#its a fucking sickness im so ill
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“Rae, why does this coin look so unique compared to the other yen?”
“Oh! See how this one has a face instead of the number of value on it? It’s because this is American currency, this here is a quarter, worth 25 cents. They have George Washington’s portrait in them.”
“That- That’s George Washington!? The first president of the United States!?”
“Uh… yah? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! I simply, uhm… envisioned him rather differently than… this.”
Based on Even in the Next One !!! This isn’t an actual scene inside the chapters, but it’s just so easy to imagine them with how lively they feel. Please go give it a read if you haven’t yet <3
To @jobrrr : AUUGHH I’M IN LOVE WITH YOUR FIC!!! It has been a few months since I last became this invested in one :’D It just feels SO real and there are so many thoughts in my head as a result; hopefully I overcome my shyness and drop a comment proper sometime soon. Thank you for your service.
ALSO @melpymoo ! HUGE thank you for reading this alongside me omfg this is crazy, never before has a hyperfix been revived this violently 😭 Ty for granting me the space to be totally normal about these 2, looking forward to the rest of your reactions ^^
#I was planning on working on this in the server vc while we listened to the LN2 audiobook#But I got so fucking invested all over again I didnt and actually just sat there in dread#counting the pages until *that* scene on the final chapter arrived#i was sick#i was ill#its okay though drawing afterwards was my therapy#ANYWAYS#im gonna go read ch12 now wish me luck im worried#ilu Rei Oohashi you’ll forever be famous no matter if you can make a crème brûlée or not#just PLEASE COMMUNICATE#long live yuri#okay tag time#watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou#wataoshi#i’m in love with the villainess#im in love with the villainess#claire francois#rae taylor#rei ohashi#iftv#iltv
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IM NOT A DOCTOR BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP
#my art#dol#harper the doctor#HIIIIIIIIIIII HI EVERYONE 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋#its a little bit off so that makes me kinda upset :( but ill figure something out. it might be the colors :(#or maybe the spacing? i left a lot in the top left :( but its fine#and im going to use every lyric of that song for every harper piece i make so that i dont have to think about making captions okay?#but HERE. a HARPER PIECE YOU CAN REBLOG#i give them the stupid messy sidebun because its cute. to me.#im so sorry about the radio silence but i DID warn you all i get artblock often#but!!!!!! i was also accepted into a zine despite my lack of internet presence :) so ive also been busy with that and other stuff too#accidentally made this while practicing for the piece because i couldnt get the style right :( but hopefully ill get a better hold on it#anyways. harper is not a doctor and i love them so much it makes me sick#harper my EVERYTHING. hes my PRINCESS.#MY ANGEL.#i want you all to remember this isnt just an art blog. its a harper fanblog#ohhh but i do have a few few few announcements to make in my next post okay? so dont ignore it alright? kiss kiss love you#IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK HES HOLDING THE SYRINGE WRONG. AND I CANT FIX IT NOW BECAUSE ITS BEEN RBED
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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I mean is for me.
Ergo therefore i cum and I want to draw Ace with a big gun.
Im so fickle idk i keep changing what i wanna draw for bday orz
#you guys really dont understand how often my brain fixates on Ace plus huge gun or firearm whatever#its a fucking sickness im so ill#DokTEUR SAVE MEE
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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I just don't understand people who don't do a COVID test when they get sick
#like yes of course for some people thats not affordable#but for the vast majority money isnt the issue#i picked up a sore throat and congestion over the weekend and figured it was allergies#i was pretty damn sure but i coughed last night and thats unusual#so i bit the bullet and at 7 fucking am this morning i went and found a covid test before work#good thing too because by the time i got to work the test was positive#because of that im within the window for paxlovid#and i havent really exposed that many people#my brother in christ this shit kills people#its not the common cold#the responsible thing to do is to test when youre fucking sick#and isolate if you know its covid#i have no idea on what criteria i qualified for paxlovid but im guessing it was asthma#heres hoping my mcas doesnt throw a tantrum about this#its entirely possible i caught this from my coworker#who did not test at all and stopped wearing a mask after a day or two#they know about my health issues and i cant help but feel hurt about how little they cared about the possible consequences to me#i should be fine btw im not even feeling particularly sick#salt baby talks#disability#chronic illness
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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are you guys seeing this. rn hello can angone help me hey.helo uuuuuwhw wbwjalwnwbwk ahwbwj hello Tumblr
#im actually so sick#bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I hate this guy so much im glad hes not real 🙄#lie#😭#if we dont get concept art i will kill myself#JOKEJOEKJOEL joey.#his design is so good but its also so ugly im crying LMAOOOO perfect for lil ol me 😊#i literally paced around thinking about this pilot im so fucking mad#ok ill shut up now#Hi guys
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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when youre disabled youre not allowed to have dreams without everyone shoving your disability in your face fuck you fuck all of you
#rigormortisangel#vent#chronic illness#disability#“if i were you i wouldnt have started university” kill yourself kill yourself now#im smarter than you im smarter than youll ever be and im mentally handicapped enough to have been in special ed fuck offfff#why is it that any time i want to make something out of myself its seen as a fucking joke as if indont know#i know my body fails me i know im never gonna be able to live alone i know ill always need to be on meds i cant afford i know okay i know#let me go to university so i can go to med school and help people like me not be in pain all the time and miserable#i just want to become what i needed when i was little and no one took me seriously and left me to almost fucking die#but yeah okay shit all over me even thinking about it ill just slit my wrists in your office next time as if its not YOUR JOB to help#disabled people go to college#there are people wayyy more sick than me if you think im too sick to live youre in for a rude fuckinh awakening my guy
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the secret to happiness is doodling something catered to You Specifically. one second you're normal the next you're biting your own arm
#ouaghasfaifadkj WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#having a great time rn#barnaby/eddie/howdy is affecting me more than i thought it would#its soooooo surface level but WHO CARESSSSS IM EXPERIENCING JOY#literally have to pause to bite my hand/arm tho its making me insane#sometimes happiness is drawing a puppet sandwiched between two bigger puppets & getting smooches from Both#delight delight delight De-fucking-light!!!!#happy chemicals in my brain!!! hello! i have not seen you in Days!!!#slamming my face into a wall but in happiness#absolutely unprompted#ouuugasahgshagfshaksjas#the ship is Not That Deep but its so Ough yk#pure indulgence!!!#again!! catered to Me Specifically!!!#im feeling so indulgent that i will treat myself to takeout tonight#i do not have it in me to cook#and im sick of canned soup & microwave meals!!!#sushi tonight babey!!! bento box!!#ill even force myself to do the rancid dishes ive been putting off for nearly a week#that will make the takeout even More of a treat!#i will feel more deserving of it and less Guilty!
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okay i’m going to be a bitch for a second but hear me out. i hate posts like this. i hate them so fucking much. they’re branded as “self-care” but they just assume so much. and if the things they’re assuming as givens happen to not be true for you, they make you feel even worse.
“everything that has ever felt like a hurdle, you’ve passed through”. except what if you haven’t? what if life has knocked you down, and you still haven’t figured out how to get back up? what about us?
i’m still afraid of the same things i was afraid of ten years ago (and five years ago and two years ago). i haven’t overcome anything. i haven’t pushed through. i’m alive, but that’s pretty much all i have going for me in terms of survival. i’m actually probably worse off than i was ten years ago.
posts like this have a place in the discussion of mental health, i’m not denying that. if this kind of thing makes you feel better, that’s great. i’m genuinely happy this resonates with so many people. i’m just exhausted with seeing this kind of message presented as The standard of mental health everywhere. this “look how strong you are! look how far you’ve come!” message just rings hollow to me. idk i just think when it comes to mental health we need to get more comfortable talking about people who genuinely aren’t progressing and “overcoming” too.
#maybe this is just me being a bitter hater#because of my own shortcomings#but god im so sick of this message being pushed#it reads as ‘self care as long as you don’t have anything going on mentally more serious than anxiety and maybe Light depression’#god forbid you have something like a personality disorder. then you might as well just go fuck yourself#this post on its own is harmless enough#it just made me angry about the general trend i have observed#not to mention the fact that a hurdle is something you jump OVER not pass through#but now im just being pedantic#mental health#self care#mental illness#actually avoidant#avpd#ro speaks
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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The problem with anxiety as you get older and meaner is that you know it's mostly a lie. It's a different schedual not a lion, it's a meeting a group of new people not a lion, etc.
BUT
Sometimes it's a warning signal about the danger in you, not the world around you.
And this is inconvenient because there isn't helpful tickertape coming out of my ear saying "it's just the stress, apply (3) rotations of trashy pop album of choice to brain and power through" or "WARNING system overload imminent. Psychotic depression, intense suicidal thoughts, and self harm likely should you proceed."
Like, it'd be helpful, is what I'm saying.
#my brain is fine and rational#but this shitty flesh sack is useless#i dont think it would all be so bad but ive been sick and existing off caffeine and glittery eyeshadow#and because of previous history anytime im too sick to eat my brain starts being Unhelpful#anyway. panic attacks before work are fine and normal.#id just quit but i lost my teens and twenties to tragedy dysfunction and mental illness#i want a life and i need $$ or at least stable employment to get it#so its worth not fucking this up#oversharing on a tuesday morning xxx
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gyahhh day 13 fl chan
#digital art#mine#my art#fanart#vocal synth#doodle#fl chan#utau#fl studio#i love fl chan so much she used to be my discord pfp and wallpaper and lockscreen on everything#i had a pissrandom flchan phase like ok#sure who cares#i always end up really into the randomest fucking synths#its ok though because i love them#unrelated but i am no longer sick so i shall be going back to school on monday wahhhhhhh#i hope my lack of working being done is excused#shivers in fear#wauww also i think im basically nearly done designing the last character i intend to have appear in my game atm#it was originally going to be much shorter#but then i decided to expand it#but im not sure if ill stick with this#well see i suppose#i need ot start spamming oc art after im done with this daily thing to get yous invested in them
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whump episode of all time look at this poor baby
#whump episode of all time until vanquishers that is#anyway i think postpotd when yaz has moved into the doctors house being sick is totally one of the ways she asks for attention#like she figures out that pretty reliaby if somethings wrong with her the doctor will be all over her#so if she starts to feel a bit lonely and abandoned and neglected among all the family and companion extended family#shes like hm. minor illness time#not that she'd be dramatic abt it. she wouldnt be obvious abt it#she would i think even hide it a little bit. just enough to make the doctor notice shes a bit off#she'dbe like no im fine its fine dont worry abt it#but you know. once he knows smths wrong hes not gonna let it go and she knows that too so thats how she hooks him#and then shes like the centre of his attention for a week or so and thats enough for the next couple of months#she /is/ a little bit master-y after all#and he /is/ still called the doctor. 'how else would i get your attention?'#how else but giving yourself a little food poisoning.or going swimming in winter and get hypothermia. or jump out of a tree and break an ar#how else#ive got so many headcanons#secret slightly fucked up yasmin who lives in my head <3
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