#its almost like being able to do things safely and with less pain actually makes thrm easier to do. who would have thought

[androdragynous]

gotta say one of the worst parts about a progressively worsening disability is that there's seemingly a pretty high chance that the people around you will focus 100% on the idea of you recovering and refuse to do anything to accommodate you that could be seen as "giving up". i am so tired

[interstellarsystem]

Disorder Differences in Systemmates

Systemmates share the same brain, which often leads to the assumption that they're all affected the same by the brain itself. Its wiring, its abilities, and its disabilities. But symptom holders or those with intra-disorders are fairly common--at least in circles we run in--and they're not often talked about for fear of fakeclaiming or appearing ableist. We have headmates who are affected in all sorts of different ways by our disabilities. Some find things harder than others, while others actually find some tasks or symptoms easier to manage. It absolutely varies from headmate to headmate, which makes certain headmates better suited for fronting during certain times than others.

Merlin is more affected by our psychosis, particularly hallucinations, and xe tends to be more susceptible to paranoia. Mystery is a psychosis holder too, and has more positive symptoms like hallucinations than the rest of us, but is less affected negatively by it. It often hallucinates and falls into delusional thinking, but it's not really too bothered by it. So Mystery is a good choice for someone to front when we're having a psychotic episode. Sometimes, having Merlin cofront with Mystery makes it easier for Merlin to not be so susceptible to xyr symptoms.

I (Martin) have more obvious anxiety than the rest of us, and struggle much more in social situations. I'm much better at hyperfocusing on tasks, though. So I'm better suited for staying home and working on whatever the current project we have at the time, or keeping our to-do lists in check. Vince on the other hand is calm in most social situations that are more professional--so he's good for business meetings and such. In more casual conversation though, Vena and Merlin are much better at it and better suited to non-professional social groups.

Vince is an intra-NPD holder and also holds stronger symptoms of our BPD. He struggles immensely with percieved rejection, much more than the rest of us. But he also almost completely lacks empathy, which makes it much easier for him to be calm and logical in stressful situations. He finds it easier to help friends and those he cares about during stressful times because he's not weighed down by feeling their emotions--whereas the rest of us might break down from stress.

We talk a bit about mental disability differences in headmates more than those who differ physically. Somehow it seems more controvertial to mention that we have headmates that differ with physical symptoms while even in safe system spaces. It seems like most people (us somewhat included) mainly think of symptom holders as a mental disorder thing--a line of thinking we're trying to dispel. Headmates can have different disabilities and symptoms of all kinds, and it's not ableist or "harmful" to know that and speak about it. Headmates with different conditions to the body need to be recognised more.

Mike needed a cane in his memories and he absolutely needs our cane when he fronts more than the rest of us. He feels more at home and like himself having a cane by his side here, though, so it's good we already had one. I (Martin) need it more too--my joints are just more prone to pain. But our cane folds up nicely into our bag, so if we switch out in public, it's always with us just in case. Even if it's silly, we feel safer having a cane too--I mean, it's a metal pole. We're out as trans and clearly not your Regular Society Member, so it provides some feeling of safety to have.

Jayfeather was blind before, and since coming here he sure can see now, but he's much more light sensitive than the rest of us. The feeling of being able to see was nice at first, even if it was foreign, but sometimes he feels it's not worth the hassle. He needs to wear sunglasses when fronting because his eyes just end up hurting from even small amounts of light. Crowley is the same, except he wasn't blind in his memories--he just got used to always wearing sunglasses in his life to hide how his eyes looked, and needs them here now. They're both more prone to migraines due to this.

Merlin is more shaky on his feet than others who front often. His legs are digitigrade and in headspace he has his wings and tail to balance him there--but in the body, he doesn't have any of that. His legs are the wrong shape and he has no counterweight to his posture. Even with our cane, he's more prone to tripping than most.

Mystery was a godlike being that didn't need to eat human food, or any physical food at all. It often forgets that eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom are things the body needs to do, because it doesn't often feel the need to do them. That can be good if we're running low on food, or if we can't eat for a while such as before a medical procedure though, so it's useful in its own way. Mystery is also not used to using its hands for intricate things like tying shoelaces, as it's hands before we're longer, bigger, and mainly nonphysical. It didn't need to be intricate, so it's hard for it to do things others in here can.

There's so many more examples in our system. The thing is, there can be positives and negatives to any disorder, really--and headmates are no different with that. We don't necessarily assign headmates "roles" or "jobs" based on their symptoms or lack thereof, but for us to function better as a collective, people tend to gravitate toward doing certain things they know others can't. It's important for us to know how we differ with our disabilities, and work around them together as best we can.

Systemmates with different symptoms aren't uncommon, and they're not mocking disabled people, or lying for some benefit. I'd argue that for some systems with symptom holders or intra-disorder holders, it's increcibly important to know about how you differ and how to work together to be functional--whatever functional means for you.

[smokescreenimusprime]

I wonder what Smokescreen and Predaking have planned in the Ghost of Darkmount AU 👀

w e l l :333

after Smokescreen talked Predaking down from just going on a murderous rampage, they realized that this was something that was going to require almost foolproof planning because to ensure the Predacons survival they essentially needed to take out all of Decepticon High Command, something the Autobots have been trying and failing to do for millennia

technically they could've just rescued the other clones and gone into hiding on Earth. After all, Airachnid was able to safely do it with the Insecticons, and she had significantly more numbers. This was actually one of the first ideas Smokescreen threw around

Predaking of course was... well, pretty against it, to say the least, and even with his pre established respect for Smokescreen, he was still angry about it. The idea of having to live hidden like pests instead of proudly and comfortably as a group... yeah, in his eyes its completely out of the question

it takes a lot of debating and even some arguing, but they eventually manage to reach a middle ground:

First, as talked about a WAY long time ago, faking the Predacon's deaths with the Cons actual attempt to kill them. And as first steps go, it was a V E R Y stressful start that would not at all get any easier-

Second is actually taking care of the Predacons and "raising" them so to speak. Teaching them the basics of their situation, letting them form opinions and identities and learn how to transform and all. They alternate shifts whenever possible, and thanks to Smokescreen's previous hacking of the Groundbridge network, portals opening at random is an occurrence nobody really bats an eye. Smokescreen is of course the one who visits most often by simple virtue of being the less missed of the two, but Predaking does try to visit whenever he can

and like... quick side tangent, but I can't stop thinking about it. Predaking loving his kin and subjects more than life itself, being proud of them and wanting to give them a life deserving of them. He wants them to be safe, but also strong, and he will never allow them to be humiliated like he had been at Starscream's hands

but at the same time, Predaking only knowing Shockwave's disconnected and detached form of care as a prized experiment, and Megatron's approval but as one would approve of a hunting dog, and Starscream's punishments laced with flaming vitriol and poisonous insults. He doesn't know how to show genuine care or how to raise someone in a healthy way

All he knows is that you must be strong enough to intimidate and inflict pain, lest you be the one on the receiving end

and in the end, that's part of the reason Smokescreen is so weirdly fascinating to him. Because he uses deception and psychological manipulation, sticking to the shadows to accomplish his goals, and yet even though he's never seen his reputation is one of the most feared aboard the Nemesis right next to Megatron himself

He continually gives Predaking things he's never experienced before: Kindness. Companionship. Patience. Decency.

Predaking and Smokescreen butt heads and argue often about the care of the Predacons and the "right" way to teach them. Predaking teaches them combat, ruthlessness, but also to stand their ground and never bow their heads to anyone as though they were lesser. Smokescreen listens to their hopes and woes, offers comfort and advice and teaches them games and stories to pass the time

both of their ways are flawed, but that doesn't make either of them wrong, not completely. While Smokescreen may be teaching them how to live, Predaking, for all his problems, is teaching them how to survive this war

And then comes the third part of their plan: taking the Nemesis. Kill as much of high command as possible, but the most important goal was to take the warship, and it's databases, for their own

they'd planned to get the Autobots involved, after all it was only fair...

but uh. Then Ratchet gets captured to recreate the Omega Lock, and you could say things changed a bit from there

[sandyca5tle]

Slime HRT - 10 Months

So - the past few months have been interesting.

My arms and legs are now fully slime except for the bones, which are now mostly just floating around in the goo. I can push them around if I put my hand inside them, which is weird on a few levels, but also pretty neat. That has been a new experience, being able to stick things in and through my limbs, but i’ve also found it kinda useful - if I need to hold something, or keep something safe, I can just kinda put it in my arm, or leg and it’s there for when i need it… have gotten a few weird looks for that though, especially if I forget I’ve got like a pencil or something in my arm.

As I somewhat alluded to, the changes in my limbs weren’t all smooth sailing, in fact so far this period has been the most awkward. First of all, once more of my feet had turned to slime, I actually found I had some trouble with my balance - turns out not having a fully solid base on your body messes with your ability to stay upright - took me a while to readjust to the new squishier ends to my legs. 

At the same time, I had to manage a decrease in fine dexterity in my hands. Part of this has to do with not quite being used to my fingers kinda sticking together, so sometimes I all but lose a finger in its neighbour. The other part is that turns out goo isn’t quite as easy to manipulate, and moves and squishes a lot more, making some finer motions harder to perform/perform as fluidly (ironically). While I can still use a keyboard, I definitely make a few more spelling errors, and I can’t game quite as smoothly, and it’s become almost impossible to type on my phone touchscreen, which has continued to become less responsive as I’ve turned more and more gooey, and combined with the loss of dexterity kinda leaves me screwed.

While both of these issues were a pain at first, I’ve learnt to adapt, and can, on the whole, still live and operate as normal (sans phone). Fortunately the slow nature of the transition gives me plenty of time to work out new ways of doing things.

The next major hurdle after that was the morning I woke up and, upon trying to stand up, had my legs just kind of pool beneath me - as in, I didn’t have legs anymore, I just had a pool of slime underneath my body. On one hand, I was very happy - I’d kinda been looking forward to trying out the ‘pooled legs’ thing I’d seen in art, on the other hand however (and in the moment the more poignant emotion) I was panicking. Turns out after 20 odd years of legs, suddenly not having them makes it pretty hard to move. 

It took me a bit to calm down enough to feel out the slime enough to find control of it and work out moving around - it’s kind of like conveyor belt logic: you move some of the slime forward, which, if you do it right (took me a few tried to do so) pulls the rest of you behind it, and you just kind of move the slime like a circle to move yourself in the direction you want. 

I actually spent about half a day managing with that, since a) it took me a bit to work that out and then I spent some time playing around with that then b) it took me even longer to work out how to get my legs to reform, and even when I did manage that, they were nowhere near stable and strong enough to hold me, so I spent a while doing that and somewhat relearning how to walk. The worst part is that for about a week/week and a half it became a morning routine, standing up, only to fall into a pool of my own slime, and it wasn’t just in the morning - while I was usually good once I got started in the morning, my legs weren’t quite as stable as they were beforehand, and so I’d sometimes end up pooled once again. Honestly, when I wasn’t in public, I usually just moved around in a pool until I needed legs, but a lot of the outside world isn’t built for people with puddle-’legs’. On that note, having to form legs took a bunch of effort to start with. I felt like I was trying to lift my whole upper body, which I guess in some respects I was, but fortunately I began to get the hang of it, both the lifting, and forming legs. Nowadays I can pretty much freely switch between pool and legs when I want, although I tend to keep to legs at the moment, as going from legs to pool has already lost me a few bones, and while I may not really use them any more, apparently they’re worth keeping so your body can convert them to more slime mass. Unfortunately I think I may have lost a couple small toe bones over the course of that week/week and a half.

The other issue with the pooling, and more slime content generally, is that I pick up all kinds of random crap off the floor. On one hand my floors have never been cleaner, on the other, I constantly have to pick shit out of myself, which while generally satisfying, is kinda a pain after a while.

The small blessing from this is I’ve actually now gained a bit of control over the shape of my slime parts. While at the moment I can really only do small things with my arms/hands (which condensing my fingers a little has helped with recovering some of my fine dexterity), and go between legs and pool with my lower half, I’m hoping that soon I’ll be able to do more exciting things. One thing I have managed is being able to extend/shorten my limbs a little, which is useful for reaching things, although I can’t go super far since I don’t have the mass, although I did work out a neat work around: I can send a little bit of slime from one arm to the other through my ‘blood’ vessels in my body, to transfer mass between them - it’s not super fast though, so it’s still pretty limited, but hey it’s something!

The other thing to report on this entry is that showering is funky now. Since my limbs are less solid now, the water kind of penetrates a little into them, and I get little bubbles of water within. Have found that this does wonders for my thirst, and when I shower I can usually drink a more normal amount, for a human, without having issues, which is nice. Have had to watch the water pressure, so as not to wash any of my limbs away, or blast my bones out of my body though, so pros and cons, as ever.

Oh! Additional notes for this update: I no longer have hair growing on my arms and legs - for obvious reasons - and not having to shave those has been nice, and I can’t wait for the same on my face - it’s cheaper than laser. I’ve also stopped taking my ‘normal’ hrt, since the recommended application spots are now slime, although I did have to shoot off an email about the non-gel parts of that since I forgot to ask about those originally, and apparently I can stop those too, so.

All in all these past four months have been… and experience. Fortunately I’m coping, although I am a little worried about what else I’m gonna have to learn to cope with over the coming months, but so far it’s all been worth it, so hopefully it’ll stick that way. See ya in the next one! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First - Prev - Next

[ateriblewriter]

incubator idea:

lydia decides to help her sister and brother in law jack out in a big way, a huge favor that's nine plus months in the making. a baby because they couldn't have one on their own. at some point in time she runs into trevor at a function. after realizing were they know each other from ... sparks more or less fly. trevor notices lydia is acting differently, almost as tho she's. she would have told him if something was going on, right?

possible insert #1:

"you guys wouldn't mind if i date anyone?" lydia bit the bottom of her lip, looking back and forth between the two expectant parents. "i may have met someone before we started this process."

"you met someone?" jack's jaw dropped and eyes went wide. cece hit her husbands chest with the back of her hand at her husband's response.

sure it may not have been the greatest of timings on her part. but you can't help when you meet the certain person. or rather that person re-enters your life.

"its fine lyds. as long as they're okay with the circumstances and what your doing for us." that was something lydia had yet to do. it actually scared her to think of his reaction.

"do we know him?" jack questioned, he wanted to meet this person and if he already knew him all the better. by the way lydia was looking down at her hands in her lap it was a big fat yes.

who was it. he couldn't have been either of jack's brothers, they were both happily in relationships of their own. it could be any one of his friends. or maybe an enemy?

"does he play hockey?" his eyes narrowed, his brain going into overdrive trying to think of anyone he knew was not committed to a significant other. a few names came to mind, one in particular.

"jack. stop." cece stopped jack before he could question lydia more. he just wanted to make sure she was safe and the precious cargo she was carrying would make it to the deadline.

possible insert #2:

"what's going on with you?" trevor let go of her frizzy golden hair. this was not the first time this week he had caught her running to the bathroom.

"nothing. everything is just fine trev." using her fingers Lydia wiped away any remnants of her snack that had just found it way back to the outside world.

she didn't know how much longer she could keep the ruse of nothing is wrong with me. because the longer she went into the lie, the harder it was going to be telling trevor the truth.

"that's bullshit."

"im having a baby." she threw her head in hands. who said ripping the bandaid off was easy, because it hurt like hell. and she didn't want to lose him.

"what?" trevor's ears couldn't quite register the incoherent mumbles. she needed to speak up if he was ever going to find out what she was saying.

"im pregnant." trevor never moved so fast to get away from her, standing up to lean against the bathroom sink. so many terrible thoughts were running through his mind.

"is it jack's? are you guys?" he had to refrain himself from saying some of those harsh things. was she cheating? was jack cheating?

"yes and no." lydia could see by the look on his he was confused by her reply. she explained further how her sister and jack weren't able to have children and they asked her to be their surrogate.

"im just an incubator."

possible insert #3:

"why are you still here trevor?" lydia rubbed over the bump. she could feel another contraction starting.

"this is not a choice." trevor really didn't want to be there, still being upset with her over the events from months before he was doing this as a favor, since he may have been with lydia when she initially went into labor.

"you can leave at any time." she ground her teeth together, the intense pain sweeping over her.

"i promised jack i would be here since they're still in the air because you refused to go back to new jersey when you were supposed to." he bit at the peeling skin on his bottom lip, watching something on his phone.

trevor looked up when there was some snarky response from her. he got up, and offered his hand for her to squeeze. "hey hey. breathe. breathe." any thought of anger he had towards her was instantly washed away when he saw the pain in her face. he still loved her. he would always love her.

please read:

i have yet to decide if it will be an oc or a reader insert type thing. for the sake of garnering thoughts i chose an oc. i hope you guys enjoy this idea, cuz i kinda like it.

please please please tell me what you guys think of this idea. also please note that this is just an idea, and based off if people like the idea i will write more of story around it.

[catopti]

Feel free to ignore this if you’d rather wait for what your doctor tells you. I just have a lot of feelings about wrist issues and doctors.

I have had wrist issues for 5 years now, it was bad enough that I wasn’t able to draw for 4 years. My doctor told me it was Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and that I should just give my hand some rest. After 4 years it had only gotten worse, so I went to the hospital and not a single doctor was able to tell me what was wrong. Then I went to a physical therapist and after talking to him for only 10 minutes he said “flip your hands palm up, rest them on your thighs and try to relax them.” My non-dominant hand was able to stay relaxed. My dominant hand curled up and almost looked like I was clenching my fist, when I was trying to relax it. Which is how he was able to tell that the main issue I had was actually a shortened muscle and not CTS. I have been going to physical therapy for a little less than a year now and I can already slowly start to draw again.

I really hope that this is not what you have and that if your doctor tells you that you have something that should go away with a couple weeks of rest, it actually is that thing. But if it doesn’t go away, please don’t hesitate as long as I did to get more help.

(Also if you draw on iPad,, you might want to get a bigger grip for your pencil!!)

First off, thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to tell me, kind stranger ;;;; I really appreciate it, I’m sure you know how stressful and scary having wrist/hand pain can be. I saw this notification and felt so touched thank you so much omg. Congrats on ur recovery, praying everything goes smoothly for u <3

And yeah, my buddy is Compsci (typing all day) and has told about her issues being misdiagnosed/told it was carpal when it was actually thorasic outlet. It seems like there’s kind of a lack of care with diagnosing these things, I’m sorry to hear about your situation omg that sounds so stressful

As for me, I have really no idea what my issue could be, but my working theory is it has to do with my pre existing back problems ? In 2022 I got a herniated disc carrying a heavy item at my old job and it WRECKED my upper body for year, like I couldn’t bend my back AT ALL and was in constant pain, even laying down hurt. I went to a chiropractor and PT for 6ish months and i healed completely

To make it short, when i started school this year i noticed my pain in my hands would shoot up to my elbow, my upper arm, and id feel it in my shoulder blades area. Im not sure what that could be specifically but i think it’s a nerve issue with my back and neck that’s now effecting my arms+hands. I also refused up until now to use pillows LMAO and I’ve always slept with my head resting on my arms on my side, which my PT told me is fucking up my neck and shoulders. Im hoping its a nerve thing with my back because like with my herniated disc, its very much fixable and easier to manage than carpal or cubital from what I’ve heard.

And yes, The iPad pencil grip is a LIFE SAVER!!! I use a super chunky one and i can feel the difference like crazy!

Again, Thank you for your message anon! Stay safe out there and have a good day/night <3 ^_^

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi everyone,

I found another article about ADHD burnout from WebMD. This will be another long excerpt, so I apologize:

ADHD Burnout

What Is Burnout?

Burnout can affect your home, work, and social life, says David Goodman, MD, assistant professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore, director of the Adult Attention Deficit Disorder Center of Maryland, and an expert with CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder).

Goodman describes burnout this way:

You no longer take interest or pleasure in your normal activities.

You see allies (like co-workers) as enemies who are burdening you with more and more work.

You withdraw because you believe it’s impossible to get things done.

Why Can ADHD Make Burnout Worse?

The symptoms of ADHD – like not being organized, trouble paying attention, and poor time management – add to burnout.

ADHD burnout is a specific kind of burnout, says Amber Meeks, who has ADHD and is a mental health advocate from Murfreesboro, TN. Part of the problem is that “people with ADHD work harder to do the things most people do with little effort.”

Imagine yourself on an interactive exercise bicycle, Goodman says. You pedal faster and faster to try to keep up with others, your heart rate hits its peak and you can’t pedal any harder. But, even your best isn’t good enough and you fall behind the standard of others.

How Do You Know You're Burned Out?

Look for these ADHD burnout symptoms:

Lack of motivation:

“If you like working out 5 days a week, you’re probably not going to be doing that. Or, if you enjoy playing with your kids you’ll do less of that,” Goodman says.

Exhaustion

“You feel tired all the time no matter how much rest you get,” Meeks says.

Poor Performance

You may not be able to focus on the work at hand. “It may feel impossible to do anything, even when it’s really important,” Meeks says.

Pain

Stress also can trigger things like stomachaches and headaches.

Irritability

You snap at people. You yell at the kids because they spilled milk on the floor. Or you get mad at your spouse because they forgot something at the grocery store.

Troubled Emotions

You withdraw or can’t smile at people, Goodman says. “I tend to get weepy and sad when I’m burned out,” Meeks says.

Negativity or Pessimism

It can feel almost impossible to be positive about anything, Meeks says. This is especially true in the areas that are causing your burnout – whether it’s school, work, or home life.

How Do You Break the Burnout Cycle and Recover?

The first step is recognizing and accepting that you are burned out. “If your friends and loved ones say you aren’t doing well, don’t take it as a criticism,” Goodman says. Educate yourself about burnout and then get some help from a mental health professional.

Here’s what else you can do:

Know your limits

Some people think they can pile it all on their plate and carry it even though it’s dripping off the plate, Goodman says. You need to face the fact that your expectations sometimes go beyond what you can actually do. This is where therapy can help you see that you need to balance expectations with reality.

Learn to prioritize

“You won’t be able to juggle 12 balls at once,” Goodman says. You need to pick six that you can juggle well and the other six need to be put to the side until you have more time for them. Setting priorities is difficult for people with ADHD. “It’s either I need to do it now or if it’s not due yesterday it doesn’t need to be done until tomorrow. The problem is something comes up tomorrow that’s urgent and that’s how things mount up.”

Just say “no.”

People with ADHD often are people pleasers, have a hard time saying no, and overcommit themselves, Meeks says. “Practice saying no and not feeling guilty about it. The people in our lives should be understanding of the need to keep ourselves safe and healthy,” she adds.

Get some rest

Don’t feel guilty about taking a breather. People with ADHD spend their whole lives being told that they aren’t trying hard enough. As a result, they often push themselves as hard as possible, Meeks says. “Resting feels ‘lazy,’ a word that has been used against us like a weapon for most of our lives.”

If it’s broken, fix it

If your ADHD symptoms seem out of control, talk to your doctor. You may need to add or change medication or learn better organization and time-management skills. This can help you get through your days with fewer stumbling blocks and more confidence.

The full article will be linked down below as always. I hope many of you found this helpful and educational.

[skylarmoon71]

Martin Meisner (Grimm) - AU Crossover - Chapter 3

“Hey Meisner, are you cooking tonight?”

When you placed down the groceries, you turned to nothing but silence.

That’s right.

Meisner is gone.

Dropping your keys on the counter, you run a hand through your hair. It’s only been about a month, but you’ve gotten so used to him being there. 

Now the apartment just feels empty.

“Raise your hands to block.”

“I can't, I'm tiny. You’re like a giant. Even if I block it’ll hurt.”

“There’s a lot of things that are painful in life. Death is much more painful than a punch.”

“I’m not exactly trying to be a warrior! I’m not like you. I don’t go looking for trouble.”

You dropped onto the mat with a frown and Meisner slipped his gloves off.

“I just want you to be safe. Sooner or later I'm going to head back. You’re powerful. The next time you jump you might have to fight depending on the circumstances. You need to be able to do that.”

You know he’s just looking out for you, but fighting is not something that comes as easily to you. You’re even less ecstatic at the idea of him leaving. But you can’t really voice that.

Standing with a huff, you lift your arms. Meisner looks over, watching the way you clumsily try to mimic his previous stance.

“I-I’m ready.”

You would definitely get knocked down, but he felt proud. Lifting his fist, he moved forward.

“Give me your best shot.”

You still can’t believe he’d talked you into learning to fight. Thinking back, it's a bit humorous. Meisner was more or a boot camp sergeant than a roommate. You knew he just had your best interest at heart. He wanted you safe, protected. 

He was right.

Every jump you made, there was a point where you were vulnerable. Being able to hold your own was a good skill to have. Especially since you can’t truly control your abilities. You were grateful. You just wish you had a chance to tell him properly.

~Portland~

“I can’t believe we actually did it. I just got word from Osaka. Black Claw is dead, everywhere.”

Trubel’s report earned a nod of approval from Meisner.

“Update the database.”

She moved to the computer to do just that.

Upon his return he was quick to rebuild what had been broken. It took a while, but with Black Claw disbanded in Portland, returning HW to its previous state of operation was much easier. It was also much easier to have a home nearby when he didn’t have to worry about Wesen operatives trying to kill him. The function of the organization for the time being was just to monitor. 

Avoid any more horrible revolutions.

“So that woman, did you like her?”

Trubel’s question made him raise a brow.

She was smiling as she clicked on the computers.

“I’m just saying. You bought a house in Portland. If I didn’t know any better I would say you were making a place to settle down.”

He didn’t respond to the claim, because he couldn’t really say why he’d done it. The threat was gone. It just felt right to finally try to live. Although his life would never be normal, he wanted to at least see what that felt like. His time with you showed him that he did want the comfort of a home.

For as long as he could remember he was unattached. It was necessary considering what he was fighting for. He wasn’t sure what had really changed his mind. Maybe it was almost dying. That did tend to have an effect on perspective.

“She’s a good friend.”

He didn’t say anything more than that, and Trubel didn’t press. She just continued with her work.

~

“Oh, honey where did your handsome little boyfriend go? Did you break up?”

You shook your head at your old neighbor.

“No Ms. Cardel. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He was just a friend staying with me for a while. He went back home to his family.”

“He was such a sweet young man, I’m going to miss him. Very easy on the eyes as well.”

She winked at you and you laughed, nodding as you waved her goodbye. Stepping into your apartment, you closed the door behind you, giggling. Meisner had told you of his encounters with the older woman.

At first he thought she was a spy, so he kept a close eye. Then he realized that she was just a bit nosy and he’d found himself helping with groceries and opening the door for her. Despite his scary face, he was a pretty nice guy.

The second you were inside, your eyes moved to the chair. The red cloak hanging on the side of your couch had you rolling your eyes.

“Stephen! Stop breaking into my place!”

The golden ring opened and he stepped inside the room, closing it upon entry. His cloak moved to his shoulder immediately and your frown deepened.

“Can’t you just knock or appear like a normal sibling?”

“There’s nothing normal about either of us. Where is the bodyguard?”

He looked around and you just turned your back.

“Meisner went back.”

There was a sorrow in your tone that he caught.

“You care about him.”

“Of course I do, he’s my friend.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

You hate when he does that, tries to read you. He knew how hard it was for you. Although you made a lot of friends with your gifts, saying goodbye has always been hard for you. Taking a seat on the couch, you finally really look at him.

“Do you..do you ever blame me for what happened to them?”

He didn’t need clarification. It was always obvious what you were referring to.

“It wasn’t your fault. Neither of us knew how to control our powers back then.”

“Yeah, well yours don’t make you blast people into other universes."

“Regardless, they would be proud of you. You’re helping people. You’ve always helped people. That’s who you are.”

Stephen might have no sense of personal space, but he always seemed to know what to say.

“Thanks Dr. Strange.”

This time he frowned.

“Don’t call me that. Who even came up with that name. It’s insulting. I’m not strange.”

“Well, you do have strange powers.”

He didn’t look very impressed at your joke. He moved to your side, giving your shoulder a shove.

“You’ve been trying to find him, haven’t you?”

With a slow nod, you looked down at your hands.

“He told me once that I should figure out how to control it. I’ve never really tried before now. I keep trying to do it. Picture that shop to make the jump but then I get scared and just give up. I don’t even know why. It’s not like I’m breaking a rule. I’ve been to dozens of places already. This should be a piece of cake.”

You hate that the only thing holding you back is your own fear. 

Stephen reached out, pulling you into a side hug.

“When it’s time, you’ll figure it out.”

You nod, placing your head on his shoulder.

“The next time you break into my place I’m gonna drop kick you. Trust me, Meisner taught me how.”

Stephen decided to just nod in compliance. He didn’t want to take that chance.

After the little heart to heart, you felt a bit better. 

The following night you’re seated on your bed, a pair of Meisner’s sweats and a t-shirt right before you. With your legs folded, you closed your eyes, trying to concentrate.

So far you haven't had much luck. You could feel him in a sense, but every attempt to reach out, you would pull back at the last minute. You needed to focus, tune in and hold on. It was the only way.

If you wanted to see him again, then you had to get rid of that fear.

Completely.

~

“I like the place.”

Trubel dropped on the couch kicking her feet up on the table with a grin. Meisner walked over with a tablet in one hand and his boots in the next.

“Any activity in the Netherlands?”

“Not as far as we know. Nick says Alexander has been cooperating with him. He’s rebuilding the Wesen council.”

Meisner nodded.

“We could use that to our advantage. Make sure Burkhardt keeps you in the loop about that.”

Trubel saluted.

“You got it boss.”

He took a seat by the table that was scattered with files. Trubel’s eyes just ran over the exterior. It was a two story house. Modest, casual. There weren’t a whole lot of family photos like what you would expect in any other home, but that wasn’t surprising. As far as she knew, all of his family was dead.

“You think you’ll ever see her again.”

He paused, but didn’t speak. The hope was one day you would just appear right in front of him, but even for him that seemed like a naive wish.

“I hope so.”

That’s all he could really say. Maybe Trubel realized it. How touchy the topic was. For the rest of the night, all other questions were strictly about progress in the organization. Something he was grateful for.

Trubel stuck around for a few more hours before she left. He couldn’t deny that he appreciated the company. It made the house feel less empty.

Hollow.

That’s a bit what he felt like when he climbed into bed.

Laying back, his eyes were trained on the ceiling.

“Do you have people back home? Family?”

He hesitated when you asked the question for obvious reasons. He wasn’t sure he could say family per se. HW was more like a unit that functioned for a purpose yet..Trubel, even Eve, to him, they were friends. People he wanted to protect.

“I do.”

You smiled at him when he said it.

“I’ll make sure you get back so you can see them again.”

You kept your promise. He was back with the only people that really meant anything to him. But he still felt a bit..empty. Seeing Adalind so happy with Burkhardt. Renard with his daughter, even Monroe and Rosalee. He couldn’t deny that he longed for it. That type of happiness. The kind that came with knowing there was someone there waiting for you. Someone that longed for his presence as more than just a soldier.

Closing his eyes, he exhaled. There was no use driving himself in circles thinking about it. Maybe sleep would provide him with more of those memories he shared with you. At least that would give him some piece of mind.

“OH SHIIIIIIIT!!”

The yell started him awake, and he flicked the light on, looking for the danger. He was sure that hadn’t just imagined that, but his room was empty. His eyes stayed focused on the ceiling, and when he saw the familiar star-shaped portal open, he barely had a chance to move before the body dropped right on top of him. 

The glow disappeared just as quickly as it showed up and you both groaned at the harsh collision. Your body rolled right off the bed from the bounce and he straightened, looking down in surprise and slight pain.

You jumped upright, and for a second he thought he imagined it, but you were standing right there.

“(Y/N)...?”

He couldn’t believe it. You didn’t give him a chance to ask how you figured out the jump, you tackled him this time and he fell back onto the bed. You were holding on tightly, and when he heard the sobs, his hands lowered slowly, wrapping around your body.

“I missed you..”

He could hear your soft sniffles and he tightened his hold, this time laughing happily. He couldn’t recall ever being so happy to see someone, or laughing this loudly. He only knew that he was grateful. 

[decks-writing-blog]

Defective

Summary: Beheaded thinks Collector's gift to them might be defective. It's not, they just have a stronger sense of touch now.

[A/N] Part 3 of my Indirectly a Hero series.

~

Upon attaining a new living body, Beheaded had assumed the cold wouldn’t be nearly as much of an issue anymore. The body produced its own heat now after all. Meaning it should be warmer in general but also their clothing should hold that heat in. But no, the cold actually felt worse now. The bite of it was a like a million little needles pricking their skin that grew worse the longer they were out in it, especially in their extremities.

That wasn’t the only thing either. Injuries hurt more too. Stuff like kicking through a wooden door left them almost limping due to how much the wooden shards digging into their foot hurt when they walked on it. Shoes fixed that problem right up until they got blisters on their feet from wearing them too long, making walking painful. Nothing they couldn’t handle, they’d spent their whole remembered existence up until the time loop was brought to its halt getting sliced and diced by various monstrosities. But it was still far worse than it should’ve been, meaning serious injuries would likely be worse as well, which would them harder to bear and keep going with. Clearly this ‘gift’ Collector had given them was defective.

As a test they brought it to a safe place and pulled themself out of it. They could do so with ease, nothing tried force them in even upon sliding all the way out through the hole in the back of the head. So perhaps this wasn’t the catch for the gift; a trap to make them uncomfortable.

They crawled back into it and headed off to find Collector. Or less find him and more head to his lab and wait for him to come back. He was most often with people working up on cleaning up the mess left by the Malaise. Too many people in one place was just uncomfortable to be around so Beheaded would rather avoid such scenarios.

So they snuck into Collector’s lab through the rear window, found a comfy place to sit on one of the tables and settled down to wait. They were in luck, it was only a couple hours before the door opened and Collector strode in.

“I haven’t seen you in a few days,” he said as he closed the door behind him. “How’s your new body holding up?”

Beheaded hopped off the table and lifted their hands to sign as they approached. Through experimentation they’d found and figured out how to manipulate the mouth and throat muscles to make sounds but still weren’t sure how to make the specific sounds in the right order to create speech. So their old form of communication would continue to have to do. “It’s defective.”

Collector raised an eyebrow. “Is it? How so?”

Beheaded explained the problems. “Even the physical sensations that aren’t pain are more intense than they should be.”

“I see. That however, I don’t believe to be a defect. Your old body was dead and rotting, its nerves weren’t fully intact. So your accustomed to physical sensations being numbed and dulled. It’s why you were able to run around even after being gutted without being incapacitated by pain. Your new body is alive though and thus feels things more fully. Which by comparison, is likely quite intense.”

“So this is how everything feels to you?”

“I can’t say for sure but probably it’s fairly similar.”

Beheaded lifted their hands, intending to to say something about how it was no wonder he was a killjoy sometimes with how bad even small injuries hurt him but well, it indeed wasn’t only bad sensations that were stronger. The warmth of petting Mushroom Boi and Owl had been quite nice. The ribbon on Mushroom Boi’s head had had a memorizing feel to it as well, only his stepping away had gotten Beheaded to stop touching it. And, they hadn’t eaten yet – they didn’t need to – but if physical touch sensation were more intense than perhaps so would taste? If so he needed to try it before getting this fixed.

“If it’s too much, I can try to numb your senses,” Collector said. “I’ll need it though, probably with you in it at least occasionally to test.”

That’s what they’d come here for. But knowing this was how it was supposed to be for living beings changed some things. Having it be numbed might still ultimately be better but perhaps the good things feeling better would make it worth putting up with the bad things feelings worse. And experimenting in that regard would give them something to do other than sulk around the island. So…

“Maybe later. I have to test some stuff first.” Not waiting for a reply, they turned and went back through the window they’d come from.

[lunarending]

This is good advice, but I think I can add some detail and I think Raven can speak for my qualifications ;p

Find roles you are both comfortable with. There are lots of D/S dynamics that can make dirty talk easier. It doesn't have to be an established dynamic, some people might just want to hear their name during sex. Figuring out who and what they want to be during sex is a big part of it. It can take a long time for some people to figure out what they actually like, sometimes even years, but if you commit to having fun while you experiment you'll find something that works for you.

Add an adjective. I am guilty of using the same 6 or so adjectives and adding them on to things too often, but its simple and easy. Adding on cute, little, pathetic, stupid, innocent, pretty, shy, etc. can enhance a moment. It can be as simple as observing their behavior and commenting on it. This is your chance to actually express how you see them and what you like about them.

Remind them of their role. This will make it easier to experiment with weird/new things. If you know your partner likes petplay, reminding them they are a 'good pet' or similar they will get them more into the scene, thus you can make mistakes or try new things with less risk of ruining the moment. I can't count the number of times I literally ruined the mood but was able to save it by calling my partner the right thing to show that I still wanted to keep going and was committed to having fun

Be confident. At least half the work is done in saying your line with confidence. If you can convince the other person that the scene is safe and you are already having fun you will have so much more room to work with. Obviously the 'fake it till you make it' can work, but don't get in over your head. Your comfort will make everything much easier.

Express desire. The thing almost everyone wants to feel during sex is that they are attractive and desirable. Even those into pain and degradation are simply looking to be faced with negative experiences and be desired at the same time. Say what you want, express what you like, and be vulnerable.

Tease. This is actually multifaceted. Teasing someone allows you to show how well you know them. If you know they like being touched in a certain spot, put a hand there and say something about how you know what they are thinking. It also can give you a way to gently ask for consent to try new things in a way that doesn't interrupt the scene. Using dirty talk to maintain communication can improve your ability to feel safe in what you are doing.

Have fun. No, I'm serious. Someone laughing during sex isn't a bad thing. If someone does something wrong/silly and the other person laughs, that doesn't have to ruin anything. This is why comfort and safety are so important, you have to be able to make mistakes and keep going if you want to experiment with sex.

This doesn't cover everything, but at the same time, for general advice this should take you far. A lot of it does come down to knowing what your partner prefers, so ask them and experiment. It takes more than consent to do things right, the scene needs to be safe and comfortable to experiment and be weird. (Which seems to be something you are worried about.) As long as all people involved feel comfortable you'll figure out what works best for you.

Hi raven, I need your advice. Me and my gf are starting to have regular sex (we’re both very new at it) but we’re running up against a barrier which is that neither of us knows how to talk dirty. I like your posts, and think our tastes are similar, but I don’t know how to be spontaneously verbally sexy. Do you have a grand unified theory of what makes conversation “sexy”, or at least some insights into the dynamics at play? Further, at what point does something become too weird or hurtful? I know this is a big subject and you don’t have to speak on behalf of All Sex Havers, but I’d be interested from hearing from somebody who seems to do it well.

I do it well..? interesting

I'm actually rly bad at it I think. over text is easier for me since I can y'know. read over what I'm typing, but even so, thinking is hard.

if you rly want like general advice, just like. telling someone they're doing well, that you're enjoying what they're doing, describing what you are doing or are about to do, how they look, commenting on their reactions r all good starting points I suppose.

as for what's too weird or hurtful, that's up to your partner and you no? so talk about that ahead of time n always check in afterwards to discuss what you both liked n maybe what didn't pan out.

[flippedorbit]

I don’t want to fucking be here anymore I’m sick of putting up with everything and bottling up every single feeling and opinion I have and experience all to keep everyone else happy

[gatheringbones]

[“… on the whole survivors crave precisely the things that have been demonstrated to alleviate their pain and support their well-being. These things, it turns out, are also consistent with the interests of justice and safety.

To begin the conversation about appropriate responses to violence, survivors first want validation that what happened to them is wrong. They want their pain taken seriously, and they do not want to be blamed or judged for what happened to them. They deserve this validation no matter who they are, what they did, or where they were when they were hurt. They need it no matter what our societal biases are about “people like them,” no matter what their criminal record may be, no matter whether they reported the crime to the police or didn’t. This validation matters in part because it reaffirms exactly what has been compromised when someone has been hurt: the belief that they live in a world that rejects violence and in which they should be able to be safe. It is easier to come through a terrible aberrant experience and be held in a society that recognizes its impact than to experience violence as an expression of the society’s norms, values, and expectations. In clearly, directly, and repeatedly affirming that what a survivor sustained is wrong, we stake a claim for a world in which what people endured should not have happened in the first place, and we walk with them in the process of re-creating and returning to (or creating for the first time) that world.

Once we have established our recognition that what happened to them is wrong, survivors want answers. Information contributes substantially to what people in the trauma recovery field describe as the formation of a “coherent narrative”—a story about what happened and why that the survivor can believe, make sense of, find some meaning in, and live with. So, for example, for survivors who before the crime believed that bad things do not happen to good people, there are two primary ways within that narrative for them to tell the story of what happened: either (a) that they are actually a bad person and therefore less deserving of safety, of good things, even of love; or (b) that their goodness, the way they live, their righteous behavior, their attempts to be consistently caring and ethical and kind do not matter and will not keep them safe. Both of those stories are far worse than the one they believed before the crime. In coming through the traumatic experience, the survivor who is telling this story will have to grieve the worldview they once held—one that made them feel whole and made it possible to expect at least some real measure of safety—and will have to form a new worldview that is workable and includes the reality of what has happened to them. That new narrative may be as simple (and as profound) as “Even terrible things are survivable with love,” or “I am more resilient than I ever knew,” or “Hurt people hurt people,” or countless other ways survivors make sense of and integrate their pain. These stories also help survivors accomplish a core feat of trauma healing: to arrange the story into their memory so they no longer experience it as eternal and ongoing.

But these new narratives are hard to build on the basis of mystery and doubt, so the more information a survivor has about what happened and why, the more thoroughly and quickly they are positioned to heal. There is almost never anyone who knows more about what happened to a survivor and why than the person who caused them harm. Survivors who want answers to their questions therefore need and deserve to be able to ask these questions and get those answers: Why did you do it? Why did you choose me? What, if anything, could I have done to stop you? Did you think I did something to you? Did you think I was someone else? Was that a real gun? Were you really prepared to shoot me? Did you feel bad at the time? Do you feel bad now? What would you have done if I had fought back? What happened to you? Did you think you could get away with this? People are built to heal, and when we have information, we are profoundly capable of putting it into the service of our healing. The problem is that survivors rarely have access to such information because every response our systems have created to manage their relationship with the person who hurt them is designed to keep them separate rather than to help them come together productively.”]

danielle sered, from until we reckon: violence, mass incarceration, and a road to repair, 2019

[poopyballz28]

okay first actual post here we go

Some Baki characters when they catch a cold and you offer to take care of them

Baki

• He insists you don't take care of him. He doesn't wanna seem like a burden on you or possibly get you sick too.

• If you care for him regardless its such a new feeling for him. For almost his whole life he was forced to care for himself all alone but to actually have someone there to aid him back to health makes him feel warm inside.

• He'll probably just do a lot a sleeping all day. He seems like the type to just sleep in his futon until hes all better. He might wanna hold onto you like a body pillow.

• He'd want you to make him from homemade food and give it to him in bed like he would LOVE that. He'd ask for seconds too. He's a bit gluttonous, for your cooking especially.

Jack

• This guy does NOT catch colds. It's something that barely ever happens so when he does catch a one it's kind of a shocker.

• He handles the tiredness and pain like a champ, since he's definitely been through exponentially worse than just a little cold. He'll barely act any different. He'll most likely just be a little woozy and tired, but nothing that makes him any less powerful.

• If you figure out some miraculous way to have him stay home to take care of him, he may be a little irritated at first. He thinks it's useless to just stay in bed all day doing nothing especially when he knows that the cold doesn't affect his strength or performance whatsoever. He wants to go train as soon as possible.

• You'll have to cook him bunches of homemade food (which he probably very much enjoys) to satiate that huge appetite he has. You'll be in the kitchen a lot that day.

• Showing your genuine concern for him makes him feel really strange inside. Like his brother, he's always had to take care of himself and deal with his suffering all alone. But with you there helping and taking care of him, he can't help but feel just a little joyful about it deep down.

• In the long run though, he'll be very low key thankful he stayed home with you. He pushes away that attachment to you as much as he can but he very slightly realizes that he really does love being taken care of by you and hanging out with you. He wont be able to get your face out of his mind when he starts training again.

Kozue

• I feel like she'll be one of the only ones to take it easy when she knows shes sick.

• She'll be so weak and tired she'll wanna do nothing but lay in bed all day

• She loves when you take care of her and do sweet little things to make her feel better. It makes her so happy. She'll wanna kiss and hold you but she doesn't wanna get you sick too.

• I like to think shes a little more emotional and sensitive when she catches a cold, so she might be crying randomly in which she will be in need of some very cautious hugs.

• She'll probably binge watch anime all day and she'd love it if you'd watch some with her.

• I just imagine her with a wet towel on her head and a tub of ice cream watching Sailor Moon or Madoka Magica on her TV while just snuggled up in her sheets

• I see her in a super cute pair of pajamas too probably hello kitty print shorts and an oversized t shirt ohhhh my GAWD shes so cute

Katsumi

• You'll know he's sick immediately just by the way he looks and the way he's slugging around, but he'll say he can make it through it and it'll sweat out later at the dojo (it wont)

• Even if you push him to stay home, he'll be completely sure with you he's fine and can make it through the day as normal. He appreciates how much you want to help him though

• His students at the dojo will see how sick he looks and how hes kind of weak and under performing. They'll usher him to go home and get some rest, kind of forcing him out of his own dojo (they all really care for him 🙁) One of his students would probably help him get home safely too

• When hes sick he'll most likely be a little more touchier and kind of out of it. He'll try to pull you in and hug you with a stupid smile on his face. He'll be acting really silly most of the time.

• He gets really bored just sitting in bed all day. He wants so badly to just go teach or train but all he can do is sit in bed until he gets better. He'll get a little needy for your attention and will try to kiss or hug you a lot but you'll have to remind him you're not trying to get sick too.

• He'd think its sooo cute if you brought him some homemade food in bed. He'd probably tear up a bit like a doofus and smooch you out of happiness. Wont be too late till your sick as well.

Retsu

• He'll try to ignore it at first and train as usual, but eventually he'll know that its best if he takes a little bit of time off to get back to 100%

• He already knows how to care for himself quite well actually, he doesn't get sick often but he knows exactly what to do to get better as soon as possible (how to treat himself, what foods to eat, etc etc

• He'll probably sneak in some training while he's recovering though

• Colds don't particularly have him acting very different, but he'd definitely be a little tired and his words might slur just a bit. He feels like the type who catches a cold and sneezes all the time 😭

• He says you don't have to help him and he can care for himself, not wanting to burden you. But if you persist, he'll let you care for him. He'll be constantly thanking you for everything you do too.

• You do everything you possibly can for him, no matter how many times he says its not needed or he can do it by himself, you're always there to do something for him. He actually really likes it when you make food and bring it to him. He adores your cooking.

• He does get quite happy when you care for him like that though. It makes him feel a lot of joy knowing there's someone there to love and care for him. He never been cared for like that before.

• After everything he'll show a ton of appreciation towards you and how you nursed him back to health. If you ever happen to get sick he'll treat you just as well if not even better.

Katou

• He despises being sick, it just slows him down from all the crazy shit he wants to do and it puts him in a really bad mood.

• He'll probably try to ignore it and go on as usual unless you force him to stay home (which clearly wont be an easy task)

• If he decides to just take a sick day off, he doesn't want you helping him. He thinks its weak having to have another person care for him other then himself. Mind you, he'll already be in a shitty mood so try to care for him with upmost caution. He's very violent.

• I can see him attempting to do things by himself, angrily telling you that he's got it, then tripping or stumbling while getting up 😭

• If you persist enough, he'll eventually just give in and let you care for him. He'll be so intense and pissed though. But as time progresses he gets low key kinda happy having someone genuinely cares about him and his well-being. Just like most everyone on this list (strangely), the feeling of someone caring for him is new and special. He really wants you to take care of him forever. He wants that love and attention he hasn't had for so long. It'd be funny if he genuinely pretended to be sick even after his cold passes just so you can care for him more.

• He'll probably try to fuck with you and tease you for being like his little nurse, making him feel better and stuff but if you tease him back he'll just get kinda cranky again all like "Tch." little bitch i want to DO HIM sorry y'all i got a little crazy there

• These homosexual thoughts are taking over my life

Hector

• Assassins like him can't really take a day off for a puny little cold so even if he does realize he's sick, he'll go out anyway.

• He wont act very different, he'll probably just be a little weaker and tired, but he'll work around all of it as the day goes on. He wont let a little cold get in his way. In fact, it doesn't really slow him down much at all.

• If you force him to stay home and you take care of him, it feels all so different to him. It's bizarre that someone else is caring for HIM of all people in the world. He'll wonder, why him? He knows he's just a cold assassin killing for a living who does nothing but spill the blood of others, he knows this very well. So he genuinely wonders why it's him another human being cares about so deeply. He's very confused but very very deep inside, he's glad. He doesn't know he's glad but he truly is deep down.

• He'd eat the shit out of your cooking too. Your cooking makes him feel real warm and fuzzy inside so he'll probably eat a lot of what you make.

• He'll be quieter than usual just enjoying the silence with you. At the end of the day though, he'll thank you for everything. He'll blush and look off to side while saying it.

[clouds-rambles]

Hi there! Can i request xiao, childe,zhongli where reader gets injured bad one time that they go into like a comatose or something? And at the end they wake up, thank you!! 🤗

Hi bestie! And ask and ye shall sufficiently be fed. I kept rambling on these so I hope you don’t mind <3

Pairings; (Separate) Xiao, Childe, Zhongli x reader

Warning(s); hurt/comfort, cursing, slight wound description

Keep reading under the cut!

Xiao

You didn’t actually plan to take on the Oceanid but you were in the area and you knew a friend needed a cleansing heart or two so why not?

The why not is the fact that the dumb water birds were ripping the shit out of you

Sufficiently happy that the Oceanid has given you a lesson enough, they disappear, leaving you pretty much in a heaped, shivering, bloody pile.

The yaksha hears his name being spoken with such a level of hurt, Xiao is moving before you’re able to mutter his name a second time

Despite his quick speeds and quicker panic, he hears your voice slowly lose breath. And as much as he doesn’t want to he has started preparing himself for the worst.

Maybe it’s his fault for loving a fleeting mortal?

When he reaches you, you’re unconscious. But breathing. Laboured, likely due to some broken ribs, but breathing none the less. A less panicked and worried Xiao would chastise him for holding onto something that could disappear.

Xiao isn’t going to let you die, not on his hands.

He takes your limp body back to the Wangshu Inn and within the hour there’s 3 doctors all bandaging your body and making sure your stable

Comatose isn’t a word that Xiao has much experience with. But to him it manifests into the worst weeks of his life

Where he isn’t sat beside you, he’s pacing in your room. And when he isn’t doing that he’s throwing himself so deep in slaying demons and once the supply of demons ran dry he started clearing out random hilichurl camps

He knows that things are starting to get better when you start muttering random things in your sleep, and reacting to whatever books Xiao reads to you

Nobody at the Inn says anything outwardly about how unusually soft Xiao is, but everyone’s notices. If you were awake Xiao could imagine you teasing him about it and giving him a kiss

Four weeks almost to the day you wake up. Xiao is sat in his normal place beside you, book in his hand reading to you

“I like that book, its my favourite” you tell the yaksha who hasn’t noticed your waking. Your voice struggles to make words, like when you talk first thing in the morning.

Xiao jumps a little at your voice, he was so engrossed in the book and barely noticed your gaze. 

Grinning is an understatement, Xiao smiles so wide and out of character that you almost jest about Xiao being a doppelganger 

But the moment he hugs you, careful of your bindings, the jest fizzles away

“I almost lost you” he tells you his face sufficiently buried in your neck to try and hide the growing tears that he’s been pushing back through the weeks 

“You can’t get rid of me that easily cutie” you reassure the yaksha as you embrace him as tight as your bandaged body can

-

Childe

The two of you love to expend your energy with random friendly fights be it wrestling around the house or finding the highest plains and having a great all out battle. You both find its a great way to release stress too

“I was thinking about eating out for dinner” you tell Childe as you parry his arrow

“That sounds like an idea. Loser pays” Childe responds with a grin

The fight is great, and dare you say it you’re winning

Until, by no joke, the biggest gust of wind pushes you off of the cliff and sends you flying

It would be funny if you couldn’t feel your bones breaking as you fall

Childe dives off the cliff the as soon as he can attempting to catch you

He does. But he’s a little too late to catch you conscious. You feel like a limp bag of potatoes. Your heartbeat being the only thing that’s currently grounding him and keeping him from committing various crimes

He doesn’t have the time to overthink until you’re safe and laying in your shared room

The three days that you’re unconscious Childe spends almost every waking moment sat on a chair beside your bed, laying on the bed beside you and actively avoiding as much work as he physically can. Even to the point a fatui agent comes to the house and lectures him about how he mustn’t keep avoiding his obligations.

He leaves for half a day on the third day and sits beside you the moment he gets back. He’s lazily telling you about his boring half day of work after he finishes he drops his head onto the bead

“I guess I’ll have to buy dinner though” you tell Childe your hand petting his hair 

You’ve never seen Childe sit up so fast and bury his head into your chest where you continue to pet his hair 

“Though you might have to go and get it, my bones hurt” you jest 

“You fell off a fucking cliff [name] I’m sure your bones do more than hurt” he smiles kissing your nose

You smile at the man and embrace him again “I’m sure you caught me though”

“Without hesitation” he grins, Childes worry's and the days before overthinking flutter away for the time being

-

Zhongli

Being the adventurer spirit that you are going to the reaches of Liyue and you’ve made it your personal goal of exploring every crevice of the country

On your way back to the Harbour after a month and a half being away. Though on the final stretch of your journey a mitachurl decided that you were a personal punching bag and threw you across the road

  Though in much pain from the fall you some how managed to make it back home and into the arms of your spouse

“I’ve got a present fo-” you pass out mid sentence, obviously your adrenaline from the mitachurl had finally ran out

Zhongli takes your sudden excess of deadweight and quickly lays you down onto your shared bed and checks you for any wounds

He quickly finds a large bruise from the mitachurl earlier. Zhongli changes you into some comfortable clothing while you’re already half undressed under his concerned gaze

Despite his quick thinking and generally unfazed expression the archon feels a unsettling pit at the bottom of his stomach

Baizhu is inside the house within the half hour and within the hour he has a diagnosis. A coma with no end date. 

Being acquainted with comas but thanks to his previous lifetimes Zhongli has never been so close to someone with such an ailment

Another month and a half Zhongli finds himself away from his spouse. Although trying to keep his schedule as consistent as possible his morning walks are changed to sitting at the bedside and dinner time was often spent sat to the table that was in the bedroom, but now moved closer to your bedside

Although very used to being alone for extended periods of time thanks for your love of exploration, he has never felt so far away from you despite you being so close to him

When you awoke it was actually close to midnight. Your brain takes a few moments to catch up with the world. You take into account that you’re in bed, and notably, your spouse was not

You feel the distinct pain of the hit you had taken, although you note that it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did when you came home

You sit on the edge of your bed and stand, a little wobbly at first, and you move about your home looking for your absent spouse

That’s until you find him asleep in the spare bedroom. Why is he there? You don’t remember having an explosive argument or kicking out of bed.

You enter the room and touch your spouses arm and you call his name. He wakes with a start almost surprised

“You’re awake” he informs you which causes you to chuckle at him

“You’re going to have to catch me up my love” you stroke his hair after he sits up in bed and urges you to sit atop his lap

“In the morning my dear, just for a moment let me be in your presence”

“Anything for you my love” you smile at him before pausing “Though I would love something to eat”

[shingia]

can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

TAGLIST : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

[fereldanwench]

As I've been watching folks come forward with stories about bullying and gatekeeping in the Cyberpunk fandom, and watching other folks who are kind of on the sidelines (like me) chime in with their takes, I've been debating if there is any value to me speaking up outside of tags in reblogs from other folks.

To be honest, I'm still a little unsure if there is: I'm not directly involved in any of this, I feel like some of what I have to say has already been said, and I feel like I might be inserting myself into something I could more or less let pass by me. But I have a lot of friends who have been directly affected by this, and a common sentiment seems to be "Thank you for sharing. You're not alone."

So maybe my two cents can also help alleviate someone's pain or sense of isolation.

In spite of the current climate, I have actually found Cyberpunk on the whole to be one of the most chill fandoms I've ever been a part of. (Granted, weathering the Dragon Age fandom circa 2013-2015 might cloud my judgment a little here.) Although to be real: I'm also probably lucky that my blorbo of choice wasn't ~*claimed*~ by anyone, which has allowed me to create and vibe in peace.

But I will say when I "joined" last summer/fall, when I was basically a loner doing my thing, before I even knew most of my CP friends or any cliques or spilled tea, I got Bad Vibes™️ from certain parties pretty quickly. I generally prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes at the expense of ignoring my gut instincts, but eventually, I felt like first impressions were accurate and I have maintained my distance.

I've participated in online fandom communities for over 20 years--While every fandom will have its unique flavor of drama, you eventually start to spot the troublemakers from a mile away. People who can't share their toys but still expect to be a part of a broader community, people who surround themselves with yes-men, people who crave validation to an unhealthy extent, people who insist their friends like and dislike the same community members they do, people who prey on other fans who are susceptible to manipulation, etc.

I felt relatively safe from all this behavior: I know what I like and what I'm about, I'm confident in my niche, and I met some really cool people I'm happy and honored to call my friends now. But I noticed over the past few months that almost every single one of them had a story about being wronged one way or another by this particular group. I also noticed that in spite of the hold this group seemed to have over fandom, a lot of people, directly affected or not, seemed to share a lot of the same concerns I had just weeks into the fandom. But everyone was afraid to say anything.

And I think to some extent, for good reason: callout posts and going public about ~*fandom drama*~ is a whole ass thing. They can often make things worse, they can often further divide a community, they almost always put the person doing the calling out under a microscope. Victims will have their valid concerns and legitimate experiences with harassment be dismissed as "clout chasing" or "just being jealous" while the perpetrators often just double-down on their behavior. It's scary and can feel futile to speak up and disrupt the status quo, even if the status quo sucks.

People will also be told "this should be handled privately." I do think a lot of things can and should be resolved privately, and I generally advocate this as a first step over going directly to callout posts. However, this requires both parties to have an investment in reaching some kind of reconciliation--I get the sense that this point has long passed. (Incidentally, it also requires being able to talk to someone privately, which can't be done if you block 80% of the community. It's pretty disingenuous of a person to say "this should have been handled privately" if they've removed that as an option.)

The exact goal of a callout post can also be muddied. Toxic in its own way, even. Yes, sometimes it is absolutely about trying to run people out of fandom. I can't honestly say I've never thought "this community would be better off without so-and-so." I have. I've probably said it, too. But at my core, I also genuinely believe in people having an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and be better. I don't think people who have been wronged need to stick around for that personal journey and I think a part of that journey might require taking a step back from a community, but I do understand the discomfort of witnessing (or experiencing) what feels like mass ostracization and retribution.

But in this particular situation, I think the greatest takeaway is that people who felt isolated are realizing they are not. The fact that so many people have come forward to share experiences that have been burdening them for months I think speaks volumes to the damage that has been done here. I also think trying to reduce this hurt and trauma to "clout chasing" or "being jealous" is not only reductive but perpetuates this harm.

And the last thing I'm going to say about this is really more criticism of CDPR than the fandom, but I feel it's still relevant since the two are rather entwined at this point.

Since witnessing the way David Gaider's behavior with fans contributed to a lot of wank in the Dragon Age fandom ten years ago, I have felt very strongly that it's important for the well-being of both parties to maintain a certain distance.

This isn't to say that they shouldn't interact at all or that there shouldn't any kind of community outreach--I have personally done some very cool things, like going to E3 (back when that was still a thing), as a result of an excellent community program from another franchise--But devs not on the community side (who are probably better equipped to handle things like the effects of parasocial relationships) can really run the risk of disrupting the already fragile ecosystem of a fandom, even with the best of intentions. I believe that has happened to an extent here as well, and I would just caution devs and fans alike about respecting the need for some boundaries.

I don't really have a clever little summation for this, so I'm just going to end with a screenshot of my Duolingo lesson for today being far too relevant because I honestly got a good laugh out of it: