#itd make enough sense without the dreams but. :|

[neoncityrain]

you want an ending scene ill give you an ending scene

[system-of-a-feather]

Do you or did you have maladaptive daydreaming prior to DID? If you still have it, how does it affect your DID today? (Thank you if you answer this!)

Technically after, because I technically have had DID / the early developmental signs of DID since I was a kid (and honestly probably since shortly after being born and coming home since my house was extremely hostile during the time I was an infant), at least enough so that my first memory was experiencing heavy depersonalization and my sisters and family took active humor out of my inability to parse my dreams from my experiences and my memories.

With that said though, I was aware of my maladaptive daydreaming before I was aware of my DID by the nature of DID being a pretty covert disorder to the individual and because I used to write off having DID as something that was IMPOSSIBLE because of how sensationalized and dramatized a lot of the depictions of DID I was seeing around.

Presently, both my maladaptive daydreaming and my DID are actually considered in "remission".

For maladaptive daydreaming that means that I basically have a lot more control over when and how much I daydream as to make it so that it doesn't interfere with my life and make it so that I don't seek out real relationships. I still have a very detailed, complex and immerse way of interacting with my creative worlds, but that I find to be more of a long lasting trait of having spent a lot of my years being so deep into maladaptive daydreaming that it probably was getting into a territory some people might call psychosis.

For my DID, I'm what I like to call (@hiiragi7 for the term since I like the phrasing of a concept Ive been dancing around for a while) "fully fused multiple"; as in, for the most part day to day I very much operate as a singular whole, but I freely and openly express my parts as versions of myself and when its beneficial to me, I can choose to be one part so much so that I am basically just that part; all without really loosing time, or any dissociation. In this sense, my parts are a form of my self expression and way of interacting with my own identity and not a matter of something I can't control. Its an intentional engagement with my parts.

That said, my maladaptive daydreaming and my DID were surprisingly very disconnected in the experience I had with them, but disconnected in the way parallel lines are disconnected. Save for specific parts that you could argue went so deep into the maladaptive daydreaming that they went dormant, most of my maladaptive daydreaming ran independent but next to DID with limited interaction since most of the daydreaming was lead by Riku (primary host for most of our teen years and early years of adulthood) and sometimes engaged with by introjects related to the daydream, but otherwise just kind of watched and passively observed by other parts.

For us, our maladaptive daydreaming really branched off as a second seperate-but-parallel dissociative coping that kind of only connected to our DID through the Riku (and theoretically we hypothesize itd probably just be whoever was the most frequent fronter, unfortunately we never tested that as Riku stayed the primary host from age 13 to fusion). For us our maladaptive daydreaming actually kind of operated as an alternative way of exploring parts of ourselves, our feelings, our experiences by taking parts of ourselves (memories, personality traits, experiences, world beliefs, etc) and letting those specific parts grow into characters. I find honestly that the way a lot of my characters are parts of myself to be very similar to how my DID parts are parts of myself, but in two VERY different ways and different mechanisms.

Honestly though, both have been a large part of my life and have a lot of interactions between the two so theres probably a lot I could say beyond this if you have any more specific questions.

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Tagged by my darling @glassangels <3<3<3

1. Are you named after anyone? Im named after a kinks song which is a massive win for me personally. They almost named me rosa after the pixies album (which wouldve made sense bc we do in fact surf) but one of my moms friends was already knitting a sweater with the kinks-name on it and she convinced them to keep it. My middle name is also my paternal grandmas middle name so i guess that counts too

2. When was the last time you cried? No idea tbh. That thing where you lie down on your side and then your eyes start leaking happens to me a lot but a proper sadness-induced cry hasnt happened for months. I will say that sometimes i say something made me cry, and although it technically didnt due to no tears falling, it did make my soul hurt and crying is the closest phrase that expresses that <3

3. Do you have kids? Thank god no

4. What sports do you play/have you played? Soccer, ran track for a bit, ultimate frisbee, swimming, fencing, fighting (mma, kickboxing, cage, etc), equestrianism (im including my brief and unimpressive time vaulting here), did some stuff with a circus briefly (contortionism, aerial arts, lyra), and then the usual outdoorsy shit (surfing, bouldering, hiking, skiing, and since caving is technically a sport, caving). Also danced for a bit (ballet, contemporary, and jazz). Yeah man idk either

5. Do you use sarcasm? Technically yes but its less "sarcasm" and more "inability to express a truth about myself without making it into a joke". A bit of sarcasm when the time calls for it is always fair game though and i will indulge

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone? The way they carry themself says a lot about their temperament and emotional state and whatnot so thats typically where my eye is drawn. Second place goes to wherever theyre keeping their valuables on them and how expensively theyre dressed though

7. Eye color? Blue but ive got a bit of yellow central heterochromia so they tend to look green if its bright out

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Kill them <3 scary movies 4ever

9. Any talents? Party trick-wise i did retain some contortionist ability and so thats always a good one to break out. Also can spit water up to 30 ft for tooth gap reasons. I am the type of person whos just naturally good at a lot of things (sorry) so i consider that a talent too

10. Where were you born? The top left corner of the USA, not including alaska

11. Hobbies? Writing, journaling, watching movies, reading, various textile arts, going for walks, playing assorted instruments, and occasionally traditional art (im particularly fond of ballpoint pens and oil pastels). Would say listening to music but thats a job to me and i clock into that shit like i get paid

12. Any pets? Maeve the most anxious dog in the world who i love very much <3

13. Height? 5'8/172 cm

14. Favorite school subject? I was a school hater so it really depended on the teacher... in high school i did have the same teacher for like three years in a row (she taught me english in freshman year, history in sophomore, + health in junior) and she was totally awesome so all those classes were great. Typically the classes i had the most fun in were english and history just bc there was more room for fucking around. In the single semester of college i took i did have crazy amounts of fun in my film class though which i will say was mostly because my professor rocked and i got him on my side early so i could kind of do whatever

15. Dream job? Due to the Issues and also common sense mainly i just wish the government actually took care of people and i wouldnt need to work. But if i have to chose a job than itd be a) writing a book or two that are good enough i could live off the royalties and film rights and whatnot for the rest of my life or b) pulling an enya (dropping some widely beloved and largely incomprehensible music and then disappearing totally from the public eye to live in a castle in the middle of nowhere)

Idk whos already done this so ignore me if you have lol @supersonic1994 @nothingrhymedwithcircus @hauntedwoman @halogenstreetlight @evebabitzgf @serethereal and anyone else who wants to <3<3<3

[calehenituseappreciation]

i hc wilbur made tommy president because he planned to go and press the button while tommy spoke and kill him along with himself

wilbur wanted end all his unfinished symphonies and as the person who raised tommy- he raised him like he raised l'manberg. he doesnt care for fundy- not since he denounced him- so he wanted to end him :)

i need a fic where tommy is the one who goes to stop wilbur and wilbur fucking stabs him before pressing the button saying "it was never meant to be" tommy loses both first and last lives to that phrase

tommys last words are it was always meant to be fucking wilbur survives the explosion and has no one to kill him and now he has to live with the consqunces tommy becomes toast- short for ghost tommy i refuse to write so many letters each time- and immeditly looks for his older brothers and he finds wilbur first :) wilbur is exiled for his crimes and also out of fear- they tried to rehabilate him! they really did but then he freaked out over seeing toast... in a bad way.... and he and toast burned georges house on toast suggest (maybe we should burn something! that always helps me calm down!) this is after wilbur is trusted enough to be not... in a prison... after phil convinced them he needs help and toast tries his best ok- (WHO LEFT WILBUR WITH TOAST!) (I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME! I WAS ONLY LEAVING FOR FIVE MINUTES! AND RANBOO WAS THERE TOO!) and toast tries to go with but everyone is like "yeah no" and toast is like "whhhhyyy i just wanna stay with wilby!" and everytime anyone tries to tell tommy about the wrongs that have happened to him he screams and clutches his head in pain and everytime he comes back he doesnt remember the convo toast,,, is the most BABY toast calls everyone cutesy nicknames unironcially he calls eret rere toast, chriping happily: TECHIE!!!! tubbo: TOMMY STAY AWAY FROM HIM! toast, in a very lost and confused voice: why? techno, freaking out: tommy? toast: hi!!!!!!! im toast!!!!!! :D techno: lowkey ab to cry toast: NOOOOOOOO DUN CRI! toast: there there techie... i know what will help! tubbo, sighing: arson? toast: ARSON! phil comes just in time to find tommys dead body and l'manberg gone hes not around for the withers neither hes there just to see the crater and wilbur in chains with blood on his hands trying to off himself phil will forever blame himself for not making it in time :> dream: taking wilbur away in boat toast, floating behind the boat: o^o dream do you have any games on your phone .///^///. looks at exileinnit hmmm spins roulette wheel who should i hurt... i picked d all of the above they dont let toast go with him but because he is baby and you can't tell him what to do tubbo: sighs finally now that the exiles done toast can you- tubbo: looks up tubbo: GOADDAMN IT

toast is promptly kidnapped back to l'manberg the next day toast keeps going back tho and no one understands why- he literally killed him! why does he keep wanting to go back! (toasts unfinished buisness keeping him tied was helping wilbur and l'manberg- he loved wilbur even at his worst)

toast vibes around everyone but he stays with wilbur- where ever wilbur goes is where he builds his home

its shitty but its an 'ome Toast, teary eyed: Dad? Why does everyone hate Wilby? Why can't I be with him... Phil, with no idea what to do: niki bakes cakes with niki whenever hes in l'manberg he keeps accidently setting her bakery on fire but hes sMOL AND GIGGLES A LOT AND HE HAS FLOUR ON HE GODDAMN SELF toast is a part of mexican l'manberg i dont make the rules mexican dream: AYYYYYYYYY HOMIE toast, giggling: 'OMIE!!!!!

Toast is wholesome while everyone is literally willing to murder Wilbur while also trying to stop him from khs toast is just a very happy lovely child and cries whenever anyone is mean to 'his big brother wilby!' and so they all constantly glare daggers over toasts shoulder wherenever he cant see em meanwhile Phil is just dying inside because Tommy is a ghost by Wilbur's hands and Wilbur keeps trying to commit suicide and oh god what is he supposed to do- he simply avoids this struggle by avoiding them toast, waddling up to philza: papa do you have any games on your phone? all im saying is that tommy called phil papa before changing to dad or fathercraft phil,in the tired parent voice: tommy please sit down- just for five minutes- at least for 5 minutes toast: sits down and then proceeds to struggle to continue to sit but he must because dad told him to toast is just ADHD incarnate wilbur, trying to end himself: im gonna escape my consequences toast: HI!!!!! :D wilbur: FUCK ITS MY CONSEQUENCES toast,,,, is so baby Wilbur is just not allowed to have anything remotely sharp i like how theres so much angst and im just hyper focusing on ba yby dream uses toast the same way he uses ghostbur! :D toast doesnt realize of course even after wilbur tells him dream is bad but he keeps forgetting!!! Everyone: da baby Dream: how can I profit from this oh dream is manipulating wilbur btw wilbur: suffering toast: i made you a card toast trusts eret wholeheartedly and this hurts eret because she knows if toast remembered he probably wouldnt- they wanted redemption but not like this- not because of death Toast: you look cool Toast: you are friend now Eret: sobs I don't deserve this Toast: what did I do wrong Toast: how can I help friend!!!!! Eret: sobbing more toast looks at everyone says "ah! friend shaped!" if ur wondering wheres the angst toast is the angst- toast is just tommy without any bad memories and hes so different they thought he was happy before they thought he was fine tommy was hurt too but since he internalized it no one cared toast sees wilbur being sad and goes! i know what will help! n-not arson tho people dont like arson when you do it.... BUT ITS OKAY! I BROUGHT A FRIEND! shows friend, the sheep and wilbur just fucking sobs Toast is wholesome chaotic in a perfect mix- toast is tommy but without the 'asshole on purpose as a self defense mechanism" someone mentioned something about Tommy masking insecurities once Toast doesn't remember. and he's fine with that he doesn't have any insecurities toast hurts because in retrospect toast, meeting bad: WOAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK SO FUCKING COOL! bad: LANGUAGE! toast, cringing back, looking at the ground: ..sorry :( bad: ...you can swear toast: :D bad: once toast hasnt sworn since "hes saving it for special occasions" sometimes he accidently swears and immedtly gasps and looks at bad and bad just sighs and is like "its okay it was an accident" bad never would have thought itd take letting tommy swear for him to stop huh... its almost like... hes a child.... and the negetive reienforcement.... was doing more harm then good.... toast: exists in an amount of happiness no one has ever seen him in before everyone: pain how much pain was tommy in before? they thought tommy was happy- was... was he not happy? he's so unabashedly joyful and energetic looking back they can see how forced every laugh felt, every smile- He's not afraid to just talk to people, make new friends he became so much more cautious after Eret, had it really effected him that badly? He's open. He never lies about how he's feeling, never brushes anything away how much was Tommy hiding, how much pain, how much fear- It's chilling. bone chilling. There's no way to fix what's been lost. No way to apologize to who Tommy used to be, to try and make it better. None of them every bothered to see him as anything more than a nuisance, an annoying child or cannon fodder and they'll regret it for the rest of their lives everyone: having a mental crisis toast: GUYYYYSS!! I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

"Wilby?" Wilbur heard Tommys voice say in an innocent tone.

Was he hearing things? Tommy's dead. He killed him himself.

"Wilby why are you in prison?" The image of his little brother asked, "Did you commit arson without me?" it asked in a pout.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yelled running into the cell where Wilbur was kept, going through the bars with ease, "Tommy get away from him!"

"But 'ubbo!!!! Wilby is 'ere!!!!" Tommy (?) said with a smile Wilbur hadn't seen since Tommy was a child.

"Tommy, I understand you don't remember anything right now but you need to come back over here!" Tubbo demanded and Tommy flinched

Wilbur was struck with the sudden realization that this isn't just his mind- no no it can't be- but Tubbo acknowledged him he has to- Wilbur reached his locked hands towards Tommy only for him to pass through him. What? No no it was just his imagination that makes sense.

"Oh sorry Wil! I'm kinda dead! I don't remember how i died... but i think im a ghostie!" Tommy said plainly, floating off the floor. Wilbur looked at him in confusion. Whats happening?

the first time toast sees the crater toast srceams in intense amount of pain- its so loud you can hear it all over the smp- and just dissapears for a few days before reappearing with no memories of what happened toast saying things tommy thought but never said- he calls eret "big brother" and eret fucking d i e s toast cals all the l'manbergians older siblings He's far too honest for anyone to handle tommy was always honest too but he learned from experince that honesty only lead to hurt Tommy was like an enderchest, you could never see beyond the exterior, everything inside was exclusive to him and him alone Toast is like when someone dies and all their fuckin items explode onto the ground. you just see everything and most of it was  pain and everyone feels bad because they thought he was the only one uneffected that nothing had ever put a damper on his happiness and energetic smile- at what point had that smile became fake? also for angst reasons the last memory toast has is before the elections toast has uwu boy vibes but more chaotic toast goes to dream smp from logstedshire purely for sam nook toast starts making his hotel since he sees nobody has a home (including dream LMAO) (and he wants to make a safe place since everyone keeps saying something about war) and wants to make one and asks sam for help since apparently hes good at building and sam lets him pay after he finishs the hotel and sam nook is there since day one because i dont think i could handle a world without sam nook toast: biting everyone tubbo: wHY DO YOU DO THAT?????? toast: once techie bit all the cupcakes and then said it was his cuz he bit it so im biting everyone to show their mine!!!!! tubbo: i- tubbo: i am both flattered and disgusted everyone, remembering how tommy used to bite everyone upon meeting and then everyone would get mad at him and yell at him until he stopped biting people on meeting: sadly whips and nae naes hes a BABY toast deserves the fucking world also i havent talked ab it but there is wilbur and fundy angst here fundy confronts wilbur also not that fundy is angry about not not not getting murdered by his father but also why does he consider tommy his unfinished sympohny and not him? he raised fundy too- maybe he just only ever loved tommy (based off his insecurity of how close wilbur and tommy are based off wilbur raising tommy and wilbur only being there for fundy by the time he was older and also using hybrid age go nyoom for this dream manipulates toast during wilburs exile along with wilbur and toast realizes both of them were being used by him and fucking screams lourder than he ever has before and dissapears for a week and then shows up at technos house (he got lost and he didnt know why he was at logsted shire- he doesnt remember the place) on the day of the excution and tries to help technoblade but keeps forgetting that everyone is trying to kill techno the butcher army is hesitant when "hey why are you all attacking big brother Techy-" "HE SPAWNED WITHERS IN L'MANBERG!" "he did?" toast asked tilting his head in confusion "YES! HE DID! AFTER YOU DIED! NOW WHERE IS HE TOAST! WE NEED TO CAPTURE HIM!" whenever tubbo talks ab how theyre planning on excuting techno or how there was no trial toast has flashbacks to tubbos excution but hes never able to hold on to the memories just leaving him feeling bad toast sees anything traumatic and just makes the blue screen noise toast has to reboot every time anything truamatic happens and when he does he doesnt remember what happens after

toast hurts on a "THE FUCKING IMPLICATIONS OF THIS" level just.. everyone trying to make up for not noticing tommys hurt and trying to be good to toast when its already too late... far too late glatt is also here because whenever ytoast dissapears after something trauamtic he bounces back to the land of the dead for the bit and sometimes he drags glatt out to the land of the living with him only works bc toast has unfinished buisness so he can freely go between and just stays in the land of the lving until he can finish his unfiinshed buisness ghostbur and toast wouldve been good friends if they ever met anyone yells at toast and he immeditly starts sobbing

basically when everything is calm and peaceful and everyone is happy together after dream is in prison and toast is like "oh... this is what ive always wanted"

"toast?" tubbo asked, confused toast smiled softly, "i think its time for me to go" "what?" wilbur asked his pitch unusually high due to the fear lacing his voice "i think... i think this was my unfinished buisness... this is the last thing i wanted when i was alive, the reason i stayed... i think its finally my time to go now" toast said smiling tearfully "no! you vcan't go! we just got you back!"

basically when everything is finally ok, when things finally calm down toast fades back to the void/afterlife thing

[ajdrawshq]

riku for the character ask thing!!!!!!!! :3

i already did Riku a lil bit ago (here!) so ur free to request another character if u want but ill see if i can come up w some headcanons to make up for it anyway!!

- using this opportunity to once again spread my 5'7" Riku agenda >:) there is no goddamn way he is close to 5'10" let alone 6'. he WISHES he were that tall but hes just surrounded by a bunch of ~5'2" people so often he can get away with thinking it until someone like Leon or Axelea stands next to him and ruins his dreams. does he have the potential to be tall? absolutely. hes only 16-17 now, hes got plenty of time. but for now he still has to stand on his toes to see the top of the fridge. Average Riku Rights

- i actually forgot to mention this on the other post and my friend pointed it out (bless u friend ily) but i do like to think hes p good friends with Xion!! they only had so much time to be around each other but i really enjoy the bond and trust they have, and itd be sweet to see them hang out post kh3

- even when hes not in Dream Eater Mode he naturally protects people from having nightmares just by being around them. its almost as if his presence alone is reassuring enough to keep others at ease in their sleep, but theres likely something supernatural abt it too. its pretty handy considering what a lot of his friends have been thru

- it does not apply to himself unfortunately

- he was a band kid. emphasis on "was" bc he avoids that part of his past even more than what happened in kh1 (i imagine him being smth like 1st chair alto sax or tenor sax). no one dares to talk abt it in front of him except for Kairi bc she 1. knows abt it and 2. enjoys making him suffer (affectionate)

- not a hc but NO ONE talks abt how Riku's eyebrow shape changes from like com to days i think it is but this is the weirdly funniest character development hes had. he really started plucking em during his year of absence. literally why. OR he actually stopped plucking them which makes more sense. either way its a lil detail that is completely consistant thru the series but never outwardly mentioned

- i know its a common thought but his home life has gotta be off somehow. the way he acts all the time i just Know it. he radiates the energy of a kid whos been forced to or forces himself to take on every challenge every extracurricular thing just fuckin Everything without complaint or failure. if he isnt strong, reliable, perfect, he'll be alone. someone has to need him. he has to be the best. he Has to. hes at the very least been neglected in his childhood and it shows. he desperately wants to be loved and it shows

- the above is why hes experienced in ballet (and why he was a band kid lmao)

- have i mentioned that hes autistic yet?? bc he is in fact autistic

- hes the kinda guy to prefer animals to people (depends on the ppl but like, usually) but he was never allowed to have any pets back home so having a bunch of animal friends follow him around in dream drop was pretty sweet for him. he feels a bit awkward abt interacting with em tho since he never really Did That before, its already hard to interact w humans how do u do that with a funky lookin bat n some weird catdog?? what do u even do?? eventually he learns, and even ends up having full blown conversations with em (he cant understand what the dream eaters are "saying" but they seem to enjoy talking with him anyway). just dont tell him that they are technically people or he might drop dead from embarrassment

[limelocked]

I feel like as long as Alivebur comes back sane, he'll be all for beating up Dream (so long as Tommy actually tells him about it) but that he'll also be in support of L'Manberg's destruction and tell Tommy off for some of the stuff he's done. Like I feel like he'll be like 'yeah i treated you guys pretty horribly when i was losing it, and i should have talked to you guys about disbanding it instead of trying to just blow up L'Manberg, but it did need to go' course that all depends on if hes sane

i dunno i dunno, its a very optimistic look at it, im just thinking about how like alivebur never resolved his trauma and dying itself was enough trauma to cause ghostburs amnesia so itd be very optimistic to see a future where it all goes... right? if that makes sense

idk i think itd be pretty interesting if wilbur just came back as the same man he died as but without the stress of running a nation or his legacy rotting to its core since lmanburg is well and truly gone now

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[theholyyuunoaduck]

Purpouse......every living thing has it but what is it thats what we all search for what we all crave

Perhaps life is just all of searching for that very thing that gives it meaning so what might be yours....hm?

Copper thats all that was registering towards his senses the taste

The smell full of copper yuu was suspended in the air by his friends possessed body being held by the throat beaten badly the remenants of his sword formed of salt began to crumble yet his hand gripped and gripped the handle of his blade as if it would somehow save everyone and everything the markings across his body from the curse began to receed

"Ah...i wish the sky was blue instead of this red shade" he would think to himself

"You know its rude to ignore the one you love when they ask you something" her voice or perhaps his voice reverberated in his ears the melodic tone of shigamas vocal cords ran through his brain sounding like the mix of the both of them

Go......to hell...

Hmm intresting

Shigama braught yuu's face closer to the body of the possessed girl with lilac hair her wings seemed to suspend them both in the air looking as if her lips were mere inches from his as her lips parted revealing her fangs

What makes you think this isnt hell already

Her lips curled around his exposed neck but stopped midway as her body shook ever so slightly as if there was a break sputtering towards a stop

H..haha...still trying to fight are you shinoa....just stay asleep for a while longer....it'll all be over soon

Yuu now!! A voice entered yuu's mind as if the words were always there the familiar voice of his demon called out to him they wouldn't receive this chance again and yuu knew it

There was no time for hesitation

No room to falter right now everything had been entrusted to him guren his freinds his family everyone was counting on him the entire world but most importantly shinoa was counting on him and he knew this as his blade peirced her heart before shi could regain control of the body he so longed for the perfect vessel as he would always call it

Gh! H-how dare you..! The angelic figure sputtered and coughed blood doing his best to pull away but yuu wouldnt let him get away they both began to fall together towards the fall however this was of no concern to yuichiro as he closed his eyes and took another deep breath within himself

The wind blew through his hair and the sweet scent of roses tickled his nostrils as he opened his eyes he no longer found himself within the world only humans new the plane of existence we could all see and feel now he was within her heart asuramaru had been right this was the only way to enter her heart the sensation falling did not leave him as he looked around the white cloudy noise that seemed to perfiate all around him he was now within the demons heart and his destination where the iron doors leading to the heart of another the source of the sickly sweet smell of petals dancing in the wind his wounds had healed and he felt as if there was nothing that could stop him however he knew this to be far from the truth

Youll only have a few minutes before the angel takes over yuu...and once you give me to shinoa

Ill be gone....right we already know the plan....lets just hope i can do this....

We will....

Right......yuu's eyes no longer held the depth of despair and emptiness his eyes gleamed with new found determination and purpose everyone was counting on him

She is counting on him his eyes began to turn a shade of darkness that would swallow the ocean themselves leaving the iris of them stained with honey a sweet flavor perhaps the only sweet thing that could be said about all day since the fight had begun as he passed through the gates that seemed unmovible before his sense of balance began to shift as if the earth within their hearts rotated and started pulling him up rather than gravity pulling him down and there he was the vestige of everything leading up to this moment all the suffering the pain the loss all of it culminated before his eyes the angel seemed to not have noticed but only a naive fool would beleive in those thoughts it was more accurate to say he did not acknowledged his existence as a threat chosing instead to keep his back turned consuming his long awaited prize blood trickling from his fangs as he panted and let go of the milky white skin of shinoa's neck perverted by the crimson wholes that gave evidence of shigama's testiment towards the word vampire

Shinoa was slumped over chained to pillars as if she was long gone but the world around them the deep red rather than the white skys would say other wise his senses were now more in tune due to the curse and the angel that the boy seemed to be comprised of his ears could catch it the faint yet evident beating of her heart so much of it had already been consumed by the demon a tenth maby even less had remained of the girl and this infuriated him to no end his teeth grinded his fists clenched as he stared down the monster before him the fight against time.....the fight to save her heart her very existence was about to begin and the odds had never been stacked higher against him and he knew this his breath hitched but from what he could not descern from fear? Fear of what? Fear of death? He had died before multiple times in fact no he did not fear death....there was only one word that could describe this feeling

Anger

Pure unfiltered rage thats all that clouded his mind the images playing freshly within his mind of shigamas pale lips against her neck the deep gnashes within his friends his father were they dead? He couldn't think of such things right now

He needed to focus

Thats right yuu focus your attention here...right now for this will be....your final death......the beautifull angel turned to look towards his creation

I will be God by the end of this ba-

He could not finish the words before yuu charged him focusing everything he had towards his speed pushing him farther and farther towards the open gates he had tried so long to open yet could never so much as budge them he was surely suprised by this development as he flapped his wings open hoping to stop the momentum of yuu's wings and physical strength that focused on the point of his neck it was obvious what his goal was remove him.from the heart of his beloved

GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The room filled with his anger his rage but it would not be enough as his heels began to screetch against the walls that were stained red signifying shinoa's humanity

ASURA-KANNON: THOUSAND BLADES

Yuu yelled at the top of his lungs with such force the taste of copper began to fill his mouth again

Thousands of blades appeared from nowhere and everywhere all of them fixed on a single point aimed and poised towards one objective

FORCE HIM OUT

Yuu yelled once again as the blades all flew towards the pair that seemed to slow in their stop every milla second that passed

Youre desperate.... He said calmly as the blades began hurdling towards him causing smoak to rise with each blade hitting him causing his body to take another screetching inch backwards towards the door

He was right yuu knew this all too well this wasnt a sign of strength being able to push shigama doji back this was an act of desperation forcing every muscle strand to strain and pop all in the vain effort to force him out as fast as he could before his body would give out

Klank the final blade hit the floor with the sound that seemed to echo once again deepening yuu's despair he gasped looking up as shigama slapped him across the face sending him huddling towards the spot where this all began rolling through the floor he gasped coming out of the ground panting the dust just begginging to settle

Fuck....

Mmm smart....but that was all instinct wasnt it yuichiro

Had you not blocked that attack when you had

The dust revealed yuichiro's mangled arm that seemed to be a simple cracker after dropping it from the empire state while the other was completely grinded to dust

Youd have lost your head.....

It was a good attempt dont get me wrong...futile as it may have been

Yuu began to wobble back to his feet the blade of salt begginging to form within his palm

Oh please...shigama crossed the distance between the both of them within the flash of a second split by the same blade that so desperately tried to sever his head and push him back a second ago

The explosion of the impact destroyed the pillars holding shinoa down crushing her body underneath the same pillars and sent yuichiros blade flying through the air slicing it and landing near her viscinity

Atop him was the angel that seemed to toy with him yuu's hands seemed to bearly hold hi head away from him

N-nghh!! His grunts where loud and strained he gasped as shi's needle like fangs punctured his neck like wet paper he gasped in pain and tugged at the hair of the beast his body began to go limp as he looked towards shinoa for what felt like would be the last time....how many times has he failed her in such a way..

Shi...shinoa..!....please..!

His hand outstretched towards the rubble and his blade

Shinoa...please was all that she could hear where was she was this a dream it sure felt like one weightless and without strength as if no matter how hard her fists would move itd feel as if something held her force back within a dream but she willed every finger every fiber of her being to reach towards the emerald blade so close to her if only she could reach out for it

Yuu's vision began to fade towards black perhaps this was finally the time to resign there would be no happy ending no hero saving the day after all he aways wasn't much of a hero the real hero to him had always been

Her

His eyes shot up as wide as they could possibly go to see the strands of lilac push against the winds of fate as his head rung from the blow and her battle cry she was doing it she peirced the blade through the monsters shoulder and pushed him towards his destination

HRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

She yelled at the top of her lungs pushing and pushing once again shigama flapped his majestic wings but this time in desperation

Shit!! Stop!

GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

shi turned his head to witness the monester that yelled that same cry once again the angel he had created charged at the both of them and held tight to the appendages that begged to be let go in order to stop the flow of motion however

HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

They yelled in unison as they both with all their combined might threw the first outside the walls and quickly shut behind them the world no longer red but white they had succeded in the first step to victory the first shook in anger and looked towards his hands that trembled but not shierly of anger nor fear but from weakness having been ripped out of his hosts perfect body essentially split his power by half...the other half found its way towards their true owner as she puffed her chest with her trademark smirk

The balls on our side now...

Grr....dont be so cocky now..ive been in before and ill return once more

The both of them stood up panting staring down their assailent hearts quivering in anticipation at what would be undoubtedly their final confrontation as their eyes glossed over with determination and anger every emotion culminated in thousands of years burned within their eyes as they stood up slowly

I forgot who asked me to write what i would think about would be the ending of owari no seraph and i have to say sorry!! Dyslexia is a bitch!! If you remmember who you are please slap me for forgetting

Anyway to keep my stories fresh ill be posting it in peices

[jdaviswords]

Along the Way

Hey now before I begin

I would like to confess

that this is the first time

I've stepped up to the mic

in this fashion

Ya see

I usually sit down and write casually

but recently I've been getting this nagging

tellin me I should put that aside

and release what's inside me

Or how bout we start with my identity

a white male skinny in his mid twenties

cleanly shaven face but typically rock

a beard funny

I mention it now I'm feelin kinda funny

I gotta buddy named Muddy

sike nah that's a different study

Down in the haven

shout out LHU

if it wasnt for y'all

I'd be a different dood

sometimes I get in this mood

where I can't help be crude

I picture her nude

cocked back smilin like she know it good

Ha...

I guess when I rhyme I get this attitude

just like all who graced this place

before me

I'm talkin Eminem, Biggie, immortal technique

if I could reach half the prophecy

as these old G's

I'd be like a genie in a bottle

you'd barely see me

Up so high defying gravity

I look down from the clouds

and there are ants you see

shimmering along antsy

I couldn't help but fancy

what it'd be like to be them

in a rainstorm

like...how big those water droplets would be

shiiiit

Anyway

I tend to get caught up

like a smoke grenade

that don't make sense

but that's okay

cause anytime I can convey

the profoundness of happiness

I'll obey

and if it means that

these words are all I'd have to slay

imagine how many animals could be saved

day by day

I got it mixed like a salad

ignoring phone calls like Ricky Fallon

who the fucks Ricky Fallon?

who knows...but I found him

On a mountain smoking cactus

he said imagine what itd be like

if everyone weren't so passive

imagine if the masses heads

weren't fed so much gasses

their minds could cleanse

wed be born again

I said...

as if we wouldn't destroy again

I think humanity

soiled it's privilege

the truest casualty

how beautiful we'd be

if we weren't so inherently ugly

cuffed together by a greed

imbedded deeply enough

to restrict your dreams

and silence your screams

AHHH

I'm sorry

I tend to get a bit cynically

when I release what's inside of me

financial burdens

stomach churnin

forever learnin

that some bridges still belong burnin

but resentment ain't easy to live with

like a misprint on a birth certificate

I wonder how I sprouted from them

them so high

them so drunk

both casually sippin

an apple from an orange

or a grape from a pear

I'm from a different vine

that I'm aware

suffocatingly aware

that sometimes I'll hide in the shadows

tho I should be laying in the meadow's

fully bare

perhaps a meteor would fly by

and I could catch it's glare

instead of behind this screen

where I often stare

If you would play with my hair

or scratch my back

I'd give you this heart

that's barely intact

taped together

a couple staples

clack clack clack

it's always under construction

or whatever...

somethin

I lost my train of thought

as a car drove past bumpin

William Bludgeon

who's William Bludgeon?

another version of me

coming up from the dungeon

He's always under there mumblin

stumblin over repression

battling depression

attesting aggression

oh did I mention

he likes to eat bamboo

and has a monkey named Kelvin

I once began delvin

into his closet one day

when out came a kangaroo

wearing a fucking toupee

i think this was an acid flashback

so that's what I'd say

and so then he slapped me

and went about his way

my oh my I'm a bit of a crazed

individual labeled as a liberal

though I sit in the aisle

you can't classify me I am unusual

Actually I'm quite typical

gifted this privilege

of a chalky skin tone

meanwhile blacks are taking

knees and elbows

getting slaughtered by those

wearing the blueish clothes

and everybody fucking knows

except we do nothing

besides sharing a fucking post

that apparently somehow shows

your awareness of the troubles

that plaque these bones

of all our skeletons

our whispered groans

I don't fucking know

Along the way

that's the way she goes

I need to know though

what will it take before

a change will show

I need to know though

what will it take before

a change will show

Along the way

that's the way she goes

I need to know though

what will it take before

a change will show

I need to know though

what will it take before

a change will show

I mustnt complicate

what it is I set out to demonstrate

I'm a kindish dood

with a massive plate

of stuff that ain't so great

but have found a way

to still see sunshine

in the pourin rain

I'm a conspirator by day

and a lover by night

I'll admit my mind

gets the best of me sometimes

creating scenarios

I find myself down Alice's rabbit hole

with the Cheshire cat

and that tweaky rabbit guy

Along the road that

looks like a xylophone

I begin dissecting the vary

essence of what it means

to be alive

and I find that caterpillar

puffing hookah

and the road continues to unwind

I swear I've lost my mind

or it's in the driver's seat

and I'm just along for the ride

And then snap back to reality

no slim shady

not to diss him

I am simply not worthy

of a rap God

who's done this

at this point for centuries

why anyone steps to his plate

I'll never understand fully

unless the goal is to look foolish

then the master genie

shall grant that wish

I used to jump his music as a kid

never understood it til

I grew up and revisited

behind the curtain

without you

my anger would continue consumin

something bout your music

made sense and my hatred started soothin

it's like you were saying everything

I wanted to say but I know I shouldn't

or maybe it's that I couldn't

[wlwrising-moved]

about me game :)

answer the questions and tag 10 people

tagged by @namgisbf and @fairysgf tysm!! love yall!!

how tall are you?

5′2″ 

what color and style is your hair?

I have brown wavy hair that goes about halfway down my back,, i usually just leave it down or throw it up idc!!

what color are your eyes?

brown

do you wear glasses?

yeah! i can still see without them,, but my sight isn’t good enough for me to drive w/o them so :v

do you wear braces?

no but i do have something like braces that keep my bottom teeth together,, i don’t know if im ever getting it taken out,, they put it in when i got my braces off two years ago and i just never went back lmao

what’s your fashion sense?

VERY casual,, leggings and t shirts for the most part,, im a bit lazy when it comes to fashion but i wna spice my appearance up w some piercings soon!!

full name?

fiona elise and im not telling u my last name el oh el

when were you born?

january 22, 02

where are you from and where do you live now?

i was born in north texas and i still live there!! yeehaw!!

what school do you go to?

tmi lmao,, im in high school if thats what the question is asking!

what kind of student are you?

i make good grades but i do what i need to,, u know to get good grades,, i dont go above and beyond unless it’s an assignment that i like/that i find interesting

do you like school?

not really! especially these days,, i find it boring. but i do love to learn i just wish my high school offered some exciting classes

favorite subject?

art/language/english

favorite tv shows?

i don’t watch tv often but id say parks and rec,,, i also watched the umbrella club recently and i enjoyed that

favorite movie?

the princess bride!

favorite book?

i dont read much anymore but i remember liking a book called in the after by demitria lunetta :v

favorite past time?

watching youtube vids,,, listening to music,, cleaning my room (if im in the mood),, watching movies ive already seen skfhsk

do you have regrets?

doesn’t everyone?

dream job?

don’t know atm!!

would you ever like to be married?

yeah!! eventually!

would you like kids?

that sounds nice in theory!

how many?

maybe one or two

do you like shopping?

yeah! im mostly a window shopper though :d

what countries have you visited?

ive never been out of the states,, bc my family is so big,, itd be a nightmare honestly

scariest nightmare you have ever had?

that i was outed to my parents (surgical mask emoji) and they didnt approve

any enemies?

stinky boys!

any significant other?

sadly no!

do you believe in miracles?

not really! if you asked me like five years ago i would of said yes though lfsjklds

how are you?

im :/ my life is very same same rn i need something fresh and new!!

im gna tag my lovely mutuals/friends!! @ryujinsbaby @cowgirlcult @girltoy @iridescnc @latteah @homegf @kindgoth @realvibekiller @jisung1e @hyunas @namebestkeptsecret @orreur @producerle @bellflowerjpg @kuizu @80saura and if any1 wants to do this that wasnt tagged u can do it and say i tagged u :vv

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[teddy-feathers]

Theres that "make your own vis novel" maker thing and. I keep thinking "its just like fanfiction - do it for you! Make the very specific changes you want to see in the world! Explore things the way you want!"

But Like

A) no story/ characters/ drawing ability

B) theres A LOT I want to explore in story telling

C) if youre utilizing a certsin medium - DO THINGS WITH IT THAT JUSTIFY THAT. Make it a thing that can only be done via this platform. Express things that wouldn't bw conveyed the same way - couldn't be - are better HERE than if this was written or played live action or fully animated. (ACE Academy has a few new mechanisms I've never seen in vis novels and I'm liking that for example the timed choices for certain things)

D) Multiple routes prob means Id want the story to fuction differently depending on what you want out of the game. Ie: i want to get laid, I want a happy ending, i want to make the cute person of my dreams happy, i want a good story. I want a combination of these things. I want a comedy full of over the top tropes. I want a romcom. I want a sad story. And instead of your chocies leading you to theses paths - these are the very different paths you can choose to take. And it doesn't change the story or the routes - the story is still about idk a dragon prince and princess sent into the future to serve their reincarnated lord or highschool in a sleepy town in a hidden valley or WHATEVER like everything you cover is still hinted at in the other paths but how the story is presented is different and the focus and tone is different. But within each path every character is still there just the experience differs. Itd be a lot of work because while the frame and all the info is the same youre giving MORE because many different paths and changing your writing art and music and such and essentially... Making a very large interactive story. Idk how to explain it but. You can have a slice of life story and a star crossed lovers story about the same people in the same story and not have the core of it change without it feeling superficial I promise. And also for some of those modes the right answer should be obvious or there shouldn't be wrong answers.

E) Character customization is important. Gender is a spectrum. Shape is too. Race is too. While i realize too many options is a pain - its a worth while pain? Like. Idk if you're playing a game and you get to choose gender and the part was originally written so that some one fell onto your boobs but you choose male and everythings the same but the person is blushing about falling against your chest... It feels fake. And some males have boobs. So like. Make it so those scenes make sense. So freaking out because you toched the boobs. Or big strong arms. Or comfortable squish. Make a bunch of options. Make silly options or fill in the blank options for certain things. Make them changeable at any point and if x is changed than y dialogue does too because some people switch pronouns or hair colors or whatever. Its more than just... Pronouns. And backgrounds make you feel like at least you got a say in something instead of playing something and going "for an actual reader insert you sure do have a lot of personal crap that i didnt know i was supposed to know before hand" like Avatars have to have some baseline but I hate playing and then getting chided because my character "forgot" something based off a choice I made.

F) Let people check other people out without making it weird. Idk how to do this but uh. Ive seen it done wrong so many times and Im kinda over it. Respectful checking out of people and like. Idk. Other things like that. Great now I want to build in consent trainning and im not smart enough for this shit - like even in the ultra horney path of the game I'd still want it to be known that you have to get consent before you start being a super major creep and theyre totally into it?

G) Asexual and Aro and Demi route options and player options on every path and route? Like again that should be a choice. Also "I'm not here to date I'm here to make friends and win the story." Is also a valid option.

Idk im tired and have responsible shiz to do rn so shutting uo2

[thelifetimechannel]

JAKE: Hello there ms kanaya! KANAYA: Hello KANAYA: Jake Right JAKE: Thatd be me! The one and only! JAKE: Or the one and only now haha. JAKE: So uh... weve not had a chance to talk yet. JAKE: Cool chainsaws? KANAYA: Thanks KANAYA: I Had A Lot Of Time To Alchemize More And Better Chainsaws During My First Session KANAYA: It Was A Good Way To Be Passive Aggressive I Think JAKE: If you displayed them on your wall itd make for one hell of a first impression. Imagine being like the dad in the movies whos sitting on the porch polishing his shotgun when his daughters new boyfriend comes over. JAKE: Though ive never heard of anyone displaying chainsaws in the first place... KANAYA: I Will Install Several Pedestals For That Exact Purpose With Tasteful Backlighting KANAYA: They Are Probably Too Heavy To Hang On Most Walls I Wouldnt Want To Cause An Accident JAKE: I say go for it! I think it sounds like the bees pajamas. KANAYA: I Dont Know About The Fashion Predilections Of Insects But Alright KANAYA: I Dont Think Youll Need To Display Weapons Provocatively To Intimidate Potential Suitors If Reports Of Your Recent Activities Are To Be Believed KANAYA: Our Hope Hero Styled Himself Formidable But I See Now He Barely Scratched The Surface Of The Aspects Capabilities KANAYA: Most Of Which I Accidentally Awoke In Him Anyway KANAYA: Which Is A Lesson To Never Be Facetious If Youre Not Willing To Put Up Your Dukes About It So To Speak JAKE: Yeah i learned that the hard way. JAKE: Sometimes you really do just need to tell your problems to fuck off! Whether or not you actually punch them in the face. KANAYA: I Am One Of An Elite Few Who Has Not Faced Off Against An "Evil Clone" Yet KANAYA: Im Almost Disappointed JAKE: Maybe some day? KANAYA: One Day I Enter My Hall Of Chainsaws Only To See One Pedestal Is Empty KANAYA: I Look Down The Hallway And See An Ominous Shadow Advancing KANAYA: The Shadow KANAYA: Its Me JAKE: Like youll get your own version of venom or manbat or something whos your vampire nature run amok! JAKE: ...i did hear correctly right that youre a vampire? KANAYA: Our Term Is Rainbow Drinker But The Idea Is The Same KANAYA: Im Trying To Reform JAKE: Aha. A vegetarian vam- er, rainbow drinker? KANAYA: Vegetables Are Pretty Great KANAYA: Ive Lived On Donations But The Whole Thing Is Kind Of Ridiculous KANAYA: The Sort Of Arrangement That Looks Intriguing And Romantic In Storybooks But In Real Life Is Kind Of A Pain In The Neck JAKE: Literally! KANAYA: I Walked Into That One Didnt I KANAYA: I Was Hoping We Could Edge Gingerly Around That Obvious Pitfall But Instead We Are Charging In At Full Speed JAKE: You made a dive for the window but alas that spotless pane was stronger than anticipated. KANAYA: Im Used To It KANAYA: The Individuals I Traveled With Would Leave No Conversational Stone Unturned Without Wresting Every Wriggling Wordplay Grub From Its Snug Cocoon JAKE: You were with dave and rose right? KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: And Karkat And Terezi KANAYA: And The Clown JAKE: I cant speak for your fellow aliens but for your human companions i daresay it runs in their family. JAKE: Roxy can do incredible things to typos so watch your spelling around her. KANAYA: Spelling Is An Important Part Of Our Brand On Alternia But Ill Watch My Step JAKE: I mean alien typing quirks is a concept im familiar with thanks to the cherubs. Im more talking about bungling the spelling of the words themselves. KANAYA: Understood KANAYA: If There Are Genetic Similarities Between That Group Does That Mean You Take After Those Dreaming On Prospit KANAYA: I Havent Interacted Much With John But I Did Help Guide Jade Through Her Breeding Session KANAYA: That May Not Be Long Enough To Establish True Closeness But Its My Best Frame Of Reference JAKE: As a matter of fact i do. JAKE: ...though the only time ive seen the planet with my own eyes was a few hours ago and i had higher priorities than enjoying the sights. JAKE: Like not leaving my soul flapping in the wind or beating the snot out of the maniac who stole its original getup. KANAYA: Ill Try To Draw Independent Conclusions Based On Your Behavior Rather Than Trying To Match You Up To Any Of Your Ancestors Or Descendants Then KANAYA: Im Not Used To Meeting This Many People KANAYA: Or Any People KANAYA: Fives Been A Crowd JAKE: A feeling i know very very well... JAKE: I mean i seem to remember you were there when we all came across each other in the dreambubbles! KANAYA: In The Dreambubbles KANAYA: ... KANAYA: You Were The One There When We Met The Empresss Previous Form KANAYA: The One Who KANAYA: Uh KANAYA: Attempted To Defeat Her Ghost In A Bout Of Fisticuffs JAKE: Yes. JAKE: That. JAKE: Haha... man that was embarassing in hindsight. KANAYA: If It Makes Any Difference She Was So Addled By The Revelation Of Her Tyrannical Supremacy I Dont Think She Noticed JAKE: Possibly. KANAYA: Actually It Provided Good Conversational Fodder KANAYA: Any Topic Becomes Stale Given Enough Sweeps To Mull It Over So New Stimulation Was Welcome KANAYA: When Dave And Rose Were Together She Frequently Tried To Draw Him Into Speculation About Your Characters KANAYA: He Never Liked To Engage For Some Reason JAKE: That was the first time id been around that many people in my life! JAKE: So i guess that added pressure to impress in a sense. KANAYA: I Grew Up Alone On An Oasis KANAYA: The First Time I Ran Into Crowds Was During This Game JAKE: Likewise! Except it was an island not an oasis. JAKE: That seems to be a trend doesnt it? KANAYA: Jade Told Me Something Similar KANAYA: Maybe Its Easier To Leave The World Behind Without A Second Thought If You Had Fewer Ties To It JAKE: I couldnt agree with you more though its sort of sad when you stop and think about it. JAKE: The game seems to take a lot of lonely chaps doesnt it? JAKE: Or... maybe it sets them up that way. KANAYA: Believe Me As Someone Charged With The Creation Of Life In Our New World The Prospect Weighs On Me KANAYA: Enough To Take Rose Up On An Offer Most Would Consider Suicidal KANAYA: But Then Most Of Her Schemes Are JAKE: O: JAKE: What is it rose is plotting? KANAYA: Oh Hasnt She Gotten To You Yet KANAYA: She Will KANAYA: Especially With Your Capabilities KANAYA: Im Not Clear On The Details Yet But Im Sure Those Will Come In Eventually KANAYA: Probably In The Heat Of The Moment If Our Other Adventures Are Any Indication KANAYA: Mostly It Involves Defying The Status Quo KANAYA: Which Is What Almost Everything She Has Done Since Ive Met Her Boils Down To JAKE: I mean she did help us get calliope back so if theres something she needs me to do id be happy to help lend a hand! KANAYA: I Believe Shes Intending To Bring It Up To The Group Once Weve Finished This Round Of Discussions KANAYA: So Youll Hear About It Then JAKE: Oh boy more mysterious plots. Look i may be a guy whos always eager for the next adventure or whatever but id like to propose a motion that we at least get a siesta first. JAKE: Three super over the top throwdowns in the space of a few hours tuckers a guy out! KANAYA: I Will Back You Up On That KANAYA: If We Bundle Her Up Well Enough She Will Be Unable To Escape And Will Be Forced To Give In To Relaxation JAKE: My grandma used to do that when i was a wee tyke and didnt want to go down for naps. KANAYA: Good Then Youre Familiar With The Technique JAKE: We just need a person three to four times her size and itll be a snap! JAKE: Oh hey jade can handle that. KANAYA: Now That I Have Restored Her First Guardian Abilities I Will Ask That Her First Action Be Restraining Rose For Her Own Good Before She Hurts Herself JAKE: Sounds like a smart idea but given what ive heard of her im not about to volunteer to be the first in her sights. KANAYA: Would Deaths Incurred Be Heroic KANAYA: Im New To These Rules JAKE: Im... not sure. JAKE: Perhaps its best not to chance it. KANAYA: Hopefully We Can Talk Her Into Taking A Short Break JAKE: Surely even a god tier has to take a load off every now and again. JAKE: Unless rose just runs on anarchic fervor and dreams. KANAYA: I Wouldnt Put It Past Her JAKE: Well calm her down and then help her out with her next revolution.

[chickenfetus]

softly whispers all for the flower ask

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

chickens/eggs

lance lol

cereal….. everyone in class is stealing my trademark…

water

memes

bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy?

fuck,,, my fav characters?? and if i like someone then them i guess? but rn my heart belongs to 2d

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

mm it changes?? right now its either this cover (its in japanese) or this song (english but its a tad bit scream-y)

evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?

its all soundtracks from anime lmao,, 

from kimi no na wa’s soundtrack we have this, this and this 

from free!’s ost we have this song that killed every mh shipper lol 

and lastly, not from an anime ost, its shelter 

none of these actually help me fall asleep but i like them,, hell i dont think theres any song that can help me fall asleep

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?

miyu//keis does this ensure it doesnt show up i hope it does i recently followed them while lurking in the mi//sawa tag lol theyre a good graphic person??? idk what theyre called;;

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

the succulent things but i wouldnt be able to care for it bc i succ (perfect match)

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

im a sunny day and rainy evening person… ok maybe sunny day if im not directly under the sun because i do enjoy the sun’s warmth rainy days are nice too,, only if im indoors.. rainy evening is perfect,, as long as no bugs can get it im safe and secure and chill

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

blue!!!!! is sky blue a shade

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

a cat…..

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

ok ive had dreams every night this week but now i cant re oh wait i do remember last night’s dream but only the lame part,, ok so i dreamt i had a 4* hina on bang dream..,,, i dreamt of another thing but i forgot :-( the 4* was indeed a dream though sad i havent gotten a single 4* yet lmao my luck is awesome oh but i did get a 5* and two 4*s on enstars so thats cool

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

cotton candy,, has flavours????? 

cookies and cream!!

i like water juice

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

none??? i guess i paint when i have to although i rly wanna paint but im just a lazy fool

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

i dont use make up i am a youngin also what does the second question say i dont understand

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

neither lmao i have a fear of butterflies and bees… bees fear me i fear bees its mutual fear i like cats better but i like dogs too

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

yes,,, i was gonna ask if it was even possible to have a favourite but then i remembered i do actually one although its more of a jellybean thing its poifull!!

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

mermaid bc i wanna live in the water

sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

ok i just finished acca so naturally i still think abt it and jean called nino his ‘partner in crime’ so nnow i want one (a partner in crime i mean not a nino but thatd b cool 2)

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

yes i havent been in a pool in like 3 years oh boy,, breaststroke is the easiest lmao i forgot how to do any of the others

windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why you like them

softshouyous, well i followed her bc she talks in her tags so thats one thing,, shes also super nice?? and helpful!!! a good friend and mutual!!!! im also comfy enough with her to like,, be sarcastic and we can shame each other freely.. without worrying abt offending one another,, theres also the fact that she understands me (ok this may b what i like 2 think and falen actually doesnt get me but its COOL) idk man i just love her,,, my bud whens our one year friendsivary i gotta search that up :0

(i almsot forgot to do the rest go me anyway) next is,, youhavebeentraceyd bc shes one of my first mutuals (sorry to the one who was actually my first) who i actually talked to!!! we both watch daiya and i didnt rly follow anyone who liked daiya previously and oh!! we had the same notps LOL i love tracey’s art and hell i think she dragged me to mochi hell kudos to u tracey idk i jsut enjoy her presence on my dash and get v excited to see her art on there we may not talk as much anymore but i still appreciate her a lot!!! bless u tracey and thank you!!! (for being alive i wish u all the best in life)

alpacarara i like her bc shes basically my tumble mum,, the mum i actually talk to and ask for help/advice she gives good advice too and shes v approachable,,,,,,, a v good friend,,,,,, u r appreciated by me,,,, yes........... shizu chan also appreciates ur existence momther,,,, thakn u 4 all youve done 2 helpme a good pal.... bless u,

clearly these r  getting hard bc my mind is goddamn empty rn but ill manage,, kacchan whose url is not spelt like that but thats ook bc one day it will be but now im starting to think i shouldnt leave it as that bc someones bound to stumble upon this extra post in the kacchan tag goddammit,, annYWay i like kacchan bc theyre friendly! and also v relatable,,,, theyre also kinda scary but thats ok bc its the good kind of scary idk man kacchan is just, great?? we dont talk but thats cool bc ik we’re still friends even if we dont have full blown convos!!!! id b 2 nervous 2 talk 2 them not bc theyre bad or anythign im just a ??? a bad conversationalist and also v lazy ok  thats besides the point i like kacchan bc kacchan is kacchan so??? theyre a good friend and we tag each other in things and i like that friendship its a good type of friendship,,, idkdkdk?? theyre just. chill not literally chill but just chill. this doesnt make sense anymre gomenasorry

lAST ONE uh hhhh every one of my mutual’s blogs why i like all of them?? bc theyre not problematic!! they post good content trademark and r lovely even if we dont talk much!!! i love everyone period

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

i am more of a Disaster in the kithcen

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

u guys shld b surprised yall even exist (if i am the True Parent)

if not,, then itd b u guys r with me and my partner in crime,, who is actually a real person,,,,,, be shocked idk im just trying t o make it clear that in the event i do get married id surprise myself bc me/?? have a good and lasting relationship????? impsossible 

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

they shouldve told me to stick with cereal

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

doe s lance count

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

was this supposed 2 say sunrise,,,, anyway sunrise i guess bc im a morning person (when i WILLINGLy wake up by myself) on hot ass days sunset bc then i wont b sweating 24/7

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

yEAH LOL i wake up early on weekends bc i want to and i have to wake up early on weekdays so,,, i prefer not to sleep later than 12am bc i am Fear and in the event that i do sleep later than 12 its bc im talkin 2 a friend i like a lot

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

water tea english breakfast,, havent had that in awhile tho

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

i have non

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

i have nnone but i dont even nickname my pkmn so 

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

depends? on the tme??? if its late at night id rather b asleep and cozy if its in the day then maybe.. .. .

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

i like all of my food plain and dry (cereal) unless its noodles,, i need my noodles iin soup

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

drinking water

[tumblunni]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tfw u have another game idea AGAIN i think my brain hollowed itself out for more idea space at the expense of everything else like ability to actually create my ideas or ability to remember to eat :P

this kinda isnt a NEW idea, its just something floating around in my brain that ive now got more of a concrete idea for, i guess? playing Oxygen Not Included reminded me of it and made me feel maybe people would actually be interested in it, yknow? and its probably not something i could ACTUALLY make, cos it’d require like.. a lot of my own programming. not really easy to just make in a helpful gamemaker enginey thing like rpgmaker. tho it is an rpg... kinda...?? ehhhh im not feeling very good today, sorry my writing is... bad

ANYWAY WHAT WAS I SAYING

Well the idea I has was for kind of a roguelike tower climbing rpg, like Azure Dreams or Persona 3 The premise would be that there’s a mysterious underground civilization, trapped for generations with no memory of the surface world. Between them and sunlight is this potentially-infinate magical labyrinth that nobody has managed to make it through. (At least as far as anyone knows. Everyone wants to believe that friends who dissappeared in the labyrinth actually made it to the other side, rather than.. well.. the other side.) So the game would be about tackling this labyrinth in multiple short sessions. My favourite genre: roguelikes that actually have some form of progression in them! Even though you’re dying a lot, you retain a small amount of what you gathered each time in the form of townbuilding progressyness and ~friendship routes~ and ~ETCETERA~!

But then after playing Oxygen Not Included I kinda have a burning desire to see a game that has the good bits of that and not the... Frustration. To say its a roguelike without progression is understating it, gahhhhhhhhhh! Roguelike sim game of 8 hour game sessions that get destroyed cos of one stupid mistake and you have to be all perfect and lucky and YOURE ALWAYS STARVING and gahhhhhhhhh THIS IS MEANT TO BE MY GAME IDEA NOT VENTING ABOUT THAT GAME Anyway I was thinking how it’d be really cool if a game like that actually DID have a sense of progression. And an actual end goal. Like.. if you were actually digging towards the surface! With periodic savepoints and characters that dont die so easily and have more personality to them and you get all attatched! I already got all attatched to my dumb sim characters and then just got really upset how they kept dying and the game seemed to not give a shit :P

But yeah its not like I can just completely copy that game, lol. Even if I wanted to, I dunno how to program a simulation type engine thing from scratch! So i was thinking like.. a regular roguelike randomized dungeon generator actually IS possible in Rpgmaker, so I dunno.. I could find a way to make that work with some kind of ‘you are actually creating the dungeon’ type thing. i really like the idea of being able to dig your own path through the thing and have it permenantly etched there forever. I was thinking it could be an awesome idea if in the postgame you could come back to the now-empty labyrinth after everyone’s escaped to the surface, and be able to walk through it and have a big ol nostalgia trip. One that’d be unique to every player! And like.. maybe even be able to see changes, like it being reclaimed by nature and flowers? And you could upload a dungeon seed for your own personal dungeon, so that other players could play it, and that could be the postgame replay value~!

game name ideas i guess Catacomb Crawl Boundless Down

and I was thinking the protagonists could be two kids and be a grumpy older sibling who’s a jerk to their well-meaning-but-immature lil sib, but loves them deep down, and has to learn a lesson about becoming a more responsible sib, and etc like.. yeah.. basically inspired by over the garden wall i didnt really like that show, and i felt bad about it cos everyone was telling me it was a masterpiece. alas! :P aaanyhoo they’re not very developed yet, except older sib being a bit of a comical greedy coward type of person and lil sib actually being quite wise but always underestimated. Like, they have more common sense than their big sib even though they are a lil naive sometimes cos theyre so optimistic. Both sibs get each other into trouble pretty often, but they balance out perfectly to save each other each time! And lil sib is kind of a pushover who just obeys big sib unquestionably and can never stick up for themself when big sib is being all ‘ugh ur so immature im totally better'. They’re just like... the sort of person who’s so scared of their friends leaving them that they let anyone hurt them as much as they want as long as they stay. Very relateable to Bunni! Also they sorta try and pretend to be the dumb sidekick and class clown. Cos again theyre worried if they disagree or try and stand out too much then their sibling will hate them. Quite often their ‘dumb mistakes’ are actually the older sib’s fault, and they’re stuck like ‘AAAA I CANT TELL THEM TO STOP COS ITD BE OUT OF CHARACTER. I NEED TO BE THE CUTE BABY.’ And its all super complicated cos older sib acts like they resent them for never growing up too, its like.. cant ever win. This whole thing has kinda turned them into an anxious mess deep down. part of big sib’s whole redemption arc would involve them having to realise that their actions arent harmless, and treating such a young child this way actually has a permenant effect. And like... big sib doesnt know how to take care of little sib on their own because they’re immature themself! Being able to admit that instead of trying so hard to be all fake ultra mature and infallible, thats another big character arc. As well as aknowledging that lil sib is indeed growing up and becoming someone intelligent and independant. And realizing that the reason they keep putting them down is so they can try and deny that, and the reason they’re denying it because theyre JEALOUS! Jealous that little sib might have their emotions more alltogether than them, scared that their emotionless facade of perfect big sibness will be broken, and scared that without that they’ll have nothing left. Need to become more comfortable with trusting and relying on your lil sib, need to actually talk to them about this stuff, yo! Ideally I’m gonna try and write it in a way that doesnt make big sib seem like a completely hateable villain. Their backstory is gonna involve being from not exactly the nicest family, and both struggling to escape what they’ve been shaped into. And trying to learn how to take care of each other as a real family, when they have no real frame of reference for what real love looks like. And also climbing a bigass tower to save humanity from being entombed underground, but that’s comparatively easy, lol! But yeah the idea is that big sib kinda absorbed more of their bad parents’s ideals, and like... they love their sibling so utterly and deeply because they just did not know what family love felt like until they came along. And it really REALLY hurts them whenever they realise they’ve been subconciously being neglectful or hateful towards the lil fella, but theyre so distracted by like.. the greed of being free now. And doing anything and everything, drunk on that freedom! And not really being capable yet of caring about other people when they havent even learned how to care about themself. They keep being all decadent and delinquent and it seems like theyre egotistical but still deep down they HATE themself and this is all just like a ‘fake it til you make it’. And its so easy to get caught up and go too far to try and put on this facade, and they feel they cant really vent their real feelings to anyone. Cos they’re super cynical dont trust anyone except sibling loyalty like. Only way to survive! And like... cant talk about it with the sib either, because little kid wouldnt understand, and if they do then that means theyre not little anymore. They dont wanna ruin lil sib’s childish innocence cos like.. that innocence is their only reason to live. Innocent stupid bastion of family love, came into their life and gave them the courage to deal with those shitty parents gahhh! And part of them ‘knows’ that the only way to love anyone is to be deluded and innocent. You have to be too stupid to realise that the world is awful and everyone sucks and loving people just gets you hurt! And big sib is toooootally smart cos they know that life is meaningless. But they’re entertained by seeing a stupid person stupidly believe in optimism. Totally. Thats the only reason they wanna protect that innocence. Totally. sooooo basically imagine a very mentally ill mess of a preteen that’s curled up in the corner crying perpetually within their own mind, while on the outside they’re all HA HA I’M AMAZING, BITCHES And also imagine that bunni is able to write good enough to explain these damn characters aaaa im very tired im sorry

anyway summary: protagonist is a jerk, Character Development: The Game, you will cry for little sib whom is basically like penny from inspector gadget also I was thinking maybe this could be the one and only time I do the Amnesiac Protagonist Cliche Setup. eeeexcept not really?? well i mean I think it’d work cool if these characters were new to this setting, but I wouldnt actually do 100% amnesia thing I was thinking more like... they are the only two people who came from the outside world. And they just can’t remember how they got here, they wake up trapped in this place and everyone thinks theyre crazy for talking about being from somewhere aboveground. So you have an even more desperate motivation to escape compared to everyone else! I mean of course everyone wants to return to the surface, but its been so long that no-one remembers what it’s like, and so many attempts have failed that they’ve all given up. So you can act like a beacon of hope and lead the people even though you’re just a child. Like, this is about a morally bankrupt trash protagonist being dragged kicking and screaming into heroism, lol And of course we can have some good ‘ol mystery amnesia reveal type plot thingies! But without having to have a protagonist who’s COMPLETELY clueless, and a game beginning with no direction whatsoever. Its more like a ‘trapped in another world’ story except its the same world just a few thousand miles underground, lol. And revealing how exactly they got there and what they’ve forgotten is gonna be a plot, yes, but also there’s the bigger mystery of what on earth this doom labyrinth is and what caused these poor people to be trapped in it! And what they’ll even find when they finally reach the surface again, will it really be the sort of paradise they’re all hoping for? also many tears for sad dysfunctional tiny family of awkward childrens, ye also (hopefully) fun dungeon gameplays

so yeah bunni is tired and delirious and rambling Thoughts at you dunno if anyone was interested in any of this, but there you go!

[lost-my-life629]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? a kid i met through my younger brothers friends (J)

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? idk 4. Are you easy to get along with? probably, i try to be at least 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah i think so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? im kinda into the country-boy thing. but im really not proud of it

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? maybe? 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? J 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? I don’t know, i dont really like to open up to people. 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “yeah lol ;p” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? break in by halestorm, halfway right by linkin park, heavy by linkin park, hand me down by matchbox 20, still riding shotgun by tyler woods 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes, defiantly 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? No, but i want to  15. What good thing happened this summer? i graduated, thats it. 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yess 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no, he thinks im psychotic (hes not exactly wrong) 19. Do you like bubble baths? yeah 20. Do you like your neighbors? i guess, i live in my grandparents basement so 21. What are you bad habits? constantly snacking, and getting attatched to people 22. Where would you like to travel? probably Italy 23. Do you have trust issues? Yes. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? uh cuddling my pup before bed if that counts 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My stomach and thighs 26. What do you do when you wake up? get dressed then make my bed 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? No 28. Who are you most comfortable around? as of right now...no one 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes, the situation was a little fucked though 30. Do you ever want to get married? yes, definitely 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhh adam levine and arejay hale 33. Spell your name with your chin. mnegasn 

34. Do you play sports? What sports? no. none 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? i dont think so actually 37. What do you say during awkward silences? either nothing or just mention how awkward it is 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? dark hair/ medium-dark skin/ blue eyes/ taller than me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? BAM and newbury comics 40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m out of high school but id like to start a family soon even though i dont see it happening. also i dont have a back up plan so idfk what im doing. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yeah i guess 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im depressed, thinking about suicide or just pissed 43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? usually my dog, he whines because he wants breakfast 46. What are you paranoid about? everything 47. Have you ever been high? sort of 48. Have you ever been drunk? sort of 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? yes 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray 51. Ever wished you were someone else? All the time 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I was thin 53. Favourite makeup brand? i don’t really wear makeup 54. Favourite store? amazon 55. Favourite blog? idk 56. Favourite colour? Purple 57. Favourite food? lasagna 58. Last thing you ate?  a cupcake 59. First thing you ate this morning? graham cracker 60. Ever won a competition? For what? no 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no, i was home schooled 62. Been arrested? For what? no 63. Ever been in love? yes.. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was 13..in his basement with a bunch of other kids around. 65. Are you hungry right now? no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i dont have tumblr friends..so real friends 67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? yes 70. Names of your bestfriends? roddy 71. Craving something? What? No 72. What colour are your towels? we have a bunch of different colors 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?  two 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yeah, blue from blues clues 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? a lot 75. Favourite animal? white tiger 76. What colour is your underwear? black, white and blue? 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? chocolate chip cookie dough 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black 80. What colour pants? gray shorts 81. Favourite tv show? new girl 82. Favourite movie? the perks of being a wallflower 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina George 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? nemo 87. First person you talked to today? my dad 88. Last person you talked to today? my brother 89. Name a person you hate? Rachel 90. Name a person you love? dustin 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No 92. In a fight with someone? No 93. How many sweatpants do you have? two 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 5 I think? 95. Last movie you watched? private parts 96. Favourite actress? dont have one 97. Favourite actor? dont have one 98. Do you tan a lot? No but i am tan 99. Have any pets? Yes i live with 7 dogs, 1 cat, a bird and 7 bunnies 100. How are you feeling? better 101. Do you type fast? Yes 102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes 103. Can you spell well? Yes 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? i think 107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? Surprisingly no 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes 111. Do you have trust issues? i think this question was already on here but yes 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? uhh, my ex probably? but awhile ago. i always cry alone 113. What was your childhood nickname? meg, its not that interesting 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes 115. Do you play the Wii? sometimes 116. Are you listening to music right now? No 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes 118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes 119. Favourite book? Hate List by jennifer brown 120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes 121. Are you mean? only when people are mean to me 122. Is cheating ever okay? No 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Nope 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No 125. Do you believe in true love? surprisingly yes 126. Are you currently bored? Not really 127. What makes you happy? my car, my dog, my new friends 128. Would you change your name? No 129. What your zodiac sign? cancer 130. Do you like subway? Yes 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? uh i dont know, itd be really awkward. 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Again something I’m pretty sure I’ve already answered. 133. Favourite lyrics right now?  “ Told me kid you’re going way too fast. You burn too bright, you know you’ll never last. It was bullshit then, I guess it makes sense now I woke up driving my car. Said I'd lose you if I lost control, I just laughed because what do they know? Here I am, standing all alone, Because I took it too far” 134. Can you count to one million? I can, doesnt mean i will 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? god i dont know 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5′ 7′ 138. Curly or Straight hair?  straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette 140. Summer or Winter? summer 141. Night or Day? Night 142. Favourite month? june 143. Are you a vegetarian? No 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark 145. Tea or Coffee? tea 146. Was today a good day? yes, i was very surprised 147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? “everyone needs to be loved, especially those who dont deserve it” 149. Do you believe in ghosts? no 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “the box of photos had arrived at our house after my grandmother Sebold died”