#its been a nice day methinks :)

[exlimix1a]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I wish u a good day!!!

🥰

TEEHEEHEE thank you bear!!!!

[no-higher-thought]

said you wanted to talk about 2bhank on your last post... well i'm all ears.

oo Wait fr ??

Oh my goodness gracious youve no idea what you just released anon FUCK you for making me write all this down /lh

Very unorganised thoughts cause i had like 12 pages worth of ramblings in my notes and had to cut it down. It was borderline just nonsense, man. Im losing it. Sorry if words don't make sense.

First off, they can and have hurt eachother. Hard not to, in a world as fucked up as theirs. Hank is someone who only knows violence, and doc is far too used to manipulating people and circumstances to gain the upper hand. In combat, in business deals, sieges, all that jazz.

But honestly, considering everything ? Their relationship is definitely among the healthiest, most stable in all of Nevada. Mostly cause the bar is all the way in The Nowhere but. y'know.

Both see it as VERY transactional, which, i mean. It is, first and foremost, a business deal so like. Fair i suppose. Hank is very good at their job of killing, and doc is very good at pointing them at nice targets. A sort of  "ah shit they didn't slam the door this time guess i gotta be extra careful pulling all the shrapnel out of their abdominal cavity."

There was never any moment one could consider "feelings realization" or whatever. They're simply incredibly close as a result of just how LONG they've worked together. Neither is particularly keen on asking somethn like "what are we to eachother?" Because it just. Doesn't. Matter to them.

That and like. I am very aroace. Hank is canon aroace. Saw doc fanart with ace ring once and have been rotating it in my brain since. Big fan of non-traditional relationships, man.

It's mostly convenience, methinks. Hank may not need doc to bring them back to life, but it sure does make the process a lot shorter and less painful. Doc doesn't need hank, he has plenty of money and access to many of Nevada's most feared mercenaries. He could find someone else to do his dirty work, if need be.

And yet.

Every moment they spend together is a moment of putting their life in the other's hands. Hank trusts him not to staple their legs on backwards, and doc trusts them to not dome him the moment he turns around. Don't get me wrong, it's not trust in the other, no. It's trusting that the other isn't dumb enough to get rid of a valuable asset.

But frankly, to someone used to nothing but pain and violence, a simple lack of it might as well be a loving embrace.

Theirs is a relationship built off of many years of contracts, of shared goals, of depending on eachother, expecting the other to catch them when they fall. When they crawl back battered and bloodied. When they pass out from overworking in front of their computer for the upteenth time this week.

They'd share a bed simply because both have horrific waking nightmares and huddling together on a shitty moldy mattress helps. A net positive, mutualism. They might seek some affection from the other, but its always self-serving.

Still. Neither of them are sentimental. If the machine took them on different paths, or hell, if they had to kill the other (for one reason or another), i don't think either of them would mourn.

Simply fill their time with the next mission at hand.

Doc could kill hank. They've been under his knife often enough. It wouldn't stick, sure, but he's very much capable of sending them back to the Other place, at least once.

Hank could absolutely kill doc. There's very little stopping them. All it would take is a single hand around his neck and one good squeeze.

But they don't.

They don't, and neither does he. Because at the end of the day, both of them benefit more when the other is alive.

Mutualism.

... Anyways uh hank is a cuddler. With how fucked up their nerves must be, i bet most of their sense of touch is straight up just pain. Which would be be a bigger deal, except. Doc has access to heavy-duty painkillers. How can you not, in some odd way, love the guy that makes the pain go away, even for a bit ?

[dorksmithery]

Bora's Master Adventures, aka I played AkuNeko doodle compilation

Working Title: Lato enamored me with his penchant for violence and extremely polite speech but the designs were so banging that I had to illustrate my silly experience playing this weird but very loveable game. Fennesz is here for moral support.

Note: I only really have read up till the end of the Ball arc. Though I do know some spoilers from watching the stageplay clips and listening to the stageplay album, all the following doodles are my first impressions from the game up until Episode 1, Part 2, Chapter 32 (´･ω･`)b

All translations are my own work.

Obsession at First Mention

"There is a butler who lives in the basement floor called Lato, please be careful around him." "Oh no." "He (Lato) might become my fave" *He indeed became my fave lol

I looked at the red flag Berrian gave us and went "Oh okay. So I'm a bull now ig" It did not help that his design is so memorable but all the butlers have super distinct designs that have so much character packed into them. TBH I think my favourite design goes to Fennesz, the butterfly motif is enchanting and the way his outfit both matches and clashes against Haures is so fascinating.

(We will not talk about how I struggled so hard drawing Berrian. Bro should not be that difficult to draw)

Daimeshi Jamboree

"I'm (Ore) the master of the Devil Butlers!" "Ah.... That might have been too aggressive..." <- Usually uses Boku "M-Masterrrrrr....."

AkuNeko having the choice to play either as a female or male Master is peak actually?? Like it changes nothing lol but just having that option is so good. I use Boku and Watashi as my Japanese personal pronouns of choice so reading the Master option as Ore was jarring www I'm just a polite liddol guy, pwease

I did like the village scene tho. Ammon is probably the character I've changed my opinion fastest about, he's just doing his best and a little bit of an idiot about it. I will hear no slander about him.

The Greatest Honour I can Give

"Wear the outfits please." "A-Alright..."

"U-um..." "So this is the type of thing you like~" (Fennesz is wearing one of Lato's outfits while Lato is wearing one of Fennesz's outfits)

Get in the fucking dress boys

I like to cycle between Fennesz and Lato on my homescreen but whoever is on there is wearing a dress either way. I did indeed use screenshots to build the base of the last photo but one day I really do want to sit down and just try and learn the AkuNeko art style bc its so distinct and the colours pop so well while staying with the gothic aesthetic.

Fennesz is unexpectedly very cute when he blushes....

Animal Ears Gang

Muu is cute methinks. Not as annoying as other mascot characters but theres a lot of potential for him to grow in the story! I hope we get to see him grow up to be a wonderful butler ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

I honestly wasn't expecting to like AkuNeko all that much. I only really got into it because of the stageplay so to realize that the game is just as fun and the art is something I could definitely see myself trying to learn is really nice. The features like the study and stretches is also weirdly helpful? I've been using it every so often and setting up my own 15 min writing sprints with Lato breathing down my neck the whole time is actually kind of funny.

Will I continue playing? Who knows. The fact that my reading comprehension has improved by leaps and bounds since I downloaded the game is irreverent

[crazylittlejester]

dude for the past 3 days whenever i clicked ur profile tumblr would crash out but its fixed now methinks

anyway ive been playing cookie run a BUNCH lately i love it. i really want timekeepers costume.. (when i got 30 rainbow crystals i immediately spent it on butter pretzel cookies costume then when i get 80 ill spend it all on roguefort cookies costume..)

i might start playing kingdom instead of ovenbreak for a little.. kingdom has more gambling anyways! and it has madeleine and espresso cookie (theyre gay) it also has affogato cookie i am so normal about cookie run cookies that are often mistaked for being female then end up being a guy or nonbinary

THATS SO MEAN WHAT?? IT TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM YAPPING?? evil.

OOOOH nice!! i dont know much about cookie run but i have a friend who likes it a lot, it seems fun :)

[meirimerens]

*runs up to you* thoughts on burakhovsky marriage? 🎤🎤🎤

Honey if you knew!!!! I'll try to make it quick because I'm making sims so typing over my laptop put on front of my keyboard (complicated). Actually let me do Wedding. Marriage is them exactly the same but post-that. And sleeping in the same bed under boddhos hospices but hopefully not her watchful eye.

Tldr yes. dankovsky has been 🙄🙄 about marriage his whole life out of the feeling of religious alienation for being gay + generally a contrarian + able to recognize the misogyny inherent to marriage as a religious institution which made him go [before he knew he was gay] well if I met a woman I wouldn't want to marry her that's cruel [literally doesn't matter he's gay]  + generally a liker of freedom inclined to dislike institutions. But also he never had an actual relationship before so his ass didn't care before. And also by virtue of being a marriage between two men, the religious (and tbf secular societal) misogyny of the woman being "passed down" from the father's to the husband's "property" to go from domestic labor in her parents house to domestic sexual and reproductive labor in her husbands Literally doesn't apply to them because gay wedding.

I think his mom is overjoyed at marrige she always wanted him to have a nice wedding so she's very happy. she's a bit nervous because he's marrying in a culture she doesn't know much about (and vice-versa for burakh tbf) and she's ankchus at how ceremony will go.

Dankovskys side of fhe family brings to the ceremony Armenian [mothers side] & Georgian [dads] traditions [not listing bc making it short so I can.go back to my sims] also dankovsky in chokha please. ooooh please. for his weddig day.

they need A Bunch of meetings with wardens and the brides (all that participate in the ceremony) to adjust the usual wedding traditions to like. two guys. esp. for the Kin traditions as motherhood - birth - rebirth are very important within that culture and like Not Happening Here Sorry. so a bunch of bits and pieces are rearranged, I'd imagine like blessings for the bride for beautiful children and safe childbirth are scraped and everyone is scratching their heads at what to replace them with [they end up finding its fine]. while it's not the first time the Kin has an out gay couple among them [duh] it's the first time its a Warden son of Menkhu and they have to make a big deal out of it. Methinks ceremony includes painting sigils on each others wrists and the herb brides bricker with Oyun like "oh my god you can keep that one it doubles as a potency charm" and burakh and dankovsky sitting there are just boiling inside [I drew an image of it once I did I did]

also dankovskys mom insists burakh and those who can stand in as family come drink the tea with them and share his intention to ask for her sons hand in marriage [even after having asked dankovsky + neither of them care about parents permission, it's exclusively to please dankovskys family esp his mam who's taking that from lhosk-arnel tradition]

Ceremony also includes stepping out to the steppe for private vows while the assembly turns around and coming back. then usually groom carries brides on a beautiful bull he'd have tame to the bridal house (typically honeymoon destination). dankovsky has to explain to his father who already struggled with him being gay earlier on in his life that "I'm not sitting on the bull because I'm the woman of the relationship, I'm sitting on the bull because I'm scared of it and it could crush my foot under its hoof" and his dad kind of looks at him a little fearful.

mom brings honeycakes. rubin burakhs best man/whatever they're called, peter is dankovsky, and he keeps making big wet eyes at rubin the whole ceremony (watch out)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #168

I'm not in as much pain today as I expected to be, which is pretty freaking great!! I'm still a bit tired though. I spent my morning doing normal morning things, which, for me, means doing some dishes, feeding my cats, and making tea. Today's swirls were wonderful - as it brewed, as I added the honey, and as I added the cream! Let me show you:

...Sephiroth, I hope you'll remember that the world is filled with so many beautiful things. You just gotta know where to look for 'em. But it's okay if you don't always remember all the time; I forget often enough - I think everyone does. That's why we gotta spend time with people who will help us remember, instead of people who make it easier to forget. We of my house and the people that we chill with like to do our best to help everyone remember. You're welcome to pop by, too, if you need a reminder; you'd fit in with the rest of us misfits just fine, methinks.

E's wife, whose name is H, came to visit for lunch today! We went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place, because they hadn't yet been to the one that is in my city! Here's what we got!

...I wish you could be here to enjoy this with us. I wish I could do better than just send along pictures. I wish that you could be warm and safe somewhere with a happy belly full of yummy sushi. But I know all the reasons that such a thing as you coming to visit us is impossible, even if I do sometimes joke about you popping by my house. I'm not insane, don't worry.

Last time I saw H, we were with E at the shop with all the pretty clothing. They asked about one of my inventory items - besides my owl backpack, my hat, my various long cardigans, and the plush I carry, I have one more inventory item that I found under rather mysterious circumstances. Normally, this item comes in pairs, but there was only the left one when I found it. So, they asked why there was only one, and I didn't feel comfortable explaining in that environment for a variety of reasons. So I explained it to them while we were at Wasabi.

I'll explain a little here, but not fully, because although I think you might understand, I... don't necessarily think that anyone else who reads these will, because even I only just barely understand.

Some time ago, while engaged in ordinary activities, I made a small, silly wish to the void, thinking that nothing would come of it. But not more than two days later, I felt a strong pull of intuition to a random spot in my neighborhood that is nondescript and has no bearing on anything; nobody goes there because they're just maintenance trails in the middle of some trees on hills that are difficult and annoying to climb.

There was no logical reason for my attention to be pulled along in the way that it was, but as I explained to you in a previous letter, when I fail to heed my intuition, usually something mildly inconvenient happens, so for the most part, I've learned to just go with the flow, even if I don't know what's happening, why, or what to expect. And while I was wandering the maintenance trails, following the subtle buzzing of my intuition, I found an item.

The item was wet, dirty, and covered in tree sap, but it was a luxury item, all by itself, in a place that no one goes. It was very weird. So I brought it home and cleaned it up, and when I did, it was very beautiful. It smelled nice, and it was very soft. And... in a very roundabout way, it fulfilled the wish I had made, and that was also very weird. Admittedly, I was even a little spooked at first by how closely it fulfilled the wish I had made, given the circumstances and how reality generally works. But I've since decided that the item is mine now, even if it's missing its right counterpart, and so it is a permanent part of my inventory, even if I sometimes get odd looks from other people for having it.

There's a lot more that I could tell you, but I don't think I will in this space for fear that my sanity and ability to reason might be called into question by others, which would jeopardize the peace that I am trying to work towards for you; how can I convince enough others that you are worthy of it such that it comes to fruition if I cannot be taken seriously? How can I convince people that compassion is the answer to most problems if I cannot be taken seriously?

(...is it even possible for someone like me to be taken seriously by anyone at all...? experience points to "no", because I am not someone with power or influence or officially-recognized credentials, or even the correct body, neurotype, or social background for others to imagine I'm worth anything. if the answer to whether I can be taken seriously is already "no", then logically, I have nothing to be afraid of, but still...)

I explained all the things to H in far, FAR more detail than I explained here; there was a lot of it because there's much that I've carried by myself for a number of years - who would believe me if I spoke on it when even I am having a hard time of believing it even though I am the one these things happened to? More than just the item I found; my whole life, starting from a certain point (maybe you know when...), has been one wild coincidence after another, and it all became dramatically more pronounced since I began writing.

When I finished explaining everything to H, they seemed... I dunno the word for it... some combination of dumbfounded, shocked, excited, and joyful, I suppose? I was understood and believed (assuming they were being sincere), which was a shock to me, because I was thoroughly expecting that my longwinded answer to the question they posed about the item would prompt them to start trying to avoid me, but instead they told me of similar experiences that they had, and I was relieved. At least for today with regards to the things I've kept to myself for so many years, I feel like I am not by myself.

H and I went back to my house after that, and we played a lot of Vampire Survivors together. It's a silly game with not much substance to it, but it's a lot of fun, and it's interesting to play cooperatively. Then it was time for H to go home, and now V is visiting instead; V knows some of the details of what I've explained to H, too.

...I'll still keep it close to my chest in this space, though. I've seen what happens to others when they speak about these things, and the last thing I need is to be mocked and ridiculed as though I'm some kind of lunatic.

Well anyway. M wants to watch Game Changer with me and J and V, so I guess I'll stop writing now and go do that.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow. Please stay safe...

Your friend, Lumine

[bunnyintheprairie]

third post!!!

i forgot that i never made it a goal to post on here Every Day! almost got sad when i realized i accidentally skipped a day but! i realized.

anyway.. came back home for the weekend and had a lovely time! i love home i love my hometown its so wonderful here!

some news.. i really like my classes! also! i switched up the furniture layout in my room and it is so nice now im. kinda excited to go back! im not excited about homework but it should be okay methinks.

some goals for this week are to finish my homework early, do laundry, find a power cord for my monitor, ask this question that i've been too scared to ask, and plan an event for my org. a lot of goals for one week but who knows! i think it will be quite fun :3

here are some pics from the past two days

[joseopher]

how do you interpret the "it only broke because i broke it" scene/conversation with tristan and callum in the atlas paradox? what are the important parts of it? i really like the scene and i feel like you'd have more thoughts about the significance of it than i got on my own

I DO HAVE MORE THOUGHTS!!!

Spoilers for The Atlas Paradox under the cut!!!

So we begin.

"It took three days after the incident with the captive witch for Tristan to come find him. Ridiculous. As if they were schoolgirls waiting three days to text back."

This implies that after their interaction (Tristan taking a hostage and Callum having some fun) it was a given that Tristan would come to find him. Callum could think this because:

a) He's arrogant and "understands" emotions well

b) Callum and Tristan know each other so well that they don't need to make a verbal agreement that Tristan will eventually find Callum

Option B is suggested by this earlier line: "The shorthand between Callum and Tristan had been long enough established that Tristan did not require clarification."

They were very close friends, they knew each other very well.

This line is also important: "'Finally,' Callum said without looking up from his book."

What says the most is that Tristan does not question what Callum means by "finally". Meaning it's very likely that they both understood this meeting was inevitable.

Another quote that caught my attention was:

"I thought, ‘You know what will be fun? I’ll just make up a nice little story that will haunt Tristan for three days and then I’ll simply tell him it was all a joke, ha ha.’ Certainly it’s not an extremely fraught situation. After all, what possible knowledge would I have of such fragile emotional tangles? None whatsoever, methinks—"

This may sound reasonable for a normal person to say. But this is Callum, he has crafted a persona that plays with people like toys. The version of himself he trying desperately to make everyone believe would indeed fuck with someone like that.

And Tristan has every right to buy into this. Tristan's paranoid, Tristan's been manipulated by Callum and Tristan has seen Callum try to make someone he cares for take her own life in front of him.

But all he says is, "Fine. Point taken."

HE👏TRUSTED👏CALLUM'S👏WORDS

Not necessarily because he believes Callum deserves his trust but because he knows that this isn't what Callum would do.

They know each other so well but also not in the ways they need.

The misunderstandings start here: "False. I do not hate Rhodes. I do not even dislike Rhodes. She simply does not matter."

Callum does not waste effort on those that do not matter to him. But in this line, he's saying that Tristan does matter to him, that he wouldn't be presenting this information to him if he didn't matter. Tristan does matter to him, despite all their betrayal, despite the resentment and hate, he is important enough to be worth Callum allowing himself to feel for, even if that feeling is dislike. (But these lines suggest he still likes Tristan: "'Tristan doesn’t have his own ideas. It’s what I like about him.' He meant to say liked, but it obviously didn’t matter.").

Tristan doesn't see this and instead fixates on Callum's next words that suggest he wants to kill Libby.

Moving on, I find this quote very memorable:

"Callum remarked, producing a very neat and well-prepared document from the inside cover of his book—which was actually How to Win Friends and Influence People, chosen for its many wonderful techniques. For example, one way to make people like you was to smile, which Callum winningly employed now."

This quote suggests that Callum still wants Tristan to like him. He's still trying to recover from Tristan considering killing him, still trying to process rejection from the one person who saw him for who he was. He longs for Tristan to like him again, to heal over that injury or just have the power to reject him back.

This is furthered by this quote:

"No, no, wildly incorrect. I don’t just want you to try, Tristan. I want you to succeed. I want you to succeed so valiantly and with such flying colors that you believe yourself to be invincible and invulnerable and, ultimately, a more evolved version of your current self. But of course you won’t do that. Which is honestly very sad for me, because I really am an optimist."

Callum rarely lies, so it's likely that he does want Tristan to succeed, he does care.

"You’re manipulating me somehow. I know you’re trying to talk me out of it.

But, of course, in Tristan's pov, anything he had with Callum was just manipulation. He does not allow himself to think that Callum still cares because of his own self-doubts. He does know Callum very well but his own disbelief that anyone would care about him + assuming everything between was manipulation which is because of his self-doubt stops him from even considering the idea that Callum desperately wants to be liked by him. He knows Callum but his own doubt and self-loathing opens room for misunderstanding.

"And yet, I am the only one in this house who’s been any help to you at all, Tristan, so you’re welcome."

Callum is practically screaming at Tristan. He's like, "See I'm helpful, no one else, I'm helping you Tristan despite everything, please for god's sake pay attention to me."

"The glare he received from Tristan was a ruthless thing of beauty."

I have nothing to say about this quote other than: GAAAAAY

"Which was thoroughly impossible. A comedy of errors to the highest degree. And this was who Tristan had chosen over Callum! This was what he had done, and in the murky plumbing of Callum’s allegedly nonexistent heart, he hoped that Tristan suffered for it."

Callum's intentions are stated here. He is jealous, but more than that, he still feels betrayed. This was the person he had ACTUALLY brought himself to care about despite his trauma (Direct quote: "Callum did not enjoy this, the destruction of a human psyche for which he had actually allowed himself to care."), Tristan would always be the most important person in his life, but from his pov, he is not Tristan's most important person, no, he's disposable to Tristan.

AGAIN THIS IS THE PERSON THAT SAW HIS FLAWS AND STILL ACCEPTED HIM (to an extent). Tristan saw him murder Parisa and still hung out with him. Everything was almost okay between them despite Callum revealing a lot of himself to Tristan.

This quote happened after Callum murdered Parisa:

"I’m not here to have a row," he [Tristan] said. "You’re right, of course. I know you’re right."

Callum looked warily unconvinced. "Is that supposed to be concession or a compliment?"

"Neither. A fact. Or rather, a white flag."

“So this is a truce?”

"Or an apology," Tristan said. "Whichever you prefer."

CALLUM HAD FOUND SOMEONE THAT SAW HIM:

"I see you" came out of Tristan’s mouth before he had decided fully what to say.

AND IN HIS POV TRISTAN REJECTED HIM FOR SOMEONE "GOOD". Tristan rejected him for someone who would never do anything unseemingly like him. That is the crux of this, that is the deepness of this hurt, that Callum can never be like this version of Libby he perceives, someone good, innocent and moral. He thought that he had someone who would accept his damage and trauma and (in his pov) he was wrong.

"This was just the world. You trusted people, you loved them, you offered them the dignity of your time and the intimacy of your thoughts and the frailty of your hope and they either accepted it and cared for it or they rejected it and destroyed it and in the end, none of it was up to you. This was just what you got. Heartbreak was inevitable. Disappointment assured."

He is back to his typical apathetic ways, as earlier in the book it is implied that this isn't the first Callum has been rejected like this, with his mother and father (potentially his sister) and others that he had watched himself fade out of significance to them:

"They loved you one day, didn’t the next. Callum had watched himself fade in significance from too many people’s lives, and yes, okay, that was not an excuse for … what was it that Tristan had disliked about him, ultimately?"

And also, I find this important:

"Honestly, Callum was doing just fine with his grief."

Callum labels what he has been experiencing for this past year as grief. Showing just how much Tristan's betrayal hurt him.

But enough about Callum, that's pick apart Tristan's most important words:

"Whether you put it there or not," Tristan said, his voice heavy with irony, “this—between us—it was real for me."

Tristan's belief that this might not be real, was what made him agree to murder Callum. Parisa describes him as being in agony with this decision until:

"A little slip of parchment from his head ignited suddenly in flames; curling edges that fell to smoldering pieces, crumbling to ash."

This is interesting because the paper/talisman that Tristan uses to discover that Callum is manipulating him is described as a "slip of paper", which is essentially the same as "parchment".

It was not Callum's "killing" of Parisa that made him decide, nor Callum's constant suggestions to kill Libby, not even that if the initiates didn't kill Callum they would likely start attacking each other, which would put Tristan's life on the line. Tristan and Callum's bond went beyond those things. Instead, it was the concept that their bond, which was so strong it made Tristan (eventually) overlook Callum murdering someone he cared for, was fake, meaning that he had no reason to continue to care for someone that doesn't give a fuck about anyone else.

So this is Tristan acknowledging that the reason he justified murdering Callum wasn't good enough. That he's realized, even if it was fake, he doesn't care. Because what they had was great enough that it didn't matter. It was real to Tristan.

"You can pretend that it didn’t matter."

This is interesting because both Callum and Tristan believe that the other is acting like what they had was nothing. For example Callum's pov:

"As if Tristan’s resolution to kill Callum was less of a betrayal purely because he’d changed his mind. As if everything that Callum had ever shared with Tristan—every intimate thought, every private confession—had been a falsehood—or if not a falsehood, then so very paltry that it could be unimagined, rescinded, undone."

It's miscommunication at its finest.

"That I was the one who wronged you. That you had no hand in how things happened. That I made a choice based on nothing, based on my own insecurities and flaws."

This is Tristan saying that the murder and betrayal, should not be ignored either. Callum should not sit all high and mighty and analyze what happened through an unfeeling, apathetic lens, then, claim that Tristan did this because of the intricate way his emotions and trauma clashed together. Callum knows why this happened, they know each other very well and ignoring all the messed up fuckery that led to Tristan's betrayal would be denying their relationship.

This is furthered by:

"But I am not such an idiot—I’m not so devoid of feeling," Tristan spat, "to not be perfectly aware that you and I had something rare and difficult and fucking significant, and in the end it only broke because I broke it."

The most important part here is that Tristan is admitting fault. He knows they could have continued their homoerotic friendship if he didn't choose to kill Callum. That, yes, Callum is also to blame but Tristan was the one who ended it. And he's sorry. Telling Callum sorry before didn't work so he's saying it in a different way. This is desperation. It's saying: I don't care if you hurt me or manipulate me. I accept that. I accept your faults. What we had is more important. Please stop pretending that it was nothing.

Now back to Callum's POV:

"He felt his victory ballooning into rage, pure rage. He felt anger with an intensity that was incandescent with bereavement. He wanted, just as he had wanted at the beginning of this godforsaken year, to murder Tristan. To take him by the throat and slice him into ribbons and serve him like a roast—and also, to meticulously and with great inconvenience inconvenience to himself weave a flower crown laden with unrequited meaning, with which to adorn Tristan’s incredibly stupid and perfectly functioning head."

CALLUM AGREES WITH WHAT TRISTAN SAYS, FURTHER PROVED BY THIS:

"Mostly, though, Callum wanted Tristan to suffer profoundly for every honest word out of his mouth."

But he doesn't understand exactly what Tristan is saying. Because yes, everything between them was important and they both had a role to play in its downfall. But Tristan still rejected Callum. Tristan's emotions tell Callum that he loves Libby. Everything that Callum is not.

To him, Tristan doesn't love Callum but Callum loves Tristan.

"—and also, to meticulously and with great inconvenience inconvenience to himself weave a flower crown laden with unrequited meaning, with which to adorn Tristan’s incredibly stupid and perfectly functioning head."

The key word is "unrequited". Callum loves Tristan with his everything. He admitted before:

"I love you. That’s why you can’t turn your back on me, even if you want to."

Of course, Callum slipped this in while he was manipulating Tristan so he could play it off as just part of him telling Tristan what he wanted to hear his father say.

However, he doesn't believe Tristan feels the same.

But that's not necessarily true. Emotions are complicated. We know there has been a tarnish on their relationship since Callum "murdered" Parisa. As described by Callum himself:

"There is bitterness now, resentment. A bit of tarnish, or rust I suppose, on what we were.”

This is furthered by Callum manipulating Tristan, because how is Tristan supposed to trust any affection from Callum after knowing that Callum was playing with his emotions? Especially since Callum said he loved Tristan while making him more miserable than he's ever been in his entire life.

So Tristan is very upset with Callum, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love him. But to Callum, it's the same sort of love Tristan holds toward his father, too bitter and wounded to really count.

Whereas Tristan's feelings toward Libby are more "pure" in a way. There's not that bitterness there, in fact, it's an obsession with her innocence as Parisa explains:

"You like her because she’s innocent, Tristan. Because she’s moral. Because she’s good. Because she represents something to you that the rest of us no longer have, because we came here. And because we made choices."

and:

"Libby Rhodes is not your goodness, Tristan,"

Libby hasn't hurt him like the others, so his love for her is pure.

To Callum, this is a rejection of him as he is not everything that is good.

Not to mention, Tristan acknowledging that what they had was real is terrifying to Callum. He refuses to open himself up to love and trust after Tristan's betrayal. He knows those emotions only weaken him. He cannot allow it to happen again.

So Callum does the only thing he knows how to do:

"Good luck," said Callum. "With everything. Hope it works out between you and Rhodes."

Tristan’s expression darkened. "Did I not just say—"

He continues his plan.

"Like Atlas Blakely, Callum was going to stick to his plan, even if it was objectively flawed and would lead to either despotism or tears."

In Callum's mind, he can't have Tristan even if he wants Tristan. He cannot trust and cannot untaint Tristan's feelings for him, so he continues with his plan, with his depression, with his persona of apathy because he is the only safe option in his mind.

So those are my thoughts!

[selcouth-vast-poet]

HEYHEYHEY YOU. POINTS AT YOU. fellow vittoriel enjoyer. I’ve heard since you like those two, so I thought I might ask if u ever had any sillys hcs about them? /gen :3 ((Also, hope you’re having a nice day! :} 🧡)

HELLO FELLOW VITTORIEL FAN ANON!!!!! imm so happy to see you in my inbox khtgkhtfnhg

hm. let me Think. i dont have a looot of hcs but i know in my heart gabriel never lets vittorino cook

like he knows it will end BADLY because vittorino does not know how to cook to even save his life. he once did let him and he burnt the entire kitchen and the food was charred. to ASHES. so vittorino then was never allowed in the kitchen ever again

i have. beach hcs for them. i think gabriel likes the beach (or is indiffrent to it) he just loves going to swim, make sand castles and find seashells and vittorino despises the beach because hes been in the basilica God Knows How Long and mostly stays in the shade under an umbrella OR. tries to find sea creachers in rocks or inside seashells. gabriel helps him too though. i also hc vittorino HATESSSS the feel of wet sand so when these two go to the beach they go to beach that has rocks down instead of sand so now theyre both happy!!!!!:DDD

i also think vittorino loveeees walking in foggy completely abandoned forests that look like theyre straight out of a horror game jsut because its easier for him to find the little creachers that reside inside the logs or fallen leaves and he drags gabriel with him too. gabriel enjoys a lot the little random biology facts vittorino tells him about each little creature he finds

i also also hc that vittorino is very cold in temperature and gabriel is somewhat warm. (like how any human being would be if they didnt live in an abandoned church for a Lot Of Time) so whenever they eepy together he scoots over to gabriel and Freezes him but at least now hes warm and happy<3 (gabriel may get jumpscared by the sudden cold but he loves when vittorino cuddles up to him)

methinks. gabriel has a hard time telling vittorino he wants hugs or physical affection so once he turned on the air conditioner without vittorino knowing so he would cuddle up to him for warmth. win for him but vittorinos little wings in the back of his hair almost froze off cause of how cold he felt before hugging gabriel💔

I THINK THATS ALL AJHEKRGR SORRY IT TURNED OUT SO LONG

OIUGJUGH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TJE QUESTION 🧡 ANON I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT TOO!!!

[bidamonalbarn]

5 things you love about louis?

good question, difficult question. is hard to narrow it down to five distinct points methinks (that won't stop me from trying).

1. initially (and a bit weirdly) I love love love his music taste. as a queenslander myself I've always gravitated to english indie music because of how popular it is here so I love basically every single song/band louis recommends, covers, or brings on tour

2. also a bit weird but his humour. I feel like a lot of british/aussie celebrities change their sense of humour to be less... brash for american audiences, so I'm happy he doesn't dull it down for places where that style of humour isn't as popular

3. he always roots for the underdog. maybe this is because of his life experiences but it's nice to see within a big celebrity. it's easy to bring well known musicians on your tour - especially when it's a tour of that size - but louis didn't bring basically already household names. he allowed for submissions for his aus openers, he funds people's careers, even in sporting he likes to cheer on newer or younger players - it's just in his nature

4. absolutely his strength. I don't think most people would be as resilient as louis has been throughout his career - I know I definitely wouldn't've been. from the beginning of 1d, loss has been a constant within his life but he made it through this and has an amazing and solid career on only his second album

5. ok and this kinda sums up these points but also deserves its own point. he's so caring. bringing fans cupcakes and waterbottles, helping interviewers into their chairs, changing fans seats so they're closer to the stage. it is, once again, within his nature. even when he was a kid he gave out his medals for sports day to other kids. he doesn't do it because of clout, because it's his persona or his brand, he does it because he truly cares. there's nothing more to it.

[crispratesobjects]

SHOWVEMBER REVIEW!

show by... like, a lot of people. 18 episodes in total (showvember being the complete first season and showvember again being the currently incomplete second season)

from what i know this show is basically really chaotic and most things change from episode to episode. i do not fully know how it works but i think the writing is done with minimal communication and every episode is made by a different person.

its a competition show also :D

so overall i really like this show. its silly, chaotic, and even if its really inconsistent i love the vibes. i wouldnt recommend this as a first show to watch if youre new to the osc, though. 9/10

the characters? well its hard to rate them because theyre different for every episode basically... but the designs are all cool, i love popcorns glasses and they make her really unique! i did manage get attached to a lot of the characters. 8/10 i guess ? maybe 9 even

queer rating!!!! 8/10 rotten apple regularly makes jokes about not being straight. popcorns gender is incomprehensible . theres kissing. but there shouldve been more kissing . so it gets a lower score (/LH)

writing: again this is hard to rate i guess everyone working on the show did a good job though ! its MEANT to be inconsistent but individually the writing is pretty solid methinks.

TROPES: does it count as a joke show. i think rotten apple is the supposed "nice one" , at least in some episodes. not much else t o say

anyway

this show is very funny and i recommend it as long as you know a little bit about the osc first and its not ur first impression of it HAHDSAADHA ALSO a big thing big part of it, this show has really short episodes. the longest episode is 7 minutes long and shortest is 2 minutes and 3 seconds.. you can binge the whole thing in a day and itll only take you like. an hour or so?

[fighting-and-drawing]

Heart of the Warrior Chapter 11: Ōkami no Naka no Hitsuji

Fandom: Cybird Ikemen Sengoku

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Yukimura Sanada x Male!OC

    Thai sat on the upper dais of a large banquet hall, scores of well-dressed vassals eating and drinking to their pleasure while their lord, Nobuyuki Sanada, and his wife, Komatsuhime, sat in the center of the dais. There was a line of vassals pouring the pair and Thai their drinks as a sign of respect. Thai stayed silent, his eyes swiftly darting around, his mind chugging out bits and pieces of a plan while tuning out the celebration around him.

    If Sasuke was smart, then he would know that the entire mission was compromised. Already, their faces had been revealed to the enemy, but now Thai was housed inside the castle for as long as Nobuyuki would allow it. Even if Sasuke was capable of infiltrating the castle, from the overly-militarized feel of the castle to Nobuyuki's own knowledge of Takeda spies, not even the Swift Striking Storm would be able to sneak past everyone inside. Hopefully, Yukimura and his entire entourage would heed his rather dramatic and fed-up warning and escape Ueda, leaving the foreigner behind to hide in plain sight amongst the enemy.

    However, as dire as Thai's warning sounded, this was not a blatant sacrifice to make sure Yukimura escaped. Rather, not only would he escape but saunter out of Ueda within a few days.

    It was apparent that Nobuyuki would be entertained by Thai for a while before getting let go. All he had to do was wait and Nobuyuki would unknowingly give a full detail on the prosperity of his land as well as accidentally spill some secrets that may be useful to Lord Shingen. True, Thai said to Sasuke that he would probably die, but now with a clearer (yet tipsy) mind, he figured that as long as Sasuke or Yukimura does not do anything stupid, and the fact that the other shinobi were most likely fine to abandon him out of spite, he would complete the original mission of covert reconnaissance and hopefully won't come into bad terms with Lord Shingen. Yukimura might not be able to get the Gunbai and would probably still be mad at him for a while, but it was the best he could do.

    Thai suddenly heard a small voice clear her throat. He turned around with a nervous smile, seeing the radiant face of Komatsuhime peer down at him. Her being the only one who learned Portuguese from the foreign merchants was the reason Thai was stuck acting as an explorer, yet Thai was grateful that she was exceptionally nice to him. Even still, Thai knew better to keep his manners no matter the situation. Tied to her obi was a tachi, its sheath wrapped with the fur of a tiger, her gentle appearance disguising the fierce warrior inside of her. Truly, the Sanada Clan was an unquestionable force to reckon with.     "Are you okay?" she asked.

    "Y-yes," Thai answered, clearing his throat. "Too much...sake, methinks."

    She let out a small laugh, Nobuyuki's attention turning to Thai. He said something aloud with a smirk, a few surrounding vassals laughing. Thai raised a brow, gently beckoning Komatsuhime to lend an ear. "What did he say, my lady?"Thai asked.

    "Umm...he said he thought Westerners could hold their drink," she answered.

    Thai bit back a groan behind a smile, chiming in, "Yeah, haha...." He let out an embarrassed chuckle.

    Suddenly, Nobuyuki reached across Komatsuhime, heavily smacking down Thai's shoulder while laughing, the room erupting in laughter. As flustered as he was, he took the humiliation, upping his laughter.     "You're looking green, Westerner," Nobuyuki said surprisingly in Portuguese, Thai holding back his nervous shock.

    "Probably just...tired," Thai said, "I can see that all of your vassals are very loyal. Very strong, yeah?"

    Komatsuhime translated to Nobuyuki what Thai said, the latter nodding. "Indeed," Nobushige said, his speech reverting back to Japanese with Komatsuhime translating. "If you can recall, we are on the brink of war with the surrounding enemies. Under my command, not one sword or spear is dull, not one mind wandering. Even when there is no battle to fight as of now, I will not allow idleness amongst my fellow soldiers. Because of this, the Sanada have persevered and Shinano is prospering under our protection."

    Thai nodded as Komatsuhime translated. He couldn't help but admire the respect Nobuyuki had amongst his many vassals, his eyes alone commanding loyalty. Even though he was strict, it appeared to Thai that he was a venerable daimyo, beginning to see a lot of his brother in him. "You're a very wise leader, Lord Nobuyuki," Thai said. "Not many a man in the world can command such respect from your countrymen and also have their hearts as well, like you. I'm looking forward to learning more about the Sanada and the luxurious land your clan protects."

    Nobuyuki nodded. "My dear Inahime will show you to your room," Nobuyuki said, Komatsuhime slightly bowing to Thai.

    "Oh!" Thai reacted somewhat surprised. "Well, I guess then—"

    Nobuyuki suddenly reached across, his strong hand clenching Thai's shirt before pulling him across to meet face-to-face, his relaxed demeanor shifting into that of a ferocious scowl. "Understand this, foreigner," Nobuyuki spat in Japanese, "If you lay a hand on her, I will cut you down."

    Thai, shook and bewildered, held his hands up. Komatsuhime smacked Nobuyuki across the shoulder lightly, the latter sighing. He let go of Thai, Komatsuhime saying, "He can be very protective. Are you okay?"

    "Yes," Thai stammered to say. "I-I think I got the gist of what he said."

    "Gist?"

    "L-Like a...guess," Thai explained. "Shall we?"

    Komatsuhime led Thai out of the banquet hall, the two conversing about Thai's past "experiences" traveling the world as she led him towards the guest room. Although making up stories about his own Past was a tricky subject, it was relatively easy to base his own travels and mold them into somewhat fictitiously exaggerated stories.     "I traveled to a bunch of islands down South—hard to get to, yet a tropical paradise," Thai explained, Komatsuhime listening, "It's where my family originally came—the Kingdom of Luzon. It's a beautiful place with a lot of hardworking people. A lot of brave warriors."     "Interesting," Komatsuhime said, listening intently. "Are they like the samurai you've met."     "Kind of, yes, but no," Thai said. "Ferocious in spirit, and they don't wear as...elaborate of armor such as your samurai. Yet, from what I've seen, they can be a force to reckon with."     "And, you've experienced this ferocity firsthand?"     "A little, but the biggest danger was the jungle itself," Thai said. "Easy to get lost in with a whole manner of ferocious beasts. Snakes that can kill a man with one bite. Vicious mammals that can tear someone apart. And crocodiles the size of—"     "Crocodiles?" Komatsuhime repeated.     "Right, you don't have them here. Think of...giant lizards the size of three men covered in bony armor. They hide in the water and ambush their prey, ripping them apart with their gigantic jaws filled with thousands of sharp teeth the size of arrowheads."     Komatsuhime gasped. "And you've seen one?"     "Dozens of them," Thai said to a surprised Komatsuhime. "Like dragons, they are."

    The two reached the room. Komatsuhime opened the sliding door and let Thai inside. The room was very minimalistic, with nothing but a futon, a low table, and a couple of buckwheat pillow seats.     "You've certainly seen some very strange places," Komatsuhime said. "I'm sure you'll be equally as interested in Japan."     "Oh, I am," Thai said, "By far one of the best places I've been to, but also dangerous. However, I'm certain that you and your husband will keep this valley safe until I leave."     "We're honored to have you, but there is something I must ask you," Komatsuhime said.     "Sure, what is it?"     "The Portuguese," she started, "They have supplied us with valuable arquebuses and armor that has been useful in the war. I was wondering if one day, you will accompany us to their trading ports to help discuss the matter of lowering the prices for their weaponry."

    The hard sell—Thai nodded slowly, trying to figure out an excuse that will turn them down from that offer. "One man won't change that," he said, "I'm flattered, really, but even though I am a man of...exploratory reputation (did that sound right—yeah, that sounded right)...the Portuguese traders won't budge the price just for someone like me."     "Ah, excuse me," Komatsuhime replied, "Nobuyuki thought it would be a good idea. I will leave you for your stay. Please, enjoy the night."     "And, to you and your husband as well," Thai smiled, bowing to her as she bowed, leaving the room right after.

    Thai audibly exhaled once he was alone, pacing slowly around the room and knocking on the walls. He kept an ear open, listening for anything out of the ordinary—a person's breath, shifting over the ceiling. Nothing.     Just a few more days and Thai would be right out of the door. All he had to do was take each and every bit of information he could. Already, he knew that the Sanada were stockpiling Western weapons, like arquebuses and, possibly, cannons. Probably what comes next is an invasion with superior firepower. However, he knew this piece of evidence was circumstantial at best as he didn't even know where they will head. Still, if they were to subconsciously let out a few more details about their plans, then Thai would have enough information to make some kind of report.     Tired and buzzed, Thai took off his clothes, changing into a kimono loaned to him as a change of clothes. He took stock of what he had, his handbag holding his razor, notebook, pens, and the vape hidden inside. He rubbed his Patuá, whispering a prayer for protection as he lay down on the futon.

    Thai tried to settle his mind. He was stuck inside the enemy castle, but the enemy was the family clan of his best friend, but that same best friend was the one who hijacked his mission and vehemently expressed his anger over Thai lying to him. And, to top it all off, Thai realized that he just said to Sasuke that he was going to most likely die inside Ueda when most likely he would be let out within a week.     He hissed a curse, anxiety once again creeping up on him. His own frustration got the better of him, even when he told himself he would stick to the mission without anything that bothered him getting in the way. So much for "clearing the mind."

    Thai reached across from him, opening his handbag to get his vape now that he knew he was alone. However, he took out the red handkerchief from earlier that day, blood stained on its cotton fabric, both fresh and old. Thai lay back down, rubbing its firm texture between his fingers. He thought of that morning, when Yukimura pulled Thai towards him and dabbed the blood off of his wound. Then there was the very first night Yukimura stopped the bleeding on his leg, his concerned, caring eyes and expression the same for both counts. Thai felt a slight pang in his heart, wondering how Yukimura reacted to the news of his unexpected fate.

   Would he be mad?

   Of course, he would probably be outraged to know that his brother practically abducted Thai.

   But, would he be at all concerned? Worried, even? If he were to die tonight or later, would Yukimura even care? Would anyone?

    "Why would you keep this, Yuki?" Thai whispered to himself, staring at the handkerchief.

    A quiet clambering awoke Thai from his thoughts, his vision focusing on the ceiling above him. His heart jumped, Thai sitting up as a panel from the ceiling moved. Someone was coming!? An assassin?     Thai shot his hand inside his bag, taking out the razor, ready to take on the unexpected visitor.

    A face popped out from the darkness of the ceiling, Thai nearly jumping. Yet, the visitor's familiar glasses and brown hair caused Thai to sigh loudly, palming his face. "Sasuke..."Thai quietly, yet frustratingly said in English. "What...in the ever-loving...what are you still doing here?!"     "Making sure you are all right," Sasuke whispered, slowly cascading his way down to Thai, his feet landing on the floor as soft as the wind. "Their security is top-notch, but a few simple diversions were enough to sneak inside."     Thai looked around frantically, gritting his teeth as he closed his razor and slipped it inside his kimono. "Bro! You were supposed to get Yuki and the others and fall back!" Thai whisperingly shouted. "I got this under control!"     "You told me that you were going to—"     "I know—I know!" Thai said, cutting Sasuke off. "I was angry...b-but, listen, just leave. All of you! They still think I'm some random foreign explorer. They already divulged to me that they're buying weapons from the Portuguese Traders."     "The Portuguese?" Sasuke repeated.     "Yes! See! I got this," Thai said. "Just...go back to Lord Shingen before he sends an army down here to rescue Yuki. In a few days, I will return after I've been excused by Nobuyuki and then all will be fine!"     "That...sounds like a reasonable plan, actually," Sasuke said. He looked around, Thai still wondering why he wasn't zipping back up into the ceiling. "Thai, I must be frank with you, however. You really scared me back there."     Thai chewed his bottom lips. "Yeah, I-I'm sorry," he apologized. "I let my emotions get the better of me."     "I know," Sasuke replied. He paused for a moment, letting out a small exhale. "Back when I discovered that the wormhole was going to open up, I never imagined that two strangers would be alongside me. Now, I feel like it is my duty to keep you two safe until we can find a way back home. But, when you were saying things like 'I don't have a home,' and 'I'm going to probably die,' it made me concerned for your well-being."     Thai listened quietly, staring down at the floor next to Sasuke. "Not one of my better moments," he said. "But, I promise that was just...y'know..."     Thai grew quiet, unable to find an excuse for his behavior. Thai rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Thai," Sasuke said. "If I may, it's not too late for you to get out of this."     "W-what? What do you mean?"     "When you return to Kasugayama and we wait until the wormhole opens up in approximately one month's time, you can leave," Sasuke said. "I'll make up an excuse for your sudden exit, but I don't want to force you to stay here until we find the woman. You still have a life to live, and I don't want to see you hurt here."

     Thai nodded, taking a minute to come up with a response. The thought of being able to go back to the Modern World was tempting. There were a million things he can list that he missed. He longed for the days when all he needed to worry about once he woke up on his old bed was if his coworkers would unload another excess of paperwork on his desk, if the coffee would taste like burnt dirt by the time he got a cup, or if his local bar had his favorite beer in stock. Here, it was a literal life-or-death situation every day, training that made even the most hardcore MMA gyms look like yoga classes. and missions that could end in decapitation or torture with one wrong step. Here, he served under an actual daimyo that would not hesitate to send him to his death if it meant the survival and expansion of their territory.     Leaving to go back to the Modern World would be a godsend.

    It would be foolish to not take that chance.

    "What do you say, Thai?" Sasuke asked.     Thai thought for a moment, letting out an audible exhale as he looked around him for a brief moment. His heart raced and Thai knew there was only one right decision in his mind that would benefit him the most. He looked back at Sasuke with a heartfelt smile. "...what kind of friend would I be if I didn't help my friends in need," Thai simply responded, placing his hands on his hips. "I promised to you I would help find the girl so the three of us can go home. As much respect I have for you in looking out for me, I won't go back on my word. No question about it."

    Sasuke nodded, placing a hand on Thai's shoulder. "And, you're sure about this?" he asked.

    "I am," Thai replied, "Besides, I have another promise to keep here, and I'm gonna see it through to the end until it's time to leave."

    "You're talking about Yuki," Sasuke said, retracting his hand.

    "Yeah," he softly replied. "But, as much as I want to talk about it, you need to get out of here before someone realizes you're in my room. We'll talk later, but I need your promise to hold everyone back or get out so I can complete this mission myself. Can you do that?"

    Sasuke nodded, taking something out of his kimono. It was a letter, tied shut by a familiar red himo cord. He handed it to Thai. "I'll try my best," Sasuke said. "The others were shocked, to say the least."     "Yeah, sure," Thai snickered. "I bet a few of 'em didn't mind too much."     "Don't write them off like that," Sasuke said. "Everyone was concerned for your safety, especially Yuki."

    "Pfft. Who'd mind losing an expendable foreigner?"

    "Thai, they don't—"

    "Alright-alright! I get it—they're fake missing me—sure, whatever! Just, go, please!"

    "Okay. Well, good luck...for both our sakes."

    "Yeah, man," Thai said, "As quick as you can. Go! Get outta here. What are you waiting for—a kiss goodbye? Go already."

    Thai shooed away a grinning Sasuke as he put back on his face mask. As swiftly as he entered, Sasuke jumped up and escaped through the ceiling, replacing the ceiling tile to cover his entrance. Thai shook his head, looking at the letter. He sat back down on his futon, only able to imagine what was written in this hastily made letter. True, he was tired, but he knew he should probably take a look at what Yukimura wrote.     Thai took the cord off, setting it aside before unraveling the rolled-up letter.     "Let's see," Thai said, looking at the letter and translating it in his head before whispering it to himself in English. As good as he was speaking Japanese, reading it was a far more complicated endeavor.

    "Oh Christ, why are there so many—ah, screw it. 'Thai (yeah, I'm pretty sure that's my name) Thai...you...c-crazy dummy. I...I don't know where to...begin. Well, I guess now, you understand...a...little on why I cannot return to...(I think that's—) Ueda. My...f-father, in order to preserve the...clan...sent my older brother...Sanada Nobuyuki as a...(what is that...) a...hostage to...'....what the hell is that saying?"

    As Thai continued reading the letter, the complex characters he struggled on reading became harder to translate, mostly due to the hastily written appearance of each character. But, from what Thai surmised from both Sasuke's explanation of Ueda and Yukimura's letter, Nobuyuki siding with the Tokugawa, and hence the Oda, was the result of Nobuyuki and Yukimura's father's wish for the survival of the Sanada Clan. When the Oda seemingly destroyed the Takeda, Nobuyuki became the dominant ruler of the Sanada, even after rumors of Shingen's survival. However, the sordid history of the Sanada Clan wasn't the detail that caught Thai's interest.     "'Now that...you know this,'" Thai continued to read. "'You understand now why I can't come back until the war is over. I'm...sorry for...hurting you at...the...inn (inn? Yeah, that sounds—). I sh...shouldn't have said...what I said. I...didn't like seeing...you so...scary and mad, but I...understand why you...were and...still are. Please, come back home...safe for me. I hope you know what you are doing.’"

    "'For me....'" Thai repeated, whispering the words to himself as he folded the letter. He let out a soft groan, rubbing his forehead. "Y'know what, Yuki? I hope I know what I'm doing, too."

   Hours later at the entrance of a nearby shrine, Shōkaku-ji, Yuki emerged from the darkened shrine grounds, staring off towards the direction of Ueda Castle. Worry filling his mind and not allowing Yuki to sleep, he started his long walk back to the safe house in the nearby town. The entire plan he had conceived was already shoddy at best, but now everything was falling apart as now Thai was stuck inside his brother's castle for the unforeseeable future. Sure, Sasuke agreed to monitor the situation, but he still argued against Sasuke and Thai's wishes for him to return to Kasugayama. He did not come back to his hometown just to turn back now.     "Nobuyuki..." Yukimura growled under his breath. "First, you stay siding with the enemy, and now..."

    Yukimura leaned against a nearby tree, a soft rustling in the bushes behind him alerting him that someone was behind him. He let out a frustrated exhale, saying, "What is it, Saizou?"     Saizou emerged from the shadows, taking off his mask. "Patrols are consistent, but have slowed down," Saizou said. "We should be safe."     "Good," Yukimura simply replied, keeping his back towards Saizou. Saizou, without needing to look at Yukimura's face, already knew something was biting at him.     "...it's Thai, isn't it?" Saizou asked suddenly.     "What in the eight hells was he thinking?" Yukimura frustratingly growled. "Telling Sasuke that he was going to die? Telling us to leave right after we journeyed all the way back here? Why is he doing this to himself?"     "This may be his way of protecting all of us," Saizou said. "You know that wherever you go, we will follow, but it doesn't take a foreigner to help you realize that Nobuyuki would take every precaution in avoiding sabotage, and is more likely to know our methods in infiltration. He's never met someone like Thai, and believe it or not, I believe we should respect his wishes, come success or—"     Yukimura snapped his head around, his body twisting around before confronting Saizou. "You would just leave one of our own left behind?! How dare you!"     "I'm not saying that!" Saizou snapped back, breathing in and out to regain composure. "I'm saying...Thai's plan has some merit to it. To everyone, he's just some foreigner, and so far, his guise has worked. The logical thing to do—"     "Is to make sure he's safe!" Yukimura interrupted. "We're staying put, that's final!"     Saizou shook his head disappointingly. "Is this because you're waiting for your chigo, or your brother?"     Yukimura spun around, marching vehemently toward Saizou before grabbing him by the collar. "Watch it!" he snapped. "Like it or not, I'm not coming home without either of them. If you don't like it.....then retreat if you must. Tell Lord Shingen what you think of me—tell him I'm disobeying his orders—but, there is no way I'm leaving behind my friend in enemy territory. What I'm doing here is for our benefit, and if it works, then the full might of the Sanada will lead the charge for victory for Lord Shingen!"

    Saizou thought for a moment, looking toward the direction of Ueda Castle. Although not in sight, just like Yukimura, the land was all too familiar to the veteran shinobi. Heeding Thai's warning was the smartest decision, but nothing would move the mountain that is Yukimura Sanada. But, there was a possible solution, one that would be very dangerous.     "If you're dead set on this, then there's another thing I came to tell you," Saizou sighed, turning back to Yukimura. "Thai mentioned to Sasuke that he was being coerced into dealing with trade negotiations with the Portuguese Traders."     "The Portuguese?" Yukimura repeated. He thought for a moment, his eyes widening.     "Yes..." Saizou said. "That means your brother is stockpiling foreign weapons, and he's not done. Say Thai were to agree, then both he and Nobuyuki would lead a small party towards the Merchant Ports..."

    The clacking of wooden swords and deep guttural grunts filled Thai's ears as he observed Nobuyuki's samurai and ashigaru sparring with each other, Nobuyuki and Komatsuhime watching alongside Thai. Just like with the warriors in Kasugayama, they trained with the entirety of their hearts knowing one day it would be their time to lay their lives down for their lord in battle. It was valuable to Thai to see this—knowing how each of the samurai fought, noting who Nobuyuki's finest warriors among the masses, his sharp eyes scanning each fighter.     "Enjoying the sight?"Nobuyuki asked in garbled Portuguese.

    "Hm?" Thai turned to Nobuyuki, hiding his focused look. "Oh! Yes, of course. They're...training their hardest, yeah?"

    Komatsuhime repeated Thai's words to Nobuyuki, the latter chuckling. With Komatsuhime translating, Nobuyuki said, "I expect nothing less from my samurai. Each one of them is worth a hundred warriors from the enemy, discipline, and strength drilled into them every day for when it comes time to lay their lives in battle under my banner, they won't fight to die for me."

    Thai's eyebrow raised. "My dear Komatsuhime," Thai said, playing back Nobuyuki's words in both Portuguese and Japanese in his mind. "I think I heard that wrong. What do you mean your warriors won't die for you? What, they're not gonna fight?"

    "I didn't say that," Nobuyuki said after Komatsuhime translated to him. "They will fight, but not to die for me or the Sanada, but to fight and come back alive," Nobuyuki explained. He pointed at a man not far from them. "Do you see him? He has a wife and four children watching over their land. That man there beside him—he left his textile business to serve. And, that man there—he has yet to meet his newborn daughter ever since he left his family to fight. To send men to their deaths is not only a cowardly thing only demons would do but a failure on my part should none of them return home to the lives they left. I want every man inside these castle walls to live prosperous lives—to bring peace to these war-torn lands."     "Huh?" Thai huffed, "Y'know what....you're probably one of the first leaders I've known to actually say 'live for me' instead of 'die for me.'"

    "It was a sentiment from my father," Nobuyuki said, "He ruled over the Sanada with the very same respect for his men, and I vowed to do the same when the time came to take over."

    "My...condolences," Thai said, "It must've been hard when you...lost your father."

    Nobuyuki sighed upon hearing Komatsuhime translate Thai's words to him. He stayed silent, observing his samurai as Komatsuhime turned to Thai. "We...actually don't know what happened to him," Komatsuhime said.

    Thai's brow wrinkled in confusion. Sure, Thai was a stranger to Japanese History, but he thought he already knew what survivors there were from the previous wars against the Takeda and Uesugi Clans. Yukimura never even mentioned anything about his family, much less what happened to his clan other than a vague explanation of why he couldn't return to Ueda.     "W-what do you mean you don't know?" Thai asked. "Surely, you would know?"     "After Oda Nobunaga conquered the Takeda, both Nobuyuki's father, Masayuki, and his younger brother, Nobushige, were doomed to be executed, but because Nobuyuki fought under Lord Ieyasu, they were spared."     "...he fought for the enemy? I thought you were loyal to the Takeda?"     "It was his father's wish for Nobuyuki to fight for my father."     "Your father? Your father...is Ieyasu?" Thai asked.     "Yes," she happily exclaimed, "I was adopted into their family some time ago."     "...so, your father played both sides to make sure the Sanada survived...even if it meant sacrificing himself?"     "Yes," Komatsuhime answered. "After he and Nobushige were saved, they were exiled, along with a few of the vassals still loyal to Masayuki. To this day, we don't know what became of them."     "D-did Nobuyuki not attempt to keep tabs on them?"     "No," Komatsuhime softly replied. "He doesn't talk much about his family..."     Thai took a glance at Nobuyuki, the latter busy watching his men continue training. Still trying to fathom the idea of Nobuyuki having to exile both Yukimura and his father, his father being the one to split the two brothers apart for his own clan. He could see why Nobuyuki might not want to talk to his father, but forcing Yukimura away, too? Were both Nobuyuki and Yukimura honoring their father's wish to see two brothers fighting against each other?     Looking at Nobuyuki's dark chestnut brown hair, his stalwart, proud gaze from his caramel irises, and his handsome face, Thai noticed his resemblance to Yukimura. Just like his younger brother, Nobuyuki wished for his men to live on, but would he go so far as to kill his own brother?

    Later that day, Thai noticed a letter stuck under his bag in his room. Opening it, he found Sasuke's message relaying that Yukimura finally agreed to retreat back to Kasugayama after being intercepted by Shingen's Mitsumono. Thai breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that within two days, Nobuyuki would leave for the Portuguese Merchant Ports and drop Thai off, allowing him to fake passage onto a ship and instead travel back to Kasugayama. Maybe this time he would be offered a horse or even a palanquin.

    The rest of Thai's time there was spent directly next to Nobuyuki, gradually throwing in more Japanese into his conversation over time. Time and time again, Thai tried to make a decent rapport with Nobuyuki in hopes of him accidentally leaking information about any plans of moving forward with the Oda's quest for conquering all of Japan, yet so far all he had was the stockpiling of Portuguese weaponry. When the day came and Thai was riding alongside Nobuyuki towards the merchant town, Nobuyuki handed him a Portuguese Arquebus Pistol.     "Do you know how to use one?" Nobuyuki asked, a few of his personal guards just behind the two and more leading the party in front.     Thai pointed the arquebus towards the ground, looking down its sights. "Mm....a little," Thai grunted, feeling its surprising weight on his hands. "Back when I was in the jungles of the New World, I mainly used one to...defend myself."     "Hmph...your Japanese is getting better," Nobuyuki stated.     "Thank you, Lord Nobuyuki," Thai smiled, lowering the rifle and offering it back to Nobuyuki. "Must be from our...good conversations."     The warlord took back the pistol, holstering it next to a tachi tied to his hip. "Western weaponry is truly a marvel. One well-placed shot, and it will tear through our armor like paper."     "Hence your...need...to buy Western armor, too," Thai said. "You have quite the shopping list."     "Yes," Nobuyuki said, "When the order comes down to start the invasion Northwards, we'll need these to be victorious."     "...Northwards? What's North from here?"     "Our enemies in Echigo," Nobuyuki said, "There are rumors circulating of a rival warlord surviving. Soon, we will be advancing toward the enemy"     "..."     "Heh, too much to understand?"Nobuyuki asked.     Thai shrugged. "A little, Lord Nobuyuki," Thai said through gritted teeth.     "I apologize that my dear Inahime is not here to translate, Thai," Nobuyuki said.     "...who?"     Nobuyuki glanced startled at Thai. "K-Komatsuhime...my wife."     "Ah, right," Thai said, "(Goddamn nicknames) It's fine—I'm okay."     "Hmph. You're looking eager to go back."

    Thai was sweating, both from the heat of the sun bearing down on his cotton merchant's clothes and from the startling news Nobuyuki gave him. "J-just...want to make it home..." Thai answered, "Before the war starts."    Nobuyuki let out a hearty laugh. "For an explorer who talks about traveling through mysterious forests rife with danger, you sure are afraid for your life."     "Y-yeah..."

    Suddenly, one of the guards shouted something out, halting the group. Nobuyuki held Thai back, everyone looking ahead on the road as the guards drew their swords. Thai, as short as he was, tried to look over the guards' shoulders to no avail as they started forming a protective barrier around Thai and Nobuyuki. Thai looked towards the head of the Sanada, seeing his shocked expression and gritted teeth.     "Bandits?!"Thai asked.     "...No...Nobushige..." Nobuyuki breathed.

    Thai tried once more to look over the guards, and for a brief moment, through the movement of horses and armored guards, he glimpsed a resounding figure clad in red gripping onto an infamous three-pronged spear just a distance away. They locked eyes with one another, Thai's eyes widening and jaw dropping.

    "Y-Yuki...?"

[river-bottom-nightmare]

thanks for tagging me @bluegarners !!! <333333 (even though i have been kinda dead)

rules: list 5 comfort characters and tag 5 people

dick grayson: dc(for fairly obvious reasons, methinks)

obi-wan kenobi: star wars (i have been a prequels fan since the tender age of 4 and i adore him)

cress darnel: lunar chronicles (if there was ever a girl i wanted to cuddle to death every day for like 10 years and counting its this girl)

jaskier: the witcher (such a wonderful little guy in the books, and joey batey really brings him to life)

elizabeth swann: potc (hello bisexuality it's nice to meet you)

they rotate as to whom is most comforting but it's generally these five. um i know no one so literally anyone who sees this, feel free to participate and tag me in it!

[dimonds456]

HEEEEYYYYY DIMS I DONT HAVE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL BUT I JUST SAW YOUR LATEST VIDEO I'M A FEW DAYS LATE BUT AAAWWWUHEKHJNTJHJHB OKAY FIRST OFF: THE FANWORKS SOUND SO COOL THEY REALLY DO HELL YEAH. SECOND: TO KILL A ROSE WAS REALLY NICE WHEN I WATCHED IT AND ITS GONNA BE SO NEAT SEEING MORE OF YOUR ORIGINAL STUFF BECAUSE ITS ALL SO COOL. C: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FOLLYCHROMATIC HELL YES THE BELOVEDS OUGHR THE OPENING ANIMATIC LOOKS SO GOOD SO FAR AND THIS WHOLE THING LOOKS SO COOL I CANT WAIT (BUT I CAN BECAUSE TAKE HOWEVER MUCH TIME YOU NEED JRGNRJHJ) BAH GOD I CANT WAIT FOR WHAT YOU DO IN THE FUTURE OVERALL AND I CANT GIVE MY COMPLIMENTS ON YT BUT LOVE <33

(also d: I think I got it right I'm pretty sure I did but WAAHUGHRHGH I LOVE YOU TOO DIMS (also yeah mentioning by name is cool methinks) YOU'RE THE COOLEST MOOT I'VE EVER MET🫰 <333)

I LOVE YOUUUUU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thanks!! I'm looking forward to the future so so so much! It's FINALLY happening and I'm SO excited! :D :D :D

And awesome, I can give you a shoutout in the comments, then, thanks! ^^

I gotta start moving videos over (I'll prolly do that tomorrow after work) but yeah. Once that's done it's all-in OwO

To Kill a Rose is one of my favorite things I've done. I wish I had more than a month to work on it, but given the time I had, it turned out really good I think. So, with bigger time slots now, the shorts should be better quality moving forward, too, which is something else I'm super excited about.

Just- GOSH I don't think I've been this excited about life in a long time. I can't wait to get the storyboard done so I can start streaming animation again :D :D :D

OH YEAH I REALIZE NOW I FORGOT TO POST THE VID ON TUMBLR, so if you don't know wtf I'm talking about, here!

YEEEHAW!!

[meirimerens]

Not the same anon as the stamatwins cat allergy ask but I truly love the idea of Andrei being partially disturbed that Petyr went to live alone in P1 as an "identical twin syndrome" thing where Andrei conceptualises their joint identity as 1 being, and Petyr's independence (good or not) threatens that in his mind. The idea that they can and do have differences and the idea of the shadow breaking off from the main body.

Have a nice day Meiri!!

literallyyyyeyeyyyy you get it + I'm sure I've talked about something of the sorts already because all I do is talk about the twins and then put them in situations but I truly see it + it's especially saillant in p1 to me. Peter says that he's been "suffering for 10 years because of [andrey]" like there's a rift between them and Andrey specifically is trying to mend it with Petr "coming back" to him (calling and mentioning him over and over) because being by his side/by each others side is their default state but farkhads death has caused a deep, painful rift between them, and the polyhedron, as a joint venture but Peter's brain-child, is beyond their comprehension in a way that renders (peter, specifically) mad, and I think it cannot help their previously very close bond. In p1 Andrey is like ooo we're two sides of the same coin etc and Peter is like He Cause Me Pain and as both of those are real and true the pain is unbearable on both ends. Petr gets in #bigtrouble and Andrey says he's gonna stay by his side and never leave in case his ass gets in a pickle but to meh its..m almost am excuse to take back his place as The Twin. He sees that apart great trouble befalls them, even if being close hurts them too. Can't live with him can't live without him. Exactly like with a brain if you have chronic headaches.

I'm sure I've mentioned in a peterstakh context (sorry. You're on the peterstakh blog you're gonna get told about peterstakh) but to meee one of the things that greatly hurt and displease Andrey and throws a wrench in his conception of himself-in-regards-to-his-brother/the two of them is that petr is like. Seeing people(one person) Andrey doesn't know well, and doesn't like too much (because he doesn't know him well). Having an emotional life that Andrey doesn't know much about. "Puts himself in harms way" so to speak. I've written it in PSLR so in French so many of you don't know about it but methinks Andrey always saw his extrovertedness + eagerness to #get some bitches as a way to protect Peter from the #pains and #hurts of love/emotional turmoil. Like if he makes all the bitches converge to him, they will leave peter alone and that'll spare him the pains and anguishes of #love. So when Petr moves on to have his own romantic and emotional life with some who didn't go through andreys vibecheck Andrey is like. Scared honestly. It feels like petr is "breaking off" from the shared twin-body indeed (and so is him telling Andrey hurt him, and so to meh does the fact that they live separately now and quite a distance apart) and Andrey is scared. Scared more than anything. I think in that context it takes him weeks to realize he and rubin are Literally Not Competing for the same thing, and Petr is enough of a person to care about multiple people in completely different ways. Not andreys dick not andreys problem. But he struggles to understand that. SAD! Have a nice day too honey :3

[autocann1bal]

part three of my playlist analysis!!

part 1 &lt;- part 2 <- back into the pit we go!!

therese - maya hawke kipps?? trying to rizz up lucy?? lockwood thinks not he comes to the rescue 'therese does not belong to you/the horses, cars, and cowboys do' type beat (ps ik what the song is about its for locklyle purposes)

youre somebody else - flora cash imagine how different norrie would be if she came back :) atlantis - seafret oh my god lucy is losing her SHIT after a more intense case where lockwood almost died (again) and they had gotten in a fight just before he put himself in immediate danger and shes just sitting on her bed thinking about it and how if he died the last words she said to him wouldve been harmful. shootout - izzamuzzic eepy vibes after a talk that lasted late into the night. apocalypse - cigarettes after sex this is self explanatory methinks?. tried - beabadoobe hes so tired of living. he just wants to rest [read as: die] lucy said no. they talk for hours one day, george is also there chiming in at appropriate times, they all fall asleep on lockwoods bed and lucy wakes up before the rest of them to make tea and brings it back to the room and they talk more :). telephone - waterparks au where lucy was on fittes team before joining lockwood and co and theyre btoh just watching eachother from afar for a bit <33. cough it out - the front bottoms the repeated 'i am delusional with love' is so both of them :( they both think the other one doesnt like them back. headache - rigby this could be both lockwood and lucy feeling like theyre weighing the other/the team down. it fits very well with either of them. god must hate me - catie turner very much stemming from lucy's in depth descriptions of her insecurities in the books, especially about "not being as pretty as other girls". (this doesnt relate to the song but the fact that we're outside of her head for the show is so nice because we can see that lockwood has literally been head over heels for her since the beginning and he loves her just the way she is). fool - frankie cosmos lockwood feels like he'll never be able to have her. he thinks shes to good for him :(. haunt me 3x - teen suicide lockwood braiding lucys hair after a panic attack, it helps him feel grounded <33 (im so unoriginal im sorry). listen before i go - billie eilish im not even gonna explain this one. figure it out. your hint is: lockwood. anyone else but you - the moldy peaches theyre so perfect for eachother. they dont even think other people are attractive because theyre so engulfed in their love for one another. i want what they have. funny you should ask - the front bottoms the in between stage before they where together and lockwood is. being angsty as usual. style - taylor swift THEY NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE!!!!! back to the old house 2011 remaster - the smiths lucy talking about the town she grew up in, telling lockwood about her mom, about her friends, more about norrie, about everyone else. shes crying, hes crying, george is crying. theyre all crying and drinking tea. leni (crystal castles vs goodbooks) - goodbooks, crystal castles mmm yes i sense yet another lucy panic attack in the shower after a rough job where lockwood put himself in direct danger once again. iris - the goo goo dolls oh my GODDD ITS SO LOCKWOOD 'id give up forever to touch you' WITH HIS LITTLE 'forever is composed of nows' ON THE THINKING CLOTH PLEASE LUCY MEANS SO MUCH TO HIM. brazil - declan mckenna them being Teenagers TM beach episode edition just imagine them all playing in the water at a nice beach on vacation (obv they arent still in the uk bc their beaches are Sad but like they went somewhere with nice beaches for a well deserved vacation. does london fall to shit without them? probably!! do they care? no!!). jesus this is such a ridiculously long series i am so so sorry go to part 4!!