pile, not bothering to close the door behind her.

Crystal chuckled, looking over to see her cat perched on the couch, staring into Jan’s bedroom with something of a perplexed expression. “It’s nothing for you, Tic. But maybe she’ll let you play in the box,” she mused before her gaze drifted back to her pile of mail, sifting through what inevitably turned out to be nothing but junk. With nothing else of her immediate interest, she wandered into her roommate’s room, sitting on the bed while Jan was at her desk. “What’d you get?”

Jan carefully opened the box, gliding the box cutter down the tape seams so she didn’t have to rip and yank and risk tearing anything inside. She took the neatly folded letter out first, holding it to her face and taking a deep inhale. The scent of patchouli and vanilla wafted into her nose and made her smile. It was the smell she most associated with Nicky, every package and letter she sent came laced with the aroma of her perfume.

“Bonjour, mon petite poupée,” she started to read, ignoring the way Crystal started to laugh at her butchering of the French phrases. “I hope spring is as beautiful there as it is here. I have sent you a box of macarons—I enjoy them year-round, but my mother always loved to bake them the most this time of year. I wanted to send you some of hers, but hopefully bakery ones will suffice. I’d love it if you FaceTime or Skype me when you get them, I want to see your live reaction, and I sent you enough to share with Crystal, so be nice. Until then, câlins et bisous, Nicky.”

Jan smiled broadly as she finished reading the letter, noticing the lipstick kiss print that Nicky signed off every letter with, and gently set it aside. “Okay, it’s like nine at night where she is, she’ll still be up,” she said as she took the pastel box tied neatly with a white lace bow out of the package. “Oh look, this is so cute.” She took out another piece of paper where Nicky had hand-drawn each macaron and wrote the flavor next to it, making a color-coded guide. “Isn’t she so sweet and thoughtful?”

“She told you to share, so yes.” Crystal chuckled, running her hand through her hair to look presentable while Jan called Nicky on Skype.

Nicky answered the call right away. “Hi Jan! Hi Crystal!” She greeted them with energy even though she was dressed for bedtime, wearing a black tank top and white cotton shorts (the latter not being visible in the frame). Her hair was damp, air-drying, and draped over her desk chair. “Did you get my mail?”

Jan nodded, holding the box up for her to see. “Just did. Thank you so much, Nicks. That’s so sweet of you.”

“Of course, I’m still making my way through the gift basket you sent for my birthday. I have opinions on all the different Oreo flavors.” Nicky giggled. They had gotten into a discussion about all the different flavors of the cookie, and she had become obsessed with the idea of trying the variety. So, when her birthday rolled around, Jan had painstakingly arranged a cookie bouquet (along with a few other treats) with as many flavors as she could find.

In the year they’d been communicating, Nicky had both come to expect Jan to go the extra mile and would still be surprised every time. The university course that had brought them together through its pen pal program certainly didn’t require an exchange of presents, but it started with Jan not being to help herself and (unbeknownst to Nicky) progressed into an ever-present desire to impress her.

“We can get to that next, I’m really excited to try these. Which one is your favorite?” Jan asked as she took the bow off the box without untying it and opened it up. “Oooh, it still smells fresh-baked.”

Nicky grinned as she watched her, opening up a bottle of rosé and pouring herself a glass. “I am partial to the red velvet and the apricot.”

Jan licked her lips. “You know I love red velvet.” She plucked the deep red cookie from the box before handing it to Crystal, who was making grabby-hands at it. She waited for her friend to choose and set the box down on her desk. “On three.” She counted down, then took a bite. “Holy shit.” She covered her mouth, not wanting to talk with her mouth full. “Nicks, these are delicious. You’re gonna have to send these on the regular.”

Crystal was enjoying herself just as much. “Is there a word for like, food horny? You know, like it tastes so good, I’m kind of turned on?”

Nicky snorted and Jan looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just say you like it, Crystal.”

“I do,” she confirmed, then looked down at her phone. “Anyway, gotta go. Bye Nicky, thanks for the cookies!” She waved at the screen before darting right out of the room.

Jan chuckled, knowing exactly what propelled Crystal out of the room so quickly and shouted “Tell Gigi I said hi!” after her. Then she faced forward again, her attention effortlessly returned to Nicky. “Anyway, how have you been?” “No complainings,” Nicky hummed, aimlessly strumming her fingers against her glass. “Did you get around to listening to that study playlist I sent you?”

“Oh my god yeah, I forgot to say anything because I kept listening to it after I was done studying and fell asleep,” Jan admitted with a laugh. “You have impeccable taste.”

She twirled her slowly drying hair around her manicured finger. “Tell me something I do not know, darling.” She winked.

Jan’s breath hitched in her throat and she covered it with a cough. Nicky exuded a seductive beauty so effortlessly and it didn’t take much for Jan to get flustered. If their friendship wasn’t exclusively long distance, her crush would have been impossible for Nicky or anyone else to not pick up on. Hell, Crystal only knew because she had been aching for the release of gushing about her feelings and her roommate lent a willing ear. “Last time I did that, we ended up talking about juice boxes for an hour,” she retorted once her body had unclenched.

Nicky chuckled softly at the memory. It was so easy for them to go off on tangents about the smallest things. It was probably her favorite part of her conversations with Jan, everything flowed so easily, awkward silence simply didn’t exist between them. “That is true,” she conceded. “But I’ve got to go eat dinner. We’ll talk tomorrow, yes?”

“Go eat.” She never quite grasped how Nicky always ate dinner so late at night, but she had all but memorized her schedule by now. “Au revoir,” she cooed, just because she knew it would make her laugh, and waved as she ended the call.

——

When Crystal got the text ‘come hang out, im done with class,’ she was out the door before she even sent ‘ok.’ Gigi was a junior while she and Jan were seniors, but all of them going to the same university had their schedules aligning relatively often. But she and Jan were living off-campus, so she didn’t want to waste any time on getting to her.

“Hey.” Gigi smiled, greeting her best friend with a hug. “Come on, we’re going on a coffee run,” she said, leading the way. Her direct nature was something Crystal had appreciated—she didn’t ask questions, she made statements, and it came off as harsh to some, but Crystal was terrible at making daily decisions, so she was happy to leave it in her hands.

“Sounds good. You should come over soon, Jan got these amazing French cookies from Nicky. I think she’ll let us steal some,” Crystal mused, linking their arms as they walked.

“Cool.” She nodded. “Has Jan told Nicky she’s in love with her yet?” It had come up in conversation in the past, leading to Crystal giving the entire backstory of Jan and Nicky’s relationship. Luckily, Jan hadn’t held it against her and could live with one more person knowing the truth.

Crystal laughed softly and shook her head. “Nope. But, you know, you can’t push someone to admit how they feel if they aren’t ready.” Her tone was a bit strained in the remark, looking straight ahead as she spoke.

But Gigi didn’t notice the shift in her voice anyway. “That’s stupid,” she said flatly. “They’re like, four thousand miles apart, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Feelings are feelings.” She shrugged as they entered the café. Of course, she could relate to what Jan was going through, but as far as she was concerned, her situation was worse. A pen pal could be out of sight and out of mind, she reasoned. But having a crush on your best friend made day-to-day life excruciating. She was constantly torn between the desire to distance herself so her emotions didn’t overwhelm, and the powerful urge to spend as much time and be as physically close to Gigi as possible. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the latter would always win. “So, how’s your final project going?”

Gigi let out an exasperated groan. “God, I’m killing myself making a dress for the wedding I’ll never have,” she lamented. “I never want to see white lace again once I’m done with it.”

Crystal winced, averting her gaze. “You don’t think you’ll ever get married?”

“Not the takeaway here, Crys,” she rolled her eyes, but there was still fondness in her expression. “Listen, I’ve made it this far in life without a relationship, maybe that’s just my destiny. I’ll just be far too busy taking over the fashion industry to worry about it.”

It wasn’t a personal rejection, but it was painfully difficult for Crystal not to take it as one. Her heart ached and her chest felt heavy with a sudden sadness, coupled with her active efforts not to let it show. “No, yeah, I get it.”

Gigi rubbed her arm gently. “Don’t let my cynicism ruin that hopeless romantic in you. It gives me hope in this cold, dark world.” She looked into her eyes, silently offering the apology she was just a little too proud to verbalize.

Crystal lightened back up, though she was embarrassed that Gigi had such a hold on her emotions without even realizing it. “I’ll do my best.”

——

Crystal returned to the apartment just as the sun was setting. Coffee had turned to dinner and time had just slipped away from her. But when she got inside, she went right over to knock on Jan’s door, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Come in!”

“Jan, I had an idea!” Crystal let herself in and sat at the desk, as Jan was now in bed with her laptop.

Jan closed the laptop and set it aside. “I’m scared already,” she joked.

“No, no, no, I’m totally serious, and it’s a good idea,” Crystal insisted, shifting to sit cross-legged on the chair. “You and Nicky are like, a million miles apart and that really sucks, right?”

“Yes, thank you for reminding me.”

Crystal waved the comment off and continued. “So here’s the plan—you tell her there’s a big event that you’re going to this summer and you want her to come to visit. Dunno what the event would be, but we can worry about it later.”

The brunette tilted her head to the side. “Like graduation?”

“That’s not enough time. It has to be something that’ll happen in like, a month or something,” she explained. “But you guys will just be so excited to be together that you’ll forget about the event entirely, problem solved.”

Jan stared blankly at her friend, wondering if she had become delirious from too many all-nighters. But then she shrugged, what did she have to lose? “I’ll talk to her about it in the morning, then. It couldn’t hurt to bring up…”

“That’s the spirit!” Crystal clapped her hands together. “Let me know how it goes!” And with that, she left the room with a spring in her step.

And Jan did sleep on it, weighing out the pros and cons of creating an elaborate ruse just to get the girl she was pining after to travel overseas. It wasn’t that they hadn’t talked about visiting each other, but they could never ‘justify’ it, there was always something else they needed to focus on, or the finances just wouldn’t allow it (she wasn’t about to ask her parents to send her to France when they were already paying her bills). The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a decent idea.

After breakfast and a shower, Jan called up Nicky on FaceTime. “Are you busy? I’ve gotta ask you something.”

“You have my undivided attention,” Nicky assured.

Jan smiled, sitting down on the couch. “So, I’ve got this big event coming up next month, and I know we haven’t been able to arrange a visit yet, but I think this would be the perfect opportunity. I really want to see you.”

Nicky tilted her head in curiosity. “I want to see you too. What is the event?”

“A wedding,” Jan answered confidently. She had decided that it would make perfect sense for the time of year.

“I love weddings.” Nicky’s face lit up. “Whose is it?”

Fuck. Why hadn’t she planned one step further? “It’s…” At that moment, she somehow forgot the name of everyone she had ever known for a brief moment, and she wanted to yell at Crystal for giving her this stupid idea in the first place and—

“Crystal and Gigi’s,” she blurted out.

Nicky knew Crystal had a romantic interest in Gigi just from passing conversations, but she had never quite pieced together the nature of their relationship. She was a little surprised at how serious it apparently was, but decided there was no need to question it. “Oh, good for them. I’ll have to double-check, but I think I will be able to be your plus one.”

Jan didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until she exhaled in relief. “Great! I’m so excited, I’m sure Crystal will be thrilled to hear it.”

“Send her my good wishes, I have to get to class, though,” Nicky replied, exchanging goodbyes before the call ended.

“What am I gonna be thrilled to hear?” Crystal asked as she tossed her bag into her bedroom. The door was always left open so TicTac could go in and out as he pleased. She had just returned from class, dried paint splotches still staining her fingers and palms.

Jan’s face froze. Yet another issue she had not accounted for. “Nicky is going to come visit.”

Crystal beamed triumphantly, getting ready to rub her brilliance in the other girl’s face. “See? I told you it—”

“She’s visiting for your and Gigi’s wedding.”

She blinked, looking at her incredulously. “Mine and Gigi’s what now?”

“Look, I panicked, it was the only thing I could think of. And this was your idea anyway, so if I’m going down, you’re coming to hell with me,” Jan got up as she spoke, pacing around the room as she desperately tried to figure out what to do next. “Just go with it, please.”

It had taken another moment for Crystal to fully process the information. How was she supposed to tell Gigi? What was she going to do if she couldn’t get her on board? But she didn’t want to compound Jan’s panic and make everything worse. “Well, Gigi does have a wedding dress in the works…” She looked over at her friend who was still on the verge of an anxiety attack and rushed to her side, wrapping her arms around her. “Listen, we’ll make this work. I don’t know how, but we will, I promise.”

Jan took a few deep breaths, allowing herself to be calmed down. She hugged Crystal tightly, hiding her face against her shoulder. “Where do we go from here?” Her voice couldn’t reach above a whisper.

Crystal chewed her lip as she rubbed Jan’s back. “I guess first thing’s first—I have to tell Gigi we’re getting married.”