#it's born out of insecurities surrounding loving relationships

[deconstructthesoup]

I think this basically confirms a Roemance Paertner as a homebrew D20 monster

Which we need a statblock for

[saturnznct]

the sims | dad!jake

➸ note; just a summary of the sims :)

➸ word count; 2189 words

➸ warning(s); accidental pregnancy x2, a bit suggestive, birth & feeding, cryptic pregnancy

enhypen masterlist (lnks will be added later)

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you and jake meet when he and jay go to a bar together lol the two of you can’t stop staring at each other and jay, with the help of some liquid courage, convinces jake to go up to you and get your number

so you start hanging out

he’s so shy with you at first because he has such a big crush and you think he’s just adorable

one day he just thinks fuck it and kisses you and the rest is history

you’d been together for seven years and engaged for a few months when you get pregnant

you were usually great with protection but one time you’d run out of condoms and just decided to take the risk

you were terrified to tell him but he was excited, but a bit unsure of what to do

once your little bump and everything shows up he’s obsessed

very touchy, waits on you hand and foot

all the members are super excited, they love sam so another enha baby to love is super exciting

achy is probably the best way to sum up your pregnancy, your back and feet hurt a lot all of the time

when you find out you’re having a girl he gets so giddy

definitely loves a good chat with the bump 

goes all shy and bashful when she responds to him

i don’t imagine him being the type to sing to the baby?? i think he’s much more of a talker 

never ever gets tired of her moving, can literally just picture him at night being the big spoon with his hand on your bump, his chest aches every time she kicks or moves

when she moves around on the scans you can literally see stars in his eyes 

thinks you’re just the cutest when you get big, waddling around in his hoodies 

keeps the latest scan photo in his wallet

your third trimester is in winter so the fireplace in your apartment is on in the evenings

lots of cuddles together

you very rarely feel insecure because jake makes it very clear just how attractive he finds you

it helps that you’re so hormonal that you’re constantly trying to jump his bones and he is… very receptive to that 

the two of you decide to have a home birth, you love your apartment so much and its a place of comfort for you

also there’s no hassle or stress with transporting her home from a hospital or packing a bag etc

your labour is pretty nice, as much as it can be

you were only in labour for about 9 hours, and being at home surrounded by your familiar walls with the lights dimmed down

jake of course was incredibly supportive the whole time 

ella ara sim is born 10th april at your home in seoul

jake delivered her in your bathtub, and cuts the cord

the greatest moment of his entire life 

ella is a very chilled baby

feeds happily, is easily soothed

loves her daddy, jake can get her to stop crying faster than anyone

you slightly worry he holds her too much, he likes to sit by your floor to ceiling windows overlooking seoul and talk to her for hours about life and all the fun things you’ll do together when she’s older

he holds her in the early mornings in bed, on his chest or in his arms while he scrolls through his phone

these moments definitely help your relationship, when you’re both tired and drained you just sit together with or without the baby

even if you don’t talk you just have this sense that you’re in this together and you understand each other without word

Jake loves it when you’re able to pump, he loves being the one to give her bottles 

ella is only the second enha baby after sam and jay is very insistent on regular playdates, he wants them to be besties so bad 

they’re actually quite indifferent to each other lol 

shows her off to everyone who will look

has a little silver ‘e’ necklace 

when she’s about a year old she visits australia for the first time

jake fusses over her like crazy, it’s australian summer so he’s constantly smothering her with suncream and she’s got her lil bucket hat on

holds her in the pool in his family’s backyard, gently lifting her up and dunking her legs in and out of the water while she giggles like crazy

takes her to meet koalas 

he loves her to be girly, thinks she’s just the cutest when she has cute little floral clothes 

her giggles are his favourite sound in the whole world

purposely tickles her so that she giggles

once he tickles her for so long that she starts coughing and you get annoyed with him

doesn’t tickle her for a while after that

actually doesn’t mind playing with her, will happily sink hours into tea parties and roleplay

the BIGGEST daddy girl

her first word is dada

first steps are towards jake 

jake is so fucking happy

later that night he just sobs and thanks you over and over and over for giving him his perfect baby girl 

always wants to be in his arms or on his lap

jake always allows her to climb all over him and will smother her with kisses 

when ella is 2 you guys finally get married, she’s one of your little bridesmaids

jake spends a lot of time dancing with her during the reception

you enjoy married life for a while, and when ella is 3, jake begins to miss her baby days

so, the two of you decide to start trying again

about 8-9 months later you’re pregnant 

jake is so so excited he wants to tell el straight away but you shut him down lmao 

eventually when you do tell her jake is so excited, his eyes are practically sparkling when he tells her she’s going to be a big sister

you’re pretty much bed bound and sick for the first 4-5 months, you throw up a lot

you get a lot of migraines

jake is great as usual

you and jake had talked about kids before having ella and both of you hoped for at least one of each, so when you found it it was a boy you were so happy

jake suggests his name, he just thinks its so cute

declan daehyun sim is born 1st october at your home in seoul, this time on your bed

jake also delivers him and cuts his cord

slightly more challenging baby

cries often for no real reason, no matter what you do he just cries

lots of sleepless nights

ella’s in primary school at this point so lots of daytime naps together

ella actually isn’t too jealous or anything, she comes and sits quietly next to you or jake when you’re holding declan and just watches him

she likes to hold him herself 

dec is literally jake’s twin, your genes did not stand a single fucking chance 

jake’s nose, jake’s eyes, jake’s mouth, jake’s hair 

gets more and more clear as he grows into a toddler, everyone comments on it

i feel like jake is just as much of a boy dad as he is a girl dad like he has two sides

loves playing legos and football with dec

when dec is born you move into your ‘forever home’, a big apartment in seoul

there’s a pool in your apartment complex so you best believe most nights after dinner jake takes the kids down

when declan is around 18 months, you start throwing up and it doesn’t stop for a couple of weeks and you and jake are like… what the hell

you were on birth control that didn’t give you periods so you didn’t think it would be pregnancy but alas…

you go to the doctor and you’re 5 months pregnant and you had no idea

bit of a shock of course

you don’t know how to react at first 

like dec is still so young, your birth control had clearly failed, you only had 4 months to prepare

but there obviously isn’t much you can really do other than just start gearing up for your baby’s arrival

you get a bump and some symptoms soon after you find out

pregnancy starts kicking your ass during the third trimester though, doesn’t help you’re running after declan all day

jake of course is the best like you don’t even need to say anything, if you’re having a hard day he can just tell and will do anything to alleviate your stress

like if declan is being a lil shit and you’re stressed jake will seamlessly distract him with something else

weirdly good at convincing declan he needs a nap 

you decide to keep the gender a surprise because you know this will definitely be your last one and you’ve had enough surprises yk  

eve sim was born at your home 8th september

born on your bed

jake delivers her and cuts the cord

you’re both ecstatic with another girl, she’s the double of ella as a baby

you don’t give her a name until she’s a couple of days old, jake starts calling her evie cause he thinks it sounds cute, you decide on eve cause it works in korean too 

ella loves eve, she’s so excited to have a sister

declan is not so sure

he’s a bit jealous, especially since he’s still a little baby himself

is a little bratty about it too

you’ll sit down to feed eve and he’ll come up to you and start whining and tugging on your pants

cue jake waltzing in to distract him

i don’t think jake would be very strict

he is very much their friend and ally and they know that 

hates punishments and discipline, i mean he’ll dish it out but really struggles to stay strong when they cry or get upset

will apologise for having to do it afterwards

i don’t think he would be a very pushy parent, wouldn’t be too strict about grades or extra curriculars, but will support them in whatever it is 

the kids go to swimming lessons, but jake loves to help them in your pool at home, it reminds him of his childhood in Australia

definitely the type to just launch them in the air much to your horror 

loves it when the kids come to see a concert, just the knowledge that the kids are in the crowd gives him a little extra energy

engene posting on twitter that jake looks so happy

everything is all about the kids backstage, if they’re there then jake and the members are smothering them in attention

if he goes on your without them he always comes back with toys

accidentally starts a tradition of buying a teddy in each place he goes 

when you pick them up from school their plaits and ponytails and what have you obviously fell out hours ago

eve and ruby are a few months apart in age so they are besties of course 

jake would absolutely say the worst part of being a father is the kids growing up, when they get too big for him to hold and cuddle properly is when his heart hurts when he looks at them

he loves babies so much and always always misses the baby days but seeing his kids grow into independent, strong willed, talented individuals makes him so proud

they’re always his baby girls/boy

even when they’re older he will still give them cuddles when they’re sad

the kids go to australia maybe once a year or every other year, visit jake’s family

but you settle in a big apartment in seoul

kids speak a mix of english and korean at home, there’s no real pattern to it

they speak english amongst each other but i think with jake they mix it up

they also use mainly english names at home, you and jake like them more

they use korean and korean names pretty much anywhere outside the house

although ella does get called el by the members and jake pretty much at all times 

overall the sim family is so so so full of love <3

[northopalshore]

🌬️⚔️Chiron and your traumas

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warning! mentions s*x, ab*se , trauma& violence

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Chiron in the houses

🌬️Chiron in the 1st house

You might have grown up very insecure about how you look and how you put yourself out there. People could be very judgemental of your looks. There is this constant need to feel prettier. This could lead to an unhealthy obsession with fitting into certain beauty standards. If uranus is also in the 1st house, or in hard aspects with chiron then you could have been born in a place where the beauty standard is opposite from you, for example the beauty standard in you country may be pale skin but you were born with tan or darker skin tone. If aspected with Taurus, Venus or Jupiter, might have an eating disorder.

ex: Selena Gomez has this placement. She often expresses her discomfort around how people just love to criticise her for her looks and her weight. If you've been online for the last 10 years, you'll notice how often the media brings attention to her weight gain.

🌬️Chiron in 2nd house

These individuals might have issues surrounding money or possessions. Have a need to be seen with luxurious things. Could live or work with money their whole lives. Money shaped their identity. Grew up in either extreme wealth or poverty. They might be born in a family where debt and corruption is involved. If not, this could mean they themselves may be irresponsible with money or constantly worried about their finances. They might be prone to gambling addictions or the opposite, extremely cautious of spending habits. These individuals are also prone to eating disorders and overconsumption.

ex: Donald Trump, Princess Diana, Robert Pattinson, Dolly Parton, Jeffery Epstein & Audrey Hepburn have this placement.

🌬️Chiron in 3rd house

Might not have had a good relationship with their siblings growing up. They could have been ostracized by their siblings. They could also have grown up without siblings either as an only child or they moved away from them. Could result in feeling lonely in this area of life. They could be hated for things that they say. Hated for singing, talking or writing differently. They could also have trauma surrounding their voice or communication. They might find it very difficult to express themselves verbally or feeling like other people do not listen to them at all. Might inherit a hereditary illness. (However I find that people with these placement tend to have healing voices or writing as well depending on their birth chart)

ex: Björk, Sigmund Freud, Fyodor Dostoevsky George W. bush, Azealia Banks & Morgan Freeman have this placement

🌬️Chiron in the 4th house

These natives may have been born in a broken home. Their parents might have been divorced or they suffer from addiction resulting in a sort of fallout. They may think they are the ones that caused their home life to be so distressed. Could also mean they have certain trauma or fears with people breaking into their homes. Not feeling safe at home. Issues with the mother. Lack of a maternal figure in their lives.

ex: Eminem and Nicki Minaj have this placement. If you are familiar with them you'll know both grew up in abusive households. Rob Kardashian, Miley Cyrus & Winona Ryder also have this placement.

🌬️Chiron in the 5th house

Individuals with this placement most likely have issues surrounding their creativity, love life or children. They might find it difficult to enjoy life like other people around them. Their childhood might have felt bleak. Feeling left out from all the fun the world has to offer. Sexual trauma/abuse. Drugged. Overindulgence in hedonism. Used for entertainment . Prostitution. They might also be the tortured artists archetype in which they express their darkness, mortality or trauma through art. Their love life might also suffer. In a woman's chart, this might mean she has issues with pregnancy or conceiving. Might have gone through many miscarriages in her life.

ex: Anne Hathaway, Megan Thee Stallion, Paris Hilton, John Lennon, Meghan Fox & Kim Kardashian have this placement.

🌬️Chiron in the 6th house

They might have found it different to obtain a stable career or routine for themselves. Might be overworked to the point of exhaustion. These individuals could have had to take on multiple jobs to sustain themselves or for the benefit of other people. They might not have been appreciated for their hard work and expected to keep working. Being enslaved. Forced labour. Working without pay. Other people treating them as a commodity. Might have started working drom an early age. They might get into accidents at work often.

ex: JFK, Elvis Presley, Brigitte Bardot, Vincent Van Gogh, Mila Kunis, Jackie Kennedy, Frida Kahlo & Madonna have this placement

🌬️Chiron in 7th house

Relationships issues, fears surrounding relationships or contracts and commitments. Might have been turned down by multiple companies or partners. Might have been cheated on by a long-term relationship. Contracts being violated. Manipulated through contracts. They might find opening up difficult in romantic relationships. Lovers might have betrayed them at some point of their life. Might get divorced multiple times.

ex: Mia Khalifa has this placement. She's had 2 marriages that both resulted in divorce and one engagement that ended in separation as of August 2023.

🌬️Chiron in 8th house

These people might have been abused at some point. Suffered from sexual trauma/rape , or obsession. Overly sexualised by others. People might been very envious of these natives, to the point that they have received death threats. Other people might not respect their privacy especially in regards to their love/sex life. They could also have been used by romantic relationships to get something they want. Death could have surrounded this individual i.e family members, friends, pets.

ex: Taylor Swift has this placement. She's been slut shamed a lot throughout her career. People are overly obsessed with her love life.

🌬️Chiron 9th house

Natives with this placement could have trouble with long distance travels, studies, religion or beliefs. May be traumatized by certain cultures. Might have grown up with religious parents that forced their beliefs onto their children. Might have been indoctrinated by a cult or was raised in one. They might have been fored to dedicate a large portion of their life learning something they hated or weren't passionate about. Subjected to a lot of racism in their life. Being culturally different from peers. May receive hate from people all over the world/ other cultures.

ex: Marilyn Monroe, Adolf Hitler, Justin Bieber, Elon Musk, Billie Eilish, RuPaul & Joe Jonas have this placement.

🌬️Chiron in 10th house

Probably are not satisfied with their career path. Might have found it very difficult to obtain a steady career. Their career might be hated by other people. People might have used these natives as a means to gain control or power. They might receive a lot of criticism in their career. Strangers feel like they have authority over their lives.

ex: Drake. BBL drizzy, need I say more? Jungkook, Angelina Jolie, Kanye West, Kylie Jenner & Ben Affleck have this placement

🌬️Chiron in 11th house

They might have been ostracized by many friends group or communities. They are usually judged by others in their social circle. The black sheep of the community. If active online, they could suffer from a lot of online bullying or criticism from the public. Online harassment, badmouthed and shamed. Might fall subject to racism as well.

ex: My friend and I both have this placement. Our 4th house is gemini w mercury in the 10th & 9th house respectively. We both moved away from our birth towns in an early age. She had to move because of her father, I moved and travelled a lot due to studies. She was ostracized by her dad's community (family). I was ostracized by teachers, other students and people from the places I travelled to.

🌬️Chiron in 12th house

These natives might have fears surrounding foreign lands. They could suffer from a lot of addictions or are prone to addictions. They also suffer from a lot of psychic attacks and nightmares. Could suffer from rumours being spread about them. They could feel isolated from the rest of the world. They might have been raised in an adoption centre. Orphaned. Could suffer from depression or anxiety. Might have witness many deaths of their loved ones. Could have separation anxiety or abandonment issues. Be careful of alcohol & drugs or any kind.

ex: Michael Jackson had this placement. He was addicted to numerous drugs and allegedly overdosed on propofol. Amy Winehouse, The Weeknd, Demi Lovato & Lindsay Lohan also have this placement.

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Thanks for reading!

@northopalshore

***entertainment only, reader discretion is advised ****

[rewritingcanon]

i’ve seen relationship therapists and psychologists analyse hermione and ron’s relationship and conclude that they wouldn’t work out in the long run. they’ve argued for hermione to be with harry, krum, even DRACO (don’t understand how a counsellor can vow for canon dramione but alright) as an alternative partner for hermione since ron is “too insecure” to be with her and match her intelligent prowess or what have you.

i seriously don’t understand this sentiment. ron and hermione genuinely seem (almost) perfect to me, maybe not in the movies (a common denominator of people who don’t like romione is that they always cite evidence from the movies, since the films took a lot away from ron’s character and his growth), but definitely in the books.

looking at ron’s insecurities, a lot of people dredge his inferiority complex up to toxic masculinity primarily, when it was more explored how it was an effect of his home life (not gonna argue toxic masculinity wasn’t a factor, they’re teenagers in the 90s written by a pretty misogynistic woman so…). he was the youngest son out of how many children? all of his older brothers were brilliant in some way. bill was an extremely gifted spellcaster, charlie was gifted with magical beasts, percy’s academic score was unmatched, and fred and george (despite their trouble) were entrepreneurial inventor-geniuses. ron, on the other hand, was quite literally born a disappointment to his mother, who conceived him specifically because she wanted a daughter, whilst ginny was born her favourite (though, even then, ginny was gifted at quidditch). ron was mediocre in every sense of the word, and his two best friends were harry (one of the most famous wizards) and hermione (the smartest witch of her age yada yada). and i’ve seen people argue that harry was more welcomed by molly into the weasley household than ron ever was. this isn’t even mentioning the amount of bullshit he copped for being poor (people always downplay the blow to confidence being in poverty can have on a person who is constantly surrounded by people who not only have more, but look down on him for simply being unlucky as to not have what they do).

so yeah, ron was an envious kid, but he was that way not because he was an evil patriarchal conception but because he was lowkey neglected. and even then he was overall an extremely devoted and loyal friend to both harry and hermione, because he did genuinely love them.

there were many moments of ron standing up for hermione that was cut from the films, not as a guy who was romantically interested in her, but as a friend. ron arguing with snape for making hermione cry is one of my fav scenes in the books ru kidding me, and in the movies he AGREED with snape RU KIDDING ME. not to mention how ron was a sobbing violent mess when hermione was getting tortured in the last book, whereas he wasn’t nearly as bothered in the films. and the films cut out harry being a dick to ron about his familial concerns (in dh), so when ron left it seemed like a random dickish move over his jealousy towards harry and hermione’s relationship.

there’s also a million moments where they minimised ron’s usefulness in the books for comedic purposes (forbidden forest with aragog, troll scene, devils snare scene) so ron seems dumber than he is. like, he’s actually smart and a really good spellcaster…. in the books.

so simply by stating this most of the arguments against romione become void. “he’s too stupid/weak for her” simply not true. “he’s a terrible friend who doesn’t stand up for her” also not true. “he’s too insecure to have made a move on her,” yes, but given the context i don’t think people would freak on about ron’s upbringing, i think many would be more understanding, especially considering his growth. even if he wasn’t insecure, hermione is beyond incredible and is bound to make anyone nervous when pursuing her (not an excuse for ron to act like a dick, but it does explain a lot where the movies don’t). “they argue too much” they bump heads, none of the arguments they have are actually super damning, with the exception of ron leaving in deathly hallows.

maybe i’ve covered everything (excluding the abhorrent amount of classism that clouds people’s judgments around how they view ron when harping about how hermione deserves better? hopefully).

now, i know people won’t like me mentioning the cursed child, but i’m going to considering we actually get an insight of their life as a longterm married couple there. a lot of ron stans hated how ron was the only character that wasn’t doing something incredible. harry was head of the aurors, ginny was a famous quidditch player retired to a famous journalist, neville was a hogwarts professor, hermione was quite literally minister on magic. and ron…. ran the joke shop with george.

and i think this was almost the perfect route to go down for ron. because he was average, and was perfectly fine with just being average. hello?? that speaks leagues of growth for his character. he’s supportive of hermione’s work, he grounds her when she gets too caught up in being the literal president of wizarding society, and he still viciously defends her, minister or not. in fact, he’s proud to simply be known as hermione’s husband because he doesn’t feel the need to prove to anyone else his worth. the people he loves most know his worth, hermione never downplays or underestimates him, they are complete equals in the relationship in every single way that matters. they kept ron’s best qualities whilst making him seem more of a healed person. they work so well as a married couple without it seeming like mischaracterisation (not to mention the cursed child literally shows how those two are in love in every reality, so there quite literally can’t be a better partner for hermione or ron according to canon).

so i really don’t understand how professional relationship counsellors can go online and denounce it. probs because they only watched the movies, but it’s 2023 and ron stans should not STILL be fighting for their lives trying to defend him from people who simply don’t consume media with as much depth (which is fine, but one should clarify if they’re talking about the movies because i’ve seen people state they’re talking about the hp BOOKS when it’s simply just…. the films). anyways. romione on top, thanks to coming to my ted talk.

[cosmichorrorlesbians]

new Silt Verses ep was so incredibly good and there's so much to talk about but I keep coming back to Sibling Rane.

I think Jon and Muna do a great job of making even minor characters feel distinctive and resonant with the main cast, and the disciples of the various faiths are one of the places this shows most strongly. The disciples of the Trawlerman are the people Faulkner has made himself responsible for and as early as Chapter 22 a thread develops that many of them are naïve, and young, and almost comedically earnest.

And yet, at the same time, these 'children' are part of-- at the forefront of, even-- Faulkner's acquistion of power within the Parish. In the same episode, Thurrocks accurately articulates both the depth of the faith they have in him and the result to which it is already leading.

So. Young members of the faith as (at least superficially) earnestly artless and yet having a dangerously fervent power of belief. Rane, when we meet them in Chapter 30, seems like another genuine and ardent neophyte.

They're eager and conscientious and I half expected them (like Jasp) to last less than two episodes. But they become a quiet background voice to Faulkner's downward spiral. They take on administrative tasks, attending to Roemont when he visits the Gulch, and-- increasingly-- becoming an emotional and social anchor for Faulkner as he slides into depression.

Rane doesn't seem to be a born diplomat. Earnest. Naïve. Clumsy. But I think that ambiguity the stage directions draw out is interesting. Is Rane really so ingenuous? Are they 'pretend[ing]'? They've taken on so much responsibility for the faith, smoothing over awkwardnesses, arranging things in the background, organising transport and supplies while Faulkner broods. Is it earnest? Pragmatic? Both?

I think it's very easy to read Rane as having unreciprocated romantic feelings towards Faulkner. I certainly do. Their devotion shades into excess, and in the moments where the pair seem to engage almost as equals, like the car ride in Chapter 38, there's this real sense of simultaneous shared joy and an underlying desire on Rane's part to 'get Faulkner's attention' and prove themself worthy of it. To impress him.

This Chapter sees Faulkner experience a dark night of the soul. He's already depressed to the point of suicidal ideation, detached from his surroundings and utterly anhedonic. He's clearly not equipped to acknowledge or accept love from others, romantic or platonic. This episode is about caring for someone who is fundamentally disconnected from you, who will never see things the way you do but must be loved and kept safe nonetheless. It's also where Rane saves Faulkner's life.

Rane, acting as caretaker, quietly reverses the established power dynamic of their relationship. Faulkner's attempted drowning directly parallels his childhood experience of conversion as recounted in Series 1. He becomes the lost, frightened child in their dynamic.

This speech obviously underlines Faulkner's insecurities, his youth, and the validity of his prophetic status as "chosen". We know he's engineered and manipulated his own glorification.

But it also draws attention to how Rane acts as a parallel to Faulkner. Faulkner, when we first meet him, seems precisely this enthusiastic if inept younger disciple. 'Was I like that?' he asks himself about Thurrocks. Maybe he was once. Because we see the same kind of darkness surface in Rane. As Faulkner clearly no longer cares if he lives or dies, they take on more and more of the unspoken burden of leadership.

They 'stage-manage'. They become the structural surety at the heart of the myth of Faulkner, putting in his hard work, handing him his kelp wreath, shoring up his crumbling facade. They recognise the gap between what he is and what his people want him to be, what they need him to be.

'It will be different when it's written'. Did Faulkner trip, or was he shoved? Does it even matter? We don't truly know whether Rane has taken the wheel as the endgoal of some Machiavellian scheme, or as a decision of pure pragmatism motivated by their faithful zeal, or out of desperate, genuine, self-deluding care for Faulkner, but is it important?

Faulkner isn’t just made up of Faulkner any more. Rane is being quietly assimilated into his legend. 'When it's written', I doubt they'll be much more than a footnote in his story. But I would also dispute whether High Prophet Faulkner isn't substantially a creation of unnoticed, unappreciated Sibling Rane.

[chewnotchoke]

i see beauty in everything you do - h.taesan

requested by anon!

warnings: taesan x fem!reader, reader has low self-esteem, mentions of insecurities, model!taesan x camera shy!reader, extrovert taesan x homebody reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

word count: 1.5k

taesan took you out on a date and it lingered a lot of convincing before he finally persuaded you. you weren’t one who’s fond of taking pictures, going out for a walk, or discovering new places. you were more like a homebody with quite a low self-esteem. your boyfriend, on the other hand, defies the law of harmony—a model, the complete opposite of you.

taesan exudes an ethereal presence. his gaze, piercing and enigmatic; his silhouette, a living canvas adorned with the latest creations of the world's most visionary designers. he was perfect, and from the two years of dating him up to this day, you couldn’t fathom how can one so flawless be in love with you.

“would the art gallery be a good choice?” he asks, making sure you wouldn’t feel even the slightest discomfort like an itch you couldn’t scratch. “hm, yeah. sure!” you timidly answer, knowing that you probably won’t take even a single shot of a picture. he only gives you a reassuring smile. “alright, i’ll make a reservation now.”

taesan knows of it too, he’s your boyfriend after all. he knows of the doubts whispering in your head, and the gloom taking over the landscape of your mind. but he never forgets to reassure you and cheer your spirits up. affirming you with words comes out naturally to him like he was born to praise you, every feature of you. but like the loser you are, you couldn’t help but question if he really means it, or if he’s just saying it because he’s tired of your insecure ass.

“no one could ever be prettier than you.” is what he would always say.

upon arriving at the entrance of the art gallery, your eyes wandered around the people who were there as well. taesan makes sure you don’t cover your pretty face so he tried to stop you from wearing a mask today. you got dolled up for your date, but you still think you didn’t look the best. taesan clasped his fingers onto yours before walking inside the place.

you were welcomed with frames of emotion in picture form hung on the white-washed wall. it felt like the artists were speaking through your soul. you felt a rush of exhilaration and taesan noticed how your gaze were filled wonder, as if the stars themselves had descended to illuminate your eyes.

“you like it here?” you obviously do, but you still answered him “yes! it’s good we went here…” taesan placed a kiss on the top of your head. it wasn’t a while after that moment when a middle-aged woman walked up to you and said, “i think you’re prettier than those paintings.” she left with a smile, and also left you confused.

you looked at taesan, “was she talking about me?” his eyes scanned you up and down, full of adoration, before telling you that the woman was indeed talking about you. you didn’t take it seriously, thinking she must have mistaken you for someone else.

you marched to the next frame and took pleasure in the painting in front of you. taesan stood behind you as he watched you from behind. he loved how the wonders of existence that stand before him, shone brightly, worthy of honor and esteem. and then you heard the shutter of the camera, catching you off-guard. you saw the device on your boyfriend’s hand and ran up to him, asking him to show you the photo. “here, you look pretty.” he says.

“yeah, because it isn’t showing my face.”

“you still do even when it doesn’t.”

while taking a look at your photo, another stranger came up to the two of you with a smile beaming on their face, a lady who’s about the same age as you. before coming, you were prepared with how some people would probably notice your model boyfriend, and so you weren’t surprised anymore if women suddenly surrounded him and asked for his picture.

you thought this lady was the same, she has long legs, big eyes, and a bright smile ‘she looks like taesan’s type.’ you stepped away, giving them space just in case but the lady walked in your same direction and said, “hey! i love your makeup! did you do it yourself?”

you hesitated before answering in case she wasn’t referring to you, but her eyes were glued on you, making you flustered. “uh, yeah! i did my makeup today…”

“girl, you look hella nice!” she waved and left with a smile flashed on her face and did not even bat an eye at your boyfriend, and you knew she really was referring to you. taesan comes over to you, watching your cheeks turn crimson, and cupped your face with his palms.

“my girlfriend really sure is stunning.” you fanned your face, not used to receiving compliments pouring like a rain shower, one after the other. the two of you decided to take a quick rest after all the walking around the room.

“babe, can you take a photo of me? i’ll have to post it on instagram.”

“sure!” taesan posed naturally in front of the frame, making it hard to distinguish which one was a work of art. you looked through the screen with his face on it. taesan’s features were a perfect blend of symmetry and beauty, framed by meticulously styled hair that catches the light with every turn of his head.

his poses exude confidence and charisma no wonder countless brands reach out to him. you have always been a supportive girlfriend and were there for every shoot and schedule he had. you often watch the cameras flash, capturing him in a moment of timeless elegance that will grace the pages of magazines and fashion blogs nationwide.

and there you were, like a shadow lurking in the background fed with comparison, and self-doubt. insecurity wrapped around you like an invisible cloak. but taesan was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for because always brought out the best in you. he’s always there to assure you that there will never be a threat enough to make your palms sweat. in everyone’s eyes, especially in his, you have always been beautiful.

“y/n’s pretty much my muse. she carries an effortless grace that never fails to take my breath away. when it’s just the two of us, her beauty is almost overwhelming, and her beauty stands out above everyone else. when she’s curled in the couch reading a book, or walking downstairs in her pajamas with a messy bun, there’s just an effortless charm to everything she does. if only she could see herself through my eyes, she would know how much she carries a natural charm that touches my heart with warmth and grace. i wish she’s aware that in those moments where she looks at me with unwavering pure love, i know that i’m the luckiest man alive for having the privilege to call her my ‘girlfriend’.” taesan once mentioned you in one of his interviews that you never knew of.

after taking a few shots of photos, taesan invites you to take a photo together. “come here, let me brag about you on my insta too!” you hesitated at first, but you could see in his eyes how much he wanted to capture this moment with you. you barely take photos of yourself but when you do, it’s either always your side profile showing subtle features of yours, or you facing behind. it’s different when you’re with taesan, after all, he brings out the best in you.

you saw this kid, his height barely reaching taesan’s torso, staring at you for a while now. “noona, i can take a photo of you and your boyfriend.” he offers. both you and taesan lightly laughed before handing your phone to the young boy. it’s always during this time when you get self-conscious of smiling in front of others.

“hyung, i want to have a beautiful girlfriend like yours when i grow up.” when the kid caught you smiling from his comment, he took the chance to click the button and take the picture. the photo went out pretty well and you were kinda satisfied, at least your boyfriend looks good. the kid walked closer to the two of you and taesan crouched down to pat his head. “right? but what should we do? i don’t think you can find someone as pretty as her?” taesan teased.

the young boy looks up to you and said, “noona, i hope you know your boyfriend is proud of having you, as much as you’re proud of having him.” then he went back to his parents who were waiting for him with their lips curled. the multiple compliments you got today overwhelmed you in a good way, and you have never felt so good about yourself. you stood in silence, while taesan subtly grips your hand.

“did you hear that? i love you, y/n. and i’m so in love with you.” he pushes the strands of your hair behind your ears before leaning in, gently brushing his lips into yours. there is more beauty in the touch of his lips than in every fashion magazine ever printed. “now let’s go have dinner, shall we?” you agreed and walked together to the exit.

as you approach the exit, a small piece of paper falls from your back unnoticeably.

and there wrote, “please compliment my girlfriend! she deserves all the nice things in the world! -by his loving bf, taesan.”

i hope you guys loved this one! also, sorry anon if it took quite a while! pls give me your thoughts abt this short fic! enjoyed writing this one please give taesan to Me .

[tigerpearlsworld]

Pick a card

( Why can't you find love ....where is the lack ? )

Before you chose the cards know that this is a general pick a card. There are infinite energies in the universe and the energies if align with your stars will guide you to my reading. So, welcome. Know that you can only chose one card. This pick a card is meant for your soul not for you to resonate but for you to realize when you get the message and truth in time. To pick a card you must follow your hearts tug and instinct and look deep within each image something about yourself rather than what you want it to be Breathe in and Breathe out, light a candle/ incense, meditate to the beating of your heart and let every thoughts come through and accept what is coming in your heart and then light and form a picture in your heart as you close your eyes and meditate in yourself. After that when you open your eyes choose the image where your heart calls for the most and remember your heart is your guide not your brain so.....

Sorry if my english is bad.

To those who chose the pile to know the answers of your love and its fate, i pray to the stars to bless you with pure energy and to give you strength.

Choose the pile :

Pile 1 : Eclipse, Pile 2 : Bondage, Pile 3 : Sheep

The reading starts...

Pile 1 :

Words which are coming for you as i start the reading of pile 1 are ( Searching, worry/anxious, gullible, sleep paralysis, haunted, support, sleep, protection, flow, knowledge )

Vibes : to take charge or be in control

Cards : ( 6 of wands Rx, Ace of cups, King of wands, 7 of pentacles, Death, Knight of wands )

I see in the strings of fate weaving your story in matters of heart and finding your love, i see struggle. No matter if you are good looking and very much desired and people fight over you but when it comes to you wanting a place to rest in someone else's heart you see yourself alone. Yes you get compliments yes you are envied but you have insecurities which are also in the compliments you get from people. I see in your heart space you long towards finding your sun, your king or queen but it feels impossible. All the choices you find are never to the satisfaction of yourself or the people who surround you as friends, family and supporters. At times you can get manipulative without even knowing and later on realizing you find it hard to admit. You like to be coddled but you also want to independent and be respected in matters of your craft.

I see that from early on in life you don't have the greatest of choices in people as your significant partner. In most times the choices you spare and give chances don't do you the same favor when the table turns in their favor. You are treated as the main girl but as time passes you feel that you lost your shine and spark with the so person you once enjoyed sharing with.

In your lack i don't see you having the scarcity of having no options but its more like after you get the man or woman you want, things just begin to spiral down. The question which comes is "So, what now?" you are a freedom seeking soul in heart yet you also crave the loyalty of a person to follow you in that adventures with you and that is hard.... because no one wants to follow your path. I see your fate in love is a hard one and one more like a sailor who is in a mission to find the one piece. i see that you wont be able to meet the love of your life in the region you were born, no.... you will have to cross oceans as in cross distances and have to go through a lot of internal death and soul transformation where you learn not to repeat the old cycle of habits then and only then you will cross path with your true love.

Your fate in love is a penance you must do, because if not, the heat of either your flames or your partner will burn the relationship and make the partner go blind or you... I see this heat will even cause the loop of chase and runner happening between you and your partner and if worse goes to worse there is also possibility of affair and unexpected children by your partner out of no where.

i see your fated partner can be a musician or singer, may be more earthy in approaches of medicine and can also be a huge healer. I also see you and your fated partner to share a lot of activities and being adventurous together.

The one message i have for you is don't go blind in rage or hatred. Be in control of your mind and its thoughts and be discipline with yourself in matters of health, food and routine. You may like horror movies or there is a lot of tendency in you to rage but you have to control your anger.... your anger will be your true enemy. Also try to be more in service for others. Lessen your feeling of being a victim and become more motivated towards empowering yourself and bring changes in your lifestyle for good.

the song which came for you during my reading, this may help or resonate with you.

Pile 2 :

Words which are coming for you as i start the reading of pile 2 are (Leader, universe, travel, burning, wishes, identity, punishment, heat, burning, karma)

Vibes : Want to punish the sinner/ Savior mentality / Defender

Cards : ( Knight of pentacles, knight of cups, the hierophant, 2 of wands, the devil, 10 of pentacles, temperance )

In the churning of your cosmos the stars says you are a force to reckon. you are gentle but fierce, kind but stern. you have all the abilities of a leader and people respect if you know or not. there is a sense of directness which you take and anything that comes in front of your speech or goal is not spare at all. I see you have a grandeur about you which you may have not realize till later in your life. I see that you are a very serious person who may not get what you want in life directly so you must grind and work hard for it. I see no obstacle can hold you back and that you are a person with serious loyalty and commitment. I see you crave for someone to dominate you in bed and i see you have wild fantasies with a lot of ideas. I see from younger years you had a sex appeal to you which was not missed by people and sometimes was also used to abuse or shame.

I see the lack you have in matters of love is not something which is missing but something which you have. Your serious undying loyalty is something which is to die for and very remarkable but it also drags you to the bottom of getting used and hurt in the process. I see even if you get abuse and the relationship is over the flames of your love and your loyalty is something which doesn't dies easily. "You love too much" and Once you make a commitment even if you die you wont let the commitment go....it is scary but it is you.

I see that in matter of having men/women you have people offering themselves to you but you don't want something shallow you want something deep, something dark . you want all the good, bad, ugly and worse of a person.

I see in the fate of your love life i see two soulmates or two marriages. There is two stories here it either goes like your first relationship was toxic and abusive but later on you divorced move on with your life ,started all over worked hard on yourself and career and suddenly everything began to get better and you met the love of your life and for every struggle you had early you get rewarded heftily this time

or

Your first relationship you marry the love of your life but something very unexpected happens in marriage which causes lose in some ways but you also gain something like honor, career, money, land, house but even after getting everything you still pay karma to your children and family in some ways. And you keep struggling to find a man who wants you for you and not for what you have in later parts of life. I also see there is a tendency to attract men younger than you.

either way in your fate of love i definitely see long-term marriage but there is karma to pay.

In this life for you what im getting as message to deliver is to not be so serious and be free, let go of self constraint you always put in yourself or you let others put on you. "Let go and be free."

This song was coming for me it was attacking me literally, it has messages i believe

Pile 3 :

Words which are coming for you as i start the reading of pile 2 are ( Connecting, Risking, Curious, Bipolar, Pure, Mutable, cutting, attraction, always questioning always confuse, burning, moving, domestic, wild, temptation, crossing )

Vibes : Taking all the responsibility/ Burning up

Cards: ( The magician, 6 of wands Rx, ace of cups, knight of cups, temperance, 8 of wands, 6 of pentacles )

In matter of your stars i see you are blessed by the heavens and all the angels. you are beautiful and very youthful in spirit. I see you were born with a mission this life time and woman fall easily for you. you have a allure which is very hard to resist. I see your energy is very masculine but at the same time its very feminine. you maybe bipolar, i dont know why but it just came. You may like milk product or your mother or you may even be a vegan or vegetarian by choice.

I see you have a very strong appeal to you and a very high vibrational manifesting power. whatever you dream in heart you can achieve you have that power. As because you're so youthful from inside your soul and heart i see like a child you can distinguish between a bad person and a good person. your judgement is very precise. your fashion is also very precise and on point. you do not like the idea of lack. I also see you like to meet people and engage in different parties, concerts, events, movies. There is a sense of innocence in your sexuality. For some i also see fluidness in gender of not knowing what or who you are truly ( i mean no disrespect, its just im getting the messages. ) for some of you I also see working or contributing to a lot of charity or non- profit organization for children and animal especially even old people. I also see you may find old people and animals cute and adorable.

Now in matters of what is the lack i see you are a natural giver. Yes, you like to give in love with open heart and you are someone who is very direct and honest about your feelings and emotions. But the problem of lack i see is the very nature of you being a giver, you are never satisfied you feel inside you there is this sense telling you to go and share your love and admiration with everyone equally. you are someone who may want to be in relationship but again that bipolar energy doesn't lets you stay in that single frame of devotion. You want to be free and roaming the world with your friends and have fun and accomplish goals and mission in life. The domestic idea in life of relationship although not out of reach for you but keeps you restless and uncomfortable when you're in one for long. There is also this fate where you and your partner just get bore or life in relation becomes mundane so naturally you guys fall apart.

In matter of fate in love if you are the one who wants the love seriously but still you will only encounter people or have people come to you who are either engage, married or in relationship. I see the stereotype of food being the way to heart is true for you as you really are a foodie. In the bedrooms i see you have this mixture of innocence and fire. I also see in matter of love there is a habit of cutting a relationship off without warning unexpectedly.

You may like beaches or sunset or just sun in general so i'll say to take the blessings of the sun and bath in sunlight in morning time also its recommended to do fire rituals and burn incense for purity of mind and soul.

A song which came to me when i was channeling this piles energy

[dumbkiri]

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐖 𝐁𝐘

𝗕𝗮𝗸𝘂𝗴𝗼 𝗞𝗮𝘁𝘀𝘂𝗸𝗶 𝘅 𝗙𝗲𝗺!𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

This is an AU where all characters are adults and have families!

“I wanna love you for the rest of my life.” 

He declared so lovingly with his hands holding his wife gently. 

The two of them danced under the moonlight and stars with silent looks from the audience surrounding the both of them. Her beautiful white dress swayed side to side as the two of them moved to the slow melody playing in the background. 

She gave him a sweet smile and removed her hand off his shoulder to caress his face. The words she returned to him made his heart flutter, “Forever and always, Katsuki.” 

He leaned forward and kissed her lips for the hundredth time that night. She felt so warm and real in this moment of his dream. He never wanted to leave knowing what awaited him when he awoke, so he remained in her arms for a bit longer. 

He forgot about his real world problems and indulged in this heavenly dream with the love of his life. She gave him everything he ever wanted. Children that were born with incredible quirks and their best features combined. A house that they built together for their growing family. 

But all good things come to an end eventually. 

“Do you miss me, Katsuki?” She looked up at him with a disappointed expression, her [e.color] eyes dulling out. 

He faltered, but replied, “Of course, I do. I miss you every time I look at our children. Katsumi looks more like you, but Hiro has your personality. When he gets mad, the earth beneath his feet cracks.”

He chuckled at the memory of Hiro’s shocked expression, then the seven year old apologizing profusely for the damage done in the dining room before he stomped away. 

“But he was rightfully mad, was he not?” 

Katsuki’s smile morphed into a frown as he returned his sad gaze to his wife knowing what she was talking about, “It was a misunderstanding, [Name].” 

“He saw you kiss another woman, a woman that isn’t his mother,” She responded quickly as she pulled away from him. Her eyes looked down at the floor and she held herself together, he knew she did this when she felt insecure. 

He wanted her not to feel that way. She was his wife, not some-

“I’m missing, not dead.” 

His heart clenched at the reminder of her situation. 

“You stopped looking for me so you could start a new relationship with someone else. Of course, it has to be with our children’s teacher, huh?” 

She looked up at him and her sad glare poked a huge hole into his heart. 

“Just because you stopped looking doesn’t mean Hiro has. He doesn’t understand what happened with that villain. All he knows is that you came home without me. Now two years go by and he sees you kissing his teacher. Wouldn’t his anger be justified because he never lost hope in finding me?” 

Of course, it’s justified. But Camie kissed him, he didn’t initiate it. He couldn’t because all he could think about was his missing wife. All he could think about was how wrong it felt to touch another woman.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head, “I…I don’t love her, not like I love you.”

Then [Name] inhaled through her nose and said, “But you’re starting to. You don’t need to lie to me and you certainly don’t need to hide this from Hiro. He will understand when you give him time. Don’t let our boy grow up to hate you because you started loving a different woman. Let him understand why you stopped looking for me and why you’re settling for Camie.”

He was settling for Camie as harsh as it sounded, but the truth lied in your sentence. 

“I meant what I said, loving you for the rest of my life,” He took a step toward her with his hands reaching out to her pretty face. 

He held her with a loose grip then he rested his forehead against hers and said, “But our children need a mother. I can’t raise them on my own. Can you forgive me?”

He felt her tears touch his rough hands and he clenched his teeth to hold back his own. He waited for those words, remembering how this dream always ended in heartbreak. But her cruel words never came, instead she gave him a different answer. Not the one his mind usually came up with. 

“Please don’t stop searching for me.”

The way his heart jumped in surprise had him pull back, looking into her [e.color] eyes that had tears pouring down her cheeks like a waterfall. 

She held onto his hands and desperately said, “I’m missing, Katsuki. Don’t lose hope, I need you to keep looking for me. I want to come home.” 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This answer had been extremely different from the one she always gave him. He can remember word by word why she couldn’t forgive him, but now…she begged him to keep looking for her. 

“[Name], is this- Where are you?” 

The urge to ask that question to her felt strong and she shook her head, “I won’t be able to tell you, but I’m closer than you think. So please, keep looking. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I want to come home to you and our beautiful children.”

Her begging made him feel even more guilty for letting Camie kiss him. Then there was another issue that made his blood boil. She mentioned the villain that took her away. His guilt and his anger never mixed well together, it only made him more emotional seeing his wife so vulnerable. 

Katsuki breathed heavily and pulled her into his strong arms with a kiss planted on the crown of her head. 

She looked up at him through his hold and spoke, but her words could not be heard. Her lips moved, yet no sound entered his ears. He lost his hearing in a crucial moment and like a ripple in the water, she moved away from him. 

…

“Hey, old man, it’s morning already.” 

Katsuki woke up from his dream, hearing the voice of his grumpy 13 year old boy. 

Now Hiro looked like Katsuki, inheriting the spiky blonde hair and sharp eyes, but his eyes were the color of his mother’s. The boy glared at his father when he received no response from the man and said mockingly, “Don’t you have a ‘meeting’ with my teacher? She wouldn’t stop talking about it last week.” 

Katsuki groaned and sat up in the bed, his spiky hair unruly like always. His red eyes focused on his son as he blinked the sleep away. 

“I do, but it’s really just a meeting.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Hiro rolled his eyes and moved away from the door shouting, “Katsumi and I are going out with some friends to the park while you have this meeting. Then we’re going to grandparent’s house for dinner.” 

“It’s not like that, brat!” Katsuki shouted back, gripping the bed sheets tightly as he growled out. 

Then he heard his children getting ready to leave the house with no snappy remark from Hiro. 

He rolled his shoulders and neck feeling the pops in his sore muscles. His eyes roamed the master bedroom and thought back to his dream with his wife. 

She begged him to keep looking for her. 

Yeah, he admitted that he did lose hope in finding her. Two years felt like forever without his sunshine and raising kids that looked and acted like her had been rough on his mental state. 

Nevertheless, he needed to grow up and be a better father to them. They already lost their mother, they can’t afford to lose him too. 

As Katsuki was getting ready for the parent teacher conference about Hiro and Katsumi, he heard his children down the hall speaking amongst themselves. Hiro, as usual, didn’t have the need to quiet down his tone while Katsumi tried her best to get her brother to speak softly. 

“Did you really see dad kiss her?” 

“Of course I did,” Hiro bit back, hurt that his sister doubted him. 

Katsumi quickly replied to Hiro in a hushed whisper, “Whoa, hey! Not so loudly, Hiro~ Dad could be-” 

“Good, he should be listening,” Hiro jabbed then moved on to say, “Dad kissed my teacher. Now all she does is gush about how ‘attractive’ he is to other teachers. You know how awkward it is to walk down the hall while our classmates talk about dad cheating on mom? She’s not dead, Sumi. She’s missing.” 

Katsuki heard Katsumi sigh and sadly say, “Yeah, I know. But you’ve seen how dad is…angry and lonely almost every day. Mom…made him very happy back then, so who cares if he’s looking for companionship to fill that hole in his heart.”

“We should care,” Hiro snapped back, “Our mom is out there suffering with a villain. We’re suffering because we miss her. You and I are coping by relying on each other, dad can do the same.”

“I don’t think so,” Katsumi sighed and said, “He can’t even look at me, probably because I look like mom so much. I haven’t seen him smile at me since her kidnapping. He looks at me with regret and you look at me differently too.” 

“What?” Hiro asked, surprised by his sister’s claim, “No, I don’t.” 

“Don’t lie to me!” Katsumi snapped back, her temper just as bad as Katsuki’s when he was younger. 

Katsuki heard Hiro fumble with his words and shook his head at his son’s response. 

“Well sure, it’s hard to look at you, you literally look like mom! But that doesn’t mean-” 

“You two are the worst! It’s not my fault I look like her!” 

Katsuki heard his daughter storm down the stairs and shut the front door loudly, announcing her departure. Then he heard the frustrated mumbles from Hiro, the boy stomping down the stairs and angrily putting his shoes on. 

“Stupid sister,” Hiro grumbled, grabbing something by the door, “she forgot to put her shoes on.” 

Then his son slammed the front door after himself. 

Katsuki took a deep breath in and thought about his children’s conversation with each other. He didn’t think Camie would talk about their budding relationship to other teachers. Didn’t know their classmates whispered about their family. 

Then there was the situation with Katsumi. 

He hated to admit it, but his daughter spoke the truth. Katsuki hadn’t smiled at her in the last two years, not even over her accomplishments. He couldn’t hold a long conversation with her or lock eyes with her. 

But he heard her stories through his mother. 

Coming to a conclusion on how to fix his relationship with his children, Katsuki pulled his phone from his pocket and messaged his mother:

I will be joining for dinner as well. 

Who invited you? 

Does it matter? 

Just know that I’m coming over. 

Gotta talk to the kids about their mother.

Do not drag me into your mess! 

My grandchildren see me as a trusted guardian.

This is serious, old hag. You’re going to moderate the conversation. 

I’m clearly biased, brat! You kissed Hiro’s teacher while still married!

Did you even think about how [Name] would feel?

She’s missing, not dead.

“I’m missing, not dead.” 

His wife’s words from the dream played back as he read his mother’s message to him. 

Yeah, he knows that. But he can’t help the urge to fill the hole in his heart just like how Hiro can’t help acting out against him. They all have different and unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

Yeah, I did. I’m not going to deny it. But I don’t love Camie, she’s just there. 

He didn’t get an immediate response and he stood at the door waiting as patiently as he could. His foot thumped on the floorboard while his bottom lip was between his teeth. 

Then three message popped up instantly:

If you say one thing that I don’t like… I will kick you out of my house. No one hurts my grandbabies!

He smiled at her response and messaged her: I know.

……

Katsuki ignored the stares he received from other teachers and parents that he passed by in the hall. His hands were tucked into his jacket and clenched up from this unwanted attention. God, he felt small from their judgemental stares. He could hear their stupid whispers and he wanted nothing more to yell at them. 

“Hey, dad,” Katsumi called out to him with her head down, “you don’t have to visit my teacher if you don’t want to. My grades are totally fine compared to Hiro’s and-” 

“Sumi,” Katsuki sighed and looked to his left, barely catching her off guard with her nickname. He also hasn’t addressed her lovingly in two years and he hopes to fix this burned bridge between him and his daughter. 

“Uh…” He trailed off and looked away from her surprised look. She was the spitting image of [Name] back in their grade school years. 

‘Damn it, get it together and stop looking like a damn sad man!’ He yelled at himself mentally. 

After getting his composure back, he walked up to Katsumi’s classroom and stopped at the door. He swallowed the lump in his throat and kneeled down to meet her height. She ignored his intense stare, but he gently guided her face to look at him. 

Carefully he said, “I care about your grades as much as I do for Hiro’s. I know you won the prize at the science fair beating Izuku’s nerdy son. You worked hard to put that broccoli boy in his place and I’m damn proud of you for doing that. And I’m…sorry that…for everything.”

Stupidly, he couldn’t apologize properly to Katsumi. 

Luckily for him, his daughter understood what he wanted to say. She blinked her tears away and jumped at him, hugging him with a sniffle. She wanted nothing more than to have an actual conversation with her dad. Finally he was owning up to his mistakes and this is all she really wanted from him.

“I forgive you, dad,” She moved away then tilted her head, “but it will take Hiro a lot of convincing to do the same. You really, really hurt him.” 

Katsuki slumped and said, “Yeah, I know. But I want to make it up to you guys. I need to talk to you guys about something, but it’ll be with grandma too. She can keep Hiro calm and-”

Katsumi giggled and shook her head, “You really think grandma will be on your side?”

The man huffed out a frustrated sigh and stood up to his full height, “Your grandma asked me the same thing, but I wormed my way through.” He took Katsumi’s hand in his rough one and said, “Alright, let’s get this meeting done with.” 

…

Katsuki knew of Katsumi’s accomplishments through his mother, yes. But everything his daughter ever achieved made him super proud. She led the classes with confidence, competed for the top spot of the class with a ‘friendly rival’ and everyone loved her. 

He didn’t know Katsumi was popular among her classmates, especially since Hiro mentioned whispers of their family. God, he felt so stupid and regretted ever letting it get so far. 

“Katsuki,” Camie’s voice had a hint of adoration in it, “what a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t sure if you had time for teacher conferences.” Her laugh echoed in the classroom and it caught the attention of the hero’s daughter. 

Katsumi squeezed her father’s hand as they walked into Hiro’s classroom. She looked around the room and it looked sort of like her own classroom with Mr. Fujioka. Her red eyes then landed on the woman that gradually captured the attention of her father. 

She was pretty tall and slim. Her short hair was a caramel color and Katsumi couldn’t deny her beauty. Did Ms. Utsushimi have something similar to her mother or was her father interested because the hole her mother left needed to be filled?

“I’m trying to fix my mistakes and be a better father for my children,” Katsuki grumbled out and walked over to the two chairs in front of Camie’s desk. He led Katsumi to one and sat down after his daughter did. 

Then his red eyes met with Camie’s soft colored ones, “Is there anything I can do to help Hiro boost his grades? I know he’s failing some of his classes.”

Camie cleared her throat and sat down at her desk pulling up a file of Hiro’s school work. She pulled out some tests and showed the red marks on most of the questions. Then the teacher licked her lips before she explained, 

“Hiro is smart, much like his sister,” Camie compared Hiro’s old work to his current school work, “He would have been in the same class as Katsumi and Sora this year and last year, but I’m sorry to bring this up as it is a touchy topic. His grades started dropping the moment his mother went missing.”

Katsuki already guessed that. 

“Figures,” He mumbled under his breath and shook his head, “I’ll talk to him about his work. Thank you for this.” 

Katsumi stood up from her chair and watched her dad do the same. 

Quickly Camie followed suit and brushed her hair from her face, “If you really want to help Hiro out, you have to tell him to leave the work to the heroes.”

“Huh?” Katsuki gave Camie a sideways glance then turned his body towards her, “What are you talking about?” 

Camie looked down at a nervous Katsumi then back to the father, “Your kids are actively looking for their mother along with Sora. They’ve been talking about the Market and how they can find her in that group.” 

Oh hell no. His confusion immediately turned into a protective anger. 

Katsuki spun around to question his daughter with an angry scowl on his face, “The hell are you guys doing, huh? Do you know what the Market is capable of?” 

“Dad, we-” 

“They hurt children like you!” Katsuki spat then grabbed Katsumi’s shoulders in a death grip, “The Market is a group of villains that should be left for the heroes to deal with, not a dumb trio like the three of you. Do you understand me, Katsumi?” 

The little girl couldn't look her dad in the eyes, not when he looked so mad. He wasn’t even going to listen to her. 

“Katsumi,” Katsuki growled out and shook her a bit to make her look him in the eyes. Then he crouched down and used one of his hands to force her to do so. 

“They kidnap little girls and little boys with powerful quirks like you and your brother,” His eyes flashed with a dangerous warning, “then those kids are sold to the highest bidder. For months, these bidders do whatever they want to these children before they make them fight one another. The ones that lose a fight are disposed of. Do you want to end up in a ditch like them? Katsumi, I asked you a question!” 

“No!” Katsumi cried, tears shining in her red eyes.

The sight of her tears softened up Katsuki’s flaring rage and he pulled her into a hug. He rubbed his hand up and down her back to soothe her, but she kept on crying. He went too far in scolding her and scaring her, but everything he said about the Market was true. He needed her to recognize the danger in trying to find a group like that. 

Katsuki picked her up into his arms and held her gently, looking over at Camie, “We’re leaving.” 

“O-oh, okay,” Camie whispered back and watched the little girl cry in her dad’s arms. The teacher never saw a sight like that before. But she didn’t blame Katsuki for acting out like that. She’s heard the stories and truly fears for her nosy students. 

Children go missing every day, but a lot have been found dead with wounds from various quirks. She couldn’t imagine any of her students ending up like that. 

She couldn’t imagine how Katsuki would react if one of his children ended up the same way. 

……

Hiro’s head hurt a lot. 

The last thing he could remember is walking to his grandma’s house after Katsumi messaged him saying that the conferences just ended. Now his location remained a mystery to him.

 Fear slowly creeped up his back, but he had to stay focused. Fear blinds all the other senses that could help him out in this situation. 

While sitting up, his body felt extremely tired and worn out. His [e.color] eyes looked around his surroundings, but only darkness covered him. 

“What the hell is going on?” He questioned quietly. 

‘Krttzzz!’

A bright flash blinded him and he blinked his eyes to get used to the light that shone on his body. 

A flatscreen tv hung on the wall with the word ‘Welcome’ appeared on the screen. Then a robotic voice spoke to him through the speakers giving him orders, 

“The drug will wear off in a few moments and once your system returns to normal you will go beyond the door to show off your quirk. If you do not comply, you will be terminated.” 

Hiro pushed himself off the floor and the pain in his head gradually went away while he asked himself a million questions. 

He had been drugged. 

He needed to display his quirk once the door behind him opened. 

If he doesn’t follow this order, he will be…killed?

“My dad said that the survivor from the Market is pretty messed up. Said that the boy used his quirk to kill other kids, kids that the heroes found all over Japan in alleys or abandoned places,” Sora's voice echoed in his head.

The door slid open with a swoosh and Hiro’s shoulders sagged in disbelief, “Oh, fuck me.” 

[underoospeterparker]

hi! Im not quite sure if your requests are open at the moment, but I was wondering if you could possibly write a Poly! Marauders x reader? Maybe where the reader talks a lot and is ignored by parents and friends of is yelled at often for small nervous habits they do unconsciously? You don't have to ofc!

Love ur work!!

hi guys! i've been inactive for a while, trying to focus on schoolwork and things, but now i have some time so i thought i would write something! i'm sorry if i didn't respond to any requests, ill try to get those done asap. thanks so much! love u guys<3

to anon: ofc! hope i did this one right:) i kind of did it more hurt/comfort cause you guys know i love my comfort trope<3 also if you didn't want it like this, don't hesitate to send me another req if this was too over the top with the hurt, or you didn't like the tropes:)

warnings: implied and referenced abuse, mention of sirius's past trauma & abuse, feeling not good enough, insecurity, shy!reader, introverted!reader, bruises, hurt/comfort, crying

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"(y/n!)" you snapped out of your daydream, blinking your eyes lazily as your focus adjusted to your surroundings. "ignoring us is not okay, (y/n). you need to tell us why you are behind in your classes. you're not doing good enough. we need you to stop getting distracted and focus on your work." your dad scolded you.

"argus, don't you think you're being a bit too rough on her?" your mother said quietly. "i'm sure she's doing her-"

"eleanor, don't interrupt me," your dad said quietly. that shut your mother up, and she said nothing else. you felt for her in that moment, being trapped in a relationship where she couldn't say anything, couldn't voice her own opinions because they would get shut down every single time.

it scared you to think of ever being in a marriage like theirs. because of your parents, you had trust issues, and you didn't think you could let anyone into your heart because of how your parents ended up.

they were high school sweethearts, fell in love at the young age of 16. as a kid, you would look through old boxes in cupboards, filled with old pictures of your mother and father at your age. it was crazy to think that they too fell in love, just like you.

but how their love ended up petrified you. how they thought their love would never end but it did, when you were born. you'd never seen your parents happy, let alone happy together.

playing with your fingers to try and distract yourself from the conversation you were having, you thought of your own relationship with your boyfriends. it was the complete opposite of your parents. they were comforting, respectful, caring and they always loved you no matter what.

your thoughts were interrupted by your father's voice. "for god's sake, stop fidgeting like that!" he yelled, and grabbed your wrists tightly, making you flinch. you could already feel the bruises forming.

"i'm sorry. i'll work harder," you murmured, eyes focused on the floor. you couldn't meet their eyes. you knew you were a disappointment to them. it just hurt too much to even look at them.

THE NEXT DAY

hogwarts was made for gifted witches and wizards. although you were relatively smart, you had to work really hard to get good grades, as opposed to some of your friends who barely studied and still managed to get exceptional grades. it infuriated you.

you had managed to convince two of your friends to help you study, as they were really good at astronomy.

at the library, you were excitedly telling your friends about a new book you were reading. you continued, a huge smile on your face, saying, "and so then, the she finally gets together with him, and it's just so dreamy and i-"

"oh my god, (y/n)! are you done?" your friend snapped at you. she looked extremely annoyed at you, and once you glanced at the clock you saw that you'd only been speaking for a few minutes. you didn't get why she had to be so annoyed with you. you didn't do anything wrong, did you?

your smile dissolved, and you quietly said, "yeah."

your friend then proceeded to tell you guys about her new relationship with cedric, who you didn't care about in the least. "i'm just gonna go up to the dormitories," you said quietly, excusing yourself. your friends didn't even notice your departure.

what kind of friends were they? they hurt your feelings, always making you feel worthless, just like your parents. your boyfriends had told you they were both wastes of time but you had ignored them.

'where are they, anyways?' you thought to yourself as you looked around for your boyfriends. you needed them right now. tears pooled behind your lash line as you thought about what had happened.

you felt almost guilty for wanting to see your boyfriends. you didn't want them to pity you, and so you went up to your dormitory, which was completely empty at this early hour. falling face flat onto your bed, you finally let your tears fall.

a few minutes later, you heard a knock at the door, then a soft, "baby? are you in there?" it sounded like james, and you sobbed quietly at his voice, at the comfort it brought you even without seeing him.

"c'mon, let us in," remus said through the door.

"please?" sirius chimed in. "if you don't, we'll feed you to the rats."

"pads!" james whisper-screamed. "why would you say that?"

you smiled. they could easily cheer you up, even just their voices.

you grabbed your wand off the bedside and undid the lock on the door. your boyfriends came bursting in, not expecting the sudden movement, and they caught sight of you on your bed.

"oh, sweetheart," rem said softly.

making his way over to you, he pulled you into his lap and your legs encircled his waist. you let your head fall into his chest and his hand came up to smooth your hair. "shhh," he cooed into your ear. "it's okay."

jamie was already on the other side of you, thumb stroking your palm, already warming you up. you winced slightly as his thumb pressed on your bruise from yesterday.

siri sat on the bed opposite you, and his eyes darkened protectively when he saw the bruises lining your wrists. "pup, what's this?"

for a second you were confused, then you realised what he was talking about. your eyes grew wide as you said, "it's nothing, siri, I promise." you knew about his past, you didn't want to bring it up and have him do something he would regret.

"no, sweetheart," sirius put a finger under your chin, tilting your head so your eyes could meet his. "who did this to you?"

your eyes filled with tears and the anger on his face softened, but he was still inquisitive. "dad," you mumbled under your breath. "but it wasn't his fault, i was being a brat, and-" your tears came back full force, and you whispered, "and i'm not good enough for them." you laughed wetly, then continued. "my friends ignore me. they probably think I'm stupid and useless. i don't deserve to be here. it's all my fault for being friends with them. it's my fault for not working hard enough for my parents."

the boys exchanged a look over your head. their princess, believing she wasn't good enough? well, they couldn't have that.

sirius lifted his hand from your chin to cup your cheek. you leaned against the warmth radiating from his palm, tears still silently flowing down your face. "it's not your fault," he murmured. "it's never your fault. please remember that, baby."

"you deserve everything and more," james said softly.

remus hugged you tightly against his chest. "don't let anyone ever tell you different, princess."

you cried into remus's sweater, letting out everything you'd felt the past few days. they let you cry, knowing it'd be useless to try and get you to stop. you needed a good cry.

"i'm so-"

"don't you dare apologise." sirius's eyes grew serious. "otherwise we're truly feeding you to the rats."

you giggled, hand coming up to wipe your tears but james did it for you himself. they really treated you like their princess.

"i love you guys," you mumbled, sniffling quietly.

their faces softened. "love you too, bug."

[almightyhamslice]

Nabnaleena redesign yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually rlly dislike her role in the games n that makes me so mad because the concept of you having to Frankenstein a mascot together is so fucking cool wtf!!!!!!

So in my Banban Resort AU, Nabnaleena is a totally inert clay doll when the protagonist Marc comes across her. They pick up the doll and unknowingly deform it, before Banban explains Nabnaleena’s purpose to them over loudspeaker! So though they didn’t mean to hurt her, it is Marc’s fault that Nabnaleena is malformed.

Having brought her to life themself, Marc has an unsteady sense of “trust” in Nabnaleena— they don’t know what she’s capable of but they know she’s not coordinated or malicious enough to kill them. Nabnaleena, having just been born, knows nothing of her surroundings and is terrified, hardly able to communicate her distress to others. Unlike Nabnab she has functional vocal cords, but she can’t form words because she has no tongue. She’s able to groan, scream, and gurgle loudly to communicate.

I think Marc and Nabnaleena’s relationship is perhaps similar to How To Train Your Dragon— Nabnaleena is her own person and isn’t willing to be a cooperative henchman or pet. She will only be calm and let her guard down if the other person proves that they are safe and won’t hurt her. I like to think she let Marc put her bows, mask, and feather boa on but both parties were nervous and shaking, so Nabnaleena’s masked appearance is much less tidy than Banbaleena’s and Nabnab’s.

Speaking of which, you might notice her wall art design is different from her actual design. This is because she was created as a character before being created as a living being; she was planned for far in advance, practically the moment Nabnab began to lash out due to loneliness. Though, because the resort was abandoned suddenly, she could not be finished by the actual scientists.

She reminds me of the E E Cummings poem, the little horse is newlY. Like that entire poem reads like what I imagine is going through her mind. She’s an occasional ally to Marc, who understands nothing of the resort or her fellow mascots, but learns through observation. I imagine maybe she also learns she was “made wrong” in comparison to Nabnab, and develops insecurities (which could be easily played into and exploited by Sir Dadadoo). I love her so much I wish she was real lol.

[scribiel]

thank you is also a form of saying i love you

Jujutsu Kaisen! Suguru Geto x fem! reader tags: Suguru Geto x fem! reader, fluff, established relationship, mentions of insecurities (suguru's feeling a little insecure), written in first person (reader's) point of view

Suguru, when you told me, “I have flaws, it’s weird you know … to know that you are okay with that.” 

I stopped folding my laundry and took a look at you. “We are human, Suguru. There’s no way we can be an all rounder, no sharp edges kind of thing, Suguru.”

You laughed; I heard the bitterness in the air. “I know, Love. But you understand that sometimes, even if it’s not possible, we want to be perfect for our loved ones?”

I nodded. “I understand, Suguru”—I looked up at the ceiling—”I remember you really loved the mirrorball at our senior prom.”

You answered, “I do recall.”

I shifted my gaze at you. “You said it was so beautiful.”

“I did. Indeed.”

“Mirrorball is a sphere-like object. It’s almost a round thing, but almost. It’s not smooth; it has sharp edges, but it’s beautiful. Whatever it reflects, it’s beautiful. It may not be a perfect thing, but to its surroundings, it’s beautiful.”

You stopped for a while, eyes widened a little, and then a chuckle slipped out and heard in the air. “You remember I love mirrorball. That’s so very sweet.”

And then, there was a wave of delightness washed over me. You smiled as you added, “I only love the mirrorball and thought it was pretty because I saw you in that dress, under the flashy light of mirrorball. You were looking for me. It was beautiful. You are beautiful.”

Suddenly, I felt like the air had escaped my lungs, I choked on my own saliva. Funny. But it caught me off guard. Oh Suguru, now you must know that. I can associate you with many beautiful things to ever exist on earth, but none of them can actually represent and match the beauty you bear; soul, physical, and mind. 

Maybe because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but let me tell you something: that you are pretty like sunset. Not the bright sunset, but the soft orange that comes along with gray clouds. And I am only the surface of the sea; for what all I am, is only able to reflect the magnificent view of yours. 

You and loving you feel so phenomenal. 

Like the rain on a summer day; raindrops under the beaming golden sun. It’s captivating. And when with you, I never not want to dance in the rain. Spinning in my best dress. And later, the golden sunray is scattered from the raindrops, and then comes many colors. Rainbow. Sometimes more; it’s so colorful, that whenever I shift my gaze, the colors are there. All of them at once. Iridescent. 

Like seeing roses bloom upon the cold white snow. It’s so distinct that no one on earth can question what lies before their eyes. No one on earth will question the love I have for you. 

You were born in February, you are the beginning to the ending of the cold, harsh, and ruthless winter. You bring spring into my life. Melting my frozen heart. You are the beginning of spring. Then, as the ice melts,  you can hear the river flowing; you can walk with a light coat with flowers and greens before your eyes; you can feel something so close to home, and then all you know is you are home. 

Although I have put you on a pedestal, you put me on something higher, perhaps you put a present on my altar, perhaps you think of me as something so deity when you say, “But you are more beautiful. No, let me correct that”—you make your way to me, putting your arms around my body; making me feel so many things, but the only thing that comes up in my head is home, because I am home, somewhere safe and sound—”you are the most beautiful thing. And I could never thank you enough. So, Love, thank you.”

I kiss your cheek gently, then whisper into your ear, “I love you too.”

[avertthecarrot07]

CONCEPT: hestia’s children part two

they all have big brown eyes that turn orangey/gold in the sun and the color seems to shift/flicker

hestia visits them more than other godly parents

mainly by appearing at the hearth in their cabin after dinner

there are oak trees surrounding the cabin

hestia kids are the only ones that can communicate via fire: they throw in an offering and then say who they wish to talk to

then something close to the other person bursts into flames and communicates the message, then puts itself out

they also love tea

hestia kids also help some of the apollo kids with arts and crafts time by teaching knitting or crocheting

none of the kids are very good with weapons

fuzzy socks 24/7, 365

they typically love soup, and are majorly judged for eating it during the summer

can brew a MEAN hot chocolate

less of the kids are insecure or unstable, they have intense inner strength

terrible at pottery but they love doing it, so there are ugly pieces of clay on display everywhere

big advocates of chosen family as well as biological and they love the found family trope in books

the girls of the cabin are known to play “hard to get” but they really just aren’t interested and are good at setting those boundaries

once any of them get into relationships, they are extremely attached to the partner and expressive of love

they match well with hermes kids, either romantically or platonically

they love old movies, even better if they have cozy romantic vibes

quite a few gingers in this cabin

insanely good at making smores

part one:

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 PAVIA - General Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons and analysis on Pavia as a character and other related things.

the post about Pavia's love languages and how he shows his affection got a lot of love, so I'm doing a lil more thinking into his character to rlly flesh out how I see and write him before getting to write the second part of that post <3

just a heads up, its preeeetty fucking long. but all of my posts tend to be lmfao

On the subject of Pavia, loneliness and trauma.

In this post talked about the concept of showing affection (not exclusively romantic but just in general) and the relationship Pavia has with his reputation, both as a lone wolf and a skilled mercenary, which affect the way he interacts with those he might deem close for better and for worse. So it's only fair that I do that again in a more general context.

Let's get this out of the way. One cannot talk about Pavia without mentioning or alluding to his solitary lifestyle in some way or another, we've all read his 02 Story, but to only read him as someone who fakes this aura of confidence and who feels deeply insecure and lonely 24/7 is an obvious disservice to his character.

Pavia is defined by a strong sense of self which, yes, originates from isolation and neglect. And you may read this as an active choice for survival, a coping and defense mechanism or the natural progress of someone who has had no one to rely on but themself - all of these readings are valid and can easily coexist! But I would like to insist that Pavia as we know him is confident and comfortable in his own skin, happy to live as an outlier to conventional norms and behaviour.

And that's because he's weaponized loneliness into a strength and a shield. He's outgrown that small, neglected child in the basement.

Hell, in his interview with Pandora Wilson, he mentions the fun of "causing pain" onto others, in the context of his presence being used as a "punishment" for others. He's surrounded by people he considers stupid, and he has fun at their expense when they try to bring him into their shenanigans. Pavia is a confident asshole, it is not a façade for a sad boy.

One quote in particular comes to mind when discussing this aspect of Pavia.

Go back to Rome, where the wolves were born. Said my former boss. He knew I was born in Rome, but didn't know I was raised in Piemonte. He was such a fool, even tried to kill me. So I only kept his tie clip. I didn't tell him that as long as the night will come, everywhere I live is Piemonte.

This line in particular, from my reading on it, speaks volumes about how Pavia has reclaimed the night - alluding to the one place he was forced to live in for his entire childhood, a dark and isolated basement, the concept of loneliness itself - as something that defines him and should inspire fear into others. His wolves are made out of darkness, his Ultimate in-game shows him manifesting out of a dark fog on the ground. And the context of that quote is hostile, it's Pavia's former boss telling him to go back to Rome, and Pavia mentioning that no matter where he goes, as long as the night comes, he's home.

One could argue that the quote is meant to be read differently - instead of Pavia reclaiming something that hurt him to now empower him, he's haunted by it. No matter where he goes, he'll always be in Piemonte, in that dark and isolated basement, with no one to pull him out. And that's fair! To each their own, both are banger readings on that dialogue. I just personally think the former fits better with the character as a whole.

The former reading is also supported by his 02 Story, where he describes the wolves that his Arcanum abilities manifested as "friends he found in the darkness and would never leave him".

One wolf hid behind another, and the pack surrounded him in the darkness of the night. They held each other's heads and tails and coiled together like snakes, bringing with them warmth and restful sleep. These were the friends he found in the darkness, ones who would never abandon or leave him, and who would forever watch over him.

In his Cover profile, his Afflatus is also "Mourning of the Feral Pack [Beast] Night View".

And when you check Pavia's small description in the Role Garment menu, his main garment and the one unlocked at Insight II form the following phrase:

He's always alone, both in the basement and on the street. It doesn't matter now, though. He will never be "alone" from now on.

His Afflatus, his Arcanum abilities, every small detail - everything points towards Pavia owning the night and the darkness that used to hurt him so much as a child. Because it cannot hurt him now that he's made friends with it, in the form of shadow wolves who will never leave him. He's not stuck here with you, you're stuck him with him. (that Insight II quote will be relevant again later when I talk about the lack of? Humanity? so to speak? in Pavia's character)

But anyway! This doesn't mean that the discussion on Pavia and loneliness/isolation should stop there.

After all, his Afflatus also says "Mourning of the Feral Pack" - mourn what exactly? A lost childhood? The family he could've had if his mother hadn't been admitted to an asylum? The young and innocent child that died in that basement so that the current Pavia could exist?

Who knows! Talk about it, it's fun and I love to read other people's takes! <3

On the subject of trauma specifically, I do see Pavia as someone who lives in the present and doesn't think much about the past - he only mentions his parents once in a seemingly disinterested manner, stating that he never visited (and most likely will never visit) his mother. Piemonte is where his abusive aunt raised him, but he shows a certain pride in his city anyway.

It's not that he's overcome and healed from his trauma, it's that he doesn't even register the things that happened to him as traumatic experiences due to the distance and recontextualization of everything.

The fandom portrayal of Pavia as a deeply lonely person often comes hand in hand with him being touchstarved and the experience of feeling any semblance of genuine human connection for the very first time - but I would like to offer an alternative, explained in the next bullet point.

On the subject of Pavia, conventional society and his pack of wolves.

Pavia's official description, as seen in this tweet made by the official global account of the game, is the following:

An independent mercenary lacking in collaborative skills. Employers are content with his excellent abilities, but can't stand his work ethic of ignoring his coworkers.

This, along with his other quotes and the interview with UTTU, point towards how the world sees Pavia as a nuisance of sorts - a punishment, we know this - but it also points towards Pavia's rejection of conventional society.

The way Pavia behaves, the way he insists on maintaining the barrier between himself and conventional society, the pleasure he takes in making others suffer just by BEING THERE NEXT TO THEM, the stress he puts into being alone - it leads me to think that THIS is the result of his trauma.

It's not a deep seated loneliness, it's not yearning and secretly wishing for genuine connections, it's not a fear of the dark or enclosed spaces - it's an absolute and total rejection of the world that failed him.

Pavia cannot feel or grasp loneliness on the same level as other characters might because there is not a single person in this world he would rather spend his time with other than himself. The details of how he got out of the basement and began a life of crime haven't been revealed yet, so I won't theorize about it, but I like to think that everything that Pavia is and represents is one big "fuck you" to a world that left him to rot in that basement.

It all loops back to the previous point - by rejecting mankind and society as a whole, Pavia becomes the opposite: a beast who acts on his own accord rather than the rules that make up polite society. And in doing so, grows closer to himself and his pack. In doing so, he allows his humanity to slowly slip away.

The Insight II quote I mentioned before is a great example of this - the change in his sprites shows Pavia's eyes changing, now with black sclera and sharper teeth, darkness (and two of his wolves) surrounding him. He will never be "alone" from now on because he is now ONE of the pack, because this is where he belongs.

The medium for his Arcanum (not the "wand" used to cast spells and magic, those are different things from what I understand) is "Beast Teeth". Compare this with other characters: Zima's medium are poems, Dikke's medium is the law, Sonetto's medium is curiosity. An arcanist's medium seems to be a concept or object that represents who they are and what they believe in, something that is essential to their life and dear to their core. Pavia's is beast teeth. He's a beast Arcanist.

I like to think that Pavia based his behaviour, knowingly or not, on his pack of wolves. After all, he's the one who conjured them, it makes sense to me that he would subconsciously latch onto them. This would explain his more animalistic traits that show just how disconnected Pavia is from what a regular human being should be.

You guys freak me out when you sleep. What kind of people needs such a long sleep like that? Fall in a coma like a crispy critter, and wake up 8 hours later. …Only god knows how you can do that.

This dialogue implies that Pavia cannot wrap his head around a normal sleeping schedule - which is extremely ironic, considering that wolves sleep a LOT. But I'd attribute this more to the dissonance between him and conventional society than Pavia trying to larp as a wolf. We have to understand that he spent most of his days sleeping away the hunger, that he went on to reject the company of other people - it makes sense to me that he wasn't taught or didn't get to see how a normal person should behave in theory.

Despite this rejection, we can clearly see that Pavia enjoys a very hedonistic life - going on clubs, having a sweet tooth, wearing fancy clothes, shopping, films and whatnot (He's literally wearing Louboutins, guys. The soles of his shoes are RED). He plays the role of mercenary quite well, too. But it doesn't strike me as a writing inconsistency or hypocrisy from his part, Pavia is known for doing whatever he wants, one of his hand tattoos spells "LIBERTA" or freedom in italian, so this tracks. It's hard to be a hypocrite when your moral compass is all about being a wildcard.

I mentioned this in my first Pavia post, but the items attributed to him are all said to be cheap, fake or crudely hand-made.

His glasses are a copy of an actual Italian brand that no one would ever think of mistaking for the real thing, his bracelets and rings are dented and damaged, Pandora Wilson even goes as far as calling it junk. They even describe his earrings as rough workmanship. And yet, Pavia brags about his clothes and enjoys shopping. There's that small dissonance again - he enjoys bragging but does not know (or care) about the actual value or authenticity of his material possessions. (Pavia wears fake Louboutins, this is my headcanon, thanks for coming)

He plays the role of mercenary quite well, too. I'd also argue that the more violent aspects of his personality have to do with his line of work. This tweet confirms the majority of Pavia's tattoos and what they say - the one on his arm is "La Cosa Nuova", the sicilian mafia for those who didn't know. I won't go in-depth about the real life actions of such group, but it's clear that Pavia is or has been part of it within the world of Reverse: 1999.

Entering headcanon territory.

The two bullet points from before were mostly just analysis on how I read Pavia based on all evidence in-game, but now I get to talk about personal headcanons I have about him <3

I've explained pretty much everything I wanted to say about Pavia for now, so these are just gonna be rapid fire headcanons.

First of all, Pavia is a light sleeper.

The lightest sleeper you'll ever meet, even a soft whisper could wake him up - but this isn't because of some hidden fear of waking up back in his aunt's basement. Because he had nothing to focus on but the sounds within that basement, he greatly developed his hearing and his Insight II development further heightened his senses. Pavia is used to dark, silent spaces, so any unknown noise will put him on edge and wake him up. Sometimes, he pretends to sleep to get out of doing work.

Contrary to popular belief, he doesn't move at ALL when sleeping and tends to stay in the same position throughout the night.

This is something he learned, rather than something that comes naturally, because he tends to sleep with the pack and there's little space to move without accidentally kicking Andrea or Leon in the face.

Next. Pavia doesn't know that he resembles his mother a lot.

As for his mother, there are two possibilities: One, she's truly dead and he doesn't know, based on his 02 Story where his aunt confirms that Pavia's mother died a few years later, as well as Pavia's dialogue in which he talks about his mother as if she were alive. Two, she was alive the whole time and Pavia found out years later that she was committed to an asylum and his dialogue about his parents is correct.

Regardless, I like to think that he never saw her again once he was taken into his aunt's care, and that she never told him that the reason she put him in that basement was because he looks so similar to her "deceased" sister. Since they weren't there to raise him and he didn't hear anything about them from his aunt, Pavia holds no resentment and no love towards his parents, because they're total strangers to him.

Next. His wolves' names are interchangeable.

Pavia cares for his pack, and the wolves care for him in return - they were created for that very reason after all. Their dynamic and relationship is a mystery to everyone and it's much too complex to even put into words, but because they're still magical constructs he creates, their behaviour and individuality relies heavily on Pavia's skills as an Arcanist.

There are days in which it's very easy to confuse them, and there are days when it's very obvious how to tell them apart. He's had years to perfect them, to "raise" them if you will.

While the pack might not be around 24/7, they're always in the back of his mind. He can also communicate with them because of it. They don't mind if Pavia confuses them, but if someone else does it? Prepare to get bitten to death, I guess!

[fatuismooches]

hello, victim of my sudden blues because i started listening to sad music. i just wanna talk about some intricacies of reader's and dottore's relationship bc i haven't been feeling well 🫠🫠 dont mind this too much i think it sounds kinda dumb n it's kinda like just word vomit.. anyways, hurt/comfort, reader suffering from uhhh issues?? insecure?? idk how to word it

when he was young, zandik had to learn.

he already learns a lot. he has knowledge far beyond the average human mind at such a young age. but he still had to learn. learn things what he initially thought utterly useless and not of his concern.

he had to learn how to be human.

how could this be? zandik is human (he plans to not be one, though, in the far future).

even as a child, he wasn't treated much like a human. depending on your iteration, zandik may or may not have parents who love him. still, it doesn't save him from the outside world. how his neighbors looked at him in scorn, how they talk about him behind his back, whispering and murmuring until his ears nearly bleeds. how the other kids pick on him, give him bruises for no good reason. ignoring his cries for them to stop, ignoring his frustration and confusion. why do they call him a monster when he simply thirsts for knowledge? isn't sumeru known as the nation of wisdom? why must he be the village's object of hatred when he was merely a child. other children beat him up and call him a 'monster' when he hasn't done anything wrong.

even though he was young.

he was vulnerable, impressionable. undeniably human.

he was treated to be otherwise but the people that surrounds him. and he has accepted it as he grows older.

after all, a child mimics what they see. a child, born human, learned to be a monster.

but there you were, teaching him, reminding him, that he was, in fact, human.

you've barged into his life (uninvited) and made an irremovable impression. you've claimed a spot into the void of his existence that fills him whole, and once you're gone, it was like he was incomplete. like a barnacle that stuck onto his skin and refuses to let go until he dies.

he learned, through you, that he is allowed to feel; to cry in the arms of someone who cares, to laugh at something he finds funny, to smile despite his sharp teeth, to look at something in pure awe though his eyes were crimson red—to study, to be passionate, to disregard those who wishes nothing but suffering to him, to sleep without a worry, to care, to love.

to feel like he's a monster, yet still be embraced, to be kissed, to be loved.

to feel human, to be human.

but he hasn't learned enough.

it hasn't been more clear when you suddenly broke into tears right in front of him whilst you were doing a group project at the akademiya.

he watches as tears spill from your eyes, head hung low as you frantically wipe them off. you sob harder when you see the papers you've worked so hard on be soaked. you expected zandik to yell at you for ruining your project, for stalling progress, for crying.

but it unsettles you more when he says nothing.

he was thinking, that's for sure. but you don't know what. he doesn't appear to be angry, nor happy either. but he's thinking, and you want to cry harder because of it.

you start to apologize. laugh at yourself because—gosh, you're crying in the middle of a project. so ridiculous, you're wasting his time and—

zandik was lost.

you didn't cry as much as far as he could remember. sure, when you were kids, you cried. it's normal, you were a child. as you grew older, you cried less. complained less as well. you stopped talking about complications you have between your parents, or your siblings, or your other relatives. you stopped mentioning how your own friends began to deviate from you ever since you started hanging out with him. you grew silent when you hear them murmur about you whenever you stood next to him.

he thought you were fine. you never talked to him about it. you always did cater to his needs a lot more than yours; he hasn't heard you talk something that you feel negatively for years. it was like a flip has been switched inside his head. why do you not talk to him? not complain? not cry like you used to?

zandik knows that humans can never achieve perfection. each and every individual has flaws. he himself has flaws (that he has yet to remove), and even so, you loved him. with his imperfections and madness.

you were too perfect. to his eyes at least. ever smiling, reminding him of his needs, helping him with his research, indulging him with whatever he wants.

and so he asks, as tears stains your cheeks.

and you spill, because you were bursting with emotion. with sadness, guilt, frustration, and fear. bursting with imperfection. you confess you stopped seeking for his help to not inconvenience him. to not hold him back. he was busy, and you didn't want to be a burden.

zandik mind blanks.

well, all throughout his life, he has never once thought you were a burden. even if you tried to pose yourself as this perfect, flawless, assistant. he, as a scholar, make mistakes. it is how he learns, to improve, to grow. so why can't you? why can't you screw up? appear weak and vulnerable before his eyes? he knows you trusts him, but why do you hold yourself back?

maybe because he has never noticed—or tried to. he mostly focuses on himself and his research, and while you were a part of his life, he has regrettably paid little mind to your needs. you did everything for him, and he has yet to learn to do the same.

you've comforted him, but zandik doesn't know how to comfort you. it was maddening for him, really. to grow restless as you cry, wanting to do something yet not knowing. how does he comfort you? this is the first time you've cried in front of him after all those years. does he wipe your tears away? does he give you words of encouragement? does he do this? does he do that?

he doesn't know. he hates that he doesn't know. he hates that he never tried to know.

guilt—such a bitter taste in his tongue.

he has never felt any guilt to the people he has tortured with his tainted hands. he has never felt guilt when he burned his village—a distant memory—down to the ground.

it was a sickening feeling.

he never wants to feel it again.

he abhors it.

he feels disgusting.

wretched.

human.

of course, it was only you who can make him feel human. only you who can make him feel these horrible sensations in his heart, sinking down to his bones. love, happiness, joy, fear, anger, sadness, guilt—he loathes it. it makes him feel weak.

but he accepts. only for you, only to you.

he is willing to learn, he wants to learn.

he wants to know how to lighten the weight that burdens your shoulders. he wants to know how to make you smile brightly like you always had. he wants to know what makes you feel sad, to let you cry into his arms, to tell him every thing that bothers you.

he wants to understand.

teach him to understand.

so zandik may not know what will cheer you up this moment.

but he tries. and if he fails, he will try again.

he stands up from the floor, your hands in his, and he leads you outside your shared flat. to a clearing, with water streaming from a river, with flora blooming everywhere. the grass damp, the winds howling.

it was a chilly night.

the stars twinkled up in the skies, forming constellations that you could recognize with ease.

zandik sits you on the grass next to him, and he wraps his arms around you.

you could hear crickets chirping into the night, the lights around the city dimming as the people go to sleep. silent chatter from the people who pass by, and the sounds of leaves dancing into the breeze.

his hands rubbing your back, his chin on top of your head. it was how you hug him usually, when you cuddle. your face buried into his chest, breathing in sync.

it was calm.

soothing.

warm, especially in his arms.

and you sob harder than you ever had in your entire life.

it was like a dam had broken, and now the tears now fall endlessly. you cling onto zandik as you cry. he listens to you babble about everything that ails you, how you feel, and your insecurities. you cry and cry, and he listens, wiping your tears with his thumbs, his face soft. pained.

understandably so, he wasn't used to... whatever this was.

he was so unsure, but he tries.

you aren't much comforted, too many things burden you.

your negative thoughts won't disappear just because he finally decided to pay more attention to you. buried beneath your fears and insecurities lies anger. you hate that you are more understanding toward him. you really can't blame yourself for favoring him over the years.

but you could always read him so easily. you can tell.

he wants to learn. learn more about you, learn how to be better. to be true to himself, to be a lover, to be your forever partner—to be human.

to you, and only for you.

zandik will try, and learn, if only for you.

zandik learns from his mistakes, he will be sure to never let you succumb to your own sufferings like this ever again.

it will probably take years for zandik to say the words he wants to say.

but he clings to you so tightly, his hands gripping hard onto your clothes, his adam's apple trembling and his eyes twinkled with the stars above—im sorry.

and he pulls you impossibly closer, pressing a kiss on your temple, and listening to every word you say. his heart thumping in his chest, his hands caressing your skin—i love you.

and you know it. of course you do. because it's only to you that zandik will ever be like this. vulnerable, weak,

so

utterly

unbearably

and painfully

human.

you teach with your love,

and his heart will learn.

the stars that witness every passing moment bears testament of your love.

and when you look up high in the sky, with dottore holding your hand, peering from the balcony of the white expanse of snezhnaya, while he rambles on and on about his recent experiment to you, it reminds you of that night. hundreds of years ago.

"dottore," you call his name, breaking him from his trance, looking at you with utmost attention. you smile at him, scooting closer as you bury yourself deep into his harbinger coat (that he handed to you due to the cold). "my zandik," you coo,

and he grins, his hands now lay on your waist as he tilts his head curiously. "yes, my dear?" your heart soars at the pet name, your giddiness evident to him.

"oh, nothing," you sigh, hands reaching up to his face and slowly taking off the mask that covers his beautiful, scarred face. "just remembered that night."

you bring it up often whenever you get nostalgic. and every time, you laugh at the face he makes—a big frown, his brows furrowed.

"i'm just glad i broke down that day," you admit, playing with his soft, cyan hair and kissing the long stand that was curled around your finger. "gods know what would happen if i didn't. i wouldn't have complete power over you like i do now."

his scowls at that, straightening his back to tower over you, an attempt to appear threatening. "complete power? over me?" he scoffs, "preposterous."

"if so, then you can sleep in your office tonight." you hum, standing on your tippy-toes to level with him. "you wouldn't mind that, right? you're the oh so powerful il dottore, after all!"

"... don't make me..." he suddenly sulks, his face finding your shoulder as he wraps his arms around you. you laugh, shaking your head and rolling your eyes.

"i was kidding." you huff, carding your fingers through his hair. "i wouldn't want to miss a night without you."

"good to know." he sighs, pleased, "i love you, my dear."

you smile once more, admiring the starts that have watched over you from the day you were born, and a hundred years later.

forever bearing witness of your love for a monster named il dottore, and your lover, a human, named zandik.

"yeah," you close your eyes, "love you too."

oh yeah do you mind me sending a few more when i get a thought in my mind? i don't wanna swarm your inbox, so it's okay! i just wanna distract myself with dottore 💥💥anyways thanks for listening to my thing, i like talking about stuff like these :3 i think i got carried away tho heehoo

oh mY GOSH.... I THINK THIS IS THE LONGEST ASK I'VE EVER GOTTEN BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING WHATSOEVER. I LOVE THIS SM, IT IS NOT DUMB AT ALL ;(( <333 I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well, I hope you take it easy if possible okay? And of course I don't mind you sending more asks, whether it's just regular chatting or writing I'm happy to receive them :) I'm happy to listen to your things hehe 🫶 But. Forgive me this is already SO good already my additions may be short and not very good,, 😭

OH STOP... the idea of child Zandik having to "teach" himself how to become human is heartwrenching. It's not something one would ever think to do, much less a child... the saddest part is that he was born a human, a curious, innocent one initially, though viewed as completely different - a monster - and that is what he shall become if everyone wished it on him so dearly. But oh, of course you had to come in and mess him up. Mess up his heart. His mind. His body. His thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. Even a bit of cognition. You were not part of the plan. The acceptance of being treated by others like less than dirt, the acceptance of being unloved and hated, the acceptance of refusing any kind of remote kindness or affection. You changed everything. You changed him. You taught him. But... he doesn't think you've ever prepared him for a situation like this.

Crying in front of Zandik out of nowhere, will probably be a horrible decision on your part. You have no idea how he'll react, what will happen, if anything will go down, how you'll possibly recover from the embarrassment or explain yourself. But the harder you try to push the thought out of your mind, the more your hand gets wobbly, your body heats up and trembles, your throat closes, and soon enough your vision is blurry, and fresh hot tears are pattering onto the desk. You know Zandik has noticed from the way his pen no longer scraped against the paper, but you do not dare look at him, for you are not sure if you could face him. But not a peep comes from your lover, making your heart pound almost painfully at the silence beside your sobs that you were desperately trying to control. How mortifying, you thought. Embarrassing. You don't know what you were even doing, how stupid you were being. You play it off with laughter because of course you do, what else were you to do? Actually explain? No, of course not.

Zandik, on the other hand, had no clue what was even going on. He does remember a few instances of your tears. Because you fell and scraped your knee, because someone yelled at you, kid things. But this was completely different. These were real, serious tears. And so the scholar thinks. You were always indulging him and his rants, his disdain for other people and how they irritated him so. But it is now he realizes he hasn't heard you say anything remotely similar in a very long time. What makes you upset? Angry? The answer was, that he doesn't know, for you have never confided in him in a long time. You are the only person he should know everything about, and yet he doesn't. It leaves an uncomfortable feeling in him. He wonders if you've been feeling a similar yet different kind of uncomfortableness for a while now without his knowledge.

Zandik must know. And that mere inquiry is all you need for words to start tumbling out your mouth, some probably incoherent but you just needed to get them out. Were they nice? No, not at all, and he doesn't understand. How could you feel all these things when you are you? The one person he acknowledges and loves for all of their worth? How could he not notice all these things bottling up in you too? And it's now that Zandik has come to understand, he is not the... best lover. When you agreed to be in a romantic relationship, you knew he would not be a typical or traditional man. He would not court you, not be romantic or sappy, would not waste time with things of that nature. Though... listening to you has nothing to do with that. Zandik wants you to be able to air all your grievances to him. Will he lend a listening ear? Yes. Will he be able to comfort you, however, that is a different story.

Zandik does not wish for anything anymore - he believes if he wants something, he will work to seize it with his very hands - but at this moment he wishes he knew the concept of comforting. This concept, by itself, would be useless to him normally, but you... you deserve it. And yet he can't give it to you, like you've given it to him many times. He despises it. The foreign feeling of guilt is one he has grown to hate the most. Though despite how much it annoys him, he will endure it. For you. Solely for you. Because you are worth that. You are worth him doing many things he wouldn't normally do. Things that make him grumble and complain but he'll end up doing anyway. Things that result in you smiling and laughing and trying to throw your arms around him. And so from that instance, he resolves himself to this journey. He will understand, whether it takes a few years or a decade or even perhaps centuries. He will be sure to understand.

When Zandik takes you by the hand you're unsure but go along with it anyway, the other still pathetically trying to wipe the tears from your face. He takes you outside for some reason and though your vision was blurred the scenery still looked as lovely as ever, the view you loved so dearly after waking up and your first view being of Zandik's face, and then the scene outside the window. Though you don't worry about that, you're still confused by Zandik's actions. But then he pulls you to the grass with him and just embraces you, and you can't help but stiffen for a moment because... you really weren't expecting this. But your lover continues his movements anyway. You feel so comforted, and that kind of environment is all you need to let your deepest and darkest troubles, concerns, worries, insecurities, whatever you need to say, out. The idea of Zandik doing this for you was still lodged at the very back of your mind, and you knew that Zandik himself was probably not sure of what the hell he was doing, but neither of you cared at this moment. Both of you were trying, trying hard, for each other. Nothing will ever get better immediately. Everything takes time, lots of time, even. But effort matters as well. It's still not enough, but if he tries, if he learns, maybe everything will be okay. For now, you'll be satisfied with his unspoken words and actions, for this is all he can muster now too. No one will ever understand, they don't need to understand the two of you anyway - not when the stars are shining down so brightly, illuminating the love you two have for each other.

When you look at Dottore, sometimes you can't help but reminisce to the older times. When you two were just simple scholars with big dreams. And now, many of those dreams have been fulfilled, and Dottore has become a changed man, but you can't help but think. Especially that night. It holds a special place in your heart.

You can't help but want to be as close as possible to him. You'll take every single piece of his attention if you could, and won't say no. You might end up stealing this coat of his forever though, surely he has enough that he won't notice if one is missing.

Whenever you bring up that night, Dottore already knows what you're going to say and do. You'll always pepper his scarred face with kisses, play with his hair, and then tease him about oh how immensely powerful you were over him, never missing a beat. You never seem to let it go, no matter how many times he corrects you in your thinking. And then you'll always playfully banter back, and then he uncharacteristically gives in at this rare moment of tenderness, and then you always forgive him, as both of you already know how this goes. Yet, it never seems to grow old.

You think... the sky of Teyvat may be fake, but, the significance and beautifulness of it to you will always remain important and real in your heart and memories.

[evanfms]

From Halloween-born nerd to billionaire playboy, Evan Marquez traded coding marathons for champagne toasts, transforming his streaming platform vision into the empire known today as Netflix.

[  nicholas alexander chavez,  cis man,  he/him,  muse 13,  n/a  ] welcome  to  excesstv,  EVAN  JAY  MARQUEZ  —  or  should  i  say  the  troublemaker?  …  a  quick  google  search  tells  me  you’re  a  TWENTY SIX   year  old  STREAMING PLATFORM FOUNDER who’s worth $5B.  you've  called  avalon  home  for  FOUR  YEARS,  however  something  tells  me  there’s  more  to  you  than  a  flashy  resume  and  penthouse  35A  on  your  door  ?  it  seems  you’ve  managed  to  earn  a  reputation  around  the   city   for  being  MANIPULATIVE,  yet,  upon  further  investigation  it  seems  you're  also  quite  CHARMING.  but  hey,  thats  the  kind  of  mix  that  keeps  people  guessing.  i'm  sure  as  a  SCORPIO  you're  used  to  people  commenting  on  your  CUSTOM  ROLEX  / MUSKY, AND CLEAN-SCENTED NICHE PERFUME LINGERING IN THE AIR, CUSTOM COCKTAIL GLASSES AND HIGH-END BARWARE GLEAMING ON THE BAR, A SPACIOUS GARAGE FILLED WITH AN ARRAY OF CARS  but  still  we  can't  wait  to  watch  you  flourish  (  or  fail  )  these  next  few  weeks  … 

Full Name: Evan Jay Marquez Date of Birth: October 31st, 1998 Age: 26 Zodiac Sign: Scorpio Gender: Cis Male (He/Him) Height: 6'2 (187 cm) Eyes: Dark Brown Hair: Dark Brown Parents: Mother: Elena Smith, elementary school teacher Father: Carlos Marquez, auto mechanic Net Worth: $5 Billion Hometown: Born and raised in a small town in Arizona Current Residence: Avalon, New York City – Penthouse 35A Profession: Founder and CEO of a successful streaming platform

Evan Jay Marquez was born on a chilly Halloween night in 1997, in a small, unassuming town in Arizona. The eldest of three siblings, he grew up in a modest household where his mother, Elena, an elementary school teacher, and his father, Carlos, an auto mechanic, worked multiple jobs to make ends meet. From a young age, his parents instilled in him the importance of resilience and dedication, even when money was tight. Though life wasn’t easy, they fostered his interest in technology and education, sparking a passion for coding and innovation that would ultimately define his life.

In high school, Evan was the classic underdog—shy, bookish, and a little awkward. His days revolved around his computer, video games, and sci-fi novels. Although he excelled in academics, his social life was almost non-existent, and his quiet demeanor often made him a target for teasing. Popular girls overlooked him entirely, and while he had a few close friends, his true solace was in the digital world, where he felt both free and in control.

College marked a turning point. Accepted into a prestigious university in Silicon Valley through a scholarship, Evan found himself surrounded by ambitious and innovative minds. This culture of possibility inspired him to reinvent himself, ditching his old, nerdy image for a more confident version. He began working out, refining his style, and building the foundations of a streaming platform now recognized worldwide as Netflix. In his sophomore year, after countless late nights and failed attempts, the platform finally took off, gaining rapid traction and transforming him into a tech sensation almost overnight. As his company soared in popularity, so did his confidence—and his bank account.

This glow-up brought a whole new world of attention, especially from women. The once-overlooked nerd now sported a chiseled physique, a polished style, and a billionaire's lifestyle. Yet, this attention came with a price: Evan never truly knew if people were drawn to him or to his wealth. Despite his playful, flirty demeanor and the charm he used to keep people at arm's length, he wrestled with a quiet insecurity, hesitant to trust anyone fully.

His relationship with his family remained rooted in love, though success created an undeniable strain. His parents were proud yet struggled to relate to his opulent new world of luxury and fame. Whenever he visited home, he showered them with gifts and nostalgic memories, but a lingering disconnect persisted, widening with each return to his lavish penthouse in New York.

Now, living in a sleek penthouse in the heart of NYC, Evan’s personality is as captivating as his billionaire lifestyle. Playful and charming, he’s the type who lights up a room effortlessly, wielding his charisma with an edge of mischief that makes him irresistible yet unpredictable. Known as a master flirt and unapologetic troublemaker, he has a magnetic pull that draws people in while keeping them guessing. Beneath his polished exterior, though, lies a more complex, manipulative side—someone who knows exactly how to twist situations to his advantage and enjoys the thrill of control. For Evan, relationships are a game he plays with skill and finesse, savoring the chase but always maintaining his distance, guarding the parts of himself he isn’t ready to reveal.

[theeternalwombtarot]

about me ♡

This is what I look like, obviously lol ^^

- my name is Bayyinah (by-ee-nuh) , it means the clear evidence that god does exist. From sura 98, of the Quran

- California native, born and raised 🐻❤️

- I was raised muslim, but chose a different life path for myself and fell in love with spirituality and found my purpose.

- I prioritize self expression and being intentional about everything I say and do. What you see is what you get with me, and I never say anything I don’t mean, I never do anything I don’t feel called to do.

- I love the arts & the process of creation and have always since I was really little.

-I’m a big fan of aesthetics and visual stimuli, and I love Pinterest and organizing all the little pictures.

- my big three are: Sagittarius sun, cancer moon, and Virgo rising.

- both my venus and mars are in scorpio. I’m in love with love. A great deal of my life lessons are learned through my interpersonal relationships.

- I’m very passionate about children, motherhood and the home. My moon is in cancer and I have heavy influences in my life surrounding motherhood, my relationship with my mother, and the dynamics and things I’ve experienced growing up. A large quantity of my work, and my lives purpose has to do with breaking generational curses/trauma, spinning gold out of my experiences, and creating room and creating change for youth.

- I’m on my journey to become a certified and licensed midwife, but I have various career goals and dreams but one of my largest is to open up a school or an educational institution to better suit the needs of children and aid in their health and growth. I believe that schooling and the home are large foundations in the lives of our youth and if I can’t be all of their mothers I can curate an aligned space for them as they spend the rest of their time learning and growing in schools and in the community.

-I love makeup and fashion and the process of putting myself together. I’ve been doing makeup for years and I genuinely enjoy it.

-I’m known for my compassion and empathy and my ability to connect with others.

-my dream is to create and have a better world and I do my part in helping the collective by using my gifts for good, using my heart and my empathy to help heal and create space for others where there wasn’t space for them before.

- I have dyscalculia and struggled with it all my life until I eventually aged out of school and before I moved onto receiving higher education. My mind simply does not process numerical information or processes well. I was either always told that I needed to practice more or that I was simply stupid, neither were the case, but I struggled with a lot insecurity growing up and I always felt like I didn’t really belong in educational settings because of this set back.

- I am extremely nitpicky and specific about what it is that I want and how I like things to be and that’s been a consistent trait within my life, all my life. I’m known for how specific and finely curated my output is into the world. And I am incredibly sensitive about the things I choose for myself and the things that remain and occupy my life.

- I struggled with having an anxious attachment style for a really long time. It took me a long time to understand my worth, understand that I was worth keeping, having, loving, paying attention to. And that my worth wasn’t what I could do for others or how much I could tolerate or how much I could stand beside someone through thick and thin and hell and back.

likes:

- I love writing. Journaling, writing stories,etc. my goal is to write and release a novel of my own soon.

- I love smooth jazz, classical music and frequency music, probably a whole lot more than regular music and non instrumentals. I tend to be a little sensitive to stimuli or can feel very easily overwhelmed. So instrumentals and softer music and sounds are really wonderful to me and I love them.

- I love cooking and baking (but only when I feel like it) I like good food, and I’m sort of a foodie. I would travel all over the place just to taste the world if I could. And I love spicy food and Mexican Candy and dumping loads of chili flakes on my food for no reason.

-I love history, and have stored random historical facts in my brain because I just think it’s so interesting.

- I love period pieces and period romances. Romance films, and horror movies. I consume mostly romantic content on purpose.

- I love the sims

-I love animals, and my favorite animal is a cow. If you look up the spiritual significance of a cow as well I think it’s really beautiful. I also really love my cat. She’s my favorite person.

Dislikes:

- I hate being or feeling misunderstood, it took me a lot of time to learn that I didn’t have to bend over backwards to make people see me for who I was or for my intentions or for my gifts or what I can do. The best I can do is be honest and remain intentional about what I do and hope that those who are meant to hear me, will.

- I hate people who have such deeply rooted hatred or disdain for other people who’ve done nothing but do what makes them happy or live in their truth. I hate homophobic people, racists, bigots, red pill men and misogynist, etc.

- I hate it when people can’t take accountability for their actions, are dishonest or lack self awareness on such a deep level that they make everyone else miserable or have a hard time because they refuse to see themselves or grow. I hate it when people don’t grow. I’ve lost a lot of friends and had to let go of a lot of people who couldn’t do what I could do for them, be in alignment with me, or prioritize their healing, alignment, or growth.

- i hate it when there’s too many sounds playing at once, there are certain sounds and stimuli i just can’t tolerate and won’t.

- I hate it when I have to buy new jeans or pants because finding good pants is hard and I never know if the size I think I am is accurate because some pants brands make their pants differently. And I’ll never know if I’ll have that stupid gap in the back of my pants bc of my waist.

- I hate being super cold. I have anemia and the cold really whoops my ass every time. That’s one fight I just won’t win.

- people not valuing my needs or continuing to do something I said I didn’t like or invalidating me because they can’t fathom the fact that other people have different needs, or that just because you feel some way doesn’t mean someone else shares the same sentiment.

- I hate it when things don’t match or aren’t aesthetically coordinated in some way shape or form. Everything must match.

-I hate it when I can’t find the pen I’ve been obsessed with and I hate mechanical pencils with thick lead.

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Ok, that’s all lol. ❤️‼️