#it's scary but I can't look away
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About the Raphaniel visions: Same, Zac. Same.
#dimension 20#the ravening war#I'm enjoying it so much#it's scary but I can't look away#wtf are you doing with this character brennan#you can tell me I promise I won't tell
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M
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 medic#emesis blue#when I said “I will stick to black and white”? I lied screencap redraw be upon ye#Dr Ludwig is the unreliable narrator ever#I want to redraw so many scenes from this movie all the shots are beautiful#I normally dislike horror movies because I'm a wuss who can't watch scary things#10 seconds into the movie and I had to look away when the camera zoomed in onto the respawned soldier's face but#when doc beheaded that guy in the chapel? and the whole congregation was applauding????#insanely cool
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chat the voices are loud again
#nebula rambles#shitpost#i think if from what i've peeped that the utmv fandom are scary as FUCK#i've been keeping a relative eye on things for the hell of it and#it feels like a car crash i can't look away from#ofc i've only seen a portion of it cause this shit is HUGE#but jesus CHRIST man
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I saw the tv glow
And I'm properly traumatized
#i saw the tv glow#and it's scary to be buried alive#isttvg#i saw the tv glow movie#isttvg film#trans#transgender#idk i can't stop almost crying from just thinking about the end when he's working at the party and yells and collapse and no one is looking#everyone is looking away from him#and then he say sorry#and now i look at the moon and can't feel comfort anymore goddamn#exposure therapy when i gonna see it every day with my 2-6AM SHIFT when I'm forced to talk with ppl oh boi these gonna collide don't they
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every work of art i've seen depicting the archivist using eye-powers/becoming eldritch comes off as way too majestic to me. yes, eye-influence has resulted in a multitude of eyes everywhere in many cases, but I have yet to come across an interpretation of any beholding-related thing being actually visually unnerving. i thought "maybe i just don't find eyes/staring to be creepy ever?"...
then i remembered "The Guest".
Linking to the short horror story vid on youtube "The Guest" below the cut. TW: for eye/scopophobia horror in the thumbnail and video (i shit you not, even if eyes don't upset you i'm still giving you a headsup).
youtube
MMM. YEAH UH.
(i haven't seen 'the guest 2' but the same creature in the thumbnail looks goofy rather than brain-piercingly-upsetting, so i think i'll hold off on watching that one.)
(i also really love the body language of the creature at the end. it endears me to them).
But ahem, yeah uhhhhhh. Fellow artists? If you want to make eyes scary? Make them upsettingly round, focused, and wrong-looking?? I dunno man, most of this is just a thought experiment into how to depict horror visually. (again, no shade on all the artists behind those lovely tma beholding works, they're all beautiful. i just wanted something that upset my own brainmeats instinctually).
#as an artist it somewhat irks me#okay scratch that it seriously irks me#like i ADORE all the art out there#but that's the problem: it's all gorgeous and beautiful#none of it is alarming or upsetting or unnerving#the beholding is still an aspect of FEAR#to be 'beheld' is to be horrified#the visuals should be horrifying#honestly eyes like these have always scared me ever since childhood#i had a berenstein bears book where the characters' eyes went round and wrong like that and i always had to look away from that page#halloween#horror#tw: horror#scopophobia#the magnus archives#THE GUEST#tma#inspiration#horror inspiration#Youtube#making eyes scary is difficult#i can't think of other ways to do it#like sure you could do clusters within clusters#but that veers away from the eye/seeing being horrific into other unrelated facets of horror
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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something about like. "I get the creeping feeling all my old friends are gone And that this baby tooth no longer fits in my skull
[haunting yet uplifting yet bittersweet instrumental break]
If you can draw it in the air Or write it down, then you weren't there What's gone is mute Someone changed the truth They smoked the proof And there's nothing left..."
i think canajoharie might be the only song ever?
#ignore me#they might be giants#it's an incredibly wistful and nostalgic kind of song#iirc there's a lot Debate on the interpretations page but it always sounded very straightforwardly to me like uhh#evolved version of a creature reminiscing about when they first crawled out of the primordial soup and all that's changed since then#looking back on when you were very young and small and vulnerable. and it was scary but it was fresh and new and exciting as well.#and now you're this thing settled into what you are and you can't go back ever but you can SEE it. and it was yours just yours#and no one else can feel it like you can no matter how hard you try to explain#because it CAN'T be explained it can't be put down on the pages of history and filed away.#is this anything? is this microphone on? where am i
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guys....i am currently watching the tua finale through my fingers and with the brightness down because i just know that ben looks so atrocious and scary
#again i'm watching with my sister so she's taking one for the team and looking at ben when he's on the screen#i'm like half turn away during all of his scenes so far#GUYS I'M SCARED#i saw a bit of his face and his legs and immediately decided not to see the rest of him#i literally almost gagged#i have god awful texture issues and just you know a low tolerance to scary shit#I CAN'T DO THIS#tua#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy
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Well, the Nightmare certainly didn't stole it's name
#i'm joking but i do love me a good build up#is Metroid Fusion way more linear than every single previous Metroid games before it? sure#does it also have awesome build ups and creepy pay offs? yeah#though tbh build ups are always better than pay offs#SA-X is terrifying when it is just walking and we're hiding#but when we're running away it's a bit less scary#unless SA-X were to become something grotesque and terrifying with a mix of flesh and suit#that would make it hella creepy#can't wait to see what this nightmare looks like#Mabu plays Metroid#Metroid Fusion
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when i was younger this whole ''no romantic or sexual experience" thing made me feel deeply unlovable and it still does but in a different way. now i've somehow convinced myself that i'm not supposed to desire anyone like that. like it's not meant for me. it's me who can't love now. not other people.
#feeling emo#no but i'm literally the problem cause it's not like i'm trying to ''put myself out there''#but it's too scary and i don't want to and i'm not ready and there's no time and i like the routine of being alone#i've had crushes before and they were strong and lasted honestly too long for being crushes#but that's too far away from now#and i always looked at myself as the girl who won't get the boy#the crush was always unrequited#i was okay with only looking cause it's not like there's anything other than that for a girl like me#living life in a larger body is truly not a kind experience#there's so many other things that made relationship and love scary for me but being fat is the biggest reason for not even trying#and they you talk to your skinny friends and hear their experience with men and it's so awful for the most part#and then you think well if they treat them that way how would i be treated#i just don't want to be hurt#or hurt someone else#i'm used to at looking at love from a distance and i'll live anyway#some days it just harder than others#like the hard part is that i feel like im doing something wrong#like im living life wrong like i shouldn't be this uncomfortable and scared#so often it happens that i just can't relate to other people my age#like im too serious and in my head to be fun and get drunk at parties#and to serious and in my head to be in love and be loved and be seen#they all have this more casual stance on romance and they'll make out with people in the dorm bathrooms but i can't do that#and i don't want to either#i'm slow and boring and it would probably take six months to prepare myself for a kiss#it all seems so big to me#lovely feeling we're having tonight#personal
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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Hunger Pangs (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Blood#This is a weird one but to be fair I was in a biting biting biting biting honestly biting mood so that is my entire justification lol#Initially I went for a zombie kind of look but I ended up not liking it that much I'm still not very versed in zombie lore haha#What are some other flesh eaters? Mummies? Ghouls? Vampires don't really count and I've already got one of those#Now that I think of it Eli might've worked well actually - Eli/Charm fusion next? :0#Anyway lol#I wrote down a couple quick notes but didn't really reference them again until I was done - oh gosh haha#Just found how I described this one as ''Candibalism'' hahaha I mean yeah that's accurate! Sweet blood#High sugar content in that blood and flesh haha#There's also something rather Appetite of a People Pleaser about this - it is one of her songs after all#But more like demanding from the outside rather than cultivating from the inside - that'd be a very scary idea!#I don't think cannibalism is found in the Just Desserts universe for realsies haha - I don't think residents even eat meat#Some animal products like milk and honey of course - they're very important for certain desserts! But I can't think of any meat desserts#Even blood pudding doesn't necessarily require killing - ethically sourced donated blood pudding haha ♪#I think that would make a resident suddenly biting another with the intent to eat extra extra extra scary with the lack of precedent#She tried her usual diet first! But nothing worked until Someone Somebody Anybody#And if it's to mitigate the pain and blind rage of hunger? That's a hard one to convince away#I will admit - even though I think it looks weird I did enjoy the over-the-top saliva drips haha#It reminds me of her candle theme - not melting but drooling :0 It's interesting!#I like the contrast in her expressions in the third to last and final - they lined up well!
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Don't want kids & probably'd never make a fankid but those Tem pics...imagining Bo with a lil baby...oh god I'm fuckin ovulating over it, so sickeningly cute. He'd be such a good papa 😭oh oughughhyy am Taking so much psychic damage
#💬 beskar.txt#i am so soft thinking about this my god#oouuhghggh papa Boba...#us being two scary looking guys doing the thing where the kid walks in the middle holding one of our hands...yknow what I mean??😖❣️#our kid would be so cute...oh god PLEASE stop me lol I'm like hormonal over this today#byee can't think about this anymore imma cry lolol#literally sitting in a cafe looking away at the wall cos I can feel myself blushing ughhhhghhh Im so cringe!!#you never saw this post btw I'm normal I'm normal
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I kinda keep forgetting tumblr is a thing tbh
#It's my sona as the tbh creeture btw in case that wasn't obvious#They like to pretend they're scary and hiss at you#But they're soft as a cloud and physically cannot harm anyone#Their eyes are about as reflective as baikal seals#Y'know where it's so reflective it constantly just looks like they're crying?#They also stare at you when they want attention but whenever you look at them they will look away#They can and *will* sit on you at inopportune times and fall asleep#Their wings are technically big enough to carry them but they can't fly#They're just too dumb to do it :p#They can climb tho#But only things they're not allowed to climb#Especially people#Head sitting is perhaps their favorite past time#They will also yell at you for food but walk away from it when you give it to them#Their allergic to sunlight#I should like stop there's too many tags#I made all of these up on the spot lmao#Please tage good care of them they baby#digital art#DemonicScribbles#ClipStudio
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why is it so common that a lot of people love horror/terror/disturbing content but are absolutely afraid of watching it. why are we humans drawn to these type of things
#like everytime it gets in a part that's really scary i just look away or close my eyes lmao#i can't watch these videos for much longer i watch them a bit and then open a new tab on my computer#and just stare at it hearing what they're saying kgjdjdk
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Cw/forest fires
#the air smells like charcoal and it's only going to get worse#bc the government simply doesn't want to do anything to prevent it#i can't wait to see what kind of luxury homes are going to be built there /src#i hate it here#my parents went on the roof to watch it#they sed it looks really scary#i can imagine#i saw last year's#i simply can't handle it emotional rn#the planet is dying#and that's just a fact#it's not going to change#i can only think of the poor animals getting burned alive rn#backed against a wall or something#i have been really close to big fires and i know how that feels#how the few feet i had space to move away just weren't enough#and the worst thing is#that they are just animals they don't understand it isn't their fault#they didn't knew that they had to evacuate#and now they just burn#sure a few got away#but the fires have been burning for some days now#the weather isn't helping either#dry and windy#very windy#i mean we all know that the fire didn't accidentally started at the local dumb
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