#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

[cheerfullycatholic]

Hey, this is totally random, and honestly I apologize for dumping this out on your blog. But I need to talk to someone and I don't know what to do.

Hi, I've been in a relationship for about 4 years now. I love him with all of my heart. But I've been thinking of leaving.

I need to know if I'm justified in this. If maybe this is a push from God, or something, to get out.

He's always been insecure, I've always had to reassure him. Constantly. It was fine at first, but it's exhausting sometimes. It feels like I have no privacy. When I am on my phone, he asks what I am doing, when I am talking to someone, he asks what we are talking about and makes sure that I'm "not talking about him". I have to tell him what I write in my journal, just in case it's about him. He says he doesn't read it, but I don't entirely believe him, or think he wouldn't.

He usually sits in the bathroom while I shower. If I have my phone to play music, it's suspicious to him. If I'm on the couch or anything and my phone is face down, it's suspicious to him.

He has gone through my phone before behind my back. He has told me about the one time, but I suspect there's others.

He doesn't want to go through RCIA or attend Catholic mass. Something I have been passionate about, or at least was, until he ruined it. We would fight every time I wanted to go to church. He would make me feel so selfish for dragging him along. So I stopped fighting it. I never asked him to be a member. I just asked him to learn with me, to explore. But he doesn't want to. Now, he wants to pick a different church. I said I would. Because I don't know what else to do. Mind you, it is non negotiable that we have to attend the same church, he will not compromise.

We talk to each other about our expenses which I don't mind, but often, when I want to buy things, he calls it a waste of money. But when he wants to buy things, it's not. I have spoke to him about this, it doesn't seem to change.

We have to eat the same foods for dinner. I can't eat things that are different from him. I don't know why.

I have an opportunity to get a college degree with a mild commute. He doesn't want me to take it because we won't work in the same town anymore. And he is worried I will meet someone more interesting and leave.

I have told him that I'm doing it no matter what. But when I bring it up, he shuts down, or gets angry.

Our intimate life has been lacking, as I have had issues with pain during and after, and hormonal imbalances, due to possible Endo. While I know it's been out of wack for the better part of two years, and that can be frustrating, it seems he really isn't understanding about it. After about 3 weeks going without intimacy, he gets depressed, and ends up either arguing with me, or making me feel bad because it must mean that "he's not attractive to me" or "I think he's gross". I can understand insecurities stemming from that. But it's a struggle for me too, and I'm literally scheduled for a surgery to fix things and diagnose. That doesn't seem to matter. I feel like I have to constantly prove myself loyal to him. Even though he says he trusts me, I constantly have to tell him I'm not cheating on him.

I can't talk to him about this, because I'm almost certain nothing will change, and it will just make him more insecure. I'll have to reassure him more. And I can't. I don't have any more to give. I can't talk to anyone about this through text or anything because I know he'll find out somehow. That's why I'm doing an anon ask, so that it will not be in my notifications.

Am I wrong for feeling suffocated? Is this unhealthy? I don't know what to do. I have no family where I live, they're halfway across the country. I feel so trapped.

Oh my gosh, Anon, that's awful. I can't imagine how hard being in that position must be and I'll be praying for you both 🖤

You are absolutely justified in leaving and I recommend you do so soon. I won't rant but, man, that is far from a healthy relationship and you deserve better. But please, be safe. I hate to assume, but do you think he'd be the type to lash out? Just from what you've told me, I personally wouldn't trust him to just let me leave. If you think it wouldn't be safe, maybe have a friend or even a police officer there with you, just in case. I wish I knew what else to say. Maybe someone else will have something to add?

I really hope you'll both be okay and that you'll be able to get through this safely. I wish there was more I could do

[nessacousland]

can i ask what was ur problem with treviso? i actually found treviso and the crows to be the most interesting faction out of all of them so maybe im just biased LOL

Okay, full disclosure: I was on vacation and didn’t get to play Veilguard until the 8th of November. Couldn’t take the potential spoilers everywhere, so I've been cramming these past few days to finish the game asap (I still did every side quest, had all factions at max strength and got the “best” ending etc. but didn’t do every chests/stats puzzle). By the time the Treviso questline concluded, I'd been fully marinating in the sauce of all the other criminally stupid quests, is what I’m trying to say, and Treviso was emblematic of every problem I already had with this game. It was my breaking point.

To start with, the questline is offensively generic and an actual insult to the players’ intellect. Painfully linear, cartoon villains abound and nothing of any substance was ever said during its run.

The moment Caterina told us about Lucanis’ non-death, I called Illario being the traitor. There were no clever misdirects, there were no other leads, nope, they showed us his hand *immediately*. Grandma First Talon of the murder guild has a clear favorite and didn’t tell the ‘spare’ heir about her suspicions? Yeah, okay. Repeat FAMILY as often as you want, you piss-poor Godfather knockoff of a questline, I ain't buying.

So, from the start, all tension is gone, I'm just sitting there waiting for the rest of these “capable” assassins who “rule Antiva from the shadows” to catch on to this incredibly obvious plot twist. Meanwhile, the quests had absolutely nothing interesting to say - about the Crows or Treviso. The first bad guy was, predictably, an evil evil Venatori, super more evil than the evil evil Venatori you've seen before, guys, she literally BATHES IN BLOOD. Omg, right? 🙄 (I found Tevinter infinitely more compelling when their entire ruling class were power-hungry tyrants out of self-interest instead of being hit over the head with the mustache-twirling villain/crazed cultist stick).

Mr. “totally not the traitor” kills Zara before she can tell us anything of substance, she dies,clearly shocked, calling him “Amatus”...AND NO ONE CATCHES ON. You can have Neve on the team, Bellara regularly reads Tevinter serials (the whole team has a fucking book club in the middle of an apocalypse), you can play a freaking Shadow Dragon Rook, but nah, nothing. We don’t even get to ask “Uh, what was that?”. Instead, we get to sit through more pointless missives/quests while the ever capable Crows are totally investigating the traitor.

Now, you could argue that the “Amatus” was a reward to tip off those of us who’ve played the previous games and know what the term means. But with a plot this threadbare and obvious…did the writers think they’re Agatha Christie here? Did they really think I was at the edge of my seat, desperate to find out “whodunit” and grateful for any crumbs thrown my way?

Well, anyway, we are told a million times over that super charming (where?) Illario is just “like that” every time he acts super freaking suspicious. (The funeral thing with Caterina's ashes was especially funny.)

You'd think those instances would start to add up and prompt someone - anyone - to start using their brains (don't we have a goddamn detective on our team?!), but NOPE. We have to corpse-whisper to progress this questline. One of the biggest ass-pulls they've introduced via this game in general, in my opinion (is this Forbidden Realms and we just unlocked the Speak with the Dead spell?) - and it acts as the deus ex machina here to finally give us a clue. Wow, thanks.

The entire sequence of Lucanis confronting Illario in front of the assembled mafia felt like something out of an Antivan play. So goddamn goofy. I thought that vibe was charming in Josephine's romance quest - Antivans live for the drama - but they wanted us to take this moment seriously. This is Lucanis confronting his “all he has left” (don't get me started on the Fade sequence - apparently we the players can’t grasp anyone's motivations without having them spelled out for us over and over again) for putting him through hell and changing his entire being forever. Should I be laughing right now?

To make matters worse,we're told that the Crows are the perfect killers who never leave a contract unfinished - and then Lucanis spares Illario because the humiliation is the biggest punishment??? Like, I'm fine with him faltering here, that’s human. But this should have had consequences. This is the murder guild we're talking about here. Lucanis’ parents were literally killed in a different house’s coup attempt. He was just made the head mobster, immediately showed weakness in front of the entire mafia and everything is just dandy fine??? Because FAMILY?

Another personal gripe with this is that - as always - Rook had zero agency. No matter what you do, Lucanis will forgive or spare Illario. Imagine if we had the option to convince him to kill him instead. Imagine the resulting resentment tainting our bond with him and having us actively engage with fixing or breaking it. Imagine us going along with his mercy but hashing out the painful consequences for his house with him. But that’s not the game Veilguard is.

Anyway, the quest then becomes even more ridiculous. We've long learned that a human traitor helped the Antaam claim Treviso overnight. Someone with great knowledge of the city and the necessary power to make it happen. Gee, I'm sure the human GOVERNOR regularly hanging out in the Crow headquarters or the market bitching about the Crows’ interference 24/7 - the ONLY town official we get to see - had nothing to do with it. Five scarves fluttered in shock out of five, great job, guys.

The Butcher thing was just…weird. Like, we get to hear and build him up as this totally different antaam leader, cruel but cunning and calculating, someone who will be difficult to dethrone. Only for him to show up out of nowhere and serve no other purpose than to move the main plot forward asap and die. Lol, thanks for your service, I guess.

Then Ivenci, for no fucking reason, decides that they, like any good cartoon villain, should reveal themselves to us just in order to gloat. Um, why don’t they simply order the Antaam to murder us dead right then and there? If Rook and their plucky team of friends are too powerful for that, why haven’t we taken Treviso by force already? But nah, lol, our plot armor doesn’t have any cracks yet, so they literally tell us to go away and try to disturb the gods’ plans, because those guys will totally kill us for them.

Now, we wait again. Excuse me, isn’t this a questline about assassins? Why aren’t we trying to, y'know, assassinate Ivenci? Cut off the snakes's head, how often have we heard this phrase otherwise? Nah, let's wait till we get another letter that shit is going down that the Crows totally didn’t anticipate and THEN let's confront them. (Ofc, the Crows’ investigation of the qamek stalled forever. Cause they’re incompetent.)

But the thing that really broke me…we KNOW Ivenci stole a bunch of special qamek. We run at them THROUGH A GREEN POISON CLOUD. And my Rooks's just like “Huhhh? Is something possibly messing with my mind right now?”. YOU STUPID POS.

And then, ofc, we end the questline and Jacobus pops outta nowhere to spare Ivenci because a good pirate never steals and a good assassin never kills, I guess. Jacobus founds his new house to basically become a big mafia family for orphans like him which everyone is super proud of, because, if the previous installments of the game have taught us anything, it's that the Crows are deeply concerned with the well-being of orphans. Whoop dee doo, the end.

Okay, more notes. It’s been mentioned plenty already that this game has completely neutered the Crows and turned them into edgy found family freedom fighters. Personally, I'm not okay with the explanation that this is simply a different house than House Arainai. Because what the actual fuck, game. Why is Ivenci the bad guy when they're literally right about everything?! Where's my option to agree with them that a fucking murder mafia shouldn’t be the ruling force of a town, let alone the entire country? Why is the municipal government the enemy while my non-Crow Rook keeps shouting “Viva the Crows”??? Are you really telling me that the Crows are the good guy mafia and House Arainai was the bad outlier? Is that what this is?

Look, I'm fine with allying with the Crows if that’s what necessity dictates. We're trying to stop the SUPER BLIGHT here. But don’t sugarcoat that this is us joining forces with the mob. The way Veilguard presents them makes me cringe cause they're basically just leather-clad incompetent fools larping as birds. Show us the reality of this alliance. Get into the nitty-gritty. Make this world feel real. God.

I *wanted* to like this questline. Out of every country in Northern Thedas, I've always been most interested in Antiva. The whole medievalesque guilds system and merchant princes, the mediterranean romance and drama, pirates and Crows, the snazzy outfits and Spanish accents, god, normally, I'm eating that shit UP. I didn’t even think twice about which city to save. Partially because Minrathous was better fortified and Venatori seemed like the lesser evil vs. blighted water, of course, but mostly because Treviso is absolutely gorgeous and Zevran and Josephine instilled a lot of love for Antiva in me that I just don’t feel for Tevinter. I also thought that the setup was very interesting - professional assassins turned into freedom fighters of their occupied turf. And it *would* have been if they had let them remain, y'know, the actual murder mafia they always were.

But aside from my gripes about the Crows’ portrayal, the entire questline was just a total nothing burger. This is the first time ever that we're actually in Antiva, our introduction, so to speak, and what do we learn about the place? That there’s strife and betrayal among the Crows? Um, yeah, Zevran covered that fifteen years ago. There’s nothing new whatsoever. Imagine if our primary goal had actually been to help the Crows free Treviso. That we're working to loosen the Butcher's grasp on the town via strategic assassinations (i.e. actual Crow missions) that also introduce us to Treviso's people/Antivan culture (taking out someone during a theatre play, for example! The drama!), the internal politics of the Merchant princes and the municipal government's struggle to keep this occupied city from imploding. Imagine us getting caught up in this web of intrigue as we get closer and closer to the Butcher and then suddenly, we're being played. And only *then* do we start to suspect a traitor among the Crows’ ranks and the whole thing unravels. Spitballing even further, why repeat the Crow/Venatori romance in a random side quest with random people? Why not have Zara and Illario be actually in love, but he kills her for his ambition anyway? And instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he blames Lucanis for forcing his hand? Or maybe, they both thought they were playing the other and as another power hungry asshole, Zara almost respects Illario for the hussle as she dies? *Some* messiness and drama? (Cause Varric’s initial narration sequence made Zara seem like this blood-soaked femme fatale but the actual narrative gave zero fucks about that vibe. Discount Countess Bathory wannabe).

That might just be what I would have wanted and nobody else, but I still maintain that anything would have been better than this cookie-cutter, baby’s first mafia story that is beat for beat exactly what you'd expect and have seen before.

Well, this was a long rant. I don’t intend to make a habit of shitting on things others enjoy on here, but my emotions are still running high after finishing the game yesterday and you did ask. Sorry.

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 6: Accomplice

All confidence and security I’ve accumulated is depleted. The Shelbys have helped keep me safe from the unpredictable world outside, and as the cop pushes me through the ash-filled streets I’m reminded of just how vulnerable I really am. Yet I still keep my head held high and mask my fear with stern eyes. I’m led to what must be the police station and down the hall to a small waiting room with a single desk. The cop shuts the door, closing off what little light there is. 

“I demand to know what’s going on!” I shout at the door. “I will not be imprisoned without official charges! If there is no official complaint then I shall inform the authorities in America!”

“No need for that, Ms. Steenstra,” a familiar voice speaks from the shadows. Campbell steps forward smoking a pipe and I see he’s holding a file.

I tighten my jaw and refrain from yelling again. My state of mind is much more fierce compared to our last encounter. “Hello again, Inspector Campbell.”

He slides the file onto the desk and sits down. “Last time I saw you, you were trying to get home. Scared of Small Heath and all its glory.” He points a finger at me. “I told you to stay away from the Peaky Blinders. Now I’m told you’re working for them.”

Keep calm, Steenstra. Remember what Polly told you.

“I’m a tutor, nothing more,” I say firmly. “I know nothing about their real business so if that’s why you brought me here then you’re wasting your time.” I turn away and face the door.

“If you’re interested, we could set you up for an inside job,” Campbell offers.

Did I hear that right? “You mean… spy? On the Shelbys?” I ask.

“Yes. And if there is any odd behavior then you can report it to me.”

Thomas was right. This man is out to get the entire Shelby family. I can’t be an asset to his cause. Not only because of my feelings for the Shelbys, but also for the loyalty of my employment.

I turn around and stare the inspector straight in the eye. “Maybe it’s done differently in England, but in America we are loyal to our employers. The answer is no, Inspector.”

The man takes a puff on his pipe. “What if certain arrangements were made? You still wish to return to your country, yes?”

The thought of going home is a spark of hope in my chest. But I can’t cave into this.

“Correct.”

Campbell shrugs. “Well, if you decide to join our cause we could arrange for a plane ticket, as well as better lodgings here for you.”

Just as I thought. “If you’re trying to bribe me, it won’t work. I’m sorry Inspector, but I cannot be bought.”

I grab the door knob and find it’s unlocked, no doubt because they don’t see me as a threat. Yet. Just as I start walking back to the front door I hear Campbell call out:

“Be careful, miss. Never know when the wolf will step out of its sheep's clothing.”

But in this scenario, who’s the wolf? I have no desire to be connected to this intricate web of lies and deception. I am in good relations with both the law and the Shelbys, and want to keep it that way.

I make haste to get back to the Shelby house. All previous angry thoughts are long gone and I don’t care if Thomas is still mad at me. Once I close the door I take a deep breath and take in the familiar kitchen. Calm down, you kept quiet. Just stay here and ride out the storm until you can go home.

My invisible mask falters and my eyes start to tear up. In a quick panic I grab a damp cold cloth and head to the living room to sit on the small couch. God, how did I get caught into this? All because I was an idiot and got myself lost!

“Ah, you’re back.”

No. No. Of all the Shelbys to walk in, why does it have to be him?

“Hello, Thomas.” I keep my head lowered and hastily try to block away more tears. “I’d like to apologize again for earlier. My mind hasn’t been very clear these past few days.”

Fate must have a sick sense of humor because Thomas decides to sit next to me. His weight pushes the cushions down further and has me leaning slightly towards him.

“Nobody apologizes to me unless they’ve done something else against me,” Thomas speaks in a dangerously calm voice. “What did you do after you left?”

Fighting my screaming nerves I lift my head up to face his cold eyes. “I was headed to the chapel when one of Campbell’s officers temporarily apprehended me. I was brought to Campbell’s office, where he questioned me.”

Thomas’ eyes flash. “He what?” Thomas grabs my neck, drags me over and pins me against the wall to shout in my face. “Well? What did you tell him? What did you say?!”

I try to choke out a response. “I- I didn’t say anything, Thomas!”

“Why? We never bought you over!” He releases my throat and I gasp for air. “We don’t own you-”

“You don’t have to, Thomas!” I seethe. “I didn’t say anything because A, I honestly don’t know much about the guns. And B, it would be betraying you.”

Thomas doesn’t budge but his eyes soften a fraction. Why must every encounter with him end so violently and not as romantic? I- No. Don’t flatter yourself, Steenstra. There are far more important issues at the moment!

“Really?” Thomas’ voice is calmer, yet still suspicious.

I take a deep breath and put both hands on his chest. “You may not think you’ve bought me, but I still owe a debt to the Shelby family. You took me in. You gave me a job and a roof over my head. If that’s not buying me over, I don’t know what else there is.”

Slowly, Thomas’ hands snake up to grab mine. His breathing has calmed down. He must believe me.

“No one’s this nice, Ms. Steenstra,” he whispers. “You’re not like any other person I’ve met. If you really are this loyal it would be a shame to see you go home.”

I sigh in relief. “So I’m not fired?”

He chuckles. “You always fret about being fired.”

“It’s my first job,” I reply sheepishly. “I’d hate to lose it in such a short time. Plus I really don’t want being fired by the Shelby family to be on my short résumé.”

“You’re fired?!”

We both look over to where Finn is standing, having just entered from the hallway. He’s holding another one of my books, no doubt having finished it already.

“No, Finn. She’s not fired.” Thomas gives me a smirk. “I don’t think she’ll be leaving for quite a while.”

My face falls. “Are you saying you’re going to keep me here against my will, Mr. Shelby?”

He quirks a brow. “You said you owe a debt to us, yes? How’d you like to have your Birmingham experience lengthened?”

I frown. “Meaning…?”

“That you are to stick around until you’ve earned a ticket home and we feel you’ve worked off your debt,” Thomas replies coolly and leans in closer. “Deal?”

A week ago I would have declined on the spot, but the few days I’ve spent here have snatched my interest. Maybe a while longer in Birmingham wouldn’t be so bad?

I smile. “Deal. My only request is that I’m escorted around town in order to not be snagged by Campbell again.”

Thomas tips his hat. “Your wish shall be granted, Verena Nora Steenstra. Welcome to being an accomplice to the Peaky Blinders.”

Accomplice. The word brings a whole new meaning to my job. I’m no longer a simple tutor. I’m part of something much bigger now. It scares me a little, but it’s also rather exciting.

“Yes!” Finn celebrates. “Can we do another lesson now?”

Aw, Hell. I can’t say no to this! My family’s not perfect and neither am I. I was always going to do something drastic someday, and if this is it then I’d love nothing more!

Thomas walks off to the kitchen and leaves me with his brother. You are one peculiar individual, Thomas Shelby.

I smile. “Yes, Finn. Let’s get started!”

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.101 Cash money

I took Kooper for a nice long walk, which was something we didn't do often. He was chill and required less physical activity than Rosie, so I always favored her when I wanted company on my jogs. Even though he could have gone without, he appreciated the time together and smiled the entire time. When we got home, Sophia was standing at the door giving me that look. I unleashed Kooper as quickly as I could and whisked her away into our love den. Being on vacation in a fancy house was cool and all, but nothing compared to our own bed. I think we were trying to show it how much we missed it and lingered there until our stomachs growled around dinnertime. Afterward, we attempted to settle on the couch in the office, but we were intercepted by a huge pile of presents. I forgot that was a thing sims did at weddings. Sophia was overjoyed at the sight; it felt like Winterfest all over again.

I let her open the first two from my parents, but then she handed me a box that had my name on it. I thought it was odd that the sender would single me out when the gift should have been for both of us. But when I saw who it was from, I understood.

"It's from Dub! Oh, there's a card..."

[click to enlarge]

I couldn't believe it and had to sit down and read it again. He had no idea how much of a blessing that was for us. Or maybe he did. Whatever the case, I was elated, and humbled, and determined, and proud, and all the other positive emotions. Our friendship was such a beautiful thing. Not because he gave me money, but because it was pure. It had no conditions or warnings or complications. He was the kind of friend I always wanted.

Eventually, it hit me that Sophia and I were about to come into a bunch of money and we could accomplish our dreams a lot sooner than later. I started dancing in my seat.

"A money tree? I didn't think they were real," Sophia said.

"Isn't it great?? If it grows fast enough, we could be in our house by next week!"

That thought excited me even more, and I danced even wilder.

"It's a very generous gift," she said hesitantly, "but..."

Like a record scratch in the club, I stopped. Party done.

"What's wrong? With all the money we're about to have, you'll never have to work again if you don't want to. We can go on vacations and stay as long as we want, buy our kids whatever they want... Hell, maybe I won't have to worry about teaching classes anymore. It's gonna be great!"

Her hands snapped to her hips, and I knew I'd messed up somehow.

"No, Luca! This is what I mean! I like who we are. Money has a way of changing sims, and I don't want that. I thought you taught yoga because you were passionate about it. Why would you stop? Are you doing it for the money?"

"I am passionate about it! But it's also how I make a living. If I didn't have to worry about making money, maybe I wouldn't have to worry about going from spa to spa, begging for a chance to teach!"

Her eyes flicked open, like she just realized something.

"But that's why you're going to open a studio."

"Yeah, but..." I sank back in the chair and let out all the air in my lungs. "That was my mom's idea. It's a good one, and sometimes I want to do it too. But sometimes I want my own plan. Everything I've done has been her idea, and..."

"So...you don't want a studio?"

"I don't know!"

She gasped.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It's just...it's complicated. You want me to return the seed, then?"

She sighed.

"No. That will be an insult to Dub and his family..." She sighed again and paced the room, searching for a solution that would satisfy us both. "It would be nice to move into our house before the baby comes, but I don't want this to get out of control."

Something like a bolt of lightning struck through my soul, and I felt my eyes grow as large as the sun.

"The baby?! Are you-"

She gasped again.

"I'm sorry! That came out wrong! I just meant it would be nice to be settled in our home before we start having babies."

"So...we're not having a baby?"

"Not at the moment."

I was a little bit disappointed, to be honest. Her slip up shocked me at first, but I was kind of excited about it.

"Alright, so what do you suggest we do?" I asked.

"I just think we need a plan. Put some controls on it so we don't go crazy."

Heh, I know she said we, but she totally meant me. Whatever.

"We don't know how much money it's going to give us," she continued. "So what if we just take what we need to get our house and cover ourselves for a few months?"

"Alright... But what happens after that?"

"It can just sit there until an emergency comes up. Or when our kids want to move out or go to university or get married or...whatever."

The plan wasn't exactly what I wanted, but at least she wasn't completely opposed. This very much felt like one of those pick your battles moments, so I conceded.

"Okay fine. We can do it that way. Let's get this thing in the ground."

We went outside and picked a spot to plant it. I laughed when I took the seed out of the box.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"This seed! It's cash shaped like a flower! What kind of wizardry is this?"

I dug a hole, dumped the seed, covered it, and poured some water on it. Then, I stood over it, watching as if something were supposed to happen.

"Grow fast, little guy. I want to be in our new house as soon as possible."

Before going back into the house, I sent Dub a message to thank him for the gift.

Dub's note written by @mysimsloveaffair

[scrapyardboyfriends]

That spoiler pic of Aaron and Fauxbert in the woods did make me laugh, fauxbert and Aaron are meant to be having an I love you moment but fauxbert is still just 😐. Also the show seems obsessed with recreating Poundland versions of Robron moments, this time the I love you's in the woods! I would have expected by now some sort of joint interview with Oliver and Danny or an interview with at least one of them discussing their relationship but the show are putting zero effort in to selling it.

Wow...they could have at least stuck them on opposite sides or something. Haha.

I just don't understand what they expect us to make of this relationship that barely even exists.

I mean yes, they have shown Aaron unwilling to open up about Robert for that five second Seb plot. But have they really shown us John unwilling to open up about things with Aaron? I mean he told Vic they don't really talk about that kind of stuff or whatever that was supposed to mean. But Vic was the one that found the dog tags, Vic was the one that wanted to know about John's army story. Has Aaron ever even questioned any of that? Does he care?

I'm still baffled as to why they didn't use the army trauma to connect them initially because that just seemed like low hanging fruit. But they didn't. And now it feels weird for him to be bringing it up. Because just like John never asking about Robert until Seb came up and suddenly realizing that hey maybe two married people meant something to each other, Aaron has never once asked about John's military service or even considered any trauma from it. Like if that's his WHOLE sad backstory, then you'd think they'd want there to be some kind of build up to Aaron caring or wanting to know. Instead John's just going to spring it on him in the middle of the woods because....

Also...dear god what bigger gesture? Is he about to propose in the wood where Robert couldn't cause he forgot the ring in the car?

If they're already living together and they're already declaring their deep deep nonexistent love for each other...what the hell else is there? I'm so confused.

Also like...what angst have they really gone through? They've gone through nothing because none of it has meant anything. They had a fake enemies to lovers driven almost entirely by the fact that John arbitrarily drove off with his stuff after they first hooked up. That and Aaron's Robert feelings they never want to deal with. They hid their relationship from family and friends for about half a second and it had absolutely no consequences when people did realize they were still sleeping with each other. Vic didn't care. Mack didn't care. Chas didn't care. Aaron stole some watches for no reason and they didn't really even have conflict about that. They had the random boxing plot so John could save his life and become the big hero everyone approves of and to make Aaron feel bad about pushing him away over Robert and Seb. But that all lasted like two episodes so it doesn't really feel like anything either. They also still haven't done anything with the fact that John tipped off the police. And will they? Who knows.

It also feels like they've gone through lots of trouble to shoot this camping trip nonsense in the woods, with Danny filming longer days or whatever. I assume this is what that was. Is it really all just for a lackluster love confession.

Is the greater gesture, "let me let you in on my secret murder spree, here's Nate, who I've had locked up out here for months, I'll let you kill him"? Haha.

So let's see we have....Marriage proposal, join my serial killer club, let's fight for custody for Seb, let's break Robert out of prison, let's adopt our own kid...what else?

Maybe he'll suggest they get a dog together and then somehow that dog will be Piper and then Aaron will still end up with no dog. Haha

Sigh...this is just going to be so tragic.

[weaverpop]

Tw for grief

Vent:

My dog just died. This is my way of trying to get it out, and maybe reaching out to those who have also lost theirs. The past two has been an absolute shit show. Losing family left and right.

Max was more than just a pet. He was family.

Please, if you have gone through this, or know anyone who is going through this, please tell the stories. Keep the memory of your and our pets alive.

All dogs go to heaven, right?

(If you are currently in a bad headspace, please do not read, as it may trigger you)

You were an asshat. But you were my asshat.

You were our counter food thief.

You were my Maximus buttheadumus.

My max-a-million

Our fur machine.

You were 8 minutes away from the vet. But there was nothing they could have done.

The vet said it was common for German shepherds. Your stomach flipped, pressed on your spine.

That’s why you foamed. That’s why your eyes were turning blue.

Circles and circles you went and we didn’t know why.

At least you had Mom to hold you.

4 years old is too young. You were supposed to live so much longer.

Why god. Why did you take him. Why him. Why. Why?!

WHY DID YOU DO IT. WHY WHY WHY WHYWHYWHYWHY

there was nothing they could do. But maybe they could have made it less painful. At least he’d have passed peacefully.

God why.

Why

Why

You’ve taken so many from us already.

Why did you have to take him too.

__________________________

We got Max four years ago.

Max, the dog you see in the pictures, is a short haired, purebred German shepherd.

We got him at the beginning of Covid. We had had one German Shepard a few years before him named Kaysee. (K-C) she had been a white, long haired one. When we moved into our new house, we decided getting another shepard would be an easy way to protect the house.

Max was an asshat, and I mean that in the most loving way possible. He would steal food off counters (entire plates of bacon, chicken, ect), shed his fur like crazy, bark at nothing at 2 am, jump on you with his full body weight like he was a lapdog, and leave slobber all over you when he licked you.

He was a good boy who liked to just lay on your bed and chill. When mom got sick he stayed in her heels the whole time, and would tell on her when things got bad. He would wait by doors for her, and us, and stalk you if you had food. He’d bark at you for treats, and loved to play whenever and wherever.

Rest easy my little one.

[fourleafclovxr]

10: what it took to get here

“Yara, thank god you’re here,” Agatha sighs, slamming the doors closed behind her. “You might be the only other sane person in this entire castle.”

“That doesn’t bode very well for the future of Camelot, does it,” Yara says dubiously, hefting her bags into a corner. She can see why Agatha would say that, though. Pollux is here, and he was stupid enough to try and get Dovey, of all people, fired. It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in the rest of the staff.

Agatha laughs, a little maniacally. “It doesn’t!” she exclaims. “But what can I do! I’m just Tedros’ princess, and girls should just shut up and listen to their betters speak, and girls shouldn’t have opinions on anything the men decide—” She breaks off, then, with a huffed exhale. “If I tell them I used to be a boy, do you think they’d shut up?”

Yara sits down on Agatha’s plush carpet, and Agatha follows suit, pulling her knees up to her chest. She doesn’t really look like a princess; she just looks tired, and annoyed, and a little scared. But, as always, she looks very much like herself. Yara has always admired her for that. And that’s the thing, isn’t it?

“You don’t change for anyone,” Yara says. “You don’t do anything for anyone other than yourself. Don’t let their biases force you into— into coming out.”

“Good thing I have you as my lady-in-waiting,” Agatha murmurs. “You’d have been wasted on Tedros.”

“Don't you know it,” Yara says lightly. Lady-in-waiting sounds much better than knight, all things considered. Sends a pleased, comfortable spark through her heart.

“S’pose it’s better that they don’t know, even if it would probably stop a couple of them in their tracks,” Agatha sighs. “They don’t deserve to, anyway. I don’t envy you. I don’t think you’re going to have it easy.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard it all before,” Yara assures her. “That it’s unnatural? That it’s freakish? That we should just stick with what we were born with? I’m over it. I really am. My family’s from Avalon Towers, remember? Even more bigoted version of Camelot, if you ask me.”

Agatha winces. “Right,” she says. “You know, I miss Gavaldon sometimes. I mean, there’s nothing there for me anymore, but at least people there didn’t care about all this. About being a girl, boy, neither, whatever. They hated you for… other things.”

“That’s the way things are, here,” Yara says wryly. “That’s the sort of division our dear Storian loves to capitalise on.”

“Like Evelyn Sader,” Agatha says quietly, lost in thought.

Yara can’t suppress the flinch that jolts through her. Oh, Sader had been a terrible Dean, and objectively an even worse person. She’d taken her idea of advocating for women to the extreme.

But she’d helped Yara. For a price, of course.

But she’d… understood, why Yara might want to be a girl. She’d smiled and nodded and said, being a Girl is a wonderous thing, my dear.

Their school. So beautiful. Yara shudders to think of it. That she would so easily forgive such Evil, if it only meant she could be herself.

She shakes her head firmly. No point in dwelling on it now. Sader is long gone. And Yara, despite everything, has lived this long without her.

This is something she’s made for herself. It was never meant to be anyone else’s.

“They keep trying to doll me up,” Agatha says abruptly, changing the subject entirely. “Make me— well. A better girl. A prettier bride. They complain about my bone structure a lot. My jaw. My shoulders.”

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met,” Yara says sincerely.

“Thanks,” Agatha mumbles, picking at a loose thread in the carpet. She sounds utterly unconvinced. “Just have to work on convincing all of Tedros’ courtiers, now.”

“Hey,” Yara frowns, “look up. Look at me.” Agatha does, blinking in confusion. “If anyone tells you you’re not pretty, I’ll screw with them so hard they come to you begging for mercy.”

“I don’t want to make things harder for Tedros,” Agatha worries.

“He wouldn’t want them to make things harder for you,” Yara points out. “He’s so in love with you it’s stupid. Anyway, you have to set a precedent. You can’t let them walk over you for things like this— what will happen when it’s something bigger? You’re just going to keep your head down?”

“Is it worth it?” Agatha sighs.

Yara stares, incredulously. “Has this castle beaten you down so much already?” she asks. Alright, it’s not particularly sensitive of her. It’s just. This isn’t the Agatha she knows; the Agatha who sat with her in the long days after Evelyn Sader and convinced her not to hate herself for it; the Agatha who was always sure of who she was, who never let anyone tell her otherwise, who never was scared of not fitting in.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” Agatha snaps, finally regaining some of the spark in her eyes. “You think any of this is easy?”

“It’s never going to be easy,” Yara says. “You might as well make it better for yourself. No one else is going to. Except maybe me, but— I’m your lady-in-waiting. I’ll do what you want.” She won’t like it, of course, but she owes Agatha that much.

“Why can’t it be easy?” Agatha says quietly. “People like us. Why don’t we ever get to have it easy?”

“Sometimes I resent it,” Yara admits. “What it took to get here.” It’s not easy. It’s never been easy. She wishes it could have been. “But I would never regret being myself.”

“Do you ever wish you didn’t have to—?” Agatha begins. Trails off. She looks a little lost, like this. A little more her age.

“Wouldn’t be like us, then, would we?” Yara asks. It’s true. It would be much, much easier to just be Tristan— Tristan, skinny and awkward and weird, but very firmly who he was supposed to be. Tristan, who’d been semi-comfortable in his own body, as far as that meant anything in Good. Tristan. Not her.

It took so much to get here, to get to where she is now. And it sucked, yeah. It sucked massively.

But where she is, right now— it feels right. It feels like home. And she would never, ever, go back.

[itsclydebitches]

While I wish the show focused on RWBY and get side/secondary characters tf out of the spotlight, I can't help but personally find Jaune more interesting atm. It probably won't happen, but it'd be so interesting to see Jaune return home as he is and face his family. How would his dynamics change with his sisters now that he's the oldest? Is he now older than his own parents? How would they grieve not being able to witness even parts of his life? Would they be proud to know he's "lived up" to the line of warriors, and his parents don't have to wait to see him at his "best?" With the show having tone issues and putting comedy in objectively horrific circumstances, would Jaune jokingly flaunt his new maturity over his sisters? This is idea has so much potential that of course won't get developed or resolved satisfactory, as nothing in this show does. It's not even being done well with the immediately available characters.

Honestly... yeah. While I completely get why many fans dislike Jaune due to his meta problems (and why they might simply dislike him as a character, period) for me the result of giving him so much that should have gone to Ruby means that he's a more well-rounded character and, thus, more interesting to some viewers. Jaune has conflict to engage with. Just off the top of my head:

He's a classic underdog whereas Ruby's prodigy status means she's never really had to improve across the series. Even her one new skill, Silver Eyes, is mastered in a single fight.

Instead, Ruby's problem is that she's younger than her peers which has an impact for... three episodes? Especially since Weiss' issues with Ruby being leader seem to stem entirely from the fact that she wants to be leader, not because she's two years younger.

So Ruby gets a short arc about figuring out how to lead... which is what Jaune goes through too because he's also a leader.

Alongside this, Jaune gets a whole bullying arc that helps develop his character (even if it's pretty simplistic development).

Jaune is the love interest of Pyrrha who spends a ton of time with her whereas Ruby is just the kinda-friend whose relationship exists almost entirely off screen. Seriously, I know we all like to talk about how traumatizing seeing her die was for Ruby (and undoubtedly it was), but her "PYRRHA!" at the Vytal festival is the one friend-y moment I can think of off the top of my head.

Jaune accompanies Ruby on her Cinder quest, ensuring he's there to experience and grapple with everything our protagonist is experiencing and grappling with too.

He gets the armor upgrade and later new gadgets, despite Ruby supposedly being a weapons nerd.

As fans have pointed out in regards to the "Who is responsible for their failed plan?" debate, Jaune gets to come up with a lot of ideas across the series (good and bad) that Ruby then agrees to follow. Ruby was GREAT at coming up with cool combat strategies and plans at the start of the show and now that's all but disappeared.

Jaune has the extreme reaction to learning about Ozpin's secrets. I mean, I hate it, but I can't deny that it's more engaging than Ruby's reassurances that are immediately undermined by Qrow.

Jaune, Ren, and Yang are off LITERALLY FIGHTING SALEM AND NOT SAVING OSCAR'S LIFE while Ruby sits in a mansion drinking tea.

He's the one to kill Penny. Ruby might also have a grief arc this Volume, but that's lessened by the fact that it should have occurred six Volumes go and she only heard about this second-hand. That's a COMPLETELY different scenario from not just seeing the death, but causing it.

Jaune winds up in Ever After and immediately finds the contrived plot device that makes his life - as you've laid out, anon, - that much more interesting.

Ruby has a breakdown about how bad things are and so does Jaune... but to my mind he's got a lot more to complain about with a lot less responsibility too, so it resonates with me more. I mean, I don't really want to compare trauma - Ruby obviously has a LOT to be upset over - but I struggle to hone in on her "I hate having to cheer everyone up!" meltdown when Jaune is there having a "I've been alone for decades and now my village is dead!" meltdown.

And yeah, we can throw in a lot of Ruby specific things too. Sort of. She has Silver Eyes! ... which haven't been very important in the narrative and, you know, Jaune is the descendant of some great huntsmen family with hints that he'll be even more by the series' end. Ruby was targeted for kidnapping! ... once, while Jaune was there helping to defend her, and it's not something she ever reflects on. Ruby is the simple soul destined to save Remnant! ... and Jaune is now the Rusted Knight, a literal fairy tale hero who, as we've been reminded over and over this Volume, everyone in Remnant simply adores.

None of these are new complaints. Jaune gets too much screen time. He gets too much development compared to the girls. He's too perfect despite supposedly being a fuck-up at the start. No one who came to RWBY for the woman-led team focus is happy about this (or about Ozpin-Oscar being at the center of this fight). But the inevitable result of all that - if you can get past your frustration - is that Jaune is simply more interesting in a whole lot of ways. He's developed more across the series and now continues to have more engaging, logical conflicts. Jaune has lived a lifetime in a fairy tale and faces the possibility of returning to Remnant with an insane amount of baggage to overcome, to say nothing of how this would change how everyone interacts with him for the rest of the series. He still has a personal beef against the villains for Pyrrha's death whereas we haven't confirmed that Salem killed Summer, or that Ruby wants to hunt her down for that. Jaune is now falling apart for very legitimate, understandable reasons that none of us really need to nitpick because yeah, who wouldn't have a meltdown about spending decades in this place and then loosing a whole family? Meanwhile, Ruby is... sad about a death that already happened once and also that she "has" to be leader after demanding to be leader. One of these arcs is not like the other!! The fact that Ruby does have interesting things for the story to engage with - the mysterious death of her mother, the potential for her Silver Eyes to be the only thing that could hurt Salem, etc. - doesn't matter because the story isn't writing that. So yeah, hard agree, anon. The story is supposed to be about Ruby, I want it to be about Ruby, but the show continually goes, "Look at this more interesting, more developed, more conflict-laden character over here." Even if RWBY fails to do something good with all that - which inevitably it will - the potential is still more engaging than 99% of what Ruby has had going on since Volume 5.

[techno-danger]

*ummm... I saw your tag and the comment and I hope you're at a safe place now. I hope it's not too much. I apologize if this reopens old wound.*

Hey, thanks so much for the concern. I'm completely fine to talk about being kicked out. It helped me leave my toxic situation all that much easier.

Thankfully my Nana let me move in with her the same day so I'm grateful i never ended up on the streets cause that's exactly where I would've been without the help and support I have now. I've got my own increased disability pension, my support worker who's helped me since I graduated high school 3 years ago has been there for me every new milestone I achieve and even helped me get my birth certificate, id's and other important stuff of mine back. I managed to have my first paying job last year at Christmas and my old boss even asked if I wanted to come back again this year! (I am btw, gonna be taking ALL the selfies with Santa :D). I've been applying for jobs about every week but nothing has gone through yet (you would not BELIEVE how many big companies have switched over to AI Interviews its been A NIGHTMARE-) however I'll be going back to Tafe (tertiary education) to get cert 3 in Child Care and see where that might take me, hopefully down a similar line as my support worker, he's helped change my life so much and is one of my biggest heroes. In fact we're even going to Melbourne next week for the PAX convention and he's been helping get our cosplays ready (Going as Verosika Mayday and Stolas from Helluva Boss).

All this compared to when I was practically an unpaid maid in my own home and was literally told often that I don't deserve my own opinion since I was acting "childish" and "disrespectful". That the reason I was suicidal and depressed was because I was "too lazy" to do my chores when I was told to. That if I brought in the washing creased or didnt cook a UNIQUE dinner every night or forgot to wash the dishes afterwards, I hadn't earned the right to eat breakfast the next day. Heck, if I hadn't done some of my chores (cause I was literally out of the house around 9 hours a day studying for a course I BEGGED to quit), like if the clothes got creased in the basket from when my parent left them for WEEKS in their room or vacuum the floor of the entire house, I would have to pay them a "Maid Tax" of $30 (AUD) for every chore of that they did. Oh and I also didn't have any kind of allowance growing up, just a centrelink pension of about $500 a fortnight that I had no control over.

This is all stuff I had to deal with since I was about 11, and I had a lot of other trauma from my other parent when I was younger, as well as other stuff I don't want to mention. I know there are worse things people can go through but I hope no kids get stuck in the same situation I was. No one deserves to feel like they earn the right to just exist in the world. Just because they're acting like a child having a temper tantrum doesn't excuse you having to be the adult in the relationship. I'm 21 in 2 months and I've had to be way more mature than the rest of my family who are in their 60's and 70's (who KNEW how my parent treated me) just so I could mentally survive. Even if they hadn't laid hands on me for a long time, emotional abuse still counted as domestic abuse, a fact I think my parent forgot.

I am fairly certain my parent has undiagnosed BPD, my psychologist and support worker both seem to think so after seeing the messages I've received from my parent over the year, going from scathing rants to suicidal goodbyes to ignoring me for months to civilized invitations to events we both like and then back to scathing rants. I've lived with my parent for so long I understand how their thought process usually goes so I can understand where each of the actions come from but that doesn't mean I'll be excusing them anymore.

They're still my parent, the one who's loved me, raised me, fought for me, guided me and helped support me for my entire life. However, I also have to accept that they're narcissistic, manipulative and hypocritical. Just because I love them does not mean I love how I'm treated by them. I hope that anyone who's going through anything similar to this can find the help they need to get a better support system and rise above the situation you're in. Take it from someone who can't see their own future still, it DOES slowly get better as long as you have at least one person you can count on.

Seriously thanks for the ask, I've never really gotten to properly talk/write about my life before and how it's changed so much in just a year. I hope you have a great day :))

[im-out-of-it]

part three of season 1, episode 13 continued

41. well, at least Lydia remembered hodge was the one who whacked her

42. “No way. we’ve known him our entire lives.”- well Izzy, never say never

43. well what would you know Izzy 😭

44. it’s one thing for hodge to be a traitor but for Maryse and Robert to be traitors is a stretch jace. I don’t agree with everything they do but they’re always focused on doing what the clave needs. if they’re doing anything enough, it’s having the clave’s best interests

45. my double standard I see often is the stuff Alec says or does vs jace. Alec outed his parents of being members of the circle and jace and Izzy thought that was crazy. Alec was messed up after and apparently was the bad person after his choices with meliorn. (not defending his actions) but when jace says “that’s what you said about hodge” about being traitors, no one bats an eye or defends them

46. look, I’m not Maryse’s or Roberts biggest fan but it’s a huge stretch to make. I get that jace is upset he let Valentine go and that hodge turned out to be playing them but why doesn’t anyone say anything vs when Alec did, suddenly he’s gone mad????? Alec had every right to be mad that he didn’t know about his family’s history and jace can be mad about Valentine but it’s the double standard for me

47. just because hodge ends up being a traitor, it does not mean that everyone they know is. literally jace was so hard on Alec this whole season and then when jace does similar shit, it’s okay????? because he’s been through a lot????? it irritates me that no one ever smacks the shit out of jace. Alec has had nothing but issues all season

a. he’s had to sort through feelings or feelings of friendship for jace

b. found out his parents were in the circle and never told him

c. had an arranged marriage

d. wasn’t sure if he should come out or not

e. taking the blame for every decision jace and clary made

f. all the shit he dealt with Jace and clary- watching jace fall in love with her while babysitting her and taking the blame and all the hurtful words Maryse and jace threw at him

g. Maryse practically disowning Alec for doing something for himself

48. like I could literally go on. Alec has had nothing but snide remarks and bullshit all season and this has only been a few days. it’s the fact that almost no one says anything to jace when he throws tantrums and all the fucked shit he does. and Alec does get better treatment later on. but I can’t stand the way Alec gets treated vs jace. he practically gets away with any type of behavior

49. side note- show jace is at least better than book jace. but he almost pays zero consequences for any decisions he makes and it’s like everyone is expected to drop everything to save him. literally goes off to join Valentine, a decision he made and almost everyone is like omg let’s save him!

50. honestly it’s easy to see why hodge does what he does. I love my lightwoods but he was basically banned to spend all his life in the institute while the lightwoods got off for probably doing worse 😬 it’s not very often I call out my fav family but I try to look at things from all pov possible. (punishment for Maryse and Robert tends to be incomplete though at this stage) but it’s understandable why hodge does what he does. Alec and Izzy thought they treated hodge like family but that’s not the way hodge felt about it

51. just because you think you treat someone well, it doesn’t mean it’s how they feel. look at alec and jace. alec does about everything for jace no questions asked cause wE’rE pArAbAtAi (ban this word please) and jace treats him like utter shit- and Jace doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior. I mean, he’s toxic on a whole but he thinks he treats alec fine if I would guess. just like clary and Simon, as well as clary and Izzy. she does hurtful things to both but in her mind, she treats them well. these comparisons obviously aren’t all equal to each other- but point being, you never know what someone is going through and how their actions affect you. either because that person is a dick, shit at communicating, not paying attention, or some other reason. sorry for my rant!!!!!! (am I though?)

52. point being, so many treated Alec shitty in season one and I didn’t see much apologies or changed behavior towards Alec. MY BOY DID NOT DESERVE THAT

53. I haven’t noticed this in forever but apparently they have a Russian flag just hanging at the place Valentine is in???? На хую видеть 💀

54. Valentines actions will never make sense to me

55. “I hate downworlders but I’m going to inject my children with demon and angel blood so they can be the ultimate warriors” so you want them to be downworlders then? IM SORRY HIS ACTIONS DO NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME

56. “when I was trying to find my mom, I didn’t care about anything else”- clary. are we missing some development on clary because I don’t see it. like did she just magically change or something????? because she still seems pretty selfish to me. was she not the one two days ago that was trying to rummage around ragnors stuff when he had just died???? or having Simon have to go to Camille for the book of the white? like am I missing something lmao

57. Jace is like I already have this evil inside of me (we already knew you’re a dick, this isn’t news to us) and clary has to remind jace they’re related lmao

58. nothing like a good reminder that the girl you “love” is really your sister 💀 that’s some good old fashioned karma

59. why does jace have to be like stop thinking with your stele to Alec? so sue a man if he wants to see his boyfriend

60. how nice of Luke to use his wolves for his own agenda. not saying he can’t use them but he’s always telling them to do what HE WANTS but when it comes to keeping them safe, he’s like y’all are on your own bye

61. “the shadowhunters have no business interfering in the night children’s affairs”- tell clary off Raphael 🔥 I mean, they really don’t

62. Hodge: I was a prisoner. not agreeing with his choices but I understand in a way. I don’t agree with what he’s doing because putting the cup in valentines hands is asking for a war but I understand why he did it

63. BEAT HIS ASS HODGE! BEAT HIS ASS HODGE! BEAT HIS ASS HODGE! now y’all got me rooting for hodge lmao

64. why is jace’s facial expressions so weird?

65. it’s so extra lmao I don’t know if it’s because I can’t stand the character but it’s so cringe to me

66. “he’s a traitor, he deserves to pay.”- jace. at least when Alec was following claves orders, he wasn’t actively cutting off meliorns hand. (AGAIN NOT DEFENDING) and jace went out on his own

67. went from “Robert and Maryse raised me to my mother is Maryse to Robert and Maryse aren’t my parents” in short of 10 episodes. well, make up your mind jace. I get he’s going through a crisis or whatever but I can’t sympathize

68. I’m tired of seeing the “I’m going through something” trope so I can do or say whatever. like if you want to be a villain? wonderful! I could probably sympathize but when you go through that villain stage and you don’t adapt, grow, and use excuses. I’m not sorry but get out of here. and that’s all jace does. everyone is constantly fighting for him and saving his life and he’s like ahhhhhh I’m about to go do more reckless shit because I can

69. he’s just as bad as clary doing whatever he feels like while everyone else pays the consequences (mainly Alec)

70. RAPHAEL 🥰 (couldn’t find the gif but I love Raphael’s iconic lines)

71. Raphael and Camille are some of the characters I felt were also underutilized. I understand why they decided not to keep Camille around and Raphael at least gets his storylines but I wished to see more. I think the show could have turned things around and done more for the downworlders or featured them more. yes it’s called shadowhunters but show some growth for fucks sake

and Camille is super iconic and was in like four episodes

72. “Valentine really messed with his head. He went through a lot recently.”-alec. I guess he gets a pass?????

73. CAMILLE IS BACK

74. Simon: I beg your fucking pardon?

75. Camille: you’re such a predictable lot

76!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to forget that but part 4 coming soon!

I’m sorry this one was so long. Jace breathes and irritates me so I rant

[dcembervwrites]

Last year, I had said how I wanted to write about Solitaire and We Are the Ants back when I read the former for the first time. I had pondered on that post how both books could "share some of the same core messages," and while I think I was right, there was more than just that. For one, both happen to feature main characters with undiagnosed depression* and a supporting character who faces anger issues that will become very special to the main character as they care a lot about them. Also, both our main characters went through something very traumatic in their stories: Henry having to survive the aftermath of his boyfriend's death by suicide, and Tori going through the motions after what I'm assuming is Charlie's downward spiral with his eating disorder and self-harm. It really shines a light, in my opinion, that these types of situations not only affect those who go through it but those who surround them. Still, it's not like these novels shame those feelings. On the contrary, it illustrates the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who want to help us, people who know we deserve help, but most importantly choosing on our own accord that we deserve better as they keep on showing them that live is worth something. To quote the ending of Solitaire: "I don't know what's going to happen to us. I don't know how long I'm going to be like this. All I know is that I'm here. And I'm alive. And I'm not alone."

However, the way our characters deal with those feelings throughout most, if not the entire novel is really dark. There are two specific moments in each of their novels that to my personal opinion are the darkest. First, we have Tori breaking down when she tells Lucas the following:

Maybe, like, everyone I know has problems. Like, there are no happy people. Nothing works out. Even when it's someone who you think is perfect. Like my brother! ... one day he got so fed up with himself, he was like, he was so annoyed, he hated how much he loved food, yeah, so he thought it would be better if there wasn't any food. But that's so silly! Because you've got to eat food or you'll die, won't you? So my brother, Charles, Charlie, he, he thought it would be better if he just got it over with then and there! So he, last year, he—he hurt himself. And he wrote me this card afterwards, telling me he was really sorry and he didn't mean it to happen. But it did happen. And you know what just makes me want to die? The fact that, like, all that time, I knew it was coming, but I didn't do anything. I didn't even say anything to anyone about it, because I thought I'd been imagining it.

It hurts to read this, not only because she says this makes her want to die, but because she describes to us how she probably exaggerating all of this, that it wasn't that big of a deal, but we know that it was and it is a big deal. It makes me think of how much it hurts to take it upon yourself to pretend to be well, and the changes you might show in your personality will not be paid attention to either by friends or family when you're basically screaming inside. To me, this scene puts into perspective the way Tori behaved from the very beginning, very apathetic towards life; when something would be going well in her life, she would self-sabotage and kind of practically try to ruin her relationships around her, isolating herself.

Then there's Henry who I believe haw always dealt with feelings of worthlessness with his father walking out on them. Part of me thinks this because we gleam from all he tells of about Jesse that he put a lot of his self-worth on him so much that when Jesse's gone, it all comes back full force. His family is now deteriorating with his mother working herself to the ground, his grandmother having Alzheimer, his brother being a drop out who gets his girlfriend pregnant, and his best friend disappearing for months after Jesse's death by suicide. To me he is just afraid of opening up again and though the entire novel wonders whether the world is worth saving with the push of a button. When he finally reaches his breaking point, we get the following exhange:

"Henry." Mom's bottom lip trembled. "Do you wish you were dead?"

We slammed does in my family. We beat each other up and we asked questions we didn't want answers to and we wielded silence like a dagger. I wasn't sure how to respond to her blunt honesty except with honesty of my own. "I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live, either. I don’t know why anyone would. This world is so fucked up, Mom, I think we’d all be better off if I didn’t press that button. Everything hurts so much. And I miss Jesse, and I tried to be okay. I thought Marcus could help me forget, and Diego could replace Jesse, but I miss him so much."

Mom was quiet for a long time. Her silence stretched across the morning and led me back through the part hundred days, and I knew what she was going to say before she finally said it. "I think you need help, Henry."

"I don't need help."

"Then answer me truthfully: Are you okay?"

... All I had to do was to tell my mom I was okay, and she'd believe me. ... All I had to do was say three little words, and I could fix all that I'd broken. But I was broken too, and I didn't know how to fix myself.

Going back to what I said earlier, it hurts to read moments like these and all that lead to them. All I'm seeing is two teenagers begging for help, and to see them thinking of their lives being worth so little just hurts. It makes me think of the fact that you wouldn't want to hear friends talking about themselves the way they're thinking. You would want them to know they're loved, cared for, and important. This is most likely the reason I adore Michael Holden and Diego Vega, both characters who also incidentally might be pansexual (add representation bonus as well as another similarity I should've referenced earlier). They come into the lives of the protagonists when they most need it. Both relationships are extremely different, though, as Diego and Henry are both romantically and sexually attracted to each other, whereas in my experience Michael and Tori seem more of a platonic relationship bordering into romantic, but they kind of take it upon themselves to try and be there for them.

Michael looks for Tori enough that there will be moments Tori looks for him, and while they have some fights and disagreements, they still find a way into each other's lives. While I've always loved the idea of having a Diego in my life, I do gravitate more towards the kind of relationship Tori and Michael could have (or the way I read it at least. I'm ace after all, and I can't help but wonder where their friendship will go forth, but I have my ideas). A scene that I feel encapsulate what they mean for each other is at the end when they have the following exchange, which has made me cry the two times I've read it:

"Do you want to kill yourself?" he asks, and the question sounds unreal because you never hear anyone asking that question in real life.

"I don't want you to do that," he says. "I can't let you do that. You can't leave me here alone."

His voice breaks.

"You need to be here," he says.

As for Diego, we get a bit more insight on his anger issues as that's the way he and his sister find themselves in Calypso, but from the moment he met Henry he is just such a sweetheart. He never judges him, tries to meet him where he is despite the struggles from Henry and his struggles, and even though there are times they think pursuing anything might not be such a great idea, they always find themselves pulled towards each other, which reminds me of when Henry thinks: "Sometimes ... I think gravity is love, which is why love's only demand is that we fall." Some of my favorite scenes are where Diego takes Henry stargazing, or when they have their first kiss. It's just so nicely written and it will always be the one relationship I will remember reading and thinking to myself maybe I did want one (though again, something more akin to romantic/platonic rather than romantic/sexual), but I digress.

Still, the thing that makes both Michael and Diego stand out so much is the fact of just how deeply they care about Tori and Henry, how they see them and hear them and understand them. It's just beautiful, and I wish I could feel this level of hope again one day. I mean, I remember my first ever quote-unquote review of We Are the Ants. I ended it with such a positive note, how I felt inspired but now, seven years later there isn’t much hope in my opinion. I'm still here, but there seems to be not much. I'm still hoping the fact that I wrote all of this means something. Maybe not me going back to writing about everything I read and watched but more that perhaps more fiction ideas will start to pour out of me. I'm no longer a young adult, and I'm thinking of a story of an asexual grown man, dealing with undiagnosed depression* back on his home town he left quite a few years ago. I guess all I can do is hope.

[stealing-the-smp]

Member 4

The Glitchis Mahogany

Lives before end: 3

Alignment: Lawful Chaotic /j

jk jk lawful neutral

Sides: Lmanburg(traitor), Greater smp(current), Pogtopia(past)

Age: Immortal

Species: Glitchis

Gender: Genderqueer

Pronouns: Any

Sexuality: Bi and poly

Morals: Many! Kids need to be protected, The wars need to slow down at any cost, More

Goals: Live in peace, Help others, Be a good monarch, Not be outed as nonhuman

Likes: Royal theming, Shiny things, Fidgets, Caves, Nether fortresses(one of the best creations in this world to Mahogany), Warm places, Vian’s wings, Noting things down on sticky notes

Dislikes: Wars, His bad memory

Allies: Demi, Komo, Hydrangea, Whiterose, Nightshade, Patch, Nutmeg, Bee, Cas

Allies or Enemies or both?: Vian

Enemies: Xade, Asphodel

Family: Found family with Nutmeg and Bee they be siblings then Cas is Mahogany’s kid

Appearance: Usually in a human form with pure white eyes that tend to induce fear in anyone who sees them so are covered with sunglasses, they also have shortish brown hair and a Royal cape that’s actually weighted for comfort, they wear a fancy white button up that has ruffles near the buttons, they have a belt that is like two crossed over belts for fanciness and it has little pouches on both sides that they use to store their communicator, bandages, a pen, some paper, and anything else they may use in the day. They have a couple scars like some weird burn scars on their back where someone may have wings attach from. (long explanation)

Another form they have features three added details fox like ears and a fox like tail that are both pitch black fur and some black fur around their eyes but to be seen as human they don’t take this form often

The True form is a 44 foot fox or wolf creature with white eyes and pure black fur also the weird feeling that it should have wings? But that’s unexplained to most only one person knows what happened to the wings and it isn’t even Mahogany

Quotes:

“I’m aware I’m not supposed to exist”

“Demi you *chuckles* worry too much I’ll be fineeeeee I’ll live through anything..”

“Oh that sounds interesting count me in”

“Sighhhhh No Hydrangea you can’t just bite our enemies”

“Cas pup come here I’ll grab you some food”

“Hey Soot do you think if I bit god again he’d make all of our lives easier or harder?”

“Bee you really need to stop ramming into walls before you get a concussion……yes I know Chord needed you to break down a door but next time you two should try the handle bud”

“Oh it’s you you’ve fallen…”

“Peace?”

“It’s a deal…”

“The baker and Cypress don’t have to be in the control room given Hydrangea is just a baker and Cypress is a robot so logically nothing would happen if he got stabbed”

“Down with the revolution boys it was never meant to be”

Mouths “I’m sorry Vian”

“this didn’t bring peace……”

“I’m sorry”

“This wool is the you matter wool because you matter!”

“I guess if you want to call me a traitor…. I’m a traitor Soot”

“I don’t remember you but something in me does”

“oh ok”

whispers “I’ll continue being alone”

“I beg to join you again Vian please!”

“Vian am I a traitor again?”

“yeah i understand why you want my crown back”

“NO shit fuck what was that guy’s name?? DEMI HELP”

“I guess I’m a wanted man who’s watching sibling drama”

“Vian I need to stay here”

“Wait Chord calm down where’s Vian?”

“people would rally around me…but I’m no better then Vian….I may even be worse”

“I’m sorry Hydrangea I’m too busy with paperwork today”

“Cas why are you hiding behind me? Need help pup?”

“Yeah you can stay at my castle pup I’ll even make you a entire wing”

“why is it more peaceful when he’s gone….”

“I’m sorry Asphodel but I agree with the others you need to be locked away”

“Who would’ve thought locking Asphodel up of all people would mean so much paperwork….”

“Vian! ….oh you’re a hallucination”

“Sure yeah I’ll come pick the lil guy up”

“why do others trust me so much still”

“Pfftttt yeah you can hide in my cape pup…..actually what are baby pigs called? Piglets I think?”

“Hmmmmm here maybe you’ll be able to do sign language I’ll figure out how to adapt it for Piglets though”

“This won’t go too bad like dangerous but eh a monarch must attend a gathering such as this one”

“Oh! My dress is actually! Pants!”

“*chuckles* sure I’ll dance with you Demi”

“Oh shit heheheh yeah should’ve expected I was first”

“DEMI NO”

“Demi? You ok?”

“yeah I’ll take a explanation why are we tied to each other?”

“Oh *chuckles* you’re sweet Demi”

“You’re back? No I’m hallucinating like usual”

“Vian don’t leave I’d…I’d let you move into the castle with me!”

“Bee if Chord jumped off a cliff would you?……NO”

“Oh shit DEMI VIAN WE NEED TO GO NOW”

“I’m sorry anyone I could’ve saved…”

Replacement of

Eret

they were my favorite character so lots of info

[amidst-wonderland]

honestly, listening to ‘the ballad of lucy gray baird’ i can’t un-hear nora and michael’s entire arc as a couple, like every. single. line.

“we fell on hard times, and we lost our bright colours” / “you went to the dogs and i lived by my charms.”

michael literally goes to prison and comes back a very different person, from farmboy to rattlesnake. nora breaks up with him and goes back to london, working for sabini’s dancers.

“you stole and you gambled and i said ‘you should.’” / “we sang for our suppers, we drank up our money.”

well, yeah. crime family, does crime and indulges in it. nora and michael in particular as young hedonists and the shelby’s public display of misguided youth. they were reckless but they had each other.

“then one day you left saying ‘i was no good’”

not literally, but this feels self-explanatory especially with their preceding conflicts on relocation. michael leaves nora after berating her as his wife and not backing down. so, nora sees him leaving as a direct response to that. falling back on her insecurities that she was just never enough for him.

“well alright i’m bad but then you’re no prize either.” / “alright i’m bad, but then that’s nothing new.”

again, a lot of this stemming from nora’s insecurity around herself as a person, a glasweigan traveller girl, her self-destructive behaviour with alcohol that michael dealt with, her impulsiveness and that she was never the ‘perfect wife’ mirroring that, michael’s drug abuse, him getting progressively rougher with her, dress it up how you want, michael is a murderer and is in a gang.

“that’s nothing new” especially, because this is how nora is and has always been, michael knew what he was getting into and he liked that about her.

“you say you won’t love me, i won’t love you neither.”

if this isn’t them… sheer petty, childish spite.

“cause i am the one who looks out when you’re leaping.” / “i am the one who knows how you were brave.” / “and i am the one who heard what you said sleeping.”

no matter where they’re at, michael simply cannot argue that nora doesn’t have his best interest at heart. she’s the one cautioning him, whether he likes it or not. she’s seen the damage this life can do, and early-on michael hasn’t.

nora knows. when michael returned home from prison the first time, even with the pregnancy, their last fight, their break-up and ultimately their forced make-up. michael lays in nora’s arms for days, cooped up in his bed. just having her pressed against him, her fingers carding through his hair and feeling their son’s first kick.

similarly with hughes, michael told tommy but he confided in nora, and once he’d killed him and returned charlie he fell right back into his wife’s arms like a routine. washing away the blood, wiping away the tears he wound even acknowledge, hiding from the rest of the world in the comfort of their bedroom.

on the flip-side if nora is making a scene and standing her ground against the family, michael will attempt to diffuse. not always because he disagrees but because he doesn’t want this hurting her with the family long-term and he feels guilty every time he does.

“it’s sooner than later that i’m six feet under, it’s sooner than later that you’ll be alone.” / “so who will you turn to, tomorrow i wonder.”

nora’s home. there was always a mild risk involved living and being married to a ‘shelby’ and any threats made towards her was done so purely through guilt of association. however being home she’s being actively targeted because she’s picking fights, not backing down and because she’s a conk, not married to a blinder.

nora is also the only person who ties michael to his kids because no-one else will make that effort due to lack of means or understanding but more sinisterly, lack of interest. if nora’s gone then who’s getting his kids back to him?

michael’s support unit was nora. gina doesn’t reciprocate the warmth nora held ten-fold, he can’t turn to the one person who puts him first, who doesn’t have ulterior motives. nora wasn’t privy to blinders activity, so she had nothing to gain and everything to loose, everyone else has something to gain.

“i know the soul that you struggled to save.”

this, this is for both of them. more literally for michael after what happened in the gallows. going back to the office, his coke addiction, the constant partying as if everything was normal.

nora and michael crave what they once had and they are forever chasing it because they were truly at peace. they were themselves, kids. an ambitious farmboy that took way too much sugar in his tea and the city girl with a heart of gold who couldn’t stomach any at all.

[br1ghtestlight]

love how bob seems to be completely out of it for this entire episode. like gene and tina are barely following along with linda and louise's insane reverse psychology game but bob is GONE like he's not present at the dinner table he isnt even part of the family. he just grumbles when linda tells him to but he isn't saying shit 😭😭

TINA AND GENE ARE SO SILLY IN THIS EPISODE LMAOO head empty zero thoughts. they are nothing more than pawns in louise's game

bob is correct for wanting to bribe them with candy that would literally work. like they are simple people

WHAT IF THEY TURN INTO LITTLE DELINQUENTS WHO DONT LISTEN TO AUTHORITY??? linda do you know who your kids are they are already WELL past that point especially louise. kinda funny that linda in this episode has the exact opposite viewpoint to how she was w/ louise in amelia. not a criticism of the episode its just ironic

BLACKMAIL

ARE YOU GONNA KILL US LMFAO

gene is SO BABY in this scene im gonna need to take screenshots later bcuz he is the smallest boy. in the world or maybe ever

back when we were children?? says the nine year old child

love how this episode is told through a bedtime story its very creative formatting and kinda unique feeling compared to the three story type of episode :)

MR FISCHOEDER APPEARANCE thank god we always need more fischoeder in our lives. i was worried we would have to wait weeks or even months to see him again

love big g. is that perhaps Grandma or Gloria

ZEKE AND JIMMY JR this is the big win for people who like seeing secondary characters. this episode already has more of them than like the Entirety of season 13 zeke and gene are so cute. their friendship is everything

THEY SEEM NICE TO ME AND LOVING I WANNA SAY AND WISE LIKE THEYVE GOT ALL THIS WISDOM TO PASS ON ABOUT LIFE AND THE WORLD 😭😭😭 lmao zeke saying that bob and linda are loving and kind is kinda sweet even though i know its technically bob and linda saying that about themselves. i do think zeke has a positive view of bob and linda Tbh

YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE YOU WORK SO HARD ALL THE TIME AND YOURE DELIGHTFUL........

new jimmy jr lore: he has a small bladder?

BOB AND LINDA GIVING EACH OTHER PIGGYBACK RIDES <3 so cute

rudy AND jessica spotted

AAWWWW ITS OUR JOB TO PROTECT YOU they love their kids so much :(

MARSHMALLOW APPEARANCE WTF??? new voice actor too :D i thought if she was gonna be in any episode it would be the bachlorette episode but its kinda funny she's just randomly in a western. its where she belongs

wait did i die?? no you were just being dramatic :/

I DONT KNOW WHY I THOUGHY MR FISCHOEDER WAS GONNA SERIOUSLY SUGGEST TO USE REAL BULLETS mf just shoots a bunch of kids. i mean he would do that honestly

AWW BOB SPECIAL INTEREST MOMENT he likes cooking ^_^

everything i do i do it for you 😭😭💕

LINDA ACTUALLY CRYING THIS IS GONNA BREAK MY HEART wtf i wasn't expecting this episode to actually get sad. what the hell </3 louise making her mom cry.....

"even though its really cool for moms to get angry and frustrated and cry in front of their kids"

this is weirdly reminding me of mother daughter lazor razor?? linda saying that she wished louise liked her and then louise saying wait you think i dont like you. their relationship is so weird and complicated but louise DOES love and respect linda and thinks she's really cool and fun!!! i wont hear otherwise idc

ONE OF OUR CHORES WAS TO LIGHT GRANDPAS CIGARS LIKE IN OUR MOUTHS??? LMAO WHAT THE FUCK LINDA why is this getting like weirdly serious is every episode gonna be like this now. are they just a little bit traumatic to watch every single time (also john roberts did A GREAT job voicing in this episode especially this ending scene)

MOSTLY BECAUSE OF TINA RIGHT AND GENE why did i literally start laughing loudly when she said that. god i love louise so much

aww they're babies <3 their relationship is the sweetest. you'll the toughest little cutie in prison

LIKE I SAID CANDY WAS LITERALLY THE SOLUTION those kids will do anything for some candy we all know this. we've seen the show before

gene its not even a question you WILL play coachella someday baby boy. you could probably do anything you wanted

GLORIA APPEARANCE i mean i dont like her but its been a few seasons since she was around. hello gloria is al dead

wait why does gloria have big ass badonkadonks..what who said that

aww the babies all asleep <3 little sweethearts

THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUN AND CUTE??? like genuinely a great episode that was heartfelt AND funny and had a really interesting story element to it as well. louise and linda episodes are always great and i love linda talking about how hard it is to raise good people and how much pressure is on them (and it makes sense that she would be more stressed about making them do chores vs bob because it was her mom who was pressuring her. big bob doesnt give a FUCK) a very fun start to hopefully a great season!!!!

[journeythroughlifesblog]

'Royal loss' au chapter 3. (part one)

As he said, he did. The monkey king searched all the kingdoms for his son. But first he went to the land of the dead. He hoped that his beloved's soul would be there, but in vain. Liuer's soul was not there. Then where was his beloved? After all, the soul cannot be destroyed, or can it be? the king thought. There was no point in staying in the land of death any longer, so he went back to the mountain, which had remained as it was when he came back from that damn battle with DBK. The forest was half destroyed. The scent of the warrior's blood still lingered in the cave. The king, after visiting the land of the dead, decided to bury the corpse of his beloved. In their special place upstairs. It was a special place because you could see all sides of the world from there, and in the evenings they watched the night sky there, but that's not all, this is where the monkey king proposed to his warrior. It was one of the most beautiful moments in his life. The king buried the body. He erected a tombstone and decorated it with flowers to please his warrior. He knelt before the grave. ''Hey Luer. I was in mortal land today.. where have you gone?'' A tear rolled down his face. ''But you know what our son must live because his soul wasn't there either, but you died and you weren't there either, I don't like it. But then I will find you both.'' New tears flowed and fell on the warrior's grave. The king came to his beloved every day telling what he had done.

Back to the search. Wukong searched the heven. He burst into the emperor's palace with fury in his eyes, demanding an explanation.

“Sun Wukong, what brings you here?” asked the emperor.

"Oh, you know what's going on," replied the king furiously.

"No, I don't know what you mean this time." The Emperor replied confused.

''It's because of you that I lost my family!! If you don't give them back to me right now, I swear I'll tear the whole damn land apart!!''

''Sun Wukong, how dare you threaten us! We had nothing to do with your family. We didn't even know you lost them...

"If I hadn't gone to fight DBK for you then, I would have saved them." ""So I ask you again what did you do?" Their deadly stares met.

"And I tell you again that heaven had nothing to do with it." The annoyed emperor recounted. Wukong glared at him again, turned around, but before leaving he said: "But if you're lying.. then you know what I am and what will happen to heaven and beyond" and left the palace. Outside, he sent a group of clones to search the entire heven. He did go back upstairs. He locked himself in the hut and began jotting down a plan of action. Names of demons who would be willing to hurt his family for his sins. He put cards everywhere. Piles of notes were scattered around the rooms. Except for one. The room where he slept with his family. He locked it and swore that he would not open it until he found his son and found out what happened to Liuer's soul. He sent his monkeys out to search the forest and around the mountain. Months passed before all of the heavenly realm had not been checked, but even if it had been, the king was sending new colonies to check again. Every day he got a report from the scouts. Hope faded every day. He stopped searching the heavenly realm and focused on the mortal realm. But it must be admitted that he lacked strength. The king was sinking deeper and deeper into despair. He sent clones around the world. The days passed slowly and monotonously. The king has lost track of time. He didn't realize how long he was searching, but it didn't matter to Wukong. He wanted to find Liuer's son and soul. Monkey King usually didn't leave the cabin. He pored over his notes. Maybe he missed something very obvious. He was going through piles of notes. His subjects began to worry about their king, whom they rarely saw. Wukong, if he didn't spend time in the hut, he spent time at the grave of his beloved. He tidied plants, arranged flowers, talked. Even though he was alone, he felt that Liuer was with him. The next days passed, or maybe years? The king began to feel that he would never see his loved ones. He was in complete mental breakdown. He barely ate. He neglected himself. He was wearing threadbare clothes that had been worn over the years. His flock could not watch their king weaken. He even stopped sending clones. Searched everything and nothing.