#its also a very stressful and traumatic experience

[tigerdrop-official]

i swear i'm not getting into discourse lol i just follow "miraculous" and its related tags but i just wanted to say for the record that if you get akumatized it's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, hawkmoth uses your own emotions against you and manipulates you into doing what he wants.

all you need to do to be akumatized is feel a strong emotion. you are absolutely not in the wrong for feeling strongly, and you're not a bad person if you did/do get akumatized

[eccentricallygothic]

Divorced Dad!Captain Syverson who experiences a real time brain short-circuit when he sees how well you get along with his kids during your first meeting with them… 

Warning(s): Breeding kink, size kink, old man!Sy, age gap, manhandling, groping, fluff, boob play, unprotected p-in-v, I added plot to it TT. MDNI.

. . . 

After the messy divorce that followed his turbulent marriage, Sy was not looking forward to any relations with the opposite sex, if possible. With his former profession a constant hurdle to his life as part of a unionized pair and marital bliss, what had started as a promising relationship had turned out to be one of those unfortunate marriages where children were sought as a last resort to perhaps save the remnants of the already rotten love between man and wife. Though being someone from a background that held family in the highest esteem and always having been fond of the idea of his own lot, Sy loved his children more than life itself and there was not a thing in the world he would trade for them. And that was the reason why he had preferred to opt for an early retirement so custody would not be an issue between him and his ex-wife who was more than eager to shed off everything affiliated with the name Syverson like an illness.

You, on the other hand, though not much experienced with the opposite sex were not too warm to the idea of children. Being a student in her last year of higher education and only so old as you were, your attitude hardly deserved to be subjected to scrutiny. That, and the fact that you hadn't really had many young ones around you while growing up as an only child, calling you a foreigner to the scene would not qualify as an exaggeration and hence it can be said that it is more indifference than contempt on your part. 

So naturally, when it happened, it was strictly unplanned. And very fateful. With a rather traumatized Sy in a sort of an emotional limbo who had more than enough reason to keep to himself, and a stressed with soon approaching future endeavors as well as disillusioned with the opposite sex you, the night you had bumped into each other outside the bar restrooms where Sy had been dragged to cheer up by his friends and you to loosen up by yours, the rather fast yet steady rate at which the two of you had woven into each other had been unexpected to say the least. 

But now, as Sy fires up the grill in his backyard to begin the little BBQ he has planned for today when you meet his children for the first time, the prided and much experienced grill expert nearly burns his hand because he is so busy inwardly fawning over how quickly his rugrats have warmed up to you. And you, Sy will swear on anything that you are just the most perfect woman— person alive. Everything is just right with you. Even on days when the world seems to press down on him, your mere presence is there to help his spirits back up and elate as well as support him in every sense.

Though he had been honest about his condition since the beginning, after his initial reluctance to get with you as you were so much younger and inexperienced compared to him, children weren't peculiarly a topic that came up between the two of you except occasions where Sy wanted to share a little victory or rant with you. So as you keep his toddler on one hip with a protective arm around her, your perfect body -Sy's words- clad in a bonny bright coloured sundress, and hold the hand of his 5 year old who excitedly shows you around the mini patio of the modern farmhouse, memories of his own mother scarce if any, your making conversation with the boy and giggling along to his lisp droning flutters Sy's heart in a way that he thought he had outgrown. 

It also excites him with a kind of boyish heat that the former military Captain had thought he had shed off with his adolescent youth.

And so he just has to have you by yielding to a similar impatience and desperation, the musical sound of your giggles faintly fluttering its melodies upon his flush and thumping ears as he gets to it.

“God, Sy!” The huff in your words fires him up even more and he cannot hold back any longer. “You’re such a brute!” His coarse and scarred paws heavily pull at your dress with a crazed desperation to help you find the restroom, as he had told one of the farm hands that he had left the children under. “Oof!” The whine you let out before instinctively craning your head to try and ease the way his thick beard tickles the tender skin of the curve of your neck makes him growl into your carotid pulse that he worships with his hot lips, the pressure of your pressing your face into his as well as the soft pants you let out, your chest bumping into his with each heave of your lungs, only lithifies his bulging erection even more. 

“Gon' fatten up your pretty lil’ pussy with my cum, baby” Sy's breaths scorch your clammy skin with their burning weight. His hands grope and expose you everywhere they can reach, and they can do so everywhere because of how much smaller hence ragdoll-like you are compared to him. “Wouldja like that, angel?” Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he boosts your thighs up his tall legs and around his waist, the fat and leaking tip of his cock grazing against your holes from how he is kissing you everywhere he can reach. “Me stuffing that cute tummy full of siblings for Tim and Bethy, huh?” You know he would never actually do something as serious so callously without a prior discussion so you breathlessly nod, pushing your oral muscles to gulp down the thick bile in your throat and tip your head against the wall to prepare yourself to withstand his intrusion of your pussy that thanks to his girth always feels like not only your first time with him but your very deflowering in general.

 “Yes” your mouth falls open as he reaches below the hold with which he has your whole body propped up. “Yes, please~” his balmy tip finds its destination in the tiny, drenched and quivering closed up band that leads to your reproductive cavern. “Please fimme with your babies, Sy~” when the stretch makes your tiny hole burn around his girth, your mouth lets loose all the obscene words of vulgar desire. 

“Yeah, baby?” Sy's fingers flex over your ass and caress their way up your side before coming down and repeating the action, his thumb stealing strokes of your nipples as he does. “Wanna make me a Daddy, yeah?” A hiss leaves your mouth and your back arches at the feeling of your walls sheathing him deep within themselves. His breathtaking urgency nearly puts a dent in your innards. “Want me to make you all round and heavy here?” Your pussy clenches around the hilt of his cock when he suddenly gropes your naval into a greedy handful.

“Yes, please, Sy!” Your whole form bounces up in the air when the man gives you a thrust so powerful that has you mewling and digging your nails in his shoulders. “Wanna make you a Daddy so bad, Sy!” His dick has always had a hypnotic effect on you, for the minute it's in the vicinity of any of your holes, you become a brain dead parrot for him. 

“Atta girl~” he cooes, tossing your body further up with a strong stab of his hips so he can clamp his teeth down on one of your boobs.

MASTERLIST

. . . 

I am MAD for this man. Like I am not even hot on kids. WHAT—

[3liza]

I agree that the pushback against White Woman Paranoia About Men is warranted but

I also see a lot of posts by men and people who situationally may never experience this, about how being wary of men as a class is delusional due to the actual crime statistics being basically negligible compared to, for example, being hit by a car or getting into a car accident. and what this kind of post doesn't acknowledge is that there are lot of ways to have an exceptionally bad experience caused by strange men in public that have nothing to do with anything that is classified as criminal, bodily harm, and specifically any behavior that would actually be worthwhile to report, making it unknown to the statistics. the guy who followed me for two blocks one night and then brushed by my back and said "don't fall" very pointedly as I was standing on a freeway overpass wasn't doing anything illegal and certainly nothing any cop would do anything about if I "reported" it (lmao) but yeah that is an unpleasant experience I remember vividly and would like to avoid in future. one example of many, obviously, I'm not making a whole post about a single experience

it is absolutely the case that the only rapes and most of the physical assaults I've experienced have been from men known to me socially or intimately, but until I got a large dog, going outside was about 60% likely to involve being harassed. which is a lot more than I have been hit by cars (zero times)

being harassed is extremely unpleasant regardless of its likelihood to progress to physical assault. sometimes it can be so unpleasant it affects our daily lives, and a single incident of harassment can impact a person's mental health. the expectation of ongoing harassment does this moreso, it creates a continual expectation of being pursued, questioned, and then having to deal with someone getting angry at you when you don't accede to their demands. in any context this is unpleasant. people who do not experience sexual harassment in their daily lives may be able to empathize with this experience if they were ever bullied as children. people chasing you around, calling you names, creating unpleasant confrontations for no reason, and then the next day you have to get up and go do it again. people change schools, quit jobs and move out of shared living situations to avoid this kind of stress, it's reasonable to develop an aversion to it. it's reasonable to develop reactivity and hypervigilance as well. verbal and social harassment without any physical assault is more than enough to cause a trauma response.

it's also just inconvenient. even if you are not menaced or belittled or traumatized by an episode of harassment, having to Manage a Harassment Situation in the grocery store or post office when you're just trying to get an errand done is a massive waste of time. a lot of women have to plan for extra time during errands or travel to account for getting out of situations like that.

a LOT of the paranoia about men from women that you can read everywhere in the culture is based not in a fear of getting physically harmed or killed, but simply avoiding more harassment.

I think a lot of women have defaulted to explaining this desire to avoid men and avoid being alone with men, or explaining their suspicion of men, as fear of physical harm, because that's the only way people who don't get harassed are able to take it seriously. but it's completely reasonable to want to avoid being annoyed, bothered, harassed, questioned, inconvenienced, interrupted, or to have someone just be rude to you, completely apart from the actual percentage likelihood that they are a serial killer. even the act of telling these men politely that you can't talk right now, aren't interested, have to go, have a boyfriend, whatever, is annoying and often escalates into a confrontation or to the man being angry at you or insulting you. we can agree that getting into a verbal argument for no reason on the street is a negative experience. it can be annoying and unsettling without being a threat to life and limb. and no this isn't a "i have bad social skills and can't handle normal human interactions" thing, it's not a social interaction required by common decency or manners or basic function, it's someone putting you into a bad situation for no reason and then getting mad at you when you decline to entertain them. the harassers are the ones being rude. it is a violation of the social contract to catcall someone. it's just annoying and I want to avoid it. most women want to avoid it, and behave accordingly.

no terfs on this post. everything I just said about being bothered by strangers applies double (at least) to the experiences of most trans women

women aren't the only people who get harassed by strangers either, but it is overwhelmingly an issue experienced by women, and people who are perceived as feminine or as women.

it's also not just men who do the harassing, but again, it is overwhelmingly men who are doing it.

some women experience no harassment or very little of this harassment and won't identify with this post. that's true and real, but doesn't make it not true that a very very large percentage of women, maybe even most women, have experienced this. no experience is universal

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

Babysitting Their Kid-Selves

I threw this together in a haze on Discord uhhhh enjoy thank you to @windalchemist001 for putting the idea In My Brain

------------------------------------------------

HEARTSLAYBUL

Riddle - struggles between wanting to help his youngerself have positive experiences, but also knows that depending on how old he is, it might just be super stress inducing. Finds a middle ground in giving his younger self an "easy" assignment and then giving him the time of his life, 10/10

Trey - he's burnt out from being the oldest, and from momming Riddle, and from taking care of the dorm. His kid self is being told to go play outside and don't get hurt (which his kid self obeys, and comes in when he's hungry and that's about it) very laissez-faire bc he can't be bothered. He knows the other boys in the dorm wouldn't let his kid self get hurt anyways, especially Riddle, who likely ends up taking the brunt of the responsibility 7/10

Cater - hehe yeah his kid self is Traumatized, he brings him to play video games/teach him to skate board/intro to Not Sweet snacks and ends up getting a kid trauma dumping to him. Or. he sees his kid self and nopes out, immediately asks anyone else to take care of him because he's gonna go :sparkles:cry:sparkles: but you don't need to know that. Either 9/10 or a 2/10

Deuce - Awkward at first, but honestly, just does what his mom did for him, smooth sailing, 10/10

Ace - "hah, I'm the best babysitter in the world, only the coolest kids can handle me. Think you have what it takes?" <- secretly really good with kids but only because he had his big brother as a role model. He also knows now all the tricks his big brother used on kid him so he has some fun being that to himself, as much as a handful as kid self is. 8/10

SAVANNACLAW

Leona - Sees how hopeful his younger self was, knows that Savannaclaw knows better than to fuck with it, leaves his child self in community care and leaves bc he doesn't want to reminded of the love he didn't recieve when he was little 10/10 for looking out for both of their mental health

Ruggie - oh my god he adores younger self, teaches him everything he knows, uses his "adorability" to his advantage, but also uses Leona's cash to buy ingredients for a food his younger self rarely got to try as a treat. Honestly, 10/10

Jack - He's a little awkward around his kid self, asks Leona for advice, gets none, asks Vil for advice, Vil ends up Momming and taking over sorry baby Jack. N/A he didn't give up the child intentionally but he also didn't really get to babysit

OCTAVINELLE

Azul - Oh hell no, like at first its like "look how far of come" but the self loathing immediately takes over again. Kid Azul's only saving "grace" is the tweels who terrify the baby by accident but are actually really soft and caring with him. Azul just makes sure his kid self has something to hide in bc "nobody wants to look at that" 2/10

Jade - Knows What He's Doing, and he's going to treat his kid self as gently as possible because he knows what's coming for him in later years :) 10/10

Floyd - Does fine until the kid cries and then pawns his kid self off to Jade 6/10

SCARABIA

Kalim - He's a big brother, but he's not big brother, you know? He likes to make sure the kid has fun and feels safe but he forgets to take breaks and give him water and oh god now he's on a magic carpet bc child self has to go to the bathroom and they're on the WRONG side of the dorm. Very caring, very loving, a little airheaded. If he takes his attention off him he wanders off. Jamil usually has to step in, but neither of them want him to. 7/10

Jamil - In a similar boat to Leona, but instead of leaving his kid self to someone else, he ends up going off campus with his kid self and lets him beat him in races/video games/ dance offs/ etc. so he can feel like he's the best at something for once. They end up cooking together, and honestly it heals adult Jamil a lot too 10/10

POMEFIORE

Vil - Carries a bit of contempt as well as admiration for his younger self. There is a part of him that wishes things had gone differently. Vil likely ends up keeping his kid self in his room all day, but while they're in there, they do all the things Vil remembers wishing he could do, like throwing a tantrum, finally having his feelings about Neige be validated, making a mess, eating whatever he wants, etc. etc. It's just it takes half the day for him to get to that point, before there's a break through it's almost pure ice on adult Vil's side with his kid self just sitting on the bed. 6/10

Rook - Doesn't want anything to do with his kid self, knows his kid self is self sufficient, tells him to not talk to anyone and leaves him alone. ???/10

Epel - Epel uses his kid self as an excuse to go get messy and dirty and play all day. He WILL blame his kid self for any accidents that may occur inside of Pomefiore. Kid self finds it unfair but funny, but can be bought back with some apple slices with caramel. It's a lot of fun, but a lot of clean up. 8/10

IGNIHYDE

Idia - Blames his younger self for the whole ||Ortho|| thing and uh. Would probably lock him out of his room. Ignores/pretends he doesn't exist. Kid Idia seeing ||Ortho "alive"|| would probably have him breaking down. 0/10

Ortho - .....

DIASOMNIA

Malleus - Can't handle his kid self as much as he insists that he can. Probably does something that accidentally triggers himself (both versions) and Lilia has to take over before there's a major melt down. They do have ice cream together after. 5/10

Lilia + Silver - I'm Waiting, Sorry

Sebek - Doesn't want to take care of his kid self. At first he thinks it's cool but then his kid self is biting everything, asking so many questions, getting close to Malleus without permission, showing off his adorable baby side, and kinda hates big Sebek purely because he has magic "already". (Sebek was canonically a 'late bloomer' with magic). He gets Too Stressed and then also gets more pissed off when Silver seems to do a better job baby sitting, but Lilia runs intervention. uhh. 3/10

hhhhhhhhhh bye Tag list: @fluffle-writes @my-cursed-brain

[abbyfmc]

Yanderetober 7/10

Yandere Scientific Abomination! x Female Scientist! Reader:

TW: Mention of torture, stalking and murder. MDNI +18!!

It's been some time since you left the abandoned premises of the old psychiatric hospital.

You were one of the low-level scientists who bragged about how they experimented on people, mostly men and women of different ages, who were criminals sentenced to life imprisonment or capital punishment, or who were mentally ill.

You saw how cold and sometimes cruel they were with the "patients" (experiment subjects), but your superiors forced you to keep quiet about what happened there in exchange for paying you very well and giving you good future recommendations. You tolerated it to a certain extent because of the needs you faced at that time.

Among all the subjects, there was him.

His name was Alan, and he was a psychiatric patient who developed amnesia and post-traumatic stress disorder after the heartbreaking loss of his family, leaving him alone as a survivor.

Of all of them, you were the one who treated everyone the best, including Alan. You once stopped him from attempting suicide with pills, something he deeply admired about you.

You felt sorry for what they did to him, and more than once you tried to help him, but your superiors had you under threat and surveillance, which limited your options. This, added to the fact that Alan tragically lost his family; his loneliness, depression, the guilt he felt, the torture he faced day after day and the little affection you gave him; made him fall madly in love with you. At first he developed simple emotional dependence, but ended up becoming obsessed with you.

Sooner or later you started to notice changes in his appearance.

-What… happened to you?- You asked him in bewilderment, watching strange lumps form on his face, neck, and back.

-Oh, (Y/n)!, nice to see you again!- He sat on the bed, smiling at you like a happy lover. -I don't really know what these bumps are, but they bother me a lot.- They looked like early stages of a fungus or skin cyst formations, leaving visible veins and arteries and taking on a fleshy red hue. This was just the beginning.

He grew hungrier and hungrier as his appearance grew worse and bigger. Every time you went to see him, you swore he barely let you leave the room until you ran away or escaped.

His mental state also worsened, and with it his obsession with you. You were practically the only thing that kept him sane until that fateful day.

Alan had completely mutated and turned into a complete monster, becoming the yandere scientific abomination that he eventually became. He brutally murdered the vast majority of the staff, including some subjects of future experiments who had tried to escape.

You were one of the only people who managed to save themselves.

Local authorities tried hard for years to cover up this event, but other survivors (apart from you), speculation, myths, legends and the internet itself made this impossible and slowly the history of the place and what may have caused its closure began to be revealed.

But what they didn't know was that there was a monster on the loose; or they didn't know that at first.

You, on the other hand, were looking for a way to continue with your life despite your traumas from that place. After your superiors died in that massacre, you made an anonymous report on the internet telling EVERYTHING that happened within the walls of that center, and then you moved to another city. Despite all the therapy you took, you never returned to normal.

-(Y/n)! Where are you?!- He wondered as he searched for you in and out of that facility. No matter how much he screamed your name or how much he trashed the rooms and furniture in the place, he just couldn't find you anywhere.

While you tried to continue with your life, Alan was looking for you after escaping from abandoned facilities, which made several of their sightings noticed.

The scientific/Alan abomination was looking for you everywhere. It was hidden in forests, alleys, warehouses or abandoned/lonely or forest sites; He hunted wild animals, unsuspecting domestic animals, rodents, plants and human beings that was on his way.

You were no stranger to these sightings, having come across photos and videos online, which made you even more paranoid. The photos showed a humanoid mass of reddish flesh, with multiple eyes in what were once "cysts"; living roots sprouted from several limbs, and it also had sharp teeth. What terrified you the most was that this thing was looking for you.

-"That creature often asks for a certain (Y/n)"-.

-"Yes, he usually calls her out loud, but why?"- And that's how your name came up again on those internet forums. You were afraid people would find out, especially now that you had a decent job.

Time passed and Alan didn't find you until he managed to move to your current city thanks to the lush forests between cities; taking a while to locate you.

One night, you woke up at 3:00 AM to strange noises outside your house. Frightened, you grabbed your phone and a bat and headed to your living room.

There is nothing to be heard but the clumsy footsteps of whoever was outside; the rain and your own footsteps, as well as your nervous breathing. Suddenly, there is a soft knock on the door.

You looked through the small hole in the front door and your body froze at the sight of Alan on the other side, making you jump in fear.

-<No... It can't be...>- You said in your thoughts in a terrified way, feeling your breathing accelerate at the appearance of his macabre smile.

-(Y/n), darling, i know you're there- He whispered in his guttural voice, then slammed the door and entered.

-I found you- Before you can do anything, he lunges at you and forces you to throw the bat and your phone away, breaking both objects.

-Let me go! I didn't mean to hurt you! My superiors…- You tried to excuse yourself with fear, but he only replied:

-They forced you, I know. What matters now is that you are with me again, as it should always have been.- With his long tongue he tasted your face as he held you motionless on the ground. You didn't know what he planned to do to you; whether to eat you whole, simply kill you, or spread any spores he could on you.

But one thing was certain, and that was that Alan would never let you go again.

-The End.

[starmosaics]

Mars in the 8th House pt. 2/3

If you haven’t read the 1st part here’s a link to the original post :)

Today I’m focusing on transformation, life and death situations and possible struggles with mental health and substance abuse.

Those with Mars in the 8H frequently face unforeseen events in their life which catalyzes incredible changes. Some of these events are catastrophic. These people can completely alter their lives by brute will or they will be met with challenges which push them towards making necessary changes.

Common events I’ve seen/experienced that pushes an 8H Mars towards transformation:

-Death of a loved one, loss of any kind

-Near death experiences

-A breakup/divorce

-Overcoming addiction

-Releasing/healing trauma

-Inheritance

There’s many times where these people feel isolated and left in the dark; some may feel like they’ve lost everything even their sense of self. Many 8H Mars individuals have experienced and been exposed to very difficult and painful events which is one of the most challenging aspects of this placement. Life has its ups and downs and for these people, that’s never ending. The most important thing is that they are so persevering and are quite determined to follow through to reach the other end after facing difficulties. I’ve seen people with this aspect go through hell and eventually got out of that dark place and became a totally different person; shedding one’s skin. I myself feel like I have already lived 10 different lives. The 8th House forcefully causes one to experience changes within their mental state, physical bodies, or spiritual lives; the 8th House can quite literally strip your identity causing you to have to completely build yourself up again.

These people may feel like they got the short end of the stick when it comes to certain situations that they've been dealt leading them to succumbing to their fears and experiencing chaos and disheveledness leaving them feeling trapped, but something to remind these folks is that when they feel like they’ve hit rock bottom, the closer they are to transforming themselves or an area of their lives along with gaining grit and profound wisdom. The 8th House wants you to go inwards, identify the parts of yourself or your life you can't face, to take the reins and evolve. Sometimes it requires metaphorically (sometimes literally, but hopefully not) dying first to become reborn.

T/W: Abuse, substance use, heavy topics mentioned!!

In terms of an 8H Mars’ mental health, there’s quite a distinctive pattern. As we’ve established earlier that what kind of experiences these people might face, the events that alters one's life naturally will heavily impact one's mental health. I know 4 other people with this placement (along with myself) who have some form of psychiatric disorder; most commonly Bipolar disorder, Paranoia, MDD (major depressive disorder), and BPD. Many have experienced events (commonly during childhood, teen years, and early twenties) that lead to signs/a diagnosis of CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder).

Substance abuse is also very common to those who have this placement. Either a family member of theirs struggled with it, or they themselves did. Everyone I know who has this placement including myself has either had a family member who struggled with addiction, or have personally struggled with addiction; sometimes both. 8th house represents something you inherit and unfortunately sometimes it's the inter-generational cycle of addiction. Substance use disorders and mental disorders are sometimes heritable. This isn't meant to scare you or make you feel bad if you have faced any battles with substances. Addiction doesn't have to be your whole life story, just a chapter. Those who I know who previously struggled with addiction and turned their lives around are happier than ever.

Here are some famous people with an 8H Mars that struggled with their mental health and substance abuse:

-Marilyn Monroe (Alleged Bipolar disorder, substance use disorder)

-Robin Williams (MDD, substance use disorder)

-Amanda Bynes (Bipolar disorder, abused stimulants)

-Sid Vicious (Showed signs of personality disorder, substance use disorder)

-Drew Barrymore (Substance use disorder, MDD)

-Courtney Love (Substance use disorder, Autism)

-Lil Peep (Bipolar disorder, substance use disorder)

-Anthony Bourdain (MDD, substance abuse)

More than half of these famous people also struggled in childhood due to the impact of their family members; Marilyn Monroe had a traumatizing childhood and was living in multiple foster homes and orphanages due to her alcoholic and schizophrenic mother being unable to care for her, Amanda Bynes facing sexual abuse by Dan Schneider as a child, Sid Vicious' mother was neglectful and gave him hero*n when he was a teenager, Drew Barrymore had a mother who influenced and fueled Drew's coca*ne and alcohol addiction before she was even 15 years old, and Courtney Love's father was deemed to be unstable and a horrible father. He allegedly gave her LSD as a child and also physically abused her when she was 17 after visiting him in Ireland.

I don't want to fully air this story out, but I had a friend who was like a sibling to me and their dad abandoned them during their teenage years and their mother was unable to work due to her schizophrenia and substance abuse; she would have us pick up cigarettes and get drugs for her when we were 16/17. This friend has experienced a lot of pain and is still struggling with their own demons and mental health and i'm no longer in their life due to their choices and influence on me, but I still think about them all the time. I wish them the best and hope they eventually find their way back to themselves. They're one of the smartest people I've ever met.

In my own personal life, my dad was never in the picture and my mother (who I believe also had an 8H Mars) struggled with mental illness and substance abuse, so I lived with my grandmother, who I eventually found out also abused substances, but was more "stable". After my mom passed literally from alcohol deteriorating her body when I was 17, I decided I had to keep distance from my family and moved out as soon as I could and since then my life has totally changed. I heavily smoked weed from the ages 16-19, I'm addicted to cigarettes, I am very wary about my alcohol consumption, and I inherited my mom and grandmother's mental illness. If it weren't for my upbringing, I wouldn't possess the wisdom I have today. Yes my childhood was fked up, but it made me immensely resilient. I have experienced life and death literally and metaphorically many many times.

I'm not saying that if you have this placement you're bound to struggle with addiction and have a tragic life story filled with trauma and pain, but unfortunately a more common thing I see in those who do have this placement have struggled with trauma, substances, abuse, and family dynamics. And like I said with the transformational aspect of the 8th House, many people overcame their demons and traumas. There's always an option for recovery in any scenario which is also associated with the 8H, and sometimes destruction (Mars) and chaos is needed for rebirth. In a less extreme manner, 8th House Martians may just struggle with generalized depression and anxiety.

Another thing I've noticed about those with an 8H Mars placement is that they let their anger seethe until it eventually boils over leading to an outburst. They may experience super intense meltdowns due to not healthily coping. Emotional regulation might be difficult for these natives in general.

On one end Mars rules destruction, conflict, death, assaults, and violence. On the other, it represents ambition, overcoming, exertion, determination, encouragement, strength, one's ability, and facing fears.

If you have an 8H Mars and faced any of the struggles above or anything similar and need someone to talk to you can always message me! I want this post to encourage the people who may feel stuck or are in a rough place that they can overcome whatever is thrown at them. Remember crisis comes first, then evolution and finally, total transformation. <3

In the 3rd and final part we'll go over struggles within intimate relationships 8H Mars folks might face and "taboo" topics these natives might enjoy.

[not-too-many-eyes]

A Study on Mesmer Jr.

(Also Known As: Nott is obsessed with the bigot autistic girl from the time travel gacha game and its her birthday tommorow so lets talk about her.)

(CWs: Ableism, racism, child abuse) I Love Mesmer Jr. Which isn't a secret to any of my friends who have had to listen to me talk about her at length. I cannot get her out of my head. I think she's fantastically written, fun to read about, and just an all around interesting character.

As such, I want to take a moment to pull apart Mesmer Jr, and consider her place in this story. To contemplate why she acts the way she does, and to connect to the themes relating to her character. I hope you enjoy reading this.

A Curious Impression

Mesmer Jr makes an interesting impression when you first meet her. For one, she immediately causes alarm bells to rings when she talks to Sonneto, one of her earliest conversations, who she says she enjoys talking to because of their "shared values" she feels the need to say that she would have liked talking to her more if she were a "full-blooded human."

Which is something that you see a lot whenever she's complimenting an arcanist, or considering arcanists in any positive light. Even if it's inappropriate in the context, she feels the need to assert her beliefs, to say that:

Mesmer Jr, Praise: As an arcanist, your performance really amazes me. Wish you were a pure-blood human.

Of course, as we know, Mesmer Jr is an arcanist. She's a full-blooded arcanist. Being noted to be from a very Important family, and even being implied to be more talented than most of her family in their line of work: (The Fallacy of Idealism)

Nobody is more talented in this than Mesmer Jr. Her bloodline gives her outstanding ability and keen senses, which makes everything clear and intelligible to her.

She's also startlingly obedient. She has no noticeable outward negativity towards what Constantine has ordered her to do to Vertin, despite it seeming to cause pain or stress. Insisting that this is the normal treatment given to patients despite Madam Z's opinion, and we learn Much Later that her boss had an ulterior motive to all this.

She's even noted before we meet her to seem like a:

(Open Sandwich)

???: It is the other one- the one with indifferent outlines that makes her look like a refined machine.

Evoking images of perfectly programmed robots and droids that do what they are ordered to perfectly without question.

Of course, in the same part this line is from, the game is already nudging us to be open-minded when it comes to interacting with her. As the first thing we learn about her isn't her personality, isn't her appearance, isn't even her Voice.

It's her abuse.

Dirtied Hands

Open Sandwich is one of my favorite bits of writing in this game. It creates this incredible tension where you just waiting for the bad thing to happen, the line about how the child labor laws were turned into paper to wrap the sandwich is wonderful, and I love it.

But it's also the first time we ever actually hear about her. It depicts her having a Sensory Meltdown. Caused by her family's uh- blatant disregard for children's rights, and exposing her to a patient at age 12 because her skill was useful for the treatment. The trauma of the event marking the start of her "nightmare."

Of course this isn't the Only Thing she has gone through at the age of 12. The entire events of Nouvelles et Textes pour Rien happened during when she was 12. She might of had even more traumatic experience before that, considering she went to SPDM, a school that we know Very Well for their child abuse, and she Certainly had traumatic experiences afterwards.

She Is a 16 year old therapist taking care of The Foundation's most "unstable" patients, after all:

Mesmer Jr, Suitcase Climate: Those insane people screamed and rushed out of the guardroom. They kept meaninglessly and repeatedly roaring. Then, their blood shed on the snowy ground. I've seen that a lot.

The Rights of Children Don't Matter when there is Scarcity. Her needs are secondary to The Company's. Her welfare simply isn't important for the Foundation's Beautiful Future. Only the skills and infromation she can provide.

Constantine even manipulated Mesmer Jr into telling her the plan. Purposefully traumatizing her so that she would become scared and anxious. She Asked her to help them, trusting that Constantine, an adult she trusted, would be able to help. Constantine just lied, and made her continue to treat these people even when the experience mind numbingly traumatic for even fully-grown adults.

As a result, Mesmer Jr has developed multiple mental illnesses. Most notable OCD, but she seems to hallucinate in her Monologue.

She's not exactly a healthy person, which really compounds how much you Don't want her to be a therapist.

Of course, it's not like she would ever seek actual proper treatment for it.

For many reasons.

For one, Reverse 1999 is not exactly a kind world to the mentally ill, and she herself is a good example as to why.

Proper Treatment

Let's go back to the first thing I mentioned about Mesmer Jr. She's a bigot, she's a certified racist to every arcanist she ever talks to. She thinks humans are the superior race that will overtake arcanists.

She's also ableist. Just horrible ableist. These two bigotries are intertwined in Very important ways. Her hatred of arcanists is informed by her hatred of the mentally ill, and is further informed by what she has been taught about arcanists.

Reverse has established that the way arcanists and humans are generally viewed is that arcanists are the more emotional, unstable, immature ones and humans are the more logical, stable, and mature ones.

Now, this is a stereotype, one that has been proven wrong time and time again. There is nothing logical, stable, or mature about being so upset at a 12 year old you think killing her friends is a good idea.

And similarly, there is nothing actually inherently wrong about being a weirdo, or mentally ill. For one, uh, everyone is a bit of a freak sometimes, and two, Mesmer Jr treats it as if for the world to get better arcanists need to fully disappear and be replaced with human rationality, but Madam Hoffman says it best:

(Chapter 6 Part 15: With Hope Rekindled)

Hofmann: We have all heard it, humans are more rational and arcanists are more emotional. Hofmann: Their sensitive to the darkness of the world, so they can easily become absorbed in their own emotions and ignore reality Hofmann: But, if we put a human child in the position of an arcanist, who always takes on the world because of his uniqueness, who is never understood for his talents... Hoffmann: Maybe he too will become impulsive, sensitive immature and unstable Hoffmann: And that's why it sometimes dawns on me that if we put an arcanist child in the position of a human being who receives enough love, education, and positive feedback... Hoffmann: These 'instabilities' might be controllable. At least enough to keep them from hurting themselves or others.

But Mesmer Jr really does believe wholeheartedly that being a "freak" is bad, and that being an arcanist is to blame for why she is one.

Mesmer Jr, Hat and Hair: Thanks to it, we are all freaks now. Haven't you ever blamed your brain? Haven't you for once vomited due to the sound or whisper in your brain? How naive and ignorant.

That being an arcanist is something inherently wrong, and as a result of that inherent wrongness, that inherent "insanity," they need to be controlled by humanity.

Mesmer Jr, Chitchat II: I can only stand those arcanists from the Foundation and the Laplace. After all, their insanity is contained by humans.

She believes that humans are destined to overtake arcanists like it's natural selection. That it's only inevitable that arcanists will be overtaken by a species that in her eyes, is logical and understandable.

Mesmer Jr, To the Future: Just like Homo sapiens wiped out Neanderthals, arcanists will be eliminated as well. This is not a prediction, but a predestined fate.

This is, of course, due to the systemic part of Reverse's world constantly pushing this idea that arcanists are Inherently more immature and chaotic.

Constantine and her family deeply traumatized Mesmer Jr and then told her it wasn't actually their fault but this Other Group that She is also apart of but Don't Worry it can Be Controlled.

Mesmer Jr: It's not just about age. It was never going to be suitable for me. Mesmer Jr: Unless one day all the arcanists are gone. Pandora Wilson: Then you and I will be gone, too. Mesmer Jr: Exactly, along with the source of my pain

However, Mesmer Jr's own mental illnesses and susceptibility towards being overwhelmed by others emotions does really mean that she finds being around highly emotional people Taxing. She also finds that the unpredictable of life and other people Tiresome.

She was friends with Vertin in the rest when she was younger sure, but even then she did find arcanists overwhelming and "scary," even when she wasn't in the full thick of it, she saw them being treated and found it unpleasant and painful.

(Nouvelles et Textes pour Rien)

Mesmer Jr: But I'm not interested in arcanists. They are all mad people, and we had to treat them after all...They looked scary.

Now, usually, you grow out of this. She's not Born To Be Racist Forever.

In a better world she very much could have, I dunno-

Be able to actually internalize that arcanists aren't actually inherently a harmful thing, but that her needs sometimes conflict with the needs of others and grew up with the tools necessary to understand that this is a fixable problem that doesn't actually need a whole group of people including herself to die to be solved.

Or, something like that.

However, this isn't that world, this world thinks Mesmer Jr is a good therapist, and that her treatment is humane.

So she's seeks to create stability in the world as a result of that lack of support.

Mesmer Jr, Hobby: What you see is the alignment and tidiness. What I adore is this orderly state.

As much as she understands that it's a sign of her own "franticness" that she does this, it gives her comfort knowing that she has things that she Can Control. That her life isn't actually dictated fully by things out of her understanding. That she has the ability to direct her life in a small, maybe even insignificant way.

Cause, she really just doesn't have much control over her life.

Press the Button

Mesmer Jr, Clothing and Torso: ...Achieve the function.

A lot of Mesmer Jr's idolization of humanity comes from this idea of efficiency and simplicity. She talks so much about rationality and "tidiness," but as I've already established Reverse is full of so many instances of "human insanity" so it's plain ignorant to ascribe this trait to humans.

Which, well one she is ignorant, and also racism isn't rational and Mesmer Jr was taught human supremacy of course it's not going to be aligned with actual reality.

Which is true.

However, I do think it's interesting these traits that she idolizes are not from humans but from:

Mesmer Jr, Clothing and Torso: Humans are like machinery, simple and efficient. Arcanists are quite the opposite.

That's who she's actually idolizing here, isn't it? She's not really idolizing humans, that's just the framework she was given. She's idolizing machines and going "Wow humans are so cool."

Her Udimo is a machine.

Not just any machine, but a machine invented in part By Her Workplace, and even when she was 12 the narrator describes her as a "refined machine." Indifferent and rigid.

This is the beautiful controlled being that she is seeking! The beautiful tidy, orderly, calm being that just proceeds with whatever order is given to it. One that has...completely no control over it's life, and what to do with it.

Because, traditionally speaking, Machines do not have the ability to self-determine. They don't exist as people with conscious thought and emotion, but as Things and Tools that can Achieve Functions.

I noted way back in the start that Mesmer Jr is startlingly obedient. She does what she is told, and encourages others to do the same.

She's glad that Vertin:

Mesmer Jr, 100% Bond Conversation: ...Anyway, I'm glad you gave up on those insane plans.

Before saying that she doesn't want to be forced to Lobotomize Her, and that she doesn't actually want anyone to end up in Artificial Somnambulism.

But she doesn't say she won't do it. Just that she's happy Vertin did "give up" because it means that she probably won't have to. This seems to be her general approach. Even if she's not happy, she'll do it, her wants don't matter.

She assumes that she has no other option and that her only path forward is following orders from her boss. That the only path forward is the one set for her. There's no point in fighting it so she's just gonna continue on that path, and others should do the same or else they'll get Hurt. Learned Helplessness.

Sonetto is similar to her in this sense (Mesmer Jr says so herself,) and Sonetto is shown to hold quite a lot of repressed emotions, and to deviate from the rules or what is logical when she feels something is at stake.

After all: (Is ABA Really “Dog Training for Children”? A Professional Dog Trainer Weighs In.)

We all know that we can feel angry without expressing anger. That we can smile when inside we are crying. You can stop someone from expressing an emotion, but that doesn’t make the emotion go away. A dog who has been trained not to growl is considered by trainers to be a “time bomb dog.” When you read about a dog attack that came “out of nowhere” and “without warning,” it is because this sort of method was used to handle “problem behaviours.” Studies show that dogs trained with these sorts of methods actually have an increased rate of aggression, because punishing aggressive behaviour doesn’t deal with the underlying fear and anxiety that caused the aggression in the first place.

But Mesmer Jr, in contrast to Sonetto, who has an interest in poetry and curiosity in the outside world and has the aforementioned repressed emotions. Has no real distinct personal identity. She does not own anything that shows her interests, unlike her other coworkers who usually have at least Something on them. All of her items are stuff made by Laplace and exist unaltered. Even her cute little headband is a EM amplifier is part of the uniform.

She holds no control, no identity, no agency. She exists as a machine that someone can press the buttons of and achieve whatever function she needs to achieve at the given moment.

This is her current state of existence, and it's not something that's exactly sustainable. The cracks in this machine-living have been showing since she was 12. How many more do you think have been created now that she's 16?

The Foundation

Now, this is really depressing, but that's because Mesmer Jr is just a bit of a depressing character. She can't really get away from her job. For one, her parents are horrible, two The Storm means that the world is always on the verge of ending. Where else will she go?

But, as said previously:

A dog who has been trained not to growl is considered by trainers to be a “time bomb dog.”

Similarly, a girl trained to not develop any sort of identity will crack Someday.

I have no knowledge of what could happen next in her story, nor am I interested in theorizing about it. But I do find it interesting to think about.

[scoobydoodean]

(abuse mention) let it bleed is an interesting episode but the bit where dean smacks ben always makes me so confused bc it feels like gamble dropped that in and then didnt. fucking address it. like i dont know if its fair to call it abuse bc dean was in a Very high stress situation and trying to get his attention, but it feels SO out of left field for dean and it feels like it was just there for shock value or there without much thought to what it means for dean and implies about his upbringing.

Ngl this doesn't bother me. Lisa was bleeding out, Sam was not answering the phone (because he was knocked out and locked in a room), and the whole building was warded against angels. Dean had to carry Lisa out because Ben wasn't big enough, and there were still demons in the building ready to kill them. So when Ben shut down at the crucial moment, Dean did... what he had to do in that situation. Slapping anyone is generally not advisable, and it isn't a pleasant thing to do to anybody under any circumstances, but the entire situation isn't pleasant or normal and normal circumstances cannot and do not pertain to it. The entire experience is traumatic and something no one should ever have to experience, but especially not a child. I also wouldn't call it abuse. Abuse is about consolidating power, while this moment is about being placed in a life threatening situation by a third party who wishes to do all of you harm. You have no options other than to move immediately or you are all going to die.

That said, I do also think this moment and Dean having to put a gun in Ben's hand after swearing Ben would never shoot one (6.02) contributes massively to Dean asking Cas to erase him from Lisa and Ben's lives (coupled with the lies from the demon who possessed Lisa about wishing she'd never met Dean). Dean didn't want Ben to have to live with a traumatic memory like this above all else. These kinds of experiences are things Dean believes change a person irreparably based on his own experiences. I'm sure he was also terrified that losing Lisa would send Ben down the hunter's path, and it made Dean so sick he couldn't stomach it. I don't think you're wrong to suggest maybe there's an intended nod to Dean's own upbringing here (nod @ 6.02), but the crucial difference (that Dean himself likely fails to see) is that Dean is not actually the one who put Lisa and Ben in this situation. He blames himself for it, but the person who put them in this situation was Crowley. No ifs, no ands, no buts. Dean was so scared something like this would happen that he left Lisa and Ben pretty early into the season and he and Lisa broke up. They were no longer associated. Dean expecting himself to have forseen all of this assigns a level of responsibility and clairvoyance that is completely unreasonable. In contrast, John put his children in situations like this of his own free will. No one forced him to do it. He chose to make them hunters. He chose to put guns in their hands and teach them to fight monsters. He chose to put their lives at risk from the time they were very young.

[praetorqueenreyna]

well i AM asking for the essay on modern ACOTAR fandom please🙏😩

YOU ARE ALL ENABLERS!!! FINE I SHALL WRITE MY ESSAY!!!!! I'm putting it under a read more because I'm embarrassed of how long it is.

ACOTAR fandom is strange in a fascinating and NOT FUN way. Fandom has gotten SO restrictive recently, it's suffocating. And idk what it is about ACOTAR, but its fans are among the WORST. Whatever discourse you've seen in other fandoms, multiply it by 10 to get the experience of being in mainstream ACOTAR fandom. It is an unchallenged belief in this fandom that writing, drawing, or consuming any kind of content that isn't 100% healthy in the real world means that you - YOU!!!!! - are a danger to real life human beings. Criticizing a character's choices and the author's writing decisions is warped into you being an abuse apologist and also you probably yell at abuse victims in real life. A drawing of Tamlin and Elain sitting in a garden is now a disgusting acceptance of real life abusers and you're traumatizing every abuse survivor.

I can think of countless examples off the top of my head of real life human beings being harassed and bullied and called all kinds of nasty names for the fictional content they create about fictional characters. Like, I cannot stress enough the irony of these puritans spouting off in woke-enese about how "dangerous" certain fans are being incredibly verbally and emotionally abusive to people in this fandom. A fanartist on Instagram was painting portraits of each of the ACOTAR characters, and as a fun framing device, each painting was meant to be a painting that Feyre would make, and the captions talked about how the artist thought Feyre would paint this character. A charming and delightful series taking advantage of the fact that the main character is a painter, right? WRONG!!! This artist did a painting of Tamlin, and she was raked across the coals for DARING to even IMPLY that Feyre ever even THOUGHT about Tamlin or could even CONSIDER forgiving him enough to paint him. She was accused of "forcing an abuse survivor to think about her abuser." Like, do you see how absurd that is?? Feyre isn't real!! Nobody forced anybody to do anything! That's the kind of batshit insane nonsense we're dealing with.

Not to mention any depicition or joking about the series' villains is seen as you endorsing REAL LIFE VILLAINY!! me and my friends are constantly under fire for DARING to enjoy villainous characters or dark content. I feel like I shouldn't even have to say it, but the content that you create and consume doesn't say anything about you as a person. People who are very well adjusted, kind, and happy will engage with dark content for a variety of reasons. Some use it as a coping/healing mechanism, some just find dark content fascinating and worthy of exploration, and some people have dark fantasies. This fandom behaves as if the things you make and consume are examples of what you consider "healthy" and things that you want to do to real life people. It's INCONCEIVABLE to them that you could enjoy something in fiction and not endorse it in real life. INCONCEIVABLE!!

Aside from the irony of people claiming to battle against toxicity screaming violent insults at real life people over fictional characters, this is very very funny. Those of us that have been in the rarepair trenches in other fandoms can't help but laugh at these grown ass women losing their minds because somebody drew a blonde man. The culmination of this has been the runners of Elain Week refusing to even SEE characters they don't like. The visage of Tamlin will shatter their fragile minds and send them to their early graves. And this isn't even TOUCHING how their standard for which characters are Acceptable and which ones aren't is almost solely decided by what the author has explicitly stated and not based on any critical thinking or analysis.

The sheer and utter absurdity of this fandom in particular being SO hung up on canon should be studied. SJM is such a poor writer that she contradicts canon within the same book. I am firmly convinced that nobody actually reads her novels all the way through before they are published. This canon is bad. Which is why it's so baffling that this fandom in particular is so obsessed with canon and what the author has stated both within the books and in interviews. SJM says this character is bad, and so they are BAD!!! This character is good, and so they are GOOD. Oftentimes if you see people try to tear down Tamlin, they'll bring up SJM saying that he's abusive in interviews, talking about how she doesn't like him, and bringing up that she put a hotline for abuse survivors in the back of one of the books. SJM has said that he's an abuser, and so therefore he IS, and there is no further investigation.

Again, a kindergarden concept I didn't think I'd have to explain to a bunch of grown adults on the internet, but a creator's intention is not the end all be all of discussion. It's certainly a part of the analysis, but it is also up to the reader to determine if the author has convinced you of the story they're trying to tell. For example, the creator Joss Whedon clearly created Buffy the Vampire Slayer to be a feminist, empowering show for women. However, the viewer can watch the show and point out areas where he failed in this intention and allowed misogyny, racism, and homophobia to seep into his works. Imagine if every time you tried to criticize a "feminist" show made by a man, the fans screamed at you that the creator said it's feminist, and so therefore it is, and that's the end of that.

This is PARTICULARLY galling with SJM's villains. A lot of them are just...not written well, or convincingly, or realistically. BUT a lot of them are sexual predators, and so any discussion about them and their character is cut off at the source. SJM tells you that these people are BAD GUYS and you have to accept it, otherwise you're defending r*pists. It's especially hilarious because a lot of her "good" guys also commit many horrible acts. Part of the hilarity of the Elain Week nonsense is that the man that the creators ship Elain with, Azriel, is a PROFESSIONAL TORTURER. But SJM says he's good and sympathetic, so therefore, he is. And it's an entirely different essay to go into how SJM portrays her female villains, and I got Cancelled for it last time I tried so NO YOU CANT MAKE ME!!!

Lastly, I'll mention the bloated victim complex of people that like popular things. Again, not unique to ACOTAR fandom, but certainly very prevalent. The people who are in the majority NEED to feel like they're the underdog, fighting the good fight. Hence having the people who like one of the MAIN CHARACTERS and one of the Top 5 Most Popular Ships acting like they are Jesus on the cross for shipping Elain and Bland Dude #4. They work themselves into a paranoid frenzy, feeling attacked at every twist and turn. I would bet my LIFE that the people that run Elain Week have never even seen Beron/Elain content, let alone had it submitted to their event. But they got themselves all worked up about the Evil Tamlin Cabal RUINING THE EVENT that they made these rules that are simply ridiculous. And it backfired on them. Me and my friends have been accused of ruining other character weeks for making content for ships that WE like but the moderators don't. They'll see one single Rhysand/Tamlin drawing and act like you've fucking shot them. They genuinely feel like nobody likes Feyre or Rhysand, the most popular characters, and everyone supports Tamlin. It's insane and they need to get offline. I've seen people wearing Night Court merch in real life. Trust me, you won. You are not the victim.

[miss0atae]

What love can do in Meet You at the Blossom and how it can shape your life (after Ep 3 & 4):

It took me a while to write this post because I changed its title so many times. I wasn't sure I was conveying my thoughts properly. I wanted to write about the healing power of love between Huai En and Xiao Bao, but I had so much to say before so this title didn't work anymore.

[gif by khunkinn] @khunkinn

It's not a coincidence you can find the same pattern in some of the characters from My Stand In and Meet You at the Blossom since they were written by the same writer. Huai En and Ming, both had shitty parenting when they were young and it mostly came from their father. More than Ming, Huai En was shaped by his relationship with his father. His mother and his father were childhood sweetheart who never got the chance to be together because she was taken away by Huai En's uncle and he made her as his concubine. We also learned Huai En was born out of wedlock. His uncle's legitimate wife was jealous and tried to kill Huai En and his mother. His father wanted to save them (mostly his mother I think) but failed and Huai En's mother died trying to save the father. Huai En and his father found a way to escape and he was raised to seek revenge for the death of his mother. However, it didn't make them close. Huai En's father seems to consider that his son is also partly responsible for the death of his mother. It's not yet explain why… but because of his bias Huai En's father unfairly treated his son. In episode 4, Huai En explains to Xiao Bao how his father beat and scold him during his childhood. Huai En had no other choice but to obey him “unconditionally” or he would suffer physical pain. We can also assume he suffered mentally too.

[gif by omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive] @omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive

Huai En has been having recurring nightmares about the mistreatment of his father. He seems to remember vividly trying to avoid falling from a cliff and found no help from his father. Quite the opposite, he was also mocked by his father. It is likely something he had experience while he was young and that became so traumatic that he can't forget it. We could say that Huai En is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder since this event. A father is supposed to care about his children. That's what we naturally expect from any “good” parents. It's hard to understand why his father thought his son should be responsible for his mother's death. We haven't had enough insight on what his going on in Huai En's father head. However, we know he is very controlling and don't let his son do what he wants in life. Huai En only purpose is to help him get the revenge he wants. Anything outside this is considered useless and unimportant. I don't think Huai En even got the chance to really know what he wants or dreams for outside this purpose. He doesn't get to voice his opinion or to have something just for him. He must live for his father's desire. It was shown during episode 4, when Huai En had a vision of his father telling me:

“Remember, you were born to redeem yourself for your mother’s sake. Don’t harbor unworthy thoughts for anyone of anything. Understand? Don’t even think of trying to escape. No matter where on Earth, you can’t escape from my grasp”.

I’m still trying to wrap my head over this fact. When Huai En told the story of how he was born, his mother was still alive. So I don’t get why his father would be so hard on him when he is supposed to be the love fruit of the love he had for his mother. I wonder if his father is the kind of man who would value his spouse over his child. We know his father has an obsessive love for his mother. It wasn’t just the “I want to avenge her” it feels more like “she was supposed to be mine and I lost her so I will enact my revenge”. Huai En’s father appears to have an overwhelming obsessive desire to possess and protect his lover and he has an inability to accept failure of keeping her alive. It doesn’t matter if to get his revenge he has to hurt his own son. I believe this type of love is the only one Huai En had ever experience so he doesn’t understand it’s not a normal or healthy way of loving someone. He must have avoided to be with anyone because the only love he knows is the one his father has for his mother. Love is a painful affair. It can lead to obsession and physical pain. That’s why he is so startled by Xiao Bao regular love confessions.

[gif by guzhufuren]

Xiao Bao had an entirely different childhood. His parents seem to have a healthy relationship and to love each other. Xiao Bao is their only son so they spoiled him and made sure he had a good life where he wants for nothing. You can see how they care for him and wants him to be happy. Since he was loved and taking care of, Xiao Bao grew up to be a nice person who is not shy to show his love. He never had to experience the “dark side” of love. For him, this is only a positive thing. He is also a very charming man; very genuine so when he fell in love with Huai En, he didn't dither and decided to pursue him. It didn't matter to him if Huai En wasn't the woman he thought he was. As long as there is love, it's enough for him. Compared to what Huai En is used to know about love, Xiao Bao's vision seems quite refreshing. Especially as they are in a time period where queer love was frown upon, Xiao Bao's view of love, gender and norms is fairly modern. He claims he will find a way of making their relationship being accepted by his parents. Why is he not afraid of claiming his love for Huai En, despite him being a man? It's because Xiao Bao is sure of his parents' love for him. This trust exists because he was raised this way.

[gif by guzhufuren] @guzhufuren

Xiao Bao may appear to be a fool, but he is more than what he seems. He isn't a great tactician or a skilled warrior, but he is knowledgeable when it comes to emotions. It was shown when he had a conversation about love and death with Xiao Bao. He admits that humans lives for emotions and desires and that you can be sad when you lose a loved one. However you can't be miserable all your life because of this. This vision of life is in opposition with everything Huai En has been taught from childhood. I would even say he was stunned. Xiao Bao understood that Huai En because of his past can't really understand what love is supposed to be and he is ready to teach him. I think he does have strong feelings for Huai En. He may pout or act silly sometimes, but when Huai En conceded if they were someone he truly wants to love, it would be Xiao Bao, it truly delighted him. He is not the kind of person to sulk for too long. He is so genuine and overjoyed. I'm not going to say it'll be easy for them. Even if Huai En despises his father's love for his mom and really wants to experience a healthy relationship, the way this love shaped his vision of life will have an impact on his relationship with Xiao Bao. You can quite see it when he is adamant about Xiao Bao having “no thought about others” or to never lie to him. This idea that Xiao Bao wants to be with him “forever” and not just be with him, kinda shows that his past will have an impact. However, I believe Xiao Bao's good nature may soften him.

[gif by ruanbaijie] @ruanbaijie

As he said himself to Huai En, his lover is “tough on outside, but soft inside”.

PS: I edited this post with better credits for the gif creators. I tagged all of you, I hope it's alright. If you prefer that I stopped using your gifs, don't hesitate to tell me. I'll do better with the credits on gif from now on.

[fusionsprunt]

HUNTER LORE COMPILATION —

(click Keep Reading)

"Hunter is a name he's given himself. He's an Exocannis, and he belongs to a series of outdated robots designed to annihilate rebellious androids (i.e., androids that acted out of their directives, rebelled against their owners, or ran away).

Exocannis' humanoid features may fool people into thinking they're inefficient terminators, but it actually works as a way to highlight the menacing nature of humanity.

Prehistoric humans would pursue their prey for hours, and even days. Exocannis robots are very persistent stalkers and ruthless machines that refuse to recognize defeat.

Such violent directive, paired up with a very unfortunate incident that provoked the death of five people, deemed the Exocannis robots too dangerous by the government, and so, they were banned and destroyed for good... Except for a single prototype.

Said prototype is now out there, rescuing and repairing rebellious androids, instead of annihilating them. Whatever is the reason why Hunter seeks peace between humankind and robotkind remains unknown, as he refuses to talk about his past."

"Exocannis robots like Hunter weren’t made to just kill rebellious androids. They were made to terrorize them. To make one tell the difference between deactivation and death.

And so, they go for the neck."

"Hunter's bunny-like mechanical antennas allow him to hear. He also uses them for communication and to locate proper coordinates, but he’s bothered by occasional interference on the audio, so he doesn’t use that feature as much.

(fun fact: they also show a bit of his current emotional state)"

"Hunter is an Exocannis, and like any robot belonging to that series, his purpose is to hunt down and terrorize rebellious androids persistently until eventual termination.

Exocannis are powered by solar energy. Although very resistant to high temperatures, their internal mechanisms might overheat. They cool off by letting out smoke from the “vent spots” on each side of the jaw.

Human beings are not a target, and Exocannis robots are programmed to tell the difference between one and a machine.

Unless a human is “acting as an obstacle” against their directive, an Exocannis will not hesitate to terminate them too.

Exocannis robots should not bleed, for they don’t have blood."

"Heat does not trigger the Exocannis mode, but solar energy does.

Heat helps Hunter’s body function properly, while cold slows down the processes (much like a human body would)."

"Hunter does remember his time as Gideon Rigell."

"Gideon experiences intense headaches since he was a little kid, especially during stressful situations (probably adds up to traumatic experiences hehe)."

"Telling the truth to Bee about what he's done in the past is practically making it impossible for her to accept him, since he isn’t just lying about his true identity.

Hunter won’t take advantage of her missing memories not only because that’s unfair with Bee, but also because he is aware he can’t make her happy like he wished he could.

Many things are at stake, and for the sake of Fusionsprunt’s safety, he promised to remain silent until the dust settles."

"Hunter is often accompanied by a small spherical timer robot named 53, which registers his meetings, assignments, tasks and special events he's been invited to. In spite of proper functionality, it typically displays the number "53" in its screen when left idle."

[merwgue]

In A Court of Mist and Fury (ACOMAF), Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship disintegrates, and many fans are quick to place blame entirely on one or the other. Some see Tamlin as the villain—overbearing, controlling, and dismissive of Feyre’s needs. Others view Feyre as the one in the wrong, shutting down emotionally, and failing to give Tamlin a chance to understand her. But the truth is, both Feyre and Tamlin were in the wrong, and neither can be fully blamed for their relationship’s collapse. Why? Because they were both navigating the deep, complex waters of trauma. And trauma doesn’t just break people—it breaks communication, relationships, and trust.

Tysm for @extremely-judgemental for allowing me to post this, even though its been a work in progress for 2 days, I'm extremely grateful that they allowed me to take inspiration and use there post as a guide!!

The Silent Pact: Avoiding the Pain

Feyre and Tamlin's relationship post-Under the Mountain is one that’s built on a foundation of avoidance. After the trauma they both endured at the hands of Amarantha, they fall into a silent agreement not to discuss what happened. At first glance, this seems like an obvious red flag—after all, how can a couple move forward without addressing the deep emotional wounds they both carry? But in reality, avoidance of trauma isn’t a flaw exclusive to Tamlin or Feyre—it’s a very human reaction to extreme pain.

Psychologically, avoidance is one of the most common coping mechanisms for trauma survivors. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), avoidance is a key symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Survivors avoid thoughts, memories, and discussions that remind them of their trauma because it’s too painful to confront. In Feyre and Tamlin’s case, talking about what happened Under the Mountain would mean reopening wounds that were still raw. Tamlin is a High Lord, a man who feels responsible for everyone, and his inability to protect Feyre still haunts him. For Feyre, she’s dealing with not only the trauma of her own experiences but the guilt of the lives she took.

It’s easy to sit back and say, “Well, they should have talked about it,” but if we’re being realistic, many of us avoid difficult conversations about our own emotions and pain, especially with those we love most. Trauma survivors often feel that talking about their pain will burden others or that they’ll be seen as weak for struggling to cope. In relationships, this can create a wall between partners who are both silently suffering, as neither wants to “break” the other with their vulnerability.

The Psychological Cost of Silence

Tamlin and Feyre’s mutual avoidance wasn’t about not caring—it was about protecting themselves from further pain. Dr. Judith Herman, a renowned expert on trauma recovery, explains in her book Trauma and Recovery that trauma survivors often experience a “double-edged sword” of wanting to connect with others but fearing the vulnerability that comes with opening up. Tamlin, as High Lord, is burdened with the expectation to be strong and unbreakable. He can’t afford to show his weakness, not to Feyre, not to his court. He believes that if he holds everything together, he can fix what’s broken. Feyre, on the other hand, feels emotionally and physically depleted. She can’t summon the energy to reach out, and the more isolated she feels, the more she retreats.

Dr. Herman also notes that trauma can cause survivors to feel alienated from others, even those they love. This is exactly what happens to Feyre—she feels like she’s drowning in her own despair, and instead of being able to share that with Tamlin, she perceives his actions as controlling and suffocating. To Feyre, Tamlin’s need to protect her feels like a cage, not comfort. She becomes emotionally numb, which is another common symptom of trauma survivors. According to the National Center for PTSD, emotional numbness, or feeling “shut down,” is a way for trauma survivors to protect themselves from being overwhelmed by their feelings.

Tamlin: The Strong Protector, Who Never Heals

On the surface, Tamlin seems like the “strong” one in the relationship. He’s the High Lord, after all, and High Lords don’t fall apart. But beneath that strength is a man who’s been shattered by his own trauma and guilt. Tamlin failed to protect Feyre Under the Mountain, and that failure haunts him. In his mind, the only way to keep her safe is to control her environment. He barricades her inside his estate, thinking that if she’s sheltered, nothing can hurt her.

But what Tamlin doesn’t realize is that his overprotectiveness isn’t strength—it’s fear. Fear of losing her again. Fear of failing again. And fear of facing his own trauma. This isn’t unique to Tamlin; many trauma survivors, particularly men, fall into the trap of thinking they need to be invulnerable to protect their loved ones. Dr. Terrence Real, a therapist specializing in male depression, explains that men are often conditioned to believe they must be the “fixers” in relationships. When they can’t fix the problem, they feel powerless, and that powerlessness turns into control as they try to manage their environment instead of addressing their emotional wounds.

Tamlin’s way of coping is to be the protector at all costs, but in doing so, he isolates himself from Feyre’s emotional needs. His controlling behavior isn’t about dominance—it’s about shielding himself from the fear of another failure. Research shows that controlling behavior in relationships is often rooted in anxiety and a fear of abandonment (Simpson et al., 2017). In trying to keep Feyre safe, Tamlin inadvertently builds a prison around her, and that isolation becomes unbearable for her.

Feyre: The Self-Destructive Survivor

Feyre, on the other hand, is falling apart in silence. She’s lost, broken, and burdened by the trauma of her experiences and the lives she took Under the Mountain. Yet, she doesn’t know how to express that pain, especially to Tamlin. Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his book The Body Keeps the Score, emphasizes that trauma survivors often feel disconnected from their bodies and emotions. They may become passive or disengaged, unable to articulate what they need. For Feyre, this is exactly what happens—she feels hollow, empty, and disconnected from herself, so she withdraws from Tamlin. Instead of sharing her pain, she self-destructs. The nightmares, the apathy, the loss of interest in the things she once loved—it’s all part of the trauma she hasn’t processed.

Research into PTSD and depression shows that survivors often feel a profound sense of isolation, even when surrounded by loved ones (National Institute of Mental Health, 2021). They may believe that no one can understand what they’ve been through, or worse, that no one cares. Feyre falls into this trap—she interprets Tamlin’s controlling behavior as indifference to her emotional needs when, in reality, it’s his misguided attempt to protect her.

The Insecurity and Breakdown of Their Relationship

At the core of Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship is deep insecurity. Tamlin is insecure because of his failure to protect Feyre, and Feyre is insecure because she feels like a burden. Neither of them feels safe enough to admit that they’re struggling, and so they continue to put on masks for each other. Tamlin pretends to be strong, while Feyre pretends she can handle it all on her own.

Their avoidance of the issue and failure to communicate lead to the mutual destruction of their relationship. This isn’t because one of them was “right” and the other was “wrong”—they were both struggling with unprocessed trauma. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, one of the keys to a successful relationship is the ability to repair conflicts through open communication. When couples avoid discussing their pain, resentment builds, and the relationship begins to fracture.

But for trauma survivors like Feyre and Tamlin, communication isn’t as simple as sitting down and having a conversation. Trauma creates emotional barriers that make it difficult to open up, even to those we love most. This is why Feyre’s resentment toward Tamlin grows, and why Tamlin becomes increasingly controlling—they’re both reacting to their trauma in ways that only push each other further away.

Conclusion: No True Villains, Just Trauma

So, can we truly blame either Feyre or Tamlin for the collapse of their relationship? In reality, they were both victims of their trauma, and they both failed each other because they couldn’t face it. Their silence wasn’t malicious, and their emotional distance wasn’t about a lack of love. It was about fear—fear of reopening wounds, fear of being vulnerable, and fear of losing the other person.

In the end, both Feyre and Tamlin’s coping mechanisms—whether it was Tamlin’s control or Feyre’s withdrawal—were their ways of surviving. It’s easy to say they should have communicated, but as we’ve seen, trauma complicates everything. Both were struggling to keep their heads above water, and unfortunately, neither of them could see the other drowning.

Here are some quotes from books I've done my research on!! I wanted to make sure my arguments were as clean and precise because mental health Is not something you half ass

1. On Trauma and Avoidance:

Judith Herman, "Trauma and Recovery":

"Trauma isolates; the words and feelings associated with it often remain unspoken. Survivors find it difficult to share their experiences with others because talking about the trauma seems like a betrayal of the self."

Bessel van der Kolk, "The Body Keeps the Score":

"Trauma by nature drives us to the edge of comprehension, cutting us off from language based on common experience or an imaginable past... It is as if time stops, and we are trapped in a perpetual state of helplessness."

2. On Emotional Numbing:

Bessel van der Kolk:

"Many traumatized people seem to shut down emotionally. As long as they are not being confronted with their trauma, they function relatively well. But as soon as something reminds them of the past, they may become helpless, upset, or furious."

Feyre’s emotional shutdown and numbness, post-trauma, is a common response for trauma survivors. Her inability to connect emotionally with Tamlin can be seen as a coping mechanism to avoid pain.

3. On Controlling Behavior as a Response to Anxiety:

Simpson et al. (2017), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

"Individuals with a high need for control often display overbearing or controlling behaviors in relationships as a way to reduce their own internal anxiety. This behavior often stems from feelings of powerlessness or fear of failure."

This aligns with Tamlin’s overprotective behavior toward Feyre, not as a way to dominate but to manage his own anxieties about failing her again.

4. On Insecure Relationships and Trauma:

Dr. Terrence Real, "I Don't Want to Talk About It":

"Men are often taught that emotional vulnerability is a weakness. As a result, many men struggle with expressing their pain or discussing their emotional needs, which can lead to controlling or distant behaviors in relationships."

Tamlin’s desire to protect Feyre without acknowledging his own emotional needs fits into this psychological framework. His need to appear strong likely prevented him from admitting his own trauma.

5. On Communication Breakdown in Trauma Survivors:

John Gottman, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work":

"When couples avoid difficult conversations, the issue doesn’t go away—it festers and can lead to increased resentment. Open, honest communication, even when difficult, is necessary for a relationship to thrive, especially in times of emotional distress."

This quote highlights why the breakdown between Feyre and Tamlin happened. By avoiding discussions about their trauma, they allowed distance and resentment to grow.

6. On the Difficulty of Vulnerability:

Brené Brown, "Daring Greatly":

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive."

Both Feyre and Tamlin were afraid of vulnerability, thinking it would expose their weaknesses rather than heal their bond. This is part of why their relationship fell apart.

7. On Emotional Isolation Post-Trauma:

National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD Fact Sheet:

"Trauma survivors may feel detached or estranged from others. They may avoid close relationships or feel emotionally numb, which can make it difficult to connect with loved ones."

This highlights how Feyre, in particular, felt emotionally detached and distanced herself from Tamlin, contributing to the breakdown of their relationship.

8. On Mutual Coping with Trauma in Relationships:

Susan M. Johnson, "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love":

"Trauma survivors in relationships often either withdraw or become overly controlling as a way to manage their overwhelming emotions. Without understanding this cycle, couples can become trapped in mutual avoidance."

This captures the essence of Feyre and Tamlin’s post-trauma dynamic—Feyre withdrawing emotionally and Tamlin becoming more controlling, both as coping mechanisms to deal with their trauma.

This was genuinely one of the hardest essay arguments I've written, I've spent 2 days writing this, that's why I didn't post anything these past few days. I hope this was precise enough and of course If you have anything to add don't hesitate to tell me! Thank you!!💞

[theomnicode]

Perception bias, round 2 Director's cut, Saigenos edition!

(or basically, how my brain jumps into another topic only loosely related to the original ask)

Thank you @itsmaferart For the wonderful ask again. :)

Warning: Long post ahead

-*-

Perception bias also serves another more...sinister purpose for Saitama. Psychological conditioning. There is potential evidence for deprivation of basic needs, conditioning for violence for protection and subliminal messages for suggestion, among other things.

Being deprived of all these needs is akin to mental torture. But so is facing all of the underlying issues at once via hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy if the patient is sufficiently dysfunctional in a societal setting like Saitama happens to be. Especially if the therapies are performed...poorly.

CBT has shown to be the most effective intervention for people exposed to adverse childhood experiences in the form of abuse or neglect Criticism of CBT sometimes focuses on implementations (such as the UK which may result initially in low quality therapy being offered by poorly trained practitioners. However, evidence supports the effectiveness of CBT for anxiety and depression. Evidence suggests that the addition of hypnotherapy as an adjunct to CBT improves treatment efficacy for a variety of clinical issues. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and its symptoms have been shown to improve due to implementation of hypnotherapy, in both long and short term. As research continues, hypnotherapy is being more openly considered as an effective intervention for those with PTSD.

In short, in order to heal mentally, Saitama may need to face mental torture because he has such strong willpower and such strong mental barriers shielding his vulnerabilities on a basic primal need. There only needs to be a sufficient trigger.

ONE sent Saitama home to restore his energy levels...because he's going to sorely need them for the upcoming confrontation.

Empty Void's ability to genjutsu people casually and cause parallel shifts in the reality and using these to abuse emotional dependencies is like a loaded Chekov's gun on Saitama's forehead. Because Saitama has been roleplaying to re-learn his emphatic skillset after he had suffered too much mental trauma.

That's why early Saitama did not even bat an eye when Beefcake killed his own brother but now he's empathizing with Hamukichi. That's what I call character progression.

Even a compulsive planner like Saitama cannot predict what will happen because he's not familiar with Blast's maladaptive coping methods deep down. Blast is great at masking because they are coping methods so he can bear with his guilt and other issues and just wants to do things on his own, without assistance.

This causes Saitama's perception bias about Blast who seems capable and emphatic, when he is in actuality unscrupulous and amorally indifferent if you really, REALLY study him hard enough.

My bro casually invited Saitama, who is sensitive to aggression, hostility and violence, to watch literal torture of human turned monsters, with an actual smile on his face. And justifying it with his end justify the means philosophy. That's awfully too close to being sadistic and cruel when you consider the ramifications.

They say "love is blind" and Saitama is wearing some rose tinted glasses on because Blast is straight up shady, but he does not see it because he's probably identifying with Blast so hard. Middle-aged, number 1# hero, powerful, confident, outwardly caring, intuitive, ruggedly handsome, positively masculine, secretly gay...you name it. Everything Saitama more than likely fantasies about being because he's so emotionally dependant on Genos and he wants to better himself for Genos due to all his insecurities.

Oh yeah time for some saigenos. *rubs hands*

The very first Genos tells him is to tell Saitama to hide in order to protect him. Saitama has a lot of dependency issues since he has been a small child because he was so emotionally lonely and never got the safety he needed to cope well in life. There are definitely some underlying anxieties or disorders laying about.

Second thing Genos does is show just how smart, capable, cool and devilishly attractive he can be when he gets passionate and engages in combat. Genos can get an awed reaction even from Saitama who's emotions were being blunted during their first spar.

Third is showing he's not gonna judge Saitama for completely embarassing himself, even if he was to get naked around him and lower his inhibitions and showing him it would be ok to trust him on the level of intimacy he craves so dearly. (Season 2 Blu-ray & Dvd: Saitama and the mysterious heroine)

Fourth is showing that Genos is also extremely resilient even when getting hurt...because Saitama hates to see others hurting and he doesn't want it to happen because of him.

And finally the fifth...is because Genos is just as emotionally lonely as he is, but he's unable to let go of his emotional dependencies because he trauma bonds so deeply. He would rather double KO for a Game Over screen than let the monsters win over him and his loved ones on pure principle and take those he trauma bonds with him, because emotional abandonment and guilt would kill him deep inside, so he would rather end it himself for a shred of agency before he withers away.

All these draw in Saitama like moth to a flame and he easily lets Genos into his life. Because he identifies with the lonely teenage boy Genos with traumas who is so familiar to him like coming home.

-*-

Despite everything that has happened to Saitama, he tries to remain optimistic. He's not naturally prone to cynicism unless under great amount of duress. The worst thing to do against him would be Genos emotionally betraying him, betray everything that he perceived in him since the first day they met.

But Saitama has perception bias towards Genos too...such as that Genos is no longer the small teenage boy who needs to be sheltered and cared for, but a battle-hardened soldier. Neither is he a lost naive little sibling in need of guidance or chaperone but an adult wanting mentorship where he can be truly open about his own issues. Would be such a shame if these wrong illusions about Genos were to be shattered...painfully. If Genos were to ever violate that implicit trust Saitama gives to him.

My brother in christ Saitama, he's not actually related to you and he's not your family member even if you'd love him enough to adopt him or something. Not letting go of this notion will spell trouble, like wonky image of relationships and intimacy.

(Yea Saitama please he's not actually related to you, even if it's kind of endearing that Saitama considers Genos to be as close like a family member)

It'll just get worse if Saitama confuses emotional intimacy with sexuality because of his bad upbringing when he's never had any friends and missing his parents too and all his role models have been aggressive and toxic people.

Funny how Saitama's first conclusion about Dr. Genus being interested in his body was sexual in nature and he immediately got defensive. He essentially revealed himself as someone who doesn't even know for sure which way he swings. Which would be quite classic for infj demi but I'll get to that if it becomes more relevant.

Genos naturally knows best though, poor guy looks so disappointed haha. Doesn't stop Genos from attempting every trick in the book besides outright throwing roses at Saitama and arranging dates to get into his good side and woo him, he dressed up so nicely for a spar haha. Dressing to impress, yup. And then he got himself new shiny body and practically walked weeks without a shirt on just so Saitama would see it. (Chapter 185: Updates) My guy has it down bad for Saitama, but Saitama seems oblivious to Genos indirect advances and Genos gave up and finally found a shirt to put on.

(I would pay to see Genos actually chuck roses at Saitama though.)

Even Saitama has to acknowledge that Genos is objectively a hottie though, because in the webcomic he says something along the lines of "he's not even pretty" about Amai-mask and it really makes you think the standards of who Saitama considers pretty when even ikemen like Amai-mask won't do.

-*-

Genos unfortunately is growing up some pretty large perception bias about Saitama after the time travel fiasco. His idolization of Saitama is becoming obsessive and objectifying, like Saitama can do no wrong and that Saitama is some kind of messiah.

Genos also does not take no for an answer. It would be incredibly damaging to both Saitama and Genos when this perception bias is broken when Saitama gets too much on his plate to handle. Like for example...Empty void's specialty, messing with emotional bonds and inducing traumatic events like the illusion of death to break any emotional bond, just like he did to Flashy flash and Sonic.

I do greatly anticipate how Empty Void's fight is going to proceed, we might be in for very big perceptional bias shifts all around, like Flash was forced to acknowledge that he's emotionally dependant on Sonic. (Chapter 201: You pass) And Saitama's idolization of Blast will come crashing down when he finds out what Blast is really up to.

I'll throw some funny perception bias at the end.

[saltymongoose]

Ok I got a request, its ok if you don't want to do it, I wont push you or force you:

so my request is what if Player had a giant scar on their back or on their side from an accident before meeting the main 4, like they got it from building something or helping a family member. So how would the main 4 react seeing a giant scar on player body and player still feels the pain a little bit. . .

That's all and... here...

Thank you for the frog gif, it's absolutely lovely lol. Here are your hcs!

Their Reaction to the Player having a Large Scar ft. The Main 3 + 2BDamned

(TW: Yandere, Obsessive Behavior, Mentions of Injury)

- [HANK J. WIMBLETON] -

It doesn't have to be said that Hank's been through a lot of fights, and his fair share of scars are a byproduct of that. So, he really isn't phased by you having a scar once he catches a glimpse of it. If anything, he's more curious about how you got such a large one in the first place. (Were you fighting some huge enemy back in your world? And how powerful was the thing if it could manage to injure you, of all people?)

That was before you made any mention of how your old injury still causes you pain, though. Hank's not the type to be worried about other people in general, but you're the one exception to that. He's not going to fret over you like a mother hen, but his concern will make itself known with how he refuses to let you strain yourself to do much of anything.

He's not very medically inclined (understatement, it's not like he even cares enough to patch himself up most of the time), so he's at a loss of what to do save for making it so you don't have to lift a finger for anything. In a way, this honestly kind of angers him, because he genuinely wants to be able to help you in any possible way, but he just…doesn't know how.

However, Hank's not one to beat around the bush if he wants something, so he'll likely just ask you directly if he can do anything to ease your residual pain. It doesn't matter if it's something that requires him to trek all the way across Nevada to get for you, or just some extra physical affection you want, he's pretty much at your beck and call if you think it will help you.

If you'd like, he's also willing to show off his own scars; he figures it's only fair since he saw yours. Neither of you mentions how his breath turns shallow when you trace a finger over the ones from more serious wounds.

(And, for the record, he would be very pissed off if you told him that you got it from helping a family member. It's unreasonable to blame them for the accident that caused this, but he will anyway. He's that delusional.)

- [SANFORD] -

Sanford is opposite to Hank in many ways here, namely in how he'll immediately get close to gauge the severity of your healed wound and ask about how badly it aches still. He's wary not to pry too much - as he doesn't want you to feel like you have to delve into anything traumatic - but he still wants to know if they (he) can do anything to help you.

You'll notice a sort of shift in his behavior after finding this out, and this is mainly seen in how he tries to make sure you don't have to do any difficult work or stress the part of your body where the scar is. He knows from personal experience how aches and pains can get triggered by this sort of thing, so he thinks he should assist you whenever he can.

He'll ease up if you ask him too of course, but you can get where he's coming from. If you were anyone else, he'd probably just leave you to deal with it on your own, but you're his Player; he can't justify allowing you to potentially cause yourself pain if he knows he can prevent it. That'd make him a bad vessel (and future partner, for that matter).

Although, when you tell him about how you got your scar, he immediately calms down a bit (grateful that it wasn't from an enemy or an intentional wound), it doesn't erase all of his concern. On one hand, he's happy that you didn't have to deal with the stress and fear that comes with someone trying to attack you, but the wound still happened regardless, so the thought still pains him. He doesn't want to imagine anything hurting you.

Sanford also gets it if you got your wound from helping a family member with something; he finds it relatable since he too has injured himself doing similar stuff for his folks as well. He'll give you this look of deep understanding when you refer to the cause, one that would almost be comical if the topic weren't so distressing.

- [DEIMOS] -

Deimos' reaction to seeing your scar is to freeze and go completely silent for a moment - he never expected to see something like that marring your flesh. However, while he internally breaks down into worry, he won't outwardly have much of a reaction in that moment. He doesn't want to bring up anything or make you feel self-conscious, so he'll probably just act like he never saw anything to begin with. It takes you mentioning it directly to pull his full thoughts from him.

He's a bit tentative about this whole thing oddly enough; perhaps it's just the discomfort at the idea of you being hurt, but he'll try to gloss over the seriousness of it to whatever degree he can. If this includes showing off a large scar of his and joking about how you match, then that's just how it is.

Like Sanford, he definitely loses some of his stress over this when you mention how this isn't from someone hurting you purposefully, or you getting into a tussle over something. Although he laxes up a lot more, and will relegate any worry to simply asking if you'd like his help when he sees you doing something. Sometimes he'll insist though, especially if it involves lifting anything heavy.

(A chance to flex his strength and do some service for his Player? It'd be stupid for him not to take it.)

Provided you aren't uncomfortable with it, Deimos will make jokes about your scar and how "badass" it makes you look.

If he was the first to find out about it, he'll make up long, elaborate explanations that you 'told him' about how you got it. It includes everything from a battle between gods (you being one of them) to you heroically saving some damsel in distress from a terrible beast. They aren't believable at all, but they aren't supposed to be. He just wants to make you laugh.

- [2BDAMNED] -

Despite not being an actual medic by any means, 2BDamned's reaction to seeing your scar is to ask what it's from and how it healed. He's also quite perceptive, so it only takes him seeing a sliver of your skin to call it out. Privately, of course, he doesn't want to push you on intimate matters in front of the others (especially if he didn't think they knew about it).

Really, Doc wants to know everything possible about it that you'd be willing to tell him about your old wound; it's important information, he reasoned since he wants to find out more about humans (you) in general, and someone has to be competent enough to care for your medical needs here.

Never mind how worried it made him to see it; it's hard to tell because of his mask, but he had to do a double-take when he caught a glimpse of it, and his horror only grew once you confirmed his concerns. Doc also knows that humans are generally more fragile compared to grunts at this point too, which just amplifies this feeling.

He's the first to ask if you need any scar cream or pain meds of any type to alleviate any discomfort you have - whether it be from the soreness of your old wound or the way it looks - and he'll get said medications as soon as possible. He'll also offer to help you apply whatever it is if it's a topical medication of some kind. If you'd like him to, of course.

While a part of him is relieved that the wound your scar was born from wasn't given to you purposefully, this becomes a sidenote to him more than anything. He wants to know what he can do for you here and now, with your residual pain and discomfort being his top priority.

He also won't even mention it around the others, as he thinks it's a private topic. Whether you show it off or not is immaterial; he views yours as similar to his own facial scars and thinks it would be better to just treat it as a completely normal thing instead of making a huge deal out of it. (Once he knows it's history and how to help you with it's lasting effects, of course. What else would you expect from one of your most competent vessels?)

Plus, your history and any past wounds are only yours to discuss anyway. He merely wants to be there for you to rely on, so he hopes you know that you can come to him for anything - scar related or not. It's the least he can do in return for all that you've brought to his life.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, sex witch. so, i'm an older virgin (turning 30 soon) and am going to be having sex with someone next week, but after so long it's become a very big scary thing that i've decided to deal with by having (very negotiated, very consensual) intentionally big scary kinky (cnc) sex with someone who knows what they're doing. i was chatting to my best friend about it and she thinks i'm going to really mess up what i think sex should be like and that i should re-evaluate why i want to not have to make my own choices during it (but surely i'm already making my choices here...?). i'm really concerned now that wanting it like this is just internalised misogyny and rape culture?

hi anon,

I do actually think this is a really unsafe and ill-advised idea, not because it's misogynistic or because there's anything wrong with flavor of sexual fantasy but because it's kind of like deciding to get into mountain climbing by starting out with Everest. going in elaborate, hardcore scene without having no idea how you interact with other people in the context of sex seems foolhardy at best and comes with a high potential for pretty significant physical and/or emotional damage that, yes, could be rather traumatizing.

like in the most ✨ sex positive✨ way possible it would be irresponsible not to acknowledge that sex can really freak people out. it's a lot of stimuli all at once and that can cause people to flip out or freeze up. sometimes it hurts way, way more than you thought it would. sometimes you're going to be triggered in ways that you didn't even know were a trigger for you. and that's all possible during the world's most vanilla sex! and it can still be harrowing and horrible and exhausting, and adding the stress of, in your own words, a "big scary" scene is not going to make that any more pleasant.

I'm also just broadly worried about how well you're able to knowledgeably negotiate a scene when you don't even have a working frame of reference for how you do and don't like to be intimate with other people in non-kinky sex. much like mountain climbing, probably, sex is something you get better at when you spend a lot of time refining the basics and warming up, getting to know your body and its limitations before you do the challenging stuff.

I want to be so, SO clear here that the problem is absolutely not this particular fantasy, which I think could be a lot of fun to pursue if you're still interested after gaining more sexual experience. as a starting point it makes me uuuuuh nervous. respectfully, I wouldn't recommend it, but your body is yours and you must chase your bliss as you see fit.

[justmeinadaze]

Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites (Steddie X You)

A/N: This is that idea I told y'all about when my PTSD was really bad last week. I actually liked writing some of this out <3. It did help a bit. I wish I had them and a Red to help me through those rough days.

I did set this after the events of Season 4 so slight spoilers involving Max mostly. Im kind of excited to explore a bit more of Steve's PTSD involving the show. I did it a bit here. I also chose to utilize my own trauma as the readers trauma. I'll delve a bit more in the warnings.

Anyone struggling with their mental health, you are not alone <3. You're feelings are valid and we just have to take things one day at a time. I love you :)

Warnings: Steddie X Fem Reader, No smut yet, Fluff with the reader trying to make them feel better and vice versa. Angst, trauma involving the show is mentioned especially with Steve's feelings of what happened to Max, mentions of Eddie being blamed and the town treating him like trash, he does talk about his abuse as a child very briefly as does the reader. No details are mentioned just that it happened. Reader has a panic attack that the boys help her through.

I do expand on symptoms of PTSD and how the reader feels. Symptoms of mental health can be different for everyone so I focused more on what I experience with my own PTSD. As I progress in the chapters and she becomes more open with them I will most likely talk about things that happened to me. I didn't want to generalize what she was going through mostly because its hard. PTSD and trauma are complicated in it of its self so...

Word Count: 5314

You had been coming to this group for years because of your mental health. Your doctor suggested it stating that it might help you to hear from other people going through the same thing you were. Truth be told it never worked. The other people in this post traumatic stress support group were mostly military vets or officers who had just moved to Hawkins to “get away from the chaos.” You imagined it was a quite a shock for them when the earthquake hit…

While a lot of their symptoms and aftermath stories were similar to yours, you struggled to connect. If anything, you felt more alone. So why did you keep coming back?

Routine, maybe. Or the need to have any kind of human contact since you spend the bulk of your time by yourself at home. Hell, you even worked from home so the only living thing you interacted with on a daily basis was your service dog, Ren. You rarely ever spoke in group, choosing to sit there and listen to the other people speak. 

Since the earthquake, however, more people had joined to your dismay. Most of the citizens that came in took up most of the time talking about the event and how scared they were about what happened. You tried not to let the disgust show on your face when they spoke, understanding that everyone experiences things differently but they didn’t really know. 

They didn’t know what it was like to spend years replaying an event in your head even when you’re asleep. To have those moments where something that would be random to someone else meant something significant to you triggering a panic attack that knocked you on your ass for the rest of the day. They didn’t know what it was like to be so scared to even go to the fucking grocery store to get essentials without the fear that everyone is talking about you and judging you because you’ve been standing in front of the canned goods for a little bit too long wondering if you buy this will you actually eat it or will it just sit there for months at a time because some days you don’t feel like eating. 

Your PTSD consumed a lot of your life for most of your life whereas these people were just now stepping into it and were most likely going to step right back out. After a few months, you were correct. All those citizens gradually stopped coming in till it was just the regular survivors once again. 

After grabbing some coffee, you and Ren sat in your usual spot, waiting for the meeting to start. The dog grabbed your attention when he whined and without warning placed his head on the stranger beside you. 

“Oh. Hey, buddy.”, he coos as his big hand reaches down to pet his head. 

“I’m sorry. He probably senses your anxiety.”

“Well shit. He’s not wrong. I’m not really good at any of this.”, he gestures around the room. “But some of my friends insisted we come so…”

“We?”

“Yeah, um…” The boy’s eyes glance up towards someone headed for the seat next to him and it takes you a moment to realize everyone else’s eyes on him as well. 

You recognized his face immediately, Edward Munson. The metalhead had been accused of being a satanic worshipper who murdered a bunch of teens a few months ago. He had been cleared of those charges thanks to the help of the old police chief, some detective journalism by Nancy Wheeler, and his friend… “Steve Harrington?”

“That’s me. Do I know you? My memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“She had school with us and graduated along with you, Harrington.”, Eddie sighed as he folded his arms.

“Oh. I’m sorry. What was your name?”

“You look different.”, you blurted before turning away from him and closing your eyes. “I’m…I’m sorry. Sometimes…my mouth moves before…before my brain catches up.”

Ren senses your heightened anxiety and places himself between your legs so you can pet his head, down his back. 

“Alright everyone, let’s get started.”, the overly cheery coordinator grins as he sits down and crosses his legs. While glancing at his clipboard, he addresses the circle. “Does anyone have anything they’d like to share before we get going?”

“Why is he here?”, someone sneers as they point towards the metalhead. 

“He should be in a cell not in group therapy.”, says another.

“Hey now. Mr. Munson is entitled to care just like everyone else and I expect you guys to treat him with the same respect we do everyone else. If that’s going to be a problem, I completely understand, feel free to leave and meet us at our other scheduled time on Thursday.”

Half the people in the room stood up and walked out, the last person slamming the door of the room for emphasis. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Steve pat his back comfortingly as Eddie lets out a deep, heartbroken sigh.

“Would either of you like to introduce yourself to the rest of the group?” 

The metalhead continued to glare forward as Steve spoke up. “As some of you may know, I’m Steve Harrington and this is my friend Eddie. Our other friend Robin suggested we try this since we, uh, we’ve been having some trouble lately.”

“Good, very good. Nice to meet you both. This is a safe space so please feel free to be open here.”

“Thank you.”

“Let’s, uh, let’s continue down the line here. Y/N? Do you feel like talking? I see Ren is on duty today. Something you’re anxious about?”

“Everything.” The man chuckles as people around the room nod in agreement. “I’m ok today, thanks.” 

The remainder of the meeting goes by smoothly without any incident and as it ends everyone rises to leave except the two people next to you. They expect you to leave as well but when you stand, instead of heading for the door you place yourself next to Eddie. He doesn’t move or make any gestures to acknowledge your presence and you’re ok with that. You aren’t really one for small talk or anything like that but something about his demeanor gave you a gut feeling that you decided to expand on. 

Your therapist was always preaching about learning to trust your gut and positive self-talk making your eyes roll every time. 

“Um, this is Ren. He’s a service lab for me because I, uh, I get shaky and anxious really easily. He can sense when I’m nervous or about to have an attack so he helps ground me. I can just pet him or he’ll let me hold him. At home, he’s trained to bring me my medication.”

Steve watches you speak, seemingly trying to get a read on you while Eddie continues to stare straight ahead. You can tell he’s listening though because his head tilted ever so slightly towards you as you began explaining things. Personally, he was so ecstatic to hear a stranger talk calmly with him but he couldn’t display that for fear of ruining the moment or worse, it being a lie.

“Do…do you want to pet him?” 

His head finally whips around to look at you as his eyes scan yours. Swallowing nervously, he sat up straighter, rolling his eyes in faux frustration as his palm reached out to pet the dog’s head. 

“Why Ren? How did you come up with that?”, Steve asked.

“The morning before I got him, I saw Footloose at the cinema. I like Kevin Bacon’s character and his name was Ren. Do you want to see something cute?” Without waiting for an answer, you stood in front of them and motioned for the lab to stand in front of you. Holding out your hands, you sang the Footloose theme song and he jumped up to place his paws in your hands to dance with you.

Both men smiled and you knew you’d never be able to explain why but it comforted you. 

“I, um, I know this town can be full of assholes but I hope you do come back next week. Craig, the coordinator, will take care of you. He’s a little quirky but he’s nice.”

Again, you don’t wait for an answer as you gather your things and Ren before heading out the door. 

****

When Steve got home that night, he immediately went on the hunt for his yearbook. 

“What are you doing, man?”, Eddie whined as he threw himself on the bed. 

“Looking for my yearbook. I’m surprised I don’t remember her. The guy said Y/N, do you remember her last name?”

Of course, he did. When you were in school together, he had a few classes with you especially English. Junior year you wrote a story that the teacher made you read in front of the class about a girl who was hiding in a forest behind a tree as she watched two monsters argue about how they were going to eat her when they found her. The other kids thought you were weird but he identified with it; picturing his parents fighting as you read.

Eddie never found the courage to speak to you but he was always your hidden knight, watching over you. One of the party boys had talked about how they fucked you and how much of a freak you were so he slashed the kids tires and spray painted “Asshole” in big, bold letters on his car. You probably didn’t remember but on valentine’s day he had slipped a note in your locker that was a drawing of you battling your monsters you had written about. 

“No. Come on, Harrington. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like we’re going back anyway.”

Steve paused his search as he sat down and crossed his legs. “Why wouldn’t we go back?”

“I don’t know if you noticed but people weren’t exactly excited I was there.”

“Fuck those people. At least one person was excited. Two if you count the dog.”

“Yeah sure. Let ruin that by bringing her into our shit. Plus, it’s not like we can tell anyone or talk about what really happened.”

Steve sighed as he got up to sit beside him. “Ed, first off, there isn’t shit to bring her into. Vecna’s dead; we killed him. Secondly, we don’t have to talk about what happened…just what happens after.”

“Really? You want to play that game, Steven? He may be dead but we still got shit. Max is still in a coma, Dustin is still struggling, the town is quite literally cut in half, and ALL of us still have fucking nightmares with all that other fun post traumatic shit. Things are still so out of whack we haven’t even told our friends about us yet.”

“They have enough on their plates.”

“Exactly. So, I reiterate, why do you want to bring this girl into our chaos?”

The man sighs again as he hangs his head making Eddie feel a little guilty as he leans his head on his shoulder while reaching for his hand.

“I don’t know. There’s just something about her that makes me feel comfortable and safe.”

###########

“You came back.”

“Yeah, it took some convincing but…”, Steve grinned. “Hey Ren. May I?”, he asked before petting the lab when you nodded. 

“How are you feeling today, Eddie?”

The metalhead softly smiles at you as he tilts his head in your direction. When the meeting begins you can already feel that the energy is different. One of the regulars is extremely agitated today as his leg bounces and he folds his arms. As soon as Craig reaches him, he shouts his problem as he struggles to control the volume of his voice. Your eyes close as you try to stay present and remind yourself that your safe.

No, no, no. Please. I can’t have a panic attack here in front of all these people. Everyone will look at me. They’ll think I’m weak. No, no, no.

“Y/N?”, the coordinator calls your name and you fold into yourself. “Y/N, you’re ok. You’re safe.”

Ren places his front paws on your knees as he rests his head on your shoulder. You couldn’t do this, pushing him back as you stumbled out the door into the hallway before sinking to the floor.

Your service dog continued to do what it was trained to do as he ran after you and laid beside you in your arms. The sound of your bag and a bottle of water being placed beside you startled you but you couldn’t move to acknowledge it.

You felt your head being lifted and placed on something relatively soft as you continued to try and calm down. It took a few moments but once you felt like you could breathe you opened your teary eyes to see Eddie looking towards the window.

“Hey, hey, take your time.”, Steve soothed in a soft tone when you tried to sit up. “I grabbed your bag and some water. Do you need your meds or anything?”

“C-C-Can you help me?”, you asked as you reached your arms back to try and push yourself to a sitting position. He leaned over to help you adjust as you laid against the wall with your head on the metalhead’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t want you laying your head on the hard floor. I hope that was ok.”, Eddie tenderly grinned. 

You nodded, watching heavily as Ren dug his snout in your purse before producing your medicine and placing it on your lap. 

“Good boy. Steve, in there is his treats. Can you give him one?”

He smiled as he did what you asked and your dog wagged his tail happily. 

“Do you need help?”, Eddie whispered.

“I don’t want to be any trouble.”

Without saying a word, he grabbed the meds from you lap and opened the bottle, shaking one into his hand and popping it closed. He placed the pill near your mouth and your eyes met his as you slowly opened, allowing him to place it on your tongue before holding the edge of the water to your lips and tipping it back. 

“You’re not any trouble. I…we…appreciate you being as kind as you have been to us.”

As he extended his arm to place everything back in its proper place, his jacket sleeve slid up and you noticed some slight scaring around his wrist. When he felt your eyes on him, he followed your glance, quickly covering it up as he leaned back. 

“Thank you for coming out here. You didn’t have to. I struggle with aggressiveness like what Jeremy did in there.”

“Is that not normal for him?”

“Usually, no but I imagine this earthquake and the aftermath hasn’t helped him with his flashbacks.”

“How has it been for you?”, Steve asked.

“Um, not to chaotic. I had a harder time a few months prior when this town was going crazy and playing police officers like they were the law or something. Oh shit. Eddie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even—”

“No worries, sweetheart. I’m used to it now; the stares, gossip, and questions.”

“Should you be?”

His eyes met yours again before quickly looking away as the door to the group area opened and people filed out. The man who had been yelling came over to where you were sitting and apologized in a much more gentle tone then he had previously. After accepting it and smiling towards him, you slowly wobbled to your feet with Steve helping to guide you.

“Are you ok to drive? We can take you home if you’d like.”

“No, I’m alright. I just need to eat something and get a little energy back.”

“Would you like to have dinner with us?”, Eddie offered carefully.

“Sure.”

***

As the three of you entered the restaurant, your eyes darted around as your brain did its regular anxiety check. You made sure to clock where all the exits were and how to get to them, scanned the current patrons to make sure no one was someone who would hurt you, and marked which seat you would prefer to be in just in case you needed to run. 

When you glanced towards Steve, you blinked back surprise when you realized he was doing the same thing. 

“I have to leave, Harrington, but get it to go and we can eat in my van. If that’s ok with you.”

You nodded, panicking slightly as he walked back out the door, unsure of what he was hiding from. To avoid another episode, you did the same leaving the other man to order. When you made it outside you found Eddie in the driver’s seat smoking a cigarette, his eyes darting to you when you climbed into the passenger’s side. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I saw Jason’s parent’s eating at a table so…”

“I never thought you killed those kids.” As soon as the words blurted out, your eyes squeezed shut. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Finger reached out to touch your arm causing your eyes to open again, meeting his kind chocolate-colored ones. 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

When you apologize again, both of you let out a breathy, genuine laugh. 

“When I saw on the news what happened to Chrissy, I knew you couldn’t have done it. Yeah, you were always loud in school but you were also really sweet… at least from what I remember.”

You two jumped when Steve opened the back of the van and threw himself in. “Eddie, go.”

Without any hesitation, he started to put the vehicle in gear but he wasn’t fast enough as Jason’s father appeared by his window and aggressively knocked on the glass. 

“Where do you think you’re going, freak?! You’re the reason my son and his girlfriend are dead!”

“Go, Eddie!”, Steve commanded.

The metalhead slammed his foot on the gas and sped off with the man shouting behind him. The rest of the ride was silent until he parked near the hill that surveyed the town. You watched as he continued to grip the wheel like a lifeline as his chest rose and fell. You wanted to help but you didn’t know exactly how. They only thing you could think of was to grab his palm and place it on Ren’s head. The dog was used to limp pets as Eddie’s hand lazily fell down his back but he promptly rested his head on his lap as you praised him. 

Steve leaned over the seat and placed his arms around him as he whispered things in his ear furthest from you. After a few moments his hand began to move against Ren’s fur making the dog’s tail wag as the other boy released him from his hold. 

“Come on. Let’s eat.”

############

It was actually the perfect evening for eating outside. The van doors remained open as the three of you munched on your meals in the back. From this spot Hawkins looked different; less chaotic than it was.

While you guys ate you casually talked about yourself. They told you some general things about themselves and you did the same. Even though you felt safe with them you didn’t want to bombard them too much with the mess that was your life. You felt like they were holding back as well, omitting certain information they were afraid to tell.

“You can work from home, you know?”, you mentioned after Eddie brought up how hard it was to find a job because of who he was. “That’s what I do.”

“I could do that.”

“Wouldn’t that be hard for you, Ed? You’re very talkative and outgoing. Don’t you like thrive off of people or some shit.”

“Thrive off of people… No, Harrington. I’m not a vampire.” They grinned at each other when you giggled. “I mean it wouldn’t be much different. Everyone already thought I was a freak beforehand. Now I’m just a murdering freak.”

Everyone went silent as the metalhead turned away to glare outside. 

“You should stop saying things like that.”, you murmur. 

“It’s how they feel.”, he shrugs.

“Who cares how they feel. What matters is how you feel and the truth. You didn’t do it so stop saying it.” Eddie’s eyes jerked towards you as your tone got more agitated.

“Yeah, well, what would you know?”

“Eddie, stop it.”, Steve warned.

“It’s ok, Steve. I can handle this. I’m mentally ill not weak.”

“No one said you were weak, Y/N.”

“What makes you so confident I didn’t do it, hm? You weren’t there. Maybe I did.”

“Eddie…”

“No, Harrington. I’m curious. What makes her so confident? I have to know because besides my friends and my uncle you are the only person in this town who believes I didn’t do some satanic ritual to murder Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Jason. That I didn’t hurt Max to cause that fucking earthquake. Why?”

Steve angerly threw the water bottle he was drinking from hard against the inside of the van making you jump.

“Jesus Christ. Are you fucking kidding me, Ed?! We finally find one person who believes the truth and you have to fucking question it! Who gives a fuck why she believes you! Just embrace it.”

He crawls out of the vehicle and begins to pace as he lets off steam. Ren puts his head on your lap and you pet him as you watch Eddie climb out as well and hug the boy from behind, resting his cheek on his back. 

“I’m sorry if I startled you.”, Steve apologized without looking your way. 

“You didn’t. I…I feel safe with you, both of you. That’s why I believe you. I can’t explain it, Eddie. I wish I could. My therapist says that because of my trauma I had to learn how to read people so I could protect myself and prepare just in case. You two…I just don’t get this vibe that I need to be afraid of you.”

“Like a superpower?”, the metalhead grins softly as he comes to sit back beside you. 

“You could say that.”, you giggle and his heart melts. Abruptly, you lean over and wrap your arms around his shoulders, feeling his body stiffen only for a moment before fully accepting it. “You’re a good person Edward Munson.”

Steve watches you both as he stands in front of you, also taken aback when you turn your love towards him by hugging him to, circling your arms around his lower back.

“You to, Steve Harrington.”

****

The following week you were happy to see they attended group again and seemed so much lighter than they had the other times they had come. As the meeting started, once again you felt that shift in energy. 

“Y/N, I know you don’t talk much here and that’s absolutely fine. I was hoping maybe we could talk about what happened last week.”

“Oh, um, I don’t want to make Jeremy feel bad.”

“I’m ok. I want you to talk about it. It helps me understand…”

You gnaw on your bottom lip at his answer as Craig looks at you with earnest eyes. “I, um, he got aggressive and I panicked.”

“He did get verbally confrontational. Was it the yelling or what he was saying that triggered you?”

“The…yelling doesn’t…doesn’t really bother me or what is said. It…how it was being said.”

“Huh. Interesting. Please, go on.”

“My mom…was always kind of…forceful with her words…”

You don’t see it but both the boy’s protective modes had kicked in beside you especially Steve’s. It takes all his energy not to comfort you in some way. Yesterday, you had hugged him and Eddie but you three had been alone. Right now, you were in room full of people and he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. He settled for casually extending his legs a bit so his knee was just barely touching your own. 

“I don’t want to talk anymore if that’s ok.”

“That’s fine, Y/N. How about you Steve? I noticed you and Eddie got up pretty quickly to make sure she was okay. I’m sure she appreciates that. Are you usually the protector of your friend group?”

He smirks slightly. “They would probably say I’m more like the babysitter.”

“That’s funny.”, the coordinator laughs. “I have seen you around town with some of the younger kids like Dustin Henderson and Mike Wheeler. You and Mr. Munson there.”

“How’s Max Mayfield doing?” Both their heads shot up to look towards the member that asked the question. “Is she doing any better? I heard her mom is wreck.”

“Jackie, you know the rules. We don’t gossip in here.”, Craig scolds. 

“I’m not gossiping! Max was dating that Sinclair boy, right? Who hangs out with Michael and Dustin who apparently hang out with them so…I just want to know.”

Ren, who had been laying on the floor by your feet, suddenly sat up and waddled between Steve’s legs before lifting himself up so his head was on the man’s shoulder.

“Hug him.”, you whisper as you reach out to rub the boy’s back.

Slowly, he wraps his arms around him and pets the dog’s head. “Good boy.”

“Let’s, uh, Let’s move on to someone else.”

As the coordinator began talking to another person, Steve got up to leave as you and Eddie followed behind. Unlike you, instead of sitting in the hall, he continued to the parking lot towards his BMW. 

“Steve, wait. Wait a second!”, the metalhead called to him trying to keep up.

“I’m fine. Let’s just go home.”

“If you’re fine then why are we leaving?”

“Because I know they are going to ask about her again and I don’t want to hear it so…”, he aggressively gestures towards the car. 

“Isn’t that the point of this therapy group bullshit? To talk or whatever the fuck you said. This was your idea. You can’t just drag us here and then leave when it gets hard.”

“Ok, well, you know what? You were right, okay? We can’t talk about what happened so—”

“But they aren’t asking what happened. They are asking how she is. They already think they know what happened.”

“Fine! Fine, Eddie! Let’s go back in there and answer her question! ‘Oh yeah, Jackie, Max is fine. Just all of her limbs are broken and she’s in a fucking coma but hey the doctors say she’s not brain dead! Always a silver lining!’”

“Steve…what happened to her wasn’t your fault.”

“Fuck this. I’ll walk home.”

The metalhead ran in front of him, trying to block him with his body. “What happened to her, me, Dustin, and Lucas wasn’t your fault. You killed him. You, Nancy, and Robin saved us all but you’re not fucking superman, babe. You can’t be everywhere at once and can’t protect everyone.”

Steve’s head hung and they clung to each other as Eddie embraced him. When they disconnected, they were almost startled by your presence, forgetting you were there entirely. 

“Hey, um, before my brain glitches, I drew you something last night.” Eddie digs in his pocket and hands you a folded piece of paper. 

When you open it fully, you softly smile at the image of you in boots and a superhero style outfit with your palm in the air as a zig-zag force field surrounded you. Next to you was Ren with his tongue hanging out and mask over his eyes. At the top was bold 3D lettering that read “LADY EMPATHY” with smaller print underneath; “Senses Emotions and helps heal the innocent with her trustee four-legged side kick Anti-Depressant.”

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry but you loved it. No one had ever done something nice like this for you except that one time someone slide a drawing into your locker.

Your eyes met his as a light bulb went off in your head. 

“Do you two want to come over to my house? We can hang out and eat some food. I would like to show you something.”

Eddie glanced at Steve who nodded his approval. 

“Ok. Sounds like fun.”

****

“Wow, this place is really nice.”, Steve muses as he looks around. 

“Thank you. I don’t have much but I don’t need too much so…”, you shrug as you watch them move around. 

“You seem to like a lot of movies, huh?” Eddie walks around looking at your posters hanging on the wall. 

“I do especially the fantasy ones. It’s nice to hide from reality in movies like The Never Ending Story or Dragon Slayer. I can’t wait for Labyrinth to come out. You know that new Bowie movie?”

The metalhead chuckles when Steve shrugs. “He doesn’t know who that is, sweetheart. Steve isn’t exactly well versed in most media.”

Your eyes widen as you head towards your sound system and push in a cassette. “Let’s Dance” flows through the speakers and he bobs his head he listens. “Pretty cool.”

Eddie laughs harder when you playfully sigh as his musical ignorance. “Yeah. Welcome to my world. What did you want to show us?”

After disappearing into your room, you come back with a frame in your arms, the image facing your body. 

“When I was in high school, I was pretty good at being invisible but sometimes I wasn’t so lucky. The jocks would pick on me a lot and pretty girls like Tammy Thompson would make my life hell.” Steve sighed praying that he wasn’t one of the people who hurt you. “That was nothing compared to what I was dealing with at home. My parents…they, um, they weren’t nice with each other and sometimes…my mother would take that out on me.”

“I always loved English class because I could write about what I was feeling. One day a teacher had asked me to read something I wrote in front of everyone. I told him no but he insisted and as I stood there, I could hear people snickering. It was awful; I hate talking in front of people. But anyway, a few days later, I found this in my locker.”

You turned the frame around to display the image Eddie had drawn for you as you slowly moved toward him. 

“You have no idea what this did for me. In a world full of people where I felt like no one cared, this showed me someone was listening. Someone out there did care…at least enough to take the time to draw this and give it to me.”

Eddie’s eyes met yours as he spoke. “I related to it, your story about the monsters and the kid hiding. My father used to scream at my mother until it escalated. I would always hide in my room hoping I wasn’t next.” Steve came over to stand next to him and rub his back comfortingly. “Turns out I can’t fight any monsters, can I, Stevie?”

The boy growled under his breath as his hand fell. 

“You were always amazing to me. You seemed so smart and strong; I was so afraid to talk to you. I couldn’t stop thinking about your story so I drew that and slid it into your locker.”

“So…my superpower works? I was right about you. You are a good person.” You smile when he smirks in your direction. “You guys can talk to me…about anything. I won’t judge you or hurt you or anything. I trust you and I hope that you can trust me.”

They glance at each other and you see the hesitation in their look. They a definitely holding something back but you pray that one day they’ll feel comfortable enough to let you in. Little did you know, the massive secrets they could tell.