#it's gonna be around 35 the whole week too | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

billthedrake · 1 year ago

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I was inspired by the latest hot story by @maturedadsandmen. He gave me the blessing to write a riff on the premise. It started out as a prequel but became something else. Thanks to him for the inspiration and for the permission to let me adapt his idea.

WHAT HAPPENS IN FRANKFURT

"So, Trent..." I said as we settled into the business-class seats on the transatlantic leg of our flight. "Whadya have to promise Becky to get to come for a week?"

My friend and golf buddy shrugged. He's a big guy, 6'5", real muscular with a good deal of middle aged padding on his thick, ex-jock beef. Good thing I had scored the plush seats with my miles, because I couldn't imagine the poor guy squeezing into economy. Even now in his jeans and button-down shirt, the sight of him got me going. From the twinkle in his eyes, I could tell he was maybe feeling the same about me.

"It's not a week," he corrected.

"Pretty close," I smiled. We were flying to Frankfurt for the Chiefs-Dolphins game, but tacking on a few days in Bavaria for the typical guy-trip stuff. Beer halls and outdoors time. Stuff our wives had no interest in.

"I didn't have to promise Becky anything... what, is that something Heather expects?" he asked with genuine surprise.

I nodded. "Fuck yeah, that's something she expects," I said. "She's already planning the Napa wine trip."

Trent smiled. He had a personality that was laid back almost to the point of being taciturn, so I always found him especially handsome when he smiled.

Yeah, me and Trent have a thing. A sexual connection, an affair, whatever you want to call it. Sometimes we talk about it, sometimes we sweep the complications under the rug. But it had been a solid six months since our last time having sex and with the prospect of this trip together for six days, there was just this unspoken sexual tension between us. SOMETHING was gonna happen, all right.

"Didn't she just do that for one of her girls trips?" my friend chuckled.

Our wives got along OK but weren't close friends outside of my and Trent's bond. I was always surprised that Trent was able to keep up with my wife's doings.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Only she wants to go back with just me. You know, do something romantic. I don't even wanna know how much the cases of wine are gonna set me back."

That got a belly laugh out of my buddy. It was a running joke between us. He was the hunky ex-football player who ran his own construction company. I was the number-crunching corporate exec who admittedly had the MUCH deeper bisexual streak, to the point I carried around a lot of what-ifs in my middle age. But I was the one who was more bro-ish. Maybe I wasn't quite the sexist asshole I played up, but Trent gave me some real eye rolls from time to time.

"You can afford it, buddy," he chastised me. "And a lot fucking more."

I started to reply but he held up a finger in warning. "Don't you even pull that 'happy wife, happy life' BS." He was smirking.

"Dude... you gonna bust my balls this whole trip?"

I saw a naughty look sweep across my buddys masculine, handsome face as he leaned. "Whaddya think, Josh?"

I bit my lip and did as casual a crotch adjustment as I could. Trent had given me a full-on boner.

I knew Trent was chubbed too. It had been THAT long since we'd fooled around. Sometimes it was lack of opportunity, but my buddy likes to put the breaks on a lot. Probably for the best, since I had zero self-control, around him or in general. When I was 35 I had to vow never to go to Vegas again. This affair had a different kind of high stakes, but it felt like an extension of my addictive personality.

But my hunky buddy was pulling back now, putting in his earbud and pulling up his iPad to watch some shows he'd downloaded.

I had a book. Some stupid spy novel that let me get my mind off of work. Trent teased me for bringing the office with me, and on the first leg I'd caught up on a bunch of emails. I'd have more stuff to do in Germany, but I'd worry about that later. Trent told me I should set boundaries with my company, but hell it was my work travel that was getting us these business class seats and the hotel rooms on points and I'd probably cover the majority of our meals, too...

I took a breath and paused. I had this dickish thing where I'd enjoy treating people in my life - spoiling my wife or picking up the tab with my buddies - then I'd get resentful or controlling. I was lucky to have a travel buddy like Trent. Even if we didn't suck or fuck at all this next week. Though God knows I hope we did.

I put on my noise-canceling headphones and picked up my book.

****

"You gentlemen here for the game?" the concierge asked.

I'd booked us at a chain hotel in the old city. The guy at the desk was in the typical hotel uniform - vest and tie - and I was immediately attracted to him. Early 30s I'd guess, light brown hair, almost boyish in his handsome looks, though he had the kind of athletic build that comes with doing sports, maybe soccer, or rock climbing or something. I had a soft spot for German guys, I'll admit. They always seemed to have that boy next door thing going on, with a naughty side beneath.

Or maybe it was just the slightly clipped, more formal accent.

"Yes, sir," Trent said. "You got a lot of folks in town for it, I suppose." It was a trip to see my not-so-chatty buddy get all Midwest now that he was abroad.

I couldn't tell if the desk man was trying to humor us, but he replied back to Trent's small talk with a smile. "It seems so, yes."

I felt like I had to pull Trent away. He was asking for restaurant and bar recommendations, asking for the guy's first name, the whole works.

"What?" he asked, not quite annoyed as I shook my head in the elevator.

"Dude, you don't know how much I'm looking forward to a hot shower. Wash some of that jet lag off."

He seemed contrite. "You should have told me buddy. I honestly didn't think we'd get into the room early." It was nearly noon, but we were ahead of check-in time a little.

"I guess it'll be good to stretch the legs some this afternoon, get in some sun and fresh air?"

He nodded. "Looks like a nice day."

We rolled our luggage down to our rooms and entered the clean but soulless business hotel room.

"You go first," he said. "I'm gonna call Becky and let her know we're here." I knew from Trent's account that his wife was an early riser, a yoga devotee who got an early start on her day. I'd text Heather in a bit and call her later.

"Yep," I said, already pulling off my sweatshirt and kicking off my sneakers.

The shower felt good. No, it felt great. I could have stood under for much longer, but I didn't want to hold things up. I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and turned off the water. I was just as quick drying off and putting product in my hair. I took one look in the mirror. Not so bad for 46, I thought. I'd gotten into Crossfit lately and tried to eat clean, saving beer and junk food for game days or the nineteenth hole with the guys. I was shorter than Trent, 5'9" and some, even if I rounded up to 5'10" when I told people my height. Everything was looking pretty sculpted and hard and compact, and the thick blond fur on my torso was groomed and trimmed.

"You fucking narcissist," I thought. I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the door, letting the steam out.

"Damn, that felt nice," I said to Trent. He was waiting for me, stripped down to his boxer briefs. It took me a second to realize what was in his hand, but it was a portable enema kit.

"I know you wanna hit the sights, buddy... but maybe I can clean out for you, first?" he asked. An excited glint in his eye but also some embarrassment. It had taken some convincing to get my hunky friend to bottom for me and even more sweet talking to get him to do a deeper prep. But it turns out Trent loved getting his ass eaten out, and he knew I'd go at it more freely and fervently if he was squeaky clean.

"God yes," I said. "I guess vacation starts for real, huh?" I said. Already I was chubbing beneath the towel.

He nodded with a grin, clearly excited by how easily I got turned on.

I let him do his thing while I texted Heather and answered a couple of work emails. I set down my phone and took off my towel, hanging it up in the closet. I pulled down the sheets on one of the double beds. My dick wasn't hard at first but as I lay down naked, I thought of Trent's hunky ass and meaty body. I thought of the reception guy and what it would be like to watch him and Trent go at it before I came in and fucked that German stud hard and fast from behind.

I was rock hard now. I thought of picking my phone back up and scrolling through some porn but decided I'd enjoy the more purely mental excitement I was filling. Just enjoy the moment of being in a hotel room with my good buddy and sometimes fuck buddy. For a whole week. I shut my eyes and let my sexual fantasies visualize themselves.

"Dang," I heard, snapping my eyes open. Maybe I'd been dozing some, but apparently my prick wasn't. "I never get sick of seeing that cock of yours."

I'm not huge, but I'm big, and my endowment looks bigger on my frame. I smiled and spread my legs, showing my meat off to Trent.

"OK if I suck it first?" he said, stepping up. In the big mitt of his right hand he had a small bottle of lube, which he set on the night stand.

"When have I ever said no to that?" I asked.

"Bro," Trent retorted, "You're such an ass-man... you can have a one-track mind sometimes." I felt defensive and I was gonna say something, but Trent got on all fours and crawled toward me. He was such a big guy, tall and beefy, that it was never anything short of mind-blowing to see him in such a posture. Already his hand was on my quad muscle, rubbing it in a way that sent electricity right to my boner. "It's OK bud. It's a good look on you," he said in a hushed, sexy voice.

Then he leaned forward to get a closer look at my crotch. Inches away close, and I could feel his breath on my dong. Trent's brown eyes were on my dick, only flitting up to my face occasionally.

"What happens in Frankfurt, right?" he growled.

"Fuck yeah," I hissed. When I started up with my buddy, I just thought I was scratching that bisexual itch. And yeah it was naughty fun. Clearly I fantasized about other men, too. But I was coming face to face with the reality that no one turned me on so much or so effortlessly like my 52 year old friend.

His first licks were a get-reacquainted approach. It had been a while since he'd taken care of me. I sucked him too, and on a blue moon bottomed for the stud. But this is what we did the first time we fooled around, and it felt like our own private anniversary ritual.

"That's it, buddy," I hissed. Trent had that combo of not-quite-skilled and very enthusiastic that appealed to me more than I realized. Outside of my times with Trent, I'd only had dude sex a couple times behind Heather's back, and those guys were better cocksuckers. But not better, you know? They weren't Trent Grayson.

My buddy coughed some on my dick as he swallowed more. Not a gag, but a grunt that said he was fighting back that initial reflex. Instantly my fingers went to the back of his neck. "Easy, bro... you got this."

He did, too. After that initial shock, he was working more of me into his gullet, over and over, faster and faster.

"FUCK!" I gasped, my eyes wide as I watched my best bud deep throat me with silky steady mouth strokes. "Buddy... if you don't let up," I warned, my breath ragged. I normally wasn't this quick at the draw, but I hadn't gotten off the last couple of days. My balls were drawn up tight.

Trent spit me out, a satisfied smile on his face. He knew he'd done a great job.

"You been practicing?" I asked. "You haven't done THAT before," I said.

"I may have gotten a toy to work on," he admitted with a wink.

"Yeah?" I asked, my chest heaving in excitement. My dick was twitching in time with my heartbeat. "When was that, bud?"

Those brown eyes were hungry and playful and sexy as fuck. "When we booked this trip."

"And here I was worried I was gonna push up against some boundaries with you this week," I said.

Trent nodded and leaned up. He was excited all right, his medium-sized tool rock hard and wet at the tip. My buddy had a beefy build that was something shy of a dad bod, but he was real and muscled head to toe, and his size meant he carried the mid-section girth well. "You probably will," he answered honestly. "Hell, I know you well, Josh," he added.

"Yeah," I admitted. Chastised some. I was the one of us who got carried away. But this man was so incredible, body and soul.

Trent didn't seem too fazed. Or maybe the sexual heat was winning out. He turned to face away from me so I could see that broad back, that short hair cut with the gray fringe and the balding spot on top, that round daddy ass fitting a tall, athletic man.

That ass was backing up toward, the buns getting closer. Trent didn't shave down there, he somehow naturally had a smooth ass, except for deep in the crack.

"You gonna...?" I asked. Or started to ask. Already the big guy was leaning forward and spreading his legs, opening that crevice right up for my gaze. Softly furry with that neglected crinkled pucker in the center, freshly cleaned for me.

My hands were already on his butt doing the rest of the work to part the cheeks as I dove in.

"Oh god yes," Trent hissed. "I've been thinking about this... so much."

I licked softly at first. Giving some gentle kisses beween a more exploratory approach to his hole and trench. Then I gripped his ass more tightly and started drilling in. I couldn't even say I was an expert at rimming. I just loved it and went at it, hard. Slurping and sucking. Munching and tonguing. Alternating my moves in part because I just fricking loved it all.

Trent loved it too. I still think he had hang ups when it came to anal. I know I did. We were two men unwilling to relinquish what we considered the more masculine role. I'd probably put up with his misgivings this week, and he might try to break down my hesitation to bottom. We'd see. For now, though, it was clear that I was even more into eating out a male cunt than actual pussy, and Trent enjoyed the oral treatment to his hole.

Finally, I pulled back, practically growling into his spit wet trench. "Dude, I gotta be in you. Now."

I expected some pushback, but instead Trent was scrambling his big body. Moving forward and pivoting around. His prick was outright dripping now, a thin strand of clear sap swayed from his tip. I wondered how many days he'd held off from sex or jerking off.

Hurriedly he reached over and got some lube in his palm, eagerly reaching back behind. "Let me ride," he said. "It's been a while."

I nodded and rode out a deep couple of breaths while he lined my prick up to his wet buns and settled back on me.

The initial penetration stung some for him, but quickly he relaxed.

"That's nice," he muttered as he sank down a couple more inches. He got a grin on his face. "I love how hard you get, Josh."

"Jesus buddy," I hissed. I'd had to sweet talk him into barebacking a little over a year ago. Now, every time I entered him was pure bliss. Silky, warm, and drum-tight. "I'm like that everytime I'm with you."

"I know," Trent replied. "I fucking love it." He settled further back and my cock popped past the last bit of tightness. Suddenly, Trent was sitting all the way in my lap and his guts were gripping my boner in spasms.

"You good?" I asked with concern. But a little hesitant to ask, because this was all VERY good for me.

"Yep," he said. He reached down and wrapped his lubey fist around his hard on, smearing this own sap to add to the slickness. His initial strokes made his ass clench down tighter on me, then the self pleasuring helped his body relax into it.

Within a minute of settling down on me, Trent began to lift his burly body up off my dick a couple of inches, only to swivel back down.

This was the almost feminine part of our mating that Trent felt self conscious about. Working my bone with a slutty hip motion. But I'd told him that starting slower is much better for me, and it turned out to be better for Trent, letting him build up the stimulation of his prostate as we locked eyes.

Our fuck was silent now, other than the sloshy slick sounds where his ass connected to my dick and the soft bounce of the bed. Trent's a heavy man, in the mid 200s on the scale, and my dense muscle added to it, too.

I watched him get into it, watch the pleasure grow on his face. This is what surprised me with Trent. I thought sex with dudes was simply about getting my rocks off, but I loved giving this man pleasure. Giving him an orgasm. I was about to give him one now.

"You're getting close," he said in his deep gravely voice. Not a question. Trent could read it on my face, register my impending cum before I did.

"Oh yeah," I hissed. It was arriving fast now, that crest of pleasure, like an ocean swell that breaks right in front of you. My fingers gripped his hard quads, maybe a little too hard, just seconds before I felt his hot spray of semen jet onto my bare chest muscle. Then another, then another. All heavy wads of bleachy-floral seed raining onto me. I was pounding out a mammoth load from this beautiful man.

My own cock was firing now, matching Trent's in its heaviness. "Fuck!" I whimpered. Trent sometimes teased me for the way my voice would get higher pitched when I came. But our nearly simultaneous O meant we were synched in our lust and deep connection.

Finally Trent's hips slowed and he eased off. Some semen came out on the dismount but he clenched up to stop the rest as he plopped down on the spare side of the bed. The double mattress didn't hold out two big bodies easily, Trent's especially but he kind of snuggled up to me in an uncharacteristic intimacy and rested his face on my shoulder. Lazily his hands ran along my torso, smearing his own cum into my chest fur.

"You have an incredible body, Josh," he said.

My dick hadn't gone down. I was drained and not ready to fuck again or anything, but I was still pretty keyed up. I kissed his forehead. I didn't want to push the guy too far but figured he'd initiated this closeness. "Yeah?" I asked. I knew we enjoyed a physical chemistry, but Trent had never complimented me like this, even though I sometimes gushed over his body.

He ran his hand down my ripped abs. I didn't have the body of a 26 year old, but I kept my core tight and knotted.

"I've been afraid to tell you," he said.

"Really?" I asked. Trent didn't seem to be afraid of things.

"You can get a little conceited," he said, brusquely.

This was the Trent-and-Josh thing. Teasing each other. Humble guy and the corporate exec. But something about his words seemed to cut deeper. "I don't know what to say," I said softly.

He patted my stomach. "You're you, Josh. I understand ya, buddy. And I know I'm not easy to get along with." His hand drifted lower and wrapped around my cock, which was still rigid as just a minute earlier. "In all fairness, you have good reason to be conceited."

I wanted to kiss this guy, so bad, but that was against our bro code. "If I get to be too much, buddy..." I started. "Well, I just don't want this week to be weird."

Trent looked up. "It's not gonna be weird, Josh. Football... beer... hot steamy hotel sex... what more can you want?"

"Nothing, man," I growled. I enjoyed the soft touch of his hand as he explored my dick. Finally with a sigh, I spoke up, "I will absolutely fall asleep if we keep lying here... maybe get out for a bit?"

Trent didn't answer but just scooted away from our tight embrace, edging his big tall body off the bed. I watched him walk to the bathroom to clean off.

Somehow, the spell had been broken.

#drakestories

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justagalwhowrites · 1 year ago

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New in Town - Ch. 3: First Family Dinner

Sarah comes to visit and has questions for Joel. A continuation of New in Town chapters 1-2 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Best Friend's Dad!Joel Miller x Female Reader

CW: Smut :D Yeah, they're horny, OK? Just expect a lot of smut in this fic. No use of Y/N. Age gap (reader is 35 Joel is 47, not a focus of the fic). Minors DNI, 18+ only

Length: 5.1k

AO3 | First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Joel actually felt pretty damn smart when he got to his house. He stopped at the trash bin that sat outside the garage and dropped his now empty coffee cup into it, just in case Sarah asked why he’d gone to the place with the name stamped on the side of the cup.

He didn’t have a good fucking reason to be at a coffee shop by your apartment besides being at your apartment. And he knew he wasn’t ready to tell his daughter about the fact that you two were… whatever the fuck you were.

What were you doing with him? What did you want with him? Why was it so hard to know and why was he so fucking afraid to ask?

Didn’t matter now. The morning Sarah showed up to surprise him with a visit was not the morning to be having this discussion.

“Baby Girl?” Joel called as he closed the door behind him, dropping his keys on the table in his entry way.

“Dad!” Sarah flew around the corner and launched herself at him, just like she’d done when she was a kid. He caught her, the air knocked out of him, laughing as he caught his breath. “I missed you, old man!”

“Missed you too, Baby Girl,” he said, setting her down and stretching out his back. “But you’re gonna have to cut me a break, think my back is gettin’ too old to be catchin’ you like that.”

“How am I supposed to properly shower you in affection if I can’t just throw my whole body at you?” She smirked. “But fine, I guess if it’s for the sake of your health…”

He rolled his eyes and tugged her against his side, kissing her temple.

“Just gotta have you move back closer to home,” he gave her a squeeze. “Wouldn’t need to tackle me if I just saw you more.”

“Yeah, I’m working on that,” she smiled. “Trying to get promoted from junior copywriter to intermediate so I can come to the Austin office sooner rather than later…”

“That’s amazing Baby Girl!” Joel gave her another squeeze before leading her to the living room and settling on the couch. “I’m sure you’re close, they know how good you are.”

“Speaking of my grand plan,” she said. “I see you’ve been hanging out with my work wife.”

Joel coughed to try to hide his surprise.

“What?” He asked after a moment.

“Well I know you didn’t do the Seattle Zombie 5K last Halloween,” she nodded at his shirt. Joel felt his stomach drop. “But I know we did.”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Not doing a walk of shame are you?” She asked, her eyebrows raised.

“You ever known me to be the walk of shame type?” He asked, scrambling for a reason that he’d have your shirt. “I just fixed her garbage disposal for her a few weeks ago, got soaked. She was nice enough to give me a clean shirt so I wasn’t drippin’ wet on the drive home. Didn’t realize it’d made it into my dresser is all. I’ll have to wash it again, give it back…”

“But you are hanging out with her then?” She asked. “I mean, you said give it back like you were going to see her again so…”

“We went out once since I helped with the sink and shit,” he said, telling himself that it wasn’t a lie, not really. You’d only successfully made it out of the house together once. Sarah scrunched her nose. “What, Baby Girl?”

“Nothing,” she sighed. “I was just hoping you guys would be friends is all. You’re both kind of alone down here, you know? I worry. I don’t want you doing nothing but sitting in the house doing… whatever weird old man stuff you do.”

“I don’t do weird old man stuff…”

“And leave her alone too long and the next thing you know she’s on the dating apps and she ends up going out with some total idiots,” she said, ignoring Joel’s protest entirely. “Really, Dad, her taste in men is shit and I’m not here to keep her busy, I was kind of counting on you here.”

Joel frowned.

“Not on you to protect her,” he said. Though, from what little he knew, Sarah was right. Your taste in men was shit. “And I’m sure she’s got better things to do than hang out with someone who does ‘old man things…’”

That was something that Joel had been thinking about a lot over the past two weeks. Yes, you seemed to be about as insatiable for him as he was for you and he didn’t have any damn clue as to why. But he could think of plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t be. How long was it going to be before you realized that he didn’t offer you much? He couldn’t take you to fancy restaurants every week or on nice trips. He wasn’t interested in another child and you were still young enough that you might want to be a mother. His body was often sore and worn after decades of damn near breaking himself to make a living. How much longer would you be wanting to pull him into restaurant bathrooms and make yourself come on his leg because you just couldn’t bear to wait anymore? How much longer could he text you to bitch about work while on a break at a job site and have you respond with a gif from Sharknado because you knew it would make him laugh? How much longer could he look at the selfies you sent him and think to himself “that’s my girl,” even though you weren’t even his girl now let alone in the future?

He was already in too deep with you, way too damn deep. Someone was going to have to pry you out of him, you’d already settled inside his skin and he liked it that way. Liked thinking of you first thing in the morning and just before he fell asleep, liked that you were the first thing on his mind when he got lunch at a food truck and he stumbled on something really good, liked that you showed up with his favorite beer and some obscure snack food when you came over to his place because you said you saw it and thought of him.

“Her taste in men isn’t dangerously bad,” Sarah waved him off. “Just… she tends to go for guys who definitely don’t deserve her, you know?”

“Yeah,” Joel sighed. “I know.”

Fuck, did he know.

“Anyway,” she said with a dramatic eye roll that reminded him of when she was a teenager. He smiled a little. “I’m in town until Wednesday! I know you’ll have to work…”

“I can take a few days off,” he said quickly. “Get Uncle Tommy to make sure shit doesn’t go sideways…”

“Awesome!” She perked up at that. “Because I think there are at least two Curtis and Vipers I haven’t gotten around to seeing yet and I’m going to require a handcrafted Dad burger - preferably grilled - while I’m in town. My apartment doesn’t let me have a grill on my balcony, it’s so dumb.”

“Probably a fire code thing, Baby Girl,” he smiled. “But I think we can swing some movies and a cookout while you’re here. Tommy’d love to see ya, Maria too.”

“Can we start by jumping in the pool?” She asked. “Because I haven’t gotten to swim in months.”

“Might be a bit cold…”

“Please,” she scoffed. “This is mid-summer weather in Seattle, plenty warm enough for a swim.”

Joel smiled.

“Whatever you want, Baby Girl.”

The water was definitely colder than Joel would normally jump into but, for Sarah, he’d do just about anything.

He was still getting used to drinking with his daughter, the two of them floating around the water with beers most of the day. Joel got out for a bit to make sandwiches - he put potato chips on Sarah’s just like he had when she was a kid - and he just listened to what she’d been up to, hanging on her every word.

Joel had always felt incredibly lucky to have Sarah as his daughter. There were the obvious reasons, of course. She was kind and thoughtful, she was smart as a whip and loved to do well in school to the point that he almost never had to tell her to do her homework, she actually liked spending time with him. But she never had a problem being open with him about damn near anything.

It wasn’t always the most pleasant experience - hearing about boy problems when he couldn’t actually intervene was harder than Joel had expected it to be - but he was grateful for it. He never had to wonder what his daughter was up to, she just told him.

Part of it, he was sure, was because he’d asked her to grow up too fast. He hadn’t meant to, of course, but it seemed to come with the territory of single parenthood. There was no one there to back him up when he had to work late, no one there to take over the child rearing when he was sick or just so exhausted from work that he slept through his damn alarm. Sarah fell into the role of second parent, sometimes raising herself as much as Joel had.

He was just happy she didn’t resent him for it. She seemed to recognize how hard he’d tried to give her everything, do everything he possibly could to make her happy and give her a good life. Even if it hadn’t always worked, he’d always tried. The fact that she’d made it to college on scholarship, that she’d finished towards the top of her class, that she’d gotten a good paying job doing something she liked to do, the fact that she was happy and doing something with her mind instead of breaking her body down like Joel was every damn day of his life was the proudest he’d ever been of anything.

Could he really risk his relationship with her for you? Yes, you made him happy. So fucking happy. You were the first thing in years that he felt like he really, truly wanted. And it had hit him hard, so fucking hard. It was like he’d saved up all his longing just for you, like it had been waiting for something powerful enough to show up and unleash it all and it had knocked him off his damn feet.

But you were Sarah’s best friend.

“So one thing that’s seriously lacking in the Pacific Northwest is good TexMex,” Sarah said, lounging on a pool float, her face tilted toward the sun, eyes closed. “Think we can go out for dinner tonight? I need enchiladas and tamales and I need them sooner rather than later.”

“Only if you don’t get mad that I ask for the real spicy salsa,” Joel said.

“How did I end up so cursed that my two favorite people love to melt their tongues off as a hobby?” Sarah sighed. “But fine, order the miserable stuff. I’ll just get the regular salsa like a normal person.”

Joel scoffed.

“The normal ship has sailed with you, Baby Girl. Me and Tommy around you so much? Never stood a chance.”

Just an hour later, he and Sarah were headed into her favorite Austin restaurant. Joel added it to his mental list of places to take you. It was Sarah’s favorite for a reason, after all.

“Table for two,” Joel held up two fingers to the hostess but Sarah cut him off.

“It’s three, actually,” she smiled, not looking at him.

“Three?” He frowned. She ignored him and just held up three fingers to the hostess. It took him until they were at the table to really put it together. “Sarah…”

“I’m here to see you but I really want to see her, too,” she said as she slid into the booth. “And I do think you guys will really get along if you actually give it a shot. Please, Dad? Give her a chance?”

A chance wasn’t the only thing he’d given you.

“Baby Girl, I’m sure she’d rather do something besides…”

“Besides what?” Your voice appeared over his shoulder, Joel turning toward the sound so fast it made his head spin. You smiled a little sheepishly.

“Hi.”

***

Well Joel clearly hadn’t been expecting you.

That boded just so well.

“Hey Bestie!” Sarah squealed and got out of the booth to throw her arms around your neck. You laughed and hugged her back. “Ugh, I miss you! The office sucks without you there. So does the rest of Seattle, honestly.”

You laughed.

“I miss you too,” you gave her a squeeze before the two of you separated. “I keep trying to convince the VP at this branch that I absolutely unequivocally need a junior copywriter on my team. He hasn’t bought it yet but I think if I just keep asking him I’ll wear him down and he’ll cave to my annoying tendencies and just give me whatever I want.”

“Oh so you’re playing hardball,” Sarah teased as she got back in the booth and you slid in beside her.

“Clearly yes,” you nodded sagely. “I read ‘The Art of War’ and just bothering people until they give up is the best battle tactic in the world…”

You turned to look at Joel who was watching you intently.

You hadn’t expected Joel to show up tonight anymore than he’d expected you. Sarah was playing you both like a goddamn fiddle. You’d worn a strappy, silky slip dress with a denim jacket over it thinking you were going out with your best friend, not going to be stuck trying to keep from staring at your who-the-fuck-knows-what sitting across from you.

Who also happened to be your best friend’s dad.

You tried not to think about that part.

“Figured I’d force you two to get to know each other better over margaritas,” Sarah said brightly. “I can’t let you both just sit and stare at a wall all by yourselves until I can move back to town…”

“I don’t stare at walls!” You protested. Sarah ignored you.

“So you can at least keep each other company,” she finished.

“Good to see you again, Joel,” you said, trying as hard as you could to not picture him naked across the table.

Which was really fucking hard.

His dark button down was rolled up to his elbows and fit his damn broad shoulders so perfectly all you could think about was the way he looked as he fucked into you, the way his muscles rippled through his chest and you had to fight to not bite down on them. His hair was tamed without being sculpted or overly styled and you wanted to run your fingers through it and sink your grip into his scalp as he ate you.

“You too,” he said.

You’d never had this visceral of a reaction to a man you’d fucked before, never, not even when you were a stupid teenager. Of course, you’d never tried to hide your relationship before, either.

But you had the feeling that wouldn’t matter with Joel. You’d feel this intensity toward him whether Sarah was beside you or not, whether you could be open about your affection for him or not.

And now you were going to have to sit across from him when he looked that damn good all through dinner.

The second the server came to the table you ordered a margarita. You had a feeling you were going to need the tequila.

It took conscious effort to pay attention to what Sarah was saying as she tried to bring up things she thought you and Joel had in common. Almost like she was trying to launch an ad campaign for each of you.

It felt like forever but you were sure you’d only been seated a few minutes when you gave up on not touching Joel. You carefully slid your foot out of your pump and started sliding it up his inner leg, starting near his ankle. Joel jumped a little in his chair at the contact, his eyes darting to you. You just raised your eyebrows at him as you took a drink from your margarita and slid your foot up his leg to his knee. He shifted in his seat, his eyes steadily on Sarah but you could tell he had to focus on her now, actively work to give her attention. You smirked a bit at that.

You kept the pattern up as the three of you waited for your food, Joel’s eyes always going a little wide when your toes made it to his inner thigh.

“Ugh, I’m starving,” Sarah groaned as a tray of sizzling fajitas passed your table. “Here, scootch out, I’m going to the bathroom. That’ll make the food come.”

“It always does,” you agreed, quickly shoving your foot back into your shoe and getting out of the booth.

You both watched as Sarah made her way across the restaurant, turning to Joel the second you knew she was out of earshot.

“Did you say anything?” You were whispering anyway.

“No,” he replied. “We hadn’t talked about it, didn’t seem like the time… Did you say somethin’?”

“Not a word,” you said.

“I really need you to cool it over there, Beautiful,” Joel said. Any other time, you’d think he was teasing you but his eyes looked open and earnest now. “We can’t just go into a bathroom right now and it’s already a fucking miracle I haven’t tried to rip that goddamn dress off you, Jesus Christ, you can’t just show up places lookin’ that damn good…” “You’re one to talk!” You replied, incredulous, as you looked down at his exposed, tan, muscled forearms and back up at his face. “Fucking hell, Joel!”

He smirked a little.

“That’s all it takes with you, huh?” He teased, leaning across the table toward you. “Just a little bit of skin and you’re outta control?”

“Oh fuck off,” you rolled your eyes but grinned a little all the same. “I know you know what the rolled up sleeves thing does to women.”

“I promise I do not,” he said, watching over your shoulder now. “But you’ll have to enlighten me later…”

Sarah came back to the table and her face fell.

“Shit, that usually works,” she sighed. “Alright, scoot in, we can just trade spots.”

You obeyed and slid over, purposely leaning over the table as you did, giving Joel full view of your bra below your dress as you did. He was all but glaring at you as you sat back in the booth.

Consciously, you knew you shouldn’t be pushing him like this. For starters, this was not how you wanted Sarah to find out. Assuming she was ever going to find out.

But you shouldn’t be trying to frustrate Joel. Not like this, not so early on in your… whatever the fuck this was.

You had a tendency to do this, to bend things until they broke the second something was looking like it could get serious, the second that it looked like it’d be worth the time and the effort. You were starting to think it was something your subconscious did on purpose. If you sabotaged the relationship early, there wasn’t the same kind of risk. Push the guy too far and he’d break things off with you and you could return to the relative emotional safety of dating apps and bars. Only ever go out with someone for a few weeks and it wouldn’t hurt that bad if they left.

And they would leave. They always left. You might be worth the time for a bit but you weren’t worth the trouble for anything real, that much had been made clear to you in the years you’d spent dating around. It had gotten you hurt when you were young and stupid, back when you were Sarah’s age. Now, you fucking knew better.

You knew better than to get anywhere close to what you were starting to feel with Joel.

And here you were, doing it anyway, with your best friend’s dad.

So of course your first reaction was to push him. Push, push, push. It’s what you did.

You stirred your melting margarita.

You’d never been more relieved to have food brought to your table.

“Thanks so much for coming out tonight!” Sarah hugged you goodbye in the parking lot, the awkward, hesitant conversation at the table through dinner still tense over you.

“It was so great to see you!” You hugged her back and kissed her cheek. “Seriously, I’m wearing the bosses down, start packing now because I miss you too much.”

She laughed.

“I’ll be on the first plane out once I get a job offer,” she said. “Either way, I’ll be back for the holidays, we have to hang out then. Just us girls at least once, promise.”

You smiled a little, hoping Sarah would still want to talk to you at the holidays.

“Sounds perfect.”

Joel gave you a tight smile and a nod.

“Talk to you soon?” He said, his voice too open and honest to fit the shared awkwardness of your position feet apart in the parking lot.

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Text me?”

“Sure,” he smiled back.

You poured yourself a glass of wine the second you were in the door, only pausing to take your shoes off as you made your way to the kitchen. You settled in on the couch without bothering to change, carrying the bottle of wine with you, and you put on some shitty Netflix reality show you could zone out and barely pay attention to.

You were four episodes deep when your phone lit up.

“Fuck that was hard,” Joel texted.

You smiled a little.

“Was that hard or were you hard?” You texted back.

“Both,” he replied almost immediately. Your smile grew and you downed the last of the wine.

You hadn’t had enough to drink to be drunk but you’d had enough that it made you feel… bold. Like you wanted to try something new.

You took off your jacket and slid the straps of your dress down so your cleavage was spilling over the top of it, your breasts barely contained by it. You took a selfie, a needy look on your face, and sent him the picture.

“Need help with that?” You asked.

“Jesus Christ,” he texted back almost immediately. “Good thing Sarah just went to call some boy she started seeing back in Washington, can’t just send a guy shit like that and expect him to sit still.”

You bit your lip for a second, getting an idea. You headed for your room and shimmied out of the dress before you put on the sexiest bra you owned and switched to the matching panties. You posed in the full length mirror in the corner of your room, one leg out, a hand on your hip.

“What about shit like this?” You asked as you sent the picture along.

“Really fucking mean for you to send that when you know I can’t come take it off you,” he texted back.

You flopped down on your stomach on your bed, reminded of how you felt texting guys when you were younger and you had to make sure you didn’t go over your texting limit for the month.

“You can always fight back you know,” you said. “I can’t come rip your clothes off either.”

“You trying to get me to sext with you?” He asked.

“Maybe.”

It took a few minutes before he sent you a picture. He was in his room, stripped down to his boxer briefs. He fisted his cock through the fabric of them, the veins on his hand prominent.

“Something like this?” He asked.

You groaned, your hand sliding to your clit before you even thought about it. You rolled onto your back and took a picture of your hand slipping into your panties before sending it on.

“Just like that,” you replied.

“Fuck.”

The one word was all he sent for a minute before he followed it up with a picture of his cock in his hand. You moaned at the sight of him, a pearl of pre-come leaking from his swollen head. You wanted to swallow it up, lick up and down his thick shaft, take all of him in your mouth until you were choking on him and he spilled down your throat.

“Tried to make this last but you’re too fucking much for me,” he texted. “Couldn’t wait.”

You took off your bra and tossed it to the floor before taking a handful of your breast in your hand, holding the phone high over your head, high enough that it could capture your needy expression and the way you were touching yourself.

“Neither could I.”

Usually, when you fucked yourself, you used toys. You had a few that you’d become partial to over the years of cycling through men and relationships, the fake dicks in your life lasting a whole hell of a lot longer than the real ones.

Tonight, you didn’t need one. Didn’t think you could pull yourself away from touching your own body long enough to pull one out, not with Joel’s face and body and cock on the brain. You slid your hand down your chest, your stomach, back to your pussy. You rubbed your clit in little circles with your index finger as you stretched your middle finger down, down, down toward your dripping hole.

When his next message came through, you dropped your phone in your rush to open it and you scrambled to pick it up with one hand, your other one too occupied to want to do anything else.

This time, it was a video. His large hand was working his thick length, his cock still looking big even in his grasp that dwarfed your own. He worked his cock slowly, his thumb sweeping over the head and collecting the pre-come before he slid it firmly down with quiet moan.

“Fuck, I need you,” his voice was soft, a whisper. “Need to feel that perfect fuckin’ pussy…”

You were about to rewatch the video, your mouth watering, when he texted again.

“Can I call you?”

You didn’t respond. Instead, you just called him, putting the phone to speaker and setting it on your chest between your breasts.

He answered on the first ring.

“Hey beautiful,” he said, voice low and dark and needy. “Fuck, I gotta be quiet…”

“I know,” you said, whispering back even though you didn’t have a reason to. “Don’t care, as long as I can hear you.”

“Tell me what you’re doin’ to yourself,” he was almost panting. “What you’re thinkin’ about…”

“I’m rubbing my clit,” you moaned. “Got one finger inside of myself, thinking about you eating me out last night…”

“Fuck you tasted so good,” his voice became a little more strained. “Wanna taste you right now.”

You moaned and fucked yourself a little harder, a little faster, your eyes closed in pleasure.

“Add another finger,” he said. “Want you to work up to this cock, want you thinking about me deep in you when you come.”

“Fuck Joel,” you were panting now, too, as you added another finger.

“Tell me what you’re thinking now,” he whispered.

“You pushing into me,” you groaned it. “Opening me up for you…”

“Fuck, Beautiful, you’re gonna fuckin’ kill me.”

You heard the pace of his hand increase on the other end of the phone and you worked your pussy a little harder and faster, too, whimpering as you did.

“Can you fit a third finger?” He panted.

“Yes,” you managed, getting desperate, your body starting to feel tight, all the heat of you drawing deep into yourself.

“Add it,” he groaned. “Fuck yourself deep, hard. Fuck yourself like I fucked you last night, how I’d fuck you right now if I were there.”

You obeyed, thrusting your fingers in as deep as you could reach, whimpering at the stretch that you knew had nothing on his thick cock.

“You were so fucking deep,” your legs were restless, the tightness extending so far down that you knew your orgasm was going to make your whole body quake. “Fuck, you’re so goddamn big, Joel…”

“And you take me so fucking well,” he panted. “Take me like you were made to take this cock, fuck!”

“I was made to take you,” you whimpered, desperate and aching. “Made to make you come, need you to fucking come, please Joel, please come for me…”

“Fuck, fuck, I’m coming!” It was a choking, strangled whisper and you heard him muffle his moaning in a pillow, the sound of his pleasure sending you over the edge.

It was the hardest you’d ever come from your own hand, harder than you’d ever come with a vibrator, almost as hard as you came with Joel deep inside you the night before. Your body throbbed with it, so much that it felt like your fingers might break as they stuffed your overwrought pussy full. You all but sobbed as you kept working your clit, even as it was too much, fucking yourself through your own orgasm the way you knew Joel would if he were buried inside you instead of in his own fist. Once it was over, you slowly, gently, pulled your hand away from your dripping slit.

“Fucking hell, Beautiful,” he said after a minute, still trying to catch his breath. You smiled and laughed a little. “Christ, I hope Sarah didn’t hear that.”

“You stayed a lot quieter than me,” you were whispering again. It was fun to whisper into the phone with him, like you were going behind your parents’ backs with it.

“Still,” he said before he sighed. “I gotta go clean up, you made me make a hell of a mess.”

“You’re one to talk,” you smirked a little, looking at the slick gathered on your fingers.

“Can I text you tomorrow while you’re at work?” He asked quietly. “Something tells me I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“Course,” you smiled, settling down into your mattress. “Text me whenever you want, I always want to hear from you.”

Maybe it was the post-orgasm haze but you didn’t care that it sounded desperate.

“Good,” he said. “Because hearin’ from you always makes my damn day.”

You smiled at that.

“Miss you, Beautiful.”

You smiled bigger.

“Miss you, too.”

Next Chapter

A/N: Awww doubt is creeping in and they're still fucking each other's brains out from afar.

We love to see it!

Thank you so much for following along with this story! These two are so fun to write and I hope you're enjoying their journey. Love you all!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic #joel miller x oc #joel miller smut

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 7 days ago

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ten weeks left, five to go… two thirds of the way there! i am, indeed, le tired…. but it’s gonna be okay… this week is pretty full throttle but next week i’ll get at least one day off for thanksgiving, so that’s… something…

i had a major work win this week in that a kid i had been pulling my hair out over did WAY the fuck better than i thought he would on his first test sitting. it’s looking like he’s still going to take it again even though he has scores that are perfectly adequate for the schools he’s looking at, so… i am holding on to my most work-intensive client… but a) his sessions will no longer bum me out and b) i can finally feel confident that the 1 billion hours i have put into writing or compiling from various sources follow up problems because none of the one-stop-shop ones felt good enough have actually served a purpose and therefore i can feel less conflicted about my regrettably unkillable sense of professional integrity. two other kids also tested, one landing at “so close but not totally quite” and the other at honestly a little worse than i would have expected? but her next test date pretty far out so i’m not too stressed. (i am learning over time that the first couple times they take a test straight through, practice or real, it goes bad… sometimes they don’t improve despite my best efforts but even the ones that do wind up doing well almost always do worse than i expect for a while and then somehow pull it together through a process that remains mysterious even to me….)

i think i am going to try something this week which is to plan to work approximately 35 hours spread out approximately evenly. based on recent weeks this should be enough (and if it’s not enough i’ll know that soon enough to course correct) and i think going into the week with this intention will help with the part where like… there almost always is theoretically work i could be doing which is an annoying psychological cloud to have hovering around me. i feel like maybe aiming for “about 5 hours a day, including any sessions” will help me feel more balanced and hopefully more able to sort of compartmentalize and think occasionally of other matters lol. the trick with this kind of thing is not to let it oppress me under a rule of my own devising - it has often happened in the past that i find myself feeling totally insane about my struggle to live up to completely self-imposed expectations that don’y matter at all - but i feel like perhaps i am finally beginning to outgrow that tendency, because of how i have finally learned what it is like to feel actually pretty chill most of the time and how much i enjoy and cherish that feeling.

the other work related insight i have recently had is that i really do fucking hate getting up and having to do work before a set time (session) later that day, with the exception of just kind of gathering my materials digitally or physically for any sessions. updating the homework docs the morning after is both unavoidable sometimes and tolerable but it’s amazing how much worse it feels to prep a practice test i’m doing in 4 hours than one i’m doing even just as far away as tomorrow. i AM for the first time in a while going into this week going into monday fully prepped for all of tomorrow’s tutoring and ALSO caught up on admin work and it feels really nice and i hope that having a certain regular allotment of Work Time will make it easier for me to keep that up while also, like, doing laundry and stuff. (i find it hard to do multiple types of things a day so if i’m in a Chores Day then usually i’ll work as little as possible and then suddenly i have to prep a whole ACT by tomorrow… anyway)

the kitchen remains… acceptable! although i should at some point probably purchase “groceries.” room still very bad, is what it is. i only worked out a measly three times this week but at least one of them was full body day & another day was a hiit day that honestly was very fun but still has my calves knotted up three days later. i did not text g. bc i am a terrible friend. i did see the apprentice and it was not good and i did not mind bc jerbear ate as i knew he would and honestly sebstan was p. good too! i have started rereading jonathan strange & mr norrell primarily as a bedtime book bc it is a good inducement away from bedtime scrolling which has been a Problem, my sleep has NOT been great. actually that reminds me that i might start doing little mini versions of these nightly because i have come to really like this little sunday night ritual and the sense of closure it gives me on the week as well as optimism or at least fortitude for the week ahead, and i feel like it may be the case that doing a little “and this was the day that was” post may offer a helpful transition in moving into Bedtime Mode. (part of me is like, could i just do that in a journal…. but… the thing is i actually don’t think i could…. journal is very good for some things but it is not good in all the same ways as Blogging……… for me, an insane person)

#isabel 2k24

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seeminglydark · 1 year ago

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Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!

Dear Anon

I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.

i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.

i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.

i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.

i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.

I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.

i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?

i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.

June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.

SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.

I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.

im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.

TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.

#rj rambles #this is really long im sorry anon #i think my late comic blooming story is kinda important for people to hear #thankyou for giving me a reason to tell it

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ros3ybabe · 4 months ago

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Daily Check-in: July 24, 2024 🎀

Ahhhh today was such a phenomenal day omg. I had a really good, mostly productive day today and I'm so happy. I still need to work on my eating and nutrition and stop letting my hotel roommate talk me into late night munching, but everything else is going so good.

🩷 What I Accomplished

35 minutes full body strength workout

30 minute treadmill walk (2.5 speed, 3.0 Incline for 19min, 3.0 speed, 3.0 Incline for 11min)

put away all my clean laundry

had a 30 min korean trial lesson on italki (loved it, love the teacher, she's awesome)

planned out my language studies and budget moving forward

booked an appointment to get my nails done once I'm back home in mid August (gonna get medium acrylics, coffin shape with a mocha brown French tip, I'm so excited)

napped for about ~3 hours, i think? I've been really tired recently

did my night time skincare routine for the first time in a week

did my night time gratitude journal, also for the first time in a while

studied Korean for about 75 minutes (not counting the italki lesson!!)

got homework from my italki teacher, super excited to work with her

called my boyfriend this morning

tried an egg, bacon, cheese, potato, and avocado breakfast bowl from a place nearby and it was so yummy and filling

remembered to take my night time meds

emailed my therapist about documentation I need for a financial aid appeal

looked for more Korean and Spanish learning resources

my dad sent me pictures of one of our dogs (a German Shepard that has my whole heart), and she's such a cutie i could cry

💔 What Could've Gone Better

need to write my financial aid appeal letter (too many credit hours, but I'm double majoring so it makes sense???)

didn't wash my laundry, need to do it tomorrow morning

ate too much again. my roommate keeps talking me into late night eating and ughhh, I gotta stop giving in

gotta make better food choices in general, and start logging my food to be more mindful

slept A LOT today, like napped before my italki lesson, napped afterward. I've been so so tired lately and I've no clue why

need to stick to a consistent routine, and prepare myself for my after work workouts for Friday thru Sunday

💗 Stuff For Thursday (July 25th)

finish paying back my friend

send money for rent to roommates back home

make a payment towards new apartment

book next Spanish and Korean italki lessons

study korean

complete my pilates full body workout from health coach plan

begin tracking what I eat to help my mindfulness around my food choices

morning and night skincare

morning and night gratitude journaling

wash my laundry before I go to work

work an ~8.5 hour evening shift

💕 Song of The Day: Who - Jimin

ughhh I love his voice, and this song, so much

til next time, lovelies 🩷

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koolades-world · 5 months ago

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(really, you can tell me to stop if I’m asking too much!) Hello hello! Another idea popped in my head! If I may request an established relationship with fem! MC and Satan: The day before history exam she stays up quite late to get as much done as she could. She scores low, barely passing. So she evades Satan all day because any time she even looks at his direction she starts tearing up the disappointment he might feel even after helping her. Even during dinner where she normally sits with Satan, she sits with Asmo instead and absolutely avoids any eye contact. All that exhaustion, despair, and knowing her behaviour with Satan that whole day leads her to break down in her room. Meanwhile Satan approaches her room with a soft knock and voice offering help. After coming into her room, MC cries harder apologising to him about being a failure, doubts her worth, and mentions how he deserves someone much better who can really keep up with his intellect. Satan comforts MC using prompts 32, and 35! Again, edit the premise to your liking! Have a lovely day/night ahead!!

omg hi again wow so crazy seeing you here haha. no but fr it's great seeing you again :)

i love how this is the like the other side of the coin from the request i wrote yesterday, but it still ends in cute satan fluffy comfort. i love my little wrath cutie haha

sorry for no post yesterday! thought i had something queued and got sidetracked hanging out with friends :)

enjoy <3

prompts 32 and 35 w/ Satan

“You’re gonna do great. Stop stressing. I believe in you and your abilities.” That’s what Satan said to you the previous night while helping you study before you went to bed. You’d stayed up essentially all night studying even after Satan had left, and told you to get some rest. You’d really thought you’d made progress with the content, and even felt confident on the exam. For the rest of the week, your spirits were high. That quickly changed as soon as you got the test back at the end of that week.

When the professor put your test face down on your desk, you had an awfully familiar sinking feeling. After glancing around to make sure nobody was leaning over your shoulder, you flipped it over to see your score. It was a high D. Passing and slightly better than usual, but just barely. It was disappointing to say the least. After all that work you’d put in, especially the night before was for nothing. You knew you didn’t have it in you to face your boyfriend. Not after he’d helped you so much and allowed you to borrow his study materials. What had been the point of all that if your score was only a little better than usual.

While it didn’t solve your problems, you were set on avoiding Satan for the rest of the day, maybe even weekend. You couldn’t look him in the eyes after that defeat. You crammed the test into your bag, and tried your best to focus on the rest of the lesson, and maintain a semblance of normality with everyone around you. Pretending you were fine wasn’t too much of an issue until you caught sight of your favorite blond demon. You’d agreed to walk home with him today. Any other time, you’d be thrilled for such a privilege. Now, it felt more like a curse. He’d told you he’d believed in you, and you’d failed him. You felt as if you weren’t worth his time, and instead opted to head home with some friends instead. You told him they wanted to check out a store which is why the plans changed. Since he was a loving partner, he told you that was fine and that he'd see you later. But, rather than going out like you'd told him, you walked with them as far as you could and went back to the HoL.

You went up to your room, and hid the test underneath a large stack of papers on your desk. You tried to distract yourself by doing things such as reading, playing some games, watching Deviltube, and even scrolling on various social media apps, but nothing was working. You felt absolutely crushed and even remembered that the test was in the same room as you bothered you. The fact that this was the same room you'd been so confident that you'd studied well in just yesterday was like a knife to the heart. The only thing you could think might help take your mind off your utter failure was a nap. You didn't usually nap after school, but it was all you had.

At some point later, likely a few hours after you shut your eyes, Asmo woke you up with a knock at your door. "Mc! Dinner time!" He sounded as chipper as usual.

"Be right out." You quickly looked at yourself in the mirror. You didn't look too bad, so you decided to just get dinner over with so you could get back to resting and avoiding your problems.

"I feel like I've hardly seen you today. I have so much to catch you up on." Asmo took your arm and began talking your ear off. You nodded along, only half listening. It wasn't his fault, but you tried to engage with him to try and distract yourself. When you got downstairs to the table, Satan wasn't there yet, so you didn't have to look him in the eyes when you sat between Asmo and Belphie. Those who were already present seemed a little confused by this fact, but after they heard what Asmo was talking about, they made no attempt to question either of you.

At first, you thought you might be fine, but all of that went out the window as soon as Satan took his usual seat. You would normally sit beside him, but he noticed as soon as he sat down that you weren't in your seat, and instead next to Asmo. You knew he was trying to make eye contact with you, but you wouldn't. You couldn't if you didn't want to burst out into tears. As soon as dinner was over, you were the first to leave the table. Nobody made an attempt to follow you, and you hoped you could spend the rest of the evening by yourself. Maybe you'd feel better tomorrow.

You laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, when you heard a knock at your door. You remained silent, waiting for a voice from the other side. 'Mc, it's Satan. Please let me in. I'd like to talk." While you knew he probably just wanted to comfort you, it only caused you to spiral. You couldn't help but think that your behavior and that awful test score might have made him want to break up with you. After he heard you sniffling, he gently cracked the door.

"What's the matter?" Satan sat down beside you, placing a hand on your back. When you didn't answer, he tried soothing you. "I'm here to help. I'm not upset with you, or anything. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but please don't shut me out." There was nothing you could do to slow the tears. The two of you sat together without speaking for a little bit before you trusted your voice again.

"I got a D on that test that I studied really hard for. The one you helped me with." You felt ashamed saying it out loud.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me today? Love, I'm not mad at you. I know how hard you worked, and the fact that you tried is all that matters to me." He swiped away the tears his thumb, flicking them away.

"It didn't matter. I still did bad." You mumbled.

"I'm sure you still improved, right? That shows that your efforts paid off. Besides, if you're worried about your grade, there's still time to get it back up. I'll help you." Satan sounded hopeful.

"I'm not worth your time. Clearly I'm beyond help. I didn't improve that much. You shouldn't worry about me." You were trying to avoid saying those words, but you felt, no, you knew he could find someone who was more suited for him.

"I care about you. I help you because I love you. I enjoy our time together, and I know how resilient you are. You don't give up, and that's very admirable. To me, you're perfect. I don't care what anyone else says." He hugged you.

"You deserve someone smarter than me, someone who actually understands the lessons and doesn't fail every test. You can do better than me," you told him.

"Have I ever told you you're my favorite human?" Satan proposed a theoretical question, trying to look at the situation from a different light.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." You didn't know how many humans he knew outside of you and Solomon, but the bar didn't seem very high.

"There's many reasons why you're my favorite. You see me for me, and you're my number one supporter. In comparison to everyone else I know, I haven't known you nearly as long, but yet you're still at the top of that list. You're so special to me. Do you think I'd throw everything we have out the window just because of a test score?" He turned to look you in the eyes. You looked back, seeing the sincerity in his gaze.

"Are you sure?" He sounded like he meant it, but you could never be too sure. It could all be some cruel joke and he might take it back at any moment.

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm lucky to have found such a catch like you." He gave you a smile, one that made you fall for him initially.

"I love you." While his words didn't erase the bad score, you felt much better about it now. He loved you for you, not because of superficial reasons like you feared. It was strange in retrospect that you found comfort in what some might consider the devil himself, but you were both happy, and that's all that matters.

#2k followers special #obey me #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?#obey me! shall we date #obey me satan #obey me!#fem reader

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allmoshnobrain · 10 months ago

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 29 of 35 | masterpost

word count: 2563 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

I wasn't ready for any of that. The wounds from losing Dave were still too raw, to the point that acknowledging the desire I felt for James made my heart tighten with regret. What the hell was I thinking? I'd chosen Dave. And yet, he’d left me. What I wanted didn't mean shit in changing anything. How could I want anything from James when the very feeling I had for him had wrecked everything I held dear?

✦ summary: After reuniting with her friends, Nore is compelled to confront the conflicting feelings she still harbors for James.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, love triangle

✦ a/n: Hello! I've talked about this previously on my blog, but as we're headed into the last stretch of the story, I would like everyone to know: while the next few chapters are gonna dive into James and Nore's feelings a bit more, Dave will be back! His story with Nore isn't over yet. Also, we'll have an epilogue that is still on the works. I've wrapped up the main part of the story and I'm hosting a poll to see if you guys prefer I keep posting new chapters once a week or if you're up for me posting them twice a week. If anyone wants to vote, here's the link. Hope you enjoyed the read, any feedback is welcome! 🖤

✧ There's something hanging in the air, I won't say shit 'cause I'm too scared / I'll just pretend we're two lovers not destroying each other / And you don't want me to go, and I just can't say no ✧

I met with Cliff and the guys at Los Angeles airport a few days later. I have to admit, the idea of reuniting with my friends after all those weeks left me a bit on edge, and not fully in a good way. However, catching up with Cliff and Leanne, and then with Kirk and Lars, did ease some of that tension. On the flip side, seeing Pat and James hanging out together didn't really help my state of mind. I couldn't help but wonder how, in just two months, they had become so close that she got an invitation to join the tour. Then it hit me with a pang in my heart that I hadn't needed much more than that to fall completely in love with Dave after meeting him.

I didn't really chat it up much with James. Seeing him with Pat kinda brought back all the wounds from that rainy weekend a few months back. But, he did give me a hug the moment he spotted me, holding onto me for maybe a beat longer than needed before whispering, his lips right by my ear:

"Missed you so much."

Hearing that sure didn't make things easier.

Seeing the guys all pumped up about the trip gave my mood a little boost. None of them, except Lars and me, had done the whole international travel thing before. The flight to Amsterdam was gonna be a marathon, so I had plenty of time to catch up with Leanne, who picked the seat next to mine. We mainly talked about everything that had happened in San Francisco during my absence; Leanne didn't ask much about me, which I was genuinely thankful for. It was nice having her around, but I wasn't really up for diving into how the last few months had been a rough ride. We kept the chatter going deep into the night until fatigue finally caught up with us, and we crashed.

We rolled into Amsterdam about twelve hours later, and man, we were wiped. Headed straight to the hotel, and lucky for us, the producers only snagged double rooms. Since we had an odd number and sharing a bed with Kirk or Lars wasn't my jam, I lucked out with a double bed all to myself. Honestly, better than I thought it'd be.

When night crept in, the guys and Leanne hit the town for some drinks and city exploring. Pat and I, though, opted for a chill night in, catching a few movies on the TV. Not that I wasn't up for hitting the streets, but all the hours spent on the plane did a number on me, more than I expected. Pat called it a night and went back to her room early, but I left the TV humming in the background, not really paying much attention to what was on.

It was well past midnight when I heard some heavy footsteps echoing down the hallway. My curiosity kicked in as a few deliberate knocks hit my door, and I pondered for a moment, debating whether I should bother answering. But the knocks persisted, and my curiosity won out. With a sigh, I rose from my spot and opened the door. My heart quickened when I found James leaning casually against the door frame.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked, a faint smile playing on his lips, though his voice betrayed a touch of uncertainty. I sighed, feeling warmth spread across my face. Having him so close made my heart flutter in a way I hadn't experienced in a while.

"This isn't your room," I mumbled, stupidly, my ability to think straight suddenly on vacation. He chuckled softly, a quick, dry laugh.

"If you hadn't said anything, I would never have guessed. Can I come in or not?"

I hesitated but eventually stepped aside, letting him in and closing the door. He stretched, shrugged off his jacket, and tossed it on my bed before settling down, kicking off his shoes. I furrowed my brow.

"You should head back to your room. Pat's probably waiting for you."

"She can wait," he said, finishing up with his shoes and pulling out a hair tie from his pocket, using it to secure his hair into a ponytail. Oddly, the sight made him even more attractive. I couldn't help but wonder if the hair tie belonged to Pat, who would often wear her hair tied up, and if he was picking up some habits from his new girlfriend. He stood up, seeming totally oblivious to my thoughts, and casually opened the mini-fridge, grabbing a Coke and popping it open. Then, he lifted his serious blue eyes to me. "I wanted to see you."

"Why?" I questioned, feeling my face warm up and my heart race, a million butterflies in my stomach going wild at his words. He sighed, a faint bitter smile playing on his lips.

"I missed you," he said, his voice low. "Last time we met, everything went south. I thought you hated me. Yet, when I saw you today, Nore..."

"James, please stop," I murmured, my voice trembling. He furrowed his brow, looking away, seeming hurt by my words, and I felt my heart squeeze uncomfortably in my chest. "You shouldn't be saying that."

"Oh, really?" He stood up, placing the can he was holding on the table before coming closer. I took a step back, feeling my face burn as I caught the storm brewing in his blue eyes. "And why’s that?"

"You have a girlfriend, don’t you?" I questioned, my voice holding accusation and hurt. "You brought your fucking girlfriend, so maybe you should just head back to her..."

"You make it sound so simple," he growled, taking another step closer, prompting me to lift my head to meet his gaze.

"And isn’t it?" I shot back, my tone bitter. "How aren't you ashamed of this?"

"Ashamed of what? Of bringing the girl I started dating to try forgetting about you?" he scoffed, clearly pissed now. "Tell me, Nore, what was I supposed to do? Just watch you reject me, again, and again, and again, and then act like you loved me just to mess with my head?"

"This isn’t fair to her!" I blurted out, all worked up, my voice getting louder. "This isn’t fair to me!"

"And what about me? Is it fair what you're pulling on me?"

"I don't get why you thought bringing her along was a genius move..."

"It didn't have to be genius. When you bailed on LA, I called you for days. You were the one who wanted nothing to do with me."

"You're such a jerk!" I spat out, my irritation cranking my voice up more than would be okay for past midnight, but honestly, I'd stopped caring about that ages ago.

James growled, getting suddenly closer, gripping my waist with one hand and pulling me against his body, forcing me to look deep into his eyes as he pressed his forehead against mine, his breathing erratic. His other hand cupped my cheek, his thumb tracing my lower lip. All the anger I had seemed to spill over at that moment; I wanted to punch him, to kick him out, to yell I never wanted to see him again, but I couldn't. Not when his lips were inches away from mine, his blue eyes locking onto mine with a fiery passion that made my whole body warm and vibrate inside.

"You fucking love me," he murmured, a smug smile slowly creeping across his lips. "Things would be so much easier if you just admitted it."

"Shut up, James," I growled, my heart doing a sprint in my chest, blood pulsing with fury in my ears, my hands clutching the front of his shirt and yanking him towards me. I needed him to split; I didn't know how much longer I could trust my anger to hold back the temptation of surrendering to his arms.

"Tell me you don't love me, then," he said, throwing in a sarcastic laugh. "Say you don't love me, and I’ll forget all this and leave you alone. You can't, can you? Because you fucking love me, damn it," His words buzzed with almost unrestrained joy, his grip on my waist tightening enough for me to let out a muffled moan from between my lips. Damn, I wanted him to kiss me. For the first time since all that mess had started, I wanted him to kiss me, to touch me, to make me forget my own name.

"Leave," I shot back, the defiance in my voice wavering as I sensed his body against mine. He let out a low chuckle but stepped back, his eyes ablaze, a smug smile on his face. I rested one of my hands on my chest, feeling my heart thudding against my fingertips, and noticed I was shaking. Gripping the doorknob with my other hand, I turned it but hesitated to open the door. "Just... Go, James. Please," I whispered, the adrenaline of the moment wearing off, and the old pain flooding back to fill my chest as my eyes welled up with tears.

James seemed to catch onto my shift in mood, the triumph in his eyes giving way to pity when he noticed my tears building up. That sparked a rage in my chest; I didn't need his pity. I didn't need anyone's pity.

He made a move to come closer, but I just shook my head, turning away as I opened the door. After he left, I leaned against the closed door, letting myself slide down to sit on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, feeling more alone, confused, and guilty than ever.

I woke up the next morning, feeling like I hadn't caught a wink of sleep. I groaned my way out of bed, pausing only to wash my face, brush my teeth, and swap outfits before heading down to the hotel's restaurant. There, I spotted Kirk, Lars, Cliff and Leanne already posted up at a table, digging into breakfast. I snagged a plate and plopped down next to Lars.

“After breakfast, we'll pack our bags and grab a shower. We're hitting the road after the show for the next city, so tonight, we’re all gonna be sleeping on the bus,” Cliff was laying out the plan when I rolled in.

“Great. Even crashing on a bus is cozier than sharing a bed with Lars,” Kirk griped, ignoring Lars' offended expression before shooting me a grin. “Hey, Nore, fancy bunking with me next time?”

"As if," I scoffed, and Lars burst into laughter.

"Hey, where's James?" Kirk asked, and I shrugged. Leanne bounced up to snag a hot cup of coffee, and Cliff sparked up a cigarette.

"Bet he's sleeping with Pat. Ever since they got together, she's been glued to him," Lars remarked, not looking too thrilled. Cliff snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Jealous, Lars?" I jokingly tossed the question while slathering butter on a piece of toast. He shot me a look, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

"Hmm, not me. Can't say the same for you, though, huh?" His ironic smile lingered. I let out a frustrated huff, rolling my eyes, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks. Okay, maybe I walked right into that one.

A few minutes later, James and Pat finally strolled in. James, much like me, seemed to have had a rough night, evident in the dark circles under his tired blue eyes. On the flip side, Pat appeared to be the poster child for joy, easy smiles appearing on her lips as she talked to James, occasionally hugging his arm or intertwining her fingers with his. It was like she exuded confidence, as if she knew this was exactly where she belonged. Kind of got on my nerves, but I wasn't ready to dig into why.

The hustle for the show kicked off right after breakfast. We only had a short break to change and pack before heading back to the hotel lobby. A producer-arranged bus was set to pick us up, transporting everyone to a studio for the guys to rehearse the setlist during the day, and later to the venue for the shows. This leg of the journey got us all pumped. It wasn't just the band's inaugural international gig; we were also looking forward to meeting Venom and, naturally, enjoying some complimentary drinks. I must admit, even I was feeling a twinge of excitement and anxiety about the upcoming events.

I sparked up a cigarette while we hung out in front of the hotel, checking out the guys in action. They were teamed up with a couple of roadies, hauling gear that had been lugged up to the rooms the day before. Leanne strolled over.

"Got a light?" she asked, flashing a grin. I nodded, fished out my lighter, and passed it her way. She sparked up her cigarette, taking a few drags till it glowed. "Can I ask you something, Nore?"

"Sure thing, Lea," I replied, all curious. She shot me a look, her usual relaxed vibe getting a bit serious. Her eyes narrowed, like she was attempting to peek into my brain. "Spill it, what's on your mind?"

"How's it all sitting with you? You know, this whole James situation?" she asked, making me feel like there was a spotlight on me.

"James? What do you mean?" I stammered, feeling the heat hit my face. She let out a soft chuckle at my reaction.

"I'm seriously wondering how she hasn't picked up on it yet." Leanne nodded toward Pat; she was holding James’ hand and talking to Lars, who seemed bored out of his mind, like he'd rather be doing anything else. "The way he looks at you. And the way you look at him."

"What are you getting at?" I whispered, my heart doing a somersault of sorts in my chest.

"You're into him, right? And it's crystal he's into you. Maybe you two should ditch the pride act and just… Allow yourselves to be happy."

"But Pat likes him too," I mumbled, letting a touch of annoyance creep into my voice. And I still don't know if I can allow myself to like anyone again.

"Honestly? I think she's crushing harder on James Hetfield, the Metallica frontman, than our James," she said with a chuckle. "Babe, you and James always clicked so easy. You seriously gonna let that slip away like this?"

I was kind of stumped for a response; right then, the bus rolled up, stealing everyone's focus. Lea crushed her cigarette and shot me a smile, then sauntered over to Cliff, offering a hand with carrying an amp. I took a minute to soak in the sight before joining them, attempting to shove aside the tornado of feelings Leanne's words had kicked up in me.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777 @whatsupvic @70srogah @genswine9

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kk095 · 1 year ago

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Samantha’s Asthma Attack

*good evening everyone! I know I haven't posted in awhile, so I hope you enjoy this one!*

Samantha was 35 years old with shoulder length light brown hair, greenish eyes that were normally behind a pair of glasses, was fair skinned, and had a more petite build. Samantha was the stereotypical 30-something workaholic: not married (but certainly married to her job), no children, and her hobbies were LinkedIn and climbing the corporate ladder. Even though Samantha had devoted her life to corporate America, she was still pretty cute and had plenty to offer the world outside the workplace.

And one thing she dealt with outside the workplace was asthma. Samantha had bad asthma since she was a kid- she even had to be hospitalized for it once when she was 7 years old. But since then, Samantha was always on top of her asthma, making sure an inhaler was within reach, and made it a point to take her meds and go to the doctor every now and then.

Because Samantha had dealt with asthma pretty much her whole life, she was no stranger to asthma attacks. But this most recent asthma attack was different, with Samantha ultimately ending up toe tagged and under a sheet in our emergency department. So how did this happen? Let’s start a couple hours before her death.

It was a busy Friday afternoon at the office for Samantha. She was trying her very best to cram in whatever work she could before the weekend began since her team had fallen a bit behind throughout the week. She was also stressed out about a big meeting with the Los Angeles office in a few weeks as well. Samantha sighed, “this stress is killing me.”, not realizing there would be a little bit of truth to those words.

Around 3:00, Samantha started to feel some tightness in her chest. She brushed it off- there was too much work to do, she’ll worry about it later. That tightness in chest had gotten worse, and she started to develop shortness of breath. Samantha realized that this was likely an asthma attack, so she grabbed her Albuterol inhaler from her purse and took a few quick, deep puffs. “that usually does the trick, I’ll be good in a few minutes.” She thought to herself. Approximately 20 minutes went by, but nothing changed. Samantha decided to take a few more puffs from her rescue inhaler. Several minutes passed, and nothing changed. Samantha was now a little worried, realizing the usual tricks didn’t work this time. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom and take a few of my pills. I’ll do that, finish my work, then go to urgent care on the way home.” She thought to herself.

Samantha got up out of her chair and immediately felt dizzy when she stood up. Before Samantha could take a step forward, her eyes rolled back, and she collapsed to the floor. A coworker in a neighboring office heard the loud thud from Samantha fainting, so a coworker rushed over to see what was going on. Samantha’s coworker Jessica walks into the office, seeing Samantha passed out on the floor. “samantha?!” a concerned Jessica blurted out, scurrying over to Samantha’s aid. Jessica knelt down besides Samantha, tapping her shoulder and gently nudging her. “samantha? You ok?!” Jessica asked nervously. Samantha’s eyes slowly opened, and immediately looked at Jessica. “yeah… yeah, I’m ok. I just need to go to urgent care after work…” a groggy Samantha replied to Jessica. “no Sam, you need to go to the hospital. You just passed out on the floor!” a concerned Jessica pleaded. “it’s just an asthma attack. I’ve had a million of them before. I’m just gonna go to urgent care later and sleep this one off.” Samantha stubbornly replied, showing that she’s putting work over her own health. “well you’re going to the hospital, end of story!” Jessica took command of the situation, whipping out her phone and calling 911. “I’ll be fine Jessica. Let me finish my work and I’ll go to urgent care.” Samantha replied, almost annoyed. “you passed out! This isn’t just a regular asthma attack. You’re going to the ER.” Jessica replied, putting her foot down. Jessica had a gut feeling something was wrong, she just didn’t know the extent of it at that moment.

In the coming minutes, medics Stephanie and Tracy arrive at the office. “hi, I’m Stephanie and this is Tracy. Is it ok if you tell me a little bit about what happened?” Stephanie asks Samantha. “I’m fine…” Samantha replies, very breathy and winded, struggling to get the words out. “you sure sweetie? We got a call and your friend here seems very concerned.” Tracy replies, referencing Jessica. “Seriously… I’ll …be…ok…” Samantha replies in a hoarse voice, struggling to get the words out. “well, you seem to be having some trouble breathing. I’m just gonna take a listen to your heart and lungs, alright?” Stephanie says to Samantha. Medic Stephanie lowers her stethoscope onto Samantha’s chest and has a listen. “take a few deep breaths for me.” Stephanie says. Samantha struggles to take a full breath, but tries her very best. Stephanie can her wheezing, rattling, and a crackling/popping sound during lung auscultation. “Rales and wheezing. Let’s get a pulse ox and see where she’s at.” Stephanie tells Tracy. Medic Tracy takes a pulse oximeter and gently sticks it on Samantha’s left index finger. “pulse ox is 86 Steph.” Tracy called out once the reading became visible. “ok, set up an IV and get some corticosteroids going. I’ll get an O2 mask and a heart monitor on her. We definitely need to transport.” Stephanie replied, realizing things were a little more urgent. Samantha’s button down work shirt was taken off, only sparing her black bra. An IV was started a long with EKG electrodes being stuck onto her chest. Tracy started the bag of IV fluids and Stephanie put an O2 mask on the patient. Samantha was placed on the gurney in the upright position. She was shirtless, only a black bra on with EKG electrodes surrounding it, her black work pants were still on, and now Samantha was barefoot since she kicked her shoes off before hopping on the gurney. Samantha had taken her glasses off, and was holding the mask with her right hand, taking deeper breaths.

During transport, Samantha could feel the tightness in her chest getting worse and worse. “it’ll be ok. I’ll get through this. Then I’ll have all weekend to relax.” Samantha thought, trying to reassure herself. Samantha kept taking rapid, shallow breaths for the remainder of the ambulance ride. That air couldn’t get into her lungs fast enough. Her pulse oxygenation stayed in the mid 80s give or take, no matter what the medics did.

Upon arrival to the emergency department where our usual team waited, Tracy and Stephanie gave Dr Lindsay the rundown on Samantha’s condition. Her vitals in the ER were: pulse ox 84%, heart rate 52, BP 80/43. Dr Lindsay ran regular labs- BMP, CBC, and a tox screen. She upped the doses of the IV meds, and started Samantha on a nebulizer- basically an O2 mask that has certain medications the patient can breathe in. Samantha is still in the upright position on the trauma room table. She can see everyone scurrying around her, barking orders at one another over the coming minutes.

“Let’s get a chest x ray.” Dr Lindsay orders. Samantha is instructed to lean forward so the x ray plate can be placed behind her. Once the x ray was done, she leaned forward again and the x ray plate was removed. Dr Lindsay immediately looked at the monitor taking a quick glance at the radiograph’s results. “bronchial and tracheal wall thickening. There’s definitely a lot of swelling in there. Page respiratory, I’m not liking this. The swelling should’ve gone down a little and her vital signs should’ve improved by now. Let’s keep these meds going, ok?” Dr Lindsay said to the rest of the team in an urgent, concerned tone. Samantha’s breathing started to worsen as well. She was upright, leaning forward, gasping for air at this point. You could see the muscles in her neck and chest working with all their might to pull in the little bit of air it could. Samantha’s eyes were wide open, and she became a bit teary eyed. She’s experienced asthma attacks before, but this was something entirely different, and fear began to set in. “get respiratory down here now! We might need to intubate and get her in a vent!” Lindsay shouted. “intu…? Intubate…?” a teary eyed Samantha asked nurse heather. “we might need to put a tube down your throat to help you breathe, alright?” nurse heather replied. “a tube down my throat?! That’s never happened before.” Samantha thought to herself. “am I… am I… gonna… die?” a terrified Samantha asked, trying her very best to force the words out. “we’re gonna do everything we can sweetie.” Nurse Nancy replies, grabbing Samantha’s hand for a moment.

Samantha has had plenty of asthma attacks throughout her life, but this was a completely different animal. Even the ER doctor’s meds and usual tricks weren’t working. “oh man. It’s gonna be ok. It’s gonna ok. We’ll get through this. It’ll be fine.” Samantha thought, desperately trying to reassure herself. The bed was lowered from the upright position, and now Samantha found herself looking up. The heart monitors were chirping louder and faster, and the scene around her became more hectic. “get me an intubation tray! Push 250cc’s of normal saline, let’s see if we can buy her a little time!” dr Lindsay shouted. A laryngoscope was placed into Samantha’s mouth while she was still awake. Tears rolled down her face while Dr Lindsay took a look. “airway is swollen, this might be a tricky intubation. Get me a 7.0 ET. Push succs and etomidate, I need to get this airway secured ASAP.” The Dr barked out. The meds were pushed, and Samantha began to feel a bit groggy. She tried her best to fight it, but she quickly became sedated.

The intubation was tricky for Dr Lindsay. Samantha’s airway was so red, swollen, and narrow. “damn it, can’t get the tube in. Get me a smaller tube please…” Dr Lindsay asked. A smaller ET tube was handed to Lindsay, and she tried again with the smaller tube. Once again, Dr Lindsay just couldn’t navigate the breathing tube into the airway of the patient. “crap. I can’t get this tube in. I need to trach her.” Dr Lindsay called out, shaking her head a bit. But that had to be put on pause for a moment- Samantha became pulseless, with PEA displaying on the monitors. Nurse heather snipped off Samantha’s bra, revealing her perky B cup breasts. Nurse Nancy began delivering deep, strong chest compressions on the petite 35 year old. Samantha’s chest caved in, recoiling back to it’s normal position. Meds were pushed intravenously in an attempt to obtain a shockable rhythm. The compressions nurse Nancy were performing allowed for good perfusion, inducing a certain level of consciousness from Samantha. The patient’s eyes opened halfway, scanning the room a bit. Samantha could see Nancy right above her. She looked down and saw Nancy pumping away at her chest. A tear rolled down Samantha’s face. She tried to utter the words “help me”, but she was too weak to get the words out. The sedation was re-upped on Samantha so Lindsay could perform the tracheostomy, otherwise it would’ve been quite painful for Samantha since she was semi conscious. When the sedation kicked in, Samantha’s eyes remained open, completely glazed over, staring upwards into the abyss. The front part of the patient’s neck was slashed with betadine. Lindsay picked up the scalpel and made a 2cm horizontal incision below the cricothyroid cartilage. The underlying tissue was incised carefully, and the anatomy was carefully looked for a brief moment since there are a lot of structures in the neck that you absolutely want to avoid with sharp objects. Next, the trachea was identified, and a horizontal cut was made in one of the tracheal rings, creating an opening in the airway. A little bit of air hissed after the cut was made. Lindsay then grabbed the tracheostomy tube and began inserting it. The airway was still swollen, but Lindsay was able to make it work and secure the cute 35 year old’s airway. The tracheostomy tube was secured with a cuff, and an ambu bag was attached. Nancy continued CPR while Heather bagged.

Post tracheostomy, Samantha remained in PEA. At the 4 minute mark of the code, a 2nd dose of epi and atropine were pushed intravenously hoping to either restart her heart or obtain a shockable rhythm. Nancy had grown tired from performing CPR, so her and Heather swapped places. Heather lowered her gloved hands with interlocked fingers onto Samantha’s bruised, pale chest and began pumping away. Heather delivered deep, fast chest compressions. Samantha’s head bobbed and lolled around in sync with the compressions while her lifeless green eyes remained open. This 2nd dose of meds failed to produce a shockable rhythm, so another dose of meds were pushed into the IV line.

Finally, at the 11 minute mark of the code, a shockable rhythm was obtained by the team. The orange defib stickies were placed onto her bare chest, and the paddles were charged. “charging to 250. Everyone….CLEAR!” Dr Lindsay called out while the nurses backed away. Samanthas’s body jolted sharply in response to the shock, but v-fib remained on the monitors. A cycle of chest compressions and ambu bagging were performed, and a 300j shock was the delivered. KA-THUNK. Samantha’s body bent all out of shape from the 2nd shock. But just like before, v-fib was still on the monitors. The next shock was delivered shortly thereafter at 360j. This shock caused her feet to kick up above the table, then slam back down a moment later, showing off the cute, soft wrinkles in the soles of her size 7 feet. “still nothing, charging to 360 again.” Dr Lindsay called out. The whirring of the paddles was heard as the machine did its thing. The defibs were pressed back up against the patient’s chest, and shock #4 was sent into her heart. Samanthas’s back arched a bit and her chest shot up, before falling limp a moment later. “PEA, resuming compressions.” Nurse heather immediately spotted while taking a look at the monitors.

Heather had performed multiple cycles of CPR on Samantha, and the team pushed another round of drugs to no avail. Nurse Nancy had decided to swap in to give Heather a break while Dr Lindsay pushed the next round of meds. Samantha looked ghastly pale, the color in her lips were fading with a purplish tinge starting to take hold. Nancy could feel how cold Samantha’s body was becoming even through her gloved hands. It wasn’t looking good, but it wasn’t time to give up just yet.

At the 23 minute mark of the code, Samantha converted back to v-fib. The paddles were recharged to 360j, and the next shock was delivered once everyone backed away. The jolt of electricity made Samantha’s toes curl, showing off the wrinkles throughout her cute soles once again, as well as the pink nail polish on her toes. “still nothing, hitting her again at 360.” Lindsay called out to everyone else. THUMP. Samantha’s lifeless body shuddered in response to the shock, but v-fib was still skipping across the monitors. Dr Lindsay shocked Samantha again…and again…and again…AND AGAIN, but v-fib was still displaying. “down 32 minutes, pupils fixed and dilated.” Nurse Nancy announced, shaking her head.

There was a brief pause, and an eerie silence took over the room. Dr Lindsay sighed, then looked over at the clock. “time of death, 16:54.” She uttered in a defeated tone, placing the defibs back on the crash cart before ripping off her latex gloves. The beeping, chirping monitors were switched off and the ambu bag was detached. The EKG electrodes and orange defib pads were plucked off. Samantha’s eyes were gently shut for the final time, and her body was covered, only leaving her feet poking out at the far end of the table. A toe tag was filled out and placed on the big toe of Samantha’s left foot, bringing a sad, and sudden end to her story.

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xoxitgirl · 11 months ago

Text

⊹₊ ⋆ seasons results! ⊹ ࣪ ˖

⟡ part one ⟡

so usually I try to write it down from the day i start and document the results from then but I literally forgot lmaoo so heres it broken down into every couple days/every week! ima keep this method tho ngl because its so useful but this is probably gonna be a long post bc i wanna be as raw as possible w ya’ll.

season one: jdnavsthewrld ⋆𐙚 ₊ ˚ ⊹ ♡

overview

so first and foremost—my season is going to be filled with all of my designs blowing up, making hundreds of dollars a week, improving my relationship with my boyfriend, and getting a new charger. I wrote out everything in detail so that way it was easier for me to understand exactly what I want like shipping out orders and stuff in my new car, taking a trip to NY, collaborating with some designers that I really like + meeting some designers as well, having hella photo shoots, etc! so it starts off with me getting a new car, it’s easier for me to process all of my orders and get yarn/make clothing just because I have a more efficient car.

dec 3-10

this week was full of me reminding myself im living in my season and my whole idea is about my buisness blowing up and a new carr so ngl its already blown up a little cause someone posted my skirt but it slowed down and now its picking back up. one thing that I’m trying to remember is that I’m not going to know how good it is to have a lot of sales unless I know what it’s like to have lower sales like understanding the duality of owning a business that not every single day you’re going to have the most ideal amount of sales, but that time to be creative and breathe will definitely lead you to that outcome in the long run. I made 4 sales this week so its definitely making me feel a little like imposter syndrome like this cant be happening blah blah blah but I quickly redirected my thoughts to, “what happens in my season? my business was meant to blow up, this is what I’m meant to be doing.”

dec 11-18

okay I made 6 more sales, when I started I had 25 now I’m at 35 so I feel hella confident because I’m constantly falling asleep doing SATS. I can literally feel all the excitement and anxiety and nerves that come with an abundance of success. I sold my biggest custom order to a new client, this two piece set and a fur skirt so I’m like damn. its only bigger and better from here. another thing I added was me and my boyfriend are getting better and connecting more and I feel like our relationship is definitely growing in a healthier way. I made around $300 this week from my pieces so I cant even be upset if I wanted to (,:

dec 19-25

so okay new updateee I sold another 3 item set so I made another $100 this week, mind you im writing this the 21st so the week’s not even over yet, and I feel hella confident in my season. I finally finished drafting everything thats happening. im also having a lot of fun maintaining that it’s already mine. I literally spend so much time vaunting. I was meant to be a designer. of course I have sales, im that bitch. people loovee my clothes cause who else is doing it like me? literally nobodyy. this is what gets me to feel more confident too, if you’re not reassuring yourself who is yk? and my relationship is sooo goodd 🥺 like its been so peaceful and my bf has been surprising me with pinterest dates and shit like what is my lifee!!

ima come back and update after my moms bday, I always have a routine for the new year which is expelling all old energy. like cleaning my room, donating clothes, i also sage everything, make new sigils, wash my hair and alll my clothes so yeah lol i have a feeling the new energy will be beautiful.

dec 26-jan 2

okay I’ve been learning how to sew and I’ve been getting really really good at it. like making my own pieces by myself—before I used to have my mom help me, but now I actually know how to sew fr. I wanna show y’all so ill insert some things ive made/been making. ngl tho I think ima give it like a week or so more to really saturate my mind because I been listening to this sub by slade and its really been helping but I gotta focus on consistency! so thats really what im focusing on through the 15th so more updates around then!! my goal is to have more posts and get ready for a mini photoshoot.

jan 3-jan 12

jan 4th.. coming up with designs that are exactly what I envision/things that ive never seen knit or done in this style. made my collab post but skeptical about when I should make my collab collection so well see but I feel like the things im making rn are multimillion dollar designs like I can feel it in my core. also about to clean my car out soon to trade my car in for the charger of my dreams, apparently my parents were looking for chargers for monthsss and didn’t tell me cause they wanted to surprise me.. for reference y’all I literally have a charger sub i made 5 months ago and was so in my head about it but now i feel like my mind is fully saturated. every time I drive, it feels like im already in a new car, I imagine it in the driveway. I already have it in the 4d so its beyond mine in the 3d.

jan 7.. omg so update, I literally cleaned my car out today and I’m trading it in on friday like what the fuck is my lifee I knew it would happen but this was the first time where I realy put my foot down and envisioned myself driving the car literally everywhere. I race ppl like im in a charger already lmaoo the planes were bound to align sooner or later!! ill insert how it looks when it gets here yall we might have to order it but this is the first step in my journey—I get my charger, my design acc blows up, and so forth. (;

okay hi guys I made 2 sales recently and I just got my charger, everything literally feels like it’s falling into place and it’s kind of surreal. I think I’m gonna make a part two for my results because this post is getting helllla long but I GOT A 2023 CHARGER STX and tbh I wanted an R/T but the only one I could get was 2015 so im just hella happy I got a brand new car and it looks EXACTLY HOW I WANT—black rims, spoiler, it looks so mean!!! ugh im in love. peep my noface air freshener from my last car (,: and it only has 10 miles yall… I love using seasons so much

next post coming by valentines day! 💋

itgirl ⊹ ࣪ ˖

#vzn #xoxitgirl #seasons challenge

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leegemma · 1 year ago

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hi, hope you’re having a nice day! I love your writing! could you write 3, 18, 35 and 37 with lee!han and ler!minho? ❤️

Hi anon! Thank you for your request, I really enjoyed writing this one! I am going to warn you all that I wrote this really really late so my brain wasn't really working... hope you still like it!

Keep sending in your requests I try to get to the as soon as possible!

‼️For the sake of this fic, we'll just pretend everyone lives together (Also goes for my last 2 skz fics).‼️

3 - "aww, you're blushing!"

18 - "I'm gonna count down from 10"

35 - "how did you know that?!"

37 - "I didn't hear a 'stop'..."

--------------------------------

After weeks of constant hard work and stress, the stray kids boys were finally given a day off. All the boys seemed exited about finally getting a break, even if it was such a short one and they all made plans to meet up with friends or family.

Well, all exept for two of them.

Lee know and Han both decided to stay in for a lazy day instead of going out while they finally don't have to.

Lee know was currently in the living room, playing games on his phone while just laying down of the sofa lazily. The boy was really not planning to get up at all the whole day, he wanted to waste every second of his vacation by doing absolutely nothing.

That would not have been a problem for Han, if he hadn't woke up that day in a massive lee mood. He really was desperate to get some tickles, and he was going to do anything he can (exept for asking) to assure he gets them.

And so the younger boy made his way to the living room and hopped next to Lee know, spooning him and resting his head on the other's stomach.

Lee know rolled his eyes but couldn't help and smile, moving his arm to wrap around the younger.

The two were just laying there in silent like that until Jisung decided that he had enough, he NEEDED tickles and he needed them now. And so he started with his plan... "hyung."

Lee know didn't even lift his head from his phone. "Hmm?"

"I'm bored, let's do something together." Han suggested, knowing very well about Lee know's plans for the day.

"Mm, not now." The older focused only on his game.

"Come on, let's do something! Don't be so lazy!" Han pinched Lee know's cheek, causing the other to glare at him slightly.

"What is up with you? Yesterday you said you were just going to sleep all day!" He just knew his Jisung all too well...

Han tried to play it off by shrugging. "Yeah, well, I'm bored now and you have to entertain me. Or else..."

Lee know raised an eyebrow. "Or else...?"

Han thought for a second, then smirked. "Or else... I'll do this!" Han quickly grabbed the other's phone, standing up from the sofa and running to the the kitchen. Minho following closely behind.

"Hey! Get back here!" He finally caught up to Han, who was standing on a chair in the kitchen and holding the phone above his head.

"Get it if you can~" Han teased, grinning like a mad man.

Lee know growled playfully. "I'm gonna count down from ten..."

Han laughed. "Are you threatening me?"

Lee know just simply ignored him and started counting back. "10... 9..."

Han blinked quickly, he was breaking him! "You can't do anything."

Lee know chuckled. "Oh yeah? Just wait until I get to 0."

As Lee know kept getting closer and closer to zero, Han was growing more and more nervous.

"1... anddddd... 0. Alright, say stop if it gets too much." Lee know shrugged and immediately wrapped his arms around Han's tiny waist, lifting him off the chair and tossing uim gently onto the sofa. He wasted no time by sitting himself on the smaller boy's thighs and beginning to poke around his stomach, trapping Jisung's arms under his own body somehow.

"W-whahhait!" Han started squirming around happily, this was already helping him satisfy his ticklish hunger.

"You didn't wait for me to finish my game, did you?" Lee know asked, pinching at the other's hips.

"Youhu neehehver ahasked meheh togoho whahait!" Han shook his head and squinted his eyes when the cat lover started kneeding his sides.

"Yeah I guess that's true. But still." Lee know smiled at his happy friend, who was already in hysterics by that point.

"Ahhhh you're so cute~~"

Han blushed and shook his head. "NOHOHO TEHEASING!"

"Aww, you're blushing!" Lee know proceeded while beaming.

"THAAHATS STHIHIL TEAHAHSING!!" Jisung reminded his elder. "YOUHURE CRAHAHZY!"

Lee know rolled his eyes but fondly smiled. "I didn't hear a 'stop'..."

A laughing tomato. Han looked like a laughing tomato. If that's a thing.

After 3 minutes of continuous tickling pretty much everywhere, Lee know could see han was starting to tap out. "Alright Hannie... ready for the grand finale?"

Han shook his head, though happy butterflies flying around in his stomach.

As if Lee know could read his thoughts, he put out his his hands close up infornt of Han's face and started wiggling his fingers. Waiting until the flustered boy closed his eyes, and then dug deep into his armpits.

Han fell straight unto silent laughter, making Lee know laugh himself and stop the torture.

"Y-you're horrible..." Han whined after Lee know rolled off of him and sat infornt of him instead.

Minho rolled his eyes and smiled. "You love it."

Han started blushing again. "Do not!"

Lee know softened his smile , adoring eyes practically sparkling as he was looking at the cute boy. "You don't have to be embarrassed, I know you've been waiting for me to tickle you all day."

Han froze. "W-what?"

"Don't worry! I think it's adorable! You don't have to be shy about liking this." He assured the younger, reaching out to move a piece of loose hair behind his ears.

"You don't think it's weird..?" Han looked away, still blushing madly.

Lee know's smile widened. "I think it's the cutest thing ever." He poked the other's nose.

Han groaned and hid his face in his hands. "How did you know that?!"

Minho laughed. "I've known for a while, I'm pretty sure most of the others do as well."

Han blushed even deeper, if that was even possible. "I'm sorry I made you do this..."

Lee know huffed. "Oh please.. as if I didn't enjoy tickling you as much as you enjoyed being tickled."

The younger giggled shyly, sitting up and hugging his hyung. "Thank you. You're always there for me."

Minho tensed up at first, but then just sunk into the feeling and wrapped his own arm's around the younger. "You're welcome... and Han?"

"Hmm?"

"Next time you feel like that again... just come and ask me, okay?" Lee know pulled away from the hug and looked into the other's eyes, making sure he knew how much he meant it.

Han hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. "Okay."

Lee know broke into a smile and pulled the Han back in for a hug. "I love you."

#tickle fics #lee!han #han jisung #stray kids tickle #skz #ler!minho #lee know #tickle comunity

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trainingdummyrabbit · 3 months ago

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oooooooobhhhh...... would it be alright if you talked abt ur ocs......... if it's not a bother.......

stands here like some sort of beast . this took me two days. im so sorry. inhales

i can absolutely talk abt my ocs yeah :D never ever a bother!!

this is rose and wolfe! theyre two of my lobcorp ocs whom i love very dearly :] they (and the rest of their group) have their own lil story going on, but i say that very loosely bc im just having fun honestly ^_^ and they sure do love making decisions that make that Rather Difficult For Me. but alas, anyhow,

this is inevitably going to get Pretty Fucking Long! (post-post edit. ~35 paragraphs.) so if youre prepared for that. 👍 yippy!! anyway hope you like fucked up little lesbians bc here we go

im probably going to be retreading ground here a bit bc im gonna try and take it from the top, but also because i dont remember what ive said and what i havent so ill just say whatever i remember ^_^

the basic gist of th storyline is that its kind of a pseudo-murdermystery but instead of dying u get turned into some sort of beastie ! ^_^ aka 'nobody knows what the distortion phenomenon is yet and are kinda too busy freaking out about it to notice headquarters exploded last week'. dont worry about that.

slaps notes on the table. this is gonna be really messy and maybe kinda incomprehensible but its ok bc this is just how its going to be. hope this helps.

OK LISTEN. they started out as one thing and then slowly kinda turned into something else and theyve been haunting me for months but they make talking about them Literally Impossible because of how much they just. fucking cling to each other, narratively. its impossible. they make everything so fucking difficult.

wolfe is some offshoot of a take on those Edgy Playground Wolf Ocs that you see a lot in middle school-- or well, thats the root of it. she was always going to be played fully seriously, but everyone was kinda written more silly-like towards the beginning anyhow. yknow, one of those 'orphan lab experiment who pretty much had to take care of themself and really hates people, with Cool Mysterious Powers theyre really conflicted about' type characters. and honestly a lot of that still sticks, really.

she presents herself in a kind of over-the-top way to try and get people to take her seriously and leave her alone, but honestly its just kind of . offputting.. in a way, shes kind of a stand-in for what its like to be a teenager (neurodivergence notwithstanding). sometimes the only thing you can do to get people to listen to you is to make a scene and yell really loud! and everyone will always discredit it as just something that happens while growing up, being "disobedient" because you want attention or want to be rebellious and contrary, but everything you feel IS real and it DOES hurt and nobody BELIEVES you so all you can do is yell LOUDER. its all theyll respond to. (and all it does is make people double down on what they think of you.)

wolfe is a character that is honestly kind of genuinely a bit extra, a little bit embarrassing, but very genuine. a lot of her life was spent not being able to decide what happened to her physically; just kinda pulled and prodded around whether she liked it or not; (again, the whole orphan lab experiment thing was never a lie.) and thrashing around is really all she can do about it. be inconvenient, irritating, hard to deal with; any small victory, any little foothold would do. unfortunately, most of what that's ever done is make things harder for herself. (she hates being expected to be something convenient to others, yet in her attempts to cast it away, forms her worldview to the dichotomy they set up around her. curious !)

so you have this fucked up lil thing and drop her into an lcorp facility. great superb fantastic. n then you give her some ego gear and it messes her up Big Time because guess what, her body is all sorts of fucked up and is Not reacting well with this whole thing, causing it to quite literally Stick and all those 'mild' side effects are now 'major' side effects and everyones Fussing over you again because youre an Anomaly and you Dont get any rest and youre still getting used to a body and mind that isnt Quite what it was before and you Cant leave since they need to figure out whats going on here and Oh God Fucking Damn It Its Again.

so its pretty fair that shes being Like That about the whole thing all things considered.

at this point shes just trying to make it through day by day without someone prodding her about something or another, just stop Staring at her already, fuck off. just one foot in front of the other and try not to think about it too hard. thumbsup 👍 more often than not she works alone; not just because of her own decisions, but also did you know cobalt scar gets a boost on low hp for the exchange of activating friendly fire? pretty crazy. shes kinda reckless and bound to get herself hurt anyway, so it doesnt really Change anything to just kinda.. send her out there without backup. not like she works well with others anyway, right? itd be pretty dangerous to pair her up with someone n all. yknow.

it kinda sucks, yknow? at this point shes so fucking tired of The Everything that honestly she just wants to get in and get out as quickly as possible without having to deal with any nonsense. shes still really pissed off about the entire Situation, still trying to keep any small bit of autonomy she gets to have, but like. well. sometimes it really is easier to just Do Your Job And Leave. finish your tasks and not think about it and not bother with anyone and fuck off until you have to do it again. thats how it always wouldve been anyway, right? easy. annoying. so, so annoying. god she fucking hates it here.

so anyway, rose. she sucks. she doesnt, but i have to say it every time i talk about her Or Else. shes the reason i have such a hard time talking about The Everything. and also why i had to rewrite this and take Two Days getting to it. she is just. So Much. shes an idiot. shes too smart for her own good. she would fit right in as a YA novel protagonist. this is all stalling on trying to explain what the hell is wrong with her.

honestly on a surface level shes pretty chill all things considered. mostly stays in her lane, gets along with people pretty easily, just kinda goes here, pretty good at small talk. she loves listening to people. she Loves listening to people. the problem. she isnt lying, per se, about her entire Presentation and general manner of being, but she isnt really honest either. shes disingenuous. kind of.

rose as a character is Very aware of how people act, and why they choose what they do in what situations. as such, she has gotten very good at Acting A Part rather than actually Living It. she loves listening to people because she wants to know who they are. not in a "i want to get to know my coworkers ^_^" type of way but in a "writing down all your character traits and quirks to record your habits" type of way. a weird sort of genre-awareness. she is very Very easily able to track exactly what type of person someone is and adjust the way she acts around them to... any sort of effect she wants to, honestly. mostly its just quelling dumb spats and getting people to stop being stupid like people tend to do, but every so often she isnt exactly averse to just kinda... messing with people. only a little! but she Could, if she Wanted to. which she doesnt. because shes nice.

rose sees interpersonal interaction as a complex 'game'. not by that name, but by that function. everyone always Expects something, in engaging with another, and all it really is at its core is getting what you want without giving too much ground. to figure out who the Other is without them figuring out who You are. its a competition. to understand what another person Is is what gives you the advantage. to know is to win, to be known is to lose. keep your cards as close to your chest as you can, and they cant control you. easy. its something everyone Does, but only a few acknowledge. she was just good enough to learn.

but like, admittedly, shes very chill. shes literally nice? like yeah all that but she is literally nice. shes fine. shes like... fine? shes all right. like Yeah it sounds bad when you put it like that but she is literally nice.

rose plays a lot with the idea of Symbol. shes a fully realized person, yeah, but she was never Expected to be. she exists mostly as a formality, and she knows thats all that was really expected of her. she was there to Fulfill An Ideal and little else; so she reaches for what she can when she can. be Sweet and Simple and Pretty-- that's all. and she isnt, she knows this, but it sure does make things simple when thats all people know of you. (impossible for people to dig for information people dont think exists.)

a flower in a broken vase unsure if its defined by the petals or the holes. shes someone intrinsically frustrated by the rules that define her, but is unable to comprehend a self without it. clinging to it because its the sole point of control she feels she can Have over things, but wishing to cast it aside to self realize and prove that shes worth the time of day to acknowledge. (she doesnt care what her caretakers thought of her, but still she defines her actions based on their idea of her. curious !)

so you have these two in the general vicinity of one another right.

rose initially interacts with wolfe as almost a game. a test, even. just to see if she could get anything out of the weird one that sulks in a corner by themself, refusing to interact with anyone. shes just curious, yknow? and wolfe, obviously, takes this about as well as you think she would. dont you have better things to do?? stop asking about my fucking hobbies. ..rose could always count on her for a reaction.

wolfe was very, Very resistant to playing along much at all. she thought that giving just simple brush-off responses would get her to get the hint that it wasnt worth bothering, but then rose would come back with more questions building off of whatever they'd talked about, just... idly talking at her. a frequent annoyance turning into just. consistent background noise. yeah this might as well be happening. but even still, the amount of things that rose remembered and considered and genuinely seemed to listen to kind of caught her off guard. it was... weird. it was really really weird.

it wasnt really all that hard to read what wolfe was feeling at any given moment. it was kind of funny, honestly, especially with how she tended to present herself. (honestly, how did everyone else just Miss all of this?) but after some time, rose was surprised to find that she started to just... speak to her frankly. it was stark, only every so often, almost as if she didnt realize the shift in her own tone. its around then that rose started piecing things together herself and... oh. ohh. (how did everyone just miss all of this?)

Bad News Motherfuckers! Its Fucking Over For Both Of You! wolfe finds someone who is genuinely willing to listen to her on the sole drive of simply Understanding Her, rather than wanting something in exchange, wanting something From her; and rose. god. she finds a reflection of exactly what she wishes she couldve been, things she couldve done, were she not shaped into what she Is. an understanding of something she'd never acknowledged, never knew was there, but was there with her the entire time. someone with a clear understanding of what they are, willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, regardless of what anyone or anything else tries to do with them. things that the narrative constantly tries to take from them; things that rose wants so desperately to let wolfe keep.

so yknow, girl things. THIS is where things get really annoying.

rose seemed to enjoy messing with wolfe just for fun, but honestly shes just kinda taken by her honesty. she doesnt ever seem to have any ulterior motives when shes around her, she just… is. and does. because she wants to. rose honestly isnt really sure how to handle someone who isnt just… mildly bluffing at all times, especially about connection. that level of vulnerability is scary to her. so she teases her. she expects her being flustered-- and she is-- but still, she finds herself caught off guard by wolfe's earnestness.

even so, rose catches herself being far more open than she intends to be-- accidentally, at first, against her better judgement, but then tentatively, almost as if to test the waters. just how much could she show of herself and still uphold that trust? how many red flags can she put up before wolfe notices? no, that was unfair. before it becomes unforgivable. before it recontextualizes her. she cares, yes, genuinely and deeply so. (but what does that mean, coming from her?) she wants wolfe to be safe. (im asking you to leave.)

wolfe and rose both trust each other to a degree that they dont trust many others. its the passive understanding that theyre very much alike, and the even more silent knowledge that they want better for each other; in a roundabout way of knowing that they themselves deserved better, no matter how much they insist otherwise.

theyre very genuine with each other in a way that kind of surprises themselves. neither of them quite know what theyre doing, nor do they want to put a name to something so fleeting, but… its there.

wolfe desperately wants to be closer to rose, but hates that she desires that vulnerability. (it was always rather dangerous, showing your hand like that.) its an annoying fondness, constantly prickling at the back of her head any time rose is even remotely relevant. even when she isnt. shes kind of haunted. shes very defensive of her in a way she honestly doesnt realize until someone points it out. it just comes naturally to her. (whats the difference between a guard dog and an attack dog again..? (is she really ready to deal with the implications of this? is this not just having another will enacted on you? how does she really feel about that?))

rose, meanwhile, is… actually also conflicted. she likes wolfe. this is obvious. it wasnt intended, and she can roll with it, but it's… complicated. she handles it a lot more analytically. she notices when wolfe takes a step forward, and matches it in turn. equivalent exchange, and all. show that youve noticed, that you care, that youre paying attention. (i think she may be afraid. despite her presentation, she's afraid.)

she acknowledges the feeling of desire in this bond-- she wants wolfe to be able to live outside of others' influence. desperately. (if she cant, then…) she refuses to acknowledge what this says of Herself, though. but most importantly, she knows how easy it would be to simply take the role of someone who controls her. (isnt that just what she's always done to others?) she hates the idea of becoming that. (it would be so easy.) goes out of her way to avoid influencing her in that way-- but somehow, this just makes her more distant. hesitant to touch.

and with that fear, she tends to react, again, logically. tries to solve it like a puzzle, like she always has. finds the shortest distance to a perceived goal. this makes her rather distant, disconnected-- shes trying to control her own feelings by controlling what is around it.

what this means, most importantly, is that she is unable to trust wolfe the way She trusts her. she isnt strong enough to push back against what she sees of herself, or that which she uses to protect herself. giving in to those well-walked patterns instead of being able to brave uncertainty in something that new. she hides herself because she isnt sure what will become of her-- and is too afraid to risk what may come of losing the person she suddenly deeply cares about. setting herself up to crash harder should the worst happen. because she would simply blame herself. proving herself right.

meanwhile wolfe is dealing with Actually Trusting Someone for the first time in longer than she can remember, whether she likes it or not. maybe she was being stupid. maybe this was just a foolish foray into trusting people like she’d always told herself not to do. but… but. rose just brought this sense of comfort wherever she went, this feeling of certainty.

it was never good to let your guard down, but… but just this once, she so badly wanted to. once you let these things go, it becomes harder to get them back. she knew this. and yet, all the parts of her that protested were overruled by a deep desire to simply lie down and fall asleep in that comforting feeling. how frustrating. how annoying. how dangerous. now she had someone she could not argue against. and yet, she held this advantage as if she did not know it was one she wielded, a dangerous thing held without intent. was this trust? …did she want it to be?

and so, foolishly perhaps, she decided to trust. it was a tenuous thing, unbeknownst to anyone but herself. …probably. rose did have a way of seeing right through people. but even through all that, through the Everything… it felt nice to have someone to look out for. someone to worry about, someone on your mind when there used to be nobody else but you. she’d spent so long worrying about the repercussions of leaving your back to someone, yet she’d never known the comfort of having someone do the same to you. she’d never realized how hard it was to do much of anything with fangs bared the entire way. the ache of worry was dull compared to the weight of silence. (she would give her Everything to her. all or nothing, with her. maybe this was simply part of the inevitable problem.)

hey remember the whole turning-into-creatures thing? yeah thats still happening. crazy right? anyway. The Problem.

so you have people turning into things not quite unlike abnormalities, expressions of deep fears and desires running away with what used to be a human. and youve got some fucked up little guy with a Lot of barely repressed issues thats deceptively easy to mess with and actively averse to anybody really reaching out to them whatsoever.

and then rose is trying her best to figure out whats causing all this bullshit going on, but also her . coworker. is suddenly acting Really snappy and distant and its kinda starting to make her worried and she doesnt want to push her but shes looking really rough lately and fuck. wait. god. wait. shit.

long inhale. so you have two stupid motherfuckers 100% willing to drop everything and kill everyone in this facility and then themselves if anything so much as happens to the other (but theyre super normal about it, its fine, the other doesnt have to know.) theyre so good at this interpersonal interaction thing guys they swear (dont look too close though ok haha.) theyre sooo unknowable guys theyre really pulling a fast one on everyone here. they Definitely know what to do to fix the problem forever its fine they totally get it. dont stop them.

anyway heres a bunch of images for no reason

#i had . to rewrite this like 5 paragraphs in IM SO SORRY THEY GET ME REALLY BAD.. THANKYOU FOR WAITING..#its so funny reading btwn older attempts to explain them and this one bc i am so much meaner to rose in this one jshdbfgjd #this didnt even get their Everything im just trying to get this out of my head theyve been haunting me for months and months and months #if i missed anything: oops! hope this helps ^_^#pikocs #piktalk #asking so so politely Be Niceys To Me Okay. :']👍#they Have more its just i need to pin it down bc they keep making Choices adn im a weenie baby. ok.#WAVES HANDS IN THE AIR. ANYWAY.

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smok3r7 · 1 year ago

Text

Latching On To You

Joel Miller x F!reader

Explicit, 18+

Chapter Two: History Repeats Itself

Series Masterlist & My Main Masterlist - My Ao3

Series summary: What happens when, after thirteen loving years of being with Joel, you start to feel like he’s slipping away from your grasp? How much of yourself will you lose because of the trauma your father put you through at such a young age? You could be wrong about Joel, but something is telling you otherwise - or are you just not healed enough to see past your own insecurities?

Chapter summary: Fast forward thirteen years, you and Joel have been living the dream married life. Both of you are excelling in work, and have been thriving together - your passion for each other has been strong. But when a close family member of yours dies, you begin to crumble and change into something vile - but Joel, he’s the one who becomes the villain.

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: slight age difference (35/40), No use of y/n, no outbreak AU, smoking weed, abandonment issues, trauma from father w/ alcoholism, losing a loved one, attachment issues, HEAVVY angst, arguing turns kinda physical, accusations of cheating

~Thank you all so much for the love🫂 been feeling a bit under the weather, but y’all have helped with that! Hope you guys enjoy🩷

“Do you want the couch there under that window darlin’?” Joel yells, just as he and Tommy walk in the front door holding either side of the ‘L’ shaped sectional that your great-aunt, Isabelle, had left you. You come around the corner from the kitchen to see Tommy struggling to keep his side up, then you look behind him to Joel, who made the couch look like it weighed as much as a feather.

You were having a hard time trying to figure out where you wanted her couch - only because you and Joel move furniture around all the time and have accumulated a lot of house items since you moved in thirteen years ago. “Umm,” you started as you turned your body towards the living room window, which was huge - almost the length of the wall.

A smile grew on your face as you looked out at the beautiful wooded area behind your house. Then noticed how the sun rays beaming in through the glass pane lit up the room, you immediately knew that was the spot for it, “Yeah I do.”

“You heard my lady, Keep it moving dumbass.” Joel egged his younger brother on, however, Tommy is quick to come back, “Old man, relax, gonna give yourself a heart attack moving like this. Let me just get a better grip.”

Those two bickered back and forth like no one’s business, they never went too far but it always seemed like it could. You always found yourself laughing at them because it always started out with something stupid, it made you feel like kids again - you loved days like that.

You spun on the balls of your feet and walked back into the kitchen to finish dinner, for the three of you, just giggling to yourself. Listening to the two brothers struggle to figure out how to maneuver the couch quickly fades into a random song on the radio you had on in the kitchen.

You made a simple, yet delicious, dinner for the evening. A lemon chicken alfredo pasta, it was Isabelle’s secret recipe, you were the only person in your family to get a secret recipe out of her.

She would make this for you whenever you were sick or just feeling blue. It would make you feel better instantly, it was your comfort food for sure. She was like another mom to you, she showed you how to stick up for yourself, from your own thoughts. When she unexpectedly got sick around two months ago and passed away a week later, to say that her dying had an impact on you, was an absolute understatement. It changed you into an angry shell of a woman, your whole view of life had altered.

—

You got the call just as you were about to walk into a big consultation appointment with a client for your boss - you got promoted, yet again, now you were an assistant for the second best lawyer in the state of Texas, Mr. Dominic DelGato.

As soon as you heard your moms trembling voice answer the phone, you knew something was terribly wrong.

Before you even realized he was next to you the whole call, Mr.DelGato had seen your reaction to what you had just been told, “Go home. I got this, I’ll call you later this afternoon.” He says as you hang up the phone, you look up at him with glossy eyes, “Thank you.” Is all you muster out and then you quickly turn around to head towards your office to gather your things.

Tears threaten to spill down your face as you exit the red-bricked building, trying your hardest to not lose your shit in front of your coworkers and their clients. But once you locked your truck door, the tears started to flow out like a dam that burst open.

—

The thumping of Joel’s work boots on the kitchen tile a couple feet behind you, broke your mind from the memory of that dreadful day. You had been standing at the sink, with the water running, just staring out the window - not looking at anything specific. For what ended up being seven minutes when it only had felt like seconds.

“Baby girl?” He softly asked, already knowing you weren’t really there, he had called out for you a couple times before he walked in. Before you answered, you turned the faucet off and your hands gripped the edge of the counter, taking a second to breathe and looking at the thin band and beautiful diamond on your left hand. “Just got lost for a second baby,” you then turn your body around to face him, “I’m okay.” You half smiled trying to convince him, yet, it seemed like you were convincing yourself.

You can tell Joel wants to push you more but before he can ask if you’re sure, here comes Tommy behind him, “What smells so fucking good hun?” You slide over to the stove to stir the tall pot containing dinner, “Lemon chicken alfredo pasta, my favorite.” You hum as the fresh smell of lemons flows up in your nose.

Joel takes your place at the sink, washing the last of the dishes you used to cook. “God that sounds delicious, you should save a little plate for me hun,” Tommy starts, you snap your head to the left and before you ask questions, Tommy is already sharing why, “Maria is cooking at the house tonight, I can’t stay for dinner. But you guys enjoy and please, relax - you need it.”

“You better get home soon then, I’ve heard she’s got a temper on her.” You joke as Tommy gives you a warm hug, “Don’t get on her bad side, she will hate you. I know that feeling all too well.” Joel chimes in behind you, still washing pans. “Oh do you now?” There’s an inflection in your tone that makes Joel regret letting that fall from his mouth.

A beat goes by and you continue, “Thank you so much for your help today, I really appreciate you. Now get on home before Maria comes looking for you!” Tommy chuckles as he says goodbye to you both and walks towards the front door. After hearing the click of the lock, you exhale, not realizing you were holding your breath.

You silently go back to the pot of hot pasta and make yourself a plate, “Dinner’s ready.” You state walking to the long chestnut table in the dining room, no emotion behind your words. You were now irritated with Joel, why did he have to say that? “I know that feeling all too well” replays over and over in your head. The way he said it made you feel like he was trying to have a pity party for himself, it made you overthink everything about yourself. Hearing Joel like that, had brought you back in time to arguing with your father, that’s what hurts you the most right now.

—

Are you too needy? Do you ask for too much? Are you annoying? Does Joel hate you? Does Joel think I hate him? Is he even happy? You don’t have a temper…or do you? “All too well.”, what does that mean? Why is he the one having a pity party?

—

Your head begins to throb from the incoming migraine, the tips of your ears are burning red, your right leg bouncing underneath the table and your breathing is getting heavier. You are just a bomb waiting to explode, a bomb that Joel has no idea was even here as he sits across from you.

“Delicious as always dear.” Joel exclaimed after his first couple bites, whereas you are basically playing with your plate. “Mhm” you hum becoming annoyed quickly, you were trying your best to not explode on Joel, you simply didn’t have the energy to argue.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman starts playing through the radio in the kitchen, this brings you over the edge.

“Fucking song.” You grunt and scoot your chair out so you can walk away from the suffocating feeling in the air. Leaving your dirty plate on the table was something you didn’t do, but here you are. “What is going on with you?” Joel questions as you angrily strut past him, trying your best to not cause hell, you ignore him and go out the slider to your backyard. After slamming the slider shut, you feel a brisk breeze that makes you wish you’d grabbed a jacket, but you were not walking back in there.

You grab one of the bigger roaches from the ashtray that’s on the patio table and light it as you curl up in a chair by the empty fire pit.

—

That song just had to play then, you always find a way to torture me don’t you dad? I can never escape you and your evilness, you will follow me till I die, won’t you? Why can't you just leave me alone? Why are you coming through Joel to get to me, what kind of hold do you have over me?

—

Your mind is in shambles, you can’t think straight. You just want to be left alone until you can make sense of them. But Joel can’t read your mind, though you wish he could, so you’re not shocked when you hear the slider open and shut.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry I said that to Tommy. I was just trying to make a lighthearted joke, as soon as I said it, I knew I messed up. Didn’t realize this bad though.” Joel explains, as he kneels in front of your curled up legs, your dead eyes stare at Joel’s dark brown eyes and you take a drag off the roach, blowing the smoke up into the sky between the both of you.

Honestly, you aren’t even upset with him anymore because he apologized like he should - yet you still are raging on the inside because your father never did that. “Baby..please say somethin to me,” Joel pleads, “Even if you have to scream at me, do it.” You took that as a green light and the world you two shared, starts to crack.

“Don’t ever throw around that I hate you. It feels like your asking for fucking sympathy when all I do is love and support you altogether, shit is not funny.” You sternly state as your face goes stone cold, the roach you lit is gone somewhere.

“I wasn’t-“ he starts to interrupt, “Not a fucking negotiation Joel. You just don’t do that, because I have given all of myself to you.”

You’re fuming now, getting yourself all worked up over a joke, deep down you know this is ridiculous but your logical thinking is gone. “Since you feel like me giving you everything you could want and more, is the feeling of someone who hates you and you “know it all too well”. Why are you still around?” You two are standing at this point, you on one end of the patio against a wood pole and Joel is basically mirroring you.

Joel’s face is bright red, eyes twitching, he wants to yell back at you for being crazy but he knows you’re mentally dealing with a lot right now. Now you’re mad because he’s not giving you a reaction, this leads to you thinking he doesn’t care how upset you are. “Are you even fucking listening to me?” You yell taking a couple steps towards him with your arms up to be dramatic, he’s still holding himself back - until you push the final button.

“Fuck you Joel,” you hissed, now in his face. “You know what, it all makes sense now, you don’t care cause you’re out fucking Samantha. Just - Fuck you Joel.” This broke the restraint that Joel had.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” His voice booms outside the patio, he’s never been loud, but you weren’t backing down. “Then explain to me why you’re away all the time with her? You don’t always answer texts or calls when you’re with her, maybe I’m losing my mind but there’s something going on.” Now you’re loud in his face, trying to keep yourself together and trying not to cry.

Joel strides towards you and backs you up into the corner as he towers over you and bites back, “Because I fucking work with her!! She’s my assistant you dumbass!”

Immediately, you go into fight or flight mode - your body naturally choosing fight mode. You forcefully slap Joel across his face, creating a crack that echoed into the trees like Joel’s voice. As he backs away, you bolt into the house, up the stairs into the bedroom you two shared and locked the door. You turned your back to the door and slid down it, sitting on the floor while salty tears hit your lips and chin, terrified for what’s next.

Not even three minutes later, you hear the slider door shut, followed by Joel’s quick and heavy footsteps on the hardwood floor, his keys jingling next, then silence. You wait for him to say something, anything - but the sound of the front door slamming rang through your ears.

Joel left. You couldn’t believe it. Joel really left. You’re sitting on your bedroom floor that you share with Joel, in absolute shock, this was almost identical to how your last interactions with your father went.

—

After about an hour of hoping he would come right back, you were proved wrong, he was still gone and you had no idea where he was - frankly, you didn’t want to know. You find the strength to drag yourself into the bathroom that's connected to the room, and you run yourself an almost boiling hot bath.

You strip yourself of the sweater and jeans that Joel said he loved on you, looking in the mirror, you see a girl you don’t recognize. A girl who is not sure who she is anymore, a girl who is severely damaged, a girl who just wants to be loved and not left behind.

Not crying anymore, but your eyes are still full with tears. You slowly sink into the deep tub of steaming water, the burning sensation bringing you comfort and some kind of security.

You begin to replay the evening in your head, trying to figure out where it all started. But the thing was, it was all you, you’re the one in the wrong, Joel did nothing wrong. Until the end, he did not have to corner you or call you a dumbass, that was Joel’s error, a pretty big one at that.

About two hours later, you’re out of the tub, laying in your shared bed with one of Joel’s flannels on - but Joel’s still not home. You roll over to look at the clock on your nightstand that reads, “12:28AM”. Rolling onto your back, you feel something in your chest rip so violently that you swear, you could hear the rip of your own heart. Did you just lose Joel forever, because you’re turning into your father?

—

Did Joel really abandon you? Is he over at Samantha’s? Did Joel mean it when he called you a dumbass? Why is the curse of your father following you and the man you love so deeply? What are you going to do? This time is different, Joel has never left after an argument - he’s never not been home to sleep either. Are the thirteen years of you and Joel going to be thrown away all because of you?

#joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #latching on to you #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfic #joel miller series #joel miller angst #god this one hurts #based on life events

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bangtansmauyeondan · 2 years ago

Text

THIRTY-FIVE | S03 E03 — Can You Keep a Secret?

Pairing: In-Studio Director!Jungkook x Stage Director!Fem Reader

Genre: rivals au, social media au, frenemies to lovers, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, crack.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: explicit language, mentions of abandonment, alcohol consumption, harmless scheming, dare, bet, smut

Summary: It has always been the battle of the best between you and your college rival, Jungkook. What happens when years later, you cross paths again working for the same network broadcasting company, and the competitive flame is rekindled? Well, a whole new drunken bet that determines your futures wasn’t in your line of vision but here you are… and you have until 35.

SERIES TAGLIST: @fragmentof-indifference @babyboo22 @dionysusenthusiast @luaspersona @timelessruins @royallyjjk @sandraviolante-blog @quarter-life-crisis2 @jub-jub @pb-n-juju @jeonxgoogiee @sugaluvmyg @lookformyvoice @fairy-jaykay @juju-227592 @such-a-wh0re @hoseoksluv89 @exhibitachol

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @jinsquishes @persphonesorchid @thatbangtanjagiya @taestefully-in-luv @pamzn @wrmnssoul @ygbubs @halesandy @jayhope88 @bnagtanx1306 @pinkseokchim @busanbby-jjk @babycandy111

•••

Taehyung hung up the receiver on the security phone and heaved out a heavy sigh. His head throbbed and he winced at the pain everytime he shut his eyes. This is probably the worst hangover he’s had so far and he couldn’t even bring himself to get out of the couch all day. It’s a good thing he had no schedule for the rest of the week because of the grave weather at the shooting location.

His own security team that closely works with his apartment building’s security just informed him that you’re there to see him and they asked him to give it clearance before sending you on your way up to his penthouse. He made a mental note to give you your own elevator keycard, so that you wouldn’t have to go through his security for a visitor’s card every time you visit him.

He looked up when he heard the elevator ping, signaling that you’ve reached the penthouse, so he sauntered over to the hall to greet you. The disappointment written all over your face could not be hidden even through his drunk bleary eyes. “Hey, beautiful…” He leaned in for a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, but you were quick to step away.

“Are you okay to talk, or still too drunk to process everything around you?” You snapped at him. Irritated is not even the correct word to describe how you feel towards Taehyung at the moment. Were you annoyed? Angry? Mad? Pissed? Taehyung seemed to sense your emotions and stepped closer to you, taking your hands. “Tae…” you pulled your hands back and walked over past him, to the couch. “Can we please sit down and talk for a bit?”

“Okay, what is it you wanna talk about?” Tahyung sat opposite you on one of the loveseats.

“You didn’t have to go to my work place, you know? My boss had to summon me in his office this morning because you barged in there drunk. How did you even get past the security?”

Taehyung sighed, not expecting that to be the first thing that you wanted to talk about. He was hoping you’re gonna wanna talk about where you stand in your relationship, because he’s dying to make it official. “I had my security deal with them and only left the car when they gave me the clearance. Why weren’t you there? Did you have a fun sleepover with Jungkook and your bestfriend?” Taehyung’s words were laced with sarcasm.

“Stop. Don’t do this right now, Tae.”

“You’re the one who wanted to talk though,” he hunched over and pouted like a teenager.

“Okay, I’m gonna talk, and you will listen.” You’re never really the one to not stand your ground. You tend not to care about who you’re talking to as long as you know you’re not in the wrong. “I'm just gonna jump in and lay the cards on the table… If you’re looking for someone who will jump into a relationship with you right now, I’m not that person, Taehyung.” You sighed. “I’ve been really enjoying your company and really taking the time to get to know you better, but I don’t think we already know each other well enough to jump into a serious relationship.”

“Why?” Taehyung straightened up on his seat, eyes widening like saucers, staring at you. “You wanna get to know me better? Then stay, don’t leave my side.”

“That’s exactly why; I’m a grown-up, I have work to do and people to talk to. You don’t expect me to babysit you,” you said calmly. “I can’t just stay at your beck and call, and you can’t follow me around.”

Taehyung stood up and sat beside you on the couch, capturing your hand between his. “It’s not like that and you know it,” desperation noted in his voice. “I just want you close, especially since you were mobbed by the fansites.”

“I wasn’t mobbed. It wasn’t like that,” you pulled your hand away.

“Yn, you are really hurting my feelings right now,” Taehyung said, almost whispering, and something tugged on your heartstrings. Was it guilt? Were you too harsh on him?

“Look, I’m sorry. I just don’t want people to get the wrong idea,” you bit your lip guiltily. “Let’s be friends for now, shall we? Let’s just have fun and take our time to get to know each other better.”

“Is that really what you want?” Taehyung looked at you with puppy eyes.

“Yes. I don’t wanna get mad at you for the stunt you pulled at my workplace; but also don’t want any pressure to come between us. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and see how it goes. We don’t have to force anything right now.”

“Okay,” the corners of Taehyung’s lips lifted in a timid smile. “I’m okay with that, as long as that’s what you want.” He conceded.

“Okay… now, I’m a bit parched and hungry, do you want to order some greasy food to get rid of that bad hangover?” You smiled up at him and his heart instantly melted.

He’ll let you have your way this time, so he just flashed his charismatic boxy smile at you and pulled out his phone to order your late dinner.

***

You’re no stranger to stadiums and arenas, with the amount of concerts and live shows that you have worked on and directed. But attending a concert, particularly seated at the VIP suite is new to you. You’re usually either in the control booth or on the side of the stage, conducting the whole thing. It was a perfect evening for you too considering Byul has joined your team that week so pretty much just like Jungkook and Mingyu, you now have someone to share the workload with when it comes to the morning show and you’re no longer that exhausted by the time the sun sets. Champagne and hors d'oeuvres kept pouring in and the energy in the arena was electric. It was also the first time that you went out with your college friends in such a long time, so you’re feeling a little young, refreshed, and energetic.

Joshua, Jeonghan and Jungkook were engrossed in a conversation behind you, while DK and Mingyu were screaming their lungs out, cheering on the band, of which one member also happens to be one of your friends from college, Yeonjun. The ladies, Rain, Sohyun, and Mingyu’s wife Yuri, sat with you by the glass balcony sipping champagne and basking in the atmosphere, taking it all in.

There was a momentary kerfuffle by the door when a group of men came in, some dressed casually and some in suits like they’re part of the secret service. You knew it was Taehyung and his team, because your eyes met the moment he stepped into the area. His gaze pierced right through you, and it doesn’t take a genius to tell that he’s already had too much to drink before arriving late at the concert.

Just then, you felt a tap on your shoulder and found Jungkook leaning in, lips inches away from your ear. The action made your breath hitch for some reason. “Did you know he would be here?”

“Huh?’ You heard him loud and clear, but your hazy brain refused to acknowledge what he said after it was overwhelmed by the light scent of his cologne mixed with the smell of beer he had been nursing.

“Taehyung… he’s here. Are you aware?” He repeated after clearing his throat. You found DK looking back at you the exact moment too, clearly asking you the same thing, communicating through his eyes.

“Yes, I know. I’m aware. He told me the other day.” You didn’t miss the way that Jungkook and DK gave each other a knowing look. “It’s okay, guys, the band’s manager invited him. He’s not stalking me,” you chuckled making light of the situation.

It has been a few days since you swung by Taehyung’s penthouse to give him a piece of your mind. It’s also been a few days since you started backtracking and assessing yourself with the way you communicate with people. You’ve been accepting all his invitations to go out, and have been welcoming him everytime he would drop by your place. You allowed him to hug you and you even allowed him to kiss you on the cheek. You grew up around boys, and your friends consisted mostly of male, so a hug or a kiss, especially in greeting, were considered normal and casual enough for you. But, is it the same with Taehyung? Did he get the wrong idea?

That night when you went to his penthouse, you laid down all the cards and drew the line on where you stand. You’re not his girlfriend. He’s not your boyfriend. He can’t keep on following you around and taking control of your life, questioning you every time you go out with your other friends and coworkers. You both agreed, problem solved. So how come when you excused yourself to go to the washroom, he took it as a cue to follow you out of the VIP suite and down the hall, demanding to know who those people you’re sitting with are?

“They’re my friends, Tae,” you answered nonchalantly as you continued to trudge down the long hall towards the washroom.

“Mostly men? How come I don’t know them?” His bloodshot eyes staring you down as he kept up with your pace. “I could only spot a few familiar faces.”

“What’s the issue if they’re mostly men?” You’re growing irritated, not just by Taehyung’s incessant questioning, but the way he’s walking too close to you, making the distance between you and the wall smaller by the second.

“Is one of them your boyfriend? Do you sleep around, Yn?”

“Excuse me?” You glared at him, making him scoff. You didn’t like his accusatory tone nor what he had just insinuated, but you’re also 100% aware that he’s drunk and arguing with him is a game you didn’t want to play. “You know what, just go back to the suite, Taehyung. I’m done talking with you.”

“Well, I’m not done with you.” You gasped loudly when Taehyung grabbed you by the arms and slammed you against the wall, the back of your head slightly bouncing against it at the impact. “Why do you keep on rejecting me, huh?”

His fingers dug into your flesh as he pressed his body against you. “Taehyung, let go of me, what the hell?!” He buried his face on the crook of your neck, breathing heavily as your name slipped out of his lips. “Taehyung, stop.” You tried to wiggle out of his grip and push him away, but he’s too strong and your choice of footwear did not give you the necessary leverage.

“No,” Taehyung sneered. “Who do you think you are, Yn? Walking into my house, ordering me to just listen while you talk?” Taehyung said through gritted teeth. “Who do you think you are huh? Anyone would be begging to be with me, and yet you keep on rejecting me?”

“Maybe because–” Your words got caught between your lips when Taehyung’s body suddenly skidded across the floor. “Oh my god!” Your hand flew to your chest, breathing heavily, as you reached for the wall with the other to steady yourself.

Before Taehyung’s brain was able to register what was going on, Jungkook had already taken him by the collar with both hands and effortlessly slammed him against the wall, “Kim Taehyung, you son of a bitch.” You’ve never seen Jungkook this angry before. His gaze was sharp and menacing, and every word he uttered sounded venomous.

“MY FRIEND!” Taehyung laughed at Jungkook’s face despite the situation he found himself in. “Go on, hurt me!” He challenged smugly. “I have an agreement with your company, and you’re gonna find yourself declaring bankruptcy if you ever touch me with your fingertips.”

“You idiot,” Jungkook spat back. “You have an agreement with my company, you don’t have an agreement with me.” Taehyung flinched when Jungkook fisted the wall beside his face. “We’re not within company premises.” Taehyung’s expression changed ever so slightly, realizing what Jungkook just said. “Get out of this place and do not ever come near Yn again. If you do, I’m gonna tip off every media outlet with the CCTV footage–” he grabbed taehyung’s hair and turned his head to the direction of the security camera, “and I’m gonna end your career until YOU end up declaring bankruptcy.” He shoved Taehyung down so hard that the latter found himself stumbling to keep himself from falling on the floor face down.

Taehyung collected himself and threw you a glance one more time before walking away, grumbling to himself.

You were still rooted to your place in shock at what just happened in front of you.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook’s gentle voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You didn’t realize you were shaking until Jungkook took off his jacket and draped it over your shoulders. “Yn, did he hurt you?”

“N-no, no… I’m fine,” you let out a sigh of relief before you reached out and touched Jungkook’s arm. “Th-thank you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook squeezed your hand, letting you know it’s okay.

“Can I ask you for a favor though?” You asked almost hesitantly.

“Sure, what is it?”

“Can you keep it a secret for now?” You looked down on the floor. “It’s just that everyone is having fun at the concert, and I don’t want to ruin the–”

“Okay,” Jungkook nodded with a smile, understanding what you meant instantly. His heart clenched yet again in admiration of your thoughtful personality. Here you were, almost getting assaulted, yet you didn’t want others to know and possibly ruin their evening. “I got it, Yn,” he smiled warmly at you. “Do you wanna slip to the washroom quickly before we go back inside? I’ll wait for you right here.”

You nodded and smiled back at him, before making a beeline to the washroom. He waited for you to slip inside before leaning back on the wall, staring up at the ceiling, and letting out a heavy sigh. He couldn’t imagine what would have happened had he not acted on instinct when he saw Taehyung following you outside of the suite. One thing’s for sure though, he will never let Taehyung come near you ever again.

•••

A/N — I was in the VIP Suite during Seventeen’s concert in Manila, and it has a different entrance from the regular sections, but the lack of security in the area boggled my mind. So what transpired between Taehyung and YN in the hall could happen without any security personnel around to stop it. *cringe* Anyway… I hope you liked this update! Any thoughts? :)

#bangtansmauyeondan #thirty five au #thirty five jungkook #35!jungkook #35!jk #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic

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the-bar-sinister · 7 months ago

Text

The Mechanics of Emotion (21656 words) by thesavagesabretooth

catch up here

December 27, 12:35 pm

Apollo plopped himself down in one of the chairs in the visitor room of the minimum security area of the prison and waited for Aura to be led in. It was nice, at least, that there wouldn't be bars between them this time.

He rubbed his eyes, knowing there were dark circles under them. He'd gotten some sleep– a couple of hours before coming. But it wasn't enough.

He didn't know if it could ever be enough after the week he'd had.

The sharp beep of the locks disengaging heralded Aura Blackquill’s arrival as they pushed open with the gentle clink of chains, and the murmur of a guard as he stepped in with her.

Apollo got a good view of her as she stood there with her handcuffed hands outstretched before her as the guard unlocked the cuffs for her visitation.

She looked as rough as he did, her dark hair down from it’s usual twin buns and falling around her face in thick and messy curls…her eyes bore dark circles of their own under the round rims of the glasses that replaced her usual visor.

There was a low, gurgling croak from the starkest difference…a large and sleek feathered bird perched atop her shoulder. A raven, with clever little eyes and an obsidian beak that seemed to turn and regard Apollo with curiosity.

In the striped uniform of the state penitentiary, her curling and mussed hair, and her old labcoat draped unopened over her shoulders with the bird glaring from atop them…

He could really see the family resemblance between her and Simon, clear as day.

She sneered something to the guard, who pulled the cuffs away with a nervous laugh before she turned and seemed to brighten considerably upon seeing Apollo.

“It’s been a few days, cutie.” she purred in a low voice as she walked over under the guard’s careful stare. The bird ruffled her feathers atop her shoulder and let out a sharp caw, earning the quiet ‘tch’ and a reprimand from Aura “...behave, Morrigan.”

"Sorry, Aura. I would have come sooner, but I had a surprisingly long week." He smiled wanly at her. "Nice bird. Morrigan, huh?"

Aura sat opposite him with a sly smile, brushing her hair over her ear.

“I won’t say I wasn’t wishing you might come along a little earlier, but I can understand a ‘long week’. You’re graciously forgiven.” She gestured to Morrigan with a chuckle. “as you can see, as my brother had requested, I'm already making friends here in the clink. This is Morrigan…some kind of animal therapy rehab project gave her to me as a companion…my only guess why they chose a bird is to have a laugh about another Blackquill in prison. But she’s charming enough.”

Morrigan made a low croak of a trill before she flapped up into the air and landed near Apollo, looking at his bracelet with keen interest.

Apollo rubbed his bracelet, noticing the bird's interest and he chuckled nervously.

"Well, she does seem charming, even if people are laughing. It's nice to know at least you aren't completely alone in here." He gave her a wan smile. "Missed you the last week. I was out of the country."

Aura’s hand reached out and rested on the middle of the table near him as she gave him a tired smile. The playful cockiness he’d come to know before everything had gone sideways was still there under the clear exhaustion.

“Missed you too, you know. Spent Christmas wondering if you were gonna drop by, or send me one of those poems we talked about....you too, huh? Lemme guess…the same thing Simon was away on, yeah? That whole thing with Cauli and…” she leaned in to whisper. “the capture of some…or one… of that rat bastard’s superiors?”

"So you already know some of it," he murmured back, leaning toward her, his voice low. Had Simon told her all of it? He doubted it. "Yeah. I was in Cauli. I missed you on Christmas. It was a bad one."

Aura nodded as she looked into his eyes.

“seems like that was going around…bad Christmas’. “ Her nails scraped against the table between them as they shook “wish I coulda been company for you.”

Morrigan thumped her head against Apollo’s wrist with a low squawk, as Aura took a deep breath. “Simon told me a bit…about that bein’ why he didn’t visit me either. Gave me the good news. Begged me to let him use the Blackquill Manor for a while. That sort of thing…but how about you, huh? Wanna talk about what made it so rough?”

"I'd rather hear what exactly Simon thought the good news was." He reached over, and tried to give the bird a little pet on the head.

I'm gonna guess it wasn't about 'Halblicht'. Or she'd be in a way worse mood.

No kidding.

“About them catching the guys who sent that wretched Phantom to our doorstep.” Aura’s lips twitched in a cruel smile “...I may be too late to end his life myself, but the idea that his superior will go down in flames with him is a small comfort to warm my ugly little cell.”

Morrigan’s feathers ruffled in surprise at being pet– but she soon seemed to be amenable to it, hopping a little closer.

He stroked the bird's crest thoughtfully, and looked up at Aura with big eyes that he was sure were too dark. He could feel Clay and the anxious anger inside him pushing up against his thoughts.

He sure didn't tell her alright. That means it's up to us.

It's going to really spoil her mood.

"So that's what he told you." They nodded. "It's true, they have his superior, and they're tugging away to bring the whole organization down like a jenga tower."

Aura’s smile grew a little wider.

“...burning it all down, as it deserves to be.” She brushed her fingers through her hair “for what they did to us. To Clay, to Metis…” The woman’s voice broke , and she took a moment to compose herself while Morrigan preened against his hand. “They all deserve to burn. It’s a comfort to hear they’re at least doing that much.”

"Yeah…" There's our opening. "About Clay and Metis, Aura…."

Aura leaned on her hand curiously. “...about them?”

Her tone had turned hesitant, almost tense, as she listened with that frown she’d often worn while tinkering with Clonco’s head.

"Can I ask you a frank question? You won't like it."

She is not at all going to guess what you're about to ask.

Aura laughed , and her hand slapped the table hard in rapid succession, startling Morrigan and sending her flapping up to land atop Apollo’s head with an indignant screech.

“I’ve gotten pretty used to things I don’t like lately, Apollo Justice!”

"Relatable," he drawled, wincing as the heavy bird landed on him. "Ow… hey, come on, Morrigan, you're spoiling the dramatic mood."

Aura laughed even harder, her eyes closed as she slapped the table again.

“she hates when things get too serious. It means there’s more eyes on her when she tries to steal her little trinkets, isn’t that right?”

Morrigan hopped down onto his shoulder…the same arm that had his bracelet…and seemed t0 ignore her barb.

“But…go on. I’m listening.” Aura said as the laughter died and her expression sobered.

"I think she's trying to get my bracelet," he chuckled. He shook his head. "But, look… Aura– I'm serious when I say this. Do you believe in ghosts?"

Aura’s lips twitched slightly. “uh…huh. I’ve never exactly been a spiritual person. Metis…she’d always been the one to believe in fairy tales like spirit mediums and vengeful ghosts.”

"Yeah," Apollo nodded. "I wasn't exactly one to believe in them either. But… what if I could prove to you that they exist?"

Are we really doing this? I thought we were going to keep quiet about…

If anyone deserves to know, it's Aura.“Then you’ll have absolutely blown a scientist’s worldview open” she leaned on her hand. “and give me a lot to think about in my little cell.”

"I'll have even more to tell you once I prove it," he said. "I don't want you to think I'm making wild claims out of nowhere, you know?"

Aura’s smirk flickered back to life. “Well, well…now you’ve got me interested.”

"Alright," he leaned closer to her. "Ask me something only Clay Terran would know the answer to."

Aura’s eyebrow raised below her thick glasses.

“...hard question. I know you two were close.” She traced her fingertip on the table as Morrigan made a grab for his bracelet with her beak. “Gimme a sec.”

"Maybe a conversation in private," he murmured. "Or something leading up to the day of the launch."

He felt his chest tighten at the thought of actually talking about the whole thing. But he was committed now.

Aura took a deep breath and smiled at him.

“...I got a little drunk at the Cosmos Center pre-launch party. I wound up leaning on Clay half the night and talking his ear off.” Her eyes flicked down as she muttered “eventually he helped me to the Robotics Lab where I told him something I hadn’t told anyone before.”

Apollo bit his lip and felt his eyes sting as tears beaded in the corner. The memory of the moment welled up in their mind from Clay's perspective. Aura, drunk and nostalgic leaned against him, his arm around her. Sober as a stone and just happy for her company.

Clay swallowed.

"It was Metis' last words. Before the HAT-1 launch. You told me what she'd said to you. That when the probe came back– she hoped it was a kinder world. And you didn't need to hide."

His fingers tensed, and he clenched away from Morrigan as she pecked at their bracelet.

Aura’s breath caught in her throat…and her cocky little smile died on her lips as her eyes narrowed in surprise. She physically flinched.

“How…” Her voice broke again, and he saw the first beads of tears glistening on her long eyelashes as she scraped her nails against the top of the table “how…I…I only ever told that to Clay just before he died.”

"Yeah," Clay sighed, leaning toward her now. "I know. You were drunk as hell. It was cute. Shame I didn't drink at the party due to the regulations. Wouldn't have mattered in the end."

Aura blinked several times over the grimacing line of her mouth, and a single set of tears dripped down the contours of her tired and tear-bruised face. She quickly wiped them away with a shaking breath.

“Cute, huh? I should get wasted more often. Get wasted with me next time, instead of following Yuri’s boring old regulations” her dark eyes focused on him under the messy fringes of her hair as she took a shuddering breath “...”

“Clay, that can’t possibly be you in there…it’s…scientifically ridiculous.” Still, she referred to him by his name. She may have really wanted to believe it.

"I know," he said. He reached out his hand toward her. She was echoing their own thoughts of the last few days. "It's stupid isn't it? I should just be gone. Nowhere. Returned to stardust. But I'm here…"

Nausea swam in their belly, Apollo lurching at Clay's suggestion that he should be gone.

I'm glad you're here, he promised him again for the millionth time. I don't want you to be gone.

Aura’s grabbed his hand, staring deep into his eyes for a long moment with that stare that was so very much like her brother’s.

After a moment she sighed out a soft breath “...well I’ll be damned,” Her shoulders shook with what was either a laugh or a sob. “Unbelievable. Completely unbelievable. But Mr. Justice looks a lil’ different when…when you’re talking. Just like that damned clown show of a case way back when.”

She gave Clay a familiar old smile he’d seen a lot in the cosmos center, reserved for very few...including himself… in those days when Aura stormed through the halls like an antisocial stormcloud. “Consider my disbelief suspended….I missed you, spaceman.”

He squeezed her hand, and gave her an embarrassed smile. "Missed you too, doc. Heh… guess I took a wrong turn. Ended up exploring a different final frontier than I planned."

“Apollo Justice’s body?” she asked with a sharp and teasing smirk “one I was hoping to explore too, before this whole shitshow happened.”

She broke out into one of her laughs, slapping the table again and startling Morrigan who’d gotten her beak around the bracelet only to be startled into flying over the table with a frustrated caw.

Clay and Apollo jolted as one, and made a choked noise. Clay rubbed the back of his neck, flushed.

"No uh, I had that one covered beforehand," he murmured. "But uh, yeah… big surprises this week. Something something, dreamt of in your philosophy, am I right?"

Aura grabbed his hand again, her fingers curling against his as she chuckled. “I bet you did. But…seriously…the spirit world exists in some fashion or another…it changes things. That’s for certain.”

She met his eyes “that in and of itself must have been an earth shattering surprise.”

"It fucked me up, Aura," he admitted plaintively, staring deep into her eyes with his– or whatever approximation of them he and Apollo shared. "We didn't believe it. We thought– we thought we were going crazy. Apollo thought he was going crazy. Couldn't blame him. So did I."

“I feel like I might be going crazy and I’m only hearing about it.” She admitted with a thin smile, squeezing his hand tighter “...I can’t even imagine hearing…hearing the voice of someone I loved in my head and having to figure out if I’d just finally snapped or what…”

"It was a hell of a week," he said with a small smile. He squeezed her hand. "What made me finally believe it was… well.. Mr. Wright's friend, Pearl Fey. She's a channeler, you know?"

“...a spirit channeller. That spikey haired attorney has a friend who’s a goddess damned spirit channeler…” Her thumb brushed his fingers thoughtfully as she tilted her head “...alright. I’ll bite.”

"You know how you said you can kind of see the difference in my face?" he murmured. "When the Feys channel somebody, their whole body– mostly– transforms. It's really… obvious. Undeniable really. Like the video of California Vs Sister Iris. It's almost scary in person."

“So that wasn’t some kinda camera trick then.” Aura whistled low under her breath. “...it sounds like it’s a horror show, and it sounds like it’s one you got to see.”

"It's the only reason we believed it was real," he explained. He squeezed her hand again, remembering it. Remembering seeing…. her. "Aura… Pearl channeled… she channeled…"

He felt his breath hitch in their chest as they struggled to say it to her.

Aura’s eyes widened behind the lenses of her glasses, and he got to watch the color drain from her face as she guessed it…

“Don’t tell me they channeled Metis…”

They nodded slowly, and swallowed. "Yeah. They did. Pearl said she's happy to channel her again– when you can see her. She wanted to see you. She asked where you were. She– she wants us to throw a party."

They fought down a fit of nervous laughter at the idea.

Aura choked, and her fingers tightened sharply around his.

“She asked where I am…Metis I’m in fucking prison.” She laughed and fell forward on the table until her forehead rested on his hand. “A party…probably full of her favorite dark jokes and ironies, knowing her. Hell…Sounds like a blast…a real blast.”

"She was cracking dark jokes the whole time," he said, leaning until his head touched hers too. "Even if I couldn't see her face, I would have believed it was her. She said… she hasn't moved on yet. She isn't ready. She's still lingering with us."

Aura Blackquill was a proud woman, he knew that she always went out of her way to hide her tears behind a sharp barb and a laugh, but when he said those words she began to cry. Tears fell against the back of his hand as she took shuddering, shaking breaths….

“She’s always been a sentimental old fool,” she murmured with teary affection. “she’d best not move on until I get there.”

They felt a thick tightness in their throat, and choked back a little sob. "I think she might be waiting for you."

Aura gripped his hand tighter, a sharp and strangled sound in her throat as she cried atop his hand.

At some point Morrigan had lost interest in his bracelet…or perhaps cared about her new charge…and come to roost back on her shoulder.

After a long moment, she rose and wiped her eyes.

“Gah…then we’d best hold that party once I’m free of this dump. See if we can convince her to stick around a little longer.”

They gently let go of her hand, and wiped their own eyes. "Yeah. I know she'll be happy to see you."

“Good…good.” Aura took a deep breath and scritched Morrigan’s crest. “...so that’s why you’ve had such a long week. Given…seeing her again so unexpectedly…I can see why you’ve been kinda sleepless.”

"There's more than that," he said. "It's not all good news, but it's hard to explain, and I shouldn't say too much, or Miles Edgeworth will kick my ass."

Aura’s expression knit in anxious anticipation. ‘...well. I’m listening. Miles Edgeworth can complain to me if he’s pissed.”

"There's another ghost other than me walking around, Aura," he said, feeling the tension in his jaw.

Aura’s jaw set. “..and it’s not Metis or someone else I might be happy to see, or you’d have told me already.”

"No," he shook his head. "Well. Admittedly, I don't know if you'd be happy to see their ghost or not. But their host? Absolutely not."

He could see the way Aura prickled, and feel her fingers tighten against his. “...who. Who the hell is it?”

Apollo lowered his voice to a whisper, and made certain that his hand was covering his mouth in view of the camera. It would;n't get him kicked out. He was a trusted and respected lawyer.

"Bobby Fulbright."

He saw the obvious recognition as the other piece of the puzzle clicked into place in Aura Blackquill’s mind. The widening of her eyes in shock followed by the sudden simmering anger as her expression twisted into a snarl.

“So that’s who’s walking around…How much of the monster is aware? Is he like…like you two? Does Simon know? ” Even through the growl of fury in her voice…he could hear the hurt as she spit out the last question..

Their gaze darkened as well. "Simon knows. They were working together on the case in Cauli. Moving up the chain."

“Moving up the chain.” The hurt showed briefly on her face before it drowned in the furious snarl that crossed her features. The edges of her lips twitched as her fingers left his hand to turn into tight fists.

Morrigan, sensing her distress, hunkered down as her features bushed up in reciprocated anger with a sharp caw.

“With the Phantom by his side. How…” she laughed, though there wasn’t a shred of her usual humor in it. “how hilariously ironic! My own brother working with the bloody Phantom to ‘work up the chain’. All while lying to my face because it’s not like his sister, locked up in a mess of her own making, will ever know! Better tell her he’s dead and rub salt in her wounds!”

Her fist struck the table as the first angry tears began to fall “Miles Edgeworth can take up his fury with me, Apollo…Clay..”

She jerked her head up, looking him dead in the eyes with a flash of her own “Did they toss the bastard in a cell when you got back, or is he walking free?”

"We got back this morning," he said, shaking his head. "I didn't stick around to find out. But you know what? I'm gonna send Mr. Edgeworth in to answer to you, Aura. How's that sound?"

Aura Blackquill’s fury was palpable as she dragged her nails against the table. “...that sounds lovely, my dear.” she managed to say in a shuddering and whispered tone.

“I think he has a lot to answer for in this little confidence game of his.”

"He does, that's for sure." Clay sat with her, stewing in their shared, sullen anger for a moment. He glanced at the clock. "Aura, I don't have a lot of time left before they're gonna kick me out."

Aura looked up at the clock , pushing her hands up below her glasses to wipe her eyes before she glared at the time.

“Of course. Can’t let me enjoy good company for too long before they throw me back in the pit.” She made a sharp ‘tch’ sound. “dammit…fuck.”

He put his hand on her face and smiled a sad little smile. "Before I go, I actually have something for you. A present. I know it's late. I meant to give it to you after, well–" Clay shook his head.

“...” Aura briefly snapped out of her fury to turn her gaze back towards Clay with an attempt at a grin “A present huh? Y-you’re spoiling me, Clay.”

She eased herself back down into the chair, and pushed up her glasses with a curious tilt of her head.

He slid his hand into their pocket and pulled out a small package, about the size of his fist, wrapped in crinkled Christmasy paper, with snowmen on it. He offered it to her.

"It's really not much," he said. "I would have gone bigger, if I had known. But at least it's something they'll let you keep in here."

The guard gave him a look from by the door…but Aura didn’t hesitate in taking it and holding it for a moment with a big grin.

“...a christmas present, too..” She looked up at him with a trace of a dark flush on her face over her sharp and playful smile. “what a romantic. Sorry I couldn’t…couldn’t get ya anything in return.”

She opened it, carefully removing the tape and opening the paper. “I really wish I could, but..well.”

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. When you're out, you can buy me flowers."

It was a dark joke, but Clay made it all the same. Aura was used to that kind of humor.

When the paper was torn away, inside was the small toy he'd bought her in the days before his death. A stress ball– a little rubber toy– but in the shape of a science-fiction robot.

“I’ll get ones that match your headstone.” she said with a broadening grin as she held the toy up to the light.

“My own little pocket sized Clonco…” She looked down at him with a flicker of genuine happiness in her smile, before Morrigan flapped off her shoulder and she slid around the table to grab him by the shoulders.

The toy squished against him as she leaned closer, her nose close to his as she glanced up at the camera and the frowning guard. Her smile inched a little wider, a little more mischievous, as she closed the distance. “Love it, spacemen” she murmured a second before she pulled him into a kiss.

It was normal, natural for Clay, and he melted into the kiss as he'd often done for the last year or so. It surprised Apollo a little, but he only made a soft noise before he too surrendered to it. They put an arm around her.

Aura held him tight for a moment in a kiss as passionate and fierce as she was before she finally broke it when the guard cleared his throat…

For the third time.

As their lips parted, she held up the toy and gave it a squeeze.

“Gonna think of you every time I torment the little thing” she teased.

They laughed and rubbed their face. "Of course you are. I'm touched."

Apollo glanced over at the guard with a semi-apologetic look. "Looks like we're on our third warning. I better go before they decide I'm not allowed back.

“Yeah…the guards are allergic to fun in this dump.” Aura chuckled, as she put her hand on her hip. "...you…two, I guess. I’m gonna miss you. Make sure to visit again soon, alright? I’ll..” she performatively sighed, “make some new friends so I can have some fresh gossip to bitch about to you.”

They chuckled. "Promise we'll visit soon. I'll be excited to hear about your friends. And let me know how that conversation with Edgeworth goes."

“You’ll be the first to know.” she said with a jagged grin. “Kisses, boys. Don’t have too much fun without me.” ”

#aurapollo #aura blackquill #apollo justice #ace attorney #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #poly ship #archive of our own #fic: the mechanics of emotion #claypollo #metiscykes (mentioned)

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