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Just to share my own thoughts, I don't think that was the point. @fortunatelyginger
The article is not taking the male perspective into account since this time the writer is focused on girls. I doubt she was bringing up girls' and women's problems in her book about men's problems either, because that wasn't her focus. Not focusing on the male perspective in this article doesn't makes boys' and men's experiences with bullying from women any less real.
The article is showing one possible explanation why teenage girls are feeling unwell. These girls are telling about their experiences with harsh online and in-person bullying from these certain boys in their school. Not from men as a whole. It is also true that people who are struggling are more likely to take their anger and sadness out on others especially without proper support or knowledge about healthy coping mechanisms. Boys still often lack support.
Regular cruel comments and sexualization are undoubtedly a valid cause for someone to start feeling unwell. Teenagers are at an age where their identity and emotional regulation skills are still developing. Receiving this kind of treatment will usually take a bigger toll on teens than adults.
It's been a while since I was a teen, but I remember this kind of bullying from both girls and boys. Both also received it. Teens in general can be cruel as hell.
However, in my experience teenage boys were doing this kind of bullying more often, or at least they were generally more aggressive and open about it than girls. The worst bullies were usually from dysfunctional families. Girls also usually had, and most likely still have, more pressure than boys when it comes to looks, and that pressure is not only coming from boys. This is an indivual experience, but I wouldn't be surprised if this was still the case in some schools.
Andrew Tate has some good points when it comes to self-improvement, but he also has more harmful takes on human value and mental health. "This is why women should not vote, they're morons" comment after a (trans)woman was expressing stress over elections is not something I would like my own sons to hear or look up to. Someone like HealthyGamer, a Harvard trained psychiatrist focusing especially on boy's and men's mental health, would be a better choice.
Tate's followers from what I've seen are not usually the kindest to women, some of them being blatantly hateful online. When young impressionable boys who have no proper critical thinking skills or media literacy skills yet see this kind of content and comments, there is a risk they will absorb all the things they're fed, including hatred towards women, without a second thought. They don't have the maturity to pick the genuinely helpful tips and ignore the rest. This in turn can affect the way they treat girls and women in their close circle. I think this is what the article was trying to convey by mentioning Tate.
These bullies might not be the only or the main reason why girls are unwell, but it is certainly still a serious problem that parents and teachers should pay more attention to. Teenagers are old enough to understand right from wrong. Behavior like this needs to be corrected not only in boys, but in teens in general.
Social media is creating more apathetic and cruel kids. You can also see it from the way those boys reacted to a fellow boy trying to stand up for her. Basic human decendy shouldn't be ridiculed or seen as something negative.
Why are British teenage girls so unhappy? Hereâs the answer (Caitlin Moran, The Times, Sep 13 2024)
"The report, by the Childrenâs Society, found that British 15-year-old girls are the most unhappy in Europe.
British girls aged 10-15 are âsignificantly less happyâ with their life, appearance, family and school than the average boy â and their happiness is still declining.
Boysâ life satisfaction, meanwhile, remains broadly stable. (âŠ)
But I still didnât have an âaha!â moment about why this so disproportionately affects girls until⊠I talked to some teenage girls.
It was at a party, and I went to vape with them on the patio. Because I take my nicotine like children do.
âDuh â itâs the boys,â one said when I brought it up, as all the others agreed.
âThe boys?â I asked.
My last book, What About Men?, had been all about how much boys struggle these days: their loneliness; their suicide rates. Iâd spent the past year feeling very sympathetic towards boys.
âYeah, well, who do you think theyâre taking out their unhappiness on? Itâs us,â another girl said.
âOne boy at school used to draw a picture every day of how ugly I was,â a third girl said. âEvery day for two years.â
âTheyâve all got âRate The Girlsâ polls on their WhatsApps,â the first said. âThey mark you down for weight gain, haircuts, what you say.â
âBut then, if youâre hot, itâs just as bad, in a different way, because theyâll be talking about how they want to f*** you.â
The girls discussed coping techniques. Bad news: none of them worked.
âThe only way you can stop them is if you become âone of the boysâ and hang out with them. But then,â the second girl said with a sigh, âall the other girls call you a slut. Because youâve gone over to the boysâ side.â
âSurely itâs not all the boys?â I said. âThere must be some nice boys?â
âOh, yeah,â one girl said. âBut they keep their heads down. Because⊠well, look.â
She showed me the Instagram account of her friend. Under every picture she posted of herself â smiling in a new dress; with her dog â dozens of anonymous accounts had replied with the most rank abuse.
âFat.â âSlut.â âYou gonna try and kill yourself again, for attention?â
âTheyâre all boys from her school,â she said. âAnd look, this one boy tried to defend her.â
I saw a series of messages from a brave teenage boy, posting things like, âYouâre all big men, leaving these replies under anonymous accounts.â
As I could see, this boy immediately became a target too. Mainly accusations that he was âwhite knightingâ this girl: âYou wanna f*** her, bro?â
âSo,â I asked, âyou donât think itâs social media pressure to be beautiful, or the economy, thatâs making girls so sad?â
âWell, yeah, them too,â the first girl said. âBut, Monday-Friday, 9-3, Iâm not on social media. Iâm not⊠in the economy. Iâm just with these boys. And no one talks about how horrible they are.â
I thought about another recent report, showing a 30 per cent ideological gap between Gen Z men, who are increasingly conservative, and Gen Z women, who are increasingly progressive.
I thought about Andrew Tate, who has nine million mostly young male followers â and faces human trafficking charges, which he denies.
And I thought: maybe these girls are on to something. Maybe more people need to vape with teenage girls and ask them for the school gossip."
#I don't usually reblog answers but the comments were disabled#Taking this chance to promote Dr. K while I'm at it. He has helpful content for everyone but especially for guys.#My brothers and I have found his content helpful. Warm recommend.
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64 / 4.1k / soap soulmate au, final part
...
"You doing okay?"
Hearing Gravesâ voice knocks what little breath you had out of your lungs. It's been months, but that's him. Your old boss. You never thought you'd hear his voice again.
"I've been better," you say finally. "Been awhile."
"Yeah, it has," he says. "Wish you'd've called me to catch up sometime, rather than under the circumstances. You don't sound too banged up. They treat you alright?"
"I'm fine."
"I didn't ask how you feel. I asked if they roughed you up."
You feel your own temper shorten in response. "I need you to call KorTac off."
There's a pause. You can imagine his frowning face, the way he's thinking that one over. "I'll take that under advisement," he finally says, but you can tell he's not going to do what you ask of him. "Puttin' me in a predicament here, kid. You're giving those boys a hard time, and here I thought I was helping you out. Paying your bail, so to speak."
"Itâs more complicated than that."
"Always is. Letâs just have you dropped off back on base with us. You can clean yourself up and weâll talk."
He waits for your crisp yes, sir, but it never comes.
He speaks again. "You got somewhere else to be?"
"I can't go back."
"Can't or won't? You got something you ain't tellin me, soldier?"
"I said I can't go back. And I'm not your soldier anymore. You're not my boss. I don't work for you."
"You know Shadows don't leave one of our own behind. Not to rot in some CIA prison cell. So lose the attitude," he says, voice like iron. "This ain't a good time to play games, kid. You're comin' back with me because I spent a pretty penny on you. You owe me. You have your personal business, fine. Come on back to base and let's talk this out face to face before you go makin' any hasty decisions."
You're so frustrated it's hard to form words. You should be grateful. You know that. Graves doesnât pretend to care about his men. He cares enough to lead from the front. But you met your soulmate, and you canât act like it didn't change you. You need to make things right. You also canât exactly tell Graves you kind of sold him out.
"Hey. Focus up." He doesn't raise his voice to a command. Still, the order is in his voice, and you have been long trained to follow your commander's orders. Then he sighs. "What happened to you, kid?"
"You betrayed the 141. You killed innocent people in Las Almas, looking for them."
You can almost hear his jaw working behind his clenched teeth, the muscles in his face tight. He does not allow this kind of disrespect. "You think I like what I had to do? General Shepherd's orders were clear. We followed them. 141 did not." He huffs out a sigh. "I didn't enjoy it. But that's the job. You of all people know that."
You swallow. "You told us they were our brothers. You killed innocent people, Commander. Johnny said he saw you do it--"
"Johnny?" Grave's voice rises. "You on a first name basis with Soap now?"
"We all know what happened in Las Almas," you retort. Your skin goes hot at the way he says Johnny's name. "I won't work for Shepherd anymore after that. I won't fucking do it."
"Don't pull that with me." The warning is written in his voice. This isn't like you. To the Shadows, youâre calm. Cold. You don't lose your temper. You don't talk back. Especially not to Graves. "You think you can walk away at the drop of a hat just because you don't agree with an order? It doesn't work like that. You follow an order, even if you don't like it, even if it pisses you off. You don't get to decide what you think is right or wrong to carry out. When I give you an order, you follow it. That's your job. Your loyalty is with me. Not with the 141."
"I did my job."
"Then act like it," he snaps. "Stop acting like I'm some evil bastard out here. I made the only choice I could. Task Force 141 was not supposed to be there. They knew my orders, and what did they do? They came after my men, went behind my back, screwed us over. We did what we had to. You wanna be pissed at someone? Be pissed at them."
You glare down at the ice, but say nothing.
"You know I'm right." He knows you. He's getting to you. "And you know what else I find interesting? You don't seem a bit surprised to hear me alive." His voice is too casual and sharp as a knife. "Didn't you get the memo? Did no one forward you my obituary, soldier?"
You stiffen. You're not supposed to know he's alive.
"You're an awful liar. Always have been." He pauses for a long moment. "It ain't easy, surviving against the 141 if they want you dead. You know how I managed it, soldier?"
Yes. "No,â you retort. âAnd stop calling me that. I'm not your soldier. I don't work for you anymore."
"The hell you aren't. Maybe you're not on the payroll anymore, and maybe you're no longer under my command, but once a Shadow, always a Shadow. That makes you my responsibility. And my goddamn headache." Something shuffles on the other end of the line. "You know exactly what I'm willing to do to keep one of my Shadows safe. But if you're so keen on turning yourself in, fine. I'll have you in front of Shepherd's desk first thing tomorrow. Is that what you want? You know Soap and Ghost put Shadows in the ground that night in Las Almas."
"Shadows tried to put Johnny and Ghost in the ground first."
"This isn't about who shot first. This is about you." His voice is dangerously low, but he keeps his temper in check. Then he huffs a laugh. "You keep callinâ him Johnny. Makes my brain itch." Johnny MacTavish. John MacTavish. Yeah, that's it. "I'll be damned," he mutters.
You touch your exposed soulmark compulsively as if to hide it. Most soldiers hide theirs, but yours has always been tough to cover up. He's seen it more than a few times.
"Got you right out from under my fuckin' nose."
Your stomach tightens. You feel too exposed, like suddenly heâs putting the story together--how 141 got in.
"Shoulda known. Shoulda known. You know the military has a registry for this shit. There are rules. What's wrong with you?"
"I made a mistake," you mutter.
That might be the funniest thing he ever heard. And he's heard some good jokes. "You don't make mistakes, kiddo. You never have. That's not how I trained you." He's right, and you know it. "But hey. Guess it's true what they say about it."
"What?"
"Soulbonds. Make you take your best-laid plans and raze âem. Full scorched earth.â
âThis isnât about that. Iâm making this decision on my own.â
âYou think?â He takes a puff on his cigarette. âI donât. I don't blame you, either. You sure as hell fought it as best you could. Didn't give in to save your own life. If that's not the soulbond making your decision for you, soldier, I don't know what is."
You look up at the sky. For all the time you spent working with Graves, that past version of you might as well be dead. Maybe thatâs the grave youâve been digging. "I can't work for Shepherd anymore. I won't do it."
"You're a good soldier, 86. You were loyal. I still think you're loyal, even if I'm not who you're loyal to," he finally says. His voice is still calm. It doesn't make you feel any better. "You know if you choose to walk away from this, the next time we meet might well be as enemies."
"Then I guess we won't meet again, sir."
He says nothing. Then he lets out a long huff. You really are going to do him dirty. You can hear his scowl. "That's a damn shame, kid. But you have more of a spine than I gave you credit for," he says. There's a tone of reluctant respect to it. That's as close as you're going to get to a compliment from him now. "You're a loose end, then. You'd best stay well out of the way. Mine and Shepherd's. I hope you're not making the wrong choice, 86," he says quietly. "I really hope you're not."
"Itâs out of your hands now. And pay KorTac," you add. "Pay my squad. They did their job."
That makes him scoff. "Now why would I do that? You might be a traitor, but you're still my investment. You were worth more on my payroll than theirs, and thatâs a fact I intend to maintain."
"You owe me," you remind him.
"Don't push your luck," he warns. "You're an asset. You donât get the privileges of rank anymore. But, well..." He sighs. You imagine him with his heels kicked back on his desk, cigarette in hand. "Iâll tell you what. Iâm in a charitable mood. I'll pay them off. I'm a man of my word when the time comes to pay off my debts. Hell, Iâll even throw in a tip for a job well done." Despite the annoyance in his voice, you don't doubt he'll do just that. "But that doesnât mean I trust you anymore. I trusted you once, and you went rogue. I let you go now, that means I expect you to keep my secrets. Don't you go singing if Shepherd puts you in a chair. You got that?"
You glance up out of the corner of your eye at Soap, whose hands are still clenched in tight fists at his sides. "If Shepherd puts me in a chair, he's the one who's gonna sing. Not me."
Graves chuckles. "You're a good soldier, 86, but you can't take on an old war dog like Shepherd. Leave that to someone more qualified."
"Like who? You?"
"As I said, you best steer clear. I don't want to hear your name again." His voice hardens, and you hear your old commander again. "Good luck, kid. You'll need it. And give Soap hell."
You toss the phone back to Horangi. He listens to what Graves has to say. Then, eyes meeting yours for a moment, he wordlessly moves out away from the river, leaving you weary with relief. It's over. Finally.
Soap watches him disappear into the trees. Then, he looks back at you, alone and shivering on the ice. You look half-dead, bleeding, and your lips are near blue. He wants to make his way to you, but the ice is scarcely holding you. It won't hold him, too.
"Oi," Soap calls. His voice is rough with anxiety. "Get over here. You're gonnae freeze to death even if you don't fall through."
You blink up at him. Standing in the rising sun the way he is now, he looks like someoneâs guardian angel. Yours? You'd like very much to be wrapped in his wings.
You make your way over to the bank, but the rocky ledge up is slippery and icy. Behind you, between the ice where you're standing and the bank, there's a yawning gap. To your left, there's a bridge, but snow has already melted off the surface of the ice, and it looks thin. "There's no way up," you call. "But downriver..."
"Noâ a chance in hell Iâm going to let you try to cross that," Soap says as he approaches the edge. "You'll be swept away and drown, hen. You're not in any condition to swim, and even if you were, that river's too bloody fast to risk it."
"Then what do you suggest?"
His eyes sweep over the river once more. It's wide; too wide to attempt a jump across. The ice has fallen in, leaving it almost impossible to make it to the bank. It isn't safe. The longer you stand there, the more the ice cracks under you. He admires your guts for putting yourself on the line like that to get back to him, but damn you. His blood pressure has never been higher.
Soap throws off his pack and slings his gear onto the bank. "I'll pull you up."
"But..."
"But nothing." With the adrenaline still pumping through his system, Soap thinks nothing of the risk of the bank collapsing under you both with his added weight. The only thing on his mind is getting you back in one piece. "We both know damn well, if I was the one on the ice now, you'd already be down there trying to help me, so for once, just shut up and let me help you."
Can't argue with that.
He pulls out an ice hook--mountaineering equipment; he was prepared to climb this mission, luckily--and offers it to you.
You toss the grenade as far as you can in the opposite direction. Then you raise your hands to grasp the rope. He's holding the sharp end and giving you the handle. You try to keep hold, but as he lifts, your bloodied hands slip just as the grenade explodes nearby, too close, spiderwebbing the ice with a final crack.
You land hard, break through, and disappear under the freezing water.
Soap has never known panic faster than when he sees you go under.
He dives after you. He has to get you back to the surface before whatever air you had in your lungs gives out. Your survival is his survival.
He finds you in the rushing black abyss when your fingers hook around his sleeve. Wrapping his hands around your arms, Soap anchors you to his chest.
You come to in his arms. You're colder than you ever have been in your life. Your fingertips tingle in pain and numbness. He's carrying you ashore somehow--far downriver, thinner ice--and he ducks into an old cabin with you in his arms.
Soap kicks the door shut behind him and moves into the cabin to set you on the floor, propping your back against the wall. His hands work fast as he pulls out his knife to cut away your soaked thermal clothes and gear. You dip in and out of consciousness until he wads up a fistful of gauze and packs it into your side wound. The sudden pain chokes you. Then a wave of nausea washes over you. Youâd like nothing more than to tell him where precisely he can shove that gauze, but youâre too lightheaded.
"You with me, hen?" His gruff voice wavers. "I need you to stay awake."
He gathers you up in his arms and lifts you into his lap. It's a tight fit, wedged underneath the frosty window and between a table and an upturned stool. You register the warmth of his skin on yours and dimly realize he's stripped both of you almost bare, huddling around you to prevent hypothermia.
You soak up Soapâs body heat instantly. He's a furnace, and he needs to be, given the state you're in. He tucks you as close as he can. You're both shivering, but he doesn't care. He can be cold as long as you're warm. His broad body shields you from the drafts leaking into the decrepit cabin.
"No, no, eyes open." He tilts your face up as your eyes flutter. "Don't go passin' out on me."
You gaze up at him in your stupor. Maybe it's the blood loss, but even through your own pain and frustration, he's the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen.
"You have really odd eyes," you mutter. "Like blueberry soft serve."
Oh, you're definitely delirious. Maybe concussed.
But he can't deny the look you're giving him right now makes his stomach flip. The sight of you in his lap, your frost-scorched fingers wrapped idly around his ID tag and staring up at him like he's just pulled the moon out of the sky for you... it's the first time heâs seen you with your guard down.
He swallows and keeps you pressed against his skin. Thereâs a lot of blood. He canât tell whatâs yours and what isnât. "You're in no shape to flatter me."
You hum, your fingers dabbing idly at a smear of blood on his chest.
He doesn't move to stop you. Instead, his eyes flick down to your hand. Your fingers leave a trail of sparks over everywhere you touch.
With a soft sigh, Soap catches your wrist. "Quit it, hen."
"Quit what?"
"Teasin'. Makin' me wish you'd put those hands to other uses," he says, voice quiet and rough. It's just you and him in the little cabin. The world is far away. His thumb rubs against the inside of your wrist, trying to bring some warmth back into your skin. "You're in no shape to be feelin' me up, either."
Your head lolls against his shoulder. "Maybe it's the perfect time. Maybe we won't get another time."
Hearing you say that twists his insides into knots. He leans down to rest his forehead against yours. "Maybe you just need to shut up and let me take care of you. Don't talk like that." His voice leaves no room for argument. He tightens his grip on you, pressing you closer as if he can somehow press that into your skin by sheer will alone. "There'll be plenty of times for you to get your hands on me."
"Mm." You tuck into him tighter. You'd be mortified with yourself if you weren't half-dead from blood loss. "Sorry."
He exhales into your hair, pressing chaste kisses there.
You're practically in his lap, the two of you tangled into each other from head to foot in the space under the window. He's surrounded by the smell of you. It's a soothing presence in all that surrounds him.
He shouldn't want to touch you, shouldn't want to take advantage of your weakness--but the thought of having you so open and wanting, of you willingly in his arms, makes something in him ache. Makes the selfish parts of him scream.
"You're a pain in my arse," he says. He focuses on taking inventory of your wounds, brushing over your arms with his touch to assess the damage. "You gonnae bleed out on me?"
You shiver a little as he drags you closer by your bare thigh. "Wouldn't be the worst way to go."
"Oi," he snaps in warning. He slides his hand up your side, checking for bleeding. Itâs just as much a caress over your bare skin. He has to ignore how his skin tingles every time the curve of your body slides against his in that tantalizing way. Something in his lower belly tightens. "You don't get to tap out after makin' me go through all this trouble for you. You're livin' through tonight or else."
"Or else what?"
"Or else." He moves his hand up to the base of your throat, his large, calloused fingers wrapping around your neck and tilting your chin up to look at him. He fixes his blue eyes on yours to take in the dazed expression on your face. "I'll drag your arse out of hell and tan it until you can't sit right."
You're too weary to laugh, but you rest your scuffed cheek on his thumb, and it pushes your lips into a smirk. "All for me?"
"Aye. Hell of a lot more trouble than your pretty face should be worth."
You pull free and rest your head on his shoulder again. "Where do you live?"
"Glasgow," he says. "Not sure I should be tellin' you that."
You trace his chest around the chain of his ID tag. So many muscles. "Probably not."
"And what about you? Do I get to know?"
"No. Maybe. If we get out of here."
"Yeah? Well, you're not goin' anywhere with this wound. Bleedin' out, nearly froze to death, and still mouthin' off. No idea how to shut up and be good." He looks down at the injury, assessing how bad it really is in the dim light of the cabin. "You lost a lot of blood. I bet you feel tired." He brushes your hair off your face. "Stay awake a bit longer. The boys'll be here soon."
"I shouldn't," you mutter.
Soap doesn't miss the slurring of your words. He knew the blood loss would affect you, but he was hoping for more time before he had to really worry. "Shouldn't stay? Too late to get away from me now," he says, trying to keep his tone casual. Your skin is too cold for comfort. The gauze in your wound soaking through with blood can't mean anything good. "I donât trust you as far as I can throw you. Sure as hell not letting you out of my sight. You've got a lot to repay me for."
You try to keep your eyes open. Every blink is more sluggish than the last. "Like what?"
"Runnin' away and makin' me chase after you, for one. Puttin' yourself in the line of fire for me, second. Takin' a swim in a frozen river. Scared me to death." He presses his lips to the crown of your head, a gentle, chaste touch at odds with the possessive, dominating instinct he can feel creeping into his thoughts. You're vulnerable right now, something he should never want, but part of him wonders if heâd ever have caught up with you without this. "Aye, you owe me. First thing we do once you're patched up? We have a long talk. We have a whole hell of a lot we need to say to one another. And you'll answer every question I ask you."
"I dunno if you'll like the stuff I say," you mutter.
"Hardly matters. Youâre plenty keen on spittinâ fire at me as it is. No reason you canât keep tellinâ me everything I donât want tae hear."
Another shiver wracks your body.
Soap rubs your arms. "You gotta give your word you stay awake for me, aye? Stay here."
His radio beeps nearby. You huff. "Fine."
"Fine." He leans over to grab his radio and tries to keep an arm around your shoulders to keep you warm as he does. He keeps you cradled against his chest as he responds to Price.
"Soap here."
You don't hear the conversation. Instead, you listen to Soap's voice vibrate through his chest. He speaks to Price in hushed tones, talking about your condition and the team's ETA.
Price has a laundry list of questions, but Soap manages to wrangle them into holding off until they have everyone back on base. No sense exhausting you on a mission that's already been a shitshow. Finally, they're done. Soap lets the radio go to focus entirely on you again. "Still with me?"
"How long do we have?"
"Shouldn't be too much longer," he says. He checks your side again. The coldness of the air has soaked into the wet gauze. You shiver again. It makes something in him ache. "ETA's about ten minutes out."
You pull his lips down to yours and kiss him.
He's surprised, but he doesn't pull back--not from you. He lets you kiss him. Your taste seeps into his brain and turns all rational thought to white noise. One hand cups your jaw with a surprising gentleness, and the other slides behind your waist to keep you against his body. He's gentle--you need to be handled with care right now.
He pulls back before he loses himself in the desire to deepen the kiss. His eyes search your face, his forehead pressed against yours, his breath hot against your lips.
"You're lucky you're injured," he murmurs. "Or you'd be in a very different kind of trouble right now."
You shiver, but not with the cold. Just that one kiss has you feeling much warmer. You touch your name where it's written on his arm. Then you curl your fingers around the back of his neck and pull yourself closer. "Hold onto that thought for later," you murmur. "Give me something to wait for."
Then you kiss him again.
...
â previous part / [part 13] / epilogue â
part 1 / more Soap / masterlist
thank you <3
#soulmate soap#mine#story#soulmate au#fem reader#john soap mactavish#johnny soap mactavish#soap cod#johnny mactavish#soap mactavish#soap x reader#x reader#soap x you#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny mactavish x you#cod x reader#call of duty x reader#cod mw2#cod mwii#tf 141 x reader#cod#call of duty#tf 141#horangi#phillip graves
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Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur!- Solivan brugmansia x Yan!G.N Reader! (Part 2!)
The kid at the back is a 18+ visual novel Minors don't interact!
Words:9000
Genre: Yandere-(Self aware yandere won the poll)
Summary: Youâve become consumed by your obsession with Solivan Brugmansia. What started as innocent curiosity quickly spiraled into a fixation. He started it and you began to stalk him, learning every detail about his life. You felt a sick sense of satisfaction in making Solâs world safer while growing increasingly delusional about your connection with him. Your love for him deepens as you fantasize about the future, convinced that you are the one who truly understands himâbetter than anyone else. Despite the line between reality and obsession blurring, you remain certain: Sol is yours, even if he doesnât know it yet.. You're his and he's yours...
( Reader is a g.n!)-
Trigger Warning: This content contains themes of obsessive behavior, stalking, manipulation, mental instability, and delusional thinking, Drugging, Yandere?, Hopeless in love for attention Please read with caution.
Obsessive behavior: The reader becomes dangerously fixated on someone, bordering on stalking and delusion.
Manipulation: The reader engages in schemes to control or harm others, often through deception.
Mental illness: Delusional thinking, possible dissociation from reality, and unhealthy fixation on someone.
Violence: There are references to bullying, physical harm, and emotional manipulation.
Emotional abuse: Both in terms of how the protagonist manipulates others and how they might internalize toxic behaviors.
Stalking: The reader watches and follows the person they are obsessed with.
EXTRA: He's a character from a game named The kid at the back!! Note, The relationship presented here between sol and reader is extremely toxic!! In no way, Just because I'm writing doesn't mean I support this kind of toxicity. Note, It's okay to like sol if you know the flaws and don't be a blind eye on them! Again, I don't support his actions etc! If you hate sol ignore this.
It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of Annabel Lee.
DAY 1: The Beloved
âI will not accept one paragraph! I need two whole pages filled with words. Everyone got that?â
The teacherâs voice grated on your ears like nails on a chalkboard. Not that the assignment was hardâyou could churn out two pages in your sleep if you wanted to. Writing wasnât the issue. No, the real problem was the waste.
Two pages of meaningless drivel on some boring topic when you could be filling those pages with him. Words dedicated to Sol, the way his green-streaked hair falls just so, the sharpness of his jawline, the way he speaks as if heâs barely trying and yet every word hooks you like a line to the heart. Two pages about Sol? Easy. Two pages about anything else? Insulting.
You shift in your seat, feeling the familiar burn in your chest. Itâs not anger exactlyâitâs this gnawing, this aching thing that starts deep inside you every time someone pulls your focus away from him.
And your journal. Oh, your journal. Youâd filled its pages with his name, over and over again. Sketches of him, even ones of the two of you togetherâhis hand in yours, his lips grazing your cheek. Perfect. You flip it closed quickly, sliding it under your textbook as a passing student glances your way. No one gets to see those. They wouldnât understand.
You glance at the clock. The rooftop. Youâre running out of time. You bite your lip and glance at the book again. Just one more sketch⊠no, focus!
The doodle of you and Sol holding hands stares back at you. Itâs so cute, you canât help the small giggle bubbling in your throat. What would he think if he saw this? Would he call it pathetic or perfect? Would he notice the details? The way I drew him smiling?
The smile falters. No.
Not yet. He doesnât get to see this yetânot until itâs perfect. Not until you are perfect.
With a deep breath, you slam the book shut and stand, forcing the manic swirl of thoughts into a neat little box in the back of your mind. Control. Stay calm. Donât let anyone see.
Thereâs plenty of time to admire him later. For now, youâll play along, just like always.
But inside, your thoughts swirled, chaotic and relentless. You could feel the edges of your obsession creeping in, clawing at your composure.
Why Sol? Why does he get to me like this? Is it his smile? The way his voice sounds like music when he talks to Hyugo about me? Maybe itâs his obesseion Or maybe itâs because Iâm just...
You paused, staring blankly at the paper in front of you. Messed up. Rotten. Broken. No wonder Iâm drawn to him. Heâs the only one who makes me feel like I could be fixed.
You shook your head, banishing the thought. No time for self-pity. You had to get to the rooftop soon, and you couldnât go up there acting like some lovesick fool.
Standing up from your seat, you were about to grab your bag when you felt a tap on your shoulder.
Turning around, you saw Brittneyâthe Chipetteâno, Croweâs friend. Her. You pause, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe sheâs trying to talk to you, pretend to be friendly. It must be Croweâs idea. Of course, it is. Brittney doesnât do anything without some ulterior motive, right? Sharp tongue wrapped in hard words. But⊠maybe sheâs different. sheâs kind. Sometimes, she actually tries. It's just she's bad at talking.
A fallen angel in disguise.
You tilt your head slightly, watching her fumble. She doesnât know how to approach you. Does she think Iâm some kid who needs to be scolded? Her nervous glance tell you that. Sheâs probably going to say something about how wrong it is to obsess over Sol. Does she know? She doesn't know. No one knows.
And Sol isnât a âkid.â Heâs perfect. Heâs 6â of celestial art, every inch of him carved like he was meant to be worshipped, adored. Heâs everything. You feel your pulse quicken just thinking about him.
âHey, youâre going to lunch with us, right?â Brittney starts, pulling you back. âI mean, you should. I donât usually see you in the cafeteria nowadays, so you must not be eating properlyâŠâ
You blink at her. Lunch? The cafeteria? You donât go there anymore. Not since Sol.
Because Sol hates it. He hates the noise.
He didnât say it outright, of course. He doesnât have to. You know it. You feel it in the way he moves, in the small looks he gives the space, in the way he brushes off people there. Itâs loud. Itâs annoying. He doesnât like it. So you donât like it either.
Itâs one of the small ways you show your love for him, even if he doesnât know. Even if no one knows. You donât need their approval. You donât need their judgment. You learned to cook, after all! Sol likes to cook too. Isnât that just fate? Itâs like the universe tying you together, thread by thread.
You learned to decorate your food everyday so when he sees he can smile. You made sure to change your wallpaper to a pumpkin so when he might try to check, he will think you like them..
Its all for him..
You always come early, leave your food on your spot on the rooftop so you can watch him later. Just watch. When heâs with Hyugo, you catch glimpses of their meals. Sol always seems to cook for him.
Sol cooks for HyugoâŠ
Your chest twists. Your grip tightens on your bag.
You wonder when itâll be you. When will it be you he cooks for? When will you be the one he eats with, laughs with, looks at? Domestic, happy, marriedâtogether, forever.
"We will be a happy family together, right Sol? Don't we be together forever...?"
The thought makes your stomach flutter, your lips twitch into an almost-smile. Youâre almost dizzy with it. Wouldnât that be perfect? Wouldnât that be just right? Sol and you, a home, no one else, just the two of youâŠ
Your breath catches. Stop. Not here. Not in front of her. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep itâ
âHello? You okay?â Brittneyâs voice pulls you back.
You blink. Smile. Tilt your head like nothingâs wrong. âIâm fine,â you say, even though you can still feel that wild, spiraling need thrumming in your chest.
Sol would be proud of how well you can hide it. Donât you think?
You were about to refuse politely, maybe even brush her off, but then Brittney added something that made your blood freeze.
"How can you keep up with classes looking like that? You look like you haven't slept in months. You almost look like a crazed person."
Excuse me?
The words hit like a slap, a harsh reminder of how others saw you. You felt your skin flush, the urge to lash out simmering beneath the surface. No one, no one, was supposed to notice that. Not her. Not anyone. She didnât know what you were really up toâhow could she?
But you caught yourself, staring at her without blinking, trying to suppress the bitter taste in your mouth. You had to hold it together. She was just⊠clueless. Clueless in the same way everyone else was. She didn't know what you did, how you spent your nights, how you fed your obsession, how you kept everything in line. To her, you were just the weird, sleep-deprived kid who could barely hold it together in class.
You blinked slowly, trying to keep your expression neutral. Donât let her see how much her words hurt. No one was supposed to see that. You felt a little⊠off, but you didnât let it show. You were in control, at least, on the outside.
She realized, too late, that she'd crossed a line. The awkwardness in the air was thick, and you could almost see the regret flicker behind her eyes. Maybe she felt sorry for you? But no, it wasnât pity. It was something else. Something⊠less clean.
In truth, you felt a small pang of something almost like guilt. It was strange. You felt⊠bad for her? You knew Brittney had no idea what she was stepping into. How could she? She wasnât part of this world you had so carefully constructed, a world that only you understood. She was just someone who thought she was being kind, trying to make conversation.
You sighed softly, resisting the urge to show any emotion. She didnât deserve to feel bad about it. No, she didnât deserve that.
"That's really insensitive of you! Imagine if someone else told you about how you look," Croweâs voice cuts through, a protector once again.
You glance at Brittney. Ugh, such a showoff, trying to play the hero. You barely let it phase you, though. Youâre above this.
"Brittneyâs just trying, Crowe, I donât really take offense,â you say, smiling sweetly, but itâs more for your own benefit than anyone elseâs.
Crowe looks at you, clearly taken aback. Oh, poor Crowe, so clueless. He thought youâd be hurt? You almost giggle at his innocence.
âWell, youâre the one who insisted on me initiating talk. If you really want to rescue them, there are better ways to be their prince charming, Crowe.â You throw a playful smirk his way. This gameâs so easy. Heâs trying so hard⊠for what?
You snicker, watching his face twist in confusion. God, heâs like a lost child when their momma takes away their candy. Itâs almost adorableâŠ
"You couldâve done it more nicely, you know. A simple invite wouldâve sufficed,â he murmur, you still have the sweet smile plastered across your face. Heâs pushing so hard for attention. Whatâs he trying to prove? You donât need more friends. Friends are just competition⊠people getting in the way of your Sol. It's a distraction.
You glance over at the three people you know in the circleâone of them, Subaru. The thought of him nearly makes your stomach churn. Such a fool. You shake your head.
Love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
You choke on your own thoughts, trying to push the smile from your face. Shut up, Y/n. Just shut up for a second. That quote doesn't deserve Geo
âDamn Brit, you sure are bad at socializing! Hey, Geo! Looks like youâve got competition!â Derylâs voice cuts in, a stupid grin spreading across his face.
Brittneyâs face turns red. You feel your lips curl into a soft, dangerous smile. Time to save the poor thing.
"At least she tries something," you say, cutting into the moment. "Unlike Mr. Scaramoose over here⊠Mister Deryl Helianth. Itâs okayâŠ"
Derylâs eyes widen. "You know my full government name?!?" The jock is practically bouncing with excitement. How cute. He thinks it matters.
You smile sweetly. "No, not at all." You really didnât need to know anything about him. Youâve just been collecting information on everyone. Your eyes flick over to the name data youâve carefully pulled from the class roster. But Solâs name isnât on there⊠why isnât his name listed? The thought itches at the back of your mind. Iâll check the Art class today.
SighâŠ
"They must have gotten it from the student council. You helped me a lot that day, Y/n. Thanks," Crowe says with a soft smile. Oh, how genuine. How sweet.
But you did it for yourself, didnât you? You did it to make sure you knew everything about him. To see if Sol was in the same room. Same class..
Any class...
Croweâs obliviousness is almost painful, but you donât let it show.
You shake the thought away. Sol, Sol, Sol. There you go again, thinking about him. You feel a silly, wild smile threatening to take over your face. Great job, Y/n. You almost look like a crazy person again.
âShut the fuck up, Deryl!â Brittney screeches, saving you from your own spiraling thoughts.
You sigh in relief. Finally, a distraction.
While they bicker, you look at Geo, sticking your tongue out. You know itâll annoy him, and thatâs just too fun to pass up. His angry gaze snaps to you. You flash him your sweetest, most angelic smile in return.
Oh, Geo⊠you think, enjoying his discomfort just a little too much. You turn your gaze to the meek girl beside Brittney, Jess, whoâs been silent the whole time. Poor thing. Probably doesnât even realize how much you hate her existence.
âSorry,â He says putting on a sympathetic voice. âTheyâre kind of a rowdy bunch, huh?â
Crowe laughs, scratching the back of his head. âYouâre the most normal person I know, Y/n.â
Normal? Oh, if only you knew. If only he could see the things you hide. The way your mind swirls with dark thoughts. The plans youâve already made.
"Normal?" You smile sweetly again. "Yeah, sure!"
Normal? Sure, if thatâs what they want to think. But behind those eyes of yours, it's a whole different story. Behind those closed doors, in the stillness of your room, you sit there, mapping out every move Sol makes. Watching. Waiting. Planning.
Youâve got this figured out. Itâs mutual craziness, isnât it? Stalking is just a step closer to true love, right? After all, Solâs already there, watching you too.
Crowe introduces Jess to you, and you canât help but pinch her cheek. Just like Sol would. Your heart skips a beat at the thought, the way youâd touch Sol the same way, so tenderly, so possessively.
You smile, your eyes glazing over, lost in the fantasy.
"Thank Beyonce," you think, when Brittney screams again, snapping you out of your daydream.
"Are you coming with us or what?" Brittney asks, her voice cutting through the haze of your thoughts.
Geo and Deryl exchange whispers. You donât hear the words, but the feeling between them is thick, charged. Geo glances at you, his eyes narrowing, an intensity behind them that makes your stomach twist in knots.
You just smile and shrug. âIâm not coming. Iâve got to do something about the assignment.â
Crowe furrows his brows, unsure. âAre you sure?â
Geo pushes him out of the way, throwing a glance at you. His eyes are cold, pissed off. But why? Why would he be mad?
You donât care. âYeah, Iâm sure. I want to see how the show plays out today, just like yesterday. Like the day before. And so on.â
You giggle, the insanity behind your eyes barely concealed. âThanks, George of the Jungle!â
Geo hisses under his breath, storming off. Good riddance.
Finally, youâre alone, the game once again in your hands.
You approached the usual vent that led to the rooftop, your thoughts on the familiar, quiet solitude awaiting you there. You needed it more than ever. But as you got closer, your heart sank. The vent⊠it was blocked. A large metal panel, freshly installed, covered the usual opening.
You froze for a moment, blinking in disbelief, your mind racing. No, no, no⊠This was your only escape. Your only way to break free from the suffocating weight of everything. You reached forward, pressing your hand against the cool metal, but it didnât budge. It felt like the world itself was closing in around you.
Your gaze shot over to the construction worker nearby, the one handling some tools by the wall. You quickly approached him, a sense of urgency bubbling in your chest. "Hey, what's going on with the vent?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.
He looked up, wiping his brow before answering. âOh, that? A tall student, Subaru, complained about the vents being damaged. The university decided to get it fixed right away. Theyâre installing some new system to keep people from sneaking up through there. Too many people have been climbing in and out, I guess. They said it needed to be blocked off.â
Your blood ran cold as the realization hit you like a sledgehammer. Subaru. That tall, irritating⊠Scaramouche wannabe.
Damn it.
You almost couldn't breathe, the frustration building inside you so quickly it hurt. You clenched your fists so tightly, your nails dug into your palm. It was him. That bastard had complained about the vents just to block your access. He knew! He knew how much you relied on that small escape, that bit of freedom. And now it was goneâruined because of his petty complaint.
âWait," you snapped, your voice dangerously low, "Can you fix it? Please. I need to get through." You could feel the heat rising to your face, a mix of anger and panic. You had to get up there. You had to see Sol. There was no other way.
The construction worker shook his head. âSorry, kid. Theyâve already decided to seal it up. The systemâs being locked down. No going through there anymore. If it's rooftop just use the damned stairs. Even then, kids are not gonna listen. Even grownups like you are idiotic."
But you use it for...Rooftop so they can't see
Your world tilted, your vision narrowing. No⊠no! You could feel your chest tightening, the walls closing in. You were so close. You were this close to seeing him, to feeling something again, but now it was slipping through your fingers.
Geo, that fucking prick! Your heart raced with frustration, your mind spinning. Why did he have to ruin everything?
You bit your lip hard enough to taste blood, the urge to scream rising inside you. It wasnât fair. You couldnât even reach Sol now, because that damn fool had gotten in the way. You paced in front of the blocked vent, your mind unraveling. You tried to breathe, tried to think of somethingâanythingâbut all that came to mind was the surge of anger that made your head spin.
You turned away abruptly, fist clenched tightly at your side, barely holding back the raw frustration that threatened to burst out of you. "Fucking bitch," you muttered under your breath. You didnât even realize the words had escaped until they echoed through the air.
You cursed under your breath again, letting the anger rage inside you like a storm, unable to quell it. All that rage, all that tension was boiling over, and you couldnât do a damn thing about it.
You stood there, Your fingers trembled as you tried to think of another way. The stairs, you thought. The staircase that led to the rooftopâit was a long shot, but maybe you could get up there without anyone noticing.
You glanced around, hoping no one was watching. The stairway to the other side of the rooftop was a bit more hidden, so if you were careful, maybeâjust maybeâyou could sneak your way up without anyone spotting you. Your mind raced, trying to calculate the risks. There was a chance theyâd notice you going up, but you didnât care. You had to see him today. It wasnât a choice anymoreâit was an obsession, a need, a desperate craving.
You made your way toward the stairwell, a strange mix of hope and anxiety flooding your chest. Just be quiet, donât get spotted⊠you repeated to yourself like a mantra.
But the moment you stepped into the stairwell, you felt something shift inside of you. What if they catch you? What if they find out? The thought of someone seeing you make your way to the rooftop, of someone witnessing you sneak away like this, made your stomach churn. The fear crawled up your spine, but you couldnât stop now. You had to do this for yourself.
You tried to silence the little voice that whispered doubts in your ear. Donât think about it. Donât think about being caught.
But the stairsâthe stairs were the wrong ones. You turned the corner too fast, your heart pounding louder with every step. Youâd entered the wrong pair of stairs, a different exit leading to an entirely different side of the building. A side where the students could see youâwhere he could see you. The panic rose in your throat. No, no, no⊠You cursed under your breath.
The walls felt like they were closing in around you. Your hands gripped the railing tightly, trying to steady yourself as your chest tightened with dread. Itâs too much. Itâs too risky. Youâll be caught.
The weight of it all hit you then, the tears pricking at the back of your eyes. Sol⊠you canât even see him anymore. Youâre losing everything.
A soft sob escaped your lips, quickly smothered by the desperate need to control yourself. You wiped your eyes, but they wouldnât stop, your tears betraying you. Why was it so hard? Why did everything feel like it was slipping through your fingers?
You felt small, insignificant, lost in a world that was spinning too fast. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldnât you just have a simple moment with him? To see his face, to be near him, to exist in his world for just a little while.
Your breath hitched again, sobbing softly to yourself, trying to stifle the noise. You hated how weak you felt, how exposed you were. It wasnât supposed to be like this. You werenât supposed to be crying over something so ridiculous, over something you couldnât control. But in that moment, you didnât care. You just wanted to see him.
You needed him.
Why couldnât you just be normal? you thought bitterly, wiping your nose as you swallowed the lump in your throat. Why did it have to be so complicated? Every day felt like a fightâa fight against yourself, against your own cravings, against everything pulling you toward him.
The sobs were quiet, but they felt so loud in the silence of the stairwell. You felt patheticâhelpless, even. But there was no turning back now. You had to get to the roof. You had to see him.
You blinked hard, forcing your tears to stop. It was time to take action. Be sneaky, be careful. You can do this.
You wiped your face, sucked in a breath, and kept climbing the stairs, hoping that just one more turn would lead you to him.
You couldnât stop the tears from falling as you reached the rooftop, your breath shaky and uneven. The cool breeze barely brushed your face, but the overwhelming sense of sadness flooded your chest, crushing it under its weight.
Sol⊠Sol⊠where are you? Your heart hammered painfully in your chest as you looked around, searching desperately. But the rooftop was empty. No sign of him. Not a shadow, not a glimpse.
You felt a sob tear through your chest, the tears flowing freely as your eyes glazed over with an almost feverish kind of longing. Why isn't he here? you thought with a sort of irrational desperation. But deep down, you knew. It wasnât about finding him here on the rooftop. It was about needing him so badly that it felt like your insides were turning to ash.
Your vision blurred with the endless cascade of tears, and your head dropped, defeated. A few soft sobs escaped you, echoing in the emptiness. Why did it hurt so much? You didnât care that the tears were endless, that the ache in your heart was growing. It felt both agonizing and strangely satisfying.
Your eyes were wide, lovesick and sad, the desperation leaking out of every pore. You couldnât stop the thoughts from spinning. I need him⊠I need him so badly⊠It hurt, but the hurt was like some sick form of comfort. Every pang of longing, every tear that slipped from your eyes only added to the twisted ache that thrummed in your chest.
You wiped your face, but it didnât matter. The tears kept coming, flowing out like some uncontrollable river.
Sol⊠you whispered softly to yourself, your voice trembling.
You felt so small, so lost in this need for him, yet at the same time, you felt alive. Alive in a way that only came with this kind of madness. This kind of longing.
And it felt so good.
A high, sick laugh that made your stomach churn. You couldnât even believe it yourself, but there it wasâuncontrollable and desperate.
"HaâŠhaâŠhahaâŠ" you whispered to yourself, almost crazed with it, your tears mixing with your laughter in a strange, disorienting way. It wasnât normal. It wasnât healthy. But it felt right. It felt like it made sense in some deranged, twisted way.
And still, you looked around, trying to get a glimpse, even just a hint of him. But there was nothing. The emptiness was deafening.
.
You felt a sob tear through your chest, the tears flowing freely as your eyes glazed over with an almost feverish kind of longing. Why isn't he here? you thought with a sort of irrational desperation. But deep down, you knew. It wasnât about finding him here on the rooftop. It was about needing him so badly that it felt like your insides were turning to ash.
Your vision blurred with the endless cascade of tears, and your head dropped, defeated. A few soft sobs escaped you, echoing in the emptiness. Why did it hurt so much? You didnât care that the tears were endless, that the ache in your heart was growing. It felt both agonizing and strangely satisfying.
Your eyes were wide, lovesick and sad, the desperation leaking out of every pore. You couldnât stop the thoughts from spinning. I need him⊠I need him so badly⊠It hurt, but the hurt was like some sick form of comfort. Every pang of longing, every tear that slipped from your eyes only added to the twisted ache that thrummed in your chest.
You wiped your face, but it didnât matter. The tears kept coming, flowing out like some uncontrollable river.
Sol⊠you whispered softly to yourself, your voice trembling.
You felt so small, so lost in this need for him, yet at the same time, you felt alive. Alive in a way that only came with this kind of madness. This kind of longing.
And it felt so good.
The rooftopâs chill stung your tear-soaked cheeks, and you were ready to leave with a heavy heart when an unfamiliar voice caught your attention. It wasnât Solâsâno, youâd know his voice anywhereâbut someone else entirely. You walked fo the sound of the voice cautiously, you spotted Hyugo.
He stood a few steps away, holding a phone to his ear, speaking in a language you couldnât quite identify. His tone was firm, measured, but whatever he was saying wasnât your concern. You were only focused on how this wasnât Sol.
Still, you watched for a moment longer, curiosity briefly flickering through your sadness. You took a step back, intending to leave unnoticed. But just as you turned, a hand clamped down on your shoulder, freezing you in place. Your heart jumped to your throat as you felt his breath near your neck and something coldâtoo coldâpressed against your skin.
A knife.
"Who are you? Speak, unless you want to get yourself into big trouble," Hyugo said lowly, his voice sharp and unforgiving.
"Iâmâuh, Y/n L/n of class 4-B! Please donât kill me!" you stammered, panic slipping through every word. You couldnât help but hopeâno, prayâthat heâd recognize your name as someone Sol would vouch for, even if it was just in your own delusional mind.
The grip on your shoulder slackened slightly. Relief bloomed in your chest, though it was short-lived as Hyugo shifted, striking a pose that reminded you of Sherlock Holmesâa pose you knew he adored. Youâd overheard him ranting about it to Sol once, and that memory made you laugh internally. Solâs pained expression had been adorable.
But now wasnât the time for that. You were trapped here, and Hyugo seemed more amused than threatening at this point. His eyes narrowed as he muttered, âY/n L/n⊠Why does that sound familiar? Class 4-B tooâŠâ
You rolled your eyes, muttering under your breath, âProbably because you wonât stop teasing Sol about me.â
Foolishly, you threw a punch in frustration, aiming for his smug face. Hyugo caught your fist with ease, still holding that ridiculous Sherlock pose. The corner of his lips twitched in amusement as he tightened his grip on your hand, making you wince.
"Sol, save me from this bitch," your thoughts screamed as you glared at Hyugo, who seemed all too entertained by your antics.
Hyugo clapped his hands together in mock prayer, bowing with theatrical flourish. âI remember now! What impeccable timing, Y/n!â he said, his voice dripping with faux gratitude.
You stared blankly. What was he doing?
âI need your help,â he continued, straightening up dramatically. âYou see, I have a familial emergency and canât attend my next class. I promised my partner Iâd be there, though, and since youâre from the same class⊠could you take over for me?â
You blinked, incredulous. âWhat kind of person are you? You just threatened me with a knife, and now youâre asking for favors? What are you, some yakuza kid?â
Hyugoâs smug smile faltered for a moment before his eyes widened in realization. âOh,â he muttered, fixing his posture. Then, as if nothing happened, he threw you a wink and a thumbs up. âThe nameâs Hyugo Sugimoto! From class 4-A!â he declared proudly. âBut I take mixed classes with Mister Allan to catch up on some, uh⊠subjects I missed last year.â
You folded your arms, unimpressed. His attempt at charm wasnât working, especially when he pulled out his knife again, dangling it casually. âItâs for self-defense,â he explained, launching into an unnecessary monologue. You stopped listening entirely, your mind already halfway to its breaking point.
But then, something in his tone shifted. The goofy grin fell from his face, replaced by a much more serious expression.
âDo you have friends, Y/n?â
You recoiled slightly, the question catching you off guard. âYes, I do,â you shot back defensively.
Hyugo tilted his head. âYeah, but donât you ever feel like⊠youâre doing too much for them?â
The words struck a chord, silencing you. Was he talking about Sol? Your chest tightened, but you refused to let it show.
âHeâs not the best guy out there,â Hyugo said, and you winced. You knew Sol wasnât perfect. His methods were unconventional, his actions borderline obsessiveâbut that was fine. You loved him. You understood him. Your relationship thrived on the kind of chaos no one else could grasp.
âBut youâŠâ Hyugo continued, his gaze unwavering. âMaybe youâll be the one who understands him.â
Your breath hitched. âI do,â you murmured, so quietly you werenât sure he even heard.
You smiled faintly, a flicker of something almost kind crossing his face. âIâm sure Solivan Brugmansia appreciates what you do.â
The mention of Solâs full name sent your heart racing. You froze, staring at Hyugo, trying to process the weight of his words.
Hyugo clapped his hands suddenly, breaking the tension. âSo please, be his partner in Art Appreciation!â he pleaded, his dramatic energy returning full force. âHe needs someone who gets him! He needs someone like you!"
Your mind spiraled. Was the next class Solâs? Could it really be? Your lips parted in shock, but before you could speak, Hyugoâs expression darkened. âWait,â he said, narrowing his eyes. âDid you just say his name?â
You blinked, regaining some composure. âWhat? No. You misheard me,â you said, feigning calmness. Manipulation came naturally to you, and you knew how to keep your face unreadable. âI never opened my mouth."
It was weird.
Hyugo dropped to his knees in a dramatic, pleading pose, resembling a pitiful clown more than the dangerous man who had just threatened you moments ago. His serious tone dissolved into a mess of blubbering theatrics.
âPlease! Iâm begging you! Be his partner!â he wailed, hands clasped as if in prayer.
âAlright, alright! Iâll do it! Just get the hell up already!â you snapped, exasperated.
Hyugoâs eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. âYou mean it? Thank you, Y/n! I knew you were the right person for this!â He shot up, nearly knocking you over in his enthusiasm.
âHis name is Sol! Solivan Brugmansia! Donât worry, you wonât miss him!â he said brightly, grinning ear to ear.
Your heart stopped. Sol. It was Sol. A jolt of electricity shot through you like the world had just revealed a cosmic secret. This was how you were going to meet him for the first time? Your head spun, and you couldnât decide if you wanted to scream, laugh, or cry.
Without waiting for a reaction, Hyugo gave you a firm pat on the shoulder, his demeanor softening just enough to catch you off guard. âCrying doesnât suit people like you, Y/n,â he said, his voice oddly sincere. Then, just as suddenly, he turned on his heel and sprinted off, leaving you stunned in the middle of the rooftop.
Your thoughts swirled, tangled in emotions you couldnât even name.
You felt the tears still clinging to your cheeks, but instead of sadness, an uncontrollable smile spread across your face. The weight of earlier despair evaporated as Hyugo's words echoed in your mind. Solivan Brugmansia⊠youâll be his partnerâŠ
Your heart leaped as you imagined him, the way his name rolled off your tongue like a song written just for you. âAhhh⊠Sol!â you squealed softly, bouncing in place like an overjoyed child. You hugged yourself, spinning in a circle with daydreams overtaking reality.
This was better than any rooftop sightingâthis was fate pulling the strings of your love story! Your knees wobbled as you imagined what it would be like sitting beside him, sharing notes, the way his hand might brush yours while pointing at something in a textbook. Your daydreams spiraled into a symphony of possibilities, each one sweeter than the last.
You clutched your chest dramatically, the hopeless romantic in you fully awakened. âHeâs perfect,â you murmured, giggling as your face burned with a lovesick blush. You jumped again, unable to stop yourself from squealing, âI love him!â
Lost in your swirling thoughts, you didnât even notice the bell ringing in the distance.
There's still. Time. I'll head to Library...For.. Maybe assignment.
You stepped into the library, the comforting mix of coffee and aged books wrapping around you like a soft blanket. Normally, this was your safe havenâa place to sketch and dream without interruption. Your perfect little corner, tucked away from prying eyes, was waiting.
But today⊠everything shattered the moment you saw him.
Your heart came to a screeching halt, and your lungs forgot how to breathe. There, sitting at one of the tables, completely absorbed in his book, was him. Solivan Brugmansia.
Your legs locked in place, and every gear in your brain shifted into overdrive. You couldnât move, couldnât thinkâjust stare. His long fingers lightly turned the page, the soft motion oddly captivating. His sharp jawline framed his face, leading up to cheekbones so defined they looked like they were carved from marble. His dark, slightly wavy hair fell messily over his forehead, catching the faint sunlight streaming through the window.
His lashes were long, casting delicate shadows over his cheeks as his eyesâthose intense, unique hues you couldn't forgetâtraveled across the words in his book. The air around him felt magnetic, an invisible force pulling you closer, drowning you in admiration. His lips moved faintly as if he were silently mouthing the words, and you almost melted on the spot.
It hit you all over again. This is him. This is Sol.
You felt like a messâyour clothes felt wrong, your hair felt wrong, you felt wrong. Why now?! Why does he have to look like an angel when I look like this? You were so close to running out, but your feet stayed planted, refusing to move.
You drank in every detail, heart hammering like a lovesick fool. The way his shoulders leaned slightly forward as he read, his posture casual but refined. The faint scuff on the corner of his book as if he had been reading it everywhere. Even the small crease in his brow hinted at his concentration.
Your fingers itched for your sketchbook. You wanted to draw him again, every line and curve, as if your pencil could capture even a fraction of what made him so perfect. But then your gaze shiftedâthere were other students around, eyes occasionally darting toward him. Of course, you thought bitterly. How could they not?
The idea of pulling out your sketchbook felt risky, almost too obvious. And yet the urge to immortalize this moment, this sight of him, was clawing at your chest.
You swallowed hard, stepping back toward the corner, hoping he wouldnât notice your frantic gaze. But even as you moved, your eyes refused to leave him. So close, yet so far... you thought, feeling every bit the love-drunk, hopeless fool you were.
Oh, how my heart shivers, lovesick and wild, Caught in your gaze, like a star-struck child. Your eyes, deep constellations, chart the skies, Pulling me closer with each soft sunrise. Your hair, dark rivers where the moonlight dips, Your name a melody upon my lips. I see you in whispers, in shadows, in dreams, A presence that wraps me in loveâs silent screams.
You took a steadying breath, willing yourself to act composed, to not let your trembling hands or lovesick expression give you away. Solivan Brugmansiaâyour Solâwas sitting in your seat. That sacred corner, your little world, now graced by his presence. The thought made your pulse race, equal parts thrill and terror.
You couldnât help it; your eyes roamed over him, absorbing every detail like a parched soul drinking in the rain. His hair caught the faint library light, the strands gleaming like silk. His posture was casual but poised, one hand flipping through a book while the other rested lazily on the tableâoh, that hand, the one youâd heard was hurt recently. He punched a guy for you.
You bit your lip, an involuntary whimper catching in your throat at the thought of his pain.
He hadnât noticed you at first, but your dazed stare must have drawn him in. Slowly, his gaze lifted, those striking heterochromatic eyes locking onto yours. The air felt electric, your heart doing somersaults in your chest.
â...?â His expression was unreadable, but the subtle furrow of his brows suggested mild curiosityâor was that amusement? You couldnât tell. Either way, it made your knees weak.
âYouâre, um... in my seat,â you managed, the words stumbling over each other like a desperate escape. âCan I have it back, Mr. Solivan Brugmansia...? Also, I, uh, heard about your hand. Are you okay? I hope youâre not overdoing it. And, uh, your partnerââ
You froze mid-ramble as his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. He looked surprised for a brief secondâhad you actually caught him off guard? But just as quickly, his expression smoothed into that same cold, enigmatic mask. It was like looking at a wall of ice with flames just barely flickering underneath.
âYou... know my name?â he asked, his voice a soft drawl, laced with something you couldnât quite place. Control, maybe? Suspicion? Whatever it was, it sent a shiver down your spine.
You exhaled, trying to suppress the ridiculous giddiness that threatened to bubble over. Stay cool, stay cool, you reminded yourself, even as your heartbeat rivaled a drumline.
âI know your name because Hyugo told me. He said you needed a partner in art class,â you began, keeping your tone casual, though you were certain your cheeks were giving you away. âAnd one time, when I went to the nurse, she mentioned feeling bad about a student named Solivan whoâd been injured. Thatâs you, isnât it?â
His eyes widened for the briefest moment, and then he averted them, his fingers tightening slightly on the edge of his book. Was that... a blush? You almost squealed internally, but you swallowed it down like a pro. He didnât respond, clearly not used to being read so easily.
You leaned in slightly, your voice dropping to something soft and steady. âI was worried when she said that,â you admitted. âBut hey, a student is a student. Donât overthink it. Now... can I please have my seat back?â
For a second, you thought he might actually listen. His eyes flicked to yours, a rare vulnerability peeking through before it was swallowed up by his usual mask. But instead of moving, he arched an eyebrow, glanced under the desk, and then back at you.
âI donât see your name on it,â he said flatly, his expression neutral as he turned back to his book like you werenât standing there, brimming with barely-contained exasperation.
You blinked. Oh, hell no.
Your jaw clenched, and a vein in your forehead mightâve popped. What was this guyâs deal?! Soulmate or not, your seat was sacred. You puffed your cheeks in frustration, unintentionally looking like the most adorably indignant person in the room. Not that Sol noticedâhe was already back to reading.
Unbelievable, you thought, your inner monologue screaming .
"So cute..." It was silent but you heard it/\.
Your whole system short-circuited. Did you just hear that? Did he really say that? If it were possible to combust on the spot, you'd already be a pile of ashes.
HE CALLED YOU CUTE?!!?
Your brain spiraled into chaos. Your inner monologue devolved into nothing but incomprehensible shrieks: "IDIOEYDOWEOHCOWEODHEHUFEWFE8FR80EG8YE!!!!" Words were officially out of service, leaving you stranded in a whirlpool of overwhelming emotions.
He was blushing too, barely visible but undeniably there. His cheeks held a faint dusting of pink, and his lips curled into a barely-there smileâjust enough to devastate your heart completely. How could someone be so effortlessly adorable and infuriating at the same time? Someone save you from this man, please!
But waitâdid he notice your cheeks puffing up in anger? Was that why he smiled? No, no, no. If being an angry little cutie made him smile, then youâd be doomed to accidentally fuel his amusement for eternity. Yet the thought of making him smile set off a whole new wave of screaming in your head. Wahhh, he's so cute! Why does he have to be like this?
You couldnât decide if you were furious or lovesick. One thing was certainâyou were absolutely doomed.
Sol tilted his head, a sly smirk playing at his lips. "Tell you what," he drawled, looking entirely too smug for his own good, "you get me a cup of coffee, and I'll give you your seat back."
You froze. Was he serious? Coffee? For a seat? You locked eyes with him, giving him your best unimpressed glare. So what?!?! You donât just barter seating arrangements with caffeine!
But before you could even voice your protest, your brain betrayed you.
Heâll drink it... That means heâll touch the cup... Oh no, oh no, OH NO.
Your inner monologue kicked into overdrive, spiraling faster than you could keep up. "AN EMPTY CUP HE TOUCHES WILL BE MY SHRINE!!! IâLL FRAME IT. PUT IT IN A GLASS CASE. AHHHH!!!" You were practically vibrating with joy.
And then it hit you. Wait. Wait. I know his favorite drink. Latte. You knew it because you may or may not have totally-not-suspiciously stalked him during lunch breaks, one time even spying on him while he hung out on the rooftop. Itâs fine. Itâs research. Youâre not weird at all.
Your face lit up with an almost chipmunk-like grin, your mood swinging like a pendulum.
Itâs okay. Youâre buying him his favorite coffee. Totally normal. Not because youâre secretly losing your mind over his cute smirk or planning to preserve the cup for eternity or anything. Yep. Totally normal.
Sol's silence was maddening, and you were done with his smug attitude. Crossing your arms, you let out a huff, glaring down at him as he coolly flipped another page in his book, pretending you werenât there.
"Do I look like a servant to you!? Just move already!" you snapped, trying to keep your frustration in check. He barely glanced at you, letting out a tired sigh before returning to his novel.
Oh, no. That was not the reaction you wanted. You wanted him to look at youâto really see you.
Fine. Two could play this game.
Without a second thought, you stomped around to his side, his gaze flickering up just slightly to follow your movements. He was clearly unimpressed. That was fine; you had something planned. Gripping the back of the chair he was sitting on, you gave it a firm pull, causing him to wobble precariously.
âWhoa, what the hellââ His voice cut off as you smirked, satisfied with his startled reaction.
Before he could reprimand you for your actions, you cut him off, effectively shocking him into silence. By settling yourself on top of his lap.
He froze instantly, his book forgotten, his breath catching in his throat. He swore to whatever god looking down on him right now to take him. His ears were burning red, his entire body tensed under you, and yet⊠he didnât move to push you off.
You, on the other hand, acted as if nothing was amiss, casually pulling your bag onto the desk as if this was just another day. But inside, your thoughts were spiraling out of control. Your love-struck gaze lingered on him as you rested comfortably, your heart pounding in time with the storm of emotions threatening to spill out.
What are you, Solivan...? you wanted to ask, your fingers itching to reach out and touch him. Why does everything feel so good when youâre near me? Is this how you feel when Iâm around? Why are you making me feel like this?
You bit back a grin, feigning indifference even as your cheeks warmed. Sitting on him like this⊠felt normal, almost natural. You werenât even processing the fact that you were quite literally perched on the lap of the boy youâd been stalkingâer, admiringâfor weeks now.
Sol, on the other hand, looked like he was about to combust. His hands hovered awkwardly at his sides, unsure where to go. His mind raced with a mix of flustered panic and something darkerâsomething possessive. His beloved was teasing him, and every ounce of self-control he had was being tested.
For now, he stayed silent, his face flushed and his heart hammering so loudly that he was sure you could hear it. But the way your smug expression softened with the barest hint of affection made his resolve waver.
You had no idea what you were doing to him.
Solâs heartbeat quickened, a low curse escaping his lips as he triedâand failedâto compose himself. Meanwhile, you continued your work as if nothing had happened, utterly unfazed by the situation. Or at least, thatâs what you wanted him to believe.
Oh, sweet, naive youâyou couldnât help yourself. With a small tilt of your head, you gave him a quick glance, the corners of your lips curving into a subtle, teasing smile.
It was driving him insane.
Inside, though, you were a chaotic mess. YOUR ASS IS ON HIS LAP?! HOLY SHET! You could barely hold back the urge to laugh or screamâor maybe both. Whatâs worse, you noticed out of the corner of your eye that a few students were starting to notice. Some rolled their eyes at the scene, while others moved away entirely. Sol must look like a total pervert with his flushed face and the way he seemed frozen in place.
His cheeks burned an even deeper red. The sheer embarrassment almost had him wishing for the ground to swallow him whole. But despite it all, his gaze lingered on you, his chest tightening at how adorably unbothered you looked, simply focusing on your work. He couldnât see the lovestruck expression on your face, thoughâthank god. You were practically drooling as you scribbled away, overwhelmed by the proximity and the faint scent of his cologne.
Sol inhaled sharply, forcing himself to calm down. It was no use fighting it. Itâs my lucky day, he thought with a bitter sweetness. My pumpkinâ No, no, that sounded weird. My belovedâbetterâis sitting on me. This is fine.
Gathering what was left of his composure, he hesitated before placing his arm next to yours on the desk, trying to act like this was completely normal. He stared down at the pages of his book, though none of the words made sense anymore. You had completely fried his brain.
You, meanwhile, decided to make yourself more comfortable. A subtle shift in your seat elicited a low groan from him, one that sent a shiver up your spine. It was clear you were doing this on purpose, and the realization made his jaw clench. You bit your lip to suppress a grin, your thoughts wandering to the way his lips looked. Soft, kissable, and so, so tempting.
Your heart thudded at the thought.
A minute passed, the tension slowly dissipating, but your heart was still racing. You could almost taste the calm, but it wasn't the peaceful kind. Not when Sol was so close.
He muttered something under his breath, and you perked up, curious. âSeldom we find,â he quoted. You tilted your head, watching him closely. Was he really interested? His voice sounded serious, focused.
You gave him space to read the rest of the stanza, allowing the silence to linger, but inside, you were buzzing.
"Half an idea in the Profoundest sonnet. Through all the flimsy things we see at once..."
You couldnât help but lean in a little closer, your eyes flicking to him as he was so absorbed in his book. Could you feed him this poem, like feeding him words? No. You were supposed to focus, act normal. But it didnât matter because he was so... charming. And it wasnât just the poemâit was him. The way his voice softened when he read, the intensity in his eyes. God, you wanted to be the one to impress him.
His eyes didnât stray from the page as he continued. âAs easily as through as Naples bonnetâAn Enigma by Edgar Allan Poe, huh? Not a bad choice."
A small smile tugged at your lips. Does he like poems too, or is it just him?
You could practically feel his presence wrapping around you, the air thickening as you tried to focus on the text. But the more you looked at him, the more the words blurred. You felt drawn to him, closer and closer...
"Do you know this poem has a puzzle?" he asked suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts.
"What...?" You blinked, unsure at first.
He smiledâGod, that smileâand pointed at the first line, then the second. "Yes, a puzzle. This is one of the few works of his that I find quite charming..."
Charming? He's the one who's charming, you thought as you looked at him. You could barely keep your thoughts in check, wanting to record everything about him. This was... this was it. He was it.
You stared at the poem again, pretending to think. The truth was, you were just trying to keep yourself from throwing yourself into him completely. You needed a reason to stay calm. But his finger was still so close, his breath just slightly grazing your ear as he leaned in to guide you.
âIs it Sarah Anna Lewis?â you whispered, not wanting to say the wrong answer.
The shock on his face was enough to send a thrill down your spine, but he recovered quickly, sighing in defeat. âYou got it right,â he whispered back, the words almost sinking into your skin.
Your heart fluttered wildly, as if you'd just won a game... his game.
You were... so happy. You couldn't hold back the soft giggle that bubbled up, your pride shining through. Your smile grew, unable to hide how pleased you were.
"I deserve another pat!" you exclaimed, pride spilling from you. "I got it right, yeah?"
Sol chuckled, but it was a hesitant soundâsomething almost shy. His hand brushed against your head again, giving you another gentle pat. And fuck, you couldn't help but close your eyes and savor the moment. You were addicted to the way he touched you. Youâd never get enough.
"Just happy to see someone likes his poems, or at least deciphers them," he murmured.
I like you, you wanted to say. I like you so much...
But you couldnât. Instead, your body betrayed you. As you leaned forward in excitement, you accidentally pressed your front against his chest, causing him to freeze.
Shit.
Before you could even process it, his hand shot out to grab your waist, holding you in place. Your heart skipped a beat as the room felt too small, as if everything around you was fading except for the pressure of your bodies being too close. You didnât even care that it looked like two lovers in a moment.
Two lovers... just like in the novels.
You looked up, ready to joke about the situation, but his relaxed posture had vanished. Sol was tense, his face flushed a shade of red you had never seen before. He was literally trembling now, his eyes wide as dinner plates. His breath quickened, and before you knew it, he was leaning forward and gentlyâgentlyâplacing you back down on the table.
"Iâm sorry! I forgot I was sitting on you!" You scrambled to get off him, your hands shaky from the sudden shift in the situation.
But the truth wasâyou loved it.
You giggled, a deep, warm feeling spreading in your chest as you realized how easy it was to fluster him. But as soon as your feet hit the ground, you saw itâSol was already up, clutching his book like it was his lifeline.
Without a word, he hurried to the exit, his pace like that of a speed walker, trying to escape from what you both just created.
And you, standing there with a blush on your face and your heart still racing, knew one thing for sure:
You trudged down the hall, your footsteps slow and reluctant. Sol was just ahead, but there was a slight distractionâCrowe. Damn it, you thought. You didnât need this right now. Sol was slipping away, and you needed to be with him.
But then, you saw Brittneyâher uniform a disaster. It was a mess of ketchup, mustard, and oil, a perfect blend of clumsy chaos. Jess was trying to help, but nothing seemed to work. What did happen? You were so relieved you hadnât been involved in that mess. The last thing you wanted was to be caught up in that.
"Y/n! I was about to check up on you, how are you feeling?" Croweâs voice cut through your thoughts, and you tried to keep your frustration in check.
"Good, better..." you muttered, though your mind was still on Sol. You couldnât care less about the unfolding drama; it sounded ridiculous, but you had to admitâit was probably fun. Geo wasnât around, thank God.
Then there was Brittneyâs confused face, looking at you as you handed her the key to your locker.
âI have some fresh button-down shirts. You can wear one of themâor just keep it. I didnât even get them properly, but I got both male and female sizes... You can have the female one. Just give the key to Crowe. Iâm heading somewhere.â
She looked at you quizzically, but you didnât have the patience. âMove, Ichabod...â You practically hissed the words, a tone of warning in your voice. You didnât have time to explain further.
Crowe seemed taken aback, his expression faltering. âWhere...?â
You didnât answer directly. You just felt this desperate need to be elsewhere, away from everything, toward Sol.
And then you were gone.
Crowe stood there, confused, staring after you as you ran. âWhat am I doing wrong...?â he murmured to himself, probably wondering why you were so distant.
You didnât care about that, though. Sol was what mattered.
And there he was, rushing toward the restroom. Your heart skipped a beatâOh no. You couldnât follow him there. That restroom? It was infamous. You'd heard the rumors. It wasnât the place to go if you wanted to avoid strange giggling. But the pull to be close to him was strong, almost overwhelming.
You had no choice but to head to your next class. You could still feel the electricity in the air as you walked, a tight knot in your chest. You took your usual seat and pulled out your journal, your fingers grazing the pages. But thenâStop. You couldnât focus. You couldnât draw. You wanted to, but everything felt... alive in a different way.
You stepped into the classroom once again, your eyes scanning the room. There, at the back, was the tuft of black hair with striking green highlightsâSolivan Brugmansia. It was him. But... was he always there? How had you missed him before? Youâd never noticed his presence in the past. Was it always this obvious? Had you really been so blind to his existence?
The realization hit you like a wave. You couldn't believe you'd overlooked him all this time. Solivan... Sol... He was always there, sitting at the back, focused on his own world. You had never seen him, and yet now, it felt like you were noticing everything about him. How had you been so unaware?
Your heart raced. Thank gods you were here now. You could hardly keep your eyes off him. You moved to the seat directly in front of him, pulling the chair close and sitting down. Your gaze was fixed on him. There was a grace to the way he drew, a certain elegance in the movement of his hand. His pencil glided across the page effortlessly, each stroke precise, as if it was second nature. You couldnât help but lean closer, your curiosity getting the better of you.
You had to knowâwhat was he drawing? You craned your neck just enough to catch a glimpse of the paper.
you leaned over to get a closer look at his drawing, you suddenly caught Solâs attention. His pencil froze mid-motion, and his wide, startled eyes snapped up to meet yours. His face turned an instant shade of red, and before you could even react, he quickly slammed the book shut with a soft thud. He glanced away, clearly flustered, his cheeks burning from the unexpected attention.
You couldnât help but smile at his reaction, but you quickly tried to smooth over the awkwardness. âIâm sorry, itâs me from the library... I hope we can get along,â you said, your voice softer than usual, almost a little nervous. The words tumbled out before you could stop them, and you immediately regretted not sounding more casual about it.
He kept his gaze down, still blushing furiously, and didnât say anything for a moment. He just turned away slightly, his fingers gripping his book tighter as if trying to hide behind it. You could almost feel the heat radiating from his face.
Not wanting to make it more awkward, you hurried back to your seat, but you could feel his eyes following you. As you settled in, you risked a glance at him, only to find that he was already staring at you. Both of you yelped in surprise, quickly turning your heads in the opposite direction, your faces burning in sync. The air between you was thick with unspoken tension, neither of you daring to meet the otherâs gaze for more than a split second. You could feel the butterflies in your stomach and the heat of embarrassment prickling your skin.
This... was going to be interesting.
This is rushed im sorrry! Its a small fic so! dw ill update it!
#the kid at the back vn#tkatb#tkatb sol#tkatb x reader#visual novel#sol x reader#solivan brugmansia#solvian x reader#the kid at the back sol#the kid at the back x reader#tkatb crowe#tkatb vn#solivan x reader#solivan
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Practice makes perfect | Leah Williamson x Reader
Where you and Leah practised kissing each other to prepare for kissing boys, but you quickly realise that after that you don't want to kiss anyone but her
Woso masterlist | Words: 2.5k
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As the only two girls on the boys' team growing up, you and Leah clicked right away. Football brought you together, but it was everything else about her that kept you close. Not many people had stuck around in your life the way Leah had. From meeting at six years old to now, a decade later, she was still your best friend.
The football dream was becoming reality for the both of you. The young Lionesses and Arsenal Academy were where you spend most of your time besides school or each otherâs houses. The two of you were inseparable and everyone knew it. Where you went Leah went, and visa versa.
âRemember when we were like twelve and we practised kissing?â Leah asks you out of nowhere while youâre sitting in her bed and playing video games. You think back to the moment.
It was a similar situation to this one, you were having a sleepover and had just finished watching a romcom. âHow do you know if youâre gonna be a good kisser if youâve never kissed someone before?â Leah asked with a voice filled with curiosity.Â
âI have no clue. Why donât they show those parts in the movies?â You turned off the tv and pulled the covers further over your body. âExactly! Like when I kiss a guy for the first time, I want to make sure that like I can kiss him properly, you know?âÂ
You nodded, understanding her concerns. âWhat if we practised kissing together? Then we can tell each other if weâre any good.â Leah loved your idea and instantly sat up in bed again. âYou are brilliant!âÂ
She made you sit up as well and once you did she double checked if it was okay. When you nodded in confirmation, she leaned in and pecked your lips. âHow did I do?â She instantly asked. âGood I think, what about me?â She smiled proudly, âNice, you as well.âÂ
You had practised a couple more times that night, and when you both liked boys, you had practised some more so that the first kisses you would have with them would be perfect.
âYeah, I remember.â In the meantime Leah had paused the game to fully focus on the conversation she wanted to have. âI was wondering if maybe we could practise something again.â
âWhat do you want to practise?â You asked to urge her to go on. âWell, I heard from some girls in our class that theyâve been making out with their boyfriends, and they talked about how it goes and everything, but even with that information I donât feel even remotely ready to just make out with a guy. So, I thought that maybe, if youâre up for it of course, we could practise like we did before?â
Even with the introduction Leah gave, her question still caught you off guard. Leahâs hopeful eyes were hard to ignore while you thought about her question. âJust so we donât totally embarrass ourselves when the time comes.â
"Yeah, exactly! I donât want to make things weird between us though, you can totally say no.â She quickly added. âItâs not weird.â you said shifting to sitting cross-legged, facing Leah, on her bed. âWeâre just practising.â
Leahâs face lit up with relief, âExactly, Just practising.â She turned to sit cross-legged as well. She told you how your classmates had described making out, so you were both on the same page.Â
âSo, eh,â you cleared your throat, âdo we just go for it?â Leah let out a nervous laugh, âI guess so?â You nodded, which Leah took as her sign to start leaning in. She inched closer slowly, until her lips brushed yours.Â
At first she just pecked your lips like you had practised before. Your heart started beating faster, but you didnât understand why. Her soft, warm lips on yours felt familiar, yet somehow different. âStill okay?â She asked to make sure you wanted to do this as well. âYeah.â
You leaned in this time and let your lips move in sync with hers. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest as Leah reached out her hand and cupped your cheek to pull you a little closer.Â
When she pulled back after a few moments, her eyes searched yours. âHow was that?âÂ
Your brain felt like it was running a million miles an hour, and you were scrambling to find words. âGood.â You managed finally. âWhat about me?â Leahâs lips quirked into that proud smile she had done last time, âGood too.âÂ
A feeling came over you that you had never felt before, you couldnât quite place it, but before you could overthink it, Leah was leaning in again. âPractice makes perfect, right?â she said softly, and when you didnât move away, her lips were on yours again.
That night while Leah slept soundly besides you, your mind wouldnât stop racing. Trying to make sense of what you were feeling.Â
It wasnât until a few weeks later when you saw Leah kiss a boy in your class, that you realised what was happening. The moment you saw the two of them together, you felt a pang of jealousy. All you knew in that moment was that you werenât jealous of Leah in that moment, but you were jealous of him.Â
You turned on your heels and got away from the situation as quickly as possible. Of course, you headed straight over to the football field. The one place where everything felt right. You mustâve spent hours kicking a ball around until your parentâs called asking when youâd be home. âNo Leah tonight?â Your mom had asked when you walked in, seemingly without the blonde by your side. You hadnât even thought about it, but usually Leah would join you on Fridays. âEh, no not tonight.â You say quickly. âDo I have time for a quick shower?â Your mom nodded and you rushed to your room.Â
You checked your phone and sure enough you had a bunch of messages from Leah. The last one read I hope everything is alright. Couldnât find you at school so I headed home. Please text me back!
You didnât text Leah back that night, or the next morning. It wasnât that you were mad at her, of course you werenât, you didnât think you ever could be, but you just didnât know what to say. Every time you thought about her, you saw that boyâs lips on hers. Every time you saw it play back in your mind, it made your chest ache.
But Leah was Leah. Persistent, stubborn, and your best friend. So, it didnât take her long to just show up at your house unannounced.Â
âYouâve been avoiding me.â She stated from your doorframe, after your dad had let her in. She found you laying on the floor with one of your textbooks in front of you, trying to bury yourself into your homework. âWhatâs going on?âÂ
You glanced at her and then quickly focused back on your textbook. âNothing.â Leah shook her head and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. âLiar.â She sighed, âDid I do something wrong?â
âNo!â You said a little too quickly and defensive for Leah to believe it. She crossed her arms and leaned against your door, studying you like she was trying to solve a puzzle. âI just need some space.â You said softly, unable to meet her eye.
âSince when do we do space?â Her voice softened. She walked further into your room and sat down on the edge of your bed. âCome on, talk to me.â
You wanted to. You wanted to tell her everything. You always told Leah everything, but how could you tell her about your feelings? How could you tell her that you were jealous of a guy she kissed? Talk about the way your heart raced when you made eye contact with her?Â
âIâm fine, Lee.â You forced a smile, but it didnât quite reach your eyes and Leah could tell. You saw that she was fighting her inner monologue to press further, her lips parting like she was about to. Before she could say anything, your mother yelled upstairs, âLeah, honey, are you staying for dinner?â
Leah turned to you, âDo you want me to go?â You shake your head, âNo, itïżœïżœs okay. You can stay.â She opened the door and told your mom she would love to before turning back to you. âIâm gonna help her with dinner, you know, so you can have some more space.â This time you noticed her smile not fully reaching her eyes, but before you could say anything, she had already closed the door behind herself.
You stopped ignoring Leah, because you knew she would just find a way in, but that didnât mean that your interactions were any less awkward, well at least for you. From Leahâs side it seemed like nothing had happened, while you questioned every interaction you had with her.
When she laughed at your jokes, or let her hand linger on your arm or leg, everything made your skin feel like it was on fire.
A few weeks later Leah was picking out her prom outfit with her mom. She had tried on a bunch of dresses, but none of them seemed to be what she was looking for. Today was the last chance of finding something, since prom was literally tonight. So, Amanda was determined to spend the whole morning driving from store to store until they found something.
It was the third store of the morning where Leahâs eyes fell on a baby blue suit, and she knew instantly that that was going to be the one. Her mom encouraged her to put it on, and the smile on her daughterâs face was exactly the reason why she had.
âThis is going to be the one!â Leah said as she admired the suit in the mirror. âItâs lovely Leah Cathrine.â Leah smiled big, âThank you.â After paying for the clothes, the pair headed back to the car.
âOh mom, I wanted to ask if you could drive y/n and me tonight.â Her momâs brow furrowed. âDarling of course I would, but I thought y/n wasnât going?â Leah looks at her mom as if she was crazy. âWhat makes you think that?â
âOh well, because thatâs what she said yesterday. She said she wasnât really feeling up to going.â Leah didnât understand, you hadnât told her anything. âBut she was so excited about it and had her outfit picked out like months ago already. Do you know why she isnât going?â
Amanda shakes her head, âI donât know.â Leah was quick to respond. âYou didnât push further?â Amanda chuckles lightly, âNo, thatâs more your thing, darling.â
Leah sat back in the seat and crossed her arm, going over what she could do. âCan you drive me to her place tonight?â She nodded, âSure, darling.â
You were watching a movie in your sweats when you heard a knock on the door. When you opened the door, Leah stood in front of you with a small bouquet of flowers. âWhat are you doing here? Arenât you supposed to be at prom?â
âI could ask you the same thing.â Leah shoots back instantly. âIâm not going Lee, you should still go though. Iâm sure your boyfriend would like you to be there.â
âBoyfriend?â Leah steps inside and closes the door behind her. âWhat are you talking about? I donât have a boyfriend.â You shrug your shoulders, âI saw you and Steve kiss, figured you two were together.â
âOh no definitely not.â Leah said defensively, âHe kissed me, and I told him that I wasnât interested.â You searched her eyes for anything to prove what she was saying wrong, but she seemed sincere. âOh.â
âSo, come to prom with me?â Leah said, holding out the bouquet to you. âSorry, Lee, I canât.â She retracted the flowers reluctantly. âWhy not?â
Her question hung in the air. Again you wanted to tell her, but you just couldnât. âI just canât, please drop it.â But Leah was Leah and there wasnât any scenario in which she would drop this. âI wonât drop it. Youâve been excited about your outfit, the music, the pictures. Youâve been talking about prom non-stop for months and now youâre here in sweats not going. Please just tell me whatâs going on. If I did something, let me in and let me fix it.â Her plea sounded desperate.
âYou didnât do anything wrong, and there is nothing you can fix.â You sighed in frustration, wishing she would just drop it. âDid someone else do something? Please just tell me whatâs going on.â
âFine, okay, Iâll tell you.â Leah focussed on you instantly, not having expected you to break so soon. âI canât go to prom with you because ever since we practised making out, all I can think about is wanting to kiss you again.âÂ
Your eyes were looking anywhere but Leah, not ready to see the way she would react to that confession. âPlease look at me.â She slowly reached up her hand to your cheek to turn your head to face her. You expected anger, disgust, or even hurt in her eyes, but instead you were met with softness.Â
âYou know the reason I told Steve I wasnât interested?â You shook your head. âItâs because after he kissed me, I felt nothing. Which was a stark opposite to how I felt when we kissed. I swear it was just practise when I asked you, but I think that was exactly what I needed to realise my feelings for you.â Leah confessed.Â
You stare at her for a moment, taking in the confession. She liked you the same way that you liked her? The corners of your lips slowly rose as it was all coming together in your head. And then without hesitation, you lean in and kiss her for real this time. She kissed you back instantly, and pulled you closer like she had done last time. It felt even better than your time practising, now knowing your feelings for each other.
When Leah pulled away, she leaned her forehead against yours. âSo, prom?â Your smile grew. âYes, just let me get changed.âÂ
You rushed to your room and quickly got ready. âWow, you look amazing!â Leah said as you walked back downstairs. âSo do you!â You pecked her lips appreciatively. She took your hand and pulled you out the door where her mom was still waiting in the driveway. âReady to go to prom, girls?â She knew by your happy faces that whatever was going on between the two of you these past weeks, was resolved. âYeah, more than ready.â You said and Leah squeezed your hand. âYeah, letâs go.â
-----
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"Why do we make laser grids like these?" came the chirp from across the table.
"What do you mean?" Otto responded without looking up.
"I mean, instead of a messy random arrangement of lasers that a nimble intruder might be able to jump through, why not a simple grid wall with no gaps large enough to allow a person to pass?"
Otto sighed heavily and looked up from the blueprints he'd been amending and reworking to focus on his nephew. One of his nephews. One of his multitude of nephews because none of his siblings understood the concept of wrapping it up. He was at Mykola's place, so probably one of his. Too young to be Aiden, too old to be Eric. A, B, C... Connor? Conway? Conrad? One of those. At that extra annoying age where they're too curious for their own good, and have started to believe they actually know something, so get real argumentative about it when you prove they don't.
There's a reason why Otto didn't have kids. Or deal with kids. And tried to talk the Boss out of putting kids into his deathtraps. Fucking kids. Ugh.
"Because if we did that, it'd be impossible to get through." he said, hoping it'd satisfy the kid.
"But isn't that what you're trying to do?" Mykola's boy had his head twisted around to try and look at the blueprints from his uncle's perspective and was tracing out the twisting pathways with his eyes. "This whole thing is a giant 'You Can't Get In Here' tunnel. I don't understand why you're leaving holes in the security."
Well, the kid had actually asked, instead of just flat out stating that his way would be better. Otto grit his teeth and settled himself back for a proper lecture. "You're thinking too mundanely, kid." The boy looked up curiously and brushed a tangle of near-black hair out of his eyes. Slightly mollified, Otto continued. "This isn't like designing security for a bank or vault or something. This is something for my Boss. So we're already not designing like we would for the public sector, right?"
"Yeah? Yeah." Con-whatever agreed, though still looking just as confused.
"So, our issue is, whoever comes looking for whatever it is that the Boss is gonna put at the end of this is already going to be uniquely skilled and driven. Not just your average jewelry robbers or beat cops, right?"
"Right, yeah, you're going to be dealing with capes or cowls and stuff, sure. But wouldn't that mean you'd want it all extra locked down?" The kid was now looking directly at him. But with the intense look of someone who didn't understand but wanted to. It was by far more annoying than if the kid had just been flat-out disparaging of the whole process. Now Otto couldn't just tell him to shove off without feeling bad about it. Ugh.
"Well, here's the thing. If this was something the Boss really wanted to keep away from people, he'd have it put in some indistinguishable bank vault lock-box by a patsy that one of us underlings had hired through a third party, leaving two whole layers unaware of who even wanted the thing in there, and at least three whole layers who have no idea what the object even is besides. But he's not doing that, he's putting it at the end of a long tunnel of traps, alarms, and obstacles. Which means, what he wants is for whoever's coming after him to go through the whole thing. Which means it's gotta be at least theoretically possible to get through the whole thing. If you were a cowl and you came across a perfect laser grid that there was no way to squirm your way through and no way to work around, what would you do?"
Mykola's kid frowned down at the blueprints, eyebrows furrowed in tweenage concentration. "Start cutting through the walls, I guess. Either to find a way to cut the power, or to bypass the tunnel all toget-OH! Ooooooh, okay! I see, I see!" Otto grabbed the edge of the table to steady it as the kid started bouncing a little in his seat. "If you make it impossible, the cowls will start thinking outside the box and start looking for ways to end-run around the whole thing. If you make it difficult, but still possible, they're going to be too busy focusing on how to do the almost impossible thing so they're still playing by your Boss' rules instead of making up their own!"
Otto grunted and bit back the hint of a smile that wanted to cross his lips. Last thing he wanted to do was encourage the brat; then he'd be stuck answering questions all day. "Now you've got it. Make it hard enough that they waste as much time getting through it as possible without breaking out their bat-themed metal cutters or retreating and finding another way to come in altogether. Same reason why museums do it this way. Otherwise, the only way to get at shit would be to blow a hole in the floor, and that'd damage way more artifacts than whatever the thief was targeting originally."
"Okay, I think I totally get it. Is that why the HVAC ducts are big enough for sidekicks to get through? In case they can't work stuff out?"
Otto blinked and scowled back down at the blueprints to figure out what the kid was talking about, "No? No! I've got them as small as they can get without leaving the air rank, and we've got mesh grids every five feet just in case they try anyway."
The kid pointed down at one point in the blueprints and traced out a line that went way from one-third of the way through the hallway to right near the end, "Not on this one. And it's got this other branch that leads out to the bathrooms in the laundry mat you're using as a front, even!"
Otto squinted down at what the kid was pointing out. It was a second branch of the air circulation network, focused mainly on the above ground business, but with a few pipes down below ground as federally mandated backups to the system he'd been focusing on locking down. "No. That's not for the sidekicks." He growled and grabbed for an eraser and pencil and got to work grinding out alterations.
"Huh. So what about the-" the kid started.
"One thing at a time. Let me get this fixed, then you can ask the next one, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, okay!" The kid shrugged and grabbed up one of Otto's old notebooks that had the first iteration of designs for the Boss' main vault and started reading while kicking his legs.
Otto just ground his teeth and focused on his work. Only thing worse than a kid was a precociously bright kid with an honest interest in your work. Worse thing in the goddamn world.
He should message Mykola and let him know he needed to get one of his other kids to bring up snacks for the brat. He was at that age where he was going to get hungry long before Otto was done.
"Why do we make laser grids like these?" "What do you mean?" "I mean instead of a messy random arrangement of lasers that a nimble intruder might be able to jump through, why not a simple grid wall with no gaps large enough to allow a person to pass through?"
#writing prompts#The Perfectly Ordinary Adventures of a Crime Alley Kid#The Crime Alley Kid#Conrad Nolastname#Uncle Otto#DCU#DCUish#Like I wrote it to be generically superheroy#But Otto henches for the Riddler
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The next chapter of your life indicates a period of discipline, structure and determination. Long term plans or goals instead of short term gratification. I feel previous months of stagnation, struggle and mental turmoil has led to you having the mindset of being rather unfazed towards anything because you have likely realised that regardless of what you 'see' you're in control. You've learnt to trust your intuition and inner guidance over anyone else. You might encounter power struggles in between but this will lead to emotional growth nonetheless.
There is a lot of joy, celebration and new connections to look forward to as well. It might seem like despite the good happening to you and what you've wanted for so long finally being yours, you feel rather defensive. Remember to push through despite past struggles. To fully be in the present and enjoy what you have and what you deserve. For some of you I do see you making really good friends but due to past experiences you're rather guarded towards them. The message I'm getting is that yes, do use discernment when dealing with people. Do establish necessary boundaries. But don't let promising friendships falter due to fears.
You can also expect your dreams to be more within reach, renewal and unexpected help coming through, the path getting clear when you least expect it, healing from mental strain that have remained unspoken.
Lastly, you will experience a balance in giving and receiving. This will be necessary when it comes to your material and spiritual growth.
The next chapter of your life calls for adjustment and change. Drastic ones. If it's causing you some tension know that this area of your life requires that change. You can't expect to step into the next chapter of your life otherwise. I see that this involves your daily routine, health, work, with opportunities of personal growth and recognition in those areas. You may also be stepping into a new role of responsibility that requires self discipline on your part. You will be pushed to focus on your physical health a lot more. So if you feel like you're getting sick often it's a sign to stress less about it and take mindful steps towards it instead. Be it getting a proper check up or holding yourself accountable. You don't have to rush anything however, improvement will happen gradually. Some of you likely just need more movement but not the kind that puts your body on overdrive. There will be rapid progress and sudden opportunities coming your way out of the blue, a lot of communication and even travel. Career wise, it's looking really good! You will also be transitioning away from a very difficult time of your life. You may also have new intellectual pursuits, you'd want to learn new things or will be acquiring a lot of necessary knowledge. you will also find yourself juggling many tasks or projects at once but this will lead to a sort of mastery over your life You'll be feeling rather accomplished.
The next chapter calls for self expression, communication as well as creativity however some challenges or conflicts might arise as you assert your individuality or learn to find your voice in new environments.
You can however, look forward to emotional growth, new beginnings in your emotional life as well creative expressions.
Steady and solid growth when it comes to your finances as well. Something that makes you feel like you don't need to rely on others and you have financial freedom so one less thing to feel anxious about that has possibly been weighing down on you far too much .
Once again, try not to over exhert yourself or you'll end up attaching the experience to something that should come to you rather smoothly. In other words, you really need to drop the mindsets of the people that have been projected onto you and have become your belief systems. It's time to make some of your own without losing sight of what you truly value.
You can also expect more mental clarity and better insights in regards to what to do, where to invest, your life's purpose and what truly brings you joy. But instead of running from it like you did before, you'll embrace it.
You might feel more drawn towards arts, aesthetics, cooking, gardening etc as well.
Having time and proper consideration towards things you earlier didn't have the state of mind for.
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=ÍÍÍ⥠Healing Hearts =ÍÍÍâĄ
=ÍÍÍ⥠Pairings:-Doctor Gojo x Intern F!Reader
=ÍÍÍ⥠Contents/warnings- Descriptive edical procedures, reader has a medical issue, crazy sexual tension, light angst, tons of humor, workplace relationship, kissing and teasing, the hospital is lowkey slutty. Reader like 26, Dr. Gojo 34- Grey's vibes âšïž
=ÍÍÍ⥠Word Count- this chap- 8.7k
=ÍÍÍ⥠Summary- You are the top Surgical Doctor intern, along with Maki, Yuta and Toge. You all are exhausted from passing the first month, sixteen plus hour days, days you don't even go home, all to get a top spot with the star Surgeon, Dr. Gojo, your resident doctor and boss. Or as you call him, Dr. Hojo. He's takes nothing serious but his surgeries it seems, and has a reputation for being a player, but he has that top spot, so you want to prove your worth! You just have to ignore those stupid butterflies he gives you, and those pretty blue eyes, along with his interest in you, and focus!
⥠Reblogs and comments appreciated âĄ
=ÍÍÍ⥠Part Two =ÍÍÍ⥠Playlist =ÍÍÍ⥠Masterlist
⥠Part Three âĄ
One Week Later- the OR
âIntern, those fingers ready?â Dr. Gojo says to you, as you hold the severed finger of the patient in front of you, youâve already cleaned them out, removing the damaged tissue. Maki is watching you eagerly from the window above, as if sheâs dying to get her hand on the fingers, nibbling on a snack with Yuta as they watch. You look at Gojo, nodding now. âPerfect, now come over here.â
You stand next to Dr. Gojo in the OR now, a little overheated in your face mask, holding the finger steady as he begins to work on restoring the ligaments. You watch him avidly, his expert fingers under those latex purple gloves, precise to every millimeter, wiring the finger as you hold it. Itâs quiet in the room, just the two of you and the sleeping patient, along with one of the nurses checking the vitals.
âWhat am I doing right now, Intern?â Satoru asks, peering up at you through his goggles, only serving to magnify the blue of his eyes.
 âWiring the tendons, Dr. Gojo.â
âExactly, and how many hours do we typically have to do this successfully?â He asks softly.
âTwenty four hours, though everything after six hours poses a risk.â
âPerfect. How are you at sutures?â
âIâm the suture queen. I am in quilting classes, you know.â You tease, he chuckles a bit then, as the nurse hands you the needle and thread. You take it with steady hands, pouring antiseptic on the exposed finger, now put back together from Gojo. Heâs right next to you, watching everything you do carefully.
âNice, very nice. Almost as good as me, actually.â You smile under your mask at the praise, as he stands so very close you can smell his cologne even in the room that smells like pure rubbing alcohol and cleaner, you can feel the body heat of him, but you focus.
You slowly continue your sutures, making sure to be as even as possible, looping the skin together bit by bit as Dr. Gojo watches you. He does not instruct you, he merely holds it in place and allows you to finish, once you do he inspects it and hums to himself in satisfaction.
âDo you want to wire the tendons?â
âFuck yes! Oh shitâŠâ You blush now, thankful he canât see, but you hear his soft laughter then. âCan I?â
âOnly way to learn is to do it. Iâll be guiding you.â One hand presses against your back for just a moment as he switches your positions now, making you tremble, nerves going insane as you see Maki giving you a big thumbs up. Gojo laughs as he looks at her. âYou have a fan club.â
âNot like yours Dr. Gojo.â You tease, now grabbing the wire.
âAnd whatâs this technique called?â
âTension band wiring.â
âYouâre a little nerd.â You gasp, and the nurse laughs a bit. âItâs not a bad thing, you just are one.â
âArenât we all who go to med school?â You ask, carefully starting to gently wire the tendons together, Satoru is right against you now.
âFigure eight motions, there you go. Beautiful.â He murmurs again, and youâre eating up the praise, the nurse steps out for a moment since he is now stable, as youâre finishing up, when suddenly something is stabbing you in your temple. You cry out, gasping, and Satoru looks at you with concern.
âWhatâs wrong?â He whispers, leaning closer, and you shake your head, taking a breath as you continue to finish suturing his finger up.
âIâm so sorry.â You manage to say.
âSorry? Your hands havenât wavered, youâre okay. Whatâs going on?â
âReally bad stabbing ache. Iâve had them before but this was bad⊠shit⊠please donât-â
âI wonât tell anyone.â He assures you quietly, and your eyes flutter shut for just a moment now that heâs taken over, arms wrapped around and working over you, for a moment you lean back against his chest, before panicking. âItâs fine, no oneâs watching anymore, take a moment.â
âItâs not professional-â
âYou did great. Why donât we⊠talk about that headache later?â You sigh, leaning against him for just a moment, feeling his heart pounding against your back steadily, slowly, it feels far too good, to shut your tired eyes and breathe.
âYou donât have to worry about it. You have enough to do.â You say softly, straightening up now and starting to apply the antiseptic carefully. Satoru stands next to you again, and you already miss him behind you, complete insanity surely.
âJust come to my office after you clean up. Yeah?â He says, the nurses come in then, and you nod carefully.
âDo you think heâll play piano again?â You ask, carefully inspecting both of your handiwork now, the fingers sutured beautifully, but still, you know he has quite a recovery ahead. âI found him on Youtube, heâs amazing.â
âYou get so mushy and attached.â He teases, you just smile.
âI guess I do. Itâs a bad habit.â
âVery bad. But⊠I do think heâll play again, it may take some practice and time, but we did very well.â You exhale in relief, finishing up as Dr. Gojo walks out, the pain in your head starting to come back once more.
âShitâŠâ You whisper under your breath, anxiety making your heart race now, but you shove it down, focusing.
Later after cleaning up and heading to Satoruâs office, itâs cracked open and you peek in, earning his laugh when he sees you. âHey itâs not a Scooby mystery, Daphne. Well⊠maybe Velma, youâre so nerdy.â
You glare now, making him grin with those glinting white teeth. âYouâre a regular Scooby Doo, but for sweets and BJs.â You shut the door behind you, he holds a hand to his chest.
âOuch! That one hurts, youâre saying blow jobs are my Scooby Snacks!?â You roll your eyes.
âIâm just making sure Iâm not stepping in on a⊠Hojo moment.â
Satoruâs lips curl up on one side, hands in the pockets of his slacks, lab coat behind his hips then, revealing his long, lithe legs. He is tilting his head, white hair falling just so. âA Hojo moment hmm? Like me and you at that party?â
âShh!â Youâre leaned up, hand on his mouth, as he laughs against your palm, heating it up. âWe did nothing.â
âYou know orgasms help headaches? Scientifically- donât go!â
âYouâre an ass.â Youâre snatched up by him then, big hands on your narrow shoulders, frozen in place with him behind you.
âSorry, sorry. Canât blame me for teasing you, Miss cancels our date.â
âI really did get crazy busy, family shit. Iâm sorry.â You turn back to him, feeling his fingertips brush your bare skin as they slip down your arms, and see he is pouting, you giggle then.
âYou laugh at my pain, brat?â
âBrat! Youâre a brat. No, your pout is why I giggled, itâs cute.â You tap his lips now, remembering the feel of them on yours, fuck it had been a long week since you two had shared that moment in your room, you may or may not have played with yourself to the memory⊠maybe or maybe not several times this week.
Not that youâd tell him though. Just stress relief!
Yeah?
YeahâŠ
âI promise Iâll make it up. I felt bad⊠it was actually my cousin. She had a baby recently and came down with something.â
âSo you spent your only day off doctoring?â
You sigh. âYep.â
âNerd.â
âHey!â Heâs laughing again.
âFine, what about a drink at the bar across the street after work then? Something easier?â
Drinks with Gojo. Dr. Hojo.
Bad idea.
âSure.â
Fuck. Maybe you can keep your pants on this timeâŠ
âBetter not stand me up, missy.â He taps your forehead now. âI want to do a CT scan first, MRI if I see anything too crazy. That okay with you?â
âBut I have work, Dr. Gojo⊠roundsâŠâ
âHave your friends cover for just like thirty minutes, okay? Do they know you have headaches?â He asks, eyeing you as if youâre a case now. You know that look, you see it on him constantly as he assesses his patients.
âHow do you know I get them alot?â
âYou rub your temples all the time, and your neck. But I figured stress and exhaustion. It could just be that. ButâŠâ He trails off, brushing back a lock of your hair now, making your body light up with the gentlest brush. âHumor me and let me see inside your head.â
âYou wanna be inside me so bad.â His eyes get lidded at your joke, and your breath catches at the look on his pretty face. âFuck, bad joke.â
âHmm, no⊠itâs true.â He tilts your chin up, your breaths mingling now, as the door knocks, and you step away quickly, only to earn his lazy gaze. âThose scrubs hide such a nice little body.â
âShush Hojo.â You smack at him now, and he opens the door, you notice itâs Miwa, he lets her in and you tense up, ready to leave, what is their deal? And why do you care!? Itâs not like you all have done anything but make out andâŠ
AndâŠ
Fuck you canât get his demon doctor fingering skills out of your damn head, itâs like heâs implanted there, whispering your anatomy just to fuck with you. You shake yourself out of it as Satoru talks to Miwa now.
âCould you prep a CT for me please, Miwa?â
âOf course I can. Hello Doctor!â She says brightly to you, you both had been much better this week after the intense situation where sheâd questioned you, now she seems to truly respect you more. Though you wish it wasnât just Gojoâs words.
âHello Miwa. How are you handling today? Itâs been crazy.â
âI know, ugh. Iâm good, Iâm about to leave for the day, Iâll prep it for you, Dr. Gojo, hereâs the notes for the recovery of that patient you all just worked on too.â He takes them and smiles.
âThanks Miwa. Have a good night.â She bounces off, and he smirks down at you, snowy lashes lowering. âYouâre jealous.â
âWhat!? No! Of what, sucking Dr. Hojoâs dick?â You cross your arms, scowling up at his snarky expression.
âIt was once. I donât tend to go on dates or carry on, you know.â
âSo why ask me?â
âMaybe youâre⊠different.â You pause at that, blinking a bit when he steps close once more. âMaybe I really canât get your anatomy out of my mind.â
âShush. CT scan.â You whisper, heâs too goddamn close, leaning low over you, so close youâre studying his perfect skin and his high cheekbones, fuck heâs even prettier up close. Itâs really annoying.
Those blue eyes are absolutely stunning, of course they are, but itâs not just the color, itâs all of the things emoted in his eyes, the intensity of them. Your eyes keep darting to his lips, even when the throbbing in your head comes back, you gently rub your temple as you keep flickering your gaze back to his eyes, soon his cool fingers replace your own, rubbing gently.
âYou donât want to admit you liked it.â Satoru says softly, his breath tickling you as he presses in, your eyes close at how good it feels, sighing.
âI want to be taken seriously, Satoru. Not to be the intern that gets favored because she fucks her boss.â
âYou stress too much. Maybe thatâs the cause of the headaches.â
âHmm⊠maybe.â You lean closer now, continuing to let him rub your temples further. âYou assume I wanna fuck you, Dr. Hojo.â
âOh, itâs an educated guess. By all your body language.â
âShush, keep rubbing.â His chest shakes against your hands with laughter as he gently cradles your face in his hands now, pressing his lips to your temple. âThat feels too good, better stop.â
âYouâre really annoying, intern. Mmmkay go get yourself covered so we can get it done yeah?â
âMeet you there.â
*****
âI hate this shit, I feel like I gotta pee.â You grumble now, as Satoru is injecting the contrast dye into your arm, making you feel like youâre hot everywhere as you lay on your back right outside of the machine. Satoruâs lips quirk up, you try to ignore how good the man looks as your doctor for just a moment.
Impossible.
âI know, itâs the worst, but just for a few. Iâll be right over there, looking all inside you.â
âFuck off.â You stick your tongue out and he wiggles his brows, stepping out of the room, you get tense, feeling yourself breathing a little too fast as he now speaks through the microphone.
âAlright, pretty patient.â
âYouâre flirting with your patient during a CT scan?â His teasing eases your nerves, though you donât admit it outright, a little smile plays on your lips.
âOnly patients this pretty.â He murmurs, and you ignore the blush on your cheeks, must be the contrast dye overheating you. âIâm easing you in, yeah? Just stay as still as you can and breathe.â
âYes, Sir.â He hums then a bit, and youâre sliding into the donut shaped scanner, you always hate these things. As it starts swirling around your head in circles, you try to ignore the whirring sound, the overwhelming fear, what could be wrong, what could it mean-
âDonât panic, itâs fine. Just checking okay?â Satoruâs voice interrupts your thoughts over the speaker now. Your nails are digging into your palm, a little sheen of moisture on your eyes that you suck up.
âYeah.â Is all you manage, then itâs quiet as Satoru finishes the scan, as youâre eased out, heâs right there, unhooking you from the IV carefully, holding your arm and pressing a white square cotton to where heâd poked.
âYou bleed a lot. Anemic?â He asks, and you should be surprised he knows, but he knows everything it seems.
âJust a bit, yes. I know, I should take my iron.â
âMmm, anemia is pretty common in women, especially since I think all I see you eat is coffee. Maybe eat more? And add some protein?â He teases.
âI eat! But Iâll add some. Thank you, Dr. Gojo.â You take his hand to help you out of the little bed then, ignoring as much as you can how good his hands feel when he steadies you by your waist, warm and pressing against your skin. Your heart races as you look up at him. âDid you see anything interesting?â
His lips tense a bit, more serious now. âI saw a little interesting spot right there, but I wanna look at it more. Iâll call you to go over it in a few?â
âSounds good, thank you.â You manage, you donât know how much heâs hiding or what heâs found.
âDonât stress, intern, I will tell you if it is, yeah?â You exhale, nodding, leaning up a bit, lashes lowered as you take in those perfect lips.
âIf Iâm gonna die-â
âShut it. Now get to those rounds.â He whispers, breath so close you can taste it, minty always with the mints and gum he constantly chews.
âGot it Doc.â He snorts at you, fingers brushing your jaw line, as you contemplate his jaw line, so much more defined, his face is so chiseled⊠his bodyâŠ
Fuck.
You clear your throat, smiling. âThatâs much better. Iâll talk to you soon, donât stress about it okay?â
Sure you wonât.
*****
âMaki, what if I die before interning is over?â You grumble next to your best friend as you all make the rounds, Maki snorts now.
âGonna die of no Dr. Gojo dick?â
âBitch shush!â She snorts as you look around wildly.
âNo bitch, you shush. Why do you think youâre dying? I mean⊠we all are, but why so soon? You canât die, I need to live with you.â
âYou can have the house.â
âI still want you around!â You both pause in front of the patientâs door now, sighing and looking at each other. âIs something actually wrong?â
âIâm just panicking. I have some bad headaches⊠and did a CT.â You murmur, she frowns then, emerald eyes studying you seriously behind her black frames.
âEverything okay?â She asks, a little softer.
âIâm sure it is, I just panic when I donât know the answers to things. Fuck⊠I could use some lorazepam in the arm.â You joke, she giggles with you.
âWe all could, thatâs for sure. Oh fuck⊠look.â
You take the chart from Maki then, raising your brows as you look at the patientâs records. âTheyâre blue?â
You both look at each other then eagerly pace to the room, where indeed thereâs a young man, and he is in fact blue. He smiles a bit at you both, waving his silvery blue tinted fingers. âHello ladies.â
âHello.â You both say, looking at each other, then back at him. He laughs now, sighing.
âI know, I look like Papa Smurf.â
âNo!â You say.
âYes!â Maki says, and then the three of you burst out in laughter.
âAt least youâre honest.â He muses, and the both of you approach him now, you take his hand and turn it over, seeing the palms were more of a typical color.
âWhen did this start happening?â You ask softly, Maki is checking his vitals, not hiding her curiosity.
âIâve been blue for⊠probably a month. Iâve just hidden in my house.â You put aside the medical curiosity then, you feel the pain hidden in his voice. âDidnât wanna scare the masses.â
âAnything in particular you consume? Colloidal Silver can cause this.â You say softly, he shakes his head then.
âI donât think so? Iâd know if I took silver, right?â
âYes, itâs a supplement. Hmm⊠and anyone else in the family everâŠâ
âTurn blue?â He finishes. You nod. âNo. Not that I know of?â
Maki and you look at each other, and you can almost hear the wheels turning in her head. Youâre thinking it too, but itâs so rare and so weird.
âMethemoglobinemia?â She murmurs, and you tilt your head, sighing.
âI mean itâs possible, but thatâs genetic, heâd have been blue. But letâs check for that and any potential exposures to chemicals that could cause this. Itâs definitely not a typical case of methemoglobinemia, but we have to rule it out. Donât worry, weâll get you all figured outâŠâ You check his name. âMuta, yeah?â
âYeah. You mean I may not be blue anymore?â
âWeâll figure out whatâs going on, I promise.â The door opens then, and Miwa comes in, gasping a bit, before smiling. Muta lights up when he sees her, his eyes glinting, you see it then, he has a crush.
âYour hair is the color of my skin, weâre meant to be.â Muta teases, Miwa laughs softly, coming in then as you two fill her in.
âGot it ladies, Iâll get these labs going.â
âThanks Miwa.â You say, patting Mutaâs shoulder. âWeâll get you back to normal, I promise.â
âThank you, Doctor. And Doctor Maki.â She gives him a thumbs up, and you both walk out now, as the fluorescent lights make your headache worse. You wince now, rubbing your head again.
âTake a break babe, itâs okay. Heâs not dying, he's just blue.â She says, as you are shaking your sore head now. Your phone goes off and you see itâs a text from your ex, you roll your eyes. âThe ex?â
âOf course it is. Begging to see me over and over. Iâm dreading the moment he comes to the house.â
âShit, heâs really missing that coochie-â
âMaki!â
âIt has cobwebs now.â
âYou bitch!â You shove at her now, as Yuta and Toge walk up, both laughing at the two of you. Toge tilts his head when you rub your temples again.
âHurt?â He asks quietly, you nod, sighing when his hand is on your forehead, you moan just slightly at how cool it feels.
âFeels so good.â You take his hand, pressing more, then feel him tense. You look up to see heâs bright red, and then he runs away. Your brows go together, as you blink in confusion, and Yuta covers his face, shaking his head.
âAnd you tease him! To torture him!â Yuta says, you glare then.
âWhat now!? His hand felt cool.â You grimace, leaning against the gray counter of the reception, as everyone flits back and forth by you.
âHey you alright?â Yuta asks softer now, brushing back your hair.
âSheâs got a nasty migraine again.â Maki murmurs, then comes with a little paper cup of water. âDrink babe.â
âThank you.â You sip the cold water now, feeling it chill your lips and teeth. âDid I really upset Toge again?â
âHeâs just in love with you, now you touched him. Heâs going to be infatuated for days. Iâll have to hear.â Yuta winces now, you laugh, sucking in a breath as it starts to ache worse.
âHe barely talks, how do you know?â
âItâs obvious. But youâre too into white haired doctors.â Maki whispers, earning a smack on her hand when she touches your forehead. âHmm, no fever.â
Your phone goes off again, and thankfully itâs Gojo and not your annoying ass ex, you donât need more of a headache. âOh, he has results. I should go⊠can you-â
âWeâve got it, go.â Maki murmurs. You smile thankfully, heading towards Satoruâs office now. You knock carefully.
âCome on in.â You shut the door behind you, and Satoru smiles easily, calming your nerves somewhat.
âCome check out your brain, itâs pretty cool.â You laugh softly, and come to where heâs sitting, leaning over to peer at your brain on his laptop now. âSo this⊠is what I think is causing your headaches.â
You look then to a little mass, panicking, damn near falling back, so much he has to catch you with his big hands. âA tumor!?â
âCalm down, no. Shh.â Satoru sits you right on his thigh then, brushing a hand down your back, tilting your chin to look at him. âI wouldnât casually say âyou have a tumorâ like that. Breathe.â
âShit.â You take several breaths, leaning your head back, trying to compose yourself. âSo what is that then?â
âKind of a tumor?â
âDr. Gojo!â
âIâll explain if you calm down.â He presses his hands on your waist gently, pointing back to the screen. âSo itâs something called a false tumor, itâs typically from head contusions. Bash your head on anything a couple years back?â
You steady your breathing now, trying to focus. âShit, yeah I did. I was getting some things from the attic and had a whole bunch of old dvd players whack me in the head.â
âAncient ass.â He teases.
âHey I have VCRs up there too!â
âFuck youâre old.â
âYouâre old!â Heâs chuckling now, and you canât help but laugh softly. âYouâre doing it again, cheering me up.â
âYeah, and it worked.â He taps your nose, watching it scrunch, little crinkles on the sides of his own brilliant blue eyes as he smiles. You realize then, you donât want to get off his lap, fuck you wanna stay here. You feel good here. His arm casually wrapped around you, and suddenly you realize your warmth on his thigh, gulping now. Did he notice!?
He notices everything.
âI shouldâŠâ You go to stand, and he presses you back down, firm thigh between your thighs, pressing up where it shouldnât through the thin fabric of your scrubs.
âYou should stay, let me explain what it is. Yeah?â You nod a bit, realizing that for just a bit you couldnât think about your head hurting, even as you all are staring right at a scan of your brain. Satoru uses one of his long fingers to point at the spot, where you see it raised up. âA false tumor.â
âFalse tumors, I havenât heard much about them.â
âItâs essentially intercranial hypertension, which translates to your brain is stressy-stressy.â You snort in laughter then, and his hand far too casually brushes down the outside of your thigh as he leans forward, pressed so close against you.
âMy brain is in fact stressy.â
âSee! Iâm so smart, admit it.â He grins deviously, you snort in laughter at him, shaking your head.
âA little bit.â You gesture, squishing just a bit of space between your finger and your thumb now.
âIâll take it. So thereâs no sense removing it, seeing as thatâs just opening a can of worms. A spinal tap would help relieve the pressure.â
âSpinal tap, yuck.â He rolls his eyes.
âYouâre a big baby.â
âAm not. But yuck. Anything else? Lots of tylenol?â You find yourself turning now, heâs pulled you further on his lap, it shouldnât feel this easy, this normal. Why does your head hurting not even matter now that youâre so close to him, now that you inhale his cologne, feel his touch.
âThat sounds like liver problems waiting.â
âWell my wine at night does that.â You say with a smile.
âA little wine is good for you. Blood flow.â Satoru murmurs, gently running his fingertips up and down your arms now, you tremble just a bit at it, at how good it feels, a network of goosebumps left in his wake. His blue eyes darken just a bit as he watches them form, and suddenly itâs very quiet.
âBlood flow is good.â You say softly, to fill the silence, where all you hear is the pounding in your ears. âSo any option three?â
âI can inject you with something to help the pain, but you really canât put off the tap too long. When do you actually get a break?â
âUmâŠâ You try to focus. âI get Thanksgiving weekend off?â
âOkay weâll do it around then.â
âYou canât just come do a tap on a holiday!â
âSure I can, Iâll be here a couple hours anyway. But youâll have to lie still for some time, so I just wanna make sure you have a day off.â
âAlright, the injections till then?â
âMmhmm.â Heâs closing the laptop now, and you hear your heartbeat just racing, blood pumping in your ears, Satoru raises a thin white brow. âAre you alright?â
âItâs odd, the headache is gone when you⊠touch me. That sounds stupid, ugh.â You stand now, covering your face with a sigh. Satoru turns you so youâre right between his long legs now, hands firm on the curve of your hips.
âIt doesnât sound stupid. Youâre getting endorphins from this.â He whispers now, so pretty this close he makes you ache, Maki is right maybe you do have cobwebs there, and his touch ignites your body. Like youâre on fire, especially when he cups your face.
âSatoru, what are we doing?â You whisper, he sighs, thumb brushing across your lower lip.
âFeeling things. You think too much. So dramatic, a fake tumor and alll.â
âJerk!â You shove at him, unable to stop the grin from forming, craving his touch, more and more, when he pulls you flush against him you melt, hands bracing on his chest now, feeling the strong muscles flex under your touch.
âWe should touch more if it helps your head.â His lips are right there, your noses touching as you hover, his snowy lashes lowering over dilated eyes, hands slipping up your back, one big one splaying the expanse of it. You press even closer, feeling the heat in your tummy building. Fuck would it hurt to just-
Suddenly both of your pagers go off. âShit, code blue.â
âShit.â Satoru and you both jump up now, rushing out into the busy hallway, you both round the corner, the chaos of the ER coming into view. Nurses and doctors moved with a choreographed precision, each step calculated and deliberate, as one of your patients from this week is in cardiac arrest.
âShit shit shit.â You mutter under your breath, you rush in to see one of your elderly patients this morning now flat lining. You quickly begin compressions, pressing over and over as Satoru runs in, looking at the clipboard, studying you. âWe need epi!â You say to the nurse, and Satoru stops her. âSatoru!â
âDNR, intern.â He turns the paper and shows you, the giant three letters, you gasp then, looking down at the lady you are working on.
âShe has kids, she has-â
âShe has a choice. Off now.â
You release her now, feeling tears flow as you watch the monitor completely flatline now, you remember her kids were literally just here, with her grandkids. She was laughing, smiling. You almost thought she was doing betterâŠ
âIntern, call time of death.â Satoru says.
You scowl at him through your tears, even if you know heâs right, and he sets his lips in a firm line. You see Maki, Yuta and Toge right outside the room, their eyes looking at you with concern, with worry. âTime of death is five- fifty- one PM.â
The nurse nods and writes it down, and you carefully cover the patient with one of the thin hospital sheets. âYou canât save everyone, you know.â
âI know, I know.â You choke up then, that headache right back, making you feel sick. âBut to not save someone I could?â
âHer choice was to go. Sheâs been in pain a long time.â Satoru says, coming to stand next to you now, you feel bile rise in your throat.
âShe seemed so happy today, so energetic even!?â
âSometimes you get that burst of energy at the end. Maybe itâs⊠a bigger plan out there, to give your family something of what you used to be at the end.â You look at him through watery eyes, just exhausted.
Finger surgery.
A blue man.
Your own CT scan.
Some false tumor?
Now a death.
You want to go home. You want to lay in bed, curled in a ball in the dark, where maybe your head wonât pound. You want to throw up. You want to sleep for fucking days, trying to just not think. You want to justâŠ
âMartha, her name was Martha.â You say now, and Satoru nods, a hand on your shoulder.
âHer name was Martha. Do you want me to tell the family?â
âNo, sheâs my patient. I will.â He nods then, eyes following you as you stiffly walk out, Maki, Yuta and Toge all come to you, but you hold a hand up. Youâre barely keeping it together as it is, if one of them hugs you, you know youâll fall apart. âIâm fine you all, promise.â
As you tell the family she passed, instead of the typical extreme upset, they almost seem a bit relieved, upset but relieved. âShe was in so much pain, I think now⊠sheâs free of it. Do you?â Marthaâs son asks, and you struggle to hold you composure, feeling your stomach want to retch itâs contents, which were literally just coffee and a fucking croissant from this morning.
âSheâs not in pain anymore.â You agree softly, and Marthaâs granddaughter, about your age comes next to her dad now, looking at him, then you.
âDid she seem peaceful?â She asks softly, you nod then, giving a touch of comfort to her shoulder.
âShe did, she seemed so happy to have been with you all I think. You may see her if you wish to.â
âWe would like that. Thank you.â After they walk out you watch them pass by Satoru, who has his eyes on you.
You canât let him see you so weak! You shouldnât be so weak, youâre a doctor, you see death every single day. You rush into the locker room, thankfully finding it empty, before heading to the bathroom, leaning in and emptying the contents of your stomach, retching everything out. You get so weak as you do, dry heaving then as you feel yourself falling apart.
Youâre sobbing over the toilet, flushing it, when you hear the door open and close, and suddenly you feel hands on your back. You shake your head, taking several breaths. âGo away, itâs gross.â
âYou just cleaned out fingers that were cut off.â Satoru says softly, you laugh then, in between tears, as he holds your hair back for you. âAw itâs like weâre besties, just having drinks you know.â
âOh stop it. Iâd kiss you if I didnât just puke.â
âPlease donât, I donât like you that much.â You laugh once more, before bursting into tears, and Satoru holds you, brushing your hair gently as you cling to him. âItâs normal to break down, surprised it took you so long. Been months.â
âI want to keep it together. I want to so badly.â Youâre soaking his light purple scrub top, you see the blotches of tears forming as you cry more, letting him hold you. âWhy are you soâŠâ
âSo handsome? So smart?â
âSo comfy.â
âHuh, didnât expect that one. Calling me fat, brat?â You giggle again, looking up at him now, his pretty face swims with how many tears you have.
âNot at all, no body fat on you. Just⊠comfortable I guess.â Your hand rests right over his heart, feeling it steady under you, trying to make your heart match, to slow your breathing down. Maki walks in then, kneeling quickly, brushing your hair back.
âBaby, you okay?â She asks softly, and you manage a weak little nod, as she kisses your head. âYouâve had a long day.â
âWe all do, I shouldnât act like this.â
âBabe we all puked at some point. Yuta was the first day.â
âHeâs got a weak stomach, that one.â Satoru says, then looks at you and Maki with a little smile. âMaki, stay with her for a bit, Iâll get her some zofran, and Iâll get you something for the headache, yeah?â
You nod weakly, holding his hand then. âThank you.â You say, he runs a thumb over your knuckles and just stands then, heading out. Maki cups your face carefully, studying you.
âYou okay? Seriously.â
âI have some⊠fake tumor thing.â She gasps. âNo, no, itâs fake. I donât know⊠Satoru said maybe a spinal tap?â
âSatoru huh. Chummy.â You roll your eyes, sniffling as she helps you up. âLetâs brush your teeth, you donât wanna kiss your doctor like this.â
âMaki, I can't kiss him. I canât be with him.â You choke up once more.
âJust stay careful and sure you can. Do you think heâs serious though, or is it one of his⊠what do you call them?â
âHojo moments.â You brush your teeth in the sink, grimacing at your appearance, you have mascara streaked under the dark circles of your eyes.
âHojo moments⊠well about Miwa, seems like her and Papa Smurf are actually hitting it off. Heâs hot now that his blue is fading.â
You perk up now, brows raising. âThe blue is fading!?â
âMmhmm, your first guess of methemoglobinemia was correct. Does that make you feel better maybe?â Makiâs eyes are concerned, you nod then, making her smile return just a bit. âKnew it, Miss know it all.â
âThatâs you!â You spit out toothpaste, rinsing your mouth out now, as both of you laugh. The alarm goes off, your shift is done. âHowâd it not present itself for so long I wonder?â
âIâm wondering the same thing. Already started the Methylene blue and Insane doses of Vitamin C. Itâll take a bit but heâll be normal soon.â You wash up your face now, dabbing the bits of mascara off.
âOne good thing today.â
âTwo good things.â Satoru says, as you and Maki head to the locker room. âThe finger surgery seems successful so far, weâll keep him and monitor, but he could feel them.â You grin at that, at least something was going good today, aside from the ever more comfortable presence of Doctor Gojo.
âThat is good news!â
âNow have a seat, let me make you feel good.â He teases with a grin, Maki snorts then, heading to her locker.
âLet me get out of here first, god.â You stick your tongue out, as Maki is sliding off her scrub top.
âI should get out of these real quick too if thatâs okay? Before you poke me.â You say, he nods then, setting down the two vials.
âLetâs all get naked then, ladies.â
âOh jesus.â Maki is dressed quickly, sliding her jacket on while Satoru is undressing, she sees him shirtless then and gives you an audacious wink, earning another eye roll from you. âIs she good to drive Dr. Hunk?â
âSheâll be fine from it, donât worry. If not, I'll take her home. Having a drink after work anyway.â Maki pats your head once more, kissing your forehead then.
âSee you home then. Night Dr. Hunk.â Satoru is giving some smoldering look that makes you and Maki both almost pee your pants, as she leaves you both alone now. Satoru has slid into a soft long sleeve black shirt and dark jeans, as youâve gotten into your own clothes, you keep your jacket off, sitting on the bench and holding your arm out now.
âIt needs to get injected in your ass.â He says then, and you gasp, making him grin wide.
âNo way!â
âYes way. Not the zofran, thatâs just a little pill. Open up, pretty.â You open your mouth now, and he places the little pill under your tongue, gently closing your mouth with his fingers pressing your chin up.
âFuck I hope it works quick.â You sigh as it dissolves, Satoru nods and tears open the package now, grinning like a devious ass devil. âYou really gotta do this in my ass cheek!?â
âI really do. Iâll be completely professional, no worries.â
âUh-huh sure. Well⊠alright then.â You turn now, unzipping your jeans and pulling them down, revealing your ass cheeks and your panties. He whistles, a hand coming to trace the bottom of them now, making your tummy clench with desire from just that. âSo professional.â
âI need the panties off.â
âYou do not. Dr. Pervert.â
âIâm Dr. Hojo and Dr. Pervert now?â
âMmhmm. Fine, you little shit.â You slide down your panties completely, and his breath catches as he sees you, suddenly heâs quiet, then heâs bending down to sit on the bench, turning your now bare ass to him.
âYou hiding that ass in your scrubs is such a crime.â You shake your head, ignoring how good his touch feels, even as heâs dabbing an alcohol pad on it, his breath against your skin does insane things, you have trouble forming a word.
âYour flattery works on those girls because youâre hot, not because you have any rizz, youâre so rizzless.â
âRizzless my ass.â
âOw!â Satoru has jabbed the shot in your ass cheek then, it stings and burns, you cry out, nearly jerking, so he holds you still with a hand on your hip. âYou jabbed it hard on purpose!â
âAw, need me to take it easy when I stick it in, baby?â
âOh fuck off! Oh⊠I⊠mmmâŠâ Suddenly the headache youâve had all damn day is easing, you sigh now, feeling so blissful you can ignore the fact that your ass stings. You ease your panties up now, then your jeans, sighing as you turn to him, theyâre still unbuttoned and unzipped, his eyes are locked right on you. âThat felt so good, thank you Satoru.â
âYouâre welcome, intern.â He murmurs, softly, watching you zip up your jeans and button them. âYouâll still need the tap, itâll help for months.â
âI will. Thank you for everything today, really.â You cup his face now, before thinking better of it, pressing your lips against his softly. âA thank you kiss.â
âCan I get a thank you hand job? Iâm having an issue.â You shake your head with a laugh, running your fingers through his soft hair.
âAbsolutely not. But you can buy me a drink.â You grab your jacket and slide it on, and he eagerly hops up.
âYeah?â His blue eyes light up, melting you further.
âYeah. Iâll meet you there, Dr. Pervert.â You grab your keys, but Gojo passes you quickly as you all walk out, opening your door before he runs off to the car, making you giddier than youâd admit.
*****
âYouâre drinking the fruitiest drink they make.â You say later on, as you both are sitting at the bar, and the bartender hands you a cosmopolitan cocktail, and hands Satoru a Sex on the Beach.
âLemme enjoy my sex mmkay?â You go to pay and he stops you. âPut it on my tab please, and a tip for now.â Satoru hands the bartender cash, he smiles at the two of you.
âAnything you all want, fruitier even.â You both laugh now, and Satoru and you go find a little table on the side of the bar towards the window, you sit and sip on your drink as your phone buzzes away. You swipe it off.
âAnnoying ex?â Satoru asks, leaning back as he looks at you.
âHeâs so annoying. Itâs been months of me ignoring him, you would think heâd get the hint.â
âAnd you donât date now?â
âUm⊠itâs hard to think about dating with our hours, you know?â He nods then, pouty lips encircling a straw as he sucks up more of his drink, and you wonder at how Satoru makes everything look sexy. âDo you date?â
He flicks his gaze up and down your body slowly, leisurely, as if heâs caressing you with his look. âAre you asking me out, intern?â
âOh whatever, you asked me!â
âI donât date right now, no, but I guess I have different reasons.â He murmurs, looking off to the window for a moment.
âWould you date? No, I'm not asking you out.â You say, studying him as he licks his lower lip, drawing your attention further to things you shouldnât.
âI would, Iâm not against it, I guess no one has sparked my interest enough. I mean aside from physically.â
âAny crazy exes?â
âI have an evil ex, actually. Sheâs scary.â He shivers now, you tilt your head curiously, sipping your own drink, feeling the warmth flow through you.
âIs she now? Like mean?â
âSheâs mean alright. We just didnât work out, our parents pushed us to get married too young, prominent families this and that. But we never even liked each other, she was pretty happy to divorce me. And I was too.â You digest the information slowly, mouth opening just slightly. âYeah, I was married.â
âI didnât expect that. You seemed like a bachelor, I guess.â
âI am about to be thirty four, you think I was single this long? Nah, Iâm too handsome, baby.â
âNot your baby.â You kick at his feet, but he just grips your thigh now, burning over the layer of denim, and you wish it were on your skin instead.
âNot yet. Youâre in love with me already, you just donât know.â
âOh am I?â Heâs leaning closer across from you, blue eyes glittering in the dim lights of the busy bar.
âMhm, you are. Itâs okay, everyone falls in love with me.â
âYouâre so loveable, so humble.â
âI know I am⊠hey.â You giggle now, smacking his hand off, finishing your little martini off and exhaling.
âI needed this, ugh⊠thank you Satoru.â He smiles a bit, finishing his as well now. âYour wife was⊠well, youâre not a guy you leave.â
Shit, you said that.
You cover your face then at his look of surprise. âIâm sorry-â
âWhy apologize for that? Sounded like a compliment. But she left for good reasons, we hated each other and were miserable. She still hates me still, but weâre more friendly now. Your boyfriend, did he leave you?â
âNo, I left him. He was too controlling and I just⊠wasnât feeling it. It sounds so silly compared to an entire marriage.â
âNah, not at all.â
âI also just put med school first, I really did. I donât think I gave him the attention he needed. So itâs on me a bit.â
âThatâs mature as fuck.â You shrug a bit.
âWell, we had a drink, hmm?â
âLetâs have two?â You sigh, leaning forward on the table, elbow propped up, chin in your hand as you study the handsome man across from you.
âTwo sounds like my resolve slips.â You say softly, Satoru leans forward as well, brushing your hair behind your ear, every touch and look making you weaker and weaker for him.
âWould that be so bad, intern? To let go.â You exhale now, leaning into the caress, lashes fluttering shut and casting shadows on your cheeks as he studies you for a moment.
âI have a feeling it would be hard to let you go.â
âYeah, what if I bust quick? Have a small dick?â You burst into laughter now, and he pouts. âMaybe it is small, meanie.â
âThatâs the other rumor, Gojo, that your dick is huge.â He blushes a bit, surprising you. âOh you didnât know that one! Shit.â
âI mean Iâm not complaining but god, girls are gossipy.â
âLike youâre not!â
âAnother drink?â He asks, standing up then, your gaze trails up his lithe, long body, as you feel the warmth spread through you.
âOne more.â You agree, and he holds out his hand for you to stand, bringing you almost against him, knowing youâre teetering on the edge of a dangerous game, and when you both grab your next drink, Miwa walks in now, she pauses for a moment, before waving at the two of you and coming over.
âDr. Gojo, I never see you at the spot.â She says, and for some reason you get nervous, looking down a bit.
âYeah I decided she wouldnât meet me for a date so Iâd connive her into meeting me here at least.â He ruffles your hair and you huff, fixing it, ignoring the pounding in your heart at how good it felt to hear.
âA date?â
âWell, a pre date. Just a drink but she blew me off.â
âI really didnât mean to. Um⊠is this weird or anything Miwa?â You ask nervously, she shakes her head with a little smile.
âOh no, youâre fine. What you saw um⊠letâs just say I was having a bad day is all. Weâre not together.â
âHeard you like Papa Smurf?â Gojo teases, she smacks at him then.
âHeâs sweet. And less blue. Oh, my friends are here! See you two later.â She says, you watch her curiously, and Satoru is smirking down at you.
âNot everyone has to be dating or have feelings. Youâre like some eighteen-hundreds Victorian lady.â
âAm not!â Youâre laughing again as you all sip another drink, sitting side by side now, your phone goes off again now and you roll your eyes.
âSend him a pic of us together.â
âShit thatâs mean.â
âHeâs a dick though? Yeah?â
âYou tell me.â You lean close now, showing him the endless texts. Satoru whistles as he reads them, scrolling up.Â
âShit, gaslight much?â
âThe king. Fuck you smell good.â Your alcohol is clearly hitting, Satoru chuckles once more, hand stroking up and down your spine carefully.
âYou smell good, sweet like lavender.â He speaks right against your ear, tickling it as he inhales now, sighing. âI noticed you switched shampoo back.â
âHush, it wasn't because of you.â
âOf course not.â
You have the most fun you can remember, fuck when donât you enjoy Satoru Gojo? When heâs walking you over to your truck, and the music is just a low hum now, though you feel it pulsing through your body, Satoruâs pressing your back against the car door, hands on either side of the top of your car, hard body so good against you. You bite your lower lip, hands sliding down his jacket.
âYou want me so bad, you love to fight it. Why?â Satoru says softly, cupping your face with one hand now, leaning low.
âI donât wanna be a notch in Dr. Hojoâs bed post.â You say softly. âIâm not judging, but I donât wanna be just that to someone. I totally was going to at the party, ugh, but itâs not me. So, I fight it.â
âI have a feeling if I got you, I wouldnât want more notches.â His thumb strokes your lip side to side, eliciting a little cry from the back of your throat that you canât quite stop before it comes out.
âYou think so, hmm?â
âJudging by your hot, sweet little pussy, yes.â Your cunt throbs around goddamn nothing, reacting to his words, to him pressing you further against your big old SUV, the cool metal against your back. âThose sounds you makeâŠâ
âFuck⊠kiss me.â
âYouâre demanding. And confusing, you know that?â His soft words are right against your lips, you cry out then, pulling him down as you tiptoe, kissing him over and over, mouth moving over his, his tongue slipped in between your lips. Your tongue slips around his, dancing then, as his big hands grip your waist.
Your hands slide up his chest, entwining around his neck, breasts pressing against his hard abdomen, nipples growing tight as desire fills you more and more. He grabs one of them now, thumb brushing over a peak, eliciting a whimper, your head falling back now, neck begging for his kisses. Satoruâs kissing your neck and grabbing your breast right in front of a damn bar.
Itâs insane.
Itâs stupid.
Right?
âFuck I want to feel you again.â His husky voice melts you now, youâre now whining for more and more, pathetic for him, were you worried too much, could you just do this, just have sex? Did there have to be such complicated shit you always put on yourself? âYouâre thinking too much.â
âHow do you know?â Your words are against his ear now, as you flick your tongue on the earlobe, nipping just a bit.
âI just know, and you need to just feel.â Heâs sliding his hand under your shirt, across your tummy, making it tremble under his touch, goosebumps rising. âHowâs it feeling, pretty?â
âFeels⊠fucking good.â He chuckles deeply, as you breathlessly laugh, kissing him over and over. âBut I usually need things to mean something. I know Iâm lame.â
âThatâs not lame.â He cups your face with both hands now, blue eyes boring into yours, the soft glow of the street lights ensconcing him, making him look even more handsome somehow. Even prettier. âIt means something when Iâm kissing you.â
You feel everything react to him, to his words. âIt does?â He nods then, nuzzling your noses together, and his phone goes off, he sighs, scowling at it now.
âThe ex?â
âNah, parents. Worse. Say⊠you wanna pretend we date so I can bring a girl home for Thanksgiving?â
âWhat now?â You blink up at him.
âYeah⊠they really want me to bring a girl home. Youâre perfect too, theyâd fucking love if I brought a top notch Kyoto Med school grad?â
âOh gosh⊠I mean, I have no plans?â
âPerfect. It will make my mom so damn happy, sheâll love you. Aw weâre moving so fast you know.â Heâs grinning wolfishly, eyes glinting down at you.
You love the idea far, far too much. âAlright, a good spinal tap and then Iâm a whole Thanksgiving date.â
âWorks perfectly for me. Good night, intern.â Satoru kisses you one more time, leaving you breathless.
âGood night, Dr. Gojo.â You slide into your car, covering your face and squealing then, yes youâre squealing like youâre fifteen again, not a twenty six year old doctor. âHis kissesâŠâ You squeal again, overheated as you go to start your car with a roar then, hating that youâre like some lovesick teenager.
Then you see him.
Satoru Gojo grinning as he watches you through your window. You gasp, sputtering, limbs flailing as you scream out, rolling down the window then, glaring right at him. âWhat the fuck!â
âAw, you do love me. Already. So easy, intern.â Satoru teases, leaning in then, far too close.
âWhatever! Good night Dr. Gojo.â
âYou-â
âBye!â You leave then, catching his reflection in your rearview, stupid giddy grin on your damn face.
Shit this is gonna be messy.
So a LOT in this, I really want to explain how it would be to have SO much going on during a typical day, I hope it doesn't overwhelm her and Dr. Hojo's connection. We will be learning a lot more about Reader's ex and Satoru's ex soon <3
A/N: Totally added my own prob as a medical thing lol ( false brain tumor) they're rare and interesting. I love you all and can't wait to hear your thoughts!!!
Taglist: @lostfracturess @unfortunately-tia @allofffmypeaches @chiyokoemilia @makingtimemine @antisocialinlw @meg3mis @miizuzu @nanasukii28 @zoeyflower @wstaley2 @bunheadusa @blue-musingss @ameliariddle @moncher-ire @jkslaugh97 @aldebrana @shadeowz @gojo1228 @victoriaaaa00 @jaeminaur @seeing-stars-alt @bol0-de-morang0 @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @trishiepo0 @inthedarkshadows000 @gina239 @jjknanamin
#gojo x reader#jjk smut#satoru x reader#gojo smut#jjk x reader#jujustu kaisen#jjk gojo#doctor gojo#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo#satoru gojo smut#gojo fluff#gojo fic
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Do you have any tips on how characters react after a heat in the moment first kiss?
Hey there! I'm so glad you reached out about depicting characters' reactions after an unexpected first kiss. This is such an important and tricky moment to get right in any romance story.
I don't talk enough about romance, so I've very excited to write a blog post about this, especially since in almost all my writing projects I utilize a romantic subplot.
Understanding the Emotional Impact
First things first, it's important to recognize just how powerful and transformative that first kiss can be for your characters, even if it's spur-of-the-moment or unplanned. A kiss like that has the power to shift the entire dynamic between two people, unlocking a whole new level of vulnerability, intimacy, and emotional intensity.
Think about it - your characters have probably been building up tension, attraction, and unspoken feelings for each other over time. And then, in one electric moment, all of that comes bubbling to the surface. Suddenly, everything changes. The world seems to slow down, and all that matters is the connection between them.
Whether your characters have been pining for this moment or it takes them completely by surprise, that first touch of their lips is guaranteed to trigger a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement, nervousness, relief, uncertainty - it's a veritable emotional rollercoaster.
And of course, the way each character responds will depend on their individual personality, past experiences, and overall mindset. A shy, cautious character might be utterly flustered and overwhelmed. A bold, adventurous one might be thrilled and eager for more. And someone with trust issues or a painful romantic history might panic and pull away.
The key is to really get inside your characters' heads and hearts, understanding how this monumental moment resonates with them on a deep level. That's what's going to make their reactions feel raw, authentic, and achingly real for your readers.
Crafting Nuanced Reactions
(The examples I use are very cliche, and personally not my writing style, but they're simply for your reference to get a rough idea of what I'm trying to indicate)
Okay, now that we've established the emotional gravity of that first kiss, let's dive into some specific techniques for portraying your characters' reactions. Here are a few ideas:
Focus on the sensations. When a character experiences something as intense as an unexpected first kiss, their physical responses are going to be heightened. Capture the racing heartbeat, the trembling hands, the tingling skin - all those little visceral details that make the moment palpable.
For example (Very cliche but, just for reference): "Her lips were soft and warm against his, sending a shiver down his spine. His heart pounded in his ears, fingers trembling as he cupped her cheek, hardly daring to breathe."
Showcase their inner turmoil. Don't just describe what's happening externally - give us a window into your character's jumbled thoughts and feelings. Are they overjoyed? Confused? Terrified? Let us see the full emotional spectrum unfolding.
Like this: "Panic rose in her chest as his lips met hers, every nerve ending firing at once. What was happening? This couldn't be real - it had to be some kind of dream. But the way her skin tingled, the way her stomach fluttered, told her this was very much reality."
Use body language and subtle reactions. Characters don't always have to respond with grand, over-the-top gestures. Sometimes the most meaningful reactions come through in the little, unconscious movements - a shy glance, a gentle touch, a subtle smile.
For instance: "For a long moment, they simply stared at each other, frozen. Then, slowly, a smile tugged at the corners of her lips, eyes sparkling with a mix of wonder and delight."
Lean into the awkwardness. First kisses, even magical ones, can also be a little clumsy and uncertain. Embrace that sense of fumbling vulnerability - it makes the moment all the more endearing and relatable.
Something like: "Their noses bumped as they leaned in, hearts racing. He hesitated, suddenly unsure, but then her hand slid around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. Their lips met in a tentative, exploratory kiss that sent tingles down his spine."
Contrast reactions between characters. If you have two characters with very different personalities or perspectives, lean into that contrast to create compelling dramatic tension. How might a guarded, cynical character react compared to an optimistic romantic?
For example: "She froze, eyes wide with shock. This was the last thing she'd expected - to be kissed by her best friend, of all people. Panic fluttered in her chest, desperate to pull away. But then she saw the vulnerability in his gaze, the slight tremble in his hands, and her heart melted. Slowly, hesitantly, she kissed him back."
The key is to get creative, have fun, and be able to let your characters' unique voices and perspectives shine through.
Additional Resources
And of course, don't hesitate to reach out if you have any other questions! I'm always happy to chat more about anything writing related.
--Rin T.
#writing#creative writing#on writing#thewriteadviceforwriters#writers block#how to write#writing tips#writers and poets#writeblr#writers on tumblr#authors#novel writing#author#writerscommunity#writers#authors of tumblr#writing a book#writing advice#romance writing#writing characters#writing community#writing guide#writing blog#writing help#writing ideas#writing reference#writing resources#writing prompts#writing software#writing inspiration
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I'm a tumblr old who came of age during second wave feminism. I spent ten years as a tradwife and now I have a career. Some thoughts:
Being a housewife with a man to pay the bills is NOT emotionally fulfilling. The housework becomes your job and it doesn't come with vacation or sick days. Yes, you have more time for hobbies. Your husband can also criticize you for being lazy (hobbies don't cook the dinner) or spending his hard-earned money on frivolous stuff like hobbies. This is demoralizing. It also doesn't happen quickly. The first five years may be everything you hoped they would be; the next 20 years are more challenging.
Having economic options to marriage will save your life. Literally. If the way to escape your marriage is to kill yourself or get a divorce and a job, only one of those methods involves living.
Having a ten year gap on the resume is a real challenge. Having a 25 year gap on the resume is even more of a challenge. My tradwife friends are still married and, at this point, they really don't have any options. Their husbands aren't abusive and they aren't filing for divorce. But I've seen the toll it takes on women to focus exclusively on home and family.
I'm in a career with authority over men and women both. I tell you what, having men do what I tell them to do has done things for my self-esteem that tradwifery can't even imagine. I am equal to men. I'm as smart as a man, and I can earn enough money to support myself.
Working isn't the problem. The problem is working conditions. As mentioned above, what women (and men) need is a living wage, paid vacation, decent work hours with flexibility, and respect.
Expanding a bit on the post I just reblogged, I absolutely HATE how a surprisingly large portion of the population now thinks that feminism is synonymous with being a "girlboss". The idea that working some kind of professional job and being successful at it is the only way to do feminism is insane. People will literally say "feminism has failed us" or "I'm giving up on feminism" when they're unhappy with their jobs. Babes idk how to explain this to you but that is not a problem with feminism that is a problem with your job. You don't need a rich man to provide for you while you take care of the kids you need a goddamn union and some paid leave
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Endeavor Deserves No Sympathy!
I don't understand how anyone can think Endeavor was ever a good dad. It also always comes off as incredibly victim blamie, especially towards Touya, and often Shoto too.
He literally only got married and had kids to use them. He never gave a shit about their well being, never even thought about it until he had the one thing he cared about and was still miserable. I've already gone over the math proving he gave up on achieving his dream himself at 21 at the absolute latest. (https://www.tumblr.com/arceus-insanity/763259515356512256/i-liked-endeavors-character-when-he-was?source=share)
And basic math will once again be used to prove just how little this waste of flesh actually tries.
This time the focus is on how quickly he abandoned Touya and immediately went to emotional abuse via neglect & literally replacing him, and once again risking that more children be born with self-destructive quirks.
For context we only see Endeavor doing anything with his kids that's not him literally walking through and ignoring them in two circumstances. Once when Fuyumi's a newborn and Touya is attempting to crawl (not walk) over to her. And training. Those are the only times he tries to spend with any of them, even after he starts his 'atonement'
Now comparing Touya in the scene of them training and himself as a toddler and all the child imagery this series loves to use instead of actually saving imperfect victims, Touya is at least 3 (probably closer to 4) when he's taken to the doctor and they are informed of his condition
Natsuo is 4 and a half years younger than him.
We know for a fact Natsuo (& Shoto) was conceived after they got the news, not willingly either. Pregnancy takes 40 weeks average, so Touya would still be 3 when Natsuo was conceived. So once again it took this 'man' less than a year to give up and have another child he hoped to use as a tool, and was explicitly making to hurt his existing son. And as I have said plenty of times before, risking that the new kids could be born with the same disorder, I hate how convenient it is that Shoto gets near zero negative quirk side effects.
Want to know what we never see, Endeavor doing something else with Touya and Touya demanding training, it's always him walking past/ away from Touya. Considering all of the shit they've pulled to soften Endeavor's abuse both in the manga and even more so in the anime, they wouldn't skip something like this. It's not hard to tell that Touya's 'obsession with training' is really about spending time with his dad, you know like a human child that literally needs love, proven by numerous studies and research in the real world.
He throws all parenting responsibilities onto Rei, adds more children to that load, and when Touya suffers for it (like everyone else) he does nothing, doesn't even hire a nanny
Another are you kidding me take I've seen is that somehow Touya's quirk issues are worse than Midoriya's and Yuga's. Touya managed to train his quirk to produce blue fire at 13 with zero equipment and less than no help, and only lost control of it, because of the mental abuse Endeavor had inflicted on him leading him to a mental breakdown. And/ or the theory I've only seen once of AFO using his ability to force quirk activation (seen with a passed out chapter 90 during his first confrontation with All Might)
Midoriya was breaking his bones all the way into the Shie Hassaikai arc and was only able to fight because Eri and was breaking support equipment in the following arc as well. Yuga had a support belt all the way back in the entrance exam and was still struggling with that.
Speaking of Yuga let's compare parental effort here, because as much as it backfired Yuga's parents tried a whole lot more. For starters they nearly bankrupted themselves to get him a quirk, so he could feel equal. All For One is a mythic man prior to his arrest, and those who knew of him were shown to be serious long-term villain groups, so they had gone to quite a bit of effort to find that he existed to begin with. They also got him support gear (the navel belt thing) as a kid to help him with said quirk, he literally had it in the entrance exam. Endeavor never looked into that, Endeavor is not only rich too but he's a top hero he would have direct access to support equipment companies that would jump at the opportunity and it never even occurred to him.
Endeavor's name is an irony as endeavour means to try hard to do or achieve something. He never tries hard he gives up incredibly quickly the second there's any road block, but instead of moving on he makes everyone suffer for it. He's a toxic pageant mom who'd rather force their child into a toxic world and a role they don't want than work on himself
And what finally makes him change? Getting exactly what he wanted and still being miserable, and he still expects through his actions his family to cater to him.
Not his son getting a major disability due to his actions, no, he decided to double down, mentally abusing and neglecting the son he supposedly loves, raping his wife who didn't want more kids or participate in this abuse, and again risking that Natsuo & later Shoto might have that same issue. Not when his wife breaks down and permanently scars his precious masterpiece, who proceeds to rightfully blame him, and he just thinks of it as a tantrum despite it lasting a fucking decade. Not when his eldest literally dies as the result of his selfishness. Not literally during any part of this entire process!
Dabi is 23 when Endeavor finally starts to 'try' to be better, that means that for at least 24 years he has only been caring about his fucking precious number one spot in a popularity contest that he couldn't even bother to try to be likeable for, this wasn't one bad decision, this was him constantly choosing to be so insanely selfish that he found ways that shouldn't even be possible for over two decades. And it was all him.
#bnha#bnha critical#mha#mha critical#bnha meta#my hero academia#mha meta#anti endeavor#boku no hero academia#anti enji todoroki#rei todoroki deserves better#dabi deserves better#shoto todoroki deserves better#fuyumi todoroki decerves better#natsuo todoroki deserves better
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Can I ask a wuestion?
What iif tenjikud girlfriend beaten up by their enemies after their rough fight. I wanna know see their reactions. Especcialy Ä°zana and ran
Tenjiku When Their Girlfriend Gets Hurt By A Rival Gang
⥠SFW, angst, fluff, fem reader, violence against reader and random gang, murder but not anything detailed, Tenjiku members getting their getback âĄ
note: yes anon, you may ask a "wuestion" lol
note 2: I've been ultra busy lately, essays, research papers, group projects, applying to jobs and all that jazz lol, things have been good tho
note 3: I put Ran and Rin together, scenario works for both regardless of which brother you're with
âââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
Izana
đŽ Whoever hurt you must've had a death wish, you think Hanma is the grim reaper? Nothing compares to Izana running full speed at somebody
đŽ He tracks each of them down and essentially tortures them (as he should)
đŽ He refuses to kill anyone, he just beats them so bad that they wish they were dead
Kakucho
đ©· Kakucho is usually a very calm man, but as soon as he saw you, limping and covered in bruises, it was over for the bastards that messed with you
đ©· Launches a full fledged attack against the other gang and beats the shit out of their leader, then proceeds to use the leader's body as a weapon to beat the shit out of the other members
đ©· Once he's done he rushes home to take care of you, you're his top priority afterall
Ran & Rindou
đ Whether you're with Ran or Rin, everybody knows that you have both rulers of Roppongi backing you up
đ©” So when you get jumped by a gang that has beef with Tenjiku, everyone in that gang's general vicinity knows it about to be a bloodbath and vacates accordingly
đ They pull up on them, straightfaced and ready to pop off on whoever hurt you
đ©” Rin's putting them in leg locks and Ran's breaking faces with his baton, they're a duo at heart and tag teaming is their specialty, especially when they're standing up for you
Mochi
đĄ Shion is really gonna be calling him a gorilla the way he went apeshit (I'm sorry that was corny af lmao)
đĄ He's baffled by the audacity those motherfuckers had to put their hands on you knowing you were his
đĄ Puts every last one of them in the hospital, then beats the shit out of the person he had assigned to watch over you because what the fuck were they doing and why did they leave you alone đ€š
Mucho
đ As soon as you call him and tell him what happened he has Sanzu pick you up and goes to take care of the 'problem'
đ Comes home with blood on his clothes and acts like nothing happened
đ He doesn't talk about what happened while he was gone, and you don't bring it up either. You have a shared silence about these types of things
Shion
đ©ž Turns into a certified attack dog, but on the outside he tries to stay cool, calm, and collected so he can focus on you
đ©ž Gives you all his attention and affection, vengeance can wait because his girl is hurting (future husband lowkey)
đ©ž Once he thinks you're okay enough for him to leave you alone, he's speeding to the rival gang's hideout and bodying everybody, zero fucks given
âââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
Taglist
@arlerts-angel @i-literally-cant-with-this @trevengersprincess @giugiette @katkusuo @happy-trenchcoated-impala @drunkcheesecake @darkstarlight82 @reiners-milkbiddies @manji-hoe @southside-otaku @xxchthonicreaturexx @evergreen-endo @hanmaslilslut @dystop4in14nd @mysouleaten @mdsbabygirl
#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers fluff#tenjiku x reader#tenjiku fluff#tokyo revengers angst#tenjiku angst
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And the thing is, it doesn't have to be this slow and this painfully bureaucratic. I also have an inside perspective on the inner workings of my local government and it sounds like we have a bit more flexibility on these things than your local gov does.
To use a similar example, a water fountain in our local library broke and needed to be fixed. It was a similar situation of it needing to be taken apart and a part replaced which required two departments, in this case buildings and grounds who does maintenance and the library whose building it is. It was able to get done pretty quickly because the B&G guy took it apart and was able to just order the part and the money folks in the background can determine how much comes out of which budget after the fact.
This doesn't mean that my city gov cares more or is "better" than your city gov. It just means that the processes are different and whereas ours has a focus on getting the thing done quickly, and has the budget to know it can be paid for one way or another, yours may have more focus on avoiding any chance of even the appearance of shady money things and/or may have a tighter budget.
And this is where local elections are so important!! My city gov didn't get this way by chance. Processes and bureaucracy were changed with specifically this sort of situation in mind and a focus on providing quality and speedy service and fixes for the public. Part of that does mean that a slightly higher budget may be necessary, which is something decided by your local city commission or council. Who are elected.
So if you don't like the priorities your city government appear to have, you can change that by focusing on electing people who have the priorities you want, and then giving them support and TIME for making those changes. Because changing any part of the government takes a lot of time. It is incredibly slow to change direction, which sometimes is a benefit and sometimes a detriment.
I think part of my problem is that this past year I got introduced to a lot of inside perspective on the daily workings of local government. So I know more than the average person in my town, but not nearly enough to make actionable change.
Like... little stuff!
This June, a drinking fountain stopped working suddenly, and people complain all the time that we haven't fixed it.
But I know that to fix it, it has to be taken apart and examined by someone in the water dept- and that the cost of parts and labor to do this comes both from the water dept and from parks and rec.
I also know that both departments only have a certain allotment of funds for unplanned repairs, and that the budget gets set in January. Which means that it can be folded into the budget for next year.
I also know that you have to make a case for every purchase made on behalf of your department, and that if the board of directors doesn't think it's a priority, they can deny the request.
But to the average person in our parks, it looks like we don't fix things.
Processes of government are slow-moving to make sure there's little room for error. A person who isn't involved in the process on a conscious level likely doesn't see the wheels are turning in their favor- reads inaction as apathy.
Can a city government be apathetic about certain things? Totally! But that's why local elections matter- they give you a chance to vote in more progressive people, even if the process of it is slow.
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I don't want to drag this situation through the mud so this'll be my only post on this topic, but. God.
I haven't interacted with the Hermitcraft fandom since.. maybe 3/4 of the way through S9 due to burnout, but it has been a MASSIVE part of my life for the good part of nearly 7 years. Iskall was one of my favourite Hermits, and it's frankly disgusting and disappointing to hear about what he did. My support 100% goes to Kass, Mef, and to other people affected. It's genuinely commendable how the Hermits dealt with this situation - they gave it the respect and gravity it deserves; they were transparent with us whilst still maintaining privacy for the victims, and for the most part, the fanbase has been mature about it too.
I do want to re-emphasize, however:
Do not badger or harass the Hermits or other victims for more information. Do not overwhelm them by asking their side of the story. They have been through enough already. One shitty person's actions does not warrant you to harass others, nor does it entitle you to more information. Be patient and do not speculate any further as it muddies the information we've already been given. The Hermits will say their piece when they are ready to do so. There may not ever be a time where they feel ready, and that's okay. It's a difficult situation for everyone - don't make it harder than it already is.
I also want to say DO NOT HARASS STRESS OVER THIS. We don't know why she resigned, and False has told us she was uninvolved in the drama. As far as we know, she left for mental health reasons - she and Iskall were close, how would you feel if someone you knew turned out to have done horrible things without you knowing? Leave her alone for now, please. Focus your energy on supporting those affected rather than going on a witch hunt for more info. It will come with due time. Have patience.
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How to stop being a doormat.-
-> . . . âą ËËË [By a healed people pleaser] àżàŸ
Being nice to others is not a bad trait, but becoming THE NICE GIRL is.
Excessive people pleasing brings you nowhere and makes you vulnerable to becoming a doormat, disrespect, and sacrificing yourself.
People pleasing isnât just about being nice to everyone all the time; it actually messes with your head and how you think about yourself deep down.Â
We can look at people pleasing from an conscious and subconscious side.
Conscious People pleasing
This is what we typically associate with people pleasing:
You can't say no: Every request feels like an obligation.
You prioritize others over yourself: Your needs take a backseat.
You apologize for everything: Even when itâs unnecessary.
You avoid conflicts: Peace at any cost, right?
You make yourself small: Shrinking your presence to fit in.
Subconscious people pleasing
This is the impact people pleasing has on your mindset and behaviours
While breaking people pleasing one should focus here more
Servant mindset -> catering to others drains your energy.
Emulating others -> Â You lose sight of who you truly are.
Seeking validation: "I need to be ... to get validation 'love' from others
Ignoring your feelings: Suppressing your emotions to keep the peace.
Feeling judged: Worrying about what others think of you.
Anxiousness about acceptance: "Do they really like me?"
The Why of People pleasing
The first step in breaking free is understanding why you engage in people pleasing.
Here are some common reasons:
You might be people pleasing because of...
Anxiety: fear of disappointing others or rejection
Low self esteem: "pleasing others is the only way to get acceptance and love"
Past trauma: can link others' needs to safety and affection
Cultural or family expectations: Pressure from those around you.
Perfectionism: Â The need to be flawless in the eyes of others.
Insecurity: Doubting your own worthiness.
Avoidance of Conflict: Preferring peace over confrontation.
To get the exact cause you should also utilise journaling.
Use 15 min. for three or more of these journaling prompts each
Does People pleasing really help me? How do I feel when I please people? Happy or drained?
Do I get something back by pleasing people. Is it one sided?
What is my earliest memory of people pleasing? Why did I decide to please people at that time?
How do I perceive the people that I please in reality? Do I even like them.
What is the thing I really want in this situation that I might feel too scared, vulnerable, or ashamed to ask for?
What is one thing that I'm scared people will think of me, and how is this actually true and useful for me?
What do I want to change about my people pleasing habit
This reflection makes it clear why we do it and what caused people pleasing to be ingrained in us in the first place.
Recovering from People pleasing
Start small.-
Begin by setting boundaries in low stakes situations
declining invitations to events etc.
declining requests that you don't have time or desire to do
Gradually work yourself up to more significant situations practicing assertiveness along the way.
Learn to tolerate discomfort
Recognise that asserting yourself and setting boundaries may initially feel uncomfortable or cause anxiety
Embrace the discomfort as a sign of growth and remind yourself that it's necessary to prioritize your own well being.
Strengthen your sense of self
When we are people pleasing we are placing our self worth on another person
With journaling, self care, setting personal goals and new hobbies, you can construct and identity independent of others opinions.
The Intention Interrogation
Ask yourself a specific question before agreeing to a request:
"Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I'm afraid of potential consequences?"Â
This can delay automatic people pleasing reflexes
Cut toxic people off
If someone is using you for their gain, itâs time to create distance.
Limit your availability and emotional investment
Create space between yourself and toxic relationships
And Trust your instincts
The 24-Hour Rule
Make it a commitment to not immediately respond to requests.
Give yourself a full day and then decide if you actually want to do this.
Get therapy
If people pleasing has a deep impact socially or otherwise on you consider therapy
It's really helpful against people pleasing if nothing else helps
That's it lovelies
People pleasing is a destructive social mechanism of ours that we developed in young years.
Unfolding these behaviours and taking a stance against pleasing others frees ourself for positive change and levelling ourselves up
#People pleasing is giving you the opposite of the goal that you actually want#You are just destroying your self image#And but it for other people to judge#It only makes you unhappy#ya#I'm so happy that Im out of people pleasing#This era is finished for good#mainfesting the recovering of all people pleasers#girlblogging#wonyoungism#girl blogger#becoming her#becoming that girl#pink academia#dream girl#self improvement#pink pilates princess#it girl#people pleaser#self love#self help#self care#personal#personal growth#mental health#glow up#glow up era#loa
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Majors and Minors
Request: Yes
Info: Everyone is 18 or older. NRC, RSA, and, NBC are all actual collages. Litteraly just what majors and minors the I think twst cast would have.
Tw: None(?)
I will warn you; this is really long and these might get changed over time. I'm also treating NRC as a catch-all school that can easily clear the way for more advanced courses in specific fields later, weather that be on campus or out sourced.
Heartslabyul:
Riddle was going for a medical degree, but after his overblot and some consideration he made the switch to a general law degree, for now, but is considering where he wants his future to go along that path. He is going to keep himself CPR and first aid certified though.Â
Trey, in high school, was part of a dentistry vocational for a year, but had to leave for personal reasons. He's now studying Dentistry full time. He plants on becoming a dental nurse, rather than a dentist.
Cater has changed his degree once, in his first year he was going for a liberal arts degree, before switching to a Marketing major, and Broadcasting minor. He's pretty stuck on what he actually wants to do and feels like it's too late to follow any dreams he had when he was younger.
Ace, as of now, is undecided. I have made jokes about him dropping out and becoming a magician before, and I can genuinely see him doing that. So as of right now I don't actually have one for him.
Deuce is also undecided. There's a ton of options and it's pretty overwhelming for him, especially because he struggles academically. Despite that, I think he'd either end up with an Education or Engineering degree.
Savannaclaw:
Leona, for the longest time, did not pick a major and it was going to get him kicked out. He could've gone for a liberal arts degree, but decided to go for Humanities instead. He's really well suited to it in all honesty.
Ruggie is going for an Economics degree for a multitude of reasons (most of which are monetary), but I can definitely see him with something else, like a culinary arts degree, too. He's got a job lined up with Leona after graduation, but going more in depth on money management never hurts, right?
Jack is going for Sports Science, he's had a plan for years now and he isn't going to let anything stop him.
Octavinelle:
Azul is going for a Business degree, shocker. I don't feel like I really need to elaborate on that (but I will anyway), but I can see him with an economics degree instead. He's also minoring in food science. He's actively running a cafe on campus and his family has a restaurant back home that he will likely take over, and expand, when his mother and step-father retire.
Jade also is going for a business degree, again i don't feel like i need to elaborate on that. He's studying for a biology (Mycology) Minor. His family has something going on, but no one wants to acknowledge what. Out of the two of them Jade is likely to take over the actual business side of things and if not, bothering Azul forever is an option.Â
Floyd has changed his degree six times in two years, currently he's undecided. I can kinda see him going for a business/fine arts degree focused on fashion (specifically shoes). He doesn't struggle academically, but does struggle to focus and make long-term decisions. Jade and Azul are doing their best to.. encourage (?) guide (?) Him to a path he could stick to.
Scarabia:
Kalim is studying Business Management as a major and Linguistics as a minor. His family are pretty well-known merchants, and he is going to inherit that business, so equipping himself with those skills is a good decision. Even if most of the time he does find it extremely boring.Â
Jamil is also majoring in Business Management, mostly because of his position with Kalim. It's not something he particularly wants, so it's really out of obligation. He's taking Food Science and Fine Arts [Dance] as minors, which he actually enjoys.Â
Pomefiore:
Vil has a tight schedule both in and out of school. The degrees he's going for reflect that. He's double majoring in Marketing and Acting, and minoring in Business, Alchemy, and Cosmetology. His career as an actor is very important to him, but he knows that putting all his eggs in one basket isn't the smartest idea, thus his expanded options.
Rook is going for a Biology major, no one is shocked number two. He is also minoring in fine arts (poetry), and has an Archery scholarship that's paying for a good chunk of his tuition. He hasn't told anyone what he's going to do after graduation and most people are too afraid to ask.
Epel is majoring in Agriculture. When college is over he plans on maintaining and improving his family's farm. He currently doesn't have any minors in mind, but I can definitely see him with a fine arts (sculpture) minor.
Ignihyde:
Idia is double majoring in Engineering and computer operations. He doesn't have any minors, but dabbles in other subjects as a personal hobby. He also has an Esports scholarship, not that he needed it.
Ortho is also double majoring, but is going for cyber security and data analytics. He doesn't have any minors right now, either, and he's not officially part of any clubs or curriculars yet. He's trying to figure out his place, but also believes what ge was âmadeâ for is all he can be.
Diasomnia:
Malleus is studying Magic theory and Application & Architecture, he also is taking magic history and world history as minors. He doesn't really need to be studying anything, so this is more of a desire to learn than anything.Â
Lilia is going for Magic history and World history. He should be getting a doctorate by this point, but we're not going to talk about that. He thinks it's good to refresh and gain new knowledge every now and again.Â
Silver is majoring in World History and minoring in Equine studies. Lilia has told him stories about the world as he grew up and he wants to learn more, even if he will likely spend all of his life in Briar Valley.Â
Sebek is undecided as of now, but I can see him majoring in Home Economics later, as odd as it sounds. He already takes pride in what is essentially home making, believing it to be what a knight should do, so taking it to the next step would make sense for him.
Ramshackle:
As a base like for Yuu [Reader] theyâre going for a photography major (unless requested otherwise) and Grim is going for Magic theory and Application. Because they count as one whole student this counts as a double major. They are required to take remedial classes, because both of them lnow fuck all about this world apparently, and additional classes that focus on familiar training and care. Grim doesn't like that.
Crowley has âgiftedâ them a âfull ride scholarshipâ as long as they world as his âerrand boy.â In reality this is a deal NRC has always had, if a student is chosen by the mirror and cannot pay tuition at all then they are given the option to work for the school until graduation to pay for their place.Â
Royal Sword AcademyÂ
Niege I imagine takes his job as an actor just as seriously as Vil, but in a different way. He also has been shown to be a singer in some capacity. So he's double majoring in Acting and Music theory.Â
Che'nya⊠I don't know much about him, I don't know much about Niege either but I can at least guess with him. All I really have to go off of from Che'nya is his appearance and personality, and from that alone I think he'd be going for a Graphic Design degree with a minor in fashion design. I don't know why, but something about him makes me think he would make clothes.Â
Noble Bell CollegeÂ
Rollo is studying Magic Theory and Application, not because he likes it, but because he feels it'll further his goals to eradicate magic (he's a lunatic, someone punch him). He's also taking religious studies as a required course, but he's taking it seriously and made that his minor.
#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst#disney twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts#trey clover#twst x reader#ace trappola#duece spade#cater diamond#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#jack howl#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#jamil viper#kalim al asim#vil schoenheit#rook hunt#epel felmier#idia shroud#ortho shroud#malleus draconia#lilia vanrouge#twisted wonderland silver#sebek zigvolt#twisted wonderland x reader
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Personally, as someone who has mini shifted to these realities- and knows countless people that have shifted to a fewof these realities too, I only have to say: While its perfectly fine and GOOD to spread awareness about trauma, people don't remember that every person has different limits. I wonder; Why don't we say this about hogwart shifters? There's a freaking war going on in sixth year-seventh year? People die? What if you're friends with cedric? Or why do we only focus on those drs that are KNOWN as dangerous, but not the ones ppl don't usually know? I do agree in how it can be terrible but, let me bring an example. I have a friend who often shifts to JJK. She says, yes, it is not a nice experience to shift if you're unprepared. But, if you think you can handle it and are prepared: This reality is so worth it. The people and connections overcome anything. And yes! She has seen people die. A lot. She has exorcised curses. I myself happened to mini shift to the rumbling. And a thing I didn't mention in my post was how the smell of blood was also present. It doesn't haunt me, but it existed and I acknowledged it. It is incredibly sad some people truly get traumatised even back here (because, yeah you bring trauma back but, its genuinely relative from the person who shifts from OWN experience and FRIENDS experience.) after the things they have done or went through. But people with different moralities and different strengths can handle different things. While I am an aot shifter and a jjba shifter for example, I know bad things will happen but I also know I can handle them after what I've lived. It is NOT ok to shift to somewhere if you think you'll be genuinely hurt. The awareness spread by these posts is great! but please, lets focus on all kinds of drs--- and specially, those that are seen as less dangerous. Because mha and hp are as dangerous as aot and kny even if less shocking. Aot can be beautiful due to the people, specially with some script adjustments even if I'm a full canon shifter usually. So can KNY , so can jjba, so can jjk,and hell, so can a fame dr. Anything can be traumatic, but anything can be beautiful. Some people also go thereto heal their traumas related to what they've been through, so it makes sense they don't script out things. For example, I have a dr where my partner dies. And I've experienced that in this reality. And you'd say, I don't want to experience that shit again. But I need somewhere where I can mourn without being judged. And somewhere where I can be there for him in his last moments. That can be very taxing, but also healing. Not saying same thing about friends dying and shit, but, its always different for others and we need to remember that. I DO NOT condone literal kids going there though. No matter what they're not prepared. Nothing against OP since I think awareness is important and their trauma is valid and real. Im just using this post to share mi opinion
honestly shifting trauma is so overlooked its crazy
I agree. Like I know not a lot of shifters want to talk about how fucked shit can get but like it gets scary out there and I feel like itâs so irresponsible to pretend itâs all glitz and glamor.
Like genuinely I feel like a lot of people donât understand just how real it is. Like obviously itâs as real as ours but itâs a really difficult thing to fully comprehend until youâve actually done it. I worry so much for people shifting to places like Attack on Titan. Like are you prepared to see your friends get eaten alive in front of you. âOh I knew that they were gonna die so Iâll be fineâ these are real people youâre going to be in close proximity with youâre most likely going to get attached to in some capacity and even if youâre not itâs difficult to watch people die in front of you. And that goes for anywhere with any kind of violence. In Demon Slayer I almost threw up hearing and smelling demons, humans being devoured, etc. and itâs going to stick with me forever. I might not always think about it but when I do it fucks with me. The violence Iâve been forced to commit on other people because my life was on the line in most of my DRs fucks with me too.
I feel like we should talk about it more and we just donât and itâs really upsetting cuz now I feel like Iâm crazy for being so shaken about it, or being devastated by a friendâs death. Why should I feel weird for not being over the fact I was fucking strangled. Idk it just upset me that everyone wants to act like itâs got no flaws
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