beryllineart

[beryllineart]

The Cost of Mercy

This is my 100th post, I wanted to do something special and I liked this idea. It was not originally going to be this long. (20 pages! Wow!)

Because this took me half a month to create, I think I'll probably do a little "making of" post just to discuss how the end result differed from my original plans for this comic. I wish I could say I have a backlog of art to post, but I don't, and this comic might have given me burnout.

Ughhhh, my stupid brain has been telling me non-stop how "talentless" I am and how all of my drawings look terrible and that made making this comic an uphill battle. But I did it, and I hope that eventually I can feel proud of it. In the meantime, I think I need to do a couple of art tutorials so my brain actually acknowledges that I've been improving.

(Update: took a break between page 10 and 11 which improved my mental state, I still feel it's important to acknowledge that time of low self esteem and how I pushed through it. Also, I learned what a pen stabilizer was on page 12.)

I deserve a small ramble about this comic, right? Actually, it's pretty much as long as the comic itself, so you have been warned.

Yeah, so, this was inspired by my Susie vs. Lancer comic. In that, Susie does not admit her vulnerability to herself in time and that leads to her making a mistake she regrets. I wanted to show Asriel showing false vulnerability (my headcanon of him being an actor coming into play here) and creating a betrayal similar to Susie's, only this one was on purpose.

"But Beryll," I hear you say, "doesn't Asriel think Frisk is Chara? Why on earth would Asriel kill his best friend?" Well, besides the fact that a) Asriel is both a god of hyperdeath and a LV 9999 maniac b) he's already killed Frisk dozens of times in this battle alone and c) the image of black silhouettes on a red background with a glowing white sword is too cool to pass up, I have a little interaction I couldn't fit in the comic that should explain things.

That's my way of reconciling the whole "I thought you were Chara" thing when Chara and Frisk do not physically look alike at all. Remember, Flowey's genocide dialogue in the Ruins says, "I have a plan to become all powerful. Even more powerful than you and your stolen soul." Meaning that he knows this human physically is not Chara come back to life, but something in their mannerisms or something is so similar to Chara that Flowey convinces himself that they are. And in this comic, Asriel was so desperate for Chara to remember him that he takes Frisk's soul for himself, in the hopes that when they are reunited Chara will come back as well. (And he had to get up close and personal because of the soul's annoying tendency to crack before he can take it, also, glowing white sword. That's why I don't show the heart as broken on page 4, even though that would give the off the "dead" vibes more clearly.)

And now we come to the part where he says, "Hey, remember that time you wanted to kill all of those humans? Want to try again?" I think Flowey has been holding on to the whole "kill or be killed" mentality because he thinks it was his fault that he and Chara died. He fears being weak and being a coward, which is why he became a sadistic LV 9999 psychopath. Again, the whole acting headcanon thing that I rambled about in a different post.

Asriel's last memories of being with Chara are of feeling Chara's anger towards the humans, and when they finally reunite, he can't accept that, as a ghost, Chara learned to let go of that anger, having realized their own mistakes and realizing that it was their anger that got them into trouble. But Asriel has been holding on to that anger that wasn't even his own, all because he believes that it was his fault that they both died, since he fought against that anger.

So yeah, Asriel and Flowey's strongest emotions are actually guilt. Flowey's got a bit of survivor's guilt because he was brought back, albeit as a flower. But most of the guilt comes from convincing himself that it was his fault he and Chara died. That guilt causes him to reject all of the positive emotions that come his way and hold on to the hurt for so long that he hardly realizes it's there, causing that empty feeling that he thinks is a lack of emotions. But if he ever managed to actually let go of his guilt, he would realize that he actually can feel emotions. I have never believed that soulless = emotionless, given the way Flowey acts.

I just want to say, when Asriel resets in this comic, I'm definitely imagining a thing like when Majora's Mask Link plays the Song of Time, where all of the souls are leaving him like Link's items leave as he falls through the void, finally waking up as Flowey. Also, from a mechanics standpoint, Asriel has access to several save files when he's got Frisk's soul. He can reset to the moments after he got Frisk's soul, to when Frisk took away his control over resets, and to when he was first brought back as Flowey. He can't go further back than that because he can't go back to a time he didn't have that power. The only reason he can go back further than the moment he stole Frisk's soul is because of the enormous amounts of determination from all of the souls he has, both monster and human.

Okay, now I want to talk about the ending of the comic. All sweet and nice because Flowey's finally learning to let go of some of the things that made him evil and mean, right? I'm writing this ramble halfway through drawing the comic, so I'm assuming how that ends. (Also, if it's not clear, Frisk has forgotten their entire time in the Underground before. To them, this is the first time they've been down here.)

Well, that leads me to wonder, how will Flowey act since he has decided to be nice and stuff? Honestly, I don't know how the boss battles would go, but I think he and Frisk would develop a genuine friendship. He would hang around places he's pretty sure have save points, maybe give some tips and share a joke or two. Basically, imagine something like what he does for Clover in Undertale Yellow.

But, because we can't have happy Flowey, let's give him a new source of guilt. Now, Flowey lives in fear of Frisk finding out what he did, how he preyed on their sympathy just so he could kill them and steal their soul. He's been acting nice now, and enjoying their friendship, but he can't convince himself to fully commit to it (acting headcanon mention three) because he's afraid he might lose that friendship. Which is why, when Frisk chooses to hug and forgive Asriel, he refuses both, since he remembers what happened last time they hugged (on page 4) and he doesn't feel he deserves forgiveness when they don't even remember the truly horrible things he did. (Again, I'm not completely sure what the boss battles would have been like.) <Actually, I've taken a few days since writing this ramble and have figured it out but will discuss it in a future post.

But Frisk is a determined kid, and after they watch the sunset with everybody (and decide to live with Toriel of course) they go all the way back to the Ruins where this happens.

I hope you are noticing the parallels between Frisk and Chara that help defend Flowey/Asriel's confusion, because I worked hard on integrating that. They are very much alike.

So, that's the end of my ramble. I guess a long comic needs a long ramble, huh? Despite my brain's attempts to convince me otherwise, I actually really enjoyed making this comic. If you did read this whole thing, good for you! I'm not the best at explaining these things in an understandable manner, so I know it might have been hard to read.

Also, January 16th is/was Appreciate a Dragon Day. So here's Douglas, who guards my things while I do art. (I did 6 pages today, so Douglas got plenty of work in.)

[beryllineart]

I couldn't figure out any actual titles for these pieces...

These songs are all different from each other. I don't really have a specific style to my songs, and these were just me having some fun. I hope you can have some fun listening to these too. I do have one I'm currently working on that sounds great so far, but it's still not done.

[beryllineart]

Rambling about Asriel/Flowey

Lots of headcanon stuff and personal interpretation here, but I think Asriel enjoyed acting. You know, before he died. And I bet he was good at it!

This is a looooooong post, and I uh... don't explain my reasoning as well as I could because I kept going off on tangents, but uhhh, it might be interesting? I don't know, this all came from me trying to decide whether Asriel or Flowey would be more of a dice goblin (it's a D&D thing). Anyways, you have been warned....

Let's start with the first and most obvious reason. Flowey's ability to mimic others. He can imitate voices really impressively, and he does this in the game, imitating Toriel's voice with an echo flower. He also calls you using a voice you've "never heard before" in the elevator. This voice is the same as Asriel's adult voice, not his child one, which is interesting to me. He thinks you're Chara, why the heck would.... wait, look at Tape 4. "I... I don't like this idea, <Name>. // Wh.. what? N-no, I'm not... //... big kids don't cry." Maybe Asriel/Flowey is using his older voice to show Chara that he's not that little kid anymore, that little kid who was too cowardly to go through with the plan of killing the humans. He looks up to Chara and so this is his way of telling them that he's grown up? I don't know, I may be reading too much into things.

Talk about a rabbit hole... I just wanted to talk about Asriel/Flowey's acting skills. Anyways, Flowey is really good at pretending. He's done hundreds of resets, befriended people and killed them hundreds of times, and yet no one really seems to notice. I may be giving him too much credit since he can reset and all, but come on, it must be really hard to pretend you're meeting someone for the first time when you know every detail about their lives.

That's not a good argument. I've got a better one. Flowey doesn't freak out when you take away his ability to reset. Instead, he does his best to shift the unease to you, taunting you about Toriel's death (if you killed her), taunting you about the other human's deaths, and always stating the "kill or be killed" phrase. He does his best to make you feel uncomfortable about the choice you made, whatever it was.

"You'll die and you'll die and you'll die." "Somebody is dead because of you." "You kind of remind me of myself." "I know what you did." "Enjoy that power while you can." All of these pieces of dialogue from after Toriel's fight are an attempt to make you not want this ability to reset, because Flowey wants it back. And he acts so nonchalant about it too, like come on. He was a god, and suddenly he's mortal again and not in control for the first time in a long time. There is no way he is not furious over losing the ability to save and reset. And later in the game, he makes that clear. But right now, he's hiding any fear or anger he has and making you unsteady on your feet with his acting skills. He's taking control of an unexpected situation (much like a good actor might, improvising when different outcomes than expected are thrown their way.) He's cautious, because you're the one person in the Underground who a. he doesn't know and b. has the ability to reset. And yet he still gives these awesome speeches perfectly designed to make you uneasy because he's a drama queen who can't help himself.

He's bluffing with no cards (aka no real advantage) and you need to be a good actor to bluff successfully.

Okay, so Flowey's good at acting. He's had lots of time and lots of resets to practice. But I think his acting ability actually comes from Asriel, and this is where I get into major headcanon territory because I only have the tapes to go off of and my own wishes for Asriel and Chara's sibling relationship.

...

Imagine this. You're Asriel, and you just helped your sibling poison themself. Buttercups nearly killed your father, a big, strong boss monster. And now they are killing your closest friend in the world. They smile at you and say it's not that bad, but you know that they must be in pain, so much pain that the smile leaves their lips as soon as it arrives. But you smile back, pretending that you're fooled by their weak reassurance. And you stay there, pretending that you're not worried, that this is all just part of the plan, until they let out their last breath.

Only then does the mask break, the mask you've been wearing ever since you agreed to this stupid, stupid plan. You hid your doubts and you hid your tears because this was Chara's plan, and they only wanted what was best for everyone. They were going to free everyone. But now, with no one around, you whisper in a shaky voice, "I don't like this plan anymore." The truth is, you never did. But you never told them that because of that look in their eyes, that look that told them they'd come up with another idea, with or without you. And if there's one thing you know, it's that the two of you need to be together.

As you stand up and take the soul, you force yourself not to cry. If anyone alive were in this room, they would think you didn't care that your friend, your sibling, is now dead, but you care so much that it hurts. But big kids don't cry. Big kids aren't cowards. You know you aren't a big kid, not really, but you have to act like you are. You have to pretend you still believe in the plan that you never believed in anyway. You have to, otherwise...

You might not be able to go through with it.

...

Hey, maybe the reason Asriel idolized Chara so much was because Asgore kept saying Chara was "the future of humans and monsters." That same thing could have given Chara a savior complex where they thought they had to sacrifice themself for the good of everyone, because honestly, how can a child save humans and monsters? They felt responsible for something that was completely out of their hands and roped Asriel into it because he trusted them (or at least acted like/ convinced himself he did) and I realize Asgore's not the sole reason for either of those things, but come on, talk about putting a kid under pressure! I might have heard this from someone else but I don't know who...

Okay, so part of the "Asriel is good at acting" stuff comes from comic ideas I had of Asriel making Chara laugh with little skits and impressions after they fell into the Underground and were frightened and confused. I didn't really do a good job of explaining how any of this necessarily makes either Asriel or Flowey an actor. At the very least, I think I've shown that both Asriel and Flowey are able to mask their true feelings, fool others into believing certain things, and pretend to be something they're not. And that sounds like acting to me, but honestly, that's my opinion, and I don't know much about these things so whatever you want to think is fine.

Oh, oh, I just thought of this. During the Asriel boss fight, he gets increasingly desperate to keep you and breaks his character as the god of hyperdeath, in control and all powerful, to his real self, a scared little kid who just doesn't want to be left alone again. He tells you to just let him win because he truly has no power, and he knows that. He did a pretty good job of acting like he did have power though, not gonna lie... Same sort of thing Flowey did in the beginning of the game after you beat Toriel. I love when things go full circle like that.

And now I'm really done. I promise.

[beryllineart]

Ummmmmm

No, you do NOT want it to snow whenever you want Noelle, trust me.

Also, Dess calls Noelle "Elly"? Oh my heart, that's just the cutest thing!

[beryllineart]

Practice Makes Progress- Pretty Stones

Okay, so it's clear I don't know what I'm doing, but hey, at least I'm improving, right? I'm not exactly sure what I'm improving at, and my fingers feel a bit dead right now, but that doesn't matter. Practice makes progress.

I've gotta say, texture-wise, give me a smooth, polished stone over a rough, natural one any day of the week. I'm not a big fan of fuzzy textures either. I mean, fuzzy things are nice, but they've got to be soft and smooth. And pliable squishiness is not nearly as nice to me as something cold and hard, like a polished stone or crystal ball. I do love snuggling with stuffed animals though, so make of that what you will.

[beryllineart]

So, you know flash fiction, where you try to tell a story in just a few words? That inspired these little things, which are more like story excerpts I guess, but I wanted to not have to tell a full story with multiple pages.

Please pretend that the black and white page was the first thing I did instead of the last. I did these all in one sitting, so by the time I got to that one I was feeling a little burnt out, which is probably why the first page I did (the fire and doom one) is my favorite.

[beryllineart]

You know, I think part of the reason I like making comics is that it gives me an excuse to rant about characters and worldbuilding and stuff like that. I kind of get embarrassed sometimes about how much I tend to ramble about the smallest things in a character's life, and as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

When I make Undertale comics (or any other comics really), I'm putting that character or world analysis in a shorter form that people will actually want to read and perhaps draw their own conclusions. And I get an excuse to ramble, usually under a cut because I think people don't want to hear my character analyses.

But oh my gosh, it feels so good to rant in my head as I draw about Asriel's guilt, Mettaton's jealousy and insecurity, Monster Kid's protective side... getting to express that through art and stories just feels so good! And even though I'm dying to share it immediately (and probably could if I just started ranting on here), there's so much more impact when I show instead of just tell people about these specific aspects of characters and how that influences the events and choices of their lives.

I've got this one comic that I haven't even started drawing yet, but it's about making the reader feel like a terrible person because of the futility of the story. Secondhand guilt, if you will. The problem is, I had to make a backstory for this character... and give him a family... knowing full well I was going to kill him off because that's how the story goes. And then I drew a picture of him right before his death and... he looked so accepting of his fate. He wasn't even resigned, he was accepting, and that made me feel so bad. Which is good, I guess, except I've started feeling so guilty that I've been procrastinating. XD

Anyway, I've got major respect for other comic artists or writers in general who manage to put so much history and nuance in their works and make things feel real. And I love reading people's posts about character/world/magic analyses because I love to do that myself, plus hearing other people's views gives me some really good ideas.

I don't know why I decided to say this, maybe I was just wondering why the serious, more emotional comics were my favorites to make, or maybe I just really needed to ramble because all of my character analysis comics aren't close to being finished. Canon compliant(ish) subversions are so fun to write, but hugs are hard to draw. Sorry that I rambled for so long and don't even have art for this post.

[beryllineart]

Candles

[beryllineart]

Undertale ghosts are not obsessed over enough

Ok, random idea, I'm going to ramble a lot, but what if Undertale ghost monsters could possess living things?

I'm nicely blaming @eriscary for this idea because of Tear being a Sans plush possessed by Napstablook. It made me think about what other objects ghosts could possess, and why not something living?

Seriously, what with all of the AUs and stuff where Chara's ghost takes over Frisk, if human ghosts are allowed to do it, why not ghost monsters? And what would be the rules? Would the host and ghost share control? Would the ghost be able to communicate with the host? Would the ghost be able to leave whenever they wanted or would they be stuck because of some sort of thing going on? It's gotta be different than just possessing an object, right?

I think it would be easiest for ghosts to possess living things without souls (say, plants and stuff like that, brings up some questions about Flowey) and it would be hardest for them to possess other monsters. They'd be able to possess humans easier than monsters because a monster soul and a human soul can combine together (it would basically be an opposites attract, magnet type compatibility which is why monsters are hard to possess.) Actually, maybe it would be nigh impossible for a ghost monster to possess a fellow monster unless they were a willing host.

Plus, what would happen when a ghost monster became permanently bound to their living host? I mean, I think that the host would need to agree in some capacity, but if a ghost got emotional enough that that happened even without the host's consent, ohh boy. (And what if that binding happens to someone who has the power either to RESET or remember resets? What sort of paradoxical nonsense could we get into with that?)

Also, what about the damage rules? You can't hurt a ghost with physical attacks unless they're bound to a body, but if that body is something living, the host is definitely going to get that damage. What are the pain rules for ghosts anyway? And what about magic attacks? Seriously, Undertale ghosts are not obsessed over enough!

One more thing- what other ghosts and characters do you guys think would be the most fun to combine, why/how would they combine, how would that affect the story in the Underground? Seriously, give me ideas, I want to make comics!

[beryllineart]

Artist Evolution

Some of my cursed and less cursed art over the past year. The two character lineups are from the same AU, "The Soul Remembers." The bottom image is my evolution of comic making. The last Steamtale one I made today, it's a rough, unfinished thing, just to show that I'm better at pacing and planning now. And at drawing Monster Kid, apparently.

[beryllineart]

It's been waaay too long since I did Undertale stuff or comics, so here's my little conceptualizing stage for several comics I have planned. Papyrus is so hard to draw! Also some pretty stones because I felt like doing something in color after drawing all those characters. I know absolutely nothing about lighting when it comes to reflective or semi-transparent stuff.

[beryllineart]

Funny story, I was at a friend's house doing art and we were listening to Christmas music, because it's two days after Thanksgiving, so why not, right? Anyways, one song was on, either Jingle Bell Rock or Winter Wonderland, and I started just putting notes down that harmonized with the song. And I made this.

And I named it Jane of Lantern Hill because November 30th is L.M. Montgomery's birthday, and I absolutely love that book and it has made me cry and so has the end of Anne of Green Gables and also I'm no good at naming songs and I might as well take this chance to celebrate.

[beryllineart]

Training myself to make animations with music, this one is @drawingdragonfly's D&D character transforming into a bunny. (If you don't want me animating your character, let me know). This is a work in progress, obviously, but I usually only do messy sketches or finished works on here, and I kind of want to show both sometimes.

I both love and hate animating things. I love to challenge myself, but at the same time, I'm not always used to having to really work at my creative endeavors. I'm a pretty fast learner usually, but animation... it's doing its best to humble me.

[beryllineart]

How2Draw Anthropomorphic Mice

I swear, I looked all over the internet for how to draw anthropomorphized mice that looked like mice, and not just humans with mouse heads, feet, and tails. I am partial to the types of mice you find in The Rescuers or The Rats of Nimh.

Doodles I did, sorry, I know they're hard to see. Click on the images to see them better. Here are some tips- if you want a more human-like mouse, a shorter torso with longer/thinner arms and legs will get you there. Shorter/thicker limbs and more body is the way to go if you want it more mouselike, not to mention, if you don't put whites of the eyes in you will make it more like a mouse.

Not an anthropomorphic mouse, but I wanted to show how a mouse moves (this is from my head, maybe mice don't move quite like that, but it looks believable, doesn't it?)

Possibly the most useful resource that helped me draw mice that don't just look like humans is this concept art for the Redwall video game by Erin Marantette. Check it out if you are even slightly interested in drawing anthropomorphized mice that actually look like mice.

[beryllineart]

Bad Wolf

November 23rd is both Doctor Who Day and Wolfenoot, so I combined the two. Even though the day is almost over, I am still celebrating!

It looks so bad, it was a rush job and I am really bad at drawing actual real life people. Maybe I could have made it look like Billie Piper if I had taken more time or effort, but eh...

[beryllineart]

How2Draw Comics: Story

Last time we learned about conceptualizing our characters, settings, art style, etc. Now we actually have to put our characters in a situation, drive them from point A to point B through a story.

There are many different ways to do this. I'm assuming you have, if not an outlined story, a situation you want your character to experience. If you don't have a story, make your character order pizza but something happens and they have to rescue the pizza (and the delivery guy, I guess.) The first method I'll discuss is my least favorite- the Script Method.

You write a script for your story, listing pages and panels as you go along. I hate this. It feels too limiting, and panels are actually one of the most limiting and intimidating things to a beginner comic artist. Yet most tutorials encourage you to draw your panels first and then squish or stretch your drawings to fit, and that's what the Script Method is based off of. I draw my panels while I do my drawings, or even after I do them.

If pacing your comics is one of the most difficult things for you (what size do I make my panels? Is there too much dialogue on this page?) then I suggest the Storytelling Method.

You do not have to make a full short story or book. Usually I just say something like, "boy is making cake. girl walks up behind him and hugs him, kissing his floury cheek. she walks away, licking her finger. she has stolen some cake batter and he didn't notice." In my head I can see a more detailed story there, but you can tell a story without a bunch of flowery prose.

You may be wondering how this helps with pacing your comics. Well, I have actions associated with dialogue, meaning I know which drawings will have which dialogue, automatically creating a nice balance. Additionally, I know what to prioritize. I know that the panel introducing the manor will be large, because I used the words "large and imposing" to describe it. I know that when I set the ballroom scene in this story, I also need to set the scene in an establishing shot. And I know that I'm going to have Bernice's appearance on the food table be surprising, taking place after she tugs his shirt or something. (This will probably make more sense once I actually make the comic)

The final method is a very flexible one for those who aren't into words and just want to draw- the Children's Book Method.

This particular example is mind-mapping, but you can also do a more organized version by storyboarding (placing each drawing in a square and giving a short description for context). I call these collectively the Children's Book Method because the basic idea is that you don't repeat your drawings like you would in a comic. Instead, you draw those things that feel the most interesting and most dynamic, the things that are most important. (like keyframes in an animation) Children's books illustrate one scene at a time, providing context for many different moments in one picture (and some text). They are less sequential than a comic because they only have one picture per page.

I usually have a mix of the storytelling method and the storyboarding end of children's book method. And usually I tell myself a story only in my head, without writing it out, because that's all I need. And I'll admit, sometimes the stories play out in my head like a movie, which is probably why the script method works for people. Sometimes you don't know which is the most effective way to tell yourself a story until you try to draw the comic and see what is giving you the most trouble.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! I know I'm kind of rambly and don't make much sense, so if you need clarification or other tips, I'll do my best to help.

Next is Panels and Pacing: Drawing the Comic (which will probably happen in multiple posts, but this art block will make it nigh impossible for a while, why doesn't it just go away?)

[beryllineart]

Got such bad art block right now that I can't even make art to complain about my art block. This was literally all I could manage to do. I'd be more okay with it if it wasn't happening with my music as well. This had better not last very long.