#also prepare to be sick of my face cause im probably gonna post lots of selfies since im not gonna be working for 6 weeks

[bunnyboy-juice]

i feel so pretty today c:

[kyleknight]

Shapeshifters

October Writing Challenge Day 4 part 2 project: bts shapeshifting light weapons au content: eventual ot7, fantasy, shapeshifting weapons sorta like soul eater, parallel worlds I guess?  warnings: mild fighting against monsters  an: ok so this is stuff that Ive already written for this au but Im planning on writing more so I wanted to have this stuff posted already bc it explains the world pretty well.

The stars overhead are a little too bright. A little too big, too close. If Hoseok looks up at the sky long enough, he can actually pick out sharp pointed edges to them. He tries not to look at them and pretends the natural light illuminating his path is moonlight instead of starlight.

Namjoon is leading him along the path at a brisk pace— not quite a run, but it’s fast enough that Hoseok feels a little less panicked about… well… everything. There’s not enough cover out here and Hoseok is terrified of seeing another one of those giant creatures. 

He spots the building, standing in a small clearing. It’s a nice change from the seemingly endless twisted trees on one side of the path and the barren field on the other. 

“What’s that?” he asks Namjoon. It’s a question he’s been asking a lot in the past hour or so. 

“The house? It’s safe,” Namjoon answers. “My friends are in there.”

“They’re like you?” Hoseok says.

Namjoon doesn’t respond until they reach the building. He ignores the door and goes to a boarded up window instead, knocking rapidly on it. “It’s me! Open up!”

A brief moment later, a board covering one of the windows slides and moves out of the window. It’s barely enough space for a person to squeeze through.

“Come on,” Namjoon says. “It’s safe in here.” He glances backwards, and Hoseok does as well. He can’t see anything, but those things from earlier came out of nowhere. Hoseok turns back and climbs through the opening. 

He finds himself in a large room that’s got building materials piled up against the walls but is otherwise empty. Well, empty except for another guy holding the board that must have been blocking the entrance. Hoseok eyes him carefully and moves aside as Namjoon gets inside. The guy then wedges the board back into place.

Hoseok glances around the dark room. There are no light fixtures on the ceiling and no other sources of light save for the starlight sneaking in through cracks in the boards. He feels marginally safer, though. As long as nothing scary is going to jump out at him like earlier.

“Hoseok-ssi,” Namjoon says, “This is Jungkook. One of my friends. And… where’s Jimin and Taehyung?”

“They went out,” Jungkook says. “There was a pack of Shadows that was getting close, so they went to drive them back.”

Namjoon looks worried. “How long ago was that?”

“Not long,” Jungkook says. “But they’re careful. I’ve been watching through the windows just in case Taehyung-ah puts up a firework.” He looks curiously at Hoseok. “So who’s this?”

Namjoon gestures towards the far wall. “Let’s talk in the inside room. It’s complicated.”

Hoseok’s eyes start to adjust as Namjoon guides him through the dark building. It’s a bit like an old farmhouse, he thinks. The first two rooms are sparse, mostly full of wooden supplies and tools, separated by heavy doors. The third room feels much more lived in: resembling a kitchen and more familial storage area. From there, a narrow stairwell leads up to a room with beds, couches, clothes and sheets hung from the wooden rafters above. The thing Hoseok likes more about this room is the larger spaces in between the boards, allowing more starlight to pass through to illuminate the room. 

Namjoon leads Hoseok to a couch with two blankets thrown across it. Hoseok takes one and wraps it around himself. He’s not too cold with his jacket and layers, but the lack of any kind of external warmth here is unnerving enough to send more chills than usual through him. 

Hoseok has so many questions, things he’s still rattled by, but for now, he’s just relieved to be inside. 

“I have more things to explain to you, Hoseok-ssi,” Namjoon says. “But first, I need to tell— Jungkook. Hoseok-ssi is a handler. He’s not from here. He’s from another world, I think.”

Jungkook’s eyes are wide. “Really? Where did you find him?”

“When I was in town,” Namjoon says. “There was a light from the river. I went to go check on it and he was there. There were a few Shadows already on him, so I went to help him out. He brought the light out of me without me even realizing it. We destroyed the Shadows.”

Hoseok watches Jungkook’s reactions. Namjoon’s explanations from earlier didn’t really explain much, but he’s had a little bit of time to try and process them. People here can turn into weapons. Light is dangerous. Hoseok is special, because of what he did when he was holding Namjoon-turned-into-a-bow. Namjoon can turn into a bow and shoot arrows made of soft white light. 

“You’re both magic weapons then?” Hoseok says.

Namjoon nods. “Jungkook is a pistol. And you saw what I am. And what I can do, when the conditions are right. Doing that can destroy the Shadows, but it’s also dangerous because it can attract more attention if you’re careless about it.”

Hoseok pulls the blanket closer around himself. “And that goes for all types of light? Fire too?”

Namjoon’s face turns more serious. “Yeah. It’s… that’s sort of how all the handlers disappeared here. After the sun disappeared and the moon went dark, they couldn’t stand it. They tried to survive with fire and other types of light, but the Shadows got too strong. I’ve never even met one before, not until you.”

Hoseok looks from Namjoon to Jungkook, who is standing near the window, looking outside. He feels so out of his depth. He’s so scared and he just wants to go home. Namjoon is kind and definitely pretty resourceful, but he already told Hoseok he doesn’t understand how he made it to this world. He’s not going to have any suggestions for how to send Hoseok back. And, considering all of their problems with the terrifying Shadows, it feels like it would be selfish to ask. 

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Yoongi should have just stayed inside today. 

He tries to rationalize how it’s not his fault that someone was dumb enough to set off some kind of bright ass firecracker at the shore of the creepiest, darkest lake around. Probably some idiots testing out their light instead of keeping their heads down and not causing trouble. You know, like a rational person. 

Unfortunately, Yoongi can hear the person screaming even from his little fishing hut. If he squints, he can almost make out the small gang of Shadows chasing the guy. He frowns and tries to look for the person’s friend and finds nobody. What the hell? Who just leaves their friend to get hunted down by the Shadows just to save their own skin? They’ve got to be close, to set off light of that magnitude. What a fucking shitty ass betrayal.

Yoongi sighs heavily, shuts the door behind him, and throws himself into a full sprint. The guy is running around aimlessly, the Shadows following him out of curiosity more than anything. That’s good for now but eventually he’ll get tired and the Shadows will get him. Yoongi has to slow down as he gets closer, but he quickly sees an opportunity.

“Change!” he yells, running for the guy. “I’ll help you push them back!”

“Ahhh!” the guy screams. “Help me!” Instead of turning into whatever form he has, he just runs for Yoongi with open arms. 

Good grief. Yoongi isn’t exactly comfortable in his sword form, but what the hell ever. He’d rather not be swung around by a panicking fool, but he’s more concerned about the four Shadows than he is about being dropped. 

He changes and even has the decency to land himself in the guy’s right hand. 

“Ahhh!” the guy screams again, dropping Yoongi just as he expected. “What’s this! What’s this!”

“Don’t drop me!” Yoongi yells. He’s a nice guy, okay, and he doesn’t normally yell at strangers, but this is kind of a dire situation. “Pick me up! Scare them off!”

“Ahhh!” The guy won’t stop screaming, but he picks Yoongi up again and holds him in a position so unbalanced that Yoongi is sure he’s going to be dropped again. The Shadows slow down to a stop, uncomfortably close but not close enough to be in range of Yoongi’s blade. They’re bigger than the usual Shadow that Yoongi encounters. Very bad.

“Quit panicking!” Yoongi says. “They’ve stopped, now swing me around a bit. Act threatening!”

Unfortunately, this guy is incapable of getting himself together. It’s like he’s never dealt with a Shadow before. He goes, “Ahhh!” again and swings Yoongi in the most wobbly manner ever. Yoongi actually feels a bit sick from the motion. One of the Shadows moves back a bit, though.

“Do that again,” Yoongi grits out. “But please, just try to get yourself together. It’s fine, I’m not gonna let you die. It’s going to be okay.” 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” the guy says. He’s shaking, but he adjusts his hold on Yoongi and yells again as he slashes the air in front of him wildly. This time, two of the Shadows back off and the smaller of the two runs in the opposite direction. The two that are closest to Yoongi and his unfortunate partner aren’t convinced by the show. One lumbers closer.

“Fuck,” Yoongi mutters. That light display earlier was pretty impressive. It makes sense that these Shadows wouldn’t be easily scared off. 

“One more time,” Yoongi says. “You can do this. Come on!”

“Ahh!” the guy screams, but this time it’s in a wild desperation. He brings Yoongi back with more force to prepare for another swing, and something resonates within Yoongi. His heart beats harder, louder. His mind feels at peace. The guy swings him and the brightest light Yoongi has ever seen in his life pours out of his blade. He feels the light slice through the Shadows, including the one that had turned and run. The light pierces through the dark lakeshore all around them and eliminates every shred of darkness. 

Then, as quickly as it came, the light is gone. The Shadows are gone. Yoongi is in his human form on his hands and knees, shaking. What just happened?

“What the fuck did you do?” he gasps. He looks back at the guy, who looks just as panicked as when Yoongi showed up. 

“C-can you tell me where I am?” the guy says, sounding like he’s about to start crying. “I’m so scared, and confused. I was just at the train station, it was morning, and then all of a sudden I’m here and it’s night— oh god, what if I’m on drugs. Someone roofied me. Oh god, I want to snap out of this. Can you find me a hospital? My phone is dead.”

Okay, this guy is nuts. Yoongi groans and rubs at his forehead as he makes his way to his feet. “Come on, we need to get to some shelter before more Shadows show up. You can stay with me until your friend shows up again.”

“My friend?” the guy says. “I’m not— who are you talking about?”

“Whoever was with you to make that light earlier,” Yoongi says. “You’re traveling with someone, right?”

“I’m not here with anyone,” the guy says. “I don’t think so anyway… there were a lot of people at the station, but there was nobody when I ended up here. I wasn’t traveling with anyone. I just ended up here alone. Until you showed up.”

Yoongi shoots the guy with a skeptical look. “So what, you made that light by yourself?” He didn’t realize that was possible. But that’s not the important thing here. “Are you insane? Were you trying to draw the attention of the Shadows? You know you could have gotten yourself killed!”

“I don’t know what’s going on!” the guy says desperately. “This place is so scary, and those monsters started chasing after me, and you turned into a sword! I don’t understand how any of this is happening! I feel like I’m in a movie, and I want to go home!”

Okay, this guy is more nuts than Yoongi initially thought. But between dealing with crazy and dealing with more Shadows, Yoongi would take crazy any day. He sighs, rubs at his eyes, and motions for the guy to follow him.

“You can find your way home after we wait out the Shadows that are bound to come after that light,” he says. “I’m not staying out here any longer. Come on. My place is just over there.”

“Thank you,” the guy says, sounding more subdued. “I’m sorry, I’m just so confused. Thank you for helping me. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t show up.” 

Yoongi is pretty sure they’re both aware of what would have happened if he didn’t show up to help.

“My name is Kim Seokjin.”

“Min Yoongi,” Yoongi says. 

“Thank you, Min Yoongi-ssi.”

“Mm-hm.”

Seokjin doesn’t say anything else during the short walk to Yoongi’s place. Yoongi makes sure to shut the door firmly behind him— normally it’s not a problem, the Shadows don’t bother with this place because it’s so dark already. But he can’t be too sure now, after that impossible light Seokjin somehow pulled out of Yoongi.

That’s… that’s something that confuses Yoongi more than anything. He doesn’t know Seokjin. There’s no way there could be enough of a bond between two strangers to draw out that much light. Killing Shadows is next to impossible, and somehow Seokjin did it without Yoongi even realizing it was happening. Yoongi doesn’t even know what kind of light he can produce; he’s never managed anything more than a soft glow in the past. 

Yoongi takes out a spare mat so he and Seokjin can sit on the floor, as far from the door as possible without being on Yoongi’s bed. He’s not that hospitable. Seokjin is looking around a bit uncomfortably.

“Do you have a lamp or a candle?” he says. “I’m sorry, if you prefer the dark, we can stay like this, but I’d rather be able to see your face. I’m still a little— I’m very spooked from those things.”

Yoongi blinks slowly at him. “A candle,” he says slowly. “Like… those things that people used to light on fire.”

“Yes?” Seokjin says. “Um. But, like I said, it’s okay—”

“You’re really not from around here, aren’t you?” Yoongi says. “That, or you have an actual death wish, which I can’t believe, because of how you reacted to the Shadows.” This is so confusing. This guy is acting like he has no idea how the world works. Children know that light is dangerous and how to avoid making it, even before they learn how to speak full sentences. What’s with this guy? How did he end up at the lake in this state?

“Um,” Seokjin says. He pulls his coat closer to his body. That’s another strange thing. He’s dressed in the strangest style Yoongi’s ever seen. He said something about a train. Yoongi knows trains haven’t run since shortly after the sun went dark. They were magnets for Shadow attacks. Even running without lights, the fires in the furnaces would attract dozens of Shadows, who would swarm the engines and tear through the people inside. 

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin says. “If you don’t have anything like that… I didn’t mean to… I’ll just wait until morning and I’ll go and try to find my way home.”

“Morning,” Yoongi repeats. “Seokjin… I don’t know where you’re from, but in this world, there’s no morning.”

Seokjin goes still. “In this world? What are you talking about?”

Yoongi has a suspicion. It’s crazy and impossible, but so is a stranger pulling light like that out of Yoongi with no warning. “Seokjin, can you describe the place where you’re from?”

“It’s… it’s Seoul. I mean, originally I’m from Gwacheon. But I moved to Seoul to train to be an idol. Seoul is a big city. The biggest in Korea. There’s so many people, so much to do. It’s nice, but I miss home sometimes. Gwacheon has some of the most beautiful parks—”

“And you have the sun,” Yoongi interrupts. 

Seokjin nods. “Of course we have the sun. I think the world would freeze into a ball of ice without it.”

Yoongi lets out a shaky breath. “Seokjin, we don’t have the sun here. Wherever you’re from, I can say for sure it’s not here. I don’t know how you got here, but you probably need to learn some things about this place if you don’t want to run into more Shadows and get yourself killed.”

[narniaismymaze]

Middleschool crushes 2/7

Fandom: Teen Wolf.

Pairing: Theo x Liam

Genre: Im gonna skip this in the future I think, cause I have no idea what genre it is haha

Words: 1578

Summary: Theo gets a new friend, and his friendship with Liam and the new boy grows stronger. (Im bad at summaries also haha)

Tag list: @lucifers-embodiment, @aestheticthiam, @rafaela-rafiela, @rainbowthiam, @thiamtrash, @dreadsingingdoctor, @teenshadowhunter01, @sofia1926, @womanofmanyfandoms, @morethanrubies01 (I tagged the people who had liked my post about part two and the one who had added stuff on part one. If you want to continue being in the tag list, or would like to be added, please let me know! Cause im scared that Im bothering you if i tag you haha)

Previous Part | Next part

It was the second day of school and Theo stood at the bus stop waiting impatiently for the bus to arrive. He didn’t feel as nervous as yesterday but he could still feel butterflies in his stomach. He was excited to meet Liam again and when the bus stopped he hopped on straight away and started to scout for Liam. This time when the bus started with a jump he was prepared and only swayed a bit. He met a familiar face on the same place as yesterday and his face lit up when the blue-eyed boy yelled “Hi Theo!”. Theo’s smile faded slightly when he noticed that Liam was sitting next to another boy, with a short buzzcut. “This is Mason” Liam explained happily. “Oh. Hi” Theo said shyly. He started to look around for another place to sit as he felt like he was intruding. “You can sit with us” Liam said just as Theo was about to go to an empty seat. The boys had moved so there was a tiny space next to Liam. “You sure?” Theo said nervously and looked at the two boys. Mason smiled and Liam let out an “Of course!” and Theo sat down. 

It wasn’t much space to sit at and Theo still felt like he intruded on them. Mason and Liam started talking about some new game that had come out and they both put out there phones. It was some sort of driving game. You had to drive a race in as short time as possible, avoiding obstacles. “Have you tried it?” Liam suddenly said directing the attention to Theo. “I.. I don’t.. Have a phone” Theo stuttered discouraged and his cheeks turned a bit red as he felt embarrassed of not having a phone. “Oh” Liam let out, and it sounded concerned. “You can try it on mine!”. It was Mason offering his phone to Theo. Theo looked at the phone in the boy’s hand and then at Mason’s face. “Wow thanks!” Theo said grateful and took the phone. Both Mason and Liam quickly explained how it worked and Theo took in what they said. He wasn’t very good at it but he managed to get a decent time, obviously no high score but it was still good both Liam and Mason exclaimed. The bus came to stop at the school and Theo handed the phone back to Mason. “Thanks for letting me borrow it!” he said with a smile before they all got off the crowded seat and the bus. The boys talked and laughed together at their way to class. When they separated, Liam and Mason going to their class and Theo going to his, Theo felt a lot more at ease. Mason had been really nice too, maybe just slightly more shy than Liam but Theo liked them both.

This went on for a couple of weeks, and the boys grew closer together. Even Mason, who indeed was a bit more shy and reserved against Theo, got to be a good friend of Theo. From time to time Theo felt a little bit left out though since Mason and Liam had been best friends for years, and Theo had only known them for three weeks. When the school day ended and the boys were headed to the bus Liam’s phone dinged and he quickly got it out. Liam let out a loud giggle causing Mason and Theo sharing a look at eachother in confusion and then looked at Liam. “What’s going on?” Mason asked, also excited and curious on what Liam had read. “We got a trampoline!!” Liam shouted. “What? That’s so cool!” Theo and Mason said in unison. “Yeah! Do you guys want to come home with me so we can try it out?” Liam said with glittery eyes. Mason said that unfortunately he couldn’t because it was his mom’s birthday. “I can come” Theo said when Liam looked at him, obviously wanting to know if he could come home with him. Liam let out an excited “Yay!” and added on that Mason had to come next time.

They all got onto the bus and this time Theo didn’t got off at his usual station. Mason left the bus about three stops before Theo and Liam got off. Even if Theo hadn’t really been paying attention as to where they were, he could tell that Liam lived a long way from the school. The bus had been nearly empty when they left. They arrived at Liam’s house and Theo was amazed by how big it was. Well, it wasn’t the biggest house he’d seen but his own house was really tiny. They didn’t bother going inside but instead went straight to the backyard, which was even bigger than the house. Theo couldn’t help but let out a “wow”. He looked around a bit noticing a table with about five chairs around it, a little pond and maybe 4 different fruit trees. “Come on!” Liam suddenly said and had already gotten up on the trampoline. Theo put down his bag next to it before climbing up himself. They both started jumping and laughing.

“Your yard is really big” Theo said. “Yeah, it’s great! And on the summers we usually have a pool over there” Liam pointed to an empty spot where the grass clearly wasn’t as well taken care of then the rest of the garden. “My yard can’t even fit a pool” Theo said. He didn’t know why he felt so sad saying it, but at his old house in Madison they had had a yard almost twice the size as Liam’s. They didn’t say much after that just continued on jumping. Theo felt stupid for having said that but it had just slipped out. “Theo?” Liam suddenly said in a serious voice. “Yeah?” he answered. “Do you miss your old place?”. Theo stopped jumping and so did Liam. “Sometimes” Theo said with a shrug and looked down on his feet. “I mean, we had a bigger house there…” he mumbled. They were quiet for almost a minute before Liam spoke. “Even if you miss your old place I’m happy you moved here” he said causing Theo to look up and meet his blue eyes. Liam shrugged slightly before continuing. “Because otherwise I wouldn’t have met you and we hadn’t become friends” he said and Theo got a big smile on his face, hearing that. “That’s true” he giggled. “You’re a good friend Liam” he said. Liam smiled back and was just about to say something when they were interrupted. “Do you and your friend want to have dinner?” a middleaged woman with the same hair colour as Liam, Theo assuming it was Liam’s mother, poked her head out of the window. “Yes please!” Liam shouted back and turned to Theo. “Do you want to eat here?” he asked which Theo nodded to. “Yes please!” he said and they both ran inside. Liams house was clean and looked nice with a big kitchen and a big living room. Liam showed him his room before they went to the kitchen and sat down at a big wooden table. Liams room had included a bed, a desk, a tv, two closets and one bureau. At the dinner table Theo had been polite and gotten to know Liam’s parents a bit. Well, as much as an 11 year old gets to know someone’s parents. When dinner was done he thanked Mr and Mrs Dunbar for the food and then it was time for him to head home.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Liam said after having explained to him how he would get home again. It was still kind of clear and light outside so walking home wasn’t scary or anything. When he was almost half way home he realised that he hadn’t told his parents where he’d went after school and he started running to get home faster. They were probably worried sick by now, Theo thought, thinking how it had been around 7 when he left Liams and school had finished at 2. He rushed inside when he arrived and immediately started to explain where he’d been and how sorry he was for not calling or telling them. His parents had barely looked up at him when he’d stormed inside and when he’d finished his explaining his mom had went straight back to her computer. “Well, Theo it’s alright. We didn’t really notice that you were gone” his father said in a calm quiet voice. “There’s some food in the fridge if you’re hungry” his mom added. Theo felt his heart drop to his feet at his parents words and it felt like he swallowed glue. “I ate at Liam’s house” he mumbled dryly before pacing to his room. His room consisted of a bed, a desk and one closet. He sat down at his desk and cupped his head in his hands and slowly the tears started to flow. He cried quietly and had to remove his hair multiple times from his face as it stuck to the tears. He looked at himself in the mirror, suddenly feeling nothing but anger. Quickly he opened the top drawer of the desk and took out a scissor. He started to cut his hair until it was about five centimetres long at most. When he was finished he looked at himself in the mirror again. His hair was a mess but he couldn’t help but smile slightly because he had finally gotten his hair cut.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: BRIT AWARDS SPECIAL

So, welcome to... a Tuesday? Yeah, it’s not exactly a usual time for me to post on this blog but it’s not just your everyday episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – That’s right, it’s the 40th ceremony in the annual BRIT Awards celebration, where we – or at least ITV – commemorate the greatest in British pop music. I’ll be celebrating in full force this year, but not by tweeting manically like I did last year – well, there will still be some tweeting; follow me @cactusinthebank – but instead by writing my live commentary right here. I did this a couple years back so I figured I’d bring it back again in traditional, over-analytical, unnecessarily nitpicky fashion. I’ve got an Excel document like I had last year to make not of who wins and compare it to who I think should win. I’m all prepared – it’s time for the 2020 BRIT Awards... unfortunately hosted by Jack Whitehall.

COMMENTARY

Interestingly (This is 10 minutes before the show begins), the International Group Award, Best British Video, Outstanding Contribution to Music and Global Success Awards have been abolished, and British Breakthrough Act, Critics’ Choice Award and British Single of the Year have all been renamed. Also, the BRITs caught flack for less female artists being nominated although last year there was a record amount nominated so I feel like sexism claims can’t really ring all that true in my opinion. It does often seem like male artists have dominated that year of pop music, just as it feel female artists have the previous year, and the BRITs have noticed that, so it just feels a tad lop-sided towards the males this year. I’m playing Devil’s advocate, sure, and I wouldn’t say 2019 has been a bad year for British women in music, but I am able to somewhat defend this decision. I feel like I’d just say that as a little pre-amble. In fact, I’ll add this: this will be less formal and grammatically correct than a normal RTC episode, and perhaps a bit less wholesome or family-friendly. Also, if none of this makes any sense, that’s because it’s out of context completely, and this will make absolutely no sense unless you’re watching it with me or had watched it prior to reading this, but that’s the joy in this! Scorecard at the ready, 19:58, it’s the BRITs in two minutes, and I am prepared to make fun of every issue I pick out.

Jack Whitehall is so unfunny lol Like Haha She Is Cleaning Lizzo Flute But He Look Like Masturbate Ha Ha

I feel like they did not know what they should do for this year

The intro with him trying out iconic BRIT Awards outfits is kinda cool actually

I wonder how far into the future they plan for these. Like are these skits pre-recorded by three months or so

Mabel didn’t really hit that note huh

I won’t really be paying attention to this one because I’m filling out scorecard and all to update it for this year but Mabel is less energetic than she was on the Graham Norton Show months ago

Can’t tell if Don’t Call Me Up has soured on me a lot or this is just a bad performance. Probably the latter

Is this the vocal loop from Mad Love or something I don’t recognise it

Nevermind I’m so dumb it’s from Don’t Call Me Up

The telephone on the screen Because Ha Ha She Says Call Me Up is a bit on the nose

I don’t think they realise she also has a song called Ring Ring

“Please welcome your host Jack Whitehall” No go away

Audience did not like the Boris Johnson joke or even the Chris Martin one lol this gnarly dude is BOMBING

Rod Stewart has eight children what the f

“Horny scarecrow of rock and roll Ronnie Wood” I hope that is on his CV

“A bit of witty banter from Dave” Jack Whitehall Shouted Out The TV Channel Dave

Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved genuinely makes me want to eat a living frog this live version is better though he’s not straining that much

I saw a BBC News piece on a boy with cancer and this was used in the background and I understand it’s a sad, sappy piano ballad but it’s literally just about a break up like that’s a tad unfitting and kinda undermines the illness and tragedy surely

Niall Horan looks SO infused

The production value for these little transitions seems to have improved it actually looks cool and not dated garbage

Lewis Capaldi will win Best New Artist

Lewis Capaldi won Best New Artist

It’s his first BRIT Award but what’s the point in celebrating he’s gonna win like seven more

Dude is coming up to the stage with a bottle of beer in his hand bruh

I bet this dude is going to be the Adele and just get drunk and swear every time he gets an award

He hugged Niall Horan for a concerning amount of time

The audience chanted ‘DOWN IT DOWN IT’ he did not down it

He just shouted profanities into the mic after 40 seconds of delaying it, but the audio was muted so I have no idea why Jack Whitehall Loves This Man

Lewis Capaldi’s music and personality clash so hard like I saw an advert of this man making funny faces set to Someone You Loved and it was so odd

That advert played right after the BRITs by the way lol

Why is Lewis Capaldi on another advert singing Someone You Loved again like stop stop stop pelase i ccant getsv awytsuavforrnjeofityre

JHE’S BACK FOR ANOTHER ADVERT GO AWAY YOU DRUNKEN IDIOT

Why would Mastercard proudly sponsor this sh

How the hell is FKA twigs nominated for best female artist like cool and all her album was good but Huh

I guess they put one alternate win each time

Mabel will win Best Female Solo Artist

Mabel won Best Female Solo Artist

Oh yeah I forgot people actually make speeches

“There are so many amazing women in this category” Mabel Listens To FKA Twigs

Don’t thank your record label they are crooks

I forget that Mabel is Neneh Cherry’s daughter that’s wild. Neneh Cherry won a BRIT too, I think this same award. Cool. Neat.

Jack Whitehall’s sarcasm and dryer wit is not exactly the best fit for the BRITs. For once I miss Ant & Dec

Harry Styles Is Literally Wearing Pajamas

This is an ok song and with actually good vocal mixing it’s better but he does sound a bit off. He did get robbed before the awards happened though lol

I am sick of guys singing ballads with a e s t h e t i c backgrounds like can we get some volcano eruptions up in this

The Rising Star and British Producer Awards (new awards) were already given out I feel like cheating

Literally the only nomination for the British Producer of the Year was fred

He won

Another break bruh bruh bruh give me a break

Harry Styles’ Pajamas Are Wet Now He Was Standing In Water

Little simz is on an advert afterwards with an amazing song from her amazing album but she’s not nominated for any award

Im so tired like this shit is keeping me awake last year i fell asleep during a jess glynne performance

Liam payne performed a month before the ceremony and his album fell 31 places on the chart in response

Jack Whitehall called himself a lanky streak of piss this man might get an Ofcom Complaint

Lizzo’s really pushing that title track huh

Lizzo didn’t censor herself on the Grammys but her breathy ‘uh’s are making some lines unintelligible lol

This is a good song though

LOL SHE STOPPED FOR THE AUDIENCE TO CONTINUE HER SENTENCE BUT NOBODY SAID THE LINE YIKES

I guess she forgot Truth Hurts didn’t even peak in the top 20 here

Good as Hell is the one people here care about

She knows that they didn’t respond in Truth Hurts because she said ‘sing along if you know it’ lol

She kinda messed up but to be fair she is walking and singing with the audience

That White Guy With The Crap Hair Killed It

Drummer is going wild

I love the extra guitar flourishes in Juice this is pretty cool actually, her interpolating Cause I Love You at the same time is pretty epic this actually sounds pretty great I’d love for this whole medley to be on streaming

She yelled ‘biiitch’ but the mic did not catch that

Ronnie Wood Really Got The Positive Vibes

Lewis Capaldi will win Best Male Solo Artist

(Michael Kiwanuka got like no applause god damn at least give them pity applause)

ROIGHT and tha winna ***upside down*** is STRORMZY

Stormzy won Best Male Solo Artist

(Second time by the way)

Clean version of Vossi Bop kinda slap Ngl

Stormzy TOWERS over Ronnie Wood lol dude is tall

“Um.”

“Best Male is nothing without incredible females” Cool cool

Ronnie is about to tell Stormzy why he thinks he should go back to his own country and that He’s Not Actually Racist

(Those allegations are baseless. My lawyers advised me to say so.)

Jack Whitehall touched audience feet

We’re already nearly an hour in wow

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADVERT BREAKS

Yes Yes

Hell yeah dave is awesome, he got his Top Boy co-star to work as a hype man before him

I think this is Black? If so that’s amazing I love that song

It’s Black he has it written on his white piano

The only white piano is slowly turning more black

I like the headlines and all the imagery on the piano it’s really cool

Dave is a tad off beat but he’s also playing a double-sided piano so understandable

A white dude is playing the other side of the piano I’m sure that’s symbolic

He is aggressive in this delivery damn he’s killing it

Some of this imagery is beautiful – especially the BRIT Award being covered by black snakes and the Arabic writing transitioning into an Africa with colonial borders

This was an amazing performance, especially with the violins. Incredible.

OH THERE’S ANOTHER VERSE ABOUT BORIS JOHNSON

The least racist is still racist damn right

This works as an obituary as well damn.

I’d have to analyse this whole thing but this was an incredible performance oh my god

I want this on streaming

When did this man help a terrorist plot wh

Paloma Faith Sounds Like A Robot Who Is Vaguely Feminist

Burna Boy will win International Male Solo Artist

(I so want Tyler to go home with it though. Could go to Post as well)

It’s just whoever shows up gets it though so

WHOA

WHAT THE HELL

TYLER THE CREATOR WON HOW

TAHT IS AMSGWYUFE

THE RADIO HOST SAID IGOR WRONG BUT ITS OK TYLER WON

Tyler, The Creator won International Male Solo Artist

This gnarly dude just said ‘errr yeah errr’

“Shout out to all the British funk from the 80s I try to copy”

LOL THE THERESA MAY CALL OUT HAHAH

I FORGOT HE WASNT ALLOWED IN THE UK

Bts is not a british group, presenter

Coldplay will win Best British Group

Foals won Best British Group

I am actually so surprised lol at Tyler and Foals winning their first BRITs

More alternative dudes winning I guess. Neat. Means a lot

Stop thanking your corrupt labels

The name’s eyelash

I haven’t actually heard her Bond theme yet

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho

I like it. The whispery tone of her voice, the eerie strings (cello?), and slick guitar really fit the Bond franchise. Thank you Billie Eilish, very cool!

No Don’t Talk To Lizzo Don’t Talk To Anyone Jack Whitehall

“There was so much energy they could have done the whole performance for me” well not exactly mrs. Lizzo

This is so awkward we can’t hear what Lizzo is laughing at Harry Styles looks pissed

‘floutists’ is the name for flute players huh

I’m so confused what is going on

Lizzo is threatening jack Whitehall with a flute and within the transition to the break i could hear a slight faint shout from jack in the background

Is everyone ok

More people that i wanted to win than who i expected to win are winning

Sam Fender is haha funnie but nobody in the audience thinks so lol

Celeste is performing she’s the new Rising Star award she has already had a bit of a crack but I’m pretty sure that’s part of the song

This song is ok

Bit boring tbh. Audience is getting tired too. This is lasting like 5 minutes and the song is pretty flavourless and repetitive. Yawn snore

We’re about half way through and I’ve kind of lost interest ngl

Honestly lewis capaldi did better than celeste on jah

Jack Whitehall is having a mental breakdown right now. Understandable

Billie Eilish will win International Female Solo Artist

Billie Eilish won International Female Solo Artist

Lizzo looks so disappointed for whatever reason lol like did we really think anyone else would get this award

Sporty Spice is in the background dancing to everything i wanted that is not a song you dance like that to it’s about suicide

This speech is going terribly

Why are so many of these gnarly dudes signed to polydor

Thank you Billie Eilish very cool

No Jack Whitehall Don’t Talk To Harry Styles

Harry Styles looks like he hates Jack Whitehall so much

The Lizzo-Harry-Jack Whitehall love triangle is Awkward And Awful

Lizzo is the only reason the brit awards are good

Ok the exchange about Harry Styles not being taken seriously was pretty funny

In fact this whole exchange was very funny And Partially About Incest

“Is one of these lucky ladies your date?” “That’s my sister”

Lizzo is chugging the tequila

Harry Styles Looks Like He Pissed Himself

The BRIT awards have suddenly become very confusing

Epic Stormzy Time

Genuinely have no idea what song he’ll perform. Probably Vossi Bop?

Stormzy Should Keep The Singing To His Backing Vocalist And Choir

Gospel beat sounds sweet

I think this is supposed to be Lessons but the studio version is so much duller than this version. This one is pretty cool. I think it’s the choir

I’d be surprised if he only does Lessons. Also the production value here was crazy. Full band, pyrotechnics and all.

Oh yeah it’s Vossi Bop time he’s got the red lighting

Nevermind it’s Wiley Flow lol but still

Reminds me of when Kanye did All Day (also the audio got muted for a long period of time just like when Kanye did that)

This one is more choreographed though lol

Why did he perform two of the least popular songs first though

Burna Boy is coming out for Own It alright, he sounds just as good as studio, probably because He’s Not Actually Singing

I don’t like this song but the choreography is great, stage presence is good and the visuals are incredible. Really shows that even with the worst material, you can make a song sound as lively as ever. The horns the live band added to Own It sound beautiful

Burna Boy’s little solo bit was great

He got away with saying “Sucking on their mums” nice

I hadn’t heard Rainfall before this I don’t think (it sounds familiar though), but the mashup with Praise You was great. I love the sight of Stormzy in front of family members, the young men in black outfits from Wiley Flow, the tropical clothes-bearing women from Own It, Burna Boy, the live band, and all. It’s really a nice diverse sight to see. Cool cool. This probably means absolutely nothing but I Am Knackered

Someone You Loved will win Song of the Year

I really hope it’s Ladbroke Grove though. It and Location feel very emblematic of 2019, in a way that I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber DEFINITELY isn’t

Someone You Loved won Song of the Year

“Biggest winner of the night so far” there’s only one award left mate

Lewis Capaldi Is A Very Funny Man

“Thanks to my grandmother for dying”

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho [2]

Heard a very british voice say “i luv yoo bilie” in the audience lmao

Lewis Capaldi will win Album of the Year

I’d prefer literally anyone else to win this award. Only one of these albums was a 7/10 or above but Lewis Capaldi’s album was unlistenable

OH HELL YEAH THE ONLY GOOD ONE WON

Dave won Album of the Year

Epic I love that album. It could very well have been Capaldi but since Dave won the Mercury Prize I guess he would have been a better prediction

People are screaming man’s lost for words

“Jesus Christ!” dude’s so astonished lol

I loved Dave’s speech actually very inspiring

“Jack, I’m gonna do this one for your mum, Hilary” bruh  rod stewart really saying ‘ur mom’ jokes out here

I love Rod Stewart’s raspy voice man. Orchestra’s great. This is beautiful lol

Gnarly dude got the guitar solo

Conclusion

I cannot be bothered to write some massive conclusion but most of the performances were great and emotionally powerful, especially Stormzy, Dave, Billie and Rod Stewart, and even those who were a bit crap performing were very funny on stage, like Lewis Capaldi. The on stage banter was really cringe-worthy but Jack Whitehall, Harry Styles and Lizzo had this really funny triangle going on. The outro with Ronnie Wood and the rest of Rod Stewart’s band was great, Stormzy’s extended performance was sweet. This was actually a pretty great BRITs, to be honest, and all of the winners, except a select few, deserved it, and if they didn’t, it was pretty expected. There could have been some more winners – off the top of my head, Slowthai and Little Simz weren’t even nominated, but hey, Tyler won. That’s great. The scorecard will be on Twitter. In the words of the BRIT Award winners in 2020, “errr yeah errr”, and thanks for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[mogamifucker666]

 cabana au plot thing maybe. i can’t write so.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

premise: Mogami is an assassin/hitman, working at a tropical resort for cover. his mom is sick. he works with SG guy (Sargent) as assassins but also at the same tropical resort place. Matsuo is a rich gold digger, killed his last husband but was judged innocent in the trial. now he’s looking for thrills, doesn’t desire more money, just trying to have a good time. which for him means.. causing choas.

(this post is so long and dumb and gay i am so sorry for anyone on tumblr mobile RIP)

(edit: it’s even longer now and i tried to fix the typos from before. i hate how invested i am in this AU and yet i cannot stop.)

Matsuo comes to this resort regularly and the staff are Wary and particular about the staff they (somewhat) sacrifice to Matsuo. but Matsuo has MAD CA$H so they assign him like.. a personal attendant of sorts.

Mogami was hired between the last visit and this one, has been working there a lil while (some months but less than a year), Sargent is part of the resort’s management and works to cover for Mogam to give him alibis while he’s off killing ppl Just In Case

Mogami probably has an alias that he uses for like everything and that’s “Kai” bc he works by the ocean lmao. 

I guess Mogami works around the pool and beach? waiter/bartender type thing. trained as a lifeguard so he does that too.

Anyhow he gets assigned to Matsuo, is aware that Matsuo’s was on trial for the murder of his husband but wasn’t convicted, but doesn’t really know what to expect. definitely not the chaotic twinky gremlin that Matsuo is in this AU.

Possible first interaction: Mogami is just trying to serve some drinks  and Matsuo intercepts him and he's like "can i help you.....uhm........?" (can't figure out Matsuo's gender) 

Matsuo, "that would be sir, thank you. but in a different context you can call me baby." Mogam is internally like o no-- Matsuo, not missing a beat, "and i can call you daddy." and Mogami is like. CRIngiNG he's like this is it, this is the curse brought on by killing people, the bad luck has finally caught up with me-- etc

Matsuo has a thing about paying ppl with Mogami’s job 4 sex/seducing them

Mogam is not about it

Matsuo won’t ease up

Anyway. things r tense and assassin stuff is more difficult bc of dealing with being Matsuo’s attendant. but there r days when Mogam isn’t working, where he has leave to “see his mom” which are often used for assassin stuff but. sometimes seeing mom. sometimes both.

Mogam still maintains his cool and indifference to Matsuo’s attempted advances

it’d be ridiculous if Matsuo very obviously fakes drowning. standing in shallow water (literally standing) and just flinging water around and looking like a fool, calling out “help me lifeguard! im Drowning! oh the humanity! i am struggling to breathe oh lifeguard please help me!” mostly bothering the other people around so Mogami feels compelled to usher him away but Mogami does Not lol and Matsuo just looks like a desperate fool.

maybe he actually pretends to drown

“i think i need cpr”

“i’ll just call an ambulance for you”

“come ON” as Mogami gets up and Leaves

Matsuo: >;;;;^(  Mogami: B^|

Matsuo prObably goes for some other poolboys in the meantime. partly for attention, partly because it’s what he does.

Matsuo insists that Mogami has a secret (and he does) but Mogam denies that he has any secret of interest to Matsuo

somehow Matsuo finds out about his mom tho and Mogam is like “ah yes. my dark secret. i am indeed secretly tender at heart and love my mother very much. u got me.” but like. no it’s that he’s killing people. But there is some bonding and more respect from Matsuo. some but not much.

the Advances continue tho Matsuo is like still like  “if u need money then sleep with me??”. Mogam is like. No.

also, at some point, Mogami to Matsuo “has anything bad happened to you at all in your life?” (bad things have happened but it’s been a While and Matsuo is hella detached from that)

Matsuo is legit like. lowkey a psychopath probably and breaks into Mogam’s (place of residence) (apartment proabably?) and Mogam gets back from a nearby “job” (shady bloody job) and Matsuo sees him (Matsuo wasn’t hiding lol) and Mogam Very Clearly bloody (under the shirt he was wear and since removed bc he’s home now) and is internally like “i’m not prepared to deal with this. this is over my head, the disappearance would go noticed, and would obviously connect to me... i’ll call Sargent. i probably have to kill him, such a hassle.. could be the end of things. what i thoughtless greedy awful--”

i drew it:

(evil gremlin pixie gets gay while dead-inside man contemplates the logistics of murder and disposing the body)

he glances down and Matsuo is like... sparkly heart emojis looking at the blood on Mogami and. Mogam is CONFUSED hE’s like “What.. are you doing looking like that?????”

(the blood drawn on his face/hand doesn’t make sense now that ive thought about it but. i can’t be bothered now.)

(my fave Mogami reaction to Matsuo is “bitch what the fuck” honestly) 

Matsuo is rlly hot about the blood i but Mogam is just tired of this he’s like. resigned and kind of given up and legit just “I’m going to take a shower”

“can i come with u? ::::3c”

“you can do whatever you want” (figures Matsuo will follow him but doesn’t care if Matsuo leaves and tells the police he’s just tired rn)

Matsuo does follow him (he’s got his Eyes on the Prize)(the “prize” has gotten more and more interesting and enticing as time went by and now he is enthralled. Matsuo is chaotic and freaky and i love him. kinky(TM))

Mogam is trying to ignore Matsuo in the shower but eventually just Gives Up and like yeah wow sex huh

it is. a lot more good than Mogam anticipated and Matsuo is very :^)))))) after (satisfied and “i told u so” and still sneaky but also. more solidly attached now)(Mogam is endearingly passionate  and it’s hot i guess idk don’t look at me)

Matsuo is probably the only (alive) person besides Sargent who knows he’s killing people so like. that relieves tension and allows for more intimacy ok

(im gay don’t talk to me)

at some point after that Matsuo is like “you like killing people”

“no, it’s just a job”

except he does and something happening close to the time of the convo is like ‘wait yes i do enjoy it..’

At Some Point Matsuo gets a wound over his eye (so the scar matches canon lol), it’s somehow a result of hanging around Mogami

thanks @ Nick for this idea: maybe Matsuo gets kidnapped and Mogam has to go save him. Jokes on Mogami tho Matsuo knows how to use a gun and can handle i knife decently. basically Matsuo kills at least Some of his abductors, gets his face slashed, and escapes by the time Mogami arrives to save him.

probably a sobering experience for Matsuo like ‘o right actions have consequences that affect me. wow. strange.’

this isn’t a deterrent for him tho, he’s still having fun, but he’s gonna be less flippant and careless from then on.

idK eventually an agreement of commitment happens and like. Mogam quits and the resort and moved back with Matsuo to the US i guess and now he doesn’t have to worry about money for his mom’s care bc Matsuo is stacked.

so Matsuo has married twice and the latest one is dead but the other one (his first marriage) is to Toichiro.

Toichiro’s wife divorced him, he’s rich and is some important af person in a corporation idk, he and Matsuo r together for a while and then married briefly and then Matsuo divorces him and gets hella money (awful. cruel. rude boy. evil. i love it) 

(their relationship was like. probably kind of sad bc Toichiro is pretending he’s not torn up abt his ex-wife and maybe Matsuo like?? wasn’t just being a gold digger and actually cared about him, but was constantly eclipsed by the ex-wife n got tired of it and once they were married he was pretty soon like “Okay. That’s That. Bye.” dark. idk Matsuo is an energetic and wild person and Toichiro is cold and dead inside and Matsuo probably brought a lot of like.. joy to his life, and he took that for granted n Matsuo left. bye bish.)(lmao i h8 angst i’m sad now)

the current dynamic between him and Toichiro is like.. whenever they see each other they just drag the shit out of each other and r snide and that’s their point of camaraderie but Matsuo rlly doesn’t care abt him and always rubs Toichiro’s unsatisified life in his face.

but Matsuo is with Mogami now and they’re back in the US (some big city, probably Los Angeles or NYC.. or both. Matsuo has an unnecessary excess of wealth he can have a house on both coasts) but they end up talking with Toichiro and so Toichiro and Matsuo r doing their nasty banter thing and Toichiro starts talking dirty and about stuff he and Matsuo did and Matsuo is kind of pissed and internally like ‘wow in front of my boyfriend?? i know i have no class either but xcuse u bitch :^)’ but. also talks abt the stuff he’s been doing with Mogami. meanwhile Mogami is just there SEETHING quietly, tensely but politely smiling, thinking 'the nerve of this awful man with ugly eyebrows. abhorrent.' Matsuo is keeping an eye on him as the tension is rising and eventually.. 'wow my murder bf is about to fight my ex and while that's Hot that's not a good idea---' so he he cuts the conversation off like "well, i know who i've chosen--" wraps arm around Mogami's waist "--have a good life pining for your ex-wife" and like. leaves. bye.

or “have fun trying to fill the void left my your ex-wife for as long as you live”

Matsuo’s second marriage is probably to Ishiguro and purely for the money. but Ishiguro is gross and old and Matsuo was tired of waiting for him to die and took matters into his own hands. and ended up with a lot of money and no jail time.

idk what else. vague ideas kind of like. Mogam has a day of and Sargent goes to visit momgami in the hospital as a way to cover for Mogami going to do a hit. or doing a hit for Mogam so he can visit his mom. tru friends. 

the beginning aesthetic being like. tacky tropical beach and it changing into like. lavish but sleek spy-aesthetic by the end is funny to me. tropical pattern prints and speedos and petty drama and humar to dark clothes and a scar  and like. weirdly devoted and sexy dynamic. silly to serious. hilariously bad rom com to..  rich murder gays (NBC Hannibal stole my aesthetic)

im starting to fall asleep but ya this au was originally 100% shitpost and yet here. i am. thinking about it seriously.