#and like most of the students when i studied there (the closer one) also werent completely obsessed as well as like most normal people

[playingonedchess]

[redacted] most stupid city why even bother

[onlyjihoons]

collegebf!jihoon

a/n; congrats to jihoon for being accepted into uni;-;-; and btw pls pardon the mb that was the closest thing i could find to college jihoon in my laptop

masterlist// requests are open

major: theatre/acting

wanted to take up aerospace technology, but decided to go for his real passion instead

got in through rolling admission, didnt have to face the stress of college entrance examinations

however a very talented actor, able to shed tears in 30 seconds

havent had his first kiss despite acting since five,, and people are shook lol

has looks crafted by the acting gods, visuals made for acting

able to pull off both bad roles and good roles

honestly very friendly and humble young actor, seniors are certain he will make it big in the industry one day

will greet classmates and lecturers good morning and bid them goodbye

lowkey enjoys classics like romeo and juliet, lord of the flies, julius caesar, animal farm 

does well in the prose section in tests because he reads widely 

actually a well all-rounded student, perfect 4.0 gpa in every semester

took up ballet in high school oops and hence knows every scene in ballet classics like sleeping beauty

sings and raps decently, a good dancer too,, a literal golden child lol

but below the perfect boy surface,, jihoon is an avid gamer who always occasionally stays up till the wee wee hours of the night to play games

like overwatch sorry guys that’s the only game i know

sometimes will arrive to class late, hair in a mess and last night’s pyjamas 

but at the end of the day he does well in everything without even trying so the lecturers just let him be

you didn’t even know why you took up theatre,, maybe its because you scored an A in literature during your college entrance exams

communications was too controversial for you anyway

you had zero to little acting experience, the only experience you had was pretending to be sick in school

like jihoon, for the prose section of tests you would score full marks most of the time

but drama section was your pitfall

not that you couldn’t act, but you had a fear of being on camera

selfies with friends are fine, but you just don’t like your pictures being taken in general

one day, your lecturer gave out an assignment, apparently it’s paired work and your partner has already been chosen beforehand

you liked pair work, and honestly one of the only ways you can pull up your grades for the drama section

once you received your assignment, you read the name below yours in bolded itallic,

park jihoon

you sighed, you were afraid of being a burden to the golden student, since he already has secured his own distinction anyway

you were acquaintances with jihoon, but not that close to be friends either

“y/n!” jihoon settled into his seat beside you, “i’m glad we are partners, at least you won’t be like some of the girls in this class��”

you smiled weakly, thankful that he didn’t have a bad impression of you already, “what about them?”

“they always wanted to add a kiss scene in the plot, just to kiss me, its just, ugh.” this was the first time you’ve seen jihoon getting annoyed, and you found it cute honestly

“that’s gross, but don’t worry, i wont make you kiss me, i don’t think you’d want to either.” you patted his back, and you swore that you saw a tinge of hurt in jihoon’s eyes momentarily 

“thanks y/n.”

for the first 2 days, you and jihoon practically breezed through the prose section, sharing your favourite scenes of the classics

“romeo and juliet was a good ending”

“no, they should’ve ran away with each other”

despite conflicting ideas the both of you worked well together and became much closer than before

at first you thought jihoon was a little bit of a tsundere, but the more you knew him, the more goofy he seemed

like how he liked penguins, and has a few penguin stuffed toys on his bed

and you also learnt that jihoon used to do classical ballet in high school, which was lowkey a surprise for you

then came the drama section, the both of you decided on romeo and juliet

wow im so basic sorry guys

you didn’t force jihoon to kiss you too, so the both of you just settled with jihoon putting his thumb in between the both of your lips

or almost kissing

bahbam y’all “kissed”

jihoon told you it was a method actors use so that they don’t really kiss the actress,, and he pulled out that card for all of the girls who wanted to kiss him lol

he even was super sweet about the whole thing, asking if you were uncomfortable and stuff

you always said you wouldn’t but your heart would race whenever he did a tiny bit of skinship like hugging or holding your hand

ultimately, it was just for the grades, right?

wrong.

jihoon had the biggest crush on you ever since the both of you were in the same class

he was just scared of approaching you, scared that you would think he’s trying to get into your good books

so he was really excited when the lecturer announced that you were his partner

and when you said “i don’t think you’d want to either” to the kiss he was lowkey slumped bc it meant to him that you thought of jihoon as a normal friend and not something more

so on the day of the drama showcase, jihoon could sense your nervousness

usually you were ok but today you werent

“what’s up y/n? are you not feeling well?”

“i have a phobia of being on camera,” you wrung your hands together, “sorry jihoon, i’m bringing down our grades–”

“no, y/n, look at me.” jihoon made you face him, his features gleaming under the light, “we’ll overcome this together. i promise.”

“how?”

jihoon then swooped down and kissed your lips, which definitely took you aback

“w-what”

“just imagine the camera isn’t there, and there is no one in the classroom except us.” jihoon smiled, as if the kiss didnt happen

you were definitely calmer than before, weirdly, and nodded.

when it was you and jihoon’s turn, he gave your hand a small squeeze 

it went pretty smoothly, with no camera-fright for the first time

until the kiss scene, jihoon actually kissed you for real

and the whole class was shooketh bc park jihoon,, kissing a girl for the first time?? wowzers

in the end, both of you got your As and you got yourself a boyfriend out of it too

honestly jihoon is more of a homebody than you think

he would want to stay at home rather than go out on dates

so he would invite you over to his dorm, to watch movies or just cook for him lol

sometimes he would ask you to play games with him too, but you’d fail

he would be somewhat addicted to his games too, so you have to get through all means and ways to get his attention back on his work

dont be surprised if he calls you at like 3am telling you hes hungry

and you only read it the next morning

“did you see the message i sent you?”

“no…?”

“i sent it at 3am and it said 2 ticks…”

“you’re gaming again?? YAH PARK JIHOON”

“hahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAH yes im sorry babe please forgive me:

has his designated seat beside you in every class

sometimes the lecturer has to call him out for being too clingy to you and its embarrassing when everyone just has their attention on the both of you

save this clingy baby please

will help you hold your notes,, and sometimes clean up with you at your dorm or home

your mother loves him already even tho she only met him through facetime

likes to go to find all the ramen stores in the vicinity and try all of them out

also likes taking pictures of you when you dont notice

and sets it as his kkt bg

your contact in his phone is saved as baby girl💓💕💖💗💘💞

and his contact saved on your phone is baby boy❤💙💚💛💜

you know those boyfriends who treat their girlfriend like theyre their entire universe? yup thats jihoon

and like his eyes light up whenever he talks about you its just so endearing

likes to be the big spoon when cuddling just so he can engulf you in his arms

hardly gets mad but even if he does its not that serious and over something stupid like him losing his notes or something

jihoon knows where to draw the line, when you need to study he tries not to disrupt you

keyword: tries

overall, a clingy but sweet koala as your bf, you could never ask for more

[whxtiswriting]

A real Angel ||

Sam and dean are hunters and problem solvers. They go where they are needed and they dont stay very long after a case is solved. 

They were packing up a hotel room when a woman frantically tapped on the door. 

She was frail, thin, and her plaid over coat dress was falling off of her shoulders. 

"Whats she want?" Dean asked, not too interested. "I paid for the room." 

Sam rolled his eyes and opened the door. "How may I help you, maam?" 

"You boys solve problems? Dont you?" She asked. 

"We dont have time to find a cat or open jars-" dean snarked. 

"I'm not really sure how we can help you." Sam said nicer than dean would have. 

"Its my daughter-" she said frantically. "Shes joined a cult-!" 

"We don't normally do cult things." Dean replied. 

Sam frowned and ushered her inside. "Why dont you have a seat and we can see if this is the kind of thing we can help with." 

Dean rolled his eyes as he was attempting to close his suitcase. "It wont be-" 

The lady walked in, clutching her handbag and dug around inside of it. "They say they have an angel-" 

Sam frowned, "would you like some tea?" 

"I would like for you to bring ny daughter home!" The lady snapped, pulling out a thin, long, red envelope. "She sent me proof!" 

The lady shoved the envelope into sams hands. 

Sam opened it and his heart kind of stopped for a moment. 

There was a long black feather inside. The tip where it came from the wing was coated with dry blood, the edges shimmered with light, and it brought an energy to Sam that he had never felt before. 

Dean looked over and frowned. "A feather? That could come from anything." 

"But it didn't! It came from my daughter! You need to save her from this stupid cult!" The lady snapped, "I can pay you! I have money!" 

Sam handed the envelope to dean, and looked back to the lady. "What do they call themselves, this cult?"

"The children of heavenly light." The woman scoweled, pulling out a pamphlet. "My daughter was a college student, she was successful- they targetted her and many others- I havent seen or heard from her in many months. Please- please help her." 

"We will do what we can and be in touch." Sam agreed, handing her his card. 

After she left, Sam turned to dean. "Did you have to be so- rude? This could be easy money." 

"Or it could all be a stupid ruse." Dean said, still stroking the feather. 

"The cult seems to be located in the mountains up north; I'm gonna call Bobby and see if hes ever heard of them and see if theres anything unnatural to this claim-" Sam replied, stepping outside. 

Dean sighed, tucking the feather back into the envelope and grabbing the bags. Either way, they werent staying in this motel anymore.

After returning the keys, dean joined Sam at the car. 

Sam was using his laptop and was leaning on the hood of the car. 

"Get your ass off babys hood!" Dean snapped, throwing their bags in the back.

Sam rolled his eyes and got into the car. "So this cult is located in the Washington mountains. They moved up there to be closer to the heavens. They are located near an Observatory for mount Olympus." 

Dean got in and started the car. "So theyve holed themselves up in the snowy freaking mountains to be closer to the heavens? Not very clear on which heavens they care about, are they." He complained. 

"Bobby says that they might very well have an angel- but hes never met one thats kept people hostage." 

"So probably not our bad guy then- if they really have one." Dean agreed, as they started their long drive. "How do we join this cult?" 

"They target school fairs and career days- so we just gotta go to the local college." Sam figured.

They drove almost straight through, and when they got to the town, they looked for a motel to stay in. 

The snow was a lovely sight, in theory, but it reminded dean he needed to find his jacket. 

"I'll check us in." Sam said, getting out of the car in the motel parking lot. 

"I'll find us somewhere to eat and find information on this cult." Dean agreed. 

A while later, they were in a pub, drinking, eating, and doing research. 

They found there were many lost people signs up around the town. It was a place where people disappeared. 

There were a few people in the pub who were drunk and angry about the cult- but they didnt find too much out about it. 

There were many people who said the religious group was a group of nice people who never bothered anyone and only came to town for supplies. 

They weren't getting anywhere, so they returned to the motel and dean laid down for the night. 

Sam stayed up doing a little more research before he also went to sleep.

The next day, they went to tour the local college, peruse for information- and maybe get laid, dean joked. 

They split up- Sam went on a tour and dean looked at all of the places flyers were posted. 

Luckily, dean found a flyer for an open event that week. 

"Its all BS." A cute blonde said, rushing by. 

"What is?" Dean asked, following her. 

"That group- its all a bunch of talk, no show." She laughed, stopping in front of him. "They talk game but ive never seen an angel." 

"I'm only in town for a few days, thought it might be fun to see some really good stage craft." Dean joked. 

"They might help with that. Their residence is super decked out." She agreed. 

"Youve been?" Dean asked. 

"My friend is a member- made me tour it-" she agreed. "But I didnt see what all the fuss was about." 

"Maybe ill check it out then." Dean agreed. 

She laughed again and left. 

Sam came over. "This school is amazing!" 

"Did you find anything?" Dean asked. 

"They have the largest library ive ever seen!" 

"I mean about the case, Sam." Dean chasticed. 

"Oh, right. I learned that theyve had a few students go off and join- and that the leader was a professor here."

"Well, I learned there is a party open to the public this weekend." Dean replied, "so we will be learning if theres an actual angel around here soon." 

Over the next few days, they did research into the families whos kids had joined, the cult leader, and more. 

The night of the party came, and they headed up to the mountain side compound. 

A lot of people came to see what the fuss was about. 

The compound was more like a palace, beautifully decorated in modern art and statues depicting heavenly stories, there was even a chandelier in the entryway. There were twinkle lights everywhere. 

Inside the main room, was a sight no one was prepared for. 

Under a large round light, depicting a halo, was an almost naked college aged man, who was bound in red leather. 

He was kneeling, hands bound behind his back, but most importantly, there were leather straps wrapped around the base of his wings, keeping them extended and him slightly lifted from the ground. 

They were beautiful, even in their tattered state. 

The 'halo' light was the only light in the room, aside from a movie screen that was playing propaganda videos on it. 

The angel was poised, trapped in a circle that was painted on The floor. Its back was scarred- and its head was down. It was almost statuesque.

"That cant be real-" someone said nearby. "Its fake-" 

Dean studied the surroundings a little closer- the trap painted on the floor- the way the wings were pulling on the back of the man- the tools that looked out of the ordinary, the way the leather cut into the angels skin as if it wasnt just leather After all. 

"I-i dont think this is fake." Sam said quietly, as they moved to get refreshments. 

"I agree." Dean said stiffly. 

A young women came into the room carrying a bucket and a rag. She knelt by the angel and began the show. 

He jerked forward when the water from the bucket touched his skin. 

"Its okay." She said sweetly. "We bless you for your pain so that we may live." 

The angel stiffened, but didnt respond. He was biting his tongue. 

The woman washed him in the special water, preparing his body for the pain that would come. 

Some were begining to think this was performance art. They didnt see it clearly. 

The woman stopped, gathered her things, and walked away when the leader, the professor came into the room. 

"Good evening my friends! Please, take a seat, have a drink, and enjoy the show." 

"I have a feeling I will not be enjoying this." Dean said gruffly. 

"Just sit down and dont make a scene." Sam instructed.

The professor began his speech. "Tonight is a celebration of life: our heavenly gift is going to provide life for our ceremonies, and he will bring prosperity and love to those who reside and who are visiting for this event." 

"First, though, he must absorb our sins." The man announced, taking a whip from where it lay on an almost surgical tray. 

"I will start, and then my children will follow. And any guests here tonight with something to attone for may join us." He explained, before stepping up to the circle.

The angel tensed, but didnt make a sound. There were innocents in the room- he just had to focus on holding himself together.

The man threw the whip back, and then unleashed it on the angels back. Thr whip was designed to cause physical damage to ethereal beings- but not kill them. 

The angel jerked forward- against the restraints- but he kept from crying out. 

The man hit him twice more, before passing the whip to a young lady. 

There were twenty six members of the cult, who each swung the whip for at least one repentance. 

By the time the cult members were finished, the angel was crying. There was blood that seemed to shine and almost glow, running down its back. 

A few curious people from the crowd got up to try. 

"I think we have to do it to join-" Sam said. 

"Figure out a different way." Dean snapped. 

The professor grabbed a silver chalice, and a knife, using the chalice to catch some of the blood that trickled down before cutting the angels wrist, and catching the blood from there. 

"For our sins, we beg forgiveness. For our sins, we drink to cleanse ourselves." 

He took a drink, before passing the chalice to his members. 

"Those who wish to join us innour quest for purity and immortality, may drink from the chalice and join our ranks." 

Dean reluctantly got to his feet. 

"Should we both join?" Sam asked quickly. 

"I'll join, you don't have to." Dean said, wondering if there would be horrible side effects to joining. 

"I'm not just going to leave you here with these people-" Sam argued. 

"We need someone on the outside too-" dean reasoned. "Besides, my souls already damned." 

"Dean, this isnt funny." Sam argued. "You need me here." 

Dean sighed, "fine." 

They got in line. 

"I told bobby and Jo where we were, case something goes wrong." 

It was then deans turn to drink. The liquid was silvery red, and it felt like a warm honey as it filled his body. He stsrted to tingle- injuries hed had began to heal, he felt light, giddy almost. 

He almost couldnt remember why they were here.

4:53 PM

Sam drank and closed his eyes. The warmth from the liquid warmed his soul, from his fingers to his toes. It was easy to see why this was addicting. 

Afterwards, the professor decided on one of the new people being allowed to clean the angel up. 

Dean was handed the container of purified water, and a cloth. 

Dean knelt down and dunked the cloth in the water. Watching it bubble for a moment. Everything felt amazing. 

The angel was panting- it was clear he was in pain- but he attempted to move away from the rag. 

The professor walked over and pinned him to the floor with his boot. "You will be cleansed of our sins and we will once again be free." 

The angel pulled away as hard as he could- but he was trapped. 

Deans hands were gentle when he placed the soaked rag over the boys back. The bloodied water swirled as he cleansed him- the water stitching his wounds back together. They left only scars in their wake. 

The emotional scars were worse. 

He didnt even beg for his release anymore- he didnt even pray to his god- his father, his creator, anymore. They made him impure and purified him again- but he was still dirty, unclean. Unworthy. 

He was trying to make himself so dirty that he wasn't heavenly anymore- then theyd have no use for him. 

When dean was finished, he wrung the cloth out and moved to his face. He washed it of the sweat and tears. He looked him in his eyes. He remembered why he was there. 

"Thats enough." The professor said, helping dean to his feet. "Charlie will show you to your rooms, charlie!" 

A young lady hurried over- she looked just like the photo her mother gave them. "Yes my professor?" 

He kissed her, "show my lovely new students to their quarters." 

"What about the angel?" Dean asked.

"I will move him to a safe location." The professor answered. "You must go and sleep." 

Dean nodded softly. "Yes professor." 

Sam and dean were led to a room theyd share with another new comer and an existing student of the cult. 

The professor went back to the angel and began the process of untying him. He began with the wings- which were sore and aching. They dropped like lead when they were undied, semiwrapping around the boy. Then, he unbound his hands, kissing the skin beneath the bindings, and finally the ankles. He then wrapped the used leather around the boys neck like a leash and pulled him to the edge of the circle. "You try anything- and you will regret it." He hissed, before breaking the circle and pulling the angel away from the show room. 

He was compliant until they got near the mans bedroom- he jerked against the bindings and hit him with his wings-"let me go-!" 

The man overpowered the angel and held a blade to his throat-"I will end you, castiel!" 

The boy bucked, trying to get the blade to cut him- "You wouldnt-" 

The professor hit him, his ring cut castiels face. "You will obey me, I own you." 

Cas was dizzy and weak- being torn apart by ancient weaponry and put together by holy water was not a spa treatment. 

The man pulled him into his room and threw him to the dog bed next to the master bed. The room was huge and luxurious but castiel loathed it. 

There was a large trap painted under the rug- from the bathroom to the tv- not close enough to anything that would help him escape. 

Castiel dropped to the bed on the floor and curled up, closing his eyes. 

"Not so fast- I need to make sure they caught every wound." The professor instructed, pulling the angel to his feet. 

Castiels resistance flared inside him. "You won't find any wounds, let me rest." 

The man just laughed and pulled down the angels boxers. He ran a hand over every part of him- shoving them into his mouth, inspecting him for sores, he said. He traced over every part of him- and found nothing. 

It was all a cover- dirtying the angel for self gratification. 

He shoved his fingers inside of the angel- who cried out and turned his head to the heavens- and began jacking off. 

"St-stop this-" castiel begged, "stop-" 

"I gotta make sure you are safe." The man insisted- thinking about what a pleasure it would be to take the angel right there. 

It was over quickly, but not quick enough for cas. He slumped into the bed on the floor and cried- the professor collected his tears for his healing salves. 

He called in one of his many students and told them to ready a clean bath for the angel, but didnt elaborate as to why. 

They filled the bath with sacred water and then helped cas into the water. The angel barely moved. 

He was praying again- this time for death. He wanted this to be over. He didnt want saved or cleaned- he wanted death to come and take him away. 

The student made sure every part of him was submerged, at least once, by forcing castiel under the water. 

Castiel hoped hed die, but the boy let him back up- and he drizzled water onto the angels wings. They were missing feathers- and the water sometimes helped fix them.

When it was over, castiel was dried off by gentle, worshipping hands, dressed in pajamas, and then brought back to the dog bed. 

Castiel laid down, not wanting to be near the master, and closed his eyes. He briefly wondered if his father was allowing this. 

The man laid down on his bed and began reading a book. "You could always join me up here." The man offered. 

Castiel clenched his eyes shut and tried to will his human vessel to sleep.  It didnt work- hed been too thoroughly purified, but the professor fell asleep. 

Cas got up and began looking for flaws in the trap- for anyway out.

 There wasnt a way out. He went to the bookshelf and flicked through the books, before pulling out one of the professors books on ancient religions and going back to his bed. He sat down, flipping through the book, reading quietly. 

 There were notes in the margins about every subject- the professor had once been a very good scholar. He just fell off the path somewhere and became obsessed with angels. Castiel put the book away a while later and must have drifted off. When he woke up, the pattern on the floor had been reworked, stretched out in the hallway- making it so the angel could appear to move freely through the house. “Morning Cas.” The professor smiled. “I have made some accommodations for you to mingle with our new people.” “Why?” castiel asked, defensively. “I want them to see how amazing you are.” Professor said, kissing castiels face. “Professor-” Castiel argued. “You’ll do fine.” The man replied, setting some clothes out for castiel to wear. He forced castiel out of his clothes, and rather roughly pulled new clothes on him. “Professor-” He protested. “I-its false worship.” Cas argued, “You know this! You read the books, you were well studied-” The man pushed him onto the bed, biting his neck. “You are mine- I worship that I do, Not that you are from the heavens.” Castiel closed his eyes. Clenching them shut. The professor let him up, and laughed. “You will always be mine.” Then, he left. Castiel chewed his lip, getting up. He was confused and conflicted. He wiped his neck- and his face, before seeing just how far he could walk.

[kiwiquii]

You are 15. You have just started grade 11 at school. You have a good group of friends, 20 or so people that you genuinely enjoy being around. You have a boyfriend and the relationship is going well.

Its march, near the end of the first term. You notice some people in the group are not really getting along, and for some reason, 15 of the people get up and walk out of the group. They refuse to rejoin the two.

The 5 left includes you and your boyfriends friends.

A couple of weeks later, one of your friends tries to go to the group of 15 to talk to his girlfriend. He gets literally shoved out.

You send a private message to the 'leader' of the group asking her why she split the two. She tells you x was flirting with her ex and she didnt like that.

She tells you that you are a nosy bitch for questioning her. Half an hour later, you get 5 other people sending you messages

"You are a piece of shit"

"You dont deserve to have friends"

"I have hated you for years"

To this day you agree with all of these.

Its June. Your boyfriend hits rock bottom, runs away from home and drops out of school. You tell him to go back to school at least, he is a very intelligent person.

He tells you you are being a bitch for refusing to support him.

You then realise that everything that had happened in the relationship wasnt normal. He liked to physically abuse you. He often said something like "if you refuse to kiss me right now i will kill myself". He often got upset if you wanted to talk to your friends one day.

So you break up with him. You tell him that you have realised these things arent right. He tells you that you dont deserve to be loved and you have no hope of getting a lasting relationship. You agree.

It gets to September. At this point you start to question whether its worth going on. Something happens, and before you realise what you have done, you have gouged out part of your wrist.

You realise there is something really wrong with you, so the next day you go to the school councellor. She tells your parents and you start on therapy. You think it is a waste of time.

You can't last a month without making a new scar on yourself. It gets to november and the group merges back together. You cant join them, even seeing the people who attacked you sends you into panic.

You catch the bus home from school every day. And every day, you have a panic attack because the noise and claustrophobia is too much. Music is the only thing that can help it.

Your grades are failing. You used to be a good student, not the best but rarely getting less than a B. Now you are failing every subject.

You start grade 12. At this point you have 3 people you can count on. One is a girl you met online that you talk to every day, but she lives in america. Another is a girl you have been best friends with since grade 8. The last is a guy who for some reason still puts up with you.

Your best friend is popular. She still talks to everyone in the old group and she has ofher friends. You see her once every second day for the shorter break.

The guy is busy too. You dont see him that much.

For a while, you had a group of friends on an online forum. After a few months they realised you werent worth anything and you get banned. This happens with another forum as well.

Your mother is a very social person. You go to parties every other week with your parents. You try to tell them how uncomfortable they make you, but they refuse to listen.

One of the last things you enjoy is fishing. Sometimes, the parties your parents hold are at the beach, so you try to get as far away from the party as possible to escape in the waves. Each time, you consider just swimming out to keep going until you drown. Each time, you stop yourself because you forgot to say goodbye.

It gets to grade 12, you are 4 weeks in. Since the group joined back together, you have been sitting in an out of bounds area where no one can find you. Teachers tell you that you are lucky to not get suspended. You tell them you couldnt care less

It is the first time you ride your bike to school. It happens to be the class with an air con first so you are relieved. At 9:05 the school gets a bomb scare. You are made to sit on the field. You are messaging your dad and listening to music because you are terrified. A teacher tries to take your phone. You tell them to piss off. They make you sit in the sun away from the rest of the students. You keep messaging your dad. The teachers tell you if you dont hand over your phone they will suspend you. You tell them go ahead. At one point a teacher grabs you to try and get it.

Your parents find out about everything that happened, and they take it to the principal threatening to charge for assault. They are told that if they followed through, you would be an outcast to all teachers. Because what is the word of one mentally ill girl against professionals?

A few days later, the guy you were friends with approaches you. He tells you that he wants nothing to do with you until you fix your depression. You walk out of the school, start walking home, and suddenly get an uncontrollable urge to jump infront of a truck.

You force yourself to the ground, and message your american friend. They tell you that you are being an idiot and they would punch you if they were there.

You call your parents, who come immediately to pick you up from the side of the road. You talk to the suicide hotline about everything that has happened. You go to the hospital and repeat yourself to 3 more seporate people. You are pronounced minor risk and sent home

You dont go back to that school. You dont get accepted into a new school until 3 months later. In your time off, you start running and riding every day. You find a dog park with some nice people.

Your mental health is getting better. You go into your new school and complete all of term 1 and term 2 in the single term. You fail most of your first exams. Your teacher for your strongest subject tells you there is no way you can be an A student. Your OP prediction comes back as 17.

But you keep going. You go to the city every day to do your school work. Your grades get better. You feel better about yourself. By the end of the year, you are a straight A student. You get 2 awards. You get your OP back as 9. You get accepted into university early.

But you have to pay tuition upfront, so you defer 12 months. You start looking for a job. You print off 300 resumes. Over the next few months you use all of them. You walk in to every shop in a 11km radius of your house. You get a job at Subway.

This is your first time working, so you are slow. Your manager makes sure you know this. Every shift he tells you how much of an idiot you are. You give full availability and you are lucky to get more than 10 hours a week.

So you start looking for a job again. You get something for permanent part time, 25 hours per week. So you leave subway, and of course your boss literally begs you to stay.

After 2 weeks in your second job, which has standards higher than anywhere else you have been, you get fired for being too slow.

So you look for jobs again. You get one in a seafood place. It makes you always stink but the work is decent. Easter happens, it is so busy you get a panic attack and have to take a half when you would usually only take 15.

After easter, your boss tells you he doesnt need you anymore, and you are lucky to get one shift per week.

So you look again. An employer tells you to do a cert iii in food processing so you do. You never hear back from the employer.

You get a job at a pie shop. It is very close to home. You get 3 shifts a week, 3 hours each.

So you look again. You get a job in a cafe so you leave the pie shop.

The cafe job is good. You get 20+ hours a week and its reasonable work.

After a couple of months, you realise there is a new law coming in which makes uni fees 3x as much, so you get enrolled right away. There is a maths subject you want to get into but you have to take an entrance exam for it, which doesnt come up until nearly too late. You constantly make phone calls to the uni and they tell you that you probably arent good enough anyway. You end up acing the test.

You pay your tuition out of pocket and buy a 2300$ laptop. You are proud to get this far.

You start uni and it isnt what you expected. You love your maths and physics but your 2 engineering classes are a waste of time. You start worrying that you wasted your money.

You are either working or at uni 7 days a week most weeks. You start to feel overworked and tired.

You join a server for lgbt people, having questioned yours for a while. After a month you have a friend, a 32 year old guy who also loves fishing and your type of music. He makes you a moderator in the 5000 people server, and the owner just says "whatever you are cool". You end up contributing more than 80% of the other mods.

Your 18th birthday comes around. You go out on a boat fishing with your parents and a couple of friends, but they force you to invite their friends as well. The boat is overcrowded, cold, and the fishing is bad.

There is a girl in the server you really like, so you ask her out. She is thousands of miles away but you were sure you could make it work.

But your mental state has been declining again, and it is everything you can do to keep on top of it. You put off going back to therapy because you dont have time.

Your university studies have been getting more stressful as well, you have massive assignments to do in very little time. You are a perfectionist, and when you get a mark back of 74% you are gutted.

But you keep going. It gets closer to when your final assignments are due when your girlfriend says she is depressed because of something and has to be away for a while. You are worried for her and hate that you cant help.

Your other friend from the server hates her. Ever since you asked her out he would tell you that you are too pretty to be with her. While she is away you are talking to him and he tells you he wants to ban her. You tell him no and you go to warn her.

She has hated him the whole time too. But she gets really upset at what he said. You get into a fight about it and she breaks up with you.

She does it nicely, but you tell yourself its because you are not good enough for her. Your friend finds out and immediately starts hitting on you, so you tell him he is an asshole.

You see her seemingly fine the next day but you havent felt worse since you left your old school. You had stopped yourself from self harming for nearly 2 years, but you have now done it 3 times in 2 weeks.

Your mother calls you a bitch. Your boss tells you to harden up. You are back where you started, a loser with no friends and a bottomless pit of assignments.

Maybe it will get better when you finish university. But you cant keep going on like this for another 4 years.

At this point, you get social anxiety bad enough it stops you getting any new friends. You havent trusted a person in years. You probably never will again.

But all through it you keep going. You try to get over all of it. But it is a lot.