#its been getting pretty bad.
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Me being super happy after playing Rim World non-stop: WOOO does that mean I can do things now? *steps out of the 'puter for a second*
[ THE HORRORS ]
Me:
#all ive done today is.#rimworld. didnt eat. rimworld. reblogged hatsune mikus. and now im here.#i swear i get better like this guys it just takes. Time. 😭 my head hurts so much too#i hate hyperfixiations like this. all i can think of is rimworld. I've had two days in a row of dreams about it#idk what actually happened in them all i know I was literally dreaming of playing it.#i dont like being alone with my thoughts. at all.#somehow coffee helps me keep it at bay and soothes me for a limited amount of time.#so I've been drinking it a lot.#its been getting pretty bad.#if im not playing rimworld. i need to drink coffee every two damn seconds.#at least. it isnt. another sunstance. at least.#cw vent#but I've been thinking about it so much lately. just fantasizing about it. i just want relief. to not think.#anything that will make me feel slightly fucking alright and calm. just for an hour.#just so that it'll be quiet for an hour.
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summer of junior year 06/11
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#fabian seacaster#adaine abernant#the bad kids#this is like. the First time I put down a palette for the kids lmao#I thiiiink its pretty consistent with the tones I did with my early sketches? iirc#gods. Ive been staring at this for Hours. I need to sleep lol#summer... it is happening. I feel like that always brings with it big emotions for me#it is. a little bit funny to me that whether these kids get a peaceful summer or not depends fully on how many roll20 campaigns happen#between now and a definitive end/last season of fh lmao#but also the last ''summer'' movie I watched was uhhh summer of 84. which. mmmmm#grim affair! so I'd need to stock up on less gloomy stuff to even think abt this...#well. what I need right now is sleep. so sleep I shall. thank u for tuning in today. see u again I think
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pizza.gif
#its rough and ugly but it's all i've got#it's also pretty old#i havent been able to finish any art lately i think i've got a pretty bad case of art block rip#it's that or i'm just stressed with some unexpected crappy stuff that's been happening in my life#either way i can't bring myself to clean this up#chubsette art#wg art#getting fatter#wg kink#female feedee
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something something the main cargo of the tulbar being mouthwash and its main advertising slogan being 'kills 99% of germs without leaving a bad taste'
something something Jimmy desperate to remove the rest of the crew and his mistakes, so far as to try and crash the ship so he doesn't have to face what he did to Anya, killing 99% of germs and bacteria everyone and himself so he won't have to face the bad taste in his mouth consequences of it all
something something eating curly to survive, feeding curly to himself to survive, the fact that human cannabalism infects you in a way you can't heal (prion disease), something something mouthwash will rinse it out, something something have your terrible actions and the consequences they bring without feeling guilty if you just wash it down with delusions mouthwash
something along those lines
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#catfish speaks#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing curly#i still havent seen many people talk about the mouthwash at all#its maybe such a small part of the main story and uncovered pretty early but i think its so important#given the game is called mouthwashing#like ive seen people mention the removes germs bit but not anything else#especially not yue fact that mouthwash is designed to clean and leave a nice taste#almost like you had a bad taste in your mouth you wanted to get rid of#actions youd done that you dont want yo take responsibility for#idk i wanna see more analysis abiut it! i think its so clever!!!#granted i haven't been looking#but this is an open invitation for people to talk aboit it yo me#please
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happy halloween! the cast from fist of idol: togenkyo have reunited again to bring us...... a horror movie?!
#in this scenario we of course have eichi as the first victim tori as the heroine and final girl wataru as the villain#yuzuru as the last death in dramatic and painful self-sacrifice because he would. and also the chainsaw is his of course#and last but not least hokuto as the plot twist villain because (points at the title)#(in fact my thought process was ok horror movie tori has a chainsaw now what else. the 13th night would be a great title.#and from then on everything else was pretty obvious)#tori himemiya#eichi tenshouin#hokuto hidaka#wataru hibiki#yuzuru fushimi#mao isara#subaru akehoshi#makoto yuuki#enstars#ensemble stars#of course ideally the dog wouldve been king. but being realistic he's too old to act let's let him rest#and also for my personal entertainment in this movie hokuto would play toris boyfriend#because i really like when the boyfriend turns out to be evil and i get to say DUMP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!#its always great#art tag#im technically still a bit early but i wanted to post this so bad
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another art year recap!
#the fact that its all prsk .... scares me....#not a bad year for my art i think i did pretty well at times#def got pieces im proud of#once again. the fact that its all prsk SCARES ME#when was the last time i drew and posted something NOT prsk??#like im still into vtubers.... and ive been getting into dungeon menshi lately..hrmmm
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#more ears under the cut#sprigatito#welcome to GENERATION NINE. the generation i've been dreading for the entire existence of this blog#it'll be alright. i'll find ways to get around any problems i might have. i'm pretty confident. i don't think it's gonna be as bad as the#dread tells me it's gonna be. like… look at this face! sprigatito has gotta be one of the best fuckin starters of all time#NOT TO MENTION it stands up!!! in its evolutions!! how great is that??#everyone was so mad but i was rooting for it the whole time. i was BEGGING this cat to stand up. AND IT DID!!!! AND I LOVE IT#IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL EVOLUTION TOO!!! the fucking magician aesthetic is STELLAR#i love it so much. holy fucking bingle. can't believe game freak popped off so hard with the FIRST pokémon in the paldea dex#they have such pretty eyes. i dunno why they're pogging but it's probably because we finally got to them
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WORSTIES I cherish them. </33
#this was entirely bcs of One Persons rb.#chaos enabler bertie hc u r real 2 me#i am always 🤏 this close to yelling incomprehensibly abt the moon war.#i got my grand total 8 cohesive thoughts into a post already. but there is Always More.#if this looks like ass its bcs its 1am and ive been hot glueing stuff all night n im pretty sure thefumes might be getting to me lmfao#my art#gptvstmk#gunpowder tim#bertie the mechanisms#cw smoking#the-aurora-strikes-again#hc tim smoked socially bertie smoked like a chimney- would intermittently try to “quit” read: just nick tims for a week.#Worse hc they smoked different brands and after bertie died tim started smoking his#Smoking Is Bad n all but by god is it narrativly satisfying
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i feel so pretty today c:
#ok to rb#ive been wearing dresses and big tshirts nonstop the last few days and im so !!!!!#this is also one of my favorite dresses#it was a swim coverup thing i thrifted but i sewed it together so it'd fit like a pretty dress instead#its like. very much giving toga dress when i stand and is really short and cute#also prepare to be sick of my face cause im probably gonna post lots of selfies since im not gonna be working for 6 weeks#and i need to be percieved and complimented or engaged with daily or i literally feel. well not that bad. but i get daily social usually so#being home is just making me a little fuzzy - but posting these helps!!!! also im so cute how could u even get sick of me#also first photo is so. “boyfemme wallet photo” hehehehehe#bun.life#also this big pimple i had before the surgery still hasn't gone away completely and its been legit over a month now and i kinda hope it like#scars cause im actually really enjoying how cute it makes my smile look?#idk if thats weird but i like it so NYEH!#femme lesbian#femme4all#butch bait
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let it be known that i love prince inigo with my whole soul. however sometimes it is SO much fun to think about owain and his two most loyal-est knights you ever seen: worst guy in the world #1 and worst guy in the world #2. i love retainer inigo and severa so much. retainers who bully you and make fun of you and trash on you but they’d leave behind everyone and everything they ever knew to follow you and protect you in a whole new universe. they love you so much that they’d swear allegiance to total strangers but that loyalty pales in comparison to what they’d do for you. and they were all lovers!!!!!!!
#ann plays awakening#awakening trio#sometimes i forget owain is literal royalty and like#in the bad timeline hes probably like. the second most important person there?? unless luci has a sibling#obviously she’d need her own retainers but unfortunately i am thimking awakening trio thoughts. i miss. i love them in any form#that they are handed to me#i love them as best friends. as forced circumstance allies to family. as lovers.#i know i said lovers in this post but im not sure they’d ever label it as that#to me its very much ‘its not exactly romantic but its too intense to be platonic’#what i am getting at is queer platonic awakening trio btw. in case that wasnt obvious#like no matter who they are or where they go they are eachothers people dude. like literally do not separate#anyways im gonna be thinking long and hard about who should be everyones parents in this timeline#i have what i call my ‘main’ pairings and thats what i use for most of my headcanons (ex prince inigo)#but i’d like a completely separate one for owain retainer trio#i think im pretty set on fred!severa#i couuuldddd pick fred!inigo which i do think is SUPER compelling as well but something about freddy!severa… also shes so cute as a brunette#like sorry… shes just so beautiful#ive been having a lot of thoughts aboht tharj!inigo and i need to figure out if thats current bias talking or if im cooking with that one#i got no idea who owain’s second parent should be. robin maybe? idk#i mean his second parent isnt quite as impactful in regards to trio dynamics in this case just because he’s always the prince but. idk#i really like the idea of half plegian owain but i ALWAYS run half plegian owain cuz im always pairing lissa with robin or henry so its like#this isnt new 😭😭😭 but god. PLEGIAN OWAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#hm. though. hear me out. manakete owain???????????????? ehhh????#sorry. idk. i love how changing the parents of the second gen can change their characterization. its like my favorite thing ever#i think its why im so attached to all of them. theres always new things to explore with them!!! its so much fun!!!!!!#graaarfggjjjhhhhhhn!!!!
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I just find it so fucking funny how baby JK was SO ADAMANT on ranking JM last on looks and now he's going full tail-wagging, puppy-eyed, "you're prettier than the clouds" bf on THE VERY SAME GUY.
Oh, how the turntables
#jikook#i know for some ppl this is still a sensitive subject and i get that! but also... its always been pretty clear to me homeboy was either#teasing/joking and/or overcompensating#like mans WAS NOT SUBTLE AT ALL he truly went through one of the worst pigtail pulling phase ive seen in my life#he truly truthfully doesnt know how to be normal about jimin. i would respect that about him if he didnt make it my problem#i just wish someone would send him old videos of his rankings and ask him 'this you?' i KNOW he would cringe so bad i just know it.#you know the 'if you told about a victorian child about x yz they would spontaneously combust' meme?#i feel like that would be anyone trying to explain to jk in 2013 about ays and him going on about how pretty jm is.#i would love to see it @ficwriters
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not me immediately getting jude from this
who did you guys get? 👀
#idk any of them i just see jude around a lot so it made me chuckle#@/judejazza and their wonderful posts i often run into#victor is apparently my opposite from these options and elbert is my 2nd choice or smth#(friends and i usually do 'quizzes' 3x to get our main/secondary/opposite)#anyway im just snooping around now. still not sure how i feel abt it but was never too tempted for ikevil.#the less gacha in my life atp the better ngl ;;;;;;;; its why ive stayed away from most of the new games and tryna limit current ones#though if they ever do finally drop ikegen (unlikely asf) ..... count my ass in#i can't even be mad ikepri dropped bc ive enjoyed it so much more than i ever thought i would. easily my fav or 2nd fav bc ikerev#i still adore ikerev and magic and the world building and everything.. alice is just pretty dumb sometimes#which is why i adore b&tb-esque belle/emma so much. also why i like mai in some routes (ikesen humor op)#ikevamp has always just kinda been there tbh. usually the events feel more interesting than the routes ngl;;; charas are fun tho#anyway let's see how this bad boy goes#who did y'all get??#ikevil#ikemen villains#my post 📫#aerin.jpg#from the official ig acct btw
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space sweepers but they're delivery people and are at no point on screen through the entire movie
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#figueroth faeth#the bad kids#half tempted to say these names are forum handles they use so much it pretty much became their professional names lol#I keep them teenagers bc its funnier that way#no real lore I just like drawing this. but I do think abt how theyre all weirdos too also bc thats funny to me#riz is a huge conspiracyhead who does everything by hands. he has a casio fx-570 in mint condition. nobody knows how he's maintaining it#he is nonetheless Really Good at his job. which somewhat tracks bc it's a job that requires keeping up with interstation conflicts#and new policies and an obsessive amount of planning. but he is Too Good at it. and also he dresses like that#kristen has the atomic engine that theoretically lets her unmake and remake matters with her mind. but it consumes a huge amount#of energy so it's mostly useless. she's still a cult survivor also#gorgug lives his entire life on a ship with his parents who quit a cushy deal maintaining a space station bc he wouldn't be allowed on#the low gravity let him grow very tall but also his oxygen saturation is pretty bad so he's got breathing support#fig is a robot who just found out she's a robot like two months ago. she's been assuming everyone's a robot like her and she's been feeling#very betrayed by her mom lying about that part. she's on a body mod spree which is rough bc system-specific parts are expensive#and so is adapting random parts to her system#fabian's still a pirate captain's son. can't say anything that'd be able to get the vibes across clearer than that#adaine went to tech/business school. she put her monthly allowance towards an ecoterrorist group in her academy which turned out to be an o#and she's currently wanted by UTS. more than fabian. which makes him slightly mad#she's also acquired a passion for low-tech weaponry on the way. she likes ice picks and cleavers#I think up all of this for no reason except that once again the idea of all these people being 1/teens and 2/on the same ship to be posties#is hilarious to me. esp. if they were in a forum group chat beforehand
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okay but like veryyyy interesting to have agatha as the wicked witch of the west and lilia as the good witch
they’ve both lived the longest out of everyone (discounting rio), they’ve both watched their covens die (with one predicting it but unable to stop the outcome, and one thinking they would die instead only to be unable to control the thing that saves their life/kills their coven), they’ve both had death as their constant companion (with one embracing it [for a time] in life but doing all possible to survive, and the other hating it and yet willingly choosing it in the end [also both running from it in different ways with agatha running from her own death and lilia running from everyone elses]), they both fell back into the roles assigned to them to survive (lilia as a [fake] fortune teller, agatha as the villain), and idk probably more.
They parallel each other so nicely, and I feel like those specific characters work so perfectly for them, both in regards to the wicked witch and good witch from wizard of oz and to elphaba and glinda from wicked. Like obvi one off the top of my head and goes with the last point I made is agatha, like elphaba, accepting the role as villain after being labeled as such and being ostracized their wholes lives including from their parental figures (“you were born evil”), and the truth of it being much more complicated then anyone is willing to acknowledge (aka Agatha’s possible lack of control/euphoria that takes over), and didn’t fully recognize the consequences of their actions (elphaba trying to save fiyero, the tiger, and boq/agatha supposedly “trading” nicholas for the darkhold). And on the flip side is lilia as glinda who chooses to keep living this lie, to keep her power buried to be what people see her as, who chose compliancy over struggle.
I need to like reread wicked and rewatch the play and the wizard of oz since it’s been so long for all them in order to fully organize my thoughts but basically I just love so many of the choices being made in this show (now if only they’d stop killing off my girls..)
#aaa spoilers#agatha all along#agatha harkness#lilia calderu#txt#this isn’t the most thought out since it’s been so long and also I’m really tired rn but hopefully people get it#although I do have a pretty bad cold rn and the fact spellcheck has been fighting for its life rn has me low key worried this is just#nonsense lol#also ignore how many times i just put rn#im not going back to fix it#there was also something else I was going to say about these two but I can’t remember anymore so bummer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to
#i have. so many absences it's ridiculous to go right now i know it will be worse if i dont go i have to go#ive been just tossing and turning for like 2 hours with some freakign heart palpitations cause im so fucking scared#i was supposed to go last week and i didnt do it then either and every time i feel worse but i cant make myself go#AAAAAAAAA Im gonna die here i know i just have to force myself but i dont want to i want to stay at home which will fix nothing and#make everything worse in the long run#im aware of thsi but i still cant get myself to go idk what to do in this situation i feel horrible augh#i have so many absences I literally went once at the start of the semester and it's been what. 2 and a half months almost 3#i didnt do much for the class and i didnt go to class idk what to do.. theres literally no other way than to force myself to go#i KNOW I'll instantly feel better if i just stay home. i knowww i knowwww but its not going to help anything#i feel like shit and so ashamed and i just really dont want to go through this#FUUCK#im just#completely in panic mode rn. idk if i wont just try to go tomorrow idk if this is a bad decision im still just putting it off#im just totally by myself and cant even talk to anyone to calm down uauauhcgchdhd#im feeling pretty pathetic rn i should be able to do thisss i should be able to do this by myself#this is like self inflicted psychological horror and it's like every other day for me for many years now ouughh
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starting to feel my enjoyment of cooking seeping back in after a long period of intense burnout that had me really slogging along preparing meals with gritted teeth for a good month there. i credit the return of this spark to the much needed break i took on our 3 day vacation that resulted in us eating solely theme park food. while delicious, in all its greasy overpriced glory, i found myself missing the kitchen. so last night for dinner i made heavily spiced chicken wings with crushed peppercorns and garam masala that rendered slowly in its own fat while roasting in the oven, resulting in flavorful charred crisp skin and a really juicy bite. we picked them clean over steamed rice with lime and scallions. i also baked a loaf of marbled pumpkin and dark chocolate bread yesterday for my neighbor as a thank you for doing me a favor last week. it looked delicious. the crumb was tender and plush and velvety, the spiced ginger molasses pumpkin batter swirling alongside the bitter dark chocolate espresso batter, with puddles of dark chocolate bubbling across its top. it looked so lovely i whipped up a second one for us to have for ourselves that's in the oven now, i think it could be a really good breakfast pastry for us this week.
#ugh it feels sooooooooo good to be enjoying cooking again#it was so bad the last like month or so i just#have been sooooo burnt out#it's genuinely insane what a 3 day vacation can do to reset you :(( it makes me sad lol#i wish that everyone could rest to their hearts content forever#i think i am someone who is extremely prone to burnout and i need about quadruple the amount of quiet alone resting time#that the average person does#so when i get burned out its like excruciating to pull myself out of it again#but im also the primary cook of my household so there isn't really time to take a break and recharge and find my joy for it because#we have to eat lol#3 times a day#every day#forever#BUT#i am feeling so much better about things now after making that dinner and baking a little bit#its feeling soooo autumnal around here lately too which helps#the changing of the seasons is so good for my cooking motivationg#idk#i was feeling pretty depressed that i was starting to resent cooking for a while there since when i enjoy it it's like#life-giving#soul sustaining#wonderful hobby that gives my life purpose and meaning#and it was breaking my heart that i wasn't feeling that way anymore#but i can feel myself coming back#writing about food helps me too#something about describing it#and sharing it with other people who are delighted by it#makes me enjoy it a little extra#sigh#i feel like im returning to myself finally !!!
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