#it's my fault: even as I was drawing it I was like “is this panel clear”

[a2zillustration]

My ass did not see the enemies in the bushes. I only saw that coin

you 🤝 Croissant

[moe-broey]

Men only want ONE THING and it's DISGUSTING (Guy who's uour best friend who's always happy to see you who visibly lights up and sparkles when you enter the room who's comstantly looking out for you and doting on yiu just a little bit and making sure you're taken care of and who you trust so mucj so completely that you can share a bath and sleep side by side amd you'rw. Best Friwneds...)

AND YET. AND YET. Moe has something Worse than self-loathing going on. Like this is just denial at this point. And for WHAT (PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS. IT'S SO DIRE)

[sysig]

Tainted batch (Patreon)

[cripplecharacters]

Alright, I'm just gonna bite the bullet. Worst that can happen is I make a fool of myself. I've been working on superhero stories, versions of the same universe since I was in 8th grade and what I want more than anything is to modernize superheroes, create a world where they act for all people's social good and take representation to the highest level I can think of. From your position of expertise, what can I do with the creation of disabled characters that would buck the trend, do some good, and show a good side. The non-prosthetic and non-corrected for disability rep in the genre is basically nil, I have no ideas and nothing to draw on. I guess I just wanna know what disabled audiences might like to see for once in their lives.

Hello!

Disabled superheroes are awesome. There's really few of them but the ones that we do have are often really important to us - you can look at the reactions to Sun-Spider being first introduced to the Spiderverse, back then I couldn't open my fridge without seeing that one panel where she explicitly says she has hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos.

Here are a few suggestions of what I'd like to see in the superhero genre:

Superheroes with facial differences. Comics love to use us for their ugly disfigured evil villains but not much else unfortunately. I'd kill for a superman type hero who saves people with a smile and a facial difference on his face. Especially for superhero stories that are geared towards kids and teens, we just desperately need something to help with shifting the public perception of people with facial differences from "evil and ugly" to "people that can be awesome". A hero with burn scars, with Treacher Collins syndrome, Bell's palsy, neurofibromatosis... anything.

Superheroes who use disability aids (and still need them when doing their job). Sun-Spider is an awesome example, she swings from her crutches and has a spider wheelchair. That's cool as hell. But even a less in-your-face aid would be great. A superhero flying above the city with her ankle-foot orthoses visible would go really hard. Also, superheroes who are concerned on how much these things cost and try their best to make sure they're still functional while they save the city.

Heroes with different causes of their disabilities. The vast majority of morally good disabled characters were involved in An Accident or some sort of Attack that disabled them. That's not bad or wrong at all, but I think in media is kind of oversaturated with this specific portrayal when a lot of people have progressive or congenital conditions. We need more stories that show those who were born disabled as heroes equal to those who were born abled and spent most of their lives abled. Superheroes with cerebral palsy, chromosomal disorders, congenital rubella, achondroplasia, all the disabilities that tend to get ignored despite so many people having them. Same for really common chronic illnesses, diabetes or COPD are criminally underrepresented.

Disabled superheroes that aren't saints because of their disability. This is the whole "disabled person can do no wrong" trope that appears sometimes. I'm mentioning it since superheroes are more "perfect" than most characters in other genres, so try to not make it so the disabled ones can do no wrong. Disabled people can still make mistakes that are their fault, make poor decisions, or just simply be angry sometimes.

When there's no active superhero action going on, show the normal human parts of the disabled experience. Depending on the demographic you're writing for it would be different things, but there are some fairly universal concepts like inaccessibility, microaggressions, or just boring things like the prosthetic leg no longer fitting well after the character gained some weight. If your characters are from the US, don't be afraid to mention that their insulin costs are barely affordable with their superhero pay. Show how the common everyday kind of ableism affect them when they're in civilian mode. This will make it much more authentic to disabled readers.

These are my suggestions, and I hope they are helpful. My last advice is to have multiple disabled characters, and in different roles. Maybe a character with ALS can no longer do superhero fighting, but he can still be a wonderful parent. Maybe the character with Usher syndrome is more interested in the hero than being a hero themselves (disabled heroes in relationships!). Maybe the character with phocomelia can't be a hero yet because she's six, but she can train hard to be one when she's older. Keep it varied, have them come from different life situations and have different goals just like abled characters do.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[katzkinder]

@ky-kyu you asked about gluttony pair and it got kinda long so I decided to make it a separate post for the sake of people's dashboards. Also, I have another post here!

But I have more thoughts on them thanks to this page Yarra shared earlier, and many more besides, but I'll stick to this scene because otherwise this will really turn into a monster.

the wording nicco uses in the right panel is pretty moving, especially in relation to gluttony, at least in my opinion, and these scene between them is what really made me fall in love with these two as characters who were, quite literally, made for one another.

Basically, it's about how the opposite of Gluttony is a banquet.

Having so much excess and sharing it with others, allowing someone to fill their plate without worry because you know you have more, and how that relates to Nicco being the Eve who has an entire group of people surrounding him at all times, something which makes him unique as far as the main cast go because he's always being supported. The other Eves don't really have like... An entire group of human characters they're close with the way Nicco does.

A banquet without guests will simply rot and go to waste. Nicco, being a mafia boss, brings all those guests with him and allows them to partake of what he has to offer.

Food tastes the best when you share it with someone you love, and your joy is multiplied through their own. The joy of a shared meal cannot be understated. Even terrible food becomes fun when you have someone to laugh about it with. Even failure becomes tolerable when you share it.

And it's just. One of the first moments of big characterization we get from Ildio when we see his past is that he is a man who shares what little he has, even though he acknowledges that he has earned it, and the little slave girl has not. Even that far back, when his only desires went as far as an animal understanding of life, he was someone who could have, and probably did, draw in others around him for that unthinking kindness, so I really love how Nicco handles his problems. Because they actually share a similar fault

Both of them will attempt to take on too much for themselves to bear, and yet they can't help it. To defend the weak is what they feel they must do.

Gluttons for punishment, as it goes

And yet...

To be able to share the pain and the joys, to have a feast with one another with life as the centerpiece…

I think it's just… Extremely beautiful, the way their love for their fellow man is able to express itself

And I think it's even more beautiful, the way that even when being beat to a pulp, Nicco takes the time to look and see and experience the pain Ildio doesn't even realize he's holding onto

He doesn't let Inner Gluttony distract him. He doesn't entertain the demon attempting, however poorly, to shelter Ildio's heart by putting the blinders on. He speaks to him as an equal. As a friend. As someone who is worth listening to, and cherishing. He helps Ildio to face his grief.

He gives Ildio the same love he would give to any friend. Bite by bite, tear by tear, Nicco shares the burden Ildio tried to be Atlas about.

The song Nicco sings while they dance with the people they've loved and lost is Ciuri Ciuri. It's a Sicilian folksong, whose title means "Flowers, Flowers"

The verse Strike has carefully written out on the page translates to "Flowers flowers, flowers all the year. The love you gave me, I give you back"

And the love Nicco gives to Ildio...

Ildio will give back to him.

[thr0wnawayy]

Useless Heroes and Hori's spinelessness with setup.

Salutations! I remembered my password.

(Jk, I've been busy)

It's no secret that Japan's heroes in MHA are extremely incompetent, I've pointed out their general disregard towards human life and surrounding infrastructure.

However what some of you might not know is that a majority of heroes in MHA are completely and utterly useless.

And I'm not just talking from a Doylist perspective either, Heroes in MHA are more of an obstacle than the villains they fight.

Take this panel for example:

Originally I was going to crop this to only include (ugh) Birdman, however on a second read I realized how asinine every single hero (not counting All Might) is.

First off the "clean up". I shouldn't need to explain what's wrong with this. The crowd posing a security risk, the minimal security. The fucking plastic bags!?

I mean really, what the hell can Backdraft achieve here, or Kanami or Mount Lady. The list goes on.

(That also ignores how these 4 imbeciles are getting paid for what a clean up crew or police force could do easily. Not to mention this whole incident veing their fault)

Anywho... We then see Death Arms and another "hero" yelling at Midoriya, who was also a victim of the Sludge Villain and actually bought All Might time. Whereas Bakugo failed like a panicked animal and worsened the situation.

It is here we see the first plot point: Heroes are hypocritical and biased towards those with flashy quirks.

They automatically downplay Midoriya while also neglecting to get him checked on by a paramedic.

Even Bakugo doesn't benefit as these so called Heroes swarm him like a vulture. Just so they can use him to boost their own popularity.

(and if I'm honestly speaking, if Birdman were somehow a high ranker. Bakugo would have fallen for it hook, line and sinker)

This subtly introduces a second idea: that Heroes are not as pure as they seem. Perhaps they can even be corrupt.

These two ideas, plotpoints, call them what you will. Do a good job at showing us the cracks in the mirage. Cracks that seemed to be widening come the Sports Festival.

So what happend?

I'm sure we're all familiar with the utter disappointment/disaster that was MHA's epilogue.

Regardless if you believe the initial final chapter to be canonical or the more recent 'improvement'. We can all agree that it bombed in regards to doing the above any justice.

The simple answer is that Hori (in my opinion) is a spineless hack, who can draw really good but for the love of god. Keep him out of the Writers room.

Hori seems to whine about how dissatisfied he is with MHA's direction towards darker themes or even complaining about characters he wrote into the story himself (see Tetsutesu x2.)

Hori lacks any guts when it comes to his own writing, preferring to laze-about in what's comfortable. The problem is he didn't write a comfortable story.

Corruption, Eugenics, Peer Abuse, Negligence and Human Trafficking. These are all things that MHA brings up but Hori refuses to touch on. Despite having wrote them into the world (and plot) himself.

Someone once commented under a post of mine that my W.I.P worked as a story because the events fit, rather than simply existing for shock value.

Now I cannot confirm whether or not the above were added to drive up stakes. However with how MHA ended up, I wouldn't be surprised if it was like the Big Three all over again. Hori adding something, nor knowing what to do with it and then desperately trying to smother it while introducing the "next big thing".

Ultimately, I find it humorous that someone so inspired by comic books and Star wars, is such a coward when it comes to pushing boundaries. Instead choosing to fall in line with what's trending, what the polls say, chasing after something that could never be obtained in the first place.

But hey look at the bright side, at least we have fan-works.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 163 spoilers and thoughts that are making me procrastinate on like all of my work but its totally fine below the cut

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i am so serious i was completely tricked into thinking this would just be a light episode with some ominous foreshadowing but still some answers for how to defeat fate. i thought we'd be in silly haha territory now and that soon we'd reach the end and everything would be wonderful now and they can finally have what they want. I WAS PROVEN WRONG

YOU. YOU TRICKED ME FROM THE GETGO BY SETTING THE MOOD OF THE EP TO BE SILLY OFF THE BAT. YOUR STUPID CUTE HAIR BEING MESSY WHEN U WAKE UP AND THOSE SILLY ASS D*SNEY ANIMALS. YOU YOU YOU YOU RAPHAEL YOU FOOLED ME

it's super cute and funny that his singing and his general demeanor is so fairytale esque that animals and people just love him even though he tried to destroy what they were working on . he looks adorable with messy hair. i wanna see it more. cute and blond. but also. FUCK YOU

like we went from that to this and i was like "oh my god they're gonna have a bonding moment" and i was so so happy i just,, i really thought,,,,

like he looks so pretty here!! and then javier says something so sweet and so javier-brand of affectionate and they're being funny about it and it's so cute and they're all smiley afterward in the reflections of the water so its like "awww stupid fucking idiots being happy at each other without even really knowing it i love them so much" AND THEN.

STUPID FUCKING OMINOUS REFLECTION GOT ME ALL WORRIED. BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF RAPHIE AT THE START AND WENT "nahhh thats just. yknow. the normal foreshadowing at something bigger. they haven't even gotten answers yet. it's fine" oh lynn. oh girl you had no idea.

like they're so close to the truth cmon they wouldnt dump what they need to do to stop fate AND whats going on w javier at the same time right? ha. ha. ha.

ominous panels aside POOR LLOYD,,, OF ALL THE SECRETS HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN,,, he had no idea its not fair </3 we got blushy lloyd as a result i love this panel btw he's very very cute. super duper bug of him. i really like that the artist has been drawing the two of them at this angle a lot recently they look so stupid i like it a lot

ALSO JAVIER DO YOU. HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY. WHY DID HE ASK THAT I. JAVIER U CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE HOW DEE- WHAT THE FUCK

and then we got hit w javier being worried and i was like "man me too buddy, im worried too but im sure itll be oka-"

DEATH FLAG. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT LLOYD OH GOD. i read this and my worry that was briefly washed away IMMEDIATELY came back . tged is very good at giving me tonal whiplash. i dont think thats a bad thing but also its not good for my health either so. /lh

AND THEN WE GOT HIT WITH THE JEWEL OF TRUTH SECTION AND. AAAAHHH AAAAAAAAHHH the darkness that lloyd is in, he's all alone when he hears this god i . oh god i have so much to say okay

it's kind of hard to go shot by shot with this section because all my thoughts are overlapping with each other but ill try my best???

he's immediately pushed into communication between just him and the jewel and shrouded in a very very isolating darkness. there's so so so much empty space and all my yapping about how much lloyd has been isolating himself for the sake of finally protecting his loved ones kind of comes to a head here. and then we hear the truth...

lloyd is a BUG. the fact that he EXISTS is a problem that has been the catalyst of all the pain and work that he and javier have had to go through, so so early in the story. he's essentially being told that its HIS fault fate is threatening their lives. AND WOW THAT HURTS. how do you cope with being told that?? how do you manage that???

and on TOP of it all, in order to fix it, he has to choose. rid the world of this bug, or let the bug take over. THAT'S SO EVIL

the only way to protect his loved ones is to forfeit his protection over them, giving up his life. and yet the only way for him to continue being there to protect them is to lose the life of the one he absolutely loves most, javier. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT

the moment he hears this he falls to his knees. im so fucking ill IM SICK . THIS IS SICK AND TWISTED!!!!!!!!!!!

some more thoughts on the language and just. inherent despair of this section:

i think the choice of calling lloyd a bug is so so so heartwrenching. i don't know if it's an intentional thing by the writer/adapter or if it's just something they defaulted to since the world is considered a system, but either way it makes me so damn emotional

i'm a computer engineer, so i take some computer science classes too as part of my major, and one of those fun facts that you learn in those classes is that debugging/bugs became common terminology in compsci for a very silly reason. "bugs" as a word to describe error and defects had been present before, but it became conflated with programming due to a team of programmers actually finding a moth, a true to life Bug, interfering with their computer and thus messing with their program.

see, the JoT could have called lloyd anything. an error, a mistake, a problem, hell even a glitch would have worked. but they specifically said bug (and again whether or not thats intentional is up for debate but i will treat it like it is)

and the thing about bugs, the thing that haunts me now, is that without them the rest of the program (theoretically) works fine. if that moth hadnt entered the computer of those programmers, then their code would have been operating smoothly. the system would be chugging along well.

the knight of blood and iron would be functioning just fine.

yeah it'd be sad, yeah javier would have lost everyone, but it would have gone exactly as the program was written. the memory allocated for the class lloyd_frontera would be freed, and the story wouldn't have had to call on it, ever. but lloyd, the bug, the moth, stuck around. errors ensue.

and often, bugs are HUMAN error. it's a problem in a human design, not a natural glitch or mistake. the moth wouldn't have been able to enter that computer if it was built differently. bugs do not appear naturally. and they do not go away until you go back to where the bug appears and FIX IT. lloyd cannot fix the story, he can NEVER achieve the happy ending he's always wanted, because the program will always be bugged because of HIM.

suddenly too, all the little changes that have happened in the story thus far make so much sense. all of those events happening EARLIER than they should have completely tracks.

the choices lloyd made - to defeat neumann, defeat lacona, go to cremo, go to the capital - pushed javier's presence ahead, and i know that's like really really obvious, but coupled with this bug analogy i feel insane because

something that's very common in programming in general are function calls, where on the side you have the function written out all complete, and in your main code you can just say the name of the function. when it compiles, itll know what to refer to when it sees the name in your main code.

something else thats very common is conditionals! y'know, your classic "if (comparison here) then do (this thing here) else (do this thing here)", you might have seen this before (or not, im not sure how well versed tged tumblr is on programming which is why im explaining this)

and u think back to javier being there EARLY and oh. ooohh....

if (javier.location == magentano.event_location(banquet)) {

kyle_betrayal(alicia);

}

this function, this betrayal, was called early. THIS WAS CALLED EARLY because a certain character object, lloyd frontera, changed the state of javier's location way sooner than it should have happened. a bug. a bug. a bug. a bug made the code jump to this conditional. he's been a bug this whole time

and you think to when the glitches on javier first started appearing and oh. oooohhh. the object referred to as javier, disabled the "protagonist" variable on him and passed it onto lloyd. but that won't do, because all these functions for the ENTIRE STORY rely on javier's class object. how can it call on lloyd instead? lloyd should have been freed, aka the memory storing his little array of data, should have been REMOVED. CAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE

theres more examples of this throughout the whole story that maybe ill list another day (as much as im yapping about it, its really not that hard/deep on figuring out where things were called early lol) but yeah yeah yeah. yeah this is so so evil and i cant believe i didnt put two and two together earlier. this analogy is SO EVIL WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME

apologies for the jargon btw. i have no idea if i explained this right or if anyone else really knows what im talking about but i've been losing it over this for the entire weekend ALKDFJLSDKF

WHATS WORSE IS THAT IVE BEEN CALLING LLOYD A BUG FOR LIKE. ACTUAL MONTHS. I WOULD REFER TO HIM AS A CREATURE AND AS A LITTLE ITTY BITTY BUG AND NOW I FEEL SO SO TERRIBLE BECAUSE HE REALLY WAS A BUG. I MADE A SHITPOST AND EVERYTHING (that ill prolly post later) THAT I HAD NO IDEA WOULD. AGE POORLY SOB SOB SOB

I AM SO SO SORRY LLOYD. I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sniffle,,, sob,,, anyway,,, thats enough yapping about bugs and programming and lloyd being a bug,,, back to the anguish

the following section is just. god ow ow OW. the shaking linework, the shadows setting in at the top with the dramatic bottom lighting, and the blur on javier as he loses focus and starts truly, truly panicking makes me INSANE. artist you're making me CRAZY!!!

javier truly has no idea either but god dammit he's trying his best to help, but how can lloyd explain this to the man whos completely and utterly loyal to him to the point of sincere devotion? if lloyd tells him, whos to say that javier - the martyr that he is - won't just give up his life for him? god that's so... GOD. GOD GOD GOD WHY AGHHH

AND AGGHHH AGGGHHHH THE FLASHBACKS TO THE P PANELS OF SUHO WORKING SO SO HARD TO REACH THE LIGHT. GOD FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK

ITS DIMMER ITS HARDER TO REACH AND OH MY GOD THE PANEL OF LLOYD REACHING UP EVEN IN HIS PANIC TOWARDS HOPE. THE THOUGHT THAT "ITLL GET BETTER ONE DAY" COMFORTED HIM AND KEPT HIM ALIVE BUT NOW ITS BEING RIPPED FROM HIM I FEEL ILL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL

this panel of that light going out . not much words on this i just feel sick to my stomach. why would u do that.

and finally at the end of the chapter we have this incredibly HAUNTING panel of lloyd panicking. the despair here is UNREAL. the lineart is shaken and messy and scribbly, and the focus on his face and his hand gives the panel a very claustrophobic and hard-to-breathe feel and it makes mE SICK!!! IT MAKES ME SICK!!! SICK AND TWISTED!!!! JEWEL OF TRUTH I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

anyway that's all my thoughts for right now . i really really hope they figure out a loophole or something . if they dont im actually gonna keel over and die /j not literally but yknow what i mean

SICK AND TWISTED!!! is my final word on this ep

thanks for joining me in hell ill see yall next week salute emoji

[beryllineart]

Battle Against Lancer

... Oh dear... That wasn't supposed to happen...

Deltarune belongs to Toby Fox

Ok, little headcanon here, I think it would be cool if Darkners turned into the object they are in the Light World if they die in the Dark World. Hence, Lancer turning into the Jack of Spades when Susie kills him. She has no idea what just happened, and even though she didn't get any LOVE or anything, she knows that Lancer is definitely dead, and it's her fault. And the player can't do anything to stop it because they can't control or stop Susie.

Anyways, with Ralsei, his robes would cover up the object he really is when he reaches 0 hp, but it wouldn't be damaged like Lancer's card is because it's not a permanent death unless the whole team dies.

But come on, turning into the object could have a whole lore behind it, because the Angel is worshipped by the Light and feared by the Dark, right? So what if it is because light doesn't mean death, but death means light to the Darkners? Like, when a Darkner dies, they are brought to the Light and forced into that form, permanently. It makes sense in my head, ignore my ramblings.

Anyways, I'm not sure how my headcanon would work for Chapter 2 Darkners, but come on, I wasn't going to miss the chance to draw a card sliced to bits with a traumatized Susie looking on. You can tell that I cared about that page because I added a background. Also, I realize that the soul on page 2 comes from Susie when technically it should come from Kris, but I liked the way it looked (and totally didn't notice where it was spawning from when I played the game.)

Comics are hard, but I had so much fun playing around with the panels on the first two pages. My pacing might be a bit off though... Also, it's so so hard to draw the same character over and over in different poses, so sorry if Susie looks a bit different than she should, I did my best. And sorry for the ramble, but that's why I put the keep reading thing up above. If you read through my brain dump, good job! Get yourself a cookie.

[riririnnnn]

Warning: Anime Spoilers.

I think about this panel a lot:

And this one too:

I don't understand why people think that Sae changed after Spain. I mean, that boy has always been blunt and rude. After calling Rin incredible the day the younger Itoshi barged into his soccer match, Sae never actually praised Rin; that boy literally said, "If it's you, then you can be the best after me." He had always criticised Rin's play/goals and was never really like, "Ooh, my cute patootie lil otouto."

Also, this:

Imagine coming back home after 4 years, and your little brother accuses you of changing. Further, this was the first time, when Rin talked back to his Nii-chan; we need to get Sae's perspective of this flashback too.

Sae literally had his suitcase with him when he came to that field; that boy's ass landed and the first thing he did is to go to his little brother.

And:

Of course, Sae would bet like this. Rin himself said, "Nii-chan doesn't like losing." Also, is that just drawing style or those are eyebags/dark circles under Sae's eyes? And Rin literally pointed out, "Have you lost weight?" It's clearly visible that whatever happened in Spain, Sae wasn't in his happiest state.

It also wasn't like Sae jumped onto Rin on sight. The older Itoshi had tried to explain how different is the world stage and lalalalala, it was Rin himself who was acting naïve and immature, and didn't give Sae proper time to explain himself.

But this:

I agree is really harsh, but if we take in account of the fact that Sae has been a rude person from the start, then what he said isn't really wrong. Rin's inner monologue was literally, "Can I be cool like Nii-chan too?" when he barged into the soccer match.

It isn't/wasn't completely Sae's fault for Rin to idolise him.

Also, I don't blame Sae for hating Japan's soccer/football (whatever you call it) because imagine being treated as a nation's treasure at the age of 13 years old, only to find that you ain't shit in the world (as pointed out by Sendou, Sae is only a reserve in Royale Madrid/Re Al).

To sum everything up, I do think that Sae got a really harsh slap from reality in Spain, and he really didn't want Rin to go through the same. That's why he tried to explain Rin about everything only to realise that Rin's main aim was never to be the best striker in the world, it was just to be with his Nii-chan, and it irked Sae. After whatever happened in Spain, Sae must've made some kind of safe place in Rin that he could see his dream come true through his younger brother, but Rin wasn't heading to that direction especially when he couldn't even defeat Sae and there are, as stated by Sae himself, better player in the whole world than him— must've been a hard hit for Sae to know that his dreams have really ended; maybe that's why he was so interested in Blue Lock? He could finally see someone who could make his dream be true after all; maybe that's why he is so obsessed with passing to the best striker in world (I'm referring to his wish to make the best pass to the best striker in the world if it were to be his last day on Earth) because he is seeing his own dream in that person.

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This post might seem jumbled and it is jumbled, but it's my first time trying to make some kind of theory, so please be kind.

Edit: Sae isn't a reserve in Royale Madri/Re Al. He is a second division player. Sorry, I misread some things.

[strlingsav]

Drive: Six

– Simon "Ghost" Riley x F! Reader

Explicit sexual content under the cut. Read at your own risk.

You blinked a few times, your attention grabbed by a knock at your door. You groaned, pulling your eyes from staring at the TV, to eyeing the door. Standing to your feet, you trudged to answer it.

Your slippers hit the ground as you neared the door, wrapping your blanket over your shoulders to draw in more warmth.

Pulling the door open, your eyes met with a familiar face- Simon. You sighed, reaching to slam the door when his foot stepped forward and caught it before it could close. You ignored it, making your way back to the couch where you sat down with a huff.

"You ain't been answerin' my calls," He said, moving forward to enter your apartment. "Thought I'd check in."

He idled, unlike him, and searched your apartment with awkward eyes- full of unspoken emotions and feelings that he'd been harbouring since your surgery. He lingered by the door, watching you curl up on your sofa in an attempt to drown him out.

"Thought I told you I don't need you here," You answered back, your eyes glued to the TV.

He sighed, slowly stepping toward the couch, where you'd practically lived for the last few months since being dismissed. You hadn't cooked a meal, done laundry- you'd hardly left the comfortable and inviting abyss for anything other than the bathroom and a shower.

"Yeah," He nodded. "Y'said that. I don't believe it."

You rolled your eyes, tucking your knees to your chest.

"If I wanted to hear from you, I'd have answered your calls." You met his gaze briefly, before shifting to stare at the screen.

"There was a time you were glad to hear from me. Glad to have me here."

"That was before you fucked up my career."

He paused, his brows furrowing. So much had changed between spending the night wrapped in his arms and now- hardly able to stand the sight of him. You'd found out about his insubordination not long after that night; in court, where you'd been honourably discharged following Price's report of the incident. It was only mercy on Price's behalf that you hadn't seen more severe consequences.

Simon, however, was too valuable. His experience, rank, knowledge- they couldn't let him go. Shepherd wouldn't allow it, and the task force would be scrambling without him. So instead, they let you go. Dissolved your contract and effectively made you a social pariah in the eyes of your teammates.

You never knew exactly what he'd confessed to. Was it the entirety of your relationship? The nearly year-long affair that you'd hidden from everyone, including your captain? Or did he only mention a few nights, a few mistakes?

"Savin' your life is fuckin' up your career?"

"I'd rather you have kept your mouth shut. I lost my job. I lost my dignity, the respect of my teammates. I don't even know what to do with myself now."

"You knew the risks goin' in, sweetheart. It ain't my fault you ain't happy with the consequences."

"Except it is- because if you'd done your job instead of worrying about me, I wouldn't be sitting here on this couch."

"You'd be dead," Simon said, finding your eyes. "You'd be fuckin' dead. You expect me to let you bleed out? You daft?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Simon."

"We ain't talked in weeks. You can hardly look at me. So I'll talk," He said. "You've got no bloody idea how it made me feel to hear your voice over my radio. I wasn't gonna let you die. Hate me all you like, sweetheart, but if I were to do it over again, I'd do the exact same fuckin thing."

Your eyes met his, inhaling harshly as you deliberated what to say next. You were angry; maybe not at him, maybe at Price, or yourself, or the panel of military officers that agreed to have you discharged. But you were angry. Frustrated.

You paused, finally free to think for a moment while you stared at him. God, did you miss him. You missed his brown eyes, crooked nose, and disheveled hair. The smell he exuded that left your stomach with butterflies and calmed your senses. Your eyes reached his lips, twitching with restlessness and frustration. You wanted to kiss him, wanted to feel something other than utter failure and humiliation.

You clenched your jaw- how long could you truly hold out? Stay away from him? It was completely obvious from the moment you woke up from surgery and saw him across the room. You loved him. But your heart, regardless of whether it was in the right place, couldn't stand the thought of holding him back. You needed to be cut off from the source.

"I know," You nodded. "I think that's the problem. We got too wrapped up- too focused on something that wasn't real, wasn't sustainable."

"Not real?" He grimaced, backing away. "Don't you fuckin' say that. We both know it was real."

You sighed, leaning back against the couch as you looked up to meet his gaze. Your stomach dropped.

"We liked it because it was wrong. Give yourself some time, you'll realize. You won't want me without the risk."

He glared, a deadly glare that made you feel scrutinized under his gaze.

"I don't know what kinda shit you been fed, but I still want you. Fuck- I want you. More now than ever, sweetheart."

He knelt down, letting his palm smooth over your cheek, his long fingers meeting the side of your head. He forced you to meet his gaze, those cold brown eyes poring into yours.

"I want you." He repeated, watching you inhale a sharp breath.

You wanted to cry, scream; anything to get him out of your vicinity, or else you'd cave. You'd give in to his sweet words and intoxicating voice. You'd give in to nostalgia and the warm feelings he flooded you with. But you wanted to be angry, wanted to stay angry so you didn't have to face exactly what you were feeling for him.

"Stop," You blurted, your hand wrapping around his wrist in an attempt to remove it. "Simon-"

He held strong, pulling the blanket off your body as he wedged himself between your thighs, pulling you closer. His nose brushed against your cheek, his warm breath tickling your ear.

"Don't-" You started, before he cut you off by pressing his lips to yours.

They were cold and unwelcoming, an effort to get you to be quiet, to stop talking before you said something that would end things indefinitely.

You squirmed in his grasp for a moment, before the nostalgia hit; the feel of his arms on your palms, a soft scruff formed on his face, his nose brushing against yours. His tongue slid inside your mouth, and butterflies erupted in your stomach.

You jolted forward, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as he clung to your waist with his giant paw-like hands. He pulled you into his chest, turning his body to sit on the couch with you on his lap. Your hands grabbed at his face, whimpering as his hands drifted down to your ass.

"I missed you," He said between your lips, pulling your body closer to his.

He lifted your shirt off your torso, breathless gasps for air as you disconnected, before he removed his himself. Your eyes drifted to his impressively muscular abdomen, and the bulky shoulders and biceps that moved as he desperately pulled you into him.

You shivered, a low groan escaping your lips when he pressed his to your neck. His kisses were soft, savouring the texture and smell of your skin in case you decided to pull away. He reached around to relieve you of your bra, pulling it off you before his calloused hands glided up your sides and cupped your breasts.

Your hips moved forward, a motion of which you hoped would give some pleasure, especially as he showered your breasts with small bites and warm licks across your nipples. His hands dug into your flesh, frantically reaching for any part of you he could grab.

He lowered his hand to your waistband, sliding it beneath your panties to feel you again. His eyes shut, a heavy breath in as his fingers reached your clit. He missed the feel of you, how soft and silky every single part of you was. How inviting you were, how wet you got for him even when he'd hardly touched you.

"Fuckin' 'ell," He grumbled under his breath, while his other hand held you in place. "Y' feel so goddamn good."

You whimpered quietly, grinding your clit over his fingers, soft breaths fanning his face. You reached and pulled the waistband of your pants down, haphazardly removing your sweatpants before settling back down on his lap.

He swiftly lifted you, pinning you to the couch beneath him. Your hands flew to his chest, warm to the touch, and he paused briefly.

"Don't tell me to stop," He breathed, removing his belt with one hand as he pulled his jeans down his hips. His cock was pressed against your thigh, heavy, warm, teasing you with every subtle grind of his hips. "Please, sweetheart," He whispered, nose brushing against your cheek.

Your breath caught in your chest at his plea, goosebumps scattering your skin as he begged you not to stop, to allow him to please you.

"It's okay," You nodded, your arms sliding around his shoulders, pulling him against you. "I want you."

He groaned softly, aligning his cock with your pussy before slowly sinking in at an agonizing pace. Your back arched into him, your eyes meeting his as your jaw fell slack.

"Yes," You whispered, choked and strained. "Yes- please."

He buried his head in your neck, rounding his hips as he pushed his cock even deeper inside you. Your wetness allowed him to slide in with ease, and his choked breaths in your ear alerted you to the fact that he wouldn't last long.

"Missed you-missed bein' inside you," He mumbled, panting heavily beside you.

The confession made your heart clench- you knew Simon well. It took a lot for him to admit to missing you, even if it was said in passing while fucking you. He meant it.

Your eyes were watery; half pleasure and sadness, a bitter-sweet feeling that made you press your head against his shoulder, wrap your legs around his waist. You wanted to be close, you wanted comfort. You wanted things to be back the way they were, but a small part of you was almost grateful now. The other, larger, part knew that it was likely the end for the two of you. Your commitment had ended as soon as you were discharged, and you imagined Simon would move along to the next.

You knew he didn't want to hear that you loved him. He didn't want to know that even if he'd stuck his neck out and it lead to ending your career, you were thankful, grateful. He'd saved your life, you knew that, and yet you couldn't bring yourself to tell him how you felt. Because if you did, you'd be making him choose between his career and yourself. And he'd choose his career.

His hand cradled your head, his thumb finding your lip, pushing his finger between your teeth. His elbow was placed beside your head, rhythmic thrusts that were consistent, hitting the spot every time. Your eyes made contact with his, brows furrowed, mouth agape as he thrusted into you, finding pleasure in watching your lips wrap around his thumb.

He craned his neck, his lips pressing against your throat, and at the same time, as your fingers circled your clit in tandem with his thrusts, you tilted your head back. A moan, from deep in your chest, animalistic and genuine, escaped as your muscles tensed, your orgasm descending quickly.

"Fuck sake," He grunted, overwhelmed by the strength of your pussy constricting around his cock.

You shivered, your consciousness returning as your orgasm finished in short bursts. Your chest heaved as you caught your breath, and shortly after that, Simon's thrusts became short and rough. His hips slamming against yours, until he released inside you with a groan.

You fell back with a sigh, watching Simon's face, cheeks flushed, brows dipped together. He hesitated for a moment, before lifting himself off of you, retreating to the other side of the couch.

You sat up, making eye contact with him. It was silent, only the noise of the TV to cover the heavy breathing between you. Admittedly, it was uncomfortabl. It was the first time you'd felt awkward around Simon, unsure what was next.

He reached out to grab your shirt, offering it to you. You blinked, taking it and pulling it over your head.

"Thanks," You whispered. "For everything. I should've said that, before."

"No thanks necessary," He shook his head.

You waited a beat, with watery eyes and a dizzy head. You were beyond confused; what started out as a simple affair had turned into deep feelings and complicated emotions. It overwhelmed you, to say the least, and before you began to cry, you cleared your throat.

You nodded. "You should head out," You said, a lump growing in your throat.

You wanted him to stay. You wanted to blurt out that you loved him- but you couldn't do that to him, couldn't force your feelings on him when he wasn't likely to stick around. You didn't want to be the one to take things a step further while he was halfway across the world. It wasn't fair.

He looked shocked- like it was the last thing he expected to hear from you. He'd thought it was smoothed over, that you knew what he wanted. But your eyes couldn't meet his, and his gut sank as he realized you were never going to feel the way he did. You wouldn't want him the way he wanted you.

He stood from the couch, yanking his shirt on.

"Goodnight," He muttered, stepping past you as he walked to the door. "Just know I meant it. Everythin' I said."

Your head turned to see him again, briefly catching a glimpse of his boot before the door slammed.

[melishade]

Attack on Prime New Age Anthology: Reminiscing

Main Story

Return to that Sick Mind II

Return to that Sick Mind III

Return to that Sick Mind IV

The TFP Kids and the Survey Corps share memories about Optimus.

"You know," Jack began, "I don't think we've ever seen Optimus that expressive before."

Armin was lying down on the bed, looking up at the blank ceiling. He turned his head to face Jack, and the older gentleman was leaning against the space where the glass and wall merged.

"He got angry at you guys for coming out to fight," Jack explained, "The idea of Optimus panicking seems surreal. And then...the screaming over the comm. link system."

Armin sighed at that, knowing what Jack was referring to. The moments right after the power of the titans had ended.

"We know it's Optimus now, but...he just seems so different," Jack confessed.

"...How did Optimus use to act when he was leader of the Autobots?" Armin asked.

"Stoic, assured, never really wore his emotions out on his sleeves," Jack explained, "One time I asked him if he wanted to see something funny, but he just said 'no' so bluntly. It didn't mean he didn't care about us or anything. I think it was just a lot of responsibility."

"I did ask him one time if I could come to the Arctic with him and see snow," Rafael chimed in, tying away on his laptop, "He said no, but he promised he would bring me back a snowball. That didn't happen because we had a scraplet infestation, but I did get to see the Arctic later."

"We get snow on the island," Armin explained, "And we had to rent out a place for Optimus to stay in because he didn't want to use all the resources on the neutral ship or make the trips at all. We even made him a large blanket for him to use and keep warm."

"Really?" Rafael asked in surprise.

"Aw, that's sweet," Miko cooed, lying on her back perpendicular to her bed.

"Yeah, Optimus doesn't like winter time," Hanji snickered, knocking their knuckles against the floor to try and find a loose panel.

"Did he wear the blanket like a cape?" Miko asked.

"He did!" Hanji exclaimed with excitement.

"Damn it! I want pictures!" Miko shouted.

"I don't like winter, but Optimus made it just a little bit bearable," Sasha proclaimed, "He told us a lot of his battles on Earth, managed to draw in a whole crowd of people with his story telling."

"Gotta be a good speaker to be a good leader," Jack declared.

"Yeah, we also got into a snowball fight with him," Sasha added.

Miko shot up from the bed while Jack and Rafael snapped their heads at her.

"Optimus Prime? 'Primes don't party'? Was in a snowball fight?!" Miko screeched.

"I concede, some of it was my fault." Hanji raised their hand.

"How the hell do you get Optimus to participate in a snowball fight?!" Jack demanded.

"Well, they asked." Hanji pointed to Armin's cell next to them, "And the minute I phrased it as a 'training exercise', he started annihilating the 104th left and right."

"Sounds about right," Rafael commented.

"Did you know that he lost!" Sasha screeched in anger.

"HE LOST?!" They all screamed.

"Yeah, somehow Armin managed to get him in the back! Which I'm still pressed about!" Sasha shouted.

"Yeah, I guess I got lucky." Armin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Yeah, some luck! I want to join in on the snowball fight next time!" Miko declared.

"Miko, he's probably not-!"

"He's not escaping this!" Miko cut Rafael off.

"That's insane. Optimus never participated in any recreational activities. Now he's out here having snowball fights," Jack said in disbelief.

"Optimus was still quite reserved when we first met him," Hanji explained, "It did take a lot of talks and coaxing to really get him out of his shell."

"I mean, you guys did a pretty great job," Jack praised.

"I think part of it was that initially, Optimus was considered a threat among our people," Hanji explained.

"Really?" Miko deadpanned.

"Optimus is a giant, metal, titan and we thought humanity was extinct by man-eating titans. How do you think that'll make the population feel?" Hanji pressed their ear against the floor, "He wasn't exalted or worship as a Prime. He was feared. Then many of us started seeing him as an ally and equal. One of the big things Optimus did to gain Levi's trust was prepare the bodies of his former squad for a funeral."

"That's really thoughtful," Miko declared.

"It...definitely helped a lot of us with the grieving process," Hanji admitted.

"Wait, what do you mean worshipped?" Willy asked, awakened by the conversation at hand.

"According to Ratchet, being a Prime is the highest honor a Cybertronian can receive," Rafael explained, "It's like being ordained by god."

"...you're kidding, right?" Colt asked.

"He literally went down to the core of their planet, which has his god Primus, and he gave Optimus the Matrix," Rafael explained, "Not to mention all the cool stuff he can access with it."

"The Forge of Solus Prime, which made anything with a swing. It's broken now. The Star Saber. You guys saw it cut up the Colossal Titans," Miko listed, "Hey Jack, do you still have the Key to Vector Sigma?"

"The what?" Armin asked in confusion.

Jack dug into his pockets and pulled out a glowing rectangular metal sheet. "Managed to snag it before the rest of my clothes got taken from me."

"What does that do?" Onyankopon asked, exiting from the makeshift bathroom.

"We had to use it to download Optimus' memories when he got amnesia," Jack answered.

"Amnesia?!" Gabi sounded panicked, "When did Optimus get amnesia?!"

"There was a world ending event we had on Earth," Jack explained, "Optimus and the Autobots went to stop it, and Optimus had to use the Matrix in his chest to stop the event from happening and the Earth from getting destroyed. It caused his memories to get wiped and for him to revert back to Orion Pax."

"And then Buckethead kidnapped him," Miko seethed.

"Wow, Megatron, it just gets worse for you," Hanji muttered under their breath.

"Optimus gave me the key and told me it was for the groundbridge power supply," Jack explained, "I ended up going to Cybertron with Arcee to download his memories."

"Wow, Optimus lied to you and you didn't notice?" Hanji raised their head from the floor.

"Hey, things were pretty tense," Jack retorted.

"Optimus is a shit liar!" Hanji exclaimed.

"Look, he probably gave it to me and lied about it because he knew the others would try to stop him," Jack assumed, "Optimus...let me keep it after we got him back."

"...Optimus never let us keep any important relics," Hanji muttered.

"Didn't he start teaching you how to read their language?" Armin recalled.

"Whoa, you can read Cybertronian?" Rafael asked in surprise.

"The older language. The Golden Age Text." Hanji waved off.

"Still, that's impressive," Rafael praised.

"Thanks." Hanji rubbed the back of their head.

"...Hey how did Optimus handle the war being over?" Miko couldn't help but ask, "The Bots handled it differently, but Boss Bot was away from Cybertron."

"Yeah...Optimus was sad about it," Armin explained.

"Really?" Jack asked with concern.

"I think he was sad about the fact that he couldn't go back home," Armin explained, "The neutral ship was mainly used for spare parts. We couldn't use it for communications or transportation. Arcee and Wheeljack weren't there at the time, and Megatron said he got thrown through a spacebridge, so he didn't remember the way back. Optimus was stranded on another world, and...majority of that world hated him and wanted him gone."

Gabi felt her stomach drop at Armin's explanation, and she covered her mouth and curled up into a ball to hide her tears. Willy darted his eyes in guilt while Colt stared in pity.

"But that doesn't mean we didn't do something nice for him!" Hanji declared, "We scavenged for every single book on the walls and a few from Marley and got him a library to keep, since he used to be an archivist and all!"

"You guys made Optimus a library?" Jack couldn't help but smile.

"Why not?" Hanji smiled back, "We care about Optimus. He's our ally and friend."

Jack looked down at the key card and smiled. "Thanks."

"For what?" Armin asked.

"For watching out for Optimus and taking care of him," Jack elaborated, "Sounds like you guys really made Optimus happy."

"We tried our best." Hanji shrugged, "Although, can't say I've made it easier for him. One time, he told us about Halloween, and I threatened to wipe some information from the neutral ship if he didn't tell us more scary stories."

"He told you scary stories?!" Miko exclaimed.

"Yeah, and we made a betting pool on it!" Hanji cackled, "And then Buckethead ruined the whole thing with a Cybertronian horror story!"

"Who won the pot?!" Miko asked.

"Mikasa!" Hanji grinned, "She wouldn't crack until Megatron told his story! Oh, and he also told us about a holiday called 'Day of the Dead'-!"

"He told you about Dia de Los Muertos?" Rafael asked in surprise and excitement, "He still remembered what I told him?"

"We couldn't do a massive festival, but we did have a toast in the cemetery where our comrades were buried," Armin explained, "It was nice."

Rafael set his laptop down and stood up. "We we're done, I'm taking everyone to a proper festival! We'll make altars and we'll eat concha bread and dance!"

"What's concha bread?!" Sasha asked with excitement.

Jack watched with a small smile as the conversation continued. The spy felt something vibrate in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He opened his text messages and read the most recent one.

Inquire about Eren Jaeger.

Jack started typing back. They don't want to talk about him yet.

We looked into Megatron's mind with the cortical psychic patch.

Jack typed furiously. Whoa! What?!

We've learned information about Eren Jaeger, but Megatron has confessed that he has a negative bias towards him.

I thought the patch didn't alter memories.

We still need more information on Eren. There is information that is missing. We need a different perspective.

Jack sighed to himself before standing up. "Gotta go to the bathroom." He walked over to the back and opened the door to the makeshift bathroom. He locked the door and took a deep breath before texting Ultra Magnus once more.

What did you find?

Jack waited. He saw the bubbles, waiting for the message to be sent. Jack was confused when he got a video. He played the video and closed the lid of the toilet before sitting down on it.

“Wait! Eren, please! Please listen to me!” Jack heard Optimus' voice, “Don’t activate the Colossal Titans within the wall! I understand your fear of Marley and the rest of the humans on this world! But this is not the way to handle the situation! You have the titan power; you have weakened Marley! That alone should be enough!”

Jack took noticed of Eren, the same armored titan that showed up in the feed. He looked like he was nervous, hesitating.

 “This violence; this lust for vengeance will only lead to more destruction and devastation!” Optimus declared, “Listen to reason, Eren! Stand down now, and let us come with a better solution!”

Eren growled as he threatened to scream, but Optimus continued. “Listen to me, Eren! If you activate the rumbling, you will not only be destroying the entire world but the island as well! The people you wish to protect: Historia, Mikasa, Armin, the Survey Corps will be affected! Innocent humans, both Marleyan and Eldian who had nothing to do with attacks against the island, will be killed in the ensuing chaos! The entire world will be devastated, and the only ones that have survived will only see this action as a tasteless once! Creating a new world on mountains of bodies and rivers of blood is not justified! If you do this, you will only be seen as a monster, regardless of your motivation!”

“Eren, I know this isn’t the path that you want, and if you stand down now we can find another solution! This isn’t the path to peace! Think for one second about the weight of your actions! If you do this, you will cause humanity’s extinction! That will be with you for the rest of your life! Do you really wish to be the one?! Do you really wish to be the cause of the death and destruction of all of mankind?!”

Jack leaned forward as he saw Optimus take slow steps towards Eren.

“That’s enough, Eren,” Optimus whispered, holding out his servo, “Please, come home.”

Jack knew what came next. This guy made up his mind. He witnessed that decision, but he still grew ridged when he heard the titan speak. He didn't understand what he said because of the lack of lips, but it caused Optimus to scream his name and reach out for him. Jack covered his mouth in shock as something shot his head off, but then a centipede emerged from the spine and reconnected with the head. Jack had stopped the video once he saw the walls beginning to fall. He took deep and heavy breaths, trying to calm his nerves. He never felt so sick, and Jack was now left with one raging question in his mind.

How the hell does someone get pushed so far into believing that genocide is the only option?

(Okay, so for reference:

Halloween Anthology: Optimus tells scary stories from Earth to the Survey Corps in honor of the Halloween Spirit. Bonus: Dia de Los Muertos: Optimus and the Survey Corps honor the ones that they have lost. Winter Anthology:  Optimus and the Survey Corps navigate the every changing twists and turns of the weather as the seasons change from fall to spring.

Like these are canon to the AOP story. Just as a reminder.)

[20001541]

sometimes, I look at Yoichi’s death panel and I feel like AFO looks more confused than just plain possessive, and usually whenever we see AFO (or anyone) use a quirk there’s some drawing or little things to show that, but in this scene we didn’t…

so maybe it wasn’t AFO’s fault? Maybe it was the transfer??

like All might did say to Izuku that his limbs would burst off if he gets one for all without a good or trained body, and I mean Yoichi’s pretty frail, and this is my theory lmao that I thought of last night while trying to sleep, probably someone else has thought of it but 🤷‍♀️

I've heard of this theory before from other people, but it's one I personally disagree with for several reasons.

yes while all might did tell izuku that his limbs would burst if he received ofa without training his body to be stronger, ofa happened to be very weak during the scene in the sewer. there weren't any other quirks stacked in it like when izuku received ofa, the two quirks that had been inside yoichi combined into one. so yoichi only had one quirk in him at that time so don't think there would've any strain on his body from that.

you also have to take into consideration that ofa during all mights time was extremely powerful and had all the quirks from the previous users inside it. I think if ofa had been too strenuous for yoichi to handle he would've died the moment afo gave him the other quirk that combined with the one he already had, not randomly explode two months later. I think if it had been too much for his body to handle he would've died similar to the way shinomori died, but he didn't live long enough to see if that would happen to him or not.

there is also this scene at the end of 407, where we get a glimpse of afo's own thoughts as he watches yoichi run away from him in the sewers.

this shows that afo was already extremely upset watching yoichi run away with men who hate him. also just look how afo focused on yoichi holding kudou's hand right before we see that same hand be severed from yoichi's body with blood surrounding it. and the next chapter we see how it wasn't only his hand that was severed but that his entire body fell apart. so yeah I don't think it's a coincidence that yoichi fell apart right after afo was staring at their hands and says "enough of this". he probably reached out his hand to stop them only to accidently use a quirk in his distressed state of mind.

the biggest reason why I don't like this theory though has to be from more a narrative stand point. to me I think it is extremely ironic that the one person afo cares and loves the most is someone he accidently killed because he got upset that he didn't want anything to do with him anymore. his whole life he has maintained this grip on yoichi and he assumed that yoichi always be there for him, yet the moment yoichi found the opportunity to escape he took it.

just imagine how big of a slap to the face it felt to afo, who presumably had been hunting yoichi nonstop after he escaped, to see that not only is his brother running from him but that he refuses to look back at him. and there's something tragic in how he spends the next century chasing after one of the only pieces of his brother he has left and blames everyone but himself for the reason why yoichi isn't with him anymore. we know the vault is what ultimately pushed yoichi away from him, but if you add on that afo is the reason why yoichi is dead in the first place it just makes it 10 times worse.

if you turn this into a "yoichi only died because ofa was too much for his body" it erases all of that and takes the blame off of afo for yoichi's death. while he did give him the extra quirk, you can't find afo fully at fault if you claim the quirk killed yoichi because how was afo supposed to know that would happen? he even said he tried to get a weak quirk so his brothers body would handle it well so he took precautions.

I think it works better if afo's own inability to see yoichi as person with his own free will and not an object he owns is what ultimately killed yoichi. because that's how this whole conflict started right? afo wanted yoichi to conform to his will alone, he didn't care about how yoichi felt about the matter nor about his free will. he was only concerned with getting him to follow him and be by his side no matter what.

that's my thoughts on the matter though, thanks for sending the ask I've been wanting to talk about this particular subject for a while now

[alyeecoffee]

Reasons why I took a long time updating or stopped updating my kyman AUs:

1. I feel like my AU is not worth continuing so I got lazy and lost hope to continue it

2. I look at people's kyman AUs more better than mine and it makes me feel so jealous (no, it's not their fault at all, they're cool, it's just that my ideas are uninteresting, that's all 💔)

3. Not even half of people like my creations because it's boring and again, uninteresting

4. the kyman community doesn't know me after what I created for almost a year so, what's the point? 💔

5. My drawings are always deformed and ugly every panel comic

6. I didn't get paid

[heartfulselkie]

I love your art style! You do such a good job of drawing characters in adorable ways (especially Chat Noir, he must be protected at all costs).

Do you have any advice on how to draw chibi/chibi-esque characters? I’ve been trying on and off for years and all my attempts inevitably look strangely proportioned and unnatural rather than cute.

Thank you so much! I do tend to enjoy drawing cute things so I end up doing it a lot (with Adrien/Chat Noir being my favourite to draw) 🤭

Chibi/chibi-esque drawing is a little weird since its usually skews the body's proportions. This is why it can look really weird sometimes. But sometimes that weirdness can be charming? It's really a matter of finding a way that works for you and that you like.

For me, my "squish style" (as I like to call it to myself 😂) has taken a lot of trial and error. Drawing, drawing and more drawing is the best thing to improving.

Yes, it sometimes comes out looking awful. I've had plenty of times where I just can't get a drawing to look right. It still happens. Even when I draw comics the same character can look different across multiple panels 🤣

But sometimes a drawing is good enough. And good enough really is GOOD ENOUGH. I can be a perfectionist, but trying to be perfect just ends up in a lot of frustration. Sometimes I look at a drawing I've made and can see the faults in it - but that's a drawing I made and I've decided it's good enough. Being kind to yourself does a lot more for your improvement than people realise, I think.

I'm a little all over the place when it comes to advice, but I'll share something someone told me before and it stuck with me and did a lot to help me relax:

There's no straight lines in the (human) body

Humans are naturally squish and curved! Even when a body is tough and toned, it has natural curves to it. So your lines don't need to be precise.

"Chibi" obviously emphasises on these curves and softness - especially around the face. Simplify the features! Squish and soften them! Are there artists whose styles you like? Trying drawing the bits you like and mix it up! Put Artist A's eye shapes on Artists B's head shapes!

I think the learning part is a fantastic part of doing any kind of art. Yes it can be tedious and tiresome and frustrating at times, but there's really nothing wrong with learning and figuring things out. We all start somewhere. Sometimes things will just click into place, and sometimes it'll take a bit for you to figure out what it is that's bothering you about a drawing.

Just keep experimenting and drawing. It doesn't have to be perfect. You're just aiming for something you can say "that's good enough" and take enjoyment from that. I believe I really started to improve myself when I took "good enough" instead of "100% perfect" as my end point for my drawings.

[tryslora]

Imposter Syndrome & Performance Anxiety

A couple weekends ago I was in Buffalo at the NASFIC convention. While I’m not sure it was the most attended convention at which I’ve been on programming, it was the first one with a seriously national draw for program participants and attendees.

On the good side: I saw friends who’d moved away, or friends I’d never met in person, and that was amazing.

On the bad side: I had a lot of imposter syndrome creating performance anxiety going into the convention. I mean. We had panels with online attendees who were in other countries! As a small press and independent author, I felt… insignificant.

While driving out to the convention, I made a note that I wanted to do a post about imposter syndrome, but I had no idea what I wanted to talk about. If I had written the post then, it would have been a very different post than it is now. My brain is always in a different place pre-convention than it is post-convention.

You see, the anticipation is far worse than the reality.

The most important thing to remember—and this goes for any field—is that if you do work in that field, you are valid. Yes, I mean this to include photographers who only work with their phones, or people who research deeply and historically, but may not have published yet, or fans who write tons of fic and know every detail about a show. Do you have a place where you feel like you have strong knowledge, and would love to talk about it? You’re valid.

At this convention I shared panels with people who’d been writing since the 60s, and people who only started writing recently. I spoke with folks who only did fan writing. I met writers who’ve done both independent work and tradpub. I viewed art from artists who made their living by it, and artists who enjoy doing it as a hobby and side gig.

All still valid.

And the best part? Almost every single one experiences imposter syndrome at some point. We all have weaknesses that create little worms that wriggle under our skin, making us itch with anxiety, and tiny voices that whisper in our minds that we aren’t as good, or as interesting, or as… as… whatever adjective you might think of… as someone else. 

Even when we think we conquer a fault, it is still there, waiting beneath the surface. (Seriously, ask me, and I will tell you my biggest weakness is that I can neither world-build nor plot… despite knowing I’ve accomplished both.)

Anyway. 

The point is, we are all individuals. We all wonder if we are important enough to share what we love. We all wonder if we are good enough at what we do for someone else to be interested in it. Are we unique? Are we worth it? Will anyone care?

Yes. Yes, they will.

So, if you want to share, please know that somewhere out there is an audience for your creation (story, photograph, in-depth essay, or whatever it is…).

If you do not want to share, that’s okay, too. Create for yourself. It’s still valid.

And when you worry about what others might think, remember that the people around you are thinking that exact same thing. We all wonder: am I doing this right?

We are not alone in our fears.

I had a great time in Buffalo. Yes, there were hiccups on my panels (and oh dear gods was I ever terrified when the moderator of my first panel fell ill, and I ended up being a surprise mod for it). Yes, there were things that I wish could’ve gone differently. But overall, I’m pleased with how my own participation in my panels went.

Will I be anxious again at the next convention? Hah, yeah. Will I have imposter syndrome again? Always (in fact, I’m working on a T-shirt design). 

But I know it’ll work out, too.

And I know I’m not alone.

[genericpuff]

What is your advice on handling criticism?

I saw your response to a critic on Lore Rekindled in the sub and it's very good and you could say, professional.

I have a big problem of people-pleasing, so if I get critcism (eventhough it's very polite), I get very sad at the fact there's fault with my work (I also suffer from perfectionism). It will drastically change how I see my work, and in the end I give it up 😭

fam i got teased tf out of for making it so wordy LOL

I totally get that struggle though, I know it probably doesn't seem it at times, but I do have the 'ole RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) due to being ADHD/autistic, so I totally relate to the whole people pleasing thing. It's hard to feel like something you made isn't making everyone happy! But that's also ultimately not what it's for. You can't make everyone happy, and your art doesn't deserve to exist any less just because some people don't find it their cup of tea.

I've definitely had to like, disconnect my work from myself over the years to get better at taking criticism. Not to the point that I get apathetic, obviously I should be invested in whatever I'm working on, but enough that when people criticize my work, it's not necessarily an attack on my own self.

And if they are clearly just out to attack me, then I dismiss the criticism, it's of no value to me.

Unless it's something that's specifically a result of my own values or biases bleeding into the work, most of the time it's people literally just saying, "I like this work, but I feel like it wasn't as strong as it could have been here and here" and that has nothing to do with me as a person, I'm just still polishing my skills and those outside opinions help to target specifically what needs improving. I think we as artists pour a lot of ourselves into our work, especially when we're just starting out, so it can be hard not to take criticism as an attack or rejection of yourself, but we have to ultimately remember that we are not 100% of our work. Even with works like LO, while some of the criticism I give of it is indicative of Rachel's values and personal preferences as a person, a lot of it is also just about the work itself and how far it's fallen beyond what I assume Rachel intended from the beginning.

I've also learned to separate helpful from unhelpful criticism. I'll use Time Gate as an example because I've gotten way more input on that series than Rekindled (just because I've actually like, intentionally sought out criticism for it). A common criticism in the past was that there weren't enough backgrounds and the story's pacing wasn't concise. It sucked to hear at the time, especially the backgrounds one, because I'd heard that one time and time again... but it was literally because I wasn't doing anything to improve them. You know what stopped those criticisms? Drawing backgrounds more LOL And I still suck at backgrounds tbh but I feel like I've definitely improved compared to the first few volumes when I was just drawing characters on top of white constantly LOL

old and busted:

new hotness:

(i think there's like a 4-5 year difference between these two pages. and the backgrounds STILL aren't perfect in those newer volumes but they still feel more finished than the older panels did)

So that was helpful criticism! My art wasn't as strong as it could be in a few specific places that people were clearly able to pinpoint, so I did what I could to improve those places and I'm still working on it.

Unhelpful criticism has just been either personal attacks (not valuable) or statements that are basically asking the comic to not be what it is, criticizing things that are features, not bugs. Things like "well I think the story is too anime-like", "it's a lot to try and read", "why don't you draw eyelashes on the girl character", etc. which are criticisms of things that I know are intentional. The story's anime-like because that's the story I want to write. It's a lot to try and read because it's intended to be a longform series for people who like reading longform series (people like me!). I don't draw eyelashes on Uzuki because she would look terrible with them LMAO (we even made a joke about that later on):

(the hilarious part is that that comment was definitely made with the idea that all women should have that makeup look, meanwhile mitsuhiro's pulling off the look so much better and he knows it LMAO

And actually, the example you're referring to where I responded to crit in the ULO subreddit, is also an example of unhelpful criticism, though the person who posted it definitely didn't mean any harm by it, but the crit was literally "why aren't Persephone's boobs big enough" which I thought was pretty funny. She still has boobs! I just don't draw them popping out of her top like Rachel does LOL I also don't give her the exaggerated pinched waist or broken spine that Rachel often gives her because that's all just to, again, emphasize her boobs, and it's often unnecessary, especially in a comic that's being marketed as a feminist piece of work, yet is often drawn completely through the male gaze. So yeah, that was definitely crit that wasn't really beneficial because it was literally just about Persephone's cup size lol

I know it's easier said than done, but when you feel that sadness coming on in response to criticism, remember that that criticism exists to help you, not hinder you. Considering you've been getting polite criticism, that means the people giving it likely have your best interests in mind and want to see your work improve. The only way to do that is to learn how to critically analyze your own work, and the only way to do that is to surround yourself with works whose quality you want to achieve, and get outside opinions. And if that criticism isn't in good spirit, then toss it aside. If it's not going to help you, then it's not of any value to you. And yes, it will take practice, there are still times I find myself getting overwhelmed, but ultimately I can't control what anyone else says or does, only what I do. So I funnel that into my work and I always keep moving forward.

Be at peace with the process of learning and improving, because you never stop having to learn, there's always something new to improve, and that shouldn't be taken all doom and gloom "I'll never be perfect", that's literally just the process and beauty of being an artist, there's always something new to learn and that's something that should be exciting!

Think about whenever you give criticism or have personal critiques of other comics. I'm willing to bet most of the time, you have those opinions with good intentions, you're not trying to attack anyone. So why not give yourself the same grace?

...holy shit, I forgot Uzuki's lipstick in the bottom right panel- （；´д｀）ゞ