#its a great apartment i would live there
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if i am reading a fic about a rockstar and he has a new york apartment i am borrowing the vision of the apartment i constructed in my head for ryan ross of throam fame all those years ago
#its a great apartment i would live there#big windows large kitchen only one bedroom but its cozy#dont get me started on ryan's california apartment also#talking
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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People will adopt big muscular dogs w behavioral problems n ask me (dog sitter) if i have experience with pitties n I’m like (will smith meme) do you???
#the dog I’m sitting now will basically destroy any object within his reach and try to bite you in the face if he thinks you are going to#attempt to stop him. which is not great#they usually just end up crated most of the time…#personally if I lived in a small apartment in the city i would not adopt a big high strung dog that hates other dogs. bc i have experience#walking those dogs and it sucks!!!!! get a small dog!!!!!! sorry if you think they’re lame or whatever. or you want credit for rescuing a#pit bull. and yeah they have big dumb heads and always look like they’re smiling. but its not always the best option for either of you
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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me
#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks#but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score#im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again#the bathroom is not in the apartment btw#that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area#but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom#im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment#i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in#i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city#and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit#that would be nice#i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try#mostly i just miss that city#there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment#(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially#and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk#and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol#i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash#and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid#was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip#its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving#but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home#oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there#mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that#but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it#im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going#its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love#i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there
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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
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sometimes i kinda wish mirei wasn't killed off because boy the divorced exes dynamic with majima could've been so god damn funny
#everyones seen my 'if you see my ex-husband at pride' post. thinking about that sort of thing#like yeah i know y5 said they werent exactly on bad terms (though i think that was vague and debatable considering the way she#recounts her backstory with haruka not really painting him in a great light- for understandable reasons mostly dont get me wrong- but my#point is . i think there may have been more passive aggressive animosity lingering in there than what was presented in the romanticized#retelling of the story later on in the game basically). but come on. you cant tell me they'd get along just fine if she were to have lived.#say what you will about her and her intentions and etc but regardless she DID tear kiryu's family apart and guilt trip the SHIT out of him#to do so. knowing majima. and knowing how majima feels about kiryu. do you think he'd be like. cool with that#like if/when he heard the whole story i do Not think mirei's Heartwarming Vicarious Dreams would be enough to excuse the damage she did#and its such a wild coincidence itd be hard not to think- at least just a tinnnyyy bit- that she somehow found majima's weakpoint#(kiryu) and attacked it on purpose out of spite or something.#yeah all that and i think their relationship mustve been inevitably Very toxic and fucked up considering. everything about both of them#especially at that point in time. plus the very weird and not great gap in maturity (18-19 vs 27-28) and all that. no way that ended just#totally chill and amicable. no fucking way. she had fair reason to harbor resentment towards him and i wouldve liked to see that honestly#anyway so i mean you see what im getting at. perfect setup for the most toxic but kind of hilarious divorced dynamic Ever#if she were to ever come anywhere near kiryu again majima would be there in 0.2 seconds to sheild him from impending psychological warfare#rambling#majima#mirei#y5#yakuza 5 spoilers
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...
#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet#the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful#for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body#like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this?#did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ???#my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol#u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i#feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i#mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill#still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not#so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is#to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great#its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in#the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things.#i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live#in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear#but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly#idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D#that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see#unrelated
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i am not moving to your humid little city brisbane go somewhere else with your ads brisbane city council
#i like brisbane and all but why am i getting ads for it?? whats the goal#anyway if i wanted to move across rhe country to a hot city i would go to darwin not brisbane#because my uncle & cousin (and i guess my step aunt and sort of aunt in a way?? because my aunt who is my cousins mother isnt with my uncle#anymore and my uncle is with someone else who hes in a pretty long term relationship with so… two aunts? but i dont know them too well)#sorry idk why i started talking about aunts and stuff point is i am not moving to brisbane#oh yeah also id want to go to darwin again just bc i literally can barely remember it beyond: hot. humid. apartment building where my cousin#lived. conversation about brick disguised as cake. airport. and thats it so i want to see what its actually like#since five yesr old me’s memory isnt great#alright darwin rant over for real now! brisbane stop advertising yourself to me
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vent time. cw for abuse, bugs, self harm, blah blah blah blah
#so i have really really bad issues with bugs for several reasons#growing up - probably from ages 3 to 14 - the house that i lived at had a really bad roach problem#and i was always really scared of ingesting them so id do things like wash dishes and cups before i use them and id feel queasy eating beans#fast forward to about 17-18 or so and my dad and my step ma are going through a pretty nasty divorce#and it just so happened that that house had bed bugs#everyones bed was mostly okay except for mine#and since my parents were so caught up in their divorce they didnt make time to deal with that issue#so on top of horrible insomnia and bug trauma and skin picking issues i was essentially getting eaten alive every single night#this lead to me hallucinating bugs on my skin whenever i had anxiety attacks -- which i had A LOT at the time#i would pick at my skin so roughly until i bled many many many times over and ive always been a self harm junkie so NOT GREAT#but anyways after we moved out of that situation into a new apartment#i spent a full 12 hours cleaning and sanitizing every single cloth item i owned#but i had a lot of plushies for comfort purposes#in the new apartment my dad found a dead bed bug and blamed it on me#because of my plushez#he kept yelling at me and pinning it on me and i snapped and threw out all of my stuffed animals eventually#and i sobbed and cried so fucking hard... i think that was one of the worst cries of my life and ive been beaten crazy before#he came to yell at me about it again but i told him i threw them all out and my voice broke and i could tell he felt bad for me#so fast forward again and i bought a big seal plush and its become my number 1 comfort object i lost it for a few days and felt such panic#i cant sleep without it and i cant get a new one#i love you so much ponsuke if anything happens to you i WILL kill myself#hes the first plush i bought for myself after the Purge happened and i am... unhealthily attached#millievents
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[redacted] most stupid city why even bother
#(the closest city to my parents house where i grew up im here on the holidays)#not that i go into the city much its rubbish and not worth the bus fare#so i usually only go if my parents drive me#and like everyone in the rest of the countrys always like its such a great city isnt it so nice you live nearby and used to study there#like apart from who wants to study in their local city if they can at all avoid it thats why i changed#but its actually rubbishly laid out and ugly and boring and stupid and pointless#the next closest small city which has a lot worse reputation is actually a bit nicer in my opinion#not that i particularly like that one either and some parts are really rubbish but i really think its not so bad#and like most of the students when i studied there (the closer one) also werent completely obsessed as well as like most normal people#but you even get some locals that are like its so brilliant#no it isnt its a tourist rubbish pit#anyway their latest drama is just stupid ridiculous#like i keep seeing it on facebook#like theres no point in even censoring where im from is there might as well just put the actual town cause anyone who knows me would#recognise this commentary anyway and could probably guess it was me if they were for some reason on here and reading these posts#which theres absolutely no reason they would be so why would i bother#but still the idea of putting my local city is a bit weird even though i dont care about strangers at all#at least at a rough glance no one would identify me and no ones going to read my blog closely anyway#so it doesnt matter that my attempts at privacy are completely pointless#i mean doesnt everyone hate their local city anyway i didnt specify enough that itd come to mind where im talking about
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I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.
What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.
What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.
What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.
The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.
And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.
But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.
I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.
#shut up e#long post#Saturday thoughts#this has been in my drafts for a week haha#also this is the heart of why AI art feels so wrong#forget the discussion of copyright and theft etc - even if models were only trained on public domain they would still feel very wrong#because they’re not art. art is the labor of creation#even commercial art and art commissioned by the popes and kings of history: there is humanity in the labor of it#unrelated: I did not know living in the Bronx was now something to brag about. How the fuck do y’all New Yorkers afford this city???
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ok Heres some thoughts now that im not stupidly sleepy anymore. i like thinking about dreamys first encounter with miles after entering his universe, freshly mutated and not having any real idea of whats going on, confused as fuck. so they see spiderman on the news and go “shit, thats the guy i gotta talk to, how the FUCK do i get in contact with him” and then IM THINKING they do something very silly and dramatic which is to stage a crime like an armed robbery or something so hell show up, then as soon as hes there they drop the weapon or whatever and go “oh good it worked. sorry about scaring everyone i just needed to talk to spiderman for a second ill find some way to pay for therapy if anyone needs it after this” and then telling him about their own powers so he can help
#cherry chats#dreamy 🌃#ahhh wait fuck. just realized i should change that tag fo have an emoji in case anyone follows the dreamy tag#augh. hold on. brb#dont read this post yet its not finished. ill come back and say more stuff in the tags in like 10 minutes or smth#OK BACK!!!!! i have more shit on dreamy now that idk if ive said before#their relationship with liv in their original dimension has over time morphed into the WORST fwb deal in the whole world#liv has become so incredibly manipulative and actually downright obsessed w them. idk how that happened#she tries to prevent them from talking to anyone shes jealous she has tantrums shes admitted the true nature of the collider project and its#ties to kingpin etc etc#shes absolutely crazy over there. and i LOVE it#she thinks she can manipulate dreamy They manipulate her right back. theyre sooooo fucked up <3#and they came to miles’ dimension not by choice but as a result of the accident. spider society hates them because theyre anomalous#and also Erm a shit hero. by spider society standards#they have nothing more than just a vague feeling and fleeting memories and strange dreams from their original dimension#theyve tried looking themself up in alchemax personnel files but finding nothing‚ because in 1610 they never worked there#so their memories dont add up with the reality around them which is obviously. SOO fucking frustrating#also. news on powers. their extra eyes have nightvision and their fangs have a temporarily paralyzing venom 👍#they dont know that for sure though. they havent run any tests because they would need a living subject for that and the way they found out#in the first place was accidentally biting their tongue. so they dont know for sure how the venom works#but i know. and its paralyzing The effect is less for them since its their venom but still potent enough to cause irritation#like. when they bit their tongue it stiffened and tensed up for awhile but no numbing#if it bit someone else it would have a marginally stronger effect#and umm……. umm. well actually maybe thats all#after their vanishing in their home dimension shit fell apart over there#both liv and ohnn were distraught and tried looking for them but eventually gave up#theyre gone for years before they manage to find home after all…….. they just assume theyd been offed or something#so umm. i think thats it 😁 i love dreamy i think theyr great#still not sure what their home dimension is called though. i like 8084 but im not sure#so yay My spidey baby Teehee ^__^ i like thinking about their lore a lot ithink its fun
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Applied for a job and applying to community college. It feels weird. It feels like I'm 18 again, even though I'm turning 23 in less than a week. It feels promising though
#so when i was 18 i was supposed to go to college!#i was. i was accepted and everything. i had plans#i was going to go for sign language interpreting. i had hella scholarships#and then. they went bankrupt. spring break before i was supposed to attend#it was unfortunate. i didnt have time to try to attend another college. and asl interpreting isnt a common course#so i moved out of my parents house a few weeks after graduation and just started working#it was great. until i moved to philadelphia#where i lost all of my money and tanked my credit score by being poor#so now im back with my parents#what a horrible cyclical turn of events#and for the longest time ive been trying to get out again. move out. get back to work#i have a job now but it barely pays uh. anything#and i was fighting so hard to escape that i didnt stop to think that i dont have the means to and i would just end up not great again#so i decided to apply for a front desk and marketing position at the same place my older sibling works#an art center. a place that i really fucking love tbh#and a nearby community college has free college for people that were essential workers during the pandemic#i think i would have to live in this state for a year tho so maybe not college right now#but maybe someday. if i get this marketing/front desk position then im sure ill stick around for a bit#idk im having weird conflicting feelings about trying to put down roots here#but i cant leave anytime soon. thats kind of hitting me#i dont have money. or a good credit score. i will not be accepted to an apartment#and even if i am i will not be able to pay rent#so i might as well get a job i like. not just a placeholder#see about going to college. especially if its free#and instead of like. waiting for my life to start. maybe do something with it while i have it#if that makes sense#suicide tw ahead-#i didnt think i was going to make it past age 18. and now im nearly 23#so im living every day with no plans#every day is a lovely little gift that i never expected to have so now its a task to try and figure out what to do with it
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in the mornings the first thing i did was go on my phone but now with my cat the first thing i must do is show him my undivided and complete attention via scritches and pets for at least 15 minutes or he will head butt my hand and bite my phone until i do
#bro lies by my heading waiting for the first indication of life#so he can start purring and being like great now its ME TIME#last night i had a dream about cats and it was bc he fell asleep where my body wanted to roll over to#and it was translating deep in my brain that there was a block#and then later i woke to the sound of him using his litter box#but where i used to live there was a lot of construction#so i was like oh there’s construction wait that sounds really close like in my apartment?#a break in???#and the amount of time it took for my brain to start up proves that i would die in the wild immediately
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Banished
jason todd x fem!reader
aka jason misses his girlfriend
warnings: extremely mild angst, he’s just mopey (he’s fine)
Jason sits slumped over the kitchen island, head lying in his crossed arms. His now soggy cereal disregarded after barely a few bites.
Dick’s been rummaging through the cabinets for the better part of twenty minutes while Tim has sat atop of the nook table shoving donuts in his mouth for the better part of thirty.
Damian trudges into the room, past them and onto the nook bench, taking out a knife and beginning to whittle away at a block of wood.
He glances at Jason with a scowl. “If you’re going to be so miserable, can’t you do it in your own home?”
Jason just grunts.
He wishes. You and Bruce had conspired to trap him at the mansion for the week so he could heal from injuries sustained during the last mission without risk of him suiting up and sneaking away from you in the middle of the night.
But it’s not even the fact that he’s basically being babysat that’s got him so disgruntled. He secretly wouldn’t really mind it at all if you were here too. But you were dead set that the manor was too far out of your way for work, so you’d stayed behind. A lose-lose for Jason.
“He’s just mad his girlfriend kicked him out,” Dick teases, swiping through the fridge.
Tim snorts from the doorway, “Me too. He’s a lot more depressing on his own.”
Jason keeps his head down as he blindly reaches for the spoon in his cereal and chucks it at Tim’s head.
Tim catches it without thought, continuing, “A lot more irritable, at least. Why isn’t she here?”
“She’s gotta work,” Dick says, scanning through the pantry.
Damian peeps his head up from his project. “But Todd has a rather large supply of less than legally obtained money, does he not?”
“Yeah, but she said she wants to pay her own rent, I think,” Dicks hums, finally giving up on his quest for a snack.
Damian pauses.
“So she wants to live in a tiny apartment?” He asks, a mixture of confused and horrified.
“Watch your mouth,” Jason mumbles.
“It was a genuine question!” Damian protests, face screwed up.
Jason finally lifts his head up, turning to his little brother with a raised brows. “And I’m genuinely going to break your nose.”
It’s an empty threat, maybe. But it was enough to shut Damian up anyways. Jason turns back to his cereal and swishes the bowl around.
Dick rests his arms on the counter across from Jason and speaks lowly. “You know, it is just a few days. She’s coming back.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
Jason was never one for showing his feelings—let alone talking about them.
He misses you, plain and simple. Dick could see that much clearly, though the longing looked unfamiliar on Jason.
Bruce lingers in the hallway, just past the island, listening.
He’ll admit (to himself) that he’s worried about Jason. It’s been three days and Jason has yet to show a crack in this demeanor. And while it’s not uncommon for him to stow himself away, there is something quite wrong with the way he hasn’t countered his brother’s jabs at him or teased them.
And while he could do without the blatant threats, he’s proud to hear his son defending his girlfriend, even over trivial things. It’s one of the few moments where he feels like he did right by him as a father.
And now here’s his son, caring about someone else more than he cares about himself. Someone who’s a good person, no less. It had been your idea to trick Jason into staying at the manor, you were scared that he would push his body past its limit when you couldn’t do anything to help.
Bruce knew you didn’t feel great about basically banishing him for the week but he could see that you just wanted what was best for Jason. He could see it so clearly. Maybe Bruce could never have been a perfect father, could never have given his son everything he needed despite having more money than he could ever use. Maybe he couldn’t help him, even now.
But you could.
Bruce peers around the corner, leaning up against the doorframe.
He watches Damian give up on carving at his block and start into the leg of the table.
He watches the bickering that broke out after Tim grab the last glazed donut, which was apparently the only thing Dick could possibly fathom eating.
And he watches Jason.
As Jason’s phone lights up on the counter next to him. He glances down at it with a frown before his face absolutely lights up.
He scrambles to pick the phone up and starts typing away. A quiet action that catches the attention of all of his brothers.
He types and types, waits for ten seconds for a response and types and types again—smile on his face.
The Waynes didn’t need to be the greatest detectives in the world to know who he was texting.
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