#its 7 am on a monday
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Morning dash
#its 7 am on a monday#why am i awake despite it being holiday#you may ask#i have to get bloodwork done and they only do that in the mornings#so i leave at 8 to get back home as soon as i can to not leave my brother completely alone since my parents will work regardless#i hate mondays did you know that#aly.txt
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"well, well, well," i say to myself, the phrases 'due 5th january 2024 14:00', 'due 8th january 2024 14:00' and 'due 15th january 2024 14:00' staring back at me, "if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. we finally meet."
#sophie's idle chatter#cue jojo music bc shits abt to go down (its me. im shits.)#i am !! so very fucked !!#but u know what happens when we are fucked? we ball.#throws up i have tonight + tmrw + friday morning to do my portfolio (which is pretty easy its just the references ourgh)#and then the weekend to do a 7 min voice-overed presentation due for monday (the worst one tbh bc of the voice over...)#and then the whole of next week to do a poster for my campaign#aha... ahaha..... ha.... a........#drowns in a puddle of procrastination why do i do this to myself
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MONDAY QUEST! - make casserole. for some reason i feel chill about this despite it normally being one of my nemesis tasks. maybe it's my migraine placidity, maybe it's that i prepped half the ingredients today. who knows but i'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - make and eat a beautiful delicious sandwich <3 - prosper - monday chores (as many as i can pleasantly do, they're not way time critical ones like some of my other day-assigned chores are)
#its monday quest#.... suspiciously chill..... what's happening......#..... is it because i blocked some u/s/pol/ tags after realising that i live in england and perhaps don't need to experience the full 24/7#ordeal above the level that i would for any other country in the news.#like. suddenly realised if it wasn't ~The Grand US~ would i be reading it constantly and was like. no.#sorry to my us friends i just don't think it does anyone any harm if i personally am not up to date on the whole thing constantly :S#ANYWAY! that reminds me i need to get my new mps details so i can email them to check out their deal -.-#NOT FOR NOW! NOW IT IS PEACEFUL SUNDAY EVENING
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yall know its bad when i drink an entire cup of tea from my Comically Large Mug and i dont feel even a little better
#just a load of garbage#dont mind me yall#i have a rehearsal tmr and ibarely know the pieces#but more importantly to me i have an exam FIRST PERIOD and i swear to god i failed the last test for this subject so theres like#a lot riding on this#and its weighted 20 FUCKING PERCENT#like#oh and monday i have 2 tests and i can't study over the weekend because ok#i have a (quite important) cricket game saturday morning then im going to a soundcheck then a performance#and sunday from 9 AM TO 9 PM i have a rehearsal and then a concert#oh and friday i have to get somewhere by 7 FUCKING AM for (you guessed it) another performance#and im burnt out too like#give me a break man#otherwise ill give myself a broken neck
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telling the psychiatrist who gets me my adhd medication that i dont have abnormal anxiety except now im pulling another anxiety-driven all nighter because every time i close my eyes i feel slightly like im going to die from thoughts
the moral of this story is dual enrollment sucks
#rat.txt#anxiety#adhd#i am having so much fucking fun /sarcasm#also im hanging out with a friend i havent seen in awhile at 10 (its 4 rn)#and i have a job interview on monday (tomorrow)#and my dual enrollment class starts on tuesday#except it doesnt if i accidentally fucked everything up#but my anxiety and anxiety driven executive dysfunction have not let me open my computer at all#so i dont know if i accidentally fucked shit up#i finally opened my college email account for the first time earlier this week#<- id had it for over a month#i am going to die on tuesday but at least i can ride the marta instead of drive#the second moral of this story is driving sucks#also on monday afternoon i have to feed the beighbor’s cat#<- i will be laying on their kitchen floor just vibing with the chonky girl#and my class is tuesday from 10-13:30. but the marta is slow and i am anxious so ill be waking up at 7:30ish#and then from 15:30 until like 20:00ish im volunteering to help run the concession stand at my siblings’ swim meet#also im staying with my dad this week (hes cool dw) but ill probably wnd up driving to my mom’s to hang out with my cat#and dying in the process#also i have summer work for ap calculus i havent even been able to open#and my ap lang teacher (who i wont have next year) assigned us summer book reviews but he’s cool and i dont want to dissapoint him#also ap exam scores come out in like july#<- i either did amazing or terribly. no in between#vent post#dual enrollment sucks
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literally so excited!!!!!!! ive been waiting to get my hands on g7 lps for so longggg >w<
been hunting these down for monthsss and i cannot wait to open them <333 happy valentines day to mee :3c
#lps#littlest pet shop#lps gen 7#been collecting since i was born (Inherited collection from my siblings) and oh my god the oh g2 are so expensive#legit not kidding have spent nearly 100 bucks on 1 singular pet before its brutal out here#i have a collection of like?? 400 some lps i think??? and i love All Of Them#AM SO EXCITED TO ADD GEN 7 PETS TO THE MIX!! :DDD!! AND A BUNCH OF MOLDS IVE NEVER OWNED BEFORE#anddd i have another set that's gonna be here on monday :3c my brother got it for me as a gift thank u shark <333#was the entire set of 18 blind boxes 72 dollars?? maybe - that's not important i am responsible with my money 👍
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ARGH
#i need to rant#but i also feel like this is a silly thing to rant about#but also i want to say something so mb my beloved mutuals will see it and go#ah yes thats whats up w/ niamh marie#n e way#i am SO STRESSED#for the past 3 weeks i've been stage managing a show at my school#we rehearse tues thurs & fri nights til 1030 & saturdays til 8#weds are dark#i have a monday evening class too which keeps me working til 830#and an internship i gotta worry about....#GOD i feel like i always have to work on something#even when im relatively chill there is also Some task i need to complete whether its for school intern or show#my only day off is sun but even then i have to Do Things#like yesterday i went to a bridal shower & next week im seeing a friend's show#so like!!!!! im always moving!!!#i cant relax if there's something i gotta do!!!! & since im out late 5/7 nights a week i feel like my days just Dont End#& God knows i am incapable of fully relaxing unless i am home so even if im like reading a book on campus waiting for rehearsal i cant just#Relax#GOD IM STRESSY#plus finals begin literally the day after my play closes#whats up w/ that!#who timed that!#BOOO TOMATO TOMATO#& i feel weird saying this bc i know there's ppl in my play or my friends who are doing just as much if not more#like ppl who have to have a full time job on top of this play#like idk how i'd do this play & my 19 creds if i also had to fully support myself w/ a job#shout out to my parents love ya#WAHHHHHHHH#my online class starts in 19 min
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god. the little quiet/relaxation/meditation room that my school has maybe actually makes this fucking tuition worth it.
#have a BRUTAL 4 hour gap btwn my 12-3pm and my 7:15-8:45pm class where i cant really go anywhere (except campus buildings obvs)#and the student lounge + cafeteria are so hot with bright led overhead lights and after basically 6 hours of classes its fucking awful#been suffering this shit 2x/week for the last month and by god i couldve been utilizing this little dim quiet room with pillows to rest in?#tried it out for the first time on monday and i am filled with so much less dread about thursdays than i have been. ough#godsend. actual lifesaver. i took a NAP#.txt
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I am running on 1 hour of sleep, 6 cups of coffee, and the knowledge I can take half a wheel of Gouda home work me today.
I am hanging by a dam thread
#outofarrows#and its only MONDAY#fkjn hell this week is gunna be rough#im gunna get cup number 7 soon#i am ready to fight god or take her place
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girl with the worlds most normal two weeks upcoming ^w^
#bro this weekends gonna kick my ASS. TWO* due sunday ONE monday ALL like. 5-8 pages.#thank god that. w one exception. all my papers will be done by next weekend#so. teehee livestream time#*one is technically due monday but its like. 9am monday. so its due sunday <3#also BOTH those finals start at 7:30 am ^w^
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I’m already experiencing the classic nonprofit conundrum of loving my job but HATING the bureaucratic, out-of-touch but thinks they’re so smart administration
#when administration comes in on Monday morning and is literally ANGRILY SNAPPING at the kids to get out of bed by 7:45#because It’s Policy that they need to be Out Of The Dorms By 7:45#THEYRE HOMELESS TEENAGERS BRO#LET THEM FUCKING SLEEP AS LONG AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN#they have to get up early EVERY SINGLE DAY#and then they yell at them for sleeping during the day because ITS POLICY to not sleep in the day program#WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!! TEENAGERS NEED SLEEP MORE THAN ANY OF US DO!!!!!#YOU get to sleep in at least two days of the week#THEY have to be out of here by 8 am every single day. how is that fair? really how is that fair??#it’s not preparing them for the Real World because guess what in the real world you actually can sleep in sometimes#and then have the gall to be like well I was homeless once or I’ve been thru this kind of thing and I did this and that so why can’t they#like Jesus Christ. you preach empathy and understanding and support but it’s literally all talk#in the real world you can take a nap on your couch and no one is going to yell at you#one time they literally CALLED THE COPS on a kid who slept past 8 because it’s ‘trespassing’ to be in the shelter past 8#like holy shit there is nothing more fucking RIDICULOUS than that. I have made my judgment and I’m sticking to it y’all are evil
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worked an hour extra bc they have no respect for my half day but I knew they were gonna do that so whatever..... at least I'm omw home now
#they told me i only had 4 samples so it would be fine for me to book a half day and internally i rolled my eyes bc ik it wouldnt be 4#and lo and behold i get in at 7:30 and theyve put 9 samples in the schedule for me. called it#actually its an hour and a half extra i worked i forgot i start earlier now. well whatever ive removed next weeks scheduled overtime from#the calendar bc ive worked more than enough this week to cover the hours. idc if they expect me to stay ill just walk out#unless they agree! to pay me back the time!#a bit jealous of my friend bc theyre giving him shift bonus for fucking around with his hours so much. altho tbf he has it way worse#and i cant get the bonus anyway even if they did fuck me around that much bc my depts pay isnt calculated as shift hours#god and get this just before i left someone put a FOUR HOUR LONG MEETING in my calendar for next tues#my brother in christ i will be leaving at 3 like it says on my outlook i am not staying 2 bloody hrs longer to sit in a room with u pricks#im gonna ask on mon if i can just start 2-3hrs later on tues bc ik itll run over and im not staying from 7:30-6pm are u fucking kidding me#I DONT WORK SHIFT HOURS. I SHOULDNT BE IN FOR LONGER THAN 8 HOURS EVER#alsoooooo my boss put a thing in my calendar for monday that takes DAYS plus requires me to bring in shit from outside work#but she didnt specify the process or mention it to me so idek what i need to bring. well thats mondays problem#okay work rant over now i dont have to think abt it for 2 whole days.....tgif 😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨#im just feeling shite bc ive started ovulating today too which i can specifically tell bc of the sharp fucking pain i get from it#bc my lymph nodes fucking hate it i dont know whats wrong with meeeeee lalallaalala#cant wait for my period to start in two weeks at least ill probably have to call in sick so i wont have to go into work 😍#this is the shite part of my cycle itll get worse and worse until my period and then once that ordeals over ill get a week of not being#in pain so just holding out for that i guess.#WHATEVERRRRR. im going to download severance and go buy chocolate. and then watch a romance movie with a miserable ending#maybe even 2 movies. and then go to bed at like 8pm probably this week has been a million years long 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#.diaries
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i cant stop thinking about his lips and his eyes and his cheeks and how he smiles and how he stands and how he walks and how he looks at me his eyes oh his eyes he has the prettiest motherfucking eyes i have ever seen in my goddamn life
#🧃#i see him in everyone around me and its driving me insane i cant see him until monday#its okay i can handle it#whats a few more days when i've waited 7 months to be ready?#god only knows if he isn't there on monday what the hell imma do then#i keep getting scared he's gonna randomly start hating me but i know he won't because no one from my past hates me so why would he?#he's just as stressed as i am that's why we haven't yet#but we will. i know we will. because i want it to happen. so it will happen#inshallah#okay i have a better idea#if he's not there on monday#imma go to the advisor#give him MY email#and tell him to give it to him#:)#im a genius i know#i make things happen#one way or another i will make contact on monday#that is a given idc what has to happen to make that reality#i love being so good at navigating systems#he is too#thats why hes so fucking hot and sexy and adorable and im in love with him#im completely in love with him#i dont care what anyone says#this is being in love i know what it feels like this is that#i just want to know everything about him i wanna talk to him SOOOOOOOOOO BAD#you have no fucking idea this man i wanna talk to him and stare into his eyes and see his hands and body move as he talks his smile and lau#his laugh his laugh his laugh his smile his teeth his pink pink lips how he sits how he reads how he does work how he runs how he play figh#how he looked away so quickly when i caught him staring oh he is so fucking cute he is so fucking cute#we are gonna make such a cute obnoxiously adorable couple
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i have four classes tomorrow im killing myself
#random#I HATE IT HERE#i need to wake up to wake up at 6 am and then be already on a bus at 7 am and then to go on a station to wait for my train to get there bc#i need to be there at 8am bc we have Propanaganda Class at 8:30 fucking am#<- or i hate to still wake up at 6 am bc im very slow at doing Anything. also bc we have different time on mondays. god i fucking hate it#its worse bc we only had 2 classes on mondays always BUT NO THEY FUCKING CHANGED IT TO 4#and i only get out at 5 pm so ill be home only at 6 or 7 pm
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I was reading my parents' church website on the page about their beliefs to try and find something to point to directly when I try (again) to explain to them why I don't feel comfortable going there while I'm home for the holidays and one of their core tenants was phrased like "we believe in one Satan"
And I'm just like Satan? You mean like Patrick Page's fursona??
#the way that being insane about the hellaverse has genuinely helped me get over some of my religious ocd and fear of hell#like 'oh hell is so scary? no its not my blorbos are there!'#anyway its gonna be an argument tomorrow morning i just know it... we have this fight all the time#win rambles#they pretend they dont know what i mean when i say im uncomfortable there and try and tell me im not actually#and i hate that i still am struggling to set this boundary with thrm#im also planning on coming out as trans either tomorrow or monday so we'll see how that goes#but my partner will be here so#anyway ignore my deeply personal tags about the same shitty family situation ive been dealing with for the past 7 years#i did go on christmas eve and got thru it by thinking 'wow this is just like the locked tomb' and also dissociating!
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This is singlehandedly the most miserable night of my entire fucking life I hope I go out into the street tomorrow and get hit by a car
#vent#i dont care anymore#my job which i just joined literally last monday#they took me to Minnesota on what was supposed to be my one day off#i was in a car for five hours and then i arrive at the shitty air bnband everyone is in my room because its the only one with a tv#so i dont get sny alone time or time to decompress and im in a house full of literal strangers#and i dont get back home until sundaay and the reason#i tried to bail. i tried to say no#theyre holding my paycheck over my head#and now it's too late for me to talk to my boyfriend or any of my friends really so im literally stuck two states away from my apartment#literally crying myself to sleep. and its not like after being in a car for five hours alrhat theyre going to have us start later oh no#we start tomorrow at 7 am 😁#im literally sl miserable i want to die and i dont say that lightly and im stuck here for a week im stuck in fucking Minnesota for a week#im having a neervous breakdown#they gave me 4 hours this morning to pack for this. by rhe way
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