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#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
toadtoru · 2 days
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HOW TO INTERACT WITH WRITERS AND ARTISTS: A GUIDE
Hello! We all know that there is a steady decline in interactions and reblogs in fandom and I think a lot of new readers are very nervous to interact with artists on here. So as a somewhat seasoned Tumblr user, I figured I’d make a little guide for those who might feel they need it. :D
Disclaimer: This is by no means a rulebook or a demand. I am not forcing you to do any of these things. This is simply meant to be helpful towards those who might be new to the app or are nervous about interacting with people. Also: Since I write fanfiction, most of these examples are gonna be rooted in fanfiction. However, this can be applied to any other form of art on here as well!
FIRST OF ALL:
Customize your blog. A lot of people think blank blogs are bots. It doesn’t have to be a big thing but go on Pinterest, and find a cute profile pic. Choose a cool colour. Give your blog some personality.
It is completely fine and normal to want to remain anonymous on here. If you want you can choose a cool pseudonym (Alba is not my real name and I know for a fact that most of my mutuals’ “names” are pseudonyms.) but your blog can also just remain nameless.
If you are going to interact with NSFW fics and art I highly recommend putting your age in your bio. A lot of NSFW artists are not comfortable interacting with minors and ageless blogs and will block you if you don’t have your age somewhere.
It’s important to remember that writers and artists love interactions! We are here because we love a certain media and want to talk about it.
Secondly, Tumblr is not Instagram or TikTok. There are no “tumblr influencers”. Most of us are just normal people who do this as a hobby.
While it’s completely okay and normal to look up to someone or admire someone’s work, try not to put people on pedestals.
Lastly, fan fiction and art do not have a time limit. It doesn’t matter if it was posted yesterday, a year ago or ten years ago. It cannot expire. The love you feel for it now is just as valid as the love someone felt for it ten years ago. So please do not hesitate to interact with art just because it was posted a while ago.
THE BIG NO-NO’S:
“Part two?” It’s fair that you’re excited about a fic and want to read more, but simply just asking for part two without saying anything else can make a writer feel bad. We are not robots or content machines.
“X is stupid” “Your characterization is bad” “X wouldn’t do this” It’s okay to not like someone’s fic or art but commenting that it is bad or that you don’t agree is not okay. If you don’t like a fic you click off. If you don’t like someone’s takes or posts, you block them. You are responsible for curating your own online experience. Block what annoys you and move on.
Hate anons. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but people still do it so I’m gonna say it anyway. Don’t send hate anon to people’s inboxes.
Don’t demand things. “When is the next part coming out?” “You promised you’d post” etc. Life happens. Most of us have school or jobs or both.
Use Character AI, Chatbot, etc. Do not use AI. Do not put other people’s art into AI machines without their permission or knowledge. AI steals people’s writing and art. Do not use it to finish unfinished fics for you, do not use it to get a part two, do not use it.
Do not repost* art without permission. Do not repost art on other platforms. Do not post people’s fics on Wattpad or other platforms without permission. Do not post artists’ art on Pinterest or TikTok without permission. Do not translate writers’ fics without permission.
*Note: reposts and reblogs are not the same. A reblog is when you press the 🔁 button at the bottom of a post. This is encouraged. Reposts are when you make your own post with the stolen art.
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Reblogs. Reblogs, reblogs, reblogs. Reblogs. I cannot stress this enough. Tumblr’ algorithm sucks and sometimes posts don’t show up in tags. When you reblog someone's art you help more people see it!
Also, reblogs do not only help the artist but it also helps you! You can create a tag system on your account so you easily can find works you liked again. It’s much easier to find reblogged works than it is to go through your 300 liked posts. (Also if an artist deactivates you will still have the post instead of it disappearing.)
Comment on people’s art! Tell them what you liked! I promise you it will make their day!
Ask questions! Did you notice a specific choice the artist made that you found interesting? Is there something that intrigued you or you want to know more about?
BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY?
It’s important to remember that your support does not have to be some profound intellectual conversation. This is Tumblr, we’re all just having fun.
“I loved this!” “Your writing is amazing!” “This art is so pretty!” “The way you draw/characterize X character is cool!”
What did the art make you feel? “This made me happy” “This made me sad” Your emotions about the piece do not have to be positive. If someone wrote a 6k fic about the SatoSugu breakup then their goal probably wasn’t to make you feel joyous. Tell them how you feel! It will make them happy to know that their art evoked emotions in you.
Predictions! Did you catch some foreshadowing? What do you think happens in the next chapter? It's super fun as a writer to read what people think is going to happen!
Okay, folks. I think that’s all I have for you. Remember that we’re all just here to have fun. We want to interact with you. Reblog and comment on the fics you like! Send your thoughts to people’s inboxes! Once you get over that initial fear, I promise you, it becomes so much more fun. Fandom is supposed to be fun.
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delicatetaysversion · 1 month
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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dockaspbrak · 2 months
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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
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social anxiety can be really funny in retrospect bc it will have you saying shit like 'is it weird to call a doctor's office and schedule an appointment?"with 100% sincerity and panicking about it as if that's not the silliest thing in the world
#this is a personal post about my own experiences having grown up with a debilitating social anxiety disorder#that is more or less under control thanks to meds#if you are scared of calling doctors offices or ordering subway or Being In Public i am not mocking you#anxiety disorders are disorders BECAUSE they are debilitating phobias that lacks logic#(hence why CBT for anxiety often talks about thinking through anxiety with logic)#mostly it's remarkable how far i've come in just four years (i was looking back through old personal posts) and i'm making a joke about tha#bc it feels silly from the other end! but i also remember being that person. i remember how fucking horrible it was#and the thing about anxiety is it does look silly or baseless or stupid from the outside#and sometimes we even see that. but that doesn't change the fact that our brains and bodies are working against us#social anxiety really fucks with your perception of reality. i don't want to say like.. to the level of delusions but it will have you#Making Shit Up. felt extreme social anxiety getting food at a buffet as a child. like to the point where i didn't want to do it if i didn't#have someone else with me bc i thought doing anything Alone was Weird. including. walking#my brain was just gaslighting me to the point of paranoia and of course anyone who's been gaslit or otherwise manipulated#feels stupid once they have the benefit of hindsight. especially when the call was coming from inside the fucking house!#because it seems 'obvious' now. but that doesn't matter!#which is why i'm saying like. if you are the person feeling Wrong being alone in public or making phone calls#i Have Been There. I was there for most of my life lol. i spent more time constantly anxious than i have spent with controlled anxiety#i Remeber what it was like. so this is not me saying “git gud” it's me saying “damn getting better and having hindsight will leave you#thinking about the past in a different light!" which is just how the progression of time#and character development works lol#anyway#the queen of trash has spoken
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kath-artic · 4 months
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brain being STUPID
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stellardeer · 8 months
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i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird
i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account
i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever
i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective
very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;
#like idk it makes me feel a little bad sometime that im able to live comfortably while others arent#fuck i mean i got one of my friends living on my fucking couch rn i have a daily reminder of the inequality in this country#cause he doesnt have any qualifications to get a good enough job to fucking LIVE in this city#he's been trying to find a place to live but everywhere wants you to be making 3x the rent#and there's not a fucking job in this town that will pay you that much...#it's college town most people here are not even paying their own rent their well-off parents are paying it#ive never even fucking paid rent here i was living off the good fucking graces of my friends and my partner for like 7 years#and im still not paying rent i live in a trailer park and i own the trailer it's a shitty 2bd that i've had to pay to fix multiple times#but the fact that i can even afford to do that now is INSANE TO ME#I OWN A BUILDING WTF#i mean i do pay lot rent but it's only $300/mo#but rent prices here keep going up and up and up and i feel bad for my friend cause i dont know wtf he's supposed to do#i'm not charging him anything to live here so he's saved up a bunch of money but no matter how much he has the apartment places dont care#cause he wont have that money once he has to spend it all on bills and then his paychecks wont be able to cover living costs...#and i love him but he's just a little bit stupid and like.. doesn't seem to comprehend that he cannot afford a place that's $900 :'D#like he thinks that because he makes $1500 a month that he can spend $900 of that on rent like buddy NOO#what about FOOD? and OTHER BILLS? that's JUST rent dude what about lights and water????#but also idk i dont feel THAT bad for him cause he could always just move back in with his mom or live with a roommate but he fcking refuse#anyway this got off on a tangent the point is once im out of debt im donating all my fucking money
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476b · 10 months
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#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol#its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year#watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol#worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece#and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things#he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME#killing him with hammers in my mind#i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends#and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly#and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just#i dont know i guess i thought it would be different#anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time#and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say#you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me#and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me#and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him#you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him#i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize#cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me#and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol#or itll just be at shows and stuff#not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS#actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy#ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT#btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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@convenientalias​ @believerindaydreams​ oh my God the speed of you both was incredible
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horrified I watched myself tick every single “intense-complex-fruity” box. I had to. What other option is there.
Ask me about my blorbos!
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garbagequeer · 1 year
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fixing my mother one movie at a time. she's watching notting hill all on her own now. which is big if you knew my mother
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iscratchdoors · 1 year
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being autistic about a game for the blorbos and fandom and being autistic about a game for the game itself are such wildly different experiences
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sunderberry · 10 months
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thinking about... diluc ships...
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rubys-domain · 11 months
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so.... about my plans.
(talk of questionable banner leaks ahead)
word on the street is that 4.2 is gonna be furina/ayato and baizhu/cyno. pairings not set in stone obviously. and that 4.3 is gonna be some combination of raiden/navia/itto/albedo. of course 4.3 info is even more likely to be inaccurate. but then again, it's not outside the realm of possibility considering how long it's been since the last of itto's and albedo's reruns. anyhow. it's obviously recommended to take all this with a massive bowl of salt.
so i obviously want albedo. but i also want redhorn. or navia's weapon if it's good for chong. if itto and navia aren't in the same half, then likely i'll try to pull for one of them and then try to pull for the other if i fail to get the first. and i don't want to skip albedo because god knows when the fucker's next rerun will be. i'm so worried he'll get the eula treatment. and i've wanted him since i started playing the game. but then again, do you really expect a chongyun main to pull for meta reasons.
the problem though... is the sheer amount of primos i'm gonna need for 4.3. assuming all of these are true. yeah i'm gonna skip the entirety of 4.2. i have cyno. i have baizhu. scarlet sands would be nice but i already have homa. and i don't care for either furina or ayato as units. maybe i'll get furina in her rerun if she's as much of a buff to dps chong as shenhe. i haven't looked at kit leaks so idk. and idrc since albedo's coming up soon. shame i can't pull on the haran/furina sword banner. but 5 star swords aren't a priority for me rn. unless it's a def sword but is hoyo really gonna do that. i got aquila favonia on bennett and that's all i'll need from the current roster for a good long while.
but will an entire patch's worth of savings be enough? i still can't break my f2p status even if i want to. and if my albedo pulls go the same way as in this banner and i have to get to high pity twice to get him... maybe i should just stop pulling and save my guaranteed for albedo. after i get chong's last con of course. if i get venti along the way then yay. but as soon as i get his c6, i might have to stop to save my sanity. i'll be crushed not getting venti this patch after waiting for him for so long. but he's an archon so he's basically guaranteed a rerun in the 5.x patches. while albedo has fallen so far off the meta that it's not out of the question for him to get eula'd. and most regions in my map are >80% explored. and considering i also want a weapon for chong, saving is more vital than ever now.
jesus. assuming everything to be true, then 4.3 is gonna fuck me in the ass.
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Paradigm Check-in
welcome to a new series- that i'm going to call "paradigm pwednesday" because there aren't any days of the week that start with p so pwednesday is just going to have to- where i write something in paradigm and share it because otherwise i'm never going to finish this book
8/2 (somewhere in chapter seven)
But now she's at the motel, alone, and it's been hours. Sid had two people to take down tonight, so it certainly makes sense that he'd be taking longer than Delilah, but it still doesn't make it any easier to handle. She's not so much worrying about the man as wondering what it would mean in terms of Marcus. If Sid got caught, would Marcus blame her? Probably not. They're partners, sure, but it's clear that Marcus thinks of Sid in a higher regard than Delilah. It might make sense for Marcus to blame Sid if something went wrong with her, but not the other way around. Sid has at least twenty years of this under his belt, which means if anything happens it's his own damn fault. Somehow, the thought isn't as comforting as she thinks it should be. 
#i have this thing where i find it unreasonable for myself to not write a book quickly because somewhere along the line#i have equated fic writing with novel writing#and my brain goes ''if you can write a book-length fic in a few months why can't you write a book-length book in a few months?''#so anyway now i feel guilty for writing fics and bad for not writing books#congrats girl you ruined the one hobby you love#i tried to write some mac fic the other day and instead just felt dread and guilt#because i knew there were numerous other things i should be writing with my limited free time#i think i just need to get it in my brain that working on certain projects doesn't mean i don't care about other projects#it just means at that moment that i have inspiration for thing A and if i tried to work on thing B all that would happen is#i'd feel super frustrated and want to bang my head against the computer#i need to shake my reflection in the mirror and say ''it's okay if you work on other projects if that's what brings you joy at that moment'#wips are never abandoned they are just patiently waiting their turn and i will stand by that fact forever#ugh. anyway i feel anxious this morning thinking about this so good for me you took a perfectly good morning and you gave it#anxiety. look at what you did.#and it's so stupid because it's not like i don't want to write this book#if i didn't want to write it i simply would stop writing it. it sucks because i really DO want to write this book it's just being annoying#atm#anyway the moral of the story is sometimes writing happens and sometimes writing doesn't happen and sometimes it happens to the wrong thing#and i'm just going to have to live with that#ok i gotta get out of these tags now. final words being: be kind to yourself be patient with yourself love yourself you got this#(to both myself and to you <3)#also for the record i am totally okay lol. every author goes through mental blocks and this is hardly my first and it won't be my last#i know it'll pass i just need to take a breathe and be kind to myself#ok new wednesday challenge everyone take a moment to take a breathe and be kind to yourself. this is a threat
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insanechayne · 1 year
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~ ~ ~
#I feel very disconnected today#maybe it’s because I’ve been working so much#or maybe it’s because I’ve had to really start masking and tempering my personality around him because I’ve made him uncomfortable too much#maybe it’s everything and all of it#but it’s kind of hard to focus and my mind is just wandering away from me#thinking thoughts that aren’t really making me happy but what can you do#and something inside me just aches right now#part of it is missing my connection with him the way it used to be#not being able to get over him and my stupid crush and the fact that it’s still killing me#part of it is not being able to connect with my coworkers very well#I get along decently enough with the nurses but not enough to sit and talk with them or be a part of the group really#so in almost all aspects of my life I’m just alone and lonely and it’s really starting to affect me in a bad way#I’m just sad and anxious and I feel like these things aren’t getting any better#and I want to be able to talk about my anxieties with this person I consider my best friend#but I’m worried that almost anything I tell him will just upset him and start another fight between us#I already feel like shit since apparently I’m the only reason he stays here#so I feel like a burden and I don’t want to make that worse for him#but fuck I’m really suffering sometimes and I don’t know what to do about it#I don’t know who else to talk to so I’m basically just locking everything up inside me#it’s becoming exhausting#especially because I’m getting burnt out from working so much to help cover for an injured coworker#I mean I don’t have much of a life outside of work but I still kinda want to rest here and there#I just keep trying to read and distract myself in other ways but nothing is really working#I kind of want to just go cry somewhere but I can’t since I’m working#when’s this all gonna get better you know?#when am I gonna have friends and a partner and someone I can talk to about everything without judgement or fear#when am I gonna have a normal life like everyone else?#I’m tired of things always being this way my whole life#why do I deserve to be lonely while everyone else has a jolly old time of life?#why do I have to suffer and be depressed and deal with this bullshit?
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rose-pearls · 8 months
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The perils of love
Summary: being in love with Luke seemed to be a bad idea as you realise that he doesn't seem to be interested. But as you get ready to move on from love entirely your father decides to appear and two people fall for you.
Main Taglist : @avada-kedavra-bitch-187, @nyx2021, @thestarspangledcaptain, @kmc1989 (open)
Part 2
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Luke Castellan, everyone knew him at camp either for his sword skills or just his kind smiles for every camper that walked into the Hermes cabin. You had fallen for him the moment you met him, sweet brown eyes and a kind smile had you into a puddle. 
You had been twelve, wandering around the Hermes cabin, waiting desperately for your parent to claim you but the days went by, and you still were there. The little girls crush however didn’t went by but grew stronger every day you saw the boy who slowly turned into a man that had all the girls going crazy over him.  
He had been kind to you but there was always a look that you couldn’t decipher, until today that was.
“So, where is your number one fan Luke?”, you hear Chris say in a teasing tone and after a moment you hear Chris say your name, as if to make it clear it was you. 
“I don’t know and frankly I don’t have the time to care right now,” Luke says after letting out a sigh, but you felt your chest tighten at the words. Chris snorts at the words and you don’t expect what he says next.
“You know that there is a betting pool as to when the both of you are going to date,” you don’t know how Luke reacts, as you are practically one with the wall, but you hear him snort.
“Please, she is a sweet girl, but I would never date her. I don’t know how to explain it but sometimes she can just be a little-”, he seems to be trying to find his words and as you wait for it you feel tears brimming in your eyes at his previous statement.
“Clingy? I mean she is practically everywhere you are.”, the words are like a bullet to your heart, particularly when you hear Luke agree.
“I know right, I mean I know that she is still part of the Hermes cabin as she hasn’t been claimed yet but still,” you try to blink the tears away, not willing to cry as you hear the words being said by the man you had always looked up to. 
“Maybe she will never be claimed, I mean after three years,” Chris says, and you can hear the grimace in his voice, he says it with such carelessness as if you haven’t been thinking about the same thing every night for the past three years, wondering what was wrong with you.
“We’ll see what happens I guess, but maybe it would be good for her to be in another cabin,” Luke says, he looks like he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, but Chris adds one last phrase to their conversation.
“Or better for you,” there is a quiet hum of agreement and that is the only thing you need before leaving the cabin quietly, the book that you had come for quickly forgotten.
You knew it was pitiful, the fact that they all seemed to know that you liked the Hermes boy and that they all pitied you for it. Because in the end the boy would never go for you, he had a hundred girls waiting for him and yet here you were hoping for the impossible.
Tears are brimming in your eyes, but you quickly brush them away, not wanting to cry after what had happened, you needed to be strong now. It was time for you to get over that stupid crush and get on with your life, maybe if you trained more your godly parent would finally recognize you and claim you.
“What are you doing here all alone?”, you suddenly hear someone say behind you and you turn around to find Annabeth looking at you with worried eyes.
“Thinking, the lake always seems to sooth me,” you say, the words coming a bit weaker than you intended them too. The girl simply nods at your words before sitting down next to you.
“What about you?”, you quietly ask her, and she lets out a sigh.
“Needed to get out a little bit, I can only strategise so much before going crazy,” she says with a small smile, and you can’t help but smile at her words.
“I’m sure your strategy will be incredible, as always,” you tell her and she simply nods, looking too far into her thoughts.
“Chiron is thinking of splitting up the Hermes cabin,” she suddenly says, and you turn to look at her in surprise.
“Really? How so?”, you can’t help but ask, wondering if this is maybe your chance to get a bit away from a certain Hermes boy.
“He thinks that the unclaimed children and children of minor gods should get the chance to chose in which team they want to be,” she looks conflicted, and you can understand why, this could mean less people for the blue team, her team.
“It seems like a kind gesture,” you can’t help but say and Annabeth nods in agreement.
“It is, although he could’ve said it sooner, now we all need to find a different strategy and we are going crazy with figuring out who will be on our team,” she seems overwhelmed, and you can’t help but put your hand on her shoulder trying to calm her down.
“Hey, calm down it will all be alright,” you tell her, and she takes a deep breath before slowly nodding in agreement.
“I know, I just don’t want to lose,” she says with a pout, and you can finally see the twelve-year-old she really is, that childlike excitement at the thought of capture the flag.
The both of you are deep in thought before her voice breaks the silence, her voice small as she talks.
“Which team are you choosing?”, it was probably a valid question to ask, you were unclaimed so you could technically choose which team to be on, but you just couldn’t get the previous conversation you had heard out of your head.
“The fact that you aren’t saying anything makes me think that you are going to go on the red team,” it seems like she is trying to tease you but there is some sort of hurt woven into her words.
“Don’t take it personally,” you can’t help but say, as much as you would’ve liked staying on the blue team you just couldn’t bear to be that close to Luke after what you had heard. You didn’t know what you would be doing tonight as you were sleeping in the same cabin as always, but he wouldn’t pay attention to you not unless you went to him.
“Did something happened with Luke?”, the carefully asked question makes you look at Annabeth with wide eyes, she had an understanding look in her eyes and you couldn’t help but curse the fact that she was Athena’s daughter.
“Nothing happened, I just realised that maybe I should get to know other people and that maybe it would get me out of my comfort zone,” there are a lot of things unsaid, Annabeth knows it too. Luckily, she doesn’t know of the conversation you had heard, or the fact that the words had cut you deeper than you could’ve ever thought they would. 
“You should probably tell Chiron and the red team, I heard that they were planning a strategy evening to talk about what they were going to do tomorrow,” you try to find anger in Annabeth’s eyes but there is only understanding and a lingering sadness that seems to disappear as you get up.
“Good idea, I will be doing that right now. Good luck on the strategy and don’t drive yourself crazy Annabeth you will do great,” you tell her, and a sweet smile appears on her lips as she nods slowly making you smile at her.
“Don’t be a stranger!”, she yells as you are about to leave, and you turn around to smile at her.
“I won’t!”, she looks reassured at the words before turning back to the water, leaving you to go towards Chiron office. 
--
“A little birdie told me you were on the red team,” you hear someone say and turn around to find Clarisse smirking at you.
“Would that little birdie be Chiron?”, you ask, feeling breathless after trying to stab the dummy about a hundredth time with your sword.
“I don’t reveal my sources princess,” she says with a smirk while you feel your cheeks heat up, you tell yourself it’s because of the work out you just did.
“We have a meeting tonight, after dinner at the Ares cabin,” she says while looking around the rink before picking up a sword.
“I’ll be there,” you tell her, expecting the girl to leave you alone but she just comes closer to you.
“After that there is a movie night and a sleepover, one of the Aphrodite kids managed to convince Chiron to allow it,” the words leave you confused for a moment, how would you even have a movie night with all these people.
“Only a few people are invited for that part,” she clarifies, and you feel breathless at the sight of her warm brown eyes, seemingly forgetting about other brown eyes.
“How come I am invited?”, you can’t help but ask, wondering why the Ares girl suddenly seemed sweet to you when she was practically attacking anyone else. 
“Don’t ask too many questions or you’ll be uninvited princess,” the nickname rolls of her tongue in a way that makes your cheeks go red, once again.
“Fine I’ll stop asking questions and just come with my pajama’s,” you tell her, and a satisfied grin makes his way on her lips.
“Good, now back to serious stuff you were holding your sword the wrong way,” she says like it’s a fact, as if she was pointing out that the sky was blue.
“No, I wasn’t!”, you can’t help but say looking at her with wide eyes.
“Yes, it is, let me help you fix it. I need the best people on my team after all,” you get ready to object but as you feel her get behind you putting her hand over yours on the sword to put your hand correctly you find yourself speechless.
The next hour is spent fighting against each other, but you can’t stop laughing as Clarisse tells you stories of her siblings to try and distract you, which ultimately works as you often end up on your ass. You don’t even seem to notice another pair of brown eyes looking at you, farther away, brows furrowed as he looks at the scene in front of him.
--
“Welcome to the exclusive sleepover,” you hear a soft voice say and you turn around to find Silena smiling kindly at you, two glasses in her hands before giving one to you.
“Thank you, guess they really were exclusive as I had never heard of them before,” you say, feeling a bit nervous as you look around the room only to find Clarisse in a heated discussion with another Aphrodite girl.
“Clarisse only invites people that she trusts or likes, which isn’t many, but she does cares for them,” Silena smiles at the Ares girl in front of you and you can’t help but do the same, Clarisse always seemed to be angry but in that moment, she seemed far more softer.
“I’m glad she trusts me,” you say, somehow missing the look Silena gives you, a look of confusion as you seem to have missed her clue on Clarisse liking you.
Clarisse had always been discrete about it, but Silena had caught her looking at you far too often to not know about it. Her fingers always seemed to itch when you were sword fighting, as if she was itching to get your posture right and to be able to touch you even for just a few seconds. You only had eyes for the Castellan boy, or it seemed that way until yesterday when Chiron told them that you would be on their team. Silena didn’t ask much of her mother but in that moment, she couldn’t help but ask her mother for help to get the both of you together. Clarisse deserved her happy ending and you deserved someone who would love you for who you were.
She gets woken from her thoughts as she hears Clarisse talking to you, there is a nervousness in her gestures as she pushes her hair behind her ear, but you don’t seem to realize it as you recount a story. Silena quietly gets up from her spot, and sends and encouraging look towards Clarisse, who seems a bit more at ease now. 
--
Capture the flag is a mess, more than the last time but you try not to let your mind wander too long. A boy that you think is from the Hephaestus cabin runs towards you and you sigh in annoyance before starting to fight against him, quickly ‘killing’ him and making him surrender. 
You had been tasked with trying to find the blue flag, but it seemed as if Annabeth had found a really good spot this time, and she had put more people in defense. After a while you wondered if you had the wrong hunch until you saw something blue flickering in the reflection of your sword. As you turned to look behind you, you saw the blue flag but weirdly there was no one around it.
“This feels like a trap,” you can’t help but whisper under your breath as you try to hide behind the bushes but a blade against your neck makes you stop in your steps.
“Sorry, but I need to do this,” you hear someone say and you turn around to find a sheepish Percy looking at you.
“Hi Percy,” you say with a kind smile and the boy smiles back, looking reassured that you aren’t mad or swinging your sword at him.
“How are you doing?”, you can’t help but ask, you hadn’t seen him since he had been claimed by Poseidon, but the boy seemed healthy.
“Good, well as good as you can when you learn that your father is one of the big three’s and that your life will be a hellhole,” he says with a roll of his eyes, and you can’t help but snort.
“Still as sarcastic I see,” you can’t help but say while laughing and a sheepish grin forms itself on his lips.
“Can’t help it,” he says while shrugging his shoulders.
“It’s a shame you aren’t on our team,” he says quietly, and you smile softly, the two of you had talked a lot when he had arrived, and you felt close to him.
“Maybe next time,” you tell him and the boy smiles at the answer before asking you a question and the two of you talk for a moment before you hear a battle cry and see the red team suddenly making their way in the clearing, the blue team also appearing.
Percy and you look at each other with wide eyes before you take out your sword.
“If you don’t say anything about this, I won’t say anything,” Percy nods quickly and the both of you break away from the tree you were behind before joining your team as Percy joins his.
An Apollo girl comes running towards you, but you quickly manage to disarm her, others following behind her, but you are in such a haze that you don’t realize how close you are getting to the flag. That is until you are met with a familiar blade, Luke’s. 
The boy is looking at you, slightly out of breath from the fighting just like you.
“You can always abandon now sweetheart,” he says and can’t help but blush slightly at the familiar nickname. 
“No chance Castellan, give me your worst,” this seems to make the boy laugh before he quickly wields his swords, yours clashing against his in familiar movements. You had fought many times against Luke as he had taught you how to fight but you had a new trick up your sleeve that Clarisse had taught you. She had told you that his left leg was his weakness, a bruise that had never really fully recovered. 
So, when the opportunity presents itself, you wield your sword against his left leg, making sure not to hurt him too much. But as you hit the spot Luke winces in pain and his sword leaves his hand. You don’t think at that point and simply continue straight to the flag, whispering a soft ‘sorry’ as you go to the Hermes boy.
You manage to take the flag before seeing Percy coming towards you with his sword, you expect the hit, but he seems transfixed, looking at something above you. There is a loud silence, on a battlefield that was filled with battle cries just a second ago.
Chiron’s voice suddenly comes up, suddenly saying your name.
“Daughter of Zeus, king of the gods,” the rest of his words are lost as you look up, only to see the symbol of Zeus above your head, your father’s symbol.
You didn’t know how to feel, you had been waiting for so long but now that it was happening you just felt lost. Why was he claiming you right now?
“Congratulations! Seems like we are cousins now,” you suddenly hear Percy say, he has a bright smile on his lips, but there is also sadness in his eyes. It takes you a few seconds to understand why, you were now a child of the big three, which meant your life was about to be a hellhole as Percy had said.
“Always though there was something familiar between the two of us,” you try to say in a teasing tone, but it falls flat, Percy nodding in understanding.
As you turn around to look at the rest of the camp you see Luke looking at you with wide brown eyes, as if he was seeing you for the first time. You turn your gaze towards Clarisse who is looking at you with a proud smile and something else that you can’t quite understand.
There was surely a lot of trouble coming but not the one you were expecting, it would be far more complicated than monsters or a father that decided to appear after fifteen years. Matters of the heart were after all the most complicated of all, particularly between a daughter of Zeus, a daughter of Ares and a son of Hermes. 
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