#it's still gonna be a lot of work but I think I MIGHT be able to start posting next week
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Bam bing bong, summary of my doodles in 2024
#what a year#ive never compiled it neatly before#i was gonna wait it out cuz i havent finish my Christmas pieces yet but im also like ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck it so yeah hehe#this year I’ve expanded my socials to bluesky and instagram#I’ve always did two collabs this year which is still wild to me (im planning to do more next year hopefully)#(if my social anxiety can just get over it)#in tappy’s voice: gomz no balls#i also need to do more color piece#launching ☕️ this year has helped to do that#to do at least one colored piece each month#i have a video of me going thru my doodles from January to December in the works but i think i might not able to finish it on time#we’ll see#still gotto tackle the last few ☕️ requests after con#this year I’ve drawn a lot more Price!! that’s why he’s the main character this year#i would put Raven but she’s always a main so#im really happy to have found a nice chibi style and stick with it#consistency is always a struggle for me esp with my non chibi style#some of what i drew this year was awful HDJSHSHS but its nice seeing progress#December suit Price is my proudest non-chibi work and I wish to continue that style next year#moving forward I want to continue to improve and do better but also take it easy#burnt myself out too many times this year due to drawing nearly every day + stress + uni#stress management plan is needed but i SUCK at it#me as a pharmacy student counselling patients [it is important to try to relax and manage stress properly]#what a joke JDJDHDHHD#at least my blood pressure readings stabilized finally on gawd it was on the borders for a few months#it’s been a fun year and I’ve made a lot of new friends too#drabbled in a few fandom and community here and there#thank you for having me everyone :)#gummmyart#art summary 2024
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Fuck It Friday ☔️
Tagged and tagging @diazsdimples @daffi-990 @wikiangela @honestlydarkprincess @exhuastedpigeon and my sweets whose continuous support means the world to me @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @jeeyuns MWUAH 💛💛
Hey peeps, I've been having some not-exactly-good dreams last night and then had a really not-exactly-good day, on the flipside I have officially finished the first draft of the mudslide fic. 🫡
It still has a lot of blindspots and some kinda vague bits, but the skeleton is there, all I gotta do is build on it! It ended up just over 62k and though now I'm trying to avoid guessing word counts in general, I think it'll come to round out around 70k or so. Anyway, here, have some more Buckley-Diaz domesticity:
“What is it, Chris? Where is the fire?” “Dad!” His smile was so bright that his eyes crinkled with it and it was enough for Eddie to soften and let his grumpiness melt away almost instantaneously. “The Aquarium opens at nine!” Eddie dragged his hands down his face in an attempt to make himself more alert. “You didn’t forget about that, huh?” The door to his bedroom opened behind them and Buck walked out, squinting and looking just as disheveled as Eddie left him in his bed a moment ago. “Buck!” Chris turned his head into his direction. The air stuck in Eddie’s lungs for a split second, expecting the row of questions or accusations from Chris — after all, the kid was intuitive as hell — but it never came. Instead he just pushed past Eddie and grabbed Buck’s wrist, tugging him towards the kitchen, Eddie wandering numbly in their heels. “Hey Chris, wha- what’s going on?” Buck asked, clearly still in awe of the situation he found himself in only minutes after waking up. “The Aquarium opens at nine.” He relayed the same information to Buck as well, but while Eddie just felt a little out of sorts that he actually forgot about their plans, Buck’s face lit up like commercial LED lights. “Well then, we better get started on breakfast, hm? What do you say?” “Waffles!” Christopher cheered and Buck laughed, jovial and full of love and not for the first time, Eddie found that his heart was beating to the rhythm of hope. It wasn’t his fault that waking up in the same bed with Buck, followed by a family breakfast sounded perfect. Well, maybe too perfect. “Sorry bud, I don’t think we have any left in the freezer.” Eddie informed him regretfully, but before Chris could’ve expressed his disappointment, Buck cut in. “Come on Eddie, who needs frozen waffles when I have my Sous Chef to help me with the batter?” Buck winked at Chris who just beamed up at him in response. Eddie didn’t even know what to say to that, so he just watched the two of them idle towards the kitchen before following suit.
#this bitch is 158 pages already?? and it'll still get longer?? who's even gonna read all that lmao but seriously#I'm so excited I might die?? like wow#this was the first fic I started writing for these two sillies and to actually finish it after all this time??#it's still gonna be a lot of work but I think I MIGHT be able to start posting next week#god I can't believe I actually managed to pull it together before the weekend#so now I might just edit the grave fic tomorrow and post it~#because the shannon feels got to me and I kinda made myself cry with that one lmao#anyway#🫡🫡🫡#buddie#911#wip#the mudslide fic
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interesting to me how when i turned 19 i was kinda terrified bc i was like “oh shit this is my last year as a teenager….. i won’t be a teenager after that… i wanted to be a teenager for all of my childhood and now that part’s almost Over. aaaaugh” and now approx. 9 months later i cannot fucking WAIT to stop being a teenager oh my god i am ready to move on. 20s please i would like to be in them. i am done being 19 thank you !!!
#marzi speaks#it’s . probably bc of the vasculitis thing#which like. while it is a traumatic thing that i need to work through and plan on going to therapy about#it also put a LOT of things into perspective for me#and like actually i do not think i am afraid of growing up anymore !#i mean i still have like. the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting overwhelmed and falling behind#that’s not gonna go away overnight that’s been there for as long as i can remember#BUT!! i know deep down that i can figure it out now.#bc i figured out a lot. i figured out how to gauge my physical well being#i figured out how to be someone who can regularly make phone calls without crying#i figured out pharmacies. and i’m figuring out how insurance works#and appointments and withdrawing from school and reapplying to school#and all of the lifestyle changes that come with having an autoimmune disease#i’m learning self advocacy. i’m learning how to respond when people treat me poorly (always accidentally so far)#yeah getting my license has been hard and slow just bc i have all the anxiety shit about it. but i AM putting that effort in#i dunno it’s just. adult responsibilities are horrifying and the prospect of existing independently in our current society#is horrifying. and i think i’ll always be scared.#but i used to think i might not be able to handle it. that i would fall apart#i know now that i won’t. i will find a way to move forward and be happy. because that’s what i’ve always done#if i can take the scariest couple of months in stride the way that i have. then i think i can handle it#anyways. 19 was eventful enough can i be 20 now. i think being 20 would be good for me#still a Weird thing to think about. two whole decades. but like i can do it methinks
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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#tag talk#fuck. I might just be a straight woman.#like. I like men. and the more I transition the more I vibe with binary womanhood.#sure I don't like getting shoved into restrictive femininity. but I vibe with womanhood as separate from femininity.#anyway. I might be straight. and In ten years it's very possible that being trans becomes a much less huge part of my life#because it will stop being something that I do and something that I wish for and simply something that I am#yeah yeah whatever hi my name is Reggie and I like men#I just. as much as I don't like certain restrictive gender roles I find myself slotting very comfortably into others#and I realize that my idea of gender and their roles was very much shaped by my female role models growing up#and a lot of the disconnect and distress when growing up was due to not being able to follow the path everyone else did.#all my girl friends were growing up into women and I was stuck on the man track.#and being gay was the closest I could get to being myself#but I'm closer than I've ever been before to being able to live my truth as myself#still not gonna shave my legs unless it's sometime in the future for a very specific event.#I like them fuzzy. they make me feel cool.#I like having some cultural masculinity still. I just don't want to be defined by it#talking about my binary trans experience is always a little weird because I'm aware of how binary I'm describing things#and I get that if my words were used to describe someone else's experience it might end up sounding hella transphobic#but these words are for me. they're my experience. they're my life not someone else's.#and this is how my identity works.#it's like how feminism protects the right of trad wives to be trad wives.#we just gotta recognize that just because one woman wants to be the designated dishwasher not every woman feels that way.#anyway. I might be dating a guy by this time next week. he's cool so far and we kinda got match-made by a mutual friend#we watched Redline tonight and it's hella good#he's really cool but I feel like I've got something to provide and to bring to the relationship. so we're still on peer-level I think.#which is new. usually I'm way ahead of the other person. maybe my fault for fishing in the bad fish barrel#the emotionally damaged and burdened fish barrel.
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Y'know Im not even gonna pretend to get ppl complaining abt the new skill trees because it makes Wilson less unique or whatever. Like there's plenty to complain abt with the skill trees, but you have to understand that the actual abilities Wilson gets from them are still unique, and still quite powerful in some cases. He rly isn't losing anything he hasn't lost by getting a skill tree in the first place, and in particular he could have a lot of use for certain speedruns and at worst is situational, which in itself means he's gained a unique role as a character. He doesn't need another new rework now or anything, the only rework Id want is a rework of the skill trees in general, Wilson is genuinely going to be just fine don't worry
#rat rambles#dst#my main problem with the skill trees is that it only encourages the bare minimum#like idk I feel like if I could turn on godmode and walk away from my computer and unlock everything its probably not great game design#like I get whay theyre going for but Id kind of preffer if doing certain character related tasks effected it or smth#mainly I like the idea of having to work to unlock your mains full potential#obviously not too much like an exp system would suck absolute ass but idk maybe certain tasks can shorten the timer#or maybe to unlock certain branches of the skill tree you have to meet a prerequisite first like the lunar and shadow trees#not as demanding as defeating celestial champion or fuelweaver ofc#like for a rly simple and easy example maybe wilson has to make an alchemy engine before being able to unlock his alchemy skills#and fer higher tiers he needs a shadow manipulatoro or smth#idk even simple stuff like that would at least encourage the player to do something while waiting around yknow?#like imagine a hyothetical wurt skill tree that unlocks as you expand your army making it more self sufficiant#just lil things youll probably be doing anyways but still makes it feel a bit more like youve earned smth for playing the character well#instead of just sitting there until you can unlock everything#I just worry that the skill trees are gonna feel too flat with the current system :/#I do rly like a lot of wormwood's stuff tho and I like that theyre attempting to find a compramise to making characters more powerful#without just handing you a broken character right off the bat#I just think it could use some work and Im not 100% sold on the skill trees being smth thatll improve the game in the long run#like Im sure it wont like ruin dst or anything I just think it might end up as a thing that makes new players have a more boring earlygame#experience especially if certain trees become like the standard for most players#I want it to be Fun unlocking things yknow?#idk Ill still be hyped if/when wortox gets a tree bestie needs the extra depth so fucking bad#he has so much potential pls let him have this#also rip to woodie for being eternally kind of mid Im not expecting his tree to effect his general ranking much tbh#it basically just gives him early game usefullness and some slight buffs to his other forms#the fact that you can only master one form at at time especially sucks ass tho tbh#like his weremoose form Needs the buff so so bad but the goose teleportation might end up the go to pick#I am a huge fan of the treeguard summoning tho#I also hope they just man up and give the wood helmet 80% reduction idc just let him have this klei
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turns out that eating breakfast after taking the meds you should eat with food is a good idea
#i feel a lot better than i did yesterday#the weird jittery bit of the meds eased up quite a lot#im still not used to it but i think it's gonna help me a lot#i wasn't aware that this kind of. like... clarity? was normal??#i can actually focus on things now. i can sit totally still if i want to. my brain isn't impossibly loud.#idk!! i never thought id be able to get help for this and it's unreal that a tiny fucking pill just... makes my brain function better#we'll see how the next few weeks play out bc it might not be great for me over time and i might need to try out other meds#but idk. ritalin seems to be working decently well and im happy#wait holy fuck i just realized i might be able to actually clean my room now#i haven't been able to fully clean my room in YEARS#ive been able to clean sections of it or like. halfway tidy up most of it#but a full deep clean has been out of the picture for so long bc i can never focus hard enough or get enough motivation to continue#i might actually be able to now. fuck. this changes so much.#i know that probably doesn't seem like much but my room has gotten so out of hand and it causes me stress#i can't even let people INTO my room because its embarrassing and makes me feel horrible#maybe i can actually invite people over now
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also as we are on the topic, this is my personal prediction for what the leader board is gonna look like when this is all over
14. Jimmy
13. Skizz
12. Joel
11. Etho
10. Bdubs
9. Scar (I'm hesitant about what order to put Bdubs and Scar in though)
8. BigB
7. Grian
6. Tango
5. Cleo
4. Pearl
And then top 3 being Martyn, Scott, and Impulse. I honestly can't say which of them would win. If Scott's still got the most time, it'll probably be Martyn (I think he and Scott would team up to kill Impulse and then Scott would give his time to Martyn, or Impulse would kill Scott and Martyn would kill him). If the rest of the server has fucking focused on taking Scott down (PLEASE) and they're all on the same level, I think Impulse could take them out, especially if one of them is particularly low and gives the other their time in hopes they win.
#limited life smp#limited life spoilers#technically cause jimmy skizz and joel's spots are cannon#this is a combination of how much time they currently have+how they've been playing this season+my personal hopes#i REALLY want anyone BUT scott to win but i especially want tango or impulse to win#i just think impulse is more able to do it#he's stubborn as all hell he's been getting good kills and he's able to fly under the radar in a way other players aren't#some of these spots im hesitent about though#i already mentioned scar and bdubs#but grian and tango and pearl and cleo could also swap with each other im not certain about those places#this is all just speculation of course let's just see who i get right#im most confident about etho lol sorry bud#and i think bdubs is gonna get Real normal when etho's out what that MEANS for him i'm not sure but it'll be something#im also pretty confident about bigb falling in the middle there i feel like he just doesn't have enough time to make it work#he's doing better than a lot of his server mates and he also has impulse's ability to fall under the radar#but since him grian and pearl are on about the same amount of time they'll all be less hesitent to give to each other#bigb is HISTORICALLY bad at getting kills#he STILL only has one kill and it's cleo#so unless he's boogey this session (which tbh i'm not even thinking about) he's not getting any more kills#so tbh if he's able to fly under the radar he might do better than i've placed him#but now that grian's his ally i don't think it's going to be as easy#and their base is trapped now and he doesn't know which parts are trapped so that's gonna go SO well /sarcasm#this is a hesitent list overall but idk i like shouting things
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well i didn’t get my paycheck in the mail but i did get a referral notice from my doctor saying that i can expect to see an endocrinologist... in SIX. FUCKING. MONTHS.
#no. fucking. no#i can barely get out of bed on a good day. i've been feeling this way for months.#bloodwork says i HAVE hashimoto's disease. i have a family history of thyroid issues on both sides#i am NOT in acceptable health to be waiting six months. i wanna cry. maybe i will#tales from diana#another fucking phone call i have to make on monday. i still haven't called the other specialist i need to see to make an appointment#the secretary told me they'd take care of this one and schedule it for me#they said it might take until the fall#i can't wait until the fucking winter solstice#i have so much anxiety on top of all of this health shit i have barely been able to think straight this week#everything in my life is falling apart#reducing/managing stress is all they told me i can do for now (until i potentially start a treatment course)#to prevent myself from developing full-blown hypothyroidism#AND LET ME TELL YOU... CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE NOT BEEN GREAT FOR THAT#i'm gonna have to drop out of society and be a recluse again at this rate. this is so discouraging#i'm not gonna be able to continue my education or pick up a steady job#luckily being a substitute teacher is super flexible but i wanna fuckin be able to pick up hours at that job#i haven't been able to work more than two fucking days a week since april#i don't leave the house to see ppl anymore bc if i so much as walk in a parking lot im unable to get up for the rest of the day#im PISSED#i do wanna cry#ok bye i can't be ranting like this anymore i wanna cry
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te way you draw furrys reminds me of beastars
oh yeah that’s definitely one of my main inspirations for drawing furries! i tend to prefer more human-like furries when it comes to bodies? like i think super animallistic furries are cool also, but for me personally i quite like the look of “animal head on human body” ie egyptian gods or like you said beastars. if i ever got a suit made i would probably just get a head and tail and foot+hand paws because of that.
#peachsoda asks#ive been looking at fursuit head commission prices and theyre SO EXPENSIVE???#i know the creators put a lot of work in and that’s why#but omg theyre so expensive im never gonna be able to afford one 😭#i might try making one but i’ll probably still buy like a resin head base or something#especially since i want something that matches more my style and the resin heads tend to be more#realistic#and i guess my style is more in that direction#anyways i desperately want to get a fursuit head of shiba inu reigen i think it would be so silly and cute
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Working on my new routine for the semester. Since nail care is something I've grown to care about in the time since I previously kept up with playing violin, I need to be pretty consistent with it. I can't have Any amount long nails on my left hand if I want to be able to keep my finger positioning good. It's best when the fingertip is straight down. You just can't have that with long nails.
When I was younger, I kept up with that demand by biting my nails. It was a bad, bad habit that lasted for a good long while. I think it was definitely encouraged bc of the need for short nails with violin, but the true cause of it was imperfections on my nails. I found a few years back that if I keep my nails filed smoothly, then I won't be tempted to bite them, no matter what length they are.
Which brings us to now. How to not fall back on my old habit of nail biting, but make sure my nails don't get too long for violin? And the answer... is to file them every weekend.
See, I've thought up a system. I also want to keep painting my nails, bc I rly love having painted nails, and So. On Friday or Saturday, after I'm done with classes for the week, I remove the week's polish and then file the nails short again. Then on Sunday (or, in the case of this weekend, Monday)(whatever the last day is before I go back to classes), I go and paint my nails again. I want to have at least a day between filing and painting to make sure that my nails settle fine and that there aren't any extra little imperfections I need to get at. Will hopefully also reduce the chances of me picking at the sides of my fingers (have not been able to get rid of this part of the habit) for any imperfections from the polish on recently filed nails.
I'm working on the filing right now. I'm finding that it's going faster than last week, at least. Which is good news!!! I probably had more than a week's worth of nail to file last week, so it took longer. But it's not as bad with only a week's worth. I could always trim them too, and that's what I'd usually do, but they really don't grow all that much in just a week's time. Can barely even get the clippers under the nails. I just need to file them back again. Make sure they don't get the chance to actually grow out.
#speculation nation#it's such a pain to do this so often but this is the best way to balance the different conflicting needs.#the need to keep my nails short vs the need to keep my nails Smooth. and the bonus desire of painted nails.#it's not even just for aesthetic. though theres certainly that too. but i just plain like the feel of painted nails more.#nice and smooth... i love to run my fingers along the polish... it just makes me happy.#last weekend i painted my nails black with silver magnetic sparkles. im thinking of going magnetic again this weekend#but with darker sparkles maybe. smth more muted. an almost-black experience.#though the me of tomorrow will decide officially. i might change my mind.#dont rly see myself going with anything bright though. like my color changing ones. i havent really been in a Bright sort of mood.#i think im grumpy from how cold it's been and being stuck riding the busses.#it's better for me this way for now bc i dont want to rip my lungs up with the fuckin Negative degree fahrenheit weather#but im grumpy about it. i just want it to get up to consistent 20s and 30s so i can bike without it actively hurting.#i wanna be able to get around campus more easily!!!! and then maybe i'll feel more confident in using the practice rooms on campus#or going to the bowling practice times. man i really wanna go to the bowling practice times.#oh right i havent actually done the violin thing yet. i did get the bridge and mutes in tho.#gonna try to work on that tomorrow. crossing fingers i can get it fine on my own !!#worst case scenario uhhhhh if i fuck up the bridge i could use a different violin and bring my main one to a luthier for them to install one#got it sounds pretentious as hell for me to say that yea sure ill just bring in a different violin. bc i own multiple.#but i mean i do. though i probably wouldnt bring my electric violin in. so itd have to be my antique violin.#and i dont prefer to bring that one places. it's oldddddd and while it does still play fine i dont wanna risk damaging it.#but if i did fuck up my main violin. then well. shit happens.#gonna try to not stay up too late tonight so i can work on the things tomorrow. got a lot i need to do still.#cleaning!! and laundry!!! and practicing!!! and quizzes!!!! and also painting my nails lol#maybe i can try to do a lil cleaning today still. ugh. i dont want to.
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been thinking about..... those dramatic otp tags some blogs have.......
#tagging the fandom is not enough i need to be able to scroll through just the yoohankim on my blog#wait let me workshop some#joongdok is easy#otp: tell me you fool#theres definitely more. like kdjs little monologue in the divorce arc. and of course - eyebrows seemingly sculpted......#doksoo......#otp: for just that one reader#theres some other good doksoo moments. lemon candy indirect kiss. i believe in the you of the 3rd turn? doesnt he say that in 1863#i think kaizenix doksoo is also really good. augh i just dont know a lot of lines off the top of my head#now. yoohan is a little tricky#1863 is very good but most of it happens off page. these 2 dont have that many good quotable interactions......#ooooh the epilogue fight. i dont remember any lines from that but theres gotta be something#okay. so i went back to read it..... ouch. my feelings. and still nothing really stood out to me.....#well. 'you should know where my story is supposed to end' is pretty good. but i might go with something a little less direct?#otp: the architects design#oooh. i like that a lot#omg or. hear me out#otp: the false last act#ohhhh how will i choose......#okay now a tag for all 3...... hmmm. a single quote probably wont cut it#well maybe something from the epilogue..... that scene with the clock?#could also keep it simple and straightforward#otp: reader / author / protagonist#hmmm i do want something with a little more drama though..... ehh ill think on it#okay well. i was gonna do more ships but i hit the tag limit 😭😭😭#ill make a list somewhere for if i ever organize my blog. stay tuned#otp: it's a work in progress#<- placeholder so i can find this again. idk if ill have a use for it again but i kind of love it as a placeholder.....#man this is so fun. i can see why people make these!#biggie tumbles
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i think this episode showed why fred/gunn never would have worked long term. sure theyre fucking cute and fun and they have chemistry and i do like them !! but gunn since day one and til right now has always treated fred like she's not as capable as him and angel of making her own decisions and you just cant have that in a healthy relationship
#astro watches#angel#dude let her fuckign send him into a portal. are you kiddding me fuck off#if you are allowing yoursel fto snap his neck but saying that she wont be abl to live with herself#and that he wont be the person she loves if she sends himt o his doom.... fuck off frfr#gunn i love you. but i feel liek u never look internally#and then not to parellel that with wesley bc obv hes both in a weird place nad their rleatinoship is#and he woudl have reacted differnetly liek a season ago. but it sure would have been better than how gunn handled it#i just. i love fred so much and idk. i just. god this show is actually very good isnt it#in the same episode u manage to have me cringing at the cordelia/connor shit while being very intersted and invested#in the fred storyline#gives me s6 tvd vibes. managing to hate the delena/elena of it all. but adore a lot of the other stuff#also i am wording this like that but who knows maybe they stay together ??#tbh even if they do break up. they might get back together next season. it just feels like they shouldnt#we have gotten a lto fo them and i just dont think they work#not to say i dont still ship the ot3. but if they are gonna work i think they need wesley
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